Vampires (2010) Movie Script
1
Three years ago, our company
was contacted to shoot a documentary
on Belgium's vampire community.
Intrigued by this bizarre request,
we sent out a film crew.
Good night. Come in.
Hey! Shit!
- Hey, wait! What's going on?!
- What's happening? Fuck!
It didn't work out.
After several months of silence, we
were invited to make another attempt.
We sent out a new crew.
All right! Let's go!
You have no idea
how excited the kids are to meet you!
We'll behave, I promise.
Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name,
Thy kingdom come...
The crew never came back.
-Thy will be done...
I can't do it.
We spent the next two years trying
to negotiate sending another crew
under perfectly safe conditions.
This new documentary is dedicated to:
and to Jerome's arm.
They gave their life
to make this film possible.
- I'm here with my crew...
- Good night. I was expecting you.
As agreed. Right...
Well, come in, don't just stand out
here. Make yourselves at home.
We're not used to having human
guests... Not like this anyway.
This is the kitchen,
where we make meals.
It's a perfectly traditional kitchen.
Nothing unusual... Follow me.
We'll go to the living room.
The fridge.
The Meat...
She takes care of today's administrative
stuff, which is over our heads.
And Ronald, the clown,
who used to own this house.
- He's still with us.
- What is it? The new delivery?
Samson!
- This is the film crew. Calm down.
- Is this really necessary?
It's all right, Bertha.
My son, Samson. My wife, Bertha.
Go back and play.
- Dad!
- And Grace, my charming daughter.
I keep filing my teeth,
and they keep growing back! Always!
Grace, we're vampires.
Are you humans?
Our neighbours...
They live in the cellar.
There you have it.
Let me point out a couple of things...
The next time you come,
please avoid wearing perfume.
We hate the smell.
Also, try not to have cuts or bruises.
It makes Samson
particularly aggressive these days.
Grace, I need to have a word with you.
Go upstairs. Come on.
Please make yourselves at home.
My name is George Saint-Germain.
I have an amazing wife named Bertha,
and two children.
Samson,
who's even more sensitive than me.
He's a tremendous ball of nerves.
And Grace...
Grace, who wants to be like you!
- She's bothered, right?
- Don't cut...
You can put it back, Sarah,
just put it back.
Come, Sarah.
- No!
- We can't go on without that.
Her name is Sarah?
That's Sarah...
- No, we have to... We can't go on.
- We can't go on this way, no...
It's not good. Not good. Sorry.
- Sorry.
- Who is that girl behind you?
Could you tell us about her? Tell us
about the girl you call the Meat.
Right... the Meat.
I'll tell you...
The meat, in the fridge...
It's wonderful...
We give her food to eat. Lots!
Beef stew...
She eats her beef stew...
Then we take her out of the fridge.
Vincent, it's... delicious!
So, on special occasions,
we take her out,
and... It's delightful.
Warm blood every night.
Breakfast...
What did you do before?
I was a prostitute.
This is familiar to me, really.
All the families have their Meat.
All the vampire families
have someone like you...
that they eat, partially.
Why is that?
Do you taste especially good?
Apparently, yes. I'm luxury meat.
Good night, Ms Bertha.
Good night, Mr George.
Mr George!
I can't drink this, it's too hot.
Samson!
Grace!
- She's such an ugly child, George.
- Good night.
- What the hell are you doing with that?
- I'm putting on a tan.
Does my hair look OK?
No.
Asshole.
The light, goddammit!
Well, here,
we're in the room where we all sleep.
My relationship with my parents
is pretty bad at the moment.
I really think my mother hates me.
I don't know why,
but she really doesn't love me.
Bertha and I aren't very authoritative.
In fact, I don't care
if she always dresses in pink.
I just find it funny.
She's such an ugly child, though.
And she wears pink!
It's just a teenage thing.
It'll pass. She wants to be human!
What are you doing, Grace?
Samson, could you please unhook me,
instead of gawking? It's so unpleasant.
Samson!
Samson! Jerk!
OK...
I don't know why I do it...
But I think I'd like to die.
I mean, like you.
All this is really boring, you
know. We have no limits, nothing.
You humans do all kinds of things
because there's death at the end of it.
I mean, this life is deadly boring.
Grace!
Fuck!
Yes, come in.
- Good evening. Good night.
- Good night.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
Careful, the stairs are steep.
Welcome!
Here we are...
This is my husband, Bienvenu.
My name is Elisabeth Nabowski.
I was born in 1860
and I was made a vampire in 1885
in Lyon, by Count Josef Nabowski,
my father.
I was a modest intern
in a laboratory in Lyon.
I delivered blood samples
to Louis Pasteur
for his experiments.
And that's where I met my wife,
and mother...
Elisabeth.
We've lived here for a few years now.
And, well,
we keep things as best we can...
Small belongings from our victims,
because we are quite sentimental.
Aren't we, Bienvenu? That's right.
So here's a little memento
from the first baby...
My first baby, my first victim...
A little bib. Isn't it cute?
What have I got in here?
This is from my first virgin,
on her wedding night.
I come from the Nabowski family,
from a long line of Hungarian vampires,
like they don't make them any more.
They are well-known for choosing
their victims with great care,
according to their carnation,
skin elasticity...
I learned biting
in the purest tradition.
A little molar...
what a lovely keepsake.
Great memories...
We'd love to keep more objects...
We'd like to have more souvenirs
but...
Right, we're a little cramped for space.
We keep piling things,
but we'd like to have more room.
But... we're glad you're here.
We're very respectful
of our neighbours. They're...
Well, there's no problem,
but they don't respect us.
We've been cooped up in the cellar
for years now.
It's high time we get to live upstairs.
Because upstairs...
I don't know if you've seen...
It's terrible what goes on up there.
There are no boundaries, no rules,
nothing.
And proper, well-behaved people like us
are trapped in the cellar like savages.
You think that's normal, Elisabeth?
That we have to sleep this way?
Like this? Is that normal?
Look at this! Look!
This is what we're reduced to. Look!
There! Sleep well standing up, do you?
Would you sleep well this way?
Tell them, Elisabeth...
Tell them how well you sleep!
Well, yes... It's hard.
Yes, it's gotten quite hard.
It's too small here.
George, what are you waiting for?
I'm waiting for the delivery.
It's almost 10pm.
Stay there. You'll see... You're
gonna see Human Rights in action.
Here they are!
- Good evening.
- Good night.
Here, I brought your sausage.
Listen, those illegal immigrants,
are they always black?
Well, they're all black.
What do you want us to...?
Why did you bring me here?
Don't worry. We're here to help.
- You understand what he says?
- Of course, I do.
- Anyway, thank you. See you next week.
- Right, see you next week.
Go on in!
- Good night.
- Good night.
Belgium is such a great country.
Right, come on.
Stay there.
Here you are, you'll be fine here.
Everything is easy here.
Pretty weird, right?
But really great!
This is the land of plenty.
Everything is possible here.
Organised crime, terrorism... We have
illegal aliens delivered to our door.
And we put them in the coop,
upstairs. The coop.
Did you see it?
The coop, upstairs.
You can put a lot of meat in the coop.
Damn, David, look over there.
The other way.
Let's get out of here!
- Wait! We should film this!
- Forgive me.
- We shouldn't be here!
- Shut up! Damn, Vince...
To us vampires, humans
are minimally sophisticated animals.
You know, we fulfil
a social service in Belgium.
Certain people encourage us to act
as a sort of clean-up business
for the undesirables.
The police...
The police bring our chow to us.
Isn't that great?
At the moment we're having
a wave of black Malians.
All of them young,
between 20 and 30. Delicious.
We can pick...
There's blacks, there's kids.
We've got two children right now.
I won't fall for telling you names
but... sure, every Monday,
someone comes
and picks up the corpses
that are laying around.
You've got it all in Belgium.
So vampires here are content!
Belgium is a wonderful country!
It's so flat, with such grey people!
That's a song, isn't it!
We listen to music too, you know.
Bienvenu!
- Are you sleeping?
- No.
- Somebody's in here.
- There's nobody here.
There is, I hear voices.
Are you nuts? It's 2:30pm!
How did you become a vampire?
In Peer...
It was in 1907, a Friday...
and I was sad.
My nose was bleeding...
Because my husband beat me.
That's not a good thing, is it?
And George was there.
He asked me to be his wife.
And I said yes!
What happened to your husband?
He went up in flames.
It was beautiful. That was a good thing!
We burned him in the fire.
And then George bit me.
- You see, Vincent?
- I can't really see anything.
- You can come closer if you want.
- No, thanks.
- Well, it's about time.
- Go to hell.
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
You like it, huh? You pervert!
What did you do?
- Nothing. I committed suicide.
- Again?!
If you want it to work,
go out in the sun or eat some garlic!
No, I want to die like a human.
You're a complete moron, Grace.
Go to hell.
Slut!
- Midget dick!
- Slag!
- Cocksucker.
- Shit bag.
- Baby tooth!
- Sperm eater.
- Priest!
- What?
- Priest!
- Did you call me a priest?
- Dad!
- Priest, priest, priest, priest!
Grace called me a priest!
- Come on...
- Mom!
The Code doesn't provide for it.
When they come home,
they should lock the door.
- Right, you always do it!
- Always.
- The janitor!
- After the meal? Who clears the table?
- Right, it's me.
- Always you.
- I don't feel comfortable asking.
- Dumping corpses is no big deal.
The removal service picks them up.
They can't even do that.
They just don't act like homeowners.
- They're parasites.
- Parasites.
- You know what?
- We're too nice to them.
- No, you're too nice.
- I'm too nice!
To me, the neighbours don't exist.
They're there,
they move the air when they go by,
and that's it.
They bore me.
- Good night.
- Good night.
A victim that goes through our house
is ours.
- Are you kidding?
- Preposterous!
The Code is quite clear.
He's in our house, he's ours.
We hunted him all night.
We're not giving him up!
- You should have thought of that.
- They're right. It's in the Code.
Very well, George. All right.
But then, we'll play for him.
- Fine, let's play for him.
- What do we play?
- Let's play Moon.
- OK, we'll play Moon.
The Vampire Code was created
by Count Dracula.
It's a set of rules,
if you will, that we have to go by.
Very simple rules.
- Natural living guidelines, I'd say.
- Let's go!
One... two... three... Sun!
One, two, three, Moon!
Can't you say, "One, two, three, Moon"?
Come on, get up!
Get up! Do it!
One... two... three... Moon!
One... two... three... Moon!
What?
Did he move? He did?
You have to say.
Did he move or didn't he? Shit!
- He moved...
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Fuck!
Come on!
Get up, goddammit!
- One... two... three... Moon!
- And we win!
- Seriously... Did I move?
- Did he move?
- He moved?
- I mean, did I move?
I think so, yes.
I don't get it.
Could you tell us why your neighbours
live in the cellar?
Well, when vampires don't have
children, they don't get houses.
So, you have to live
in the homes of other vampires
who, quite generously,
offer you their cellars to live in.
You have to have a child
in order to live in a house.
Why don't you have any children?
We have no children
because we chose not to have any
for the time being.
We don't want to choose a child
hastily.
We'd rather take our time
to pick a child of great quality.
- A Nabowski.
- The truth is...
Elisabeth can't stop herself
from eating children.
As for me, when they're older,
I can't stop myself
from making love to them.
But they never want to stay.
You'd think I'm not doing it right.
Dinner!
I'm hungry! She smells delectable.
How did you prepare her?
Ravioli.
- It's about time.
- Grace!
What is it?
Even on my deathday,
I have to get the ankle!
- Already complaining?
- Samson!
All right, happy deathday, Grace!
- D'you know where we're going later?
- No.
We'll go see your new coffin.
She will be dead, she will be dead
She will be dead in the Glory
In the Glory
In the Glory
- Happy deathday, Grace!
- Thanks.
Go on, you start.
- Where's my vein anyway?
- Here, right here.
Oh, right.
Bertha, this is delicious.
- A little bit curdled.
- It's great.
I love it when there's
a slight aftertaste,
you know, from things
that didn't get fully digested.
Hey, Vincent, why are you so pale?
What's going on?
She's not pumping any more!
- She's all dry over here!
- Hit her!
- Don't hit her if she's not well!
- Enough!
- It's the heart!
- The heart is over there!
- What's wrong with her?
- She needs to go to the hospital!
- She's going to die.
- She's strong, our Meat!
- Come on, stick her back in the fridge.
- What if she dies?
- We'll see tomorrow.
- Meat! You're spoiling our meal!
Come on, Samson, come with me.
All right, let's go to town.
Come on, Grace.
FUNERAL HOME
- Hi, Jean-Paul.
- Hi, George.
- Your wife didn't come?
- She had to stay at home with the Meat.
We had a little problem...
It will be all right.
Good evening. Come on in.
Pleased to meet you. Jean-Paul.
Are you here for the surprise?
- It worked?
- Excellent! It's ready.
Can't wait to see it.
- You're gonna like it, you'll see.
- Excellent, I'm sure I'll like it.
Follow me.
Ta-da!
Thank you! Thank you!
Mr Jean-Paul?
Will this do for the old lady?
Get out of here!
Get out of here!
I'm sorry!
- What's wrong with these people?!
- My name is Jean-Paul.
I'm in charge of this coffin-making
company. It's a family business.
I'm fortunate to be
one of the few living beings
in the middle of all this death.
You find that fortunate?
Well, once the vampires started coming,
with their ever-more precise requests,
I came up with a system
to recycle used coffins...
so that we only burn the corpses.
It doesn't bother anyone.
Especially not the concerned party!
That's how I was able to offer vampires
all kinds of used coffins,
with different scents, odours.
They have pretty specific requests.
Pretty peculiar.
We had some requests
for children's coffins,
young girls', 13 to 14 years old.
And then you have other vampires,
like George, who prefer
centenarians' coffins,
with longer lives to them!
Are vampires good customers?
Well, isn't it unusual when people buy
more than one coffin in their lifetime!
I'd be a fool to let that pass me by.
Although it's not easy to live with,
I must confess.
Eva!
Thank you.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Little Heart told us to bring
the film crew along. Here they are!
Hey, we were missing you!
How are you?
Listen, the neighbours are here,
so take it easy.
I can't promise anything.
Little Heart threw
a hell of a party, you'll see.
OK, I'm going back in,
I'm having a ball!
Good night, Bienvenu and Elisabeth.
Always necking?
Good night.
OK, make yourselves at home.
And cheers!
Who is Little Heart?
Little Heart is the leader
of our community.
He's not like George.
Not handsome. But he's the leader.
The leader...
And he holds the Code,
you know what I mean?
Little Heart...
Little Heart:
leader of the Belgian vampire community
Are you bored? Is that it?
We wanted to thank you for letting us
host that TV crew. It's a lot of fun.
- Thank you.
- You haven't eaten them yet?
No, they're still alive.
Good night!
Don't you tell me good night?
Actually,
I've got a problem with my coffin.
So then my wife is screaming,
the car breaks down...
There's all these insects swarming
around. They're making all these holes.
Recently I became allergic to humans.
Every time I'm near them,
I get a rash, my nose runs, I swell.
It's always such a pleasure
to be at one of your parties.
I'm so moved...
My nose is bleeding!
- Good evening, Little Heart.
- Good evening.
- Good night.
- Good night, Eva.
Man, I'm starved!
Miss! You misunderstood me!
Come back!
It's not easy to be eternal, you know.
We can get bored.
So we have to be creative.
We try and renew things
on a permanent basis.
Come in.
Welcome to our school.
Here we show films.
It's important to learn to laugh. It
stimulates their cruelty. Interesting...
Come on.
How are you?
Good night.
Let me introduce you
to the school director, Wolczek lll.
Good night.
OK, so, like we said?
Follow me.
- Tell us how you became a vampire.
- Right, yes, of course.
I'm sorry... I'm just not used
to speaking to my dinner.
I became a vampire in the Great War.
I met Jean-Charles, right here.
We met on the battlefield.
Fell madly in love.
All right, now repeat after me.
That history course
is very important to me.
In a society like ours,
culture tends to go by the wayside.
We lose any sense of the past.
I want every student
to know his history inside out.
Sharing a school with mortals by day,
does that cause problems?
Right, I see what you mean.
You're referring to the boy, aren't you?
One mishap, in 17 years!
An eight-year-old boy.
What's there to eat
in an eight-year-old boy?
What can you eat
in an eight-year-old boy?
Nothing to write home about, is there?
No, no, no! Open your mouth even wider,
why don't you?!
You over there! Are you listening?
That's not how
you're gonna learn to bite!
Come on now!
- I tilt the head back.
- Yes.
- I turn it 15 degrees.
- Right.
- 15 degrees.
- OK.
And I bite the external carotid artery.
No! Not with you mouth like that!
No, that won't do!
Come on, do it again!
- One, I tilt the head back.
- Right.
I turn it 15 degrees.
- Three, I bite the external carotid.
- External, right.
I can't believe this! I can't
believe it! You are a total moron!
You're already like your father!
I had your father... No! That's not it!
Get up, Samson, stand up and bite!
You've seen where the carotid runs,
I drew you a schematic.
So draw me an X, so I can see it.
Put an X mark on there and I'll spot it.
Oh, sure!
Cos when you see somebody,
you'll first ask them to put an X
on their neck so you can bite them?
How is this possible? Bite with
your teeth! I've had enough now!
Everybody's looking at you,
everybody's waiting!
You'll do it again and again
until you do it right! Go on!
- Where do you bite?
- The external carotid artery.
Right, so find it and do it.
- It's right here.
- Go ahead.
I tilt the head back,
I turn it 15 degrees.
And three, I bite the external carotid.
Not like that!
Steve, show him! I can't believe this!
Right, I'm a friend of the family.
Mainly Samson's. He's my pal.
We go back a long way.
We party together.
I'm always welcome here.
Back in the day, I was in a band.
You probably know them: The Doors.
I was playing with Jim and everybody.
Then one night things went nuts.
We played this gig that went on forever,
and then we partied...
And then I don't know.
Blackout. I must have died that night.
I can't explain how or why,
but I woke up a vampire in Cabris,
near Marseille.
Well, near Lac Bleu.
That's where you got
the French southern accent?
I think so, yeah.
I never had it before. I was American!
Samson!
- Steve?
- Yeah.
- Hi, Samson.
- Wait a second.
Come here quick!
Look!
Where did you find him?
- Help me out.
- He's beautiful.
Take the front.
- He's magnificent!
- I found him by the hospital.
They'd just left the moron there!
So I took him!
Man, he's still warm.
Nice and full!
Have you ever eaten any of these?
A couple of times,
but this one is really beautiful.
This is the first time we've got both
the meat and the vegetable!
OK, I'll start.
- After you, sir.
- He's not even cramped or stressed.
All right, let's do it.
Let me show you something.
Bite me!
Look, look!
Help me, help me... You'll see.
Stand him up!
When I tell you, let him go.
Watch! Let him go!
Look, you're gonna see
something incredible.
- Look at his teeth! Look at his teeth!
- Holy shit!
Shit, they grow fast!
Go, go, go!
Fuck!
Hey, where is he going?
Grab him, grab him!
No, not that!
Hold him!
Grab him, he's moving!
Technically, according to the Code,
you've killed a vampire.
Do you understand that?
You really are little jerks.
Anyway... See you.
My name is Paul Absil.
I've been the school director
for 15 years now.
When I got the job, I never realised
the school was occupied at night
by other beings.
Even if they'd told me,
I wouldn't have believed it.
Anyway, in the morning
I often find traces
of their nocturnal libations...
Naturally, it's dry now.
Once, at a Halloween party,
a little boy disappeared.
But that was the only glitch
in 16 years, so...
It's not, well, one little boy
in 16 years, it's not too bad!
Nothing to write home about, is it?
All right, you.
It's for your own good.
- You do this every night?
- Well, yeah, have to.
Or else, no more rabbit in the morning.
They must have
some powerful political support...
Do they scare you?
Frankly, yes. Of course, they scare me.
To be perfectly honest,
I'm not comfortable at all.
Welcome to "Crime Boulevard".
Today we're talking about one
of history's most famous criminals,
Jack the Ripper.
A droll character who has made
big and small vampires laugh since 1888.
Professor Nicholas will tell us...
Stay here when I'm talking to you!
I'm glad you're here.
Your parents are difficult people.
You must be brave.
- You are wonderful, Grace.
- Thank you.
Your parents are retrograde.
Look at us, for example.
We're a modern couple.
We quickly got familiar
with each other.
- How you doing?
- Fine. You?
You see, Grace?
There will always be
a place for you here, Grace.
Thank you.
Tell me about vampires' sexuality.
Well, to start with,
we have no taboos.
We sleep with whoever we want
among us.
Vampires are really good lays,
I have to admit.
We don't have your taboos.
Samson just loves
having sex with Bertha, his mother.
We have no framework for that,
you understand?
There are no risks,
we can't get pregnant
or get AlDS...
Sex is a very free thing
in our community.
But you can't touch the leader's wife.
The leader's wife is hands off.
- Good evening, George.
- Good night, Eva.
Is Samson home?
Eva, please go home. I don't want
my family to get in trouble.
Women like you are worse than daylight.
Go home. Good night.
Good night.
Don't look at her. She'll go away.
Don't look at her. She'll go away.
It's Eva. I want to go with her.
- Dammit! You stay here. Get it?
- I'll go if I want!
Do you understand what it means?
What it means for your family
to go out with Eva?
Do you understand? Do you?
Go back upstairs to your coffin.
Go back to your coffin!
Think it over.
What troubles you?
What upsets you vampires?
- What troubles me?
- You in particular.
Nothing! Nothing upsets me.
I don't see things that way.
I could worry that Grace might not
get over her teenage rebellion...
that she might turn human.
Why are you humans
so stressed out anyway?
It's because you think
it can end at any moment.
But you don't know when.
So you're afraid.
We are way beyond all of that.
- That stinks!
- What is he doing there?
- Get out.
- I'm sorry. I fell asleep.
- Dad, come on!
- My daughter is in love with a human.
His name is Thomas.
Dad, could you
turn out the light on your way out?
Thanks.
I left home, and I pitched my tent
in their backyard.
I've been sleeping here for...
two or three weeks.
I'm not sure cos I got into their
rhythm. Now I live at night, like them.
- What's going on?
- You get out of there!
- What's got into you?
- What the hell were you doing in there?
- What's the matter with you?
- Get inside.
You're really sick, all of you!
Not now, Samson,
we don't have time. Let's go.
I think, really,
I would love to be a vampire.
I think I'm worthy of being one.
Grace, eat!
I'm not hungry.
- Why?
- I'm just not hungry.
Come on, it's full of mortamines!
No! We've been eating blacks for three
months now. They stink, I'm sick of it.
- Good evening!
- Good evening.
Enjoy your meal.
- Did anybody invite you?
- No.
- Nobody at all.
- But, George, if I refer to the Code,
article one, page one: "All vampires..."
- OK, fine.
Yes, right, I think so.
I also think, Bertha,
that I am sitting in your place here.
Men at the wrists. Excuse me.
- Well, enjoy your meal.
- Enjoy, Bienvenu.
Come on, Samson, eat.
An excellent choice.
- Aren't you eating, Grace?
- No, I'm not hungry.
She's difficult, isn't she?
It's a difficult age.
She's a difficult child.
Better to have a difficult child
than no child at all.
You know Bienvenu and I
have chosen not to have a child.
We prefer taking our time
- and not pick a child too hastily.
- Yeah, right!
Well, don't take too much time.
He's getting cold.
What's that?
Is this a joke?
Excellent, George.
Don't you know what it means
to have a human at your table?
- He's not eating.
- This is extremely serious.
The Code forbids
having a human at one's table.
It means immediate expulsion.
I went through that in 1887. It was
extremely violent. You have no idea.
I don't give a shit about expulsion!
Leave him alone!
Stop it!
- Leave him!
- Go on!
Get out of here!
It's silly but, Thomas,
when I pinch him, it hurts him.
When I burn him, I burn him...
That body full of life
makes me feel... alive!
I think... in a way,
they are superior to humans.
It's a kind of evolution
for human nature...
Sooner or later,
the whole world will be vampires.
- We're pleased to see you, Steve.
- Very.
- We've something important to tell you.
- I'm listening.
Haven't you noticed anything
in the last few days?
- Not really.
- Someone new?
Someone who hangs around
at the dinner table?
- That young guy?
- That young guy, as you put it, yes.
Well, beware: he is human.
That's very serious, Steve.
If you go and eat in there,
that makes you an accomplice.
Do as you please, but if you eat
in there, just know what to expect.
Wait a second...
You say I'm an accomplice? Hell, no...
But if I'm an accomplice, so are you!
You live in their cellar!
- That's completely different.
- Like hell, it's different.
We are just two honest people,
trying to protect you...
Steve, we speak to you
out of friendship.
Well, you know what?
I don't want your friendship!
- Hey, easy there.
- Calm down, Steve.
No. I'm starting to be on to you.
That's right, I get it now.
- What?
- The bit with the trash cans!
The shutters that wouldn't close!
Now I know who did a shit
in Papa George's coffin!
Do you realise what you're saying,
Steve? In front of them!
Who the hell do you think you are?
- Who are you to judge them?
- Elisabeth and Bienvenu.
Bienvenu, yeah...
Some welcome!
You guys are shit eaters!
Those people are adorable.
- You are being rude, Steve.
- No, it's you. You are rude to do this.
Shit eaters!
You are worse than humans!
What's the worst thing
that could happen to you?
- In the near future?
- To not die.
To stay a vampire,
and not find a solution
to become human again.
I miss so many things.
I'd like to be able to cry,
but I can't.
- You can't cry?
- No, we can't.
Only humans can cry.
We can't ever be sad for real.
We can't show what we feel
deep down inside.
Nothing... Everything is dead inside us.
Can you even imagine that?
Everything is dead inside us.
Nothing will ever happen to us.
30 years in total darkness.
A true nectar.
I don't drink blood.
- Come on, Vincent, have a taste.
- OK.
No, don't open!
Open the door!
- Good night.
- Good night.
A message from the leader.
Sorry, this one.
OK, well,
I'll let you give the news
to the Bienvenus.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- What is it?
- Why?
Next time, we'll have to bring
other people.
Hello, good night!.
We were at Nico's. What a feast.
He always has these amazing parties.
But it's always too much.
Too much to eat.
And Regis told us this news.
You have to hear this.
Come on, tell them! Tell them.
There's going to be
two executions for the price of one.
Not good. That blood is disgusting!
Read this.
"Good night. We deeply regret
to inform you that Samson,
your son, will be executed,
together with my wife, Eva."
Well... I'll go.
Good night.
This is really bad timing.
Pain in the ass!
Samson, you have to go to London...
See our Father
and ask Him to commute your sentence.
- How is he supposed...
- How am I supposed to get to London?
How does one travel to London?
Eurostar?
This is taking forever!
Damn, it stinks in here!
It stinks of humans!
Disgusting.
London: Romanian Embassy
My Lord...
Is that how you address him?
My Lord, my lordship?
Is that how you say it in English?
- I don't know.
- What are you good for, then?
I'm gonna say My Lord.
Or My King?
My King, maybe...
Thank you.
A little bit.
- How did it go?
- Not bad.
It went pretty well.
It was all good.
But... let's say...
he decided not to...
On the other hand, we are expelled. Me
and my family have to exile to Canada.
Canada, that's pretty nice...
I mean, it's not...
He's really friendly.
Really! Nice guy!
But a little stupid, a little dumb.
With his tirades...
"Samson...
careful now,
I know what you did last summer."
That's him.
I need four travel caskets
for my family.
- It's rather urgent. What have you got?
- Look, I have this here.
Is that good?
It's zinc. It's German.
So this is the big night?
You are leaving today.
- Are you leaving so soon? What is this?
- You've done your suitcases?
- Let's go.
- We didn't realise it was tonight.
- Time goes by too fast.
- But it's not like we didn't warn you.
Be seeing you... maybe.
Good luck. Happy trails.
Well, that's it. They're gone.
It's a big room, isn't it?
Yeah, it's big.
So quiet.
What does that mean?
It means, "Men are all around me,
love me,
like flies around the light."
"But if they..."
- How do you say "the fire takes them?"
- If they catch on fire?
"If they catch on fire,
it's all for naught."
Eva perished by exposure to daylight.
We were not permitted
to attend the ceremony.
4 MONTHS LATER
I've never seen a vampire community
as retrograde as in Canada!
We spent a couple of years there, until
our Father of Fathers passed away.
Anyhow. D'you know that in Canada
vampires have to work?
In Canada I worked at a blood bank.
Because the leader
of Montreal's vampire community
had decided that vampires
should team up with humans.
What an aberration!
And work, can you imagine!
Hi, Samson,
we haven't seen you for four months.
You seem to be in top shape.
Are you happy?
I'm farting fire. I'm farting fire!
What can I tell you?
What else can I do?
This place is the best for us.
Look, we got here four months ago.
We were feeling low, I mean,
it's not easy to be in exile...
But anyway, I have to face it.
After all, I am a "grown-up vampire",
as they say here.
So I had to face things.
I decided to develop a talent
that I was keeping quiet up to now,
but, well, I am a singer.
I sing to humans on the streets,
and I ask for a small contribution.
Actually, they call that "busking".
And so I busk.
Actually, what made it easy right away
is I met the leader of the community.
The head, the leader
of Montreal's vampire community.
He's a fantastic guy.
I think it's gonna...
You have great admiration for this man?
For Adelard?
Well, Vincent,
just like you admire
any charismatic leader.
My name is Adelard Thibault.
I've been...
for more than 90 years now
the leader of Quebec's
vampire community.
Oh yes, I had a part
in the "Battleship Potemkin".
You can see me briefly.
"Battleship Potemkin"
by Sergei Eisenstein
The vampire community in Montreal
is quite different from any other.
I think it's absurd
to be able to live forever,
to have this incredible privilege,
and to just stay the same,
and do nothing!
I have a dream... I have a dream
that Humanity as a whole...
I mean, that humans and vampires
complete each other,
understand each other,
go forward hand in hand!
They give us so much, they give their
blood! They give us their own blood!
But we can give them a lot, too.
We have to step out of the night.
In your environment,
doing nothing is the way of life.
Boredom is the rule. And suddenly,
we say, "Hey, get off your ass,
start participating, be active in life!"
Naturally, at first it causes panic.
Are those vampires happy?
Under the boot of small potentates,
local tyrants
like that "Little Heart" fellow.
Isn't that an appalling name?
"Little Heart"! Give me a break!
A Napoleon complex to the square!
Trapped in the body of a boy! Pathetic!
Kind of sad for him, actually.
In my view, our vampires here
are freer than everywhere else.
We have a real democracy here.
A true democracy.
I was elected.
I listen to my vampires,
I listen to my people.
This isn't some bourgeois
governmental democracy.
It's a collaborative democracy.
We have committees,
people make decisions together.
And many of us take it further:
we get married with humans!
True love is possible.
Physical love.
A real union between two beings,
in spite of,
and even thanks to, their differences.
You're surprised, aren't you? Well, me
too. Look, I let it all overtake me.
And this girl...
I never understood a word she says,
cos they have a way of speaking
that's totally bizarre.
You can't understand anything.
I hope you'll meet her. She works here.
This store is always open late,
so I went in one night.
And I saw her... and it was,
as they say, love at first sight.
I think it killed my mother.
- My big leech!
- This is Sherman.
Sharon.
- What's your name?
- Sharon.
Sherman.
I just totally thought,
like, real vampires didn't exist.
Ever since I was a little girl,
I dreamt of being a vampire.
Cos, when I was little,
there was, like, this TV show
that was called
"The Little Vampire", and...
He was so cute... And I just totally
wanted to be like them,
to live at night and stuff,
the night, the moon,
the werewolves, the blood,
and, like, to fly...
I mean, especially, to fly.
Can't understand a word.
Not a problem.
Friends from Belgium.
Come on, Bertha...
George, leave me alone!
How's it going, Dad?
Is she back to normal?
Still not?
Damn, enough already!
Aren't you fed up with it?
Have you seen your face?
You're not gonna
spoon-feed her forever, are you?
Want some?
Man, they're so old! I feel like
they've chosen to grow old.
I've found a new life,
and I don't care, I have to tell you.
You don't bite,
you don't eat humans any more?
No, we still eat humans. But
the thing is, it's all more regimented.
You can't bite anybody you run into.
You don't get humans delivered.
You have to deserve the human you eat.
And generally they're old people.
Nowadays, with the baby boomers
who are getting older,
we have more and more
healthy old people.
They want to feel young.
It's an obsession with their generation.
It's their charm, too.
And it's great, because we get
a bunch of old folk in good health.
Look at the city. It's magnificent.
Vintage wine or vintage blood
is like a landscape,
a taste landscape that's way broader.
When you bite a child, when you bite
a young man or a young woman, yeah!
It's the juicy fruit,
the vivacity in the blood.
But when you bite an old man,
you get all that life behind him.
OK, there's the meds,
that's not so tasty, sure...
Cos they're highly medicated nowadays.
Sometimes it tastes awful.
But not all meds taste bad!
They're getting more refined now.
But chemotherapy is terrible.
When you bite into a cancer patient,
it's really bitter.
I come from Belgium
To see what's going on in Canada
with my whole family
My mother's sick, my father's not well
My sister's turning human again
What else is new
But who cares, she'll be here
No pulse in the third eye.
Strange.
Marc-Antoine Dahout.
I'm a psychologist. I'm human.
But I try to help vampires
get through certain experiences.
That's why this family called on me.
The moon looked through the window
as you slept...
and said, "I like this child."
She softly climbed down
her stairs of clouds,
then she lay over you,
with a mother's gentle touch.
This unusual malady
is a return of the vampire state
to the human state.
This is a particularly
painful experience for vampires,
who view the human condition
as utterly undesirable.
Listen, this is worrying.
She doesn't react to liturgy.
I will try to provoke
a state of induction.
It may be a little embarrassing for you
toward the end, because, you'll see...
Grace may be what we call "ill-bitten".
Her original bite
might not have occurred...
with sufficient passion...
passion for eternity...
with enough voracity.
That's when we talk
about "ill-bitten vampires".
An ill-bitten vampire.
I know you met a boy.
I spoke with your parents.
Maybe he got near you,
he kissed you.
Did you let him, Grace?
You did, didn't you?
What happened then?
What happened, Grace? Did he
undress you? Did he get you naked?
Did he slip his hand
between your thighs?
Did you open them for him, you slut?
You're crying,
you slut!
You have loved.
You little slut.
She is lost. Lost.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
That'll be $500.
I'm gonna pay him.
Bertha?
Not feeling better?
You know what? I was walking down
the street, and guess what I heard.
Kids yelling! And you know what?
I thought of you.
And I brought you a surprise...
Your new daughter.
How nice.
- What's your name?
- Lisa.
You want to play with Bertha? Yes.
Let's go play.
We're gonna play with Bertha.
Don't be shocked.
This little girl is going to live
happily with her new family,
forever and ever.
It's for little miracles like those
that I do my work.
When you come back next year, this
family will be completely integrated.
Integration works best through the kids.
There will be smiles on all these faces,
there will be colours all over.
They will be living totally differently.
Exit darkness!
Mission accomplished!
When our Great Father passed away,
we decided to go back to Belgium.
I think our penance in Canada
had exceeded all acceptable limits.
I don't know what the future will bring,
but I'm curious. I can't wait to see.
You won't see it.
Unless you decide to become vampires.
It could be arranged.
We can talk about it.
without whom this film
would not have seen the night.
Three years ago, our company
was contacted to shoot a documentary
on Belgium's vampire community.
Intrigued by this bizarre request,
we sent out a film crew.
Good night. Come in.
Hey! Shit!
- Hey, wait! What's going on?!
- What's happening? Fuck!
It didn't work out.
After several months of silence, we
were invited to make another attempt.
We sent out a new crew.
All right! Let's go!
You have no idea
how excited the kids are to meet you!
We'll behave, I promise.
Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be Thy name,
Thy kingdom come...
The crew never came back.
-Thy will be done...
I can't do it.
We spent the next two years trying
to negotiate sending another crew
under perfectly safe conditions.
This new documentary is dedicated to:
and to Jerome's arm.
They gave their life
to make this film possible.
- I'm here with my crew...
- Good night. I was expecting you.
As agreed. Right...
Well, come in, don't just stand out
here. Make yourselves at home.
We're not used to having human
guests... Not like this anyway.
This is the kitchen,
where we make meals.
It's a perfectly traditional kitchen.
Nothing unusual... Follow me.
We'll go to the living room.
The fridge.
The Meat...
She takes care of today's administrative
stuff, which is over our heads.
And Ronald, the clown,
who used to own this house.
- He's still with us.
- What is it? The new delivery?
Samson!
- This is the film crew. Calm down.
- Is this really necessary?
It's all right, Bertha.
My son, Samson. My wife, Bertha.
Go back and play.
- Dad!
- And Grace, my charming daughter.
I keep filing my teeth,
and they keep growing back! Always!
Grace, we're vampires.
Are you humans?
Our neighbours...
They live in the cellar.
There you have it.
Let me point out a couple of things...
The next time you come,
please avoid wearing perfume.
We hate the smell.
Also, try not to have cuts or bruises.
It makes Samson
particularly aggressive these days.
Grace, I need to have a word with you.
Go upstairs. Come on.
Please make yourselves at home.
My name is George Saint-Germain.
I have an amazing wife named Bertha,
and two children.
Samson,
who's even more sensitive than me.
He's a tremendous ball of nerves.
And Grace...
Grace, who wants to be like you!
- She's bothered, right?
- Don't cut...
You can put it back, Sarah,
just put it back.
Come, Sarah.
- No!
- We can't go on without that.
Her name is Sarah?
That's Sarah...
- No, we have to... We can't go on.
- We can't go on this way, no...
It's not good. Not good. Sorry.
- Sorry.
- Who is that girl behind you?
Could you tell us about her? Tell us
about the girl you call the Meat.
Right... the Meat.
I'll tell you...
The meat, in the fridge...
It's wonderful...
We give her food to eat. Lots!
Beef stew...
She eats her beef stew...
Then we take her out of the fridge.
Vincent, it's... delicious!
So, on special occasions,
we take her out,
and... It's delightful.
Warm blood every night.
Breakfast...
What did you do before?
I was a prostitute.
This is familiar to me, really.
All the families have their Meat.
All the vampire families
have someone like you...
that they eat, partially.
Why is that?
Do you taste especially good?
Apparently, yes. I'm luxury meat.
Good night, Ms Bertha.
Good night, Mr George.
Mr George!
I can't drink this, it's too hot.
Samson!
Grace!
- She's such an ugly child, George.
- Good night.
- What the hell are you doing with that?
- I'm putting on a tan.
Does my hair look OK?
No.
Asshole.
The light, goddammit!
Well, here,
we're in the room where we all sleep.
My relationship with my parents
is pretty bad at the moment.
I really think my mother hates me.
I don't know why,
but she really doesn't love me.
Bertha and I aren't very authoritative.
In fact, I don't care
if she always dresses in pink.
I just find it funny.
She's such an ugly child, though.
And she wears pink!
It's just a teenage thing.
It'll pass. She wants to be human!
What are you doing, Grace?
Samson, could you please unhook me,
instead of gawking? It's so unpleasant.
Samson!
Samson! Jerk!
OK...
I don't know why I do it...
But I think I'd like to die.
I mean, like you.
All this is really boring, you
know. We have no limits, nothing.
You humans do all kinds of things
because there's death at the end of it.
I mean, this life is deadly boring.
Grace!
Fuck!
Yes, come in.
- Good evening. Good night.
- Good night.
- Come in.
- Thank you.
Careful, the stairs are steep.
Welcome!
Here we are...
This is my husband, Bienvenu.
My name is Elisabeth Nabowski.
I was born in 1860
and I was made a vampire in 1885
in Lyon, by Count Josef Nabowski,
my father.
I was a modest intern
in a laboratory in Lyon.
I delivered blood samples
to Louis Pasteur
for his experiments.
And that's where I met my wife,
and mother...
Elisabeth.
We've lived here for a few years now.
And, well,
we keep things as best we can...
Small belongings from our victims,
because we are quite sentimental.
Aren't we, Bienvenu? That's right.
So here's a little memento
from the first baby...
My first baby, my first victim...
A little bib. Isn't it cute?
What have I got in here?
This is from my first virgin,
on her wedding night.
I come from the Nabowski family,
from a long line of Hungarian vampires,
like they don't make them any more.
They are well-known for choosing
their victims with great care,
according to their carnation,
skin elasticity...
I learned biting
in the purest tradition.
A little molar...
what a lovely keepsake.
Great memories...
We'd love to keep more objects...
We'd like to have more souvenirs
but...
Right, we're a little cramped for space.
We keep piling things,
but we'd like to have more room.
But... we're glad you're here.
We're very respectful
of our neighbours. They're...
Well, there's no problem,
but they don't respect us.
We've been cooped up in the cellar
for years now.
It's high time we get to live upstairs.
Because upstairs...
I don't know if you've seen...
It's terrible what goes on up there.
There are no boundaries, no rules,
nothing.
And proper, well-behaved people like us
are trapped in the cellar like savages.
You think that's normal, Elisabeth?
That we have to sleep this way?
Like this? Is that normal?
Look at this! Look!
This is what we're reduced to. Look!
There! Sleep well standing up, do you?
Would you sleep well this way?
Tell them, Elisabeth...
Tell them how well you sleep!
Well, yes... It's hard.
Yes, it's gotten quite hard.
It's too small here.
George, what are you waiting for?
I'm waiting for the delivery.
It's almost 10pm.
Stay there. You'll see... You're
gonna see Human Rights in action.
Here they are!
- Good evening.
- Good night.
Here, I brought your sausage.
Listen, those illegal immigrants,
are they always black?
Well, they're all black.
What do you want us to...?
Why did you bring me here?
Don't worry. We're here to help.
- You understand what he says?
- Of course, I do.
- Anyway, thank you. See you next week.
- Right, see you next week.
Go on in!
- Good night.
- Good night.
Belgium is such a great country.
Right, come on.
Stay there.
Here you are, you'll be fine here.
Everything is easy here.
Pretty weird, right?
But really great!
This is the land of plenty.
Everything is possible here.
Organised crime, terrorism... We have
illegal aliens delivered to our door.
And we put them in the coop,
upstairs. The coop.
Did you see it?
The coop, upstairs.
You can put a lot of meat in the coop.
Damn, David, look over there.
The other way.
Let's get out of here!
- Wait! We should film this!
- Forgive me.
- We shouldn't be here!
- Shut up! Damn, Vince...
To us vampires, humans
are minimally sophisticated animals.
You know, we fulfil
a social service in Belgium.
Certain people encourage us to act
as a sort of clean-up business
for the undesirables.
The police...
The police bring our chow to us.
Isn't that great?
At the moment we're having
a wave of black Malians.
All of them young,
between 20 and 30. Delicious.
We can pick...
There's blacks, there's kids.
We've got two children right now.
I won't fall for telling you names
but... sure, every Monday,
someone comes
and picks up the corpses
that are laying around.
You've got it all in Belgium.
So vampires here are content!
Belgium is a wonderful country!
It's so flat, with such grey people!
That's a song, isn't it!
We listen to music too, you know.
Bienvenu!
- Are you sleeping?
- No.
- Somebody's in here.
- There's nobody here.
There is, I hear voices.
Are you nuts? It's 2:30pm!
How did you become a vampire?
In Peer...
It was in 1907, a Friday...
and I was sad.
My nose was bleeding...
Because my husband beat me.
That's not a good thing, is it?
And George was there.
He asked me to be his wife.
And I said yes!
What happened to your husband?
He went up in flames.
It was beautiful. That was a good thing!
We burned him in the fire.
And then George bit me.
- You see, Vincent?
- I can't really see anything.
- You can come closer if you want.
- No, thanks.
- Well, it's about time.
- Go to hell.
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
You like it, huh? You pervert!
What did you do?
- Nothing. I committed suicide.
- Again?!
If you want it to work,
go out in the sun or eat some garlic!
No, I want to die like a human.
You're a complete moron, Grace.
Go to hell.
Slut!
- Midget dick!
- Slag!
- Cocksucker.
- Shit bag.
- Baby tooth!
- Sperm eater.
- Priest!
- What?
- Priest!
- Did you call me a priest?
- Dad!
- Priest, priest, priest, priest!
Grace called me a priest!
- Come on...
- Mom!
The Code doesn't provide for it.
When they come home,
they should lock the door.
- Right, you always do it!
- Always.
- The janitor!
- After the meal? Who clears the table?
- Right, it's me.
- Always you.
- I don't feel comfortable asking.
- Dumping corpses is no big deal.
The removal service picks them up.
They can't even do that.
They just don't act like homeowners.
- They're parasites.
- Parasites.
- You know what?
- We're too nice to them.
- No, you're too nice.
- I'm too nice!
To me, the neighbours don't exist.
They're there,
they move the air when they go by,
and that's it.
They bore me.
- Good night.
- Good night.
A victim that goes through our house
is ours.
- Are you kidding?
- Preposterous!
The Code is quite clear.
He's in our house, he's ours.
We hunted him all night.
We're not giving him up!
- You should have thought of that.
- They're right. It's in the Code.
Very well, George. All right.
But then, we'll play for him.
- Fine, let's play for him.
- What do we play?
- Let's play Moon.
- OK, we'll play Moon.
The Vampire Code was created
by Count Dracula.
It's a set of rules,
if you will, that we have to go by.
Very simple rules.
- Natural living guidelines, I'd say.
- Let's go!
One... two... three... Sun!
One, two, three, Moon!
Can't you say, "One, two, three, Moon"?
Come on, get up!
Get up! Do it!
One... two... three... Moon!
One... two... three... Moon!
What?
Did he move? He did?
You have to say.
Did he move or didn't he? Shit!
- He moved...
- Are you sure?
- Yes.
- Fuck!
Come on!
Get up, goddammit!
- One... two... three... Moon!
- And we win!
- Seriously... Did I move?
- Did he move?
- He moved?
- I mean, did I move?
I think so, yes.
I don't get it.
Could you tell us why your neighbours
live in the cellar?
Well, when vampires don't have
children, they don't get houses.
So, you have to live
in the homes of other vampires
who, quite generously,
offer you their cellars to live in.
You have to have a child
in order to live in a house.
Why don't you have any children?
We have no children
because we chose not to have any
for the time being.
We don't want to choose a child
hastily.
We'd rather take our time
to pick a child of great quality.
- A Nabowski.
- The truth is...
Elisabeth can't stop herself
from eating children.
As for me, when they're older,
I can't stop myself
from making love to them.
But they never want to stay.
You'd think I'm not doing it right.
Dinner!
I'm hungry! She smells delectable.
How did you prepare her?
Ravioli.
- It's about time.
- Grace!
What is it?
Even on my deathday,
I have to get the ankle!
- Already complaining?
- Samson!
All right, happy deathday, Grace!
- D'you know where we're going later?
- No.
We'll go see your new coffin.
She will be dead, she will be dead
She will be dead in the Glory
In the Glory
In the Glory
- Happy deathday, Grace!
- Thanks.
Go on, you start.
- Where's my vein anyway?
- Here, right here.
Oh, right.
Bertha, this is delicious.
- A little bit curdled.
- It's great.
I love it when there's
a slight aftertaste,
you know, from things
that didn't get fully digested.
Hey, Vincent, why are you so pale?
What's going on?
She's not pumping any more!
- She's all dry over here!
- Hit her!
- Don't hit her if she's not well!
- Enough!
- It's the heart!
- The heart is over there!
- What's wrong with her?
- She needs to go to the hospital!
- She's going to die.
- She's strong, our Meat!
- Come on, stick her back in the fridge.
- What if she dies?
- We'll see tomorrow.
- Meat! You're spoiling our meal!
Come on, Samson, come with me.
All right, let's go to town.
Come on, Grace.
FUNERAL HOME
- Hi, Jean-Paul.
- Hi, George.
- Your wife didn't come?
- She had to stay at home with the Meat.
We had a little problem...
It will be all right.
Good evening. Come on in.
Pleased to meet you. Jean-Paul.
Are you here for the surprise?
- It worked?
- Excellent! It's ready.
Can't wait to see it.
- You're gonna like it, you'll see.
- Excellent, I'm sure I'll like it.
Follow me.
Ta-da!
Thank you! Thank you!
Mr Jean-Paul?
Will this do for the old lady?
Get out of here!
Get out of here!
I'm sorry!
- What's wrong with these people?!
- My name is Jean-Paul.
I'm in charge of this coffin-making
company. It's a family business.
I'm fortunate to be
one of the few living beings
in the middle of all this death.
You find that fortunate?
Well, once the vampires started coming,
with their ever-more precise requests,
I came up with a system
to recycle used coffins...
so that we only burn the corpses.
It doesn't bother anyone.
Especially not the concerned party!
That's how I was able to offer vampires
all kinds of used coffins,
with different scents, odours.
They have pretty specific requests.
Pretty peculiar.
We had some requests
for children's coffins,
young girls', 13 to 14 years old.
And then you have other vampires,
like George, who prefer
centenarians' coffins,
with longer lives to them!
Are vampires good customers?
Well, isn't it unusual when people buy
more than one coffin in their lifetime!
I'd be a fool to let that pass me by.
Although it's not easy to live with,
I must confess.
Eva!
Thank you.
- Good night.
- Good night.
Little Heart told us to bring
the film crew along. Here they are!
Hey, we were missing you!
How are you?
Listen, the neighbours are here,
so take it easy.
I can't promise anything.
Little Heart threw
a hell of a party, you'll see.
OK, I'm going back in,
I'm having a ball!
Good night, Bienvenu and Elisabeth.
Always necking?
Good night.
OK, make yourselves at home.
And cheers!
Who is Little Heart?
Little Heart is the leader
of our community.
He's not like George.
Not handsome. But he's the leader.
The leader...
And he holds the Code,
you know what I mean?
Little Heart...
Little Heart:
leader of the Belgian vampire community
Are you bored? Is that it?
We wanted to thank you for letting us
host that TV crew. It's a lot of fun.
- Thank you.
- You haven't eaten them yet?
No, they're still alive.
Good night!
Don't you tell me good night?
Actually,
I've got a problem with my coffin.
So then my wife is screaming,
the car breaks down...
There's all these insects swarming
around. They're making all these holes.
Recently I became allergic to humans.
Every time I'm near them,
I get a rash, my nose runs, I swell.
It's always such a pleasure
to be at one of your parties.
I'm so moved...
My nose is bleeding!
- Good evening, Little Heart.
- Good evening.
- Good night.
- Good night, Eva.
Man, I'm starved!
Miss! You misunderstood me!
Come back!
It's not easy to be eternal, you know.
We can get bored.
So we have to be creative.
We try and renew things
on a permanent basis.
Come in.
Welcome to our school.
Here we show films.
It's important to learn to laugh. It
stimulates their cruelty. Interesting...
Come on.
How are you?
Good night.
Let me introduce you
to the school director, Wolczek lll.
Good night.
OK, so, like we said?
Follow me.
- Tell us how you became a vampire.
- Right, yes, of course.
I'm sorry... I'm just not used
to speaking to my dinner.
I became a vampire in the Great War.
I met Jean-Charles, right here.
We met on the battlefield.
Fell madly in love.
All right, now repeat after me.
That history course
is very important to me.
In a society like ours,
culture tends to go by the wayside.
We lose any sense of the past.
I want every student
to know his history inside out.
Sharing a school with mortals by day,
does that cause problems?
Right, I see what you mean.
You're referring to the boy, aren't you?
One mishap, in 17 years!
An eight-year-old boy.
What's there to eat
in an eight-year-old boy?
What can you eat
in an eight-year-old boy?
Nothing to write home about, is there?
No, no, no! Open your mouth even wider,
why don't you?!
You over there! Are you listening?
That's not how
you're gonna learn to bite!
Come on now!
- I tilt the head back.
- Yes.
- I turn it 15 degrees.
- Right.
- 15 degrees.
- OK.
And I bite the external carotid artery.
No! Not with you mouth like that!
No, that won't do!
Come on, do it again!
- One, I tilt the head back.
- Right.
I turn it 15 degrees.
- Three, I bite the external carotid.
- External, right.
I can't believe this! I can't
believe it! You are a total moron!
You're already like your father!
I had your father... No! That's not it!
Get up, Samson, stand up and bite!
You've seen where the carotid runs,
I drew you a schematic.
So draw me an X, so I can see it.
Put an X mark on there and I'll spot it.
Oh, sure!
Cos when you see somebody,
you'll first ask them to put an X
on their neck so you can bite them?
How is this possible? Bite with
your teeth! I've had enough now!
Everybody's looking at you,
everybody's waiting!
You'll do it again and again
until you do it right! Go on!
- Where do you bite?
- The external carotid artery.
Right, so find it and do it.
- It's right here.
- Go ahead.
I tilt the head back,
I turn it 15 degrees.
And three, I bite the external carotid.
Not like that!
Steve, show him! I can't believe this!
Right, I'm a friend of the family.
Mainly Samson's. He's my pal.
We go back a long way.
We party together.
I'm always welcome here.
Back in the day, I was in a band.
You probably know them: The Doors.
I was playing with Jim and everybody.
Then one night things went nuts.
We played this gig that went on forever,
and then we partied...
And then I don't know.
Blackout. I must have died that night.
I can't explain how or why,
but I woke up a vampire in Cabris,
near Marseille.
Well, near Lac Bleu.
That's where you got
the French southern accent?
I think so, yeah.
I never had it before. I was American!
Samson!
- Steve?
- Yeah.
- Hi, Samson.
- Wait a second.
Come here quick!
Look!
Where did you find him?
- Help me out.
- He's beautiful.
Take the front.
- He's magnificent!
- I found him by the hospital.
They'd just left the moron there!
So I took him!
Man, he's still warm.
Nice and full!
Have you ever eaten any of these?
A couple of times,
but this one is really beautiful.
This is the first time we've got both
the meat and the vegetable!
OK, I'll start.
- After you, sir.
- He's not even cramped or stressed.
All right, let's do it.
Let me show you something.
Bite me!
Look, look!
Help me, help me... You'll see.
Stand him up!
When I tell you, let him go.
Watch! Let him go!
Look, you're gonna see
something incredible.
- Look at his teeth! Look at his teeth!
- Holy shit!
Shit, they grow fast!
Go, go, go!
Fuck!
Hey, where is he going?
Grab him, grab him!
No, not that!
Hold him!
Grab him, he's moving!
Technically, according to the Code,
you've killed a vampire.
Do you understand that?
You really are little jerks.
Anyway... See you.
My name is Paul Absil.
I've been the school director
for 15 years now.
When I got the job, I never realised
the school was occupied at night
by other beings.
Even if they'd told me,
I wouldn't have believed it.
Anyway, in the morning
I often find traces
of their nocturnal libations...
Naturally, it's dry now.
Once, at a Halloween party,
a little boy disappeared.
But that was the only glitch
in 16 years, so...
It's not, well, one little boy
in 16 years, it's not too bad!
Nothing to write home about, is it?
All right, you.
It's for your own good.
- You do this every night?
- Well, yeah, have to.
Or else, no more rabbit in the morning.
They must have
some powerful political support...
Do they scare you?
Frankly, yes. Of course, they scare me.
To be perfectly honest,
I'm not comfortable at all.
Welcome to "Crime Boulevard".
Today we're talking about one
of history's most famous criminals,
Jack the Ripper.
A droll character who has made
big and small vampires laugh since 1888.
Professor Nicholas will tell us...
Stay here when I'm talking to you!
I'm glad you're here.
Your parents are difficult people.
You must be brave.
- You are wonderful, Grace.
- Thank you.
Your parents are retrograde.
Look at us, for example.
We're a modern couple.
We quickly got familiar
with each other.
- How you doing?
- Fine. You?
You see, Grace?
There will always be
a place for you here, Grace.
Thank you.
Tell me about vampires' sexuality.
Well, to start with,
we have no taboos.
We sleep with whoever we want
among us.
Vampires are really good lays,
I have to admit.
We don't have your taboos.
Samson just loves
having sex with Bertha, his mother.
We have no framework for that,
you understand?
There are no risks,
we can't get pregnant
or get AlDS...
Sex is a very free thing
in our community.
But you can't touch the leader's wife.
The leader's wife is hands off.
- Good evening, George.
- Good night, Eva.
Is Samson home?
Eva, please go home. I don't want
my family to get in trouble.
Women like you are worse than daylight.
Go home. Good night.
Good night.
Don't look at her. She'll go away.
Don't look at her. She'll go away.
It's Eva. I want to go with her.
- Dammit! You stay here. Get it?
- I'll go if I want!
Do you understand what it means?
What it means for your family
to go out with Eva?
Do you understand? Do you?
Go back upstairs to your coffin.
Go back to your coffin!
Think it over.
What troubles you?
What upsets you vampires?
- What troubles me?
- You in particular.
Nothing! Nothing upsets me.
I don't see things that way.
I could worry that Grace might not
get over her teenage rebellion...
that she might turn human.
Why are you humans
so stressed out anyway?
It's because you think
it can end at any moment.
But you don't know when.
So you're afraid.
We are way beyond all of that.
- That stinks!
- What is he doing there?
- Get out.
- I'm sorry. I fell asleep.
- Dad, come on!
- My daughter is in love with a human.
His name is Thomas.
Dad, could you
turn out the light on your way out?
Thanks.
I left home, and I pitched my tent
in their backyard.
I've been sleeping here for...
two or three weeks.
I'm not sure cos I got into their
rhythm. Now I live at night, like them.
- What's going on?
- You get out of there!
- What's got into you?
- What the hell were you doing in there?
- What's the matter with you?
- Get inside.
You're really sick, all of you!
Not now, Samson,
we don't have time. Let's go.
I think, really,
I would love to be a vampire.
I think I'm worthy of being one.
Grace, eat!
I'm not hungry.
- Why?
- I'm just not hungry.
Come on, it's full of mortamines!
No! We've been eating blacks for three
months now. They stink, I'm sick of it.
- Good evening!
- Good evening.
Enjoy your meal.
- Did anybody invite you?
- No.
- Nobody at all.
- But, George, if I refer to the Code,
article one, page one: "All vampires..."
- OK, fine.
Yes, right, I think so.
I also think, Bertha,
that I am sitting in your place here.
Men at the wrists. Excuse me.
- Well, enjoy your meal.
- Enjoy, Bienvenu.
Come on, Samson, eat.
An excellent choice.
- Aren't you eating, Grace?
- No, I'm not hungry.
She's difficult, isn't she?
It's a difficult age.
She's a difficult child.
Better to have a difficult child
than no child at all.
You know Bienvenu and I
have chosen not to have a child.
We prefer taking our time
- and not pick a child too hastily.
- Yeah, right!
Well, don't take too much time.
He's getting cold.
What's that?
Is this a joke?
Excellent, George.
Don't you know what it means
to have a human at your table?
- He's not eating.
- This is extremely serious.
The Code forbids
having a human at one's table.
It means immediate expulsion.
I went through that in 1887. It was
extremely violent. You have no idea.
I don't give a shit about expulsion!
Leave him alone!
Stop it!
- Leave him!
- Go on!
Get out of here!
It's silly but, Thomas,
when I pinch him, it hurts him.
When I burn him, I burn him...
That body full of life
makes me feel... alive!
I think... in a way,
they are superior to humans.
It's a kind of evolution
for human nature...
Sooner or later,
the whole world will be vampires.
- We're pleased to see you, Steve.
- Very.
- We've something important to tell you.
- I'm listening.
Haven't you noticed anything
in the last few days?
- Not really.
- Someone new?
Someone who hangs around
at the dinner table?
- That young guy?
- That young guy, as you put it, yes.
Well, beware: he is human.
That's very serious, Steve.
If you go and eat in there,
that makes you an accomplice.
Do as you please, but if you eat
in there, just know what to expect.
Wait a second...
You say I'm an accomplice? Hell, no...
But if I'm an accomplice, so are you!
You live in their cellar!
- That's completely different.
- Like hell, it's different.
We are just two honest people,
trying to protect you...
Steve, we speak to you
out of friendship.
Well, you know what?
I don't want your friendship!
- Hey, easy there.
- Calm down, Steve.
No. I'm starting to be on to you.
That's right, I get it now.
- What?
- The bit with the trash cans!
The shutters that wouldn't close!
Now I know who did a shit
in Papa George's coffin!
Do you realise what you're saying,
Steve? In front of them!
Who the hell do you think you are?
- Who are you to judge them?
- Elisabeth and Bienvenu.
Bienvenu, yeah...
Some welcome!
You guys are shit eaters!
Those people are adorable.
- You are being rude, Steve.
- No, it's you. You are rude to do this.
Shit eaters!
You are worse than humans!
What's the worst thing
that could happen to you?
- In the near future?
- To not die.
To stay a vampire,
and not find a solution
to become human again.
I miss so many things.
I'd like to be able to cry,
but I can't.
- You can't cry?
- No, we can't.
Only humans can cry.
We can't ever be sad for real.
We can't show what we feel
deep down inside.
Nothing... Everything is dead inside us.
Can you even imagine that?
Everything is dead inside us.
Nothing will ever happen to us.
30 years in total darkness.
A true nectar.
I don't drink blood.
- Come on, Vincent, have a taste.
- OK.
No, don't open!
Open the door!
- Good night.
- Good night.
A message from the leader.
Sorry, this one.
OK, well,
I'll let you give the news
to the Bienvenus.
- Good night.
- Good night.
- What is it?
- Why?
Next time, we'll have to bring
other people.
Hello, good night!.
We were at Nico's. What a feast.
He always has these amazing parties.
But it's always too much.
Too much to eat.
And Regis told us this news.
You have to hear this.
Come on, tell them! Tell them.
There's going to be
two executions for the price of one.
Not good. That blood is disgusting!
Read this.
"Good night. We deeply regret
to inform you that Samson,
your son, will be executed,
together with my wife, Eva."
Well... I'll go.
Good night.
This is really bad timing.
Pain in the ass!
Samson, you have to go to London...
See our Father
and ask Him to commute your sentence.
- How is he supposed...
- How am I supposed to get to London?
How does one travel to London?
Eurostar?
This is taking forever!
Damn, it stinks in here!
It stinks of humans!
Disgusting.
London: Romanian Embassy
My Lord...
Is that how you address him?
My Lord, my lordship?
Is that how you say it in English?
- I don't know.
- What are you good for, then?
I'm gonna say My Lord.
Or My King?
My King, maybe...
Thank you.
A little bit.
- How did it go?
- Not bad.
It went pretty well.
It was all good.
But... let's say...
he decided not to...
On the other hand, we are expelled. Me
and my family have to exile to Canada.
Canada, that's pretty nice...
I mean, it's not...
He's really friendly.
Really! Nice guy!
But a little stupid, a little dumb.
With his tirades...
"Samson...
careful now,
I know what you did last summer."
That's him.
I need four travel caskets
for my family.
- It's rather urgent. What have you got?
- Look, I have this here.
Is that good?
It's zinc. It's German.
So this is the big night?
You are leaving today.
- Are you leaving so soon? What is this?
- You've done your suitcases?
- Let's go.
- We didn't realise it was tonight.
- Time goes by too fast.
- But it's not like we didn't warn you.
Be seeing you... maybe.
Good luck. Happy trails.
Well, that's it. They're gone.
It's a big room, isn't it?
Yeah, it's big.
So quiet.
What does that mean?
It means, "Men are all around me,
love me,
like flies around the light."
"But if they..."
- How do you say "the fire takes them?"
- If they catch on fire?
"If they catch on fire,
it's all for naught."
Eva perished by exposure to daylight.
We were not permitted
to attend the ceremony.
4 MONTHS LATER
I've never seen a vampire community
as retrograde as in Canada!
We spent a couple of years there, until
our Father of Fathers passed away.
Anyhow. D'you know that in Canada
vampires have to work?
In Canada I worked at a blood bank.
Because the leader
of Montreal's vampire community
had decided that vampires
should team up with humans.
What an aberration!
And work, can you imagine!
Hi, Samson,
we haven't seen you for four months.
You seem to be in top shape.
Are you happy?
I'm farting fire. I'm farting fire!
What can I tell you?
What else can I do?
This place is the best for us.
Look, we got here four months ago.
We were feeling low, I mean,
it's not easy to be in exile...
But anyway, I have to face it.
After all, I am a "grown-up vampire",
as they say here.
So I had to face things.
I decided to develop a talent
that I was keeping quiet up to now,
but, well, I am a singer.
I sing to humans on the streets,
and I ask for a small contribution.
Actually, they call that "busking".
And so I busk.
Actually, what made it easy right away
is I met the leader of the community.
The head, the leader
of Montreal's vampire community.
He's a fantastic guy.
I think it's gonna...
You have great admiration for this man?
For Adelard?
Well, Vincent,
just like you admire
any charismatic leader.
My name is Adelard Thibault.
I've been...
for more than 90 years now
the leader of Quebec's
vampire community.
Oh yes, I had a part
in the "Battleship Potemkin".
You can see me briefly.
"Battleship Potemkin"
by Sergei Eisenstein
The vampire community in Montreal
is quite different from any other.
I think it's absurd
to be able to live forever,
to have this incredible privilege,
and to just stay the same,
and do nothing!
I have a dream... I have a dream
that Humanity as a whole...
I mean, that humans and vampires
complete each other,
understand each other,
go forward hand in hand!
They give us so much, they give their
blood! They give us their own blood!
But we can give them a lot, too.
We have to step out of the night.
In your environment,
doing nothing is the way of life.
Boredom is the rule. And suddenly,
we say, "Hey, get off your ass,
start participating, be active in life!"
Naturally, at first it causes panic.
Are those vampires happy?
Under the boot of small potentates,
local tyrants
like that "Little Heart" fellow.
Isn't that an appalling name?
"Little Heart"! Give me a break!
A Napoleon complex to the square!
Trapped in the body of a boy! Pathetic!
Kind of sad for him, actually.
In my view, our vampires here
are freer than everywhere else.
We have a real democracy here.
A true democracy.
I was elected.
I listen to my vampires,
I listen to my people.
This isn't some bourgeois
governmental democracy.
It's a collaborative democracy.
We have committees,
people make decisions together.
And many of us take it further:
we get married with humans!
True love is possible.
Physical love.
A real union between two beings,
in spite of,
and even thanks to, their differences.
You're surprised, aren't you? Well, me
too. Look, I let it all overtake me.
And this girl...
I never understood a word she says,
cos they have a way of speaking
that's totally bizarre.
You can't understand anything.
I hope you'll meet her. She works here.
This store is always open late,
so I went in one night.
And I saw her... and it was,
as they say, love at first sight.
I think it killed my mother.
- My big leech!
- This is Sherman.
Sharon.
- What's your name?
- Sharon.
Sherman.
I just totally thought,
like, real vampires didn't exist.
Ever since I was a little girl,
I dreamt of being a vampire.
Cos, when I was little,
there was, like, this TV show
that was called
"The Little Vampire", and...
He was so cute... And I just totally
wanted to be like them,
to live at night and stuff,
the night, the moon,
the werewolves, the blood,
and, like, to fly...
I mean, especially, to fly.
Can't understand a word.
Not a problem.
Friends from Belgium.
Come on, Bertha...
George, leave me alone!
How's it going, Dad?
Is she back to normal?
Still not?
Damn, enough already!
Aren't you fed up with it?
Have you seen your face?
You're not gonna
spoon-feed her forever, are you?
Want some?
Man, they're so old! I feel like
they've chosen to grow old.
I've found a new life,
and I don't care, I have to tell you.
You don't bite,
you don't eat humans any more?
No, we still eat humans. But
the thing is, it's all more regimented.
You can't bite anybody you run into.
You don't get humans delivered.
You have to deserve the human you eat.
And generally they're old people.
Nowadays, with the baby boomers
who are getting older,
we have more and more
healthy old people.
They want to feel young.
It's an obsession with their generation.
It's their charm, too.
And it's great, because we get
a bunch of old folk in good health.
Look at the city. It's magnificent.
Vintage wine or vintage blood
is like a landscape,
a taste landscape that's way broader.
When you bite a child, when you bite
a young man or a young woman, yeah!
It's the juicy fruit,
the vivacity in the blood.
But when you bite an old man,
you get all that life behind him.
OK, there's the meds,
that's not so tasty, sure...
Cos they're highly medicated nowadays.
Sometimes it tastes awful.
But not all meds taste bad!
They're getting more refined now.
But chemotherapy is terrible.
When you bite into a cancer patient,
it's really bitter.
I come from Belgium
To see what's going on in Canada
with my whole family
My mother's sick, my father's not well
My sister's turning human again
What else is new
But who cares, she'll be here
No pulse in the third eye.
Strange.
Marc-Antoine Dahout.
I'm a psychologist. I'm human.
But I try to help vampires
get through certain experiences.
That's why this family called on me.
The moon looked through the window
as you slept...
and said, "I like this child."
She softly climbed down
her stairs of clouds,
then she lay over you,
with a mother's gentle touch.
This unusual malady
is a return of the vampire state
to the human state.
This is a particularly
painful experience for vampires,
who view the human condition
as utterly undesirable.
Listen, this is worrying.
She doesn't react to liturgy.
I will try to provoke
a state of induction.
It may be a little embarrassing for you
toward the end, because, you'll see...
Grace may be what we call "ill-bitten".
Her original bite
might not have occurred...
with sufficient passion...
passion for eternity...
with enough voracity.
That's when we talk
about "ill-bitten vampires".
An ill-bitten vampire.
I know you met a boy.
I spoke with your parents.
Maybe he got near you,
he kissed you.
Did you let him, Grace?
You did, didn't you?
What happened then?
What happened, Grace? Did he
undress you? Did he get you naked?
Did he slip his hand
between your thighs?
Did you open them for him, you slut?
You're crying,
you slut!
You have loved.
You little slut.
She is lost. Lost.
I'm sorry. Sorry.
That'll be $500.
I'm gonna pay him.
Bertha?
Not feeling better?
You know what? I was walking down
the street, and guess what I heard.
Kids yelling! And you know what?
I thought of you.
And I brought you a surprise...
Your new daughter.
How nice.
- What's your name?
- Lisa.
You want to play with Bertha? Yes.
Let's go play.
We're gonna play with Bertha.
Don't be shocked.
This little girl is going to live
happily with her new family,
forever and ever.
It's for little miracles like those
that I do my work.
When you come back next year, this
family will be completely integrated.
Integration works best through the kids.
There will be smiles on all these faces,
there will be colours all over.
They will be living totally differently.
Exit darkness!
Mission accomplished!
When our Great Father passed away,
we decided to go back to Belgium.
I think our penance in Canada
had exceeded all acceptable limits.
I don't know what the future will bring,
but I'm curious. I can't wait to see.
You won't see it.
Unless you decide to become vampires.
It could be arranged.
We can talk about it.
without whom this film
would not have seen the night.