What's Up Connection (1990) Movie Script
1
Director: Masashi Yamamoto.
What's Up Connection.
My name is Chi Gau-shin (Batshit Crazy)...
Born and raised
in Hong Kong.
A pure HongKonger.
I'm destined for the good life,
with a knack for the hustle.
...I own my home.
Around here,
the land is yours once you build on it.
That's how my gramps started here.
And now my parents, my siblings...
we each have our own places.
Along with the others,
you could even call us a village.
Brother, you're awake?
Why don't sleep more?
It's better for your health!
- Dad!
- Gau-shin!
Haven't eaten yet?
You look weak.
Hurry up or you'll miss your plane!
Mom, you can go para-sailing in Bali...
Para... what?
Like, a speed boat pulls you while
you wear a parachute.
Thailand has that too!
Sounds cool, and scary!
Bali and Hong Kong are close to each other.
Hey, don't go to Japan.
Stop nagging me.
You'll come back liking radishes
which'll make it impossible to fart.
I dreamt
that all your planes fell into the sea,
wrecked and drowned.
Oh please!
Shut up! Kiddo,
- What did you say?
- Cantonese.
Let's not start the day like this.
Dad, let go of her!
Pervert!
We were just messing around,
but then we all won.
I won a trip for two to Japan.
Of course I will go with Yaolan.
Dad got a trip to Thailand.
Mom won one to Bali...
I guess the god's are on our side.
Hurry up!
Stop rushing! I'm coming!
Don't stain the sheets!
I'll toss you overboard you shit!
They're so excitable...
it's just traveling.
Hey, want to go again?
We love each other.
Proof? We make love eight times every day
before lunch.
That's how deep we love each other.
Did you know Harajuku and
Aoyama are next to each other?
...Shibuya is close by too.
Roppongi is that way too!
I'd love to go to all those places,
but the itinerary is set.
The last day is free time.
We can go then.
Seiko Matsuda's opened a storefront there.
Let's go shopping.
We agreed to spend that time at Disneyland.
No.
Don't be like that... let's go together...
I'm going to Harajuku.
What's good in Harajuku?
Harajuku is no better than this room.
Well, I'm not going.
Don't be like that.
Let's go together!
Let's do our own things.
Since you like Disneyland so much.
I'm set on going to Harajuku.
Well I'm going to Disneyland.
And if you don't come with me,
Sylvester will come after you.
You do as you like.
What is with you?
Forget it. I'm not going.
Hey, chill out, why are you tripping?
We leave tomorrow.
Hey, where are you going?
I told you, I'm not going to Japan.
You go on that lame tour yourself!
Hey!
Hey!
Congratulations!
(OSAKA, JAPAN)
You got the job!
You think I can handle it?
You'll do just fine...
With my English and Cantonese?
Anyway, you better get moving...
to the airport.
Your Hong Kong guest arrives in one hour.
Here's the itinerary.
Today?
No time to waste.
Name, photo...
...meals, hotel...
Just follow this,
...and bring the receipts!
Right now?
Car keys, car is right outside.
...Relax... you'll be fine.
Don't worry so much about the language.
It's the thought that counts.
Alright, Honey, am I missing anything?
I mean Mr. C.E.O.
Yes, Mr. President?
Welcome Mr. Gua-shin Chi
(in bad Cantonese) You came alone?
First time in Japan?
It's my first day.
What are you saying?
Uhh... You don't follow?
You are my first time.
You mean, it's your
first time as a tour guide?
Yeah?
Yes, Yes.
- There's no one else?
- Indeed.
You're my first.
I'm hungry.
Wha...?
I'm hungry!
What did you say?
I said, "I'm hungry!"
(in Japanese) Please feed me!
(In Japanese) My God, it speaks Japanese.
M-m-m delicious. This is... udon.
...Udon.
Could I get a receipt?
Receipt? Well, I...
Alright, ...Udon ...280 yen...
Thank you very much, come again.
Let's see... stand 'n
slurp udon for dinner...
A light stroll through downtown...
Takoyaki for dessert...
Look's like that's it for today.
(in broken Cantonese)
That's it for the day.
Let me bring you to the hotel.
Okay!
Hey, keep it down!
Oh, sorry, wrong room.
Fuck.
Must be that bitch Yaolan
hexing me from Hong Kong.
Tomorrow Tokyo! Excited?
(in broken Cantonese)
We are heading to Tokyo tomorrow.
I've never been before.
First time for you too, huh?
We'll have extra fun!
Where's my stuff?
I'm sure I left them here...
All my stuff is gone!
What's the matter?
Hey, where are your things?
My money, passport, ticket...
All my shit is there!
I just started, and now
they're going to fire me.
Call the police already, I'm off.
International scandal? Big deal?
Agency's license suspended?
And I'll get 11 years
for not reporting it...
Where else to go sightseeing, Mom?
Think I have nothing better to do,
than to solve your problems?
Kyoto? What about Yasaka's?
Not Yasaka construction, Yasaka temple...
they have a good mystic.
...and so, between bull & tiger...
What? Bull & tiger?
In other words Kimon,
the devil's back gate.
Kimono?
No, not kimono, Kimon...
15 degrees due east, by 15 due north
...is where evil spirits dwell...
Which direction was that again?
15 due north...
Where are we going?
That capsule "hotel" is too sad.
Out of my benevolent heart
I've arranged something else.
A big mansion, if you will...
Hey Mom, can you put him up for the night?
Tonight?
Got to keep him from the cops
and the capsule hotel is gross.
You may enter.
Be back tomorrow.
I'll pick him up in the morning.
Hi!
What a doll... just my type!!
Let me take you to your room, come along...
This way...
Make yourself at home.
WHAT YOU WANT, BABY I GOT IT!
And don't worry,
that Yasaka mystic can find anything.
Once I lost a bike,
and she found it.
Well, good night then.
C'mon in baby.
Chump change...
15,000
This is all I could get, Mom.
Twisted world, I tell ya!
Said I could just
leave if I didn't like it.
Imagine, taking advantage
of someone like me.
How'd you make out?
A measly 5,000.
Oh No! 'Some guy lost his bag!!
... these things do happen y'know
...MOTHRA...MOTHRA...
Bull & tiger, Bull & tiger...
I'm beat... let's eat something.
This isn't working...
Let's report it.
I'll tell them it wasn't
your fault or anything...
Japanese police aren't nice people.
But how will I get home like this?
What a mess...
No point being mad. I can't
think when I'm this hungry.
Kushikatsu sounds good... Tenguya it is!
Haven't seen iso around have you?
Nope.
Okay...
And just when I'm in the mood to play host.
Why are you wearing my clothes?
Where's my money? My plane ticket?
And my lucky charm from Wong Tai Sin!
Hey sis, what's eating him?
He wants his stuff back.
Where is it? Well?
I don't know what you're talking about!
It's all a bit small for you, no?
I got these from my loving son...
Don't mess with me lady!
I'm going to break your legs.
Hand it over!
Hey! Hey!! Not so loud...
Well, that's pretty much it.
Not quite.
What? You're going to go
to the cops or something?
What about my plane ticket, my money?
Where's the ticket, and the money?
That's long gone...
Ticket alone went for drinks...
What?
I had 100,000 in here!
There was 200,000 in cash...
All together, 300,000!!
You hear me?? 300,000!!
Wow, so rich!
- Please, give it back!
- You're Japanese, be reasonable!
I have to go home!
Read my lips: It's all gone...
Anyways, it's tomorrow that counts,
The future is bright!
What's she saying?
Hey, stop it,
Are you deaf or something? It's been spent!
But we might be able to
make some new money...
Enough, I'll be back by ten.
Make yourselves at home.
Where are you going?
Fools, I got no time for the past..
You know, misunderstandings
are the root of all problems...
Akane, you sure can talk...
I guess there's no rush...
The yen is strong...
I could make some cash before heading home.
Sure... play a little,
work a little, then go...
It'd make Mom and Dad happy.-..
There you go! What a good son!
What are you two yapping about?
Gau's come to his senses.
He recognizes he over reacted.
You sure?
Who asked you!
Take this chance to make some money.
That's right, and we can help.
Like we really need your help...
First we've got to get you to Tokyo.
Everyone will pitch in.
Have you no shame?
Tokyo...
I've never been outside Osaka.
Are you for real?
Excuse me, can I have your attention!
This boy here, in the red T-shirt,
he just got in from Hong Kong...
Hong Kong? What is a "Hon Kon""?
A pachinko casino in Kyoto.
Stupid...
His plane ticket and money
was stolen by some low-life...
Why does he have to fly to Kyoto?
'Cause its the space age!
What don't you get?
Really, he can't get home, flat out broke.
C'mon everybody! Pocket
change, anything helps.
I still don't get it...
Why is some pachinko kid...
Listen numbnuts... you listenin'?
Dish out the big bucks... now!
Cause then, when we hit Kyoto,
we'll be treated like kings, get it?
Thank you, really appreciate it.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you... thank you very much...
Thank you.
Thank you very much...
Thank you...
Even donating their trash...
What do you think you're doing?
Starting shit?
Just coming in, shooting like this...
Sing one for us?
I'd be wasting my talents on you...
Commercial?
Commercial.
It's loaded, stop!
(But you said I could film you?)
Here, shoot him.
If you shoot him,
the cops'll know where he is...
Thank you.
Want some?
Come.
(Thank you)
Excuse me... do you mind? Thanks.
Good job!
Good job!
I love you!
What do you think you're doing?
I won't be able to get work!
Employment Insurance.
Here, this is for you.
I won't forget your kindness.
Have a nice trip.
What a beautiful friendship...
- She said, "What a beautiful friendship"
- Akane is missing.
- No doubt up to no good.
- We'd better get going.
Thanks a lot!
Goodbye, bye now!
Goodbye.
Bye!
Goodbye!
So long, farewell, happy trails!
"Life is full of farewells,
"and reunions...
"But it's a lot of other things too.
"Hey! Farewell my love..."
Even though we may part..
"We will be together again...
"Look alive, in with the times."
"Wild and dangerous
The time we live is like
a flower in blossom...
Even though we may part,
I'll not be another's wife...
Waiting, waiting for you, pining...
Chewing gum in my pocket...
Keep the sea in your soul
"... but never neglect your parents...
Go join the struggle...
Keep the sea in your soul,
but don't forget your parents...
One cup, one cup
"to the one I love...
"Goodbye, goodbye."
I won't let your kindness be in vain!
Disneyland, here I come!
Mickey! Donald! Goofy! Here I come!
How much did we make today and yesterday?
What's the total?
We've got... 4,235...
Yeah?
"Life hanging on the wind...
blow winds b-I-o-w...
I thought you said we're
heading to Disneyland.
Stowaways should shut up and be grateful.
Let's go to Disneyland!
We'll get to Disneyland,
but this is my first time to Tokyo,
and I want to go shopping in Harajuku.
Let's take a shortcut?
Through Harajuku?
Shortcut? More like
going around in circles.
Harajuku, Aoyama, Roppongi.
Why is Disney in such an odd area?
I don't get it...
Oh my god!
Disneyland's so tiny!
Who would have thought...
C'mon, cheer up.
Maybe it's better inside.
OUR 5 MILLIONTH VISITORS!!
WINS FREE HONG KONG TOUR!!
Devotees, I have traveled the world over.
Touching upon all four seas...
And thus the gods have
granted me the power,
to save you all from damnation.
Phony!
Wishes granted for $10!
MUSIC: "Deng Hua Bao Xi: By Tsui Ping.
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Help me!
Come on! Don't be lazy!
How did that lifebuoy become a deity?
Yeah... I dunno...
Our village deity is peculiar, huh?
Yaolan! Yaolan!
Delicious!
Disgusting!
Your brother-in-law is moving out today.
So be it.
What's wrong, Gau-shin?
Yaolan's giving him the cold shoulder.
It's cause he brought girls home.
They came all on their own!
Yeah, I haven't seen her lately...
But sales have doubled
since those two got here.
Have you forgotten the three years and
eight months of the Japanese occupation?
Hey, wrong pocket jackass!
Hand it over.
That radish head is a weirdo.
Saw her peeping into
Yaolan's the other day.
What?
Sit down! A peep isn't going to hurt her.
Laundry's finished!
Well done... thanks a lot.
What's the matter sir?
Hong Kong has bad people too!
And I'm sure there are
nice Japanese people...
Sure, everything you say is correct.
What was that?
I'm out of here.
Sorry, I overslept.
Dreamt of grandpa visiting...
Couldn't sleep all night...
Again?
He's always coming in my dreams.
Yaolan says that too.
I haven't had that dream in a bit.
Grandpa chats with Gau-shin in his sleep.
Gramps is pretty long-winded.
That's our grandpa!
Itadakimasu.
There's a stand just over here...
Finest imitation timepieces...
Even an expert can't tell the difference.
How much is this one here?
15,000.
Steep. This one?
25,000.
No, too high. This one?
40,000.
Don't waste my time...
Nothing cheaper!?
How about this, 800,000.
What're you trying to pull?
This one please.
Show me your license.
Hey, keep out of this!
You know fakes are illegal, right?
He's just not that kind of boy!
He is kind and respects me.
For mother's day,
he gave me beautiful deerskin thong...
He's just not...
He's always been such a good boy.
You terrible disgrace!
Coercing those little Japanese
girls into your schemes!!
You awful child!
That was easy.
It was my stirring rendition
of a mother's anguish.
You slipped away pretty quick...
I just wanted to let the others know.
And Yaolan... Selling us out like that!
I don't wanna see her again!
Now now... Calm down...
We have to find out the reason...
Yaolan... you there?
It's me...
I brought some booze...
Yaolan...
It's me...
Oh... I knew you were here.
...Uh, I guess I'll be going...
Dad, want to drink with me?
It'll never dry like that.
I'll do things my way, thank you very much.
No need to pretend with me...
Tongue sharp as ever, June bug.
No matter what you do.
I'm not selling.
My days are numbered...
I've accepted my fate as a lackey.
Maybe it's my heart speaking, but I couldn't
take this land even if you gave it to me.
Who can I blame for loving you?
That was a long time ago.
Remember how mad your dad was?
Really beat me up too.
Of course, couldn't stand his best friend
hooking up with his daughter.
What? So serious today...
Sometimes I think...
If only I could be like your dad...
...sleeping the days away...
I am old now...
How do you think about this building?
It's great!
When it's done,
it will be one of the greatest
buildings of the world.
The building will be operated by China,
Japan, fucking United States,
and EC (European Community) countries
and those motherfuckers Soviet Union.
It'll house over 100 offices,
of the world's largest corporations,
as well as 48 banks. No drugstores.
Anyway,
This building will be the center of
Hong Kong after China takes over.
Actually I got a question, ma'am,
What will you do after China
takes over Hong Kong?
Why not just take my money?
Maybe you should just
get out of here to Australia?
Kangaroo meat is tastes great!
You should try Kangaroo meat!
Anyway,
this building will be the
greatest building for world trade.
Very serious!
I'm supposed to believe this, right?
If we leave this land,
We can start our business again.
Mr. Yasaki,
I know what's on your mind.
You just want to get rid of us.
How was your trip, Mrs. Chi?
What?
You know, you're very lucky,
to win a free trip like that.
That kind of things don't happen every day.
Sure!
Because we have the gods on our side.
We have done all the
surveying of your land,
while you were enjoying your trip.
We know the costs.
Only your family didn't let us do it.
I think,
your gods gave us a little bit favor too.
What? You mean you set it up?
There's nothing we can't do.
You know,
by the end of next week,
you'll be the only ones here.
What a pity.
Look, I show you.
A giant tree is just about the sprout here,
and the tree will have countless branches.
If one branch comes on the right,
It will branch on the left side.
And American, Soviet Union, Japan,
China, Hong Kong,
all of them are branches.
You know?
The tree will be that great.
The tree is not ready to sprout yet.
You know why?
It's all because you
still live on the ground!
I don't want to make any problems.
We just would like to get great agreement.
For peaceful Asian nation Because the building
will represent international friendship.
But it must start with
friendship between you and me.
I'm with the Jap now.
Maybe I'll move to Japan.
Then I can go to Harajuku everyday.
You still mad about that?
I can finally leave this disgusting place.
As you know, Tokyo is very clean.
May I open the window?
Stop daydreaming.
If you're done with the
laundry, scrub the floors!
Fucking go back to Japan!
What's up...?
Oh! Kumi...
It's been great fun, but...
Yeah, take care 'a yourself.
I'm out.
No one can stop me, I'm through!
Who's stopping you?
You're on their side?
Listen, you wanna go?
It'll be more tranquil without you.
So long!
I can't believe it!
Damn it!
Everyone is a jerk.
Why aren't you making watches today?
Day off...
To the right, lower...
This game's lame.
Make me a new one...
It's your computer, make your own.
Harder, and mind your own business.
I said make me a new one!
Shut up! Got it?
Hey, keep going.
I'm home.
Haven't seen you in a long time.
Where've you been the past 3 days?
Let's just drop it...
You better straighten yourself up...
You're always nagging! I'm out!
Mom, is it dinner time yet? I'm starved!
Make your own dinner!
Suit yourself!
What's going on? Water's been cut?
Take care!
Good riddance!
I'll come back to play!
Hey.
What's up?
Where're you going?
School.
School? What for?
A place like that can ruin you for life!
But there's no work...
And it's boring to stay home all day.
I forbid it! Stay here!
C'mon, we're gonna be late.
Stop! Come back!
Gau-shin, from this day forth,
this is your house.
Yay!
Hang in there, June bug!
Hold onto me!
You dickwad! Think you
can mess with my daughter?
Alright, I concede I owe you this one!
But you just wait...
Longchi!! Longchi!!
Move!
Auntie!
That's enough!
Stop.
Alright! What's going on here!
Kids shouldn't earn too much,
or they'll grow up to be beggars.
You're the worst.
One more round?
My bed time, kiddo, keep going.
Alright, come with me...
Fatty, we could have
called this attempted murder.
But Mr. Yasaki pleaded your case.
OK'!
No problem, O.K.
That's good!
Come in.
How do you feel, Mrs. Chi?
Don't forget about us, Mrs. Chi.
We will look for you.
If you look for me, I'll be in my office.
I expect you good answer, right?
What happened to you?
Dreamt that my idiot son kicked me.
And I woke up like this.
Blaming me? Let's go!
Bring me for the next fight.
Next time call us.
And we'll all go
together, the whole family.
How?
Where do I find you?
Yes. All's well on this end.
Should be all over tomorrow.
Yes... yes...
Looking forward to it...
Alright... Goodbye.
Lam, can I have a cigarette?
You smoke?
Yes.
But you know, after I finish my
project, I always stop smoking.
How many times have you stopped smoking?
I don't know...
Many times.
Next project will be in Burma.
When I finish work over there,
I'll have a nice strong one again.
I can go anywhere,
if any company or government needs me.
That's my life.
Good for you, Mr. Yasaki.
Not many guys enjoy the work.
Like you?
Lam, I tell you, you know,
any governments or countries,
companies, all fucking bullshit.
They don't make their hand fucking dirty.
That's why they need me.
That's my life, that's my job.
I enjoy it.
You know, Ah-gau, Mrs. Chi's father,
I've known him since we were kids...
He's now an old man.
And he's a vegetable.
Ah-gau and I got here forty years ago.
We swam across the sea
all the way from Canton.
His daughter was with us, on a lifebuoy.
We swam all night long.
Word got around everywhere,
that a new government would come up
and they would kill our freedom.
June-bug, that energetic woman,
and we, all swam and swam.
Until we didn't even know
where our arms and legs were.
And we got to that village.
I remember there was nothing around.
We built that house,
And then we opened up a
kind of mafia business that you hate.
I think...
I give the bird too much food.
What?
Look, he looks like a bit fat.
I want grandpa to be a part of this.
We can go back to our stall tomorrow.
Yeah!
Oh yeah!
I thought you liked school!
No way! Just wanted to role play a bit.
That place is for jerks.
We'll have to move tomorrow.
Leave?
Vacate... Give the property up
to those developers...
The radish heads?
Do we have to?
My place too?
Yes, everyone.
No way!
But I like it here!
So you'd rather stay here
unable to do anything?
No, but...
It can't be helped...
So what do you want?
Brother!
Be realistic.
Mom tried to fight it...
Went right up to 'em and all...
But I was no match...
Mom lost.
No way Mom could lose...
They're a Big Mac,
and we're citizens of Lilliput.
No chance we could win.
The opponent is too strong.
So tomorrow I'm going to
sign this contract of theirs.
I'm sorry that I didn't ask you all first.
It's alright.
We can live in a deluxe new apartment...
Or we could live in a castle!
Clean, big and bright.
Bet there's no place to
dock the boats at a castle.
Have you ever seen a princess
ride a speed boat to work?
Or, we could move to America,
or some place like that...
Yuck!! White people always smell like butter. What's
it to you? No one is stuffing you into their armpit.
Why are you yelling at him?
We just don't have a choice.
Why are you still talking?
Stop! I don't want to discuss it anymore!
I'm sorry Papa...
Please forgive me...
I will not...
I will not forgive you...
Grandpa!
I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU ALL!
What do you mean, the
opponent is too strong!?
You all make me sick!
You're just a good for nothing bum!
Condos?! Castles?! California??!!
For what did I work so hard?
For all those years?
Most definitely not for
you to move to America!
Are you kidding me?
There will be no America for you!
Can't be helped!?!
What CAN'T BE HELPED!!!
We give up because it's impossible?
Is life worth living under their rules?
Is it?
Use your brains! Use your hands!
Show some backbone!
You're going to just give up?
Why don't you just die?
Show them what you've got.
Even if the enemy is strong,
We'll fight till the end!
We need to add oil! Add oil!
Add oil!
Add oil! You hear me?
You hear me?
Add oil!
Are you listening?
Add oil! Add oil!
Add oil!
Unite we'll conquer!
You were heavenly in my dreams...
The pleasure was all mine.
Add oil! What are condos?
Immigration to America?
Losers?
I want to see the match!
Add oil!
Brother, it's your ex.
Traitor, what are you doing back here?
What are you scheming now?
You better scram!
Or I'll chop you up!
Why'd you agree to sign tomorrow?
You couldn't wait until I
had gone to Harajuku?
That asshole was just using me.
And now, SAYONARA!
What's so great about Japan anyway?
I'm about to explode!
Everybody, give me your hands!
Alright!
Let's beat them all!
You too!
Come on already...
Watch out for the glass.
Why is everything broken?
Well, uh...
Don't break that.
Don't fall into the ocean.
Mrs. Chi, have you seen the dustpan?
Right over there, dear.
Hi. How you doing?
Good morning, madam.
Sorry to have made you come all this way...
They say, "the early bird gets the worm.
I hate to tell you,
but I've changed my mind.
What are you talking about?
Forget it. I'm sick
and tired of all of this.
Shit...
Hi honey, what's happening here?
You were lousy in bed anyway...
Now get out of here!
What are you waiting for?
Get lost! Hit the road!
Tokyo Red Rose Club
Hong Kong/Macau Tour.
Panda tours would like to
thank you for riding today...
We are presently offering free
night shopping tours of Hong Kong.
Suits you.
Wow, thanks a lot.
Hey, what's that?
Room 3001, the penthouse of this building
is their headquarters.
Where are you going?
I didn't charge him for the sex!
So you can keep your stupid Harajuku!
Crazy... You know the
receptionist isn't involved, right?
Dad!
Dad!
Get your amulets! Lucky Charms!
CONSULATE OF JAPAN
Delicious... Japanese food's the best...
Listen, I appreciate this and all.
But I ain't no traitor...
This project... crosses all boundaries...
One needs to call on god...
man alone is too small...
Ahh yakitori...
Akane, what are you doing here?
Some kind of tour guide?
C'mon, leave me outta this...
The word deportation
mean anything to you?
If the authorities knew,
you'd go home in a cage.
Is that supposed to be some kind of threat?
You're no angel yourself.
All "m asking for is their
signature on the contract.
Seems easy enough.
That's right.
You're working with them now, right?
I see what you're saying and all,
...but, I gotta draw the line somewhere...
Hey look what I found...
I don't care how, just
get me that signature.
And then we might find another envelope.
Well, I guess I'll help
out, for the kids, you know.
Hey listen, one more thing...
What?
What?
I'll need one of those magical cards.
Hey, buy a lucky charm!
Our father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
How much?
It's cheap.
What've you got there?
How'd that get in there??
Don't play dumb now...
I'm charging you for
selling counterfeit watches.
I said I don't know...
None of your business!
I said I don't know...
Welcome Akane and Guests.
THIS HALL IS RESERVED
EXCLUSIVELY FOR THE AKANE PARTY
What are you grinning at?
Magic card? Bullshit.
Thought it was something good.
Turns out you just wanted to
fan yourself with the credit card.
Idiot!
You didn't know how to use a credit card?
Kids nowadays grow up too fast...
Bank balance 0, card canceled.
No use carrying it around then...
I can make one of these
things easy, anytime.
CARD... FAKE...
Piece of cake.
No good unless we get
into the mother computer.
Mother?
What are you doing here!
Get lost!
Don't disturb us!
Stop crying! What's a little blood?
Stop crying!
Good morning!!
The sunshine is upon us.
It is indeed a great morning.
Warriors!
We will have the most monumental victory
against our greatest enemies.
The enemy is frightening,
but we will not back down!
UNTIL THE BITTER END!
Now! We must start with.
Happy Fighting Tai-chi!
Do better!
Continue!
Never surrender!
More!
More!
We shall be victorious!
We shall destroy the enemy!
Understand?
Destroy!
Bring them down!
Beat them all!
Beat them all!
Shit, can't get into the mother computer...
What? Can't crack it?
J-A-R-
Hurry up and get us that fake credit card!
Works?
I can't get into the mother...
What do you think I
pay you for? Get with it!
Hurry up!
Just give me a minute.
How frustrating!
Alright you guys listen up...
SECRET. Understand? Secret.
Not even your folks, you hear?
Loose lips sink ships right?
...hot a clue, huh...
Stupid old moron...
Yeah! You got it!
I've had it up to here with you two!
Our enemies are meeting at seven tonight.
Let's go snoop it out, happy family.
Happy family?
About time I did the right thing,
like a real man.
You don't have to prove
to us you're a "real man.
Hey radish head.
I beat you up before,
and yet you'll help us now?
Thank you dear...
He says thanks.
Aww shucks, you're making me blush.
What are you doing?
This is the life...
They've finally given up.
Looking for a peace treaty...
What's the outfit for?
They want to go out big I guess.
Those people are hopeless.
Oh yeah, I have a question for you:
The kids want something
to remember this by.
Your international building
and all those feelings.
So they made a friendship board
for all of you to sign.
Kids! The big man said okay, come!
Please sign for me.
What is it?
We want to keep your voices as souvenirs.
HOORAY!!!
The cards had the password!!
"Save the Whales.
I don't know what to tell you...
They changed their minds again.
Eviction is probably easier anyway.
Yeah! This is too much!
This is pretty difficult stuff.
There are 2000 cards here...
About $100,000...
Each card is...
Not bad! Come here.
You can have $20 each!
How's it comin'?
Didn't see you there.
I'll give you $20 too.
Beautiful.
What did she say?
Done already? I can't believe it.
Didn't think you had it in you.
Cards all finished.
What are these?
Cards.
Can withdraw money.
Are you serious?
Really got to hand it to you...
organizing all this...
We might get them yet!
Great job this time!
Thank you.
Thank you! Thank you!
Is this an "R" or "A"?
This signature is really hard to get right.
What a tiresome work.
It looks similar!
Why can't I?
You're all brainless!
You bought this?
We need hard assets...
Jewels and gold, you hear me?
Do I make myself clear?
Yes!
Thank you, thank you...
Give me the works...
The most expensive possible.
Make it look good.
Don't look at me! Keep on writing!
What is this?
Your penmanship is a disgrace.
I can't read it.
What a pain...
Be careful!
We've hit the limit guys...
Any more could be dangerous.
We alone have already run up
a total of HK$188 million.
Including those overseas,
that's HK$120 trillion.
120,000,000,000 HKD?
According to Michael Butler, a
resident Los Angeles journalist,
the much talked about Nova
Alpha project has been postponed.
Due to a forgery of credit
cards issued to its VIP members.
The estimated damages of this forgery come
to the shocking figure of US$170,000.000.
I'm here to tell you that I'm totally aware
of this Nova Alpha cash card scam.
That's going on in
America, Europe and Japan.
But bankers, industrialist
and political interests,
try to hide the facts and
go on with their business.
But when the world finds
out what these men are up to,
they will be publicly disgraced and,
gentlemen, that's the end of this case.
Mr. Butler has further indicated the
possibility of an international
terrorist group or crime syndicate
involved in this mass
forgery of credit cards.
Both Nova Alpha countries and Interpol
have denied the forgery.
Mr. Butler himself will be flying to Hong Kong at
the end of the month to investigate the matter.
Could this be an enormous
computerized crime?
Or is this just an illusion?
So far, none of the computers
have provided us with an answer.
Brian Crane, CNN, Los Angeles.
They fucked this up badly.
Fucking hell! I can't believe
they've done this fucking stupid shit.
The project will be stopped for a while.
They must be happy.
Lam, what do you want to do?
Another guy will be
here soon to replace you
by the time you're having a hard time
with those VIPs in Beijing.
And I'll be doing the same job,
because I need money.
Mr. Yasaki,
aren't you taking bird with you?
Don't you know a movie
about the guy in prison?
He kept a bird in a cage,
but it remind him of himself.
So he let him go.
I do the same thing.
That was not a very good idea, Mr. Yasaki.
Why not?
Because birds are born to be pets.
If you let them loose,
they won't know what to do.
They will just die.
It's hard to get free.
Anyway,
Lam, take care of yourself.
See you in hell.
Sayonara.
Expensive! You know what I mean!
Such! A! Rip! Off!
What's that... A flying saucer?
Hey!
Let's get back together!
What?
Let's start over, try again.
Its been a while since we fucked.
I'll think about it.
Hurry up.
Be quick.
So, you're with me,
but you're with Yaolan too.
I don't think you can handle it!
What do you think this is?
Oh, knock it off...
Caught with your pants down...
None of your business is it!?
It's my business!
Get over it.
Let me be! Today is my birthday!
Ma? What?
There is a dead bird.
What a pity.
Go bury it, okay?
But wipe your nose first.
What does it mean that Hong Kong
is being handed over to China today?
It doesn't impact us.
Ah, I forgot! Grandpa's dinner!
Let's cook!
Join me for cocktails, my dear?
Grandpa, sorry I'm late.
You know, this village should become
an autonomous nation...
I'll buy nuclear bombs from Soviet Union,
and put it over there.
Just for decoration.
I will develop into a business tycoon,
just like McDonalds...
McDonalds?
I also used to have a
nationwide chain store,
one on every street corner.
All throughout Japan.
Had a lot of department stores too.
- And a railway...
- I will open my chain stores...
- And now I just want the one...
- All over the world...
Hot tub movie theater - Even UN
will be afraid of me! Then I will be rich!
Soapland Goddess.
Director: Masashi Yamamoto.
What's Up Connection.
My name is Chi Gau-shin (Batshit Crazy)...
Born and raised
in Hong Kong.
A pure HongKonger.
I'm destined for the good life,
with a knack for the hustle.
...I own my home.
Around here,
the land is yours once you build on it.
That's how my gramps started here.
And now my parents, my siblings...
we each have our own places.
Along with the others,
you could even call us a village.
Brother, you're awake?
Why don't sleep more?
It's better for your health!
- Dad!
- Gau-shin!
Haven't eaten yet?
You look weak.
Hurry up or you'll miss your plane!
Mom, you can go para-sailing in Bali...
Para... what?
Like, a speed boat pulls you while
you wear a parachute.
Thailand has that too!
Sounds cool, and scary!
Bali and Hong Kong are close to each other.
Hey, don't go to Japan.
Stop nagging me.
You'll come back liking radishes
which'll make it impossible to fart.
I dreamt
that all your planes fell into the sea,
wrecked and drowned.
Oh please!
Shut up! Kiddo,
- What did you say?
- Cantonese.
Let's not start the day like this.
Dad, let go of her!
Pervert!
We were just messing around,
but then we all won.
I won a trip for two to Japan.
Of course I will go with Yaolan.
Dad got a trip to Thailand.
Mom won one to Bali...
I guess the god's are on our side.
Hurry up!
Stop rushing! I'm coming!
Don't stain the sheets!
I'll toss you overboard you shit!
They're so excitable...
it's just traveling.
Hey, want to go again?
We love each other.
Proof? We make love eight times every day
before lunch.
That's how deep we love each other.
Did you know Harajuku and
Aoyama are next to each other?
...Shibuya is close by too.
Roppongi is that way too!
I'd love to go to all those places,
but the itinerary is set.
The last day is free time.
We can go then.
Seiko Matsuda's opened a storefront there.
Let's go shopping.
We agreed to spend that time at Disneyland.
No.
Don't be like that... let's go together...
I'm going to Harajuku.
What's good in Harajuku?
Harajuku is no better than this room.
Well, I'm not going.
Don't be like that.
Let's go together!
Let's do our own things.
Since you like Disneyland so much.
I'm set on going to Harajuku.
Well I'm going to Disneyland.
And if you don't come with me,
Sylvester will come after you.
You do as you like.
What is with you?
Forget it. I'm not going.
Hey, chill out, why are you tripping?
We leave tomorrow.
Hey, where are you going?
I told you, I'm not going to Japan.
You go on that lame tour yourself!
Hey!
Hey!
Congratulations!
(OSAKA, JAPAN)
You got the job!
You think I can handle it?
You'll do just fine...
With my English and Cantonese?
Anyway, you better get moving...
to the airport.
Your Hong Kong guest arrives in one hour.
Here's the itinerary.
Today?
No time to waste.
Name, photo...
...meals, hotel...
Just follow this,
...and bring the receipts!
Right now?
Car keys, car is right outside.
...Relax... you'll be fine.
Don't worry so much about the language.
It's the thought that counts.
Alright, Honey, am I missing anything?
I mean Mr. C.E.O.
Yes, Mr. President?
Welcome Mr. Gua-shin Chi
(in bad Cantonese) You came alone?
First time in Japan?
It's my first day.
What are you saying?
Uhh... You don't follow?
You are my first time.
You mean, it's your
first time as a tour guide?
Yeah?
Yes, Yes.
- There's no one else?
- Indeed.
You're my first.
I'm hungry.
Wha...?
I'm hungry!
What did you say?
I said, "I'm hungry!"
(in Japanese) Please feed me!
(In Japanese) My God, it speaks Japanese.
M-m-m delicious. This is... udon.
...Udon.
Could I get a receipt?
Receipt? Well, I...
Alright, ...Udon ...280 yen...
Thank you very much, come again.
Let's see... stand 'n
slurp udon for dinner...
A light stroll through downtown...
Takoyaki for dessert...
Look's like that's it for today.
(in broken Cantonese)
That's it for the day.
Let me bring you to the hotel.
Okay!
Hey, keep it down!
Oh, sorry, wrong room.
Fuck.
Must be that bitch Yaolan
hexing me from Hong Kong.
Tomorrow Tokyo! Excited?
(in broken Cantonese)
We are heading to Tokyo tomorrow.
I've never been before.
First time for you too, huh?
We'll have extra fun!
Where's my stuff?
I'm sure I left them here...
All my stuff is gone!
What's the matter?
Hey, where are your things?
My money, passport, ticket...
All my shit is there!
I just started, and now
they're going to fire me.
Call the police already, I'm off.
International scandal? Big deal?
Agency's license suspended?
And I'll get 11 years
for not reporting it...
Where else to go sightseeing, Mom?
Think I have nothing better to do,
than to solve your problems?
Kyoto? What about Yasaka's?
Not Yasaka construction, Yasaka temple...
they have a good mystic.
...and so, between bull & tiger...
What? Bull & tiger?
In other words Kimon,
the devil's back gate.
Kimono?
No, not kimono, Kimon...
15 degrees due east, by 15 due north
...is where evil spirits dwell...
Which direction was that again?
15 due north...
Where are we going?
That capsule "hotel" is too sad.
Out of my benevolent heart
I've arranged something else.
A big mansion, if you will...
Hey Mom, can you put him up for the night?
Tonight?
Got to keep him from the cops
and the capsule hotel is gross.
You may enter.
Be back tomorrow.
I'll pick him up in the morning.
Hi!
What a doll... just my type!!
Let me take you to your room, come along...
This way...
Make yourself at home.
WHAT YOU WANT, BABY I GOT IT!
And don't worry,
that Yasaka mystic can find anything.
Once I lost a bike,
and she found it.
Well, good night then.
C'mon in baby.
Chump change...
15,000
This is all I could get, Mom.
Twisted world, I tell ya!
Said I could just
leave if I didn't like it.
Imagine, taking advantage
of someone like me.
How'd you make out?
A measly 5,000.
Oh No! 'Some guy lost his bag!!
... these things do happen y'know
...MOTHRA...MOTHRA...
Bull & tiger, Bull & tiger...
I'm beat... let's eat something.
This isn't working...
Let's report it.
I'll tell them it wasn't
your fault or anything...
Japanese police aren't nice people.
But how will I get home like this?
What a mess...
No point being mad. I can't
think when I'm this hungry.
Kushikatsu sounds good... Tenguya it is!
Haven't seen iso around have you?
Nope.
Okay...
And just when I'm in the mood to play host.
Why are you wearing my clothes?
Where's my money? My plane ticket?
And my lucky charm from Wong Tai Sin!
Hey sis, what's eating him?
He wants his stuff back.
Where is it? Well?
I don't know what you're talking about!
It's all a bit small for you, no?
I got these from my loving son...
Don't mess with me lady!
I'm going to break your legs.
Hand it over!
Hey! Hey!! Not so loud...
Well, that's pretty much it.
Not quite.
What? You're going to go
to the cops or something?
What about my plane ticket, my money?
Where's the ticket, and the money?
That's long gone...
Ticket alone went for drinks...
What?
I had 100,000 in here!
There was 200,000 in cash...
All together, 300,000!!
You hear me?? 300,000!!
Wow, so rich!
- Please, give it back!
- You're Japanese, be reasonable!
I have to go home!
Read my lips: It's all gone...
Anyways, it's tomorrow that counts,
The future is bright!
What's she saying?
Hey, stop it,
Are you deaf or something? It's been spent!
But we might be able to
make some new money...
Enough, I'll be back by ten.
Make yourselves at home.
Where are you going?
Fools, I got no time for the past..
You know, misunderstandings
are the root of all problems...
Akane, you sure can talk...
I guess there's no rush...
The yen is strong...
I could make some cash before heading home.
Sure... play a little,
work a little, then go...
It'd make Mom and Dad happy.-..
There you go! What a good son!
What are you two yapping about?
Gau's come to his senses.
He recognizes he over reacted.
You sure?
Who asked you!
Take this chance to make some money.
That's right, and we can help.
Like we really need your help...
First we've got to get you to Tokyo.
Everyone will pitch in.
Have you no shame?
Tokyo...
I've never been outside Osaka.
Are you for real?
Excuse me, can I have your attention!
This boy here, in the red T-shirt,
he just got in from Hong Kong...
Hong Kong? What is a "Hon Kon""?
A pachinko casino in Kyoto.
Stupid...
His plane ticket and money
was stolen by some low-life...
Why does he have to fly to Kyoto?
'Cause its the space age!
What don't you get?
Really, he can't get home, flat out broke.
C'mon everybody! Pocket
change, anything helps.
I still don't get it...
Why is some pachinko kid...
Listen numbnuts... you listenin'?
Dish out the big bucks... now!
Cause then, when we hit Kyoto,
we'll be treated like kings, get it?
Thank you, really appreciate it.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Thank you... thank you very much...
Thank you.
Thank you very much...
Thank you...
Even donating their trash...
What do you think you're doing?
Starting shit?
Just coming in, shooting like this...
Sing one for us?
I'd be wasting my talents on you...
Commercial?
Commercial.
It's loaded, stop!
(But you said I could film you?)
Here, shoot him.
If you shoot him,
the cops'll know where he is...
Thank you.
Want some?
Come.
(Thank you)
Excuse me... do you mind? Thanks.
Good job!
Good job!
I love you!
What do you think you're doing?
I won't be able to get work!
Employment Insurance.
Here, this is for you.
I won't forget your kindness.
Have a nice trip.
What a beautiful friendship...
- She said, "What a beautiful friendship"
- Akane is missing.
- No doubt up to no good.
- We'd better get going.
Thanks a lot!
Goodbye, bye now!
Goodbye.
Bye!
Goodbye!
So long, farewell, happy trails!
"Life is full of farewells,
"and reunions...
"But it's a lot of other things too.
"Hey! Farewell my love..."
Even though we may part..
"We will be together again...
"Look alive, in with the times."
"Wild and dangerous
The time we live is like
a flower in blossom...
Even though we may part,
I'll not be another's wife...
Waiting, waiting for you, pining...
Chewing gum in my pocket...
Keep the sea in your soul
"... but never neglect your parents...
Go join the struggle...
Keep the sea in your soul,
but don't forget your parents...
One cup, one cup
"to the one I love...
"Goodbye, goodbye."
I won't let your kindness be in vain!
Disneyland, here I come!
Mickey! Donald! Goofy! Here I come!
How much did we make today and yesterday?
What's the total?
We've got... 4,235...
Yeah?
"Life hanging on the wind...
blow winds b-I-o-w...
I thought you said we're
heading to Disneyland.
Stowaways should shut up and be grateful.
Let's go to Disneyland!
We'll get to Disneyland,
but this is my first time to Tokyo,
and I want to go shopping in Harajuku.
Let's take a shortcut?
Through Harajuku?
Shortcut? More like
going around in circles.
Harajuku, Aoyama, Roppongi.
Why is Disney in such an odd area?
I don't get it...
Oh my god!
Disneyland's so tiny!
Who would have thought...
C'mon, cheer up.
Maybe it's better inside.
OUR 5 MILLIONTH VISITORS!!
WINS FREE HONG KONG TOUR!!
Devotees, I have traveled the world over.
Touching upon all four seas...
And thus the gods have
granted me the power,
to save you all from damnation.
Phony!
Wishes granted for $10!
MUSIC: "Deng Hua Bao Xi: By Tsui Ping.
Hurry up!
Hurry up!
Help me!
Come on! Don't be lazy!
How did that lifebuoy become a deity?
Yeah... I dunno...
Our village deity is peculiar, huh?
Yaolan! Yaolan!
Delicious!
Disgusting!
Your brother-in-law is moving out today.
So be it.
What's wrong, Gau-shin?
Yaolan's giving him the cold shoulder.
It's cause he brought girls home.
They came all on their own!
Yeah, I haven't seen her lately...
But sales have doubled
since those two got here.
Have you forgotten the three years and
eight months of the Japanese occupation?
Hey, wrong pocket jackass!
Hand it over.
That radish head is a weirdo.
Saw her peeping into
Yaolan's the other day.
What?
Sit down! A peep isn't going to hurt her.
Laundry's finished!
Well done... thanks a lot.
What's the matter sir?
Hong Kong has bad people too!
And I'm sure there are
nice Japanese people...
Sure, everything you say is correct.
What was that?
I'm out of here.
Sorry, I overslept.
Dreamt of grandpa visiting...
Couldn't sleep all night...
Again?
He's always coming in my dreams.
Yaolan says that too.
I haven't had that dream in a bit.
Grandpa chats with Gau-shin in his sleep.
Gramps is pretty long-winded.
That's our grandpa!
Itadakimasu.
There's a stand just over here...
Finest imitation timepieces...
Even an expert can't tell the difference.
How much is this one here?
15,000.
Steep. This one?
25,000.
No, too high. This one?
40,000.
Don't waste my time...
Nothing cheaper!?
How about this, 800,000.
What're you trying to pull?
This one please.
Show me your license.
Hey, keep out of this!
You know fakes are illegal, right?
He's just not that kind of boy!
He is kind and respects me.
For mother's day,
he gave me beautiful deerskin thong...
He's just not...
He's always been such a good boy.
You terrible disgrace!
Coercing those little Japanese
girls into your schemes!!
You awful child!
That was easy.
It was my stirring rendition
of a mother's anguish.
You slipped away pretty quick...
I just wanted to let the others know.
And Yaolan... Selling us out like that!
I don't wanna see her again!
Now now... Calm down...
We have to find out the reason...
Yaolan... you there?
It's me...
I brought some booze...
Yaolan...
It's me...
Oh... I knew you were here.
...Uh, I guess I'll be going...
Dad, want to drink with me?
It'll never dry like that.
I'll do things my way, thank you very much.
No need to pretend with me...
Tongue sharp as ever, June bug.
No matter what you do.
I'm not selling.
My days are numbered...
I've accepted my fate as a lackey.
Maybe it's my heart speaking, but I couldn't
take this land even if you gave it to me.
Who can I blame for loving you?
That was a long time ago.
Remember how mad your dad was?
Really beat me up too.
Of course, couldn't stand his best friend
hooking up with his daughter.
What? So serious today...
Sometimes I think...
If only I could be like your dad...
...sleeping the days away...
I am old now...
How do you think about this building?
It's great!
When it's done,
it will be one of the greatest
buildings of the world.
The building will be operated by China,
Japan, fucking United States,
and EC (European Community) countries
and those motherfuckers Soviet Union.
It'll house over 100 offices,
of the world's largest corporations,
as well as 48 banks. No drugstores.
Anyway,
This building will be the center of
Hong Kong after China takes over.
Actually I got a question, ma'am,
What will you do after China
takes over Hong Kong?
Why not just take my money?
Maybe you should just
get out of here to Australia?
Kangaroo meat is tastes great!
You should try Kangaroo meat!
Anyway,
this building will be the
greatest building for world trade.
Very serious!
I'm supposed to believe this, right?
If we leave this land,
We can start our business again.
Mr. Yasaki,
I know what's on your mind.
You just want to get rid of us.
How was your trip, Mrs. Chi?
What?
You know, you're very lucky,
to win a free trip like that.
That kind of things don't happen every day.
Sure!
Because we have the gods on our side.
We have done all the
surveying of your land,
while you were enjoying your trip.
We know the costs.
Only your family didn't let us do it.
I think,
your gods gave us a little bit favor too.
What? You mean you set it up?
There's nothing we can't do.
You know,
by the end of next week,
you'll be the only ones here.
What a pity.
Look, I show you.
A giant tree is just about the sprout here,
and the tree will have countless branches.
If one branch comes on the right,
It will branch on the left side.
And American, Soviet Union, Japan,
China, Hong Kong,
all of them are branches.
You know?
The tree will be that great.
The tree is not ready to sprout yet.
You know why?
It's all because you
still live on the ground!
I don't want to make any problems.
We just would like to get great agreement.
For peaceful Asian nation Because the building
will represent international friendship.
But it must start with
friendship between you and me.
I'm with the Jap now.
Maybe I'll move to Japan.
Then I can go to Harajuku everyday.
You still mad about that?
I can finally leave this disgusting place.
As you know, Tokyo is very clean.
May I open the window?
Stop daydreaming.
If you're done with the
laundry, scrub the floors!
Fucking go back to Japan!
What's up...?
Oh! Kumi...
It's been great fun, but...
Yeah, take care 'a yourself.
I'm out.
No one can stop me, I'm through!
Who's stopping you?
You're on their side?
Listen, you wanna go?
It'll be more tranquil without you.
So long!
I can't believe it!
Damn it!
Everyone is a jerk.
Why aren't you making watches today?
Day off...
To the right, lower...
This game's lame.
Make me a new one...
It's your computer, make your own.
Harder, and mind your own business.
I said make me a new one!
Shut up! Got it?
Hey, keep going.
I'm home.
Haven't seen you in a long time.
Where've you been the past 3 days?
Let's just drop it...
You better straighten yourself up...
You're always nagging! I'm out!
Mom, is it dinner time yet? I'm starved!
Make your own dinner!
Suit yourself!
What's going on? Water's been cut?
Take care!
Good riddance!
I'll come back to play!
Hey.
What's up?
Where're you going?
School.
School? What for?
A place like that can ruin you for life!
But there's no work...
And it's boring to stay home all day.
I forbid it! Stay here!
C'mon, we're gonna be late.
Stop! Come back!
Gau-shin, from this day forth,
this is your house.
Yay!
Hang in there, June bug!
Hold onto me!
You dickwad! Think you
can mess with my daughter?
Alright, I concede I owe you this one!
But you just wait...
Longchi!! Longchi!!
Move!
Auntie!
That's enough!
Stop.
Alright! What's going on here!
Kids shouldn't earn too much,
or they'll grow up to be beggars.
You're the worst.
One more round?
My bed time, kiddo, keep going.
Alright, come with me...
Fatty, we could have
called this attempted murder.
But Mr. Yasaki pleaded your case.
OK'!
No problem, O.K.
That's good!
Come in.
How do you feel, Mrs. Chi?
Don't forget about us, Mrs. Chi.
We will look for you.
If you look for me, I'll be in my office.
I expect you good answer, right?
What happened to you?
Dreamt that my idiot son kicked me.
And I woke up like this.
Blaming me? Let's go!
Bring me for the next fight.
Next time call us.
And we'll all go
together, the whole family.
How?
Where do I find you?
Yes. All's well on this end.
Should be all over tomorrow.
Yes... yes...
Looking forward to it...
Alright... Goodbye.
Lam, can I have a cigarette?
You smoke?
Yes.
But you know, after I finish my
project, I always stop smoking.
How many times have you stopped smoking?
I don't know...
Many times.
Next project will be in Burma.
When I finish work over there,
I'll have a nice strong one again.
I can go anywhere,
if any company or government needs me.
That's my life.
Good for you, Mr. Yasaki.
Not many guys enjoy the work.
Like you?
Lam, I tell you, you know,
any governments or countries,
companies, all fucking bullshit.
They don't make their hand fucking dirty.
That's why they need me.
That's my life, that's my job.
I enjoy it.
You know, Ah-gau, Mrs. Chi's father,
I've known him since we were kids...
He's now an old man.
And he's a vegetable.
Ah-gau and I got here forty years ago.
We swam across the sea
all the way from Canton.
His daughter was with us, on a lifebuoy.
We swam all night long.
Word got around everywhere,
that a new government would come up
and they would kill our freedom.
June-bug, that energetic woman,
and we, all swam and swam.
Until we didn't even know
where our arms and legs were.
And we got to that village.
I remember there was nothing around.
We built that house,
And then we opened up a
kind of mafia business that you hate.
I think...
I give the bird too much food.
What?
Look, he looks like a bit fat.
I want grandpa to be a part of this.
We can go back to our stall tomorrow.
Yeah!
Oh yeah!
I thought you liked school!
No way! Just wanted to role play a bit.
That place is for jerks.
We'll have to move tomorrow.
Leave?
Vacate... Give the property up
to those developers...
The radish heads?
Do we have to?
My place too?
Yes, everyone.
No way!
But I like it here!
So you'd rather stay here
unable to do anything?
No, but...
It can't be helped...
So what do you want?
Brother!
Be realistic.
Mom tried to fight it...
Went right up to 'em and all...
But I was no match...
Mom lost.
No way Mom could lose...
They're a Big Mac,
and we're citizens of Lilliput.
No chance we could win.
The opponent is too strong.
So tomorrow I'm going to
sign this contract of theirs.
I'm sorry that I didn't ask you all first.
It's alright.
We can live in a deluxe new apartment...
Or we could live in a castle!
Clean, big and bright.
Bet there's no place to
dock the boats at a castle.
Have you ever seen a princess
ride a speed boat to work?
Or, we could move to America,
or some place like that...
Yuck!! White people always smell like butter. What's
it to you? No one is stuffing you into their armpit.
Why are you yelling at him?
We just don't have a choice.
Why are you still talking?
Stop! I don't want to discuss it anymore!
I'm sorry Papa...
Please forgive me...
I will not...
I will not forgive you...
Grandpa!
I ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT FORGIVE YOU ALL!
What do you mean, the
opponent is too strong!?
You all make me sick!
You're just a good for nothing bum!
Condos?! Castles?! California??!!
For what did I work so hard?
For all those years?
Most definitely not for
you to move to America!
Are you kidding me?
There will be no America for you!
Can't be helped!?!
What CAN'T BE HELPED!!!
We give up because it's impossible?
Is life worth living under their rules?
Is it?
Use your brains! Use your hands!
Show some backbone!
You're going to just give up?
Why don't you just die?
Show them what you've got.
Even if the enemy is strong,
We'll fight till the end!
We need to add oil! Add oil!
Add oil!
Add oil! You hear me?
You hear me?
Add oil!
Are you listening?
Add oil! Add oil!
Add oil!
Unite we'll conquer!
You were heavenly in my dreams...
The pleasure was all mine.
Add oil! What are condos?
Immigration to America?
Losers?
I want to see the match!
Add oil!
Brother, it's your ex.
Traitor, what are you doing back here?
What are you scheming now?
You better scram!
Or I'll chop you up!
Why'd you agree to sign tomorrow?
You couldn't wait until I
had gone to Harajuku?
That asshole was just using me.
And now, SAYONARA!
What's so great about Japan anyway?
I'm about to explode!
Everybody, give me your hands!
Alright!
Let's beat them all!
You too!
Come on already...
Watch out for the glass.
Why is everything broken?
Well, uh...
Don't break that.
Don't fall into the ocean.
Mrs. Chi, have you seen the dustpan?
Right over there, dear.
Hi. How you doing?
Good morning, madam.
Sorry to have made you come all this way...
They say, "the early bird gets the worm.
I hate to tell you,
but I've changed my mind.
What are you talking about?
Forget it. I'm sick
and tired of all of this.
Shit...
Hi honey, what's happening here?
You were lousy in bed anyway...
Now get out of here!
What are you waiting for?
Get lost! Hit the road!
Tokyo Red Rose Club
Hong Kong/Macau Tour.
Panda tours would like to
thank you for riding today...
We are presently offering free
night shopping tours of Hong Kong.
Suits you.
Wow, thanks a lot.
Hey, what's that?
Room 3001, the penthouse of this building
is their headquarters.
Where are you going?
I didn't charge him for the sex!
So you can keep your stupid Harajuku!
Crazy... You know the
receptionist isn't involved, right?
Dad!
Dad!
Get your amulets! Lucky Charms!
CONSULATE OF JAPAN
Delicious... Japanese food's the best...
Listen, I appreciate this and all.
But I ain't no traitor...
This project... crosses all boundaries...
One needs to call on god...
man alone is too small...
Ahh yakitori...
Akane, what are you doing here?
Some kind of tour guide?
C'mon, leave me outta this...
The word deportation
mean anything to you?
If the authorities knew,
you'd go home in a cage.
Is that supposed to be some kind of threat?
You're no angel yourself.
All "m asking for is their
signature on the contract.
Seems easy enough.
That's right.
You're working with them now, right?
I see what you're saying and all,
...but, I gotta draw the line somewhere...
Hey look what I found...
I don't care how, just
get me that signature.
And then we might find another envelope.
Well, I guess I'll help
out, for the kids, you know.
Hey listen, one more thing...
What?
What?
I'll need one of those magical cards.
Hey, buy a lucky charm!
Our father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name,
How much?
It's cheap.
What've you got there?
How'd that get in there??
Don't play dumb now...
I'm charging you for
selling counterfeit watches.
I said I don't know...
None of your business!
I said I don't know...
Welcome Akane and Guests.
THIS HALL IS RESERVED
EXCLUSIVELY FOR THE AKANE PARTY
What are you grinning at?
Magic card? Bullshit.
Thought it was something good.
Turns out you just wanted to
fan yourself with the credit card.
Idiot!
You didn't know how to use a credit card?
Kids nowadays grow up too fast...
Bank balance 0, card canceled.
No use carrying it around then...
I can make one of these
things easy, anytime.
CARD... FAKE...
Piece of cake.
No good unless we get
into the mother computer.
Mother?
What are you doing here!
Get lost!
Don't disturb us!
Stop crying! What's a little blood?
Stop crying!
Good morning!!
The sunshine is upon us.
It is indeed a great morning.
Warriors!
We will have the most monumental victory
against our greatest enemies.
The enemy is frightening,
but we will not back down!
UNTIL THE BITTER END!
Now! We must start with.
Happy Fighting Tai-chi!
Do better!
Continue!
Never surrender!
More!
More!
We shall be victorious!
We shall destroy the enemy!
Understand?
Destroy!
Bring them down!
Beat them all!
Beat them all!
Shit, can't get into the mother computer...
What? Can't crack it?
J-A-R-
Hurry up and get us that fake credit card!
Works?
I can't get into the mother...
What do you think I
pay you for? Get with it!
Hurry up!
Just give me a minute.
How frustrating!
Alright you guys listen up...
SECRET. Understand? Secret.
Not even your folks, you hear?
Loose lips sink ships right?
...hot a clue, huh...
Stupid old moron...
Yeah! You got it!
I've had it up to here with you two!
Our enemies are meeting at seven tonight.
Let's go snoop it out, happy family.
Happy family?
About time I did the right thing,
like a real man.
You don't have to prove
to us you're a "real man.
Hey radish head.
I beat you up before,
and yet you'll help us now?
Thank you dear...
He says thanks.
Aww shucks, you're making me blush.
What are you doing?
This is the life...
They've finally given up.
Looking for a peace treaty...
What's the outfit for?
They want to go out big I guess.
Those people are hopeless.
Oh yeah, I have a question for you:
The kids want something
to remember this by.
Your international building
and all those feelings.
So they made a friendship board
for all of you to sign.
Kids! The big man said okay, come!
Please sign for me.
What is it?
We want to keep your voices as souvenirs.
HOORAY!!!
The cards had the password!!
"Save the Whales.
I don't know what to tell you...
They changed their minds again.
Eviction is probably easier anyway.
Yeah! This is too much!
This is pretty difficult stuff.
There are 2000 cards here...
About $100,000...
Each card is...
Not bad! Come here.
You can have $20 each!
How's it comin'?
Didn't see you there.
I'll give you $20 too.
Beautiful.
What did she say?
Done already? I can't believe it.
Didn't think you had it in you.
Cards all finished.
What are these?
Cards.
Can withdraw money.
Are you serious?
Really got to hand it to you...
organizing all this...
We might get them yet!
Great job this time!
Thank you.
Thank you! Thank you!
Is this an "R" or "A"?
This signature is really hard to get right.
What a tiresome work.
It looks similar!
Why can't I?
You're all brainless!
You bought this?
We need hard assets...
Jewels and gold, you hear me?
Do I make myself clear?
Yes!
Thank you, thank you...
Give me the works...
The most expensive possible.
Make it look good.
Don't look at me! Keep on writing!
What is this?
Your penmanship is a disgrace.
I can't read it.
What a pain...
Be careful!
We've hit the limit guys...
Any more could be dangerous.
We alone have already run up
a total of HK$188 million.
Including those overseas,
that's HK$120 trillion.
120,000,000,000 HKD?
According to Michael Butler, a
resident Los Angeles journalist,
the much talked about Nova
Alpha project has been postponed.
Due to a forgery of credit
cards issued to its VIP members.
The estimated damages of this forgery come
to the shocking figure of US$170,000.000.
I'm here to tell you that I'm totally aware
of this Nova Alpha cash card scam.
That's going on in
America, Europe and Japan.
But bankers, industrialist
and political interests,
try to hide the facts and
go on with their business.
But when the world finds
out what these men are up to,
they will be publicly disgraced and,
gentlemen, that's the end of this case.
Mr. Butler has further indicated the
possibility of an international
terrorist group or crime syndicate
involved in this mass
forgery of credit cards.
Both Nova Alpha countries and Interpol
have denied the forgery.
Mr. Butler himself will be flying to Hong Kong at
the end of the month to investigate the matter.
Could this be an enormous
computerized crime?
Or is this just an illusion?
So far, none of the computers
have provided us with an answer.
Brian Crane, CNN, Los Angeles.
They fucked this up badly.
Fucking hell! I can't believe
they've done this fucking stupid shit.
The project will be stopped for a while.
They must be happy.
Lam, what do you want to do?
Another guy will be
here soon to replace you
by the time you're having a hard time
with those VIPs in Beijing.
And I'll be doing the same job,
because I need money.
Mr. Yasaki,
aren't you taking bird with you?
Don't you know a movie
about the guy in prison?
He kept a bird in a cage,
but it remind him of himself.
So he let him go.
I do the same thing.
That was not a very good idea, Mr. Yasaki.
Why not?
Because birds are born to be pets.
If you let them loose,
they won't know what to do.
They will just die.
It's hard to get free.
Anyway,
Lam, take care of yourself.
See you in hell.
Sayonara.
Expensive! You know what I mean!
Such! A! Rip! Off!
What's that... A flying saucer?
Hey!
Let's get back together!
What?
Let's start over, try again.
Its been a while since we fucked.
I'll think about it.
Hurry up.
Be quick.
So, you're with me,
but you're with Yaolan too.
I don't think you can handle it!
What do you think this is?
Oh, knock it off...
Caught with your pants down...
None of your business is it!?
It's my business!
Get over it.
Let me be! Today is my birthday!
Ma? What?
There is a dead bird.
What a pity.
Go bury it, okay?
But wipe your nose first.
What does it mean that Hong Kong
is being handed over to China today?
It doesn't impact us.
Ah, I forgot! Grandpa's dinner!
Let's cook!
Join me for cocktails, my dear?
Grandpa, sorry I'm late.
You know, this village should become
an autonomous nation...
I'll buy nuclear bombs from Soviet Union,
and put it over there.
Just for decoration.
I will develop into a business tycoon,
just like McDonalds...
McDonalds?
I also used to have a
nationwide chain store,
one on every street corner.
All throughout Japan.
Had a lot of department stores too.
- And a railway...
- I will open my chain stores...
- And now I just want the one...
- All over the world...
Hot tub movie theater - Even UN
will be afraid of me! Then I will be rich!
Soapland Goddess.