When In Rome (2009) Movie Script
[Jason Mraz: Kicking With You]
[3OH!3 featuring Katy Perry:
Starstrukk]
Great job, you guys.
Has anyone seen Stacy?
Stacy? Stacy, where are you guys?
Hey boss.
Table 4. Come meet us.
Hey, did you check out
that cute guy by the Monet?
The one breathing on the Monet?
I called security.
I think it's best to steer clear of him,
given my track record.
Is that for me?
- No, no, that's my...
- Thanks! I'm starving!
The show is going great. To Beth!
- Our fearless leader.
- Job well done.
Thank you, guys.
My God. Is that Brady Sacks?
Beth's ex? Where?
Not a funny joke.
And I'll tell you why.
Because if Brady
had the nerve to show up here,
I mean at my event, no less, after he...
- Dumped you like yesterday's trash?
- Ripped your heart out
and fed it to the Central Park pigeons?
Come on, I'm not even
over your breakup yet.
Well, I am, OK?
In a big way. Brady Sacks?
Who cares?! That's what I say.
He's right behind me, isn't he?
- Brady...
- Yeah...
- Great show.
- Great show, guys.
What are you...
What are you doing here?
Look, I know you're crazy busy,
but there's something
I need to say to you.
Something I think'll make up
for what I put you through.
OK.
I've got 3 words for you,
Beth Martin.
- I was wrong.
- Did he just say he was wrong?
A year ago, when I broke up
with you, I felt like
you cared more about your work
than you did about me.
Yeah, I remember, Brady, really clearly,
when you broke up with me
in the Applebee's.
I'm sorry about that,
but I'm here to tell you that...
- I get it.
- Can you hear?
Barely. I think he said he gets it.
He gets it!
I'm ready to jump in again,
in a big way.
You want to jump in again?
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, maybe. If it's slow.
You made me realize
that it doesn't matter
how hard someone works,
as long as you love them enough.
Yes. I can't believe
that you're saying that.
I'm just a little overwhelmed.
I met someone who works
just as hard as you do,
only now I can accept her for that.
- We're getting engaged!
- Beth's getting engaged!
Did I just hear that right?
Our host and curator, Beth Martin,
is getting engaged?
[Patrice Irving, Richard Wagner:
Rockin' Bride]
No, I'm not. I'm not getting engaged!
Not tonight, not to him.
Man.
But maybe.
Maybe in the future sometime.
I don't know. With someone else.
Got to see how it pans out. OK?
Well, at least it wasn't
in the Applebee's.
Worst day ever.
- Joan?
- Sis! Guess what?
I'm getting married!
Yay.
His name is Umberto.
Umberto! How sexy is that?
We met on a flight to Italy
and now we're getting married. In Rome.
That... Joan.
He's the one, Beth. I know it.
I can't wait until you meet him.
And when I do, I will have known him
for almost as long as you have.
You know what?
You're not exactly a role model
when it comes to relationships.
OK, maybe not, but that is because
I have a relationship with my job.
I love my job. And when I find a guy
that I like more than my job,
that's how I'll know he's the one.
OK, so basically what you need
is a male version of yourself.
Well, he doesn't have to be blonde.
You know that I mean this
with all the love in the world,
but 2 weeks, Joan?
That's not long enough.
That's not even enough time
for a credit check.
When you know, you don't need proof.
You just know.
- Be happy for me, B.
- God, I am! I am.
I am.
She's doomed. I mean, come on,
you meet some Italian guy
in first class, you date him.
- You don't marry him.
- She's so lucky.
Just imagine working in a place
where they sort men into classes.
What? I'm just saying.
My baby sister is about to make
the biggest mistake of her life,
and there's nothing I can do about it.
She got swept away. It happens.
No, it doesn't.
Instead of chasing a fairy tale,
you could focus on work.
That's what I do.
And you know what?
I've never been happier.
Well, you must be ecstatic.
And still single, I understand.
It appears we can begin.
In 9 days, we'll be hosting
the single most important event
of our year,
The Board of Trustees'
Annual Circle of Gold Gala.
This year, the special installation
for the event
is the brainchild of our youngest
and therefore least-experienced curator.
An exhibition centered
on the theme of pain. Status report.
are already on site,
and 3 of the remaining 4
are en route.
- And the remaining piece?
- Is the Slater Bradley.
Yes, the centerpiece
for the exhibition, where is it?
We're resolving some
last-minute insurance issues.
Last-minute? I can't say
I like the sound of that.
It'll be here. I'll make sure of it.
Moving on...
There is one small little detail.
The day after tomorrow,
my sister will be getting married.
In Rome. Italy.
Well, that simply won't do.
Well, it's my baby sister's wedding.
Well, we all have sisters, Beth.
I will stay on top of this from Rome.
I'll be in and out in 48 hours,
and you have my word, Celeste.
The Circle of Gold Gala
will go off without a hitch.
It better. You may be talented, Beth,
but you're not irreplaceable.
Have a nice trip.
So...
[Paolo Nutini: Pencil Full of Lead]
How long you stay Rome?
Is not so much time. But lucky for you,
it only takes a moment
to see true beauty.
The Eternal City is
the most romantic city in the world.
You never lived until you loved in Rome.
Not a lot of reception around here?
Put down your phone and look,
signora. Welcome to Roma!
Did I mention I'm late
for my sister's wedding?
Many times.
So much beauty!
And, finally,
the magnificent Fontana d'Amore.
A place where romantics
from all over the world
come to wish for love.
Old people, young people, ugly people.
They get so lost in love. It's nice!
Yes, nice, thank you.
And good luck!
Joan, the Amsale dress looks gorgeous.
- Hi! Hi.
- Beth, darling!
Look at you.
You look exhausted.
- Thanks, Mom.
- She looks fine.
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
What happened to "don't see the bride
before the wedding"?
- Isn't this bad luck?
- Girls, we don't have time.
Your father's current tramp of the month
is waiting inside with your dress.
I heard that. And she's not a tramp.
She's a pro beach volleyball player.
Hello, sweetheart.
Hi, Daddy.
- How are you?
- Exhausted.
Beth, this is Umberto, my fianc.
So, you're my sister too, now.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
You have to meet his family.
They're a scream.
See if he has a brother.
- Dad!
- Cousin.
[Canon and Gigue in D Major: Gigue]
[Jani Lane: Cherry Pie playing]
Slippery little... Come on.
How does he get service?
- You're late, Nick.
- I'm sorry.
Where's your tie?
There we go.
I know, but I can't get
an Internet signal.
I need to know that you're on top
of the Slater Bradley situation.
Hey!
You're breaking up.
Just whistle if you can hear me.
- Stacy?
- There's my girl.
Taking care of business.
- Always.
- Having a good time?
Yeah. You know me,
I love small, intimate weddings.
If you're gonna be a bear,
be a grizzly, right?
I don't know what that means.
- So, what do you think of Tina?
- She seems very fit, Dad.
That's all you can say?
Tan and odds-on favorite
to catch the bouquet.
You're a very lucky man.
I only wish for you the feeling I have
when I'm with her.
Come on, Beth. Get going here.
I want to throw another wedding.
You will. You're due
for another wife pretty soon.
I'm sorry, that was a low blow.
Quite a pair.
You refuse to fall in love,
and I can't stop.
Promise me one thing.
When it comes, you'll be open to it.
- I will try, Daddy.
- There you are!
- It's vase-breaking time.
- It's what?
It's a tradition.
The maid of honor shatters a vase,
and the number of pieces symbolizes
the years of happiness
she wishes for the bride and groom.
That's a lot of pressure.
Right? So smash it hard.
- OK.
- OK.
I'm so sorry.
I was not aiming for that,
but, man, I really nailed it.
She wishes them a life
- of great tragedy!
- No, I don't. No, I don't.
I just... I'm trying to break it.
I'm really trying.
I cracked it!
OK. We're almost there. Excuse me.
Die! Man!
Let's just go ahead
and let me handle this.
You are... you're...
You're quite the determined
little thing, aren't you?
Yeah, well, I cracked it
before you smashed it.
I know. Yeah, I know.
- I'm Nick, by the way.
- Beth.
Nice to meet you.
I would've introduced myself earlier,
but I was running a little late.
Yeah, I noticed.
I was in the hills doing an interview,
and on my way back
I kinda got hit by a goat.
- My God! You hit a goat?
- No, the goat hit me.
It wasn't my fault, and the goat's fine.
- What are they saying?
- It means "speech."
I think you're up again. There you go.
Hello again.
I'm Beth, sister of the bride.
Umberto, though I haven't
known you for very long...
I'm sorry. I don't speak any Italian.
Umberto, although I haven't
known you very long...
I'm a little rusty, so if you stay away
from any obscure idioms,
that would be great.
Yeah. Sure.
I'll keep it simple. Thank you.
When I look at you, Joan,
I remember a little girl
who believed in magic.
As I look at you right now...
I see a grown woman
who has seen all the magic in the world
come true tonight.
Joan...
Joan likes magic...
This is harder than I thought.
Maybe if we all clap loudly...
she'll wrap it up.
Because you and Umberto
are making magic here tonight.
Well, it was worth a try...
And I know that, if you could,
you'd share that feeling with me.
And I know that you'll...
share him with me.
OK. It appears our best man
has run out of Italian,
so cheers.
I liked your toast.
Thank you. Umberto's brother
already hit on me,
and most of his family
thinks I'm a pervert, but thanks.
They do that for good luck.
So where did you learn
to speak Italian so poorly?
Syracuse.
Umberto and I were roommates.
He taught me
how to talk to girls in Italian,
and I taught him American football.
I wanted to ask you before...
- Who is your service provider?
- Why?
I saw you e-mailing earlier,
and I kind of have signal envy.
Give me your phone. I need
to send one quick work e-mail.
- If I don't...
- No, you can't have my phone.
- Why not?
- You're just gonna take my number.
- I'm not gonna take your number.
- You're gonna take my phone
and call your phone with it
so that you have my number,
and I can't have you booty-calling me
- at 2:30 in the morning.
- I'm not go...
Wait! You know what? I do. I need it.
Because I need to block it
from my phone.
I can't give it to you, because
Umberto made me turn it off.
- So it's on vibrate?
- No, it's off.
- Like "off" off?
- Yeah.
- Nicholas!
- Father Dino!
- Nicholas!
- Father...
- All right.
- Ciao.
Maybe some cards again tonight?
Some Texas holding them?
I don't think so. You cleaned me out
at Umberto's bachelor party.
No more cards for me, pal.
I take my vows only 6 months ago.
They say it's a work in the progress.
- Sure.
- Forgive me.
Come on, Father. It's OK.
It's just a card game. It's OK.
It's OK. No more cards.
- It's OK.
- Ciao.
- Look at those 2.
- Tell me he's a good guy.
- He's a saint. Her?
- An angel.
A saint and an angel.
I give it a year.
I would not even give it 6 months.
This marriage has the shelf life
of a banana.
They've known each other 2 weeks.
That's not even enough time
for a credit check.
- What?
- Nothing.
Hey!
No, wait! I don't want to... No, wait!
It's my bad.
Sorry about that.
Go ahead.
What are you...?
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah. It's mine.
Just put that back in there. Thank you.
Hey!
Hey.
- What did he just yell at you?
- Nothing.
- What?
- Nothing.
It means "the hit."
I played some football in college and...
I took kind of a big hit.
Football. Goats. You get hit a lot.
It's kind of a famous hit.
It's not exactly what you want
to be known for.
But it's football. Doesn't everyone
get hit in football?
I got hit by lightning. OK?
On the field. In a game.
Yeah. See, I get that look a lot.
It's OK. It's OK.
Aside from a slight
peripheral vision issue, I'm fine.
Yeah?
You smell like lavender.
You smell like livestock.
You're not so tough.
Beth! It's time to cut the cake.
All right.
He looks nice.
But so did your father.
- You seen her?
- No.
Be open to it, Beth.
Trust in love, Beth.
Believe in magic, Beth.
What the hell.
Come on. There you go.
OK...
Of course.
What an idiot.
What are you looking at?
Fountain of Love.
What a crock.
I mean, we wait our whole lives
for some perfect guy to come in
and sweep us off our feet.
Well, guess what. He's not coming.
Each one of you
is a desperate wish for love
that is never gonna come true.
So I'm saving you.
And...
saving you.
You, I don't give a damn about.
But I am saving you.
Magic.
- And you...
- So beautiful.
Thank you.
And I'm saving you.
- Hey, Father Dino.
- Nicholas.
The love police.
- Hello.
- Hey. Hey, it's Nick.
Nick who?
- Beamon. From the wedding.
- What's taking him so long?
- Joan gave me your number.
- Of course she did.
I wasn't really
expecting to get you.
You want me to hang up
so you can talk to the machine?
- No. This is good.
- Yo, Nick! What's going on?
Did you get lost?
Grab some beers! Let's do this!
I'm looking for the bottle opener.
It's on the fridge. See it from here.
Dude, you gave me the instruction card.
- That's a helpful card.
- Why is it wet?
- I put it in a glass of water.
- Why would you do that?
- I don't know.
- That's weird.
I was thinking maybe
we could have dinner later?
I'm already having dinner.
Maybe a drink? Some coffee?
- Nope.
- Which part no?
- The drink or the coffee?
- Nick!
It's just sort of a blanket nope.
Nick, how long you gonna take?
We watched Roots while you were gone!
Maybe I'm a little off base here,
but I thought that we hit it off
the other night, no?
Yeah, Nick, you're a little off base.
Who would win in a fight?
A whale or a silverback gorilla?
Definitely a whale.
It also depends
if they're in water or not.
What about, like,
a couple silverback gorillas?
If they're in water, they'll lose.
Don't think they swim good?
I think they swim well.
I don't know if they swim good.
Let's be an English major,
why don't we?
Dude, what took you so long?
I didn't have a beard
when you left.
Nice. What's this?
- What's it look like?
- A bottle opener.
Use that to open beer bottles?
That would've been nice, beers.
That would've been nice.
That would've been great.
Whoa! You didn't call some chick
- during our game, did you?
- No!
You don't mind if I hit redial?
That wouldn't bother you?
- No, no, no, no. Give me that!
- Hello? I love you.
- So touchy all of a sudden.
- I'm not touchy.
You're sensitive all of a sudden.
I'm not... I'm not sensitive.
That's what a sensitive person
would say.
Yeah, whatever.
Methinks some girl
has put a spell on you.
[Tina Parol: Hold Onto Your Heart]
No!
Wait! I just need to see your feet!
OK, I chase. No problem.
This is a great view from behind.
Wait!
Now the game is on!
In Italia, when a woman run away,
it mean she love you!
You must love me so much!
Bella, wait! Wait!
How can I prove my love to you,
if you won't stop?!
Mi amore, I just need
one moment with your feet!
I'm coming!
You out of your frigging mind, dude?
Are you OK?
I don't know what you're saying.
What's he saying?
I don't know. I don't speak idiot.
Please, allow me...
to see your magnifico feet.
What? No!
Hey, this is you.
- And this one, too.
- Let me explain.
My name is Antonio Guiseppe Donatello.
I'm from the village of Nunzio
in Italia.
I... My spleen. It's OK.
Two days ago, I have a vision.
I see the face of love, your face.
Then I see your neck,
your torso, your...
Got it. I get it.
But... I could not paint your feet.
You came from Italy to paint my feet?
No, also to earn your love.
I think you have me confused
with someone else.
Put some ice on it and be careful.
OK! I will paint your face
on every building in this city
until you recognize my love!
Hi. I'm kind of in a hurry, so...
Thanks.
No problem.
Isn't this place the greatest?
You can get your work done,
no one bothers you.
Food's great. Low carb, high protein.
The only way to go when
your work requires you to be
shredded and dieseled out.
Yeah, here, don't crane your neck.
Go ahead. Feast your eyes.
Yes, I've seen that look before.
You're intimidated
because I'm a model.
But I don't want you to be scared,
OK? I'm a normal guy.
This is my portfolio.
It's kind of my calling card.
These are mostly non-paying jobs,
or spec work.
I think that's a real dog.
And here's the crown jewel.
I am the Gasee guy. So...
I'm Gale.
Like a gale-force wind.
I took on that name because
it's the most powerful force
in the natural world.
For shaping and
eroding the earth, it's...
You can feel it.
Actually, I think that's water,
eroding the earth.
Don't think it's water.
I think it's wind.
- Like the Grand Canyon.
- I'm gonna look that up.
This is crazy. I don't know
whether to look at
my own reflection or at you,
- that's how beautiful you are.
- You know what? I have to go.
OK, you asked for it.
- Yeah, she's back. Hi.
- You can't just take your shirt off.
I don't hear any complaints
from the peanut gallery, so...
- Put your shirt back on, creep.
- Here you go.
I know this looks nuts, all right?
And maybe I am a little nuts
because I've never
tried to share my beauty
with anyone before.
And I think it's because
I'm in love with you. Big time.
Great first date, Beth!
Let's get another one on the books soon.
Come on, man, put your shirt on.
Honestly though,
is there a doctor here,
because there's some kind
of weird swelling in this...
Yeah, that can't be normal, can it?
Humans aren't...
Jeez, Louise, dessert's served.
Sit down, Gas guy.
- Sorry.
- Excuse me, miss. Miss?
I believe you dropped this.
My... Yeah, thank you.
I don't know how that fell off. Thanks.
Miss?
How did you...?
Time flies, but magic flies faster.
You're a street magician.
I really appreciate it,
but I don't have the time right now.
You have all the time in the world.
Damn it. All right,
now it's getting kind of creepy
because you must have just
touched me, and I didn't feel anything.
Pick a card, and I'll show you my heart.
- Come on, do it!
- Do it!
If I pick a card,
will you stop stealing my watch?
- Probably.
- OK.
Take a good look.
Don't show it to me.
- Wasn't gonna.
- Place it back in the deck.
Ready, everyone?
That's not my card.
I know... because the joker is me.
A fool for love.
I told you I'd show you my heart.
Is this your card?
Get over here.
Little help here, please.
Hey, little girl, could you please
give me my heart?
Is it me, or is New York
getting crazier?
- Your sister's on line 2.
- Take a message.
- She says it's kind of important.
- Fine. Patch her through.
Hi, Joan.
What were you doing
in the Fontana d'Amore
- during my wedding?
- What makes you think that...
I'm looking at a picture of you.
It's front-page news over here, sis.
What were you thinking?
I don't know.
Little bit of jet lag,
little bit of champagne,
or a lot of champagne.
And the next thing I'm sitting
in the fountain picking up coins.
That's not so good.
- Why not so good?
- There is a legend,
if you take someone's coin
they will fall in love with you.
- Except that is ridiculous.
- OK. Then we hang up!
I totally believe in magic coins.
- Were you on that call?
- Love is finally at your doorstep.
So have any men come on to you
since the wedding?
- Well...
- My God. They have been.
Yeah, a couple of weirdos
approached me this morning...
There are some magical forces
at work here.
I don't believe in magic.
Know what I do believe in?
Art. Where's my Slater Bradley?
Told you I was on top of it.
The insurance company
totally wanted to jack up the rate,
so in an effort to be more assertive,
I told them to shove it.
You told Hillman and Craft to shove it?
- Yeah.
- That piece was coming
from a collector in Australia.
Even if we got it on a jet today,
it would never clear customs
in time for the gala.
That means I have no centerpiece
for the Circle of Gold.
I'll get Hillman and Craft on the phone.
- I don't think I burned that bridge.
- No, no. It's too late now.
I have to tell Celeste.
Hello?
Hey. Did I mention Joan
gave me your cell number, too?
- Little busy now. What do you want?
- Same thing I wanted last night.
What is it going to take for me
to convince you
- that I'm not interested in you?
- What is it going to take?
It's going to take you looking me
in the eye to tell me that.
That'd require seeing you,
and I don't have the time...
- Hi.
- So you're stalking me now?
No, I'm just running into you
in a premeditated manner.
I have a big problem
on my hands right now.
I just lost the centerpiece to my show.
- Beth?
- Celeste.
This is Mr. Al Russo, our newest patron.
He asked specifically to see you.
Of course. Hi.
- I'm sorry. Have we met before?
- In my dreams.
Beth has secured a rare Slater Bradley
as the centerpiece for our pain exhibit.
Actually, Celeste...
- Nick Beamon? Are you Nick Beamon?
- Yeah.
Nick the Hit! You want to talk
about pain, this guy...
- A million volts in the neck.
- That's fascinating.
Beth, you do have
the Slater Bradley, yes?
- Celeste, it's...
- My fault,
and I was meaning to tell you...
Actually, she has access
to something better.
- This is really not the time.
- An original Petrocelli.
The title of the photograph is Anguish.
It too has never been viewed in public.
A Petrocelli that's never been viewed?
That's right. Damian Petrocelli
agreed to give me the print
- and burn the negative.
- Why would he do that?
Because I happen to be
the subject of the photo.
And I'm willing to relive
that humiliation in public
because I know that
as long as Beth is involved,
it will be in good hands.
How about that private tour
we're gonna have?
Follow me.
including Czanne, Degas,
Manet, Picasso and Van Gogh...
They're just really nicely spaced.
You did such a great job.
Let me... I have something for you.
This is a gift for you.
My.
It's not from Tiffany.
- Sausage. That's your face.
- Yeah, that's it.
This may sound a little odd to you,
but encased meat is my life's work.
I am like a curator, just like you.
A curator of sausage.
- Well, passion is passion.
- That's exactly what I say.
There is not an emotion on Earth
that can't be expressed
through sausage.
And that bratwurst is saying,
"Hello, and thank you
for showing me the museum."
Who knew bratwurst
could even say all that?
- Beth.
- Please tell me you're here
because you have
a deep appreciation for modern art.
I have a deep appreciation,
but for you, Beth.
That's it. Tour's over.
I know it seems crazy.
It's crazy to me too.
Want to play cat and mouse?
I can play cat and mouse.
You forgot your sausages!
No.
- I'm so sorry.
- It hurts.
I'm so sorry. I didn't know
that was you. I didn't...
I'm really sorry.
It hurts so bad, but tastes so good.
- What is that, mint?
- It's breath spray.
You startled me, I didn't have
anything else. I am so sorry.
Can I see it? Take your hands away.
- You're gonna make it worse.
- I'm not gonna make it worse.
Don't be such a baby.
I really feel awful.
I did not know
that it would hurt that bad.
It doesn't hurt that bad.
I was just playing.
You think you're real charming,
don't you?
- Little bit.
- Yeah. Well, you are. OK?
- What?
- OK.
Where are you going?
I know your type of guy, Nick.
And what type is that?
Come on. The girl in the red dress
kissing you at the fountain?
- You saw that?
- Yeah.
That's why you've been cold
the last couple of days.
Is that so hard to believe?
That was Umberto's crazy cousin, OK?
You know the blood runs hot
in that family.
Yeah, you seemed so sick about it.
I was a little sick about it.
Especially after I met you.
Wait!
No. Let's go this way.
- Hey, Beth! It's me, Al Russo!
- Let's cross.
Wait one second.
- One second!
- I'm sorry, Nick! I gotta go!
- Just...
- I'm sorry. I gotta go.
Hold on! Beth! Beth, wait.
I did not see that one coming!
OK, Lance, you can do this.
Just have to believe.
I will do the Great Mummy Escape,
and Beth will love me.
This worked for Houdini,
it should work for me.
OK, here she comes.
Well,
I don't know, Joan. OK?
I don't know what I believe anymore.
All I know is that this is crazy,
and I need it to stop.
We told you this would happen.
OK, then what is it gonna take
for me to end this little nightmare?
You have to return the coins
to the Fontana d'Amore.
Wait, that's it?
And spell broken,
and these guys leave me alone?
I'm overnighting you
the coins right now.
That's no good. She needs
to return the coins herself.
I cannot just fly back to Italy to put
some magic coins into a fountain.
There's got to be another way
we can handle this.
- Try and enjoy the attention?
- Joan...
Beth! It's me, Lance.
I'm setting a record for you.
I know this looks scary and dangerous,
but if I can do this,
get out of the straitjacket...
Stop! Stop!
What are you doing in my apartment?
Blowing your mind!
No one's ever done the Mummy Escape
in under 3 minutes.
- Juan, what's my time?
- 3 minutes and 53 seconds.
I don't know. That felt pretty tight.
Are you sure you timed that right?
You know, you want to find the rabbit,
you got to work the hat.
You're just not putting in
the hours, bro.
- Not in front of my girlfriend.
- Who the hell is that?
That's Juan, my assistant.
He's just been video chronicling
all my illusions. Anyway...
Both of you, out of my apartment, now.
No, wait. Now listen up.
My goodness.
Your perfume is intoxicating,
and your hair smells like cinnamon!
Get out!
Hey, Nick... Douche.
You get those old Giant photos
I asked you for?
I am a professional photographer.
I'm not your girl Friday, OK?
I would appreciate some respect,
but yes, here.
Or, in lieu of respect, I'd appreciate
you and me chatting up 2 ladies
and leaving the one that knows more
about Wookiees alone with this.
I'm not gonna be able
to make that party.
What? No, Saturday night
is the ESPN party.
That's a work and play event, dude.
My God. It's the girl.
- The museum girl, isn't it? I knew it.
- You don't understand.
You should see this girl.
I can barely keep up with her.
She's smart.
She's beautiful. She's funny.
My God, no.
Stop it! Stop liking her!
Do not go any further until I can do
a little recon on this girl.
Recon? What are you, black ops?
No, absolutely not.
What do you really know about her?
I'm not going to let my boy
go in there blind.
- Puck! No!
- No?
- No!
- No?
- No.
- How about yes?
OK, go.
[Katy Perry: If You Can Afford Me]
Hey! Look at you!
Look at me, we look great!
I can't jog. I have a weak hamstring.
It's OK. I nearly die. But I...
Robert Longo,
Kiki Smith, Carl Riddle...
That looks great!
Let's be beautiful together.
Where you going? Beth!
It's gonna come back around
in 4 minutes.
It's gonna be great!
I can explain.
There's a nude mural of you
on 82nd Street. Should we start there?
I know. That is actually a funny...
- Could we start somewhere else?
- Flowers everywhere!
A sudden, unexplained change in
the program for the Circle of Gold gala.
I need to have confidence
in my curators, Beth...
You wouldn't believe if...
You're right.
- I'm sorry.
- You promised me this program
- would go off without a hitch.
- It will.
Let me be perfectly clear.
If it doesn't, I'll see to it
that the only artwork
you're ever allowed near
are the velvet Elvis paintings
for sale in Times Square.
- Got it?
- Yeah.
This is gonna be
a serious blow to your self-esteem.
Maybe you should sit down.
Remember that girl? The one
you wanted to settle down with?
The one you wanted to be
little soccer dad with?
Well, guess what. Mama's
a bigger player than you, son!
Shazam! Check it out.
Foreign guys, old dudes,
Houdini, a half-naked gentleman.
This girl sees more action
in one afternoon
than you saw
in your whole senior season.
Look, I'm sorry, man,
but it's all there.
It's pretty clear what I have to do.
Yeah.
I got to pick up my game.
- I was just thinking about you.
- I was just thinking of you.
I'm sorry I ran off the other day.
I've just been having
one of those weeks.
Yeah, so it would seem.
Is everything OK?
Yeah. There's a lot
I would like to tell you.
Unfortunately, I need to cut
to the chase. Back her up a bit.
My fundraiser at the museum,
it's tomorrow,
- and I need to get my hands on that...
- The Petrocelli.
I'm kind of wavering on that now.
But that's the centerpiece
to my pain exhibit.
Yeah, but have you thought at all
about my pain, my suffering?
- What?
- I would feel better about it
if we could sit down, talk about it,
maybe over dinner?
I know this place
called Blackout on Bleecker.
- I was thinking 8:00?
- So you're blackmailing me now?
- Actually, it's extortion.
- If I come to dinner,
- can I have my Petrocelli?
- I got to run. See you at 8:00!
- You have a date?
- It's not a date.
So, what are you gonna wear?
My navy blouse, a pencil skirt,
and some open-toed slingbacks.
[Jason Damato: Floating Down a River]
- Hey.
- Hey.
You look great.
I didn't really have time
to get ready.
So this is it?
Yeah. It's supposed to get
a lot better in the back.
- OK.
- Look, we got off on the wrong foot.
Actually, we got off on the right foot,
and Umberto's cousin
messed everything...
I don't even want to talk about that
right now.
I just wanted to tell you
ever since that night in Rome...
Hi! My name is Ilona,
and I'll be your sensory guide
this evening.
Tonight you will enjoy
a delicious gourmet meal
without your primary sense of sight.
In this way your other senses
will become heightened
to bring you an exciting,
new culinary experience.
Is she serious?
Yeah. Our last great moment
was the night the lights went out
in Rome,
so I figured we'd pick up
where we left off.
That's beautiful.
Please take my hand
and I will lead you to your table.
Let's make a train.
Here we are. Now,
just follow me. Stay close.
Just let your eyes take a back seat
while your senses do the driving.
It's furniture.
That's a chair.
Very good. Very good.
You wouldn't have gotten
to feel that chair if your eyes...
My!
- I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.
- What an adventure.
All right. That's a head.
That's a man's head.
- There are so many people!
- I think I broke something.
Just keep coming forward.
That's a woman, sir.
- Sorry.
- All right.
Here's your table.
Now follow my voice to the chair.
- Follow my voice to the chair.
- Right here?
Where's my voice?
Your butt should go about here.
I know you can't see this,
but you've got a gentleman.
Let me help you with your jacket.
It's a struggle because
of your muscles. Jeez!
- Yeah.
- And here we are.
Are you smelling me?
OK. So, in just a few minutes,
your wine will be out.
If you need anything at all,
just raise your hand,
and one of our attendants
will assist you.
Remember, you can't see us,
but we can see you.
This is... This is kind of...
- Kind of cool.
- Creepy.
- It's awesome!
- I thought you had left.
Your wine is being poured
in front of you at 2 o'clock. Enjoy.
There you go.
I hope you didn't order
anything expensive.
She could have switched it
to a cheap bottle
and we'd have no way of knowing.
Still here.
And I would never do that, ever.
You going to be there
the whole meal, or...
No. I'm going to let the 2 of you
get to know each other
on a deeper level,
and I'm going to go touch
other people in the restaurant.
- OK, then. Thank you.
- Sure.
I think she's finally gone.
It's really dark.
I'll tell you this.
Even in the dark you're beautiful.
This is actually kind of nice.
This is the best I've felt since Rome.
Beth, it's me! Al Russo.
- I've been looking all over for you.
- Who's this?
- Your liverwurst nightmare, pal.
- No.
The feet...
Look who it is, principessa.
- Meatball!
- Sausage King!
Does anyone have... the time?
- God.
- Hey, my watch is missing.
Try being gorgeous,
and no one can see you.
- Who is that?
- Waiter?
Feel like I'm driving a Lamborghini
around with a car cover on.
Ordered an 8-pack? Please enjoy.
I had a great time, but I got to go!
"Great time?" We just got here!
Beth, wait. Beth...
- Ma'am!
- What the hell is going on?
People really drop
a lot of food in this place.
Are you dark dining and dashing?
I had her, and you blew it.
He make her disappear with magic.
Bring her back, warlock!
Taxi!
- Beth!
- Please, just let me go.
Do you mind telling me
what the hell just happened there?
- How many guys are you seeing?
- I'm not see...
You don't...
Those guys don't know me.
They're just under a... spell.
Beth! Beth, hi!
Why don't you leave me alone!
I don't know you!
Beth, it's me.
Your dentist. Dr. Moscowitz.
- Sorry, Dr. Moscowitz. Hi.
- Everything OK?
God, yeah.
- And I'm flossing twice a day.
- Good.
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Your dentist? Are you OK?
I just want to get out of here.
OK.
- Where do you want to go?
- I don't...
Where would you feel safe?
I used to come here with my parents
when I was a little girl.
I thought this place was magic.
And my father told me
that the roof was made of glass
so that God could see the paintings
from up in heaven.
I know.
Her name was Marie-Thrse Walter.
She was 17 when Picasso
fell in love with her.
Picasso was already married,
and 30 years her senior,
so they kept their affair a secret.
But he documented his passion
by hiding her initials
in some of his paintings.
Of course,
Picasso wasn't completely
ready to settle down,
and he left Marie-Therese for Dora Maar
just like he left his wife Olga
for Marie-Therese.
But Marie-Therese
never stopped loving Picasso.
And she hung herself after his death.
Hey...
You OK?
She just loved him so much,
and in the end,
he didn't really love her back.
It's just sad.
You know, it doesn't always
have to be that way.
Every time I've ever put myself
out there, I've gotten hurt.
Every time.
It's like I meet a guy,
and I think it's great.
And anyone else
would just be thinking about
how much greater it's going to get.
And I'm constantly waiting
for the other shoe to drop.
You know, lightning does strike
once in a while, Beth.
Trust me. I know.
I wish I could believe that.
You can.
No other shoes
are going to drop, Beth.
This is real.
I'm real.
- Damn it!
- It's OK.
- It's OK.
- One second.
What are you doing? Come on.
Is she here? What's her name? Betsy?
I hate you. You're ruining my life.
- You found it.
- It's so beautiful.
- And so sad.
- Yeah, it's OK.
You know, every time I look at that,
all I think about is...
everything football
meant to me and my family
and especially my old man.
All the dreams...
gone in an instant.
That was the real hit.
No.
- What?
- I have to go.
What's wrong? We can slow down.
- I just have to go.
- Hold on, hold on.
Hold on. Hey!
- I don't get it.
- I know you don't, Nick.
And you probably never will.
But it's not real.
And it's never going to be real.
What about the photograph?
Keep it.
I don't want to see you in pain.
[Adele: Make You Feel My Love]
Is this all the programs?
I don't want to forget any.
Everything's gonna be OK, Beth.
I know it will.
No, it's not.
It's his chip. He's just under a spell.
It's not real.
- Hello.
- Listen, I have great news.
Umberto talked to his nana.
She said there's another way
to break the spell.
- There is?
- Yeah.
All you have to do is return the coins
directly to the guys.
It doesn't have to be the fountain.
Return the coin, return the love.
If I return the coins,
I return the love?
Yeah.
That'll break the spell?
And that'll get me
out of this whole mess?
Yeah! It'll be all over.
Isn't that great?
- Yeah. It's great.
- I knew you'd be relieved.
This is for your own good, boss.
It's exactly what I wanted.
Yeah! I got to go.
Good luck at the show tonight.
I'll call you later.
I love you, OK? Bye!
OK.
Hey, boss, I'm gonna start setting up.
I'll see you at the Gugg.
Come on in.
OK.
It's nice here. Very nice.
I like what you do. It's sort of modern.
- Very nice place.
- Beautiful.
Really nice. You look great.
Are you excited for the show?
You OK? You seem sad.
This is going to be
harder than I thought.
I'm actually glad that you're all here.
Just because I need
to tell you something.
Come here.
The couch. You can sit on the couch.
- You're gonna tell us on the couch?
- Yeah.
I think she's gonna pick one of us.
Like The Bachelor.
I love this show, with the rose.
- I like my odds.
- It's you, it's you.
I don't know any other way
to say this, other than to just...
You don't love me.
- Trust me, I love you.
- No, you don't.
- They don't, but I do.
- I love you so much.
Well, I was drunk, but I took
the coins. I took your coins.
- I do love you.
- It's not real. You don't love me.
- As much as I can love someone.
- No, you don't.
We're not in love with each other. I'm
in love with someone else. I love Nick.
I love Nick.
I love Nick more than I love my job,
which is big for me.
And it's not your fault,
and I'm really sorry.
I love him even if
he might not love me back.
You know?
I understand loving somebody and...
them not loving you back.
We all do.
- It's a bummer.
- This really suck.
I'm sorry, guys.
OK...
The whole point of love
is to put someone else's needs
above your own.
Maybe that's why I'm here.
Maybe that's why we're all here.
Maybe for you.
- He may be on to something.
- No, it's true.
- How can we help?
- Thanks, guys.
And this will all be a little clearer
when I give you something back.
No.
Stacy.
- What the heck is...?
- What?
- That was weird.
- I swear, that wasn't me.
It was just...
freak electrical storm has caused
rolling blackouts and gridlock
throughout the city. Traffic lights
are out throughout the metro area.
New York City is at a standstill.
- We got to stay in.
- I make food for everybody. We eat.
No, no, no. We're not staying here.
You're not staying here.
I need to be at the Guggenheim.
This has to end now.
After we eat.
Hold it, hold it.
If we love her, we'll get her to the
Guggenheim. That's all there is to it.
Let's do this.
I'll do it. And I'm going to do it
with more flair than all of you.
We take my car.
I just bring her from Italia.
- You have a car?
- It's molto grande.
For 1, 2... No, it be fine.
Come on! Move it!
- Comfortable up there?
- Where's the keys?
I had the keys in your apartment.
- Have the key.
- Give him the keys.
- I am what I am.
- Annoying.
Who makes this car, Fisher-Price?
In Italia this is a midsize car.
In America it's a clown car.
Careful.
It's Stacy. Leave a message.
Stacey.
Please call me when you get this.
And don't do anything
with those coins. I'm on my way.
- I was expecting a little bit bigger.
- Tiny bit?
Hit the horn. Thread the needle.
See if you can go around this guy.
- Just drive like you're in Rome.
- No problem.
[MB20: How Far We've Come]
Hey, coming through!
I'm OK.
If you can't reach the dashboard,
and you wanna hold onto
the washboards, let me know.
There's a fat guy on a bike.
A fat guy on a bike.
Sorry about that.
I'll give you a thousand bucks
to let me sit in front.
- OK, that hurt.
- Damn it!
Come on up.
There's the Gugg!
Coming through!
- You can just let me out here.
- No, not close enough.
I take you right upstairs.
- No, Antonio. The doors!
- I got this. You must all believe.
- I don't believe!
- I don't believe!
I believe!
Open!
I did it!
Could you push 5?
Stacy.
Beth. There you are.
You're a hit. They love the show.
The Petrocelli is... How?
Nick sent it over late this afternoon.
People cried when they saw it.
- And Celeste is...
- Pleased.
We've already received a record number
of financial pledges tonight, Beth.
I'm very proud of you.
You're a wonderful curator.
Anyone who would care to join me in
the Thannhauser, please come this way.
Stacy... I need the coins.
But look at what's happened, Beth.
Nick did all of this for you.
- He loves you.
- I know.
But if I take his love against his will,
that's not love at all.
Please, Stacy. The coins.
I have to do this my way.
You are not going
to the Guggenheim.
This isn't my scene.
What are you talking about?
We're neck-deep in hot ladies.
LT is here. What up, son?
- LT!
- Man, what's your damn problem?
He knows his name.
Where are you going?
Hey, how's it going?
We're from the network.
Good to see you. We're big fans.
We read your column every week.
Thank you.
Somebody we wanted
to introduce you to. Nick, Shaq.
- How you doing? Read your article.
- Good. Yeah?
- Spelled my name wrong.
- It's the proofreading department.
- This guy right here?
- Yeah, this guy.
Excuse me, I've got
to take this phone call.
- You don't know how to spell?
- I don't know anything.
Beth. Hey, how are you?
Nick, there's something
I want to tell you.
Even though it won't matter
after tonight.
I want to thank you...
for making me believe in love again.
Even if it wasn't real for you,
it was very real for me.
What does that mean?
Beth. Beth!
Hey!
I'm guessing this belongs to you?
Does it?
Check your purse.
OK, stop it. I need you to take this.
Come on. Close your hand.
- Wait, I have another trick.
- Nope.
Now I remember.
I never had the guts
to perform in public
until I wanted to do it for you.
I guess I just needed a muse.
What am I going to do without you?
You'll find your muse. Your true muse.
Trust me, you won't be sorry.
Are you a coin collector?
When I threw this coin in the fountain
I wasn't wishing
that my wife would come back.
I knew that wouldn't happen.
I was just wishing to get a chance to
feel the way I did when she was around.
And...
my wish came true. You gave me that.
Thank you.
Hey!
Come on!
Is this your euro?
- That's weird.
- Antonio?
- It's Anthony, actually.
- From Nunzio?
No. Newark. New Jersey.
Are you really a tortured artist?
Tortured. Been in retail shoe sales
for the last 9 years.
As far as being an artist, I guess
I figured going to Italy'd make me one.
I think you're an artist.
I do. And I'm not just saying that
because I'm trying to get rid of you.
- It's my professional opinion.
- Thank you.
I think I'll miss you least of all.
Honestly, I don't think
I really learned anything.
- No?
- But I had a blast helping you grow.
You're welcome.
Good luck. It's all right.
- What's going on?
- All the lights are out.
Some kind of freak electrical storm.
I wouldn't cross there if I were you!
That's suicide, pal!
Crap, not again.
I didn't see that one coming.
- That was both our faults, really.
- What are you doing here?
Didn't think I was going to let
my boy do this alone, did you?
- I feel safer. Thank you.
- Does she have a sister?
- She's married.
- Dammit.
Come on. Get in.
You're buying me a new windshield.
- Don't kick my car. I'll hit you again!
- I'm OK, by the way.
- I'm fine. Don't worry about me.
- Good. I don't care.
And I guess there's one more.
Looking for something?
I need that.
Oopsie-daisy, where'd it go?
There they are.
Now, there's 2.
- Back to 1.
- Give it to me!
So, I guess it's over now.
- Is that really what you want?
- It doesn't matter what I want.
You've got your will back.
Ever since I saw you
in that fountain something...
something changed in me.
I can't eat. I can't sleep.
I can't do anything
without thinking about you.
I don't know what is going on with me,
but I want to know
what is going on with you.
You seem to think that all these guys
are under some crazy spell,
and that I'm one of them, but I'm not.
This is real, OK?
And I ran all the way up 5th Avenue
in a lightning storm
- because I wanted to tell you...
- You love me?
- I never said I loved you.
- You didn't. No, you don't.
I just never said it. You said it,
and I wanted to say it, but...
OK, you go. You say it.
Well, say it if you want to say it.
Look...
The only spell that I'm under...
is yours.
I'm in love with you, Beth.
- Did she invite you, too?
- Yeah. Tony.
- Gale.
- Yeah.
- Nice to see you.
- Yeah. You, too.
You look great.
That's a nice cut.
You look terrific.
Beautiful silhouette.
I saw you out there.
- You can hold a suit. Yeah.
- Thank you.
- You're an artist.
- Yeah. Sort of.
I would love to do a nude with you.
I'd like that.
Great.
I'd really like that.
I am really sorry about this,
Beth. This is all my fault.
I found that in my bag of tricks.
- It's not mine, so...
- My God. It's Nick's.
I guess I accidentally gave you
the wrong chip in the museum.
He's still under the spell.
- OK, thank you. Time to go.
- Are you her sister?
- Would you like to see an illusion?
- Bye-bye.
Don't you want to be dazzled?
- My God, Beth. I'm so sorry.
- What am I going to do?
Showtime.
Dad.
When you married Mom, did you
ever think that you wouldn't make it?
Elizabeth Ann.
Honey, you cannot learn
from my mistakes.
You're going to have to go out there
and make your own.
Now, you could get your heart broken or
you could have the greatest
love affair the world has ever known,
but you're not going to know
unless you try.
But what if there was a guarantee
that you'd never get hurt.
Baby... the passion is in the risk.
It's like I always say,
"If you're going to be a bear..."
- "Be a grizzly."
- That's my girl.
A marriage is like all contracts
that the 2 enter under the eyes
of Our Father Almighty.
If there's anybody here
who has reasons that Beth...
and Nicholas should not
get married today,
speak now or forever
hold on to your peaces.
Anybody?
Anybody?
Anybody?
It could be anybody. You don't
have to know them to speak up.
OK, padre, it seems nobody's objecting,
so let's move on with it.
Do you, Nicholas, take Beth
to be your awful wedded wife?
"Lawful." Yes. Yes, I do.
What is with him?
And do you, Beth, take Nicholas to be
your awful wedded husband?
To love, amore, to honor
until morte, death, do you part?
Think, bella.
It's a very big responsibility, no?
No.
I can't do this to you, Nick. I'm sorry.
You think you're pretty funny,
don't you?
Did you enjoy watching me go crazy?
Did you have fun watching my life
turn upside down because of love?
Because I did.
Beth!
Beth!
I've got a question.
Why do you keep giving me
my poker chips?
Because you deserve to have it back.
You threw it in the fountain
and wished for love,
and I don't want to keep it anymore.
- No, I didn't.
- You didn't?
- No.
- Then who did?
I have no idea.
Then this is all real?
How's this for real?
Free of temptation!
Didn't you say
at Umberto's bachelor party...
The padre cleaned me out
at the poker table. Yeah.
[Paolo Nutini: Pencil Full of Lead]
[3OH!3 featuring Katy Perry:
Starstrukk]
Great job, you guys.
Has anyone seen Stacy?
Stacy? Stacy, where are you guys?
Hey boss.
Table 4. Come meet us.
Hey, did you check out
that cute guy by the Monet?
The one breathing on the Monet?
I called security.
I think it's best to steer clear of him,
given my track record.
Is that for me?
- No, no, that's my...
- Thanks! I'm starving!
The show is going great. To Beth!
- Our fearless leader.
- Job well done.
Thank you, guys.
My God. Is that Brady Sacks?
Beth's ex? Where?
Not a funny joke.
And I'll tell you why.
Because if Brady
had the nerve to show up here,
I mean at my event, no less, after he...
- Dumped you like yesterday's trash?
- Ripped your heart out
and fed it to the Central Park pigeons?
Come on, I'm not even
over your breakup yet.
Well, I am, OK?
In a big way. Brady Sacks?
Who cares?! That's what I say.
He's right behind me, isn't he?
- Brady...
- Yeah...
- Great show.
- Great show, guys.
What are you...
What are you doing here?
Look, I know you're crazy busy,
but there's something
I need to say to you.
Something I think'll make up
for what I put you through.
OK.
I've got 3 words for you,
Beth Martin.
- I was wrong.
- Did he just say he was wrong?
A year ago, when I broke up
with you, I felt like
you cared more about your work
than you did about me.
Yeah, I remember, Brady, really clearly,
when you broke up with me
in the Applebee's.
I'm sorry about that,
but I'm here to tell you that...
- I get it.
- Can you hear?
Barely. I think he said he gets it.
He gets it!
I'm ready to jump in again,
in a big way.
You want to jump in again?
Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, maybe. If it's slow.
You made me realize
that it doesn't matter
how hard someone works,
as long as you love them enough.
Yes. I can't believe
that you're saying that.
I'm just a little overwhelmed.
I met someone who works
just as hard as you do,
only now I can accept her for that.
- We're getting engaged!
- Beth's getting engaged!
Did I just hear that right?
Our host and curator, Beth Martin,
is getting engaged?
[Patrice Irving, Richard Wagner:
Rockin' Bride]
No, I'm not. I'm not getting engaged!
Not tonight, not to him.
Man.
But maybe.
Maybe in the future sometime.
I don't know. With someone else.
Got to see how it pans out. OK?
Well, at least it wasn't
in the Applebee's.
Worst day ever.
- Joan?
- Sis! Guess what?
I'm getting married!
Yay.
His name is Umberto.
Umberto! How sexy is that?
We met on a flight to Italy
and now we're getting married. In Rome.
That... Joan.
He's the one, Beth. I know it.
I can't wait until you meet him.
And when I do, I will have known him
for almost as long as you have.
You know what?
You're not exactly a role model
when it comes to relationships.
OK, maybe not, but that is because
I have a relationship with my job.
I love my job. And when I find a guy
that I like more than my job,
that's how I'll know he's the one.
OK, so basically what you need
is a male version of yourself.
Well, he doesn't have to be blonde.
You know that I mean this
with all the love in the world,
but 2 weeks, Joan?
That's not long enough.
That's not even enough time
for a credit check.
When you know, you don't need proof.
You just know.
- Be happy for me, B.
- God, I am! I am.
I am.
She's doomed. I mean, come on,
you meet some Italian guy
in first class, you date him.
- You don't marry him.
- She's so lucky.
Just imagine working in a place
where they sort men into classes.
What? I'm just saying.
My baby sister is about to make
the biggest mistake of her life,
and there's nothing I can do about it.
She got swept away. It happens.
No, it doesn't.
Instead of chasing a fairy tale,
you could focus on work.
That's what I do.
And you know what?
I've never been happier.
Well, you must be ecstatic.
And still single, I understand.
It appears we can begin.
In 9 days, we'll be hosting
the single most important event
of our year,
The Board of Trustees'
Annual Circle of Gold Gala.
This year, the special installation
for the event
is the brainchild of our youngest
and therefore least-experienced curator.
An exhibition centered
on the theme of pain. Status report.
are already on site,
and 3 of the remaining 4
are en route.
- And the remaining piece?
- Is the Slater Bradley.
Yes, the centerpiece
for the exhibition, where is it?
We're resolving some
last-minute insurance issues.
Last-minute? I can't say
I like the sound of that.
It'll be here. I'll make sure of it.
Moving on...
There is one small little detail.
The day after tomorrow,
my sister will be getting married.
In Rome. Italy.
Well, that simply won't do.
Well, it's my baby sister's wedding.
Well, we all have sisters, Beth.
I will stay on top of this from Rome.
I'll be in and out in 48 hours,
and you have my word, Celeste.
The Circle of Gold Gala
will go off without a hitch.
It better. You may be talented, Beth,
but you're not irreplaceable.
Have a nice trip.
So...
[Paolo Nutini: Pencil Full of Lead]
How long you stay Rome?
Is not so much time. But lucky for you,
it only takes a moment
to see true beauty.
The Eternal City is
the most romantic city in the world.
You never lived until you loved in Rome.
Not a lot of reception around here?
Put down your phone and look,
signora. Welcome to Roma!
Did I mention I'm late
for my sister's wedding?
Many times.
So much beauty!
And, finally,
the magnificent Fontana d'Amore.
A place where romantics
from all over the world
come to wish for love.
Old people, young people, ugly people.
They get so lost in love. It's nice!
Yes, nice, thank you.
And good luck!
Joan, the Amsale dress looks gorgeous.
- Hi! Hi.
- Beth, darling!
Look at you.
You look exhausted.
- Thanks, Mom.
- She looks fine.
- You look beautiful.
- Thank you.
What happened to "don't see the bride
before the wedding"?
- Isn't this bad luck?
- Girls, we don't have time.
Your father's current tramp of the month
is waiting inside with your dress.
I heard that. And she's not a tramp.
She's a pro beach volleyball player.
Hello, sweetheart.
Hi, Daddy.
- How are you?
- Exhausted.
Beth, this is Umberto, my fianc.
So, you're my sister too, now.
- Yeah.
- Come on.
You have to meet his family.
They're a scream.
See if he has a brother.
- Dad!
- Cousin.
[Canon and Gigue in D Major: Gigue]
[Jani Lane: Cherry Pie playing]
Slippery little... Come on.
How does he get service?
- You're late, Nick.
- I'm sorry.
Where's your tie?
There we go.
I know, but I can't get
an Internet signal.
I need to know that you're on top
of the Slater Bradley situation.
Hey!
You're breaking up.
Just whistle if you can hear me.
- Stacy?
- There's my girl.
Taking care of business.
- Always.
- Having a good time?
Yeah. You know me,
I love small, intimate weddings.
If you're gonna be a bear,
be a grizzly, right?
I don't know what that means.
- So, what do you think of Tina?
- She seems very fit, Dad.
That's all you can say?
Tan and odds-on favorite
to catch the bouquet.
You're a very lucky man.
I only wish for you the feeling I have
when I'm with her.
Come on, Beth. Get going here.
I want to throw another wedding.
You will. You're due
for another wife pretty soon.
I'm sorry, that was a low blow.
Quite a pair.
You refuse to fall in love,
and I can't stop.
Promise me one thing.
When it comes, you'll be open to it.
- I will try, Daddy.
- There you are!
- It's vase-breaking time.
- It's what?
It's a tradition.
The maid of honor shatters a vase,
and the number of pieces symbolizes
the years of happiness
she wishes for the bride and groom.
That's a lot of pressure.
Right? So smash it hard.
- OK.
- OK.
I'm so sorry.
I was not aiming for that,
but, man, I really nailed it.
She wishes them a life
- of great tragedy!
- No, I don't. No, I don't.
I just... I'm trying to break it.
I'm really trying.
I cracked it!
OK. We're almost there. Excuse me.
Die! Man!
Let's just go ahead
and let me handle this.
You are... you're...
You're quite the determined
little thing, aren't you?
Yeah, well, I cracked it
before you smashed it.
I know. Yeah, I know.
- I'm Nick, by the way.
- Beth.
Nice to meet you.
I would've introduced myself earlier,
but I was running a little late.
Yeah, I noticed.
I was in the hills doing an interview,
and on my way back
I kinda got hit by a goat.
- My God! You hit a goat?
- No, the goat hit me.
It wasn't my fault, and the goat's fine.
- What are they saying?
- It means "speech."
I think you're up again. There you go.
Hello again.
I'm Beth, sister of the bride.
Umberto, though I haven't
known you for very long...
I'm sorry. I don't speak any Italian.
Umberto, although I haven't
known you very long...
I'm a little rusty, so if you stay away
from any obscure idioms,
that would be great.
Yeah. Sure.
I'll keep it simple. Thank you.
When I look at you, Joan,
I remember a little girl
who believed in magic.
As I look at you right now...
I see a grown woman
who has seen all the magic in the world
come true tonight.
Joan...
Joan likes magic...
This is harder than I thought.
Maybe if we all clap loudly...
she'll wrap it up.
Because you and Umberto
are making magic here tonight.
Well, it was worth a try...
And I know that, if you could,
you'd share that feeling with me.
And I know that you'll...
share him with me.
OK. It appears our best man
has run out of Italian,
so cheers.
I liked your toast.
Thank you. Umberto's brother
already hit on me,
and most of his family
thinks I'm a pervert, but thanks.
They do that for good luck.
So where did you learn
to speak Italian so poorly?
Syracuse.
Umberto and I were roommates.
He taught me
how to talk to girls in Italian,
and I taught him American football.
I wanted to ask you before...
- Who is your service provider?
- Why?
I saw you e-mailing earlier,
and I kind of have signal envy.
Give me your phone. I need
to send one quick work e-mail.
- If I don't...
- No, you can't have my phone.
- Why not?
- You're just gonna take my number.
- I'm not gonna take your number.
- You're gonna take my phone
and call your phone with it
so that you have my number,
and I can't have you booty-calling me
- at 2:30 in the morning.
- I'm not go...
Wait! You know what? I do. I need it.
Because I need to block it
from my phone.
I can't give it to you, because
Umberto made me turn it off.
- So it's on vibrate?
- No, it's off.
- Like "off" off?
- Yeah.
- Nicholas!
- Father Dino!
- Nicholas!
- Father...
- All right.
- Ciao.
Maybe some cards again tonight?
Some Texas holding them?
I don't think so. You cleaned me out
at Umberto's bachelor party.
No more cards for me, pal.
I take my vows only 6 months ago.
They say it's a work in the progress.
- Sure.
- Forgive me.
Come on, Father. It's OK.
It's just a card game. It's OK.
It's OK. No more cards.
- It's OK.
- Ciao.
- Look at those 2.
- Tell me he's a good guy.
- He's a saint. Her?
- An angel.
A saint and an angel.
I give it a year.
I would not even give it 6 months.
This marriage has the shelf life
of a banana.
They've known each other 2 weeks.
That's not even enough time
for a credit check.
- What?
- Nothing.
Hey!
No, wait! I don't want to... No, wait!
It's my bad.
Sorry about that.
Go ahead.
What are you...?
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah. It's mine.
Just put that back in there. Thank you.
Hey!
Hey.
- What did he just yell at you?
- Nothing.
- What?
- Nothing.
It means "the hit."
I played some football in college and...
I took kind of a big hit.
Football. Goats. You get hit a lot.
It's kind of a famous hit.
It's not exactly what you want
to be known for.
But it's football. Doesn't everyone
get hit in football?
I got hit by lightning. OK?
On the field. In a game.
Yeah. See, I get that look a lot.
It's OK. It's OK.
Aside from a slight
peripheral vision issue, I'm fine.
Yeah?
You smell like lavender.
You smell like livestock.
You're not so tough.
Beth! It's time to cut the cake.
All right.
He looks nice.
But so did your father.
- You seen her?
- No.
Be open to it, Beth.
Trust in love, Beth.
Believe in magic, Beth.
What the hell.
Come on. There you go.
OK...
Of course.
What an idiot.
What are you looking at?
Fountain of Love.
What a crock.
I mean, we wait our whole lives
for some perfect guy to come in
and sweep us off our feet.
Well, guess what. He's not coming.
Each one of you
is a desperate wish for love
that is never gonna come true.
So I'm saving you.
And...
saving you.
You, I don't give a damn about.
But I am saving you.
Magic.
- And you...
- So beautiful.
Thank you.
And I'm saving you.
- Hey, Father Dino.
- Nicholas.
The love police.
- Hello.
- Hey. Hey, it's Nick.
Nick who?
- Beamon. From the wedding.
- What's taking him so long?
- Joan gave me your number.
- Of course she did.
I wasn't really
expecting to get you.
You want me to hang up
so you can talk to the machine?
- No. This is good.
- Yo, Nick! What's going on?
Did you get lost?
Grab some beers! Let's do this!
I'm looking for the bottle opener.
It's on the fridge. See it from here.
Dude, you gave me the instruction card.
- That's a helpful card.
- Why is it wet?
- I put it in a glass of water.
- Why would you do that?
- I don't know.
- That's weird.
I was thinking maybe
we could have dinner later?
I'm already having dinner.
Maybe a drink? Some coffee?
- Nope.
- Which part no?
- The drink or the coffee?
- Nick!
It's just sort of a blanket nope.
Nick, how long you gonna take?
We watched Roots while you were gone!
Maybe I'm a little off base here,
but I thought that we hit it off
the other night, no?
Yeah, Nick, you're a little off base.
Who would win in a fight?
A whale or a silverback gorilla?
Definitely a whale.
It also depends
if they're in water or not.
What about, like,
a couple silverback gorillas?
If they're in water, they'll lose.
Don't think they swim good?
I think they swim well.
I don't know if they swim good.
Let's be an English major,
why don't we?
Dude, what took you so long?
I didn't have a beard
when you left.
Nice. What's this?
- What's it look like?
- A bottle opener.
Use that to open beer bottles?
That would've been nice, beers.
That would've been nice.
That would've been great.
Whoa! You didn't call some chick
- during our game, did you?
- No!
You don't mind if I hit redial?
That wouldn't bother you?
- No, no, no, no. Give me that!
- Hello? I love you.
- So touchy all of a sudden.
- I'm not touchy.
You're sensitive all of a sudden.
I'm not... I'm not sensitive.
That's what a sensitive person
would say.
Yeah, whatever.
Methinks some girl
has put a spell on you.
[Tina Parol: Hold Onto Your Heart]
No!
Wait! I just need to see your feet!
OK, I chase. No problem.
This is a great view from behind.
Wait!
Now the game is on!
In Italia, when a woman run away,
it mean she love you!
You must love me so much!
Bella, wait! Wait!
How can I prove my love to you,
if you won't stop?!
Mi amore, I just need
one moment with your feet!
I'm coming!
You out of your frigging mind, dude?
Are you OK?
I don't know what you're saying.
What's he saying?
I don't know. I don't speak idiot.
Please, allow me...
to see your magnifico feet.
What? No!
Hey, this is you.
- And this one, too.
- Let me explain.
My name is Antonio Guiseppe Donatello.
I'm from the village of Nunzio
in Italia.
I... My spleen. It's OK.
Two days ago, I have a vision.
I see the face of love, your face.
Then I see your neck,
your torso, your...
Got it. I get it.
But... I could not paint your feet.
You came from Italy to paint my feet?
No, also to earn your love.
I think you have me confused
with someone else.
Put some ice on it and be careful.
OK! I will paint your face
on every building in this city
until you recognize my love!
Hi. I'm kind of in a hurry, so...
Thanks.
No problem.
Isn't this place the greatest?
You can get your work done,
no one bothers you.
Food's great. Low carb, high protein.
The only way to go when
your work requires you to be
shredded and dieseled out.
Yeah, here, don't crane your neck.
Go ahead. Feast your eyes.
Yes, I've seen that look before.
You're intimidated
because I'm a model.
But I don't want you to be scared,
OK? I'm a normal guy.
This is my portfolio.
It's kind of my calling card.
These are mostly non-paying jobs,
or spec work.
I think that's a real dog.
And here's the crown jewel.
I am the Gasee guy. So...
I'm Gale.
Like a gale-force wind.
I took on that name because
it's the most powerful force
in the natural world.
For shaping and
eroding the earth, it's...
You can feel it.
Actually, I think that's water,
eroding the earth.
Don't think it's water.
I think it's wind.
- Like the Grand Canyon.
- I'm gonna look that up.
This is crazy. I don't know
whether to look at
my own reflection or at you,
- that's how beautiful you are.
- You know what? I have to go.
OK, you asked for it.
- Yeah, she's back. Hi.
- You can't just take your shirt off.
I don't hear any complaints
from the peanut gallery, so...
- Put your shirt back on, creep.
- Here you go.
I know this looks nuts, all right?
And maybe I am a little nuts
because I've never
tried to share my beauty
with anyone before.
And I think it's because
I'm in love with you. Big time.
Great first date, Beth!
Let's get another one on the books soon.
Come on, man, put your shirt on.
Honestly though,
is there a doctor here,
because there's some kind
of weird swelling in this...
Yeah, that can't be normal, can it?
Humans aren't...
Jeez, Louise, dessert's served.
Sit down, Gas guy.
- Sorry.
- Excuse me, miss. Miss?
I believe you dropped this.
My... Yeah, thank you.
I don't know how that fell off. Thanks.
Miss?
How did you...?
Time flies, but magic flies faster.
You're a street magician.
I really appreciate it,
but I don't have the time right now.
You have all the time in the world.
Damn it. All right,
now it's getting kind of creepy
because you must have just
touched me, and I didn't feel anything.
Pick a card, and I'll show you my heart.
- Come on, do it!
- Do it!
If I pick a card,
will you stop stealing my watch?
- Probably.
- OK.
Take a good look.
Don't show it to me.
- Wasn't gonna.
- Place it back in the deck.
Ready, everyone?
That's not my card.
I know... because the joker is me.
A fool for love.
I told you I'd show you my heart.
Is this your card?
Get over here.
Little help here, please.
Hey, little girl, could you please
give me my heart?
Is it me, or is New York
getting crazier?
- Your sister's on line 2.
- Take a message.
- She says it's kind of important.
- Fine. Patch her through.
Hi, Joan.
What were you doing
in the Fontana d'Amore
- during my wedding?
- What makes you think that...
I'm looking at a picture of you.
It's front-page news over here, sis.
What were you thinking?
I don't know.
Little bit of jet lag,
little bit of champagne,
or a lot of champagne.
And the next thing I'm sitting
in the fountain picking up coins.
That's not so good.
- Why not so good?
- There is a legend,
if you take someone's coin
they will fall in love with you.
- Except that is ridiculous.
- OK. Then we hang up!
I totally believe in magic coins.
- Were you on that call?
- Love is finally at your doorstep.
So have any men come on to you
since the wedding?
- Well...
- My God. They have been.
Yeah, a couple of weirdos
approached me this morning...
There are some magical forces
at work here.
I don't believe in magic.
Know what I do believe in?
Art. Where's my Slater Bradley?
Told you I was on top of it.
The insurance company
totally wanted to jack up the rate,
so in an effort to be more assertive,
I told them to shove it.
You told Hillman and Craft to shove it?
- Yeah.
- That piece was coming
from a collector in Australia.
Even if we got it on a jet today,
it would never clear customs
in time for the gala.
That means I have no centerpiece
for the Circle of Gold.
I'll get Hillman and Craft on the phone.
- I don't think I burned that bridge.
- No, no. It's too late now.
I have to tell Celeste.
Hello?
Hey. Did I mention Joan
gave me your cell number, too?
- Little busy now. What do you want?
- Same thing I wanted last night.
What is it going to take for me
to convince you
- that I'm not interested in you?
- What is it going to take?
It's going to take you looking me
in the eye to tell me that.
That'd require seeing you,
and I don't have the time...
- Hi.
- So you're stalking me now?
No, I'm just running into you
in a premeditated manner.
I have a big problem
on my hands right now.
I just lost the centerpiece to my show.
- Beth?
- Celeste.
This is Mr. Al Russo, our newest patron.
He asked specifically to see you.
Of course. Hi.
- I'm sorry. Have we met before?
- In my dreams.
Beth has secured a rare Slater Bradley
as the centerpiece for our pain exhibit.
Actually, Celeste...
- Nick Beamon? Are you Nick Beamon?
- Yeah.
Nick the Hit! You want to talk
about pain, this guy...
- A million volts in the neck.
- That's fascinating.
Beth, you do have
the Slater Bradley, yes?
- Celeste, it's...
- My fault,
and I was meaning to tell you...
Actually, she has access
to something better.
- This is really not the time.
- An original Petrocelli.
The title of the photograph is Anguish.
It too has never been viewed in public.
A Petrocelli that's never been viewed?
That's right. Damian Petrocelli
agreed to give me the print
- and burn the negative.
- Why would he do that?
Because I happen to be
the subject of the photo.
And I'm willing to relive
that humiliation in public
because I know that
as long as Beth is involved,
it will be in good hands.
How about that private tour
we're gonna have?
Follow me.
including Czanne, Degas,
Manet, Picasso and Van Gogh...
They're just really nicely spaced.
You did such a great job.
Let me... I have something for you.
This is a gift for you.
My.
It's not from Tiffany.
- Sausage. That's your face.
- Yeah, that's it.
This may sound a little odd to you,
but encased meat is my life's work.
I am like a curator, just like you.
A curator of sausage.
- Well, passion is passion.
- That's exactly what I say.
There is not an emotion on Earth
that can't be expressed
through sausage.
And that bratwurst is saying,
"Hello, and thank you
for showing me the museum."
Who knew bratwurst
could even say all that?
- Beth.
- Please tell me you're here
because you have
a deep appreciation for modern art.
I have a deep appreciation,
but for you, Beth.
That's it. Tour's over.
I know it seems crazy.
It's crazy to me too.
Want to play cat and mouse?
I can play cat and mouse.
You forgot your sausages!
No.
- I'm so sorry.
- It hurts.
I'm so sorry. I didn't know
that was you. I didn't...
I'm really sorry.
It hurts so bad, but tastes so good.
- What is that, mint?
- It's breath spray.
You startled me, I didn't have
anything else. I am so sorry.
Can I see it? Take your hands away.
- You're gonna make it worse.
- I'm not gonna make it worse.
Don't be such a baby.
I really feel awful.
I did not know
that it would hurt that bad.
It doesn't hurt that bad.
I was just playing.
You think you're real charming,
don't you?
- Little bit.
- Yeah. Well, you are. OK?
- What?
- OK.
Where are you going?
I know your type of guy, Nick.
And what type is that?
Come on. The girl in the red dress
kissing you at the fountain?
- You saw that?
- Yeah.
That's why you've been cold
the last couple of days.
Is that so hard to believe?
That was Umberto's crazy cousin, OK?
You know the blood runs hot
in that family.
Yeah, you seemed so sick about it.
I was a little sick about it.
Especially after I met you.
Wait!
No. Let's go this way.
- Hey, Beth! It's me, Al Russo!
- Let's cross.
Wait one second.
- One second!
- I'm sorry, Nick! I gotta go!
- Just...
- I'm sorry. I gotta go.
Hold on! Beth! Beth, wait.
I did not see that one coming!
OK, Lance, you can do this.
Just have to believe.
I will do the Great Mummy Escape,
and Beth will love me.
This worked for Houdini,
it should work for me.
OK, here she comes.
Well,
I don't know, Joan. OK?
I don't know what I believe anymore.
All I know is that this is crazy,
and I need it to stop.
We told you this would happen.
OK, then what is it gonna take
for me to end this little nightmare?
You have to return the coins
to the Fontana d'Amore.
Wait, that's it?
And spell broken,
and these guys leave me alone?
I'm overnighting you
the coins right now.
That's no good. She needs
to return the coins herself.
I cannot just fly back to Italy to put
some magic coins into a fountain.
There's got to be another way
we can handle this.
- Try and enjoy the attention?
- Joan...
Beth! It's me, Lance.
I'm setting a record for you.
I know this looks scary and dangerous,
but if I can do this,
get out of the straitjacket...
Stop! Stop!
What are you doing in my apartment?
Blowing your mind!
No one's ever done the Mummy Escape
in under 3 minutes.
- Juan, what's my time?
- 3 minutes and 53 seconds.
I don't know. That felt pretty tight.
Are you sure you timed that right?
You know, you want to find the rabbit,
you got to work the hat.
You're just not putting in
the hours, bro.
- Not in front of my girlfriend.
- Who the hell is that?
That's Juan, my assistant.
He's just been video chronicling
all my illusions. Anyway...
Both of you, out of my apartment, now.
No, wait. Now listen up.
My goodness.
Your perfume is intoxicating,
and your hair smells like cinnamon!
Get out!
Hey, Nick... Douche.
You get those old Giant photos
I asked you for?
I am a professional photographer.
I'm not your girl Friday, OK?
I would appreciate some respect,
but yes, here.
Or, in lieu of respect, I'd appreciate
you and me chatting up 2 ladies
and leaving the one that knows more
about Wookiees alone with this.
I'm not gonna be able
to make that party.
What? No, Saturday night
is the ESPN party.
That's a work and play event, dude.
My God. It's the girl.
- The museum girl, isn't it? I knew it.
- You don't understand.
You should see this girl.
I can barely keep up with her.
She's smart.
She's beautiful. She's funny.
My God, no.
Stop it! Stop liking her!
Do not go any further until I can do
a little recon on this girl.
Recon? What are you, black ops?
No, absolutely not.
What do you really know about her?
I'm not going to let my boy
go in there blind.
- Puck! No!
- No?
- No!
- No?
- No.
- How about yes?
OK, go.
[Katy Perry: If You Can Afford Me]
Hey! Look at you!
Look at me, we look great!
I can't jog. I have a weak hamstring.
It's OK. I nearly die. But I...
Robert Longo,
Kiki Smith, Carl Riddle...
That looks great!
Let's be beautiful together.
Where you going? Beth!
It's gonna come back around
in 4 minutes.
It's gonna be great!
I can explain.
There's a nude mural of you
on 82nd Street. Should we start there?
I know. That is actually a funny...
- Could we start somewhere else?
- Flowers everywhere!
A sudden, unexplained change in
the program for the Circle of Gold gala.
I need to have confidence
in my curators, Beth...
You wouldn't believe if...
You're right.
- I'm sorry.
- You promised me this program
- would go off without a hitch.
- It will.
Let me be perfectly clear.
If it doesn't, I'll see to it
that the only artwork
you're ever allowed near
are the velvet Elvis paintings
for sale in Times Square.
- Got it?
- Yeah.
This is gonna be
a serious blow to your self-esteem.
Maybe you should sit down.
Remember that girl? The one
you wanted to settle down with?
The one you wanted to be
little soccer dad with?
Well, guess what. Mama's
a bigger player than you, son!
Shazam! Check it out.
Foreign guys, old dudes,
Houdini, a half-naked gentleman.
This girl sees more action
in one afternoon
than you saw
in your whole senior season.
Look, I'm sorry, man,
but it's all there.
It's pretty clear what I have to do.
Yeah.
I got to pick up my game.
- I was just thinking about you.
- I was just thinking of you.
I'm sorry I ran off the other day.
I've just been having
one of those weeks.
Yeah, so it would seem.
Is everything OK?
Yeah. There's a lot
I would like to tell you.
Unfortunately, I need to cut
to the chase. Back her up a bit.
My fundraiser at the museum,
it's tomorrow,
- and I need to get my hands on that...
- The Petrocelli.
I'm kind of wavering on that now.
But that's the centerpiece
to my pain exhibit.
Yeah, but have you thought at all
about my pain, my suffering?
- What?
- I would feel better about it
if we could sit down, talk about it,
maybe over dinner?
I know this place
called Blackout on Bleecker.
- I was thinking 8:00?
- So you're blackmailing me now?
- Actually, it's extortion.
- If I come to dinner,
- can I have my Petrocelli?
- I got to run. See you at 8:00!
- You have a date?
- It's not a date.
So, what are you gonna wear?
My navy blouse, a pencil skirt,
and some open-toed slingbacks.
[Jason Damato: Floating Down a River]
- Hey.
- Hey.
You look great.
I didn't really have time
to get ready.
So this is it?
Yeah. It's supposed to get
a lot better in the back.
- OK.
- Look, we got off on the wrong foot.
Actually, we got off on the right foot,
and Umberto's cousin
messed everything...
I don't even want to talk about that
right now.
I just wanted to tell you
ever since that night in Rome...
Hi! My name is Ilona,
and I'll be your sensory guide
this evening.
Tonight you will enjoy
a delicious gourmet meal
without your primary sense of sight.
In this way your other senses
will become heightened
to bring you an exciting,
new culinary experience.
Is she serious?
Yeah. Our last great moment
was the night the lights went out
in Rome,
so I figured we'd pick up
where we left off.
That's beautiful.
Please take my hand
and I will lead you to your table.
Let's make a train.
Here we are. Now,
just follow me. Stay close.
Just let your eyes take a back seat
while your senses do the driving.
It's furniture.
That's a chair.
Very good. Very good.
You wouldn't have gotten
to feel that chair if your eyes...
My!
- I'm so sorry. I am so sorry.
- What an adventure.
All right. That's a head.
That's a man's head.
- There are so many people!
- I think I broke something.
Just keep coming forward.
That's a woman, sir.
- Sorry.
- All right.
Here's your table.
Now follow my voice to the chair.
- Follow my voice to the chair.
- Right here?
Where's my voice?
Your butt should go about here.
I know you can't see this,
but you've got a gentleman.
Let me help you with your jacket.
It's a struggle because
of your muscles. Jeez!
- Yeah.
- And here we are.
Are you smelling me?
OK. So, in just a few minutes,
your wine will be out.
If you need anything at all,
just raise your hand,
and one of our attendants
will assist you.
Remember, you can't see us,
but we can see you.
This is... This is kind of...
- Kind of cool.
- Creepy.
- It's awesome!
- I thought you had left.
Your wine is being poured
in front of you at 2 o'clock. Enjoy.
There you go.
I hope you didn't order
anything expensive.
She could have switched it
to a cheap bottle
and we'd have no way of knowing.
Still here.
And I would never do that, ever.
You going to be there
the whole meal, or...
No. I'm going to let the 2 of you
get to know each other
on a deeper level,
and I'm going to go touch
other people in the restaurant.
- OK, then. Thank you.
- Sure.
I think she's finally gone.
It's really dark.
I'll tell you this.
Even in the dark you're beautiful.
This is actually kind of nice.
This is the best I've felt since Rome.
Beth, it's me! Al Russo.
- I've been looking all over for you.
- Who's this?
- Your liverwurst nightmare, pal.
- No.
The feet...
Look who it is, principessa.
- Meatball!
- Sausage King!
Does anyone have... the time?
- God.
- Hey, my watch is missing.
Try being gorgeous,
and no one can see you.
- Who is that?
- Waiter?
Feel like I'm driving a Lamborghini
around with a car cover on.
Ordered an 8-pack? Please enjoy.
I had a great time, but I got to go!
"Great time?" We just got here!
Beth, wait. Beth...
- Ma'am!
- What the hell is going on?
People really drop
a lot of food in this place.
Are you dark dining and dashing?
I had her, and you blew it.
He make her disappear with magic.
Bring her back, warlock!
Taxi!
- Beth!
- Please, just let me go.
Do you mind telling me
what the hell just happened there?
- How many guys are you seeing?
- I'm not see...
You don't...
Those guys don't know me.
They're just under a... spell.
Beth! Beth, hi!
Why don't you leave me alone!
I don't know you!
Beth, it's me.
Your dentist. Dr. Moscowitz.
- Sorry, Dr. Moscowitz. Hi.
- Everything OK?
God, yeah.
- And I'm flossing twice a day.
- Good.
- I don't want to talk about it.
- Your dentist? Are you OK?
I just want to get out of here.
OK.
- Where do you want to go?
- I don't...
Where would you feel safe?
I used to come here with my parents
when I was a little girl.
I thought this place was magic.
And my father told me
that the roof was made of glass
so that God could see the paintings
from up in heaven.
I know.
Her name was Marie-Thrse Walter.
She was 17 when Picasso
fell in love with her.
Picasso was already married,
and 30 years her senior,
so they kept their affair a secret.
But he documented his passion
by hiding her initials
in some of his paintings.
Of course,
Picasso wasn't completely
ready to settle down,
and he left Marie-Therese for Dora Maar
just like he left his wife Olga
for Marie-Therese.
But Marie-Therese
never stopped loving Picasso.
And she hung herself after his death.
Hey...
You OK?
She just loved him so much,
and in the end,
he didn't really love her back.
It's just sad.
You know, it doesn't always
have to be that way.
Every time I've ever put myself
out there, I've gotten hurt.
Every time.
It's like I meet a guy,
and I think it's great.
And anyone else
would just be thinking about
how much greater it's going to get.
And I'm constantly waiting
for the other shoe to drop.
You know, lightning does strike
once in a while, Beth.
Trust me. I know.
I wish I could believe that.
You can.
No other shoes
are going to drop, Beth.
This is real.
I'm real.
- Damn it!
- It's OK.
- It's OK.
- One second.
What are you doing? Come on.
Is she here? What's her name? Betsy?
I hate you. You're ruining my life.
- You found it.
- It's so beautiful.
- And so sad.
- Yeah, it's OK.
You know, every time I look at that,
all I think about is...
everything football
meant to me and my family
and especially my old man.
All the dreams...
gone in an instant.
That was the real hit.
No.
- What?
- I have to go.
What's wrong? We can slow down.
- I just have to go.
- Hold on, hold on.
Hold on. Hey!
- I don't get it.
- I know you don't, Nick.
And you probably never will.
But it's not real.
And it's never going to be real.
What about the photograph?
Keep it.
I don't want to see you in pain.
[Adele: Make You Feel My Love]
Is this all the programs?
I don't want to forget any.
Everything's gonna be OK, Beth.
I know it will.
No, it's not.
It's his chip. He's just under a spell.
It's not real.
- Hello.
- Listen, I have great news.
Umberto talked to his nana.
She said there's another way
to break the spell.
- There is?
- Yeah.
All you have to do is return the coins
directly to the guys.
It doesn't have to be the fountain.
Return the coin, return the love.
If I return the coins,
I return the love?
Yeah.
That'll break the spell?
And that'll get me
out of this whole mess?
Yeah! It'll be all over.
Isn't that great?
- Yeah. It's great.
- I knew you'd be relieved.
This is for your own good, boss.
It's exactly what I wanted.
Yeah! I got to go.
Good luck at the show tonight.
I'll call you later.
I love you, OK? Bye!
OK.
Hey, boss, I'm gonna start setting up.
I'll see you at the Gugg.
Come on in.
OK.
It's nice here. Very nice.
I like what you do. It's sort of modern.
- Very nice place.
- Beautiful.
Really nice. You look great.
Are you excited for the show?
You OK? You seem sad.
This is going to be
harder than I thought.
I'm actually glad that you're all here.
Just because I need
to tell you something.
Come here.
The couch. You can sit on the couch.
- You're gonna tell us on the couch?
- Yeah.
I think she's gonna pick one of us.
Like The Bachelor.
I love this show, with the rose.
- I like my odds.
- It's you, it's you.
I don't know any other way
to say this, other than to just...
You don't love me.
- Trust me, I love you.
- No, you don't.
- They don't, but I do.
- I love you so much.
Well, I was drunk, but I took
the coins. I took your coins.
- I do love you.
- It's not real. You don't love me.
- As much as I can love someone.
- No, you don't.
We're not in love with each other. I'm
in love with someone else. I love Nick.
I love Nick.
I love Nick more than I love my job,
which is big for me.
And it's not your fault,
and I'm really sorry.
I love him even if
he might not love me back.
You know?
I understand loving somebody and...
them not loving you back.
We all do.
- It's a bummer.
- This really suck.
I'm sorry, guys.
OK...
The whole point of love
is to put someone else's needs
above your own.
Maybe that's why I'm here.
Maybe that's why we're all here.
Maybe for you.
- He may be on to something.
- No, it's true.
- How can we help?
- Thanks, guys.
And this will all be a little clearer
when I give you something back.
No.
Stacy.
- What the heck is...?
- What?
- That was weird.
- I swear, that wasn't me.
It was just...
freak electrical storm has caused
rolling blackouts and gridlock
throughout the city. Traffic lights
are out throughout the metro area.
New York City is at a standstill.
- We got to stay in.
- I make food for everybody. We eat.
No, no, no. We're not staying here.
You're not staying here.
I need to be at the Guggenheim.
This has to end now.
After we eat.
Hold it, hold it.
If we love her, we'll get her to the
Guggenheim. That's all there is to it.
Let's do this.
I'll do it. And I'm going to do it
with more flair than all of you.
We take my car.
I just bring her from Italia.
- You have a car?
- It's molto grande.
For 1, 2... No, it be fine.
Come on! Move it!
- Comfortable up there?
- Where's the keys?
I had the keys in your apartment.
- Have the key.
- Give him the keys.
- I am what I am.
- Annoying.
Who makes this car, Fisher-Price?
In Italia this is a midsize car.
In America it's a clown car.
Careful.
It's Stacy. Leave a message.
Stacey.
Please call me when you get this.
And don't do anything
with those coins. I'm on my way.
- I was expecting a little bit bigger.
- Tiny bit?
Hit the horn. Thread the needle.
See if you can go around this guy.
- Just drive like you're in Rome.
- No problem.
[MB20: How Far We've Come]
Hey, coming through!
I'm OK.
If you can't reach the dashboard,
and you wanna hold onto
the washboards, let me know.
There's a fat guy on a bike.
A fat guy on a bike.
Sorry about that.
I'll give you a thousand bucks
to let me sit in front.
- OK, that hurt.
- Damn it!
Come on up.
There's the Gugg!
Coming through!
- You can just let me out here.
- No, not close enough.
I take you right upstairs.
- No, Antonio. The doors!
- I got this. You must all believe.
- I don't believe!
- I don't believe!
I believe!
Open!
I did it!
Could you push 5?
Stacy.
Beth. There you are.
You're a hit. They love the show.
The Petrocelli is... How?
Nick sent it over late this afternoon.
People cried when they saw it.
- And Celeste is...
- Pleased.
We've already received a record number
of financial pledges tonight, Beth.
I'm very proud of you.
You're a wonderful curator.
Anyone who would care to join me in
the Thannhauser, please come this way.
Stacy... I need the coins.
But look at what's happened, Beth.
Nick did all of this for you.
- He loves you.
- I know.
But if I take his love against his will,
that's not love at all.
Please, Stacy. The coins.
I have to do this my way.
You are not going
to the Guggenheim.
This isn't my scene.
What are you talking about?
We're neck-deep in hot ladies.
LT is here. What up, son?
- LT!
- Man, what's your damn problem?
He knows his name.
Where are you going?
Hey, how's it going?
We're from the network.
Good to see you. We're big fans.
We read your column every week.
Thank you.
Somebody we wanted
to introduce you to. Nick, Shaq.
- How you doing? Read your article.
- Good. Yeah?
- Spelled my name wrong.
- It's the proofreading department.
- This guy right here?
- Yeah, this guy.
Excuse me, I've got
to take this phone call.
- You don't know how to spell?
- I don't know anything.
Beth. Hey, how are you?
Nick, there's something
I want to tell you.
Even though it won't matter
after tonight.
I want to thank you...
for making me believe in love again.
Even if it wasn't real for you,
it was very real for me.
What does that mean?
Beth. Beth!
Hey!
I'm guessing this belongs to you?
Does it?
Check your purse.
OK, stop it. I need you to take this.
Come on. Close your hand.
- Wait, I have another trick.
- Nope.
Now I remember.
I never had the guts
to perform in public
until I wanted to do it for you.
I guess I just needed a muse.
What am I going to do without you?
You'll find your muse. Your true muse.
Trust me, you won't be sorry.
Are you a coin collector?
When I threw this coin in the fountain
I wasn't wishing
that my wife would come back.
I knew that wouldn't happen.
I was just wishing to get a chance to
feel the way I did when she was around.
And...
my wish came true. You gave me that.
Thank you.
Hey!
Come on!
Is this your euro?
- That's weird.
- Antonio?
- It's Anthony, actually.
- From Nunzio?
No. Newark. New Jersey.
Are you really a tortured artist?
Tortured. Been in retail shoe sales
for the last 9 years.
As far as being an artist, I guess
I figured going to Italy'd make me one.
I think you're an artist.
I do. And I'm not just saying that
because I'm trying to get rid of you.
- It's my professional opinion.
- Thank you.
I think I'll miss you least of all.
Honestly, I don't think
I really learned anything.
- No?
- But I had a blast helping you grow.
You're welcome.
Good luck. It's all right.
- What's going on?
- All the lights are out.
Some kind of freak electrical storm.
I wouldn't cross there if I were you!
That's suicide, pal!
Crap, not again.
I didn't see that one coming.
- That was both our faults, really.
- What are you doing here?
Didn't think I was going to let
my boy do this alone, did you?
- I feel safer. Thank you.
- Does she have a sister?
- She's married.
- Dammit.
Come on. Get in.
You're buying me a new windshield.
- Don't kick my car. I'll hit you again!
- I'm OK, by the way.
- I'm fine. Don't worry about me.
- Good. I don't care.
And I guess there's one more.
Looking for something?
I need that.
Oopsie-daisy, where'd it go?
There they are.
Now, there's 2.
- Back to 1.
- Give it to me!
So, I guess it's over now.
- Is that really what you want?
- It doesn't matter what I want.
You've got your will back.
Ever since I saw you
in that fountain something...
something changed in me.
I can't eat. I can't sleep.
I can't do anything
without thinking about you.
I don't know what is going on with me,
but I want to know
what is going on with you.
You seem to think that all these guys
are under some crazy spell,
and that I'm one of them, but I'm not.
This is real, OK?
And I ran all the way up 5th Avenue
in a lightning storm
- because I wanted to tell you...
- You love me?
- I never said I loved you.
- You didn't. No, you don't.
I just never said it. You said it,
and I wanted to say it, but...
OK, you go. You say it.
Well, say it if you want to say it.
Look...
The only spell that I'm under...
is yours.
I'm in love with you, Beth.
- Did she invite you, too?
- Yeah. Tony.
- Gale.
- Yeah.
- Nice to see you.
- Yeah. You, too.
You look great.
That's a nice cut.
You look terrific.
Beautiful silhouette.
I saw you out there.
- You can hold a suit. Yeah.
- Thank you.
- You're an artist.
- Yeah. Sort of.
I would love to do a nude with you.
I'd like that.
Great.
I'd really like that.
I am really sorry about this,
Beth. This is all my fault.
I found that in my bag of tricks.
- It's not mine, so...
- My God. It's Nick's.
I guess I accidentally gave you
the wrong chip in the museum.
He's still under the spell.
- OK, thank you. Time to go.
- Are you her sister?
- Would you like to see an illusion?
- Bye-bye.
Don't you want to be dazzled?
- My God, Beth. I'm so sorry.
- What am I going to do?
Showtime.
Dad.
When you married Mom, did you
ever think that you wouldn't make it?
Elizabeth Ann.
Honey, you cannot learn
from my mistakes.
You're going to have to go out there
and make your own.
Now, you could get your heart broken or
you could have the greatest
love affair the world has ever known,
but you're not going to know
unless you try.
But what if there was a guarantee
that you'd never get hurt.
Baby... the passion is in the risk.
It's like I always say,
"If you're going to be a bear..."
- "Be a grizzly."
- That's my girl.
A marriage is like all contracts
that the 2 enter under the eyes
of Our Father Almighty.
If there's anybody here
who has reasons that Beth...
and Nicholas should not
get married today,
speak now or forever
hold on to your peaces.
Anybody?
Anybody?
Anybody?
It could be anybody. You don't
have to know them to speak up.
OK, padre, it seems nobody's objecting,
so let's move on with it.
Do you, Nicholas, take Beth
to be your awful wedded wife?
"Lawful." Yes. Yes, I do.
What is with him?
And do you, Beth, take Nicholas to be
your awful wedded husband?
To love, amore, to honor
until morte, death, do you part?
Think, bella.
It's a very big responsibility, no?
No.
I can't do this to you, Nick. I'm sorry.
You think you're pretty funny,
don't you?
Did you enjoy watching me go crazy?
Did you have fun watching my life
turn upside down because of love?
Because I did.
Beth!
Beth!
I've got a question.
Why do you keep giving me
my poker chips?
Because you deserve to have it back.
You threw it in the fountain
and wished for love,
and I don't want to keep it anymore.
- No, I didn't.
- You didn't?
- No.
- Then who did?
I have no idea.
Then this is all real?
How's this for real?
Free of temptation!
Didn't you say
at Umberto's bachelor party...
The padre cleaned me out
at the poker table. Yeah.
[Paolo Nutini: Pencil Full of Lead]