Wilde Maus (2017) Movie Script
All over the world they sing this
song when their team scores a goal.
And the amazing thing is, it's from
Anton Bruckner's fifth Symphony.
They sing Bruckner
during a match?
No, the bass theme of the White
Stripes is from his 5th.
And that's so great?
If millions of people
roar out a Bruckner tune...
...that's brilliant.
It's mean.
What's brilliant about it?
It's a reference that works
in a completely different context.
Hang on: if a million idiots
sing Bruckner badly...
...and some pop-star joker stole
from him, that's not a reference.
Jack White isn't a joker...
...Jack White is
the biggest guitarist around!
Jack White is a pop-star
from the 70s!
Definitely!
I'll google him if you like.
I don't care about both of them.
Isn't that the music
of your generation?
Rock music.
Sure. When I was young,
everyone listened to...
...Smokie and Suzi Quattro.
And that put you off rock music?
It put me off the other kids.
I need half a page.
Three columns.
Please!
Are you that keen on Jack White?
I'm not keen on Jack White.
I just want a topic I know.
Then I can show what I know and
I wouldn't have to write TV c..p.
You don't need to do TV.
You're a culture expert!
I wish you'd tell our boss.
OK.
-Really?
-I have to see him today.
He tried that TV trick
with me once.
I said I'm not interested in TV...
...but if someone in Sports
is sick, I'll go to a match.
Because we have to economize...
Sure.
So how did he react?
He didn't even get I was joking.
S..t...
Is this a joke?
Afraid not.
I don't understand.
You have an old contract.
You earn 50% more than anyone else.
But I'm not just anyone.
Of course not.
I'm an institution.
If I keep you I have to throw out
three newcomers instead.
Family men, single mothers.
You bring tears to my eyes, really.
I need sympathy, too.
I've been a music critic 25 years.
It's all I know.
You could write a book.
What about?
Music.
Isn't there another way?
Please.
I really don't enjoy this.
The same could happen to me
tomorrow.
Maybe someone will turn up
who's younger and cheaper.
-I don't believe it.
-What?
That they'd fire you.
You're a cowardly little nobody
who does anything management wants.
They won't fire you.
Nice talking to you. Bye then.
My readers will protest.
I doubt it.
Most of them are dead.
You're leaving? Why?
I'm working on a book.
And writing for the paper too
is just too much.
I'll be glad to retire, too.
It's not the same as it was.
All the best.
And what's it about?
The book.
That's confidential.
Oh... This is embarrassing.
I need to take your parking card.
And I was thinking
I could always park there free.
A..e! F..g a..e!
German pig!
It activates all muscles.
And it's great for your back.
Look, look...
You can stand on one leg, too.
And you can do sit-ups.
I saw Helga today.
She said everything's OK with me.
So nothing's OK with me?
She said when a man gets older
his sperm is slower.
She said artificial insemination
is simple.
She wants to make money.
She doesn't do it herself.
Couldn't we try the normal way
for a while?
We've been trying 3 years.
But it's fun!
All right.
Let's try till the end of the year,
then we'll see.
I have a headache,
I'll get a sleeping pill.
Why don't you take a painkiller?
Are you going to come soon?
Yes...
Wait...
This is the best position.
-Why?
-For a baby...
I have to tell you something.
Something bad?
No.
I want to write a book.
What about?
The development of orchestra sound
from the Baroque to the present.
I still need a good title.
That sounds interesting.
I have to get to the office.
I hear you'd like me to hear
when you're sad.
Even if there's no visible reason.
Did I hear you?
You almost heard me.
I'd like you to notice
when I'm sad...
...even if at the actual moment
there isn't any visible...
Sorry.
No problem.
Again. I'd like you
to be sad yourself...
That's wrong.
No judgment.
Sorry.
Apology is also judgment.
I'll just start again.
I hear you'd like me to notice
when you're sad...
I find this pointless.
I hear you believe it's pointless.
No, what we're doing here.
It's bulls..t.
This is an option for partners
to discuss problems...
...without falling back
into habitual conflicts.
You could try with your boyfriend.
My boyfriend left me.
When?
Two months ago.
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
It's none of your business.
But you come here and pay for...
For a year you've been
telling me...
...to articulate my needs stronger
in the relationship.
And as a result my boyfriend left
me because I'm too selfish for him.
I think that's too simple.
Maybe you're just a s..y therapist.
I think this is pointless.
I'm sorry.
Girl with hood, very elegant!
A massage!
We won't look,
it's just between us!
The gentleman with glasses is
only here for the massage, right?
Exactly!
Good evening, Doctor.
There's no ticket here for you.
I'm here privately.
Do you have anything for me?
I'll have a look.
Coloration, articulation,
accentuating precision...
Excuse me.
We're all shocked! No-one
in the office can believe it.
I'm so sorry for you. How are you?
Wonderful.
Thank God.
Your profession was everything
to you.
Are you doing the review?
I listened to 3 recordings
this afternoon, but...
How do you like it?
Quite nice, isn't it?
It's not nice. Not at all.
Tomorrow they're sending me
to the Magic Flute premiere.
I've never written an opera review.
The Magic Flute isn't an opera.
The Magic Flute is a Singspiel.
Singspiel
...a similar situation
on resund Bridge...
...from Copenhagen to Stockholm...
...Sweden restarted border
checks today.
On ferries from Denmark and
Germany, passport controls again...
Sorry. I couldn't call.
My battery was flat.
I had to go to a concert.
And was it nice?
The concert?
Yes.
...the exact number of refugees
not known...
...The government doesn't have the
total number of asylum-seekers...
-That's so terrible.
-Hmm.
...barbed wire fence
at the Croatian border.
-You hungry?
-No!
-I have gummy bears.
-I'm not hungry!
Just have a gummy bear
and be quiet.
-But I want to go now!
-You're being a nuisance!
Excuse me. Are we going soon?
Only with at least 7 passengers.
And if no-one comes?
Feel free to buy 2 more tickets.
When are we going?
-Pamina, he just won't go.
-But I want to!
Can we go, please?
You want to go early again?
Pardon?
Want to leave early?
No. I'm in no hurry.
You already retired?
No. I work evenings.
I used to work nights too.
But I stopped.
Everything suffers.
Friendship, relationships.
It's no life. Right?
And what can your wife do...
...when you aren't at home?
She'll look for someone else.
Sad.
Yeah. Sure.
Women!
Let's go now!
-Now you can get lost.
-What's up?
You take money from customers
and put it in your own pocket!
That was a tip!
What you gave me was a tip,
wasn't it?
-Yes, it was a tip.
-You see!
You're not the first.
He's been doing it all summer.
Why are you still here?
-I'm going, but only when I want.
-And when?
When I want. Now.
Thank God for that.
All you get today
is foreigners or riffraff.
What are you staring at?
Off with you!
Go screw yourself!
I'm glad to be rid of that a..e.
What will you do now?
I'll find something.
I can repair anything.
I trained as a mechanic
for 2 years.
Then I was with the railways.
But just 2 years.
Why?
They fired me.
I'm still proud of that.
Getting fired from the railways
in those days wasn't easy.
Did you go to
Hagenmller Gasse High School?
For 2 years. Why?
You were 2 classes below me.
Sure?
You always used to beat me up.
I really don't remember that.
I always used to spit in your face.
Endl?
Right.
One time you dislocated
my shoulder.
Amazing!
Hello?
Are you at a funfair?
I'm at the Prater.
We've a press conference here.
Don't you have any clients?
I cancelled.
I'm ovulating.
I see.
Can you get here?
Wouldn't this evening do?
No.
Are you coming soon? Wait...
OK.
Can you explain?
Why is my name above that s..t?
I don't get it it either.
The article goes from computer
to layout.
No-one there would change a name.
It's not just the name,
my face is still on there.
Who's responsible for this?
The duty copy editor.
And the editor-in-chief, in theory.
But I don't find the young
colleagues reviews that bad.
The handle is made of deer horn,
then we have the big blade.
A saw for the bones...
...and a rounded blade.
What's that for?
You can open the deer's stomach
without damaging the intestines.
Your review today is really nice.
Really?
Yes.
Not as nasty as usual.
Bye.
Where're you going?
To the office.
But it's Saturday.
Those who really need therapy
don't come to me...
...because they can't afford it.
50% of people come and pay
for someone to listen to them.
What did I just say?
My knee hurts.
-You want a break?
-No.
Maybe I should've become a vet.
I wanted to as a kid.
So why didn't you?
It's much harder
than regular medicine.
There are so many different
animals.
There are different people, too.
You need to deposit your sperm...
...and they insert it into me.
Finished.
Easier than the normal method.
I just don't know
how to manage that.
Have you decided?
The sea bass with chard
and potatoes...
...where's the fish from?
Aquaculture in Friaul.
Aquaculture is no good.
-Salmon trout from Styria?
-Yes.
A bigger one for the two of us?
In a saltcrust. Thanks.
You're welcome.
I don't know how I can be a father
at my age.
Don't you understand me a little?
Every time I say what I think,
you get in a bad mood.
I didn't say "no". I just said
I don't know how to manage it.
You're a coward.
I come home whenever
you're ovulating to sleep with you.
I don't think you come properly.
I don't what?
You suppress the flow of sperm.
Have you gone nuts?
Then your sperm just isn't
agile enough.
You don't get wet enough any more.
So the sperm can't move inside
far enough.
Johanna, please,
let's take the car.
...pedestrians fleeing a gunman.
Images that are hard to forget.
They lead to stress, tension,
and fear.
But in countries
where situations like this...
...have existed for decades
you get used to it.
You can always do a reality check.
Where am I?
Right now I'm at home...
...I'm safe...
I'm so sorry. May I apologise?
How did you get up here?
The front door was open.
You can't see me at home.
It's against the rules.
I acted like an idiot.
Can I invite you to our concert?
What?
On Monday, in the 'Grelle Forelle'.
No. Weren't you listening to me?
Please.
You can continue therapy
if you want.
Yes, I'd like to.
I can't accept them.
Then I'll throw them away.
Poor flowers.
I really have other problems.
Endl! Hello!
How funny.
You live here, do you?
Will you join me for some wine?
No.
So how are you?
Very well. How are you?
-Fine, thanks.
-Good evening.
Look.
Isn't it a mess?
And here: all scratched.
How did that happen?
Who'd do such a thing?
In the middle of Vienna.
Have you been to the police?
I don't know.
Should I?
Absolutely.
If someone runs amok like that,
you never know how far he'll go.
If it ever happens again,
I'll press charges.
And I expect the damage to be paid.
I wouldn't get it repaired.
Why not?
This way you always know
it's yours.
You have a point.
What a cowardly little nobody.
Are you sure you live here?
I know how we'll do it.
We'll go to Italy for Christmas
and take lots of walks.
And think about a baby again.
OK.
Maybe it's not as stressful
as you think.
We're both working.
We can afford a nanny.
Yes.
You have to be over 21,
no criminal record.
Then you get a gun licence.
From the police?
From the police you get
a character reference.
And we do the gun licence.
-What do I have to do?
-Shoot.
I have a range in the cellar.
I'll show you how it works.
I did community work
instead of military service.
That doesn't matter.
This is a wreck.
You just need to turn it on.
So, how much?
3,000 for the whole autumn.
With an option for the spring.
If the weather is nice
you can make a lot of money.
Why don't you do it yourself?
Work like this is too loud for me.
I'm in the loan business.
2,000. Max.
The price is fine.
Call me.
Could I pay the first instalment
later? When I'm earning?
What's so funny about that?
The bank always wants securities.
Isn't there anyone you can ask?
Everyone I know is broke.
Nicoleta has nothing for me.
Silly question:
could you lend me the cash?
3,000?
You'll get it back at Christmas.
I swear.
OK.
Wow!
What can I say?
I'm speechless. Thanks.
Hey! Be careful?
Yes, yes!
She can't speak German,
I can't speak English.
How do you communicate?
We don't talk so much.
Is this all right?
That's fine.
To tell the truth,
I prefer it this way.
I don't want a close relationship
now.
That's not really true love.
I'm not going through that again.
I had that 2 years ago,
a Hungarian girl.
It was only the two of us. We
talked to each other like morons.
She left me and I attempted
suicide.
Honestly?
It was a cold winter, and I went
to the Prater in -10 degrees.
In the night,
with a bottle of whisky...
...I laid down and waited to fall
asleep and freeze to death.
And what happened?
I threw up. That woke me up.
Since then I've never let anything
get too close to me.
I understand.
What about you?
What about me?
You're married. Aren't you?
My story's not so interesting.
You're probably a secret agent.
I'm unemployed.
-Since when?
-Since today.
-S..t.
-Yes.
You're not unemployed:
now you're my partner.
Thanks!
Please tell me what's going on.
What do you mean?
You're always away at night.
Please. If I know nothing,
I feel so helpless.
Is it another woman?
No.
What is it then?
It's just hell at the office.
They shorten my reviews so much,
now I've stopped writing.
All day I'm writing news flashes.
Then I'm frustrated and get drunk.
But we just had a weekend.
I'm so finished. If it carries
on like this, I must resign.
You know what I'd do
with your boss?
A bloody horse's head in the bed.
Like the Mafia.
You'd put a bloody horse's head
in his bed?
You put a bloody horse's head
in his bed!
What is a "horsehed"?
Sweetheart, you must eat more.
This is 'All you can Eat'.
You're such a princess.
-What is a horseshed?
-Horse head.
Horse head. You don't get it.
Head.
Head? Cap?
-Capo.
-Capo.
-Capo di... cavallo.
-Ah, si. Capo di cavallo.
You speak Italian?
A little.
Me too, a little. My sister's
married and lives in Rome.
-Rome is beautiful!
-Yes.
You go to visit your sister?
Since when can you speak
Romanian?
No, I can speak a bit of Italian.
I know some Italian.
Listen. If earth is a body,
then Italy is the a.s.
And what's the Colosseum in Rome?
The a..e.
Translate that for her.
If earth's a body, and Italy...
Why is Italy the a.s?
She does it every night.
Every time we go past,
she takes one.
There's a huge pile at home.
Soon we'll crash through
into the flat below.
What does she want them for?
No idea.
-Excuse me!
-Yes?
-What's that for?
-There's going to be a terrace.
-A terrace?
-Yes.
And where?
In front of our house.
When we get one.
-What does she say?
-It's for a terrace.
A terrace? We don't have a house.
That's crazy...
She's totally crazy, I swear.
Does he think it's stupid?
She asks if you think she's stupid.
Not stupid.
Just crazy. She's crazy.
What does he say?
He says...
He says...
...you're good at planning
for the future.
Yes?
Professional detachment
is the most important.
Once there are private emotions...
...therapy can't go on.
Then we have to become friends.
Excuse me,
is there egg in that?
Yes, it's egg noodles.
Oh, sorry, I can't eat it.
-You're vegan?
-Yes, for three years now.
I could manage without meat.
But not cheese...
I couldn't imagine it either.
But especially with good cheese...
...it never says how the animals
were kept.
French cheese is always made
with calf's stomach enzymes.
For a while I only bought
kosher cheese from Israel.
To be sure it's not made
using calves.
But as things are now I'm not sure
I should support Israel.
Quite right.
Hi!
Hi. Sorry, I'm closing.
I need a fish to cook.
We're having friends for dinner.
How many people?
The biggest you've got.
What's this?
Turn round so we can escape.
It's a one-way street.
Maybe I'm just bourgeois...
...but after all that s..t
I'd just like a relationship
...that works via communication.
I'm a bit too old for
disappointments.
Are you bisexual?
-No. I wish I was.
-Why?
Twice as many opportunities.
And I'd really like a baby.
It'll happen one day.
You have lovely thumbs.
Thanks!
When I was a kid I played
accordion.
It develops this muscle here.
Only accordion players have this.
Male and female.
Very nice.
The coffee's sour again.
I think it tastes the same as ever.
No, either the machine pressure is
too low, then it's sour...
...or it's too high,
then it's bitter.
I never get it just right.
...so terrorists don't force us
to alter our lifestyles...
I think it's fine.
Because you throw
half a litre of milk on top.
With all that milk,
you can't taste the coffee.
...military in Iraq, Syria
and now policing in Europe...
I'm going back to bed.
It's not true!
S..t!
My main problem is time management.
When I have an appointment...
...I don't leave early enough.
As if the stress were
a drug I take.
You do coaching, don't you?
How did you find me?
A friend of mine recommended you.
Who?
I don't think she'd like me to say.
What bothers you about your stress?
Being late puts me
in an inferior position.
You don't come across like that.
Because I was on time for you.
Will you take me?
No, I think I'll refer you
to a colleague.
I'd really prefer to have you.
I feel comfortable with you.
For some reason
I don't believe a word you say.
That's not a good basis
for therapy.
Couldn't we at least try?
3 Sessions?
No, I don't take anyone
I've known before.
Well, knowing...
A couple of Christmas parties.
We only saw each other briefly.
But you employ my husband.
Do I?
Not you personally,
but you're his boss.
And I have a duty of
confidentiality.
So I can't tell my husband
you were here today.
That'd burden our relationship.
We don't have secrets
from each other.
I'm sure you don't.
You know what?
I release you from
your confidentiality.
Talk to your husband about it.
Maybe he'll put in a good word
for me.
And then he talks to me
about time management.
And it all sounds made up.
So I offer to recommend another
therapist, but he wants me.
Pretty odd, don't you think?
Is he always so strange?
I don't know.
But you do know him a bit.
Sorry, I wasn't listening.
Who came to see you?
Your boss.
The European Union accepts war
in Syria...
...and IS slaughtering Europeans
wherever they can find them...
...and destroying cultural heritage
we allow that to happen.
Are you in favour of military
intervention?
Of course!
It's not so bad.
You give me his number,
I'll send someone to visit him.
If he won't listen, something
in the flat will get broken.
Something small.
If he continues not to listen,
something bigger gets broken.
If he still won't listen,
he gets broken.
A bit.
But usually...
...it isn't necessary
to break so much.
It works more by psychology.
How much would that cost?
It depends how much gets broken.
I'll think about it.
You put the bullets in here,
the cylinder, then close it.
No difference to toy guns.
Which do you like best?
The 38 or the Magnum?
What do you think?
The Magnum has more impact.
More force.
Very nice.
How did you cook it?
Just boiled in salt water.
The marinade.
Olive oil, lemon, salt, pepper.
Very simple.
I don't think it's a good idea
to give that guy therapy.
He's a very strange person.
He called earlier and cancelled.
He's looking for someone else.
Great.
But I'm having lunch with him
tomorrow.
You're doing what?
He has an offer for me.
What kind of offer?
I don't know. It's not private:
it's company coaching.
The guy's sick. He's crazy!
First time I've heard that.
Please don't meet him.
Why is it suddenly so important?
Because I don't want it!
Just cancel!
Do something for me!
Thanks, now I have stomach-ache.
Then don't drink so much!
Runs like a clockwork!
Amazing!
Do you like the music?
You play that,
and all the tourists will come.
But then you have to wear
a white wig and a costume.
For the opening tomorrow we'll
have a big ball with costumes.
With this music?
Of course.
No, I can't dance.
-It's easy.
-Not for me.
Some people have to work tomorrow.
Could you turn it down?
Sure!
Yesterday I patched things up
with my boyfriend.
-I'm pleased to hear that.
-Thanks.
It was a strange evening,
last time we saw each other.
Yes.
I almost fell in love with you.
I never thought it possible.
Ever since I was a kid I only fell
for boys. But you...
...you're very special.
In what way?
I don't know, so...
...masculine.
I mean that as a compliment.
Do you know how much we waste
on coaching annually?
150,000. Some showman comes
along and talks rubbish.
There are good and bad ones.
We're looking for someone
respectable. No guru.
Preferably a woman. Please eat.
Would you be interested?
I don't understand
why you're offering me this.
I didn't come to see you
as a client.
I wanted to see how you work.
And you impressed me a lot.
Is your husband feeling better?
Why?
Because for over a week now...
he's not been at the office.
There's a nasty flu virus around.
But he's much better now.
Hello?
Where are you?
I must go to a press conference.
See you later.
Hello?
I love you.
Are you nuts?
Georg?
I'm helping out for a friend.
Johanna!
Shall I get you some antacid?
I can explain.
He's a school friend...
What's next?
You have another wife somewhere?
Have you been burying bodies?
Who are you to...
-I don't know who I am...
Let me finish, you a..e!
Who are you to ruin my life?
Who gives you that right?
Who was that?
My wife.
Beautiful woman.
Yes.
I'm leaving Erich.
Why?
He doesn't talk to me.
I can't be with someone
who doesn't talk.
That's true.
I'll look for a man like you.
A man I can talk to.
I have to go.
What did I tell you?
Have you gone nuts?
Ever since I've been alive other
people have felt like aliens.
I don't know how they function.
I feel...
...like an island, surrounded
by water, and no-one can help.
Probably because I was alone
a lot as a child. Don't you think?
Just shut your mouth.
OK. Let's talk about it tomorrow.
You're such an a..e!
I'm 43! I thought I'd still be able
to have a baby with you.
By the time I find someone else,
I'll be too old.
It's not my fault
you realise at 40 you want a kid.
What about the past 20 years?
It was fun without one.
Please go to a hotel
and find another apartment.
I'm cleaning the bedrooms.
Fine.
I want to tell you something else.
Your boss made me a business offer.
I think I'm going to take it.
I'm telling you because I don't
want to have secrets from you.
That's great of you.
And of him as well, of course.
Come outside!
I'll kill you, you pig!
Now read this,
and if it's OK, then please sign.
-Then you can go home.
-I don't have to stay?
The damage you caused is trivial.
We have other problems.
This is very well written.
Thank you. Coming from you,
that means something.
Your reviews are superb.
Thanks very much.
When you really destroy someone,
that's what I truly adore.
You have an ironic style
which reminds me of Alfred Polgar.
That's a big compliment.
Have you read
his Collected Reviews?
No.
You really must read it.
You'd pee in your pants.
I haven't seen anything by you
recently...
...I don't work for the Express
any more.
Are you moving to another paper?
Possibly.
Goodbye.
I'm applying to another paper, and
they want a character reference.
Can I still get one?
OK. Let's have a look.
Not bad. You didn't learn that
in community service.
I woke up and
there was a note on the table.
She's got the bus back
to Bucharest.
I have nothing from her.
Not even her phone number.
All she left were the cobblestones.
Once in a running sushi bar
in Zurich...
...I realised the plates have
different colours.
They all cost extra,
depending on colour.
I thought - who cares.
I gobbled up 130 francs.
I have to go.
I can pay you back the first 100.
-Thanks!
-Because it went so well.
I'll get the coffee.
I've been invited.
Would you like a fortune cookie?
Thanks. That doesn't fit here,
it's Chinese.
-I'm half Chinese.
-And the other half is Japanese?
From Vienna.
But sushi is better business.
And where is your chef from?
Which one?
I can't see him now. The young guy.
He's really Japanese.
But he's strange.
Why?
He was a musician,
gave real concerts...
...and then he stopped overnight.
Why?
He won't say. The Japs are funny.
Here, everyone needs luck.
If you need a witness,
I recorded everything.
-The boss has gone to the country.
-Midweek?
It's his birthday.
What do you want?
-I wanted to give him a present.
-Leave it here.
It's for right now.
He's in Lower Austria till Monday.
You could send it to him.
By courier.
-Could you give me the address?
-No problem.
I'll write it down.
Here.
Thank you.
And all the best with your book!
-There is no book.
-Sorry?
There is no book.
When will you be back?
It could be a while.
I don't need it right now anyway.
I have to work.
Thanks. For the car.
You're a real friend.
That's OK.
Maybe the first I've ever had.
The clutch is a bit fierce.
Do you like it?
Super!
I need protein.
There's some in the peas.
Sebastian, it's only Parmesan,
it's not a rare steak.
-Enjoy it.
-You too.
There is such racism
against animals.
Hitler classified Jews
as animals...
...then you could do anything
with them.
Today if you look at
how we treat animals...
Sebastian, I just want soup with
cheese, without discussing Hitler.
A bit of meat would have done
Hitler a lot of good.
I think it's good you can say that.
What can I say?
-That you're angry.
-I'm not angry at all.
Do you remember the Styrian stew?
When we were skiing in Schladming?
Yes, I do.
You asked me if Styrian stew
was made with beef.
I said yes.
And then you got some fatty pork.
On the way back
you wouldn't say a word.
Three days later you told me...
...you were upset
because of the Styrian stew.
Because you didn't share
your food with me.
You could see I didn't like mine,
but you didn't share yours.
I always give you my salad
if you don't like something.
Why are you so aggressive?
I'm not aggressive.
I just know the story. And you
tell it for the thousandth time.
Why?
Come on!
What's wrong?
I'm glad you like the soup.
The soup is lovely!
How did you get here?
Via Lackenhof.
We can talk about everything.
Please stop.
What have I done to you?
You keep doing things to me.
You started it.
No. You started it.
-You started it.
-Not true. You started it.
What's going on here?
Let him go. Please.
I'm not going.
You drive off.
I won't.
What do you want from him?
That's none of your business.
You're threatening the only person
who's important to me.
Don't say it's none of my business.
Nothing's happened yet.
I swear I won't call the police.
That's right, isn't it?
It's just between us.
What do you want to do afterwards?
Going to spend your life
on the run?
Or behind bars,
with 3 prisoners in a tiny cell?
A toilet in the middle?
Give me the gun.
Don't you think we're quits now?
Now let's shake hands.
Let's behave like
two sensible people.
Stop that!
Stop it!
Peace?
Peace!
Yes!
I want to hear the word. Peace?
Peace!
It might get loud tonight.
We're having a party.
I don't mind music.
You can turn it right up,
then I can enjoy it too.
Like to come?
Maybe another time.
Have fun.
Come in.
I can't stay long.
I have to work tomorrow at 10.
Thanks.
I don't want to kiss you.
Am I so bad at kissing?
You're a child.
Thanks.
The age difference between us
is exactly what's so hot.
Our different life experiences
mean we can enrich each other...
...in ways that are impossible
for people the same age.
Don't you think?
That's what they tell girls
before forced marriages.
Yes?
I'm downstairs in the car.
Could you bring me some clothes?
You can pack your clothes yourself.
Why are you sitting naked
in a strange car?
Give me my clothes.
-What do you look like?
-Give it to me!
Not until you tell me
why you're naked in a strange car.
I can't explain that so easily.
Pity.
Johanna!
Stay here! Please!
Don't be so childish.
Don't tell me what's childish!
Get back in.
Will you tell me why
you're naked in a strange car?
Yes!
Well?
I wanted to kill myself.
By sitting naked in a strange car?
You really wanted to kill yourself?
Before that I wanted to kill
someone else.
That didn't work either.
Why?
Because I'm clumsy.
No, why did you want to kill
yourself?
Can I have my clothes?
For that you only get the socks.
Put them on.
You always tell me what to do.
You do what you want anyway.
-I do what I want?
-Yes.
If I say just one word you don't
like, you get stomach-ache.
That's not my fault.
You don't visit the doctor
and you drink.
Deep down, it's on purpose.
Because without your stomach-ache
you wouldn't have me under control.
You're a stupid, egocentric pig!
You never want to do anything.
You tag along. And then complain!
You want to be alone
and have a relationship.
I don't want to be alone.
Because you need someone
when you get old.
I don't need anyone.
I'll die soon, my heart is broken.
There's nothing wrong
with your heart.
My chest constantly feels tight.
That's from telling lies.
Look at this.
I have drumstick fingers.
It's when finger tips go flat,
it's a sign of heart failure.
You're just looking...
...for a reason so you don't
have to do any exercise.
Soon I won't be able to move...
...because my knee is wrecked
from your bloody jogging!
Because you jog wrong.
From now on I'm only walking.
That way I can see things.
You see just as much when jogging.
Joggers never see anything,
because they run straight.
They only look round a bit
so they don't run into anything.
Joggers are autistic.
Mostly they have earplugs too.
You're a very odd old man.
I don't desperately pretend
I'm younger than I am.
I am younger.
Yes, but desperately.
song when their team scores a goal.
And the amazing thing is, it's from
Anton Bruckner's fifth Symphony.
They sing Bruckner
during a match?
No, the bass theme of the White
Stripes is from his 5th.
And that's so great?
If millions of people
roar out a Bruckner tune...
...that's brilliant.
It's mean.
What's brilliant about it?
It's a reference that works
in a completely different context.
Hang on: if a million idiots
sing Bruckner badly...
...and some pop-star joker stole
from him, that's not a reference.
Jack White isn't a joker...
...Jack White is
the biggest guitarist around!
Jack White is a pop-star
from the 70s!
Definitely!
I'll google him if you like.
I don't care about both of them.
Isn't that the music
of your generation?
Rock music.
Sure. When I was young,
everyone listened to...
...Smokie and Suzi Quattro.
And that put you off rock music?
It put me off the other kids.
I need half a page.
Three columns.
Please!
Are you that keen on Jack White?
I'm not keen on Jack White.
I just want a topic I know.
Then I can show what I know and
I wouldn't have to write TV c..p.
You don't need to do TV.
You're a culture expert!
I wish you'd tell our boss.
OK.
-Really?
-I have to see him today.
He tried that TV trick
with me once.
I said I'm not interested in TV...
...but if someone in Sports
is sick, I'll go to a match.
Because we have to economize...
Sure.
So how did he react?
He didn't even get I was joking.
S..t...
Is this a joke?
Afraid not.
I don't understand.
You have an old contract.
You earn 50% more than anyone else.
But I'm not just anyone.
Of course not.
I'm an institution.
If I keep you I have to throw out
three newcomers instead.
Family men, single mothers.
You bring tears to my eyes, really.
I need sympathy, too.
I've been a music critic 25 years.
It's all I know.
You could write a book.
What about?
Music.
Isn't there another way?
Please.
I really don't enjoy this.
The same could happen to me
tomorrow.
Maybe someone will turn up
who's younger and cheaper.
-I don't believe it.
-What?
That they'd fire you.
You're a cowardly little nobody
who does anything management wants.
They won't fire you.
Nice talking to you. Bye then.
My readers will protest.
I doubt it.
Most of them are dead.
You're leaving? Why?
I'm working on a book.
And writing for the paper too
is just too much.
I'll be glad to retire, too.
It's not the same as it was.
All the best.
And what's it about?
The book.
That's confidential.
Oh... This is embarrassing.
I need to take your parking card.
And I was thinking
I could always park there free.
A..e! F..g a..e!
German pig!
It activates all muscles.
And it's great for your back.
Look, look...
You can stand on one leg, too.
And you can do sit-ups.
I saw Helga today.
She said everything's OK with me.
So nothing's OK with me?
She said when a man gets older
his sperm is slower.
She said artificial insemination
is simple.
She wants to make money.
She doesn't do it herself.
Couldn't we try the normal way
for a while?
We've been trying 3 years.
But it's fun!
All right.
Let's try till the end of the year,
then we'll see.
I have a headache,
I'll get a sleeping pill.
Why don't you take a painkiller?
Are you going to come soon?
Yes...
Wait...
This is the best position.
-Why?
-For a baby...
I have to tell you something.
Something bad?
No.
I want to write a book.
What about?
The development of orchestra sound
from the Baroque to the present.
I still need a good title.
That sounds interesting.
I have to get to the office.
I hear you'd like me to hear
when you're sad.
Even if there's no visible reason.
Did I hear you?
You almost heard me.
I'd like you to notice
when I'm sad...
...even if at the actual moment
there isn't any visible...
Sorry.
No problem.
Again. I'd like you
to be sad yourself...
That's wrong.
No judgment.
Sorry.
Apology is also judgment.
I'll just start again.
I hear you'd like me to notice
when you're sad...
I find this pointless.
I hear you believe it's pointless.
No, what we're doing here.
It's bulls..t.
This is an option for partners
to discuss problems...
...without falling back
into habitual conflicts.
You could try with your boyfriend.
My boyfriend left me.
When?
Two months ago.
Why didn't you tell me earlier?
It's none of your business.
But you come here and pay for...
For a year you've been
telling me...
...to articulate my needs stronger
in the relationship.
And as a result my boyfriend left
me because I'm too selfish for him.
I think that's too simple.
Maybe you're just a s..y therapist.
I think this is pointless.
I'm sorry.
Girl with hood, very elegant!
A massage!
We won't look,
it's just between us!
The gentleman with glasses is
only here for the massage, right?
Exactly!
Good evening, Doctor.
There's no ticket here for you.
I'm here privately.
Do you have anything for me?
I'll have a look.
Coloration, articulation,
accentuating precision...
Excuse me.
We're all shocked! No-one
in the office can believe it.
I'm so sorry for you. How are you?
Wonderful.
Thank God.
Your profession was everything
to you.
Are you doing the review?
I listened to 3 recordings
this afternoon, but...
How do you like it?
Quite nice, isn't it?
It's not nice. Not at all.
Tomorrow they're sending me
to the Magic Flute premiere.
I've never written an opera review.
The Magic Flute isn't an opera.
The Magic Flute is a Singspiel.
Singspiel
...a similar situation
on resund Bridge...
...from Copenhagen to Stockholm...
...Sweden restarted border
checks today.
On ferries from Denmark and
Germany, passport controls again...
Sorry. I couldn't call.
My battery was flat.
I had to go to a concert.
And was it nice?
The concert?
Yes.
...the exact number of refugees
not known...
...The government doesn't have the
total number of asylum-seekers...
-That's so terrible.
-Hmm.
...barbed wire fence
at the Croatian border.
-You hungry?
-No!
-I have gummy bears.
-I'm not hungry!
Just have a gummy bear
and be quiet.
-But I want to go now!
-You're being a nuisance!
Excuse me. Are we going soon?
Only with at least 7 passengers.
And if no-one comes?
Feel free to buy 2 more tickets.
When are we going?
-Pamina, he just won't go.
-But I want to!
Can we go, please?
You want to go early again?
Pardon?
Want to leave early?
No. I'm in no hurry.
You already retired?
No. I work evenings.
I used to work nights too.
But I stopped.
Everything suffers.
Friendship, relationships.
It's no life. Right?
And what can your wife do...
...when you aren't at home?
She'll look for someone else.
Sad.
Yeah. Sure.
Women!
Let's go now!
-Now you can get lost.
-What's up?
You take money from customers
and put it in your own pocket!
That was a tip!
What you gave me was a tip,
wasn't it?
-Yes, it was a tip.
-You see!
You're not the first.
He's been doing it all summer.
Why are you still here?
-I'm going, but only when I want.
-And when?
When I want. Now.
Thank God for that.
All you get today
is foreigners or riffraff.
What are you staring at?
Off with you!
Go screw yourself!
I'm glad to be rid of that a..e.
What will you do now?
I'll find something.
I can repair anything.
I trained as a mechanic
for 2 years.
Then I was with the railways.
But just 2 years.
Why?
They fired me.
I'm still proud of that.
Getting fired from the railways
in those days wasn't easy.
Did you go to
Hagenmller Gasse High School?
For 2 years. Why?
You were 2 classes below me.
Sure?
You always used to beat me up.
I really don't remember that.
I always used to spit in your face.
Endl?
Right.
One time you dislocated
my shoulder.
Amazing!
Hello?
Are you at a funfair?
I'm at the Prater.
We've a press conference here.
Don't you have any clients?
I cancelled.
I'm ovulating.
I see.
Can you get here?
Wouldn't this evening do?
No.
Are you coming soon? Wait...
OK.
Can you explain?
Why is my name above that s..t?
I don't get it it either.
The article goes from computer
to layout.
No-one there would change a name.
It's not just the name,
my face is still on there.
Who's responsible for this?
The duty copy editor.
And the editor-in-chief, in theory.
But I don't find the young
colleagues reviews that bad.
The handle is made of deer horn,
then we have the big blade.
A saw for the bones...
...and a rounded blade.
What's that for?
You can open the deer's stomach
without damaging the intestines.
Your review today is really nice.
Really?
Yes.
Not as nasty as usual.
Bye.
Where're you going?
To the office.
But it's Saturday.
Those who really need therapy
don't come to me...
...because they can't afford it.
50% of people come and pay
for someone to listen to them.
What did I just say?
My knee hurts.
-You want a break?
-No.
Maybe I should've become a vet.
I wanted to as a kid.
So why didn't you?
It's much harder
than regular medicine.
There are so many different
animals.
There are different people, too.
You need to deposit your sperm...
...and they insert it into me.
Finished.
Easier than the normal method.
I just don't know
how to manage that.
Have you decided?
The sea bass with chard
and potatoes...
...where's the fish from?
Aquaculture in Friaul.
Aquaculture is no good.
-Salmon trout from Styria?
-Yes.
A bigger one for the two of us?
In a saltcrust. Thanks.
You're welcome.
I don't know how I can be a father
at my age.
Don't you understand me a little?
Every time I say what I think,
you get in a bad mood.
I didn't say "no". I just said
I don't know how to manage it.
You're a coward.
I come home whenever
you're ovulating to sleep with you.
I don't think you come properly.
I don't what?
You suppress the flow of sperm.
Have you gone nuts?
Then your sperm just isn't
agile enough.
You don't get wet enough any more.
So the sperm can't move inside
far enough.
Johanna, please,
let's take the car.
...pedestrians fleeing a gunman.
Images that are hard to forget.
They lead to stress, tension,
and fear.
But in countries
where situations like this...
...have existed for decades
you get used to it.
You can always do a reality check.
Where am I?
Right now I'm at home...
...I'm safe...
I'm so sorry. May I apologise?
How did you get up here?
The front door was open.
You can't see me at home.
It's against the rules.
I acted like an idiot.
Can I invite you to our concert?
What?
On Monday, in the 'Grelle Forelle'.
No. Weren't you listening to me?
Please.
You can continue therapy
if you want.
Yes, I'd like to.
I can't accept them.
Then I'll throw them away.
Poor flowers.
I really have other problems.
Endl! Hello!
How funny.
You live here, do you?
Will you join me for some wine?
No.
So how are you?
Very well. How are you?
-Fine, thanks.
-Good evening.
Look.
Isn't it a mess?
And here: all scratched.
How did that happen?
Who'd do such a thing?
In the middle of Vienna.
Have you been to the police?
I don't know.
Should I?
Absolutely.
If someone runs amok like that,
you never know how far he'll go.
If it ever happens again,
I'll press charges.
And I expect the damage to be paid.
I wouldn't get it repaired.
Why not?
This way you always know
it's yours.
You have a point.
What a cowardly little nobody.
Are you sure you live here?
I know how we'll do it.
We'll go to Italy for Christmas
and take lots of walks.
And think about a baby again.
OK.
Maybe it's not as stressful
as you think.
We're both working.
We can afford a nanny.
Yes.
You have to be over 21,
no criminal record.
Then you get a gun licence.
From the police?
From the police you get
a character reference.
And we do the gun licence.
-What do I have to do?
-Shoot.
I have a range in the cellar.
I'll show you how it works.
I did community work
instead of military service.
That doesn't matter.
This is a wreck.
You just need to turn it on.
So, how much?
3,000 for the whole autumn.
With an option for the spring.
If the weather is nice
you can make a lot of money.
Why don't you do it yourself?
Work like this is too loud for me.
I'm in the loan business.
2,000. Max.
The price is fine.
Call me.
Could I pay the first instalment
later? When I'm earning?
What's so funny about that?
The bank always wants securities.
Isn't there anyone you can ask?
Everyone I know is broke.
Nicoleta has nothing for me.
Silly question:
could you lend me the cash?
3,000?
You'll get it back at Christmas.
I swear.
OK.
Wow!
What can I say?
I'm speechless. Thanks.
Hey! Be careful?
Yes, yes!
She can't speak German,
I can't speak English.
How do you communicate?
We don't talk so much.
Is this all right?
That's fine.
To tell the truth,
I prefer it this way.
I don't want a close relationship
now.
That's not really true love.
I'm not going through that again.
I had that 2 years ago,
a Hungarian girl.
It was only the two of us. We
talked to each other like morons.
She left me and I attempted
suicide.
Honestly?
It was a cold winter, and I went
to the Prater in -10 degrees.
In the night,
with a bottle of whisky...
...I laid down and waited to fall
asleep and freeze to death.
And what happened?
I threw up. That woke me up.
Since then I've never let anything
get too close to me.
I understand.
What about you?
What about me?
You're married. Aren't you?
My story's not so interesting.
You're probably a secret agent.
I'm unemployed.
-Since when?
-Since today.
-S..t.
-Yes.
You're not unemployed:
now you're my partner.
Thanks!
Please tell me what's going on.
What do you mean?
You're always away at night.
Please. If I know nothing,
I feel so helpless.
Is it another woman?
No.
What is it then?
It's just hell at the office.
They shorten my reviews so much,
now I've stopped writing.
All day I'm writing news flashes.
Then I'm frustrated and get drunk.
But we just had a weekend.
I'm so finished. If it carries
on like this, I must resign.
You know what I'd do
with your boss?
A bloody horse's head in the bed.
Like the Mafia.
You'd put a bloody horse's head
in his bed?
You put a bloody horse's head
in his bed!
What is a "horsehed"?
Sweetheart, you must eat more.
This is 'All you can Eat'.
You're such a princess.
-What is a horseshed?
-Horse head.
Horse head. You don't get it.
Head.
Head? Cap?
-Capo.
-Capo.
-Capo di... cavallo.
-Ah, si. Capo di cavallo.
You speak Italian?
A little.
Me too, a little. My sister's
married and lives in Rome.
-Rome is beautiful!
-Yes.
You go to visit your sister?
Since when can you speak
Romanian?
No, I can speak a bit of Italian.
I know some Italian.
Listen. If earth is a body,
then Italy is the a.s.
And what's the Colosseum in Rome?
The a..e.
Translate that for her.
If earth's a body, and Italy...
Why is Italy the a.s?
She does it every night.
Every time we go past,
she takes one.
There's a huge pile at home.
Soon we'll crash through
into the flat below.
What does she want them for?
No idea.
-Excuse me!
-Yes?
-What's that for?
-There's going to be a terrace.
-A terrace?
-Yes.
And where?
In front of our house.
When we get one.
-What does she say?
-It's for a terrace.
A terrace? We don't have a house.
That's crazy...
She's totally crazy, I swear.
Does he think it's stupid?
She asks if you think she's stupid.
Not stupid.
Just crazy. She's crazy.
What does he say?
He says...
He says...
...you're good at planning
for the future.
Yes?
Professional detachment
is the most important.
Once there are private emotions...
...therapy can't go on.
Then we have to become friends.
Excuse me,
is there egg in that?
Yes, it's egg noodles.
Oh, sorry, I can't eat it.
-You're vegan?
-Yes, for three years now.
I could manage without meat.
But not cheese...
I couldn't imagine it either.
But especially with good cheese...
...it never says how the animals
were kept.
French cheese is always made
with calf's stomach enzymes.
For a while I only bought
kosher cheese from Israel.
To be sure it's not made
using calves.
But as things are now I'm not sure
I should support Israel.
Quite right.
Hi!
Hi. Sorry, I'm closing.
I need a fish to cook.
We're having friends for dinner.
How many people?
The biggest you've got.
What's this?
Turn round so we can escape.
It's a one-way street.
Maybe I'm just bourgeois...
...but after all that s..t
I'd just like a relationship
...that works via communication.
I'm a bit too old for
disappointments.
Are you bisexual?
-No. I wish I was.
-Why?
Twice as many opportunities.
And I'd really like a baby.
It'll happen one day.
You have lovely thumbs.
Thanks!
When I was a kid I played
accordion.
It develops this muscle here.
Only accordion players have this.
Male and female.
Very nice.
The coffee's sour again.
I think it tastes the same as ever.
No, either the machine pressure is
too low, then it's sour...
...or it's too high,
then it's bitter.
I never get it just right.
...so terrorists don't force us
to alter our lifestyles...
I think it's fine.
Because you throw
half a litre of milk on top.
With all that milk,
you can't taste the coffee.
...military in Iraq, Syria
and now policing in Europe...
I'm going back to bed.
It's not true!
S..t!
My main problem is time management.
When I have an appointment...
...I don't leave early enough.
As if the stress were
a drug I take.
You do coaching, don't you?
How did you find me?
A friend of mine recommended you.
Who?
I don't think she'd like me to say.
What bothers you about your stress?
Being late puts me
in an inferior position.
You don't come across like that.
Because I was on time for you.
Will you take me?
No, I think I'll refer you
to a colleague.
I'd really prefer to have you.
I feel comfortable with you.
For some reason
I don't believe a word you say.
That's not a good basis
for therapy.
Couldn't we at least try?
3 Sessions?
No, I don't take anyone
I've known before.
Well, knowing...
A couple of Christmas parties.
We only saw each other briefly.
But you employ my husband.
Do I?
Not you personally,
but you're his boss.
And I have a duty of
confidentiality.
So I can't tell my husband
you were here today.
That'd burden our relationship.
We don't have secrets
from each other.
I'm sure you don't.
You know what?
I release you from
your confidentiality.
Talk to your husband about it.
Maybe he'll put in a good word
for me.
And then he talks to me
about time management.
And it all sounds made up.
So I offer to recommend another
therapist, but he wants me.
Pretty odd, don't you think?
Is he always so strange?
I don't know.
But you do know him a bit.
Sorry, I wasn't listening.
Who came to see you?
Your boss.
The European Union accepts war
in Syria...
...and IS slaughtering Europeans
wherever they can find them...
...and destroying cultural heritage
we allow that to happen.
Are you in favour of military
intervention?
Of course!
It's not so bad.
You give me his number,
I'll send someone to visit him.
If he won't listen, something
in the flat will get broken.
Something small.
If he continues not to listen,
something bigger gets broken.
If he still won't listen,
he gets broken.
A bit.
But usually...
...it isn't necessary
to break so much.
It works more by psychology.
How much would that cost?
It depends how much gets broken.
I'll think about it.
You put the bullets in here,
the cylinder, then close it.
No difference to toy guns.
Which do you like best?
The 38 or the Magnum?
What do you think?
The Magnum has more impact.
More force.
Very nice.
How did you cook it?
Just boiled in salt water.
The marinade.
Olive oil, lemon, salt, pepper.
Very simple.
I don't think it's a good idea
to give that guy therapy.
He's a very strange person.
He called earlier and cancelled.
He's looking for someone else.
Great.
But I'm having lunch with him
tomorrow.
You're doing what?
He has an offer for me.
What kind of offer?
I don't know. It's not private:
it's company coaching.
The guy's sick. He's crazy!
First time I've heard that.
Please don't meet him.
Why is it suddenly so important?
Because I don't want it!
Just cancel!
Do something for me!
Thanks, now I have stomach-ache.
Then don't drink so much!
Runs like a clockwork!
Amazing!
Do you like the music?
You play that,
and all the tourists will come.
But then you have to wear
a white wig and a costume.
For the opening tomorrow we'll
have a big ball with costumes.
With this music?
Of course.
No, I can't dance.
-It's easy.
-Not for me.
Some people have to work tomorrow.
Could you turn it down?
Sure!
Yesterday I patched things up
with my boyfriend.
-I'm pleased to hear that.
-Thanks.
It was a strange evening,
last time we saw each other.
Yes.
I almost fell in love with you.
I never thought it possible.
Ever since I was a kid I only fell
for boys. But you...
...you're very special.
In what way?
I don't know, so...
...masculine.
I mean that as a compliment.
Do you know how much we waste
on coaching annually?
150,000. Some showman comes
along and talks rubbish.
There are good and bad ones.
We're looking for someone
respectable. No guru.
Preferably a woman. Please eat.
Would you be interested?
I don't understand
why you're offering me this.
I didn't come to see you
as a client.
I wanted to see how you work.
And you impressed me a lot.
Is your husband feeling better?
Why?
Because for over a week now...
he's not been at the office.
There's a nasty flu virus around.
But he's much better now.
Hello?
Where are you?
I must go to a press conference.
See you later.
Hello?
I love you.
Are you nuts?
Georg?
I'm helping out for a friend.
Johanna!
Shall I get you some antacid?
I can explain.
He's a school friend...
What's next?
You have another wife somewhere?
Have you been burying bodies?
Who are you to...
-I don't know who I am...
Let me finish, you a..e!
Who are you to ruin my life?
Who gives you that right?
Who was that?
My wife.
Beautiful woman.
Yes.
I'm leaving Erich.
Why?
He doesn't talk to me.
I can't be with someone
who doesn't talk.
That's true.
I'll look for a man like you.
A man I can talk to.
I have to go.
What did I tell you?
Have you gone nuts?
Ever since I've been alive other
people have felt like aliens.
I don't know how they function.
I feel...
...like an island, surrounded
by water, and no-one can help.
Probably because I was alone
a lot as a child. Don't you think?
Just shut your mouth.
OK. Let's talk about it tomorrow.
You're such an a..e!
I'm 43! I thought I'd still be able
to have a baby with you.
By the time I find someone else,
I'll be too old.
It's not my fault
you realise at 40 you want a kid.
What about the past 20 years?
It was fun without one.
Please go to a hotel
and find another apartment.
I'm cleaning the bedrooms.
Fine.
I want to tell you something else.
Your boss made me a business offer.
I think I'm going to take it.
I'm telling you because I don't
want to have secrets from you.
That's great of you.
And of him as well, of course.
Come outside!
I'll kill you, you pig!
Now read this,
and if it's OK, then please sign.
-Then you can go home.
-I don't have to stay?
The damage you caused is trivial.
We have other problems.
This is very well written.
Thank you. Coming from you,
that means something.
Your reviews are superb.
Thanks very much.
When you really destroy someone,
that's what I truly adore.
You have an ironic style
which reminds me of Alfred Polgar.
That's a big compliment.
Have you read
his Collected Reviews?
No.
You really must read it.
You'd pee in your pants.
I haven't seen anything by you
recently...
...I don't work for the Express
any more.
Are you moving to another paper?
Possibly.
Goodbye.
I'm applying to another paper, and
they want a character reference.
Can I still get one?
OK. Let's have a look.
Not bad. You didn't learn that
in community service.
I woke up and
there was a note on the table.
She's got the bus back
to Bucharest.
I have nothing from her.
Not even her phone number.
All she left were the cobblestones.
Once in a running sushi bar
in Zurich...
...I realised the plates have
different colours.
They all cost extra,
depending on colour.
I thought - who cares.
I gobbled up 130 francs.
I have to go.
I can pay you back the first 100.
-Thanks!
-Because it went so well.
I'll get the coffee.
I've been invited.
Would you like a fortune cookie?
Thanks. That doesn't fit here,
it's Chinese.
-I'm half Chinese.
-And the other half is Japanese?
From Vienna.
But sushi is better business.
And where is your chef from?
Which one?
I can't see him now. The young guy.
He's really Japanese.
But he's strange.
Why?
He was a musician,
gave real concerts...
...and then he stopped overnight.
Why?
He won't say. The Japs are funny.
Here, everyone needs luck.
If you need a witness,
I recorded everything.
-The boss has gone to the country.
-Midweek?
It's his birthday.
What do you want?
-I wanted to give him a present.
-Leave it here.
It's for right now.
He's in Lower Austria till Monday.
You could send it to him.
By courier.
-Could you give me the address?
-No problem.
I'll write it down.
Here.
Thank you.
And all the best with your book!
-There is no book.
-Sorry?
There is no book.
When will you be back?
It could be a while.
I don't need it right now anyway.
I have to work.
Thanks. For the car.
You're a real friend.
That's OK.
Maybe the first I've ever had.
The clutch is a bit fierce.
Do you like it?
Super!
I need protein.
There's some in the peas.
Sebastian, it's only Parmesan,
it's not a rare steak.
-Enjoy it.
-You too.
There is such racism
against animals.
Hitler classified Jews
as animals...
...then you could do anything
with them.
Today if you look at
how we treat animals...
Sebastian, I just want soup with
cheese, without discussing Hitler.
A bit of meat would have done
Hitler a lot of good.
I think it's good you can say that.
What can I say?
-That you're angry.
-I'm not angry at all.
Do you remember the Styrian stew?
When we were skiing in Schladming?
Yes, I do.
You asked me if Styrian stew
was made with beef.
I said yes.
And then you got some fatty pork.
On the way back
you wouldn't say a word.
Three days later you told me...
...you were upset
because of the Styrian stew.
Because you didn't share
your food with me.
You could see I didn't like mine,
but you didn't share yours.
I always give you my salad
if you don't like something.
Why are you so aggressive?
I'm not aggressive.
I just know the story. And you
tell it for the thousandth time.
Why?
Come on!
What's wrong?
I'm glad you like the soup.
The soup is lovely!
How did you get here?
Via Lackenhof.
We can talk about everything.
Please stop.
What have I done to you?
You keep doing things to me.
You started it.
No. You started it.
-You started it.
-Not true. You started it.
What's going on here?
Let him go. Please.
I'm not going.
You drive off.
I won't.
What do you want from him?
That's none of your business.
You're threatening the only person
who's important to me.
Don't say it's none of my business.
Nothing's happened yet.
I swear I won't call the police.
That's right, isn't it?
It's just between us.
What do you want to do afterwards?
Going to spend your life
on the run?
Or behind bars,
with 3 prisoners in a tiny cell?
A toilet in the middle?
Give me the gun.
Don't you think we're quits now?
Now let's shake hands.
Let's behave like
two sensible people.
Stop that!
Stop it!
Peace?
Peace!
Yes!
I want to hear the word. Peace?
Peace!
It might get loud tonight.
We're having a party.
I don't mind music.
You can turn it right up,
then I can enjoy it too.
Like to come?
Maybe another time.
Have fun.
Come in.
I can't stay long.
I have to work tomorrow at 10.
Thanks.
I don't want to kiss you.
Am I so bad at kissing?
You're a child.
Thanks.
The age difference between us
is exactly what's so hot.
Our different life experiences
mean we can enrich each other...
...in ways that are impossible
for people the same age.
Don't you think?
That's what they tell girls
before forced marriages.
Yes?
I'm downstairs in the car.
Could you bring me some clothes?
You can pack your clothes yourself.
Why are you sitting naked
in a strange car?
Give me my clothes.
-What do you look like?
-Give it to me!
Not until you tell me
why you're naked in a strange car.
I can't explain that so easily.
Pity.
Johanna!
Stay here! Please!
Don't be so childish.
Don't tell me what's childish!
Get back in.
Will you tell me why
you're naked in a strange car?
Yes!
Well?
I wanted to kill myself.
By sitting naked in a strange car?
You really wanted to kill yourself?
Before that I wanted to kill
someone else.
That didn't work either.
Why?
Because I'm clumsy.
No, why did you want to kill
yourself?
Can I have my clothes?
For that you only get the socks.
Put them on.
You always tell me what to do.
You do what you want anyway.
-I do what I want?
-Yes.
If I say just one word you don't
like, you get stomach-ache.
That's not my fault.
You don't visit the doctor
and you drink.
Deep down, it's on purpose.
Because without your stomach-ache
you wouldn't have me under control.
You're a stupid, egocentric pig!
You never want to do anything.
You tag along. And then complain!
You want to be alone
and have a relationship.
I don't want to be alone.
Because you need someone
when you get old.
I don't need anyone.
I'll die soon, my heart is broken.
There's nothing wrong
with your heart.
My chest constantly feels tight.
That's from telling lies.
Look at this.
I have drumstick fingers.
It's when finger tips go flat,
it's a sign of heart failure.
You're just looking...
...for a reason so you don't
have to do any exercise.
Soon I won't be able to move...
...because my knee is wrecked
from your bloody jogging!
Because you jog wrong.
From now on I'm only walking.
That way I can see things.
You see just as much when jogging.
Joggers never see anything,
because they run straight.
They only look round a bit
so they don't run into anything.
Joggers are autistic.
Mostly they have earplugs too.
You're a very odd old man.
I don't desperately pretend
I'm younger than I am.
I am younger.
Yes, but desperately.