W.W.J.R. (2022) Movie Script

1
(dramatic music)
(upbeat music)
- Hey.
He is coming.
Hey, he is coming!
He is coming!
- Website.
(cat meows)
(keyboards clacking)
- Oh, he gonna get it.
(laughs)
(phone ringing)
(phone buzzing)
- Oh, no, no.
I'm not exactly
running late to work.
I am more doing
some work from home.
- Working from home?
We're not working from
home anymore, Laz.
- Sorry.
- We're all here in
this great big building
where you like to come and
sit for eight hours a day.
And every other week, we're
forced by law to give you money
because you graced us
with your presence.
- I understand, I'm so sorry.
Oh, I'm on my way
right now, Ms. Wright.
- What did you just say to me?
Because it sounded like
you said "gone guy pray,"
and you'd better be on your
hands and knees praying or...
If you think you can get
away with mocking me,
have I got news for you!
- No, no, ma'am, I
would never mock you.
I have nothing but the
utmost respect for you.
Chloe, honey, what are you...
(laughs) Hey, Chloe, honey?
What in the world's going on?
- Just what it looks
like, Mr. Coding Genius.
I'm dumping off things
you had at my place
and picking up things
I have here at yours.
- No, I...
I get that, but if I
didn't know any better,
I'd think you were
breaking up with me.
- Lazarus!
Lazarus, are you
listening to me?
- Yes, yes, ma'am, you
are correct, 100% correct.
- See, right there.
You have no spine, no ambition.
You're going nowhere, Laz.
Fight for your job,
for your talents.
- I understand, it
won't happen again.
- And mister, if you don't
get to the office soon,
you can forget about having any
breaks for at least a month.
- But, but, but, baby,
that's for our smoochie time.
So, you know, I've been looking
forward to our first kiss.
- Yeah, me too, sweetie.
- Everything okay?
- Yeah.
Um.
- It's kind of hard
to see without those.
- Little better.
(laughs)
How about before smoochie
time, how about we...
How about you, we
freshen up a little bit?
- Okay.
(laughs) No, you have to.
- Okay.
Not anymore.
- Smoochie time?
I hope you just got hit in
the head with a sledgehammer
because there is no world
where I'm gonna be seen
with you at smoochie time.
- No, no, no, not
you, never, no, sorry.
- What do you mean, you'd never?
Let me tell you, Lazarus,
I find your comments
highly offensive.
Whenever I was your
age, I had a job.
I had already bought a house.
I worked my tail off.
I worked 10 hours a day
instead of eight hours.
- Please stop.
- Stop?
Oh boy, I'm just
getting started, mister.
I arrived to work on time.
I was a professional and
could get the job done.
Professionals come in to
work and they're not late.
- See, you're about to
blow another opportunity
all because of your stupid app.
- I know it doesn't
look like much now,
but my app could
help people, Chloe.
- Except you and me.
Laz, you don't even know
how to make it, make money.
Do I look like
the type of person
who wants to be broke
all of her life?
- But, Chloe, it's...
Chloe, I...
Ms. Wright, I, uh, I
understand, I really do,
but can I call you
back in just a bit?
- Call me back?
What kind of guy
does he think he is?
What kind of guy
does he think he is?
I know you're gone
and I can't sleep
- Look, Laz, you're a good
guy, who deserves to be happy.
But me, my happiness
comes with pretty boxes
and plenty of shiny things.
None of which you can give me.
Goodbye, Laz.
Running right back
to where we started
- I...
- I don't know who
you think you are,
trying to tell me you're
going to call me back.
Call me back?
You said to call me back?
- Chloe!
Chloe!
- I'll just save
you the trouble.
You're fired!
Oh, why do we end
up broken-hearted
- Chloe.
Hey, no, no, no, no.
See, we can work through this.
I'm fine with that.
Chloe, okay, okay.
Um, I, I, I will
stand up for myself.
I'll do whatever
you want me to do.
I don't know what it is.
Chloe, Chloe.
Babe, come on.
- Back up!
- We can work this out!
We're fine!
This is just one of those
fights that we have.
Like when I got you that
foundation you didn't like.
Chloe?
Chloe, Chloe!
- Whoa!
- [Girl] Can I have a selfie?
- Yeah, yeah!
- Thanks!
- Of course.
Lazarus, get over here!
- Okay, how do you know me?
Did Chloe say something?
Did she say my name, like
did she say something to you?
Tell me.
- Um, let me think.
She did mutter something
about some loser
who kept his dirty underwear
in the back of her car
and she threw 'em on the
street and ran 'em over,
on the way out.
- Right, no, I
get that for sure.
- Yeah, everyone saw.
- Yeah.
She didn't say
anything else like...
Like "Oh, Lazarus,
I still love you"
or like "Oh, Laz, we'll
get back together."
Something like that?
- None of those words were
said by anybody in this area.
- Great, that's great.
- But I could use
your assistance.
- Okay, um...
- [Jesus] Jesus.
- Huh?
- My name is Jesus.
- Jesus.
- Yeah.
- Like Jesus, like son
of God, our savior?
- Yeah, the one in the same.
- Okay, Jesus, right, okay.
Well, Je...
You're not meaning
like Jesus, are you?
- No, no, just plain ole' Jesus.
And you, Lazarus,
you're meant to help me
fulfill my mission here.
- Um, I'm sorry, "Lazarus of
the 918", helping the Jesus?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, that's it.
- Okay.
Okay, I get it, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, steel pan drummer.
He's mic'd up, he has a camera.
You guys hide those so well.
- There's no cameras here, man.
I mean, our father is
all knowing and seeing
and he looks down
here all the time.
He actually gets
a kick out of it.
Especially those like
synchronized dance videos
where everyone is like...
I think they're dumb, he
thinks they're a hoot.
- (laughs) Do you want to
go somewhere else to talk?
I can't afford people
thinking I'm crazy.
- Crazy?
- Yeah.
- Sure, where did
you have in mind?
- My apartment is just
like right down the...
Are you sure you're
not going to like rob
and like send me to
the great beyond?
- No, man!
I'm Jesus.
And I checked, you still
have plenty of time left.
- (sighs) Just
make it a surprise.
Come on.
- Make it a surprise?
- Don't look at them!
Sandals off, please.
- I can see why you
were so concerned
about someone wanting to
steal all your things.
- It's a work in progress, okay?
So just how am I
supposed to help you?
- I don't know yet.
My first job was to find you
and now we just wait for a sign.
- (laughs) Signs, okay,
I got some signs for you.
I was dumped.
I was just fired.
And oh yeah, I met Jesus.
So, there's a sign for you.
- I guess now we get
to hang out, you know.
Get to know each other.
- Okay, hang on, wait.
I thought you only came back
for like the end of times.
You know, to judge everyone.
- Judge everyone?
I mean, I guess I can do that.
Here we go.
Good, good, bad, good.
He should be in jail.
- Okay, I thought you were
Jesus, not Santa Claus.
Do I need to be worried about
the end of the world or what?
- Oh, no, no.
You don't have to
worry about that.
We have plenty of time.
- Plenty of time.
So then why are you
here, if you're Jesus?
- I come down to
earth all the time.
Although it's been a while
since I've been to the States.
Last time I went to
DC, ugh, never again.
- I hear that a lot.
I must have really messed
up to get Jesus down here.
- No, it's not like that at all.
You possess something special.
It's a skill or a purpose.
You just don't know
what it is yet.
- I wish Chloe heard that!
- We'll only know the mission
when it becomes clear.
- Okay, well, I've got
nothing else going on,
so I guess I'm...
Guess I'm helping Jesus.
- Yeah, that's what
I want to hear.
Well, let's get started.
First things first,
let's order a pizza, huh?
- Pizza, really?
No, no, no.
Okay, now first we need to do
something about those clothes.
How are you wearing a
tunic in this weather?
- It, you get used to it.
- Okay, well, after the
clothes, we gotta get a job.
- Job?
- Yeah, rent, pizza.
All that takes money.
And I'm going to get real tired
of fish, loaves, and wine.
- That's two very
different situations.
- Okay, and after the clothes,
we gotta do something
about your hair.
- Nothing major, right?
Just a little?
I mean, I know I have
a few split ends,
but just a little off the edge,
kind of square everything out?
- [Laz] We'll see, I know a guy.
- Laz?
Laz!
- [Laz] Come on, Jesus.
This feels good to me
Friendship can't be beat
Never thought I'd know it
The lesson you are showing
I think we can agree
I know what you need
Bring you to the future
Let me be your tutor
Speed it up, speed it up,
speed it up, keep it going
Maybe that, maybe this,
try it on, feel the flow
Mix it up, mix it up,
mix it up, good to go and
Cross that one out,
let's check, hit the road
Friendship can be so divine
Thank you for
all of your time
You've always
been in my life
I had to let you know
Somehow you make
things all right
You fill my heart
with pride like
My faith in you is airtight
You've always got a strong
This feels good to me
Friendship can't be beat
Never thought I'd know it
The lesson you are showing
I think we can agree
I know what you need
Bring you to the future
Let me be your tutor
This feels good to
Do I got, do I got,
do I got recognition
All your love, all your
grace, Jesus, I need to know
(screams)
Change the world, change
the world, change the world
With your power
Gonna spread your word, always
get the whole world to know
Friendship can be so divine
Thank you for
all of your time
You've always
been in my life
I had to let you know
Somehow you make
things all right
You fill my heart
with pride like
My faith in you is airtight
You've always got a strong
This feels good to me
Friendship can't be beat
Never thought I'd know it
The lesson you are showing
I think we can agree
I know what you need
Bring you to the future
Let me be your tutor
- Okay, so I'm willing to
do a trade out with you.
You're going to help
me with my social media
in exchange for helping
your friend out today?
What was his name anyway?
- His name?
- [Jane] Yeah.
- Um, his name is
Jees, uh, okay.
- Jees?
Jees.
- Hi, I'm so sorry
to bother you,
but she saw you
from across the room
and, well, she just
wouldn't stop asking
until I let her come
over and say hi to you.
- It's quite all right.
Hi!
(mom coughs)
That's all right.
- I know who you are.
- I know who you
are too, Lillie.
What can I do for you?
- My mommy has cancer,
and I was hoping you
would pray with us
to help her not have it anymore.
- Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
I had no idea that
that's what she wanted
to talk to you about.
- It's quite all right.
What are the doctors saying
about your prognosis?
- They're very optimistic.
- You should be too.
I also have a good
feeling about it.
But, uh, I think
Lillie is right.
I think we should
all pray together.
Dear Lord, our heavenly father,
please hear Lillie's prayer.
Go ahead.
- Dear Lord, please help
make my mommy well again,
so we can play and
enjoy everything mommies
and kids are supposed to.
I would do anything
for that, Lord.
Clean my room, be nice
to my little brother,
whatever it takes.
- Dear Lord, please
answer Lillie's prayers
and the prayers of all
the other families looking
for your comforting assurance.
Amen.
- Amen.
- Amen.
(laughs)
- You're a brave
little girl, Lillie.
- [Lillie] Thank you.
- And I have a good feeling
that your prayers are
going to get answered.
- You know what?
I'm not sure why,
but I think so too.
Thank you.
- What just happened in there?
And don't you think
that goes and proves
that you're "The Jesus".
- What, you mean Lillie?
- (laughs) Yes, little
girl coming up to you
and asking for you
to pray for her mom?
That stuff only happens
in scary movies.
- What?
Relax.
Haven't you prayed
for someone before?
- Well, okay, yeah,
but not in the middle
of having my haircut.
That stuff is supposed to
be done in private, okay?
- What do you mean, in private?
- I don't know,
you could have gone
outside around the corner,
or, I don't know,
gone to the restroom.
Just not in front of
God and everybody else.
- (laughs) I'm sorry, all right?
Next time a little
girl comes up to me
and asks me to pray
for her sick mother,
I'll make sure we run
into the broom closet
so we don't embarrass you.
- Okay.
- Oh, Lazarus, that was so good.
Thank you.
- I'm glad you enjoyed it.
- So what do we do now?
- We sleep.
- But what about our purpose?
- [Laz] Um, yeah, tomorrow.
Tomorrow we'll go to
this pastor I know.
- And you're sure
this guy can help us?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If anyone can, he's the man.
- So this man-
- Can!
- You believe this
man is a man of faith?
- Yeah, he's a good guy.
Um, his dad was actually
the pastor before him.
Jesus!
Jesus, come on, you
can't do that to a guy.
- I'm sorry, I hope
I didn't scare you.
A lot of people think this
complexion comes naturally,
but it actually
takes a bit of work.
A lot of people are
surprised by that.
- Heart attacks
come naturally too.
- Hey, is it cool if I use this?
- No, no, that's Chloe...
Smoochie time.
- Smoochie Time?
That sounds like a
fun game, can we play?
- No.
Never, not with you, no.
You can use this
one if you want.
- All right.
- All right, bye.
- Thank you, Laz.
- [Laz] Uh huh.
- What an odd duck.
- I heard that!
Hey, um, Jesus, I
have had a long day.
A lot of emotional upheavals.
So why don't we call it a night
and start on this
mission of yours
first thing tomorrow morning?
- You're probably right.
(laughs) I am bushed.
Yeah, it takes a lot of effort
to ride around in
that vehicle of yours.
My hands are sore
from holding on.
- Well, good night, Jesus.
- What, what?
What is this?
- It's a couch.
I know it's no fancy manger,
but it should be better
than an overpass.
- Wait a second.
I hate to do this,
but I'm Jesus.
You know, the son of God.
Surely you can offer me
something better than this.
- Hate to do this, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why don't...
Why don't you take my bed?
- (laughs) What a guy!
I knew you had it in you.
Are you sure you don't mind?
- Oh.
- Thank you, you're the best!
- Yeah.
Dumped by my
girlfriend, got fired,
and I get kicked
out of my own bed
by Jesus Christ of all people!
- I can hear you.
- You know I can hear you?
- I can still hear you.
- God!
- You know, he doesn't like it
when you use his
name in that context.
Hey, Laz, don't forget to pray.
It's in private just
how you like it.
- Oh my...
Okay!
(upbeat music)
(cheerful music)
- No, you get up the ladder.
Yeah, you get on up the ladder.
No, it's your turn.
Get up the ladder.
(indistinct)
I got you, man.
Well?
I got you Henry,
don't worry about it.
It's cool.
Just hang on.
Let's get this hung up.
Lazarus Young.
It's been a month of
Sundays since I've seen you.
- Hey there, Pastor Mark.
- Come here, man!
- Whoa!
Is that old man Lewis?
- Yeah, Mr. Henry Lewis.
- Man, he's still here?
He's been here forever.
- Yeah, he's been here since
when my dad ran the church.
- Uh, yeah, Pastor Mark,
I'm so sorry to hear
about your loss.
- Well, I appreciate that, Laz.
But hey, tell me, what
brings you here today
and who's your friend?
He looks kind of familiar.
- Well, I mean, that
actually was why we came,
I was wondering if you could
help us out with something?
- Are you looking for a job?
- No, no, no, no, no, he's just-
- Actually, yes.
Yes sir.
Pastor Mark, I am
looking for work.
- Let me see,
I don't know if we need
anything around here, but...
(thuds)
- Oh, okay, okay.
- [Mark] Oh my goodness,
Henry, are you okay?
- Oh, I think...
I think I can get back up there
and we can finish this up.
- He'll be all right,
he's a tough ol' bird.
- You better believe it
'cause this ain't nothing
to what happened
to me in the war.
- [Laz] Really, you're
a war hero, Henry?
- Say, Henry, looks
like you're going to be
in the injured
reserve for a while.
Listen, would it be okay
if Laz's friend helps out
and fills in for awhile?
- Uh, yeah, yeah,
I guess, I guess.
- Thank you, Mr.
Lewis, here you go.
- Thank you, thank you.
- I appreciate, uh,
I really appreciate
you letting me take
over for a little while.
If it helps at all, I have
a good feeling about this,
so go home, relax, and
enjoy your time off.
- Okay, I...
- By the way, what size
are these overalls?
- Oh, 32, 32.
- Those are my
measurements exactly.
- I'll let you borrow them.
- Perfect!
You have a good
rest of your day.
- Okay.
- All right, Henry?
- Good.
- Hey, in all the excitement,
I didn't even catch your name.
- It's...
Uh.
(clears throat)
It's Jesus.
- Jesus, huh?
- Yeah.
- No wonder you
look so familiar.
(laughs)
Hey, Laz, are you still
good with those computers,
because your mom's
always bragging
about what all the cool
things you can do with them.
- Uh, yeah, yeah.
I still do a lot of websites
and social media
marketing mainly.
- Good, good,
because we need some of
that right now around here.
Would you want to come
on and do some work too?
- Yeah.
- Good!
Then it's settled.
You'll do our web stuff and
you'll be our new handyman.
- It's perfect.
- Hey, Jesus, you got any
experience with carpentry?
- I've dabbled.
- (laughs) Of course you have.
You'll both start tomorrow.
- Perfect.
- Sorry to keep
you waiting, Jack.
There was a little...
I was helping Mark in the gym.
So, so how are you doing?
- I'm fine, Serenity,
thanks for asking.
Uh, will Mark be joining us?
- He said he was, but he was
with a couple of guys earlier,
so I'm sure he'll be right
with us in just a bit.
- What do you say
we just get started?
You always seem to exercise
the better judgment
when it comes to executing a
cooler business frame of mind.
- Okay, then let's
get right to it.
- Now as you know, the bank
has been doing all we can
to help you folks
stay on your feet.
- Yes, and Mark and I appreciate
everything you've done for us.
- Yeah, um...
- Can I get you something, Jack?
Do you want a coffee or a water?
- No.
I better just say
what I came to say.
- You know what,
that sounds serious.
Maybe we should wait for Mark.
Do you want me to go get him?
- No, no.
- [Siri] Can I help you
pick up your papers?
- No, no, I've got it all.
I assure you that
won't be necessary.
As I was saying, we at the
bank have extended the church
a sizable amount of
money, even going past
when Mark's father,
Pastor Wyatt, was here.
God, God rest his soul.
- We are nearing the place
where we are comfortably going
to be able to catch
up on what we owe.
- Believe me, I am
so glad to hear that.
But the board has a
difference of opinion.
- Jack, you know what
we've been through.
I mean, you used to
go to this church,
you know first-hand what
we've been up against.
- Nonetheless, you
and Mark have 45 days
before the bank forecloses
and takes over the property.
And the board has other buyers
wanting to buy the property
who can pay cash
for it right now.
- Is that a fact?
Some of those other interests
wouldn't be WOW Church,
would it?
- Now, Mark, you know
I'm not at liberty
to divulge that information.
- Jack, you and I go way back.
- Yes, since the first grade,
I'm fully aware of that.
- And how many times
during that time
did I save you from bullies?
- There...
There were a few.
- There were many.
My God, Jack, you own the bank!
Sorry, Lord.
- Yes, but I have
investors and a board.
- [Mark] Yeah, and big
depositors like WOW Church.
- You guys have 45 days.
That's the best I can do.
I'll see you soon.
- Coming to church on Sunday?
- Well, actually, Mark,
we've been attending...
- Yeah, let me
guess, WOW Church.
And by the way, you
missed a button.
- Wow, real mature, Mark.
Was all that really necessary?
- Probably not, but I
thought we were friends.
- Uh, we are.
But what he's being
forced to do is business.
- How bad is it?
- It's really bad, Mark.
- I probably should've
came back sooner.
I mean, truthfully I
should've never left at all.
- You cannot beat
yourself up forever.
Okay, but we do need
to do something.
And the sooner the better.
- We do have that meeting
with that church consultant.
Maybe, maybe he's got a miracle
in that briefcase of his.
- Yes.
And at this point, I think
I'm open to anything.
- [Mark] Me too.
(upbeat music)
- Come on, Jesus.
- Hello.
Thank you for coming out today.
- It's good to see you.
- Good to see you.
- Aren't you a big one?
- Thank you.
- Well, we are in desperate need
of making some
changes around here
to help increase
our congregation.
Oh, I'm Serenity Phillips
and this is my husband,
Pastor Mark Phillips.
- So listen, this church
has been in our family
for three generations.
First with my father,
then my grandfather,
who built the church.
- If you don't mind,
might I be blunt?
- Well, we did ask you here
to help, so by all means.
There probably isn't
anything we wouldn't consider
at this point.
- Maybe we start with
a big renovation.
I mean, brighter
colors, new fixtures,
maybe even get you a cross.
You know y'all don't
have a cross up there?
You know how many people
come into a church
just for the cross?
And we do that,
in one or two months,
and it will be hoppin'!
I guarantee it!
- Unfortunately, we
just don't have the time
or the budget for that
project right now.
- Not to worry, not to worry.
They do not call me "By
God Byron" for nothin'.
Excuse my language,
but you're saying is
you need something quick?
- The sooner the better.
- All righty, all righty.
Never fear, Byron is here.
Uh, I got something
that's surefire.
But it's gotta stay in the room.
Y'all gotta make a solemn oath
that we do not tell
anybody about this.
I mean, this is top secret.
Now I guarantee that
this will pack them in.
People will come from all
over the world to see this
and I promise you'll get
media coverage out of it.
- [Mark] Wow, what?
What do you mean?
- Ready for this?
Feast your eyes on this.
Ta-da!
A Simulacrum.
That's right!
I got a guy who can
take a water leak
and turn it into the
most beautiful picture
of Jesus Christ.
And for a little
bit of extra money,
lil' bit of extra
money you can get him
to continuously cry a tear.
Hmm?
(Siri clears throat)
Okay, okay, I get it, I get it.
You guys are on the up and
up and I appreciate it.
We're going to try
something different, okay?
Now, uh, don't
give up on me yet.
Don't give up on me
now, now you know what?
I just thought of this.
Nobody's ever even
seen this, okay?
This the greatest thing ever.
Okay, what we going to do is
we're going to try to work up
something bigger and better
than I've ever done, but I
guarantee it's going to work.
- Okay, we're listening.
- Oh, we can't
listen to this, okay?
We got to feel this.
Let me have your hands.
Let me have your hands, okay?
Y'all grab hands,
y'all love each other,
y'all are in love, all right.
All right, now close your eyes.
Every eye closed,
every eye closed?
(humming)
Now, see yourself in the chapel.
Not an empty seat in the house.
Everyone is filled with joy
as they hang on to
your every word.
And the choir chimes in,
emphasizing every
one of your words.
Can you feel that?
- I feel something all right.
I feel like somebody
is pulling my leg.
- That is the Holy Spirit!
The best is yet to come.
(humming)
The collection plates
start to be passed around.
Money flies through the air.
Everyone reaches deep into
their pockets and bags
to give all they can
during the offering.
There's laughing and applauding,
applauding and laughing,
all in excited anticipation.
- Excited anticipation?
Excited about what?
Excited about giving money?
In all of my years
in the church,
I've never seen any
congregation act as excited
as you're making this sound.
- Please, let him finish?
- You've got to believe, y'all!
Close your eyes back again.
(humming)
The collection plates
begin to make their way
to the front of the church
through the parishioners'
outstretched hands.
Once at the front,
their contents poured
into a larger basket.
I see you, Pastor
Mark, in a gold suit.
He approaches the larger basket,
then holds it in the air,
slowly turning from side to
side of the congregation.
They're all cheering
more than before.
Then another basket
is brought to Mark.
It's filled with
names of everyone at
the service that day.
He holds it up to the sky
and again everyone cheers.
Now Mark says,
"We are so blessed by the
gifts you bring us today.
"May God bless you all.
"Can I get an amen?"
- [Congregation]
The Lord is great!
- [Byron] Now Mark says,
"It's time, it's time to
select today's chosen family!"
Mark reaches into the
basket and shouts,
"Victoria and Logan
Owens, come on down!
"You and your family
are the winners
"of this week's
offering sweepstakes
"from the First
Church of the Lotto."
(Siri laughs)
- So, so we give the family
all of the offerings?
- No, they get half.
Half.
I mean, minus my fees
and handling of course.
- Ah, of course.
- But it's gotta
make some money.
And they're all going
to file in each week
for the big family pay off.
Each week!
- The First Church of the Lotto?
(laughs)
- You can kind of think of it
as like a high stakes
bingo night every Sunday.
Every Sunday!
It's 100% legal.
I mean, I know at least
60% of it is legal
and I'll work out the 40%
before we implement
it here at the church.
- Uh, okay.
I tell you, Mister
"By God Byron",
we'll discuss it and
get back in touch, okay?
- The First Church of the Lotto!
- See, I knew your
preacher would like it.
You are hard to sell,
but I knew he'd like it.
Well, okay, okay.
Hey, I don't have a card per se,
but let me leave you this, okay?
That way next time
you think of Jesus,
you think of "By God Byron."
- All right, we'll call ya.
- Hey, so what's
it going to take
to actually get ya
signed up for this thing?
I don't ever do this, but I'll
give it to you for half off,
or how about 33 1/3% off?
- Well, you were no help!
- The First Church of the Lotto.
(laughs)
- I guess we're
back at square one.
- No, I don't know.
I asked Laz and his
friend to help out.
Laz can do his thing
with the computer
and get us some presence
on the internet.
- And what's his friend's name?
- Jesus.
- I think you've
been hanging out
with "By God Byron" too long.
What, seriously?
- You know, that's what
he said his name was
and I figured with Henry
down it can't do any harm.
- Jesus?
- Yeah, he kind of
looks like him too.
- Like who?
- Jesus!
- (laughs) Oh, oh, we
have our own Jesus now.
Yeah, that's
definitely not going
to cause any chaos around here.
I mean, oh and thank God,
we made a little bit of money
off of "By God Byron" after all.
- Wow, Wi-Fi on
Earth is so slow.
How am I supposed
to check my crypto?
- Wait, you guys
have Wi-Fi in heaven?
- Yeah.
- [Laz] Wait, you guys
have crypto in heaven?
- Uh huh.
Unregulated too.
- Huh.
So, this Wi-Fi in heaven?
- Yeah, it's super-fast.
- Okay.
Okay, I'll bite, how fast
is the Wi-Fi in heaven?
- Have you heard of
how fast angels fly?
- Yeah, it's referenced
several times in the Bible.
It's faster than
the speed of light.
- Yeah, it's like that
except like times a thousand.
You just turn it on and it
goes 'cause, anjello blast.
- (laughs) Anjello?
- Anjello blast!
That's the verb for
how fast angels go,
it's what we call
our Wi-Fi up there.
- So up and download?
- Easy, buddy.
In heaven we don't like
to say the word download.
Never!
- Right.
All right, well,
I've got to get busy.
So, you got to take notes,
make a list, something.
- Notes, a list?
A list of what?
- Anything?
I don't know, something to
help you find your purpose.
- So what are you working on?
- A thing.
- A thing?
Really?
What kind of a thing?
- It's just a thing.
- A thing.
- Yes.
- A thingy.
Oh, is it a thing to meet girls?
- No.
- Okay, it's not a girl thing?
Is it a thing to order food?
- You're not gonna
rest, are you?
- Uh-uh.
- Basically, it's
a social media site
that I made for people
of faith to get on,
you know, share their
hopes, their prayers,
and their experiences online.
- Now that's a thing!
I love it!
- Yeah, well, Chloe
wasn't too hot about it.
- What?
- Nothing.
So my hope is that, you know,
people of faith can get on,
share their experiences with
one another in the world.
- That is perfect.
- Yeah, well, I've developed
several algorithms for it
so it won't allow any
negative comments,
inappropriate content,
or false information.
It's just a page
for people to gather
to cherish and love the Lord.
- Just how does it help bring
more people to the church?
- For sure, for sure.
So the goal is for the church
to be able to upload content,
sermons, or different
like images and videos,
that way other people
can kind of check it out.
- Just like other
social media sites?
- Exactly, that way when
other Christians get on
and see the videos
or testimonials
and get to know the
church a little bit better
before coming here.
I call it FaithBookFriends.com.
- I say we do it.
It's either that or First
Church of the Lotto.
- I'm sorry, First
Church of the what now?
- Oh, no.
How about you two
keep going on this
and I will take Jesus,
yeah, to the supply closet
and I'll get you
started on your day.
- Didn't you wear
that shirt yesterday?
- What?
- Yeah?
- Is that illegal here?
I wore the same
tunic for 33 years.
I'll wear the same
shirt twice in a day.
- He thinks he's...
Anyway, so this
is the home page.
- So right in here
is the supply closet.
This is where you'll...
Yep.
Where you'll find
everything you'll need.
- [Jesus] Hey!
- Just so you know, this
door is a little tricky.
Anytime you come in here,
you're going to want
to put something
to keep it from
swinging shut on itself
'cause it will lock and
once you're in here,
there's no way out but up.
- I get that a lot.
- Oh, right, Jesus.
Right, got it.
Do you go by Jesus mostly?
- No, it's a hard Jesus.
You and Pastor Mark
been here long?
- You might say
most of our lives.
His dad took it from
his grandfather,
so it's been in our family
for a long, long time.
- Do you mind me
asking what happened?
The church, it seems
a little in decline
and Pastor Mark, he
seems a little lost.
- Yeah, some days
more than others.
All along, Mark was supposed
to take over this place.
And just like his
dad before that,
he was really tough on him
to hold up to that dream.
- That's like my dad-
- Mark's dad was a real
fire and brimstone type
of minister.
- Man, those were the days.
- Boy, that man could scare
any room into righteousness.
- Let me guess, Mark didn't want
to be that kind of
spiritual leader?
- Not at all.
But when his daddy prepared
him for his first sermon
in front of the entire church,
he demanded that he do it
exactly like daddy taught him.
- God doesn't care
if you are happy.
No, he does not.
He only cares that you follow
in the course he has
laid out for you.
- God does not care
if you are happy.
He only cares that you follow
the path he has chosen...
No, no, he does not.
He only...
- God, spit it out, boy!
- God...
(clears throat)
Dad, I can't say this.
I don't believe a word of it.
- It doesn't matter
what you believe.
It matters what they believe.
If you're gonna lead
these followers,
they need to know uneasiness
and that you and you alone
are ready to lead them
through the spiritual storms
that life is going
to throw at them.
Come on.
(slow music)
- God...
- Now this is a very
special day for me.
You know, it hadn't
been that long ago
that my father before me
stood at this very pulpit
and allowed me to lead
you to the word of God.
And today, I am ready
to introduce to you...
Um.
I am ready to tell
you that very soon
that I will very soon be ready
to do the same for my son.
But until then, I'm afraid
you're just stuck with me.
(congregation laughs)
- After that day, Mark
went back to school,
then started to preach
the way his heart led him,
until his dad passed away.
- Did they ever
talk about that day?
- They barely spoke after that.
After college, Mark and
I went on a mission trip,
then he started traveling with
the Power Team Ministry's,
and shortly after that,
his Dad got really sick.
- Did they have a
chance to reconcile?
- No.
Mark tried, but it didn't
happen before his dad died.
That's always been really
heavy on Mark's heart.
And then after that,
Mark started questioning his
own spiritual leadership and...
Why am I even telling
you all of this?
(laughs) Jesus, you're
easy to talk to.
I mean, I mean...
- Hey, you're totally fine.
I get it all the time.
I just, I wish there was
something I could do to help.
- There is.
We keep the brooms and mops and
cleaning supplies over here,
office supplies
are on that side,
and yeah, all the work we do
around here is God's work.
- Nice.
Uh, where should I start?
- Why don't you sweep and
clean the classroom area?
We have teen studies
this evening.
You know, I'm going to
go check on Mark and Laz.
- Yes, ma'am.
Will do.
- So you really think this
can connect with enough people
to help rebuild the church?
- Well, yeah.
There's still a lot of work
that needs to be done though.
Set-up, content,
plus direct people on how
to find and use the site.
- How can we help?
- Well, first a little funding.
- A little.
I think we can handle a little.
- And content.
We'll need continuous
streams of content
to kind of fuel the page
when it first gets started.
So, calendar
information updates,
words of wisdom,
and testimonials.
- Testimonials?
- Yeah, just some videos
of little snippets
of people talking about
why they like the church
and when they
started coming here.
That way people with FOMO
will see it and you know...
- [Siri] What?
That sounds like a bad
hangover or something.
- No, no, no, no,
no, it's not bad.
It just means fear
of missing out.
So that way when they
see the testimonials,
they'll have the urge to be a
part of everything next time.
- So, in our case you're talking
about like the next Sunday,
or the next Bible study.
- Exactly, yeah.
So, I won't be able to
shoot the videos myself,
just because getting this
up and running is going
to take all the time I have.
- Not to worry, I know just
the perfect two to ask.
Jade and Caleb!
- From our teen youth group?
- Right.
That might be just
what they need
to make them feel important
part of the church.
- You're a brave
man, Pastor Mark.
You have no idea what you're
setting yourself up for.
- We'll find out this afternoon.
- Speak of the devils, and I
mean that in the nicest way,
but we better go get
prepared for them.
They took us off guard
too many times last week.
- That was pretty
funny, you gotta admit,
when they got you with
that whoopee cushion.
- It might've been funny, if
it wasn't filled with water.
(laughs)
Are you coming?
- Yeah, I'm coming.
(teens chattering)
I'm okay with that, for sure.
(whistles)
All right, all right.
(clapping)
- One, two, three, eyes on me.
- [Class] One, two, eyes on you.
- Thank you, thank you.
- Impressive, yeah.
Okay, okay, so who all did
your assignment for last week
and read it in the
Bible this week?
- I did.
- Jade, great.
That's wonderful.
So, what passage did you find?
- Is it all right if I
share it with the class?
- I think that would be perfect.
(clears throat)
- "Let him kiss me with
the kisses of his mouth:
for thy love is
better than wine.
(class laughs)
Because of the savior
of thy good ointments,
thy name is as
ointment poured forth,
therefore do the
virgins love thee."
(laughs)
- [Class] Ooh!
- "Draw me, we will
run after thee:
the king hath brought
me into his chambers:
we will be glad and
rejoice in thee,
we will remember your
love more than wine:
the upright rejoice in thee."
- Okay, okay, that's good.
Song of Solomon,
one of the most beautiful
books of the Bible,
but it can be a
little descriptive.
- But only for committed
and eventually married
couples' love for each other.
- What exactly does it
mean in chapter four
where the groom talks
about the garden,
honey, wine, and milk?
- Honey, wine, and milk?
Is this about marriage
or buying groceries?
(class laughs)
- That part there...
That part there is kind of
about the honeymoon part
of the wedding.
- When did you guys
make it to chapter four?
- Well, jeez, I mean,
we read the Bible
together all the time,
but I don't know
that we've ever read
Song of Solomon together.
- I don't think that's
what she's asking, Mark.
As I mentioned, Pastor
and I have been together
since seventh grade and we've
been together ever since.
- Except that time in college
when you said you needed a
break because you met Sergio.
(class laughs)
- And we've been happily
married for 20 years.
(bell rings)
- We have got to
hire a youth pastor.
- Yes.
- Caleb, Jade, hang out
for a second, please.
- Hey, you were the
ones who told us
to read from the Bible
and share it in class.
- Oh, no, this isn't about that.
We have a little favor to ask.
- Right, so you
guys know anything
about social media content?
Okay, cool!
So, what we'd like you to do
is shoot a few small videos
on Sunday morning
before and after church.
You can ask the folks
that come, you know,
kind of what they enjoy.
Maybe some experiences
they've had here
at Friends of Faith.
- Does it have to
be all churchy?
- No, no, no, no, not at all.
We just want something simple.
- Yeah, sure, we can do that.
- Cool!
This is going to be fantastic!
Actually, you know what else,
I think it's a good idea
for you to do something
recording every
Sunday at service!
(high fives)
- So, any idea coming up
with why you're here yet?
- No, not yet.
- Yeah, me neither.
You know what we need?
We need a distraction.
- What do you mean?
What kind of distraction?
- I don't know, something
to take our mind off of it.
- I like it, all right.
What did you have in mind?
- Have you ever played tennis?
- Have I ever played tennis?
I've played with the greats!
Let's do it!
(upbeat music)
What is this?
- I did theater in high school,
it's called a quick change.
You get really good at it.
(triumphant music)
All right.
- I thought we were
playing tennis.
- Well, it's tennis-like.
It's pickle ball.
A fun, fast, friendly game
the whole family can enjoy.
- All right, I think I'm ready.
- Oh, you better be.
I don't take any prisoners
on the pickle ball court.
- All right, let's see what
you've got, David of Bethlehem!
Let's do it!
- All right, Jesus
of Nazareth, come on!
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
- Na, na, na, na, na.
My name is Laz and I'm
great at pickle ball.
Your name is Jesus and
you're not good at all.
- Really?
That's the kind of
sportsmanship you want to show
while you're playing
the chosen one?
(thunder crashes)
- I'll, I'll watch it.
- Yeah.
Yeah, you might as well.
It's your serve.
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
- Woo hoo!
That's game!
- Pretty good at this
pickle ball thing.
- Hey, thanks, I originally got
good at it to impress Chloe.
- Chloe?
Is that the underwear
in the streets girl?
- Yes, thank you so much
for reminding me about that.
She actually introduced
me to the game.
- Really?
- Mm-hm, she was
really good too.
- [Jesus] Wow.
- Yeah, beat the poop out
of me every time we played.
She was the love of my life.
- Okay.
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
That's no way for a pickle
ball champion to act.
After you just beat Jesus?
Come on, man!
Buck up!
- I suppose not.
She was just really
special, that Chloe.
- I feel like you're forgetting
that this is the girl
that threw your underwear
into a very public street.
- Yes, yes, in front of
everyone and you and God
that all witnessed the horror.
I get it.
- So, what makes you think you
were in love with this girl?
- Okay, still, still
in love with her.
- All right, I get it.
Why don't you tell me one
happy story about Chloe?
- Okay, um, yeah,
okay, her birthday!
Her birthday earlier this month,
I surprised her with
a trip to San Antonio.
- Wow, you really went all out?
- Yeah, that was (clears
throat) the trip she said
she thought we might have
really something special.
- Wow!
Well, did you go ahead
and book the minister
right then and there, huh?
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Um, how about this?
What did she do
for your birthday?
- My birthday?
- Yeah, two weeks ago?
- How did you know that?
- I'm Jesus?
Also, uh, you had a
birthday card on your desk
back at the apartment.
Kind of gave it away.
- Oh, uh, my
birthday, my birthday.
Uh, well, she was actually
busy on my birthday.
She had plans with
her best friend,
so they had like a
girl's night out.
But she did text me!
And three days
later, we celebrated.
- Okay, now we're
getting somewhere.
What did you guys end up doing?
- Oh, no, no, no, she
brought me a cupcake
with a little
birthday candle on it.
- Good, so did you enjoy that?
- Well, no, I have
a gluten allergy,
so I actually had a good
time watching her enjoy it.
- Is this the first
time she ever heard
of your gluten intolerance?
- Well, no, I only mentioned
it like every time we ate.
- Ugh.
So, we're right back to the
underwear in the street.
- Stop, it's not like that.
- Listen, Laz, you're not
in love with Chloe, okay?
You're in love with the
idea of being in love, okay?
Like this idea of
not being alone
and just having someone
around to impress.
- What do you mean?
- Her birthday, big
production, all the shebangs,
yay, we're doing
this and that, woo!
And then your birthday.
- Okay.
- Fourth of July, no fireworks.
Being in love isn't
supposed to be hard.
That's supposed to be the
easy part of the relationship.
You meet someone, your
heart starts to flutter, ah.
It's easy, effortless.
It's everything else
that takes time.
You know, every special moment
you get to spend together,
you're building a foundation
of little miracles.
- Okay, well, that
sounds all good and all,
but it's never worked
that way for me.
- That's only because you
haven't found the person
you're meant to be with.
But I have an idea.
- I can't wait to hear
the answer to this.
What's your idea?
- You, me, tonight,
we go out, we party,
and Jesus is your wing man.
- I can already hear that going
over great with the ladies.
How we doing?
My name is Laz and this
is my wing man, Jesus.
- That's the best opening
line I've ever heard.
- Whatever, all right.
- Let's do it!
(upbeat music)
I think I saw him wink at me
I guess we'll see
He seems nice and
good enough for me
I guess we'll see
Maybe he'll ask me out
You wanna go to the movies
Maybe take a walk
under the moonbeams
Anything to be
together, baby, baby, oh
'Cause every time
I think about ya
No, I can't imagine
life without ya
I'll do anything to
be together, baby
- You're not going
to eat that, are you?
- [Laz] Have at it, man.
- Mm!
What do you say we
do another round?
- Uh, I don't know, man,
two chocolate shakes
in 10 minutes,
might be pushing your limit.
Let's slow down a little bit.
- Oh, hey, hey, hey!
Don't look now, but there's
a beautiful young woman
at your three o'clock and
she's totally looking at you.
(laughs)
Yep, she totally smiled at you.
You should go over to her.
- (laughs) And do what?
- You'd better do it
quick, whatever it is.
She looks like a millennial.
You're going to lose her
interest to the internet
in like five more seconds.
- No, no, no, I think...
I think just coming out
tonight was a big step.
Maybe next time.
- No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Have you ever
heard of the phrase
that time is of the essence?
Well, now is the time and
you're full of all the essence!
Go talk to her, man.
- (laughs) I wouldn't know
the first thing to say to her.
- I got it.
All right, you get
up, you walk over.
Nay, you don't walk, you strut.
Strut over to her like
a Portuguese Prince
and you look her
right in the eye
and you go "Behold now, thou
art a fair woman to look upon."
- What?
- It works every time.
- In century one, yeah!
- All right, well,
add your own lines.
Be creative.
Oh, but before you go,
you got a little...
You got a little
something right there.
- Oh yeah?
That could've been bad.
- Yeah.
- Okay.
On the side, right?
Did I get it?
- Yep.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, you're good to go.
- Okay.
- Ship shape!
- I'm going to do it!
- That's the spirit.
Go get her, buddy!
- Okay, I'm gonna do it.
Okay, okay.
Just go up.
Behold, thou art a beautiful
woman to look upon.
Thou art a beautiful
woman to look upon.
- Reciting scripture?
Does Genesis usually work
as a pickup line for you?
(Laz laughs)
No, I'm just kidding.
Funny though,
I'm not sure Abram had quite
as thick of a mustache.
- (laughs) I'm so sorry,
I'm not usually so...
- Let me guess, so entertaining?
I'm sorry, I should
stop laughing.
I'm Dee Dee.
- I'm Laz, and I
promise I usually shave
before I meet someone new.
(laughs)
- Oh, it seems like
your friend is getting
a pretty good chuckle out of it.
- I think he's had a
couple too many shakes.
- That'll do it.
(laughs)
- Would you like to meet him?
I'm sure he'd like
you to join us.
- Any other time I would,
but I would love to
get to know someone
who uses the Bible
to pick up women,
but to be honest, I was
just about to leave.
- I'm sorry, did I
do something wrong?
- No, not at all.
I'm just in town
for a job interview.
- Well, if it was up
to me, you'd get it.
- Oh, there you go.
Now you're getting the hang
of this flirting thing.
(laughs)
- No, no, no, no,
like what I meant-
- I'm just pulling your leg.
Look, I'll tell you what,
if tomorrow goes well
and I get the job,
maybe I'll meet you back
here again sometime.
- Well, I'll be praying
that you do then.
- Laz, I believe
you are beginning
to really hit your groove.
(laughs)
- Okay.
Bye, bye, bye, Dee Dee!
Okay.
- Well?
Don't leave me in suspense, man!
What did she say?
- She said she's just in
town for a job interview.
- Okay, what did you say?
- I told her I'd
be praying for her.
Come on, let's go.
I've got some ideas for
the site I want to work on.
- All right.
Baby, baby, oh
Wanna go to the movies
Maybe take a walk
under the moonbeams
You wanna go to the movies
- I tell you, Dee Dee, you
have a very impressive resume
and come highly recommended.
- That is so nice to hear.
Thank you for sharing that.
- It takes a very special person
to handle those young souls
and keep your composure
in the middle of these difficult
challenging interactions.
- I find that part to
be the most fun part.
Teenagers can really
trip a person up.
- Tell me about it.
That's the problem the
current teachers have.
- If you don't mind me asking,
what is the current
instructor situation
regarding the teens?
- My wife and I.
- Oh my, I am so
sorry, I had no idea.
But from the way
your email read,
it was as if the people
handling the class right now
have no idea what they're doing.
- That's exactly how we feel.
Just absolutely helpless.
- Oh, I'm sure you guys
are doing just fine.
- No, no, not at all.
As a matter of fact, I hope
you can start right away.
Because if I have to go back
in that class one more time,
I'm just gonna
break down and cry.
And that's not a good
look for me at all.
- There, there, Pastor Mark.
As it turns out, I
can start right away.
I have an aunt who lives in town
and I can stay with her
until I get all settled.
- Oh, you have no idea how
happy you just made me.
Oh, I guess we should go give
you a tour of your new home.
- I'd very much like that.
- And so I switched
to decaf, so...
Hello.
Looks like you're getting
that second chance after all.
Take a look.
(Laz laughs)
- What, Dee Dee?
Yes, and by the
looks of that smile,
I think Pastor Mark
just gave her the job
of the new youth pastor.
- But I thought you and
Pastor Mark had a handle
on that teen group.
- (laughs) Oh, no.
No, not at all.
(snaps)
- Was Jesus magic?
- Yeah, was he magic,
like those guys we
see on the internet?
(class laughs)
- So those kings just left Jesus
with like a bunch
of birthday cash?
(gasps)
- Did Joseph have
a gambling problem?
Oh!
(class laughs)
- She said yes!
Oh my gosh, yes!
I am pumped, so awesome.
- Chocolate shake?
Is this any way to
treat an old friend?
- Wait, this is a bonus hire,
you guys know each other.
- Actually we ran into each
other last night at Rooftops.
- Yep, these two put
on quite the show.
- Uh huh.
Congratulations on the
new job as youth pastor.
- Oh, thank you.
We all seem to be
pretty excited for me.
- Hey, can I show you
guys in the kitchen?
Someone keeps stealing my yogurt
and I kind of want to
file a formal complaint.
- So what do ya think?
Should you and I make time
for that chocolate shake?
- Chocolate shake.
Oh.
(laughs) You can get
whatever you want.
- I know, silly.
I was just thinking
that now that we know I'm
going to be sticking around,
well, a girl could
always use a new friend.
- Friend zone!
- (laughs) No, no,
not necessarily,
but it is the best
place to start.
- Sounds perfect.
- Here is my number.
Guard this with your life.
- (laughs) I will.
Trust me, I will.
Lord, Lord, Lord
Praise on thee
- Now I'm telling you,
we're losing our way.
We're losing our way
because God has a plan!
No, God has a plan!
Ugh!
That doesn't even feel right.
The son of man,
prophecy against God.
- Look, son, look.
Sometimes you gonna
have to let them know
what you're feeling inside.
Let them know what God himself
might be saying to them.
With the emotions he
might want to be evoking.
Sound disappointed.
Get angry!
See?
Try again.
- Son of man,
prophecy against God,
give them this message
from the sovereign Lord.
He has more for us!
You see the devil
comes to deceive us!
We're living longer
on the earth,
but we're not being
more effective!
Dad, why?
I will not-
- Come on already, don't
just use your voice.
Let your emotions show on
your face and your eyes.
Use your hands, use your arms,
let everyone in the room
feel the word of God.
You hear that?
Come on.
You can do it, show
me you can do it.
- Believer, Christian,
I'm talking to you
and I'm talking to me!
When you wake up in
the morning, man,
all hell ought to shake,
because the devil should be
thinking, "He's up again.
"She's up again.
"And he's going to wreak
havoc on the kingdom of hell."
(Mark groans)
Jesus, why can't I
make this feel right?
- Um, I think I can help.
- (laughs) There for a
moment I thought you were...
- Oh, yeah, I get it.
I get that all the time.
Do you mind me asking?
What were you
working on up there?
- My dad...
My dad always told me the only
way to find your voice was
to be in the chapel.
Your voice fills the room.
It's as if when you speak,
God's speaking
through you himself.
And then and only then
have you found your voice.
- All right, and that up there,
was that you or
your father's voice?
- Probably a little bit of him.
Some other pastors,
to be honest with you.
- Okay.
So, what about you?
What does Pastor
Mark sound like?
- That's the thing.
I really have no idea,
to be honest with you.
- Well, what do you do
during a regular service?
- I mean, there's
so few people here,
I feel like I can talk
to them individually.
As a friend, about the things
we love and care about.
- That's a great
start right there.
- Well, yeah, that's
all great and fine
when there's so few people here,
but what are we going to do
if we fill this place up?
- When you fill this place up.
- Well, okay, that's just it.
When we fill it up,
how am I going to
speak to those people
as if they're just one?
- You know, I just
have a good feeling,
you're going to know what
to do when that happens.
- Well, that's kind
of why I'm doing one
of my Power Ministries this weekend,
because that ought to
get their attention.
- All right, yeah, I mean,
that's not exactly what
I was thinking, but okay.
- What, what do you mean?
- What are ya'll doing here?
From 6P to 8P,
I'm on the schedule for choir
auditions and rehearsals.
- Yes ma'am, of course
I remember that.
- Is there any way I could help?
- Well, I tell you, young
Jesus, when the audition starts,
there's gonna be a whole lot
of reaching out to the Lord
in gospel harmonies.
And I can't promise it's
gonna be all that melodious.
- [Woman] Amen to that, sister.
Yeah.
- I even prayed to the Lord
himself to cover his ears,
until we get through the night.
So you two might not
want to stick around.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Yes, if you can
do this quickly,
because we don't have all night.
Thank you very much,
I appreciate that.
Yep, good job,
good job, good job.
All right, let's get started
so we can get some
auditions going.
Now, which one are you?
- Me?
I'm Whitney.
- All right, Whitney, do you
have any experience singing
or ever took any lessons?
- Well, I mean, if you count
karaoke and videos online,
then yeah, I'd say
I'm experienced.
(members humming)
- What makes you want to
be a part of the choir?
- My husband.
- Your husband?
- Yes, ma'am, my husband.
He says I have the
voice of an angel.
- Well, we'll be
the judge of that.
What are you gonna sing for us?
- "Amazing Grace."
Amazing grace, how
sweet your sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
but now I am found
Was blind but now I see
Twas grace that brought
- Stop!
Stop, stop.
- Her husband is a
pretty good liar.
(laughs)
- You know, I think we're
gonna need all of these people.
- Otherwise, we're gonna have
a pretty sad choir of four.
- All right, Whitney, you're in.
- Yes!
- We're gonna put
you in the back.
- Yeah, way in the back.
- Like in the hallway.
Like as far back as back goes.
- In the back.
- All right, Ann and Caleb,
you two audition together.
You're gonna make it anyway.
Amazing grace, how
sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me
I once was lost
- I came from the
car, put my bag down.
Hey, Jesus?
- [Jesus] Yeah?
- Do you know what I did with
a certain piece of paper?
- Oh, Lazzy, are you
looking for this?
- Okay.
- You know, for how important
that thing is to you,
I would've thought you would
have saved it in your phone.
You know, with like
a cute ringtone,
like "Oh, Dee Dee,
my precious Dee Dee!"
Something like that.
- Yeah, funny, very funny.
It's just this piece of
paper, she touched it.
This is her handwriting.
This piece of paper, it's
like a grand romantic gesture.
- Calm down, all right.
This isn't the Dead Sea Scrolls.
It's her phone number
on a piece of paper.
Pump the brakes on the
romance train, all right?
- It's just something
about her, man.
- All right, well, wasn't
it just yesterday it was,
"Oh, Chloe!
"I'll never meet
another one like Chloe!"
- But this is different.
Chloe never wrote down
her number for me.
In fact, she just
said it really fast.
I had to guess on like
the last three digits.
I called like 10
different people
before getting through to her.
- Okay, well, you do
have Dee Dee's number,
so are you going to
give her a call or what?
- I don't know, do
you think I should?
- Uh, no, no, you
shouldn't call her.
You know, I bet you
that's a fake number.
You know?
Some hotline for a
fake insurance scam
or some kind of
non-existent rebate program
for a air conditioner
you never got.
- I didn't think
of it like that.
Is that what this is?
- Laz!
No, dude!
I talked to Dee Dee at church
and she's a really nice girl.
She would never do that to you.
- I just, I, it's a fake number.
- [Jesus] Oh, Lazzy?
- Yeah?
- It's ringing.
You better answer.
- No.
- Take it.
- I can't.
I don't know what to say!
(shouting)
Okay, fine!
Hi.
- Hello, friend zone hotline.
- Funny, very funny.
- Well, it's important to see
if you have a sense of humor.
- I guess that just depends
on how long you plan on
keeping me in the friend zone.
- Well, I suppose
that all depends
on how long it takes
for you to ask me out.
- I think she wants
me to ask her out.
- Well, hot dog!
What are you looking at me for?
Say yes, say yes.
- Okay.
Um, how does Sunday
night after church sound?
- Perfect, that's what
I was going to suggest
if you ended up making
me have to ask you out.
- She said yes.
- Hey!
Whoa!
- Whoa!
- My boy Laz!
- [Laz] I don't
know what to wear.
- What did I tell you?
No shirt, lot of chest hair.
Do you have chest hair?
We can draw some on.
Get your marker, we're
going to have some fun.
(dramatic music)
- Hey, hey, hey.
Cacaw, cacaw, hey, hey, hey.
(whistles) Hey.
Cacaw, cacaw, come on.
- Jade, Caleb, what are you
two doing here so early?
- Well, you know, this is our
first service to record, so...
- Right, yeah, we just wanted
to check out a couple of spots
and decide which is the
best angle to shoot from.
- Oh, I love that idea!
Especially today,
because you can capture
the strong man segments
of the service.
- Yeah, right, yeah.
- Right, yes.
- Yeah, totally, yes.
- Right, really
excited to see that.
Whoa, hey, where are
you going with that?
- [Mark] To have it on the
pulpit for later in the service.
- Why don't you let
us take that and...
- Yeah, you probably
need to get focused
and ready for the big event.
- Thank you.
How thoughtful of those guys.
- Mm-hm.
- Did you see that?
That was so nice!
And they got here so early!
- Yeah, maybe it's
a little too nice.
- Oh!
Oh.
- Let me help you
with that, Mrs. Elsie.
- Oh, praise the Lord.
- Of course.
- Jesus, I don't know
what I'd do without you.
- You don't know how
often I hear that.
Mighty man of God, his
spirit is strong for Jesus
Yeah, mighty man of God, his
spirit is strong for Jesus
Mighty man of God, his
spirit is strong for Jesus
- Everybody has strongholds.
Everybody has barriers.
Oh, yeah
- Everybody has addictions and
they all need to be broken.
And the only way
to break through is
through the power of God!
(congregation cheering)
(upbeat music)
(smashes)
Yeah!
With God, nothing
stands in your way.
He'll lead you through life
and all the way to heaven!
(podium crashes)
There is power, power,
unbreaking power
(congregation applauds)
- Do you have any idea what
we should even ask people?
- No!
(mic screeches)
Not really.
I just know we need to
get someone to talk to us
so we can get out of here.
Mrs. Elsie, would you mind
coming over here for a minute?
- The choir sounded really
great today, Mrs. Elsie.
- Thank you, Caleb.
We can only work with
the talents God gave us.
Some of us more than others.
- Mrs. Elsie, would you mind
helping us on a little project?
- Why, of course.
What's this gonna be about?
- The church is creating
a new social media site
on the internet.
- And we need a comment or
two from people at the church
telling us why they
like going here.
- Sounds easy enough.
Go ahead, ask away.
- Mrs. Elsie, have you met
the new church handyman?
- Jesus?
Why, just this morning, as
I walked through the doors
of our Friends of Faith Church,
he personally greeted me
with open arms and helped
take a load off right away.
It would have been a terrible
go without Jesus' help.
- Thank you, thank
you, Mrs. Elsie.
That was perfect.
- Glad I could help out.
(cheerful music)
Thank you for the letter
Melts my heart
to say the least
Couldn't ask for a better
handsome bachelor loving me
And thank you
for the sweater
Warms my heart
to say the least
Wouldn't ask for another
handsome bachelor loving me
'Cause it's the
little things you do
That make me fall for you
- Your order will be out soon
and if you don't mind me saying,
you two make the cutest couple.
- Thank you.
- Wow!
I mean, can you believe it?
From milkshake mustache to
being here for our first date.
- Yeah, I wish I was a
little bit more alluring.
- Are you kidding?
That was so cute.
I mean, I'm going
to tell that story
for the rest of my life.
- Right, cute,
just like a puppy.
- Aww, but puppies
are so lovable.
(Laz laughs)
- So what makes you want
to be a youth pastor?
- Well, I mean, I guess
I feel like kids have
a hard enough time figuring
out themselves already,
much less learning about faith.
- [Laz] No, yeah,
I can see that.
- So, I kind of want to be the
one to help bridge the gap,
by giving them ideas
that they'd be more
interested in learning about.
Ideas that might help them
see that believing can be fun,
and empowering, and helpful.
- I love that you
see it like that.
- Well, what about you?
- The dream is to
create a platform
for just all positive
things, you know,
happy news, praying
for one another,
good things you like
about your church.
Just no negativity, I
want positivity there.
- Wow, I mean, that
will be amazing.
I love that idea.
You must be pretty
proud of yourself.
- Yeah, uh, I just wish
everyone thought like you did.
- Oh, you must mean Chloe.
- What, nah, I mean, yeah.
- It's okay, Jesus
told me about her.
- Did he?
Really?
- Yeah, and he also told me
about the underwear in
the street incident.
- Did he say anything else?
- Yes.
He might have mentioned
what condition they were in.
- (laughs) They were an old pair
that I used like to
wash my car with them.
- I'm just pulling your leg.
Look, what matters
is what you do next
and who you choose
to do it with.
That make me fall for you
It's the little things you
say that drive me crazy
It's your little thoughtful
way that makes me
Falling for you,
I'm falling for you
You know I'm falling for
you, you know, you know
I'm falling for you,
I'm falling for you
You know I'm falling
for you, yeah
It's the little things,
it's the little things
It's the little things
It's the little things,
it's the little things
It's the little
things you do
That make me fall for you
(blows nose)
- Pastor Mark, believe me,
we appreciate all
you've done for us,
but we just keep ending
up at the same dead end.
- Oh my God, see?
She just sees everything
going nowhere,
but the world is
changing every day.
And so, throughout
time so will we,
so will our relationship.
- Right, like you losing
weight, buying that new car,
and that stupid, stupid hat.
(crying)
Why don't you just tell me
you've found someone else?
- Because there's no one else.
I just want us to have fun,
you know, like we used to.
- See, there's just
no reasoning with him.
- Tina, please stop.
- Kevin, I swear...
- Oh dear, (groans) my wrist.
Hey, do you guys mind helping
me out for just one second?
Here, you, you grab this.
Kevin, you get this
mop bucket right here.
That's...
You guys are really
sweet for helping me out.
You know, it's funny,
you don't realize
how tough life can be
until part of you feels
like it's missing.
You know?
Usually, I do my
mopping with this hand
and this hand does the wringing.
You know, God put 'em together
because they're meant
to work together.
Like peanut butter and jelly
or multiple cat
ownership and hoarding.
Look at you two.
God bless the both of you.
Thank you for your kindness.
(grunts) Loving the teamwork!
(groans)
I'm going to grab some ice.
Don't forget to finish the
halls, and the kitchenette,
and the bathrooms.
Thank you!
Looking at me, boy,
you're looking at me
You're looking at
me, give me that love
But you're looking at me
I keep it drive, but
they keeping it coming
Nothing that bad, I
can't do you no harming
But if you're
gonna make me mad
No, don't even make me mad
'Cause if you gonna make me
mad, make me bad, make me bad
- (laughs) Um.
- You must be Chloe.
Bad, I am bringing
the shining
Not that bad, I would
do you no harming
- How sweet.
Laz, honey, you
still talk about me?
- Uh...
- I'm Jesus.
- (laughs) Sure, Jesus.
Nice to meet you.
This is my boyfriend, Reed.
- Boy...
- You'll have to forgive him.
Very important call.
Being the vice president
of the bank his dad owns,
means he's always
busy, busy, busy.
- I didn't know you still
went to church here.
- Church?
- Here.
- Here?
- Here.
- Don't be silly, Laz.
Reed's dad just asked if we
would check in on attendance,
see if there's any hope
left for this old relic
of prayers gone by.
And it's not looking too good.
Anyway, I hear there's plans
to put a new church
in its place.
It will be a splendor
for God and all to see.
- [Reed] Uh huh.
- Well, I guess we'll
see you in there.
- [Laz] Okay.
- We won't be easy to miss.
- Oh.
That was Chloe.
- Uh huh.
- Did you see her new boyfriend
and how many layers he has?
- If it makes you
feel any better,
I didn't care for any of them.
- But it looks like Rylee
is doing really good
with the kids.
- She's definitely a godsend.
- Phew, smells like we have
a real winner over here.
(laughs)
- [Hope] You might
want to save yourself
and get on out of here.
- Whenever I have a kid, I
am not feeding my little lady
whatever this little
lady has been eating.
Whew!
Oh my goodness.
- You're doing a
great job, Rylee.
I don't know what
I'd do without you.
- Oh man.
Hi.
Hi.
Oh, you're so cute!
(phone chimes)
- Rylee, please no text or calls
while we're watching the kids.
- Oh my gosh, Margo is
always so scandalous.
She saw Tristen at the
dinner with another girl,
but he already told me that
he was meeting his cousins
for breakfast this morning.
(laughs)
(blocks crash)
- All right, all right,
let's make a truce here.
Jimmy, I want you to
go help Ms. Rylee.
- Okay.
(girl crying)
- I'm so sorry, I have to go.
I'm so sorry.
- Rylee, please.
- I'm sorry, I
gotta go, I'm sorry.
- [Hope] Rylee!
Please come back!
- How many of you out
there have little kids?
Raise your hands.
Little ones, oh
- And when they were little,
how many of you had to
tell them the word no?
No, no, no
- Poopy diaper!
- Jimmy, no!
Poopy diaper
(screaming)
(dramatic music)
Whoa, whoa
- Easy, my child.
Come here!
- Make sure we're
getting all of this.
(gasps)
- Stop it right now,
you unruly child!
Whoa, whoa
(Chloe screams)
Oh
(Chloe screaming)
(playful music)
- Oh, I just love you,
my little Tina snookums.
- I love you, Kevy-wevy.
- [Jade] Hey there.
- Well, hello.
- Hi.
- What can we do for your
two young people today,
offer a little helpful
romance advice?
- No!
No, no.
We're making videos
to help the church
with some of their
social media presence.
And we were hoping
you wouldn't mind us
asking a question or two.
- We'd be happy to help.
- Great, okay.
Have you guys had the chance
to meet the new church handyman?
- You go first.
- You go first.
- Jinx!
- Jinx!
(laughs)
- Okay, I'll go first.
As a matter of fact,
Kevin and I were going
to Friends of Faith for
marriage counseling.
- Yeah, our communication
just wasn't jibing up.
- But it is now.
- And it's all thanks to Jesus.
- After counseling one day,
Jesus showed us how much fun
working together really meant
to each of us.
- And ever since he said that,
we just felt love and
warmth all over again.
Thank you, Jesus!
- Thank you, Jesus!
For helping us at
Friends of Faith.
You two should
think about dating.
- Oh.
- Right in the mush.
- Yeah, gosh!
- Is it bad that
I'm enjoying this?
- Oh no, no, no, no.
This is, this is pure.
This is pure comedy.
Would anyone like
something to drink?
- I'll take a glass of
wine if you have any.
- I think we only
have beer and water,
but I'll take a beer, thank you.
- I'll go check.
- Okay.
- Looks like we
do have some wine.
- Awesome.
(triumphant music)
- [Jesus] We're in luck.
I was actually able
to find some red wine.
- Awesome!
Thank you.
- Here you go.
- That is really good.
Who makes it?
- I do.
I mean, uh, I do
some home brewing.
- Oh, well, I hope there's more,
because I think I'm going
to want another glass.
- I can make as much,
I mean I can get as
much as you'd like.
There's plenty in the fridge.
- Oh my gosh, you guys are
not going to believe this.
- What's that?
- This video of the
diaper is going viral
right before our eyes.
Wait, all of the
videos have gone viral.
- Jesus?
Oh lord!
I met Jesus at Friends of Faith.
You might say he gave
me the fuel I needed
to travel down the
righteous road of life.
And the man knows his tools too.
Boy, I tell you,
that's my Jesus!
- Do you remember
talking to that guy?
- (laughs) Yeah, I do.
He's a good guy.
Actually, he's a
decent mechanic.
I showed him a
picture of your hoopty
and he thinks he
can help you out.
- Jesus.
- What?
- Oh, no, sorry, not you.
Do you mind?
- Oh, sure.
What do you think is going on?
- I didn't think to
go and check this yet.
I thought it would
be way to soon.
- Too soon for what?
- Too soon for what?
- Sorry.
This is a miracle.
- What is?
- What is?
- Uh, sorry, it's...
Friends of Faith has
over 300,000 followers.
- Oh my Dad!
That's more followers
than Moses had!
- I wonder, I just wonder.
- Wonder what?
- Wonder what?
Okay, you're going
to have to work
on your communication skills
if this thing between
us is going to work out.
- Um, when I set up the site,
I didn't think it
would be a bad idea
to put a donation function
just in case anyone
visiting wanted to help out
with the cause.
(laughs) I have to
call Pastor Mark
and tell him the good news.
(phone ringing)
(calm music)
- Laz, hey, what can
I do for you, son?
- (laughs) Where to start?
- [Mark] Is everything okay?
- No, it's more than all right.
The social media
site is blowing up.
Tons of people are
following the church
and watching all the videos.
- Okay, so, that's
good news, right?
What are we talking, like
one or maybe two hundred?
- No, sir, try, um,
try over 300,000.
- 300,000?
What, what?
- 300,000, and that's
not even the best part.
- [Mark] There's more?
- Yes sir, try 25,000 more.
Dollars, that is.
- $25,000?
Is that what we have to
pay for those followers?
- (laughs) No sir, that's what
those followers are donating
to the church.
- Praise the Lord.
I can't hardly
believe this, Laz.
- Well, believe it,
'cause it's real.
Do you think this will be
enough to keep the bank happy
until we get some more?
- I don't know, but I'm
gonna call Jack first thing
in the morning and find out.
Praise the Lord, Laz.
God bless you, God bless you!
Siri, Siri, you're not
going to believe this!
- I tell you what, Mark,
I'm so glad this worked
out in the church's favor.
I was pulling for
you the whole time.
- I appreciate that, Jack.
Hey, you sticking around
for service today?
- Wouldn't miss it.
The wife is saving us
a place right up front.
- Well, that's good,
good, good, good.
That's good.
(grunts)
Okay, I'll see you
in there, man, okay?
All right.
- That little
fella looked happy.
- Yeah, I'm not sure if it's
because he got his check
or because he's
actually rooting for us.
- It's probably a
little bit of both.
So how's that preacher
voice coming along?
Looks like the perfect
crowd to try it out on.
- Huh?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, to be perfectly honest
with you, I'm scared to death.
- Why would you feel like that?
I thought this is
what you've been working
towards all along?
- I just keep thinking
about how my dad would've
handled this big moment.
- And what'd you come up with?
- Always I seem to come up
with something different
than what I think I should do.
- Listen, you've always feared
that you've shared
something with your dad,
but you're only here today
because that memory
brought you here.
- I can't even remember.
- Mark, you're not your dad.
You're your father's
son and that's it.
You're a reflection of him,
just like he was to his father.
Dude, you get to decide.
You get to decide the
best parts of him.
The parts of him
that get to live on.
They get to live
on in this church.
This church that you now lead.
- Looks like you have
a full house out there.
- Oh, hi!
- It's going to be okay.
I think you're
going to do great.
We better be in place
in about 10 minutes.
- Yeah.
- I love you.
- I love you too.
- Oh, and hey!
Don't forget to break a leg.
- Oh, dadgummit.
Gotta get a pen now.
Geez.
- Hey!
Looks like we've got a lot of
people coming to church today.
- Yeah, sounds like it's
going to be a full house.
- Yeah, maybe you and your
videos may have something
to do with it.
- Look, we were only trying to-
- I know what you
were trying to do.
I watched all your
videos this week.
- It might have
started out as a prank,
but the videos started
getting so much attention.
- Yeah, we just didn't
think we should stop.
- Well, I guess it's a
good thing you didn't,
because what started
out as a prank,
made all these people
interested in Jesus.
- You want us to stop?
'Cause we really
enjoy doing this.
- No, but next time,
maybe use your talents
with good intentions first.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Yes, ma'am.
- All right, let's
see what you got here.
(upbeat music)
(Mark grunts)
- God!
No, no, no, no!
Hey, hey, hey!
Help, help, help!
- Oh, hey, look,
its Pastor Mark!
- Oh, he looks so excited
for the service today!
- We'll see you in there!
- Help, help!
I just came to get some pens.
I mean, really.
(pens clatter)
(Mark groans)
Gosh!
Lord, why does everything
have to be so difficult?
Every single time!
- [Jesus] A memory that
helped lead you here.
- Why are you so hard on him?
- Because leading a church...
Leading a congregation
is not an easy thing.
- Sure, but to insist that
he lead just the way you do?
- That's the way
my daddy taught me.
- And I suppose that's the way
you continue to preach today?
Come on!
- Well, no, but it's important
that he understands our history.
- History, schmistory.
Things are changing and
will continue to change,
just like when we were kids.
Remember all the disagreements
you and your dad used to have?
I think you forget sometimes
that I have been around
form the very beginning.
- Yes, dear.
- Well, is that what you want?
- No, of course not.
(coughs)
- Then what do you want?
- I just want...
I want him to be strong enough
to develop his own voice
so that he can
experience the joy
that I have serving the
Lord in this church.
- There now, was
that so hard to say?
- No, I'll wake him
up, we'll have a talk.
- Let him be, we'll talk later.
- I just thought that
was something I wished
or dreamed about.
I've gotta get out of here.
Right now.
I can't believe I'm doing this.
This never ends
well in the movies.
- Can you believe it?
I mean, all the
people out there?
- I know!
I'm so proud of you.
Your site brought all
these people together.
- Well, I had a
little bit of help.
- Yeah, but still.
You had a dream and you're
making it all come true.
- It was the moment I met you.
That's when it all
started coming true.
- Well, I guess I should
go back to the kids.
- Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
- [Dee Dee] I'll see you...
- Yeah, I love you too!
(laughs)
I mean...
No, I love you.
I've known that since I met you.
I haven't cared for
anyone as much as you
and I don't feel the way I
feel for you for anyone else.
- Well, I feel the same way.
- You look nice!
(laughs)
She said she loves me.
I mean, she didn't say
it outright like I did,
but she inferred it, right?
Like, like you would
say she inferred it?
- Yeah, I'd say so, yeah.
- And I mean, I don't know,
I just feel like all my
dreams, all my hard work,
they're coming together and
it's all because of you, Jesus.
- Yeah.
Yeah, I'm pretty inspirational.
- Here I am, going on
and on about my successes
and, you know, girls
telling me they love me
or inferring it and I feel bad.
I feel like I haven't been
putting enough time and effort
or energy into figuring
out your purpose, you know?
You know?
Jesus!
I know.
- I get that a lot.
- I get that a lot.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but you
can't be looking like that,
going out there with
all those people.
But you're not going
out there, are you?
- No, no, I'm sorry, Laz.
It's time for me to go.
I have a lot of things to do,
I have to get ready for
Christmas and then Easter.
And, uh, I don't
get any time off.
You know, that glutton Santa,
he gets most of the year off,
but not me.
You know, after
Christmas, it's Easter
and I got to help the giant
bunny hide a bunch of eggs.
It's a whole ordeal.
- Do you really?
- No!
No, Laz, I don't.
- But I thought your
purpose was supposed to,
you know, we were
supposed to find out
what you're supposed
to be doing down here.
- It was you, Laz.
You were the mission.
- I'm just some computer geek.
- Yeah, yeah, you are, but
you're also so much more.
My mission was your mission.
Look at everything you
did here for this church
and churches everywhere.
You got people to
believe in me again.
You made people believe
in me, and God, and faith,
and everything it
means and stands for.
- I did that?
- Yeah!
And there's much more to come.
- Won't I need you
there for that too?
- Um, maybe not as close.
But I'll always be there.
By your side.
Just like I am for everybody.
Whispering encouragement.
Up until now, you
hadn't been listening.
(laughs)
You know, that's how
it goes sometimes.
Now it's your turn.
To encourage people,
rally believers,
and keep faith alive.
- I'll try my best.
- We know you will.
Well, you better get out there.
Pastor Mark still needs you.
I would leave my heart
on the line for you
- (snaps) Gotcha!
Go on, get out there!
Between me and you
There's an ocean
between our love
I'm telling the truth
but in my heart sail away
- Siri had to say break a leg!
At this point, I hope
that's all I break.
I'm falling for Jesus
I'm falling for Jesus
The reason I get up again
I'm falling for Jesus
- Have you seen Pastor Mark?
- I thought he'd be here by now.
(ceiling cracking)
(thuds)
(congregation gasps)
- Why did I tell
him to break a leg?
- What can't he break?
- I'm good, I'm good, I'm good.
This, this is what
the Lord says.
When someone falls
down, he gets back up.
- [Choir] Yes, he does!
- And when someone turns
away from me, he returns.
Jeremiah 8:4.
- [Choir] Thank you, Jesus.
- And do you know why
I know that's true?
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
He taught me how to live
my life as it should be
He taught me how to turn my
cheek when people laugh at me
I've had friends before
And I can tell you that
He's one who will
never leave you flat
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
He taught me how to pray,
and how to save my soul
He taught me how
to praise my God
And still play rock and roll
The music may sound different
but the message is the same
It's just the instruments
who praise his name
- How in the world are they
getting so many followers?
- I have no idea,
probably somebody,
somebody went to
Candy Cane Crucifix.
- [Pastor] Oh,
nobody'd even do that!
- I do know they're taking
a meeting with this fella.
- Well, call him!
We gotta get outta here
or else we're gonna
miss our own service.
- It's ringing!
- Byron By God Lots
at your service.
(humming)
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is a friend of mine
Once I tried to run, I
tried to run and hide
But Jesus came and found me
and he touched me down inside
He is like a mountie
He always gets his man, and
he'll zap you any way he can
Zap
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
He loves me when I'm right,
he loves me when I'm wrong
He loves me when I waste my
time by writing silly songs
He loves me when I'm quiet
and I have nothing to say
He'll love me when I'm
perfect if I ever get that way
Woo
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
(upbeat music)
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
He taught me how to live
my life as it should be
He taught me how to turn my
cheek when people laugh at me
I've had friends before
And I can tell you that
He's one who will
never leave you flat
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
He loves me when I'm right,
he loves me when I'm wrong
He loves me when I waste my
time by writing silly songs
He loves me when I'm quiet
and I have nothing to say
He'll love me when I'm
perfect if I ever get that way
Woo
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus is my friend
Jesus is a friend of mine
I have a friend in Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine
Jesus
Jesus is a friend of mine