Vihtori ja Klaara (1939) Movie Script
If all the Vihtoris in this
world would understand -
how to raise their Klaaras -
then none of them would
as a poor Vihtori stand -
if only they'd listen to us
If you can't make your Klaara
happy during the day -
try again at night
At noon, she sounds like
a trombone being played -
but at night
she's quiet and light
Miss!
Bull's eye
For the last time,
coming to the opera?
Dear Klaara,
I'm a music lover -
who prefers Georg
Malmsten on the radio
Malmsten, you say?
Not that one,
it's an original Aalto
Don't care if it's a Sibelius
How far are you trying to get?
To 899, 753
And then?
Well, you see, then
I'll be World Champion
My picture in the paper
and a statue in the back yard
The holder of the present world
record was a Czech inmate
A tragic case
He could've gotten really far -
but just as he was
at eight hundred -
ninetynine thousand -
seven hundred -
and fifty-two,
the thread broke
The thread of life, I mean
A cellmate accidentally
dropped a crowbar -
on his head
Ten points, yeah.
Love is blind, -
but marriage is
the best eye medicine
Mom and Dad are discussing
going to the opera again
Yeah, yeah. That was
the Japanese vase -
that Uncle Rupert
stole in Paris
- I was supposed to inherit it.
- Stupid
Neither of us is
going to inherit china
Huh? - Huh
And the blind chicken
found the kernel again
To the opera
That's a good place
for little Vihtori
The girls are dancing and the
boys are singing cuckoo
God almighty,
it's nine o'clock -
and the last act
is on at the opera
Yippee, the Missus in gone
I see
I ought to spank you,
you weasel
Since I'm in a good
mood, I'll spare you
As punishment, you'll
take Pipi out for a walk
Pipi, the beast?
Vappu
- Vappu, coming to the opera?
- No, I'd rather sleep at home
Nisse, put that cigar away
Damn, I lost count again
You've been losing things
for 30 years now
Like father, like son
Thank God,
I'm not like Mother
Pipi
Daddy's little Pipi
Come to Daddy,
I'll give you sugar
Pipi, Pipi, Pipi
Won't you goddamn
mangy dog obey me?
Oh heck, Pipi!
The old man's got
an aerodynamic mutt!
Is your wolf angry, Sir?
It's afraid of cats
Our cat wouldn't even
want to bite that thing
Quick, take this beast
to the first lamppost
Two portions of mutton and
cabbage for Vihtori Vuorenkaiku
Two portions of veal
bones for Pipi Vuorenkaiku
Well, are the Vuorenkaiku
men here again?
That family's going to speak
with their hads again tonight
I gather you had a chat -
- with your wife again?
- How so?
Looks like she drew -
her opinions on your face
Oopsy-daisy, dear Tomi
I'm almost
a professor of marriage
This is part of my
newest invention
A hundred ways
to survive a marriage
That was a heck of a strike
I don't think my Klaara
could strike better
Is she a real good striker?
Yeah, but she's even
better at throwing things
I was just thinking -
that she'd be a sparring
partner for my son Klasu
That poor kid can't get
a decent partner
Klaara would be too
expensive for your Klasu
Hospitals are so damn
expensive nowadays
He won't be
hospitalized that easily
He is fighting -
for the heavy
middleweight title
Damn, I was supposed
to listen to it on the radio
I'm afraid I must part
with this pleasant company
No, we're like
the Agrarian Party Cabinet
We never disband
Let's go to my place
to listen to the radio
Louhinen goes at Klasu
Tullari like a whirlwind
But he dodges
Louhinen's punches -
and counters
with snappy lefts
Tullari's left straight goes in
Louhinen grabs him,
Tullari beaks loose
The whirlwind attacks
ferociously, but misses
Klasu Tullari lays one
more on Louhinen's chin
Followed by a
right hook in the gut
Louhinen is reeling
The crowd is cheering
Now we're in trouble
False alarm,
your wife's at the opera -
and they talk so long
there that we're safe
I just thought that what
if the show's cancelled -
because the tenor
didn't show up
Tullari has
knocked out Louhinen
The referee is counting
five, six, seven
A knock-out!
The heavyweight champion
is once again Klasu Tullari -
from Helsinki's Boxing Cub
Great, great!
Hey, hey!
Vihtori!
Where's Vihtori?
Next
Like the Agrarian Party
Cabinet, we never disband
Didn't break
You miserable
excuse of a man
Please don't,
my dove, my love
Darling?
Ouch, ouch! Klaara,
my dove, my love
Please don't, ouch!
Vuorenkaiku
Yes, this is Vihtori
The Vihtori of all poor Vihtoris,
the super-Vihtori
Oh, is it you, sweetheart?
God morning, dear,
my own darling
Good morning, funnyface
Do you have
other sweethearts -
- since you didn't recognize my voice?
- No, not even at home
Well, that I do know
Otherwise, you wouldn't
like me so much
Well, you know,
my sweet little darling
tax-free into the harbor -
will make. Let me see
Just a minute, Sir, I'll check
You goddamn boy
Run instantly to the pharmacy
and bring me a pound of...
A pint of chlorine water and
two pounds of cotton. Got that?
- Yes, Sir.
- Hey, also, bring me.
- Hey, you!
- The usual load of beer
Damn kid, get out!
Ouch, ouch
Hello? Hello?
Still there, little darling?
Did little Daddy
have fun last night -
- the way he's huffing and puffing?
- No, love
Daddy's feeling fine
Remember, darling,
that we were going to -
- Kaivohuone to celebrate.
- Oh, darling -
I can't possibly tonight
Even less than before
If you knew what
a circus we've had here
Worse than ever
during my marriage
- Oh, Auntie Klaara again?
- Yes
She had something
to do with it
Vuorenkaiku. - You're going
to sleep though dinner, too
Oh no, darling
You scurried around like a
weasel before we got married
Goodbye, my love
What did you say,
you double-oaf?
Are you conscious enough -
- to talk business with?
- Yes
- How much do you need?
- I'm buying a beauty salon
Too late, darling.
Rather buy a hospital -
so that I'd have
some use of it, too
Come here and repeat that
Or shall I come there?
- No, my love.
- Then it's done
I'll buy the salon
for me and Vappu
Yes, love. - It'll be a rendez-
vouz point for the nobility
Mrs Mielonen
will be green with envy
Yes, love
In the evenings, ladies
will have coffee there
Yes, love
And I can have
three baths a day
Yes, love
- And pedicures for my hands
and everything. - Yes, love
So, I'll go and buy the shop
Send me some money,
so that I can pay cash
No, goddamnit and hell no!
You're not buying
that salon, no way!
Sir?
Damn
Don't swear, Dad, it
doesn't become a great man
- But everything's going straight to.
- Hush!
Quiet, Dad, no wonder,
it's Friday the 13 th
In my marriage, it's
always Friday the 13 th
Speaking of marriage -
I came to tell you
that I'm getting married
- What? Married?
- Yes
I'll be damned
Matrimony seems to
be running in the family
My grandfather was married,
good old Pops got married
Not to mention me.
And now my daughter -
tells me that she's
getting married
Won't human
kind ever get wiser?
But Dad,
we're very old friends
I've known him
for almost a month
Even if he were your
brother, I'd say no
- Besides, he doesn't drink.
- Doesn't drink
- Nor smoke or swear?
- No
Should I give my daughter
to such a wimp?
But I love him,
and he's a car mechanic
A widower
emperor for all I care
A car mechanic
who smells of gasoline
And I'd get to pay for the gas
Once you get to know
him, you'll pay gladly
But I won't get to know him
But I'm marrying him
Like mother, like
daughter, damn it
Mrs Vuorenkaiku's daughter
marrying a mechanic
- No, never.
- But he's an engineer
He's an apprentice
at the shop
He has studied nine
years at the University -
and knows lots of things
Brains were never
the key factor for me
You won't need any.
You'll marry into high society
He is high society
Besides, his name
is Peter von Saslik
Bless me, a real live von!
Well, why didn't you say so?
Bring him over for coffee
tomorrow, so we can take a look
Dad still won't allow it
Nonsense,
I'll turn Vihtori around
Yeah, yeah
If not during the day,
at least during the night
So, whose turn is it?
Mine
I guess it slipped
- Cut to the middle.
- Never
- Banking twice to the middle.
- Never
No
- It's going in!
- Good, Vihtori
Mr Vuorenkaiku,
your wife is on the phone
Tell her I'm not here
I'd be dead
I'd leave a wife
and two children
No
Yeah, yeah
We're all alike,
just poor Vihtoris
Oh, Vihtoris, you say?
Now, that's a damn lie
Where is the Missus?
I'll let her know what's what
If the head is stupid,
the whole body will suffer
There goes the only man -
- who paid back what he owed.
- There are man like that?
Not anymore,
he was the last one
- Really.
- Yes
Ha, I did find you
And again like
a cuckoo clock
This is so typical of men
- Greetings from Viborg.
- Thanks
- Who knocked him out?
- Klaara Vuorenkaiku
Is she here?
Easy, Klasu, the
knock-out came by phone
A woman's tender
hand can make miracles
Congratulations on the
middle heavyweight champ
That's peanuts
compared to those ladies
- I'm just an apprentice.
- Come on in
Your Dad's with Vihtori
in the pool room
He won't go home
until the missus is asleep
You woke up, my dove
I couldn't sleep
I need sleeping pills
Think of a new line,
blockhead
I'll give you sleeping pills -
for as long as you need
Still opposing me, huh?
I've never opposed you
for 30 years
Why didn't you let
Vappu get married?
Don't you think my daughter's
happiness is important to me?
Are you saying -
that marriage isn't
the greatest joy?
What would you be
without me?
Oh, my dove -
clouds will be clouds,
even if color'd by gold.
Oh, now
everything's fine again
Dad's sailed back to the
blissful harbor of marriage
Don't hit me!
Vihtori? Vihtori?
- What are you screaming?
Who's hitting you? - What?
I'll be damned!
What a dream!
Why were you screaming:
"Don't hit me!"?
There was this big burglar
He was going
to stab you with a knife
That's when I tried to say:
"Don't hit her!"
- Go to sleep.
- Yes
- You see, dreams are only dreams.
- Yes
Thank God, dreams
are only dreams
Stop it, your
mechanics might see
It won't harm them
No smoking, but
everything else is OK
That's enough
for a name day kiss
Funny boys, those
mechanics of yours
Yeah, but they're all
bachelors, you see
Don't get philosophical
You might sprain
your athlete's brain
Klasu? Let's go
to the country -
and have
a wonderful breakfast
I know a quaint
little restaurant
I can't go, we're busy
I'm waiting for a big order
An order is more important
than my name day
That depends
The latter is fun,
the former is bread
All right, have your bread
I'll have fun
with someone else
Oh, my goodness
But the frost will
drive the piggy home
Look out when your driving
I was looking out
The accident
happened in there
See if her appendix
was badly hurt
It's only
a bruise in the side
Let's get to work,
so she'll be done -
before they stop kissing
- They already stopped.
- I wouldn't have
You are complimenting me
I hope you paid
attention to my car
- Is it washed already?
- It is so spick & span -
that the rear
got a few bruises
- The car's, I mean.
- What?
The thing is,
I dented it a little
You're not mad at me, are
you? It runs in the family
Everything always turns
out wrong, including me
I'm glad you respect
family traditions -
but maybe you should
find another career -
where fondness of walls
isn't this dangerous
I've decided to
run for Parliament
- When can I pick her up?
- In an hour
It'll be smooth
as a baby's cheek
I'll pick her up then
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye
Damn kid,
you'll get us all fired
Social security
will take care of us
Damn, that was a nice lady
You're hopelessly
stuck on her
You were supposed to buy
an engagement ring today
Better save the money
for something more decent
I'll buy the ring
I've known her
for quite some time now
Look at those legs!
Yes, darling, yes
The worst circus is over.
Yes, I can come
What? A necklace?
Yes, yes,
we did mention it
You'll get your present,
sweetheart
I could come right away
Wait for me
outside the jewelry store
Hey! Make sure
no one sees us
You understand? Yes
Farewell, my love
How the hell did Klaara
find out about this, too?
That necklace
looks perfect on you
Actually,
it's kind of modest
It's pretty inexpensive,
only 4000
- Only 4000?
- Yes, isn't it?
Nothing that cheap
can be any good
Right, can't be
But it looks good on you
It's simple, but delicate
We have a real beauty
here by the window
How do you like this one?
It's only 5000
- 5000!
- It is beautiful!
No, no, it's not you at all
Thick in the front, narrow in the
back, the sides are, oh well
I think it looks
fabulous on you
- I don't!
- Excuse me
- If I may say.
- No!
Here's a gem that's
worthy of your pretty neck
Oh, darling
The prettiest necklace
I've ever seen
You like it? Then we'll take it
- Let's wrap it up.
- Thank you
Wait outside
- You are the sweetest in the world.
- Not here!
Tonight, wait for me,
wait for me
Sure, I'll wait for you
at eight o'clock
You'll bring
the necklace then, right?
I'd better sneak out of here -
because we shouldn't
be seen together
- Isn't my money good enough?
- Yes
But you're
What do you mean?
- There's only 600 here -
and the necklace
costs 8500
You're 7900 short
It said 600 on it
Sorry, that's
a warehouse code
Here's the price, 8500
Hey, Ritva!
Police! Police, help!
Police! Police, help!
I could drive to the end
of the world with you
This car won't take us that far
An old car is
better than a new one
I'll see if your car's ready -
but I doubt it
Hurrying to get married?
Yes. Someone's
waiting for me
Is the boss'
sweetheart's car done?
No, it won't be until tomorrow.
You really dented it
Peter always brags
about his thorough work
You're worried
about the boss' car
She's an interesting chick,
she ain't stupid at all
- Oh, you're back.
- Right
What's with you
and the mechanic?
- Klasu, come on!
- Answer me
What's that in your pocket?
- I'll show you right away.
- Klasu!
That chick ain't
after our boss any more
Smart kid
How could you
scare me like that?
Little capricious
girls must be taught -
- just like wives.
- Excuse me
Your car isn't done yet -
- but I'll bring it tomorrow.
- Thank you
Bring it in the afternoon,
I'm busy in the morning
As you wish
I'll come to you tonight
No, that's quite impossible,
because I have to.
- In that case I won't.
- Now I'm in a hurry
- Farewell, my love.
- Farewell
He'll be here soon
Beaus usually
run ten minutes early
And husbands,
especially in the first year -
are more or less prompt
Then they start running late,
a half an hour more each year
Such profound thoughts
- Doesn't it bother him?
- Yes
- Really.
- At least in this family
There.
What did I say?
Well
- Here we are.
- Yes
Here we are
So, you are. - Von Saslik
Precisely. - A tasty
name, I must admit
So, do you
play cards, partner?
Not much
When I was young and free,
I was a card hustler. - Oh
Sorry, I think I forgot
Oops, look at these guys
I'll be. We're gonna
be good friends
Excellent
Mommy, this son-in-law's
going to be part of the family
We could start a family band
Mrs Vuorenkaiku?
May I introduce myself?
We don't need
any introductions
We know you already
We've been looking forward
to a cup of coffee with you
Vappu, come and see
who's here
- Is that you, Vihtori?
- Yes, darling
- Come here, my love.
- Did she mean me?
Vihtori?
Here, my love, cuckoo!
This is my husband
And Mr von Saslik
Saslik? Saslik?
The name sounds familiar
From a menu, I gather -
but that's not him,
it's his cousin
We met earlier
in the jewelry store
I apologize,
I must've been rude
No, no, young man,
you're mistaken -
and apologizing
to the wrong man
It's none of my business
It was beautiful,
I haven't seen -
- such a beautiful necklace
for ages. - A necklace!
Vihtori, how did you remember
to buy me a name day present?
Name. Name day present!
Goodness me,
how modest you are!
He's pretending
not to remember -
middle name Ritva
- Ritva! - Yes, darling,
my little bunny
- Give me the necklace.
- What damn necklace?
Well, I did go
to the jewelry store
I didn't find anything
good for you
Dad, stop pulling her leg
It's a bad habbit
that's hard to kick
- You too, Brutus.
- Oh my, how beautiful!
- It must've cost a fortune.
- Cost!
Come, Vappu, I want
to see it in the mirror
Miss
Miss
Listen, mister.
- Von Saslik
Wienerschnitzel for all I care
What are you doing here?
- Excuse me.
- I never excuse anyone
Does the son-in-law
have life insurance?
The son-in-law?
- You the gas man?
- Yes
Out, out!
Out!
Yeah, yeah
There he went, just
like the neighborhood
Where did
Mr von Saslik go?
He's long gone
and he ain't coming back
What? Why? Where?
Dad threw him out
What? Vihtori?
Threw him out?
Say something!
Don't strangle me,
dead men don't talk
Petteri!
Petteri!
Petteri, Petteri!
Vihtori! Vihtori!
Come on out of there
All right,
then I'll come over there
Please, door, don't budge
A minute or two
Bye, bye, my dove
Yeah, yeah
Dad seems to have
a full house again
Don't you worry about me
These are new,
strong sheets
They'll carry my weight, too
We're worried about
a stolen necklace
You could help us find it
No one else could
May I join you gentlemen
at the station?
It'll be sorted out there
Strange.
I think he's a little nuts
Sir, caught
these two speeding
Wait there
- Do you love me at least a little?
- A lot
Hush now
- Oh, darling.
- I'll be damned
Dad?
What the he. - Yeah,
father and daughter
What a family
Don't put me
in the same locker -
with that man, or all
hell will break loose
My Missus was coming in -
and I had to run
because the necklace -
- was a name day surprise.
- We're also -
very sorry for
yesterday's incident
We do hope, Sir,
that you'll see us -
next time you're
buying your wife jewelry
Thank you,
but I don't think -
I'll have much business
in that shop for a while
Yes. Hello?
Good morning, sweetheart
Forgive me, but I
couldn't make it last night
I was tied up
I had a meeting with the board
of correctional facilities
It was important,
I couldn't stay away
Not that often,
but sometimes
When can I have the
necklace you bought me?
Well, you see -
on second thought -
I felt that. I felt that -
that a ridiculous
little necklace -
is much too insignificant
a gift for my little darling
A ridiculous gift
- I bought something else.
- Tell me!
- Tell me what you bought me.
- Come now, sweetheart
You mustn't be impatient
Try to guess
You didn't get it.
No, you didn't
No, no, no. Specialty
store, tinsmith -
a vacant lot, a bus,
a tool mechanic -
two civilized men. - What
are you talking about?
Two civilized men?
Tools?
Vihtori, have
you gone crazy?
Can't you take a joke?
Well, you see.
- A beauty salon for sale.
- What?
A beauty salon?
A brilliant idea
You won't have to
give me money -
when I can make
money on the salon
How sweet you are,
my little gorilla
Hallo? Hallo? The lines
are tangled up again
Can you hear me, Vihtori?
Hallo?
Vihtori?
My dear little Vihtori,
you are so sweet
Of course I'll fix it
for my little girl
Fix and fix
I've suspected
it all the time
Pity him that forgets
the 6th Commandment
I'll remind you of it
Let's make
the deal right away
I'll inspect it now,
and that's that
Bye, sweetheart.
Bye, bye
Well, I'll be
I'll buy this place if it takes
my last forfeited tax returns
The curtains are new,
they're brand new
Yes, they're new,
if you're interested
Of course I am
I'm Mr Vuorenkaiku -
and I will buy this
whole thing from you
- Please, sit down.
- Thanks, can't I sit here?
Please
Unfortunately, I must
relinquish this place
I must travel abroad
for family reasons
I see, you're married
I'd travel as far as the
ticket would take me
So, well.
You'll want more information
about this establishment
Yes of course
Considering the mortgages -
I'd be prepared to sell
it for 30000 marks
What would you
say to 40000?
Excuse me? - I said
the price is 50000
I would need
to have a closer
I mean a closer
look at the place
Please, be my guest
You're obviously an expert
An amateur
Maybe we'll see better on
the other side. - Maybe
Ouch
Mr Vuorenkaiku,
this is our spa
A great place, took
Am I not prettier?
A great place
If all the Vihtoris in this
world would understand -
how to raise their Klaaras -
then none of them would
as a poor Vihtori stand -
if only they'd listen to us
If you can't make your
Klaara happy during the day -
try again at night
At noon, she sounds
like a trombone playing -
but at night
she's quiet and light
Yes, the car is outside
I'd like to give her
the key personally
One moment, pleas
A car mechanic
wants to see you
Let him in. - Yes, Miss
Hello, my car's done, then?
There you are.
I brought it over myself
So, this time you
did not hit any walls?
I did, figuratively speaking
Can I help you?
That's what I came here for
You're the only person
in Northern Europe -
that can help me.
- You got my attention
Pray tell, please
All is fair in
love and war
That sounds exciting
You know Mr Vuorenkaiku well
Quite well, right? - I see
Miss Ritva Vuorenkaiku!
I'll find out about
this relative
The lady got the necklace
that was meant for me
How silly. - Not for me
I'm the scapegoat
And I got hurt
That old man really loved it -
because, for once, he dared
to be angry at home
Don't mock little Vihtori
Excuse me, I forgot
Doesn't matter if you did
But it is an
embarrassing situation
Vappu told me that he
was as soft as wax
Apparently in
the wife's hands
Well, who knows
Maybe someone else
can get something done
Mr Vuorenkaiku's coming
No, don't let him in
- He doesn't know you're home.
- Impossible
He's got
The key?
Please excuse me,
I must go
My presence
might be awkward
And it wouldn't help
your wedding plans
- Hide in there.
- In the bedroom?
- Worst case scenario.
- No
- Best case scenario.
- Sleep well
I hope I don't snore
Hush!
Hello, sweetheart
I finally made it
Come, I'll show you
something really exciting
Close your eyes, and you'll
see something really nice
I can't see much
with my eyes closed
Open them and you'll see
Ouch!
- What? - I think
I dropped my bracelet
- Let's see.
- No, it's in my hand
Well, good
Close your eyes
Now
A beauty salon
How charming
Is all this really mine?
Yes, sure.
This is serious business
I'm a generous guy
when it comes to that
A charming little salon,
just a little wet
- Wet?
- You see, when you bathe, you get wet
What'll I do if Klaara
comes there?
Tell her it's fully booked
Oh dear, your wife. Hide!
- We're doomed.
- I'll try to get rid of her
Mr Vuorenkaiku, in here
- Who are you?
- A friend in need, come
Make yourself at home
You're laughing now,
but there will be tears, too
Ouch!
Hello, Mrs Vuorenkaiku
Can I ask you
to step on the floor?
My first close encounter
with my mother-in-law
You sultan, you mormon!
Mrs Vuorenkaiku, wait!
I can explain!
I believe you
if you say so
But hiding under
the bed with him
- That bothers me.
- He's not that bad
But now he's explaining
it all to Klaara
Mrs Vuorenkaiku, wait!
- I can explain.
- No explanations
Hey, look here, mister
What was
your name again?
Yes, you
shouldn't stick around
When Mom says no,
she means no
We'll announce our
engagement next Sunday
No, young man. How can
you prove to my wife -
that I was under the bed, too?
She only saw you
What champagne is Pops going
to serve at our engangement?
Otherwise, here's a deed -
with which
you're taking over -
a nice little salon
and giving it to
Damn, I'm done for
You have hours
to arrange the party
Otherwise, we'll let
Klaara arrange it
No way!
Try to survive this
Thank God that rascal wasn't
the only man in the world
Yes, but he was awful pretty
And I really did like him
Greetings from the office
Yuck, what a hot and
sweaty afternoon it was
Can't you at least stop?
Don't talk about worldly things -
- when our hearts are breaking.
- Right
Speaking of which
Speaking of hearts,
I've changed my mind -
considering
that car mechanic
I really do think -
that you should
take the mechanic, girl
May he fix you -
the best he can
He's never getting our girl
A man like that asks
for our daughter's hand -
and is found
in that woman's bed
Who's been in bed
in the middle of the day?
Vihtori, I have to tell you
Nisse, go away,
this is nothing for you
I don't want to hear it again
It's really boring,
not at all exciting
Think, Vihtori -
- a half an hour ago I saw that man.
- So what?
The Vuorenkaiku residence,
Mr Vuorenkaiku speaking
No, my brother-in-law,
I think it's of no use
Alright, I'll try.
Wait a minute
That rascal was naked -
and drunk as
a monkey in her bed
Now he's sobered up -
and wants to talk to
Vappu on the phone
- Never.
- Said Kenonen
Listen, that didn't work at all
You've blown it
Don't worry, there are
enough women in the world
Listen, you'll teach me
that card trick, won't you?
Even if we're not family
Huh?
That's what love does to you
Yeah, yeah
I can't eat a thing
because I didn't sleep a wink
Mother there snored like hell.
Didn't you hear?
In the war, men slept through
the rattling of machine guns
And that war only
lasted five years
That thing yesterday
got on my nerves
I haven't slept at all, terrible
- Lost your appetite, have you?
- Yes
I can't even think about food,
my nerves are a mess
About yesterday's incident -
the poor man was actually
under the woman's bed
Have you ever been
under a woman's bed?
- What?
- Not under, but...
One more word,
and I'm a widow
This day started well
This is exactly what we've
been looking for so long
Beauty salon for sale.
Must travel abroad
Salon Shanghai,
from 10 to 12
Excellent. - Yes
Lovely, exactly what we've
been looking for. - Yes
Salon Shanghai?
Travel abroad?
That's not possible. Where
would she go and why?
Just what the doctor ordered
You'll forget your mechanic
If Mrs Nieminen has a salon -
I must have one, too. - Right
Don't go, it's already sold
Are you getting stingy again?
How would you know?
I know a thing or two, too
Damn, damn. Why is Ritva -
selling a salon
she only got yesterday?
Something's rotten in
the state of Denmark again
Can't you hear the doorbell?
Yes I can, but our clients -
do have time to wait
We're here for this ad
Who can discuss the sale?
- No one.
- Excuse me?
We're not selling
But there's an ad
in today's paper
That's a lie,
look a little closer
- It's yesterday's paper.
- So it is
Why didn't you notice that?
You didn't notice it, either
- What did the ladies want?
- Buy this
I'm not selling to them
Did you say I own this?
Why would they need
to know? - Fine, thanks
I'm sorry about yesterday.
What a pity.
How nice that it's a pity,
but it won't help
I'm the groom -
with two unpaid rings,
I recommend this
I only need one man from
this shop, but don't worry -
every cloud has a silver
lining. I've got an idea
- I hope this one's better.
- Me, too
You have nothing to lose
Not much of a comfort
If the bride and the
sun should ascend -
to your marital heaven -
do not melt too quickly
Your bride obviously
needs a lesson
I'll be an ice-cream stick
Excuse me, I'm here
to see Mrs Vuorenkaiku
Whom may I announce?
May I add this to
my book of memories?
- You seem to know my name.
- Aye
If they'd talked as much
about me as of you -
I'd be a
Cabinet minister by now
I gather they
weren't pretty tales
I have to say
you are much prettier
But do come in.
If you're afraid -
of Mother as
little as of the draft -
- I wouldn't be surprised if.
- Hush, that's good
Between you and me -
nothing should surprise
you in this house
You see, we're all
a little strange here
You're quite charming
Yes, but I'm
the hope of the family
So, your Mother is home?
Unfortunately. - Nisse,
with whom are you speaking?
Courage
If you need help,
don't call me
Why, Mother
May I introduce a dear,
old friend
You, you! - Yes, me
You still remember me, then?
If you're here
for your mechanic
- Exactly. - Out,
I don't want to hear it
You must
May I smoke? - No
Thank you
I gather -
you know
von Saslik pretty well
Don't mention that
name in this house
All right
In that case, we'll
call him Mr X
Mr X came to me yesterday
to talk about some business
You insolent,
how dare you?
He wanted to buy
his bride a gift
Beauty Salon Shanghai
that I own
We had decided to
sign the papers today
Now he called me
and said the deal was off -
because his bride
called the wedding off
I've heard that you
would be willing -
to buy the salon and
now I'm offering it to you
I'm traveling abroad
and I have to sell my business -
that's going well enough -
to keep working
even after the Olympics
I hope you
understood me correctly
I don't understand what
he was doing under your bed
That was amusing, indeed
"Amusing" is putting it mildly
Still, my little dog is to blame
When we were studying
some blueprints -
we forgot to
play with little Popo -
who felt insulted -
and dragged the
blueprints under the bed
Being a polite
man he couldn't bear -
to see
a woman under the bed -
and crawled down
there to get them
That's when you walked in
And the rest you know
But in that case...
In that case
Petteri is innocent
Was he supposed to be
guilty of something? - No!
I just...
We women are like that
Always thinking
of the worst of men
Blaming them without
knowing what's going on
Good. The first intelligent
words from a woman's mouth -
- inside these walls.
- Oh, Petteri!
Petteri, Petteri!
Petteri? But I'm Vihtori
Mister Petteri at his
mirror in the bedroom -
was combing his hair -
and telling his lady
Hi there, Daddy
Daddy, come
and shake hands
We have a real nice guest
Yes, Vihtori. May I present to you
my husband Mr Vuorenkaiku
And Miss. Excuse me,
what was the name again?
Miss Vuorenrinne
How funny, your names
are almost the same
Pleasant, very pleasant to
meet you, Miss Vuorenrinne
You're much too kind,
Mr Vuorenkaiku
Imagine, Vihtori -
how nice
Miss Vuorenrinne is
I know, I know. I mean -
I can see
how nice she looks
She came to offer
to sell her beauty salon
Beau-be-be
Petteri, can't
you forgive me?
It wasn't my fault, Mom
made me believe all that
Can't you even answer?
You see -
I never believed it
But I don't understand
what got into me
Please forgive me,
I'll never do that again
Charming, fantastic
But how much do
I have to pay for all that?
I think it cost 100000
- No. 50000
- How would you know?
I know a thing or two, too
Under the circumstances -
I must sell it cheaper
Because my Dad's
stingy at times, too
Like all Dads
In that case,
I'll sell it for 50000
- In cash.
- Damn girl
- That's cheap.
- Expensive girl
Yes, it's cheap.
Very cheap
- Cheap, cheap.
- It's settled then
You can raise
the money tomorrow
Yes, tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Yes, money tomorrow
Thank you, Mrs Vuorenkaiku
And you too, Mr Vuorenkaiku.
I'm thankful beyond words
You won't believe how happy
I was when you said yes
Sometimes he's so sweet
Mommy's little girl
It would be lovely to
have a husband like him
Now I really must go
- Goodbye, Ma'am.
- Goodbye
Goodbye, Mr Vuorenkaiku
It was a great pleasure
to meet your family
And most of all you.
Goodbye. - Goodbye, Miss
You must visit us often, we'll
introduce you to high society
Thanks, but my life
will change completely
Unfortunately, we won't
be seeing each other often
- I'm about to get married.
- Married?
- Damn. - What's so
strange about that?
- You're married, too.
- Yes
I am married
Everything will change
if you say one word
Out
Don't you understand me?
So, the ice-cream didn't melt?
It was hard, but it's
still frozen. - Good
The wheel of fate
is spinning and I think -
a lot will happen
at the Vuorenkaiku's
See you at my
place in 30 minutes
It's a bit scary
to return there
Bite the bullet,
even if it makes you cry
Goodbye. - Goodbye
- He said, he said.
- What did he say?
Nothing. - Great, a deaf
and dumb son-in-law
A suitable addition
to our family
I'll take care of this
Too late, I can't
live without him
I've taken poison
Poison! Poor child
Quickly, call a doctor!
Poor child
Still alive?
What poison did you take?
Nisse, call a doctor
Klaara, the thermometer
I haven't taken
the poison yet
I was just thinking I should
What a genius for
a sister, she thinks
I'll get you
some castor oil
The best medicine
in these cases
And now
I'm taking care of this
You'll go find Petteri -
and bring him
back dead or alive
Preferably alive
A dead son-in-law
only means costs
And we've
had enough of them
Here, my little sister
The best castor oil in town -
and once
you've swallowed it -
you'll forget both Petteri
and Saslik for a long time
Hi, are you free?
Hi! Free as a bird
Let's find
my girl a husband
Get going!
Hey! Vihtori!
- Is Mr Saslik around?
- Not now
Will he be back?
He hasn't disappeared yet
Unless he's been fired
I'll wait here,
you find out his address
Mkikatu 17, 3rd floor,
no elevator, bath/ wc
Mkikatu 17, go
If you see him,
bring him here
Preferably alive
Did the monkey couple leave?
Why did they want Petteri?
The bitch could've
been his new doll
He's got one
for each finger
Like that girl Vuorenrinne
running here every day
Petteri snatched the boss'
doll right in front of his nose
Soon she'll be
the whole town's doll
Yesterday I saw her -
hand in hand with
Vihtori Vuorenkaiku
And now, Missie, we're
going to settle our scores
There's nothing to settle
You have the salon,
I have the check
But where are my
husband and son-in-law?
Answer me. - Sorry,
I'm not a collector
If you can't handle them -
get a baby-sitter
- But don't ask me.
- But Miss Vuorenrinne
Yes, Miss Vuorenkaiku
You, you
I'll squash you,
you temptress
Yeah, I should've known
Mom's at her favorite
pastime. - Oh, you, too?
You can't help accidents,
they never knock twice
But broken glass
brings good fortune
Hush
Yeah, yeah
I guess this is what
they call a situation
- Father and son.
- And mother
And daughter
Well, here we are
Like in a beehive
Dear, dear children.
Finally, I see you together
I'm so happy
Welcome -
to sail into the blissful
harbor of marriage
You, you
matrimonial skipper -
finally hit a rock
- How did you come in?
- Through the door
- With your own key.
- I gave him the key
Finally, you're done in
Yes, both deals are done
All this belongs to you
What? - Didn't Mr Vuorenkaiku
explain it to you?
Oh, it's a secret
between me and you?
Now, the truth
When Mr Vuorenkaiku -
gave me the check
for the salon -
he bought this
place furnished -
because I can't
take anything with me
- Who did you buy it for?
- But darling.
Why do you ask? For
our dear child, of course
My dear little gorilla
You are so sweet after all
And I had my doubts
Yes, Mrs Vuorenkaiku,
you are a real wife
Always in doubt
But you were always
mistaken about me and still are
Maybe some
day it'll all be clear
Never
Someone's waiting,
I have to go
Thank you for
the pleasant company
- Goodbye, Mrs Vuorenkaiku.
- Where are you going?
To get married
Damn
This seems to
surprise you, too
We'll be wed tomorrow -
and the day after that,
we'll travel far, far away
Goodbye
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye
Finally, my love,
everything's clear
Now I belong only to you
Lovely, the priest
will bless us tomorrow
And the world gets
another poor Vihtori
Hey!
Vihtori, you really
are quite a man
Quite a man
Where is Vihtori?
Vihtori?
Vihtori!
Where is he?
He's over there
Goodbye
Spades are trumps
Clubs aren't
Can I please ask you
gentlemen to stop cheating?
Your mail, Sir
Damn girl
So, we're family after all
- Cheers.
- Cheers
Klaara is coming
Is there no end to his
mutton and cabbage?
- So, how are you today?
- Better, darling
But I have to stay
here for a long time
Let go!
My Dear Daddy
Since your health kept you
from attending my wedding -
I'm enclosing a picture
of your daughter Ritva -
as the happiest
woman in the world.
We had to keep this secret
because of Klaara -
but you've grown
accustomed to the fact that -
everything pertaining to your
daughter Ritva is a little secret
Goodbye, my dear Daddy
PS. The 50000,
I tricked you out of -
you would've given as a wed-
ding present, so we're even
Your happy daughter Ritva
Ritva Vuorenrinne,
your daughter!
Your own daughter
And I thought.
Dear Vihtori -
will you ever be
able to forgive me?
Why didn't you tell
me right away?
I would've lived
ten years longer
Ten years more
I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to
This I do mean!
world would understand -
how to raise their Klaaras -
then none of them would
as a poor Vihtori stand -
if only they'd listen to us
If you can't make your Klaara
happy during the day -
try again at night
At noon, she sounds like
a trombone being played -
but at night
she's quiet and light
Miss!
Bull's eye
For the last time,
coming to the opera?
Dear Klaara,
I'm a music lover -
who prefers Georg
Malmsten on the radio
Malmsten, you say?
Not that one,
it's an original Aalto
Don't care if it's a Sibelius
How far are you trying to get?
To 899, 753
And then?
Well, you see, then
I'll be World Champion
My picture in the paper
and a statue in the back yard
The holder of the present world
record was a Czech inmate
A tragic case
He could've gotten really far -
but just as he was
at eight hundred -
ninetynine thousand -
seven hundred -
and fifty-two,
the thread broke
The thread of life, I mean
A cellmate accidentally
dropped a crowbar -
on his head
Ten points, yeah.
Love is blind, -
but marriage is
the best eye medicine
Mom and Dad are discussing
going to the opera again
Yeah, yeah. That was
the Japanese vase -
that Uncle Rupert
stole in Paris
- I was supposed to inherit it.
- Stupid
Neither of us is
going to inherit china
Huh? - Huh
And the blind chicken
found the kernel again
To the opera
That's a good place
for little Vihtori
The girls are dancing and the
boys are singing cuckoo
God almighty,
it's nine o'clock -
and the last act
is on at the opera
Yippee, the Missus in gone
I see
I ought to spank you,
you weasel
Since I'm in a good
mood, I'll spare you
As punishment, you'll
take Pipi out for a walk
Pipi, the beast?
Vappu
- Vappu, coming to the opera?
- No, I'd rather sleep at home
Nisse, put that cigar away
Damn, I lost count again
You've been losing things
for 30 years now
Like father, like son
Thank God,
I'm not like Mother
Pipi
Daddy's little Pipi
Come to Daddy,
I'll give you sugar
Pipi, Pipi, Pipi
Won't you goddamn
mangy dog obey me?
Oh heck, Pipi!
The old man's got
an aerodynamic mutt!
Is your wolf angry, Sir?
It's afraid of cats
Our cat wouldn't even
want to bite that thing
Quick, take this beast
to the first lamppost
Two portions of mutton and
cabbage for Vihtori Vuorenkaiku
Two portions of veal
bones for Pipi Vuorenkaiku
Well, are the Vuorenkaiku
men here again?
That family's going to speak
with their hads again tonight
I gather you had a chat -
- with your wife again?
- How so?
Looks like she drew -
her opinions on your face
Oopsy-daisy, dear Tomi
I'm almost
a professor of marriage
This is part of my
newest invention
A hundred ways
to survive a marriage
That was a heck of a strike
I don't think my Klaara
could strike better
Is she a real good striker?
Yeah, but she's even
better at throwing things
I was just thinking -
that she'd be a sparring
partner for my son Klasu
That poor kid can't get
a decent partner
Klaara would be too
expensive for your Klasu
Hospitals are so damn
expensive nowadays
He won't be
hospitalized that easily
He is fighting -
for the heavy
middleweight title
Damn, I was supposed
to listen to it on the radio
I'm afraid I must part
with this pleasant company
No, we're like
the Agrarian Party Cabinet
We never disband
Let's go to my place
to listen to the radio
Louhinen goes at Klasu
Tullari like a whirlwind
But he dodges
Louhinen's punches -
and counters
with snappy lefts
Tullari's left straight goes in
Louhinen grabs him,
Tullari beaks loose
The whirlwind attacks
ferociously, but misses
Klasu Tullari lays one
more on Louhinen's chin
Followed by a
right hook in the gut
Louhinen is reeling
The crowd is cheering
Now we're in trouble
False alarm,
your wife's at the opera -
and they talk so long
there that we're safe
I just thought that what
if the show's cancelled -
because the tenor
didn't show up
Tullari has
knocked out Louhinen
The referee is counting
five, six, seven
A knock-out!
The heavyweight champion
is once again Klasu Tullari -
from Helsinki's Boxing Cub
Great, great!
Hey, hey!
Vihtori!
Where's Vihtori?
Next
Like the Agrarian Party
Cabinet, we never disband
Didn't break
You miserable
excuse of a man
Please don't,
my dove, my love
Darling?
Ouch, ouch! Klaara,
my dove, my love
Please don't, ouch!
Vuorenkaiku
Yes, this is Vihtori
The Vihtori of all poor Vihtoris,
the super-Vihtori
Oh, is it you, sweetheart?
God morning, dear,
my own darling
Good morning, funnyface
Do you have
other sweethearts -
- since you didn't recognize my voice?
- No, not even at home
Well, that I do know
Otherwise, you wouldn't
like me so much
Well, you know,
my sweet little darling
tax-free into the harbor -
will make. Let me see
Just a minute, Sir, I'll check
You goddamn boy
Run instantly to the pharmacy
and bring me a pound of...
A pint of chlorine water and
two pounds of cotton. Got that?
- Yes, Sir.
- Hey, also, bring me.
- Hey, you!
- The usual load of beer
Damn kid, get out!
Ouch, ouch
Hello? Hello?
Still there, little darling?
Did little Daddy
have fun last night -
- the way he's huffing and puffing?
- No, love
Daddy's feeling fine
Remember, darling,
that we were going to -
- Kaivohuone to celebrate.
- Oh, darling -
I can't possibly tonight
Even less than before
If you knew what
a circus we've had here
Worse than ever
during my marriage
- Oh, Auntie Klaara again?
- Yes
She had something
to do with it
Vuorenkaiku. - You're going
to sleep though dinner, too
Oh no, darling
You scurried around like a
weasel before we got married
Goodbye, my love
What did you say,
you double-oaf?
Are you conscious enough -
- to talk business with?
- Yes
- How much do you need?
- I'm buying a beauty salon
Too late, darling.
Rather buy a hospital -
so that I'd have
some use of it, too
Come here and repeat that
Or shall I come there?
- No, my love.
- Then it's done
I'll buy the salon
for me and Vappu
Yes, love. - It'll be a rendez-
vouz point for the nobility
Mrs Mielonen
will be green with envy
Yes, love
In the evenings, ladies
will have coffee there
Yes, love
And I can have
three baths a day
Yes, love
- And pedicures for my hands
and everything. - Yes, love
So, I'll go and buy the shop
Send me some money,
so that I can pay cash
No, goddamnit and hell no!
You're not buying
that salon, no way!
Sir?
Damn
Don't swear, Dad, it
doesn't become a great man
- But everything's going straight to.
- Hush!
Quiet, Dad, no wonder,
it's Friday the 13 th
In my marriage, it's
always Friday the 13 th
Speaking of marriage -
I came to tell you
that I'm getting married
- What? Married?
- Yes
I'll be damned
Matrimony seems to
be running in the family
My grandfather was married,
good old Pops got married
Not to mention me.
And now my daughter -
tells me that she's
getting married
Won't human
kind ever get wiser?
But Dad,
we're very old friends
I've known him
for almost a month
Even if he were your
brother, I'd say no
- Besides, he doesn't drink.
- Doesn't drink
- Nor smoke or swear?
- No
Should I give my daughter
to such a wimp?
But I love him,
and he's a car mechanic
A widower
emperor for all I care
A car mechanic
who smells of gasoline
And I'd get to pay for the gas
Once you get to know
him, you'll pay gladly
But I won't get to know him
But I'm marrying him
Like mother, like
daughter, damn it
Mrs Vuorenkaiku's daughter
marrying a mechanic
- No, never.
- But he's an engineer
He's an apprentice
at the shop
He has studied nine
years at the University -
and knows lots of things
Brains were never
the key factor for me
You won't need any.
You'll marry into high society
He is high society
Besides, his name
is Peter von Saslik
Bless me, a real live von!
Well, why didn't you say so?
Bring him over for coffee
tomorrow, so we can take a look
Dad still won't allow it
Nonsense,
I'll turn Vihtori around
Yeah, yeah
If not during the day,
at least during the night
So, whose turn is it?
Mine
I guess it slipped
- Cut to the middle.
- Never
- Banking twice to the middle.
- Never
No
- It's going in!
- Good, Vihtori
Mr Vuorenkaiku,
your wife is on the phone
Tell her I'm not here
I'd be dead
I'd leave a wife
and two children
No
Yeah, yeah
We're all alike,
just poor Vihtoris
Oh, Vihtoris, you say?
Now, that's a damn lie
Where is the Missus?
I'll let her know what's what
If the head is stupid,
the whole body will suffer
There goes the only man -
- who paid back what he owed.
- There are man like that?
Not anymore,
he was the last one
- Really.
- Yes
Ha, I did find you
And again like
a cuckoo clock
This is so typical of men
- Greetings from Viborg.
- Thanks
- Who knocked him out?
- Klaara Vuorenkaiku
Is she here?
Easy, Klasu, the
knock-out came by phone
A woman's tender
hand can make miracles
Congratulations on the
middle heavyweight champ
That's peanuts
compared to those ladies
- I'm just an apprentice.
- Come on in
Your Dad's with Vihtori
in the pool room
He won't go home
until the missus is asleep
You woke up, my dove
I couldn't sleep
I need sleeping pills
Think of a new line,
blockhead
I'll give you sleeping pills -
for as long as you need
Still opposing me, huh?
I've never opposed you
for 30 years
Why didn't you let
Vappu get married?
Don't you think my daughter's
happiness is important to me?
Are you saying -
that marriage isn't
the greatest joy?
What would you be
without me?
Oh, my dove -
clouds will be clouds,
even if color'd by gold.
Oh, now
everything's fine again
Dad's sailed back to the
blissful harbor of marriage
Don't hit me!
Vihtori? Vihtori?
- What are you screaming?
Who's hitting you? - What?
I'll be damned!
What a dream!
Why were you screaming:
"Don't hit me!"?
There was this big burglar
He was going
to stab you with a knife
That's when I tried to say:
"Don't hit her!"
- Go to sleep.
- Yes
- You see, dreams are only dreams.
- Yes
Thank God, dreams
are only dreams
Stop it, your
mechanics might see
It won't harm them
No smoking, but
everything else is OK
That's enough
for a name day kiss
Funny boys, those
mechanics of yours
Yeah, but they're all
bachelors, you see
Don't get philosophical
You might sprain
your athlete's brain
Klasu? Let's go
to the country -
and have
a wonderful breakfast
I know a quaint
little restaurant
I can't go, we're busy
I'm waiting for a big order
An order is more important
than my name day
That depends
The latter is fun,
the former is bread
All right, have your bread
I'll have fun
with someone else
Oh, my goodness
But the frost will
drive the piggy home
Look out when your driving
I was looking out
The accident
happened in there
See if her appendix
was badly hurt
It's only
a bruise in the side
Let's get to work,
so she'll be done -
before they stop kissing
- They already stopped.
- I wouldn't have
You are complimenting me
I hope you paid
attention to my car
- Is it washed already?
- It is so spick & span -
that the rear
got a few bruises
- The car's, I mean.
- What?
The thing is,
I dented it a little
You're not mad at me, are
you? It runs in the family
Everything always turns
out wrong, including me
I'm glad you respect
family traditions -
but maybe you should
find another career -
where fondness of walls
isn't this dangerous
I've decided to
run for Parliament
- When can I pick her up?
- In an hour
It'll be smooth
as a baby's cheek
I'll pick her up then
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye
Damn kid,
you'll get us all fired
Social security
will take care of us
Damn, that was a nice lady
You're hopelessly
stuck on her
You were supposed to buy
an engagement ring today
Better save the money
for something more decent
I'll buy the ring
I've known her
for quite some time now
Look at those legs!
Yes, darling, yes
The worst circus is over.
Yes, I can come
What? A necklace?
Yes, yes,
we did mention it
You'll get your present,
sweetheart
I could come right away
Wait for me
outside the jewelry store
Hey! Make sure
no one sees us
You understand? Yes
Farewell, my love
How the hell did Klaara
find out about this, too?
That necklace
looks perfect on you
Actually,
it's kind of modest
It's pretty inexpensive,
only 4000
- Only 4000?
- Yes, isn't it?
Nothing that cheap
can be any good
Right, can't be
But it looks good on you
It's simple, but delicate
We have a real beauty
here by the window
How do you like this one?
It's only 5000
- 5000!
- It is beautiful!
No, no, it's not you at all
Thick in the front, narrow in the
back, the sides are, oh well
I think it looks
fabulous on you
- I don't!
- Excuse me
- If I may say.
- No!
Here's a gem that's
worthy of your pretty neck
Oh, darling
The prettiest necklace
I've ever seen
You like it? Then we'll take it
- Let's wrap it up.
- Thank you
Wait outside
- You are the sweetest in the world.
- Not here!
Tonight, wait for me,
wait for me
Sure, I'll wait for you
at eight o'clock
You'll bring
the necklace then, right?
I'd better sneak out of here -
because we shouldn't
be seen together
- Isn't my money good enough?
- Yes
But you're
What do you mean?
- There's only 600 here -
and the necklace
costs 8500
You're 7900 short
It said 600 on it
Sorry, that's
a warehouse code
Here's the price, 8500
Hey, Ritva!
Police! Police, help!
Police! Police, help!
I could drive to the end
of the world with you
This car won't take us that far
An old car is
better than a new one
I'll see if your car's ready -
but I doubt it
Hurrying to get married?
Yes. Someone's
waiting for me
Is the boss'
sweetheart's car done?
No, it won't be until tomorrow.
You really dented it
Peter always brags
about his thorough work
You're worried
about the boss' car
She's an interesting chick,
she ain't stupid at all
- Oh, you're back.
- Right
What's with you
and the mechanic?
- Klasu, come on!
- Answer me
What's that in your pocket?
- I'll show you right away.
- Klasu!
That chick ain't
after our boss any more
Smart kid
How could you
scare me like that?
Little capricious
girls must be taught -
- just like wives.
- Excuse me
Your car isn't done yet -
- but I'll bring it tomorrow.
- Thank you
Bring it in the afternoon,
I'm busy in the morning
As you wish
I'll come to you tonight
No, that's quite impossible,
because I have to.
- In that case I won't.
- Now I'm in a hurry
- Farewell, my love.
- Farewell
He'll be here soon
Beaus usually
run ten minutes early
And husbands,
especially in the first year -
are more or less prompt
Then they start running late,
a half an hour more each year
Such profound thoughts
- Doesn't it bother him?
- Yes
- Really.
- At least in this family
There.
What did I say?
Well
- Here we are.
- Yes
Here we are
So, you are. - Von Saslik
Precisely. - A tasty
name, I must admit
So, do you
play cards, partner?
Not much
When I was young and free,
I was a card hustler. - Oh
Sorry, I think I forgot
Oops, look at these guys
I'll be. We're gonna
be good friends
Excellent
Mommy, this son-in-law's
going to be part of the family
We could start a family band
Mrs Vuorenkaiku?
May I introduce myself?
We don't need
any introductions
We know you already
We've been looking forward
to a cup of coffee with you
Vappu, come and see
who's here
- Is that you, Vihtori?
- Yes, darling
- Come here, my love.
- Did she mean me?
Vihtori?
Here, my love, cuckoo!
This is my husband
And Mr von Saslik
Saslik? Saslik?
The name sounds familiar
From a menu, I gather -
but that's not him,
it's his cousin
We met earlier
in the jewelry store
I apologize,
I must've been rude
No, no, young man,
you're mistaken -
and apologizing
to the wrong man
It's none of my business
It was beautiful,
I haven't seen -
- such a beautiful necklace
for ages. - A necklace!
Vihtori, how did you remember
to buy me a name day present?
Name. Name day present!
Goodness me,
how modest you are!
He's pretending
not to remember -
middle name Ritva
- Ritva! - Yes, darling,
my little bunny
- Give me the necklace.
- What damn necklace?
Well, I did go
to the jewelry store
I didn't find anything
good for you
Dad, stop pulling her leg
It's a bad habbit
that's hard to kick
- You too, Brutus.
- Oh my, how beautiful!
- It must've cost a fortune.
- Cost!
Come, Vappu, I want
to see it in the mirror
Miss
Miss
Listen, mister.
- Von Saslik
Wienerschnitzel for all I care
What are you doing here?
- Excuse me.
- I never excuse anyone
Does the son-in-law
have life insurance?
The son-in-law?
- You the gas man?
- Yes
Out, out!
Out!
Yeah, yeah
There he went, just
like the neighborhood
Where did
Mr von Saslik go?
He's long gone
and he ain't coming back
What? Why? Where?
Dad threw him out
What? Vihtori?
Threw him out?
Say something!
Don't strangle me,
dead men don't talk
Petteri!
Petteri!
Petteri, Petteri!
Vihtori! Vihtori!
Come on out of there
All right,
then I'll come over there
Please, door, don't budge
A minute or two
Bye, bye, my dove
Yeah, yeah
Dad seems to have
a full house again
Don't you worry about me
These are new,
strong sheets
They'll carry my weight, too
We're worried about
a stolen necklace
You could help us find it
No one else could
May I join you gentlemen
at the station?
It'll be sorted out there
Strange.
I think he's a little nuts
Sir, caught
these two speeding
Wait there
- Do you love me at least a little?
- A lot
Hush now
- Oh, darling.
- I'll be damned
Dad?
What the he. - Yeah,
father and daughter
What a family
Don't put me
in the same locker -
with that man, or all
hell will break loose
My Missus was coming in -
and I had to run
because the necklace -
- was a name day surprise.
- We're also -
very sorry for
yesterday's incident
We do hope, Sir,
that you'll see us -
next time you're
buying your wife jewelry
Thank you,
but I don't think -
I'll have much business
in that shop for a while
Yes. Hello?
Good morning, sweetheart
Forgive me, but I
couldn't make it last night
I was tied up
I had a meeting with the board
of correctional facilities
It was important,
I couldn't stay away
Not that often,
but sometimes
When can I have the
necklace you bought me?
Well, you see -
on second thought -
I felt that. I felt that -
that a ridiculous
little necklace -
is much too insignificant
a gift for my little darling
A ridiculous gift
- I bought something else.
- Tell me!
- Tell me what you bought me.
- Come now, sweetheart
You mustn't be impatient
Try to guess
You didn't get it.
No, you didn't
No, no, no. Specialty
store, tinsmith -
a vacant lot, a bus,
a tool mechanic -
two civilized men. - What
are you talking about?
Two civilized men?
Tools?
Vihtori, have
you gone crazy?
Can't you take a joke?
Well, you see.
- A beauty salon for sale.
- What?
A beauty salon?
A brilliant idea
You won't have to
give me money -
when I can make
money on the salon
How sweet you are,
my little gorilla
Hallo? Hallo? The lines
are tangled up again
Can you hear me, Vihtori?
Hallo?
Vihtori?
My dear little Vihtori,
you are so sweet
Of course I'll fix it
for my little girl
Fix and fix
I've suspected
it all the time
Pity him that forgets
the 6th Commandment
I'll remind you of it
Let's make
the deal right away
I'll inspect it now,
and that's that
Bye, sweetheart.
Bye, bye
Well, I'll be
I'll buy this place if it takes
my last forfeited tax returns
The curtains are new,
they're brand new
Yes, they're new,
if you're interested
Of course I am
I'm Mr Vuorenkaiku -
and I will buy this
whole thing from you
- Please, sit down.
- Thanks, can't I sit here?
Please
Unfortunately, I must
relinquish this place
I must travel abroad
for family reasons
I see, you're married
I'd travel as far as the
ticket would take me
So, well.
You'll want more information
about this establishment
Yes of course
Considering the mortgages -
I'd be prepared to sell
it for 30000 marks
What would you
say to 40000?
Excuse me? - I said
the price is 50000
I would need
to have a closer
I mean a closer
look at the place
Please, be my guest
You're obviously an expert
An amateur
Maybe we'll see better on
the other side. - Maybe
Ouch
Mr Vuorenkaiku,
this is our spa
A great place, took
Am I not prettier?
A great place
If all the Vihtoris in this
world would understand -
how to raise their Klaaras -
then none of them would
as a poor Vihtori stand -
if only they'd listen to us
If you can't make your
Klaara happy during the day -
try again at night
At noon, she sounds
like a trombone playing -
but at night
she's quiet and light
Yes, the car is outside
I'd like to give her
the key personally
One moment, pleas
A car mechanic
wants to see you
Let him in. - Yes, Miss
Hello, my car's done, then?
There you are.
I brought it over myself
So, this time you
did not hit any walls?
I did, figuratively speaking
Can I help you?
That's what I came here for
You're the only person
in Northern Europe -
that can help me.
- You got my attention
Pray tell, please
All is fair in
love and war
That sounds exciting
You know Mr Vuorenkaiku well
Quite well, right? - I see
Miss Ritva Vuorenkaiku!
I'll find out about
this relative
The lady got the necklace
that was meant for me
How silly. - Not for me
I'm the scapegoat
And I got hurt
That old man really loved it -
because, for once, he dared
to be angry at home
Don't mock little Vihtori
Excuse me, I forgot
Doesn't matter if you did
But it is an
embarrassing situation
Vappu told me that he
was as soft as wax
Apparently in
the wife's hands
Well, who knows
Maybe someone else
can get something done
Mr Vuorenkaiku's coming
No, don't let him in
- He doesn't know you're home.
- Impossible
He's got
The key?
Please excuse me,
I must go
My presence
might be awkward
And it wouldn't help
your wedding plans
- Hide in there.
- In the bedroom?
- Worst case scenario.
- No
- Best case scenario.
- Sleep well
I hope I don't snore
Hush!
Hello, sweetheart
I finally made it
Come, I'll show you
something really exciting
Close your eyes, and you'll
see something really nice
I can't see much
with my eyes closed
Open them and you'll see
Ouch!
- What? - I think
I dropped my bracelet
- Let's see.
- No, it's in my hand
Well, good
Close your eyes
Now
A beauty salon
How charming
Is all this really mine?
Yes, sure.
This is serious business
I'm a generous guy
when it comes to that
A charming little salon,
just a little wet
- Wet?
- You see, when you bathe, you get wet
What'll I do if Klaara
comes there?
Tell her it's fully booked
Oh dear, your wife. Hide!
- We're doomed.
- I'll try to get rid of her
Mr Vuorenkaiku, in here
- Who are you?
- A friend in need, come
Make yourself at home
You're laughing now,
but there will be tears, too
Ouch!
Hello, Mrs Vuorenkaiku
Can I ask you
to step on the floor?
My first close encounter
with my mother-in-law
You sultan, you mormon!
Mrs Vuorenkaiku, wait!
I can explain!
I believe you
if you say so
But hiding under
the bed with him
- That bothers me.
- He's not that bad
But now he's explaining
it all to Klaara
Mrs Vuorenkaiku, wait!
- I can explain.
- No explanations
Hey, look here, mister
What was
your name again?
Yes, you
shouldn't stick around
When Mom says no,
she means no
We'll announce our
engagement next Sunday
No, young man. How can
you prove to my wife -
that I was under the bed, too?
She only saw you
What champagne is Pops going
to serve at our engangement?
Otherwise, here's a deed -
with which
you're taking over -
a nice little salon
and giving it to
Damn, I'm done for
You have hours
to arrange the party
Otherwise, we'll let
Klaara arrange it
No way!
Try to survive this
Thank God that rascal wasn't
the only man in the world
Yes, but he was awful pretty
And I really did like him
Greetings from the office
Yuck, what a hot and
sweaty afternoon it was
Can't you at least stop?
Don't talk about worldly things -
- when our hearts are breaking.
- Right
Speaking of which
Speaking of hearts,
I've changed my mind -
considering
that car mechanic
I really do think -
that you should
take the mechanic, girl
May he fix you -
the best he can
He's never getting our girl
A man like that asks
for our daughter's hand -
and is found
in that woman's bed
Who's been in bed
in the middle of the day?
Vihtori, I have to tell you
Nisse, go away,
this is nothing for you
I don't want to hear it again
It's really boring,
not at all exciting
Think, Vihtori -
- a half an hour ago I saw that man.
- So what?
The Vuorenkaiku residence,
Mr Vuorenkaiku speaking
No, my brother-in-law,
I think it's of no use
Alright, I'll try.
Wait a minute
That rascal was naked -
and drunk as
a monkey in her bed
Now he's sobered up -
and wants to talk to
Vappu on the phone
- Never.
- Said Kenonen
Listen, that didn't work at all
You've blown it
Don't worry, there are
enough women in the world
Listen, you'll teach me
that card trick, won't you?
Even if we're not family
Huh?
That's what love does to you
Yeah, yeah
I can't eat a thing
because I didn't sleep a wink
Mother there snored like hell.
Didn't you hear?
In the war, men slept through
the rattling of machine guns
And that war only
lasted five years
That thing yesterday
got on my nerves
I haven't slept at all, terrible
- Lost your appetite, have you?
- Yes
I can't even think about food,
my nerves are a mess
About yesterday's incident -
the poor man was actually
under the woman's bed
Have you ever been
under a woman's bed?
- What?
- Not under, but...
One more word,
and I'm a widow
This day started well
This is exactly what we've
been looking for so long
Beauty salon for sale.
Must travel abroad
Salon Shanghai,
from 10 to 12
Excellent. - Yes
Lovely, exactly what we've
been looking for. - Yes
Salon Shanghai?
Travel abroad?
That's not possible. Where
would she go and why?
Just what the doctor ordered
You'll forget your mechanic
If Mrs Nieminen has a salon -
I must have one, too. - Right
Don't go, it's already sold
Are you getting stingy again?
How would you know?
I know a thing or two, too
Damn, damn. Why is Ritva -
selling a salon
she only got yesterday?
Something's rotten in
the state of Denmark again
Can't you hear the doorbell?
Yes I can, but our clients -
do have time to wait
We're here for this ad
Who can discuss the sale?
- No one.
- Excuse me?
We're not selling
But there's an ad
in today's paper
That's a lie,
look a little closer
- It's yesterday's paper.
- So it is
Why didn't you notice that?
You didn't notice it, either
- What did the ladies want?
- Buy this
I'm not selling to them
Did you say I own this?
Why would they need
to know? - Fine, thanks
I'm sorry about yesterday.
What a pity.
How nice that it's a pity,
but it won't help
I'm the groom -
with two unpaid rings,
I recommend this
I only need one man from
this shop, but don't worry -
every cloud has a silver
lining. I've got an idea
- I hope this one's better.
- Me, too
You have nothing to lose
Not much of a comfort
If the bride and the
sun should ascend -
to your marital heaven -
do not melt too quickly
Your bride obviously
needs a lesson
I'll be an ice-cream stick
Excuse me, I'm here
to see Mrs Vuorenkaiku
Whom may I announce?
May I add this to
my book of memories?
- You seem to know my name.
- Aye
If they'd talked as much
about me as of you -
I'd be a
Cabinet minister by now
I gather they
weren't pretty tales
I have to say
you are much prettier
But do come in.
If you're afraid -
of Mother as
little as of the draft -
- I wouldn't be surprised if.
- Hush, that's good
Between you and me -
nothing should surprise
you in this house
You see, we're all
a little strange here
You're quite charming
Yes, but I'm
the hope of the family
So, your Mother is home?
Unfortunately. - Nisse,
with whom are you speaking?
Courage
If you need help,
don't call me
Why, Mother
May I introduce a dear,
old friend
You, you! - Yes, me
You still remember me, then?
If you're here
for your mechanic
- Exactly. - Out,
I don't want to hear it
You must
May I smoke? - No
Thank you
I gather -
you know
von Saslik pretty well
Don't mention that
name in this house
All right
In that case, we'll
call him Mr X
Mr X came to me yesterday
to talk about some business
You insolent,
how dare you?
He wanted to buy
his bride a gift
Beauty Salon Shanghai
that I own
We had decided to
sign the papers today
Now he called me
and said the deal was off -
because his bride
called the wedding off
I've heard that you
would be willing -
to buy the salon and
now I'm offering it to you
I'm traveling abroad
and I have to sell my business -
that's going well enough -
to keep working
even after the Olympics
I hope you
understood me correctly
I don't understand what
he was doing under your bed
That was amusing, indeed
"Amusing" is putting it mildly
Still, my little dog is to blame
When we were studying
some blueprints -
we forgot to
play with little Popo -
who felt insulted -
and dragged the
blueprints under the bed
Being a polite
man he couldn't bear -
to see
a woman under the bed -
and crawled down
there to get them
That's when you walked in
And the rest you know
But in that case...
In that case
Petteri is innocent
Was he supposed to be
guilty of something? - No!
I just...
We women are like that
Always thinking
of the worst of men
Blaming them without
knowing what's going on
Good. The first intelligent
words from a woman's mouth -
- inside these walls.
- Oh, Petteri!
Petteri, Petteri!
Petteri? But I'm Vihtori
Mister Petteri at his
mirror in the bedroom -
was combing his hair -
and telling his lady
Hi there, Daddy
Daddy, come
and shake hands
We have a real nice guest
Yes, Vihtori. May I present to you
my husband Mr Vuorenkaiku
And Miss. Excuse me,
what was the name again?
Miss Vuorenrinne
How funny, your names
are almost the same
Pleasant, very pleasant to
meet you, Miss Vuorenrinne
You're much too kind,
Mr Vuorenkaiku
Imagine, Vihtori -
how nice
Miss Vuorenrinne is
I know, I know. I mean -
I can see
how nice she looks
She came to offer
to sell her beauty salon
Beau-be-be
Petteri, can't
you forgive me?
It wasn't my fault, Mom
made me believe all that
Can't you even answer?
You see -
I never believed it
But I don't understand
what got into me
Please forgive me,
I'll never do that again
Charming, fantastic
But how much do
I have to pay for all that?
I think it cost 100000
- No. 50000
- How would you know?
I know a thing or two, too
Under the circumstances -
I must sell it cheaper
Because my Dad's
stingy at times, too
Like all Dads
In that case,
I'll sell it for 50000
- In cash.
- Damn girl
- That's cheap.
- Expensive girl
Yes, it's cheap.
Very cheap
- Cheap, cheap.
- It's settled then
You can raise
the money tomorrow
Yes, tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Yes, money tomorrow
Thank you, Mrs Vuorenkaiku
And you too, Mr Vuorenkaiku.
I'm thankful beyond words
You won't believe how happy
I was when you said yes
Sometimes he's so sweet
Mommy's little girl
It would be lovely to
have a husband like him
Now I really must go
- Goodbye, Ma'am.
- Goodbye
Goodbye, Mr Vuorenkaiku
It was a great pleasure
to meet your family
And most of all you.
Goodbye. - Goodbye, Miss
You must visit us often, we'll
introduce you to high society
Thanks, but my life
will change completely
Unfortunately, we won't
be seeing each other often
- I'm about to get married.
- Married?
- Damn. - What's so
strange about that?
- You're married, too.
- Yes
I am married
Everything will change
if you say one word
Out
Don't you understand me?
So, the ice-cream didn't melt?
It was hard, but it's
still frozen. - Good
The wheel of fate
is spinning and I think -
a lot will happen
at the Vuorenkaiku's
See you at my
place in 30 minutes
It's a bit scary
to return there
Bite the bullet,
even if it makes you cry
Goodbye. - Goodbye
- He said, he said.
- What did he say?
Nothing. - Great, a deaf
and dumb son-in-law
A suitable addition
to our family
I'll take care of this
Too late, I can't
live without him
I've taken poison
Poison! Poor child
Quickly, call a doctor!
Poor child
Still alive?
What poison did you take?
Nisse, call a doctor
Klaara, the thermometer
I haven't taken
the poison yet
I was just thinking I should
What a genius for
a sister, she thinks
I'll get you
some castor oil
The best medicine
in these cases
And now
I'm taking care of this
You'll go find Petteri -
and bring him
back dead or alive
Preferably alive
A dead son-in-law
only means costs
And we've
had enough of them
Here, my little sister
The best castor oil in town -
and once
you've swallowed it -
you'll forget both Petteri
and Saslik for a long time
Hi, are you free?
Hi! Free as a bird
Let's find
my girl a husband
Get going!
Hey! Vihtori!
- Is Mr Saslik around?
- Not now
Will he be back?
He hasn't disappeared yet
Unless he's been fired
I'll wait here,
you find out his address
Mkikatu 17, 3rd floor,
no elevator, bath/ wc
Mkikatu 17, go
If you see him,
bring him here
Preferably alive
Did the monkey couple leave?
Why did they want Petteri?
The bitch could've
been his new doll
He's got one
for each finger
Like that girl Vuorenrinne
running here every day
Petteri snatched the boss'
doll right in front of his nose
Soon she'll be
the whole town's doll
Yesterday I saw her -
hand in hand with
Vihtori Vuorenkaiku
And now, Missie, we're
going to settle our scores
There's nothing to settle
You have the salon,
I have the check
But where are my
husband and son-in-law?
Answer me. - Sorry,
I'm not a collector
If you can't handle them -
get a baby-sitter
- But don't ask me.
- But Miss Vuorenrinne
Yes, Miss Vuorenkaiku
You, you
I'll squash you,
you temptress
Yeah, I should've known
Mom's at her favorite
pastime. - Oh, you, too?
You can't help accidents,
they never knock twice
But broken glass
brings good fortune
Hush
Yeah, yeah
I guess this is what
they call a situation
- Father and son.
- And mother
And daughter
Well, here we are
Like in a beehive
Dear, dear children.
Finally, I see you together
I'm so happy
Welcome -
to sail into the blissful
harbor of marriage
You, you
matrimonial skipper -
finally hit a rock
- How did you come in?
- Through the door
- With your own key.
- I gave him the key
Finally, you're done in
Yes, both deals are done
All this belongs to you
What? - Didn't Mr Vuorenkaiku
explain it to you?
Oh, it's a secret
between me and you?
Now, the truth
When Mr Vuorenkaiku -
gave me the check
for the salon -
he bought this
place furnished -
because I can't
take anything with me
- Who did you buy it for?
- But darling.
Why do you ask? For
our dear child, of course
My dear little gorilla
You are so sweet after all
And I had my doubts
Yes, Mrs Vuorenkaiku,
you are a real wife
Always in doubt
But you were always
mistaken about me and still are
Maybe some
day it'll all be clear
Never
Someone's waiting,
I have to go
Thank you for
the pleasant company
- Goodbye, Mrs Vuorenkaiku.
- Where are you going?
To get married
Damn
This seems to
surprise you, too
We'll be wed tomorrow -
and the day after that,
we'll travel far, far away
Goodbye
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye
Finally, my love,
everything's clear
Now I belong only to you
Lovely, the priest
will bless us tomorrow
And the world gets
another poor Vihtori
Hey!
Vihtori, you really
are quite a man
Quite a man
Where is Vihtori?
Vihtori?
Vihtori!
Where is he?
He's over there
Goodbye
Spades are trumps
Clubs aren't
Can I please ask you
gentlemen to stop cheating?
Your mail, Sir
Damn girl
So, we're family after all
- Cheers.
- Cheers
Klaara is coming
Is there no end to his
mutton and cabbage?
- So, how are you today?
- Better, darling
But I have to stay
here for a long time
Let go!
My Dear Daddy
Since your health kept you
from attending my wedding -
I'm enclosing a picture
of your daughter Ritva -
as the happiest
woman in the world.
We had to keep this secret
because of Klaara -
but you've grown
accustomed to the fact that -
everything pertaining to your
daughter Ritva is a little secret
Goodbye, my dear Daddy
PS. The 50000,
I tricked you out of -
you would've given as a wed-
ding present, so we're even
Your happy daughter Ritva
Ritva Vuorenrinne,
your daughter!
Your own daughter
And I thought.
Dear Vihtori -
will you ever be
able to forgive me?
Why didn't you tell
me right away?
I would've lived
ten years longer
Ten years more
I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to
This I do mean!