Who Gets the Dog? (2016) Movie Script
1
(BLOWS)
There's no easy way to say this, Wesley.
I'm just gonna come out with it.
I think that's best.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Your mother and I
have considered
all of the possibilities
available to us,
um, vis--vis our
relationship difficulties.
And... And in the current
emotional climate, we feel...
Clay, can you just
get on with it?
Right.
Mommy and Daddy
are splitting up, pal.
- (GROANS)
- Hey.
Hey. That's what
I don't want.
I don't want you blaming yourself.
It has nothing to do with you.
Wesley, I know that you are
so tired of hearing us argue,
and that is why this
is the right thing for us to do.
Yeah. We both
love you very much.
I mean, you're still the
biggest star in Daddy's sky.
- Yeah.
- (GROANS)
(WHISPERS) I'm not sure
we got through to him.
He's a guy.
We have our own way
of processing emotion.
I've seen some sad sack
waste of space in my life,
but that scrimmage
I just witnessed
was the worst thing I've
ever seen in my whole life.
You need to pull your heads
out of your rectums
and start playing hockey
like you mean it.
You are the Wolf Pack,
not the help-a-granny-across-
the-street pack of boys on a hockey...
That didn't make sense,
but do "hard work" on three. Ready?
- "Hard work" on three. One, two, three!
- PLAYERS: Hard work!
Wor... All right, game face.
Ready?
(GROWLING)
That was terrifying,
and not in a good way.
- Work on it for tomorrow.
- PLAYER: All right, guys, good practice.
So it's really over, huh?
Like a hundred percent done?
Ice has been thin for a while, man.
It finally broke.
Do you mind if I pursue Olive then?
Like, romantically?
Could you pursue her if
both your legs were broken?
Off-limits?
Glad we established that boundary.
How are you feeling on this, man?
Breakup? Let's talk about it.
Uh, it's a sign
from the ice hockey gods.
You know what it is? It's a wake-up
call I need, man, to start this year.
- That's a good way to look at it.
- Uh-huh.
I was worried that losing someone like
Olive would absolutely shatter you.
Like, I thought you were
gonna be a mess, you know?
I'm glad your cup is half
full on this one, you know?
Yeah.
Where you at
on the grief scale?
Stage two. Anger.
I want to kill him.
Oh, rash, but exciting.
He just blindsided me. I mean,
I guess it was creeping along for a while.
Are my expectations off?
Is it me?
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.
- We had a plan.
It was such a good plan.
Wesley and I will
be fine without him.
- Help me intubate this guy in four.
- Okay.
Nightmare on Elm Street.
Mine.
Get Smart.
You need that.
The Departed.
That's appropriate.
Lethal Weapon.
Yes, I am.
- It's a Wonderful Life.
- Uh, mine.
- It stays here.
- No argument.
E.T. Mine.
Oh, Flashdance.
What about these?
Good times.
I look good as a blond.
I'll make you copies.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
Well, this is it for now.
Well, I guess I might come back
later in case I forgot something.
You're still wearing
your ring.
Um, I'm sorry this
didn't work out. Us.
Yeah, me too.
- Wes!
- (BARKS)
- Come on!
- Excuse me?
Let's hit the road, buddy.
(LAUGHS) You think
you're taking Wesley?
Wait. You think
Wesley's staying here?
Well, this is
where he lives.
- I don't know where else he would go.
- Into the woods with his dad.
That's where
you're gonna live?
In that serial killer shack
by the lake?
Don't you listen to her, Wes.
It's a very spacious,
prefabricated mobile domicile.
So, what happens
when you have practice
or a game or, you know...
- I will take him with.
- Uh-huh.
- Coach lets me get away with anything.
- Huh.
Perks of being a veteran.
You haven't put a second of
thought into this, have you?
A few, actually.
You're never home,
and I'm not letting my little
butter bones become a latch-key dog.
I will figure
something out.
- Hmm. Unacceptable.
- Yeah.
That is not happening.
I'm perfectly capable of looking after
Wesley James Lonnergan on my own.
- Come on, big fella.
- No. You're not taking him.
Get your little...
(WESLEY GROWLS)
Let's let Wesley decide.
- OLIVE: I'm ready.
- CLAY: You're going down, woman.
I've got an enema in an hour.
Not mine.
- So could we just do this already?
- I'm ready.
Let me get a picture
with his two leashes
for his various
social media pages.
All right,
on the count of three,
I want you to release
your leashes,
and whoever he goes to
gets to keep him.
All right, it's okay.
One, two...
If you go to your dad,
I'll give you so much bacon.
- OLIVE: Hurry!
- Three!
Hey, sweetie! Come on.
Mommy loves you!
We'll give her a chance.
- Come here, baby.
- CLAY: Wesley.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
You've been a good boy!
OLIVE: Wesley,
don't listen to him!
Who's the best little dog?
You're the best little...
Who's the best little doggy?
You're the best little doggy.
Oh.
OLIVE:
No, Wesley, come back.
Are we gonna
do this all day?
Come on.
Wanna tussle with Daddy?
Wanna tussle with Daddy?
- (BARKS)
- Oh, yeah, that's right.
Help! Wesley, help! (SCREAMS)
I like that. I like that.
(HOWLING)
Wesley, save me!
Save me!
I'm dying, Wesley. Help!
(BARKING)
- OLIVE: Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
- (DOG BARKING)
- OLIVE: Oh, no. Oh, no.
- Wesley!
Wesley, no! Come on! Come back!
- Yep. See ya.
- OLIVE: Wesley, come on!
- Well, this is a perfectly good waste of a Saturday.
- Great.
- MAN: Yup...
- OLIVE: Wesley!
Wesley!
Okay, guys.
Easy. Easy.
(WHISTLES)
Good.
- Sit!
- Wesley, please!
- Wesley!
- Sorry.
- Who's the owner?
- CLAY, OLIVE: I am!
That's me.
How did you...
Never unleash
an untrained animal.
- Oh.
- We-We-We would never usually do that.
- CLAY: No.
- OLIVE: But anyway, thank you.
What were you doing, Wesley?
What were you doing?
By the way,
can you teach me that whistle thing?
There's
no trick to it.
- (BLOWING)
- What's your name, miss?
Oh. Olive Greene.
- Glenn Hannon.
- Nice to meet you.
I run a rehabilitation
and training center.
Clay Lonnergan,
from the Wolves, you know?
Huh.
If you, uh...
If you ever want to improve
Wesley's off-leash obedience...
Yeah?
- Come on down.
- Great. Thank you.
Yeah.
(WHISTLES)
- All right, guys.
- Is it... (BLOWING)
Two hands.
What are you doing?
Well, you won't
let me leave with Wes,
and I'm not leaving
without him.
You can't
stay here, Clay.
Okay.
Oh! I didn't spill a drop.
I'm serious.
Life's too important
to be taken seriously.
(HEAVY SIGH)
You know that he is better off with me.
I know that you know that.
I know that you know that he
knows it's my place or no place.
Look, buddy, I... I'm trying,
but she's just not
respecting your wishes.
Get out! Out!
Do I have time for a nap?
Maybe a quick massage?
All right, you, out!
Come on!
- Get... Get up!
- Is this a massage?
- Get... (GRUNTS)
- What are we doing right now?
- (GRUNTS)
- Oh, Mommy.
Come on!
Oh, that feels good.
This isn't funny, Clay!
(GROANS)
Oh-ho-ho!
All right,
you want nasty Olive?
Sure.
I'll go get her.
Don't forget
the handcuffs, honey.
You're gonna come with Daddy
for a little bit.
Yes. Police.
I would like
to report an intruder.
- His name is...
- Let's go.
Clay!
Clay!
Clay!
Wait, wait, wait.
- Clay?
- Good boy!
You can't do this.
- (LAUGHING)
- You're not serious!
(SHRIEKS)
- You're crossing a line here, Clay.
- I can't hear you.
If you don't turn around right now...
Don't make me hate you, Clay.
Say bye-bye to Mommy.
OLIVE:
No, no, no, no.
Oh, it's on.
(SHRIEKS)
MAN: Next case on the docket,
we have Greene v. Lonnergan.
WOMAN: The outstanding
issue of contention
is the custody
arrangements for...
a mixed breed dog?
(WESLEY GRUNTS)
And joint custody
is not an option?
Very much not so,
Your Honor.
The microphone
does not work.
Mr. Lonnergan,
you claim that yours is the only name
on the pet adoption
certificate?
Uh, yes.
That is certifiable.
May I see
the document?
No, Your Honor.
I'm sorry?
It would be really great if you
could just take my word for it.
Do you have the document, Mr. Lonnergan?
Yes or no.
- (SQUEAKING)
- Yes.
It's-It's-It's in my head,
not in my actual hand.
Okay, the hard way it is.
WOMAN: Your Honor, if I may,
Mr. Lonnergan has
already proven himself
- to be an extremely reckless guardian, someone who's...
- Reckless?
I'm sor... Reckless?
Your Honor, if having an awesome
time with my top dog is reckless,
then yeah,
guilty as charged.
- He took him snowboarding.
- Yes, I did.
- He told me he had the best time of his life.
- He was terrified.
You should have seen his face.
His ears were pinned back.
Since Mr. Lonnergan cannot
provide the adoption record,
I'm forced to consider
other factors.
Yes.
Wesley, if he thinks at all,
thinks 623 Hicks Street, Ms.
Greene's residence, is his home.
Yes.
The evidence supports
Ms. Greene's contention
that she is
the primary caretaker.
She pays for all the costs to provide for
the animal while Mr. Lonnergan here...
Well, I'm an ambassador of
joy, Your Honor.
Seems less prepared for the responsibility
of sole custody at this time.
It is the court's decision to
award sole custody to Ms. Greene.
- Ah!
- Wait. Stop. Rewind. What?
Mr. Lonnergan will have visitation
rights every other weekend.
Well, I object!
Overruled!
- He's my dog!
- (GAVEL POUNDS)
I'm his daddy! Every dog needs his daddy!
Every daddy needs his dog.
Mr. Lonnergan,
this ruling is temporary.
I'll assign a veterinary
behaviorist to evaluate you both,
and there will be a continuance
of this matter in 60 days.
At that point, I'll decide who
gets custody of the dog for good.
Understood?
Yes.
- (GAVEL POUNDS)
- Court's adjourned.
I warned you.
Give me Bumblebee.
- His name's Bumblebee Bob. Bumblebee Bob.
- Uh-huh.
If you think I'm just gonna
roll over and play dead,
you're sadly mistaken.
Here, buddy.
Bring it on.
Oh, I'm gonna
bring it everywhere.
(CHUCKLES)
- Game face.
- Give it to her.
- You look like a baby taking a dump.
- That's right.
A little bit, yeah.
- You didn't even see it.
- It was not good.
Say bye to Daddy!
Say bye to your daddy.
- I'll fight for you, Wesley!
- It's a bad day. Come on.
- No matter how long! No matter how far!
- Let's go, buddy. Come on.
- I'll fight for you!
- Let's go.
Come on.
Let's go.
(WESLEY WHINING)
This case is all about me proving
how much I love Wesley. Right?
And what better way to do that
than by representing myself?
So a lawyer's
too expensive, huh?
It's an absolute racket.
You're innocent
until proven broke, man.
What do you got?
A little reading?
"Winning Child Custody: A Father's
Guide." That one looks good.
It's for real human children though.
What's this one?
Custody Warriors.
That one sounds a little aggressive.
But I like where
your head's at.
Well, we are going
to war, my friend.
The fun-loving Clay guy is
just not gonna work anymore.
I have to prove
that I am a... a better,
more responsible parent
than Olive.
Ha! Wow. How are
you gonna do that?
- I have no idea.
- Bit of a stretch.
Oh, here's my nephew.
His deadbeat dad bailed on him,
so my sister asked me to
watch him while she's at work.
Hey, Koji.
This is my friend Clay.
I'm gonna go get ready for practice.
You're gonna hang out here.
See you later.
All right, boys!
Let's go!
Koji, right?
The dog-walker
will be by at 3:00.
This is just
an experiment, sweetie.
If you don't like it, we'll find a
day care center or something, okay?
Mommy got you a special DVD for
dogs in case you get lonely.
It's two paws up,
so that's good, right?
Okay.
Uh... Oh, baby, don't look at me like that.
Mommy has to go to work.
- (WHINES)
- I'll be back soon.
I love you, baby.
- Oh, I know you're sad.
- (WHINES)
Give me a kiss.
It's okay.
(KISSING) I miss you.
I'm gonna miss you.
- (WHINES)
- Oh, I want one more kiss.
(MUTTERING)
Mmm! Yeah!
Okay. I'm going now.
I have to go.
Bye, baby!
Wesley, Mommy's home...
Oh... Oh, my God.
Wesley!
Wesley!
Wesley!
Wesley?
Okay. Okay.
(DIALING)
Yes. Uh, hello?
Um, I've been robbed,
and my dog is missing.
Oh. Scratch that.
We're fine.
My apologies.
What are you doing,
little guy?
- What are you doing?
- (WHINING)
Are you serious?
Hmm.
- Hi. I'm sorry I'm late.
- Hey!
- We've been waiting such a long time.
- Wesley, sit.
Hi. Right, because
you're always on time.
Wesley, come here.
Stop, Wesley.
Is that a note
about me being late?
I'm sorry. I cannot share my
notes with you, Ms. Greene.
Oh. Okay.
Sorry.
Welcome.
I'm Dr. Wendy.
I'm a veterinary
behaviorist,
and I've been appointed
as a friend of the court
to help determine who is best
suited to care for Wesley
in the event
of a custody ruling.
Can I just say, Dr. Wendy,
it is a pleasure to be here.
It's a pleasure to have you
here, Mr. Lonnergan.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- CLAY: Thank you.
How about you, Olive?
You happy to be here?
Excuse me. Just so you know,
he's not really like this.
The clothes, the hair, the politeness.
He's doing a thing.
- Olive, I don't know what...
- You will not con your way through this.
The real you
will screw it up.
Olive... (CLEARS THROAT)
I'm sorry, Doctor.
Can we, uh...
Can we put aside our personal issues
and try and focus
on why we're here?
(WHISPERS) I hate you.
Uh... Do you often express your
hostilities in front of Wesley?
Hmm.
I'm not hostile.
I'm just...
- DR. WENDY: Oh.
- What are you writing?
Uh-huh.
Hey.
Okay. Hmm.
(SNIFFING)
Oh.
Interesting.
Wow. Tension.
- Is he okay?
- Shh!
I'm working now.
(GROWLS)
(TRILLING, GROANS)
- (BARKS)
- (BARKING)
OLIVE: Okay, Wes.
Okay, Wesley.
- It's okay, Wesley.
- Ohh!
That is what
I was afraid of.
- What? What did he say?
- Is he... Is he okay?
Wesley is on the verge
of psychological disarray.
I mean, just look at him swimming around
in there, lost in his own thoughts.
Well, what are we
supposed to do?
Consistent discipline,
something he is clearly not familiar with.
- Here, take a look at these.
- Love to.
We will meet again so that I
can monitor Wesley's progress.
In addition, I'll be assessing each of
you individually at your respective homes
so I can determine who's providing the
most nurturing environment for Wesley.
The only thing being nurtured
in his trailer is E. coli.
Ms. Greene, as Wesley's primary
caregiver, the burden lies with you
to demonstrate an improvement in
his behavior by our next session.
CLAY: Hmm.
We're all pulling
for you, Olive.
CLAY: Psychological disarray.
What are you doing to him?
That woman was clearly insane.
He's perfectly fine.
The professional doggie
whisperer lady says he's not,
so we gotta do something.
He's fine.
He's better than fine.
- (GROANS)
- In fact, we've been having a riot, lately.
Tearing it up,
big time.
Is that right,
butter bones?
You've been tearing it up?
You know what?
We should go see that Glenn guy.
He had a good whistle.
He doesn't need
obedience training.
- Okay?
- (BLOWING)
And this thing that you're
doing, this brand-new Clay thing,
it isn't gonna work.
(BLOWING)
(BLOWING)
So you got a little cranky and shredded
the living room. Happens to the best of us.
It doesn't mean
you're in disarray.
Does it?
Wesley?
(URINATING)
Wesley James!
(HUFFS, GROANS)
That's it, mister.
I'm calling
the dog trainer.
Look what else I found.
In 2004, right?
Joshua Little
and Linda Perkins
waged a two-year battle
over their dog, Gee-Gee.
Gigi? Gee-Gee?
- What is it, French?
- Whatever. Probably.
After a three-day trial...
Listen. This is the good part.
Mr. Little prevails.
MAN: Pass the puck to anyone
else on the whole team!
- You're never gonna guess how he won.
- What?
Jo... Hey! Jonah!
- Do not lick the ice!
- My tongue is stuck!
I don't think Jonah's
gonna work in goal...
He made a video, a video called
"A Day in the Life of Gigi,"
and he used it as evidence of what
a great life they had together.
A key part of him winning.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- Hey, that's it! Stop fighting!
Put your gloves back on!
No fighting!
So that's the plan, man.
Just make an awesome video
showing how we are the...
the ultimate ambassadors of joy.
- You with me?
- Yeah. Big time.
- For sure.
- Good man.
What are we doing?
We'll figure it out later.
Hang on a second.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- All right, shift change! Let's go!
Koj, ready to hop in?
Can you talk to him?
Like a pep talk or something?
I can't get him on the ice.
He's just sad all the time.
- What am I gonna say?
- You're a professional hockey player.
Just inspire him. Make something
up about dedication, teamwork.
Whatever your coach says to you guys.
I don't know.
Life.
It stinks, right?
It just makes you
so mad sometimes.
You know what I do, Koji,
when life gets me mad?
Hmm?
I get mad
right back at it.
It feels good
to let off a little steam.
But I do it out there, man,
on the ice.
Oh, yeah.
That's hockey, man.
Go ahead. Try it.
I know you got
some steam in there.
Pick up this bag. Just slam it down.
Let out that steam.
Come on!
Lift it! (GRUNTS)
How about this?
Come on.
One, two, three.
(GRUNTS)
That's hockey, man!
Come on! Incoming!
Get down!
Hey! What the hell's
going on in here?
Hockey.
Hockey?
Just hockey.
We should clean this up, huh?
- WOMAN: He's a good boy.
- Yes, he is.
CLAY: It's okay.
Shh, shh.
Okay, folks.
Start the show.
- I usually like to start with a little demonstration.
- Ooh.
Demonstration.
- Clyde. Clyde.
- (DOG BARKING)
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(SHOUTS FOREIGN WORD)
Meet Master Tank.
He was picked up last night
at a police-raided dogfight.
- (GROWLING)
- He's a trained killer.
- (GROWLS)
- Okay.
Your dog is 99.8% wolf.
I told you.
(ALL GASP)
- And wolves...
- CLAY: Wes.
- run in packs.
- (BARKING)
(SHOUTS FOREIGN WORD)
- (WHINES)
- ALL: Ooh!
Your dog needs
a pack leader.
- (BARKS)
- Oh, Wesley, no!
Sorry.
Stop that, Wesley.
Olive, right?
Yeah, you remember
my name?
Of course.
Would you say that you're
this dog's pack leader?
Well, I'm his mommy.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Right here.
- You're the leader?
- Yep.
- Sssss. Uh-uh-uh.
- Stop.
I don't think
Wesley thinks so.
He's uncomfortable,
tense.
- (GRUNTS)
- Wesley, Wesley, Wesley.
No, he just... It's a little game.
A little game.
(GRUNTS) Ah-ha!
Wesley James Lonnergan!
(WHISTLES)
Traitor.
I have to say,
Wesley needs help.
His behavior won't
improve on its own.
That's a good boy.
You just need a pack leader, don't you?
Is this guy for real?
- GLENN: Good boy.
- (WHISPERS) I think he's great.
With a few more sessions,
you'll have "The Hannon Way" down pat.
Okay.
We can set up another
group session like this
that you and your...
boyfriend?
Um, we're separated.
Recently.
It's recent.
My one-on-one sessions are
a fast-track way of helping,
but I only work
with one owner at a time.
Might that
interest you?
- Yes.
- No.
- Fantastic. Okay.
- (HANDS CLAP)
Let's try
something else.
Check him out.
(EXHALING HARD)
- PLAYER: Not bad for an old guy.
- (EXHALES)
Bumblebee Bob?
It's his favorite
stuffed animal,
and it's like
a comfort blanket to him,
and, you know,
it calms him down.
Your dog shouldn't need
a comfort blanket.
- And...
- Uh-huh.
Relax.
Don't worry.
I'm gonna help you.
With the proper training,
these problems will go away.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
All right.
Let's start with posture.
What, Wesley's posture's bad?
Not Wesley's. Yours.
There's a tension in your
body that Wesley can sense,
and it makes him anxious.
Watch.
Feel my upper body.
- Excuse me?
- Start with the shoulders.
You feel that?
Firm, yet relaxed.
It certainly is.
Hey, that was
a great first session.
Remember, treat him like a
dog, not like a child.
- I'll try.
- It's what he needs.
Okay.
Hey, would you like
to... go out sometime?
Without Wesley.
Just... Just me and you?
Um, you mean on, like,
a date-type thing?
Yeah.
Like a date-type thing.
- Is it okay if I think about it?
- Of course.
- Okay.
- See ya later.
- Thank you.
- Good luck.
Thanks. Okay.
I packed his therma-paw
boots in case it's icy.
This is what it was like Thursday
nights when I would go to my dad's.
Oh. I almost forgot.
Shoot.
Can't...
find... Bumblebee Bob,
so if he whines at night,
here's my shirt.
Wait.
You lost Bumblebee Bob?
Don't start.
- Hey.
- Hey, baby. Come here, baby.
Mommy loves you.
Mommy loves you.
I'm gonna miss you, Wesley.
I'm gonna miss you.
- (KISSING)
- You're a good mom, you know that?
Crazy, but good.
All right, buddy.
Oh. Oh, wait.
Uh...
I thought we could both read
this and work on it together,
see what works for Wesley,
what doesn't.
You're seriously
seeing this guy?
Yeah. Twice a week.
Come on. You know,
I was thinking about that.
When my parents split up,
I was out of control.
Fights, tantrums,
inappropriate peeing.
Case in point,
he'll get over it.
He doesn't need... this guy.
Well, it was your idea,
so I guess I'm just
going along with it.
Well, I'm full of bad ideas.
You know that.
I do know that.
But, um, we're gonna keep doing
it 'cause it's good for Wesley.
Bye, baby!
Bye, Wesley!
Bye, Wesley!
You done with this?
- Well, I am now.
- Hmm.
- Okay, what's going on?
- What are you talking about?
When you get nervous,
you eat like a zombie.
The trainer guy asked me out.
Oh, the handsome dog guy
with the pecs?
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Okay, so what's
the problem?
I don't know if Wesley's ready
for another man in my life.
(SCOFFS) Well,
I think we both know who's not ready.
Who says I need a man?
Good plan.
Keep your heart in a cage
and die alone.
We're gonna
try this again, okay?
Put the black-and-white
filter on.
- It always looks like film noir, right?
- It'll look... Yeah.
- Wesley.
- Action.
I hear... Well, you can't
be shooting now.
- I've gotta...
- Oh.
- give the instructions, and then you shoot.
- Yeah.
You got this.
Wes, Daddy is gonna
throw the stick.
You run.
You pick up the stick.
Listen, listen.
This is the part where you always forget.
You gotta bring it back to Daddy.
Okay? Don't run off.
Koj, you ready?
It's take number...
- Seven.
- Seven. Okay.
Buddy.
One, two, three, go!
- Uh...
- No.
- That's, uh... Should we try it again? Go!
- (BARKS)
- There he goes.
- That's a good start.
So why don't we like this guy?
What's-his-face?
- Glenn.
- Yeah, Glenn. What's his problem?
Da-da-da-da
- Ooh.
- Right?
Because he looks like
a well-read superhero?
I could see why Olive's
into him then.
- This dude is a babe.
- No, she's not into him.
- No?
- No. She just thinks a couple of one-on-one sessions might help.
- I agree.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah, I bet she does.
- What, you think I'm worried about him?
- I mean...
I'm a professional hockey
player, dude, not a dog trainer.
You play for a minor league team.
Secondly...
- The Wolves.
- Yeah, minor league team.
And you're not ri...
This guy's rich, man.
He's got books out.
He's got that super-hot rich face.
Well, this is my year.
- For what?
- Hot rich face?
His face is hot and rich.
- (BARKING)
- Koj! Yeah, tell him to bring it back now.
Oh, you've been
a good boy!
Bring the stick back.
Dude, I got your back.
But the average age of retirement
for an NHL goalie is, what, 28, 29?
- Thirty?
- We had this discussion. Moe Roberts.
- All right.
- Played for the Blackhawks until he was 46.
Yeah, 100 years old.
Okay.
That's besides the point.
Wouldn't that be crazy if this
dude was Wesley's new stepdad?
Look at that...
That jawline is just
chiseled like a Roman god,
like a...
like a marble bust.
That is a...
Oh, God, that's a sharp-looking man.
I'll get Olive
to give you his number
and you can ask him
on a date yourself.
If this is bothering you... Are you having
second thoughts about the whole Olive thing?
- No, I just want my dog back.
- All right.
CLAY: "Ambassadors of Joy,"
take one.
Hey, hey.
Oh, hi.
Uh, before we have a hot
chocolate in the morning,
Wesley and I like to take a little
five-mile run around the lake.
Don't we, buddy?
(KISSES)
Let's go! Oh!
- KOJI: Wesley, go!
- MAN: Okay.
- KOJI: Go!
- Hey, Coach. Cut that, Coach.
Your dog's still here.
KOJI: Action.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Me and Wesley, we even do laundry
together, don't we, buddy?
Bring it here.
Oh, yeah.
Out. Out. Out.
Oh! Oop.
Just leave it for Daddy.
This is Daddy's now.
Daddy's gonna put that up.
Oh, oh. That's Daddy's.
MAN: No, no, no.
Video's going great.
We're just inseparable.
I don't know what it is about him.
It's just his coat,
his lovable little...
(BARKING)
- And he... he just does...
- Cut.
Things like that.
Where is he going?
- (WESLEY GROWLING)
- Wesley, this is...
Hi.
Yes, I've made several canine-friendly
accommodations to Wesley's living quarters,
and he just loves it.
This is my latest version
of canine carpentry.
- Wesley! Wesley!
- (KOJI HUMMING)
- Should we start over?
- I thought that was pretty good.
Is that good for court? You wanna
show the judge that? That doghouse?
- We can show the judge that doghouse.
- Put another level in post.
Hey. Out.
- Koji, let's cut.
- CLAY: He's going to poo!
Oh, attaboy.
Droppin' a deuce.
We don't need to see that.
- What more could we want, butter bones, huh?
- (WHINING)
A Ping-Pong table, Jacuzzi.
Look at me.
(GROANS)
- I know how it feels to be from a broken home, pal.
- (WHINING)
You got me.
(WHINING)
- That's enough, right?
- (WHINES)
Obviously not.
Let's see if this works.
Mommy's shirt.
Yeah.
You like that, huh?
- (GROANS)
- (GRUNTS)
GLENN: Here we are.
- Dinner was fantastic.
- Yes.
Remind me never to share
dessert with you again.
I think
I had one spoonful.
I'm sorry.
It was so good.
And I really haven't been anywhere that
special in a long time, so thank you.
Oh, that's a real shame.
Well, it was a great night.
Thank you.
It doesn't have to end.
Um...
- Can I tell you something?
- Yes.
Secret.
Oh.
Um...
Yeah, I'm... I'm just not...
I...
I just think it's too s...
It's okay.
No, I get it.
- There's no need to rush things.
- Sorry.
Oh, no need to rush things.
It's okay.
- Okay, yeah.
- I, um, just...
It just feels right
with you.
It really does.
Tha... Thank you.
That's nice.
Thank you
for understanding.
Um... Okay,
well, good night.
Good night.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Thank you.
- Call me or something.
- Okay.
- (LOUD WHISTLE)
- Ooh!
That cleared your head!
Am I right?
Totally clear. Yep.
- Thanks.
- Oh, yeah.
(GRUNTING)
(LAUGHS)
Hey, you guys.
Oh, Wesley, come here, baby.
Come here.
Oh, yes, baby, yes!
How are you?
How are you?
Wesley. Wesley. Yeah.
Mommy missed you.
- He loves it here.
- Yeah?
- Well, thanks for showing him a good time.
- It's what I do.
So how was he,
behavior-wise?
Oh, he was... he was...
a perfect gentleman.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Mwah.
No, um, whining at night or,
you know, tearing things up?
- None of that?
- No, look, my diagnosis...
He just needed some alone
time with his poparooni.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, bye!
Wesley, are you being better
with Daddy than you are with me?
- (BARKS)
- Are you doing that?
- (BARKS)
- Wesley, that is not right.
Hayden, dump and chase. We're gonna
work on that shooting now, buddy.
That a boy.
Focus.
CLAY: Oh!
That's okay. Hey.
Kadurski, where did
you get a doughnut?
CLAY: Let's try one more.
Come on.
When you drop the puck,
you're gonna look at the puck real quick,
then look
where you're gonna shoot.
Go!
That's all right.
Let's try that again.
This stinks!
I can't do it!
Whoa! Hey.
How are you gonna score
without a stick? Huh?
What happens when the puck
comes at you?
What if another puck
comes flying at you?
What if another puck...
Oh, you're just gonna
hit it away like that?
Oh.
Oh-ho-ho-ho. Rhett!
I think
we found your goalie.
RHETT: Yeah?
CLAY: Welcome
to the crease club.
I know. I know. I need it.
Can I have it back?
Wesley, I need it back.
I need it back.
I need it back.
Wesley, remember, you're not supposed
to sleep with me in the bed anymore.
You're gonna have
to go to your own bed.
I'll take you in a few minutes.
You can snuggle for now.
Yeah, you can snuggle.
This is nice, right?
Just the two of us?
Yeah.
We don't need Daddy,
right?
It's better without him.
No more snoring,
no more screaming
at the TV.
Mm-hmm.
No more wet,
stinky hockey socks.
It's better, right?
Yeah.
This is Wesley's
first time here.
Oh, Wesley will make best friends here.
We're a family really.
Happy Hound Day Care
is a perfect place
for Wesley to play,
laugh and discover.
- Are those, um...
- Oh. Those are original works.
We set aside a portion of
each day for arts and crafts.
They are just
so talented.
I can see that.
He's gonna love it.
Okay. Thank you.
Mommy has to go.
(KISSES)
- Have a great time.
- (WHINES)
Okay.
I'll give you the leash.
- (GROANS)
- MAN: Free yourself of those thoughts.
Get that energy flowing.
Okay, Jen, the energy's starting to
flow right down through his tail,
so we're gonna use the
paw, dip it in the paint.
Think of the birds
on the trees.
Get the paw...
There you go.
Feel his energy shift?
His energy shifted when you did
that, all the way through his tail.
- (WHINES)
- Okay?
Wesley, when you're ready,
come make a painting.
(WHINING)
(BARKS)
(BARKS)
Lindsey.
The burnt sienna?
(BARKING, GROWLING)
(BARKS)
Somebody stop him!
He's Jackson Pollocking the hallway!
Oh, no, no, no, no!
Stop him!
No, no, no, no, no!
Get back! Wesley!
That is what I'm trying to say. I think clearly
the dog has some sort of anxiety disorder.
- (WESLEY WHINES)
- Wes.
Kenneth,
I have to call you back.
Sir, Wesley ruined a number of paintings
today, not to mention my office.
Paintings? Why is
he painting anyway?
Why is he in a cage?
He was being overly animated,
so I put him in the time-out corner.
- You're lucky I don't get overly animated.
- Don't point your finger at me.
- There's three pointing back at you and your dog.
- What's next? Waterboarding?
Come here, buddy.
Unbelievable.
- Come on, buddy.
- Hey, what are you doing here?
Uh, you listed him
as your emergency contact.
So when I got your voice mail,
I called him. Sorry.
- Emergency? Really?
- Did you see the hallway?
Shut the door, please.
CLAY: You put him
in doggy Guantnamo.
It was nothing
like that.
(SIGHS)
A torture chamber.
Can I ask you a question?
Would you rather leave him with complete
strangers than with his own dad?
They were not strangers.
It was doggy day care.
You could have called me.
I would have taken him.
But it was not
your day to have him.
- Why does it have to...
- Wesley, come here!
Come here.
That lamp shouldn't
be there anyway.
You need to realize that you
may no longer be married,
but you still
share custody of Wesley.
You need to manage that,
both for Wesley and for yourselves.
Yes, Dr. Wendy.
Maybe the dog lady's right.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I still get
a knot in my belly
when I think back to my mom and dad,
I mean, just at each other's throats.
- It's not good.
- We don't have to be like that.
No, we don't have to be like that.
I don't wanna be like that.
Maybe it would be good
for Wesley
if we, you know, were together
every once in a while.
Once in a while,
we should get the band back together.
I mean, nice.
- Okay.
- OLIVE: Clay, cake!
When I get the cake,
you guys keep Wesley here.
You know,
this was a good idea.
- We need plates.
- Plates.
- You never fixed this.
- You never fixed it.
Do you remember?
Do I remember?
It was at the end
of the longest road trip.
I couldn't wait to get
you into the bedroom.
I willingly jumped up there.
Hung on for dear life.
It's, um...
This is nice, right?
(BARKS)
I know, I know.
- He's getting impatient.
- Okay.
Up top.
Ooh, man.
How about you? Ah!
Wesley's
really happy, right?
Yeah, he's like
every little guy.
- He just wants to see his parents happy, together,
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
having fun.
- Come on, man.
- So what are we gonna do about that?
I'm sure we can figure
something out, right?
Like what?
- Like...
- GLENN: Hello!
- Where's the birthday dog?
- Oh.
Olive!
KOJI: Hey.
Yeah.
Right on, buddy.
- Hey, Glenn.
- Clay, what's up?
I didn't know
you were coming.
- Did you invite Glenn?
- No. Hi.
- I did not.
- Well, he's here.
I may have
mentioned it, but...
I was in the neighborhood,
and, uh, we've been... we've been seeing
a little bit of each other lately.
Yeah. Yeah, she told me about the
private sessions. That's great.
And we're dating.
Awesome.
Yep.
- (BARKS)
- Hey, Wesley!
Who's a good boy?
Yeah!
Happy birthday!
- Here, Koji.
- Lovely.
Hi.
- OLIVE: Hi!
- How are ya?
Good. Nice...
Nice to see you.
Yeah, it's good.
How are you?
- All right.
- I'm just gonna put this...
I need a big knife.
- GLENN: Who's this guy?
- Yeah. Let's get...
- OLIVE: This is Koji.
- Koji. All right.
This is Emily.
You already met Libby.
- And Clay.
- Oh, yeah. Clay. My man, Clay.
- ALL: Is he one?
- (BARKS)
Is he two?
Is he three?
(MAN SINGING, ROCK)
(CONTINUES)
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
(CONTINUES)
You knocked me down.
Let's go again!
Harder!
I want it hard! Let's go!
Nice job, Lonnergan.
Looking good.
Thanks, Coach.
I'm great.
Feeling great.
Wesley and I have been
training with Glenn Hannon.
Do you know him?
He's got a great reputation.
Hmm. Huh.
I believe it's important that
dogs sleep in their own bed.
Oh, yes. Of course.
He loves his bed.
He sleeps in that bed
every night.
He never,
ever sleeps with me.
- Hmm. Really?
- Yeah, no.
- Can you please direct him to get in his bed?
- Oh, he... Yes.
Of course I can.
Yes.
- Wesley.
- (GROANS, WHINES)
Get into your bed.
Wesley, get into your bed.
Wesley,
get into your bed!
(GRUNTS, SNORTS)
Yeah.
- Well, we're a work in progress.
- Mm-hmm.
(GRUNTS)
I mean,
but he's so cute.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, hey.
How is
practice going?
Well, this is my year.
Here.
Um...
Well, this is the... the last visitation
until the court reconvenes, so...
I told you I'd make
you a copy of these.
- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
- Okay.
Let's go be men, huh?
(CHUCKLES)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Get that stick ready, man.
You gotta get...
You gotta get that stick ready. Yeah? No?
Get frustrated.
Get angry!
I can't!
Listen to me.
Sometimes you do everything right,
and the puck's
still gonna go in.
It doesn't change
who you are, man.
All right?
You got this.
(GROANS)
Wah!
(BARKING)
Hey!
Good boy.
Ha!
We got a big day
tomorrow, butter bones.
Dr. Wendy is coming.
I need you on your
best behavior, buddy.
Yeah.
God, that's disgusting.
(WHINES)
(GROANS)
Oh, you know that's mommy's
shirt, don't you?
I miss her too, buddy.
(MUTTERS)
(STOMACH GURGLING, FARTS)
(GROANS)
Hey, buddy.
What is...
Oh!
You're a bad boy!
Wes!
Okay, okay.
(SWITCH CLICKING)
(GROANS)
Hey. Come on.
Stay.
Such a bad, bad boy.
Yes, you have. Bad boy.
Oh.
Wes! Wes! Hey, buddy!
- Come here! Nudge the door, buddy! Nudge it!
- (BARKING)
Nudge it!
Mr. Lonnergan!
Hey!
Mr. Lonnergan,
are you okay?
Fabulous! Oh, I'm fine.
Yeah. How are you?
- Mr. Lonnergan!
- I'll be with you in a minute!
- Why is there smoke?
- (WHISTLING)
Hey, buddy. Yeah.
I love you too.
Turn the oven off.
- Something is burning.
- It's the steam from the shower.
- I'm good.
- Uh-huh.
It's all good. Yeah.
- Mr. Lonnergan, we have an appointment right now.
- I'm coming!
- (GRUNTS)
- (BARKS)
(TEAKETTLE WHISTLING)
Ah!
(SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPING)
- (YELLS)
- (BARKING)
Wes. Hide this.
Where is she?
I'm coming!
Don't go!
Oh, my God.
Come on, baby. Come on.
Outside, outside.
Outside. Good.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(ENGINE STARTING)
- Dr. Wendy.
- (BARKING)
Dr. Wendy!
Hey!
Dr. Wendy!
Dr. Wendy.
Wesley! Hi, baby!
- Here.
- Oh! What's wrong?
Well, congratulations
on winning the case.
What are you
talking about?
I blew the evaluation.
It was
a total frickin' disaster.
Oh, Clay.
What?
What?
You wanna come inside
and have some tea?
Come on.
All right.
Have some tea.
Well, it's probably
for the best.
I didn't deserve him.
- I mean, don't say that.
- What?
I'm 35 years old
with a broken body
and a broken life.
It's awesome.
Come jump on the Clay train.
- (IMITATING TRAIN WHISTLE)
- (LAUGHS)
Clay.
Honey, we could have avoided
this whole mess if I...
- if I just...
- What?
What's that?
Oh. Those are costumes.
Costumes for what?
For the festival.
Really?
You two are going to the
doggie festival without me?
I didn't think it would really
make any sense for you to go.
And Glenn,
his center's having a demo
and he asked me to help, so...
Awesome.
Boys, this is it. First game.
We got a big game tonight.
Those other guys
are really moving out there.
I need 110%
from all you guys.
We're gonna go out there and crush
the Papa John's Wolverines, all right?
- PLAYERS: Yeah!
- Koji, you ready? Koji, hey!
Koji, keep your head
in the game, all right?
- You ready to go?
- Yeah.
You're our tender tonight, buddy.
You're gonna stop some pucks?
(SIGHS) Damn it, Clay.
SPECTATORS: Go, Wolf Pack!
- Hey, Clay, you in here?
- What?
Dude, open this door.
- (DOORKNOB RATTLES)
- You gotta leave me alone.
Where were you, man?
We just won. Koji was awesome.
Thanks for showing up, man.
Real nice.
Well, congratulations.
Now leave me alone.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say this
mess in here is a cry for help. Disgusting.
What's wrong with you?
Well, this mess
is Clay Lonnergan.
Wife-less and dog-less.
What do you mean, "dog-less"?
Where's Wesley?
Well, look around, man.
This is what the good doctor saw.
Game over.
What about that super sweet video
we were making? What about that?
Oh, that... was
Apocalypse Now with a dog.
And just to stick
the knife in a little further,
I find out she's going
to the dog festival.
I mean, you know that's my
favorite day of the year, man.
And she's going in a sweet ladybug
outfit and with that tool bag, Glenn.
Just because Glenn has
literally perfect bone structure
doesn't mean you need to
give up on this whole thing.
It's not giving up
if there's no fight.
The people you love
always leave you.
Ain't that right, Koji?
Huh?
Yeah, you know all about it.
There's nothing any of us can do about
it, so that's what I'm gonna do.
Nothing.
For the last time, the both of
you, get out of here!
I know you're hurting, but don't you dare
talk to my nephew like that, all right?
He's nine years old.
Pull it together, man. You're an adult.
This is embarrassing.
Let's go, Koj.
Sometimes you do everything
right, and the puck still goes in.
I didn't do
everything right though.
So? Try again.
Even monkeys
fall from trees.
Even monkeys fall from trees.
I think
I really hurt Clay.
Honey, you both have been at
each other for quite some time.
- I mean...
- I know.
- Really?
- Yeah, but I guess...
But he was so sad
when he saw that I was going
to the festival without him.
You know what? I...
I thought he wanted to have a family.
- He did.
- Right?
He... He said he did.
I know he did.
Then he started to get all weird,
and he started pushing back.
And... I don't know what
is going on in his head.
Obviously a lot.
But, um, if he ever
figures it out,
he'll make a...
a great father
to somebody someday.
That was a good one, but we're gonna
try it again. Get ready. Here we go.
Oop.
Rhett, can I have
a word, buddy?
Yeah, come over
if you wanna talk.
Whoa, whoa! Whoa!
I just... I wanna ask.
Can you forgive me? I'm asking your
forgiveness. Please forgive me.
You okay, bud?
I have a plan,
but I need your help.
I don't suppose either of you
guys has a sewing machine?
I do.
You loved me...
even when I was an ass.
And I will never forget that.
Olive,
you are the wings
to my heaven.
Wow, dude.
(SNIFFLES)
I didn't know you
had that in you.
- Neither did I.
- It's so good.
- Koj?
- Nice job. (SNIFFLES)
- (RHETT SIGHS)
- Let's do this.
RHETT: Yeah.
(DOG BARKING)
(POP)
MAN: Yeah,
yeah You told this once
You said that anything goes
Now if you can trust
That's right
To never go forward
the way that you oughta
(CONTINUES)
Come see a free demonstration.
"Lead your Pack and Control your
Misbehaving Pup The Hannon Way."
Come see
a free demonstration!
Ooh! "Lead your Pack and Control
your Misbehaving Pup The Hannon Way."
- CLAY: Hey, Dolly.
- Hi, Clay. Good to see you.
CLAY: Yeah.
Hi.
- See a demonstration later.
- I'll check it out.
Okay.
WOMAN: Thank you for coming.
Wonderful costume.
- Suzie.
- Hi!
- Hey. It's Clay.
- Uh-huh.
- I need to ask you a really big favor.
- Mm-hmm.
Your dog is 99.8% wolf,
and wolves run in packs.
Any pack leaders here today?
We're trying to turn you
into pack leaders.
- WOMAN: I can't wait to read it.
- Enjoy.
- I'm a hit.
- Good.
Mind handing out brochures? I gotta go
to the truck for another box of books.
- Of course.
- All right.
Uh, are you gonna
wear that all day?
I was planning on it.
- I'll be two minutes.
- Okay.
Stay.
Just kidding.
(CONTINUES)
Jo-Jo.
Jo-Jo, just stand down.
Ringo,
give us the floor, man.
I'm just gonna take over. I cleared
it with Sally. She said it's okay.
- Okay, cool man.
- Hey... I'm sorry.
How do you get this...
This cord is so long!
- Got it.
- Thank you.
(GRUNTS) There.
Olive!
Dr. Greene.
Is that Daddy?
I'm not
the butthead-head you know.
I'm Bob.
- And, uh... Well, I mean,
- (GROWLS)
a bee ain't nothing without
honey, and you're my honey.
I thought you were
gonna hand out brochures.
- CLAY: Um...
- I was.
Well...
And you loved me even when I
was, well, just an ass,
and a big one.
And, uh, I will
never forget that.
Never.
- Is that Clay?
- It is.
CLAY: You're honey.
You've always been.
- What the hell is he doing?
- That's right.
I don't know.
WOMAN:
You're embarrassing yourself.
You, Olive,
are the wings to my heaven.
People think
you're my girlfriend.
You look bad,
I look bad.
G-Glenn.
Hey. I look good, right?
You look great. I mean, this is...
You're killing it.
She's gonna
love it, right?
- BAND MEMBER: Good job.
- Thanks, guys.
Uh, I'm not sure what you're,
uh, trying to do here,
but I think it's time
for you to see yourself out.
You know what, Glenn?
I think there's a poodle that needs help.
You're embarrassing yourself.
Really?
(CHUCKLES)
Give me a drumroll.
- (DRUMROLL)
- (YELLS)
- (BODY THUDS)
- MAN: Ooh!
Stay down,
Bumblebee Bob.
Easy does it, bee.
Come on, Bumble.
Just stay down.
Man, this is just a couple of grown
men fighting in a dog festival.
Think we're
on an ice hockey?
- OLIVE: Wesley!
- (BARKING)
Wesley! Wesley!
CLAY: Sic balls!
Sic balls!
You guys,
this is not good.
- Down!
- Come here, Wes! Come here. Come... Wes.
CLAY: You want more?
Come... Come on!
- Who's laughing now?
- You want more?
OLIVE:
What are you doing? Stop!
Why are you doing this?
It was the insect
who started it.
- Guys!
- Olive, what do you think?
Um...
You didn't like it?
You thought this would
make everything okay?
Well, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Zzz. Zzz.
Cute isn't enough.
I'm done waiting for you to grow up.
I'm just done.
- Easy come, easy...
- (GRUNTS)
- GLENN: Oh, God!
- Come on, dude. Let's go.
- GLENN: Are you kidding me?
- Dude, come on.
You stay down there
with your dumb face.
First Circuit Court of the State of
Illinois, Judge Hutcheon presiding.
- Court is now in session.
- (WESLEY GROANS)
Mr. Lonnergan,
on your final court-appointed visit,
Dr. Wendy reports that not only was she
unimpressed with your living conditions,
she found you to be, and I
quote, "a complete lunatic."
(SCOFFS)
Uh, it was... it was a bad morning.
I'll give her that much.
Ms. Greene clearly has
the more stable home,
and this probably would have
been the deciding factor,
that is until I took a look
at the adoption records.
Your Honor,
those documents are missing.
JUDGE: The dog rescue agency
was able to locate a copy.
Thank you.
Prior to marriage,
the adoption records were
signed by Clay Lonnergan.
That makes Wesley the legal
property of Mr. Lonnergan.
This is no longer
a custody issue.
Bailiff, please return
Mr. Lonnergan's property to him.
Court adjourned.
(GASPS)
That's it?
I'm sorry, Ms. Greene.
No, wait. But who makes these laws?
Wesley's property?
- Ms. Greene.
- I'm sorry.
When was the last time your car was
happy to see you? Or your couch?
A piece of property
can't love you back,
so don't tell me that my dog is
the same as a stupid TV or a lamp,
because he's not!
He's not.
Enough.
Oh, God.
- Come here.
- (WHINES)
Come on, buddy.
All right, little buddy.
Daddy's gotta go
to work now, okay?
Good boy.
Okay. Look at this.
Wait. I'm gonna make you
a bed of freshly washed jerseys.
That one's not so fresh.
Okay, buddy.
- (WHINES)
- There you go.
All right. Come here.
(KISSES) Seventy minutes
of hell, my friend.
I love you.
(GROANS)
- (KNOCKING)
- Hey, Coach. You wanted to see me?
Lonnergan, come on in.
I gotta tell you, you've been extremely
impressive these past few weeks.
I've been trying.
Longo's out
with a sprained ankle.
They're calling you up.
Huh.
- (LAUGHS)
- Knock 'em dead, kid.
I haven't been
called "kid" in a while.
- Thanks, Coach.
- Good luck to you.
Huh.
(BARKING)
Rhett, they're calling me up.
Ah.
Ah.
Wes!
Wesley?
Wesley!
(PHONE RINGING)
Clay?
Oli.
Uh...
I lost Wesley.
What?
- I lost Wesley.
- Just tell me where you are.
I've been looking all night for him.
I just can't find him.
I'll be mad at you later.
Let's just find our dog.
Okay, people,
we need to work quickly.
Let's assume he's
walking at a normal pace.
In this urban environment,
he could be in an eight-mile radius.
Uh, he's an approachable,
mid-size dog,
so that means that he
should be easy to spot.
We've gotta get
the fliers up fast.
There are staple guns and tape in my trunk.
Let's go find Wesley.
RHETT: All right.
CLAY: Let's go.
Come on, guys! Come on!
MAN: Love you like
a razor in the snow
Cut me up
before I'd even know
Cage me up now, baby
Never let me go
CLAY: I'll just lift you!
One, two... (GRUNTS)
Paint me black and white
all over town
CLAY: You're almost
as heavy as me, man.
Tell your friends I'm lost,
but you I found
- Thank you.
- CLAY: Move on, soldier.
Love, you really
don't know me now
Bring it in. Beautiful.
Watch your fingers.
And...
We gotta go. If we're gonna make
it, we have to leave.
- Man, I'm not going anywhere, man.
- Dude.
- I've gotta find my dog.
- Come on!
CLAY: Gotta get
all these fliers up.
We can give 'em
to Olive. Dude.
- Don't "dude" me.
- God!
What's going on?
He got called up. We're not gonna
make it unless we leave now.
- He got called up?
- Yeah.
CLAY: Come on, dude! Let's go!
Clay, you've gotta go.
You got called up.
I'm right
where I need to be.
Yeah, but I've
got this covered, okay?
This is everything
you've been working for.
This guy.
Is that guy
taking down our fliers?
Why would...
Come on.
- Hey!
- Whoa! What?
Just stay back.
This may get dicey.
I've lived with you for five years.
I know dicey.
Why are you giving this to me?
Ah! Ow!
- OLIVE: Do you see him?
- Shh, shh. There he is.
- Wes.
- (GRUNTS)
Here, buddy.
Shh, shh, shh.
(INDISTINCT)
(WHISTLING)
- Wesley, baby!
- CLAY: Hey, buddy.
His name is Bandit.
He's my dog!
MEN: Yeah! That's right!
His name is Bandit.
His name's Wesley.
It says it on his collar.
- MAN: Get him, Jeb!
- Get outta here!
Easy, big fella.
(BARKING)
- Easy.
- (WESLEY GROWLING)
Listen, buddy.
I'm sure you got
your problems, man.
Let me tell you, brother.
I got mine.
But right now,
the only problem I have is you.
That dog is my life.
I got nothing
without that dog.
All right?
So I'm asking,
one bum to another bum,
let us... let us take
our boy home.
And just so you know,
he can bench-press 300 pounds.
Give or take... 50.
Baby, do you wanna...
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hi, baby.
Come here.
Whoa, whoa.
- All right.
- Thank you so much. Let's go!
- You like hockey?
- I love hockey.
- Clay!
- Here's 20 bucks.
You and Gandalf,
go see the wolves.
I'll probably
just buy crack.
Wesley, we were
worried about you.
Buddy,
we gotta go right now.
- CLAY: Yeah.
- Come on.
- OLIVE: We were looking all over for you.
- One second.
Bye, baby.
Listen. We could
be gone for a while.
They don't know how long
Longo's gonna be out for.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- When do you leave?
- Tonight, after the game.
Take care of Daddy.
If we don't leave now,
we're gonna miss it. Let's go!
Go, go, go.
Have a great game.
I will. Come on!
Race you to the car!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
My grandma runs faster
than that, Koji.
Get in the car, Wes.
You too, Koj.
There you go, buddy.
All right, yeah.
(ENGINE STARTS)
ANNOUNCER: Clay Lonnergan gets his first
start in goal tonight for the Chicago Wolves
in front of a sold-out crowd.
ANNOUNCER #2: Well, the pressure is on.
He's worked very hard for this.
He'd love to be the number-one guy.
He has to be very nervous.
- (KNOCKING)
- Olive, hey, it's Rhett.
Come in!
Hey.
Why aren't you at the game?
Shh. Just listen, okay?
I've been doing a lot of thinking,
and I understand now that our
timing was all wrong, and that...
Wh... Hang on. Just...
Are you okay?
Shut up.
Shut up for a second.
"I've been thinking
about a lot of things,
and I understand now
that our timing was all wrong.
You were ready to start
a family and I wasn't,
and now I'm ready, but you moved
on, and I have to live with that.
But it doesn't mean
Wesley should have to.
I know now
that he needs his mom
just as much
as he needs his dad.
And that's why I want..."
Koji! Koji, now!
"That's why I want you
to always be in his life.
So forget what the judge said.
He'll always be our dog."
Um...
Clay wrote that
in case you were wondering.
I didn't write those...
I don't feel those things towards you.
That's how Clay thinks,
and I think we're...
- I think we're done here, right? Okay.
- You can go.
See ya. Come on, buddy. You did it.
We gotta go. See ya, Wesley. See ya, Olive.
Oh, baby.
(MAN SINGING, ROCK)
(CHEERING)
(SPECTATORS CLAPPING
RHYTHMICALLY)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
here come your Chicago Wolves!
ANNOUNCER #2: And the fans have
been waiting for a long time.
This game,
a lot rides on it.
First place,
play-off implications
and the arch rival, Admirals,
just down the street.
Okay. Let's go.
Let's go!
- (GRUNTS)
- PLAYER: Let's go, Lonnergan. We got your back.
Bring it in, man.
(HORN BLARES)
ANNOUNCER: Clay Lonnergan gets hit,
and he is down, and that is too bad.
He has been terrific tonight.
That might be the best game I've
ever seen you play. Amazing.
You got your bell rung,
but you're gonna be fine. Right, Koj?
- Yeah.
- Give him a high five. We gotta take off.
- I'll live to fight another day, man.
- (RHETT CHUCKLES)
Here we go. All right, buddy.
We'll see you in the waiting room.
Ready, Koj?
Come on, bud.
Your X-rays are negative.
You should be good to go
in a day or so.
Thanks, Doc.
Mr. Lonnergan, your doctor
is ready to see you now.
I just saw the doctor.
Hi.
Hi.
The boys delivered
your message.
How badly did
they screw it up?
Well, it was Rhett,
so it was pretty bad.
That guy.
But it was perfect.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
- Like perfect, perfect?
- Like perfect, perfect.
So I was thinking
that there might be a way
for us to both take care
of Wesley together.
How?
Come back home.
I just have one question.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Will you...
stop divorcing me?
I think I fell back
in love with you just now.
Now, I know things
haven't been normal lately.
Then again,
they never are, right?
(GRUNTS)
There's gonna be a little
transition, but you'll be fine.
You ready for this,
butter bones?
Yeah.
Come here! Come here!
Come. Come on.
Let's go surprise Mommy.
Let's go.
Go.
Wesley, meet Danny.
- Hi, baby. Hi.
- (LAUGHING)
You're a big brother now.
(GROWLS)
- Ohh.
- (CRYING)
Uh-oh.
(GROANING)
He'll get used to it, right?
OLIVE: Did you hear Wesley?
He said he loves you.
MAN: If destination's
where you're going
I can't wait
to see the morning
I can't wait to see
the sunshine in you
Getting nervous
makes me worry
Sleep, wake up
in such a hurry
I can't wait to see
the sunshine in you
What's important?
Get euphoric
Oh, safe to say I'm sane
Get to know you
Get to show you
Oh, safe to say I'm sane
I can't believe
I'm bound to fall
Not a poet
Not at all
I can't wait to see
the sunshine in you
The sweet surrender,
calm caress
I'm a loser
I confess
I can't wait to see
the sunshine in you
What's important?
Get euphoric
Oh, safe to say I'm sane
Get to know you
Get to show you
Oh, safe to say I'm sane
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)
(ENDS)
(BLOWS)
There's no easy way to say this, Wesley.
I'm just gonna come out with it.
I think that's best.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Your mother and I
have considered
all of the possibilities
available to us,
um, vis--vis our
relationship difficulties.
And... And in the current
emotional climate, we feel...
Clay, can you just
get on with it?
Right.
Mommy and Daddy
are splitting up, pal.
- (GROANS)
- Hey.
Hey. That's what
I don't want.
I don't want you blaming yourself.
It has nothing to do with you.
Wesley, I know that you are
so tired of hearing us argue,
and that is why this
is the right thing for us to do.
Yeah. We both
love you very much.
I mean, you're still the
biggest star in Daddy's sky.
- Yeah.
- (GROANS)
(WHISPERS) I'm not sure
we got through to him.
He's a guy.
We have our own way
of processing emotion.
I've seen some sad sack
waste of space in my life,
but that scrimmage
I just witnessed
was the worst thing I've
ever seen in my whole life.
You need to pull your heads
out of your rectums
and start playing hockey
like you mean it.
You are the Wolf Pack,
not the help-a-granny-across-
the-street pack of boys on a hockey...
That didn't make sense,
but do "hard work" on three. Ready?
- "Hard work" on three. One, two, three!
- PLAYERS: Hard work!
Wor... All right, game face.
Ready?
(GROWLING)
That was terrifying,
and not in a good way.
- Work on it for tomorrow.
- PLAYER: All right, guys, good practice.
So it's really over, huh?
Like a hundred percent done?
Ice has been thin for a while, man.
It finally broke.
Do you mind if I pursue Olive then?
Like, romantically?
Could you pursue her if
both your legs were broken?
Off-limits?
Glad we established that boundary.
How are you feeling on this, man?
Breakup? Let's talk about it.
Uh, it's a sign
from the ice hockey gods.
You know what it is? It's a wake-up
call I need, man, to start this year.
- That's a good way to look at it.
- Uh-huh.
I was worried that losing someone like
Olive would absolutely shatter you.
Like, I thought you were
gonna be a mess, you know?
I'm glad your cup is half
full on this one, you know?
Yeah.
Where you at
on the grief scale?
Stage two. Anger.
I want to kill him.
Oh, rash, but exciting.
He just blindsided me. I mean,
I guess it was creeping along for a while.
Are my expectations off?
Is it me?
- Oh, don't be ridiculous.
- We had a plan.
It was such a good plan.
Wesley and I will
be fine without him.
- Help me intubate this guy in four.
- Okay.
Nightmare on Elm Street.
Mine.
Get Smart.
You need that.
The Departed.
That's appropriate.
Lethal Weapon.
Yes, I am.
- It's a Wonderful Life.
- Uh, mine.
- It stays here.
- No argument.
E.T. Mine.
Oh, Flashdance.
What about these?
Good times.
I look good as a blond.
I'll make you copies.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
Well, this is it for now.
Well, I guess I might come back
later in case I forgot something.
You're still wearing
your ring.
Um, I'm sorry this
didn't work out. Us.
Yeah, me too.
- Wes!
- (BARKS)
- Come on!
- Excuse me?
Let's hit the road, buddy.
(LAUGHS) You think
you're taking Wesley?
Wait. You think
Wesley's staying here?
Well, this is
where he lives.
- I don't know where else he would go.
- Into the woods with his dad.
That's where
you're gonna live?
In that serial killer shack
by the lake?
Don't you listen to her, Wes.
It's a very spacious,
prefabricated mobile domicile.
So, what happens
when you have practice
or a game or, you know...
- I will take him with.
- Uh-huh.
- Coach lets me get away with anything.
- Huh.
Perks of being a veteran.
You haven't put a second of
thought into this, have you?
A few, actually.
You're never home,
and I'm not letting my little
butter bones become a latch-key dog.
I will figure
something out.
- Hmm. Unacceptable.
- Yeah.
That is not happening.
I'm perfectly capable of looking after
Wesley James Lonnergan on my own.
- Come on, big fella.
- No. You're not taking him.
Get your little...
(WESLEY GROWLS)
Let's let Wesley decide.
- OLIVE: I'm ready.
- CLAY: You're going down, woman.
I've got an enema in an hour.
Not mine.
- So could we just do this already?
- I'm ready.
Let me get a picture
with his two leashes
for his various
social media pages.
All right,
on the count of three,
I want you to release
your leashes,
and whoever he goes to
gets to keep him.
All right, it's okay.
One, two...
If you go to your dad,
I'll give you so much bacon.
- OLIVE: Hurry!
- Three!
Hey, sweetie! Come on.
Mommy loves you!
We'll give her a chance.
- Come here, baby.
- CLAY: Wesley.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
You've been a good boy!
OLIVE: Wesley,
don't listen to him!
Who's the best little dog?
You're the best little...
Who's the best little doggy?
You're the best little doggy.
Oh.
OLIVE:
No, Wesley, come back.
Are we gonna
do this all day?
Come on.
Wanna tussle with Daddy?
Wanna tussle with Daddy?
- (BARKS)
- Oh, yeah, that's right.
Help! Wesley, help! (SCREAMS)
I like that. I like that.
(HOWLING)
Wesley, save me!
Save me!
I'm dying, Wesley. Help!
(BARKING)
- OLIVE: Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah?
- (DOG BARKING)
- OLIVE: Oh, no. Oh, no.
- Wesley!
Wesley, no! Come on! Come back!
- Yep. See ya.
- OLIVE: Wesley, come on!
- Well, this is a perfectly good waste of a Saturday.
- Great.
- MAN: Yup...
- OLIVE: Wesley!
Wesley!
Okay, guys.
Easy. Easy.
(WHISTLES)
Good.
- Sit!
- Wesley, please!
- Wesley!
- Sorry.
- Who's the owner?
- CLAY, OLIVE: I am!
That's me.
How did you...
Never unleash
an untrained animal.
- Oh.
- We-We-We would never usually do that.
- CLAY: No.
- OLIVE: But anyway, thank you.
What were you doing, Wesley?
What were you doing?
By the way,
can you teach me that whistle thing?
There's
no trick to it.
- (BLOWING)
- What's your name, miss?
Oh. Olive Greene.
- Glenn Hannon.
- Nice to meet you.
I run a rehabilitation
and training center.
Clay Lonnergan,
from the Wolves, you know?
Huh.
If you, uh...
If you ever want to improve
Wesley's off-leash obedience...
Yeah?
- Come on down.
- Great. Thank you.
Yeah.
(WHISTLES)
- All right, guys.
- Is it... (BLOWING)
Two hands.
What are you doing?
Well, you won't
let me leave with Wes,
and I'm not leaving
without him.
You can't
stay here, Clay.
Okay.
Oh! I didn't spill a drop.
I'm serious.
Life's too important
to be taken seriously.
(HEAVY SIGH)
You know that he is better off with me.
I know that you know that.
I know that you know that he
knows it's my place or no place.
Look, buddy, I... I'm trying,
but she's just not
respecting your wishes.
Get out! Out!
Do I have time for a nap?
Maybe a quick massage?
All right, you, out!
Come on!
- Get... Get up!
- Is this a massage?
- Get... (GRUNTS)
- What are we doing right now?
- (GRUNTS)
- Oh, Mommy.
Come on!
Oh, that feels good.
This isn't funny, Clay!
(GROANS)
Oh-ho-ho!
All right,
you want nasty Olive?
Sure.
I'll go get her.
Don't forget
the handcuffs, honey.
You're gonna come with Daddy
for a little bit.
Yes. Police.
I would like
to report an intruder.
- His name is...
- Let's go.
Clay!
Clay!
Clay!
Wait, wait, wait.
- Clay?
- Good boy!
You can't do this.
- (LAUGHING)
- You're not serious!
(SHRIEKS)
- You're crossing a line here, Clay.
- I can't hear you.
If you don't turn around right now...
Don't make me hate you, Clay.
Say bye-bye to Mommy.
OLIVE:
No, no, no, no.
Oh, it's on.
(SHRIEKS)
MAN: Next case on the docket,
we have Greene v. Lonnergan.
WOMAN: The outstanding
issue of contention
is the custody
arrangements for...
a mixed breed dog?
(WESLEY GRUNTS)
And joint custody
is not an option?
Very much not so,
Your Honor.
The microphone
does not work.
Mr. Lonnergan,
you claim that yours is the only name
on the pet adoption
certificate?
Uh, yes.
That is certifiable.
May I see
the document?
No, Your Honor.
I'm sorry?
It would be really great if you
could just take my word for it.
Do you have the document, Mr. Lonnergan?
Yes or no.
- (SQUEAKING)
- Yes.
It's-It's-It's in my head,
not in my actual hand.
Okay, the hard way it is.
WOMAN: Your Honor, if I may,
Mr. Lonnergan has
already proven himself
- to be an extremely reckless guardian, someone who's...
- Reckless?
I'm sor... Reckless?
Your Honor, if having an awesome
time with my top dog is reckless,
then yeah,
guilty as charged.
- He took him snowboarding.
- Yes, I did.
- He told me he had the best time of his life.
- He was terrified.
You should have seen his face.
His ears were pinned back.
Since Mr. Lonnergan cannot
provide the adoption record,
I'm forced to consider
other factors.
Yes.
Wesley, if he thinks at all,
thinks 623 Hicks Street, Ms.
Greene's residence, is his home.
Yes.
The evidence supports
Ms. Greene's contention
that she is
the primary caretaker.
She pays for all the costs to provide for
the animal while Mr. Lonnergan here...
Well, I'm an ambassador of
joy, Your Honor.
Seems less prepared for the responsibility
of sole custody at this time.
It is the court's decision to
award sole custody to Ms. Greene.
- Ah!
- Wait. Stop. Rewind. What?
Mr. Lonnergan will have visitation
rights every other weekend.
Well, I object!
Overruled!
- He's my dog!
- (GAVEL POUNDS)
I'm his daddy! Every dog needs his daddy!
Every daddy needs his dog.
Mr. Lonnergan,
this ruling is temporary.
I'll assign a veterinary
behaviorist to evaluate you both,
and there will be a continuance
of this matter in 60 days.
At that point, I'll decide who
gets custody of the dog for good.
Understood?
Yes.
- (GAVEL POUNDS)
- Court's adjourned.
I warned you.
Give me Bumblebee.
- His name's Bumblebee Bob. Bumblebee Bob.
- Uh-huh.
If you think I'm just gonna
roll over and play dead,
you're sadly mistaken.
Here, buddy.
Bring it on.
Oh, I'm gonna
bring it everywhere.
(CHUCKLES)
- Game face.
- Give it to her.
- You look like a baby taking a dump.
- That's right.
A little bit, yeah.
- You didn't even see it.
- It was not good.
Say bye to Daddy!
Say bye to your daddy.
- I'll fight for you, Wesley!
- It's a bad day. Come on.
- No matter how long! No matter how far!
- Let's go, buddy. Come on.
- I'll fight for you!
- Let's go.
Come on.
Let's go.
(WESLEY WHINING)
This case is all about me proving
how much I love Wesley. Right?
And what better way to do that
than by representing myself?
So a lawyer's
too expensive, huh?
It's an absolute racket.
You're innocent
until proven broke, man.
What do you got?
A little reading?
"Winning Child Custody: A Father's
Guide." That one looks good.
It's for real human children though.
What's this one?
Custody Warriors.
That one sounds a little aggressive.
But I like where
your head's at.
Well, we are going
to war, my friend.
The fun-loving Clay guy is
just not gonna work anymore.
I have to prove
that I am a... a better,
more responsible parent
than Olive.
Ha! Wow. How are
you gonna do that?
- I have no idea.
- Bit of a stretch.
Oh, here's my nephew.
His deadbeat dad bailed on him,
so my sister asked me to
watch him while she's at work.
Hey, Koji.
This is my friend Clay.
I'm gonna go get ready for practice.
You're gonna hang out here.
See you later.
All right, boys!
Let's go!
Koji, right?
The dog-walker
will be by at 3:00.
This is just
an experiment, sweetie.
If you don't like it, we'll find a
day care center or something, okay?
Mommy got you a special DVD for
dogs in case you get lonely.
It's two paws up,
so that's good, right?
Okay.
Uh... Oh, baby, don't look at me like that.
Mommy has to go to work.
- (WHINES)
- I'll be back soon.
I love you, baby.
- Oh, I know you're sad.
- (WHINES)
Give me a kiss.
It's okay.
(KISSING) I miss you.
I'm gonna miss you.
- (WHINES)
- Oh, I want one more kiss.
(MUTTERING)
Mmm! Yeah!
Okay. I'm going now.
I have to go.
Bye, baby!
Wesley, Mommy's home...
Oh... Oh, my God.
Wesley!
Wesley!
Wesley!
Wesley?
Okay. Okay.
(DIALING)
Yes. Uh, hello?
Um, I've been robbed,
and my dog is missing.
Oh. Scratch that.
We're fine.
My apologies.
What are you doing,
little guy?
- What are you doing?
- (WHINING)
Are you serious?
Hmm.
- Hi. I'm sorry I'm late.
- Hey!
- We've been waiting such a long time.
- Wesley, sit.
Hi. Right, because
you're always on time.
Wesley, come here.
Stop, Wesley.
Is that a note
about me being late?
I'm sorry. I cannot share my
notes with you, Ms. Greene.
Oh. Okay.
Sorry.
Welcome.
I'm Dr. Wendy.
I'm a veterinary
behaviorist,
and I've been appointed
as a friend of the court
to help determine who is best
suited to care for Wesley
in the event
of a custody ruling.
Can I just say, Dr. Wendy,
it is a pleasure to be here.
It's a pleasure to have you
here, Mr. Lonnergan.
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- CLAY: Thank you.
How about you, Olive?
You happy to be here?
Excuse me. Just so you know,
he's not really like this.
The clothes, the hair, the politeness.
He's doing a thing.
- Olive, I don't know what...
- You will not con your way through this.
The real you
will screw it up.
Olive... (CLEARS THROAT)
I'm sorry, Doctor.
Can we, uh...
Can we put aside our personal issues
and try and focus
on why we're here?
(WHISPERS) I hate you.
Uh... Do you often express your
hostilities in front of Wesley?
Hmm.
I'm not hostile.
I'm just...
- DR. WENDY: Oh.
- What are you writing?
Uh-huh.
Hey.
Okay. Hmm.
(SNIFFING)
Oh.
Interesting.
Wow. Tension.
- Is he okay?
- Shh!
I'm working now.
(GROWLS)
(TRILLING, GROANS)
- (BARKS)
- (BARKING)
OLIVE: Okay, Wes.
Okay, Wesley.
- It's okay, Wesley.
- Ohh!
That is what
I was afraid of.
- What? What did he say?
- Is he... Is he okay?
Wesley is on the verge
of psychological disarray.
I mean, just look at him swimming around
in there, lost in his own thoughts.
Well, what are we
supposed to do?
Consistent discipline,
something he is clearly not familiar with.
- Here, take a look at these.
- Love to.
We will meet again so that I
can monitor Wesley's progress.
In addition, I'll be assessing each of
you individually at your respective homes
so I can determine who's providing the
most nurturing environment for Wesley.
The only thing being nurtured
in his trailer is E. coli.
Ms. Greene, as Wesley's primary
caregiver, the burden lies with you
to demonstrate an improvement in
his behavior by our next session.
CLAY: Hmm.
We're all pulling
for you, Olive.
CLAY: Psychological disarray.
What are you doing to him?
That woman was clearly insane.
He's perfectly fine.
The professional doggie
whisperer lady says he's not,
so we gotta do something.
He's fine.
He's better than fine.
- (GROANS)
- In fact, we've been having a riot, lately.
Tearing it up,
big time.
Is that right,
butter bones?
You've been tearing it up?
You know what?
We should go see that Glenn guy.
He had a good whistle.
He doesn't need
obedience training.
- Okay?
- (BLOWING)
And this thing that you're
doing, this brand-new Clay thing,
it isn't gonna work.
(BLOWING)
(BLOWING)
So you got a little cranky and shredded
the living room. Happens to the best of us.
It doesn't mean
you're in disarray.
Does it?
Wesley?
(URINATING)
Wesley James!
(HUFFS, GROANS)
That's it, mister.
I'm calling
the dog trainer.
Look what else I found.
In 2004, right?
Joshua Little
and Linda Perkins
waged a two-year battle
over their dog, Gee-Gee.
Gigi? Gee-Gee?
- What is it, French?
- Whatever. Probably.
After a three-day trial...
Listen. This is the good part.
Mr. Little prevails.
MAN: Pass the puck to anyone
else on the whole team!
- You're never gonna guess how he won.
- What?
Jo... Hey! Jonah!
- Do not lick the ice!
- My tongue is stuck!
I don't think Jonah's
gonna work in goal...
He made a video, a video called
"A Day in the Life of Gigi,"
and he used it as evidence of what
a great life they had together.
A key part of him winning.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- Hey, that's it! Stop fighting!
Put your gloves back on!
No fighting!
So that's the plan, man.
Just make an awesome video
showing how we are the...
the ultimate ambassadors of joy.
- You with me?
- Yeah. Big time.
- For sure.
- Good man.
What are we doing?
We'll figure it out later.
Hang on a second.
- (WHISTLE BLOWS)
- All right, shift change! Let's go!
Koj, ready to hop in?
Can you talk to him?
Like a pep talk or something?
I can't get him on the ice.
He's just sad all the time.
- What am I gonna say?
- You're a professional hockey player.
Just inspire him. Make something
up about dedication, teamwork.
Whatever your coach says to you guys.
I don't know.
Life.
It stinks, right?
It just makes you
so mad sometimes.
You know what I do, Koji,
when life gets me mad?
Hmm?
I get mad
right back at it.
It feels good
to let off a little steam.
But I do it out there, man,
on the ice.
Oh, yeah.
That's hockey, man.
Go ahead. Try it.
I know you got
some steam in there.
Pick up this bag. Just slam it down.
Let out that steam.
Come on!
Lift it! (GRUNTS)
How about this?
Come on.
One, two, three.
(GRUNTS)
That's hockey, man!
Come on! Incoming!
Get down!
Hey! What the hell's
going on in here?
Hockey.
Hockey?
Just hockey.
We should clean this up, huh?
- WOMAN: He's a good boy.
- Yes, he is.
CLAY: It's okay.
Shh, shh.
Okay, folks.
Start the show.
- I usually like to start with a little demonstration.
- Ooh.
Demonstration.
- Clyde. Clyde.
- (DOG BARKING)
(SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
(SHOUTS FOREIGN WORD)
Meet Master Tank.
He was picked up last night
at a police-raided dogfight.
- (GROWLING)
- He's a trained killer.
- (GROWLS)
- Okay.
Your dog is 99.8% wolf.
I told you.
(ALL GASP)
- And wolves...
- CLAY: Wes.
- run in packs.
- (BARKING)
(SHOUTS FOREIGN WORD)
- (WHINES)
- ALL: Ooh!
Your dog needs
a pack leader.
- (BARKS)
- Oh, Wesley, no!
Sorry.
Stop that, Wesley.
Olive, right?
Yeah, you remember
my name?
Of course.
Would you say that you're
this dog's pack leader?
Well, I'm his mommy.
(CLICKS TONGUE)
Right here.
- You're the leader?
- Yep.
- Sssss. Uh-uh-uh.
- Stop.
I don't think
Wesley thinks so.
He's uncomfortable,
tense.
- (GRUNTS)
- Wesley, Wesley, Wesley.
No, he just... It's a little game.
A little game.
(GRUNTS) Ah-ha!
Wesley James Lonnergan!
(WHISTLES)
Traitor.
I have to say,
Wesley needs help.
His behavior won't
improve on its own.
That's a good boy.
You just need a pack leader, don't you?
Is this guy for real?
- GLENN: Good boy.
- (WHISPERS) I think he's great.
With a few more sessions,
you'll have "The Hannon Way" down pat.
Okay.
We can set up another
group session like this
that you and your...
boyfriend?
Um, we're separated.
Recently.
It's recent.
My one-on-one sessions are
a fast-track way of helping,
but I only work
with one owner at a time.
Might that
interest you?
- Yes.
- No.
- Fantastic. Okay.
- (HANDS CLAP)
Let's try
something else.
Check him out.
(EXHALING HARD)
- PLAYER: Not bad for an old guy.
- (EXHALES)
Bumblebee Bob?
It's his favorite
stuffed animal,
and it's like
a comfort blanket to him,
and, you know,
it calms him down.
Your dog shouldn't need
a comfort blanket.
- And...
- Uh-huh.
Relax.
Don't worry.
I'm gonna help you.
With the proper training,
these problems will go away.
Okay.
Okay. Okay.
All right.
Let's start with posture.
What, Wesley's posture's bad?
Not Wesley's. Yours.
There's a tension in your
body that Wesley can sense,
and it makes him anxious.
Watch.
Feel my upper body.
- Excuse me?
- Start with the shoulders.
You feel that?
Firm, yet relaxed.
It certainly is.
Hey, that was
a great first session.
Remember, treat him like a
dog, not like a child.
- I'll try.
- It's what he needs.
Okay.
Hey, would you like
to... go out sometime?
Without Wesley.
Just... Just me and you?
Um, you mean on, like,
a date-type thing?
Yeah.
Like a date-type thing.
- Is it okay if I think about it?
- Of course.
- Okay.
- See ya later.
- Thank you.
- Good luck.
Thanks. Okay.
I packed his therma-paw
boots in case it's icy.
This is what it was like Thursday
nights when I would go to my dad's.
Oh. I almost forgot.
Shoot.
Can't...
find... Bumblebee Bob,
so if he whines at night,
here's my shirt.
Wait.
You lost Bumblebee Bob?
Don't start.
- Hey.
- Hey, baby. Come here, baby.
Mommy loves you.
Mommy loves you.
I'm gonna miss you, Wesley.
I'm gonna miss you.
- (KISSING)
- You're a good mom, you know that?
Crazy, but good.
All right, buddy.
Oh. Oh, wait.
Uh...
I thought we could both read
this and work on it together,
see what works for Wesley,
what doesn't.
You're seriously
seeing this guy?
Yeah. Twice a week.
Come on. You know,
I was thinking about that.
When my parents split up,
I was out of control.
Fights, tantrums,
inappropriate peeing.
Case in point,
he'll get over it.
He doesn't need... this guy.
Well, it was your idea,
so I guess I'm just
going along with it.
Well, I'm full of bad ideas.
You know that.
I do know that.
But, um, we're gonna keep doing
it 'cause it's good for Wesley.
Bye, baby!
Bye, Wesley!
Bye, Wesley!
You done with this?
- Well, I am now.
- Hmm.
- Okay, what's going on?
- What are you talking about?
When you get nervous,
you eat like a zombie.
The trainer guy asked me out.
Oh, the handsome dog guy
with the pecs?
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
Okay, so what's
the problem?
I don't know if Wesley's ready
for another man in my life.
(SCOFFS) Well,
I think we both know who's not ready.
Who says I need a man?
Good plan.
Keep your heart in a cage
and die alone.
We're gonna
try this again, okay?
Put the black-and-white
filter on.
- It always looks like film noir, right?
- It'll look... Yeah.
- Wesley.
- Action.
I hear... Well, you can't
be shooting now.
- I've gotta...
- Oh.
- give the instructions, and then you shoot.
- Yeah.
You got this.
Wes, Daddy is gonna
throw the stick.
You run.
You pick up the stick.
Listen, listen.
This is the part where you always forget.
You gotta bring it back to Daddy.
Okay? Don't run off.
Koj, you ready?
It's take number...
- Seven.
- Seven. Okay.
Buddy.
One, two, three, go!
- Uh...
- No.
- That's, uh... Should we try it again? Go!
- (BARKS)
- There he goes.
- That's a good start.
So why don't we like this guy?
What's-his-face?
- Glenn.
- Yeah, Glenn. What's his problem?
Da-da-da-da
- Ooh.
- Right?
Because he looks like
a well-read superhero?
I could see why Olive's
into him then.
- This dude is a babe.
- No, she's not into him.
- No?
- No. She just thinks a couple of one-on-one sessions might help.
- I agree.
- (CHUCKLES) Yeah, I bet she does.
- What, you think I'm worried about him?
- I mean...
I'm a professional hockey
player, dude, not a dog trainer.
You play for a minor league team.
Secondly...
- The Wolves.
- Yeah, minor league team.
And you're not ri...
This guy's rich, man.
He's got books out.
He's got that super-hot rich face.
Well, this is my year.
- For what?
- Hot rich face?
His face is hot and rich.
- (BARKING)
- Koj! Yeah, tell him to bring it back now.
Oh, you've been
a good boy!
Bring the stick back.
Dude, I got your back.
But the average age of retirement
for an NHL goalie is, what, 28, 29?
- Thirty?
- We had this discussion. Moe Roberts.
- All right.
- Played for the Blackhawks until he was 46.
Yeah, 100 years old.
Okay.
That's besides the point.
Wouldn't that be crazy if this
dude was Wesley's new stepdad?
Look at that...
That jawline is just
chiseled like a Roman god,
like a...
like a marble bust.
That is a...
Oh, God, that's a sharp-looking man.
I'll get Olive
to give you his number
and you can ask him
on a date yourself.
If this is bothering you... Are you having
second thoughts about the whole Olive thing?
- No, I just want my dog back.
- All right.
CLAY: "Ambassadors of Joy,"
take one.
Hey, hey.
Oh, hi.
Uh, before we have a hot
chocolate in the morning,
Wesley and I like to take a little
five-mile run around the lake.
Don't we, buddy?
(KISSES)
Let's go! Oh!
- KOJI: Wesley, go!
- MAN: Okay.
- KOJI: Go!
- Hey, Coach. Cut that, Coach.
Your dog's still here.
KOJI: Action.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Me and Wesley, we even do laundry
together, don't we, buddy?
Bring it here.
Oh, yeah.
Out. Out. Out.
Oh! Oop.
Just leave it for Daddy.
This is Daddy's now.
Daddy's gonna put that up.
Oh, oh. That's Daddy's.
MAN: No, no, no.
Video's going great.
We're just inseparable.
I don't know what it is about him.
It's just his coat,
his lovable little...
(BARKING)
- And he... he just does...
- Cut.
Things like that.
Where is he going?
- (WESLEY GROWLING)
- Wesley, this is...
Hi.
Yes, I've made several canine-friendly
accommodations to Wesley's living quarters,
and he just loves it.
This is my latest version
of canine carpentry.
- Wesley! Wesley!
- (KOJI HUMMING)
- Should we start over?
- I thought that was pretty good.
Is that good for court? You wanna
show the judge that? That doghouse?
- We can show the judge that doghouse.
- Put another level in post.
Hey. Out.
- Koji, let's cut.
- CLAY: He's going to poo!
Oh, attaboy.
Droppin' a deuce.
We don't need to see that.
- What more could we want, butter bones, huh?
- (WHINING)
A Ping-Pong table, Jacuzzi.
Look at me.
(GROANS)
- I know how it feels to be from a broken home, pal.
- (WHINING)
You got me.
(WHINING)
- That's enough, right?
- (WHINES)
Obviously not.
Let's see if this works.
Mommy's shirt.
Yeah.
You like that, huh?
- (GROANS)
- (GRUNTS)
GLENN: Here we are.
- Dinner was fantastic.
- Yes.
Remind me never to share
dessert with you again.
I think
I had one spoonful.
I'm sorry.
It was so good.
And I really haven't been anywhere that
special in a long time, so thank you.
Oh, that's a real shame.
Well, it was a great night.
Thank you.
It doesn't have to end.
Um...
- Can I tell you something?
- Yes.
Secret.
Oh.
Um...
Yeah, I'm... I'm just not...
I...
I just think it's too s...
It's okay.
No, I get it.
- There's no need to rush things.
- Sorry.
Oh, no need to rush things.
It's okay.
- Okay, yeah.
- I, um, just...
It just feels right
with you.
It really does.
Tha... Thank you.
That's nice.
Thank you
for understanding.
Um... Okay,
well, good night.
Good night.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Thank you.
- Call me or something.
- Okay.
- (LOUD WHISTLE)
- Ooh!
That cleared your head!
Am I right?
Totally clear. Yep.
- Thanks.
- Oh, yeah.
(GRUNTING)
(LAUGHS)
Hey, you guys.
Oh, Wesley, come here, baby.
Come here.
Oh, yes, baby, yes!
How are you?
How are you?
Wesley. Wesley. Yeah.
Mommy missed you.
- He loves it here.
- Yeah?
- Well, thanks for showing him a good time.
- It's what I do.
So how was he,
behavior-wise?
Oh, he was... he was...
a perfect gentleman.
- Yeah?
- Yeah. Mwah.
No, um, whining at night or,
you know, tearing things up?
- None of that?
- No, look, my diagnosis...
He just needed some alone
time with his poparooni.
Okay.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, bye!
Wesley, are you being better
with Daddy than you are with me?
- (BARKS)
- Are you doing that?
- (BARKS)
- Wesley, that is not right.
Hayden, dump and chase. We're gonna
work on that shooting now, buddy.
That a boy.
Focus.
CLAY: Oh!
That's okay. Hey.
Kadurski, where did
you get a doughnut?
CLAY: Let's try one more.
Come on.
When you drop the puck,
you're gonna look at the puck real quick,
then look
where you're gonna shoot.
Go!
That's all right.
Let's try that again.
This stinks!
I can't do it!
Whoa! Hey.
How are you gonna score
without a stick? Huh?
What happens when the puck
comes at you?
What if another puck
comes flying at you?
What if another puck...
Oh, you're just gonna
hit it away like that?
Oh.
Oh-ho-ho-ho. Rhett!
I think
we found your goalie.
RHETT: Yeah?
CLAY: Welcome
to the crease club.
I know. I know. I need it.
Can I have it back?
Wesley, I need it back.
I need it back.
I need it back.
Wesley, remember, you're not supposed
to sleep with me in the bed anymore.
You're gonna have
to go to your own bed.
I'll take you in a few minutes.
You can snuggle for now.
Yeah, you can snuggle.
This is nice, right?
Just the two of us?
Yeah.
We don't need Daddy,
right?
It's better without him.
No more snoring,
no more screaming
at the TV.
Mm-hmm.
No more wet,
stinky hockey socks.
It's better, right?
Yeah.
This is Wesley's
first time here.
Oh, Wesley will make best friends here.
We're a family really.
Happy Hound Day Care
is a perfect place
for Wesley to play,
laugh and discover.
- Are those, um...
- Oh. Those are original works.
We set aside a portion of
each day for arts and crafts.
They are just
so talented.
I can see that.
He's gonna love it.
Okay. Thank you.
Mommy has to go.
(KISSES)
- Have a great time.
- (WHINES)
Okay.
I'll give you the leash.
- (GROANS)
- MAN: Free yourself of those thoughts.
Get that energy flowing.
Okay, Jen, the energy's starting to
flow right down through his tail,
so we're gonna use the
paw, dip it in the paint.
Think of the birds
on the trees.
Get the paw...
There you go.
Feel his energy shift?
His energy shifted when you did
that, all the way through his tail.
- (WHINES)
- Okay?
Wesley, when you're ready,
come make a painting.
(WHINING)
(BARKS)
(BARKS)
Lindsey.
The burnt sienna?
(BARKING, GROWLING)
(BARKS)
Somebody stop him!
He's Jackson Pollocking the hallway!
Oh, no, no, no, no!
Stop him!
No, no, no, no, no!
Get back! Wesley!
That is what I'm trying to say. I think clearly
the dog has some sort of anxiety disorder.
- (WESLEY WHINES)
- Wes.
Kenneth,
I have to call you back.
Sir, Wesley ruined a number of paintings
today, not to mention my office.
Paintings? Why is
he painting anyway?
Why is he in a cage?
He was being overly animated,
so I put him in the time-out corner.
- You're lucky I don't get overly animated.
- Don't point your finger at me.
- There's three pointing back at you and your dog.
- What's next? Waterboarding?
Come here, buddy.
Unbelievable.
- Come on, buddy.
- Hey, what are you doing here?
Uh, you listed him
as your emergency contact.
So when I got your voice mail,
I called him. Sorry.
- Emergency? Really?
- Did you see the hallway?
Shut the door, please.
CLAY: You put him
in doggy Guantnamo.
It was nothing
like that.
(SIGHS)
A torture chamber.
Can I ask you a question?
Would you rather leave him with complete
strangers than with his own dad?
They were not strangers.
It was doggy day care.
You could have called me.
I would have taken him.
But it was not
your day to have him.
- Why does it have to...
- Wesley, come here!
Come here.
That lamp shouldn't
be there anyway.
You need to realize that you
may no longer be married,
but you still
share custody of Wesley.
You need to manage that,
both for Wesley and for yourselves.
Yes, Dr. Wendy.
Maybe the dog lady's right.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, I still get
a knot in my belly
when I think back to my mom and dad,
I mean, just at each other's throats.
- It's not good.
- We don't have to be like that.
No, we don't have to be like that.
I don't wanna be like that.
Maybe it would be good
for Wesley
if we, you know, were together
every once in a while.
Once in a while,
we should get the band back together.
I mean, nice.
- Okay.
- OLIVE: Clay, cake!
When I get the cake,
you guys keep Wesley here.
You know,
this was a good idea.
- We need plates.
- Plates.
- You never fixed this.
- You never fixed it.
Do you remember?
Do I remember?
It was at the end
of the longest road trip.
I couldn't wait to get
you into the bedroom.
I willingly jumped up there.
Hung on for dear life.
It's, um...
This is nice, right?
(BARKS)
I know, I know.
- He's getting impatient.
- Okay.
Up top.
Ooh, man.
How about you? Ah!
Wesley's
really happy, right?
Yeah, he's like
every little guy.
- He just wants to see his parents happy, together,
- (DOORBELL RINGS)
having fun.
- Come on, man.
- So what are we gonna do about that?
I'm sure we can figure
something out, right?
Like what?
- Like...
- GLENN: Hello!
- Where's the birthday dog?
- Oh.
Olive!
KOJI: Hey.
Yeah.
Right on, buddy.
- Hey, Glenn.
- Clay, what's up?
I didn't know
you were coming.
- Did you invite Glenn?
- No. Hi.
- I did not.
- Well, he's here.
I may have
mentioned it, but...
I was in the neighborhood,
and, uh, we've been... we've been seeing
a little bit of each other lately.
Yeah. Yeah, she told me about the
private sessions. That's great.
And we're dating.
Awesome.
Yep.
- (BARKS)
- Hey, Wesley!
Who's a good boy?
Yeah!
Happy birthday!
- Here, Koji.
- Lovely.
Hi.
- OLIVE: Hi!
- How are ya?
Good. Nice...
Nice to see you.
Yeah, it's good.
How are you?
- All right.
- I'm just gonna put this...
I need a big knife.
- GLENN: Who's this guy?
- Yeah. Let's get...
- OLIVE: This is Koji.
- Koji. All right.
This is Emily.
You already met Libby.
- And Clay.
- Oh, yeah. Clay. My man, Clay.
- ALL: Is he one?
- (BARKS)
Is he two?
Is he three?
(MAN SINGING, ROCK)
(CONTINUES)
(PLAYERS SHOUTING)
(CONTINUES)
You knocked me down.
Let's go again!
Harder!
I want it hard! Let's go!
Nice job, Lonnergan.
Looking good.
Thanks, Coach.
I'm great.
Feeling great.
Wesley and I have been
training with Glenn Hannon.
Do you know him?
He's got a great reputation.
Hmm. Huh.
I believe it's important that
dogs sleep in their own bed.
Oh, yes. Of course.
He loves his bed.
He sleeps in that bed
every night.
He never,
ever sleeps with me.
- Hmm. Really?
- Yeah, no.
- Can you please direct him to get in his bed?
- Oh, he... Yes.
Of course I can.
Yes.
- Wesley.
- (GROANS, WHINES)
Get into your bed.
Wesley, get into your bed.
Wesley,
get into your bed!
(GRUNTS, SNORTS)
Yeah.
- Well, we're a work in progress.
- Mm-hmm.
(GRUNTS)
I mean,
but he's so cute.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, hey.
How is
practice going?
Well, this is my year.
Here.
Um...
Well, this is the... the last visitation
until the court reconvenes, so...
I told you I'd make
you a copy of these.
- Nice.
- Mm-hmm.
- All right.
- Okay.
Let's go be men, huh?
(CHUCKLES)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Get that stick ready, man.
You gotta get...
You gotta get that stick ready. Yeah? No?
Get frustrated.
Get angry!
I can't!
Listen to me.
Sometimes you do everything right,
and the puck's
still gonna go in.
It doesn't change
who you are, man.
All right?
You got this.
(GROANS)
Wah!
(BARKING)
Hey!
Good boy.
Ha!
We got a big day
tomorrow, butter bones.
Dr. Wendy is coming.
I need you on your
best behavior, buddy.
Yeah.
God, that's disgusting.
(WHINES)
(GROANS)
Oh, you know that's mommy's
shirt, don't you?
I miss her too, buddy.
(MUTTERS)
(STOMACH GURGLING, FARTS)
(GROANS)
Hey, buddy.
What is...
Oh!
You're a bad boy!
Wes!
Okay, okay.
(SWITCH CLICKING)
(GROANS)
Hey. Come on.
Stay.
Such a bad, bad boy.
Yes, you have. Bad boy.
Oh.
Wes! Wes! Hey, buddy!
- Come here! Nudge the door, buddy! Nudge it!
- (BARKING)
Nudge it!
Mr. Lonnergan!
Hey!
Mr. Lonnergan,
are you okay?
Fabulous! Oh, I'm fine.
Yeah. How are you?
- Mr. Lonnergan!
- I'll be with you in a minute!
- Why is there smoke?
- (WHISTLING)
Hey, buddy. Yeah.
I love you too.
Turn the oven off.
- Something is burning.
- It's the steam from the shower.
- I'm good.
- Uh-huh.
It's all good. Yeah.
- Mr. Lonnergan, we have an appointment right now.
- I'm coming!
- (GRUNTS)
- (BARKS)
(TEAKETTLE WHISTLING)
Ah!
(SMOKE DETECTOR BEEPING)
- (YELLS)
- (BARKING)
Wes. Hide this.
Where is she?
I'm coming!
Don't go!
Oh, my God.
Come on, baby. Come on.
Outside, outside.
Outside. Good.
(CLEARS THROAT)
(ENGINE STARTING)
- Dr. Wendy.
- (BARKING)
Dr. Wendy!
Hey!
Dr. Wendy!
Dr. Wendy.
Wesley! Hi, baby!
- Here.
- Oh! What's wrong?
Well, congratulations
on winning the case.
What are you
talking about?
I blew the evaluation.
It was
a total frickin' disaster.
Oh, Clay.
What?
What?
You wanna come inside
and have some tea?
Come on.
All right.
Have some tea.
Well, it's probably
for the best.
I didn't deserve him.
- I mean, don't say that.
- What?
I'm 35 years old
with a broken body
and a broken life.
It's awesome.
Come jump on the Clay train.
- (IMITATING TRAIN WHISTLE)
- (LAUGHS)
Clay.
Honey, we could have avoided
this whole mess if I...
- if I just...
- What?
What's that?
Oh. Those are costumes.
Costumes for what?
For the festival.
Really?
You two are going to the
doggie festival without me?
I didn't think it would really
make any sense for you to go.
And Glenn,
his center's having a demo
and he asked me to help, so...
Awesome.
Boys, this is it. First game.
We got a big game tonight.
Those other guys
are really moving out there.
I need 110%
from all you guys.
We're gonna go out there and crush
the Papa John's Wolverines, all right?
- PLAYERS: Yeah!
- Koji, you ready? Koji, hey!
Koji, keep your head
in the game, all right?
- You ready to go?
- Yeah.
You're our tender tonight, buddy.
You're gonna stop some pucks?
(SIGHS) Damn it, Clay.
SPECTATORS: Go, Wolf Pack!
- Hey, Clay, you in here?
- What?
Dude, open this door.
- (DOORKNOB RATTLES)
- You gotta leave me alone.
Where were you, man?
We just won. Koji was awesome.
Thanks for showing up, man.
Real nice.
Well, congratulations.
Now leave me alone.
If I didn't know any better, I'd say this
mess in here is a cry for help. Disgusting.
What's wrong with you?
Well, this mess
is Clay Lonnergan.
Wife-less and dog-less.
What do you mean, "dog-less"?
Where's Wesley?
Well, look around, man.
This is what the good doctor saw.
Game over.
What about that super sweet video
we were making? What about that?
Oh, that... was
Apocalypse Now with a dog.
And just to stick
the knife in a little further,
I find out she's going
to the dog festival.
I mean, you know that's my
favorite day of the year, man.
And she's going in a sweet ladybug
outfit and with that tool bag, Glenn.
Just because Glenn has
literally perfect bone structure
doesn't mean you need to
give up on this whole thing.
It's not giving up
if there's no fight.
The people you love
always leave you.
Ain't that right, Koji?
Huh?
Yeah, you know all about it.
There's nothing any of us can do about
it, so that's what I'm gonna do.
Nothing.
For the last time, the both of
you, get out of here!
I know you're hurting, but don't you dare
talk to my nephew like that, all right?
He's nine years old.
Pull it together, man. You're an adult.
This is embarrassing.
Let's go, Koj.
Sometimes you do everything
right, and the puck still goes in.
I didn't do
everything right though.
So? Try again.
Even monkeys
fall from trees.
Even monkeys fall from trees.
I think
I really hurt Clay.
Honey, you both have been at
each other for quite some time.
- I mean...
- I know.
- Really?
- Yeah, but I guess...
But he was so sad
when he saw that I was going
to the festival without him.
You know what? I...
I thought he wanted to have a family.
- He did.
- Right?
He... He said he did.
I know he did.
Then he started to get all weird,
and he started pushing back.
And... I don't know what
is going on in his head.
Obviously a lot.
But, um, if he ever
figures it out,
he'll make a...
a great father
to somebody someday.
That was a good one, but we're gonna
try it again. Get ready. Here we go.
Oop.
Rhett, can I have
a word, buddy?
Yeah, come over
if you wanna talk.
Whoa, whoa! Whoa!
I just... I wanna ask.
Can you forgive me? I'm asking your
forgiveness. Please forgive me.
You okay, bud?
I have a plan,
but I need your help.
I don't suppose either of you
guys has a sewing machine?
I do.
You loved me...
even when I was an ass.
And I will never forget that.
Olive,
you are the wings
to my heaven.
Wow, dude.
(SNIFFLES)
I didn't know you
had that in you.
- Neither did I.
- It's so good.
- Koj?
- Nice job. (SNIFFLES)
- (RHETT SIGHS)
- Let's do this.
RHETT: Yeah.
(DOG BARKING)
(POP)
MAN: Yeah,
yeah You told this once
You said that anything goes
Now if you can trust
That's right
To never go forward
the way that you oughta
(CONTINUES)
Come see a free demonstration.
"Lead your Pack and Control your
Misbehaving Pup The Hannon Way."
Come see
a free demonstration!
Ooh! "Lead your Pack and Control
your Misbehaving Pup The Hannon Way."
- CLAY: Hey, Dolly.
- Hi, Clay. Good to see you.
CLAY: Yeah.
Hi.
- See a demonstration later.
- I'll check it out.
Okay.
WOMAN: Thank you for coming.
Wonderful costume.
- Suzie.
- Hi!
- Hey. It's Clay.
- Uh-huh.
- I need to ask you a really big favor.
- Mm-hmm.
Your dog is 99.8% wolf,
and wolves run in packs.
Any pack leaders here today?
We're trying to turn you
into pack leaders.
- WOMAN: I can't wait to read it.
- Enjoy.
- I'm a hit.
- Good.
Mind handing out brochures? I gotta go
to the truck for another box of books.
- Of course.
- All right.
Uh, are you gonna
wear that all day?
I was planning on it.
- I'll be two minutes.
- Okay.
Stay.
Just kidding.
(CONTINUES)
Jo-Jo.
Jo-Jo, just stand down.
Ringo,
give us the floor, man.
I'm just gonna take over. I cleared
it with Sally. She said it's okay.
- Okay, cool man.
- Hey... I'm sorry.
How do you get this...
This cord is so long!
- Got it.
- Thank you.
(GRUNTS) There.
Olive!
Dr. Greene.
Is that Daddy?
I'm not
the butthead-head you know.
I'm Bob.
- And, uh... Well, I mean,
- (GROWLS)
a bee ain't nothing without
honey, and you're my honey.
I thought you were
gonna hand out brochures.
- CLAY: Um...
- I was.
Well...
And you loved me even when I
was, well, just an ass,
and a big one.
And, uh, I will
never forget that.
Never.
- Is that Clay?
- It is.
CLAY: You're honey.
You've always been.
- What the hell is he doing?
- That's right.
I don't know.
WOMAN:
You're embarrassing yourself.
You, Olive,
are the wings to my heaven.
People think
you're my girlfriend.
You look bad,
I look bad.
G-Glenn.
Hey. I look good, right?
You look great. I mean, this is...
You're killing it.
She's gonna
love it, right?
- BAND MEMBER: Good job.
- Thanks, guys.
Uh, I'm not sure what you're,
uh, trying to do here,
but I think it's time
for you to see yourself out.
You know what, Glenn?
I think there's a poodle that needs help.
You're embarrassing yourself.
Really?
(CHUCKLES)
Give me a drumroll.
- (DRUMROLL)
- (YELLS)
- (BODY THUDS)
- MAN: Ooh!
Stay down,
Bumblebee Bob.
Easy does it, bee.
Come on, Bumble.
Just stay down.
Man, this is just a couple of grown
men fighting in a dog festival.
Think we're
on an ice hockey?
- OLIVE: Wesley!
- (BARKING)
Wesley! Wesley!
CLAY: Sic balls!
Sic balls!
You guys,
this is not good.
- Down!
- Come here, Wes! Come here. Come... Wes.
CLAY: You want more?
Come... Come on!
- Who's laughing now?
- You want more?
OLIVE:
What are you doing? Stop!
Why are you doing this?
It was the insect
who started it.
- Guys!
- Olive, what do you think?
Um...
You didn't like it?
You thought this would
make everything okay?
Well, yeah.
Oh, my God.
Zzz. Zzz.
Cute isn't enough.
I'm done waiting for you to grow up.
I'm just done.
- Easy come, easy...
- (GRUNTS)
- GLENN: Oh, God!
- Come on, dude. Let's go.
- GLENN: Are you kidding me?
- Dude, come on.
You stay down there
with your dumb face.
First Circuit Court of the State of
Illinois, Judge Hutcheon presiding.
- Court is now in session.
- (WESLEY GROANS)
Mr. Lonnergan,
on your final court-appointed visit,
Dr. Wendy reports that not only was she
unimpressed with your living conditions,
she found you to be, and I
quote, "a complete lunatic."
(SCOFFS)
Uh, it was... it was a bad morning.
I'll give her that much.
Ms. Greene clearly has
the more stable home,
and this probably would have
been the deciding factor,
that is until I took a look
at the adoption records.
Your Honor,
those documents are missing.
JUDGE: The dog rescue agency
was able to locate a copy.
Thank you.
Prior to marriage,
the adoption records were
signed by Clay Lonnergan.
That makes Wesley the legal
property of Mr. Lonnergan.
This is no longer
a custody issue.
Bailiff, please return
Mr. Lonnergan's property to him.
Court adjourned.
(GASPS)
That's it?
I'm sorry, Ms. Greene.
No, wait. But who makes these laws?
Wesley's property?
- Ms. Greene.
- I'm sorry.
When was the last time your car was
happy to see you? Or your couch?
A piece of property
can't love you back,
so don't tell me that my dog is
the same as a stupid TV or a lamp,
because he's not!
He's not.
Enough.
Oh, God.
- Come here.
- (WHINES)
Come on, buddy.
All right, little buddy.
Daddy's gotta go
to work now, okay?
Good boy.
Okay. Look at this.
Wait. I'm gonna make you
a bed of freshly washed jerseys.
That one's not so fresh.
Okay, buddy.
- (WHINES)
- There you go.
All right. Come here.
(KISSES) Seventy minutes
of hell, my friend.
I love you.
(GROANS)
- (KNOCKING)
- Hey, Coach. You wanted to see me?
Lonnergan, come on in.
I gotta tell you, you've been extremely
impressive these past few weeks.
I've been trying.
Longo's out
with a sprained ankle.
They're calling you up.
Huh.
- (LAUGHS)
- Knock 'em dead, kid.
I haven't been
called "kid" in a while.
- Thanks, Coach.
- Good luck to you.
Huh.
(BARKING)
Rhett, they're calling me up.
Ah.
Ah.
Wes!
Wesley?
Wesley!
(PHONE RINGING)
Clay?
Oli.
Uh...
I lost Wesley.
What?
- I lost Wesley.
- Just tell me where you are.
I've been looking all night for him.
I just can't find him.
I'll be mad at you later.
Let's just find our dog.
Okay, people,
we need to work quickly.
Let's assume he's
walking at a normal pace.
In this urban environment,
he could be in an eight-mile radius.
Uh, he's an approachable,
mid-size dog,
so that means that he
should be easy to spot.
We've gotta get
the fliers up fast.
There are staple guns and tape in my trunk.
Let's go find Wesley.
RHETT: All right.
CLAY: Let's go.
Come on, guys! Come on!
MAN: Love you like
a razor in the snow
Cut me up
before I'd even know
Cage me up now, baby
Never let me go
CLAY: I'll just lift you!
One, two... (GRUNTS)
Paint me black and white
all over town
CLAY: You're almost
as heavy as me, man.
Tell your friends I'm lost,
but you I found
- Thank you.
- CLAY: Move on, soldier.
Love, you really
don't know me now
Bring it in. Beautiful.
Watch your fingers.
And...
We gotta go. If we're gonna make
it, we have to leave.
- Man, I'm not going anywhere, man.
- Dude.
- I've gotta find my dog.
- Come on!
CLAY: Gotta get
all these fliers up.
We can give 'em
to Olive. Dude.
- Don't "dude" me.
- God!
What's going on?
He got called up. We're not gonna
make it unless we leave now.
- He got called up?
- Yeah.
CLAY: Come on, dude! Let's go!
Clay, you've gotta go.
You got called up.
I'm right
where I need to be.
Yeah, but I've
got this covered, okay?
This is everything
you've been working for.
This guy.
Is that guy
taking down our fliers?
Why would...
Come on.
- Hey!
- Whoa! What?
Just stay back.
This may get dicey.
I've lived with you for five years.
I know dicey.
Why are you giving this to me?
Ah! Ow!
- OLIVE: Do you see him?
- Shh, shh. There he is.
- Wes.
- (GRUNTS)
Here, buddy.
Shh, shh, shh.
(INDISTINCT)
(WHISTLING)
- Wesley, baby!
- CLAY: Hey, buddy.
His name is Bandit.
He's my dog!
MEN: Yeah! That's right!
His name is Bandit.
His name's Wesley.
It says it on his collar.
- MAN: Get him, Jeb!
- Get outta here!
Easy, big fella.
(BARKING)
- Easy.
- (WESLEY GROWLING)
Listen, buddy.
I'm sure you got
your problems, man.
Let me tell you, brother.
I got mine.
But right now,
the only problem I have is you.
That dog is my life.
I got nothing
without that dog.
All right?
So I'm asking,
one bum to another bum,
let us... let us take
our boy home.
And just so you know,
he can bench-press 300 pounds.
Give or take... 50.
Baby, do you wanna...
Thank you.
Thank you.
Hi, baby.
Come here.
Whoa, whoa.
- All right.
- Thank you so much. Let's go!
- You like hockey?
- I love hockey.
- Clay!
- Here's 20 bucks.
You and Gandalf,
go see the wolves.
I'll probably
just buy crack.
Wesley, we were
worried about you.
Buddy,
we gotta go right now.
- CLAY: Yeah.
- Come on.
- OLIVE: We were looking all over for you.
- One second.
Bye, baby.
Listen. We could
be gone for a while.
They don't know how long
Longo's gonna be out for.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- When do you leave?
- Tonight, after the game.
Take care of Daddy.
If we don't leave now,
we're gonna miss it. Let's go!
Go, go, go.
Have a great game.
I will. Come on!
Race you to the car!
Go, go, go, go, go!
Go, go, go!
My grandma runs faster
than that, Koji.
Get in the car, Wes.
You too, Koj.
There you go, buddy.
All right, yeah.
(ENGINE STARTS)
ANNOUNCER: Clay Lonnergan gets his first
start in goal tonight for the Chicago Wolves
in front of a sold-out crowd.
ANNOUNCER #2: Well, the pressure is on.
He's worked very hard for this.
He'd love to be the number-one guy.
He has to be very nervous.
- (KNOCKING)
- Olive, hey, it's Rhett.
Come in!
Hey.
Why aren't you at the game?
Shh. Just listen, okay?
I've been doing a lot of thinking,
and I understand now that our
timing was all wrong, and that...
Wh... Hang on. Just...
Are you okay?
Shut up.
Shut up for a second.
"I've been thinking
about a lot of things,
and I understand now
that our timing was all wrong.
You were ready to start
a family and I wasn't,
and now I'm ready, but you moved
on, and I have to live with that.
But it doesn't mean
Wesley should have to.
I know now
that he needs his mom
just as much
as he needs his dad.
And that's why I want..."
Koji! Koji, now!
"That's why I want you
to always be in his life.
So forget what the judge said.
He'll always be our dog."
Um...
Clay wrote that
in case you were wondering.
I didn't write those...
I don't feel those things towards you.
That's how Clay thinks,
and I think we're...
- I think we're done here, right? Okay.
- You can go.
See ya. Come on, buddy. You did it.
We gotta go. See ya, Wesley. See ya, Olive.
Oh, baby.
(MAN SINGING, ROCK)
(CHEERING)
(SPECTATORS CLAPPING
RHYTHMICALLY)
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
here come your Chicago Wolves!
ANNOUNCER #2: And the fans have
been waiting for a long time.
This game,
a lot rides on it.
First place,
play-off implications
and the arch rival, Admirals,
just down the street.
Okay. Let's go.
Let's go!
- (GRUNTS)
- PLAYER: Let's go, Lonnergan. We got your back.
Bring it in, man.
(HORN BLARES)
ANNOUNCER: Clay Lonnergan gets hit,
and he is down, and that is too bad.
He has been terrific tonight.
That might be the best game I've
ever seen you play. Amazing.
You got your bell rung,
but you're gonna be fine. Right, Koj?
- Yeah.
- Give him a high five. We gotta take off.
- I'll live to fight another day, man.
- (RHETT CHUCKLES)
Here we go. All right, buddy.
We'll see you in the waiting room.
Ready, Koj?
Come on, bud.
Your X-rays are negative.
You should be good to go
in a day or so.
Thanks, Doc.
Mr. Lonnergan, your doctor
is ready to see you now.
I just saw the doctor.
Hi.
Hi.
The boys delivered
your message.
How badly did
they screw it up?
Well, it was Rhett,
so it was pretty bad.
That guy.
But it was perfect.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
- Like perfect, perfect?
- Like perfect, perfect.
So I was thinking
that there might be a way
for us to both take care
of Wesley together.
How?
Come back home.
I just have one question.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Will you...
stop divorcing me?
I think I fell back
in love with you just now.
Now, I know things
haven't been normal lately.
Then again,
they never are, right?
(GRUNTS)
There's gonna be a little
transition, but you'll be fine.
You ready for this,
butter bones?
Yeah.
Come here! Come here!
Come. Come on.
Let's go surprise Mommy.
Let's go.
Go.
Wesley, meet Danny.
- Hi, baby. Hi.
- (LAUGHING)
You're a big brother now.
(GROWLS)
- Ohh.
- (CRYING)
Uh-oh.
(GROANING)
He'll get used to it, right?
OLIVE: Did you hear Wesley?
He said he loves you.
MAN: If destination's
where you're going
I can't wait
to see the morning
I can't wait to see
the sunshine in you
Getting nervous
makes me worry
Sleep, wake up
in such a hurry
I can't wait to see
the sunshine in you
What's important?
Get euphoric
Oh, safe to say I'm sane
Get to know you
Get to show you
Oh, safe to say I'm sane
I can't believe
I'm bound to fall
Not a poet
Not at all
I can't wait to see
the sunshine in you
The sweet surrender,
calm caress
I'm a loser
I confess
I can't wait to see
the sunshine in you
What's important?
Get euphoric
Oh, safe to say I'm sane
Get to know you
Get to show you
Oh, safe to say I'm sane
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
Oh, oh
(INSTRUMENTAL BREAK)
(ENDS)