Viktor und Viktoria (1933) Movie Script
Viktor and Viktoria
Forward, move!
THEATRICAL AGENCY
"Thou best of beings, how is my soul
'twixt eye and ear divided!"
"No: 'twas not she I snatched from..."
Two marks for Friday ticket.
I'm not crazy, they should be happy
someone wants to see that nonsense.
Too bad, somehow
it'd be a great evening.
Concentrated, well made, intense.
OPERETTA
Next, please.
In my day, this wasn't possible. It's
getting more difficult with every year.
All those people who want to
go to the theatre these days!
It should be prohibited.
There should be a law.
DRAMA
"Oh, ye who stand around
with terror dumb,
and mute surprise,
Do not condemn..."
Damn it! Excuse me.
"...do not condemn the youth
Who holds this language
to the king, his father."
"Look on this corpse."
"Behold! for me he died."
"If ye have tears - if in your veins
flow blood,not molten brass
look here, and blame me not."
And blame me not.
"Doubtless you wait the end
of this rude scene?"
"Here is my sword.
For you are still my king.
Think not I fear your vengeance.
I here renounce all that this world
can offer to my hopes."
Do you want me to sing
something light, too?
Yes, please!
No, thanks!
Light roles are mine, my dear miss.
You're too young for our stage.
Maybe later.
- Later?
- Ten years from now.
Next one, please. And make it fast,
I don't have much time.
"Now I am alone.
O what a rogue and
peasant slave am I!"
"A dull and muddy-mettled rascal
Like John-a-dreams,
unpregnant of my cause.
Am I a coward?
Who calls me villain?"
"Bloody, bawdy villain!"
"Remorseless, kindless villain!"
"Fie upon't! Foh!"
"About, my brain!"
"I have heard that guilty creatures
sitting at a play
have by the very cunning of the scene
been struck so..."
Struck...
Struck so...
Next!
Next, please.
Wait a moment.
Director.
Director, I...
I also know the role of Karl Moor
in "The Robbers"
by Friedrich von Schiller.
And likewise I had
extraordinary success as Romeo,
as Romeo in
"Romeo and Juliet" by Shakespeare.
And by said Shakespeare,
I can also offer "Othello",
as the Moor of Venice.
And also, if you please ...
I was the protagonist in
"Kthchen of Heilbronn" by Kleist.
I, as Knight vom Strahl.
Thank you. You will receive our reply.
I will begin with
the speech of Mark Anthony.
"Friends, Romans, countrymen,
lend me your ears. "
Idiots!
Hamlet is missing.
Is this you?
Yes, indeed!
- You can play Hamlet?
- Of course!
Any objections?
No.
But I could have sworn ...
What?
That you're a comedian.
Don't make me laugh!
Dear Miss...
Meet the hero and lover,
Viktor Hempel!
Very pleased to meet you.
I'm Susanne Lohr.
Don't get me wrong, Herr Hempel.
The bit about the comedian
wasn't meant seriously.
You haven't been long
in the industry, right?
A newcomer, Herr Hempel.
Oh, I see.
Not so loud! There's no need
for everyone to know about it.
No false shame,
everybody has started at the bottom.
Courage!
And everything will be fine.
I would like to make a career,
I've got talent and I am gifted
I would like to make a career,
but luck hasn't favoured me yet.
I can sing, laugh, and dance,
but still I don't have any money
I can be serious or light,
but still I don't make any progress.
Yes, it's a shame.
This terrible draught!
My voice...
Oh this world is just illusion...
- Must it be the theatre at all costs?
- Yes!
Why don't you try something else?
I must succeed by all means,
I won't rest until I'm successful,
I want to be a star without equal
and have the world at my feet,
I want to stand in the limelight,
and everyone shall see what I can do,
I want to be on the posters in bold face
And at the top, at the very top,
At the very top!
Dear Miss Lohr,
it's not as easy as you think.
Talent is only secondary.
The main thing with
every theatre director is
patronage, patronage.
I knew it! I have a cold.
Patronage.
I have no patronage, as
unfortunately I don't know anyone here.
I only know you.
Are you a celebrity?
I'm already someone.
I have my job.
- Right now, they scrambled to get me.
- Really? Congratulations.
Don't congratulate me yet.
I didn't accept the salary.
I didn't accept the offer.
You didn't get a contract?
I'm used to it.
The salary, I mean.
You can afford it,
you act the heroic parts.
I don't play anything,
and have even less money.
Dear child, never give up.
Always keep your hopes, always.
Why is that window open?
Let me tell you something,
out of experience.
One day in spring,
luck will call at your door,
and the world will be ablaze
with golden light.
Then reach out to luck,
don't ever let it go again,
firmly lock it in with you forever.
For everyone there comes an hour
in which the sun smiles brightly
and in which Fortune
beckons to you.
One day in spring,
luck will call at your door
and will make your
wildest dreams come true.
There should be a law.
Miss, it has been a pleasure.
But what awful weather today!
Too bad about your suit!
I'll only walk over
to the Esplanade Hotel.
The director from Baden-Baden
has invited me to lunch there.
- Enjoy your meal, then!
- Same to you!
People like me cannot afford
to go to such places.
SELF-SERVICE
But that's Hamlet sitting there!
I thought you were dining
at the Esplanade Hotel.
With the director
from Baden-Baden.
Baden-Baden is too far away
in the South for me.
Well, if it were in the North
or in the West!
I have called the director to
tell him I was not interested.
In addition, the city is too small.
What kind of theatre could it be?
I pity the man,
he was out of his mind.
Well, what shall he do without me?
Hempels do not abound.
What did you say?
No, I'm all silent.
And that's why,
for this reason...
Herr Hempel,
Not a single word you say is true.
Dear miss, I ask you!
You spread it on thick!
Well, a little.
Yes, just a little.
Actually, I'm hard up.
I'm in bad circumstances.
Other people steal my roles.
Nothing but grudgers and schemers.
But worst are the directors.
They should be eradicated.
Root and branch!
How you must feel inside...
Terrible.
Waiter, another beer.
Have you read the reviews about me?
You'll be speechless.
"Mr. Hempel was completely
miscast as Hamlet,
the audience didn't stop
laughing at him. "
They don't know anything!
- You also played Tell?
- With an unprecedented success.
The audience was enthusiastic
about the apple shot.
I had to shoot twice.
That's me as Tell.
And who is this?
It's a girl!
It's me.
You, the heroic actor as a woman?
That must be some joke.
Sadly, it's serious.
Do you know how to keep a secret?
Since last winter I've been working in
small variety shows occasionally,
and I earn some marks as ...
- Otto?
- Yes?
Have all the artists arrived?
All but number 6, Viktoria. But he will
only be on after the intermission.
Hello, young man!
You've forgotten something!
I'm terrified. I'd rather ...
That's just stage fright.
In an hour it'll be over.
I'll get stuck. You'll see.
The main thing is to save the 10 marks.
Everything else is unimportant.
What if I can't go on halfway through?
I'll take care of that, after all,
I want us to earn those ten marks.
You appeared to me
as a rescuing angel,
you understood my misery,
and I had this brilliant idea.
How did it go again? Please help me!
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
I'll give you a kiss, a kiss
or whatever else you desire.
I've been feeling so strangely
Spanish for some time now,
that even while sleeping
I say: Ol!
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
I have to go to the country
where Carmen is at home,
I can't take it anymore,
I have to get out,
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
VIKTORIA
MUSICAL COMEDY
TODAY
NEW PROGRAM
No, I do not dare.
Miss Susanne, be a man,
don't behave like a girl!
You know I'm broke,
and my future depends on you.
I've already pawned my suit, my landlady
is angry and will give me notice.
The shoemaker has even threatened
to kill me if I don't pay.
Miss Susanne, take heart,
pity my grief.
And don't forget one thing: one
would like to eat some beefsteak again.
SILENCE
- Are you Viktoria?
- No.
Yes! It's me.
Hurry, you're up right away.
- Who are you?
- I'm going along with my colleague.
- What?
- I'm going along with my colleague.
Acetate of alumina.
I've already drunken it.
I've been hoarse since then.
Don't drink it.
Put it round the neck!
WOMENS' DRESSING ROOM
A man! A man!
Close the door!
I'm not going in there.
MENS' DRESSING ROOM
Wild horses couldn't drag me there.
I'm not going into
the mens' dressing room.
I do not want to go and I won't go!
Do you want one?
- Good evening, how are you?
- Fine, thank you.
Long time no see!
- What is on today?
- Great numbers.
A first-class programme.
- Beer?
- Lager.
All right. Waiter, two beers!
Some chocolate? Ice cream?
Lemonade! Hot, very hot!
Not surprising! With a scarf
as thick as that, I'd feel hot, too.
Lemonade, hot lemonade, stupid!
Old fool!
Has your father been a glazier?
Hands off there!
Spanish fire has always
run through my veins
And my heart is beating
like castanets.
Spain, only you take away my sleep
and I'm wild about
the friendly toreros.
I also love Spanish dressing screens,
and a kiss from Madrid
says it all.
Come along to Madrid
Or wherever you want to go.
I'll give you a kiss, a kiss
or whatever else you desire.
I've been feeling so strangely
Spanish for some time now,
That even while sleeping I say ...
Ol!
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
I have to go to the country
where Carmen is at home.
I can't take it anymore,
I have to get out,
come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
Or wherever you want go,
or wherever you want to go.
- A man?
- Of course.
Idiot!
Apple tree! Apple tree!
Miss Director, the salary, please.
Ten? Wasn't it twelve?
Do you suffer from delusions?
That's enough.
The dealer wins ten! Goodbye.
Someone wants to speak to you.
Hello.
"How do you do, Mister Viktoria?"
My compliments, that was fabulous.
Enormous talent, you'll be popular.
You only need some promotion,
because you can't do without ballyhoo.
But don't fear, I'll take care of it.
You won't find anyone more skilled.
Your name will be famous.
That's my specialty.
- I do not know ...
- Who I am?
Francesco Alberto Punkertin.
At home in all the world, I go in
and out at every theatre direction.
I recognize an attraction
at first sight.
You are my man, I am your good fate.
And everything depends on it.
How much do you get here?
Ten marks.
Per night.
How ridiculous! I guarantee you
200 for the next five years.
That is a net of,
minus my commission,
A quarter million.
With me, you're in the right place.
And take special heed of this:
"Obliged to perform the number
in all languages."
That's very important, young man,
I don't want to lose any country.
Go ahead diligently,
we'll start in London.
The world will be yours, and more
importantly, a lot of money.
Send me this paper,
but it must be signed,
and rather quickly:
Grand Hotel, room 2.
"Au revoir, gute Nacht, goodbye."
Viktoria!
We made it!
Congratulations!
There's never been luck like this!
Yesterday, there was nothing,
and today we have a meteoric success.
Sign, sign!
Before he changes his mind.
- You've lost your mind.
- How?
- I'm to sign this?
- Of course.
No way.
Well, now you have lost your mind.
Heaven sends you a man,
who puts millions on the table for you,
and you don't even
want to think about it?
No.
If it had been offered to me,
I would have signed it right away!
Do it. You are Viktoria, after all.
I have been.
From today, you are Viktoria.
I do not want to do it.
I am a girl and will remain a girl.
What have you achieved by being a girl?
Have you been hired?
You have not been hired!
And you won't be hired!
But as a man,
they will scramble to get you.
In fact, they already scrambled.
And you do not want to be scrambled?!
But Herr Hempel, don't you understand?
No, I don't understand.
Do you want to become a celebrity?
Yes.
Do you want to make a fortune?
Yes.
Do you want the world at your feet?
Yes.
Well, sign.
Viktor.
One moment. I, A.
How?
Viktor-ia.
Viktoria.
Viktoria!
And now to work!
Study French, brood over English,
bone up on Italian,
get drilled in Spanish,
Romanian, Turkish, Japanese,
Chinese, Russian and Slovakian.
We'll make our way
through the complete Berlitz school!
Mr. Punkertin,
We won't disappoint you!
- We?
- Of course, we.
I won't let such a young boy
go out into the world alone!
With you on my arm,
I'll challenge my century!
We must succeed by all means,
We won't rest until we've won victory,
We won't leave our path
until we have the world at our feet
We want to be in the limelight on stage,
and people shall cheer when they see us,
We want to be on the posters in
bold face, at the top, at the very top,.
At the very top!
- Pretty girl!
- Very pretty!
That's a matter of taste.
Exactly, all a matter of taste.
But... you are also "wunderfull".
You me... "unterstand"?
Don't strain yourself,
you can speak German with me.
I was baptized with Spree water.
Wonderful!
To find such a sweet girl
at the Thames, of all places!
- Handsome boy, right?
- It's a matter of taste, isn't it?
Yes, a very handsome boy.
Miss Schulze,
agreed, after the show I'll wait
for you at the stage entrance.
How? Ah! Yes, yes.
Don't forget, at the stage entrance.
- Excuse me?
- What? No, not you.
Goodbye, goodbye!
What do you say? Are you content?
Contracts from the North and the South,
hourly telegrams from Milan,
Rome, Paris, Amsterdam.
I'll make you famous in the whole world,
contracts, promotion and money.
- Well, Mr. Viktoria, am I hardworking?
- Yes.
You see, Punkertin
does the right thing!
But now I have to leave, I've no time,
my plane is ready to lift off,
and next year there won't be
any seats left, "au revoir".
"Goodbye"!
Amsterdam!
- The man is really hardworking!
- I was hardworking!
Basically, the idea was mine.
He was only hardworking to buy it.
It only shows how well
I play my role as a man.
But I have rehearsed you.
- Viktor?
- Yes?
I'm starving.
How's the dinner at the Savoy?
The Savoy? England's best cuisine.
Simply "wonderfull."
Too bad I can't
accompany you this evening.
Why not? What's up?
Well, I ... I have developed certain
relationships with foreign countries.
Fabulous affair,
at very attractive terms.
It would be irresponsible
to waste such an occasion.
- It would be tactless.
- Wouldn't it?
What's the name of the English girl?
Lilli Schulze,
from the green banks of the Spree.
A charming creature.
And so modest, so trusting,
so cute, so sweet!
In a word: a timid fawn!
Well, good hunting!
So you're not angry, Susanne,
if I leave you alone tonight?
No. I'm not a young girl!
I'm a grown-up, experienced man
who is the equal of any situation.
I hope I can prove it tonight.
Be careful, Susanne,
and don't do anything foolish.
Don't be afraid,
I won't abandon my role.
It would be terrible!
Consider what is at stake for us.
But Viktor, today is a lucky day!
The big success at the theatre,
all the new contracts...
I am so content, and happy!
Happy as never before!
What could be better than
for once having no wishes?
Today, everything is so genial
and luck is on our side,
as it comes to everyone some time.
One day in spring,
luck will call at your door
and the world will be ablaze
with golden light.
Then reach out to luck,
don't ever let it go again,
firmly lock it in with you forever.
For everyone there comes an hour
in which the sun smiles brightly
and in which Fortune
beckons to you.
One day in spring,
luck will call at your door
and will make your
wildest dreams come true.
But that's... Of course!
That's Viktoria.
He's a charming boy!
And so well-built!
- Well-built, well-built...
- He has a good tailor.
Why don't you also
go to a good tailor?
Don't laugh.
We have the same tailor.
Well, Robert can afford such luxury.
Of course, with Robert you consider
everything to be wonderful.
But he just doesn't care.
Yes, I'm a hopeless case.
To your health, Ellinor.
I'm not hopeless. On the contrary.
For two years, I have lived
in the hope of marrying you.
And what did I achieve in this time?
Permission to keep on hoping.
Thank you.
You make me very happy.
Wait a moment.
That "girl" from your number ...
That... "number girl," Miss Lillian.
Is she still inside?
Is she not inside?
May I give you a light,
Mister Viktoria?
I admired you this evening.
My compliments!
You've achieved a fantastic illusion.
I really took you
for a woman all the time.
- Whisky?
- Yes.
- To your health!
- To your health!
Two more whiskys.
Hello, good evening!
- How are you?
- Well, thank you.
- Who's that young man over there?
- Mister Viktoria.
The star of the Majestic.
I see! A handsome boy.
- To your health!
- To your health!
Another whisky!
- May I introduce you?
- But I already know. Mister Viktoria!
Imagine, London's leading expert
in women has fallen in love with you.
But Ellinor!
Don't deny it, Robert.
It's true, isn't it?
Allow me: Sir Douglas Sheppersfield,
Mister Viktoria.
- A tango! Robert, can we dance?
- With pleasure.
Which tailor do you have?
Why?
Because, we've just ...
Are you having a whisky?
Two whiskys.
Hello! Mr. Viktoria!
One moment.
Where did you leave your colleague?
I was going to ask you the same.
I think tonight he was about to engage
in relationships with foreign countries.
He spoke of a gentle,
modest, timid fawn.
Lilli Schulze,
from the green banks of the Spree.
He took that seriously?
Very seriously.
But how could he?
I'm not going out with a man
I've only just met.
No, I'm not doing such things.
Would you like to dance with me?
Sorry, I'm very tired. But I think
this gentleman is a passionate dancer.
- Would you like to dance with me?
- Yes!
- Or are you tired, too?
- No, I'm awake, very awake!
Great. Come on!
Greetings to your friend.
Tell him not to be angry.
Where can one still
get something to drink?
In the bar, sir.
Hello, Viktor!
Hello, Viktoria.
- Did you enjoy yourself?
- Tremendously.
An unforgettable evening.
Another whisky, but not so much water.
A tremendous thirst!
- You had too much champagne, I guess?
- Yes, 6 bottles.
It is curious, as a young girl
I never drank champagne.
You were a timid fawn.
Yes... a timid...
- Timid.
... fawn.
Another whisky.
Even less water.
Why didn't you
bring the girl along?
Why? Oh, I see.
Well, on principle...
On principle she
doesn't frequent bars.
Another whisky.
Without water.
Viktor, all this because
of a little fawn.
God's animal kingdom is so huge.
But there are so few fawns!
Oh, Viktor...
Don't make me jealous, Douglas.
But Ellinor, there's really no reason.
The girl is very pretty.
But she's just a silly bird.
Sir!
How dare you!
To call a timid fawn a silly bird!
This is an outrage!
I demand satisfaction!
Viktor, come, let's get out!
I don't want to get out!
Sorry, my colleague has drunken
too much whisky.
Take me home, please.
Douglas!
I'm infinitely sorry.
I ask you to take care
of further proceedings.
You can trust in me.
A miserable, vile wretch.
Viktor! To bed!
Not a bird, a timid...
It's a ... vile wretch!
Vile ... an abject bird
A timid fawn, not a bird...
Not a bird!
She's not a bird, she's a fawn!
A little fawn... Oh, my head
- Well then, go. Good night!
- Good night.
- Thanks for helping.
- Why, of course.
Good evening, sir.
I'll get a sedative.
Everything revolves and moves and ...
Damn snake!
Why did you leave me standing here?
Waiter! Another whisky! Three!
You're a fine colleague!
Your behavior is scandalous!
What will people think?
I have to be ashamed!
I'm not to forget my role.
And what are you doing?
I'm not to do silly things.
And what are you doing?
- You have your fun and you show me up!
- And what are you doing?
You are terribly inconsiderate.
Don't you realise how I suffer,
playing this ridiculous role as a man?
Dear Miss Susanne, I swear ...
I have to drink whisky, wear trousers,
make compliments to stupid women.
And I do it for you!
Or did you think I enjoy it?
Have you already forgotten
what I sacrificed to you?
Have you already forgotten
that I am a woman?
If you venture to do it again,
trust me, it'll be all over between us.
And remember:
then I won't be your Viktoria anymore.
Yes, come in.
Could you bring me a glass of water, young man?
There you are.
Thank you.
Drink this, and tomorrow
you'll feel like a new man.
- Cheers!
- Good night.
Get better soon!
I beg your pardon for my colleague.
It has been my pleasure
to be useful, sir.
Good night.
Oh, and now you play
the hurt person, mister?
While it was you
who insulted me, mister.
I was to go out with you,
on the first evening,
what should people think?
That is not like a gentleman.
Do you think your behaviour
proper for a gentleman?
I think you should know
how to behave!
The first time, a man does not
say to a lady: "Come with me."
He gives her some violets
and woos her patiently for a while.
A lady won't go with a gentleman
who is still a stranger to her.
The first time, a man does not
say to a lady: "Come with me."
Sorry, it was not gentleman-like!
Does one have to know you for a
long time for it to be gentleman-like?
When may I dare to ask you again?
Not earlier than in 24 hours, sir.
- When will they finally be over?
- Tonight, sir.
Then herewith a gentleman asks you
most politely for this evening.
It will be my pleasure.
The first time, a man does not
say to a lady: "Come with me."
He gives her some violets
and woos her patiently for a while.
A lady won't go with a gentleman
who is still a stranger to her.
To a lady, a man says...
only at the second time:
"Come with me."
Who is it?
I.
I, who?
Good evening.
May a poor mortal take a look
in the sanctuary of a great artist?
No.
Oh, yes, please.
Cigarette?
It is empty.
- Do you smoke?
- No.
Well, yes.
Interesting,
very interesting.
So this is the trick!
You take a little of this,
and then of this...
You smear this on your face, right?
Funny. And in the end you put this
on your head, and Viktoria is ready.
You are an extraordinary man.
It must have cost you a lot of work
until you were able to express...
all that femininity.
It is .. innate.
- Oh, it's innate with you?
- Yes.
Interesting.
Ah, there you are!
I came to see you.
What may I do for the gentleman?
I regret that it is my duty to come back
to yesterday's incident at the Savoy.
My friend,
Sir Douglas Sheppersfield,
asked me to demand
satisfaction from you.
As the offended person,
Sir Douglas has the choice of weapons.
Guns, ten bullets,
a distance of twenty paces.
Ten bullets? Each?
Five each.
If one of you is killed, the remaining
bullets are dropped, of course.
- Five bullets aren't sufficient?
- Oh, they are, they are.
Given the seriousness of the offense,
the conditions are almost mild.
Don't you think so?
Yes, of course. I ...
One moment, please..
Ten bullets and
twenty paces distance...
- There won't be a duel.
- How?
I have invented it
from beginning to end.
And between us, I think your
colleague deserves this little lesson.
Tell me, colleague ...
Could you teach me to shoot?
All right then, my dear friend.
I'll meet you after the performance
and show you London by night.
Goodbye!
Is there anything you want
to say to your opponent?
No. I mean ... Greetings from me.
I will tell him.
Susi ... I'm leaving. Farewell.
What a coward!
I'm not a coward.
But I didn't come to London
to allow a crazy Englishman
to shoot holes into my belly.
Then shoot holes into his belly.
But I don't know how to shoot!
But you told me
you shot twice as "Tell".
But I didn't hit the target!
Someone always pulled away the apple,
from behind, with a wire.
Sir Douglas will hardly accept
a duel with wires.
That's why I have to leave.
Adieu.
Wait! Come back here.
What if the gentlemen come for the duel
and ask for you? What shall I answer?
Tell them to start without me.
If you dare to run away,
I will not perform anymore.
Right. Then I'll let them kill me.
Ten bullets, twenty paces distance.
That suits you, right?
Of course, of course.
A cognac.
Ten bullets, twenty paces distance...
You know, the man
very pleasantly surprised me.
Manly, unflinching...
Certainly an excellent shot.
MY LAST WILL
- Not shaved, huh?
- No.
Come.
Much better.
I'd like to have this basket of roses.
Or can you show me
something even more beautiful?
How about these lilacs?
What do you think?
Roses or lilacs?
Send her daisies.
Dear friend,
these are for a woman
whom I revere, whom I love.
- Oh, really?
- I decided to ...
What?
To ask for her hand.
Her wholebeing,
her charm,
her posture...
I think she's entirely adorable.
Adorable?
She didn't make me adore her.
Also, what do I care?
Do whatever you want!
I'm going to have breakfast now.
Roses!
I cannot take it anymore, it's over!
It's enough, I'm going crazy!
I've been crazy for a long time.
You've always been.
But my situation is worse.
I thought it would all be so easy
and didn't worry at all,
And now, why must it happen to me:
to lose my dearest one?
Can't anything be done?
Nothing. The flowers have
already been ordered.
And you are to blame!
How was I to know ...
You must have known how
dangerous it was to play with fire!
Instead, without a thought you changed
me into a man, only to save ten marks!
And you ruined me by it!
You believed, and there's
only you to blame,
you could choke
my yearning for a man!
And you should have known: that's more
than the strongest woman can bear.
Your case is dramatic. Mine ...
desperate.
Such a case gave me the last blow!
The straw that breaks that camel's back!
I won't stay here,
I won't play the game anymore.
I won't allow you to tell me
what to do anymore.
And shut up!
But I haven't said anything!
Help me carry the suitcase.
I cannot do it myself.
I'm going to a duel.
It's the last thing I will say.
Yes, speaking.
Ellinor!
Are you busy this afternoon?
You aren't? Fine!
Come to have tea at my house.
Me? I don't know ...
Yes. I see.
Well, I'll be there in time,
at half past three.
Bitch! Says she's alone and
that's why she wants to be with me!
And he thinks she's adorable?!
Horrible, horrible, horrible!
Yes, Madame, I will attend.
But with a clear objective.
To snatch the bride
from under his nose!
Take care! This is dangerous!
It can go off every minute!
Leave it where it is.
Don't pick it up.
They can imprison you for five months
for illegal possession of weapons.
Come.
Thank God, I'm finally
relieved of that thing.
I hated it to death, hated it.
I didn't like it, either.
It didn't fit the two of us.
I share your opinion,
but you demanded it yourself.
Me? Not at all.
God forbid!
I would have been very distressed
if you had been killed.
I would not have survived it.
I don't want to shoot you, either.
Thank God, I'm finally
relieved of that thing.
You don't know how happy I am!
Both of us remain unharmed.
I think so, too.
That settles the case.
- Can't you be more careful?
- Do you want some slaps in the face?
No.
- Send this basket.
- Sorry, it's already sold.
What a pity!
But I can make another one.
But you have to make sure
they are identical.
Send that basket to Madame Ellinor.
It's a delight
that you come to visit me.
I had to come.
I was already electrified on the phone.
White lilacs, my favorite flowers.
What a nice surprise!
Young friend, you are charming.
How long will you stay in London?
Unfortunately, only for this month.
I would have liked to stay longer.
Is it very indiscreet to ask
what keeps you here?
I am in love.
How interesting
But my love is not reciprocated.
Perhaps so far you didn't
express it clearly enough?
You give me hope, Madam?
Don't be so impulsive, young man.
One word from you, and
I'll never leave London again.
It's in your hand to make me
the happiest person.
I know that you're no longer free.
If you knew how I suffered since I know!
- He told you?
- Everything. He is delighted by you.
He's raving about you and
speaks highly about you!
He has decided to marry you!
He has even already
ordered the flowers!
They're here!
Silly boy.
Dearest Ellinor, I ask for your hand!
Your always faithful Douglas.
Oh Susanna, life is beautiful!
Your Viktor, who has returned to life!
Hello!
The bill for room 359, please.
359, yes.
But at once. I'm leaving.
Hello, Miss Schulze!
"How do you do?"
Did anybody drag you down?
I refuse to allow
such confidentialities!
I refuse to be played with.
For me, you are dead.
First you beg for a rendezvous
and implore me to come,
and then you make me wait forever.
Noone has ever dared to do that.
You? A duel?
Nice idea. But you didn't
consider one thing:
I'm not as dumb as I seem to be.
And lies have short legs.
I can't do anything but swear.
And I don't want
to hear anything anymore!
For me, you are entirely out of the question.
And that goes for night and day!
What? Did I hear correctly?
My colleague?
Yes. That's a man!
A true gentleman.
In a class of his own!
No other man can touch him.
I find him amazing, totally irresistible.
He's the type that pleases us women.
What a man! What a body!
Everything about him is fabulous!
How he moves, how he laughs,
noone can imitate that!
I wouldn't have to be asked twice:
he would be the man, the right man!
The right man for me.
Now! I'm going
to confide a secret in you.
- He is ...?
- A girl.
- A girl?
- The right man for you!
A girl!
A girl?!
Susanne, will you marry me?
What?
No longer in the hotel?
She left?
That's a disaster.
That's a breach of contract!
It costs ... It costs ...
I do not know what it will cost!
But you can't violate the contract!
Today you'll still have
to bite the bullet. Come, get in.
Tomorrow...
Tomorrow I'll fix everything.
Carry the suitcases up again!
But it's already so late.
No way I get to the theatre in time.
Spanish fire has always
run through my veins
And my heart is beating like castanets.
Spain, only you take away my sleep
and I'm wild about
the friendly toreros.
I also love Spanish dressing screens,
and a kiss from Madrid
says it all.
Come along to Madrid
Or wherever you want to go.
I'll give you a kiss, a kiss
or whatever else you desire.
I've been feeling so strangely
Spanish for some time now,
That even while sleeping I say: Ol!
Come along to Madrid
Or wherever you want to go.
I have to go to the country
where Carmen is at home,
I cannot take it anymore,
I have to get out,
Come along
to Madrid,
or wherever you want to go.
- It's a girl!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go
I have to go to the country
where Carmen is at home,
I cannot take it anymore,
I have to get out,
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
or wherever you want to go,
Or wherever you want to go.
Bravo! Fantastic! It was excellent!
Again!
Will you please get back on stage!
My compliments! What a talent!
Fantastic!
- You're a born comedian!
- That's what I've always said!
I've been looking for something
like that for a long time.
Visit me at my hotel at once.
- Room 2!
- Au revoir!
- Good night.
- "Goodbye".
For everyone there comes an hour
in which the sun smiles brightly
- and in which Fortune...
- Beckons to you.
What is it?
If you please, miss.
- Why 'miss'?
- Go, go ...
- What has happened?
- What's going on?
He's a man!
A man! A man!
Forward, move!
THEATRICAL AGENCY
"Thou best of beings, how is my soul
'twixt eye and ear divided!"
"No: 'twas not she I snatched from..."
Two marks for Friday ticket.
I'm not crazy, they should be happy
someone wants to see that nonsense.
Too bad, somehow
it'd be a great evening.
Concentrated, well made, intense.
OPERETTA
Next, please.
In my day, this wasn't possible. It's
getting more difficult with every year.
All those people who want to
go to the theatre these days!
It should be prohibited.
There should be a law.
DRAMA
"Oh, ye who stand around
with terror dumb,
and mute surprise,
Do not condemn..."
Damn it! Excuse me.
"...do not condemn the youth
Who holds this language
to the king, his father."
"Look on this corpse."
"Behold! for me he died."
"If ye have tears - if in your veins
flow blood,not molten brass
look here, and blame me not."
And blame me not.
"Doubtless you wait the end
of this rude scene?"
"Here is my sword.
For you are still my king.
Think not I fear your vengeance.
I here renounce all that this world
can offer to my hopes."
Do you want me to sing
something light, too?
Yes, please!
No, thanks!
Light roles are mine, my dear miss.
You're too young for our stage.
Maybe later.
- Later?
- Ten years from now.
Next one, please. And make it fast,
I don't have much time.
"Now I am alone.
O what a rogue and
peasant slave am I!"
"A dull and muddy-mettled rascal
Like John-a-dreams,
unpregnant of my cause.
Am I a coward?
Who calls me villain?"
"Bloody, bawdy villain!"
"Remorseless, kindless villain!"
"Fie upon't! Foh!"
"About, my brain!"
"I have heard that guilty creatures
sitting at a play
have by the very cunning of the scene
been struck so..."
Struck...
Struck so...
Next!
Next, please.
Wait a moment.
Director.
Director, I...
I also know the role of Karl Moor
in "The Robbers"
by Friedrich von Schiller.
And likewise I had
extraordinary success as Romeo,
as Romeo in
"Romeo and Juliet" by Shakespeare.
And by said Shakespeare,
I can also offer "Othello",
as the Moor of Venice.
And also, if you please ...
I was the protagonist in
"Kthchen of Heilbronn" by Kleist.
I, as Knight vom Strahl.
Thank you. You will receive our reply.
I will begin with
the speech of Mark Anthony.
"Friends, Romans, countrymen,
lend me your ears. "
Idiots!
Hamlet is missing.
Is this you?
Yes, indeed!
- You can play Hamlet?
- Of course!
Any objections?
No.
But I could have sworn ...
What?
That you're a comedian.
Don't make me laugh!
Dear Miss...
Meet the hero and lover,
Viktor Hempel!
Very pleased to meet you.
I'm Susanne Lohr.
Don't get me wrong, Herr Hempel.
The bit about the comedian
wasn't meant seriously.
You haven't been long
in the industry, right?
A newcomer, Herr Hempel.
Oh, I see.
Not so loud! There's no need
for everyone to know about it.
No false shame,
everybody has started at the bottom.
Courage!
And everything will be fine.
I would like to make a career,
I've got talent and I am gifted
I would like to make a career,
but luck hasn't favoured me yet.
I can sing, laugh, and dance,
but still I don't have any money
I can be serious or light,
but still I don't make any progress.
Yes, it's a shame.
This terrible draught!
My voice...
Oh this world is just illusion...
- Must it be the theatre at all costs?
- Yes!
Why don't you try something else?
I must succeed by all means,
I won't rest until I'm successful,
I want to be a star without equal
and have the world at my feet,
I want to stand in the limelight,
and everyone shall see what I can do,
I want to be on the posters in bold face
And at the top, at the very top,
At the very top!
Dear Miss Lohr,
it's not as easy as you think.
Talent is only secondary.
The main thing with
every theatre director is
patronage, patronage.
I knew it! I have a cold.
Patronage.
I have no patronage, as
unfortunately I don't know anyone here.
I only know you.
Are you a celebrity?
I'm already someone.
I have my job.
- Right now, they scrambled to get me.
- Really? Congratulations.
Don't congratulate me yet.
I didn't accept the salary.
I didn't accept the offer.
You didn't get a contract?
I'm used to it.
The salary, I mean.
You can afford it,
you act the heroic parts.
I don't play anything,
and have even less money.
Dear child, never give up.
Always keep your hopes, always.
Why is that window open?
Let me tell you something,
out of experience.
One day in spring,
luck will call at your door,
and the world will be ablaze
with golden light.
Then reach out to luck,
don't ever let it go again,
firmly lock it in with you forever.
For everyone there comes an hour
in which the sun smiles brightly
and in which Fortune
beckons to you.
One day in spring,
luck will call at your door
and will make your
wildest dreams come true.
There should be a law.
Miss, it has been a pleasure.
But what awful weather today!
Too bad about your suit!
I'll only walk over
to the Esplanade Hotel.
The director from Baden-Baden
has invited me to lunch there.
- Enjoy your meal, then!
- Same to you!
People like me cannot afford
to go to such places.
SELF-SERVICE
But that's Hamlet sitting there!
I thought you were dining
at the Esplanade Hotel.
With the director
from Baden-Baden.
Baden-Baden is too far away
in the South for me.
Well, if it were in the North
or in the West!
I have called the director to
tell him I was not interested.
In addition, the city is too small.
What kind of theatre could it be?
I pity the man,
he was out of his mind.
Well, what shall he do without me?
Hempels do not abound.
What did you say?
No, I'm all silent.
And that's why,
for this reason...
Herr Hempel,
Not a single word you say is true.
Dear miss, I ask you!
You spread it on thick!
Well, a little.
Yes, just a little.
Actually, I'm hard up.
I'm in bad circumstances.
Other people steal my roles.
Nothing but grudgers and schemers.
But worst are the directors.
They should be eradicated.
Root and branch!
How you must feel inside...
Terrible.
Waiter, another beer.
Have you read the reviews about me?
You'll be speechless.
"Mr. Hempel was completely
miscast as Hamlet,
the audience didn't stop
laughing at him. "
They don't know anything!
- You also played Tell?
- With an unprecedented success.
The audience was enthusiastic
about the apple shot.
I had to shoot twice.
That's me as Tell.
And who is this?
It's a girl!
It's me.
You, the heroic actor as a woman?
That must be some joke.
Sadly, it's serious.
Do you know how to keep a secret?
Since last winter I've been working in
small variety shows occasionally,
and I earn some marks as ...
- Otto?
- Yes?
Have all the artists arrived?
All but number 6, Viktoria. But he will
only be on after the intermission.
Hello, young man!
You've forgotten something!
I'm terrified. I'd rather ...
That's just stage fright.
In an hour it'll be over.
I'll get stuck. You'll see.
The main thing is to save the 10 marks.
Everything else is unimportant.
What if I can't go on halfway through?
I'll take care of that, after all,
I want us to earn those ten marks.
You appeared to me
as a rescuing angel,
you understood my misery,
and I had this brilliant idea.
How did it go again? Please help me!
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
I'll give you a kiss, a kiss
or whatever else you desire.
I've been feeling so strangely
Spanish for some time now,
that even while sleeping
I say: Ol!
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
I have to go to the country
where Carmen is at home,
I can't take it anymore,
I have to get out,
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
VIKTORIA
MUSICAL COMEDY
TODAY
NEW PROGRAM
No, I do not dare.
Miss Susanne, be a man,
don't behave like a girl!
You know I'm broke,
and my future depends on you.
I've already pawned my suit, my landlady
is angry and will give me notice.
The shoemaker has even threatened
to kill me if I don't pay.
Miss Susanne, take heart,
pity my grief.
And don't forget one thing: one
would like to eat some beefsteak again.
SILENCE
- Are you Viktoria?
- No.
Yes! It's me.
Hurry, you're up right away.
- Who are you?
- I'm going along with my colleague.
- What?
- I'm going along with my colleague.
Acetate of alumina.
I've already drunken it.
I've been hoarse since then.
Don't drink it.
Put it round the neck!
WOMENS' DRESSING ROOM
A man! A man!
Close the door!
I'm not going in there.
MENS' DRESSING ROOM
Wild horses couldn't drag me there.
I'm not going into
the mens' dressing room.
I do not want to go and I won't go!
Do you want one?
- Good evening, how are you?
- Fine, thank you.
Long time no see!
- What is on today?
- Great numbers.
A first-class programme.
- Beer?
- Lager.
All right. Waiter, two beers!
Some chocolate? Ice cream?
Lemonade! Hot, very hot!
Not surprising! With a scarf
as thick as that, I'd feel hot, too.
Lemonade, hot lemonade, stupid!
Old fool!
Has your father been a glazier?
Hands off there!
Spanish fire has always
run through my veins
And my heart is beating
like castanets.
Spain, only you take away my sleep
and I'm wild about
the friendly toreros.
I also love Spanish dressing screens,
and a kiss from Madrid
says it all.
Come along to Madrid
Or wherever you want to go.
I'll give you a kiss, a kiss
or whatever else you desire.
I've been feeling so strangely
Spanish for some time now,
That even while sleeping I say ...
Ol!
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
I have to go to the country
where Carmen is at home.
I can't take it anymore,
I have to get out,
come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
Or wherever you want go,
or wherever you want to go.
- A man?
- Of course.
Idiot!
Apple tree! Apple tree!
Miss Director, the salary, please.
Ten? Wasn't it twelve?
Do you suffer from delusions?
That's enough.
The dealer wins ten! Goodbye.
Someone wants to speak to you.
Hello.
"How do you do, Mister Viktoria?"
My compliments, that was fabulous.
Enormous talent, you'll be popular.
You only need some promotion,
because you can't do without ballyhoo.
But don't fear, I'll take care of it.
You won't find anyone more skilled.
Your name will be famous.
That's my specialty.
- I do not know ...
- Who I am?
Francesco Alberto Punkertin.
At home in all the world, I go in
and out at every theatre direction.
I recognize an attraction
at first sight.
You are my man, I am your good fate.
And everything depends on it.
How much do you get here?
Ten marks.
Per night.
How ridiculous! I guarantee you
200 for the next five years.
That is a net of,
minus my commission,
A quarter million.
With me, you're in the right place.
And take special heed of this:
"Obliged to perform the number
in all languages."
That's very important, young man,
I don't want to lose any country.
Go ahead diligently,
we'll start in London.
The world will be yours, and more
importantly, a lot of money.
Send me this paper,
but it must be signed,
and rather quickly:
Grand Hotel, room 2.
"Au revoir, gute Nacht, goodbye."
Viktoria!
We made it!
Congratulations!
There's never been luck like this!
Yesterday, there was nothing,
and today we have a meteoric success.
Sign, sign!
Before he changes his mind.
- You've lost your mind.
- How?
- I'm to sign this?
- Of course.
No way.
Well, now you have lost your mind.
Heaven sends you a man,
who puts millions on the table for you,
and you don't even
want to think about it?
No.
If it had been offered to me,
I would have signed it right away!
Do it. You are Viktoria, after all.
I have been.
From today, you are Viktoria.
I do not want to do it.
I am a girl and will remain a girl.
What have you achieved by being a girl?
Have you been hired?
You have not been hired!
And you won't be hired!
But as a man,
they will scramble to get you.
In fact, they already scrambled.
And you do not want to be scrambled?!
But Herr Hempel, don't you understand?
No, I don't understand.
Do you want to become a celebrity?
Yes.
Do you want to make a fortune?
Yes.
Do you want the world at your feet?
Yes.
Well, sign.
Viktor.
One moment. I, A.
How?
Viktor-ia.
Viktoria.
Viktoria!
And now to work!
Study French, brood over English,
bone up on Italian,
get drilled in Spanish,
Romanian, Turkish, Japanese,
Chinese, Russian and Slovakian.
We'll make our way
through the complete Berlitz school!
Mr. Punkertin,
We won't disappoint you!
- We?
- Of course, we.
I won't let such a young boy
go out into the world alone!
With you on my arm,
I'll challenge my century!
We must succeed by all means,
We won't rest until we've won victory,
We won't leave our path
until we have the world at our feet
We want to be in the limelight on stage,
and people shall cheer when they see us,
We want to be on the posters in
bold face, at the top, at the very top,.
At the very top!
- Pretty girl!
- Very pretty!
That's a matter of taste.
Exactly, all a matter of taste.
But... you are also "wunderfull".
You me... "unterstand"?
Don't strain yourself,
you can speak German with me.
I was baptized with Spree water.
Wonderful!
To find such a sweet girl
at the Thames, of all places!
- Handsome boy, right?
- It's a matter of taste, isn't it?
Yes, a very handsome boy.
Miss Schulze,
agreed, after the show I'll wait
for you at the stage entrance.
How? Ah! Yes, yes.
Don't forget, at the stage entrance.
- Excuse me?
- What? No, not you.
Goodbye, goodbye!
What do you say? Are you content?
Contracts from the North and the South,
hourly telegrams from Milan,
Rome, Paris, Amsterdam.
I'll make you famous in the whole world,
contracts, promotion and money.
- Well, Mr. Viktoria, am I hardworking?
- Yes.
You see, Punkertin
does the right thing!
But now I have to leave, I've no time,
my plane is ready to lift off,
and next year there won't be
any seats left, "au revoir".
"Goodbye"!
Amsterdam!
- The man is really hardworking!
- I was hardworking!
Basically, the idea was mine.
He was only hardworking to buy it.
It only shows how well
I play my role as a man.
But I have rehearsed you.
- Viktor?
- Yes?
I'm starving.
How's the dinner at the Savoy?
The Savoy? England's best cuisine.
Simply "wonderfull."
Too bad I can't
accompany you this evening.
Why not? What's up?
Well, I ... I have developed certain
relationships with foreign countries.
Fabulous affair,
at very attractive terms.
It would be irresponsible
to waste such an occasion.
- It would be tactless.
- Wouldn't it?
What's the name of the English girl?
Lilli Schulze,
from the green banks of the Spree.
A charming creature.
And so modest, so trusting,
so cute, so sweet!
In a word: a timid fawn!
Well, good hunting!
So you're not angry, Susanne,
if I leave you alone tonight?
No. I'm not a young girl!
I'm a grown-up, experienced man
who is the equal of any situation.
I hope I can prove it tonight.
Be careful, Susanne,
and don't do anything foolish.
Don't be afraid,
I won't abandon my role.
It would be terrible!
Consider what is at stake for us.
But Viktor, today is a lucky day!
The big success at the theatre,
all the new contracts...
I am so content, and happy!
Happy as never before!
What could be better than
for once having no wishes?
Today, everything is so genial
and luck is on our side,
as it comes to everyone some time.
One day in spring,
luck will call at your door
and the world will be ablaze
with golden light.
Then reach out to luck,
don't ever let it go again,
firmly lock it in with you forever.
For everyone there comes an hour
in which the sun smiles brightly
and in which Fortune
beckons to you.
One day in spring,
luck will call at your door
and will make your
wildest dreams come true.
But that's... Of course!
That's Viktoria.
He's a charming boy!
And so well-built!
- Well-built, well-built...
- He has a good tailor.
Why don't you also
go to a good tailor?
Don't laugh.
We have the same tailor.
Well, Robert can afford such luxury.
Of course, with Robert you consider
everything to be wonderful.
But he just doesn't care.
Yes, I'm a hopeless case.
To your health, Ellinor.
I'm not hopeless. On the contrary.
For two years, I have lived
in the hope of marrying you.
And what did I achieve in this time?
Permission to keep on hoping.
Thank you.
You make me very happy.
Wait a moment.
That "girl" from your number ...
That... "number girl," Miss Lillian.
Is she still inside?
Is she not inside?
May I give you a light,
Mister Viktoria?
I admired you this evening.
My compliments!
You've achieved a fantastic illusion.
I really took you
for a woman all the time.
- Whisky?
- Yes.
- To your health!
- To your health!
Two more whiskys.
Hello, good evening!
- How are you?
- Well, thank you.
- Who's that young man over there?
- Mister Viktoria.
The star of the Majestic.
I see! A handsome boy.
- To your health!
- To your health!
Another whisky!
- May I introduce you?
- But I already know. Mister Viktoria!
Imagine, London's leading expert
in women has fallen in love with you.
But Ellinor!
Don't deny it, Robert.
It's true, isn't it?
Allow me: Sir Douglas Sheppersfield,
Mister Viktoria.
- A tango! Robert, can we dance?
- With pleasure.
Which tailor do you have?
Why?
Because, we've just ...
Are you having a whisky?
Two whiskys.
Hello! Mr. Viktoria!
One moment.
Where did you leave your colleague?
I was going to ask you the same.
I think tonight he was about to engage
in relationships with foreign countries.
He spoke of a gentle,
modest, timid fawn.
Lilli Schulze,
from the green banks of the Spree.
He took that seriously?
Very seriously.
But how could he?
I'm not going out with a man
I've only just met.
No, I'm not doing such things.
Would you like to dance with me?
Sorry, I'm very tired. But I think
this gentleman is a passionate dancer.
- Would you like to dance with me?
- Yes!
- Or are you tired, too?
- No, I'm awake, very awake!
Great. Come on!
Greetings to your friend.
Tell him not to be angry.
Where can one still
get something to drink?
In the bar, sir.
Hello, Viktor!
Hello, Viktoria.
- Did you enjoy yourself?
- Tremendously.
An unforgettable evening.
Another whisky, but not so much water.
A tremendous thirst!
- You had too much champagne, I guess?
- Yes, 6 bottles.
It is curious, as a young girl
I never drank champagne.
You were a timid fawn.
Yes... a timid...
- Timid.
... fawn.
Another whisky.
Even less water.
Why didn't you
bring the girl along?
Why? Oh, I see.
Well, on principle...
On principle she
doesn't frequent bars.
Another whisky.
Without water.
Viktor, all this because
of a little fawn.
God's animal kingdom is so huge.
But there are so few fawns!
Oh, Viktor...
Don't make me jealous, Douglas.
But Ellinor, there's really no reason.
The girl is very pretty.
But she's just a silly bird.
Sir!
How dare you!
To call a timid fawn a silly bird!
This is an outrage!
I demand satisfaction!
Viktor, come, let's get out!
I don't want to get out!
Sorry, my colleague has drunken
too much whisky.
Take me home, please.
Douglas!
I'm infinitely sorry.
I ask you to take care
of further proceedings.
You can trust in me.
A miserable, vile wretch.
Viktor! To bed!
Not a bird, a timid...
It's a ... vile wretch!
Vile ... an abject bird
A timid fawn, not a bird...
Not a bird!
She's not a bird, she's a fawn!
A little fawn... Oh, my head
- Well then, go. Good night!
- Good night.
- Thanks for helping.
- Why, of course.
Good evening, sir.
I'll get a sedative.
Everything revolves and moves and ...
Damn snake!
Why did you leave me standing here?
Waiter! Another whisky! Three!
You're a fine colleague!
Your behavior is scandalous!
What will people think?
I have to be ashamed!
I'm not to forget my role.
And what are you doing?
I'm not to do silly things.
And what are you doing?
- You have your fun and you show me up!
- And what are you doing?
You are terribly inconsiderate.
Don't you realise how I suffer,
playing this ridiculous role as a man?
Dear Miss Susanne, I swear ...
I have to drink whisky, wear trousers,
make compliments to stupid women.
And I do it for you!
Or did you think I enjoy it?
Have you already forgotten
what I sacrificed to you?
Have you already forgotten
that I am a woman?
If you venture to do it again,
trust me, it'll be all over between us.
And remember:
then I won't be your Viktoria anymore.
Yes, come in.
Could you bring me a glass of water, young man?
There you are.
Thank you.
Drink this, and tomorrow
you'll feel like a new man.
- Cheers!
- Good night.
Get better soon!
I beg your pardon for my colleague.
It has been my pleasure
to be useful, sir.
Good night.
Oh, and now you play
the hurt person, mister?
While it was you
who insulted me, mister.
I was to go out with you,
on the first evening,
what should people think?
That is not like a gentleman.
Do you think your behaviour
proper for a gentleman?
I think you should know
how to behave!
The first time, a man does not
say to a lady: "Come with me."
He gives her some violets
and woos her patiently for a while.
A lady won't go with a gentleman
who is still a stranger to her.
The first time, a man does not
say to a lady: "Come with me."
Sorry, it was not gentleman-like!
Does one have to know you for a
long time for it to be gentleman-like?
When may I dare to ask you again?
Not earlier than in 24 hours, sir.
- When will they finally be over?
- Tonight, sir.
Then herewith a gentleman asks you
most politely for this evening.
It will be my pleasure.
The first time, a man does not
say to a lady: "Come with me."
He gives her some violets
and woos her patiently for a while.
A lady won't go with a gentleman
who is still a stranger to her.
To a lady, a man says...
only at the second time:
"Come with me."
Who is it?
I.
I, who?
Good evening.
May a poor mortal take a look
in the sanctuary of a great artist?
No.
Oh, yes, please.
Cigarette?
It is empty.
- Do you smoke?
- No.
Well, yes.
Interesting,
very interesting.
So this is the trick!
You take a little of this,
and then of this...
You smear this on your face, right?
Funny. And in the end you put this
on your head, and Viktoria is ready.
You are an extraordinary man.
It must have cost you a lot of work
until you were able to express...
all that femininity.
It is .. innate.
- Oh, it's innate with you?
- Yes.
Interesting.
Ah, there you are!
I came to see you.
What may I do for the gentleman?
I regret that it is my duty to come back
to yesterday's incident at the Savoy.
My friend,
Sir Douglas Sheppersfield,
asked me to demand
satisfaction from you.
As the offended person,
Sir Douglas has the choice of weapons.
Guns, ten bullets,
a distance of twenty paces.
Ten bullets? Each?
Five each.
If one of you is killed, the remaining
bullets are dropped, of course.
- Five bullets aren't sufficient?
- Oh, they are, they are.
Given the seriousness of the offense,
the conditions are almost mild.
Don't you think so?
Yes, of course. I ...
One moment, please..
Ten bullets and
twenty paces distance...
- There won't be a duel.
- How?
I have invented it
from beginning to end.
And between us, I think your
colleague deserves this little lesson.
Tell me, colleague ...
Could you teach me to shoot?
All right then, my dear friend.
I'll meet you after the performance
and show you London by night.
Goodbye!
Is there anything you want
to say to your opponent?
No. I mean ... Greetings from me.
I will tell him.
Susi ... I'm leaving. Farewell.
What a coward!
I'm not a coward.
But I didn't come to London
to allow a crazy Englishman
to shoot holes into my belly.
Then shoot holes into his belly.
But I don't know how to shoot!
But you told me
you shot twice as "Tell".
But I didn't hit the target!
Someone always pulled away the apple,
from behind, with a wire.
Sir Douglas will hardly accept
a duel with wires.
That's why I have to leave.
Adieu.
Wait! Come back here.
What if the gentlemen come for the duel
and ask for you? What shall I answer?
Tell them to start without me.
If you dare to run away,
I will not perform anymore.
Right. Then I'll let them kill me.
Ten bullets, twenty paces distance.
That suits you, right?
Of course, of course.
A cognac.
Ten bullets, twenty paces distance...
You know, the man
very pleasantly surprised me.
Manly, unflinching...
Certainly an excellent shot.
MY LAST WILL
- Not shaved, huh?
- No.
Come.
Much better.
I'd like to have this basket of roses.
Or can you show me
something even more beautiful?
How about these lilacs?
What do you think?
Roses or lilacs?
Send her daisies.
Dear friend,
these are for a woman
whom I revere, whom I love.
- Oh, really?
- I decided to ...
What?
To ask for her hand.
Her wholebeing,
her charm,
her posture...
I think she's entirely adorable.
Adorable?
She didn't make me adore her.
Also, what do I care?
Do whatever you want!
I'm going to have breakfast now.
Roses!
I cannot take it anymore, it's over!
It's enough, I'm going crazy!
I've been crazy for a long time.
You've always been.
But my situation is worse.
I thought it would all be so easy
and didn't worry at all,
And now, why must it happen to me:
to lose my dearest one?
Can't anything be done?
Nothing. The flowers have
already been ordered.
And you are to blame!
How was I to know ...
You must have known how
dangerous it was to play with fire!
Instead, without a thought you changed
me into a man, only to save ten marks!
And you ruined me by it!
You believed, and there's
only you to blame,
you could choke
my yearning for a man!
And you should have known: that's more
than the strongest woman can bear.
Your case is dramatic. Mine ...
desperate.
Such a case gave me the last blow!
The straw that breaks that camel's back!
I won't stay here,
I won't play the game anymore.
I won't allow you to tell me
what to do anymore.
And shut up!
But I haven't said anything!
Help me carry the suitcase.
I cannot do it myself.
I'm going to a duel.
It's the last thing I will say.
Yes, speaking.
Ellinor!
Are you busy this afternoon?
You aren't? Fine!
Come to have tea at my house.
Me? I don't know ...
Yes. I see.
Well, I'll be there in time,
at half past three.
Bitch! Says she's alone and
that's why she wants to be with me!
And he thinks she's adorable?!
Horrible, horrible, horrible!
Yes, Madame, I will attend.
But with a clear objective.
To snatch the bride
from under his nose!
Take care! This is dangerous!
It can go off every minute!
Leave it where it is.
Don't pick it up.
They can imprison you for five months
for illegal possession of weapons.
Come.
Thank God, I'm finally
relieved of that thing.
I hated it to death, hated it.
I didn't like it, either.
It didn't fit the two of us.
I share your opinion,
but you demanded it yourself.
Me? Not at all.
God forbid!
I would have been very distressed
if you had been killed.
I would not have survived it.
I don't want to shoot you, either.
Thank God, I'm finally
relieved of that thing.
You don't know how happy I am!
Both of us remain unharmed.
I think so, too.
That settles the case.
- Can't you be more careful?
- Do you want some slaps in the face?
No.
- Send this basket.
- Sorry, it's already sold.
What a pity!
But I can make another one.
But you have to make sure
they are identical.
Send that basket to Madame Ellinor.
It's a delight
that you come to visit me.
I had to come.
I was already electrified on the phone.
White lilacs, my favorite flowers.
What a nice surprise!
Young friend, you are charming.
How long will you stay in London?
Unfortunately, only for this month.
I would have liked to stay longer.
Is it very indiscreet to ask
what keeps you here?
I am in love.
How interesting
But my love is not reciprocated.
Perhaps so far you didn't
express it clearly enough?
You give me hope, Madam?
Don't be so impulsive, young man.
One word from you, and
I'll never leave London again.
It's in your hand to make me
the happiest person.
I know that you're no longer free.
If you knew how I suffered since I know!
- He told you?
- Everything. He is delighted by you.
He's raving about you and
speaks highly about you!
He has decided to marry you!
He has even already
ordered the flowers!
They're here!
Silly boy.
Dearest Ellinor, I ask for your hand!
Your always faithful Douglas.
Oh Susanna, life is beautiful!
Your Viktor, who has returned to life!
Hello!
The bill for room 359, please.
359, yes.
But at once. I'm leaving.
Hello, Miss Schulze!
"How do you do?"
Did anybody drag you down?
I refuse to allow
such confidentialities!
I refuse to be played with.
For me, you are dead.
First you beg for a rendezvous
and implore me to come,
and then you make me wait forever.
Noone has ever dared to do that.
You? A duel?
Nice idea. But you didn't
consider one thing:
I'm not as dumb as I seem to be.
And lies have short legs.
I can't do anything but swear.
And I don't want
to hear anything anymore!
For me, you are entirely out of the question.
And that goes for night and day!
What? Did I hear correctly?
My colleague?
Yes. That's a man!
A true gentleman.
In a class of his own!
No other man can touch him.
I find him amazing, totally irresistible.
He's the type that pleases us women.
What a man! What a body!
Everything about him is fabulous!
How he moves, how he laughs,
noone can imitate that!
I wouldn't have to be asked twice:
he would be the man, the right man!
The right man for me.
Now! I'm going
to confide a secret in you.
- He is ...?
- A girl.
- A girl?
- The right man for you!
A girl!
A girl?!
Susanne, will you marry me?
What?
No longer in the hotel?
She left?
That's a disaster.
That's a breach of contract!
It costs ... It costs ...
I do not know what it will cost!
But you can't violate the contract!
Today you'll still have
to bite the bullet. Come, get in.
Tomorrow...
Tomorrow I'll fix everything.
Carry the suitcases up again!
But it's already so late.
No way I get to the theatre in time.
Spanish fire has always
run through my veins
And my heart is beating like castanets.
Spain, only you take away my sleep
and I'm wild about
the friendly toreros.
I also love Spanish dressing screens,
and a kiss from Madrid
says it all.
Come along to Madrid
Or wherever you want to go.
I'll give you a kiss, a kiss
or whatever else you desire.
I've been feeling so strangely
Spanish for some time now,
That even while sleeping I say: Ol!
Come along to Madrid
Or wherever you want to go.
I have to go to the country
where Carmen is at home,
I cannot take it anymore,
I have to get out,
Come along
to Madrid,
or wherever you want to go.
- It's a girl!
- No!
- Yes!
- No!
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go
I have to go to the country
where Carmen is at home,
I cannot take it anymore,
I have to get out,
Come along to Madrid
or wherever you want to go,
or wherever you want to go,
Or wherever you want to go.
Bravo! Fantastic! It was excellent!
Again!
Will you please get back on stage!
My compliments! What a talent!
Fantastic!
- You're a born comedian!
- That's what I've always said!
I've been looking for something
like that for a long time.
Visit me at my hotel at once.
- Room 2!
- Au revoir!
- Good night.
- "Goodbye".
For everyone there comes an hour
in which the sun smiles brightly
- and in which Fortune...
- Beckons to you.
What is it?
If you please, miss.
- Why 'miss'?
- Go, go ...
- What has happened?
- What's going on?
He's a man!
A man! A man!