Wackness, The (2008) Movie Script
So, what's on your mind,
Luke?
Nothing.
I mean, I can
make something up.
Fine.
Make something up, then.
Okay.
Um,
- I'm having trouble getting laid.
- Common problem.
How old are you
again, Luke?
Old enough
to be getting laid.
And getting older every day.
Have you ever
gotten laid?
Two years ago, I fucked
Katie Randall in Battery Park.
But she had drank
like two 40-ounces,
and the cops came
and broke us up before we...
So, she was drunk?
Home girl weighs,
like, 60 pounds,
and she drank two
- Crazy Horse?
- Look, Dr. Squires...
- Call me Jeff.
- Look, Jeff...
Dr. Squires...
How much
do you need, man?
You're the one
who needs this, son.
- How much?
- A quarter.
Well, I can give you two eighths.
It's the same thing.
- That entitles you to another...
- Forty-eight minutes.
Forty-eight minutes. If you go now,
you're getting ripped off.
I'm just not feeling all this
feeling shit today, Dr. Squires.
Luke, tomorrow's a very big day
in your life. One of the biggest.
And I look at you
and there's...
There's just
no joy, you know?
Tell Stephanie
I say what's up.
Mmm-hmm.
Hey, you ever feel
kind of like a fuck up?
Buying weed from the same dude
that deals to your daughter?
- Stepdaughter.
- Stepdaughter. Exactly.
- Later, Mr. Squires.
- I'm a doctor, Luke.
Dr. Squires.
I met Dr. Squires
in the spring of '94.
First as a client,
then as a patient.
At the beginning we didn't
talk about much of anything.
I don't know why I kept seeing him,
to be honest.
But sometimes it's nice
to have someone to talk to.
Even if you're
just talking shit.
He told me the drug thing was
a cry for help. Maybe he's right.
I am Luke Shapiro.
I'm a drug dealer.
Hear my cry.
My occupation takes me to
exotic places like Brooklyn and Queens.
Now, I like it most in the summer
when no one's around. Just me,
the sweaty girls in their short skirts
with their breasts and their panties,
which I like to see
when I can see them.
I like fly ladies. I like tank tops.
I like short skirts.
I like my impure thoughts,
which go a little something like this.
# "The World is Yours"
by Nas #
# It's yours #
# Whose world is this? #
# The world is yours
the world is yours #
# It's mine,
it's mine, it's mine #
# Whose world is this? #
# It's yours #
# It's mine,
it's mine, it's mine #
# Whose world is this? #
Shapiro.
No, did you smell it?
You're holding it,
you smell it.
Well, I'm not... Listen, Mr. Bigshot.
You know all about expiration dates?
Just look at the jar
and tell me what you think.
I don't know.
Why don't you check it out yourself?
# Wipe the sweat off my dome
Spit the phlegm on the streets #
# Suede Timbs on my feets
makes my cypher complete #
# Whether cruisin in a six-cab
or Montero Jeep #
# I can't call it
The beats make me fallin' asleep #
I hate high school
so I'm alone a lot.
Which is fine by me.
Sometimes it gets lonely, I guess.
But I don't need
high school friends.
One week they're listening to Kris Kross,
the next, they're listening to Pearl Jam.
I'm not like that.
I'm loyal.
I mean, I still listen
to cassettes.
But tomorrow
my life changes.
Tomorrow I graduate.
And then I go
to my safety school.
And then I get older.
And then I die.
Robert Samuels.
Shana Sewart.
Luke Shapiro.
Congratulations, Shapiros.
Lucas, aren't you
going to introduce us?
- Mom, Dad, this is Mr... Dr. Squires.
- Jeff.
- And this is my wife, Kristen.
- A pleasure.
And here's
your daughter.
- Stepdaughter.
- Stephanie.
All right, team.
Picture time.
Tuck the fucking shirt
into your pants, Jeffrey.
- Hello. You paged me?
- Yeah.
Yo, I didn't know there was
a party tonight, son.
Yeah. It's the
graduation party.
- I just graduated.
- Yeah. I know.
Yo, could you
spot me 26 bucks?
- Take the shit, yeah.
- Good looking out.
- I don't want your fucking $4.
- All right.
Shapiro, you always
come through with the madness.
This is gonna last us
till that first weekend in Amsterdam.
- You're going to Amsterdam?
- Yeah, man. I told you that.
All right, man.
Have a good summer then.
Yeah, I gotta bounce.
They're almost out of Zima.
- Yo.
- Shapiro?
Hey, Steph.
What up?
Hey.
- You want some Ritalin?
- No, no. I'm cool.
So, what are you up to
this summer?
Chilling. Making money. Why?
You wanna go steady?
Yeah.
Sure.
Ha, ha!
What are you doing
for the summer?
I'm interning
for one of Daddy's patients.
So, it's just gonna be like you and me here
all alone and all, all summer.
But we'll never hang out.
# "Heaven & Hell"
by Raekwon #
# Jesus rollin' in
my right hand #
# Yup, you know
the steezo black #
# Got to go down like that #
# Shallah, cigars
and ball hats #
# Ninety-four
Takin' niggas to war #
# What do you believe in?
Heaven or hell? #
# You don't believe in heaven
'cause we're livin' in hell #
# What do you believe in?
Heaven or hell? #
# You don't believe in heaven
'cause we're livin' in hell #
# So it's your life #
# We're livin' in hell #
# What a chamber
Fuckin' with mad strangers #
# Yeah, you know
how it runs, baby Straight up, yo #
# Money, clothes
Designer whores and shows, y'all #
# That's how it goes #
# Whatever What do you believe in?
Heaven or hell? #
# You don't believe in heaven
'cause we're livin' in hell #
# So it's your life #
...what that is is a combination
of the temperature
and the humidity, those two combined.
So it'll be about 100 degrees today,
but it'll feel like 105 to 110,
and that's in the shade.
If you're in the sun
that'll add about 10 to 5 degrees,
5 to 10 degrees,
more hotter that it will feel.
No... I'll tell you
that much 'cause I...
He doesn't understand
the finer points about it...
What he doesn't understand
is what I don't understand,
which is I don't understand
what you're telling me half the time.
Your father lost
all of our money
and now we have to move to, well,
I don't know, somewhere poor.
- Oh, somewhere poor?
- We're moving?
No, no, Luke, I'm telling you,
I promise you we are not getting evicted.
- We're getting evicted?
- No, no. There's plenty of time. I'll fix it.
Oh, yeah, plenty!
What's wrong
with your face?
What's wrong
with his face?
Did you fucking
scratch him?
- He hit me!
- I did not hit you, you goddamn liar!
She's a goddamn liar.
You never hit a woman, Luke.
The two of you are acting like
you're fucking 12 years old.
- Stop cursing.
- Fuck off!
- You see where he gets that mouth?
- Great. "That mouth."
- Thank you very much. Right.
- "That mouth" from your mother.
Republican political consultants
differ on the extent
to which Mayor Giuliani's support
of the President's crime bill
could hurt him
in the future.
I can't take that
from you.
- Where are you going?
- Somebody's gotta work around here.
# "The What"
by The Notorious B.I.G. & Method Man #
Jesus, fellows.
A little dramatic, don't you think?
Are you that Luke?
Ah!
# I used to get feels
on a bitch #
# Now I throw shields
on the dick #
# To stop me
from that HIV shit #
Who is this?
Dis are the new shit.
Biggie.
# Biggie Smalls is the illest #
- This shit is dope.
- Dis cat gonna change your world.
# The thrill is gone The black
Frank White is here to excite #
# And throw dick to dykes #
# Bitches
I like 'em brainless #
# Guns
I like 'em stainless steel #
Everything cool, boy?
- I could use a little more this week, Pers.
- How much more you want?
- Like another five Zs.
- Oh, boy! You got big aspirations, Luke.
No, just a lot of debt.
Okay, soldier.
Be careful out there.
Dis blood clot Giuliani got dem bumba
clot police lookin at everybody and everything.
- Even white boy like you.
- I'm always careful, you know that.
I know.
Dat is why me like you.
- Luke!
- Yo!
It's called
Ready to Die.
# It's real
Ninety-four Rugged raw #
# Kickin' down
your goddamn door... #
I know, but tell me one thing,
we don't have any money?
# And everything you get
You gotta work hard for it #
# Honies, shake your hips
Yeah, don't stop #
# And niggas pack the clips
Keep on, bitch #
# Verse two
Comin' with that Olde E brew #
# Meth-tical puttin' niggas
back in ICU #
# I'm lifted, troop
You can bring your wack-ass crew #
# I got connections
I'll get that ass stuck like glue #
# No question
I be comin' down and shit #
# Yo I gets rugged
as a motherfuckin' carpet get #
# And niggas love it Not in the
physical form but in the mental #
# I spark
and they cells get warm #
# I'm not a gentle man
I'm a method man #
# Baby, accept it
Utmost respect it #
# Assume the position #
# Stop, look and listen #
# I spit on your grave
then I grab my Charles Dickens #
Dr. Squires, can you, like,
prescribe medicine and shit?
Of course.
Why do you ask, Luke?
- Well, it's for me.
- No shit.
I think recently
I've been depressed.
I don't sleep good.
I think too much.
Luke, you ever hear
the saying,
"The unexamined life
is not worth living?"
Yeah. Maybe the
examined one isn't either.
Oh, no, come on,
don't talk like that.
Has this got something to do
with Kurt Cobain?
Look, the point is,
who says it's gotta be all
so fucking sad like that, you know?
Is there something
going on at home, Luke?
Yeah, of course something's
going on at home. What?
This is what
you get paid for?
Men do the things they need to do
to become the men they want to be.
- Do you understand?
- Sure.
That includes
asking for help.
- It's my parents.
- There you go.
What about them?
They just...
They act like kids,
you know?
My wife and I
are the same way.
We act like kids
all the time.
And why do you think
that is?
Life
has a
funny way of turning you
into the one thing you don't wanna be.
My life sucks.
- I swear, it sucks.
- Lucas.
Do you have any idea
what I would give to be you again?
Not you, specifically, but me at your age?
It doesn't get any better.
- Tell me that's not true.
- Oh, you're fucking living, Luke.
It's great, living. Get your heart broken.
Find yourself face down in the gutter.
Get your pulse up.
Make a real mess of your life, son.
This is what you tell
all your patients?
You're not
depressed, Luke.
- You're sad. There's a difference.
- No, I'm depressed.
I'm mad depressed, yo.
So just give me some of those happy pills
and we can call it a day.
Sorry, Luke.
I can't do that.
And how do you
suggest I deal, then?
I suggest you talk about it
with a friend.
- Like I said, I don't have any friends.
- You have me.
Great.
Yo, Shapiro.
- Yo.
- What's up, man?
Steph, what up?
Who's this?
This is Jesus Christ.
From my stepdad's first marriage.
Bet I can guess
what you're doing here.
Yeah, your stepdad
paged me.
Dude smokes more weed
than I do, it's pathetic.
- You like him?
- Squires?
Not really.
But you should hear about
some of the crazy people
that come into
that guy's office.
- He tells you about that shit?
- Yeah.
But, I mean he's not, like
supposed to tell you, right?
There's confidentiality
and what not?
Whatever. I don't know.
He tells me anyway.
Like there's this one guy he sees,
I'm not kidding, a chronic masturbator.
- Uh...
- Yeah.
- That's crazy.
- The guy jerks off seven times a day.
Literally.
And when his nuts are dry,
he just lies in bed
with his hands down his pants,
like, touching himself
and shit.
- Jesus Christ, no.
- Oh, it's all right. It's all good.
- Sorry.
- Don't trip.
- Is this yours?
- Uh...
Yeah.
- This is my summer job.
- You sell ices?
No, that's my cover.
For my parents.
Check me out.
Shit! That's a lot
of green, man.
- That's how I roll.
- So, you just... How does it work?
Well, I mean...
Can I show you?
Sure. Let me drop
the dog off.
- All right.
- All right. Hang on.
# "Summertime"
by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince #
I'm not going to get
arrested, am I?
Just act calm
and follow my lead,
and everything
will be fine.
Relax.
Here.
# Summertime #
# Here it is, the groove
Slightly transformed #
# Just a bit of a break
from the norm #
- Luke.
- Yo. That's her.
Hi, Luke.
This is Albert.
We just ate
mushrooms.
- So, how much do you all need again?
- We met at a Phish show.
And we saw each other
and it was like that episode of 90210,
when Brandon and Emily Valentine
take ecstasy.
- Euphoria.
- What?
It's called euphoria.
Euphoria.
Euphoria.
Euphoria.
- Did you do something with your hair?
- No.
You look cuter. You look like
Jason Priestley like that.
Yo. There's like
mad cops around, I think.
So, can we do this?
# Time to sit back and unwind #
# School is out
and it's a sort of a buzz #
# But back then
I didn't really know what it was #
Who? Who's the girl?
Is she a cop?
No, this is my friend
Stephanie.
- Stephanie, this is Elanor.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Come on in.
She's hot.
I'm sorry about the cop stuff.
I just...
You know, with Giuliani and the stories
you hear, you can't be too careful.
So I had to do this
today, though,
because I have this guy
coming into town tomorrow
and we don't have anything
to talk about unless we're stoned.
But if we're stoned,
in bed he's like...
He's a really nice guy.
Luke, can I ask you something?
Just for a sec.
Why are men
so complicated?
Is it because
I'm intimidating?
Am I intimidating because
I play an instrument?
No.
- You play an instrument?
- No, I know.
I forgot you don't know
anything about me.
I mean, I don't really need to know
anything about you, Elanor.
I played in a band in the '80s.
Well, in '82 we were really big.
What about you?
Stephanie? Right?
You must have some insight
into the mind of men.
I mean, he must
be a handful.
- Oh, we're not that.
- We're not like that.
I think you're really beautiful
and you have really good chemistry.
Don't you think you should try it once
and just see how it feels?
Elanor, you know,
I could just sell you some weed
and we could leave it at that.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
A quarter of bubble gum?
Yeah.
- All right.
- We're gonna...
Yeah. And the door, when you shut it,
it just locks behind you.
Thanks, you guys.
Yo, Shapiro, you should take my number.
Okay. Call me some time.
- Call you?
- Yeah.
- You mean, like, for weed?
- No, man. To hang out.
This city can get so lonely
when there's nobody to talk to.
I think we could
be friends.
- Friends?
- Yeah, friends. You know, like,
homies, buddies, amigos.
Just take my number, okay?
All right, word.
I'll definitely call you.
What do you want
from me, Luke?
I don't know.
Come on, Luke,
you can tell me.
After all, I'm just
in your head.
Be honest.
Do you wanna do
dirty things to me?
Not, like,
especially dirty.
Just, like, normal dirty.
Do you want to fuck me?
On the beach? In the sun?
Do you wanna be my friend?
- Do you wanna be my best friend?
- Maybe.
Place your hand on my shoulder.
It's warm.
Put your hand
between my thighs.
Come to the sun, Luke.
Come.
- Come.
- I'm coming.
Come.
Fuck.
Yo!
What's up, Dad?
What's a seven-letter word
for a subatomic particle?
I don't know, Dad.
What's up?
Son, would you please
turn down the air conditioning?
The electric bill
is through the roof.
- Dad, it's like 90 degrees out.
- Please, just do it.
Such a beautiful evening.
- What are you doing?
- Seating.
- For that charity thing.
- Do you wanna go out?
Out?
You know, out.
Grab a drink, chill.
It's a Tuesday night.
And I'm almost 40.
Two.
You're 42.
I've been thinking about your dilemma
a lot recently, Luke.
- What's my dilemma?
- The girl thing.
Luke, back when I went to school,
drug dealers had no problem getting girls.
In fact, that's why
I always wanted to be one.
Were you popular in high school,
Dr. Squires?
Well, I wouldn't
say popular, no.
I wasn't one of those cool kids,
if that's what you're asking.
I played baseball,
I was a debater...
Did you ever
wanna kill yourself?
- Not till much later.
- Then you must have been popular.
I'm not.
This has got nothing to do
with being popular, Luke.
You're just not
trying hard enough.
You must think about it.
The different scenarios.
Random sex in phone booths,
chance encounters in discos,
the way they smell,
the things they say,
even when they're saying
nothing at all.
I mean,
I'm married, so I don't contemplate
that type of thing.
No.
Of course not.
Surely there's
someone, Luke.
Yeah.
This one girl.
That's fantastic, Luke. Who is she?
Does Stephanie know her?
No.
No, she goes
to school downtown.
- So what's the problem?
- She just wants to be friends.
- What makes you think that?
- She said so.
Make her like you, Luke.
That's what I did with my wife.
How did you do that?
Be her friend.
Confide in her, earn her trust.
Then, when you are
least threatening to her,
grab her and stick your tongue so far down
her throat she starts to gag from pleasure.
- Can I grab her tits, too?
- Baby steps, Luke.
Right.
Pursue her, Luke.
You're the perfect age for it.
You haven't yet been systematically numbed
to the allure of romance.
You still have
your youthful...
I got it.
Young men need sex, Luke.
All men, actually.
I can get you a hooker,
if you like.
God, I was this close
to respecting you.
Big mistake, Luke.
Call your girl.
You don't need medication, Luke.
You just need to get laid.
It's a surprise attack.
I don't want these...
What is the postmark on that?
What do you mean?
I just got it today.
I just wanna know
what the postmark is.
- When did you get it?
- I don't wanna talk about the postmark!
Oh, my God!
Jeffrey!
Hello?
Hello?
Um...
- I'm looking for...
- Luke?
- Luke, is that you?
- Dr. Squires?
It's okay, Luke.
I know why you're calling.
- You do?
- The beaver hunt.
The pussy quest.
I can help you, Luke.
Let's grab a drink.
I got just the place.
All right.
It's strange.
This place used to be packed.
The city's not the same anymore, Luke.
This place,
it really used to be
something down here,
the drugs, the girls,
the music,
the fucking music.
Speaking of which.
# "Season of The Witch"
by Donovan #
What kind of music
do you like, Luke?
Tribe Called Quest.
Pharcyde. De La Soul.
That's rap, right?
I don't know much about that stuff.
- I'll make you a mixtape.
- I'd like that.
Maybe I'll make
you one, too.
Some Bowie, maybe
a little Pink Floyd.
Some classical.
Brahms, Haydn.
Haydn?
Yeah, Haydn's dope.
- You serious?
- No, Dr. Squires.
Hey, Luke.
Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?
Because he was Haydn.
That's not funny.
Yo, order me
another drink, please?
Another Bud,
right here.
# Must be the season
of the witch #
Lucas, I hate my wife.
# Must be the season
of the witch #
- I hate my parents.
- I need to get laid.
We both need to get laid.
Lust.
Luke, I've never cheated
on my wife before, ever.
But I want to now,
it is my mission.
You have no idea
how much I want to.
Sometimes it's right
to do the wrong thing,
and right now
is one of those times.
But we need to
fix ourselves first.
- You need fixing?
- Lucas, I need a whole lot of fixing.
- Union?
- Luke, hi.
I can't believe
you're here!
We came in to check out
all the old weird people.
Oh, wait.
- Don't even think about it.
- Is this the mystery girl?
No, but it doesn't mean
she's fair game.
This is Gruden. My date to the Midsummer
Night Cancer Ball. It's for charity.
He's an exchange student
from Rotterdam. He's a joke.
Yo, what up? What happened to
home boy you were with in the park?
Albert?
Oh, he's so amateur.
Gruden, I'm Haydn.
- Like the classical guy?
- Yes.
I was named after him.
- That's so awesome.
- Do you like the Grateful Dead?
Followed them for four years
after college.
Whoa!
# Baby, you #
# "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie #
# You've #
# Got what I need #
# got what I need #
# But you say
you're just a friend #
# Just a friend
And you say you're just a friend #
# Oh, baby, you... #
# you... #
Oh, what do you
call that thing?
- It's a blunt.
- It's a blunt. I like that.
- Where was I?
- The second set.
Oh, yeah.
They opened up
with Casey Jones.
# Driving that train #
And that's right
when the acid kicked in.
Amazing!
- Your dad's mad cool.
- He's not my dad.
Luke is very into the rap of The Soul Tribe
and many of their other songs.
- Tell her, Luke.
- Tell me.
Tell her. Go ahead, talk.
Talk to her.
- I'm gonna go get another beer.
- Gruden, yo!
# The tour was over
and she went back to school #
# I called every day
to see how she was doin' #
# Every time
that I call her... #
Goldilocks.
I am one of the three bears.
Guess which one.
- Which one?
- Baby bear.
The game's not called
Four Minutes in Heaven, Luke.
We have like
three minutes.
All right, that's enough, kids.
You are all too young to be in here anyway.
Oh, come on.
They're all 18.
Since when is
the drinking age 21?
Bye, Haydn!
- Since forever.
- Fucking Giuliani.
Look around you, Luke,
is this what you want for your mind?
For your life? You want it to be
like this city?
Sweep all the nasty bits under the rug?
Make everything okay?
He puts the homeless people in prison, you know?
These people are sick, mentally.
They're being put in jail.
What do you think about that, Luke?
- Doesn't seem right.
- No.
No, it doesn't. That's why
I don't want you on medication, Luke.
You may as well open up a Starbucks
in your brain. You follow me?
Don't jump for the quick fix.
This whole fucking city wants a quick fix.
Embrace your pain.
Make it a part of you.
You don't want to be like them.
I don't want you to be like them.
So, you've never taken
any of that stuff?
Jesus, Luke, I'm on all of it.
I don't want you to be like me, either.
Sex is a drug too,
you know?
More powerful than any
synthetic pharmaceutical.
Yeah? Is that why you go around
trying to fuck little girls?
That was just
second base.
Oh, second base, huh?
Hey, what happened to getting fixed first?
Sometimes getting laid
is getting fixed, you know?
Except for dogs.
Now break out that blunt.
- This is a joint.
- Joint. I know that.
- Why'd you do that, Luke?
- Tag this wall?
I'm just kind of putting my stamp on it,
fucking let people know I was here.
- It's illegal, isn't it?
- It is.
- May I?
- You may.
- Just be careful.
- Careful.
M.D.
- Excellent penmanship, Dr. Squires.
- Why, thank you.
- Oh, no, I thank you.
- No, no, no, I thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- M.D.
- Hey! You two!
- Fuck!
Stop right there!
Forrest Gump, Luke.
- What are you talking about?
- Running.
Oh!
Who put you up to this, boys? Giuliani?
You got some kind of quota to fill?
Used to be,
you could lick a sheet of acid,
hold up a bank,
fuck a whore in Times Square
without any of you batting an eyelash.
Now, one blunt, we're in the clink.
This whole city's fucked.
We give you character!
Hey, shut the hell up!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, now, brother.
Join the revolution!
- What are you in here for?
- I stabbed my wife in the pussy.
Oh, wow!
Yo, Squires, maybe we should
keep this on the DL, all right?
- Yo, DL!
- Quiet!
- Hey, shut up!
- Please, come on!
Shapiro!
Squires!
You made bail.
Bail.
- Hi there, Stepdaddy.
- Hi, precious.
- Hey, Steph.
- Shapiro.
Thanks a lot for getting
my stepdad thrown in prison.
You know, you're really
a great influence on him.
- But it wasn't my fault.
- It was my fault.
I know. I was kidding.
Anyway...
- What are you doing today?
- Shapiro's busy.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
Okay, well, look, Squires, why don't you
just take the car back to the garage,
and I won't tell my mom
about this whole prison thing
and Shapiro's
coming with me.
Don't touch
my daughter, Luke.
- Stepdaughter.
- Stepdaughter.
So, what's the deal
with you and my stepdad?
Are you guys,
like, gay together?
- We're friends, I guess.
- Weird.
Not really.
- He's very immature.
- I know.
Him and my mom fight about that
all the time.
I know.
We got more in common
than you think, Steph.
Now, I've got something new for you.
Step up and tap. Go up and tap. Long body.
Remember that knee?
Give me one knee here and then a grapevine.
Hey.
Don't you wanna know
where I was last night?
Do you want to tell me?
- I was having an affair.
- Good for you.
I was in prison.
I went to jail.
That's nice, Jeffrey.
I'm taking a nap.
# Give me all the chicken heads
From Pasadena to Medina #
# Bet big
Get in between you #
# Then pick
the prognosis doses #
# Blends and bends
like twizzlers #
What are you
staring at, man?
I'm looking
for my reflection.
Yeah, you're not
gonna find it in there.
No shit.
That water's mad dirty.
So, how come we, like,
never hung out in school?
'Cause I was a loser.
I mean, not like a loser-loser,
you know, but
I was definitely the most popular
of the unpopular.
Or maybe the most unpopular
of the popular.
Maybe.
Either way, you're
mad out of my league.
- So what, I'm slumming now?
- Perhaps.
- You want a beer?
- Yeah.
# Never thinking
for a moment, baby #
# That you'd be thinking
of me, too, yeah #
# So I can't wait for the day #
Very handy.
# I can't let you walk away #
Who is this?
Notorious B.I.G.
Just came out.
Real dope.
You should make me
a mix some time.
- Put this on it.
- Definitely.
# Our love was meant to be #
# You were meant for me #
# Oh, baby, can't you see #
# What you do to me #
# Our love was meant to be #
# You were meant for me #
# Every time I see you #
No, dude,
what are you doing?
Nothing.
# Telling me you are the one #
Yo, did it feel good?
Let's try it again.
# I can't wait for the day #
# That we can be together #
Weird.
# Oh, can't you see
You and me #
# Were meant to be, oh, baby #
# There's nothing left
for me to say #
# Oh, baby, can't you see #
# What you do to me #
# Our love was meant to be #
# You were meant for me #
# Oh, baby, can't you see... #
- Thank you.
- All right, bye.
# You were meant for me #
# You take me away
So far away #
# Oh, what you do to me #
# I wanna be alone together #
# Somewhere just you and me #
# Oh, baby, can't you see #
# Oh, baby, can't you see
What you do to me #
# Our love was meant to be
You were meant for me #
# You were meant for me #
# Oh, baby, can't you see #
# Oh, baby, can't you see
What you do to me #
# Our love was meant to be #
Yo, Mom.
Hello.
Can I make you
a sandwich?
Absolutely.
- Where have you been?
- I think I'm in love.
Well, that's wonderful.
Who's the lucky girl?
Stephanie Squires.
- You're up late.
- Oh, hi. So are you.
You have a nice day
with Luke?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
Do you like him?
I don't know.
What do you care?
Do you like-like him?
Maybe, yeah.
- He's a drug dealer.
- Yeah, I know. Thank you.
Look, I'm really not in the mood for a
father daughter moment right now, Dr. Squires.
Well, may I watch TV
with you?
- Whatever.
- Cool.
So, fill me in.
Well, basically there's been, like,
this big misunderstanding,
- and Mr. Furley thinks Jack's gay.
- I think I've seen this one.
Oh, good morning, Luke.
You're up early.
Couldn't sleep.
It's mad hot.
What's that?
- We're getting evicted?
- Keep your voice down.
I'll take care of it.
I've got a very big deal coming through.
It's not a problem.
- Where will we go?
- I don't know. Downtown, maybe? Jersey?
Not everyone has to live
on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.
Well, I can't live
in Jersey.
Look, I messed up,
and I'm trying to fix it.
- Then fix it.
- All I can do is try.
Be a man, Dad.
Fix it.
What can I do, Luke?
Deal pot?
I don't think you'd be
very good at that.
# "Can I Kick It?"
by A Tribe Called Quest #
So I've been dealing
a lot more lately.
I'm just trying to help
my folks out, you know?
I feel a lot
of pressure lately...
You're totally wrong
for each other.
Huh?
I want you to stop seeing Stephanie.
She's not for you.
What's so bad
about me?
She'll break your heart, Luke.
She's just bored.
- That's not true.
- Fine. Ignore my advice.
What? You think she's hot?
You want to fuck her?
Next thing you know,
you've wasted your entire life
on a girl you got nothing
in common with, Luke.
Actually, I was just trying to listen
to your advice, Dr. Squires.
Remember living?
And who said anything
about my entire life?
This is it, Luke. This is your life.
The choices you make.
And I guess you've chosen
to be a hoodlum drug dealer,
who latches onto the only girl
who'll pay attention to him,
simply because he's scared
of being alone.
And what about you?
Telling me not
to take medication.
Your "You don't want me to be like
Times Square" fucking metaphor.
What the fuck was that?
I mean, you said it yourself, right?
You're on half that shit.
You're a fucking
hypocrite.
Why are you even
hanging out with me, anyway?
Don't you got some friends
your own age?
Don't you feel like
a fucking weird old idiot,
just trying to relive your high school years
'cause you fucked them up the first time?
I believe our time is up.
This was a short one,
so I'll just charge you a dime bag.
I made this for you.
# "Can I Kick It?"
by A Tribe Called Quest #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Well, I'm gone
Go on, then! #
# Can I kick it? #
# To all the people who can
quest like a tribe does #
# Before this
Did you really know what live was? #
# Comprehend to the track
for it's why 'cause #
# Gettin' measures
on the tip of the vibers #
# Rock and roll
to the beat of the funk fuzz #
# Wipe your feet really good
on the rhythm rug #
# If you feel the urge to freak
Do the jitterbug #
# Come and spread your arms
if you really need a hug #
# Afrocentric living
is a big shrug #
# A life filled with #
# That's what I love #
# A lower plateau
is what we're above #
# If you diss us
We won't even think of #
# Will Nipper the doggy
give a big shove? #
# This rhythm really fits
like a snug glove #
# Like a box of positives
is a plus, love #
# As the Tribe
flies high like a dove #
- You're home early.
- My last patient canceled.
Actually, he committed
suicide yesterday.
- Oh.
- Anyway, here I am.
Kristen?
Do you think
I'm a weird old guy?
- Yes.
- You do?
You don't love me
anymore, do you?
I mean...
I don't blame you.
I'm a mess.
You've always been
a mess.
But we were a mess together.
We were a beautiful mess.
Are you taking
your pills?
I don't need pills.
Not those pills, anyway.
What if
we went somewhere?
Got out of the city for a while. Would you like that?
Yeah.
It might be fun.
- Second honeymoon?
- We never had a first one, Jeffrey.
Right.
So, what are you doing
this weekend?
- Nothing.
- Good.
My mom and Squires are going to
Barbados or something,
so my house in
Fire Island is free.
I was wondering if you wanted
to join me for some beachcombing.
Like a date?
More like
a honeymoon.
What'll I do?
You know what people do
on honeymoons, right?
I think so.
It's nice.
- You want some wine?
- Got anything stronger?
- Whiskey?
- Yeah, I'll try.
- Very well.
- You got anything to mix it with?
- Uh, there's some juice boxes.
- Yeah, that's good.
Yo, I made this for you.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
This whiskey's
a lot of drunk.
No shit.
So, let me
ask you something.
Uh-oh.
What's going on here?
What do you mean?
I've never been
in this situation before.
And what situation
is that?
Chilling
with a girl
that likes me,
who I like.
I'm just wondering,
you know,
what happens?
What happens when
everybody comes back?
What do you mean?
Like, do I turn into a pumpkin?
Basically, yeah.
I don't know.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter?
Why not?
Because how could anything
possibly matter right now?
You know what
your problem is, Shapiro?
It's that you just have this really shitty
way of looking at things, you know?
I don't have
that problem.
I just look
at the dopeness.
But, you, it's like you just look
at the wackness, you know?
- I do?
- Yeah.
Well, all you gotta do
is just look at me.
- All right.
- And kiss me.
Kiss you.
Oh...
Take these off.
- Condom? Condom?
- That's what the pill's for.
- You're not really hard.
- No?
Oh, man. Fuck!
Here.
You know, I never
drank coffee before.
Really? I drink it all the time.
It's like Ritalin.
Yo, Steph, you know, I'm not
trying to be a bitch or nothing, but...
- What?
- I've kind of never had sex before.
- You're a virgin?
- No!
Nah!
- I just never officially had sex.
- Okay.
I think that's why
I'm nervous, you know?
That's why the thing
with my dick.
Oh, Shapiro, don't worry about it.
It's okay.
I've done it, like,
a hundred times.
- I can teach you.
- I'm down.
You sober yet?
- Probably.
- Okay.
I think it's time
for our first lesson.
# "Bump N' Grind"
by R. Kelly #
# With a little bump n' grind #
# I don't see nothing wrong #
# Hey, baby #
Okay, now.
Just put it in.
Ow. Ow...
Slower, okay? Slower.
Yeah. Now just move in...
No fucking way.
Did you just come?
You fucking came.
Oh, fuck.
- Are you crying?
- No.
Oh, God.
We haven't stayed up
all night in 10 years.
Yeah, we did.
We did?
Yeah, we did.
New Year's Eve,
four years ago.
Remember that coke that you found
that we hid, from the '80s?
Mmm?
We did it.
We fucked like little bunny rabbits
on the balcony.
Oh!
We woke up Steph,
and you told her we were out there
trying to save a sick pigeon.
I do, I do.
I do remember that.
What happened
to us, Kristen?
You're kidding, right?
Right.
I'm kidding.
I love you.
I love you, Steph.
I love you, Steph.
I love you.
I got mad love for you, shorty.
That's on the real.
I wanna listen to
Boyz II Men when I'm with you.
Hey, surprise.
Ah!
Right here.
Word.
I love you.
Whoa, dude.
- All right, bye.
- Bye.
- Sunburn.
- Oh, yeah, right.
All right,
I'll see you later.
Thank you.
- I want a divorce.
- Me, too.
Hey.
Hey, sweetheart.
How was your weekend?
- Uneventful.
- You got a nice tan there, Steph.
Yeah?
Anyway, I'm going to bed.
I just wanted to say hey.
Good night, angel.
We love you.
Yo, you've reached Steph.
I ain't home, so leave a message
at the tone. Peace.
Yo, Steph, what up?
It's, uh,
it's me, Luke.
Uh...
I know you said
you'd call me this week,
and, uh,
it's a week from
when you said that, so...
I mean, I guess there's still time
in the week, technically.
I mean, technically,
there's a couple of hours left.
I hope you're
aware of that.
Look, are you not calling me back
'cause I said I love you?
'Cause that's stupid.
I mean...
I didn't mean it really,
and, you know, even if I did,
I'm going to college in three weeks,
so it's not like it matters.
You know what?
Fuck it.
I meant it.
I do love you.
All right?
I'm not scared to say it.
I fucking love you, okay?
And if that scares you,
well, then fuck you.
Huh? You know what?
Fuck off, all right?
You're a fucking bitch. Peace out forever!
Come in.
Shapiro?
She got bored.
With all due respect to my stepdaughter,
Luke, fuck her. Fuck them all.
As Biggie says,
Bitches, I like 'em brainless.
"Guns, I like 'em
stainless steel."
Dr. Squires,
do you remember
when you told
me that shit
about men doing the things
they need to do
to become the men
they need to become
- or something?
- No.
Well, I need
your help.
What is it, Lucas?
You know anybody
who could use some weed?
I got some extra weight
I need to unload this month.
We could probably
work something out.
# "Long Shot Kick De Bucket"
by The Pioneers #
All right, if we're gonna do this,
Dr. Squires, we're gonna do it right.
- All right? You gotta be more careful.
- Don't worry, Luke.
- I'm not going back to prison.
- Good.
Let's establish a few ground rules.
Number one, we use pagers.
Someone pages us, we call them back
from a payphone.
We never use home phones
for this type of stuff. Never.
That's great, Luke. I already have
a pager for my medical practice.
All right, good.
Number two, we sell weed by the gram,
by the eighth, and by the ounce.
Gram's the highest profit margin,
but it's also the most potent,
that's why we try to encourage people
to buy the grams.
Principal Edwards, I can give you
two grams for 125 bucks, all right?
Anything less than that,
I don't make a profit.
You always were
very good at math, Luke.
All right,
plus another 10 Zs
at a grand a Z.
It's a start.
# Long Shot kick de bucket #
# Them wail
Them wail. Them reel #
# But him couldn't
take the trail #
# Them wail
Them wail... #
- Hey, Oliver. How's the golf game?
- Not bad, Doc. Not too bad.
- How's your mother?
- Still projecting.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Call the office to make an appointment.
Now, how much marijuana
can I get for you today?
Exactly how much money are we trying
to make here, Luke?
As much as possible.
What's all this for, Luke?
If you don't mind me asking.
# It was Starbright
Combat, Corazon #
# Long Shot on the rear #
College.
# It was Starbright... #
- It's okay.
- Uh-huh.
- Who the fuck is you?
- Who the fuck is you?
Yo! Yo, yo, yo, yo!
Percy! Percy! He's cool, all right?
- I'm cool, Percy.
- Me will be the judge of that.
- Stop that.
- Sorry.
The drowning represents an inability
to get a handle on your life,
what you're doing,
perhaps your business.
The girl, well,
I don't know.
When in doubt,
I usually go with your mother.
My mother.
That make a lot more sense now.
Yo, fellas?
I hate to interrupt, but,
Pers, I need more, man.
- You can't just leave it downstairs?
- Not in this neighborhood.
I can't believe this is
a fifth floor walk-up.
Oh, please behave yourself,
Dr. Squires, all right?
- This is my connect.
- Who the fuck lives in a fifth floor...
Hi, Luke.
- ...walk-up. Hello.
- Hi.
Come on in.
I'm, uh, I'm Elanor.
I'm, um, Haydn.
- No need for aliases with her, Squires.
- Oh, well then, I'm Jeff.
Oh, I'm still Elanor.
- So, how much you need?
- A quarter.
I'm going to see that guy
in New Hampshire.
I was just packing and stuff and then I was
thinking I need some grass. I almost forgot.
So, that's how
this happened.
- So, a quarter, then?
- A quarter. Yeah.
He doesn't
appreciate you.
- How do you know that?
- He couldn't possibly.
- That's a compliment, right?
- Ma'am.
Here it is.
And I have this for you, too.
Thanks.
It's the
greatest hits?
Well, actually, it's more like
three songs, mixes...
Well, really it's more
like one song.
You were in
Emergency Breakthrough?
- Yeah.
- No shit.
- I love your music.
- What?
Oh...
Mmm!
Wow. See, Luke? I told you
I know a little about music.
I keep trying to
broaden his horizons,
you know, rap music isn't
everything. I tell him, but...
You should listen
to this woman, Luke.
She's as smart and talented
as she is beautiful.
# Wear and tear...? #
- He's really out of his mind, right?
- Total fucking lunatic.
Hey, Steph.
So, I guess you're
ignoring me, huh?
That's a shame,
because it would be really cool to hang
out or whatever before I go to school.
The school year is rapidly approaching,
as you know.
And...
I miss you.
- But I love you.
- No, you don't.
Please, Kristen. Don't leave me
all alone. I can't be all alone.
Cut the crap, Jeffrey.
You asked for it.
Stephanie?
Are you leaving, too?
No. Stephie will be here
for the next few weeks.
I'll deal with all the details
when I'm back.
Details?
Please, say something
to your mother, Steph.
Jeffrey, leave her
out of this.
Sweetheart,
go to your
fucking room.
It would be really cool to hang out
or whatever before I go to school.
The school year is rapidly approaching,
as you know.
I miss you.
- Shapiro?
- What?
- Justin?
- Yo, why you calling me Shapiro?
No reason.
How was, um, Florence?
Oh, it was crazy, yo,
mad crazy.
Yo, I'll tell you
all about it.
We're hitting this club
downtown tonight. You coming?
Yeah, totally.
Yeah.
- Doll your shit up.
- Okay, call me later.
- Peace.
- Bye.
Yo, yo, yo,
what happened?
- What happened?
- What do you think?
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, Dad. I have money!
- Put that down. I got money!
- Leave the guys alone.
- Let them do their job.
- Dad, I got $26,000,
that should be
more than enough.
- Luke.
- What?
It's not enough.
It's not even close.
You said you'd fix it.
You said you'd fix it, right?
I need you to go upstairs
and pack up your room, okay?
Go on upstairs.
Pack up your room.
Hey, be careful with that,
would you, guys?
Are you being careful
with my father's silver?
# "Flava in Your Ear"
by Craig Mack #
# Everybody let's agree
that M.C.'s need a tissue #
# The funk's my only issue #
# I bet your mama miss you
and I bet the Mack take off... #
- What are you doing?
- Marking my territory.
You need some help?
# I guess I'm gonna
say Craig Mack with perfect timing #
# You won't be
around next year #
# My rap's too severe kickin' mad
flava in ya ear. Kick it down #
# Here comes the brand new
flava in ya ear #
# Time for new flava in ya ear #
# I'm kickin' new
flava in ya ear #
# Mack's the brand new
flava in ya ear #
# Craig Mack #
# 1,000 degrees #
# You'll be on your knees... #
- Yo!
- Hi, Steph.
- Hey...
- Look,
I know the summer's
almost over
but I think we can
make this work.
- Luke...
- Just hear me out, all right?
People do the long-distance thing
all the time, you know,
and we're not going to school
that far away from each other.
It's like a four-hour train ride, so,
we could alternate weekends, whatever.
- Is that Shapiro?
- Is that Justin?
Oh, Shapiro.
Hi, baby.
Yo, you got any weed?
No.
Okay.
- Look, Luke...
- Where's Squires?
- He's in Fire Island.
- Peace.
Yo, wait.
# "Tearz"
by Wu-Tang Clan #
# Yo, check
Yo, yo. Check the script #
# Me and the gods
get it ripped #
# Blunts in the dip
Forty dogs in my lip #
# Had a box
Boom, boom. The bass will blast #
# We was laughing
at all the girls that passed #
# Conversation
Brothers had begin to discuss #
# Hey yo, Ra!
Remember that kid ya bust? #
# Oh, yeah, he ran
But he didn't get far #
# 'Cause I dropped him #
# Not knowin'
exactly what lied ahead #
# My little brother
My mother sent him out for bread #
# Get the Wonder
it's a hot day in the summer #
# Didn't expect
to come across a crazy gunner #
Luke.
# "Check it for the bag
and the dough" #
# But he was brave
looked him in the eye and said, "No!" #
# Money splattered him... #
I apologize for the mess.
I wasn't expecting company.
You've been doing
all these drugs?
It's an experiment.
An experience.
Life. Salvation. Drugs.
Go ahead.
I've never done most of
this stuff before, Jeff.
Come on, Luke,
be a pal, do it.
# Flashbacks
I was laughin' all the time #
# I taught him
all about the bees and birds #
# But I wish I had a chance
to sing these three words #
# After laughter #
# comes tears #
The ocean.
This is all
I need, Luke.
Forget the city,
the city is wrong.
I just want to wrap myself
in the ocean.
I cannot
- speak.
- That's the spirit, Luke.
Hit me with it!
Come on, hit me!
You don't think I can take it? I can
take everything you got, fucking sea!
I want a
- vagina.
- You said it, Luke.
I should have known when she
told me she didn't like dogs.
There's certain people you just
can't trust, you know, Luke?
Listen to me.
Never trust
anyone who doesn't smoke pot
or listen to Bob Dylan. You hear me?
Never trust anyone
who doesn't like the beach.
Never, ever,
ever,
trust anyone who says
they don't like dogs.
If you meet someone
who doesn't like dogs,
you alert the authorities immediately,
and sure as shit don't marry them!
Okay.
Okay.
Nothing's okay.
None of it's
gonna be okay,
everything is going
to be terrible.
I tried to kill myself
twice today.
Once with pills, turns out I have
a very high tolerance for those.
Next by hanging.
The hanging is very hard. The weight.
You lose too much weight,
or you put on too much weight...
Oh, well.
- Dr. Squires, what are you talking about?
- I don't know.
I just...
I'm done.
This is it. Last call, Luke.
I'm glad you're here to see me off.
- Where you going, Dr. Squires?
- In there.
I'm ready to die, Luke.
Stop fucking around, Jeff.
I'm the weird old guy, remember?
You said so yourself.
Look, I didn't mean it, all right?
You're my friend.
You're my best friend.
So just, please,
would you come back for me?
You're not
worth it, Shapiro!
So that was all
bullshit, right?
All that stuff about embracing your pain,
making it a part of you?
You can't do this!
You can't just give up.
Life is hard and it's full of pain
and what not,
but we take it
'cause there's great stuff, too!
And we can do it
because we have friends!
Because we help
each other!
Stop! Stop!
Luke!
That was really fucking cheesy,
what you said just then.
There's enough assholes
in the world, Dr. Squires.
Don't be another one.
Now you sound like me.
You wanna go to the city
to fill out my prescriptions?
Sounds good.
Thank you, Luke.
How you feeling?
Please, don't
do that again.
- All right? You scared me.
- I'm sorry.
Dr. Squires,
I gotta get back.
To my folks.
Where you living
these days, Luke?
We're moving in
with my grandparents.
- In New Jersey.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry to live it.
I'm sorry about
Stephanie, too.
She would have been
a lucky girl.
Good luck in school.
Try and fuck a black girl.
I never got the chance at college.
Baby steps.
It'll be okay.
- I can't answer that.
- It wasn't a question.
- Peace, Doc.
- Peace out, Luke.
Luke. Hey.
Hey.
- Look, man, I just wanted to say...
- Do me a favor, Steph.
Don't say nothing, okay?
Just stand there
till I leave.
I wanna remember this.
- I've never done it before.
- Never done what?
Had my heart broken.
# "All the Young Dudes"
by Mott The Hoople #
To Luke Shapiro.
Luke.
Luke?
Have you had
any more thoughts
about what you're gonna be
as far as a profession goes?
- Mom, he's got time.
- I'm just asking.
Actually, I'm thinking
about becoming a shrink.
Psychology!
It's not quite the shoe business,
but it's a very interesting field.
I figure I'm an expert 'cause everyone
around me is so fucking crazy, you know?
# Oh, man, I need TV
when I got T Rex #
# Oh, brother, you guessed #
# I'm a dude, Dad #
# All the young dudes #
# Hey, dudes #
# Carry the news #
# Where are ya? #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# Stand up, come on #
# Carry the news #
# All the young dudes #
# I want to hear you #
# Carry the news #
# I want to see you #
Hello? Somebody paged me
from this number?
Hi, Jeffrey?
It's Elanor.
Luke gave me your number.
He said I should page you. I hope that's okay.
Yeah, it's okay.
So, um...
What are you
doing tonight?
No plans.
# We never got it off
on that revolution stuff #
# What a drag
Too many snags #
# Now I've drunk a lot of wine
and I'm feeling fine #
# Got to race some cat to bed #
# Oh, is there
concrete all around #
# Or is it in my head? #
# Yeah #
# I'm a dude, Dad #
# All the young dudes #
# Hey, dudes #
# Carry the news #
# Where are ya? #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# Stand up #
# Carry the news #
# All the young dudes #
# I want to hear ya #
# Carry the news #
# I want to see you #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# And I want to relate to you #
# Carry the news #
# All the young dudes #
# What dudes? #
# Carry the news #
# Let's hear the news
Come on #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# I want to kick you #
# Carry the news #
# Hey, you there! #
# All the young dudes #
# With the glasses #
# Carry the news #
# I want you #
# Boogaloo dudes
I want you at the front #
# Carry the news #
# Now you, all his friends #
# Now you bring him down
'cause I want him #
# Carry the news #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# I want him right here
Bring him, come on #
# Carry the news #
# Bring him
Here you go #
# All the young dudes #
I've wanted to do this for years
# Carry the news #
# There you go #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# How do you feel? #
# "I Can't Wake Up"
by KRS-One #
# What I want you to do
is count to ten #
# Nine #
# Eight #
# Seven #
# Six #
# Five #
# Four #
# Three #
# Two #
# On one
You will be asleep #
# One #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm dreaming
about being a blunt #
# I'm running around
and I just can't wake up #
# I'm dreaming
about being a blunt #
# I'm walking around
and I just can't wake up #
# I'm tryin' to wake up
I can't wake up #
# So I run and jump #
# Someone yelled
Get that blunt! #
# "Get that blunt"?
Now I'm thinking this is major #
# I've got a bunch of people
chasing me with a razor #
# I don't like this dream
as a blunt #
# But I can't get out of it
And I can't seem to wake up #
# So I'm running and racing #
# Blunt smokers are chasing #
# This is insane
I'm caught by House Of Pain #
# I'm picked up, they said
they gonna put my head out #
# They slit my back
and all the tobacco fell out #
# Now I'm hollowed wet thin
and yes, ready #
# They poured the shumpang
gently and rewet me #
# I'm in the mouth, yo!
I can't wake up #
# Yo, I'm a blunt
gettin' smoked and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# Check it out, now.
In the same attire. Here comes the fire #
# Now they lit it
Now I'm burnin' by the minute #
# Get me out of this
Somebody wake me up #
# I'm still on fire
and I'm still being smoked up #
# Half my body is gone
Now they're coming to my head #
# Now my head is being
pinched by Ted-D-Ted #
# A crazy nightmare
I got to go #
# I got to wake up
and I'm passed off to Yo-Yo #
# Yo-Yo gets respect as a lady #
# She didn't smoke #
# She passed me
to Showbiz and A.G. #
# A.G. said,
Respect due, see? #
# He got one big pull
and passed me to Smooth B. #
# Smooth B., although
he's talking to Ted-D #
# Took a hit and passed me
to Fab 5 Freddy #
# Freddy said, "Yo!
There's nothing left, Pop." #
# Looked at me in my face
and passed me to Chubb Rock #
# Chubb Rock said,
Yo, Freddy, chill! #
# "If you ever catch me smoking
Just kick me in the grill" #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm dreaming #
Subtitle Rip:
AVid
HI removed by LeapinLar
Luke?
Nothing.
I mean, I can
make something up.
Fine.
Make something up, then.
Okay.
Um,
- I'm having trouble getting laid.
- Common problem.
How old are you
again, Luke?
Old enough
to be getting laid.
And getting older every day.
Have you ever
gotten laid?
Two years ago, I fucked
Katie Randall in Battery Park.
But she had drank
like two 40-ounces,
and the cops came
and broke us up before we...
So, she was drunk?
Home girl weighs,
like, 60 pounds,
and she drank two
- Crazy Horse?
- Look, Dr. Squires...
- Call me Jeff.
- Look, Jeff...
Dr. Squires...
How much
do you need, man?
You're the one
who needs this, son.
- How much?
- A quarter.
Well, I can give you two eighths.
It's the same thing.
- That entitles you to another...
- Forty-eight minutes.
Forty-eight minutes. If you go now,
you're getting ripped off.
I'm just not feeling all this
feeling shit today, Dr. Squires.
Luke, tomorrow's a very big day
in your life. One of the biggest.
And I look at you
and there's...
There's just
no joy, you know?
Tell Stephanie
I say what's up.
Mmm-hmm.
Hey, you ever feel
kind of like a fuck up?
Buying weed from the same dude
that deals to your daughter?
- Stepdaughter.
- Stepdaughter. Exactly.
- Later, Mr. Squires.
- I'm a doctor, Luke.
Dr. Squires.
I met Dr. Squires
in the spring of '94.
First as a client,
then as a patient.
At the beginning we didn't
talk about much of anything.
I don't know why I kept seeing him,
to be honest.
But sometimes it's nice
to have someone to talk to.
Even if you're
just talking shit.
He told me the drug thing was
a cry for help. Maybe he's right.
I am Luke Shapiro.
I'm a drug dealer.
Hear my cry.
My occupation takes me to
exotic places like Brooklyn and Queens.
Now, I like it most in the summer
when no one's around. Just me,
the sweaty girls in their short skirts
with their breasts and their panties,
which I like to see
when I can see them.
I like fly ladies. I like tank tops.
I like short skirts.
I like my impure thoughts,
which go a little something like this.
# "The World is Yours"
by Nas #
# It's yours #
# Whose world is this? #
# The world is yours
the world is yours #
# It's mine,
it's mine, it's mine #
# Whose world is this? #
# It's yours #
# It's mine,
it's mine, it's mine #
# Whose world is this? #
Shapiro.
No, did you smell it?
You're holding it,
you smell it.
Well, I'm not... Listen, Mr. Bigshot.
You know all about expiration dates?
Just look at the jar
and tell me what you think.
I don't know.
Why don't you check it out yourself?
# Wipe the sweat off my dome
Spit the phlegm on the streets #
# Suede Timbs on my feets
makes my cypher complete #
# Whether cruisin in a six-cab
or Montero Jeep #
# I can't call it
The beats make me fallin' asleep #
I hate high school
so I'm alone a lot.
Which is fine by me.
Sometimes it gets lonely, I guess.
But I don't need
high school friends.
One week they're listening to Kris Kross,
the next, they're listening to Pearl Jam.
I'm not like that.
I'm loyal.
I mean, I still listen
to cassettes.
But tomorrow
my life changes.
Tomorrow I graduate.
And then I go
to my safety school.
And then I get older.
And then I die.
Robert Samuels.
Shana Sewart.
Luke Shapiro.
Congratulations, Shapiros.
Lucas, aren't you
going to introduce us?
- Mom, Dad, this is Mr... Dr. Squires.
- Jeff.
- And this is my wife, Kristen.
- A pleasure.
And here's
your daughter.
- Stepdaughter.
- Stephanie.
All right, team.
Picture time.
Tuck the fucking shirt
into your pants, Jeffrey.
- Hello. You paged me?
- Yeah.
Yo, I didn't know there was
a party tonight, son.
Yeah. It's the
graduation party.
- I just graduated.
- Yeah. I know.
Yo, could you
spot me 26 bucks?
- Take the shit, yeah.
- Good looking out.
- I don't want your fucking $4.
- All right.
Shapiro, you always
come through with the madness.
This is gonna last us
till that first weekend in Amsterdam.
- You're going to Amsterdam?
- Yeah, man. I told you that.
All right, man.
Have a good summer then.
Yeah, I gotta bounce.
They're almost out of Zima.
- Yo.
- Shapiro?
Hey, Steph.
What up?
Hey.
- You want some Ritalin?
- No, no. I'm cool.
So, what are you up to
this summer?
Chilling. Making money. Why?
You wanna go steady?
Yeah.
Sure.
Ha, ha!
What are you doing
for the summer?
I'm interning
for one of Daddy's patients.
So, it's just gonna be like you and me here
all alone and all, all summer.
But we'll never hang out.
# "Heaven & Hell"
by Raekwon #
# Jesus rollin' in
my right hand #
# Yup, you know
the steezo black #
# Got to go down like that #
# Shallah, cigars
and ball hats #
# Ninety-four
Takin' niggas to war #
# What do you believe in?
Heaven or hell? #
# You don't believe in heaven
'cause we're livin' in hell #
# What do you believe in?
Heaven or hell? #
# You don't believe in heaven
'cause we're livin' in hell #
# So it's your life #
# We're livin' in hell #
# What a chamber
Fuckin' with mad strangers #
# Yeah, you know
how it runs, baby Straight up, yo #
# Money, clothes
Designer whores and shows, y'all #
# That's how it goes #
# Whatever What do you believe in?
Heaven or hell? #
# You don't believe in heaven
'cause we're livin' in hell #
# So it's your life #
...what that is is a combination
of the temperature
and the humidity, those two combined.
So it'll be about 100 degrees today,
but it'll feel like 105 to 110,
and that's in the shade.
If you're in the sun
that'll add about 10 to 5 degrees,
5 to 10 degrees,
more hotter that it will feel.
No... I'll tell you
that much 'cause I...
He doesn't understand
the finer points about it...
What he doesn't understand
is what I don't understand,
which is I don't understand
what you're telling me half the time.
Your father lost
all of our money
and now we have to move to, well,
I don't know, somewhere poor.
- Oh, somewhere poor?
- We're moving?
No, no, Luke, I'm telling you,
I promise you we are not getting evicted.
- We're getting evicted?
- No, no. There's plenty of time. I'll fix it.
Oh, yeah, plenty!
What's wrong
with your face?
What's wrong
with his face?
Did you fucking
scratch him?
- He hit me!
- I did not hit you, you goddamn liar!
She's a goddamn liar.
You never hit a woman, Luke.
The two of you are acting like
you're fucking 12 years old.
- Stop cursing.
- Fuck off!
- You see where he gets that mouth?
- Great. "That mouth."
- Thank you very much. Right.
- "That mouth" from your mother.
Republican political consultants
differ on the extent
to which Mayor Giuliani's support
of the President's crime bill
could hurt him
in the future.
I can't take that
from you.
- Where are you going?
- Somebody's gotta work around here.
# "The What"
by The Notorious B.I.G. & Method Man #
Jesus, fellows.
A little dramatic, don't you think?
Are you that Luke?
Ah!
# I used to get feels
on a bitch #
# Now I throw shields
on the dick #
# To stop me
from that HIV shit #
Who is this?
Dis are the new shit.
Biggie.
# Biggie Smalls is the illest #
- This shit is dope.
- Dis cat gonna change your world.
# The thrill is gone The black
Frank White is here to excite #
# And throw dick to dykes #
# Bitches
I like 'em brainless #
# Guns
I like 'em stainless steel #
Everything cool, boy?
- I could use a little more this week, Pers.
- How much more you want?
- Like another five Zs.
- Oh, boy! You got big aspirations, Luke.
No, just a lot of debt.
Okay, soldier.
Be careful out there.
Dis blood clot Giuliani got dem bumba
clot police lookin at everybody and everything.
- Even white boy like you.
- I'm always careful, you know that.
I know.
Dat is why me like you.
- Luke!
- Yo!
It's called
Ready to Die.
# It's real
Ninety-four Rugged raw #
# Kickin' down
your goddamn door... #
I know, but tell me one thing,
we don't have any money?
# And everything you get
You gotta work hard for it #
# Honies, shake your hips
Yeah, don't stop #
# And niggas pack the clips
Keep on, bitch #
# Verse two
Comin' with that Olde E brew #
# Meth-tical puttin' niggas
back in ICU #
# I'm lifted, troop
You can bring your wack-ass crew #
# I got connections
I'll get that ass stuck like glue #
# No question
I be comin' down and shit #
# Yo I gets rugged
as a motherfuckin' carpet get #
# And niggas love it Not in the
physical form but in the mental #
# I spark
and they cells get warm #
# I'm not a gentle man
I'm a method man #
# Baby, accept it
Utmost respect it #
# Assume the position #
# Stop, look and listen #
# I spit on your grave
then I grab my Charles Dickens #
Dr. Squires, can you, like,
prescribe medicine and shit?
Of course.
Why do you ask, Luke?
- Well, it's for me.
- No shit.
I think recently
I've been depressed.
I don't sleep good.
I think too much.
Luke, you ever hear
the saying,
"The unexamined life
is not worth living?"
Yeah. Maybe the
examined one isn't either.
Oh, no, come on,
don't talk like that.
Has this got something to do
with Kurt Cobain?
Look, the point is,
who says it's gotta be all
so fucking sad like that, you know?
Is there something
going on at home, Luke?
Yeah, of course something's
going on at home. What?
This is what
you get paid for?
Men do the things they need to do
to become the men they want to be.
- Do you understand?
- Sure.
That includes
asking for help.
- It's my parents.
- There you go.
What about them?
They just...
They act like kids,
you know?
My wife and I
are the same way.
We act like kids
all the time.
And why do you think
that is?
Life
has a
funny way of turning you
into the one thing you don't wanna be.
My life sucks.
- I swear, it sucks.
- Lucas.
Do you have any idea
what I would give to be you again?
Not you, specifically, but me at your age?
It doesn't get any better.
- Tell me that's not true.
- Oh, you're fucking living, Luke.
It's great, living. Get your heart broken.
Find yourself face down in the gutter.
Get your pulse up.
Make a real mess of your life, son.
This is what you tell
all your patients?
You're not
depressed, Luke.
- You're sad. There's a difference.
- No, I'm depressed.
I'm mad depressed, yo.
So just give me some of those happy pills
and we can call it a day.
Sorry, Luke.
I can't do that.
And how do you
suggest I deal, then?
I suggest you talk about it
with a friend.
- Like I said, I don't have any friends.
- You have me.
Great.
Yo, Shapiro.
- Yo.
- What's up, man?
Steph, what up?
Who's this?
This is Jesus Christ.
From my stepdad's first marriage.
Bet I can guess
what you're doing here.
Yeah, your stepdad
paged me.
Dude smokes more weed
than I do, it's pathetic.
- You like him?
- Squires?
Not really.
But you should hear about
some of the crazy people
that come into
that guy's office.
- He tells you about that shit?
- Yeah.
But, I mean he's not, like
supposed to tell you, right?
There's confidentiality
and what not?
Whatever. I don't know.
He tells me anyway.
Like there's this one guy he sees,
I'm not kidding, a chronic masturbator.
- Uh...
- Yeah.
- That's crazy.
- The guy jerks off seven times a day.
Literally.
And when his nuts are dry,
he just lies in bed
with his hands down his pants,
like, touching himself
and shit.
- Jesus Christ, no.
- Oh, it's all right. It's all good.
- Sorry.
- Don't trip.
- Is this yours?
- Uh...
Yeah.
- This is my summer job.
- You sell ices?
No, that's my cover.
For my parents.
Check me out.
Shit! That's a lot
of green, man.
- That's how I roll.
- So, you just... How does it work?
Well, I mean...
Can I show you?
Sure. Let me drop
the dog off.
- All right.
- All right. Hang on.
# "Summertime"
by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince #
I'm not going to get
arrested, am I?
Just act calm
and follow my lead,
and everything
will be fine.
Relax.
Here.
# Summertime #
# Here it is, the groove
Slightly transformed #
# Just a bit of a break
from the norm #
- Luke.
- Yo. That's her.
Hi, Luke.
This is Albert.
We just ate
mushrooms.
- So, how much do you all need again?
- We met at a Phish show.
And we saw each other
and it was like that episode of 90210,
when Brandon and Emily Valentine
take ecstasy.
- Euphoria.
- What?
It's called euphoria.
Euphoria.
Euphoria.
Euphoria.
- Did you do something with your hair?
- No.
You look cuter. You look like
Jason Priestley like that.
Yo. There's like
mad cops around, I think.
So, can we do this?
# Time to sit back and unwind #
# School is out
and it's a sort of a buzz #
# But back then
I didn't really know what it was #
Who? Who's the girl?
Is she a cop?
No, this is my friend
Stephanie.
- Stephanie, this is Elanor.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
Hi.
Come on in.
She's hot.
I'm sorry about the cop stuff.
I just...
You know, with Giuliani and the stories
you hear, you can't be too careful.
So I had to do this
today, though,
because I have this guy
coming into town tomorrow
and we don't have anything
to talk about unless we're stoned.
But if we're stoned,
in bed he's like...
He's a really nice guy.
Luke, can I ask you something?
Just for a sec.
Why are men
so complicated?
Is it because
I'm intimidating?
Am I intimidating because
I play an instrument?
No.
- You play an instrument?
- No, I know.
I forgot you don't know
anything about me.
I mean, I don't really need to know
anything about you, Elanor.
I played in a band in the '80s.
Well, in '82 we were really big.
What about you?
Stephanie? Right?
You must have some insight
into the mind of men.
I mean, he must
be a handful.
- Oh, we're not that.
- We're not like that.
I think you're really beautiful
and you have really good chemistry.
Don't you think you should try it once
and just see how it feels?
Elanor, you know,
I could just sell you some weed
and we could leave it at that.
Oh, yeah. Okay.
A quarter of bubble gum?
Yeah.
- All right.
- We're gonna...
Yeah. And the door, when you shut it,
it just locks behind you.
Thanks, you guys.
Yo, Shapiro, you should take my number.
Okay. Call me some time.
- Call you?
- Yeah.
- You mean, like, for weed?
- No, man. To hang out.
This city can get so lonely
when there's nobody to talk to.
I think we could
be friends.
- Friends?
- Yeah, friends. You know, like,
homies, buddies, amigos.
Just take my number, okay?
All right, word.
I'll definitely call you.
What do you want
from me, Luke?
I don't know.
Come on, Luke,
you can tell me.
After all, I'm just
in your head.
Be honest.
Do you wanna do
dirty things to me?
Not, like,
especially dirty.
Just, like, normal dirty.
Do you want to fuck me?
On the beach? In the sun?
Do you wanna be my friend?
- Do you wanna be my best friend?
- Maybe.
Place your hand on my shoulder.
It's warm.
Put your hand
between my thighs.
Come to the sun, Luke.
Come.
- Come.
- I'm coming.
Come.
Fuck.
Yo!
What's up, Dad?
What's a seven-letter word
for a subatomic particle?
I don't know, Dad.
What's up?
Son, would you please
turn down the air conditioning?
The electric bill
is through the roof.
- Dad, it's like 90 degrees out.
- Please, just do it.
Such a beautiful evening.
- What are you doing?
- Seating.
- For that charity thing.
- Do you wanna go out?
Out?
You know, out.
Grab a drink, chill.
It's a Tuesday night.
And I'm almost 40.
Two.
You're 42.
I've been thinking about your dilemma
a lot recently, Luke.
- What's my dilemma?
- The girl thing.
Luke, back when I went to school,
drug dealers had no problem getting girls.
In fact, that's why
I always wanted to be one.
Were you popular in high school,
Dr. Squires?
Well, I wouldn't
say popular, no.
I wasn't one of those cool kids,
if that's what you're asking.
I played baseball,
I was a debater...
Did you ever
wanna kill yourself?
- Not till much later.
- Then you must have been popular.
I'm not.
This has got nothing to do
with being popular, Luke.
You're just not
trying hard enough.
You must think about it.
The different scenarios.
Random sex in phone booths,
chance encounters in discos,
the way they smell,
the things they say,
even when they're saying
nothing at all.
I mean,
I'm married, so I don't contemplate
that type of thing.
No.
Of course not.
Surely there's
someone, Luke.
Yeah.
This one girl.
That's fantastic, Luke. Who is she?
Does Stephanie know her?
No.
No, she goes
to school downtown.
- So what's the problem?
- She just wants to be friends.
- What makes you think that?
- She said so.
Make her like you, Luke.
That's what I did with my wife.
How did you do that?
Be her friend.
Confide in her, earn her trust.
Then, when you are
least threatening to her,
grab her and stick your tongue so far down
her throat she starts to gag from pleasure.
- Can I grab her tits, too?
- Baby steps, Luke.
Right.
Pursue her, Luke.
You're the perfect age for it.
You haven't yet been systematically numbed
to the allure of romance.
You still have
your youthful...
I got it.
Young men need sex, Luke.
All men, actually.
I can get you a hooker,
if you like.
God, I was this close
to respecting you.
Big mistake, Luke.
Call your girl.
You don't need medication, Luke.
You just need to get laid.
It's a surprise attack.
I don't want these...
What is the postmark on that?
What do you mean?
I just got it today.
I just wanna know
what the postmark is.
- When did you get it?
- I don't wanna talk about the postmark!
Oh, my God!
Jeffrey!
Hello?
Hello?
Um...
- I'm looking for...
- Luke?
- Luke, is that you?
- Dr. Squires?
It's okay, Luke.
I know why you're calling.
- You do?
- The beaver hunt.
The pussy quest.
I can help you, Luke.
Let's grab a drink.
I got just the place.
All right.
It's strange.
This place used to be packed.
The city's not the same anymore, Luke.
This place,
it really used to be
something down here,
the drugs, the girls,
the music,
the fucking music.
Speaking of which.
# "Season of The Witch"
by Donovan #
What kind of music
do you like, Luke?
Tribe Called Quest.
Pharcyde. De La Soul.
That's rap, right?
I don't know much about that stuff.
- I'll make you a mixtape.
- I'd like that.
Maybe I'll make
you one, too.
Some Bowie, maybe
a little Pink Floyd.
Some classical.
Brahms, Haydn.
Haydn?
Yeah, Haydn's dope.
- You serious?
- No, Dr. Squires.
Hey, Luke.
Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?
Because he was Haydn.
That's not funny.
Yo, order me
another drink, please?
Another Bud,
right here.
# Must be the season
of the witch #
Lucas, I hate my wife.
# Must be the season
of the witch #
- I hate my parents.
- I need to get laid.
We both need to get laid.
Lust.
Luke, I've never cheated
on my wife before, ever.
But I want to now,
it is my mission.
You have no idea
how much I want to.
Sometimes it's right
to do the wrong thing,
and right now
is one of those times.
But we need to
fix ourselves first.
- You need fixing?
- Lucas, I need a whole lot of fixing.
- Union?
- Luke, hi.
I can't believe
you're here!
We came in to check out
all the old weird people.
Oh, wait.
- Don't even think about it.
- Is this the mystery girl?
No, but it doesn't mean
she's fair game.
This is Gruden. My date to the Midsummer
Night Cancer Ball. It's for charity.
He's an exchange student
from Rotterdam. He's a joke.
Yo, what up? What happened to
home boy you were with in the park?
Albert?
Oh, he's so amateur.
Gruden, I'm Haydn.
- Like the classical guy?
- Yes.
I was named after him.
- That's so awesome.
- Do you like the Grateful Dead?
Followed them for four years
after college.
Whoa!
# Baby, you #
# "Just a Friend" by Biz Markie #
# You've #
# Got what I need #
# got what I need #
# But you say
you're just a friend #
# Just a friend
And you say you're just a friend #
# Oh, baby, you... #
# you... #
Oh, what do you
call that thing?
- It's a blunt.
- It's a blunt. I like that.
- Where was I?
- The second set.
Oh, yeah.
They opened up
with Casey Jones.
# Driving that train #
And that's right
when the acid kicked in.
Amazing!
- Your dad's mad cool.
- He's not my dad.
Luke is very into the rap of The Soul Tribe
and many of their other songs.
- Tell her, Luke.
- Tell me.
Tell her. Go ahead, talk.
Talk to her.
- I'm gonna go get another beer.
- Gruden, yo!
# The tour was over
and she went back to school #
# I called every day
to see how she was doin' #
# Every time
that I call her... #
Goldilocks.
I am one of the three bears.
Guess which one.
- Which one?
- Baby bear.
The game's not called
Four Minutes in Heaven, Luke.
We have like
three minutes.
All right, that's enough, kids.
You are all too young to be in here anyway.
Oh, come on.
They're all 18.
Since when is
the drinking age 21?
Bye, Haydn!
- Since forever.
- Fucking Giuliani.
Look around you, Luke,
is this what you want for your mind?
For your life? You want it to be
like this city?
Sweep all the nasty bits under the rug?
Make everything okay?
He puts the homeless people in prison, you know?
These people are sick, mentally.
They're being put in jail.
What do you think about that, Luke?
- Doesn't seem right.
- No.
No, it doesn't. That's why
I don't want you on medication, Luke.
You may as well open up a Starbucks
in your brain. You follow me?
Don't jump for the quick fix.
This whole fucking city wants a quick fix.
Embrace your pain.
Make it a part of you.
You don't want to be like them.
I don't want you to be like them.
So, you've never taken
any of that stuff?
Jesus, Luke, I'm on all of it.
I don't want you to be like me, either.
Sex is a drug too,
you know?
More powerful than any
synthetic pharmaceutical.
Yeah? Is that why you go around
trying to fuck little girls?
That was just
second base.
Oh, second base, huh?
Hey, what happened to getting fixed first?
Sometimes getting laid
is getting fixed, you know?
Except for dogs.
Now break out that blunt.
- This is a joint.
- Joint. I know that.
- Why'd you do that, Luke?
- Tag this wall?
I'm just kind of putting my stamp on it,
fucking let people know I was here.
- It's illegal, isn't it?
- It is.
- May I?
- You may.
- Just be careful.
- Careful.
M.D.
- Excellent penmanship, Dr. Squires.
- Why, thank you.
- Oh, no, I thank you.
- No, no, no, I thank you.
- Oh, you're welcome.
- M.D.
- Hey! You two!
- Fuck!
Stop right there!
Forrest Gump, Luke.
- What are you talking about?
- Running.
Oh!
Who put you up to this, boys? Giuliani?
You got some kind of quota to fill?
Used to be,
you could lick a sheet of acid,
hold up a bank,
fuck a whore in Times Square
without any of you batting an eyelash.
Now, one blunt, we're in the clink.
This whole city's fucked.
We give you character!
Hey, shut the hell up!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, now, brother.
Join the revolution!
- What are you in here for?
- I stabbed my wife in the pussy.
Oh, wow!
Yo, Squires, maybe we should
keep this on the DL, all right?
- Yo, DL!
- Quiet!
- Hey, shut up!
- Please, come on!
Shapiro!
Squires!
You made bail.
Bail.
- Hi there, Stepdaddy.
- Hi, precious.
- Hey, Steph.
- Shapiro.
Thanks a lot for getting
my stepdad thrown in prison.
You know, you're really
a great influence on him.
- But it wasn't my fault.
- It was my fault.
I know. I was kidding.
Anyway...
- What are you doing today?
- Shapiro's busy.
- No, I'm not.
- Yes, you are.
Okay, well, look, Squires, why don't you
just take the car back to the garage,
and I won't tell my mom
about this whole prison thing
and Shapiro's
coming with me.
Don't touch
my daughter, Luke.
- Stepdaughter.
- Stepdaughter.
So, what's the deal
with you and my stepdad?
Are you guys,
like, gay together?
- We're friends, I guess.
- Weird.
Not really.
- He's very immature.
- I know.
Him and my mom fight about that
all the time.
I know.
We got more in common
than you think, Steph.
Now, I've got something new for you.
Step up and tap. Go up and tap. Long body.
Remember that knee?
Give me one knee here and then a grapevine.
Hey.
Don't you wanna know
where I was last night?
Do you want to tell me?
- I was having an affair.
- Good for you.
I was in prison.
I went to jail.
That's nice, Jeffrey.
I'm taking a nap.
# Give me all the chicken heads
From Pasadena to Medina #
# Bet big
Get in between you #
# Then pick
the prognosis doses #
# Blends and bends
like twizzlers #
What are you
staring at, man?
I'm looking
for my reflection.
Yeah, you're not
gonna find it in there.
No shit.
That water's mad dirty.
So, how come we, like,
never hung out in school?
'Cause I was a loser.
I mean, not like a loser-loser,
you know, but
I was definitely the most popular
of the unpopular.
Or maybe the most unpopular
of the popular.
Maybe.
Either way, you're
mad out of my league.
- So what, I'm slumming now?
- Perhaps.
- You want a beer?
- Yeah.
# Never thinking
for a moment, baby #
# That you'd be thinking
of me, too, yeah #
# So I can't wait for the day #
Very handy.
# I can't let you walk away #
Who is this?
Notorious B.I.G.
Just came out.
Real dope.
You should make me
a mix some time.
- Put this on it.
- Definitely.
# Our love was meant to be #
# You were meant for me #
# Oh, baby, can't you see #
# What you do to me #
# Our love was meant to be #
# You were meant for me #
# Every time I see you #
No, dude,
what are you doing?
Nothing.
# Telling me you are the one #
Yo, did it feel good?
Let's try it again.
# I can't wait for the day #
# That we can be together #
Weird.
# Oh, can't you see
You and me #
# Were meant to be, oh, baby #
# There's nothing left
for me to say #
# Oh, baby, can't you see #
# What you do to me #
# Our love was meant to be #
# You were meant for me #
# Oh, baby, can't you see... #
- Thank you.
- All right, bye.
# You were meant for me #
# You take me away
So far away #
# Oh, what you do to me #
# I wanna be alone together #
# Somewhere just you and me #
# Oh, baby, can't you see #
# Oh, baby, can't you see
What you do to me #
# Our love was meant to be
You were meant for me #
# You were meant for me #
# Oh, baby, can't you see #
# Oh, baby, can't you see
What you do to me #
# Our love was meant to be #
Yo, Mom.
Hello.
Can I make you
a sandwich?
Absolutely.
- Where have you been?
- I think I'm in love.
Well, that's wonderful.
Who's the lucky girl?
Stephanie Squires.
- You're up late.
- Oh, hi. So are you.
You have a nice day
with Luke?
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing.
Do you like him?
I don't know.
What do you care?
Do you like-like him?
Maybe, yeah.
- He's a drug dealer.
- Yeah, I know. Thank you.
Look, I'm really not in the mood for a
father daughter moment right now, Dr. Squires.
Well, may I watch TV
with you?
- Whatever.
- Cool.
So, fill me in.
Well, basically there's been, like,
this big misunderstanding,
- and Mr. Furley thinks Jack's gay.
- I think I've seen this one.
Oh, good morning, Luke.
You're up early.
Couldn't sleep.
It's mad hot.
What's that?
- We're getting evicted?
- Keep your voice down.
I'll take care of it.
I've got a very big deal coming through.
It's not a problem.
- Where will we go?
- I don't know. Downtown, maybe? Jersey?
Not everyone has to live
on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.
Well, I can't live
in Jersey.
Look, I messed up,
and I'm trying to fix it.
- Then fix it.
- All I can do is try.
Be a man, Dad.
Fix it.
What can I do, Luke?
Deal pot?
I don't think you'd be
very good at that.
# "Can I Kick It?"
by A Tribe Called Quest #
So I've been dealing
a lot more lately.
I'm just trying to help
my folks out, you know?
I feel a lot
of pressure lately...
You're totally wrong
for each other.
Huh?
I want you to stop seeing Stephanie.
She's not for you.
What's so bad
about me?
She'll break your heart, Luke.
She's just bored.
- That's not true.
- Fine. Ignore my advice.
What? You think she's hot?
You want to fuck her?
Next thing you know,
you've wasted your entire life
on a girl you got nothing
in common with, Luke.
Actually, I was just trying to listen
to your advice, Dr. Squires.
Remember living?
And who said anything
about my entire life?
This is it, Luke. This is your life.
The choices you make.
And I guess you've chosen
to be a hoodlum drug dealer,
who latches onto the only girl
who'll pay attention to him,
simply because he's scared
of being alone.
And what about you?
Telling me not
to take medication.
Your "You don't want me to be like
Times Square" fucking metaphor.
What the fuck was that?
I mean, you said it yourself, right?
You're on half that shit.
You're a fucking
hypocrite.
Why are you even
hanging out with me, anyway?
Don't you got some friends
your own age?
Don't you feel like
a fucking weird old idiot,
just trying to relive your high school years
'cause you fucked them up the first time?
I believe our time is up.
This was a short one,
so I'll just charge you a dime bag.
I made this for you.
# "Can I Kick It?"
by A Tribe Called Quest #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Can I kick it?
Yes, you can! #
# Well, I'm gone
Go on, then! #
# Can I kick it? #
# To all the people who can
quest like a tribe does #
# Before this
Did you really know what live was? #
# Comprehend to the track
for it's why 'cause #
# Gettin' measures
on the tip of the vibers #
# Rock and roll
to the beat of the funk fuzz #
# Wipe your feet really good
on the rhythm rug #
# If you feel the urge to freak
Do the jitterbug #
# Come and spread your arms
if you really need a hug #
# Afrocentric living
is a big shrug #
# A life filled with #
# That's what I love #
# A lower plateau
is what we're above #
# If you diss us
We won't even think of #
# Will Nipper the doggy
give a big shove? #
# This rhythm really fits
like a snug glove #
# Like a box of positives
is a plus, love #
# As the Tribe
flies high like a dove #
- You're home early.
- My last patient canceled.
Actually, he committed
suicide yesterday.
- Oh.
- Anyway, here I am.
Kristen?
Do you think
I'm a weird old guy?
- Yes.
- You do?
You don't love me
anymore, do you?
I mean...
I don't blame you.
I'm a mess.
You've always been
a mess.
But we were a mess together.
We were a beautiful mess.
Are you taking
your pills?
I don't need pills.
Not those pills, anyway.
What if
we went somewhere?
Got out of the city for a while. Would you like that?
Yeah.
It might be fun.
- Second honeymoon?
- We never had a first one, Jeffrey.
Right.
So, what are you doing
this weekend?
- Nothing.
- Good.
My mom and Squires are going to
Barbados or something,
so my house in
Fire Island is free.
I was wondering if you wanted
to join me for some beachcombing.
Like a date?
More like
a honeymoon.
What'll I do?
You know what people do
on honeymoons, right?
I think so.
It's nice.
- You want some wine?
- Got anything stronger?
- Whiskey?
- Yeah, I'll try.
- Very well.
- You got anything to mix it with?
- Uh, there's some juice boxes.
- Yeah, that's good.
Yo, I made this for you.
- Thanks.
- You're welcome.
This whiskey's
a lot of drunk.
No shit.
So, let me
ask you something.
Uh-oh.
What's going on here?
What do you mean?
I've never been
in this situation before.
And what situation
is that?
Chilling
with a girl
that likes me,
who I like.
I'm just wondering,
you know,
what happens?
What happens when
everybody comes back?
What do you mean?
Like, do I turn into a pumpkin?
Basically, yeah.
I don't know.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter?
Why not?
Because how could anything
possibly matter right now?
You know what
your problem is, Shapiro?
It's that you just have this really shitty
way of looking at things, you know?
I don't have
that problem.
I just look
at the dopeness.
But, you, it's like you just look
at the wackness, you know?
- I do?
- Yeah.
Well, all you gotta do
is just look at me.
- All right.
- And kiss me.
Kiss you.
Oh...
Take these off.
- Condom? Condom?
- That's what the pill's for.
- You're not really hard.
- No?
Oh, man. Fuck!
Here.
You know, I never
drank coffee before.
Really? I drink it all the time.
It's like Ritalin.
Yo, Steph, you know, I'm not
trying to be a bitch or nothing, but...
- What?
- I've kind of never had sex before.
- You're a virgin?
- No!
Nah!
- I just never officially had sex.
- Okay.
I think that's why
I'm nervous, you know?
That's why the thing
with my dick.
Oh, Shapiro, don't worry about it.
It's okay.
I've done it, like,
a hundred times.
- I can teach you.
- I'm down.
You sober yet?
- Probably.
- Okay.
I think it's time
for our first lesson.
# "Bump N' Grind"
by R. Kelly #
# With a little bump n' grind #
# I don't see nothing wrong #
# Hey, baby #
Okay, now.
Just put it in.
Ow. Ow...
Slower, okay? Slower.
Yeah. Now just move in...
No fucking way.
Did you just come?
You fucking came.
Oh, fuck.
- Are you crying?
- No.
Oh, God.
We haven't stayed up
all night in 10 years.
Yeah, we did.
We did?
Yeah, we did.
New Year's Eve,
four years ago.
Remember that coke that you found
that we hid, from the '80s?
Mmm?
We did it.
We fucked like little bunny rabbits
on the balcony.
Oh!
We woke up Steph,
and you told her we were out there
trying to save a sick pigeon.
I do, I do.
I do remember that.
What happened
to us, Kristen?
You're kidding, right?
Right.
I'm kidding.
I love you.
I love you, Steph.
I love you, Steph.
I love you.
I got mad love for you, shorty.
That's on the real.
I wanna listen to
Boyz II Men when I'm with you.
Hey, surprise.
Ah!
Right here.
Word.
I love you.
Whoa, dude.
- All right, bye.
- Bye.
- Sunburn.
- Oh, yeah, right.
All right,
I'll see you later.
Thank you.
- I want a divorce.
- Me, too.
Hey.
Hey, sweetheart.
How was your weekend?
- Uneventful.
- You got a nice tan there, Steph.
Yeah?
Anyway, I'm going to bed.
I just wanted to say hey.
Good night, angel.
We love you.
Yo, you've reached Steph.
I ain't home, so leave a message
at the tone. Peace.
Yo, Steph, what up?
It's, uh,
it's me, Luke.
Uh...
I know you said
you'd call me this week,
and, uh,
it's a week from
when you said that, so...
I mean, I guess there's still time
in the week, technically.
I mean, technically,
there's a couple of hours left.
I hope you're
aware of that.
Look, are you not calling me back
'cause I said I love you?
'Cause that's stupid.
I mean...
I didn't mean it really,
and, you know, even if I did,
I'm going to college in three weeks,
so it's not like it matters.
You know what?
Fuck it.
I meant it.
I do love you.
All right?
I'm not scared to say it.
I fucking love you, okay?
And if that scares you,
well, then fuck you.
Huh? You know what?
Fuck off, all right?
You're a fucking bitch. Peace out forever!
Come in.
Shapiro?
She got bored.
With all due respect to my stepdaughter,
Luke, fuck her. Fuck them all.
As Biggie says,
Bitches, I like 'em brainless.
"Guns, I like 'em
stainless steel."
Dr. Squires,
do you remember
when you told
me that shit
about men doing the things
they need to do
to become the men
they need to become
- or something?
- No.
Well, I need
your help.
What is it, Lucas?
You know anybody
who could use some weed?
I got some extra weight
I need to unload this month.
We could probably
work something out.
# "Long Shot Kick De Bucket"
by The Pioneers #
All right, if we're gonna do this,
Dr. Squires, we're gonna do it right.
- All right? You gotta be more careful.
- Don't worry, Luke.
- I'm not going back to prison.
- Good.
Let's establish a few ground rules.
Number one, we use pagers.
Someone pages us, we call them back
from a payphone.
We never use home phones
for this type of stuff. Never.
That's great, Luke. I already have
a pager for my medical practice.
All right, good.
Number two, we sell weed by the gram,
by the eighth, and by the ounce.
Gram's the highest profit margin,
but it's also the most potent,
that's why we try to encourage people
to buy the grams.
Principal Edwards, I can give you
two grams for 125 bucks, all right?
Anything less than that,
I don't make a profit.
You always were
very good at math, Luke.
All right,
plus another 10 Zs
at a grand a Z.
It's a start.
# Long Shot kick de bucket #
# Them wail
Them wail. Them reel #
# But him couldn't
take the trail #
# Them wail
Them wail... #
- Hey, Oliver. How's the golf game?
- Not bad, Doc. Not too bad.
- How's your mother?
- Still projecting.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Call the office to make an appointment.
Now, how much marijuana
can I get for you today?
Exactly how much money are we trying
to make here, Luke?
As much as possible.
What's all this for, Luke?
If you don't mind me asking.
# It was Starbright
Combat, Corazon #
# Long Shot on the rear #
College.
# It was Starbright... #
- It's okay.
- Uh-huh.
- Who the fuck is you?
- Who the fuck is you?
Yo! Yo, yo, yo, yo!
Percy! Percy! He's cool, all right?
- I'm cool, Percy.
- Me will be the judge of that.
- Stop that.
- Sorry.
The drowning represents an inability
to get a handle on your life,
what you're doing,
perhaps your business.
The girl, well,
I don't know.
When in doubt,
I usually go with your mother.
My mother.
That make a lot more sense now.
Yo, fellas?
I hate to interrupt, but,
Pers, I need more, man.
- You can't just leave it downstairs?
- Not in this neighborhood.
I can't believe this is
a fifth floor walk-up.
Oh, please behave yourself,
Dr. Squires, all right?
- This is my connect.
- Who the fuck lives in a fifth floor...
Hi, Luke.
- ...walk-up. Hello.
- Hi.
Come on in.
I'm, uh, I'm Elanor.
I'm, um, Haydn.
- No need for aliases with her, Squires.
- Oh, well then, I'm Jeff.
Oh, I'm still Elanor.
- So, how much you need?
- A quarter.
I'm going to see that guy
in New Hampshire.
I was just packing and stuff and then I was
thinking I need some grass. I almost forgot.
So, that's how
this happened.
- So, a quarter, then?
- A quarter. Yeah.
He doesn't
appreciate you.
- How do you know that?
- He couldn't possibly.
- That's a compliment, right?
- Ma'am.
Here it is.
And I have this for you, too.
Thanks.
It's the
greatest hits?
Well, actually, it's more like
three songs, mixes...
Well, really it's more
like one song.
You were in
Emergency Breakthrough?
- Yeah.
- No shit.
- I love your music.
- What?
Oh...
Mmm!
Wow. See, Luke? I told you
I know a little about music.
I keep trying to
broaden his horizons,
you know, rap music isn't
everything. I tell him, but...
You should listen
to this woman, Luke.
She's as smart and talented
as she is beautiful.
# Wear and tear...? #
- He's really out of his mind, right?
- Total fucking lunatic.
Hey, Steph.
So, I guess you're
ignoring me, huh?
That's a shame,
because it would be really cool to hang
out or whatever before I go to school.
The school year is rapidly approaching,
as you know.
And...
I miss you.
- But I love you.
- No, you don't.
Please, Kristen. Don't leave me
all alone. I can't be all alone.
Cut the crap, Jeffrey.
You asked for it.
Stephanie?
Are you leaving, too?
No. Stephie will be here
for the next few weeks.
I'll deal with all the details
when I'm back.
Details?
Please, say something
to your mother, Steph.
Jeffrey, leave her
out of this.
Sweetheart,
go to your
fucking room.
It would be really cool to hang out
or whatever before I go to school.
The school year is rapidly approaching,
as you know.
I miss you.
- Shapiro?
- What?
- Justin?
- Yo, why you calling me Shapiro?
No reason.
How was, um, Florence?
Oh, it was crazy, yo,
mad crazy.
Yo, I'll tell you
all about it.
We're hitting this club
downtown tonight. You coming?
Yeah, totally.
Yeah.
- Doll your shit up.
- Okay, call me later.
- Peace.
- Bye.
Yo, yo, yo,
what happened?
- What happened?
- What do you think?
Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, Dad. I have money!
- Put that down. I got money!
- Leave the guys alone.
- Let them do their job.
- Dad, I got $26,000,
that should be
more than enough.
- Luke.
- What?
It's not enough.
It's not even close.
You said you'd fix it.
You said you'd fix it, right?
I need you to go upstairs
and pack up your room, okay?
Go on upstairs.
Pack up your room.
Hey, be careful with that,
would you, guys?
Are you being careful
with my father's silver?
# "Flava in Your Ear"
by Craig Mack #
# Everybody let's agree
that M.C.'s need a tissue #
# The funk's my only issue #
# I bet your mama miss you
and I bet the Mack take off... #
- What are you doing?
- Marking my territory.
You need some help?
# I guess I'm gonna
say Craig Mack with perfect timing #
# You won't be
around next year #
# My rap's too severe kickin' mad
flava in ya ear. Kick it down #
# Here comes the brand new
flava in ya ear #
# Time for new flava in ya ear #
# I'm kickin' new
flava in ya ear #
# Mack's the brand new
flava in ya ear #
# Craig Mack #
# 1,000 degrees #
# You'll be on your knees... #
- Yo!
- Hi, Steph.
- Hey...
- Look,
I know the summer's
almost over
but I think we can
make this work.
- Luke...
- Just hear me out, all right?
People do the long-distance thing
all the time, you know,
and we're not going to school
that far away from each other.
It's like a four-hour train ride, so,
we could alternate weekends, whatever.
- Is that Shapiro?
- Is that Justin?
Oh, Shapiro.
Hi, baby.
Yo, you got any weed?
No.
Okay.
- Look, Luke...
- Where's Squires?
- He's in Fire Island.
- Peace.
Yo, wait.
# "Tearz"
by Wu-Tang Clan #
# Yo, check
Yo, yo. Check the script #
# Me and the gods
get it ripped #
# Blunts in the dip
Forty dogs in my lip #
# Had a box
Boom, boom. The bass will blast #
# We was laughing
at all the girls that passed #
# Conversation
Brothers had begin to discuss #
# Hey yo, Ra!
Remember that kid ya bust? #
# Oh, yeah, he ran
But he didn't get far #
# 'Cause I dropped him #
# Not knowin'
exactly what lied ahead #
# My little brother
My mother sent him out for bread #
# Get the Wonder
it's a hot day in the summer #
# Didn't expect
to come across a crazy gunner #
Luke.
# "Check it for the bag
and the dough" #
# But he was brave
looked him in the eye and said, "No!" #
# Money splattered him... #
I apologize for the mess.
I wasn't expecting company.
You've been doing
all these drugs?
It's an experiment.
An experience.
Life. Salvation. Drugs.
Go ahead.
I've never done most of
this stuff before, Jeff.
Come on, Luke,
be a pal, do it.
# Flashbacks
I was laughin' all the time #
# I taught him
all about the bees and birds #
# But I wish I had a chance
to sing these three words #
# After laughter #
# comes tears #
The ocean.
This is all
I need, Luke.
Forget the city,
the city is wrong.
I just want to wrap myself
in the ocean.
I cannot
- speak.
- That's the spirit, Luke.
Hit me with it!
Come on, hit me!
You don't think I can take it? I can
take everything you got, fucking sea!
I want a
- vagina.
- You said it, Luke.
I should have known when she
told me she didn't like dogs.
There's certain people you just
can't trust, you know, Luke?
Listen to me.
Never trust
anyone who doesn't smoke pot
or listen to Bob Dylan. You hear me?
Never trust anyone
who doesn't like the beach.
Never, ever,
ever,
trust anyone who says
they don't like dogs.
If you meet someone
who doesn't like dogs,
you alert the authorities immediately,
and sure as shit don't marry them!
Okay.
Okay.
Nothing's okay.
None of it's
gonna be okay,
everything is going
to be terrible.
I tried to kill myself
twice today.
Once with pills, turns out I have
a very high tolerance for those.
Next by hanging.
The hanging is very hard. The weight.
You lose too much weight,
or you put on too much weight...
Oh, well.
- Dr. Squires, what are you talking about?
- I don't know.
I just...
I'm done.
This is it. Last call, Luke.
I'm glad you're here to see me off.
- Where you going, Dr. Squires?
- In there.
I'm ready to die, Luke.
Stop fucking around, Jeff.
I'm the weird old guy, remember?
You said so yourself.
Look, I didn't mean it, all right?
You're my friend.
You're my best friend.
So just, please,
would you come back for me?
You're not
worth it, Shapiro!
So that was all
bullshit, right?
All that stuff about embracing your pain,
making it a part of you?
You can't do this!
You can't just give up.
Life is hard and it's full of pain
and what not,
but we take it
'cause there's great stuff, too!
And we can do it
because we have friends!
Because we help
each other!
Stop! Stop!
Luke!
That was really fucking cheesy,
what you said just then.
There's enough assholes
in the world, Dr. Squires.
Don't be another one.
Now you sound like me.
You wanna go to the city
to fill out my prescriptions?
Sounds good.
Thank you, Luke.
How you feeling?
Please, don't
do that again.
- All right? You scared me.
- I'm sorry.
Dr. Squires,
I gotta get back.
To my folks.
Where you living
these days, Luke?
We're moving in
with my grandparents.
- In New Jersey.
- I'm sorry to hear that.
I'm sorry to live it.
I'm sorry about
Stephanie, too.
She would have been
a lucky girl.
Good luck in school.
Try and fuck a black girl.
I never got the chance at college.
Baby steps.
It'll be okay.
- I can't answer that.
- It wasn't a question.
- Peace, Doc.
- Peace out, Luke.
Luke. Hey.
Hey.
- Look, man, I just wanted to say...
- Do me a favor, Steph.
Don't say nothing, okay?
Just stand there
till I leave.
I wanna remember this.
- I've never done it before.
- Never done what?
Had my heart broken.
# "All the Young Dudes"
by Mott The Hoople #
To Luke Shapiro.
Luke.
Luke?
Have you had
any more thoughts
about what you're gonna be
as far as a profession goes?
- Mom, he's got time.
- I'm just asking.
Actually, I'm thinking
about becoming a shrink.
Psychology!
It's not quite the shoe business,
but it's a very interesting field.
I figure I'm an expert 'cause everyone
around me is so fucking crazy, you know?
# Oh, man, I need TV
when I got T Rex #
# Oh, brother, you guessed #
# I'm a dude, Dad #
# All the young dudes #
# Hey, dudes #
# Carry the news #
# Where are ya? #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# Stand up, come on #
# Carry the news #
# All the young dudes #
# I want to hear you #
# Carry the news #
# I want to see you #
Hello? Somebody paged me
from this number?
Hi, Jeffrey?
It's Elanor.
Luke gave me your number.
He said I should page you. I hope that's okay.
Yeah, it's okay.
So, um...
What are you
doing tonight?
No plans.
# We never got it off
on that revolution stuff #
# What a drag
Too many snags #
# Now I've drunk a lot of wine
and I'm feeling fine #
# Got to race some cat to bed #
# Oh, is there
concrete all around #
# Or is it in my head? #
# Yeah #
# I'm a dude, Dad #
# All the young dudes #
# Hey, dudes #
# Carry the news #
# Where are ya? #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# Stand up #
# Carry the news #
# All the young dudes #
# I want to hear ya #
# Carry the news #
# I want to see you #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# And I want to relate to you #
# Carry the news #
# All the young dudes #
# What dudes? #
# Carry the news #
# Let's hear the news
Come on #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# I want to kick you #
# Carry the news #
# Hey, you there! #
# All the young dudes #
# With the glasses #
# Carry the news #
# I want you #
# Boogaloo dudes
I want you at the front #
# Carry the news #
# Now you, all his friends #
# Now you bring him down
'cause I want him #
# Carry the news #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# I want him right here
Bring him, come on #
# Carry the news #
# Bring him
Here you go #
# All the young dudes #
I've wanted to do this for years
# Carry the news #
# There you go #
# Boogaloo dudes #
# How do you feel? #
# "I Can't Wake Up"
by KRS-One #
# What I want you to do
is count to ten #
# Nine #
# Eight #
# Seven #
# Six #
# Five #
# Four #
# Three #
# Two #
# On one
You will be asleep #
# One #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm dreaming
about being a blunt #
# I'm running around
and I just can't wake up #
# I'm dreaming
about being a blunt #
# I'm walking around
and I just can't wake up #
# I'm tryin' to wake up
I can't wake up #
# So I run and jump #
# Someone yelled
Get that blunt! #
# "Get that blunt"?
Now I'm thinking this is major #
# I've got a bunch of people
chasing me with a razor #
# I don't like this dream
as a blunt #
# But I can't get out of it
And I can't seem to wake up #
# So I'm running and racing #
# Blunt smokers are chasing #
# This is insane
I'm caught by House Of Pain #
# I'm picked up, they said
they gonna put my head out #
# They slit my back
and all the tobacco fell out #
# Now I'm hollowed wet thin
and yes, ready #
# They poured the shumpang
gently and rewet me #
# I'm in the mouth, yo!
I can't wake up #
# Yo, I'm a blunt
gettin' smoked and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# Check it out, now.
In the same attire. Here comes the fire #
# Now they lit it
Now I'm burnin' by the minute #
# Get me out of this
Somebody wake me up #
# I'm still on fire
and I'm still being smoked up #
# Half my body is gone
Now they're coming to my head #
# Now my head is being
pinched by Ted-D-Ted #
# A crazy nightmare
I got to go #
# I got to wake up
and I'm passed off to Yo-Yo #
# Yo-Yo gets respect as a lady #
# She didn't smoke #
# She passed me
to Showbiz and A.G. #
# A.G. said,
Respect due, see? #
# He got one big pull
and passed me to Smooth B. #
# Smooth B., although
he's talking to Ted-D #
# Took a hit and passed me
to Fab 5 Freddy #
# Freddy said, "Yo!
There's nothing left, Pop." #
# Looked at me in my face
and passed me to Chubb Rock #
# Chubb Rock said,
Yo, Freddy, chill! #
# "If you ever catch me smoking
Just kick me in the grill" #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm a blunt gettin' smoked
and I can't wake up #
# I'm dreaming #
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