Weather Girl (2009) Movie Script

- Da, da - Da, da!
[Slow instrumental music]
- [Sniffling]
- One minute, people.
- I still have to do touch-ups
on Sylvia.
- What are you telling me for?
Where the hell is Sylvia?
- Hi, Iowa.
How now, brown cow.
- Hey, Dale?
- Yeah, yeah.
How's it going, Josh?
- It's okay.
It's okay.
Look, Dale,
Sylvia seems to be M.I.A.
- Well,
that's not very professional.
- No, no, it's not.
- Damn unprofessional,
if you ask me.
- And I agree.
Any idea where she may be?
- Now, how would I know that,
Josh, hmm?
I'm not my weather girl's
keeper, right?
Right?
- Yeah, it's just that
we're on in about 25 seconds,
And I know
you and she are close.
So if you have any idea
where she may be...
- Josh, my personal life
is my business.
Are we clear on that?
[Chuckles]
Are we?
- Sure.
Mary!
- I'm going now.
[Sighs]
Ms. Miller?
Um, Ms. Miller,
everybody's waiting,
And we're on in 20 seconds.
She's not answering.
I don't really--
I got her.
[Indistinct conversation]
- Jesus Christ, Sylvia.
- Not cool, Syl.
Not cool.
- All right, we got her.
- All right, ten seconds.
- Rolling at her.
[Theme music]
- This is Seattle Morning
With Dale Waters,
Sherry Warren,
And sassy weather girl
Sylvia Miller.
- Count it off.
- Five, four...
- three, two...
- [Laughs]
- [Giggles]
- Oh, what a great morning.
- Oh, not too shabby,
Dale.
- Good morning, Seattle.
And good morning to you,
Sherry.
- Good morning to you, Dale.
- You look great this morning,
Sherry.
- Oh, stop it.
You're making me blush.
- No, seriously.
- Oh.
- You look great, seriously.
Doesn't she look great?
- Come on, you.
- Let's say hello
to our sassy weather girl.
- Mmm.
- Good morning, Sylvia.
- Good morning, Sylvia.
- [Laughs sarcastically]
- Did we lose Sylvia?
- What?
What's going on?
- She's not talking.
- The rain is sure
coming down out there, Sylvia.
How long is it gonna
go on like this?
- Forever, Dale.
This is Seattle.
In case you haven't noticed,
The weather here sucks.
- [Chuckles]
- Well, I think
it's romantic, Dale.
- Go to camera three, please.
- ...A stroll in
the rain with your sweetheart.
- Oh, God, shut up.
Shut up, shut up,
you squeaky little bitch.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We don't call her
"Our sassy weather girl"
for nothing, folks.
Let's go to a commercial.
- Okay.
- You know what, Dale?
Before we do that,
There is something
that I would like to share
With our viewing audience.
- Well, I don't think that's
such a great idea, Sylvia.
- I don't care what you think,
you arrogant prick.
In fact, why don't you just
sit there
And look stupid.
- [Laughs]
- Whatever you do,
do not cut.
Do not cut.
- So this is a little segment
that I like to call
"Behind the scenes
of Seattle Morning."
- Oh, my God.
- Many of you may not know,
But from the moment
that I started working here,
Our seemingly charming cohost
Dale Waters
Has been all over me
like a cheap suit.
Day after day,
As I stood in front
of this stupid map
Repeatedly trying
to find new adjectives
To describe the word "Rain"...
- what do I do?
- I've been fighting off
the infantile
And often offensive advances
of that guy.
That's right, ladies.
He's grabby.
- Go to Dale.
- But you know,
for a plethora of reasons,
Not the least of which being
I am 35, single,
And, um, yeah,
occasionally lonely,
I gave in to his advances.
And we had several, you know,
What could only be described
as disappointing encounters.
Sorry.
But despite the amateurish sex,
I somehow developed
an attachment
To the walking haircut
sitting in that chair.
We moved in together
And began to share a boring,
stagnant, passionless life.
- What the hell is she doing?
George, help me.
Cut the lighting!
- No, no, no, no.
Do not cut anything.
This is good tv.
- She has lost her mind.
- That is, until this morning,
When after Dale had already
left for the studio,
I found these.
They're not mine.
- You go, Sylvia.
There's our Emmy.
This is it.
- Now, these are
a pair of panties
That I've unfortunately
witnessed
My exhibitionist cohost wearing
on several occasions.
How long have you been
sleeping with him, Sherry?
- All right, number four
to Sherry, please.
- Ah, well put, Sherry.
Well, I am now leaving
this stupid, meaningless job,
But before I go,
I just want to say
to all of you out there,
For the love of God,
read a newspaper.
This is not news.
This is fluff.
This is tidbits for dumb people.
- [Chuckles]
- [Sighs]
On that note,
I will say good-bye
To Seattle Morning,
And I will see you all in hell.
- What has she done?
- Wow.
Let's do a commercial.
- Go to commercial.
- Go to commercial.
- [Sighs]
That was great.
That was great.
[Thunder crashes]
[Knock at door]
- [Sobbing]
- Hmm.
- Hey.
- I know you, right?
Wait, I know.
Aren't you that weather girl
Who committed career suicide
in a very unsightly way
Before an audience of thousands
this morning?
- Oh, God.
- Oh, shit.
Okay, come on.
Come on in.
It's okay.
Come on.
- Oh, oh, God.
What did you do in here?
It's--
- You want me to kick his ass?
- Yes.
- Really?
- No, it's--
Please, no, don't kick his ass.
- All right,
I don't think I could anyway.
You want a drink?
- It's 9:00 in the morning.
Yes.
Oh.
God, oh, wait,
can I have a bloody mary?
- Yeah, let me whip that up
for you.
I'm going to enjoy
an apple martini.
You look like shit.
Oh, that's good.
- Thank you.
- No, I'm serious.
You--You look like shit.
This is, like,
you look really, really--
This is, like, the worst
I've ever seen you look.
- Okay, is this supposed
to be helping me?
- Syl, I'm your brother,
and I'm really very fond of you,
But I cannot be okay
With you being
this much of a wreck
Over that douche bag
from the morning show.
- Hey, can I have, like,
five minutes here?
I'm kind of upset.
- I'm trying to help.
- Well, you can help
by shutting up.
What's happening here?
- Okay, you know what?
If you want to get all upset
over some stupid dude
Who I never liked,
then go nuts.
- I am well aware
of your opinion, thank you.
- Oh, well, then I guess
I don't have to say,
"I told you so"
Because I already did,
like, 50 times.
I mean, this guy's an idiot,
And my big sister's a wreck
because of him.
It's embarrassing.
- God, you are such an idiot.
Okay, it's not just him.
It's everything.
Two years, we were together.
Okay, two years.
We--We lived together.
We bought furniture together.
We talked about kids' names.
And where am I now?
I--
I'm 35 years old.
I have no job,
no insurance,
No apartment,
$1,500 in a savings account,
A car that I couldn't afford
payments on when I was employed,
And, um, what else don't I have?
Oh, you know what else
I don't have?
I don't have a boyfriend.
- Tell me about
this savings account.
- I don't know what I'm doing.
What I'm going to do?
It's like I'm starting
all over again.
Oh, my God.
I have to start all over again.
Oh, God,
I'm such an idiot.
Why didn't I stick around?
I could have hung around
and gotten a job
Or looked for an apartment
or something.
- Yeah, that's a great idea.
Just hang out and pretend
that you don't know
Dale's doing his cohost,
a much better option.
- I'm just trying
to be rational.
- God, you're so full of shit.
Let me just share with you
one of your qualities.
All right?
You couldn't be rational
At the cost of your pride
for anything.
You did just
what you should have done
And also conveniently
what you had to do
Because of your love
of conflict.
- I don't love conflict.
- It's your crack.
Now, shut up.
You're going to stay here.
You're going to get a job,
And everything's
going to be okay, okay?
- You think so?
- Yeah, why not?
- Okay.
- Well, I think we should
cut his balls off.
- Can you say that
any louder?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
Am I embarrassing you?
I was trying to be supportive
of my friend.
- Are you saying I'm not?
- I'm saying that maybe
Making passive-aggressive
comments
And trying to undermine me
like you always do
Is not the best way
to help Sylvia.
- I undermine you?
When have I ever undermine--
- I don't know why I'm here.
I don't feel
like being out tonight.
Why did I go out tonight?
I should be at home.
I should be at home,
sitting on the couch,
Eating ice cream, and watching
old movies or something.
- What you need is a cocktail
and your girlfriends.
- Yes.
- Hey, weather girl.
- Hi.
- Dale is such an asshole.
You go, girl.
- Who says, "You go, girl"?
- Okay, yeah, no,
I need another drink.
- Honey, let me tell you
something.
I am so proud
of what you did today.
- Yeah, me too.
- You did exactly
what I would have done.
- Me too.
- Gave it to him
in front of everyone.
- And the bitch.
- The mousy bitch.
- There is no way that frail
little bitch is good in bed.
No way.
- Well, thanks, you guys.
You know, I didn't plan it.
It just sort of--
Blah, happened.
- So what are you
going to do now, love?
- Uh, send out my resume,
I guess.
- Oh, a weather girl resume?
What?
She's a weather girl.
- I'm a broadcast journalist,
Jane.
- Jesus, Jane,
she's a broadcast journalist.
What is wrong with you?
- I made a mistake.
- Look, there are four other
local news stations
With morning, afternoon,
And nighttime news programs,
right?
So there's got to be something
out there, I think.
- Mm.
- Mm-Hmm.
- Oh, incoming.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Excuse me for interrupting.
My friends and I over there,
we had a bet.
Are you that chick
That totally lost her shit
on that news guy?
[Bottle fizzes]
- [Gasps]
Jesus christ.
- No, Byron, actually.
- Who are you?
- I'm Byron.
- And why are you here?
- I'm a friend of Walt's.
- What?
Wha-Wha-What is that?
- Oh, that's you, actually.
- What am I...
what am I doing
on the computer?
- Uh, you're freaking out.
Here, it's actually
my favorite part.
- But despite
the amateurish sex,
I somehow developed
an attachment
To the walking haircut
sitting in that chair.
- [Chuckles]
I'm sorry.
I love it when you call him
a haircut.
I don't know why.
- Why--Why am I on there?
- You're everywhere.
You're on a bunch
of film sites.
I mean, just alone today
I've gotten ten emails
from people,
And only one of them
was from Walt.
- Wait, Walt sent this to you?
- Yeah, Walt and others.
[Door clicks open]
Hey, Walt.
- Hey.
- Hey, Walt.
- Hey.
What?
I didn't do anything.
Hey!
Ow!
What--
- Get in there.
- What are you--Why are you
tugging on me?
- I am on the internet.
- Well, yeah.
It was a pretty funny breakdown.
People like seeing others
lose it.
- I did not lose it.
- Okay.
- And who is this person?
- Byron.
- Byron, okay, well,
I don't think that Byron
should be here right now.
I'm kind of in a delicate state.
[Knocking at door]
Oh, my God.
- Yo.
Hey, uh,
you brought the beer in here?
- Oh, shit, sorry.
Look, I don't get it.
You just went out
with all your friends.
Now you're all too distraught
for visitors?
- Excuse me.
Hi, we are kind of
in the middle of something here.
A little private, so...
- did you really
sleep with that Dale guy?
I mean,
why would you do that?
- I know, right?
- You're way too hot for him.
- Who is this person?
- Byron.
What...?
- Byron.
It's just an opinion.
Um, do you guys want
this door closed?
Okay.
- Thank you.
- Yeah--
- Really?
- Okay, look,
I know you've had a rough day.
I'm sorry,
but stop being a bitch, okay?
This is my place,
and that's my friend,
And we're going to hang out
and play some music.
You want to hang out?
Rad.
You don't, there's a coffee shop
down the street.
My house, my rules, missy.
- I cannot believe
how callous you're being.
- [Sighs]
Yes, you can.
Oh.
There it is.
[Guitar twanging]
Good.
- Oh, listen to that one.
Ooh.
Both: [Wailing]
- High "c."
High "c!"
High "c."
Middle "c"
- Middle "c."
- High "c."
[Laughter]
- Walt, shut up!
My God.
[Boys singing]
- Whoa.
[Zipper whirs]
- Whoa!
God.
- God, it's late!
- Jesus!
- Turn that light off.
- You scared the shit out of me.
What are you doing?
- I'm trying to sleep.
- No, I'm sleeping in here.
You're sleeping on the couch.
- Are you out of your mind?
This is my bed.
- Well, I'm not sleeping
in here with you.
- Why not?
- Because it's gross.
Because you're my brother.
And I don't want you
rolling over here
In the middle of the night
and touching me.
It's disturbing.
- Oh, well, I'm sorry
you find me so repulsive.
There's a sleeping bag
in the closet.
- Listen to me.
I've had a really,
really shitty day, okay?
And I haven't been sleeping
at all
Because you and creepy
have been playing
In your little band--
- Jamming!
- Oh, my God, okay.
Jamming.
- Whoa, no,
don't--Don't--Don't--
Don't condescend to me, Syl.
Don't call it "A little band."
- Why are you being
such a dick?
I just want to get some sleep.
- Oh, my God, I'm not sleeping
on the couch
'Cause you don't want to share
the bed with me.
- Fine, I'm gonna
sleep on the couch.
- Fine by me.
- Fine.
- Oh, what?
No, no.
Not cool.
No.
Ah, you asshole.
- I'll take that.
- Ow!
[Car horns honking]
- Oh, God.
Oh!
God!
[Groans]
- Wow.
- Ooh?
- You couldn't do that again
in a million years.
- Ow, ow, ow.
- Ouch, ow.
Yeah, that smarts when
you hit your knee like that.
- Don't you have a home?
- Yeah, I live across the hall.
- Don't you sleep?
- Not much.
- Okay, why are you here?
- I build websites.
My computer is busted.
So I told Walt that
if he let me use his,
I'll give him a cut
of the profits.
It's kind of
a win-win situation.
Brought you a coffee.
- Well, do you have to be here
all the time?
- Yeah, I have a strong
work ethic.
It's a vanilla latte.
You strike me like
a vanilla latte type.
- Aren't you insightful.
Thank you.
- So do you want to go out
with me sometime?
- [Coughs]
sorry.
- Too soon?
- Um, yes.
Um, yeah, I've been single
for 26 hours.
So it's a little bit too soon.
- Well, the offer
is on the table.
- Okay.
- So what's next for you?
- What do you mean?
- What do I mean?
I mean, are you gonna get
another job?
You know, a tv job
or something else,
And what about a place?
I mean, are you gonna
find your own place eventually?
'Cause let's face it.
Your brother's great,
but he's a little bit messy.
How long can you
live with him, right?
And then, what about your stuff?
You got all that stuff
at your ex-boyfriend's place.
The haircut, I mean,
you gonna let him keep it?
What are you gonna do with it?
You gonna move it into storage,
Or are you gonna
move it in here?
Although, I have no idea
where you'd put it.
It's pretty crammed.
And then you've got
your wardrobe,
Got these power suit
weather girl things.
You're gonna need to probably
do something about that--
- Okay,
you have to stop talking.
You're making my head hurt.
- You haven't thought about
this stuff.
- No, I haven't thought about
this stuff.
So I don't need you talking
about all the things
That I haven't thought about
Because I haven't
thought about them yet.
- I'm sorry.
- I just woke up here.
- I know.
- And you're freaking me out.
- Didn't mean to.
- Well, you did.
- You know,
you're really attractive
When you get all riled up.
- Will you stop
flirting with me?
- Okay, but you might want
to put some pants on,
Because I can't be held
responsible for what I'm saying
When you're not wearing
any pants.
It's just distracting.
- God.
- The kneesocks, though,
I love it.
- Okay.
Situation: not good.
You need to fix this
immediately.
You are a smart, capable woman.
And what you need--
Oh, you know what you need?
You need to make a list.
You need to make
a list of priorities
On how to get your life
together.
You can do this.
You are strong.
You need something
to write on.
Okay, I need some post-it notes.
What?
What?
What are you looking at?
Do I have something
on my face?
- Sis, are you familiar
with a device called a dvr?
- This isn't a good idea.
- What do you mean,
like, tivo?
- Tivo.
- I would back off.
She's fragile.
- We can digitally record
a program
And then watch it
at our convenience.
Now, I've done exactly that
with today's Seattle Morning.
- Why?
- Fallout.
- We thought there might
be some fallout.
- Yeah, I know.
- You may want to sit down here.
- Oh, my God.
- Byron.
- No, no-no-no.
I don't want to do it.
- You must.
- Go, Byron, go.
- And now I feel
we owe our viewers an apology.
- Well, I think you're right,
Dale.
- Yesterday, one of our
Seattle Morning team members
Had a bit of a, well,
I guess you could call it
an episode.
- An episode.
She did.
- Oh, I don't like her at all.
- She made a spectacle
of herself.
She talked about things
That are a bit of a no-no
on morning television,
And she used some
terrible language.
- Well, we have kids watching.
- It's a morning show.
Families watch us.
They trust us.
We let them down.
- We sure did.
- Oh, stop it.
- Sorry.
- She also made some pretty
terrible accusations
Against you, Dale.
- Ah, yeah, she did.
She did.
It's true,
but I can take care of myself.
Those kids out there,
They can't take care
of themselves yet,
And that's where we
failed them.
- Oh, my God.
- I'm not going to sit here
and defend myself,
My manhood,
against someone who...
- and here he goes.
- To say the least,
is frankly unstable.
- I would say that.
I would say that.
Well, you know what?
I think that I speak
for all of Seattle Morning
When I say,
good for you, Dale.
Good for you.
- Thanks, Sherry.
You out there,
our friends,
Our neighbors,
We're sorry, Seattle.
We hope that we haven't
lost your trust.
- Oh, Seattle.
- The end.
[Jazzy percussive music]
- Think he's home?
- Oh, I know he's home.
It's time for
his after-show nap.
- Okay, your sister
is so hot.
- Dude.
This place is gay.
Up and at 'em, dickhead.
- Oh, my God!
- Whoa, whoa, Sylvia.
What are you doing here?
- What is she doing here?
- Oh, you guys are already
napping together.
That is so precious.
- Hi, asshole.
- Wow,
this is a great apartment.
- Oh, it's not an apartment.
It's a condo.
- Oh, my God.
They're gonna kill us.
- Yeah, that's right.
We're all part
of an elite hit squad.
- I'm Walt,
Sylvia's brother.
Remember me?
We've met maybe ten times.
- Yeah, I do.
Hi, Walt.
How are you?
- Huh.
- I want my things, Dale.
And I'm gonna take them.
- You can take your clothes,
Sylvia,
But I won't
be taken advantage of.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
- What did you say?
- That probably wasn't
very smart, Dale.
- You're not gonna be
taken advantage of?
- Badly worded, really.
- Exactly.
- You son of a bitch.
- Oh, shit!
- [Screams]
- Taken advantage of?
- She's crazy!
- Stop interrupting, Sherry.
Stop talking.
I don't want to hurt you.
How long have you been sleeping
around behind my back, Dale?
- That's pretty cool, actually.
- How much of a fool
did I look like for you?
You think that I'm fucking
taking advantage?
- Hands off the anchorpeople.
Be nice.
Play nice. Play nice.
- What's up?
- I am taking everything
I ever spent a penny on
Out of this apartment.
If you try to stop me,
I swear to God,
I will claw your eyes out.
Do you understand me?
Every single thing.
- What?
This is it?
- This is all your stuff.
- I thought I had more stuff.
- It's kind of a hollow victory,
isn't it?
- Okay, shut up, Walt,
all right?
Can we go, please?
- Sylvia.
Can I talk to you
for a second?
You just tried to kill me
in there.
The least you could do
is talk to me for a minute.
- Go ahead, you guys.
Go.
Go.
- All right.
[Grunts]
On the knees.
- What?
- This is not all my fault.
- Oh, please.
- No, "Oh, please" you,
Sylvia.
"Oh, please" you.
Okay.
I made love
to another woman.
I broke the rules.
Sorry.
But you pushed me to it.
- I pushed you to it?
How did--
How did I do that?
- You never loved me.
You never let me in.
You never respected me.
I was okay for a time,
But you never stooped so low
As to really allow yourself
to have feelings for me.
I'm flesh and blood, Sylvia.
I want someone to want me
as much as I want them.
You're cold,
Sylvia.
You are cold.
And that's why I did
what I did.
- Said he only slept with her
because I didn't love him,
And he said that
I was cold.
Can you believe that?
Guys?
I mean, isn't that the craziest
thing you've ever heard?
That I'm cold?
- Well...
- oh, my God.
- You do sometimes
have a little trouble
Letting people in.
- I never thought
you really loved him.
- Oh, my God.
Me neither.
- I don't think she's been
in love since I've known her.
- What about the lawyer?
- You mean the one she just
stopped calling?
- Oh, right.
- That guy was the most
boring guy on the planet.
- But he was a lawyer.
You could have given him
a chance.
- I don't believe this.
Are you telling me
that I'm cold?
- No.
- No.
- Honey, no.
You--You just--
- Maybe it's just difficult
For you to think
of loving someone.
- You've got walls.
- You do.
Oh, oh, my God.
Brainstorm. Charles.
Both: Charles.
- Oh, my God.
That's so crazy.
It just might work.
- Sylvia, he is perfect for you,
practically perfect.
He is very nice.
- Yeah, I don't think
that I'm ready to date.
- He works out at our gym.
- Yeah, he used to date maureen.
- You know maureen.
- Loud and stupid.
- Big girl.
- Yeah, but they're so done now.
- Yeah.
- You guys are crazy.
I just broke up with Dale,
like, yesterday.
- Okay, perhaps you think
you have nothing but time.
- You don't.
- You don't, Sylvia.
You're in your late 30s.
- Mid 30s.
- You have a tiny window
remaining.
- Charles is an accountant.
He's stable.
He's not gay,
and he's not not attractive.
- Not not attractive.
- This is your future
you're playing with.
- Yes, also a perfect
opportunity
To warm up that cold shoulder.
- It wouldn't hurt if Dale
heard you were dating.
- No, wouldn't hurt at all.
Look, if you want to spend
your few remaining moments
As an attractive middle-aged
woman being picky, go ahead.
- Middle-aged?
We are the same age.
- Yeah, and I'm married,
And Jane's in a serious
relationship with a future.
And we both have careers
and ira accounts
And our own apartments.
- And I'm actually only 34.
- Okay, look, all I'm saying is
that we're in the major leagues,
And you just got knocked back
to the minors.
- Is that a sports reference?
- I know, right?
I just came up with that.
- Look at that.
- Oh, shit, I got to go
pick up my kids.
- Oh, oh, God.
I've got pilates.
- Um, I will call Charles
and give him the rundown.
- I will email him your picture.
Sylvia, he is gonna love you,
really.
- Did you valet?
- Totally.
- Bye, Syl.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Okay.
- Be strong, baby, yeah?
Bye, honey.
Wait a sec.
Wait a sec.
[Car horns honking]
- So as you can see
from my resume,
I've been working in television
since graduating college.
And you know, I've done
a little bit of everything
From reporting to color stories,
you know, whatever.
Why--Why--Why are you looking
at me like that?
- You really lost it on
that morning show, didn't you?
I mean, you freaked out.
My staff loves it.
We watch it all the time.
Dale Waters, what an asshole.
- Everybody
in Seattle television
Knows Dale's an asshole.
Hell, I slept with him once
After some local
journalist dinner.
You were certainly right about
his disappointing performance.
Real high school stuff.
- argue about the things
I should have left behind
- Hmm.
- Hey, yeah, tracy,
What was it that sassy weather
girl called Dale Waters?
- Oh, grabby.
- Grabby.
I bet he is.
What an asshole.
- dream up muddy river
underneath the drowsy moon
- So you blew
the television gig,
And now you want
to get into radio?
- Well, I have an open mind.
- Ah, isn't that big of you.
- past grocery stores
- I love that you
ripped that guy apart.
I really do.
Dale Waters is just south
of retarded.
Here's the problem.
My anchors are assholes too,
And what's to keep you
from ripping them apart?
- Yeah.
- Look, I feel for you.
But I don't know
what I can do.
You're a joke.
If I put you on my staff,
that makes me a joke.
Hey, bill.
And I'm no joke.
Okay, give me the numbers.
- Ah, okay.
Well, we...
[Dog barking]
[Siren blares]
- [Sniffling]
[Truck beeping]
[Jackhammer buzzing]
- Oh, Walt, stop it.
You're hurting my neck.
- Say you suck.
Say it!
- You suck!
No!
- Hey, kids.
What's going on?
- Look, look what she did.
She moved my bed out here.
She's taking my room.
- Yeah, I know.
I helped her move it.
- You--You--You helped her move?
Why does she get the room?
- Walt, she's a girl.
- [Muffled] I'm a girl.
- You brought my best friend
into this?
You suck.
You best--
- You're such an idiot.
I gave you back your bed.
- I live here, okay?
You can't just move all
my shit around in my apartment.
- This is a temporary situation.
- It doesn't matter, okay?
I'm not a little kid anymore.
You can't push me around.
- This is a much better
arrangement, Walt.
- Says you.
I have got a system here,
you know?
- God, we have to live together.
- Okay, this is a temporary
situation.
You should be out
getting a fucking job,
Not rearranging my furniture.
- I have been looking
all week long.
- Oh, yeah.
How did it go?
What?
- Well, it was awful, Byron,
actually.
Every single person who looks
at me sees weather girl.
Everybody's calling me sassy,
And I swear to God,
if one more person does it,
I'm gonna fucking lose it.
I-I-lookit.
I am trying, okay?
I don't like crowding your life
any more than you do.
- Well, you got to try harder.
- Really?
Oh, okay, thank you, Walt.
- Lower your standards.
It's a tough job market.
- That's true.
It is.
- I have a college education.
- Join the club.
- I've had a coveted television
job in a class iI market.
- And you lost it.
- Oh, my God.
Why are you being such a dick?
- 'Cause you're acting like
a spoiled brat.
I went to college too, Syl.
You know, I'm a temp.
Byron here went to grad school,
And he's renting my computer
to build websites.
- Philosophy major.
- Just grow up, Syl.
Grow up.
This is the world.
We don't always get to do
what we want to do.
- [Scoffs]
- Oh, yeah, just go
and hang out in my room.
[Acoustic guitar music]
- So you don't have
much experience.
- Well, in college...
- yeah, well,
that was a long time ago.
- It--Yeah,
it's like riding a bike.
- No, it's not.
All right, sally.
I'm gonna take a chance on you.
Don't make me regret it.
- It's--Sylvia.
- What?
- My name is Sylvia.
- Yeah, well, we do
the name tag thing tomorrow
Before your shift, okay?
There's an order to things.
- [Mouthing words]
- Got a process here.
All right.
This is your apron.
What are you doing?
This is your responsibility.
If you lose it,
you have to buy the next one.
And they're not cheap.
Take it.
- Oh, right.
- Okay, show up tomorrow
with a wine key
And no less than five pens.
I do a staff check first thing,
all right?
And I shit you negative.
You show up
without that wine key
And less than five pens,
And I will send you home.
Of this you can be sure.
Simpatico?
- Yes.
- Atta girl.
- Hmm.
- You get me some more coffee.
- Hey.
- Hey.
She here?
- Bathroom.
Listen, can I be a dick?
Kind of get into your business
for a second?
- You don't know anything about
brothers and sisters, Byron.
- Okay, yes, granted,
I am an only child.
I know nothing.
- Exactly.
- But as an only child,
I've always kind of envied
this whole sibling thing
That you have going on,
you know?
This whole sister thing's
kind of cool.
She--
It's this whole other person
That kind of knows
everything about you.
She's been there
for all of these
Really important moments
in your life,
These rearing moments.
And you know, I think that it's
a pretty important relationship
That--
- Byron.
- Okay, listen,
I'm not questioning your love
For your sister here at all,
okay?
I'm in absolute reverence of it,
But the fact is, she's a girl.
No, she's a girl
that just got dumped, okay?
Maybe cut her a little slack.
- Shut up, dude.
- Fair enough.
- I think Byron's got
a thing for you.
- Yeah, I know.
He told me.
- What are you, uh,
What are you all done up for?
- Well, I have a date.
I got a job today,
And you know,
I thought i'd treat myself.
- Treat yourself?
Who are you going
to treat yourself with?
- You're gonna make Byron
jealous.
[Knocking at door]
- Go.
- Byron!
- Right now.
Right now.
- Oh, I got her.
- Oh, God, Walt!
Ow!
- Yes?
- Uh, is Sylvia here?
- Sylvia?
Hmm.
And who can I tell her
is calling?
- Charles.
- Ow. Ow. Ow.
- Charles, you sure?
- Get off of me.
- Sylvia, Charles is here.
- Charles is here!
Charles!
I am Walt,
Sylvia's brother and guardian.
I have heard so much
about you.
- She just raves on and on.
- We hear you are
quite the lover.
- Top drawer, old man.
Top drawer.
- Stop it.
Hi, Charles, sorry.
I'm Sylvia.
Nice to meet you.
Pay no attention to the morons
in the doorway.
[Sighing]
- It's, uh, nice to meet you
too, Sylvia.
Wow, you are just as beautiful
as you are on tv.
- Mm, isn't she just?
- Just an image of loveliness.
- Let's go.
- Hey, don't you get fresh
with her, now.
No means no, suit man.
- Who was that guy?
- Hmm.
Fire escape?
- Fire escape.
- I'm so sorry about them
up there.
- Oh, that's okay.
Men like to bust each others'
balls on occasion,
But you know,
I can dish it out myself.
- Oh, I bet.
- So this is me.
She's a beauty, isn't she?
- Charles, can I just say
nice ride?
Classy yet understated.
- What's the gas mileage
on something like that?
I'm just curious
because you know
That we do have a responsibility
to the planet.
- You know what?
You know what?
Cut him some slack, Byron.
That thing's a pussy magnet,
am I right, huh?
- Can we go, please?
- Charles, buddy,
am I right?
Those seats have seen
a little action.
- He's being coy.
Come on.
- Oh, there it is.
- All right.
- Who let the dog out?
- "Who let the dog out"?
- So is it weird
to be a celebrity?
- Oh, I'm not really
a celebrity.
- You totally are.
I mean, look, it's like everyone
here is staring at us.
We're just, you know...
gives me goose pimples.
- Okay.
- So what would you like
to do next?
Talk show?
Talk show.
I bet you would be
great in that.
Um, uh, like the, uh,
like the--The Sally Jessy
But--But you know, hot.
[Laughter]
- I don't know.
You know, I'm sort of exploring
my options right now, I guess.
- Can I be honest with you
about something?
- Sure.
- Emily told me about
your walls.
- M-M-My walls?
What?
- The walls built around this.
Right here.
Well, well, guess what?
Guess what, kid?
I've got them too.
And they are tall
and, you know, made of stone.
But, uh, since I met you,
Sylvia,
You have torn down my walls.
- Oh.
[Stammers]
I didn't mean to.
- You know, and I think
I see that yours
are tumbling as well.
Am I right?
Okay, okay, okay.
Let's just--Let's just get down
to business, Sylvia.
I want to fast-track this thing.
I want a family:
A wife, two kids,
a boy and a girl,
Lucius and ariel.
I want to sell my townhouse
and get a real home,
A home with a woman's touch.
- Okay, now you're just
scaring me.
- Yeah, that's--
That's what I'm saying.
I'm saying, you know,
the future is scary.
But not if you've got
someone to hold.
Okay, what I need
is someone to complement me.
I want my friends
to look at my girl
And say, "Whoa, look at that
hot babe with the 'c' man."
Yeah, you know?
- Yeah, yeah,
yeah, you know,
I think we might be looking
for different things, Charles.
- [Chuckles]
Let's not be coy here.
Neither one of us are kids.
I know what I want,
and I'm putting it out there.
Do you know what you want?
- Hey.
- [Gasps]
Jesus.
Again?
- Sorry.
Good date?
- [Sighs]
Well, yeah, he did propose.
He's also probably the creepiest
person on the planet, so...
- that's so weird.
I mean, it seemed like
you guys were such a good match.
So did the two of you do it?
- [Giggles]
No.
All right, I am going to bed.
- I don't get it.
- Get what?
- I mean, I just don't get
how you could go out
On some dumb date
with some dumb guy
When it's so clear
that I have a thing for you.
I mean, if you want to,
you know,
Get married or move in
with someone
Then you're probably
barking up the wrong tree,
But I do think
I'm a pretty good rebound guy.
- Mm, and you are offering
your services to me.
- Yeah,
something like that.
But I just think
that I am exactly what you need
At this crossroads
in your life.
- Do you?
Wow, you're really
fond of yourself, aren't you?
- Oh, come on.
Give me a break.
You're in love with yourself.
You think you might be,
Like, the most awesome
person ever.
- Okay, how old are you?
- 30.
Next year.
- Hmm, okay, well,
Let me tell you something,
You don't know me.
You don't know anything
about me,
And you certainly don't know
what I need in my life.
- Mm-Hmm.
You know what I like
about you best?
- I don't care.
- You're difficult.
- Oh.
- And you're very sexy
But in this foreign film
kind of way
With the angles
and the attitude.
I dig it.
- [Sighs]
Go home, Byron.
[Door clatters open]
You know, you don't
not have a point.
- Everybody needs a rebound guy.
- I mean, you know,
why do I need
To audition men for it
when I know exactly what I need?
- That is exactly my point.
- Somebody who's uncomplicated,
convenient,
Totally wrong for me,
and somebody who I could never
In, like, a million years
have any real feelings for.
- Except for the ravenous
animal attraction.
- No obligations.
No complications.
No expectations.
- That's pretty much
how I live my life.
So...
- okay, um,
raise your right hand.
- Raise?
Okay.
- Okay, repeat after me.
I, Byron...
- oh, wow, you don't even
know my last name?
Okay, that's great.
- I, Byron, promise to never
fall in love with Sylvia,
No matter how awesome
she may be.
- I, Byron, promise that
if one of us breaks this deal,
It's not gonna be me.
- Oh, it's not gonna be me.
- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.
- Yep.
- Okay, you gonna kiss me,
or you gonna be clever?
- I'm going to kiss you.
- Okay, soon, you think?
- I'm just building
the tension--
- Oh, my God.
- let's have some fun
you can make,
make, make, make
[Metal crashes]
- Wow, okay.
[Objects crashing]
Wait, hold on, okay.
[Loud crashing]
[Sighing]
Okay, there's--
Whoa, uh.
- Oh.
- Hmm.
- Oh, no.
- That looks really
uncomfortable.
- We can go back in there.
- Okay.
- Let me take this off.
[Cabinet thuds]
[Objects clattering]
When did I start wanting you?
- My guess is that you probably
always wanted me
And that you just forgot.
- I don't really think so.
- It's just at theory, really.
Yeah, there.
Unbutton, unbutton.
- I can't.
Help me.
- There.
- Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
- Wait, what?
- Don't tell Walt, okay?
- What?
- Oh, seriously,
that's another condition.
You can't tell Walt.
- What are you talking about?
You want me to lie
to my best friend?
I can't, no, come on.
- What?
No, I'm lying to my brother.
- Totally, totally
not the same thing at all.
No, no, I'm sorry.
I can't do that.
I'm sorry.
- Okay.
- What?
- Okay.
That's a shame.
- Yeah.
This could have been fun.
- Could have.
- Probably would have been.
- I think so, yeah.
- [Sighs]
Well, uh, I hope things
don't get weird after this.
- Well, nothing happened,
so...
- yeah, I'm sure.
Yeah, except that,
but whatever.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, sweet dreams.
- Okay.
- Not telling him
isn't necessarily lying.
- It's like an omission.
- Totally different thing.
- Totally different.
- Come here.
- dit, dit, ditty
now hit and run
you can dit, dit, ditty
until I'm done
come along dit, ditty
till the boy's
a broken thing
- Oh, my God.
Okay, you two ready?
- Yeah.
- I think I'll have the--
- It's you.
Arthur, it's her.
- Her who?
- Her, sassy weather girl,
right?
It's you, isn't it?
Sylvia, what is it?
Velasquez?
- Uh, no.
My name is Margot.
- Ah.
Name tag says, "Sylvia."
[Laughter]
- You are so busted.
- Sorry.
Oh, this is what
you're doing now, huh?
That is really sad.
- So what can I get you folks?
- You couldn't get a job
anywhere else?
- Well, it's not like there
aren't a million people
Who can read the weather section
And then ramble on about it
on some morning show.
- Arthur.
- I mean, come on.
It's not exactly hard-hitting
journalism or anything.
- Well...sorry.
- Damn it.
- I am so sorry.
- You did that on purpose.
- Oh, no,
I did not do that on--
I am hurt by that accusation.
- No, you're sassy.
Duh, everybody says so,
And that was a very sassy thing
for you to do.
- You know, why don't I just get
you guys a new server?
- Yeah, why don't you?
- Great, sassy.
Unbelievable.
- Oh, smoking.
- Oh.
- Oh, whatever.
Do over.
Do over.
- Advantage, Byron.
- It's just--
It's a flick of the wrist.
- Down in front.
- It's a flick of the wrist,
and it's just--
- Oh, it's a save.
- See that's--
And that's what happens.
- You know what?
- That's what happens
when you don't practice.
That's what happens
when you don't practice.
- Point.
- Serve.
- Serve it.
- Oh, just lob it up there
for me.
- Just shove it down
your throat.
- A little side...
um, hey, I'm--
I'm just gonna--
I'm gonna be right back.
Keep working on it, though.
- Yeah, knock yourself out.
Service.
[Video game chimes]
Point.
Point.
[Dishes clattering]
- Excuse me.
Okay, what do we have here?
Okay, guys, wait,
table 21.
We still need the soup.
- Yeah, bonita.
Te amo.
- Sylvia, quiero hacerte
el amor todo el dia.
- No, hombre, necesita
un hombre como yo.
- Para eso me tiene a mi.
Verdad, mi amor?
Va a ser mio ese culi--
- Okay, give me my soup.
- Ay, quiere su sopa...
cremosa, cremosa.
- Oh, my God.
[Laughter]
The kitchen staff hates me.
- Of course they do.
- I'm sure they don't hate you.
- They probably do.
- They talk dirty to me
in spanish.
- Oh, yeah?
Is it hot?
Wait, no.
I don't want to know.
- But don't you speak spanish?
- I don't want them
to know that.
- Why not?
- 'Cause then they'll want
to talk all the time.
- No.
Yeah.
- Snob.
- I am a snob.
- No.
You're a work in progress.
- Think I can be a secret agent?
Both: no.
- Yeah.
- Sorry.
Hey, guys, table 12's still
waiting on their chicken.
- AquI tengo tu pollo, guerita.
- Okay.
Donde diablos esta mI pollo?
[Laughter]
A semester in college.
- Habla espaol, la guerita.
- It's not bad, right?
- It's okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- Hi.
We got to hurry up.
Walt's coming home
in a half hour.
- [Scoffs]
Have you noticed
how much sex we're having?
- Is that a problem?
- No, of course not.
I love sex.
I'm glad that you love sex
as much as I love sex
Because i, certainly, I do.
I love sex.
- Well, let's look at it
objectively.
I have a shitty job.
Mooch off my brother.
I have no place
to call my own.
Pretty much, my life sucks.
So sex is the only thing
I have to look forward to.
It's pretty much the only thing
good in my life.
- Wow.
- Yeah, right?
Too bad it's with
an emotionally unavailable,
Financially devoid,
peter pan syndrome,
Rock star wannabe
- Ouch.
- Yeah, but the sex
is really good.
- That is true.
[Keys jingling]
- Oh, what the fuck!
[Screams]
oh, fuck!
What?
Oh!
Fuck!
That's my sister, man!
Come on,
what the hell are you--
Oh, oh, come on.
That's my--I'm fucking blind.
I'm fucking--I'm just--
I'm blind.
I'm blind.
I'm gonna have that image
burned into my brain for life.
What are you--
This is my living room!
I live in this room!
What's--Ah.
We--Oh!
Fuck!
So how long has this
been going on?
- A while.
- Not long.
- I see.
And you didn't feel this was
pertinent information to share?
- What I do is none
of your business, Walt.
- Interesting.
Because that was my bed
that you were fornicating on,
And that was my friend
with which you were fornicating.
Huh.
- Look, Walt.
I am sorry
that I didn't tell you, man.
I'm sorry.
- I am so not even
talking to you yet.
Look, Byron's my friend,
And now the only reason
he comes over here
Is to see you.
- That is not true.
- Hey, the big kids are talking.
I don't know if you've noticed,
But I don't really have
an abundance of friends.
All right, so if you fuck up
my only friendship,
I'm going to be pissed.
- No friendships are getting
ruined, okay?
It's not like that.
- And you, what exactly are your
intentions toward my sister?
'Cause if you haven't noticed,
She's kind of
in a vulnerable place.
- Oh, my God, Walt.
- Okay, my intentions
are honorable.
- There are no intentions.
We're just messing around.
There is no commitment,
no emotions.
We're just two friends
who are sleeping together.
- [Clears throat]
Right.
- Yeah, that always works.
Good luck with that.
- Paul.
Juan.
Ah, Sylvia.
- Putos impuestos.
La pinche miseria que me pagas,
y luego me quitas la mitad?
Vayanse al pinche diablo.
- What did he say?
- Uh, he's just upset
about the taxes.
- Yeah, well,
that's the price you pay
For living in the best damn
country in the world, amigo.
- Eres una rata sucia,
hija de la chingada.
- What?
What is he saying?
- Son of a bitch.
What?
I can't live off of this.
- Well, maybe you should pick up
A couple more shifts,
princess, huh?
You got a one top out there.
- Wait, no, we're closed.
J.D., juan already
shut down the grill.
- We are open
till I say we're closed.
Okay, and we are still open.
Get your one top.
- La odio.
- Esa, esa no tiene madre.
- Yes, that's exactly
what it is.
[Romantic piano music]
- Hey.
- Hey.
What are you doing here?
- Well, first of all...
- flower for me.
- Yeah, I picked them myself.
- From the vase on the table.
- No idea what you're
talking about.
So listen, you want to go
on a date with me?
- A date with you.
- A date with me.
- Well, you know, I still have
to do my side work and stuff,
And I'm kind of tired.
- Oh, yeah, no.
I'm sorry.
Side work, of course.
Okay, in that case,
Then I'm going to start
with the cheese sticks.
I hear they're
really great here.
And then maybe just
a filet mignon, no onions,
Well-Done.
You know, I really like
to slow cook it, the juice.
And then for dessert,
you know,
I'm gonna hold off on dessert.
See how I feel afterwards.
Probably gonna be a brulee,
but I don't know.
It might be a baked alaska
at this point.
Suzette, wow, I don't know.
We'll figure that out after.
Or you could just
go on a date with me.
- Yeah, let's do that.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- I'll wait here.
- Okay.
[Acoustic guitar music]
- Yeah, but what I love to do
Is imagine
the two of you as kids.
- Oh, yeah?
And how does that work out?
- Well, it's pretty funny
actually,
Because, you know,
you, you're very cute,
But you've got this vicious
mean streak.
- Mean streak?
- Oh, yeah, totally mean.
Yeah, messing with the toys.
You got the--You're still cute.
You got the pigtails.
- What about Walt?
He's the mean one.
- No, Walt I have trouble
imagining as a kid.
- Okay, he was really,
really ugly,
And he had this huge head.
It was like--
He looked like a Walt puppet.
- Well, I mean, he still has
a pretty big head.
You're going to need to show me
pictures of that, though.
- No, no pictures.
- Oh, come on.
You can't tease me
with the big head
And then not give me
any evidence.
You call your mom right now,
And you tell her
to send pictures down.
I need evidence
of big head stat.
- Okay, so, uh...
this is one of those things
where I'm going to say something
And you're going to feel
like an asshole,
But don't feel like an asshole,
okay?
- Okay.
No promises.
- My mom's dead.
- I am an asshole.
- No, you're not.
Well, you know,
it was cancer.
I was 14.
- Listen, I am so sorry.
- No, that's okay.
I've had a lot of time
to get used to it.
It's fine.
- Wait, so your dad
raised you?
- No, no.
My dad was a son of a bitch.
He didn't raise anybody.
He just sort of sat around
on the couch drinking
And cashing unemployment checks.
No, so Walt and I pretty much
raised ourselves.
- Huh.
- Yeah, weird, huh?
So what, is that the,
"Huh, now I know
why she's so screwed up?
"Deadbeat dad,
dead mother.
It explains why
she's such a nut."
- No.
That's the, "huh, I'm wondering
why my best friend
Never told me
any of this stuff."
- Well, you know, we don't
really talk about it that much.
- Well, just for the record,
You're really not that
screwed up, like, at all.
Sorry.
- Well, maybe you're not seeing
that clearly.
- Maybe.
- You know, I could draw
a picture of the big head.
Probably wouldn't
do it justice, though.
- No, a drawing,
that's good.
Yeah, have that on my desk
by the morning.
- Okay.
[Romantic guitar music]
- I feel it is my duty
To inform you
that it is not raining.
- I did take note of that.
- I thought you might.
You are a professional,
after--
You were a professional.
- No, I still am.
- Sylvia?
- Shit.
Hey, guy--
Hey, you guys.
- Hi.
- What are you doing
on this side of town?
- Oh, having dinner.
So who's your friend?
- Byron.
- I know.
- I'm Byron.
- Yes, uh, these are my friends
Emily and Jane.
- Hi, Emily and Jane.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Nice to meet you, Byron.
- Nice to meet you.
- So are you who Sylvia's been
spending all her time with?
- She's practically
fallen off this planet.
- Yeah.
- I've been working a lot.
- Oh, yeah,
how's the restaurant?
- Uh...
it's fine, you know.
It's fine.
- Do you work at the restaurant
too, Byron?
- No, no.
- No, he's a friend of Walt's.
- Walt.
- Walt, my-my brother, Walt.
- Her brother.
- Oh, oh, right, of course.
Sorry. Walt.
- So how old are you, Byron?
- Emily.
- Is that a weird question?
- 25?
- Or, like, 24?
- 23?
- 29.
It's actually--
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Great, higher than--
- Older than--right.
- We were saying.
- Yeah.
I'm not that young,
I guess.
- We thought you were...
- well, this is kind of
awkward.
- Oh, no, my gosh.
- What?
- No, mm-mm.
- I don't think--
- No, I'm okay.
- Just me, I guess.
- [Sighs]
[Chuckling]
- All right, well,
it was great seeing you.
- Oh, so good.
- It was good.
I'm glad that we
ran into you here of all places.
- So okay, it was great.
W-What are you doing?
- Nothing.
- Okay, well, it certainly
looks like something to me.
- All right.
- Okay, great.
- Okay, we'll see you guys soon.
- Yeah.
- Okay, bye.
- Bye-Bye, Byron.
Oh, God, that sounds silly.
"Bye-bye, Byron."
Oh, it's funny, right?
- Yeah, it does.
Okay, walk away now.
- Oh, yeah, okay.
Bye.
- Bye-Bye.
- Bye.
So those were my friends.
- Yeah, that sucks.
[Thunder crashes]
And it's raining.
- Yeah.
- So, Sylvia,
How's it going?
- I am living the dream, irving.
- Yeah, so we've worked together
for quite a while now.
- Five fun-filled weeks.
- I think it's time we stop
playing these little games.
- What games are we playing,
irving?
- The one where you pretend
you're not into me.
I pretend not to notice
your lust-filled gazes.
- Oh.
- I mean, we're both, you know,
mature, sexual beings.
I say it's time we stop
torturing ourselves
And you know, give into
our animal nature.
- Yeah, I'm on my break,
irving.
- I mean, sure, you're--
You're a little bit older
than anybody else here,
But you know,
I'm cool with that.
I'm down with that.
I mean, you could--
- [Gagging]
- You could probably teach me
some shit.
- God, I am on my break.
- [Coughing]
- Okay, here we go.
Come on.
It's okay.
Here we go.
- The guy is choking.
Oh, my God.
- [Splutters]
- There you go.
Oh!
Sorry.
[Applause]
- Here it is.
"Sassy weather girl
saves the day."
- Move it.
- I really hate
that "Sassy" thing.
- Look, you're sassy.
Just accept it.
- So sassy.
- Wait, do I look fat in that?
I think I look fat in that.
- No, you look great.
Look at you.
- Hello, yeah.
Hey, fat girl.
Go back to that part
where she drops him.
That's my favorite.
- Um, what?
At the end?
- Shit.
- What?
- I knew it.
You like her.
You like her.
I knew this was going to happen.
- Come on, man, I told you.
I don't like her.
This is a casual thing.
- Whatever, man.
You gonna tell her?
- Tell her what?
- Look, you better tell her,
'Cause she's rolled up
the window.
- The window?
What are you even
talking about?
- The window is up.
And you're on that side of it.
Look, I know her, man.
You can't break through
the window.
That shit's bulletproof.
She has to roll it down.
The only way
she's going to do that
Is if you tell her
you dig her.
- Bulletproof, huh?
- Of course, the problem is,
if you tell her you dig her
And she doesn't want to roll
down the window,
She'll cut off the sex.
Having a casual relationship
With someone who has emotions
is messy, man.
- Stop, all right?
I don't like her.
I don't want her to roll down
her window.
I don't even want to get into
her metaphorical car, okay?
Leave it alone.
- Yeah, that's it, good.
That's good.
Throw a little fit there.
Good for you.
You know that's exactly what
she wants to avoid
By rolling up the window
in the first place.
Way to fall into her trap.
- You--
[Door clicks open]
- What?
What's the matter?
- First off, Sylvia,
I just want to thank you
for coming in this morning.
I know it must be a bit awkward.
- Well, yeah, but, uh,
couldn't stay away, you know?
Curiosity and all that.
- Right, right, right, right.
So let's get down
to brass tacks.
We have rerun your last show
four times
In the six weeks
you've been gone.
And the ratings have
gotten better every time.
It is all over the internet
And so is that video of you,
by the way,
Saving the man from choking.
Everybody seems to know
the sassy weather girl.
- God, you've got to be
kidding me.
- No, no, no, we get letters,
phone calls applauding you,
And--Hey, Josh!
Shut that off.
Our viewers love you
more than ever before.
They say you've got verve.
Let me hear you say it.
- Verve.
- Say it louder.
- Ver--Okay.
- That's what you got, babe.
And that's what
they want to see.
Well, and we're
going into sweeps.
- So what?
You want me to come back
to my old job?
- No, no,
not your old job.
No, your old job,
you popped in every 15 minutes.
No, mmm, we want you
to coanchor.
- Coanchor?
- You and Dale.
- Oh, no, no.
I can't--
- Yes, yes, come.
Yes, yes, no, see?
That's--That's the hook, babe.
That's what everybody
wants to see:
You two going back and forth
going at it.
And you can say
anything you want.
In fact, we want you to.
- What about the mousy bitch?
- Who?
- Mousy bitch.
- Mm, mm.
That mousy bitch.
Well,
since she and Dale broke up,
She's become increasingly
difficult.
If you ask me,
between you and me,
I think the heifer's drinking.
- Really?
- Mm.
Really.
- Huh.
- Are you coming back?
- Does that idea scare you?
- No, actually,
I suggested it.
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah, I miss you.
I know it sounds corny,
but I do.
- Well, I haven't given fitz
my answer yet,
But somehow it doesn't seem
like the best idea ever.
- Well, maybe we could
get together.
We could talk.
Maybe we could have dinner.
Maybe I could calm some fears.
- Are you asking me
on a date?
- If you want it to be.
If not,
a dinner between colleagues,
A business dinner.
- Dale?
Daley?
Oh, oh, lookee here.
Two lovebirds
reu-Fucking-Nited.
- Sherry,
go back in your dressing room.
- Oh, sorry,
first you dump me,
And now you think
you can tell me what to do?
Well, I got news for you,
asshole.
You're not the boss of me.
I'm going to what I want to do
and when I want it.
Hi, Sylvia.
- Hey, Sherry.
- I guess you think
this is karma, huh?
- No, I didn't--
I didn't think that.
- The mousy bitch gets hers
in the end, am I right?
"Oh, no."
Makes perfect sense to me.
Hey, Dale, you want to see
my impression of Sylvia?
"Hi, I'm Sylvia.
"I have a psychotic episode
on live television.
"I used some terrible,
foul language,
"And I described a sex act
on a morning tv show.
"I'm very, very mean
to stupid Sherry,
"And I call her
really hurtful names
"That just might remind her
of some stuff from childhood,
"And then when sweeps
comes around,
I take her job."
Oh, and this is my favorite one.
"The man I emasculated in front
of millions of Seattleites
Starts wanting me back."
How the fuck does that happen?
I mean, that doesn't
make any sense.
Unless I'm being punished
by a God.
Oh, you guys think
God's mad at me?
- No, I doubt it.
- Oh, shut up!
Bullshit!
You don't know!
So you guys are getting
back together, huh?
That's...
[Screams]
[Head thunks]
My face hurts.
- We'll take care of you, ma'am.
- I love you.
Can you grab
my water bottle?
- No, ma'am.
- But it's right there.
- No.
- W-W-Why?
But it's important for me
to stay hydrated.
- Well, I would just like
to congratulate you
On another dramatic ending
To another romantic
relationship.
- Who's your manager?
- Well, at least this time
She didn't want to kill me.
She wanted to kill you.
- Details.
- I need it!
- You never responded
to my dinner invitation.
- You're doing what?
- Stop saying that.
- I'm sorry.
I'm just having a hard time
with the logic here.
- They are offering me a raise,
and I get to coanchor.
You know what that means, Walt?
It means I get to deliver
the news.
Real news, not just the weather.
I mean, you know,
I still have to do the weather,
But I get
to do other stuff too now.
- All of that for the
rock-Bottom price of your soul.
- Would you stop being
so dramatic?
- Will you stop being
such a sellout?
- Walt.
- Sylvia, they fired you
with prejudice.
- They did not fire me.
I quit.
- Oh.
- Look, this is a real job,
One where I never have to touch
Dirty dishes or leftover food
again.
And if I take it,
there's a signing bonus,
Which means I get to find
my own place immediately
And pay you back
all the money I owe you.
- I don't want your dirty money.
I want you to have some
goddamn self-respect.
- God, you are so
self-important.
- Think about what you're doing.
- I want a life, Walt, okay?
I am a 35-Year-Old woman,
And I'm living
like a college freshman.
I have no money.
I am waiting tables.
I have a roommate.
And I am sleeping with
the guy across the hall.
Don't you talk to me
about self-respect, Walt.
I'm doing this
because I deserve better.
- Oh, is that why
you're going on a date
With the guy who cheated on you
and broke your heart?
- It is not a date.
It is a business dinner
with a colleague.
- Shut up!
- And I think "Broke your heart"
Is overdoing it a bit,
don't you think?
- You know what?
I'm just going to say this,
and then I'm walking.
- Oh, I highly doubt that.
- Oh, I'm walking
Just as soon as I say
this one thing.
You ready?
- What?
- You ready?
- What?
- Mom would be really
disappointed in you.
That's right.
I invoked mom.
- Mom would be really
disappointed in me?
Is that what you said?
- Yeah, that's what I said.
- Oh.
Well, that's interesting, Walt,
Considering
that mom worked
Until she could barely stand up
from the pain
While our father
sat on the couch all day
Doing nothing
but pass judgments.
Wait a minute.
Who else does that, Walt?
Let me think--Uh-oh.
You know who else does that?
You do that, Walt.
So while I may be a huge
disappointment to our mother,
I take solace in the fact
That wherever
that son of a bitch is,
He is probably really proud
Of the fine young man
you've become.
- [Scoffs]
Okay.
Okay.
You do whatever you want to do,
Sylvia.
[Glass shatters]
- Shit.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- I just talked to Walt.
Are you okay?
- Yeah.
No, I'm fine, thanks.
It's just, you know.
You know me and Walt.
We're always bickering.
- Yeah, that didn't sound
like bickering.
- Um, well,
I'm kind of running late, so...
- right, so you're going back
to the morning show?
- Considering it.
- And the guy?
You're, uh, you're gonna
go out with him?
- Mm-Hmm.
- The haircut?
- Yeah, I--Can we talk about
this later, please?
- Yeah, well, you will have
already gone out with him later,
So that talk will be moot.
- Byron, don't act like this,
okay?
- Act like this?
Act like what?
I'm not acting.
You're acting.
I'm just reacting here.
- We had a deal,
remember?
We--No emotions.
No commitment, right?
We're just--
We've been having fun.
- Yeah, I remember the deal.
You don't have to tell me
what the deal is
'Cause I remember it, so...
- so what's the problem?
- It's not a problem.
The problem is that
That deal was made,
like, forever ago.
Right?
I mean, this was before
we knew each other
And before we spent
all this time together,
And--And--And we liked
each other, and we had fun,
And--And it was before
I picked you that stupid flower
off the table.
Hey, hey.
We have a good thing here.
I like you.
I don't want you
to see anybody else.
I just--I thought that we had
kind of moved past the deal.
- Well, um...
I haven't felt that--
I haven't felt that way.
- Oh, uh, well...
that's different.
- Look, Byron, listen, I...
- no, um,
I was mistaken.
[Laughs]
Um, God, I just--
I feel so not cool
right now.
I should go.
- Listen to me.
Byron, I--Look,
I like you a lot.
I do.
I just--
We're too different,
you know?
And I need to be
with a grown-Up.
- Right.
Somebody not me.
That's okay.
But I think that
we should stop talking now.
Good luck on your date, though.
- Sylvia?
- Yeah?
- Oh, God, hi, sorry.
Yes, please.
[Wine splashes]
Thank you.
- Where are you?
- I'm here.
I just, you know,
I have a lot on my mind.
That's all.
- Yeah, I'll bet.
I'll bet you're overwhelmed.
I know certainly am.
- Is that right?
- Feel like I've been given
a second chance at happiness.
- Wow, forgive me
if I don't swoon.
- [Chuckles]
I'm serious.
I'm very serious.
Sherry--
Sherry taught me something.
She brought perspective.
Sherry's, um,
she's just a girl.
You're a woman.
And you're the one for me.
- Well, I'm glad dating
A psychotic, obsessive,
self-loathing alcoholic
Made you appreciate
what we had.
- Listen, I know this, okay?
I'm a fool.
But I'm trying to make it right.
- Wait, no.
Oh, God, what am I doing?
- You're right.
You're right.
Let's take it slow.
I'll be here
when you're ready.
I'm not going to screw it up
this time.
- She took the job.
Got a big bonus.
New apartment.
- Okay.
[Acoustic guitar music]
- Sorry, man.
- never seen you
at your wit's end
but I forced you there
and then hoped you'd
find your way back to me
promises were made to you
I never meant to lie
I just never made them true
this heart loves you
this heart breaks for you
my heart hates
what it has put yours through
by beating only
when it has to
it's just not enough,
I know
but I've loved you
more than I could show
- Finally got paid.
- Yeah?
Oh, this is too much.
- No, it's right.
- Shit, cool.
You okay?
- [Groans]
I'm kind of hooked on her, man.
- Yeah, I know.
- I just don't get it.
I mean, this has never
happened to me before.
Girls usually like me.
- So what are you gonna do
about it?
- Well, I've started drinking
heavily.
What, man?
What do you want me to do?
Am I supposed to go out
and run out into the rain
And declare my undying love
and devotion?
Yeah, why don't I make it
just a little more awkward?
You know what?
She knows.
What am I supposed to say?
You know, "Hey, Sylvia, um,
I'm into you."
And then she'll say,
"Um, Byron, I thought we
already talked about this.
I told you that
I'm not that into you."
And then I'll be, like,
"No, no, no, no, no,
"You don't get it.
I'm really, really into you."
And then she'll be, like,
"Oh, my God.
"I-I totally didn't even realize
what you were saying before.
"I was so confused,
but now, now I get it
"Because now that you've told me
"That you're really,
really into me,
"Now that I have that
little piece of information,
"Everything changes.
"I have all these feelings
for you,
"And all of a sudden,
I am so totally really,
really into you too, wow."
- Whatever.
- No, "Whatever" you, dude.
What am I supposed to do?
She chose the tool, okay?
That's what she wants.
You know what?
She wants the money
and the security
And the grown-Upness,
And I don't have any of it,
all right?
And you know that.
And I wish you would stop
pushing me into it
Just so you could watch me
go down in flames.
- You know what?
If you don't take it
as far as you can go,
You don't deserve her.
All right?
Do you love her?
- What difference
does that make, man?
- Do you love her?
Don't be a pussy,
just tell me.
Do you love her?
[Romantic music]
[Knocking at door]
- Knock, knock.
- Another flower.
- Oh, you look amazing.
- Thanks.
I don't feel it.
- Yeah, just nerves.
You get like this
before every show.
You know that,
always have.
- Yeah, no, I know.
You're right.
- I know I'm right.
I'm not always right.
One thing I do know is you.
I know you.
I'm so glad you're back
in my life, Sylvia.
I love you.
You know that.
- Well, isn't this cute?
- I'll see you out there, kid.
Hey, Walt.
- Dickhead.
- Nice, Walt.
Really classy.
- Oh, I'm supposed to be nice
to him now?
I mean, just 'cause you're
a complete idiot,
I don't know why I have to be.
- Great, my brother's trying
to pick a fight with me
Moments before
I go on live television.
- Goddamn right; your brother
dragged his ass up at 5:00 A.M.
So he could come tell you
what an asshole you're being.
- Walt, don't start.
- I'm started, all right?
What are you doing here, huh?
What?
Why did you take this job back?
Why are you letting
the guy who cheated on you
Kiss your head?
- God, stop it.
Don't even try to be the
moral authority with me, Walt.
I know you.
- And I know you.
- Sylvia, you're on
in two minutes.
- Okay.
- Look, you know, if you really
wanted Dale the asshole,
You wouldn't be feeling
so gross about all this.
- God, this is my life here,
Walt.
- Come on.
That's why I'm here, Syl.
- Sylvia, I'm sorry.
We really need you.
- You know what?
Just mind your business,
all right?
Look, I love you,
And I'm trying to stop you
from making a huge mistake here.
You're not this girl, okay?
You don't get bought off
to return to a job
That you never liked.
You don't go back with the guy
who cheated on you,
And you don't let the one guy
you ever really cared about
Get away because he's not
rich enough.
That's not you.
That's--
That's sassy weather girl.
I hate her,
and--And so do you.
And hey, I'm--
I'm sorry I said that thing
about mom.
You know, it's--
It's not true.
- No, I know.
And you're not like dad
at all.
I don't--
It was just mean.
Sorry.
- Thanks.
[Mellow music]
- I got her.
- Okay.
- Cutting it a little close,
aren't we?
- Makeup, clear.
Get out of there.
Clear frame.
She's fine.
Come on.
- Here we go.
- Here we go.
- Rolling header.
- Welcome to the all-new
Seattle Morning
With your hosts,
Dale Waters
And sassy Sylvia Miller.
Rise and shine
And get ready
for the sparks to fly.
- All cameras ready?
- Getting ready
to do countdown.
- Four, three--
- Remember,
don't step on me.
[Laughs]
Good morning, Seattle.
I am so glad you tuned in today,
Because we have a very,
very special show.
Today we welcome back
A member of
our Seattle Morning family
And someone very special to me.
And even though I'm probably
in for it,
We are so glad
to have you back, Sylvia.
Go ahead, Sylvia.
Come on.
Hit me with that
acidic tongue of yours.
I can take it.
What?
Cat got your tongue?
[Meows]
Boy, that's a first.
Okay, look,
why don't we take a break.
We'll go to commercial,
come right back,
And we'll be right here--
- You know, Dale, returning to
Seattle Morning
Is rather bittersweet.
- Really?
- Really, Dale.
I mean, on the one hand,
I get to return to
a demeaning position
Where my job is to giggle
and look attractive
And trivialize the day's news.
On the other hand,
I get to sit next to
a self-important prick
Who believes himself
to be God's gift to women.
I'm referring to you, Dale.
- I figured.
- Okay, I just want to be clear.
So let me just set you
and the station
And our viewing audience
straight on a few things.
First of all, my title,
"Sassy weather girl,"
Is inaccurate.
I am not a girl.
I am a woman.
And I really
hate the word "Sassy."
It's stupid.
- Uh, go in tight on Dale.
- I mean, yes,
I have an attitude,
But wouldn't you,
If you had to listen
to Dale Waters all day?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We have a real responsibility
to deliver the news here--
- Shut up, Dale.
I am not finished.
You know, there was a time
not too long ago
Where you sat here
and apologized for me
And my behavior.
And now it's my turn.
- Go in tighter.
- I am sorry,
Not for freaking out then
and not for freaking out now,
But for selling out,
for coming back here,
For even considering dating
this horribly inadequate man.
When I--When I got the offer
to come back here,
I compromised all of my ideals,
And I left behind the only
people who stood by me.
These friends
were honest with me
And wanted what I should have:
To be better than I was.
They saw me as more
than just a sassy weather girl,
And I blew them off,
And I rationalized it all,
And I am ashamed of myself,
And I'm sorry.
Dale, you were right.
I never loved you.
I mean, I loved the idea of you,
But the truth is,
we have nothing in common.
- Well, that was subtle.
- Well, that's how I roll.
- Some would describe it
as sassy.
- Okay, no, it's--
No.
- Like, I'm--
I'm proud of you, you know?
- Thank you.
- And you can
crash with me again,
You know, now that you're
unemployed again.
- Yes, that would be good.
I have a huge signing bonus
to repay.
I could use a place to stay
for a while.
- Great.
You know, you couldn't possibly
ruin my social life
Any more than you already have,
so...
- you're a good brother.
- I'm just trying to stop you
from ruining the family name.
- Could you have one
serious moment?
- No.
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Um, hi.
Hey, Walt.
- Hey, Byron.
- Okay, uh, Sylvia,
I really need to talk to you,
And it's kind of important
And potentially
very embarrassing for me, so...
- hey, I'll just
wait outside, then.
- Good.
Thank you.
- Cool.
- Hi.
- Hi, um...
I've been thinking a lot,
okay?
I've been thinking a lot
about you and me,
And I'm thinking that I just
need to come out and tell you
How I feel about--
- I'm sorry.
I was such an idiot.
Look, the truth is,
I really, really,
really like you.
I didn't mean to,
but I do.
And you mean more to me
than a rich guy
Or a grown-up guy
or a guy with a job--
- I have a job.
- No, I know you do.
And that's not--
The point is, I--
You mean more to me
than all of those things.
I think that, um...
no, I do.
I love you, okay?
I love you.
What do you think?
- You--You fully just
stole my moment.
- What?
- No, I'm serious.
I was ready to come down here
And throw all my chips
on the table, you know?
Prepare to go down
in flames,
And then you go ahead,
and you steal the whole thing.
You make that cool--
Cool little speech,
And then I'm left standing here
like an asshole.
- Well, you could make a speech
if you want.
- And follow that?
That was a great speech.
I can't follow that.
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
- So what do you think?
- I kind of feel the, um--
I love you too.
- You do?
- You know I do.
Now, look,
I am going to grab you,
And I am going to kiss you.
- Okay.
- Okay?
And I am going to take the lead,
And you are gonna let me.
Here it comes.
All right.
- You can do that now.
- Okay.
- In all, 15 peoples died
in that horrible crash.
And I'm sure everyone here
thinks that--
That that is terrible.
I mean, I'll keep a thought
in my heart
For, uh, those poor people--
Family.
- What a prick.
Go to commercial.
[Rock music]
- it's true
what they say
the only way to live right
is with your life
holding on
just prolongs the bad times
and oh, you deserve
the good fight
and oh, it could be tonight
hey
arms open wide
and you could have it all
but your back's
up against the wall
even as king
there is compromising
you, you said
the dreams she had
never see the future
self-defeating actions
make you want her
and oh,
the party can't be over
and oh, you gotta deliver,
deliver
hey
arms open wide
and you could have it all
but your back's
up against the wall
even as king
there is compromising
hey
arms open wide
and you could have it all
but your back's
up against the wall
even as king
there is compromising
[Scatting]