What Children Do (2017) Movie Script
1
Get the fuck away from me.
This is not somebody in
your piece of shit band.
What the fuck is your problem?
No.
I've heard what you said.
I know about human trafficking.
Wait until I call
my fucking lawyer.
I'm gonna sue you for
everything you're worth.
Amy?
Shannon, thank
god you're here.
This guy tried to
fucking kidnap me.
What?
He locked me in his car
and he wouldn't let me out.
I didn't try to kidnap her.
She couldn't open the door.
OK, well, then your
doorknob is broken.
That's on you.
Either way, I felt
fucking trapped.
I drove her two
hours from the airport.
She needs to pay cash.
Oh, we're having this
conversation again.
I told you four times.
We live in a digital economy.
Who the fuck carries cash?
Huh, the Dairy Queen closed.
Thanks again for the cab fare.
Yeah, sure.
You can just pay
me back whenever.
Well, I wasn't
really expecting you,
but the extra guest
bedroom on the second floor
is free, if you want
to post up in there.
Cool.
See you like got dibs on
the bigger guest room?
I guess so.
I have been here
for a couple weeks.
And Pat's coming tomorrow.
Pat?
Yeah, Pat, my boyfriend,
for like three years.
I thought you knew his name.
No.
No.
I like do.
I just like... I just like
wanted to make sure I knew which
Pat you were talking about.
Oh, coo.
Right.
How the fuck
do you work this?
So do you want to
go up and see her?
Who?
Nana.
You mean like...
like right now?
Did you want to do it later?
I kind of just got here.
I thought there'd be
like a gradual build.
I didn't know you like wanted
to whisk me in immediately.
I thought like, take a nap,
eat a Chobani, and then go in
and see her.
You know what?
I think we should go in now.
OK.
Cool.
God, I'm dehydrated.
So how long has
she been like this?
She's been unresponsive
for a couple weeks now.
I mean, I assume you
like tried to wake her up.
What?
Nana.
What are you doing?
Yeah, Amy.
Yeah.
- Yeah, we tried waking her up.
- Cool.
So tell me about this
library you're working at.
Oh, it's really nice.
Yeah.
We just got a
drive-in book drop.
Like a drive-in...
Yeah, like you
drive in with your car
and drop off your books.
That's so fucking crazy.
I think it's so
noble what you do.
It's like... almost like
taking a vow of poverty.
You're very saint-like.
Oh, I'm not a volunteer.
I mean, they pay me.
Oh, I know.
Like a stipend.
That's great.
So how about LA?
Do you... do you just love it?
Yeah.
Oh my god.
You'd be obsessed with it.
It's amazing.
Awesome.
Maybe in spring I could
come visit you sometime.
We could like go like see
the tarpits or something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll see what's happening then.
Oh, no.
I mean, I don't want to impose.
No.
No.
No.
No.
It's just... it's
pilot season, so...
Oh, I don't know what that is.
God, it's good to see you.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
All right.
Well, I think I'm gonna
read for it and hit the hay.
Yeah.
Me too.
This jet lag is killing me.
Isn't California only a
three hour time difference?
Yeah.
But they say three hours can be
worse than 16 hours sometimes.
Yeah.
I don't really think
it works that way.
Yeah.
No.
It does.
I read part of an article
in Harper's about it.
OK.
Well, I think I'm gonna
go to the mall tomorrow.
Do you want me to
grab anything for you?
No.
Not unless they're got
something that can bring Nana
back from the brink of death.
- I'm joking, obviously.
- OK.
Well, goodnight.
Goodnight.
Hi, Dave.
It's your favorite client, Amy.
I'm just calling to
see if you've heard
anything about that audition.
My phone lost
reception when I went
to the bathroom a
few minutes ago,
but feel free to
shoot me a call back.
I might be a little
tied up later.
But I'll call you right back.
And yeah.
I hope to talk to you soon.
This is Amy.
Did I say that? already?
Yeah.
I did.
OK.
Bye.
Morning.
Hi.
How is she doing?
Good.
Do you know what
the Wi-Fi password is?
No.
What kind of meds is she on?
Dexamethasone, Protonix,
Zofran, Dilaudid.
Are any of those
like painkillers?
Who are you?
I'm her granddaughter,
one of them.
I'm just trying to make sure
she has enough medication
to ease her pain.
Well, she's very
well taken care of.
- Don't worry.
- OK.
OK I'm just checking.
But like if she like looks
like she's in more pain
and we need to like give
her more medication,
where would we find it?
OK.
Looks like you got everything
well taken care of.
I'll just...
Hey, sorry.
One sec.
36, 37, 2, 3, 4.
Sorry about that.
Hi.
I'm glad you were
counting out loud.
I was wondering how
many you had done.
OK.
I'm Pat.
You must be Amy.
Yeah.
Whoa, nice grip.
Ah, thanks.
Wait.
Really?
So you and Shannon went
down to the mall this morning?
She went to jam
out a few errands.
So I just came back here
to jam out a quick workout.
You been to that mall?
Huh?
The... the Lighthouse Mall?
Have you been there?
Yeah.
They've got this
candle store there.
It has literally every
different kind of candle scent
that you can imagine.
Oh, yeah.
Wax World.
My friend Carly used to
work there in high school.
They have one candle
that smells like leather.
Like you light it and your
room smells like leather.
Like I don't know
who'd want their room
to smell like that, but...
Well, I actually dated
this guy in Topanga who
was like really into leather.
It was actually like
a huge sticking point
in our relationship.
So Shannon says
you're an actor?
Mhm.
My show's on hiatus right now.
So...
Really?
So do you, like, know
any famous people?
Or...
Yeah, actually, I go to the
same podiatrist as the guy
who plays Freddie Krueger.
What?
Bob England?
I love him.
I grew up watching
all his movies.
When he was like, hey, bitch.
Hey, you bitch.
He does that laugh when
he flicks his tongue.
I don't know he does it.
I can't do it at the same time.
But that's fucking dope.
That's awesome.
Hi.
So Pat what are you
guys up to tonight?
Just like chill out,
do some Sudoku, you know,
maybe foam roll a little.
I was thinking,
what if we, like,
surprise Shannon and threw
a party here at the house?
Oh, do you think
that's such a good idea
with Nana and... and all or...
Oh, yeah.
Totally.
I mean, she's like kind
of in a coma anyway.
So it actually would
be like a good thing
if we're like too
loud and woke her up.
What about Shannon?
What do you mean?
- Shannon love surprise parties.
- Does she?
We got beer, whiskey,
vodka, and gin.
Bud lite Cheladas for Shannon.
She finds them refreshing.
- I'll take her word for it.
- Yeah.
Did you get Sun Chips?
Yeah.
I got Garden and French Onion.
Beautiful.
So I think all we have
left is whipped cream?
For what?
For the pie.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Kidding.
It's for whippets, obviously.
It wouldn't a townie party
without a little nitrous oxide,
now would it?
Oh, right.
Shit.
What?
I left my wallet
back at the house.
No worries.
I'll get it.
You get me back.
Thank you.
Oh, I'm gonna
get a Muscle Milk.
- I'll meet you at the register?
- Cool.
Grab me one.
Just kidding.
I don't know what that is.
OK.
It sounds disgusting.
What was that?
Huh?
I'll meet you at the register.
OK.
Amy?
It's me, Ted, from high school.
Right.
You and Shannon were
friends in high school.
Didn't you used to be like fight
and have like a terrible bowl
cut?
Yes, big diet...
big weight problem.
Yeah.
- But you're like hot now.
- Thanks, yeah.
I mean, you look good too.
Cool leather jacket.
So what's up?
Good.
I'm doing good.
I'm stilling living in town,
working over at Guitar Center.
So that's pretty sweet.
And yeah.
That's about it.
What are you doing here?
Why are you in town?
My grandma is dying actually.
I'm sorry.
Thank you so much
for your sympathy.
It's actually been like a
good reminder, you know,
that we're all like
headed towards the grave.
I mean, like some of us
much faster than others,
but, you know, we're all
gonna kick the bucket someday.
So we have to, you know, like
seize the day and whatnot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For sure.
Totally.
- So is Shannon in town too?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
We're both here.
Very cool.
Very cool.
That's cool.
Yeah.
Well, if you guys are
in town for a while,
we should all get together,
hang out or something.
Actually what are
you up to tonight?
Whoo.
How much Tequila
did you put in this?
All of it.
It's really good.
Tell you what, we got to kick
this fucking party up a notch.
Cause like whatever the energy
level is when people get here,
it's gonna set the tone
for the entire thing.
Shannon.
Whoo.
Check me out.
I drank a whole fucking
Budweiser by myself.
Amy, what in the heck?
I go to Panera for like
one second and I come back
and there's all these
strangers in our house.
We're throwing a party
we wanted to surprise you.
Well, congratulations.
- I'm surprised.
- Good.
Did you there's
tether ball outside.
What?
No.
It was Pat's idea.
OK.
Great.
You know I love tether ball.
But like, what made you
think that you could
have all these people here?
Nana's dying upstairs.
Shannon, relax.
Everything's under control.
This is my thing.
You know how you're really
good at shelving books
and having asthma attacks?
I'm really good at
throwing parties.
You could've asked me first.
You would've said no.
Come on.
Let's just grab a couple
of Bud Light Cheladas
and kick back and relax.
Bud Light Cheladas?
Uh huh.
You have Cheladas?
Yeah, we got a whole
six pack for you.
- They're very refreshing.
- OK.
OK.
Fine.
But no one is allowed upstairs.
Of course.
Where did you say
those Cheladas were?
Stop saying Cheladas.
Um.
So Hollywood, huh?
It must be pretty cool to
live out in Cali, right?
I mean, nobody
really calls it Cali.
But yeah, it's pretty tight.
Cool.
Cool.
Yeah.
I went on a business trip
out there a few years ago.
I stayed at the Marriott
out on Long Beach.
Oh, yeah.
- You been to long Beach?
- Yeah.
I had a panic attack at the
Jamba Juice there last year.
Of course.
Right.
Yeah.
So you're... you're an actress.
Have you been in anything
I've heard of or...
Yeah.
I actually just shot
an episode of "Where
to Sin in Brentwood Park."
That's the soap opera, right?
- Daytime sitcom, but yeah.
- Sure.
But anymore,
really, everyone knows
that's where like the
most interesting writing
on television is happening.
The Times did an in-depth
review of our episode.
And they said it was the
most scintillating one
of the season.
That's great.
The New York Times
wrote about your work?
I mean, it was the
Soap Opera Times,
but really anymore,
everyone knows that's, like,
where the most, like,
interesting writing
about television is happening.
Totally.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't go up there.
My grandma's dying up there.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Hey, babe?
Yeah?
Can you take this box
into the other room?
Yeah.
There's some
heirlooms in here.
Hey, can I take all
the food out of the fridge?
I got to put my beer somewhere.
Oh my god.
Ted.
Hey.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Yeah.
I heard you guys were having
a little soiree tonight.
- So I thought I'd stop by.
- Yeah.
Hi.
What are you doing...
I saw your sister
at the grocery store,
said you guys were in town.
So...
Oh, yeah.
Our grandma's dying.
Yeah, that's what Amy said.
I'm Sorry.
It's OK.
It's not really OK.
Yeah.
This is nuts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're just having a pretty
dope party here, just...
it's probably gonna be
like kind of crazy later.
So I just want to like get some
of this, like, lame shit outta
here.
Yeah.
What... what's that?
What are you holding?
It's a giraffe salt
and pepper shaker.
Are you fucking serious?
You had a Sega Dreamcast
this entire time
and you didn't think to tell me?
Pat, this is Ted.
Hey, Ted.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
How are you?
- Ted, I've heard a lot about you.
- Really?
Maybe not.
All right.
Cool.
I see you're packing
some heat there.
- What?
- Oh, the beer?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you say we
shotgun run the bad boys?
Yeah.
OK.
Sure.
Yeah.
Great.
So what I wanted to do, dude,
is take the beer can and sort
of hold it canted at 45 degrees,
take a number two pencil,
and then...
and then... whoa.
Wasn't ready for it, but OK.
Here we go.
OK.
And then... And then sort of...
I love how the bubbles...
cover your dome.
Looks like you've got a lot
more left in there though, bud.
Yeah.
But it's mostly...
yeah it's mostly foam.
It's like getting
espresso, you don't
want to drink the bottom of it.
So yeah, they brought
him in this week.
And you know, he seems nice.
He's got... he's
got a nice family.
So it's kind of nice for him.
We're sisters.
Oh, cool.
Guess which one
of us is younger?
Ooh.
Really?
Yeah.
OK.
You?
Wow.
Thanks.
It was you?
- Was I wrong?
- No.
But you don't have to be
such a fucking dick about it.
So yeah, the point is they're...
they're phasing out my job.
Whatever.
It's gonna be rough, but...
it's gonna be a challenge.
So how long have you and
Shannon been going out?
About three years.
Yeah.
It sounds funny saying
that out loud, three years.
It's like almost the amount
of time between two Olympics.
Yeah.
Actually, the first
time we hooked up
was during the summer Olympics.
Yeah, basketball.
No.
Rhythmic gymnastics.
Basketball's the winter.
So you guys are pretty
serious then, right?
Oh, yeah.
We try and watch as many
medal rounds as we can.
No.
- I mean like, relationship-wise.
- Oh, yeah.
I mean, can you keep a secret?
Yeah.
Thank god.
- I think she's the one.
- Oh.
OK.
Here.
Drink this.
Can you feel the
energy in your hands?
I think so.
I mean, I think the blue one
might be doing something.
I'm not sure what the...
whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no.
It's OK.
It's OK.
She's DNR.
What's DNR?
Do not... it's not interesting.
There you go.
There you go, sweetie.
Get all those Cheladas out.
I feel like I'm throwing
up at Red Lobster.
Red Lobster?
Yeah.
OK.
That's cool.
Morning.
A little hungover, are we?
I feel like I'm dying.
Do you know what kind
of coffee this is?
I don't know.
Coffee coffee.
Yeah.
But is it like single origin?
Do you know what
country it's from?
Is it even organic?
I don't know.
- Look at the can.
- Ugh.
It's from a can?
Knock, knock.
Whoa.
Hey, can we fucking help you?
Amy, whoa, this is Pastor Wes.
He lives down the street.
Hey.
Sorry about that.
That's all right.
Wes, this is my
older sister Amy.
Barely older, but yeah.
Amy, it's so nice to meet you.
And for a second there I
thought I was under attack.
I came in and the
immediate cursing.
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
I guess I'm just, you
know, used to people
asking permission before
they barge into my space.
Amy, Wes has been a huge
help in taking care of Nana.
You really, really don't
have to say that, but yeah.
I have.
I come by the neighborhood
to kind of swing
by people places who are a
little more advanced in age.
It's part of my
calling, I guess.
Sounds very fulfilling.
It is.
Now, Amy, you live
in Los Angeles?
Shannon was telling
me that, right?
Yeah.
Los Feliz, well, actually
South Glendale, but everyone
knows that's actually where
all the interesting stuff
is happening anymore.
Have you been to Los Angeles?
You know, I took my little
cousin Seth for his birthday
to Disney World.
Yeah.
That's in Florida.
But...
It's close enough.
- So how long are you hear, Amy?
- Yeah.
I don't know.
I got a lot of balls in the
air and irons in the fire.
So... yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be around for a while.
Well, good, because
Shannon, I know,
has been working her little
behind off around the house.
And maybe you
could help her out.
You know, help your sister out.
There's a big laundry
list of things to do.
And you could kind of tick
off some stuff for her.
You can do some stuff
together, definitely.
But I there are some things you
could kind of take on yourself.
Say, Wes, while we're on
the topic of laundry lists
and documents, I
was wondering if you
by chance, just
out of curiosity,
know if Nana had a will?
No.
I... I don't know
if she had a will.
I just come by and make
sure she's comfortable.
Yeah.
But don't you think she'd be
so much more comfortable if she
knew her affairs were
in order and everyone
knew where her money was going?
Amy.
Amy, the only will I'm
really concerned with
is the will of the Lord.
Now, if you two
will excuse me,
I'm going to go
scurrying on upstairs
and take care of the
lady of the hour.
If you're in town for a while,
you should stop by my church.
It might do you some good.
Whoa.
Look what I found.
Remember how much we
used to play with those?
I know.
What a couple of
little dipshits.
No.
I thought that was fun.
It's a fucking
can with string.
How entertaining could it be?
Hello.
What's an orgasm?
- That's me being an 8-year-old.
- Yeah.
Got that.
Can I ask you question?
How much do you trust
this guy around Nana?
What do you mean?
I saw this "Dateline NBC"
episode where this guy dressed
up as a pastor and he would
go into old ladies' houses
and pretend to be a pastor.
And they would fall
in love with him
and leave them all their
money when they died.
No.
I'm not really worried
about that happening.
But he is right that there is a
bunch of stuff around the house
that needs to get fixed.
Like what?
Like the gutters
need to be cleaned out.
OK.
What else?
That chair needs to be fixed.
That thing?
I can fix that in
like five seconds.
What else?
She has a copy of "One Hour
Photo" that's like nine months
overdue.
Do you think you could
handle returning that?
Are you fucking serious?
Yes.
I can handle that.
Hey, Pat and I are
gonna go hang out in town.
Do you want to come?
I'm really busy
doing work right now.
Oh.
That's so strange,
cause it sounds
like you're watching "Murphy
Brown" reruns on your laptop.
It's research.
It's fucking
ill that you found
a coffee shop in this
town that makes pour over.
Yeah.
I found it online.
I guess it just opened.
I can't believe people drink
the cat piss they try to pass
off as coffee in this town.
Why are you stopping here?
Turn around.
Turn around right now.
Look, Pastor Wes
felt really bad that we
got off on the wrong foot.
And he just wanted
to chat with us.
I'm not doing it.
- I'm not going there.
- OK.
Fine.
Shannon, crack
a window at least.
Shannon, dogs die like this.
Do they really have pour over?
Whoo.
How's everyone doing?
Good.
So Wes, how can we help you?
In someone's last
days, it becomes
crucially important to get
your ducks in a row as it were.
In terms of...
In terms of the afterlife.
Yeah, good question, Shannon.
Yeah.
I'm like barely out of my 20s.
So I don't think I have
to worry about that yet.
I'm talking about your
grandmother, of course.
She was a very, very important
member of our congregation.
And as such, I
would like to make
sure we're all on the same
page, if that makes any sense.
Well, yeah, I see
where this is going.
And where is that, Amy?
I've seen "Dateline."
I have too.
I saw the donation box up front.
It's stuffed full.
And those didn't
look like singles.
OK.
I don't... I can't connect that
to "Dateline" necessarily.
But we're raising money
for the youth group
to send them to South America
on an extreme Bible mission trip
to bring food and
water and skateboards
to under-served communities
in Peru, actually.
There's the poster.
Wow.
We're very proud of it.
OK.
I brought you here
today, because I think
your grandmother would be able
to pass on into the afterlife
a little bit easier
if she knew you two
were baptized in this church.
Yeah.
No fucking way.
Oh, and with the
language again.
Oh, I get it.
He's... he's doing a
kickflip on a skateboard
that's a... but it's a cross.
You stay out of this, Shannon.
This is between me
and Billy Graham.
I'm sorry, Billy Graham?
- Did I stutter?
- Yeah.
You just did a little bit
on the actual word stutter?
And maybe you're
doing ironically.
But I think you were
doing it ironically
as a way of being defensive.
I'm only being defensive,
because you're being offensive
in an environment
that is traditionally
known as a safe space, at
least from a legal standpoint.
I didn't want to
have to do this here.
But I'm just gonna
have to go ahead.
Lord, we thank you today as we
send these girls on a journey,
a journey of new beginnings.
Please...
What are you doing?
In the name of the
Father, the Son...
You can't do that.
And the Holy Spirit.
It's seltzer water.
No.
Stop it.
It's raspberry flavored.
I can't believe you told
a clergymen go fuck himself.
He may be exempt from
taxes, but that does not mean
he's exempt from criticism.
He clearly just wants a
piece of Nana's estate.
Why are you so paranoid that
everyone wants Nana's money?
Because I've seen it happen
a million times before.
You've seen what happen
a million times before?
This.
I don't know what this is.
Don't you think that's
part of the problem, Shannon?
I seriously wonder if
you were adopted sometimes.
Is that a new jacket?
Oh, yeah.
I... I got it when
you guys were our?
Isn't that the
same one Ted has?
I think it's...
I think it's similar.
But I think the... the
stitching's different.
OK.
Two truths and a lie.
I'll go first, all right?
Ready?
Number one, I bought
a new jacket today.
Two, I'm an orange
belt in Taekwondo.
And three, I once was
attacked by wild dogs.
And I made it out...
I beat all them up
and made it out.
- Three is the lie.
- Yeah.
You got it.
So do you drink or do I drink?
- I think we all drink.
- All right.
Sounds good to me.
OK.
I'll go.
Number one, Jeff Koons
once exposed himself to me.
Number two, Alexa
Chung once tried
to sell me fake blow in the
bathroom of a Cirque du Soleil.
Or three, I once had an
abortion in the middle
of a three week juice cleanse.
Well, you had...
I don't want to know.
Is it... is it two?
You got it.
- The blow was definitely real.
- Wow.
What Cirque did you see?
The underwater one.
That's a good one.
Oh my god.
It was amazing.
You guys are not doing
this game right at all.
That's not a lie.
You still did the blow, with
Alex Chung or whatever her name is.
If that's not how it's played,
how... how should we play it?
We used to make
them less obvious.
Like for me, I would say, one,
I've never been to Europe.
Two, I'm writing a novel.
Or three, I broke my
arm in the third grade.
Number three is lie.
No.
Number one.
I've never been to Europe.
No.
Bullshit.
You broke your arm
in the fourth grade.
Well, what difference
does that make?
Well, if you're gonna play
fast and loose with the truth,
then this game is
just a feeble charade.
Well, how do you
even know that that's
a grade that I broke it in?
I read it in your diary.
You read my diary?
- Yeah.
- Like when?
Like... like in middle school?
No.
Like last night.
What the fuck?
Are you serious?
Yeah.
What's the big deal?
I like found it in a box and
I liked flipped through it.
It's not like you're afraid
of drinking fountains anymore.
You're afraid of
drinking fountains?
My god the best part was when
you were talking about Ted.
Oh my god, Ted got the
cutest bowl cut today.
Ted sat next to me in lunch
and he ate all his prunes.
There was like an entire page
just like covered in his name
in like bubble letters.
That's very funny, Amy.
That's a great joke.
I'll go upstairs
and get and show you.
Oh my gosh.
I am... I'm gonna go inside.
I am... I'm beat.
You guys have... you guys have...
you guys have fun.
You don't have to go.
No, no, no.
It's all right.
Right?
Hey, have a good night.
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
Why would you think that's OK?
We're sisters.
I figured we share everything.
Oh.
Oh, OK.
So... so now, we're sisters?
Were we sisters when you
disappeared after mom's funeral
and went to La and nobody
heard from you for three years?
That's not what happened.
- Yes, it is.
- No.
I went to a yoga
retreat in Martha.
And then, I went to LA.
How do you think
that made me feel?
Huh?
I really could've used some
of that sister sharing then.
You know, I don't even know
why I'm surprised that you
would do something like this.
I thought you came
back to see Nana
and, I don't know,
maybe to see me.
But you came back to
get your inheritance.
And then, you're gonna
leave and no one's
gonna hear from you again.
What do you want
me to say, huh?
You want to hear
how I'm, like, broke
and unsuccessful out there?
What are you talking about?
You're on a big TV show.
I was a background extra
on a fucking soap opera.
And it's the only paycheck
I've had in months.
So yeah, I do need the
money, because I'm broke.
I'm gonna have to
move out of my shitty
fucking studio apartment.
Well, you're always
talking about how you live
in such a nice neighborhood.
Don't get me wrong, the
neighborhood is fucking...
Then, why don't you
move to a cheaper one?
God, I'm sick of this town.
I'm sick of not
being able to find
a decent bottle of Lambrusco.
I'm sick of boning poor townies.
What poor townies
did you bone?
I was kidding.
Never mind.
What poor townies?
Ted?
Is Ted the poor townie?
It wasn't a big deal, OK?
I thought this game
was an exercise
in openness and honesty.
Guess that was the lie.
Amy?
Oh my god.
Amy, hi.
Hey.
It's... it's Rachel.
Yeah, Ra...
Rachel.
Hey.
Hi.
Are you OK?
Oh, that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was just doing that as a joke.
Oh, OK.
OK.
I hear you're in LA now.
That's great.
Yeah.
I live right off of 5.
I'm not really
sure what that means.
Yeah.
It's like one of the biggest
highways in the city.
Oh.
Yes.
Of course.
Yeah.
Well, that's great.
And oh my gosh, I saw
your episode of where
"Where to Sin in
Brentwood Park."
That's amazing.
Congratulations.
Oh.
Thank you so much.
And like what about you?
- You're like in like still into...
- Theater.
Yeah, theater.
Yeah, you were like always
like really into the theater.
I'm actually
teaching acting now
down at the community college.
Wow.
That's so great, Ra...
Rachel.
Yeah, Rachel.
Yeah.
It's so weird you keep
doing that, because I like...
I totally know your name.
Hey, would you
have any interest
in stopping by my class?
I know that they would love
to hear from a real Hollywood
star like you.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
Of course.
Oh, that's great.
I'm actually on my way
there do you want to join?
Like, right now?
Yeah.
I mean, unless you have
something else to do.
Yeah, i actually...
So can you just talk a
little bit about Hollywood?
LA is like fucking tight.
There's like really
great Coffee.
Cafe Lux has like a cold brew
that'll like make you come.
Like serious.
There's like really
great sushi downtown,
but like not much else.
Great.
What about acting there?
Can you talk a little
bit about that?
Yeah, sure.
Um yeah, it's like really hard.
You like basically
want to be with the one
in the big five agencies.
I'm of course, with CIA.
And you know, just like
pound the pavement.
Great.
Does anyone have any
questions for Amy?
Yeah, Kate.
Have you ever been
to the Walk of Fame?
Yes, unfortunately.
Cool.
I was accosted by a
Jamaican there once.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Do you have any
experience with UCB?
Is that a bar?
No.
It's a theater.
Amy, can you talk a little
bit about your process?
My process.
Your acting process.
Oh, right.
It like... it like...
it changes for
like every project.
I like employ a lot of
breathing techniques.
And I actually like the
traditional notion of a process
is like actually like a fallacy.
So like, I wouldn't
want to conform.
Yeah.
It's different
for every project.
Cool.
That's really cool.
Yeah.
Great.
So we're working on our
final scene for the semester.
Would you have any interest
in maybe running some lines?
- Yeah.
- Great.
Sure.
Great.
So we're doing a scene
from "Slumdog Millionaire."
And it's scene 11.
You can Latika.
And um Kevin, do
you want to come
up and do a scene with Amy?
- Yeah.
- Great.
Cool.
So...
Hey.
Hey.
OK.
So let's just take
it from the top.
And are you guys ready?
OK.
Great.
Cool.
Great.
And action.
He'll kill us if we go back.
He was going to take your
eyes out, for God's sake,
with a bloody spoon.
How could you do this to me?
Um...
No.
How could you do this to me?
You disappear for three
years and you come back
and you fucking
betray me like this?
No.
It was one thing when you
locked me in the basement
when we were kids
on Halloween, but
to come here and read my
fucking diary, how could you?
How could you be so
callous and so insensitive?
I thought I knew you, but I
don't know a thing about you.
Nana is dying in the other
room, her life leaving her more
and more with every breath.
And you somehow summon the
gall to come in here and rifle
through my things with no
consideration of my feelings.
You know, I...
I shouldn't be surprised that
you'd do something like this.
No.
It's so easy for you.
It's so easy for you, because
you can just run off to LA.
You can just run off to your
shitty fucking apartment,
but I can't.
I can't.
This is my life.
This is my life.
And if you can't see that,
then to hell with you.
To hell with you.
That was absolutely brilliant.
I just can't believe Amy.
Yeah?
Well, I thought we
were gonna, you know,
come maybe get ourselves a treat
and do some window shopping
and not talk about
your older sister.
No.
I know.
You're... you're right.
You're right.
Just go... go to Was World
and check out the new scents.
I'll be good.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That sounds good.
Sounds good.
There's actually...
I'm really sorry to
interrupt you, Pat.
I just... she's just like this
Hollywood brat, you know?
Just like comes
into town whenever
it's convenient for
her and then just fucks
whoever she wants to.
And it just... it
really pisses me off.
Wait.
Who did Amy fuck?
Ted.
Can you believe that?
Why do you care
if Amy fucks Ted?
Well, I don't like
care, obviously.
It's like the
principle of the thing.
I mean, it's gonna be weird
now every time we see him.
I'm confused.
- Could you just back me up?
- Yeah.
100%.
Of course.
Thank you.
Um, what do you want to do?
Well, you know what?
I... I think I just
need to be alone.
I'm gonna like go chill in
the food court, have a fro-yo.
Is that OK?
Oh, without me?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will find a way to
occupy myself so that you
can have some alone time.
OK.
- All right?
- Thanks.
I'll see you at home.
A nice little boys
night we got here, huh?
Yeah.
Are you sure you don't
want to try my Margarita?
It's probably the
best I've ever had.
I'm good with the beer.
Ted, thank you for
coming out so last minute.
I um... I got to
admit, things are
kind of heated at the house.
Did you tell Shannon
that I slept with Amy?
Oh, no, no, no.
I... I just...
I just found out myself.
So...
I didn't want her
to find out, you know.
It was like this
big drunk thing.
It was a huge mistake.
It was stupid.
So...
Right.
No... no problem.
Cool.
Can I... this is just such...
this is kind of dude bro talk.
Can I ask you what it's like...
What?
Sleep with Amy?
Yeah.
It was weird, man.
It was really weird.
It was really aggressive,
you know what I mean?
More than I thought it would
be, like a lot of chanting,
a lot weird stuff, man.
Chanting?
You heard of Kama Sutra?
No.
Me either, but she
was talking about...
a lot about stuff like that.
Just the sounds that were
coming out of her was just...
I don't know, man.
She tore me up.
Well, Ted, I think it'd
be a great idea if you came
to Nana's house and
you guys all talked
and smoothed things over.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Could can make some drinks
and put the kettle corn on.
It's just simple
syrup and kernels
and you just kind of let it go.
And...
All right.
Actually, that doesn't sound
like too bad of an idea,
especially if there's
kettle corn there.
I fucking love can kettle corn.
You know what also sounds
like not too bad of an idea?
Getting some grub at the table.
I read online that this
cantina has the best pambazo.
What's pambazo?
No idea.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Cool jacket, man.
Hey, thanks, Ted.
Hello?
Hey, babe.
How was dinner?
- Hi, Ted.
- Hey.
It was really good.
We actually were just
having some pambazo,
just a little boys' night out.
You guys want a...
you guys want a drink?
- I can whip up some Gimlets.
- Yeah.
Hey.
Meet me at the front door.
Yeah, sure.
I'll come.
And bring some vodka.
Amy, what are you doing here?
Shannon locked me out.
Oh, OK.
Well, I... oh.
God, that's good.
Really?
Yeah.
Thanks.
Shannon's gonna be really
mad that you're here.
And um, also Ted's here.
What the hell
is Ted doing here?
Oh, we were just
getting pambazo
and I brought him back here,
kind of a boys' night out.
What the fuck is pambazo?
It's a Mexican white...
Never mind.
Come with me.
Where?
Say, we're all out of vodka.
So only had enough to make two.
So I'm just gonna run to the
store and grab some more.
Oh, you... you don't
need to do that.
I will.
I'll be right back.
Ultimately, I think the best way
to structure it is a Roth IRA,
even though the annual
contribution cap is $55,000.
But I have a mini golf
buddy who works at H&R Block
and that's what
he was telling me.
So...
Wow.
So you're like really
into retirement.
Oh, you're telling me.
Yeah.
I put at least 45% of every
paycheck into the bucket.
I mean, you have got
to know that's insane.
I'll tell you what's
insane, not being prepared.
You know, I don't think I've
ever asked you what you do.
I work at a soup restaurant.
Wow.
You work with homeless people.
That must be so rewarding.
It's not a soup kitchen.
It's a restaurant that sells
soup, although we do have
a homeless guy who jerks
off in the bathroom
on a consistent basis.
So...
So you and Amy?
Huh.
Yup.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
I feel like it's weird now.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Don't apologize.
I think it's great.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe she'll be easier to be
around once she gets fucked.
You know, we have more
of a mature relationship,
Shani and I. You know?
We... we're in bed,
most nights, by
or before 9, which in some
ways is better than sex.
Really?
No.
No.
Can I tell you a secret?
Hit me.
I'm thinking of
proposing to her.
Wow.
Bombshell.
Do you think that's dumb?
The outdated institutions
of marriage and monogamy
or you proposing to Shannon?
Either.
I think you guys
are great together
and that's all that matters.
So 9 PM, huh?
Not always that early, but...
It's pretty lame either way.
Do you remember Jeff
Cornelius from high school?
Was he the guy that threw
the dead cat in the lunchroom?
No.
That was... that was Kyle Flynn.
And I think also me.
But Cornelius was the
guy who used a Doritos
bag as a condom one time.
What?
What?
You didn't hear about that?
That was huge.
What flavor?
Cool Ranch, for
sure, obviously.
Actually, I recall
reading an article
about how Cool Ranch is a
highly effective contraceptive.
I think I read that too.
Yeah, that was very...
that was in a well-published
medical journal.
I think it was Mad Magazine.
I wonder where Pat went.
Um, I mean, the liquor
store's pretty far away.
So I don't know...
and you and him are...
you guys are pretty
serious, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, we are.
I mean, we live together.
We have a shared Netflix queue.
I didn't know they
still had the... the queue.
Yeah.
And he's like a karate guy?
Or what does he...
what is his thing?
Mhm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's training to
get his black belt.
- Very cool.
- Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Karate's like... it's
one of those things
where like if I wanted
to do it, I would be
like really really good at it.
Oh, really?
I mean, I'm not saying
they'd give me my own dojo,
but I'd probably get a
black belt pretty quickly.
I'm saying week one I get...
I get my black belt for sure.
That's crazy hearing
all those stories
about people from high school.
You know, the craziest
thing about back
then is that I had like
a huge crush on you
all through high school.
- You did?
- Yeah.
You want some?
It'd probably like totally
ruin my Taekwondo routine,
but yeah.
I guess I could
try to take a drag.
Is this how you do it?
Can I ask you something?
Mhm.
Why are you always
like lifting weights
and doing P90X and stuff?
I never really
thought about it.
I guess I always just
wanted to be somebody that,
like, nobody ever fucked with.
You know?
You wait here.
I'm gonna go get the
rest of that vodka.
Don't tell
Shannon you're here.
She's gonna be pissed
that you're here.
I'll be quiet.
Hey, hey.
Wake up.
Let's go and get another drink.
You want to do that right now?
Yeah, yeah.
- I'm buying.
- OK.
Let's live a little.
Pat?
You home?
Holy shit.
Shannon, I love you.
You're... you are
everything to me.
I know it's been crazy lately.
And I know we haven't made love
in two months and that's OK.
I'm OK with that.
But there's a question that
I have been meaning to ask
you for a really long time.
And I really think now is
the perfect time to ask it.
Will you take my
hand in marriage?
Oh, hey.
You see the sinks in there?
Oh, man oh man.
It's very nice.
This is unexpected.
What made you want to go out?
You know, I thought
it'd be a real treat.
Well, thank you.
Wish I would've known
about it a little sooner.
I would've dressed
up a little bit.
Oh, no.
You look great the
way that you are.
Um, Shannon, there's actually
a question I wanted to ask you.
Hey.
Fancy meeting you guys here.
Amy, what are you doing here?
I just thought I'd
come tag-along, get
a little nosh with you guys.
Hey, can I get
you something to drink?
Yeah, can I see
your list of bitters?
Never mind.
What are you guys having?
Frangelico.
Oh, that sounds fancy.
It's not.
Trust me.
I'll just have a
large glass of gin.
Thanks.
You know, Shannon,
you've got the taste
in liquor of an 11th grader.
Amy, remind me
again why you're here?
Oh, I just wanted to
come be with my family
that I love so dearly.
You know, I happened
to notice that you
haven't fixed the chair or
returned "One Hour Photo."
Not yet.
But I will.
I think they have a very
liberal return policies.
So I think we still
have a few more days.
That was the simplest
thing you had to do.
It seems like it should've been
pretty easy to take care of.
It will be really easy to
take care of once I set my mind
to it and initiate the process.
And when will that be?
Right after I fix the chair.
Did they bring
bread to the table?
Excuse me.
Can read some... some bread?
Yeah.
I don't work here.
Can you find someone who does?
Do you know what
your problem is?
That I wasn't born
with a different sister?
Your complete and utter
lack of responsibility.
Oh, no.
Mom's yelling at me again.
Don't fucking say that.
Don't censor me, Stalin.
You're insane.
Do you hear the things
that you say sometimes?
What do you want me to say?
You've been up my
ass this entire trip.
Trip?
This is not fucking
semester at sea.
We're only here
because Nana is dying.
Shannon, I actually...
Not now, Pat.
You are treating this like it
is your own personal vacation,
with no consideration for
what is actually important.
You're a child, just drinking
all the time and screwing guys.
Oh, is that what children
do, drink and have sex?
You know what I mean.
That reminds me of why I came
down to this little roadhouse.
Great choice of venue
by the way, Pat.
Oh, thanks.
I have a question
for you, Shannon.
I was poking around
your room earlier
and I happened to come
across a little something.
Oh, perfect.
You were going
through things again.
You knew where Nana's
will was this entire time.
And you thought it was
OK to hide it from me?
So you read my diary
and now you're rifling
through my fucking luggage.
We are both gonna
inherit $75,000.
And you thought it was
OK to hide it from me?
Well, I only hid it
from you, because it's
pretty obvious that you only
came back for the money.
A, that's bullshit.
And B, where the fuck's my gin?
Thank you.
And C, I think you've been
hiding a lot of things lately.
Oh, really?
Like what?
Well, I don't like French
kissing the shit out of Ted.
You French kissed Ted?
That's not... that's not
what that sounds like.
That's... that's... that's not...
it's not... that's not...
I was confused.
That's not what it sounds like.
It's... that... it's
actually... it's...
it's just like a funny story.
There's shrimp on this carpet.
It's not even a
seafood restaurant.
Babe.
Now, look what you've done.
Pat.
Pat?
Jesus fucking Christ.
So just, again, I'm a pastor.
And...
I'm sorry.
You just... you scared the
living shit out of me.
Yeah.
Where are you going?
I'm looking for my
sister's boyfriend.
How is it going by the way,
with Shannon, I do want to ask?
We're doing great.
Thanks so much for asking.
Your tone.
What do you have against me?
I just got ask.
Honestly?
Your haircut.
You look like John Edwards
joined the Hitler Youth.
That hurt my feelings.
You know?
I think you have clinical
trust issues, if I may.
That's what my therapist says.
You really, really have
trouble letting people in.
I mean, you... you withhold
love actively from people.
OK?
You're doing it with me.
You do it to Shannon, clearly.
And I bet you do it with
everyone back home in LA.
What do you know?
I know a lot more
than you think actually.
You know, if you had
a little more faith,
miraculous things
would start to happen.
I'm gonna...
OK.
If one were to want to
stop withholding love,
what would one do about that?
So are you asking
for a friend or...
- I'm asking for myself.
- OK.
That was clear.
I would start by forgiving.
That's it?
Mhm.
I thought you were gonna
tell me something stupid, like
to give myself over to God.
Well, I baptized you already.
So that's been taken care of.
No You didn't.
I rejected that baptism.
Water hit your skin.
You... you can't reject it.
That baptism did not count.
The water touched your skin.
Water counts.
I reject that baptism.
The water counts.
Hey, Pat.
How you doing, buddy?
Oh, what do you think?
Pat, come on.
Stop it.
Why?
What's the point?
Well, I mean, I'm pretty
sure that's littering.
I was gonna drown
myself in the river,
but I'm such a sick
swimmer that I'm
pretty my fighter instincts
would've kicked in
and not let me drown.
I was so pumped to
propose to Shannon.
Like... like I was really excited
to spend the rest of my life
with her.
And then, she goes and
kisses someone else.
And Ted?
What a fucking chode, you know?
I trusted him.
Whatever happened to
bro's before hoes?
I think part of the
problem there might
be referring to women as hoes.
It's just an expression.
I don't think Shannon's a hoe.
And I don't think you're a hoe.
Thank you.
You know, I'm not a
big actress, right?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, no.
I know.
- You do?
- Yeah.
I Googled you.
What'd you find?
Not a lot.
Fuck.
I work at a frozen yogurt shop...
worked at a frozen yogurt shop.
I'm pretty sure they
fired me after I
stopped showing up last week.
I work at a fucking
soup restaurant.
So we're both failures.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.
Um, I'm gonna go
talk to Shannon.
Are you gonna be OK?
Yeah.
I've got something I
need to take care of.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, I know you're
going through a lot.
I am.
It's like I was
the guinea pig.
No.
You're not the guinea pig.
I'm so sorry.
I hope you don't mind
that I borrowed your dress.
I just thought it looked
cool and I don't know
made me feel closer to you.
No problem, Amy.
It looks better on
you than it did on me.
Nana, I'm so glad
you're feeling better.
Yeah, well, you
know, sometimes
you just have to disconnect
from everything for a while.
Why do you think I came
back to this shitty town?
No offense.
It's OK.
You can't find a decent cup
of coffee for miles around.
Thank you.
I'm sorry I couldn't come
back and help out more.
It's OK.
You've been busy in Hollywood.
I still feel like
I should visit more.
Sometimes it feels like I don't
even have a family, you know?
I hear you.
You want some?
Have you ever known me to
turn down a glass of wine?
Where did you find this?
In the corner cabinet?
Yeah.
It's all you had left.
Well, I think that must
be three decades old.
Yeah, well, me
too, am I right?
Oh, Amy, don't worry.
You're going to be fine.
Oh, I know you worry about
your career and your finances
and whether or not
you've ever really
had an orgasm, but
just know that I have
always been so proud of you.
Oh, Nana, I love you so much.
I love you too.
What were you thinking?
Like I'm genuinely
curious to know
what your thought process was.
I'd never been down
to the river with her
and I figured my
time was running out.
She could've died.
I mean, she's already
kind of dying anyways.
Oh my god.
Right?
Am I wrong about that?
So it's not looking good.
Due to her last round of
chemo, her immune system
is incredibly vulnerable.
And being outside near
the river last night,
she developed pretty
severe pneumonia.
I know in our last meeting,
I advised you to just
pretty much keep her in bed.
So I'm not sure
why anybody thought
it was a good idea
to take her outside
in the middle of the night.
I wasn't in that meeting.
So no one told me
not to do that.
Nobody told you not
to take your dying
grandmother outside at 2:00 AM?
No.
But I mean, I know not to
do that now going forward.
I also found trace amounts
of alcohol in her bloodstream.
Do either of you know
what that's about?
OK.
I'm feeling really
attacked right now.
OK.
Doctor, what do we do now?
Besides not
taking her outside.
Well, at this point,
there's not much we can do.
Your grandmother's condition
has been deteriorating
for quite some time.
It was never a question
of whether or not
she was going to pass.
It was a matter of when.
At this point, I would
say 24 to 48 hours.
I think the best thing
we could do at this point
is just try to keep her as
comfortable as possible.
Are you fucking serious?
Do your job.
Didn't you take
the Socratic oath?
Hippocratic?
Yes I did.
That's kind of what
this is all about.
Listen, I'm not here to
argue semantics with you, pal.
- Are you a doctor or not?
- Whoa.
Look.
I'm... I'm really sorry.
Could we please
have a moment alone?
Amy.
Amy.
Amy, stop.
I knew we should've gotten
a doctor from the city.
The entire American
healthcare system is fucked.
We've got to bring
Nana to China.
Herbs, acupuncture,
botanicals, spices, oil.
What are you talking about?
She has severe pneumonia.
She wouldn't even make
it to the airport.
We'll take a boat.
Amy, stop, OK?
This is really serious.
Well, what should we do?
I mean, what can we do?
You heard what she said.
You know Nana's had a
really long and happy life.
And I think she deserves
to die with some dignity,
in the company of her family.
I think we should just let
nature take it's course.
Can I just say that I am
so sorry about everything?
No.
I'm sorry.
I... I had no idea
you were that poor.
God, you don't have
to say it like that.
Sorry.
So that's it?
What do you mean?
We just let Nana...
You know, I think we should
try to make her comfortable
and maybe do something
with her that we
would have wanted to do anyway.
Stupid thing.
I can't get a picture.
Have
you tried turning it on?
Want to watch another one?
I torrented all 10
seasons of "Murphy Brown."
I can go all night.
Wait.
Got any Cheladas left?
Oh, yeah.
You know it.
Thank you, Miles.
We entreat you,
oh Lord, to look
with favor on your
servant Catherine,
who has passed on to your care.
May you reunite her
with her husband Walter.
Please refresh the life
that you have created
and then taken away from us.
Chastened by suffering, may
she now know that she has been
saved through your healing.
- Through Christ our Lord, amen.
- Amen.
Thank you so much
for everything.
You're welcome.
I hope it wasn't too late to
do the last rites, I mean,
after she's already dead.
It's fine.
Can I do like a confession?
Yeah.
Come on down anytime.
I stole a pen
from your office.
Or do it now.
It fell between the cushions
in the car and it got stuck.
So I can't get it back.
But I wanted to get
that off my chest.
You're forgiven.
Cool.
Thanks, Wes.
Can I walk you out?
Sure thing.
Yeah.
Is this fucking
raspberry seltzer water?
You still have this.
Yeah, I thought I'd
keep and take the late fee
out of my inheritance.
What are you gonna
do with yours?
I don't know.
I have a mountain
of student loans.
So I thought I'd use some
of it to pay that off.
Boring.
Well, what should
I do with it then?
I don't know.
Why don't you use some of
it and come visit me in LA?
OK.
Fine.
That sounds good.
What are you gonna
do with yours?
Besides buying DVDs?
I think I might use some
of it and give it to Pastor
Wes' church skateboarding trip.
I think Nana would like that.
Yeah, I think so too.
Who's here?
Hello?
Amy, what's up?
It's your agent Dave.
How's it going?
Oh, hi.
Good to hear from you.
Yeah,
so, hey, listen.
I'm really sorry it's taken
me so long to get back to you.
It's been kind of just a
hectic week around the office.
I've also been having to
drive my kids around town,
you know, back and forth
to soccer practice.
We've normally got a
nanny that does that,
but she's actually
been in the hospital
for three or four days now.
Oh my god.
Is she OK?
I don't know.
She apparently inhaled some
chlorine or pool or something.
We hired a replacement already.
So it's not a big deal.
But say, how's New Mexico?
- New York.
- Yeah.
Cool.
Cool.
Cool Cool.
So hey, listen.
I'm calling because I got
some good news for you
and I got some bad news for you.
Do you want to hear it?
I think so.
So bad
news is you didn't
get that movie you auditioned
for a couple weeks ago.
But the good news is I
did book you a commercial.
Really?
Yeah, it's
a regional commercial for
a dental school in the Midwest.
Pay is not great,
but they're gonna
fly you out and put
you up in a Radisson,
which is pretty sweet.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's actually something
I've been kind
of wanting to discuss with you.
I feel like we should
be kind of focusing more
on commercial gigs like this.
You know, I know you want
to do TV and film and stuff,
but maybe that's just
not the right direction
for you right now.
Hey, Shannon
and I are gonna go
get some food, if you want to...
Amy,
can you hear me?
Fucking T-Mobile.
Amy.
Get the fuck away from me.
This is not somebody in
your piece of shit band.
What the fuck is your problem?
No.
I've heard what you said.
I know about human trafficking.
Wait until I call
my fucking lawyer.
I'm gonna sue you for
everything you're worth.
Amy?
Shannon, thank
god you're here.
This guy tried to
fucking kidnap me.
What?
He locked me in his car
and he wouldn't let me out.
I didn't try to kidnap her.
She couldn't open the door.
OK, well, then your
doorknob is broken.
That's on you.
Either way, I felt
fucking trapped.
I drove her two
hours from the airport.
She needs to pay cash.
Oh, we're having this
conversation again.
I told you four times.
We live in a digital economy.
Who the fuck carries cash?
Huh, the Dairy Queen closed.
Thanks again for the cab fare.
Yeah, sure.
You can just pay
me back whenever.
Well, I wasn't
really expecting you,
but the extra guest
bedroom on the second floor
is free, if you want
to post up in there.
Cool.
See you like got dibs on
the bigger guest room?
I guess so.
I have been here
for a couple weeks.
And Pat's coming tomorrow.
Pat?
Yeah, Pat, my boyfriend,
for like three years.
I thought you knew his name.
No.
No.
I like do.
I just like... I just like
wanted to make sure I knew which
Pat you were talking about.
Oh, coo.
Right.
How the fuck
do you work this?
So do you want to
go up and see her?
Who?
Nana.
You mean like...
like right now?
Did you want to do it later?
I kind of just got here.
I thought there'd be
like a gradual build.
I didn't know you like wanted
to whisk me in immediately.
I thought like, take a nap,
eat a Chobani, and then go in
and see her.
You know what?
I think we should go in now.
OK.
Cool.
God, I'm dehydrated.
So how long has
she been like this?
She's been unresponsive
for a couple weeks now.
I mean, I assume you
like tried to wake her up.
What?
Nana.
What are you doing?
Yeah, Amy.
Yeah.
- Yeah, we tried waking her up.
- Cool.
So tell me about this
library you're working at.
Oh, it's really nice.
Yeah.
We just got a
drive-in book drop.
Like a drive-in...
Yeah, like you
drive in with your car
and drop off your books.
That's so fucking crazy.
I think it's so
noble what you do.
It's like... almost like
taking a vow of poverty.
You're very saint-like.
Oh, I'm not a volunteer.
I mean, they pay me.
Oh, I know.
Like a stipend.
That's great.
So how about LA?
Do you... do you just love it?
Yeah.
Oh my god.
You'd be obsessed with it.
It's amazing.
Awesome.
Maybe in spring I could
come visit you sometime.
We could like go like see
the tarpits or something.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We'll see what's happening then.
Oh, no.
I mean, I don't want to impose.
No.
No.
No.
No.
It's just... it's
pilot season, so...
Oh, I don't know what that is.
God, it's good to see you.
I missed you.
I missed you too.
All right.
Well, I think I'm gonna
read for it and hit the hay.
Yeah.
Me too.
This jet lag is killing me.
Isn't California only a
three hour time difference?
Yeah.
But they say three hours can be
worse than 16 hours sometimes.
Yeah.
I don't really think
it works that way.
Yeah.
No.
It does.
I read part of an article
in Harper's about it.
OK.
Well, I think I'm gonna
go to the mall tomorrow.
Do you want me to
grab anything for you?
No.
Not unless they're got
something that can bring Nana
back from the brink of death.
- I'm joking, obviously.
- OK.
Well, goodnight.
Goodnight.
Hi, Dave.
It's your favorite client, Amy.
I'm just calling to
see if you've heard
anything about that audition.
My phone lost
reception when I went
to the bathroom a
few minutes ago,
but feel free to
shoot me a call back.
I might be a little
tied up later.
But I'll call you right back.
And yeah.
I hope to talk to you soon.
This is Amy.
Did I say that? already?
Yeah.
I did.
OK.
Bye.
Morning.
Hi.
How is she doing?
Good.
Do you know what
the Wi-Fi password is?
No.
What kind of meds is she on?
Dexamethasone, Protonix,
Zofran, Dilaudid.
Are any of those
like painkillers?
Who are you?
I'm her granddaughter,
one of them.
I'm just trying to make sure
she has enough medication
to ease her pain.
Well, she's very
well taken care of.
- Don't worry.
- OK.
OK I'm just checking.
But like if she like looks
like she's in more pain
and we need to like give
her more medication,
where would we find it?
OK.
Looks like you got everything
well taken care of.
I'll just...
Hey, sorry.
One sec.
36, 37, 2, 3, 4.
Sorry about that.
Hi.
I'm glad you were
counting out loud.
I was wondering how
many you had done.
OK.
I'm Pat.
You must be Amy.
Yeah.
Whoa, nice grip.
Ah, thanks.
Wait.
Really?
So you and Shannon went
down to the mall this morning?
She went to jam
out a few errands.
So I just came back here
to jam out a quick workout.
You been to that mall?
Huh?
The... the Lighthouse Mall?
Have you been there?
Yeah.
They've got this
candle store there.
It has literally every
different kind of candle scent
that you can imagine.
Oh, yeah.
Wax World.
My friend Carly used to
work there in high school.
They have one candle
that smells like leather.
Like you light it and your
room smells like leather.
Like I don't know
who'd want their room
to smell like that, but...
Well, I actually dated
this guy in Topanga who
was like really into leather.
It was actually like
a huge sticking point
in our relationship.
So Shannon says
you're an actor?
Mhm.
My show's on hiatus right now.
So...
Really?
So do you, like, know
any famous people?
Or...
Yeah, actually, I go to the
same podiatrist as the guy
who plays Freddie Krueger.
What?
Bob England?
I love him.
I grew up watching
all his movies.
When he was like, hey, bitch.
Hey, you bitch.
He does that laugh when
he flicks his tongue.
I don't know he does it.
I can't do it at the same time.
But that's fucking dope.
That's awesome.
Hi.
So Pat what are you
guys up to tonight?
Just like chill out,
do some Sudoku, you know,
maybe foam roll a little.
I was thinking,
what if we, like,
surprise Shannon and threw
a party here at the house?
Oh, do you think
that's such a good idea
with Nana and... and all or...
Oh, yeah.
Totally.
I mean, she's like kind
of in a coma anyway.
So it actually would
be like a good thing
if we're like too
loud and woke her up.
What about Shannon?
What do you mean?
- Shannon love surprise parties.
- Does she?
We got beer, whiskey,
vodka, and gin.
Bud lite Cheladas for Shannon.
She finds them refreshing.
- I'll take her word for it.
- Yeah.
Did you get Sun Chips?
Yeah.
I got Garden and French Onion.
Beautiful.
So I think all we have
left is whipped cream?
For what?
For the pie.
Oh, right.
Yeah.
Kidding.
It's for whippets, obviously.
It wouldn't a townie party
without a little nitrous oxide,
now would it?
Oh, right.
Shit.
What?
I left my wallet
back at the house.
No worries.
I'll get it.
You get me back.
Thank you.
Oh, I'm gonna
get a Muscle Milk.
- I'll meet you at the register?
- Cool.
Grab me one.
Just kidding.
I don't know what that is.
OK.
It sounds disgusting.
What was that?
Huh?
I'll meet you at the register.
OK.
Amy?
It's me, Ted, from high school.
Right.
You and Shannon were
friends in high school.
Didn't you used to be like fight
and have like a terrible bowl
cut?
Yes, big diet...
big weight problem.
Yeah.
- But you're like hot now.
- Thanks, yeah.
I mean, you look good too.
Cool leather jacket.
So what's up?
Good.
I'm doing good.
I'm stilling living in town,
working over at Guitar Center.
So that's pretty sweet.
And yeah.
That's about it.
What are you doing here?
Why are you in town?
My grandma is dying actually.
I'm sorry.
Thank you so much
for your sympathy.
It's actually been like a
good reminder, you know,
that we're all like
headed towards the grave.
I mean, like some of us
much faster than others,
but, you know, we're all
gonna kick the bucket someday.
So we have to, you know, like
seize the day and whatnot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For sure.
Totally.
- So is Shannon in town too?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
We're both here.
Very cool.
Very cool.
That's cool.
Yeah.
Well, if you guys are
in town for a while,
we should all get together,
hang out or something.
Actually what are
you up to tonight?
Whoo.
How much Tequila
did you put in this?
All of it.
It's really good.
Tell you what, we got to kick
this fucking party up a notch.
Cause like whatever the energy
level is when people get here,
it's gonna set the tone
for the entire thing.
Shannon.
Whoo.
Check me out.
I drank a whole fucking
Budweiser by myself.
Amy, what in the heck?
I go to Panera for like
one second and I come back
and there's all these
strangers in our house.
We're throwing a party
we wanted to surprise you.
Well, congratulations.
- I'm surprised.
- Good.
Did you there's
tether ball outside.
What?
No.
It was Pat's idea.
OK.
Great.
You know I love tether ball.
But like, what made you
think that you could
have all these people here?
Nana's dying upstairs.
Shannon, relax.
Everything's under control.
This is my thing.
You know how you're really
good at shelving books
and having asthma attacks?
I'm really good at
throwing parties.
You could've asked me first.
You would've said no.
Come on.
Let's just grab a couple
of Bud Light Cheladas
and kick back and relax.
Bud Light Cheladas?
Uh huh.
You have Cheladas?
Yeah, we got a whole
six pack for you.
- They're very refreshing.
- OK.
OK.
Fine.
But no one is allowed upstairs.
Of course.
Where did you say
those Cheladas were?
Stop saying Cheladas.
Um.
So Hollywood, huh?
It must be pretty cool to
live out in Cali, right?
I mean, nobody
really calls it Cali.
But yeah, it's pretty tight.
Cool.
Cool.
Yeah.
I went on a business trip
out there a few years ago.
I stayed at the Marriott
out on Long Beach.
Oh, yeah.
- You been to long Beach?
- Yeah.
I had a panic attack at the
Jamba Juice there last year.
Of course.
Right.
Yeah.
So you're... you're an actress.
Have you been in anything
I've heard of or...
Yeah.
I actually just shot
an episode of "Where
to Sin in Brentwood Park."
That's the soap opera, right?
- Daytime sitcom, but yeah.
- Sure.
But anymore,
really, everyone knows
that's where like the
most interesting writing
on television is happening.
The Times did an in-depth
review of our episode.
And they said it was the
most scintillating one
of the season.
That's great.
The New York Times
wrote about your work?
I mean, it was the
Soap Opera Times,
but really anymore,
everyone knows that's, like,
where the most, like,
interesting writing
about television is happening.
Totally.
Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
You can't go up there.
My grandma's dying up there.
Sorry.
Thank you.
Sorry.
Hey, babe?
Yeah?
Can you take this box
into the other room?
Yeah.
There's some
heirlooms in here.
Hey, can I take all
the food out of the fridge?
I got to put my beer somewhere.
Oh my god.
Ted.
Hey.
Hi.
- Hi.
- Yeah.
I heard you guys were having
a little soiree tonight.
- So I thought I'd stop by.
- Yeah.
Hi.
What are you doing...
I saw your sister
at the grocery store,
said you guys were in town.
So...
Oh, yeah.
Our grandma's dying.
Yeah, that's what Amy said.
I'm Sorry.
It's OK.
It's not really OK.
Yeah.
This is nuts.
Yeah.
Yeah.
We're just having a pretty
dope party here, just...
it's probably gonna be
like kind of crazy later.
So I just want to like get some
of this, like, lame shit outta
here.
Yeah.
What... what's that?
What are you holding?
It's a giraffe salt
and pepper shaker.
Are you fucking serious?
You had a Sega Dreamcast
this entire time
and you didn't think to tell me?
Pat, this is Ted.
Hey, Ted.
- Nice to meet you.
- Hey.
How are you?
- Ted, I've heard a lot about you.
- Really?
Maybe not.
All right.
Cool.
I see you're packing
some heat there.
- What?
- Oh, the beer?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you say we
shotgun run the bad boys?
Yeah.
OK.
Sure.
Yeah.
Great.
So what I wanted to do, dude,
is take the beer can and sort
of hold it canted at 45 degrees,
take a number two pencil,
and then...
and then... whoa.
Wasn't ready for it, but OK.
Here we go.
OK.
And then... And then sort of...
I love how the bubbles...
cover your dome.
Looks like you've got a lot
more left in there though, bud.
Yeah.
But it's mostly...
yeah it's mostly foam.
It's like getting
espresso, you don't
want to drink the bottom of it.
So yeah, they brought
him in this week.
And you know, he seems nice.
He's got... he's
got a nice family.
So it's kind of nice for him.
We're sisters.
Oh, cool.
Guess which one
of us is younger?
Ooh.
Really?
Yeah.
OK.
You?
Wow.
Thanks.
It was you?
- Was I wrong?
- No.
But you don't have to be
such a fucking dick about it.
So yeah, the point is they're...
they're phasing out my job.
Whatever.
It's gonna be rough, but...
it's gonna be a challenge.
So how long have you and
Shannon been going out?
About three years.
Yeah.
It sounds funny saying
that out loud, three years.
It's like almost the amount
of time between two Olympics.
Yeah.
Actually, the first
time we hooked up
was during the summer Olympics.
Yeah, basketball.
No.
Rhythmic gymnastics.
Basketball's the winter.
So you guys are pretty
serious then, right?
Oh, yeah.
We try and watch as many
medal rounds as we can.
No.
- I mean like, relationship-wise.
- Oh, yeah.
I mean, can you keep a secret?
Yeah.
Thank god.
- I think she's the one.
- Oh.
OK.
Here.
Drink this.
Can you feel the
energy in your hands?
I think so.
I mean, I think the blue one
might be doing something.
I'm not sure what the...
whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, no.
It's OK.
It's OK.
She's DNR.
What's DNR?
Do not... it's not interesting.
There you go.
There you go, sweetie.
Get all those Cheladas out.
I feel like I'm throwing
up at Red Lobster.
Red Lobster?
Yeah.
OK.
That's cool.
Morning.
A little hungover, are we?
I feel like I'm dying.
Do you know what kind
of coffee this is?
I don't know.
Coffee coffee.
Yeah.
But is it like single origin?
Do you know what
country it's from?
Is it even organic?
I don't know.
- Look at the can.
- Ugh.
It's from a can?
Knock, knock.
Whoa.
Hey, can we fucking help you?
Amy, whoa, this is Pastor Wes.
He lives down the street.
Hey.
Sorry about that.
That's all right.
Wes, this is my
older sister Amy.
Barely older, but yeah.
Amy, it's so nice to meet you.
And for a second there I
thought I was under attack.
I came in and the
immediate cursing.
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
I guess I'm just, you
know, used to people
asking permission before
they barge into my space.
Amy, Wes has been a huge
help in taking care of Nana.
You really, really don't
have to say that, but yeah.
I have.
I come by the neighborhood
to kind of swing
by people places who are a
little more advanced in age.
It's part of my
calling, I guess.
Sounds very fulfilling.
It is.
Now, Amy, you live
in Los Angeles?
Shannon was telling
me that, right?
Yeah.
Los Feliz, well, actually
South Glendale, but everyone
knows that's actually where
all the interesting stuff
is happening anymore.
Have you been to Los Angeles?
You know, I took my little
cousin Seth for his birthday
to Disney World.
Yeah.
That's in Florida.
But...
It's close enough.
- So how long are you hear, Amy?
- Yeah.
I don't know.
I got a lot of balls in the
air and irons in the fire.
So... yeah.
Yeah.
I'm gonna be around for a while.
Well, good, because
Shannon, I know,
has been working her little
behind off around the house.
And maybe you
could help her out.
You know, help your sister out.
There's a big laundry
list of things to do.
And you could kind of tick
off some stuff for her.
You can do some stuff
together, definitely.
But I there are some things you
could kind of take on yourself.
Say, Wes, while we're on
the topic of laundry lists
and documents, I
was wondering if you
by chance, just
out of curiosity,
know if Nana had a will?
No.
I... I don't know
if she had a will.
I just come by and make
sure she's comfortable.
Yeah.
But don't you think she'd be
so much more comfortable if she
knew her affairs were
in order and everyone
knew where her money was going?
Amy.
Amy, the only will I'm
really concerned with
is the will of the Lord.
Now, if you two
will excuse me,
I'm going to go
scurrying on upstairs
and take care of the
lady of the hour.
If you're in town for a while,
you should stop by my church.
It might do you some good.
Whoa.
Look what I found.
Remember how much we
used to play with those?
I know.
What a couple of
little dipshits.
No.
I thought that was fun.
It's a fucking
can with string.
How entertaining could it be?
Hello.
What's an orgasm?
- That's me being an 8-year-old.
- Yeah.
Got that.
Can I ask you question?
How much do you trust
this guy around Nana?
What do you mean?
I saw this "Dateline NBC"
episode where this guy dressed
up as a pastor and he would
go into old ladies' houses
and pretend to be a pastor.
And they would fall
in love with him
and leave them all their
money when they died.
No.
I'm not really worried
about that happening.
But he is right that there is a
bunch of stuff around the house
that needs to get fixed.
Like what?
Like the gutters
need to be cleaned out.
OK.
What else?
That chair needs to be fixed.
That thing?
I can fix that in
like five seconds.
What else?
She has a copy of "One Hour
Photo" that's like nine months
overdue.
Do you think you could
handle returning that?
Are you fucking serious?
Yes.
I can handle that.
Hey, Pat and I are
gonna go hang out in town.
Do you want to come?
I'm really busy
doing work right now.
Oh.
That's so strange,
cause it sounds
like you're watching "Murphy
Brown" reruns on your laptop.
It's research.
It's fucking
ill that you found
a coffee shop in this
town that makes pour over.
Yeah.
I found it online.
I guess it just opened.
I can't believe people drink
the cat piss they try to pass
off as coffee in this town.
Why are you stopping here?
Turn around.
Turn around right now.
Look, Pastor Wes
felt really bad that we
got off on the wrong foot.
And he just wanted
to chat with us.
I'm not doing it.
- I'm not going there.
- OK.
Fine.
Shannon, crack
a window at least.
Shannon, dogs die like this.
Do they really have pour over?
Whoo.
How's everyone doing?
Good.
So Wes, how can we help you?
In someone's last
days, it becomes
crucially important to get
your ducks in a row as it were.
In terms of...
In terms of the afterlife.
Yeah, good question, Shannon.
Yeah.
I'm like barely out of my 20s.
So I don't think I have
to worry about that yet.
I'm talking about your
grandmother, of course.
She was a very, very important
member of our congregation.
And as such, I
would like to make
sure we're all on the same
page, if that makes any sense.
Well, yeah, I see
where this is going.
And where is that, Amy?
I've seen "Dateline."
I have too.
I saw the donation box up front.
It's stuffed full.
And those didn't
look like singles.
OK.
I don't... I can't connect that
to "Dateline" necessarily.
But we're raising money
for the youth group
to send them to South America
on an extreme Bible mission trip
to bring food and
water and skateboards
to under-served communities
in Peru, actually.
There's the poster.
Wow.
We're very proud of it.
OK.
I brought you here
today, because I think
your grandmother would be able
to pass on into the afterlife
a little bit easier
if she knew you two
were baptized in this church.
Yeah.
No fucking way.
Oh, and with the
language again.
Oh, I get it.
He's... he's doing a
kickflip on a skateboard
that's a... but it's a cross.
You stay out of this, Shannon.
This is between me
and Billy Graham.
I'm sorry, Billy Graham?
- Did I stutter?
- Yeah.
You just did a little bit
on the actual word stutter?
And maybe you're
doing ironically.
But I think you were
doing it ironically
as a way of being defensive.
I'm only being defensive,
because you're being offensive
in an environment
that is traditionally
known as a safe space, at
least from a legal standpoint.
I didn't want to
have to do this here.
But I'm just gonna
have to go ahead.
Lord, we thank you today as we
send these girls on a journey,
a journey of new beginnings.
Please...
What are you doing?
In the name of the
Father, the Son...
You can't do that.
And the Holy Spirit.
It's seltzer water.
No.
Stop it.
It's raspberry flavored.
I can't believe you told
a clergymen go fuck himself.
He may be exempt from
taxes, but that does not mean
he's exempt from criticism.
He clearly just wants a
piece of Nana's estate.
Why are you so paranoid that
everyone wants Nana's money?
Because I've seen it happen
a million times before.
You've seen what happen
a million times before?
This.
I don't know what this is.
Don't you think that's
part of the problem, Shannon?
I seriously wonder if
you were adopted sometimes.
Is that a new jacket?
Oh, yeah.
I... I got it when
you guys were our?
Isn't that the
same one Ted has?
I think it's...
I think it's similar.
But I think the... the
stitching's different.
OK.
Two truths and a lie.
I'll go first, all right?
Ready?
Number one, I bought
a new jacket today.
Two, I'm an orange
belt in Taekwondo.
And three, I once was
attacked by wild dogs.
And I made it out...
I beat all them up
and made it out.
- Three is the lie.
- Yeah.
You got it.
So do you drink or do I drink?
- I think we all drink.
- All right.
Sounds good to me.
OK.
I'll go.
Number one, Jeff Koons
once exposed himself to me.
Number two, Alexa
Chung once tried
to sell me fake blow in the
bathroom of a Cirque du Soleil.
Or three, I once had an
abortion in the middle
of a three week juice cleanse.
Well, you had...
I don't want to know.
Is it... is it two?
You got it.
- The blow was definitely real.
- Wow.
What Cirque did you see?
The underwater one.
That's a good one.
Oh my god.
It was amazing.
You guys are not doing
this game right at all.
That's not a lie.
You still did the blow, with
Alex Chung or whatever her name is.
If that's not how it's played,
how... how should we play it?
We used to make
them less obvious.
Like for me, I would say, one,
I've never been to Europe.
Two, I'm writing a novel.
Or three, I broke my
arm in the third grade.
Number three is lie.
No.
Number one.
I've never been to Europe.
No.
Bullshit.
You broke your arm
in the fourth grade.
Well, what difference
does that make?
Well, if you're gonna play
fast and loose with the truth,
then this game is
just a feeble charade.
Well, how do you
even know that that's
a grade that I broke it in?
I read it in your diary.
You read my diary?
- Yeah.
- Like when?
Like... like in middle school?
No.
Like last night.
What the fuck?
Are you serious?
Yeah.
What's the big deal?
I like found it in a box and
I liked flipped through it.
It's not like you're afraid
of drinking fountains anymore.
You're afraid of
drinking fountains?
My god the best part was when
you were talking about Ted.
Oh my god, Ted got the
cutest bowl cut today.
Ted sat next to me in lunch
and he ate all his prunes.
There was like an entire page
just like covered in his name
in like bubble letters.
That's very funny, Amy.
That's a great joke.
I'll go upstairs
and get and show you.
Oh my gosh.
I am... I'm gonna go inside.
I am... I'm beat.
You guys have... you guys have...
you guys have fun.
You don't have to go.
No, no, no.
It's all right.
Right?
Hey, have a good night.
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
Why would you think that's OK?
We're sisters.
I figured we share everything.
Oh.
Oh, OK.
So... so now, we're sisters?
Were we sisters when you
disappeared after mom's funeral
and went to La and nobody
heard from you for three years?
That's not what happened.
- Yes, it is.
- No.
I went to a yoga
retreat in Martha.
And then, I went to LA.
How do you think
that made me feel?
Huh?
I really could've used some
of that sister sharing then.
You know, I don't even know
why I'm surprised that you
would do something like this.
I thought you came
back to see Nana
and, I don't know,
maybe to see me.
But you came back to
get your inheritance.
And then, you're gonna
leave and no one's
gonna hear from you again.
What do you want
me to say, huh?
You want to hear
how I'm, like, broke
and unsuccessful out there?
What are you talking about?
You're on a big TV show.
I was a background extra
on a fucking soap opera.
And it's the only paycheck
I've had in months.
So yeah, I do need the
money, because I'm broke.
I'm gonna have to
move out of my shitty
fucking studio apartment.
Well, you're always
talking about how you live
in such a nice neighborhood.
Don't get me wrong, the
neighborhood is fucking...
Then, why don't you
move to a cheaper one?
God, I'm sick of this town.
I'm sick of not
being able to find
a decent bottle of Lambrusco.
I'm sick of boning poor townies.
What poor townies
did you bone?
I was kidding.
Never mind.
What poor townies?
Ted?
Is Ted the poor townie?
It wasn't a big deal, OK?
I thought this game
was an exercise
in openness and honesty.
Guess that was the lie.
Amy?
Oh my god.
Amy, hi.
Hey.
It's... it's Rachel.
Yeah, Ra...
Rachel.
Hey.
Hi.
Are you OK?
Oh, that?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was just doing that as a joke.
Oh, OK.
OK.
I hear you're in LA now.
That's great.
Yeah.
I live right off of 5.
I'm not really
sure what that means.
Yeah.
It's like one of the biggest
highways in the city.
Oh.
Yes.
Of course.
Yeah.
Well, that's great.
And oh my gosh, I saw
your episode of where
"Where to Sin in
Brentwood Park."
That's amazing.
Congratulations.
Oh.
Thank you so much.
And like what about you?
- You're like in like still into...
- Theater.
Yeah, theater.
Yeah, you were like always
like really into the theater.
I'm actually
teaching acting now
down at the community college.
Wow.
That's so great, Ra...
Rachel.
Yeah, Rachel.
Yeah.
It's so weird you keep
doing that, because I like...
I totally know your name.
Hey, would you
have any interest
in stopping by my class?
I know that they would love
to hear from a real Hollywood
star like you.
Oh, yeah.
Sure.
Of course.
Oh, that's great.
I'm actually on my way
there do you want to join?
Like, right now?
Yeah.
I mean, unless you have
something else to do.
Yeah, i actually...
So can you just talk a
little bit about Hollywood?
LA is like fucking tight.
There's like really
great Coffee.
Cafe Lux has like a cold brew
that'll like make you come.
Like serious.
There's like really
great sushi downtown,
but like not much else.
Great.
What about acting there?
Can you talk a little
bit about that?
Yeah, sure.
Um yeah, it's like really hard.
You like basically
want to be with the one
in the big five agencies.
I'm of course, with CIA.
And you know, just like
pound the pavement.
Great.
Does anyone have any
questions for Amy?
Yeah, Kate.
Have you ever been
to the Walk of Fame?
Yes, unfortunately.
Cool.
I was accosted by a
Jamaican there once.
Oh my god.
Yeah.
Do you have any
experience with UCB?
Is that a bar?
No.
It's a theater.
Amy, can you talk a little
bit about your process?
My process.
Your acting process.
Oh, right.
It like... it like...
it changes for
like every project.
I like employ a lot of
breathing techniques.
And I actually like the
traditional notion of a process
is like actually like a fallacy.
So like, I wouldn't
want to conform.
Yeah.
It's different
for every project.
Cool.
That's really cool.
Yeah.
Great.
So we're working on our
final scene for the semester.
Would you have any interest
in maybe running some lines?
- Yeah.
- Great.
Sure.
Great.
So we're doing a scene
from "Slumdog Millionaire."
And it's scene 11.
You can Latika.
And um Kevin, do
you want to come
up and do a scene with Amy?
- Yeah.
- Great.
Cool.
So...
Hey.
Hey.
OK.
So let's just take
it from the top.
And are you guys ready?
OK.
Great.
Cool.
Great.
And action.
He'll kill us if we go back.
He was going to take your
eyes out, for God's sake,
with a bloody spoon.
How could you do this to me?
Um...
No.
How could you do this to me?
You disappear for three
years and you come back
and you fucking
betray me like this?
No.
It was one thing when you
locked me in the basement
when we were kids
on Halloween, but
to come here and read my
fucking diary, how could you?
How could you be so
callous and so insensitive?
I thought I knew you, but I
don't know a thing about you.
Nana is dying in the other
room, her life leaving her more
and more with every breath.
And you somehow summon the
gall to come in here and rifle
through my things with no
consideration of my feelings.
You know, I...
I shouldn't be surprised that
you'd do something like this.
No.
It's so easy for you.
It's so easy for you, because
you can just run off to LA.
You can just run off to your
shitty fucking apartment,
but I can't.
I can't.
This is my life.
This is my life.
And if you can't see that,
then to hell with you.
To hell with you.
That was absolutely brilliant.
I just can't believe Amy.
Yeah?
Well, I thought we
were gonna, you know,
come maybe get ourselves a treat
and do some window shopping
and not talk about
your older sister.
No.
I know.
You're... you're right.
You're right.
Just go... go to Was World
and check out the new scents.
I'll be good.
Yeah?
Yeah.
That sounds good.
Sounds good.
There's actually...
I'm really sorry to
interrupt you, Pat.
I just... she's just like this
Hollywood brat, you know?
Just like comes
into town whenever
it's convenient for
her and then just fucks
whoever she wants to.
And it just... it
really pisses me off.
Wait.
Who did Amy fuck?
Ted.
Can you believe that?
Why do you care
if Amy fucks Ted?
Well, I don't like
care, obviously.
It's like the
principle of the thing.
I mean, it's gonna be weird
now every time we see him.
I'm confused.
- Could you just back me up?
- Yeah.
100%.
Of course.
Thank you.
Um, what do you want to do?
Well, you know what?
I... I think I just
need to be alone.
I'm gonna like go chill in
the food court, have a fro-yo.
Is that OK?
Oh, without me?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I will find a way to
occupy myself so that you
can have some alone time.
OK.
- All right?
- Thanks.
I'll see you at home.
A nice little boys
night we got here, huh?
Yeah.
Are you sure you don't
want to try my Margarita?
It's probably the
best I've ever had.
I'm good with the beer.
Ted, thank you for
coming out so last minute.
I um... I got to
admit, things are
kind of heated at the house.
Did you tell Shannon
that I slept with Amy?
Oh, no, no, no.
I... I just...
I just found out myself.
So...
I didn't want her
to find out, you know.
It was like this
big drunk thing.
It was a huge mistake.
It was stupid.
So...
Right.
No... no problem.
Cool.
Can I... this is just such...
this is kind of dude bro talk.
Can I ask you what it's like...
What?
Sleep with Amy?
Yeah.
It was weird, man.
It was really weird.
It was really aggressive,
you know what I mean?
More than I thought it would
be, like a lot of chanting,
a lot weird stuff, man.
Chanting?
You heard of Kama Sutra?
No.
Me either, but she
was talking about...
a lot about stuff like that.
Just the sounds that were
coming out of her was just...
I don't know, man.
She tore me up.
Well, Ted, I think it'd
be a great idea if you came
to Nana's house and
you guys all talked
and smoothed things over.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Could can make some drinks
and put the kettle corn on.
It's just simple
syrup and kernels
and you just kind of let it go.
And...
All right.
Actually, that doesn't sound
like too bad of an idea,
especially if there's
kettle corn there.
I fucking love can kettle corn.
You know what also sounds
like not too bad of an idea?
Getting some grub at the table.
I read online that this
cantina has the best pambazo.
What's pambazo?
No idea.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Cool jacket, man.
Hey, thanks, Ted.
Hello?
Hey, babe.
How was dinner?
- Hi, Ted.
- Hey.
It was really good.
We actually were just
having some pambazo,
just a little boys' night out.
You guys want a...
you guys want a drink?
- I can whip up some Gimlets.
- Yeah.
Hey.
Meet me at the front door.
Yeah, sure.
I'll come.
And bring some vodka.
Amy, what are you doing here?
Shannon locked me out.
Oh, OK.
Well, I... oh.
God, that's good.
Really?
Yeah.
Thanks.
Shannon's gonna be really
mad that you're here.
And um, also Ted's here.
What the hell
is Ted doing here?
Oh, we were just
getting pambazo
and I brought him back here,
kind of a boys' night out.
What the fuck is pambazo?
It's a Mexican white...
Never mind.
Come with me.
Where?
Say, we're all out of vodka.
So only had enough to make two.
So I'm just gonna run to the
store and grab some more.
Oh, you... you don't
need to do that.
I will.
I'll be right back.
Ultimately, I think the best way
to structure it is a Roth IRA,
even though the annual
contribution cap is $55,000.
But I have a mini golf
buddy who works at H&R Block
and that's what
he was telling me.
So...
Wow.
So you're like really
into retirement.
Oh, you're telling me.
Yeah.
I put at least 45% of every
paycheck into the bucket.
I mean, you have got
to know that's insane.
I'll tell you what's
insane, not being prepared.
You know, I don't think I've
ever asked you what you do.
I work at a soup restaurant.
Wow.
You work with homeless people.
That must be so rewarding.
It's not a soup kitchen.
It's a restaurant that sells
soup, although we do have
a homeless guy who jerks
off in the bathroom
on a consistent basis.
So...
So you and Amy?
Huh.
Yup.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
I feel like it's weird now.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Don't apologize.
I think it's great.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Maybe she'll be easier to be
around once she gets fucked.
You know, we have more
of a mature relationship,
Shani and I. You know?
We... we're in bed,
most nights, by
or before 9, which in some
ways is better than sex.
Really?
No.
No.
Can I tell you a secret?
Hit me.
I'm thinking of
proposing to her.
Wow.
Bombshell.
Do you think that's dumb?
The outdated institutions
of marriage and monogamy
or you proposing to Shannon?
Either.
I think you guys
are great together
and that's all that matters.
So 9 PM, huh?
Not always that early, but...
It's pretty lame either way.
Do you remember Jeff
Cornelius from high school?
Was he the guy that threw
the dead cat in the lunchroom?
No.
That was... that was Kyle Flynn.
And I think also me.
But Cornelius was the
guy who used a Doritos
bag as a condom one time.
What?
What?
You didn't hear about that?
That was huge.
What flavor?
Cool Ranch, for
sure, obviously.
Actually, I recall
reading an article
about how Cool Ranch is a
highly effective contraceptive.
I think I read that too.
Yeah, that was very...
that was in a well-published
medical journal.
I think it was Mad Magazine.
I wonder where Pat went.
Um, I mean, the liquor
store's pretty far away.
So I don't know...
and you and him are...
you guys are pretty
serious, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah, we are.
I mean, we live together.
We have a shared Netflix queue.
I didn't know they
still had the... the queue.
Yeah.
And he's like a karate guy?
Or what does he...
what is his thing?
Mhm.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He's training to
get his black belt.
- Very cool.
- Wow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Karate's like... it's
one of those things
where like if I wanted
to do it, I would be
like really really good at it.
Oh, really?
I mean, I'm not saying
they'd give me my own dojo,
but I'd probably get a
black belt pretty quickly.
I'm saying week one I get...
I get my black belt for sure.
That's crazy hearing
all those stories
about people from high school.
You know, the craziest
thing about back
then is that I had like
a huge crush on you
all through high school.
- You did?
- Yeah.
You want some?
It'd probably like totally
ruin my Taekwondo routine,
but yeah.
I guess I could
try to take a drag.
Is this how you do it?
Can I ask you something?
Mhm.
Why are you always
like lifting weights
and doing P90X and stuff?
I never really
thought about it.
I guess I always just
wanted to be somebody that,
like, nobody ever fucked with.
You know?
You wait here.
I'm gonna go get the
rest of that vodka.
Don't tell
Shannon you're here.
She's gonna be pissed
that you're here.
I'll be quiet.
Hey, hey.
Wake up.
Let's go and get another drink.
You want to do that right now?
Yeah, yeah.
- I'm buying.
- OK.
Let's live a little.
Pat?
You home?
Holy shit.
Shannon, I love you.
You're... you are
everything to me.
I know it's been crazy lately.
And I know we haven't made love
in two months and that's OK.
I'm OK with that.
But there's a question that
I have been meaning to ask
you for a really long time.
And I really think now is
the perfect time to ask it.
Will you take my
hand in marriage?
Oh, hey.
You see the sinks in there?
Oh, man oh man.
It's very nice.
This is unexpected.
What made you want to go out?
You know, I thought
it'd be a real treat.
Well, thank you.
Wish I would've known
about it a little sooner.
I would've dressed
up a little bit.
Oh, no.
You look great the
way that you are.
Um, Shannon, there's actually
a question I wanted to ask you.
Hey.
Fancy meeting you guys here.
Amy, what are you doing here?
I just thought I'd
come tag-along, get
a little nosh with you guys.
Hey, can I get
you something to drink?
Yeah, can I see
your list of bitters?
Never mind.
What are you guys having?
Frangelico.
Oh, that sounds fancy.
It's not.
Trust me.
I'll just have a
large glass of gin.
Thanks.
You know, Shannon,
you've got the taste
in liquor of an 11th grader.
Amy, remind me
again why you're here?
Oh, I just wanted to
come be with my family
that I love so dearly.
You know, I happened
to notice that you
haven't fixed the chair or
returned "One Hour Photo."
Not yet.
But I will.
I think they have a very
liberal return policies.
So I think we still
have a few more days.
That was the simplest
thing you had to do.
It seems like it should've been
pretty easy to take care of.
It will be really easy to
take care of once I set my mind
to it and initiate the process.
And when will that be?
Right after I fix the chair.
Did they bring
bread to the table?
Excuse me.
Can read some... some bread?
Yeah.
I don't work here.
Can you find someone who does?
Do you know what
your problem is?
That I wasn't born
with a different sister?
Your complete and utter
lack of responsibility.
Oh, no.
Mom's yelling at me again.
Don't fucking say that.
Don't censor me, Stalin.
You're insane.
Do you hear the things
that you say sometimes?
What do you want me to say?
You've been up my
ass this entire trip.
Trip?
This is not fucking
semester at sea.
We're only here
because Nana is dying.
Shannon, I actually...
Not now, Pat.
You are treating this like it
is your own personal vacation,
with no consideration for
what is actually important.
You're a child, just drinking
all the time and screwing guys.
Oh, is that what children
do, drink and have sex?
You know what I mean.
That reminds me of why I came
down to this little roadhouse.
Great choice of venue
by the way, Pat.
Oh, thanks.
I have a question
for you, Shannon.
I was poking around
your room earlier
and I happened to come
across a little something.
Oh, perfect.
You were going
through things again.
You knew where Nana's
will was this entire time.
And you thought it was
OK to hide it from me?
So you read my diary
and now you're rifling
through my fucking luggage.
We are both gonna
inherit $75,000.
And you thought it was
OK to hide it from me?
Well, I only hid it
from you, because it's
pretty obvious that you only
came back for the money.
A, that's bullshit.
And B, where the fuck's my gin?
Thank you.
And C, I think you've been
hiding a lot of things lately.
Oh, really?
Like what?
Well, I don't like French
kissing the shit out of Ted.
You French kissed Ted?
That's not... that's not
what that sounds like.
That's... that's... that's not...
it's not... that's not...
I was confused.
That's not what it sounds like.
It's... that... it's
actually... it's...
it's just like a funny story.
There's shrimp on this carpet.
It's not even a
seafood restaurant.
Babe.
Now, look what you've done.
Pat.
Pat?
Jesus fucking Christ.
So just, again, I'm a pastor.
And...
I'm sorry.
You just... you scared the
living shit out of me.
Yeah.
Where are you going?
I'm looking for my
sister's boyfriend.
How is it going by the way,
with Shannon, I do want to ask?
We're doing great.
Thanks so much for asking.
Your tone.
What do you have against me?
I just got ask.
Honestly?
Your haircut.
You look like John Edwards
joined the Hitler Youth.
That hurt my feelings.
You know?
I think you have clinical
trust issues, if I may.
That's what my therapist says.
You really, really have
trouble letting people in.
I mean, you... you withhold
love actively from people.
OK?
You're doing it with me.
You do it to Shannon, clearly.
And I bet you do it with
everyone back home in LA.
What do you know?
I know a lot more
than you think actually.
You know, if you had
a little more faith,
miraculous things
would start to happen.
I'm gonna...
OK.
If one were to want to
stop withholding love,
what would one do about that?
So are you asking
for a friend or...
- I'm asking for myself.
- OK.
That was clear.
I would start by forgiving.
That's it?
Mhm.
I thought you were gonna
tell me something stupid, like
to give myself over to God.
Well, I baptized you already.
So that's been taken care of.
No You didn't.
I rejected that baptism.
Water hit your skin.
You... you can't reject it.
That baptism did not count.
The water touched your skin.
Water counts.
I reject that baptism.
The water counts.
Hey, Pat.
How you doing, buddy?
Oh, what do you think?
Pat, come on.
Stop it.
Why?
What's the point?
Well, I mean, I'm pretty
sure that's littering.
I was gonna drown
myself in the river,
but I'm such a sick
swimmer that I'm
pretty my fighter instincts
would've kicked in
and not let me drown.
I was so pumped to
propose to Shannon.
Like... like I was really excited
to spend the rest of my life
with her.
And then, she goes and
kisses someone else.
And Ted?
What a fucking chode, you know?
I trusted him.
Whatever happened to
bro's before hoes?
I think part of the
problem there might
be referring to women as hoes.
It's just an expression.
I don't think Shannon's a hoe.
And I don't think you're a hoe.
Thank you.
You know, I'm not a
big actress, right?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, no.
I know.
- You do?
- Yeah.
I Googled you.
What'd you find?
Not a lot.
Fuck.
I work at a frozen yogurt shop...
worked at a frozen yogurt shop.
I'm pretty sure they
fired me after I
stopped showing up last week.
I work at a fucking
soup restaurant.
So we're both failures.
Yeah.
Yeah, I guess so.
Um, I'm gonna go
talk to Shannon.
Are you gonna be OK?
Yeah.
I've got something I
need to take care of.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I mean, I know you're
going through a lot.
I am.
It's like I was
the guinea pig.
No.
You're not the guinea pig.
I'm so sorry.
I hope you don't mind
that I borrowed your dress.
I just thought it looked
cool and I don't know
made me feel closer to you.
No problem, Amy.
It looks better on
you than it did on me.
Nana, I'm so glad
you're feeling better.
Yeah, well, you
know, sometimes
you just have to disconnect
from everything for a while.
Why do you think I came
back to this shitty town?
No offense.
It's OK.
You can't find a decent cup
of coffee for miles around.
Thank you.
I'm sorry I couldn't come
back and help out more.
It's OK.
You've been busy in Hollywood.
I still feel like
I should visit more.
Sometimes it feels like I don't
even have a family, you know?
I hear you.
You want some?
Have you ever known me to
turn down a glass of wine?
Where did you find this?
In the corner cabinet?
Yeah.
It's all you had left.
Well, I think that must
be three decades old.
Yeah, well, me
too, am I right?
Oh, Amy, don't worry.
You're going to be fine.
Oh, I know you worry about
your career and your finances
and whether or not
you've ever really
had an orgasm, but
just know that I have
always been so proud of you.
Oh, Nana, I love you so much.
I love you too.
What were you thinking?
Like I'm genuinely
curious to know
what your thought process was.
I'd never been down
to the river with her
and I figured my
time was running out.
She could've died.
I mean, she's already
kind of dying anyways.
Oh my god.
Right?
Am I wrong about that?
So it's not looking good.
Due to her last round of
chemo, her immune system
is incredibly vulnerable.
And being outside near
the river last night,
she developed pretty
severe pneumonia.
I know in our last meeting,
I advised you to just
pretty much keep her in bed.
So I'm not sure
why anybody thought
it was a good idea
to take her outside
in the middle of the night.
I wasn't in that meeting.
So no one told me
not to do that.
Nobody told you not
to take your dying
grandmother outside at 2:00 AM?
No.
But I mean, I know not to
do that now going forward.
I also found trace amounts
of alcohol in her bloodstream.
Do either of you know
what that's about?
OK.
I'm feeling really
attacked right now.
OK.
Doctor, what do we do now?
Besides not
taking her outside.
Well, at this point,
there's not much we can do.
Your grandmother's condition
has been deteriorating
for quite some time.
It was never a question
of whether or not
she was going to pass.
It was a matter of when.
At this point, I would
say 24 to 48 hours.
I think the best thing
we could do at this point
is just try to keep her as
comfortable as possible.
Are you fucking serious?
Do your job.
Didn't you take
the Socratic oath?
Hippocratic?
Yes I did.
That's kind of what
this is all about.
Listen, I'm not here to
argue semantics with you, pal.
- Are you a doctor or not?
- Whoa.
Look.
I'm... I'm really sorry.
Could we please
have a moment alone?
Amy.
Amy.
Amy, stop.
I knew we should've gotten
a doctor from the city.
The entire American
healthcare system is fucked.
We've got to bring
Nana to China.
Herbs, acupuncture,
botanicals, spices, oil.
What are you talking about?
She has severe pneumonia.
She wouldn't even make
it to the airport.
We'll take a boat.
Amy, stop, OK?
This is really serious.
Well, what should we do?
I mean, what can we do?
You heard what she said.
You know Nana's had a
really long and happy life.
And I think she deserves
to die with some dignity,
in the company of her family.
I think we should just let
nature take it's course.
Can I just say that I am
so sorry about everything?
No.
I'm sorry.
I... I had no idea
you were that poor.
God, you don't have
to say it like that.
Sorry.
So that's it?
What do you mean?
We just let Nana...
You know, I think we should
try to make her comfortable
and maybe do something
with her that we
would have wanted to do anyway.
Stupid thing.
I can't get a picture.
Have
you tried turning it on?
Want to watch another one?
I torrented all 10
seasons of "Murphy Brown."
I can go all night.
Wait.
Got any Cheladas left?
Oh, yeah.
You know it.
Thank you, Miles.
We entreat you,
oh Lord, to look
with favor on your
servant Catherine,
who has passed on to your care.
May you reunite her
with her husband Walter.
Please refresh the life
that you have created
and then taken away from us.
Chastened by suffering, may
she now know that she has been
saved through your healing.
- Through Christ our Lord, amen.
- Amen.
Thank you so much
for everything.
You're welcome.
I hope it wasn't too late to
do the last rites, I mean,
after she's already dead.
It's fine.
Can I do like a confession?
Yeah.
Come on down anytime.
I stole a pen
from your office.
Or do it now.
It fell between the cushions
in the car and it got stuck.
So I can't get it back.
But I wanted to get
that off my chest.
You're forgiven.
Cool.
Thanks, Wes.
Can I walk you out?
Sure thing.
Yeah.
Is this fucking
raspberry seltzer water?
You still have this.
Yeah, I thought I'd
keep and take the late fee
out of my inheritance.
What are you gonna
do with yours?
I don't know.
I have a mountain
of student loans.
So I thought I'd use some
of it to pay that off.
Boring.
Well, what should
I do with it then?
I don't know.
Why don't you use some of
it and come visit me in LA?
OK.
Fine.
That sounds good.
What are you gonna
do with yours?
Besides buying DVDs?
I think I might use some
of it and give it to Pastor
Wes' church skateboarding trip.
I think Nana would like that.
Yeah, I think so too.
Who's here?
Hello?
Amy, what's up?
It's your agent Dave.
How's it going?
Oh, hi.
Good to hear from you.
Yeah,
so, hey, listen.
I'm really sorry it's taken
me so long to get back to you.
It's been kind of just a
hectic week around the office.
I've also been having to
drive my kids around town,
you know, back and forth
to soccer practice.
We've normally got a
nanny that does that,
but she's actually
been in the hospital
for three or four days now.
Oh my god.
Is she OK?
I don't know.
She apparently inhaled some
chlorine or pool or something.
We hired a replacement already.
So it's not a big deal.
But say, how's New Mexico?
- New York.
- Yeah.
Cool.
Cool.
Cool Cool.
So hey, listen.
I'm calling because I got
some good news for you
and I got some bad news for you.
Do you want to hear it?
I think so.
So bad
news is you didn't
get that movie you auditioned
for a couple weeks ago.
But the good news is I
did book you a commercial.
Really?
Yeah, it's
a regional commercial for
a dental school in the Midwest.
Pay is not great,
but they're gonna
fly you out and put
you up in a Radisson,
which is pretty sweet.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's actually something
I've been kind
of wanting to discuss with you.
I feel like we should
be kind of focusing more
on commercial gigs like this.
You know, I know you want
to do TV and film and stuff,
but maybe that's just
not the right direction
for you right now.
Hey, Shannon
and I are gonna go
get some food, if you want to...
Amy,
can you hear me?
Fucking T-Mobile.
Amy.