Vidar the Vampire (2017) Movie Script
1
At this stage, no one really knows who or what
is responsible for this gruesome incident.
Several animals have been slain
in what could be described as an occult ritual.
There is no explaining how
these animals were drained of blood
without significant
cuts or injuries.
I'm here with Vidar Hrr
who is in charge of this farm,
and Vidar, you awoke to this nightmare.
Who do you think is responsible?
This is the Devil's work, and he is
not welcome on our farm.
If he returns, I'm gonna pump him full of lead
with this shotgun.
In the name of Jesus.
It's not easy to get to the
bottom of this, ehh...
The circumstances are quite absurd.
At this stage, we have yet to
acquire any serious information.
What do you mean by "serious"?
Ehh...
Seriously!
I woke up in the middle of a pentagram, -
- turned my head to the right, and behold...
a sheep.
Then, I turned my head
to the left, and behold...
yet another sheep.
They were both dead.
What went through your mind?
Are these our sheep?
Don't eat the microphone!
Were they your sheep?
They were.
'Every Sunday members of
'The Children of Creation',
an extremely conservative Christian
congregation, gather for worship.
Today, they are preparing an attack against
the evil that has struck their community.
'We will pray strenuously for the Hrrs.'
Through prayer we will build a divine
fence around their farmstead, -
- on top of blessing the livestock.
'We hope these measures will deflect
any further satanic attacks.
'And they will. Jesus is on our side.'
Vidar, why are we watching this?
I just wanted to prepare you.
Prepare me?
Yeah. This story won't make any fucking sense.
Why would you say that?
'Cause I'm not right in the head, that's why.
I no longer know what's up or down;
what's right or wrong.
When am I dreaming? What's reality?
I've lost my fucking marbles!
That's Why I'm here, right?
To see if you can help me out,
straighten my head, -
- fix me, if at all possible.
Nothing is impossible.
The best way to go about this would
be for you to tell your story, -
- and together we can work out whether
or not this story makes any sense.
Does that make sense?
Fine.
Where do we start?
From the beginning is usually best.
From the very beginning?
Where I was born, grew up, that sort of stuff?
Or shall we begin when
I was born into darkness...
Start wherever you like, Vidar.
Very well.
Okay.
It was an ordinary day...
and as usual it started
at the break of dawn.
You should know, I've never
been a morning person, -
'- and I never will be.
'But as a farmer you have no choice.
'There's too much shit to be done.'
Shut the fuck up!
Free time is drinking time
And drinking time is angst time
And angst time, yeah, that's my time
So, my time is best without free time
Slow and steady wins the race!
Work time is a dull time
And a dull time is a grave time
And a grave time, yeah, that's my time B
So, my time is best without work time
Night time is a good time B
And a good time is free time
Yeah, free time, yeah, that's my time
Yet, my time is best without free time
Why weren't you in church?
I had to work.
Mom's not feeling well.
Thou shalt keep the Sabbath holy.
Thou shalt SHUT YOUR FACE!
What do you want?
Karin wants to ask you something.
Then I will ask.
Would you like to go... steady with Karin?
I thought you were going steady with Jonas.
They broke up.
She wants to be with you now.
For real?
Do you want to go steady or not?
I don't really know.
Don't you want to?
Sure, I guess I do.
Say yes, then.
Very well.
Come join us outside.
Okay.
God, I'm bound for the meadows
To drown all of my sorrows
Dirty water will swallow me whole
And in silence I will go down
I have to go, please understand
I need get there as soon as I can
All my hardships are overcome
The gates of heaven are open to me
So, if you see me hop-skipping away
Singing all to myself
Tell my mom I attempted to give
A legacy to my son
God, I'm bound for the meadows
To drown all of my sorrows
Dirty water will swallow me whole
And in silence I will go down
Did you really think Karin wanted
to go steady with you?
You will never get a girlfriend.
Fucking farmer!
Stop crying!
Run home to your mama!
Oh, Lord!
I dare not wait any longer
While Jesus is still by my side
The pearly gates will be open to me
Although some folks will disagree
God, I'm bound for the meadows
To drown all of my sorrows
Dirty water will swallow me whole
And in silence I will go down
'Vidar, is that you?'
Yes.
'Who rang the doorbell earlier?'
Some kids from church.
'What'd they want?'
Nothing.
'Could you get me a glass of water?'
What's that?
Water.
Did you close the tap?
Turn on the cooling?
Yes.
Tuck in the pigs?
I've taken care of everything.
You're a good boy, Vidar.
Remember your bedtime prayers.
Yes!
'If you truly exist...
'If you can hear my prayers, -'
you have to wake me from
this fucking nightmare!
I can't take this anymore.
I hate my life!
I'm 33 years old, god damnit, and I still
live at home with my mom.
I want out!
All I ever do is work.
I want to live freely.
I want to drink, fuck and fight!
I want to taste a variety of women
in their twenties and up.
Twenty plus.
Amen.
Come.
'Ask and it will be given to you; -
'- seek and you will find.'
Who turned on the fucking lights?
'I did.'
Who am I?
'I am the Alpha and the Omega,
the First and the Last.
'I am the Living One; I was dead, and
now look, I am alive forever and ever!'
I can't see shit.
'Fear ye not! Soon you will see the world
through brand new eyes.
'He who has Christ in him is a new creature:
'Old things are passed away;
all things are become new.
'I have come into the world as a light; -
'- that you may have life,
and have it to the full.'
Do you accept Jesus Christ
as your Lord and Savior?
Lord, save me!
This is my body.
Open wide...
and eat!
Whoever eats my flesh and drinks
my blood remains in me, -
- and I remain in them.
I'm sorry.
Let me see if I got this straight.
What you're telling me is that...
you accepted Jesus?
I accepted the body of Christ;
I became one with Jesus.
And, Jesus himself was there?
In person, -
- violated you orally,
before offering his blood.
The blood of the covenant...
to you?
And this took place in your mom's barn?
Yes.
That's right.
Yeah... I'm a little hesitant to ask
what happened next -
- after you... accepted Jesus.
I got sick.
Okay?
'I tried everything:
Traditional medicine, modern medicine, -
'- strong medicine, herbal medicine.'
I tried physical therapy,
light therapy, homeopathy.
I tried healing.
I tried everything.
Nothing worked.
'I fell deeper and deeper into darkness.
'Slouched around indoors like a fucking sloth.
Had to hire a contract
worker to maintain the farm.
'In the end I was so weak; I
could barely stand up straight.'
Luckily, my mom came to the rescue.
'She knew the way to salvation.'
'My dear fellowship...'
'..a most wonderful Sunday to you all.'
I must confess, my heart is filled with joy
by today's great attendance.
But, I guess that is to be expected as we are
graced by the presence of celebrity.
Our guest has traveled, by train,
all the way from Kristiansand -
- in order to help brother Vidar,
who's struggling with health issues.
Hallelujah.
A most heartfelt welcome
to Tor Magne Abrahamsen.
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Thank you very much.
God bless you, Tor Magne!
Right back at you!
Hallelujah.
HALLELUJAH!
My thanks to 'The Children of Creation' -
- for this wonderful opportunity to practice
God's almighty medicine.
Right, as you can see, the offering bag
is being passed around.
Salvation, unfortunately, doesn't come free.
Notes are better than coins.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
Yeah. All jokes aside.
Shall we pray to God above...?
Yeah.
..to help, -
- and to heal...
Vidar's corrupted soul.
Yeah!
Shall we pray to God?!
'YEAH!'
Then, let's do this.
Dear Jesus...
Dear Jesus.
Lord Jesus.
Jesus, -
- may your power -
- penetrate...
Vidar's corrupted soul.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah!
I claim authority over all suffering:
Borreliosis, -
- AIDS, -
- all forms of cancer, -
- all heart disease, -
- porphyria, -
- fibromyalgia, -
- homophilia...
all suffering!
Yeah, hallelujah!
- YEAH, HALLELUJAH!
- Hallelujah!
CHASE THE DEVIL OUT OF HIS BODY!
HALLELUJAH!
YEAH, OUT! OUT OF HIS BODY!
Out of his body. Hallelujah!
Yes.
Yes.
I have Jesus on the line.
Oh... Oh, hallelujah!
It's Tor Magne, Jesus.
Speak to me, speak to me.
Yes.
He says:
I am the light of the World."
Jesus.
He who walks in the light shall
not fall into darkness, -
but follow me."
Jesus.
'It's obvious.
Jesus is the light!
YEAH!
Cast the Devil out!
Out! Out! Out!
Let Jesus take the wheel, Vidar!
Yeah!
Yeah! Hallelujah!
Seize the day. Bathe in heavenly light.
Amen.
Amen.
Jesus... Jesus...
Your soul shall be cleansed.
Cast away the shadow of The Beast.
HOLY HEEEEEEEEE...
So, you wear this suit on a daily basis?
Ehh, no. I usually sleep during the day.
I don't always wear... this.
Because you're allergic to sunlight?
Something like that.
So, let's imagine...
You leave here today without wearing your suit.
What would happen?
Then it all goes straight to hell.
How so?
I get severely sunburnt.
ARE WE THERE YET?!?
Vidar?
Vidar'?!
Help! Help!
Until we meet again, Vidar"
Today is a sad day.
Our congregation has lost a most beloved child.
A mother has lost her one and only son.
A good son and an even better Christian.
An unselfish, hard-working farmer -
- who sacrificed blood and sweat in order
to cultivate God's pastures.
He nurtured God's creations.
He provided for his family.
He took care of the ones he loved.
Dear Vidar, you have without a doubt
earned a place in the Kingdom of Heaven.
What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer
From the earth you have come.
Back to the earth you shall go.
From the earth you will rise again.
Our Lord, Jesus Christ says:
I am the resurrection and the life."
"The one who believes in me will live,
even though they die.
Run home to your mama!
I drive a car
This is my steed
I drive around and about
At cruising speed
My senses are sharpened
I have no cargo
Drifting through Jaeren
My steed goes where the wind blows
I'm in the zone
I'm all alone
MOM!
LET ME IN!
MOM!?
WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED?!
MOOOM!
MOM!!!
Didn't you hear me?
What's with the shotgun?
AWAY FROM ME, SATAN!
'Drink and drain it dry, my son.
'You must retain tendon strength.
'Whoever serves me must follow me...
'- and our throne shall be in the city.'
'How long have you lived in Stavanger?'
Long enough.
It doesn't sound like you're thriving.
It was cool when I first got here.
Everything was new and exciting.
Lots of people - lots of noise.
But I've tasted all this city has to offer and
I simply can't stomach it anymore.
I can't!
So, Why don't you move back?
Why don't I move back?
A prophet has no honor in his own town,
nor in his own house..."
and in my case: anywhere.
You used the word "to taste".
To taste?
Yes, you said:
'I've tasted all this city has to offer.
What do you mean by that?
That should be pretty self-explanatory...
You're going to taste a variety of women...
in their twenties and up.
I am?
Yes! Twenty plus.
For real?
Yes, for real.
What else do you want me to do, Vidar?
Do I need to walk on water?
I've raised you from the dead, god damnit!
Two fucking times already.
That alone should give you a massive hard-on,
but you're just sitting there like a limp dick.
You're a frightened little lamb.
You've choked your natural
instincts for 20 fucking years!
What the fuck!?
It's totally insane.
We can't go on like this.
No-
It's about time you started
worshiping the pleasures of life,
instead of practicing abstinence.
Fuck abstinence.
We are all animals, Vidar.
I'm an animal.
You are also an animal, and
the pastures are out there.
Could you do me a favor?
What?
Grow some balls and go through the wide gate.
'I have drunk the wine of wrath
from Babylon's fornication.
'I have sullied myself with snakes,
rats, and whores.
'I'm so fucking dirty that I'll never get rid
of the stench, no matter how many times I wash.
'I've walked through the gate
that leads to destruction.
'There is no turning back.
'I can only move forward.'
Vidar.
Vidar!
Vidar.
- Listen!
- Yes?
He Who welcomes me welcomes you...
- and he who welcomes you welcomes...
- ehh, wait a sec...
He who welcomes me...
ehh, no homo, welcomes
the one who sent you...
and the one who sent you...
Ah, fuck that... look!
Never mind... forget about it.
Take this, get in there and tell her
the Lord has sent you.
Understood? You ready?
Eh, thanks.
You're welcome.
KNOCK...!
and the door will be opened to you.
The Lord has sent me.
Jesus fucking Christ...
Come in.
'He had a fucking harem filled with high class
hookers, or harlots as he referred to them...'
and technically speaking,
it was a hotel room, not a harem.
'I only say this because every time I came
knocking I was greeted by a new piece of meat.
'But all the flesh was covered
by the same disguise.'
It was hard to tell them all apart.
If you know what I'm saying?
Have we met before?
Maybe in your dreams?
Where would you like to bite me?
Right between the legs.
Yes...
Yes.
Vidar, I would like to try something,
if that's ok with you?
What?
I want to show you a series of abstract images.
All you have to do is tell me what you see.
I don't see any harm in that.
But before I get them, I need to ask.
I hope it's ok...
Well?
How was it?
It was totally nuts.
I've never experienced anything like it.
She was...
She was downright dark as night.
Dark as night.
Where I'm from...
Small town...
There's not a single black person.
Not one.
However, I heard that in the next town over...
'They' walk to the train station...
but then 'they' ride bikes home.
This one won't remember much come morning.
Let's get out of here.
I can't stand this fucking China-music.
What about me?
No, no, no.
I was looking forward to this.
Calm yourself!
There are certain rules we must adhere to.
First and foremost:
Without blood, you have no life in you.
Right.
But that doesn't justify getting shit-faced.
Stop consuming before it affects the heart.
Now, that's a good rule of thumb.
Right.
Secondly...
Regarding vintage, you should be aware:
Anything past 30 tastes fucking awful.
- Are you following me?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And thirdly...
You know this one:
Be kind to those who deserve it.
Don't waste love on the unworthy.
Cruising for pussycat
Here, kitty, kitty
Come with me to Paradise City
On the terrace, rolling up that diggy
Call me Big Popa, put on some Biggie
41 Yeah, crank up that bass 41
41 Me and my homes are down for the chase 41
City chicks make them boys go crazy
Wicked smile, wicked style
Oh, baby, baby
Cobblestone music from alleyways
Stavanger, many colours she displays
My city has many flavours, that we savour
On never-ending summer days
And the evenings are merry
With a case of Corona and
a mouthful of cherries
Feet swinging from the docks
Waiting for that take-out that simply rocks
Come with me down to Paradise City
Where the grass is green
and the women are pretty
Nike Air, Dickies, start to get jiggy
Come with me down to Bunny Town
Come with me down to Paradise...
and stay the fuck out!
Oh, Vidar. Keep at it!
This is good shit!
Techno, Vidar, wasn't available BC.
Can you feel it?
Can you feel it in your johnson?
Are you psyched!?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CAN YOU FEEL IT?!
Yes, yes! Watch where you're going!
I am watching!
I am the way, and the truth,
and the lifeeeeeeeeee...
This love can never see the sun
Only lives in the dark by the moonlight
This love's a locked up loaded gun
So wrong, so wrong, but it's so right
And in the night we'll never die
This love, this love is a vampire
'Goddamnit'
Women suck!
'What did you say?'
I said, you are very pretty.
Thank you.
How old are you?
Twenty-one.
Twenty plus.
Yeeeaaah.
Yeah.
What are you doing later?
I'm going home...
alone.
Why are you being cranky?
Hello?
Why are you being cranky?
You should answer when asked a question.
Why are you being...
Now, witness something truly amazing!
Finally, you're back.
Blessed is he who comes
in the name of the Lord.
I've filled this glass with water, right?
Does anyone want water?
No!
That's What I thought.
Watch this!
I will display my splendor.
Alright...
Make it so.
BOOM!
Is that wine?
It's Wine.
Is that wine?!
It's Wine.
Is that wine?!?
Of course it's wine.
Seriously!'?
Give it a taste.
You're kidding?
Not at all. Taste!
It's Wine!
It's wine. It really is wine.
'Vidar?'
'How did you..'
'Vidar!?'
'What do you see?
Beaver.
Bat.
Mmm... beaver?
Bat.
Bat?
No, wait!
Beaver...
Definitely beaver.
The fuck you looking at?
Nothing.
Hanging out?
Don't even bother.
What?
Don't bother!
I have a boyfriend, ok.
Yeah, ok.
Where is he, then?
The fuck if I know?!
So he...
He just left you here?
He'll be here soon, 0k.
Yeah, ok...
And in the meantime
you're sitting here eating a burger?
- Yeah.
- ..all by yourself?
I'll tell you, if I were your boyfriend...
You would never be my boyfriend!
Why would you say that?
Why would you say that?
Jesus, look at yourself.
Eww, you're disgusting.
Nasty face and...
Wearing farm overalls on a night out?
It's the middle of winter.
Aren't you cold wearing no pants?
That was uncalled-for.
What?
That was totally uncalled-for!
What?!
I won't tolerate this.
Can't I wear whatever I please
without worrying about
dirty old pigs like you
staring at my pussy?
I wasn't staring at your pussy.
Yes, you were staring at my pussy.
- No, I wasn't.
- Yes, you were!
You were staring at my pussy
when I was sitting right there.
I saw you.
No, I did not.
Yes.
You stared right at my pussy!
No, I didn't stare at your pussy.
You sat there...
and I sat there.
And you were staring, -
- with those eyes, right at my pussy.
- No, no... I did not.
- You stared at my pussy!
- I did not stare at your pussy.
Yes, you did!
- Yes, you did!
- I did not.
YOU STARED AT MY PUSSY!
I DIDN'T STARE AT...
STOP LYING!
Be kind to those who deserve it.
Be kind to those who deserve it.
'What?
'Yeah, but you said you were meeting me
in the city square.'
So, Where are you now?!
After-party!??
What?
Well, can't I just meet you there?
Hello!?
'Sorry, baby! I know I'm late.
'Fucking Odvard and his Minttu.'
You asleep?
Hey, babe?
Sunshine?
'Hey!
'Wait!
'Come back here!
You wanna check out my pussy?
No!
No.. no, no, no!
'Where are you going?'
No.
No, please...
'Here you go.
'Yum, yum!'
The blood is the life, Vidar!
The blood is the life!
'It takes courage to stand up and say:
Yes, I have a problem."
'Yet, it requires divine strength to keep
this problem in check.
'We have admitted to ourselves
that we suffer from addiction.
'We are powerless over The Devil's juice.'
But we have made a choice.
We chose to believe in something
greater than ourselves.
A power than can help us return to our senses.
We have agreed to put our will and our
lives in the hands of the Lord.
We have a new member among us tonight.
A lost soul who has found the strength and
courage to stand up and proclaim his troubles.
Would you care to share your story with us?
Do I have to stand up?
Nope, you do as you please.
Then I will remain seated.
Yes, then you remain seated. That's great.
Ok.
Hi, I'm...
My name is Vidar.
Hi, Vidar!
So---
To be perfectly honest,
I really don't know what I'm doing here.
I'm not technically an alcoholic.
But, uh...
I drink...
I mean, I drank... a little too much.
I've been sober...
about a week now.
That's great! That's great, Vidar!
There's no need for applause.
This is how it starts.
I'm gonna burst soon.
No... you have to be strong, Vidar.
Be strong!
Let Jesus take the wheel.
- Let Jesus take the wheel?
- Yes.
You know what?
That is without a doubt the
biggest mistake of my life:
Letting Jesus take the wheel.
Trust me.
I know the Savior on a personal level.
He's sitting right there!
Right there.
Hey hey!
That guy.
Yeah...
Pay him no attention.
This is not his story.
Actually, it's about him too.
My point is:
Jesus is not the way out of this mess.
He is temptation itself.
I'm truly starting to wonder.
Are Jesus and Lucifer one and the same?
Huh?
No-
Just think about it!
Both were cast out of heaven
by their father, right?
Right.
Both gathered huge flocks of sheep, -
- incapable of rational thought.
Dependent on others to take
control, like you said.
Yes?
Yes!
The Devil encourages us to sin.
He does.
Jesus fraternizes with whores!
He turns water into wine, god damnit!
He's the biggest alcoholic among us!
Thank you, Vidar.
No! No, listen!
Thank you, Vidar!
That was great.
I drink blood.
I drink blood.
Yeah, that's great.
I drink blood.
That's great, Vidar.
VIDAR!
Right.
Anyone else care to share?
'No matter what I do, I
always fall off the wagon.
'The longer I refrain from drinking,
the more I lose my mind.'
I can't control myself.
I turn into a monster.
What if I could wake this morn'
Without feeling sad and blue
In a healthy body born
One that functions without you
Oh, how nice
Oh, what fun
Oh, the things I would've done
What if I could hit the town
Talked to folks 'bout this and that J
A faithful steward to His crown
Laid to rest my sinful past
Oh, how nice
Oh, What fun
Oh, the things I would've done
Guess I'll have to settle down
I am who I am at best
Give it time and it will grow
I hope that I'm myself no less
Oh, how nice
Oh, What fun
Oh, the things I would've done
Just to be normal
Vidar?
Is that you?
Damn right, that's you.
I didn't recognize you
with that insane mustache.
I seriously thought you were dead.
Nahh...
You about to do some drilling
in the 'meat tunnel'?
I only eat meat.
You and I both, Vidar.
Come join me for a beer.
We can reminisce about the good old days.
The whore needs a break anyway, Vidar.
I fucked her so hard the walls were shaking.
She started crying, Vidar.
Tears of joy.
Tears of pure joy.
Could it be that this uncontrollable desire...
this obsessive hunt for
short-lived happiness...
is your way of eluding your true problems?
Wait, I'm not following?
Addiction can be someone's attempt to avoid an
emotional problem by removing the emotion.
Thus, avoiding to deal with
the underlying problem.
Which is?
Let me give you an example:
Humans eat in order to survive, right?
Sure.
But if you eat lots of chocolate
because you're feeling sad, -
- or because you're bored...
you're essentially fooling the part of the
brain that provides the sensation of happiness.
However, the moment this feeling subsides...
the sadness returns.
You'll never rid yourself
of your problems this way.
So, What you're saying is...
The reason I'm out drinking
every night is because...
deep inside, I'm feeling sad?
Vidar, may I be blunt with you?
I think your problem exclusively concerns...
young, tight pussy, Vidar!
Pattaya, Vidar.
Pattaya.
Oh my God, Pattaya.
If you've never been, you need to get
your ass on the very first flight.
You will drown in pussy, Vidar.
But those days are gone.
Nowadays my ass is stuck at home, -
- with four shitty kids and a wife that
barely touches me anymore.
What about you, Vidar?
Are you married?
That's What I thought.
You will never get a girlfriend, Vidar.
You will never get a girlfriend.
When he comes at you with his left hook,
you turn the other cheek?
Who the fuck taught you that?!
You have to strike back, god damnit!
You thirst for vengeance!
You thirst for blood!
You're an animal, Vidar, you hear me?
You're a fucking beast!
Here you go!
Now get your shit together,
and beat the crap outta that brat!
'Use your teeth!'
Use your teeth!!
USE YOUR TEETH!
'There's no arguing, that
dickhead deserved to die.'
I deserve to die.
for real this time!
Without being resurrected,
and resurrected, -
- and resurrected, and resurrected, and
ressurected, and resurrected, and resurrected!
What's the point of living like this?
Huh?
I devour anything in my path.
It's pure gluttony.
MnyeethyeehMNYEEH!
A fucking mess!
I only think of myself and that's your fault!
My fault?!
Yes, your fault.
You're a terrible role model.
Terrible!
You bring out the worst in me.
You make me commit all
sorts of horrible acts, -
- without considering the consequences.
With no concern for those
touched by these acts.
Quite literally:
The ones I'm molesting!
I can't take this anymore!
I'm tearing apart my soul, piece by piece.
I've given you everything you wanted...
and still you're whining?!
Yeah, yeah, thank you!
Thank you very much!
This isn't exactly what I envisioned.
Then, What did you envision?
The fuck if I know?!
Anything but this?!
I think we need to take a break.
Then we take a break.
I'll sleep in the car, and we'll
talk once you've calmed down.
I'll make us breakfast tomorrow and...
No! No, no...
YES!
No, I'm talking about a longer break.
How long?
I have no idea, -
- but if life truly is eternal,
it should be really fucking long.
Use your fucking head!
You'll never manage without me!
NEVER
I don't believe you.
You did not just say that??
Are you disowning me?
What?
You said you don't believe in me.
Are you disowning me?
I don't know this man.
I don't know him!
Why should I believe in you?
How can you say such a thing?
You've known me all your life.
I thought I knew you.
I did.
I thought you were a nice guy!?
How could I be so wrong?
How the fuck could I be so wrong?!
I'm no longer your companion.
I don't want your dirty money.
'Freely you have received,
and freely you will give it away.'
What the fuck does that mean?!
You and your hopeless parables!
Fucking unintelligible!
Ok, now I'm completely lost.
Where did Jesus go?
You ask me, I ask you.
I don't talk to him anymore.
Now, that's an unexpected step
in the right direction.
So you don't hear voices anymore?
No one is telling you what to do?
Not a single soul.
I'm all alone now.
That's fantastic.
Hello.
Hi.
You wanna buy?
Flower?
No, thank you.
Please.
Girlfriend. Please?
I don't have a girlfriend.
Please?
I don't want a flower.
- Who the fuck am I gonna give a flower to?
- Beautiful flower... please.
I don't have a girlfriend to give any flowers.
What the fuck am I to do with a flower?
- Please.
- Please, move along.
I don't need any flowers.
I don't want any flowers.
No flower.
No flower!
Hey, wait a second!
Wait!
Let me guess:
The Lord sent you?
No, not this time.
I brought a flower.
Thanks?
What are you up to?
I'm working.
F course.
Want to hang out instead?
Hang out?
Yes, do something else.
Not unless you pay for it.
I have lots of cash.
Lots.
Look!
I can pay for everything.
Absolutely everything.
As long as you pretend to like me.
Pretend to enjoy yourself, at least.
Pretend it's real.
Very well. Fine.
Come in.
I just need to get dressed.
Eirin, good night, Eirin
Eirin, good night
Good night, Eirin
I'll see you in my dreams
Last Saturday night I got married
Me and my wife settled down
Now me and my wife are parted
I think I'll go out on the town 3
Eirin, good night, Eirin
Eirin, good night
Good night, Eirin
I'll see you in my dreams
n I love Eirin, God knows I do
I'll love her 'til the seas run dry
But if Eirin should turn me down
I'd take morphine and die
Eirin, good night, Eirin
Eirin, good night
Good night, Eirin
I'll see you in my dreams
Eirin, good night, Eirin
Eirin, good night
Good night, Eirin
I'll see you in my dreams
A part of me really wants to
kiss you right now.
That's not possible.
Why not?
Your time is up.
No. No, no, no, no!
Give me another ten minutes.
Just ten minutes!
Oh, Vidar, we're already ten minutes past.
But you haven't helped me yet.
We've only been chatting.
You take 1.200 Kroner an hour just to
Sit here and Chat?!
Vidar, I understand that this might
sound unreasonable, -
- but I have an agreement
with health services, -
- and if you can acquire a doctor's referral,
you'll only have to pay your deductible.
However, you should be aware,
the wait might take six months...
and I would recommend a
new session next week.
I bet you would.
For 1.200 Kroner an hour I might
as well solicit a prostitute.
Get more bang for my buck.
Vidar, that's enough.
You can't expect to get well after
one single session.
I can't flick a magic wand
in the air and say:
Take your weird garments and your sunglasses,
go outside, enjoy life, -
- you're fit a as fiddle.
This is not how this works.
This is a process.
We've only started scratching the surface,
and quite frankly, -
- I think we should keep scratching until
we reach the bottom...
and then we unravel the knots.
How does that sound?
Ehh, I... I'm thinking...
Vidar, I...
Sorry, but we have to finish up.
I have another client waiting,
and you can't be here right now.
You understand.
So, what I'll do is:
I'll put you down for a new session next...
Thursday.
Same time.
Until then, I suggest you continue
your twelve-step program.
Sound good?
Good, Vidar. Until next time.
Have a safe journey home.
Oh, hem me God
At this stage, no one really knows who or what
is responsible for this gruesome incident.
Several animals have been slain
in what could be described as an occult ritual.
There is no explaining how
these animals were drained of blood
without significant
cuts or injuries.
I'm here with Vidar Hrr
who is in charge of this farm,
and Vidar, you awoke to this nightmare.
Who do you think is responsible?
This is the Devil's work, and he is
not welcome on our farm.
If he returns, I'm gonna pump him full of lead
with this shotgun.
In the name of Jesus.
It's not easy to get to the
bottom of this, ehh...
The circumstances are quite absurd.
At this stage, we have yet to
acquire any serious information.
What do you mean by "serious"?
Ehh...
Seriously!
I woke up in the middle of a pentagram, -
- turned my head to the right, and behold...
a sheep.
Then, I turned my head
to the left, and behold...
yet another sheep.
They were both dead.
What went through your mind?
Are these our sheep?
Don't eat the microphone!
Were they your sheep?
They were.
'Every Sunday members of
'The Children of Creation',
an extremely conservative Christian
congregation, gather for worship.
Today, they are preparing an attack against
the evil that has struck their community.
'We will pray strenuously for the Hrrs.'
Through prayer we will build a divine
fence around their farmstead, -
- on top of blessing the livestock.
'We hope these measures will deflect
any further satanic attacks.
'And they will. Jesus is on our side.'
Vidar, why are we watching this?
I just wanted to prepare you.
Prepare me?
Yeah. This story won't make any fucking sense.
Why would you say that?
'Cause I'm not right in the head, that's why.
I no longer know what's up or down;
what's right or wrong.
When am I dreaming? What's reality?
I've lost my fucking marbles!
That's Why I'm here, right?
To see if you can help me out,
straighten my head, -
- fix me, if at all possible.
Nothing is impossible.
The best way to go about this would
be for you to tell your story, -
- and together we can work out whether
or not this story makes any sense.
Does that make sense?
Fine.
Where do we start?
From the beginning is usually best.
From the very beginning?
Where I was born, grew up, that sort of stuff?
Or shall we begin when
I was born into darkness...
Start wherever you like, Vidar.
Very well.
Okay.
It was an ordinary day...
and as usual it started
at the break of dawn.
You should know, I've never
been a morning person, -
'- and I never will be.
'But as a farmer you have no choice.
'There's too much shit to be done.'
Shut the fuck up!
Free time is drinking time
And drinking time is angst time
And angst time, yeah, that's my time
So, my time is best without free time
Slow and steady wins the race!
Work time is a dull time
And a dull time is a grave time
And a grave time, yeah, that's my time B
So, my time is best without work time
Night time is a good time B
And a good time is free time
Yeah, free time, yeah, that's my time
Yet, my time is best without free time
Why weren't you in church?
I had to work.
Mom's not feeling well.
Thou shalt keep the Sabbath holy.
Thou shalt SHUT YOUR FACE!
What do you want?
Karin wants to ask you something.
Then I will ask.
Would you like to go... steady with Karin?
I thought you were going steady with Jonas.
They broke up.
She wants to be with you now.
For real?
Do you want to go steady or not?
I don't really know.
Don't you want to?
Sure, I guess I do.
Say yes, then.
Very well.
Come join us outside.
Okay.
God, I'm bound for the meadows
To drown all of my sorrows
Dirty water will swallow me whole
And in silence I will go down
I have to go, please understand
I need get there as soon as I can
All my hardships are overcome
The gates of heaven are open to me
So, if you see me hop-skipping away
Singing all to myself
Tell my mom I attempted to give
A legacy to my son
God, I'm bound for the meadows
To drown all of my sorrows
Dirty water will swallow me whole
And in silence I will go down
Did you really think Karin wanted
to go steady with you?
You will never get a girlfriend.
Fucking farmer!
Stop crying!
Run home to your mama!
Oh, Lord!
I dare not wait any longer
While Jesus is still by my side
The pearly gates will be open to me
Although some folks will disagree
God, I'm bound for the meadows
To drown all of my sorrows
Dirty water will swallow me whole
And in silence I will go down
'Vidar, is that you?'
Yes.
'Who rang the doorbell earlier?'
Some kids from church.
'What'd they want?'
Nothing.
'Could you get me a glass of water?'
What's that?
Water.
Did you close the tap?
Turn on the cooling?
Yes.
Tuck in the pigs?
I've taken care of everything.
You're a good boy, Vidar.
Remember your bedtime prayers.
Yes!
'If you truly exist...
'If you can hear my prayers, -'
you have to wake me from
this fucking nightmare!
I can't take this anymore.
I hate my life!
I'm 33 years old, god damnit, and I still
live at home with my mom.
I want out!
All I ever do is work.
I want to live freely.
I want to drink, fuck and fight!
I want to taste a variety of women
in their twenties and up.
Twenty plus.
Amen.
Come.
'Ask and it will be given to you; -
'- seek and you will find.'
Who turned on the fucking lights?
'I did.'
Who am I?
'I am the Alpha and the Omega,
the First and the Last.
'I am the Living One; I was dead, and
now look, I am alive forever and ever!'
I can't see shit.
'Fear ye not! Soon you will see the world
through brand new eyes.
'He who has Christ in him is a new creature:
'Old things are passed away;
all things are become new.
'I have come into the world as a light; -
'- that you may have life,
and have it to the full.'
Do you accept Jesus Christ
as your Lord and Savior?
Lord, save me!
This is my body.
Open wide...
and eat!
Whoever eats my flesh and drinks
my blood remains in me, -
- and I remain in them.
I'm sorry.
Let me see if I got this straight.
What you're telling me is that...
you accepted Jesus?
I accepted the body of Christ;
I became one with Jesus.
And, Jesus himself was there?
In person, -
- violated you orally,
before offering his blood.
The blood of the covenant...
to you?
And this took place in your mom's barn?
Yes.
That's right.
Yeah... I'm a little hesitant to ask
what happened next -
- after you... accepted Jesus.
I got sick.
Okay?
'I tried everything:
Traditional medicine, modern medicine, -
'- strong medicine, herbal medicine.'
I tried physical therapy,
light therapy, homeopathy.
I tried healing.
I tried everything.
Nothing worked.
'I fell deeper and deeper into darkness.
'Slouched around indoors like a fucking sloth.
Had to hire a contract
worker to maintain the farm.
'In the end I was so weak; I
could barely stand up straight.'
Luckily, my mom came to the rescue.
'She knew the way to salvation.'
'My dear fellowship...'
'..a most wonderful Sunday to you all.'
I must confess, my heart is filled with joy
by today's great attendance.
But, I guess that is to be expected as we are
graced by the presence of celebrity.
Our guest has traveled, by train,
all the way from Kristiansand -
- in order to help brother Vidar,
who's struggling with health issues.
Hallelujah.
A most heartfelt welcome
to Tor Magne Abrahamsen.
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Thank you very much.
God bless you, Tor Magne!
Right back at you!
Hallelujah.
HALLELUJAH!
My thanks to 'The Children of Creation' -
- for this wonderful opportunity to practice
God's almighty medicine.
Right, as you can see, the offering bag
is being passed around.
Salvation, unfortunately, doesn't come free.
Notes are better than coins.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah.
Yeah. All jokes aside.
Shall we pray to God above...?
Yeah.
..to help, -
- and to heal...
Vidar's corrupted soul.
Yeah!
Shall we pray to God?!
'YEAH!'
Then, let's do this.
Dear Jesus...
Dear Jesus.
Lord Jesus.
Jesus, -
- may your power -
- penetrate...
Vidar's corrupted soul.
Hallelujah.
Hallelujah!
I claim authority over all suffering:
Borreliosis, -
- AIDS, -
- all forms of cancer, -
- all heart disease, -
- porphyria, -
- fibromyalgia, -
- homophilia...
all suffering!
Yeah, hallelujah!
- YEAH, HALLELUJAH!
- Hallelujah!
CHASE THE DEVIL OUT OF HIS BODY!
HALLELUJAH!
YEAH, OUT! OUT OF HIS BODY!
Out of his body. Hallelujah!
Yes.
Yes.
I have Jesus on the line.
Oh... Oh, hallelujah!
It's Tor Magne, Jesus.
Speak to me, speak to me.
Yes.
He says:
I am the light of the World."
Jesus.
He who walks in the light shall
not fall into darkness, -
but follow me."
Jesus.
'It's obvious.
Jesus is the light!
YEAH!
Cast the Devil out!
Out! Out! Out!
Let Jesus take the wheel, Vidar!
Yeah!
Yeah! Hallelujah!
Seize the day. Bathe in heavenly light.
Amen.
Amen.
Jesus... Jesus...
Your soul shall be cleansed.
Cast away the shadow of The Beast.
HOLY HEEEEEEEEE...
So, you wear this suit on a daily basis?
Ehh, no. I usually sleep during the day.
I don't always wear... this.
Because you're allergic to sunlight?
Something like that.
So, let's imagine...
You leave here today without wearing your suit.
What would happen?
Then it all goes straight to hell.
How so?
I get severely sunburnt.
ARE WE THERE YET?!?
Vidar?
Vidar'?!
Help! Help!
Until we meet again, Vidar"
Today is a sad day.
Our congregation has lost a most beloved child.
A mother has lost her one and only son.
A good son and an even better Christian.
An unselfish, hard-working farmer -
- who sacrificed blood and sweat in order
to cultivate God's pastures.
He nurtured God's creations.
He provided for his family.
He took care of the ones he loved.
Dear Vidar, you have without a doubt
earned a place in the Kingdom of Heaven.
What a friend we have in Jesus
All our sins and griefs to bear
What a privilege to carry
Everything to God in prayer
From the earth you have come.
Back to the earth you shall go.
From the earth you will rise again.
Our Lord, Jesus Christ says:
I am the resurrection and the life."
"The one who believes in me will live,
even though they die.
Run home to your mama!
I drive a car
This is my steed
I drive around and about
At cruising speed
My senses are sharpened
I have no cargo
Drifting through Jaeren
My steed goes where the wind blows
I'm in the zone
I'm all alone
MOM!
LET ME IN!
MOM!?
WHY IS THE DOOR LOCKED?!
MOOOM!
MOM!!!
Didn't you hear me?
What's with the shotgun?
AWAY FROM ME, SATAN!
'Drink and drain it dry, my son.
'You must retain tendon strength.
'Whoever serves me must follow me...
'- and our throne shall be in the city.'
'How long have you lived in Stavanger?'
Long enough.
It doesn't sound like you're thriving.
It was cool when I first got here.
Everything was new and exciting.
Lots of people - lots of noise.
But I've tasted all this city has to offer and
I simply can't stomach it anymore.
I can't!
So, Why don't you move back?
Why don't I move back?
A prophet has no honor in his own town,
nor in his own house..."
and in my case: anywhere.
You used the word "to taste".
To taste?
Yes, you said:
'I've tasted all this city has to offer.
What do you mean by that?
That should be pretty self-explanatory...
You're going to taste a variety of women...
in their twenties and up.
I am?
Yes! Twenty plus.
For real?
Yes, for real.
What else do you want me to do, Vidar?
Do I need to walk on water?
I've raised you from the dead, god damnit!
Two fucking times already.
That alone should give you a massive hard-on,
but you're just sitting there like a limp dick.
You're a frightened little lamb.
You've choked your natural
instincts for 20 fucking years!
What the fuck!?
It's totally insane.
We can't go on like this.
No-
It's about time you started
worshiping the pleasures of life,
instead of practicing abstinence.
Fuck abstinence.
We are all animals, Vidar.
I'm an animal.
You are also an animal, and
the pastures are out there.
Could you do me a favor?
What?
Grow some balls and go through the wide gate.
'I have drunk the wine of wrath
from Babylon's fornication.
'I have sullied myself with snakes,
rats, and whores.
'I'm so fucking dirty that I'll never get rid
of the stench, no matter how many times I wash.
'I've walked through the gate
that leads to destruction.
'There is no turning back.
'I can only move forward.'
Vidar.
Vidar!
Vidar.
- Listen!
- Yes?
He Who welcomes me welcomes you...
- and he who welcomes you welcomes...
- ehh, wait a sec...
He who welcomes me...
ehh, no homo, welcomes
the one who sent you...
and the one who sent you...
Ah, fuck that... look!
Never mind... forget about it.
Take this, get in there and tell her
the Lord has sent you.
Understood? You ready?
Eh, thanks.
You're welcome.
KNOCK...!
and the door will be opened to you.
The Lord has sent me.
Jesus fucking Christ...
Come in.
'He had a fucking harem filled with high class
hookers, or harlots as he referred to them...'
and technically speaking,
it was a hotel room, not a harem.
'I only say this because every time I came
knocking I was greeted by a new piece of meat.
'But all the flesh was covered
by the same disguise.'
It was hard to tell them all apart.
If you know what I'm saying?
Have we met before?
Maybe in your dreams?
Where would you like to bite me?
Right between the legs.
Yes...
Yes.
Vidar, I would like to try something,
if that's ok with you?
What?
I want to show you a series of abstract images.
All you have to do is tell me what you see.
I don't see any harm in that.
But before I get them, I need to ask.
I hope it's ok...
Well?
How was it?
It was totally nuts.
I've never experienced anything like it.
She was...
She was downright dark as night.
Dark as night.
Where I'm from...
Small town...
There's not a single black person.
Not one.
However, I heard that in the next town over...
'They' walk to the train station...
but then 'they' ride bikes home.
This one won't remember much come morning.
Let's get out of here.
I can't stand this fucking China-music.
What about me?
No, no, no.
I was looking forward to this.
Calm yourself!
There are certain rules we must adhere to.
First and foremost:
Without blood, you have no life in you.
Right.
But that doesn't justify getting shit-faced.
Stop consuming before it affects the heart.
Now, that's a good rule of thumb.
Right.
Secondly...
Regarding vintage, you should be aware:
Anything past 30 tastes fucking awful.
- Are you following me?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And thirdly...
You know this one:
Be kind to those who deserve it.
Don't waste love on the unworthy.
Cruising for pussycat
Here, kitty, kitty
Come with me to Paradise City
On the terrace, rolling up that diggy
Call me Big Popa, put on some Biggie
41 Yeah, crank up that bass 41
41 Me and my homes are down for the chase 41
City chicks make them boys go crazy
Wicked smile, wicked style
Oh, baby, baby
Cobblestone music from alleyways
Stavanger, many colours she displays
My city has many flavours, that we savour
On never-ending summer days
And the evenings are merry
With a case of Corona and
a mouthful of cherries
Feet swinging from the docks
Waiting for that take-out that simply rocks
Come with me down to Paradise City
Where the grass is green
and the women are pretty
Nike Air, Dickies, start to get jiggy
Come with me down to Bunny Town
Come with me down to Paradise...
and stay the fuck out!
Oh, Vidar. Keep at it!
This is good shit!
Techno, Vidar, wasn't available BC.
Can you feel it?
Can you feel it in your johnson?
Are you psyched!?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
CAN YOU FEEL IT?!
Yes, yes! Watch where you're going!
I am watching!
I am the way, and the truth,
and the lifeeeeeeeeee...
This love can never see the sun
Only lives in the dark by the moonlight
This love's a locked up loaded gun
So wrong, so wrong, but it's so right
And in the night we'll never die
This love, this love is a vampire
'Goddamnit'
Women suck!
'What did you say?'
I said, you are very pretty.
Thank you.
How old are you?
Twenty-one.
Twenty plus.
Yeeeaaah.
Yeah.
What are you doing later?
I'm going home...
alone.
Why are you being cranky?
Hello?
Why are you being cranky?
You should answer when asked a question.
Why are you being...
Now, witness something truly amazing!
Finally, you're back.
Blessed is he who comes
in the name of the Lord.
I've filled this glass with water, right?
Does anyone want water?
No!
That's What I thought.
Watch this!
I will display my splendor.
Alright...
Make it so.
BOOM!
Is that wine?
It's Wine.
Is that wine?!
It's Wine.
Is that wine?!?
Of course it's wine.
Seriously!'?
Give it a taste.
You're kidding?
Not at all. Taste!
It's Wine!
It's wine. It really is wine.
'Vidar?'
'How did you..'
'Vidar!?'
'What do you see?
Beaver.
Bat.
Mmm... beaver?
Bat.
Bat?
No, wait!
Beaver...
Definitely beaver.
The fuck you looking at?
Nothing.
Hanging out?
Don't even bother.
What?
Don't bother!
I have a boyfriend, ok.
Yeah, ok.
Where is he, then?
The fuck if I know?!
So he...
He just left you here?
He'll be here soon, 0k.
Yeah, ok...
And in the meantime
you're sitting here eating a burger?
- Yeah.
- ..all by yourself?
I'll tell you, if I were your boyfriend...
You would never be my boyfriend!
Why would you say that?
Why would you say that?
Jesus, look at yourself.
Eww, you're disgusting.
Nasty face and...
Wearing farm overalls on a night out?
It's the middle of winter.
Aren't you cold wearing no pants?
That was uncalled-for.
What?
That was totally uncalled-for!
What?!
I won't tolerate this.
Can't I wear whatever I please
without worrying about
dirty old pigs like you
staring at my pussy?
I wasn't staring at your pussy.
Yes, you were staring at my pussy.
- No, I wasn't.
- Yes, you were!
You were staring at my pussy
when I was sitting right there.
I saw you.
No, I did not.
Yes.
You stared right at my pussy!
No, I didn't stare at your pussy.
You sat there...
and I sat there.
And you were staring, -
- with those eyes, right at my pussy.
- No, no... I did not.
- You stared at my pussy!
- I did not stare at your pussy.
Yes, you did!
- Yes, you did!
- I did not.
YOU STARED AT MY PUSSY!
I DIDN'T STARE AT...
STOP LYING!
Be kind to those who deserve it.
Be kind to those who deserve it.
'What?
'Yeah, but you said you were meeting me
in the city square.'
So, Where are you now?!
After-party!??
What?
Well, can't I just meet you there?
Hello!?
'Sorry, baby! I know I'm late.
'Fucking Odvard and his Minttu.'
You asleep?
Hey, babe?
Sunshine?
'Hey!
'Wait!
'Come back here!
You wanna check out my pussy?
No!
No.. no, no, no!
'Where are you going?'
No.
No, please...
'Here you go.
'Yum, yum!'
The blood is the life, Vidar!
The blood is the life!
'It takes courage to stand up and say:
Yes, I have a problem."
'Yet, it requires divine strength to keep
this problem in check.
'We have admitted to ourselves
that we suffer from addiction.
'We are powerless over The Devil's juice.'
But we have made a choice.
We chose to believe in something
greater than ourselves.
A power than can help us return to our senses.
We have agreed to put our will and our
lives in the hands of the Lord.
We have a new member among us tonight.
A lost soul who has found the strength and
courage to stand up and proclaim his troubles.
Would you care to share your story with us?
Do I have to stand up?
Nope, you do as you please.
Then I will remain seated.
Yes, then you remain seated. That's great.
Ok.
Hi, I'm...
My name is Vidar.
Hi, Vidar!
So---
To be perfectly honest,
I really don't know what I'm doing here.
I'm not technically an alcoholic.
But, uh...
I drink...
I mean, I drank... a little too much.
I've been sober...
about a week now.
That's great! That's great, Vidar!
There's no need for applause.
This is how it starts.
I'm gonna burst soon.
No... you have to be strong, Vidar.
Be strong!
Let Jesus take the wheel.
- Let Jesus take the wheel?
- Yes.
You know what?
That is without a doubt the
biggest mistake of my life:
Letting Jesus take the wheel.
Trust me.
I know the Savior on a personal level.
He's sitting right there!
Right there.
Hey hey!
That guy.
Yeah...
Pay him no attention.
This is not his story.
Actually, it's about him too.
My point is:
Jesus is not the way out of this mess.
He is temptation itself.
I'm truly starting to wonder.
Are Jesus and Lucifer one and the same?
Huh?
No-
Just think about it!
Both were cast out of heaven
by their father, right?
Right.
Both gathered huge flocks of sheep, -
- incapable of rational thought.
Dependent on others to take
control, like you said.
Yes?
Yes!
The Devil encourages us to sin.
He does.
Jesus fraternizes with whores!
He turns water into wine, god damnit!
He's the biggest alcoholic among us!
Thank you, Vidar.
No! No, listen!
Thank you, Vidar!
That was great.
I drink blood.
I drink blood.
Yeah, that's great.
I drink blood.
That's great, Vidar.
VIDAR!
Right.
Anyone else care to share?
'No matter what I do, I
always fall off the wagon.
'The longer I refrain from drinking,
the more I lose my mind.'
I can't control myself.
I turn into a monster.
What if I could wake this morn'
Without feeling sad and blue
In a healthy body born
One that functions without you
Oh, how nice
Oh, what fun
Oh, the things I would've done
What if I could hit the town
Talked to folks 'bout this and that J
A faithful steward to His crown
Laid to rest my sinful past
Oh, how nice
Oh, What fun
Oh, the things I would've done
Guess I'll have to settle down
I am who I am at best
Give it time and it will grow
I hope that I'm myself no less
Oh, how nice
Oh, What fun
Oh, the things I would've done
Just to be normal
Vidar?
Is that you?
Damn right, that's you.
I didn't recognize you
with that insane mustache.
I seriously thought you were dead.
Nahh...
You about to do some drilling
in the 'meat tunnel'?
I only eat meat.
You and I both, Vidar.
Come join me for a beer.
We can reminisce about the good old days.
The whore needs a break anyway, Vidar.
I fucked her so hard the walls were shaking.
She started crying, Vidar.
Tears of joy.
Tears of pure joy.
Could it be that this uncontrollable desire...
this obsessive hunt for
short-lived happiness...
is your way of eluding your true problems?
Wait, I'm not following?
Addiction can be someone's attempt to avoid an
emotional problem by removing the emotion.
Thus, avoiding to deal with
the underlying problem.
Which is?
Let me give you an example:
Humans eat in order to survive, right?
Sure.
But if you eat lots of chocolate
because you're feeling sad, -
- or because you're bored...
you're essentially fooling the part of the
brain that provides the sensation of happiness.
However, the moment this feeling subsides...
the sadness returns.
You'll never rid yourself
of your problems this way.
So, What you're saying is...
The reason I'm out drinking
every night is because...
deep inside, I'm feeling sad?
Vidar, may I be blunt with you?
I think your problem exclusively concerns...
young, tight pussy, Vidar!
Pattaya, Vidar.
Pattaya.
Oh my God, Pattaya.
If you've never been, you need to get
your ass on the very first flight.
You will drown in pussy, Vidar.
But those days are gone.
Nowadays my ass is stuck at home, -
- with four shitty kids and a wife that
barely touches me anymore.
What about you, Vidar?
Are you married?
That's What I thought.
You will never get a girlfriend, Vidar.
You will never get a girlfriend.
When he comes at you with his left hook,
you turn the other cheek?
Who the fuck taught you that?!
You have to strike back, god damnit!
You thirst for vengeance!
You thirst for blood!
You're an animal, Vidar, you hear me?
You're a fucking beast!
Here you go!
Now get your shit together,
and beat the crap outta that brat!
'Use your teeth!'
Use your teeth!!
USE YOUR TEETH!
'There's no arguing, that
dickhead deserved to die.'
I deserve to die.
for real this time!
Without being resurrected,
and resurrected, -
- and resurrected, and resurrected, and
ressurected, and resurrected, and resurrected!
What's the point of living like this?
Huh?
I devour anything in my path.
It's pure gluttony.
MnyeethyeehMNYEEH!
A fucking mess!
I only think of myself and that's your fault!
My fault?!
Yes, your fault.
You're a terrible role model.
Terrible!
You bring out the worst in me.
You make me commit all
sorts of horrible acts, -
- without considering the consequences.
With no concern for those
touched by these acts.
Quite literally:
The ones I'm molesting!
I can't take this anymore!
I'm tearing apart my soul, piece by piece.
I've given you everything you wanted...
and still you're whining?!
Yeah, yeah, thank you!
Thank you very much!
This isn't exactly what I envisioned.
Then, What did you envision?
The fuck if I know?!
Anything but this?!
I think we need to take a break.
Then we take a break.
I'll sleep in the car, and we'll
talk once you've calmed down.
I'll make us breakfast tomorrow and...
No! No, no...
YES!
No, I'm talking about a longer break.
How long?
I have no idea, -
- but if life truly is eternal,
it should be really fucking long.
Use your fucking head!
You'll never manage without me!
NEVER
I don't believe you.
You did not just say that??
Are you disowning me?
What?
You said you don't believe in me.
Are you disowning me?
I don't know this man.
I don't know him!
Why should I believe in you?
How can you say such a thing?
You've known me all your life.
I thought I knew you.
I did.
I thought you were a nice guy!?
How could I be so wrong?
How the fuck could I be so wrong?!
I'm no longer your companion.
I don't want your dirty money.
'Freely you have received,
and freely you will give it away.'
What the fuck does that mean?!
You and your hopeless parables!
Fucking unintelligible!
Ok, now I'm completely lost.
Where did Jesus go?
You ask me, I ask you.
I don't talk to him anymore.
Now, that's an unexpected step
in the right direction.
So you don't hear voices anymore?
No one is telling you what to do?
Not a single soul.
I'm all alone now.
That's fantastic.
Hello.
Hi.
You wanna buy?
Flower?
No, thank you.
Please.
Girlfriend. Please?
I don't have a girlfriend.
Please?
I don't want a flower.
- Who the fuck am I gonna give a flower to?
- Beautiful flower... please.
I don't have a girlfriend to give any flowers.
What the fuck am I to do with a flower?
- Please.
- Please, move along.
I don't need any flowers.
I don't want any flowers.
No flower.
No flower!
Hey, wait a second!
Wait!
Let me guess:
The Lord sent you?
No, not this time.
I brought a flower.
Thanks?
What are you up to?
I'm working.
F course.
Want to hang out instead?
Hang out?
Yes, do something else.
Not unless you pay for it.
I have lots of cash.
Lots.
Look!
I can pay for everything.
Absolutely everything.
As long as you pretend to like me.
Pretend to enjoy yourself, at least.
Pretend it's real.
Very well. Fine.
Come in.
I just need to get dressed.
Eirin, good night, Eirin
Eirin, good night
Good night, Eirin
I'll see you in my dreams
Last Saturday night I got married
Me and my wife settled down
Now me and my wife are parted
I think I'll go out on the town 3
Eirin, good night, Eirin
Eirin, good night
Good night, Eirin
I'll see you in my dreams
n I love Eirin, God knows I do
I'll love her 'til the seas run dry
But if Eirin should turn me down
I'd take morphine and die
Eirin, good night, Eirin
Eirin, good night
Good night, Eirin
I'll see you in my dreams
Eirin, good night, Eirin
Eirin, good night
Good night, Eirin
I'll see you in my dreams
A part of me really wants to
kiss you right now.
That's not possible.
Why not?
Your time is up.
No. No, no, no, no!
Give me another ten minutes.
Just ten minutes!
Oh, Vidar, we're already ten minutes past.
But you haven't helped me yet.
We've only been chatting.
You take 1.200 Kroner an hour just to
Sit here and Chat?!
Vidar, I understand that this might
sound unreasonable, -
- but I have an agreement
with health services, -
- and if you can acquire a doctor's referral,
you'll only have to pay your deductible.
However, you should be aware,
the wait might take six months...
and I would recommend a
new session next week.
I bet you would.
For 1.200 Kroner an hour I might
as well solicit a prostitute.
Get more bang for my buck.
Vidar, that's enough.
You can't expect to get well after
one single session.
I can't flick a magic wand
in the air and say:
Take your weird garments and your sunglasses,
go outside, enjoy life, -
- you're fit a as fiddle.
This is not how this works.
This is a process.
We've only started scratching the surface,
and quite frankly, -
- I think we should keep scratching until
we reach the bottom...
and then we unravel the knots.
How does that sound?
Ehh, I... I'm thinking...
Vidar, I...
Sorry, but we have to finish up.
I have another client waiting,
and you can't be here right now.
You understand.
So, what I'll do is:
I'll put you down for a new session next...
Thursday.
Same time.
Until then, I suggest you continue
your twelve-step program.
Sound good?
Good, Vidar. Until next time.
Have a safe journey home.
Oh, hem me God