Wanderlust (2012) Movie Script

It's where we want to be.
It's where you want to be,
it's where I want to be...
Honey, that's all I've been saying.
I've been saying that.
I mean, this is New York City.
It's the greatest city on Earth,
and we get to own a part of it.
Or we keep renting.
George, please. It's time
for us to own something.
We're not kids anymore.
It's true. Pros and cons,
one more time. Okay.
Go ahead. Talk it over
again. Okay, good.
Pros. Great neighborhood.
It's a great neighborhood.
A block from Joe's Coffee.
I love that coffee.
It's his favorite coffee.
Best coffee in the city.
Shade-grown, fair trade.
So, that's a pro. Coffee.
Con, money.
You said that we could do this.
I'll feel better once
I get my bonus.
HBO may make an offer
on my documentary.
Well...
Are we done with the pros and cons?
Another con would be space.
You know, it's a studio apartment.
No, it's a microloft.
It's a microloft.
It's written in here that it's a
microloft. We're adults here.
Let's call it what it is.
It's a studio apartment.
It says it somewhere.
I've never even heard
of a microloft.
Does your husband do this?
My husband is blind.
I'm sorry.
No, there's no need to be sorry.
Pierre has been blind since birth.
Good. I mean, not "good,"
but, you know...
Don't worry, it's the only
reality he knows.
But, believe me, he can still
smell the Chanel on my neck.
He can still taste the
pain au chocolat
I bake for him from time to time.
He can still hear every stroke as
I brush my hair before
we lie down at night.
And as for touch?
I can get him there with
one flick of the finger.
Okay, I know you're nervous,
but believe me
this neighborhood is a terrific
investment, even in a recession.
It's the West Village.
It's the best. Yeah.
Really the best.
This is where you want to be?
This is where we need to be.
Let's do it!
I'm so sorry. I bet this
happens all the time.
No.
Here we go. Wait.
Wow! Look at all this space!
Just right up against this...
I got a really big day tomorrow,
and you've got HBO.
I wouldn't mind taking
a sleeping pill.
Oh, no! I can't take Rick right now.
I cannot take your brother.
I'll just... No Rick.
Come on, two minutes. Let's
just get it over with.
It's never two minutes.
Hey, Rick. Ricky licky,
suck my dicky.
Don't hate me 'cause
it's extra thicky.
All right, enough gabbing.
Give me the grand tour.
All right.
That's the kitchen. Small.
That's the bathroom. Small.
That's the bedroom. Small.
That's the tour.
Holy shit! Our TV room is twice
the size of your whole place.
Yeah, but you live in Atlanta.
Hi, George. Hey, Linda.
It is alive.
Hi, Marisa. Hi, Marisa.
Hi! You look great!
Thanks. I read this article that
said if you smile all the time,
you can trick your brain into
thinking that you're happy.
Really? Wow.
All right, enough girl gab. I want
to show you the new baby.
New baby?
We adopted a black baby.
There she is.
All the bells and whistles, 48
large. And check this out.
If some Jackamo tries
to steal my car,
I got a remote tracker on there.
Tells me where he is,
down to 10 yards.
I go down there, fucking police
escort, nab the motherfucker.
It's like, "See you in three
to five, ass wipe. You
fucking towel head. "
So, you think a Sheik is
going to steal your car?
Hey, don't laugh, this is Atlanta.
We got CNN down here.
I think our connection is
bad. You're breaking up.
I can see you closing the
computer, dipshit.
I got to say, that Marisa,
one lucky lady
because she gets to be
married to him. Yeah.
Know what I want to do? I'm going
to take off that robe and...
It's okay.
Sorry. You're so tired. I know.
What say we break this place
in the old-fashioned way?
Don't fall asleep. Okay.
We can do this. I'm not
going to fall asleep.
Are you ready for your meeting?
Yep. Don't forget to smile.
All right? Your movie is a little bit
heavy, so keep the room light.
Do you not think I'm
a good filmmaker?
That's not what I said.
I think you're great.
I think you're a great children's
book illustrator,
a terrific jewelry designer.
I loved the homemade
ice cream business.
I am familiar with my eclectic
resume, thank you very much.
But, honey, with this film, you
know it, I found my niche.
I can fly. I believe I can fly.
Come on, say it.
Fine, I believe you can fly.
Get off your fucking phone!
Knock them dead. I'll call
you later. Good luck.
The world is becoming
a terrible place.
Antarctica is home to some of the
world's most beautiful wildlife,
most of whom are dead or dying.
This cute little guy has
testicular cancer.
This little girl's home melted
and her parents sank.
In our hunger for resources,
we are raping these animals.
We are raping them... Stop.
...and then we are murdering them.
Stop. Stop.
It's actually not finished.
I'm getting a very interesting sense
of what you're going for here.
Thank you! There's no way in hell.
We're going to have to pass.
Mmm-hmm.
"Pass"? Yes, "pass. "
But it's An Inconvenient Truth
meets March of the Penguins!
Meets "I want to slit my wrists,
"because this is the most depressing
thing I've ever seen. "
I don't understand.
I think what Marcy
is saying, Linda,
and please correct me
if I'm wrong, Marcy,
I don't want to be off base here.
But what she's saying is that
she wants to slit her wrists
because this piece is depressing.
I got that. Yes.
I see that you're pregnant.
Thank you for noticing. What tipped
you off, my giant belly?
Or can you see my hemorrhoids
and my second thoughts from
where you're standing?
Don't you want your
child to grow up
in a world where there
are penguins?
To be perfectly frank,
fuck the penguins.
I don't think that what Marcy is
saying is to fuck the penguins.
No, it is what I'm saying.
Fuck the penguins.
And I love penguins. Uh-huh.
But I have to agree with
Marcy. Fuck them.
Java chip sounds like it's
going to be a winner.
How's the new place, man?
Oh, terrific. Super small
and really expensive.
Oh, my God, that does sound good.
Super small and really
expensive? Yeah.
Sometimes you can only get one of
those, but you got both of those.
Yeah, it's a deal. That's great.
How did that happen?
I know.
Reason number 25 I'm not married.
Like I need someone telling me
to buy shit I can't afford.
It's all about the Benjamins,
my friend. The Benjamins.
Yeah.
I'll be one of those
guys who's just
old and ugly, rich, has a hot wife.
Like...
Gollum. Not Gollum.
Georgie!
Come see me for a little chat
when you get upstairs.
All right! You got the
point and the wink.
Boss man likes you.
It just doesn't fit the HBO brand.
We do violence and heartache,
but it's sexy.
Mmm-hmm. Do you understand?
Of course. What was I thinking?
You know what we could do?
We could throw some vampires in there
to have sex with the penguins.
And then you could have brooding,
sexy little vampire penguins.
Would that work for your brand?
What if the polar bears were
hookers, and on meth?
And then they show their tits for
no reason. How would that work?
I think you're joking,
but if you could do that, that would
be very interesting for us.
Yeah, very interesting.
And if I do get the promotion,
then what?
I have to work more hours
at the job I hate.
Wow, you're really bumming me out,
man. I hate this job, too.
Wait, what's going on?
Feds got in at 5:00 this morning.
Seized everything.
Georgie! Man with the plan.
I am going to take a little rain
check on our chit-chat.
Company shutdown effective
immediately.
Did I just get wink-point
shitcanned?
What are you doing here?
How did HBO go?
Well, they're passing on this one,
but they are definitely interested
in not seeing my other projects,
so it turns out I can't fly.
Why are you not at work, George?
Oh! I got fired.
You want to sell?
Well, my work situation
has changed a little.
Look, I'm going to be completely
honest with you guys.
The market has dropped.
We just bought it.
You said it was a good investment.
I think you said that.
You said that!
In any case, it doesn't
matter who said it.
Nobody's buying studio
apartments right now.
It's a microloft.
Okay, let's just grow up and
call things what they are.
It's a studio apartment.
I knew it!
Even if you could sell it,
it would be at a loss.
You're not seeing that money again.
As soon as we can get
back on our feet,
we'll talk about coming
back to New York.
Right now my brother
has offered me a job
and Atlanta's the best
place for us to be.
They call it "Hot-lanta!"
Isn't that funny?
You're so obsessed with your Joe's
Coffee. It had to be Joe's Coffee.
It's great fucking coffee!
We are fucked, we are fucked!
We're fucked! George, stop!
That's how much you made
last year, $800.
You know what? I think you
like that I don't work.
How could you let this
happen to us?
Eight hundred dollars!
I didn't mean it. I was upset.
Yes, I meant it! I
told you, you did!
Oh!
You were the one that
said, "Let's look
"in the West Village to
buy an apartment. "
I'm turning on the music!
Don't turn on that music.
Cock.
I can't be in this car
anymore! Jesus Christ!
I just can't. We've got
to stop somewhere.
Fine. Okay.
I'm just really tired, okay?
I said "fine," all right?
Just quit selling me
after I said yes.
Elysium Bed and Breakfast,
Oh, my God, it's just a shack
and it's closed. I'm going
to scream, George.
It's a fruit stand.
Hold on, what's down that road?
"Elysium. Dreams dispensed daily.
Bring your own container. "
I just hope they have a bed.
If they didn't, it would probably be
called "Elysium just Breakfast. "
Does everything have to
be a joke, George?
Are you looking for the B and B?
It's another half mile.
You can't miss it.
Thank you. Thank you.
Leave? Yeah.
Back up, back up, back up.
No, no, no.
He's following us!
What does he want?
Honey, he's coming after
us! Oh, my God!
What does he want? I don't know!
He wants to chop us
up into 100 pieces
to make a suit out of our skins!
I don't know. Just back up faster!
The Bed and Breakfast is the
other way! The other way!
He's getting really close!
Hurry! What are you doing?
Oh, my God!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Are you guys okay?
Oh, boy.
There is nothing we can do
about it until morning.
But we'll take care of you.
My name is Wayne, by the
way. I'm a nudist.
Yes, we noticed your penis earlier.
Touch!
I'm sorry?
Don't be sorry. It means "good
evening" in Swedish.
I studied economics in Stockholm.
But don't worry, I'm
not going to be
throwing Swedish at you all night.
"God afton" is pretty much
all I can remember.
But there I go, running
off at the mouth again.
Some people call it "verbal diarrhea. "
I just call it "word shit. "
I'm a butterfly!
I've got wings!
Grisham is a butterfly.
I'm really a boy.
Okay, that will be our
secret. All right!
He thinks I didn't hear what
you just said, but I did.
These folks pulled the old
flip-de-doo at the ravine.
Probably trying to back
out because they
thought I was some kind
of naked weirdo.
No. Yeah.
Do you have a room?
Do you remember downstairs
a minute ago
when you asked if I had a room?
Does this answer your question?
Yeah, I guess it does.
Completely.
I'm Kathy, by the way.
I'm Linda. That's George.
Hello.
"George," huh?
If you're George, then where's
John, Paul and Ringo?
Ah.
Where are they? Did you bring them?
No, I didn't bring them.
Not even Ringo?
Nope.
You know I'm kidding,
right? I do, yeah.
We're really tired, Kathy.
Okey-dokey.
Thank you, though. God afton.
What is that?
I thought it was you.
Me, doing what?
Please, baby. I'm so tired.
Oh, God.
I beg of you.
Please make it go away.
You're my hero.
George?
George!
That's it, George!
Linda! Yes.
Kathy told me that you
had beautiful skin.
But she's a liar, because
it is luminous.
Thank you. Who are you?
My name is Karen.
I'm sorry if my hands smell like
tahini. I was just making some hummus.
Take it home!
This is much less aggressive
than clapping.
Try it, try it. Seriously,
it's better.
Babe, can I talk to you just
for a second, outside?
Did you smoke pot?
No.
Why did you just lie to me? I'm
not going to tell on you.
I had one hit. One?
I think it might be the best pot
I've ever had in my life.
You have to try this.
Hey, Rodney. What's up?
What's up? What's up?
This is Linda.
Hey. Here you go, beautiful.
Linda with the luminous skin,
it's so nice to meet
you. Thank you.
Did you know that all these
people, they live here?
This is a commune.
Isn't that crazy?
That's crazy.
I'm Rodney, I'm her husband.
He's an African-American.
Wow, you guys are really in love.
We are. We are just as much in love
as if we were the same color.
We actually had our wedding
ceremony right here
and Seth was our spiritual
officiant.
Who's Seth?
You haven't met Seth?
In a word, he's
a teacher, a guide, a coach,
a guru, a shaman.
He's everything.
Everything.
So, Seth is your leader?
No, no, no.
We have no leaders here.
Mother Earth is the only
leader we need.
You two must be the proud owners of
that upside-down people-mover
out in the driveway.
I'm Seth.
I'm George. This is Linda.
Hi. Hi.
Looks like you made
it out unscathed.
Not totally unscathed. Ow!
Feel it?
How do you feel?
I'm better, I think.
That's good.
We'll deal with those withholding
father issues another time.
And you must be...
I'm Linda.
Linda.
Hi. Oh.
You smell like walnuts and suede.
Walnuts and suede.
Welcome to Elysium. Come on,
I'll show you around.
That's a God's eye. I made
it myself, last Kwanzaa.
I love what you've got going here.
Honest, I feel like I can breathe
for the first time in I
don't know how long.
It's incredible!
How long has the house been here?
I bought this house in 1971
with nine of my friends.
Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis, Ronny
Shames, Danielle Meltser,
Janie Brody, Billy Marcus,
Glen Stover, Tony Piloski,
and Janice Woo.
Meet Carvin. He's kind of the
lion around these parts.
So, have you lived here
this entire time?
Yeah, ever since I bought
the place in 1971.
Right. With nine of my friends.
Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis, Ronny
Shames, Danielle Meltser...
Those are the names you just said.
Yeah. Billy Marcus, Glen
Stover, Tony Piloski...
Those are all people you've
already named.
So, you don't have
to say them again.
Any of those people
still live here?
No, no. They're mostly dead.
Pretty much dead.
I'm going to go to bed.
Good night.
Dead but not forgotten.
I mean, who knows how many days
any of us have left on this Earth?
Right.
That's why I choose to fill my
life with nature and laughter
and friendship,
love.
This is some commune.
"Commune"?
Boo, hiss. We prefer the term
"intentional community. "
When you hear the word "commune,"
you think of a bunch of hippies
sitting around, smoking
pot and playing guitar.
Hey!
I'm Eva! Hi!
I hear you guys are from New York.
Fellow New Yorker.
Oh!
Yeah.
What do you know?
We're from the West Village. Yeah.
Waverly and Christopher.
The best neighborhood!
I know!
I know New York is a great city
but I do not miss that
lifestyle at all.
It was just stress and BlackBerrys
and sleeping pills.
I used to drink a triple latte
every morning just to wake up.
I see your point,
but I kind of value
the sleeping pill
and the BlackBerry and the latte.
You know, you can really get
trapped in that web of
beepers and Zenith televisions
and Walkmans and Discmans,
floppy disks and zip drives.
Laserdiscs, answering machines
and Nintendo Power Glove.
Wow, you know so much
about technology.
All right, the pond
behind the house
is just begging to be dipped in.
Skinny style.
Let's do it. Let's do it.
Yeah, let's...
You're unbelievable.
Skinny style!
George! George! Jump in, George!
Atta boy, baby!
I cannot believe...
I'm naked! I'm naked!
I'm sorry. My bad.
A lot of magical things
have happened
since you walked through
those doors.
Amen. My menstrual cycle
started back up again.
Stop. What?
And I don't even have a uterus.
I mean, I have it. It's in a jar.
It's actually in the room
that you're staying in.
This is great, actually, because
we actually totally forgot
to pack our uterus.
Hey, all right! I like your shirt.
Here.
No, man, I can't do that.
We share everything here.
Wow.
Who are these people?
I have no idea.
I'm just going with it.
God afton.
One! Two! Three!
Give it a nice push!
Oh, you guys.
Incredible night. Truly.
Do you take credit cards?
No, no, we all decided that
you paid us last night
with your friendship and honesty
and your stories.
I mean... That's so kind.
Do we get change back for that?
If we didn't need the money
so badly, we would insist.
Just remember, money buys nothing.
Nothing important, right?
No, no. Money literally
buys nothing.
I think you mean metaphorically.
No, literally. Nothing.
Literally, money buys most things.
No, nothing. Are you saying that...
I'm saying that literally, it...
No, but I'm saying, literally,
money buys nothing.
It buys nothing. You're right.
Money pays for nothing.
That's right.
But not literally. Honey.
And I don't want to hear that this
one slipped back into the world of
two-way pagers and VCRs and
The Arsenio Hall Show.
You can't express your feelings
by sending a letter through
a fax machine.
Oh, God.
I'm having a feeling.
Hey, man.
And the feeling is that
you guys should stay.
We can't.
Wow. That is so sweet.
You never hear that at Embassy
Suites, do you?
No, you don't.
Anyway, you don't have
to answer now.
Just suck on it for a while.
Yeah.
We'll mull it over.
Suck on it.
Wait!
I made this for you guys.
So you'll always remember Elysium.
Wow! What is it?
It's some sticks glued
to orange peels.
Bye!
L, George!
You the man! You the man!
Bye! We love you!
We love you!
Bye, guys!
Hi!
George and Linda! Oh, my gosh!
What happened? We were so
worried sick about you!
What happened?
What do you mean? We just
spoke an hour ago.
Oh, that was you.
I was too embarrassed
to say, "Who is it?"
There he is, my moron homeless brother!
Where's your cardboard box?
Get over here, I'm going to
fill up your soup bowl.
Come on, you lose your sense of humor
when you lost your apartment?
"But I want to stay in my apartment
"even though I can't
pay my mortgage. "
"I'm all upset. "
Linda, look at you, your
body is redonkulous.
Have you been working out? My God!
Rick, I think you're making
everybody uncomfortable.
Oh, everybody knows what I mean.
Hey, Tanner, come out here and say
hello to your aunt and uncle.
Hi, Uncle George and Linda.
Hey, Tanner! Wow, you're so big!
So I'm not five years old anymore.
It's such a freaking shocker.
Funny. Yeah.
What a shithead.
What's that over there? Is
that a margarita machine?
Oh, yes, this is my new very best
friend in the whole wide world.
I have a little bit of
a SkyMall problem.
Do you want one? I can
make you one. Please.
We normally have a 4:30 ritual
and I always say,
"Why have 5:00 when you
could have 4:30?"
Do you ever read SkyMall?
Yeah, when I'm on a plane.
Yeah. It's good reading.
Little more. Okay.
Keep going. Okay.
I thought you rented construction
equipment.
I do. Porta-Pottys.
What do you think, construction
workers hold it in all day?
Here's a little business model for
you, Mr. New York Fancy Pants.
They shit, I rake it in.
What, are you grossed out by money?
So, this is the new den,
and this is where I sit and
watch TV all day long.
Just wasting my life away.
Thank God for Wellbutrin, right?
I'm alone most of the time.
Rick work a lot?
Well, he entertains clients at
night or has affairs or...
I'm kidding, of course. Are you?
I have a dildo in here.
Feel free to use it and know
that it's clean because
I put it through the dishwasher
like Whoopi say to do.
Can we top these off?
Do you like hamburgers?
Rick's going to grill some
hamburgers this weekend.
I have mixed feelings
about being a parent.
Here you go, shithead.
Simple data entry.
Do they still use computers
in New York City?
Yeah. You want me to
enter this data?
Are you questioning me?
Don't question me.
Here, you're not my brother, you're
not my buddy, you're my employee.
Got it? Are you serious?
Am I serious? You're fired.
You're rehired, okay? Consider that
a warning shot. Get to work.
Paco, watch this guy, all right?
Do me a favor. Keep
your eye on Paco,
because I don't trust
these people, okay?
You're drinking already?
It's a mimosa. It's
a breakfast drink.
You know, it's kind of funny.
Because when we were kids, George
used to mooch off me.
And now that we're all grown up,
the mooching has begun again.
You win, Rick.
You got a big house, you're a big
success. You're the winner.
Come on. You know I'm being
a dick to be a dick.
I'm just being a dick to be a
dick. Family's family, right?
My little brother needs
a job, I hook him up.
I'm looking for something
on my own, actually.
In this economy? You think you're
going to find something?
Here comes the lecture.
"Here comes... "
"Here comes the... "
All right, then I'll shut up.
I'll shut up. You know
what? I'll shut up.
Because I don't want
to lecture you.
In my own house!
God damn it!
Okay, you know what?
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I "apologize," okay?
But can I give you one
piece of advice?
You're doing it wrong.
Rick, come on. Can I get
a word in edgewise here?
You come to my house,
crawling for help.
What do I do? I open
my door to you!
Can I please have some
more mimosa juice?
Marisa, please, mimosa juice.
You know, you don't have a goddamn
clue how to live life!
I gave you a gift, and you
think you can do better?
Who else do you know who
owns their own company?
So what if it's the
doo-doo business?
You want this? This
is how you get it!
Forget what you think
and do what I say!
I pull down six figures, George.
You should listen to me!
But you just talk, talk,
talk, talk...
Who knows how many days any
of us have on this Earth?
I want to fill mine with laughter,
happiness and love.
Let's get the fuck out of here.
Linda, take off your
robe. We're leaving.
No, upstairs, with your other
clothes. I'm sorry.
Come on. Okay.
Are you guys going to
be back for dinner?
With open arms and open hearts
we welcome George and Linda
as resident members
of the Elysium community.
Welcome home.
All right!
This is it.
What? Wait a minute.
What happened to that fancy
room with the fireplace
that we were in the last time?
That room is for paying guests,
you silly billy.
I love it. I think it's great. What
more do we need, you know?
We got a bed. It looks
nice and broken in.
We've got a shelf, got a door...
...way.
Got a doorway.
Doors close us off
from one another.
We like to keep a nice,
open flow in the house.
Yeah, I don't need a door.
Do you need a door?
Nah.
I'm glad we don't have a door.
Doors are bullshit.
That's right.
Honey, I can't do this. I can't.
I like doors. I love them, in fact.
We're going to stay here. This
is the best place for us.
He's absolutely right, Linda.
Seth, you're back!
I never left.
I was just relaxing outside
the door, here.
But I think you two should
talk privately.
All right.
Oh, my God. Is this the stupidest,
most crazy decision
we have ever made?
Honey, come on. We're just
running away from life.
Linda, the concept of an intentional
community like Elysium
is far more involved
and far more evolved
than any of these plastic,
shrink-wrapped
summations you're coming out with.
He's right. Thank you, Seth.
Thank you.
Is he gone? Let me see.
I'm not gone yet. But I'm
going to leave now.
George, convince me that
this is the right thing.
Didn't you feel more alive
that first night than you
had in a long time?
Yes, I did. Honey, it was amazing.
So why shouldn't we feel
that every day?
I think it's such a obvious choice.
There's no one way
to live our lives.
I think it's really
cool if we do that.
I get what you mean.
It's not like we're signing a lease.
If we don't like it, we leave.
But let's stay a month,
and at the end
we can decide if we're in
it for the long haul.
Two weeks.
Two weeks.
Hey, George.
I need a wine critic,
I got a new batch.
Why not? I'm not driving.
It's got to be better
than this, anyway.
To you. Welcome to the clan.
Thank you.
Welcome.
Mmm.
That's Italian.
These grapes were grown
here in Georgia,
so the proper word would
be "delicious. "
I'm going to let that go.
Let what go? You know what?
I'm going to show you the
method to my madness.
Okay.
But first, I have to put on the
old dangle bag, just in case.
Just in case of what?
You know, pubes.
You're certainly the first nudist
winemaker I've ever met.
There's a lot of us.
Yeah, we meet from time to time.
But my real passion is writing.
Yeah? I'm writing a
novel right now.
Hi. Hi, honey!
What's that?
We're choking the birds
on our smoke.
Detergents in the ocean.
Seth, are you okay?
Yeah! Never been better, my man.
I just like to begin my day with
a little primal gesticulating.
We were convinced that someone
was getting axe-murdered.
The only thing getting axe-murdered
are my anxieties, tensions
and fears.
Speaking figuratively, of course.
I'm against violence of any kind.
Come on, gesticulate with me.
I'll give it a shot.
So, what you do is just basically
shout out whatever you don't like!
Shout it out!
Why is there war?
Mushrooms!
Sure. Mushrooms!
It's a textural thing for me.
Pomegranates.
The Dallas Cowboys!
Hummers!
The car, not an actual...
Pick something a little
more global.
Ketchup! I don't like that.
No, ketchup's okay.
All right! Traffic!
Really try and come up with some
stuff that's self-reflective.
Wheatgrass! Wheatgrass?
It tastes like grass!
I know!
War! War!
He's doing great. War!
Great job! And other card games!
Thanks.
Linda, do you want to top that?
No. All right.
I won't right now.
You're sure? Yeah.
We're going to get you in here.
Time is our friend.
Oh, my God! This place
is incredible!
Do you live here?
No. I live wherever I am.
But this is where I
take my slumber.
So, what do you do when it rains?
I drink the nourishment that Gaia
is feeding me through
her cloud teats.
You guys are getting
the hang of it.
Get some callus on those
hands of yours.
Oh, yeah!
Hey, man.
Look at this. We've got an
axe man in Brother G.
You guys like Spin Doctors?
Yeah!
Go Seth!
Oh, my God.
Coming your way in
a second, George.
Take it!
Come on, take a solo!
Rip it out, man. Let it out.
Let it out from your heart,
not from your fingers.
Wait, wait.
I don't like it. I don't like it.
It's a simple story. Princes.
Like this, ready? Watch.
Just nice and simple.
You.
It's like he has sausage fingers.
I feel stupid.
Honey, that was great.
You just go, man.
Are you sure? Yeah.
Please! Erase this.
But what am I going to sing?
Give me something to sing about.
Linda.
Wind?
"The Wind" by Linda.
You're really good. Okay.
The ways of the wind
Won't free you from sin, woman
See your sweet breasts heavin'
Feel my blue jeans screamin'
Yes, sir.
I'm gonna love you like an animal
Eat you alive, woman
Seeds
and
all
That was pure magic.
Who wrote that?
You did.
I did not.
That's like saying, "Did
you make that coffee?"
No, I didn't make that coffee.
I'm just the coffee pot.
You're the beans.
This is awesome.
Isn't that cool? Yeah.
No fucking doors.
I can help you with
the constipation.
A little senna root from the garden
ground up with some cannabis.
I'm all right, thanks.
Yeah, I just sat down.
I don't know what to
give you for that.
I'm really all right. I
don't need anything.
I like that. It's like, "If it
ain't broke, don't fix it. "
That's the bottom line, right?
That's the bottom line. All right,
I like that. I like that.
So, I need your car keys.
What?
We share everything here,
George. Truck's in town.
Yeah, sure. Most of our
stuff is still in it.
But, here you go. My
car is your car.
Right on. Right on.
So, I'm light on your biography.
Where are you from?
Could we talk about this later?
I like that. Kathy said
you were really funny.
My ears are ringing.
Hope I'm not interrupting boy time.
Actually, more like, "me time. "
Seth called a truth circle.
You newbies are going to love it!
Let's go.
I'll wait for you.
Now then,
what would you say
a truth circle is?
A circle of people that
tell the truth?
Exactly right. Good, Linda.
Context clues. Do you
see how she did that?
Here, George.
What is this?
It's ayahuasca tea.
Oh.
I think I'll pass.
We feel that sharing the tea is an
extension of sharing our truths.
It smells like Willie
Nelson's braids.
You interrupted me, George.
Well, hey, was I Iying?
Not yet.
Linda, would you like to start?
Okay. Um...
You're Iying.
I didn't say anything yet.
You didn't have to.
I'm wondering, maybe I
shouldn't go first.
I think maybe somebody
else should...
I'll go.
Truth, I'm worried that
my changing body
may make me less desirable
to my partner.
Less desirable?
I find you sexier than ever. As
we used to say in Charleston,
"When the belly starts to show,
"that's when the titties
start to grow. "
And everybody knows I love titties.
Everybody knows I love titties!
Stunning truth.
Linda, do you want to try again?
Something true this time?
Okay.
I can't believe you're
going to sit here
and puke your lies all over us.
What?
If I wanted my face
covered in lies,
I would still be in porn. Right?
Obviously, we've never done this
before and it's a little...
It's probably just hard for you
because you're so full of shit.
Linda, don't let George disrespect
your process.
What?
Just think of George
as a crying baby.
A crying, broken little baby.
Wow, thanks a lot, Seth.
I appreciate that.
Do you really appreciate it, or are
you just Iying directly to my face?
I'm being sarcastic.
Look who's decided to be truthful.
He actually uses sarcasm
when he gets into uncomfortable
confrontations.
Yeah, right, like I do that.
And you hate it.
I don't love it.
Or maybe you hate it.
It gets old. It does get a
little... Yes, I hate it.
You hate it when I make jokes?
I can tell when you don't really care
and you're just humoring me.
And how does that make
you feel, Linda?
Like crap. Like my problems
don't matter.
What are you talking about? Your
problems are my problems.
Minus the eczema. That
would be your problem.
See? I hate that. And I
don't feel supported.
What? I don't feel...
Did you just say, "I don't
feel like I support... "?
Yes, I did. You want the truth?
I work like crazy so you
can make a documentary
about penguins with
testicular cancer!
The point is, you jump...
- Here's the point.
Linda, he's getting to the
point. Let me get...
This is when the breakthroughs
happen.
Would you please let
me get to the point?
Don't get angry at me!
Get angry at her.
I work... "Linda. " Start
with "Linda. "
Linda... Don't edit yourself.
I'm not. "Linda. "
I work... Have at her, George.
Hit her! What?
Not with your hands. With
words, with your truth.
I'll hit you with truths.
Do you want to know what
it's like to work
as hard as I do and get
no appreciation?
Just so you can do whatever flight
of fancy you have this year
whether it's pottery, or photography,
or it's "the Occasional Cafe. "
What the fuck is "the
Occasional Cafe"?
That was an occasional cafe!
Pick one thing and just
stick with it!
Do you know how hard it is
to be married to somebody
who is still trying to figure
out their major?
I'm sorry that I haven't
figured out
what it is that I love
to do yet, George.
But at least I'm not sitting in
a fucking office like you did
miserable, hating your job,
and complaining about it.
That job that I sat at and
complained about every day
paid for the apartment
you wanted so much.
We don't even have it anymore.
Linda, is there anything else
you want to say to George?
Any other ways he's completely
failed you?
Do you want the truth?
George is right.
He's totally right.
I've never committed to anything
in my entire life.
No, it's not...
It's true.
Linda,
I think you just met Linda.
You're an amazing woman.
Thank you. Thank you so much.
I have one more question.
Ask anything, my sweet
soul warrior.
Why is that grass crying?
It's really loud.
I have a feeling that
it's my fault.
Because I think I made it cry.
Don't take it personally.
What the fuck are you
talking about?
It's the ayahuasca.
What the fuck is going on?
Ayahuasca has hallucinogenic
properties.
It's like a stronger peyote.
Mine just kicked in.
Oh, my God. Are you okay?
Yeah, no, I don't think
it's affecting me.
I think mine's starting
to kick in, too.
I can see George's spirit animal.
What? What?
What did you say? What did you say?
You see my spirit animal?
You see my spirit animal?
What is it?
- What?
Huh? Huh?
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Hey, guys, I just lost my keys.
I had them right in this pocket.
She's going to have so much fun.
There's a snake in the mirror.
The word that's coming out of my mouth
looks like a tiny pink mouse.
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah!
Whoa! Holy shit!
Sweetheart, listen to
me. Listen to me.
You are tripping your balls off.
I can fly! I believe
I can fly, George!
Metaphorically, I believe you can
fly. Literally, you can't fly!
I believe I can fly!
If you're going to get literal
with an R. Kelly song
do Trapped in the Closet.
You can't break your neck if
you're trapped in a closet.
You just watch me. No, no, no.
Watch me, George. No, no, no!
I believe I can fly! No! No! No!
See? You can fly. I
always believed it.
Oh, my God.
Hmm.
Morning.
Oh, God.
That was a little crazy.
That was great.
You probably don't remember, but you
said some crazy stuff last night.
I remember every word of it.
Oh, God, I really just feel great.
Why is the doorway crying?
I'm just kidding.
Downtown Atlanta. Uh-huh. Okay.
Corner of Peachtree
and Third Street.
Terrific. I can probably get there
around noon if I leave now.
You're qualified?
Yeah, I'm more than qualified
for the job.
Noon at the latest.
I look forward to it. Thank you.
Wayne! Hey.
Wow, that's quite a
big pile of pages.
I get it, George.
You're interested. I'm flattered.
When the time comes, I'll let you
know. I'll share it with you.
I got a protagonist issue
I'm still working out.
All right. I have a lot of thoughts
that I wanted to get
down here, and...
That sounds great. I gotta
go into town for a second.
How are you going to do that?
Rodney didn't tell
you what happened.
What happened?
I don't understand.
I know. I know, right? It's
crazy. It's crazy.
What exactly happened, all
right? Take me through.
Okay. Well, it was like,
"I'm going on the road. "
Cut to, in the pond.
No, don't "cut to" the pond.
What... Don't cut.
I mean, can you believe that?
Can you believe it?
No, I can't believe it.
Which is why I want you to tell
me, how did that happen?
I'll tell you what.
Hindsight being 20/20,
I probably wouldn't have
done it the same way.
What did you need our
car for anyway?
It doesn't matter anymore.
Hey, George.
Hey, Eva, I didn't see you there.
You look sad. Well...
Everything that's been happening
in your life recently,
the fact that you're walking on
two feet at all, it's amazing.
Seriously, George.
I've been walking on two feet
for most of my adult life.
Oh, George.
I like you.
I like you, too, Eva.
We should make love sometime.
George? Yeah.
I heard you. Yeah.
You don't know about
our philosophy.
Here at Elysium we
believe that open
sexual boundaries lead
to a deeper honesty.
How would you and Linda
feel about that?
Anyway, think about being
inside me. Talk to Linda.
Here you go, sir. Have a great
day. Thank you very much.
And you enjoy that apple.
Honey!
I just sold my first apple. I picked
it, I bagged it and I sold it.
Terrific. Our car is at
the bottom of a lake.
So, George, I hear Eva asked
to intercourse with you.
What?
Yeah.
Thanks, Seth.
That was what I was
going to tell you.
Apparently, at Elysium, they
practice free love.
And Eva suggested that we try it.
What did you tell her?
No. I said no.
I mean, we didn't finish
the conversation,
but I was about to, and
I will and did say no.
This is just biology.
Homo sapiens weren't meant to
be monogamous creatures.
I don't know, that just sounds
to me like an excuse
for everybody just to get
into bed together.
If you want to pick a fight with
your body's sexual chi,
it's just going to
drive it inwards.
And that invites disease and death.
Man, I'm not a fan of death.
People treat sex like it's this huge
deal with crazy life consequences.
Right.
What are you doing here?
I don't understand. What are you
doing here on our property?
That sounds like the lion's cry.
This is our property!
Of course we have the
goddamn deed to it.
Then prove it. Where is the deed?
If you think I can remember where
I put a piece of paper in 1971...
If you wanna make a
stink out of this,
you can do that, but you're
going to lose.
Or, we resolve this very quickly
and we all come away
with something.
It's okay, George. I got this.
I wasn't going to do anything.
Our people have a spiritual
right to this land!
We have deep roots here.
I don't think the lion could have
roared any clearer, my friend.
No dice.
There's thousands more where that
came from. I actually...
Can I have one of those?
Yes, please, that's for you.
And keep that, sir.
Oh, really? Smile.
I can do that, too.
Deal with me.
How do you like that? Here,
Brett, why don't you?
See? How do you like that?
Really? Do you want it?
I'll take another.
Yeah, sure. Here you go.
Thanks very much.
Please, please. It's my pleasure.
Three can play at that game.
There's a Kinko's 13
miles down the road.
Go get copies.
I will get more cards.
I will be back.
Come back and buy a zucchini.
And we will build that casino.
Carvin, do you have any
idea where the deed is?
No, I'll find it, because
I use the think method.
I just think of, "Where wouldn't
"I expect it to be?"
and I go there.
And so far, it's not there.
Don't worry, we can fight this.
Oh, my God!
What's the matter? What happened?
George just killed a
defenseless animal.
What? No, I just swatted a fly.
For Christ's sake! Here we go.
And now it's dead. What if it
had young living somewhere?
Young? Like, maggots?
Are you serious?
This man has a fetish for
violence. No, I don't.
He has a fetish for violence!
We're talking about a fly.
And where does it end?
When you kill a fly,
you kill a bird.
You kill a bird, you kill a dog...
You kill a dog, you kill a soldier.
I'm sorry. I didn't know
I was killing soldiers.
I support the troops.
I cannot even look
at you right now.
I'm sorry, I'm trying to
learn all the rules.
There are no rules here, George.
Except "no swatting flies. "
That's not a rule.
It's just a way of thinking
about stuff.
You did something wrong
and you're a little embarrassed
about it. It's okay.
I did something wrong?
Forgiveness is always allowed.
I've seen you throw a
battery at a pigeon.
I didn't kill it. Why
are you doing that?
It was a long time ago.
A long time ago.
And it was right on our
window, it was all...
That's not the point.
I've said for years we should
have a bug zapper here.
Jerry Beaver, Stephanie,
Ronny, Danielle...
Here we go. Thank you, acid.
Tony, Janie, and Janice Woo.
You know, it's amazing,
I can remember
Janice Woo with perfect clarity.
I just can't remember
where the deed is.
You know why? Because I
didn't fuck the deed.
That's right.
Hey, it's Sherm. I'm out as
usual. Leave a message.
Hey, Sherm, it's George, from work.
How are you doing, man?
Look, I was wondering
if you've heard
of any job opportunities
back in the city.
Linda and I have been out
of town for a while
and we're kind of itching
to get back.
Call me if you get the message.
Hey.
Hi.
Oh, wow.
She really is blossoming,
isn't she?
Yeah, look at her go.
Marking her turf.
So free.
I'm just sad that she didn't respond
to the free love idea.
I know. I know.
I respect your and Linda's
relationship so much.
But if you ever change your mind...
You'll be the first to know.
I promise I wouldn't disappoint.
Yeah, that's great.
I mean, I can lick your balls
while I give you a blowjob.
No way! Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I'm getting a little wet
just talking about it.
Me, too.
People, they are breaking ground
on the casino today!
We got to protest!
The people will be heard!
Where's my bullhorn?
I need the bullhorn!
Where once stood an insignificant
fruit stand
will now grow the much sweeter
fruit of prosperity.
So here's to good jobs,
economic growth
and tax revenue for years to come.
I'm the fucking founder, for Christ's
sake, suburban mall-dweller!
No, no, no. You're all
on private property.
Yeah, it's our property.
Private property this.
Almond, no, no! Anger is
not the cure for this.
Come on, we have to do something.
I know! It's like...
Brother, if we could just talk,
heart to heart, for one moment.
Greed-mongering shithead!
We're going to expose
you and your greed!
You're all free to stand on
that side of the barrier.
Hey, news gal!
Where the hell are you going?
We got what we need.
Don't your viewers care about
a corporation making backroom
deals with politicians
so they can screw over another
local business?
Not for a 30-second segment
at the end of Atlanta P. M.
It's impossible to reason
with these people.
They won't listen to the truth!
Your bulldozer's a bully-dozer!
We have to do something
right now. This is it.
Hey, lady, do you want
to see something?
Do you want a really
good news story?
Take this!
We've got boobs out! And
they're good ones!
If you want to move any further,
you're going to have
to run me over!
Holy shit!
County officials got more
than they gambled for
at a casino groundbreaking
ceremony earlier today
when an angry, shirtless lady treated
attendees to quite the show.
They lied to us!
No more lies!
One by one, the topless woman's
enraged colleagues
threw off their shirts and
joined her in protest.
Baba Booey! Howard Stern!
Wonderful.
It's an interesting story pitting
a ragged band of locals
against a land deal worth upwards
of 10 million dollars.
But just now the County
Commissioner has
stated that no construction
will go forward
until a full review of community
impact. Michael?
Great report. Thank you, Deena.
Hey, Deena, maybe if they
ever build this casino
these hippies can win the jackpot
and buy themselves some shirts.
It's certainly possible.
Deena, could you let
us know if you're
ever planning on protesting
a casino?
They're building a casino at
my place later tonight.
Okay, nailed it. There's more.
Deena, I don't think any
of us would protest
if you unexpectedly took
off your shirt.
Deena, I do have a
new weather report
which is hot, sweaty and
I have an erection.
This is historic.
The revolution has begun.
All because this courageous
woman saw an unjust world
and waved her boobies at it.
Let's celebrate!
I didn't even know we
had a television.
Let's open some chutney!
The tomato chutney!
The tomato chutney!
No. No!
Where's George?
Are you okay?
I'm doing great!
I felt something today when we were
standing up there and just...
I know.
Screaming it out and seeing
you with your shirt off...
That's an amazing experience
for me.
I just only hope that
George gets it.
You are a natural leader.
Oh, God, get out of here.
I feel like a schoolgirl.
Go on, tonight's your night.
Enjoy it, celebrate it.
Hi!
God! I still cannot believe
that I did that!
You're a hero.
You're like a topless Norma Rae.
I feel amazing!
It's great to see you so happy.
I know, I am!
I really am.
So... Yeah.
It's been two weeks.
I want to stay.
Okay, but before you answer...
I already answered.
There's a possibility that I
have a job back in New York.
We can go home. We can go home!
But I really...
I really feel like
this is our home.
For the first time in my life,
I feel like I have a purpose.
I've heard you say that before so many
times with so many other things.
No, it's different this
time. I feel it.
So you can live the rest of your
life without bathroom doors?
Yes.
You could be a vegan?
I am a vegan. I love it.
For two weeks you've been doing it.
They say three weeks and then
it's out of your system.
Open relationships?
No sexual boundaries. That's
part of the deal here, too.
Can you do that?
Exactly.
So, please, let's just go... Okay.
Okay? Yeah?
No, okay. Free love.
As long as there's trust, and
communication, and respect,
we can all enjoy each
other intimately.
What? I love all of these
people, George.
I love how I feel about myself
when I'm here. I just...
George, I want to stay.
Okay.
Really?
Let's do it.
Oh, God.
I'm so proud of us right now.
What did you say? "Now
I'm gonna stay"?
You're funny. I'm going
to go tell everybody.
We're staying! We're staying!
George,
Linda just told me the good news.
I'm so excited to hear
of your decision.
Yeah, it's great! I know.
Eva's really something, isn't she?
Yes, absolutely. The best.
I just made love to your
wife in the other room.
Great.
Thank you.
Honey, we said we were
going to do it.
No, I said we would do
free love in theory.
I didn't say let's do it tonight!
George! Oh, my God!
This is awful. This is
such a nightmare!
You have to do it tonight.
I don't know if I can
do it tonight!
You have to!
You can't just make me be
the only one who did it!
This was your idea!
Oh, my God, I can't
believe you did it!
You just have to please go do this
tonight, otherwise we're doomed!
I don't know... For us!
I can try.
No, there's no "try. "
There is only "do. "
What, are you Yoda? George!
I'm okay. I can do this.
Are you sure?
Yeah, this is good. Tonight's
the night.
This is it. This is
what it's about.
Yeah! No shackles. We're
doing this as a team.
You got to do this.
Oh, God!
This was your idea, George.
It's a good idea, right?
It's a good idea.
Monogamy is sexual slavery.
She got an exquisite pussy, well, how
about my exquisite erection? Huh?
Eva, what do you think, do you
like my exquisite erection?
Do you like my erection selection?
What do you think, Eva? Yeah?
Are you going to take it? Are
you going to take that dick?
Are you going to take that dick?
I'm going to pop off
a piece of my dick.
Oh, yeah, I'm fixing to fuck you.
I'm going to fuck you.
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
I'm going to get it
all up in your vag.
Get it up in your vag with my dick.
With my dick.
I'm going to put it
in with my dick.
I'm going to put my dick in.
What's up, man? Are you all right?
What's up?
So, how we doing, George?
Hi, Wayne. Great. Never better.
It's funny because I
didn't want to get
into this before because
we had just met,
but, as you know, I'm writing
a new novel right now.
Really?
It's a political parable about the
flaws of capitalistic society.
I could tell you the story, but
it would probably bore you.
Maybe later. I'll just
give you a taste.
Basically, it's about this
one guy named John Belson.
And John is just this guy,
an average Joe...
I can actually even maybe
name him "Joe Belson. "
You could. And the big thing is...
Tell me if I'm boring you.
No, finish your sentence.
The big thing is, at a
certain point I reveal
that this is all happening
in Washington, D.C.
Wow. Yeah.
Belson's a creature of the Beltway.
Yeah. I'll tell you this...
Eva...
I'll read you this one part, unless
you're not interested.
Hey. There you are.
Hi.
I am ready to have sex.
Great. Come here.
Awesome!
But I can't believe this
is actually happening.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
God, George...
Your heart is racing. I know.
I've wanted to do this
since we first...
Yeah. Since we first...
And now it's okay. Yeah.
Now it's not like before.
Now I can actually...
Breathe, George, breathe.
Feel it in your diaphragm,
just breathe it in.
You're going to feel it in
your diaphragm with my...
You're going to feel
it with my dick.
Okay.
Do you need to take
a minute, George?
No, I'm good. I'm good.
I'm going to do this.
This is going to happen.
Yeah.
I'm going to throw down.
I'm going to throw down onto you
with my testicles.
Okay.
I'm going to get on it.
I'm going to get on it
and I'm going to get in it and
down it and through it.
It's going to be magically
delicious.
You're going to be my lucky charm.
Okay, just don't talk,
let's just...
I'm going to get a big old
brimming bowlful of fuck
on your boobs.
George, let's just...
I'm going to lick your titties.
I'm going to lick your...
What? Can I lick it?
I'm going to slap you on the eye
with my cock.
I'm going to flick you in
the nuts with my balls.
I'm going to put my...
Put it on your neck.
I really don't...
That's... I'm going to pump
you with my gonads.
No.
That's a spicy meatball...
George, you know...
...in your spicy hole.
George, you're creeping me out.
I'm sorry. When I get nervous, I
sometimes just talk, and that's...
I'm sorry, let's...
Okay. George...
I really think you should
go take a minute.
No, I'm fine, I'm fine. I
don't think this is...
Just don't even worry about it.
Maybe we should do this
some other time.
Let's not. No, just
the head of it in.
It wouldn't even have to stay.
I'd just go, like, beep-boop.
Then technically, we did it.
Just a quick little...
You wouldn't even know.
No. No.
This is very important, all right?
We have to do this for Linda.
I'm sorry, George. I'm
just not into it.
I am.
Great.
Let's switch out. Okay?
I'm about to put my vag
all up on your dick.
Excuse me.
Hey, George.
Oh. Sorry.
Are you meditating or something?
No, not at all. Come join me.
You didn't feel like going on
the moon hike with everyone?
No, I'm taking a breather
from all that tonight.
Maybe it's divinely inspired
that you and I are here right now.
That's nice.
I can see that you
have a kind soul.
Are we...
Is this...
It's like Tantric or something.
I'm having my baby, George.
What? Fuck. No, you're not.
Yes, I am, George.
No, no, no. Stop doing that.
There's nothing to stop, George.
My baby is on its journey.
Oh, my God! All right.
I'll call the hospital.
No, no need.
I'm going to do this myself.
No! No, that's a bad idea.
It is the best idea the universe
has ever come up with.
This is the most natural thing
that can happen to a person.
I'm going to get Rodney.
No. He'll be here soon enough.
Look at the full moon right now.
It's luminous.
Oh, God!
Okay.
I'm opening like a lotus flower.
I'm passing out.
Are you okay? I'm passing out.
Okay.
Rough couple of weeks, huh?
No hard feelings about the
whole fly-swatting thing.
I would have done the same thing
if the tables were turned.
By the way, I just
fucked your wife.
Hey, Eva and I are downstairs
flipping flapjacks.
You may want to get down there.
Thanks, Wayne. How about getting
your dick out of my face?
Is this coffee?
No, it's better than coffee.
It's kutcha root.
It tastes like cow shit.
George! It's so good to have
a joker in the house.
It's real sugar? It's not
bark or sand or anything?
There he is!
Look at him!
Oh, my God! So cute.
There he is.
What is that?
That's the placenta.
We keep the cord and placenta attached
until it falls away naturally.
And we're going to use
it to make some soup.
Okay, you know what?
That's ridiculous.
I can't do it. I can't
do this anymore.
Hey, whoa, whoa.
You need to simmer down and breathe,
brother. Take a load off.
No, why don't you simmer down? Why
don't you breathe, brother?
Whoa, George...
No! This is crazy!
I'm drinking dirt for breakfast.
There's no privacy anywhere.
Rodney, you owe me a car!
And, Almond, cut and
discard that shit
off of your infant immediately!
It's gross!
And, Karen, I hate to break it to
you, but flies don't feel pain.
Billions of them are
killed every day,
so blow me!
Fine! When?
And, Seth, where do I start?
George!
Linda! Are you still here?
Did your 10 a. m. fuck
session get canceled?
Linda...
Ooh.
You wanted this.
You wanted to come back
here, we moved.
You wanted to dive headfirst into
everything that Elysium represented,
we did that.
You wanted to be free sexually,
I said "fine. "
So last night I do something that
I never ever expected
that I could do,
only because you encouraged it.
So how could you possibly
be mad at me
when all I did was
follow your lead?
Because it was a stupid idea!
I'm an idiot! Why would
you listen to me?
My God, we've known these
people for two weeks!
But I'm not the same person
I was two weeks ago.
You said to me, "Why can't
we be happy every day?"
I lied, okay?
I panicked, all right?
We were broke.
This place had food and shelter,
and it was way better than Rick's.
I'm admitting it. I thought
we could have fun here
but then you drank the Kool-Aid
and I can't stand it.
I want to support you, I do.
But I can't if it means
living here.
That might be a problem.
George, can I just read
a passage from my book?
I think it's relevant.
Wayne, no.
"John Belson sat in his car at
a stoplight at a crossroads. "
Wayne, your novel sucks. It sucks.
It isn't interesting, it isn't
entertaining, it isn't anything.
Come here. What's wrong with you?
I can't do this. I can't do it.
I can't have 15 people involved
every time we have an argument.
I miss meat, I miss
air-conditioning,
I miss going to the bathroom
and being able to shut a
door like most people.
I'm not the weird one.
I'm in the majority.
I'm leaving.
I'm staying.
Looks like it's time for
you to move on, brother.
This is mine!
It's okay.
Yo. Sherm, it's George.
Hey. I'm coming back.
Is that job still available?
Dude, there's no job.
I was just having some
fun with you.
I told you that there was a job
available that wasn't available.
I thought that would be funny.
Turn right onto State Route 320
and go 13 miles.
Lion, you here?
If I was an old man's deed,
where would I be?
Where is it?
What?
Jackpot.
Wrapped in Reynolds.
I should have known.
Stop.
Did you come alone?
Yes. Did you bring it?
When you told me you found the deed,
I was sure we were done for.
What changed your mind?
It's not my mind that's
changed, it's my heart.
I've met my soulmate.
I'm going to take her
away from here
and start a new Elysium in Miami.
Here.
It is not without some
hesitation that
I render my brothers and
sisters homeless.
And here is the amount
we agreed upon.
Okay.
Oceanfront property in
South Beach, Miami...
Never a bad investment.
Even in a recession.
I don't understand any of
your legal mumbo-jumbo
but I'm sure it's nothing
$11,000 can't fix.
Goodbye, hassles, hello, casino.
Now,
the piece of resistance.
It's hot. Careful.
It might have been easier just
to burn it in the first place.
Arriving at your destination,
on left.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh! There he is!
I knew you would find a way
to fuck up being a hippie.
Hello.
Marisa. Hi.
Is George there?
Yes, he's right here.
Do you want me to...
No, no. I just wanted to make
sure that he's okay.
Don't actually tell
him I called, okay.
One more thing. Who is this?
Dear George, I took your
criticism to heart
and after some serious soul searching,
I concluded you were right.
It wasn't exciting, it
wasn't interesting,
so I spent the whole day
reworking the story.
I would love your notes. Be brutal
like you were before, okay, buddy?
Sincerely, Wayne.
Wait a minute. So...
Belson is in D.C.?
Washington, D.C.?
Yeah, that's it. He's a creature
of the Beltway.
Wow! I didn't see that coming.
That's an explosive twist.
We gotta talk about the
next phase of Elysium.
We need to take our
message out there.
We need to take Elysium
on the road.
I've just recently
put a down payment
on a small split-level
condo in Miami.
Wait a minute. We can't
leave this place.
The others will find their way.
This is insane.
I know. It is insane.
I am so glad you're
on the same page.
I thought I was the
one going crazy.
Now I feel like you're the one going
crazy, but I'm here to help you.
I am not crazy.
I'm not crazy either.
Well, I don't...
That makes two of us. Okay.
Let's just make love.
And then we'll talk.
No. I would rather not.
Yeah. I understand.
George. I remember him well.
What we will do, is we will
make love without touching.
You know what, I gotta go.
Wait, Linda...
God, Seth.
I was almost there.
I just figured out what George's
fortune cookie fortune would say.
"Confucius say when wife screw other
guy, husband must get rid of wife.
"She no good. The pork fried rice. "
What exactly did Mom do to you
that she didn't do to me?
Come on, I know it's offensive,
but you gotta admit, it's funny.
That's funny!
I'm not Chinese.
That's funny! AII I'm saying is
Linda is no good, screw her,
screw those hippie-dippies, with their
B.O. and their white dreads.
You have no idea, man.
Okay,
so you're complaining about Linda?
You're the one who wanted to
sleep with other people.
I didn't think she would
say yes! Bingo.
At least she had permission
before she cheated.
My husband has been fucking at
least one woman on the side
ever since before our wedding.
What? What is that
supposed to mean?
You have a tracking
system in your car.
You never shut up about it, stupid.
Little reality shift, Rick?
Honey, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
No! Listen to me.
I love you, and I have sex with other
women because I love you so much.
I'm getting it out of my system.
I'm trying to protect you.
Are you kidding me? What
do you want me to do?
Do you want me to tell you every
time I sleep with somebody?
And then we have to deal
with that every time?
What is wrong with you?
George, back me up on this!
What are you doing?
What's that face...
Why are you doing that?
Are you pooping?
No, I'm crying.
That's not what crying looks like.
What do you want me to do?
Can you get the fuck out of my house
and out of my life forever?
That's it. Okay, thanks. Get out!
You're taking my infidelity
and making it about you!
Do you realize how
selfish you sound?
This is exactly why
I have to cheat!
I hate you. I want a divorce.
No, honey, no.
I left my wife at a commune.
What the fuck am I thinking?
I'm auditioning for Real
Housewives of Atlanta.
Are these your car keys? Yes.
Honey, you don't...
Wait! No! No!
What are you doing with my car?
We're family. It's our car.
Get out of the goddamn car!
My baby is all I got left!
That looks good. It looks
even. Centered?
I'm going to town. I'll
see you in a bit.
Bye, Linda.
Mmm.
Terrible, I know.
Steak at a diner.
It's like getting cognac
at a gas station
or a diner.
Carvin, please don't judge
me. I needed meat.
Hey, I come here every Sunday.
You can't live off of macrobiotic
bean curd shit your whole life.
The first time I snuck
away years ago,
I had a veggie burger.
The next time, chicken salad.
And then, two pounds of bacon.
Oh, my God!
Nobody knows about this.
Your secret is safe with me.
Who cares?
I've been in Elysium four decades.
Hell, I co-founded the place with
Jerry Beaver, Stephanie Davis...
Yeah, I know. All those people.
Billy Marcus, Tony Piloski...
All of them. All those people.
My point is you gotta do
what is right for you.
Don't get me wrong. Elysium
is an amazing adventure,
but sometimes I think
I missed out on something
that was even more real.
You know, more real.
Here you are, darling.
Mmm-hmm.
Wow! That's every member
of the meat family.
That's some kind of wurst. "Wurst"?
I don't know why they call
it "wurst. " It's the best.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Surprised to see you here, brother.
Where's Linda? I need
to talk to her.
I'm diving into the Linda
pool these days.
I only tell you this because
I love you, brother.
Move or I will run you over,
because fuck you, brother.
What the fuck are you doing?
Capoeira.
Although a beautiful form
of Afro-Brazilian dance,
it's also a devastating
form of self-defense.
Let's dance, brother.
Turn around, brother!
Let go of the wheel!
She's a beautiful spirit who has
evolved away from you, George.
What are you talking about?
You're so full of shit!
Wow! They make cars with
CD players now?
Wow, it's so great to see so
much of so many of you.
I don't know what's worse,
Marty's pasty ass, or Beverly's
Malbec Pinot blend.
This is great.
Everybody run!
Let go!
George!
Holy shit! Did you see that?
No, I turned away for one second.
Did I miss something incredible?
No! Who's in the car? I don't know.
Who is that? Seth?
I told you.
That's a very easy mistake to make.
Oh, my God. George!
George, what's going on here?
Wayne, hey! I read
the latest draft.
Really?
Incredible! Yeah? Thanks!
And that last sentence.
"Get me Senator McCIusky. "
Oh, my God! How did you
even think of that?
Lightning in a bottle
type of thing.
You know D.C. will
never be the same.
That's what I love about it.
But it doesn't spell it out.
Thank you so much for
saying that, man.
Well done, really.
Seth, are you all right?
Seth, what are you doing?
Stop punching me!
I'm not punching you.
I'm slapping you!
I wish there was something
we could do to help,
but we're non-violent.
What do we do?
Stop!
What happened to non-violence?
Violence is justified when it
serves the greater good.
That's very convenient.
This is not working! No shit!
What the hell are you doing?
Get off of him.
I came back to tell you I love
you more than anything.
Oh, honey.
Jesus! Can a person go
a day in this place
without getting a dick in the face?
I've heard that. Every day.
That's what I'm talking about.
Come on, George!
Get him!
You've progressed far
beyond George, Linda.
You're selfless, you're
pure, you're vegan.
I just had a steak at a diner.
In time, I can learn to
forgive you for that.
Let go of George!
Anything for you, my love.
You have to know that he asked
me to run away with him
and he said that you would
all just find your way.
God damn it!
Linda! I would never do that to my
brothers and sisters, please.
He's Iying! Seth burned the deed
to the commune. I saw him!
He burned it? The deed
to the commune?
Motherfucker!
Seth, is that true? You
burned the deed?
You burned the deed?
Look, if everyone's going to get
all lawyeristic on me, yeah.
Yeah, I did. I sold and
I burned the deed.
Rat bastard turncoat.
But I did it for love.
I did it for Linda.
Anyone would have done the
same thing for $11,000.
I love you.
But I love me more.
And for you guys to turn
this around on me,
well, frankly, it's selfish.
And fuck you, Grisham.
Ow! God, my wrist!
I don't think I did that right.
My wrist is killing.
Honey, you're a lover,
not a fighter.
I'm an idiot.
I love you so much. I'm sorry.
I know. I'm so sorry,
too. I went too far.
I drank the Kool-Aid.
And then when I was done
with the Kool-Aid,
I made more Kool-Aid and
then I drank that too
and it just filled with Kool-Aid.
I love you and I will support
you in whatever you choose.
Forever.
I don't care where we live.
You're where I want to be.
And you're where I want to be.
Yes! Oh, yes!
That's what I'm talking
about, George!
And we're back.
Later in the show,
we're going to be
learning all about how
these text messages
are actually making our
children stupider,
and the statistics are terrifying.
I've seen them and they are.
But first, do you remember
about a year ago,
when a bunch of hippie types
up in the mountains put on
their birthday suits?
They were protesting a casino?
I would remember it better if they
took those birthday suits off.
I don't know what that means.
Our own Deena Schuster
is back with an update
about these Bohemians in the buff.
Hi, Deena. Hi, guys!
It looks like one of
those naked ninjas
was cooking up more than
just a skin feast.
I'm talking about Wayne Davidson,
the best-selling author
of the breakout
political thriller,
Belson's Lament.
As well as the eagerly awaited
sequel, Belson Rising.
My favorite thing about
that book is
when they reveal that it's
in Washington, D.C.
What did I do?
Michael, I haven't read it yet!
First-time novelist Davidson
is a nudist, winemaker
and full-time resident of
an intentional community
in Northern Georgia called Elysium,
worlds away from the
corridors of power
he so piercingly chronicles
in his books.
There's even talk of a Belson
movie starring Ray Liotta,
who has been spending time here
with the wardrobe-less wordsmith.
Ray is an amazing actor,
he makes a great vegan chili
and he is an intense lover.
We almost lost the whole
place last year,
until an old friend
saw us on the tube.
I thought she was dead.
And yet, she wasn't dead.
Co-founder Janice Woo had a
copy of the original deed,
preserving the community's rights
to the disputed land.
And as luck would have it, none of
the founding members were dead.
Not Jerry Beaver, not
Stephanie Davis,
not Ronny Shames, not
Danielle Meltser,
not Janie Brody, not Billy Marcus,
not Glen Stover and
not Tony Piloski.
In fact, all were found to be in
above-average health. For now.
And the story of Belson's journey
to bookshelves is just as unlikely.
It was discovered by a boutique
Brooklyn, New York publishing house
run by husband and wife, George
and Linda Gergenblatt.
I actually wrote a book, too,
and it's a children's book called
I Believe I Can Fly.
And it's about a confident
little penguin who overcomes
his limitations.
Originally, we were
going to call it
The Penguin With Testicular Cancer.
Originally, but...
That wasn't going to sell.
No, no.
And now we have a growing company
where we can foster new writers.
And we have connections to a
lot of really fresh voices.
My husband's book is destined
to be a classic.
Pierre and I have been
in love since we met.
I have always had a thing
for black women.
And you wrote the whole
thing here at Elysium?
Dreams dispensed daily. Just
bring your own container.
What do I get if I win?
Okay and stop!
Oh, God!
Stop! I can't breathe...
I think we're where we want to be.
So do I.
Honey, can you shut the door?
Yes.
The door.
I love the door.
I love you.
I love you, too.
- Thank you. Background.
- Here we go.
What happens to all those
ticks that die
in those thatchy armpits of yours?
George...
They're my friends!
Ow! Shit!
Wow! You're so big!
Yeah, you look different
too, you fucking reject.
The Sioux Indians believed that
when you produce a fece...
A piece of...
A man makes a fece...
When a man makes a fece,
a piece of him goes with it.
Oh, no.
Two weeks. Two weeks.
What? What happened?
Suck on it for a while.
I'll have you check out the erection
selection at the Dick-E-Mart.
"I believe I can fly"? Well,
I believe I can fuck.
I'm grossing myself out.
I am ready for action,
because I got all my ex-husband's
toilet money.
So, bring it on, Hot-lanta.
Show me what you got!