Wish Upon A Star (1996) Movie Script
Alex!
Alexia Wheaton!
Let's get a move on!
Man, oh, man.
Chill, you vagrant. I'm coming!
Ben, Nan, later.
We can't let her go out
in public like that, Ben. Alex!
Stop!
Whoa!
What's wrong with you,
besides the obvious?
- We're gonna be late again.
- Oh, pop a Midol.
Who said anything about being late?
I've had it.
I am going to clean out her closet.
And from now on, it's cardigan sweaters
and monogrammed blouses.
And I don't think that it's healthy
that she call me Nan.
It shows a total disregard
for our family hierarchy.
Nan, listen.
Have you noticed that when you insist
that Alex calls you Mom...
the greater pleasure she gets
from calling you Nan?
And when we object
to her provocative clothing...
she just finds something
more provocative to wear the next day.
And when we encourage the girls
to get along...
the more out of hand
their sibling rivalry gets.
What have our patients
been telling us all these years?
That their parents
have ruined their lives.
Exactly. Now...
I think the only way
these girls are gonna get along...
show us some respect
and bring harmony to this household...
is for you and I
to stop interfering.
There'll be no reason for them to rebel
against our rules and demands...
because...
there won't be any.
- Morning, Hayley.
- Hi.
Oh, excellent shirt, Aly. Wow.
That's three days in a row, Hayley.
If it happens again, I'm going
to start deducting from your grade.
It won't.
All right.
Now tomorrow's quiz will require...
slide identification
of the following constellations...
Canis Majorus, Leo...
Taurus...
That rhymes.
Cool shorts, guys.
Doctor's orders.
He said I had to sit out again.
What do you think
they're talking about right now?
Etruscan art.
- How should I know?
- It's your sister.
Sabrina, is that stubble?
I swear, I shaved this morning.
I must have just missed a spot.
So, Alex,
what's the limit on the festival again?
No limit.
Hello, beautiful.
How you doing?
All right. Test scores are in.
Time to face the music.
Mr. Gerard.
You need to make that up with me.
Very nice.
Barely adequate.
But Hayley here. Very nice.
It's nice to see someone coming out
smelling like a rose.
Lose the gum, if you would.
So, any questions
about grades, homework?
Life, in general?
- Mr. Watson?
- Yes, Alexia.
Can I go to the ladies' room, please?
What difference does it make?
Oh, I think it's so admirable
that you attended the police academy.
You see, it's always been a dream
of mine to go into law enforcement.
But my parents, whom, by the way, think
you're a wonderful administrator...
want me to get a degree first,
like you.
I never knew anyone looked to me
as a role model.
Oh, since the ninth grade!
But in order for me
to follow in your path...
I have to start
by getting into Felder first...
and, well,
I was thinking that you...
being a distinguished principal
and all...
might like to write
a recommendation for me.
And what might the recommendation say?
Dear Admissions Committee...
though Alexia Wheaton is in...
the bottom half of her class...
she dresses well.
Oh! So you'll consider it.
Where's the dirt?
She hasn't written in two weeks.
Think she's onto us?
Do you think they do it?
Well, I don't have
any documented evidence, but...
Man, they are so in love.
We better evacuate.
- There you are, Kyle.
- Thanks, Mrs. Wheaton.
And do you have
enough salad there, Caitlin?
Yes, thanks.
You've got to be kidding.
- We have guests.
- I don't mind.
- I don't mind.
- Part of her experiment.
You know, I made the fuel
from an apple you threw away.
It was mealy.
What?
Kyle, would you mind serving me?
My nails are still wet.
Sure.
- Small portions, please.
- Sorry.
Well, everyone. I found it.
- Found what?
- The most outrageous dress...
for Winter Festival.
- And how low is it cut?
- And how much?
It's 200 and something.
As in over $300
with tax for a dress?
Your limit was 200.
I know, but...
what's an extra hundred
over the course of a lifetime?
My children will see me in these photos,
and I want them to think I look nice.
But there must be another nice dress
for a more reasonable price.
But this one sounds so very special.
So, here. Here's the credit card.
Wear it in good health.
Why don't you take Hayley with you...
so that she can pick out a dress
for the Winter Festival too?
- That's a great idea. Can I come?
- Wait.
We're sisters. We're not friends.
And we don't shop together.
- Alex, that's terrible.
- Honey.
I'm not going anyway.
But, Muffin!
This is your first Winter Festival,
and it would be such fun.
And don't you want to be there
to see if your sister gets crowned...
queen?
You probably know
what you want to do.
Stay at home.
Watch the Discovery Channel, huh?
Amen.
- Go ahead.
- Oh, no. It's yours.
Well, here. We'll share it.
There you go.
Canis Majorus.
Canis Majorus.
And Leo.
Arcturus, where are you?
There you are. Okay.
I wish I were Alexia Wheaton.
Man, oh, man! It worked!
What? What worked?
- I...
- You did this?
I made a wish
when I saw a shooting star.
You made a wish to be me?
I didn't think it would work.
I don't like it in here!
Wish us back!
I don't think that's possible, Hayley.
I think it is, Hayley! Do it now!
I can't. It's daytime.
Well, I hate to spoil your fun...
but I have a lot of personal stuff
to deal with today.
And we are not leaving this house
till things are back in order.
I'll handle this.
Me? I'm Alexia.
Alexia Wheaton.
Personally, I like it best...
when my boyfriend Kyle
calls me Aly.
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
Yadda, yadda, yadda
Now reverse the wish.
All right. I wish I were Hayley.
Don't you know
the birthday candle rule?
You have to say the wish to yourself,
otherwise, it can't come true.
On to plan B.
- It's a wishing well.
- Got it.
Would you try it
with a little more "umph"?
I can't do this.
I can't be you.
And you obviously lack
the social grace to be me.
I don't believe this.
I have split ends.
- I have an astronomy test today.
- Don't stress.
I had Frauenfleder
when I was a sophomore. I'll just cheat.
But you can't. Ow!
I mean, I... You...
You can't do that.
When he passes out the test,
just faint or something.
Get sent home sick.
I can make up the test tomorrow.
You can spend the day watching TV
and eating.
Deal. Close your eyes.
No one finds out about this.
Especially Caitlin.
Undoubtedly, she'd leak it
to the National Enquirer.
I don't want any rumors going on
about me the week of the festival.
Ouch! What about Mom and Dad?
They'd have us committed.
So wait. We have a secret?
You and me?
So, is there anything
I need to know about you...
other than being a grungy
social outcast?
I'm not grungy.
I just have my own style.
Dirt under the fingernails is in?
You won't mind if I remove it,
will you?
So, how do I look?
Today is definitely day one.
- Day one of what?
- My diet.
Excuse me.
I mean, your diet.
A fruit and veggie fast.
You're bloated.
What are you talking about?
I'm a knockout.
The makeup may be a bit heavy.
Not me.
Whatever. Lose the gum.
Today, you're mine.
Good morning, Daddy.
Mom.
You're looking particularly
adorable today.
And, as usual, Alex...
you are looking quite stylish yourself.
Sis, allow me.
How about a little cereal?
That's okay.
I'm on a fruits and veggies fast only.
Actually, we should get going.
I wouldn't want Hayley to be late
for her big test.
Nan, Ben.
- Hi.
- Grow up!
Excuse me.
- What are you doing?
- Driving.
You don't know how to drive.
Give me my keys.
Give me my keys now.
Thank you.
You should know better.
If I still had my badge,
I'd have to write you up.
What are you, drunk?
She was up late, studying,
so she could raise her GPA.
Isn't that right, Alex?
And I was just giving her, Hayley,
my little sis, a driving lesson.
It won't happen again.
Hayley, I wouldn't want anything
to harm your chances...
of representing Hunter
in the science fair in D.C.
- I certainly wouldn't.
- Thank you for being so understanding.
You are a wonderful administrator
and an asset to this school.
At least,
that's what Alex keeps telling me.
You're my hero, Mrs. Mitter Mon...
I won't tolerate
being called that name.
Now get to class.
You'll have approximately two and a half
minutes to answer each question...
after the corresponding slide
has been shown.
And I do suggest that you keep your eyes
on your own paper...
because if you don't, I will pluck them
out and keep them in a jar on my desk.
In the Ptolemaic Universe,
is it the Earth in the middle...
with the stars and stuff
rotating around...
or is it the sun in the middle...
Mr. Frauenfleder?
I'm... I'm not feeling very...
Eleven serving six.
Ow!
- Are you okay, Alex?
- I'm fine.
Muffin.
I'm her mother.
Let's get you home.
I'd feel much better
if we could get some ice cream...
and maybe stop
at Blockbuster on the way.
- Hi.
- What did I do?
Can't I just say hi?
Of course you can. Hi.
Oh, I guess you heard
that Hayley went home sick.
I'm so worried.
I'm going over after school.
- I mean, what if there's brain damage?
- Oh, trust me, she'll be fine.
Why don't you come and eat lunch
with me and my gang?
I mean, Hayley would hate for you
to seem like a loner.
Really? Okay.
Talley... Thanks. Talley, Sabrina,
Kazumi, this is Caitlin Scheinbaum.
- She's eating lunch with us today.
- Why?
Because she's Hayley's very best friend
in the entire world.
- So?
- So...
So be nice to her.
Hayley went home sick.
Hayley and I always wondered what
it would be like to eat with you guys.
She'll be bummed she missed it.
Oh, well, you can both eat with us
tomorrow. We'd be happy to have you.
Right, guys?
Oh, but don't bring
another tuna fish sandwich.
It's one of our rules.
- Sorry.
- Rules?
Duh. They're supposed to be secrets.
Your secrets are safe with me.
You can tell me anything.
Well, we alternate
bringing diet sodas for everyone.
Tomorrow can be your turn.
- Okay.
- Tic Tac, anyone?
Oh, Alex. What happened?
Oh. Volleyball. You know.
- Looks gruesome.
- That no makeup thing.
That's actually very in.
Self, March issue.
Anyway, Alex, tell us what happened
last night. How did you do it?
- Do what?
- Dump Kyle.
Why would I do
a stupid thing like that?
Kyle's perfect.
- Alex, hello.
- You hit the limit.
- What limit?
- The three-month max.
Rule three, designed to maximize
our experience with different men.
As of midnight last night,
the clock was up on Kyle.
We reminded you yesterday.
I thought the plan...
was to ask him over for dinner,
do a little hot tub...
call him a sick puppy
and then send him on his way.
How could I have?
I'm sorry.
- Can I talk to you a minute?
- What could there be left to say?
Just give me a second, please?
All right. Fine.
Geez.
Okay. Kyle, whatever I said last night,
I didn't mean.
I wasn't being myself.
Let's go for a walk this afternoon
like old times.
Listen, Alexia,
I have practice after school.
I'm not interested in going with someone
who calls me a sick puppy.
I can understand why you'd be angry...
but...
how can you resist me?
I'm sorry.
I haven't been myself lately.
Can't we just get together
after practice and talk?
I could give you a ride home.
Well, I guess I could use a ride.
I'll be through at 4:00.
Yes!
Mr. Frauenfleder?
Do you remember me,
Alexia Wheaton, Hayley's sister?
Yes, you're the one
who ignited the counter...
after neglecting to follow my directions
during chemistry section.
I still can't get the funding
to replace it.
Hayley just wanted me to stop by...
and find out
when she can make up for the test.
She can take it orally
when she's better.
Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine tomorrow.
Mr. Frauenfleder...
out of all your students,
is Hayley, perhaps, your favorite?
You, of all people, should be thankful
I don't rank my students, Alexia.
Well, between you and me...
do you think she has a shot at winning
the science fair and going to nationals?
Well, she's not very comfortable
at public speaking...
but I expect she'll get it right.
Hayley's very tenacious.
Thank you.
I'm coming!
Oh, we don't want any.
Oh, no. They're for you, Hayley.
A get-well thing.
I heard about your episode,
and I was worried.
Thanks, bud.
These are delish.
I'd ask you in, but I'm ill.
Maybe I'll see you tomorrow
at school or something.
You don't wanna know who I am?
I don't know you?
It's weird. Sometimes it's hard
for me to keep things straight.
People, places, nouns, in general.
That is weird.
I'm Simon Smalley.
I just moved in next door.
- I've been wanting to meet you.
- Thanks for the cookies.
So are we gonna get in the car?
We could do that.
Whoa!
Geez!
Hey, the curb!
Wait!
Don't you remember where I live?
Whoa!
Maybe I should drive.
Oh, this is great.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Since when do you listen to this?
Oh, that reminds me. We better
do our thing before Alex gets home.
- What thing?
- You know...
see if she made a new entry
in her diary.
I'm dying to figure out
what happened between her and Kyle.
Oh, and I have to try on
that killer top she wore on Monday.
Kyle, I just want you to know,
that, no matter what happens...
I think you're the nicest, smartest...
most gorgeous guy I've ever met
in my entire life.
I hope this doesn't sound lame...
but I've never seen you look
as beautiful as you do right now, Aly.
And I mean that.
Without all that makeup
and hairspray and stuff...
I can see you.
Kyle, tell me you love me.
Well, I...
Don't you?
Yes. I mean, no.
I mean, I really like you a lot.
I just...
Let's just be together, okay?
All right. Come here.
Hello, dear family.
You look like
you're craving a salad.
Your nails!
So where have you been
all afternoon?
So, how is everyone?
Alex, why don't you
come with me to the kitchen...
and I'll show you
how to liven up that salad?
It's not that bad.
- What?
- What is that?
- What?
- This.
- That!
- Ow. I don't know.
That's a hickey, you tramp.
This? This is a hickey?
Yes!
It sounds like Alex got a hickey
and Hayley finds it distasteful.
Who did this to you?
I mean, me.
I mean...
Who the hell did this?
Well, Kyle.
We were kissing...
and I guess things got
a little out of control.
You don't know how to kiss.
I'm a natural.
Wait a second.
I broke up with Kyle last night.
Well, you got back together with him
this afternoon.
This is unethical, Hayley!
- How could you?
- I couldn't resist, Alex.
He told me I never looked prettier.
He was talking to me.
No, he was talking to me.
You weren't there. Besides...
he doesn't like
all that makeup you wear.
That's it.
Outside! Thanks a lot for ruining
the most relaxing day of my life.
Well, I have never seen Hayley
express her emotions so openly.
Do it! Do it now!
It's overcast. I can't.
You mean to tell me that I'm stuck...
in this measly little body
for another day...
while you just parade around...
ruining my reputation
and destroying my beautiful nails?
Looks that way, doesn't it?
That it is. This is war!
I'm gonna get you back.
Fine. Be that way.
It was worth it.
I'm on to you, Hayley.
I know all about you and Caitlin
invading my privacy.
Reading my diary,
trying on my clothes. Excuse me!
- Where do you think you're going?
- Ow! My room.
Let's get something straight, Hayley.
You might have my body, breasts
and boyfriend, but you are not me.
Go to your own room.
Fine. But what would
Mom and Dad think?
Fine, but if you touch anything...
you'll wish you had never been born.
- Fine.
- Fine.
Good morning, Alex.
This would be day two
of your diet, right?
What diet?
How about some juice with that?
What are you doing?
You want to fit into
your festival gown, don't you?
Screw the festival.
You're not... You're not gonna let her
go out like that, are you?
- I don't see why not?
- You don't think it's flattering?
You'll make a fool of me.
I mean, her.
Well, I really don't care
what you think.
Now, I recall you going out in public
in the same outfit not so long ago.
That was Halloween!
Mom, you've gotta lock her in her room
so she can't get in any trouble.
- Ben, she's got a point.
- Uh, uh, uh.
Hayley can wear whatever she wants.
It's an expression of her individuality.
And, Alex...
the same goes for you.
- Isn't that what you wore yesterday?
- Mm-hmm.
But the dance photos are today.
Did you at least shower?
- What about my ride?
- Heard of walking?
I'm your new neighbor Simon.
Could I have a ride?
Oh, sure, but hurry and get in...
'cause I'm trying to make a quick exit.
My sister and I are in a fight,
and, well, she's a little crazy.
All right. Hold it there. Good.
Good.
Hold it and say "queen."
Queen!
Okay. Let's try that again.
And say "queen"!
Queen!
- And say "queen."
- Queen.
That'll have to do.
No way!
What do you want?
Are you up for that oral exam?
Whatever.
Slide one.
Omega Nebula in Sagittarius.
Slide two. Omega Nebula.
Define the Ptolemaic Universe.
You're the teacher.
You should know.
Hayley, that's enough.
Please define it.
I am drawing a blank.
How about another question?
All right.
Tell me what a comet is.
Now you're speaking my language.
It's an abrasive product used
to scrub away sink residue.
Attention, all students.
All club dues must be paid by Friday...
except chess club,
which has been canceled this year...
due to lack of interest.
Aly, hey.
Hi.
You are so pretty, Aly.
Thanks.
I brought you something.
- You wrapped it yourself.
- I know it's not the best...
It's great.
Oh, I love it.
Why don't you blow off your friends
and come sit with me?
I just have to make an appearance.
I'll be there in a sec.
Smell much?
Ew!
Same ensemble, two days in a row?
Alex, that's violation
of rule number four.
- Don't tell me it's from Kyle.
- It's from Kyle.
Alex, that is totally unacceptable.
We signed these rules in blood.
Some of these rules are a little hard
for me to abide by. Sorry.
But they were your idea.
Well, my newest idea
is that we abolish them.
Very funny.
- Where is she going?
- What is she doing?
- It's so good to see you.
- Likewise.
But what's with your sister,
or should I say Madonna?
She's just trying to prove a point,
you know...
that she doesn't care
what people think of her.
Although I know she really does.
- Hi.
- I can't relate to her anymore.
I thought about it, and realized I fit
in better with you and your friends.
You got it all wrong, Caitlin.
Stay away from them.
You walk the walk
You talk the talk
It makes me feel
So real
The way you move
The way you smile
It touches me
Deep inside
You got me
Oh, Kyle, you're such a good kisser.
Give me another hickey, baby!
The things that you do
- Check it out.
- Oh, my God!
The things you do
What do you think
your parents will do...
when they find out what a disgrace
the two of you are?
You can rest assured they'll be
in tomorrow to hear all about it.
I should have blown the whistle on you
when I caught you driving.
But this... such disrespect.
This is grounds for disqualification
from the science fair.
Who wants to be in a geek fest anyway?
Wait. It means everything
in the world to you.
Just give her another chance,
Ms. Mittermiller, please?
As for you, Alexia,
one more scene of misconduct...
and I'm going to suspend you.
How would that look
to the Felder panel?
Or for that matter,
to the festival voters?
Do it, and we'll find out.
But I've... I mean...
She's worked her entire life
on becoming queen.
And I've admired it so.
Don't do it, Ms. Mittermiller.
So who's gonna vote for you anyway?
The student body's opinion
of you both...
is on display
in the ladies' bathroom.
Follow me.
Clean it off if you want
to be admitted back to class.
I can't believe you would do that.
I've been working a year
on that project.
If I could have,
I would have had you expelled too.
I mean, at first you come home
with a hickey on your neck.
Next, you're practically mauling
my boyfriend at the cafeteria.
What next, Hayley?
What, are you gonna lose
my virginity too?
You... You're a virgin?
Yes, I'm a virgin!
I have morals, Hayley!
You obviously don't know
very much about me.
Wow. I mean, Caitlin and I were sure
that you and Kyle were...
Well, I didn't do anything like that,
except kiss.
- A lot.
- You didn't?
I can't believe you actually thought
I would do that.
What am I supposed to think?
I'm sorry, Alex.
I'm really sorry.
Look, we'd better cut this out...
before we just destroy
each other's lives.
Okay? There's nothing more important
to me than going to Felder.
I just want a chance.
Please don't take that away from me.
I won't.
But you gotta get me out of this
and into the science fair.
Deal.
You deserve a lot of credit
for my brilliant accomplishments.
You're the finest teacher I ever had.
Please give me my spot back.
Let me start over.
I've worked a year conceiving and
putting this project into practice...
Mr. Frauenfleder.
And I had high hopes for you...
but you've brought back
the memory of your sister.
That was an accident. Besides,
Alex wasn't that bad, was she?
What do you expect
from a girl like that?
That's a little harsh.
- Who did you come here to defend?
- Hay... Me.
Winning the science fair
and going to nationals would be...
the highlight of a lifetime.
I know I've made some mistakes,
but...
please don't
take that away from me.
Truce?
I've got a couple more conditions.
Stop chewing that gum.
You're giving me cavities.
Wait. Hold on. One more thing.
I can't bear
to look at this any longer.
You're coming to the mall with me
to pick up my dress.
I don't wanna let you
out of my sight.
- Can Kyle come?
- Fine.
Look, you can put your arms around him,
or you can hold his hand.
But no kissing, okay?
It's just not right.
- Truce?
- Truce.
- See you.
- Bye.
Bye.
Let's go home and make that wish.
Yeah.
So what did my friends say
when they saw you...
in the same outfit
two days in a row?
"Violation of rule four."
So I guess you heard
about the rules.
Yeah, that one,
the three-month max...
and no tuna at lunch?
What other bizarre restrictions
do they put on your life?
Well, let's see.
You have to shave
your legs every day.
You have to read Self
cover to cover.
And you have to weigh in
every Friday.
Do you know that Talley has a scale
in her locker?
- You kidding?
- No.
I kind of suggested
you abolish the three-month max.
Yeah, that rule
needs to be amended.
I really want to be with him.
I noticed.
At least I got to see how it feels
for someone to really like you.
A lot of guys really like you.
I mean, you as you.
You can get a boyfriend.
I mean...
you're cute.
It's just a matter
of having confidence.
You know, Talley told me
there are 910 boys in the student body.
- Simon?
- Yes, Simon.
I think you should go for it.
I'd be all tongue-tied.
So forget about talking.
Go in for the kill.
You're an experienced kisser now.
What if...
What if we spent one more day
as each other?
Why would you want to do that?
Well, you could help convince
a few of my teachers...
that I'm not really an airhead.
And I'll show you how easy it is
for Hayley Wheaton to get a guy.
They will be lining up.
So, you would sacrifice your life
for one more day?
Yeah, it'll be fun.
Ben, you were right.
Alex was mauling a boy...
Alex was mauling a boy...
while the little one danced seductively
on the cafeteria table...
miming sexual lyrics.
And she was
dressed like a hooker.
It was quite the getup,
wasn't it?
You saw it and you let her
out of the house?
Well, honey, you better explain
to Ms. Mittermiller...
what we're trying to accomplish.
We're trying to change
our parental strategy...
to a more hands-off method.
You see, we... we believe that
a child will fare better...
in a home that shuns
traditional discipline...
and learns from
his own experiences.
It seems to be...
It's been shaky
the first few days, but...
we're looking for
long-term results.
It's pretty innovative,
don't you think?
Eventually,
we plan to write a book.
Now, we do realize there are rules
and regulations...
here at the school,
but that's separate.
So just feel free to discipline
them however you feel is appropriate.
Just so long as the discipline doesn't
come from the parents...
we should be just fine.
It sounds extreme, but...
it seems to be working.
Well...
Thank you for taking time out
from your work to see me.
- It's been enlightening.
- You're welcome.
Those poor girls.
No wonder.
Up a little bit.
A little to the right.
A little bit more.
Test tomorrow.
Let's review.
Any volunteers?
Yoo-hoo.
Alexia, you think you can
learn to use the ladies' room...
before you come to class?
No. I wanna try it.
Please?
Try the problem?
You heard her.
Okay, let's see.
A cleaning solution is made up
of three chemicals...
"A," " B" and "C."
So far, so good.
There are equal amounts
of"A" and " B"...
and four times as much "C"
as there is "A."
What percentage of the bottle
is full of"C"?
You think you can walk us
through this, Alexia?
Okay. " B" equals "A"
and "C" equals 4A.
Therefore, "A" plus "A"
plus 4A equals 6A.
For your percentage,
it's 4A over 6A. The A's cross off.
Four-sixths is
converted to two-thirds.
Therefore,
your percentage is 66.6%.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah. Anyone...
Anyone agree?
I definitely agree.
Pick it up. Come on, guys.
Speed. Let's go!
Okay, let's bring everybody in!
And team!
Kyle, hold up a second.
I'm gonna start you.
Thanks a lot, Coach.
I was just studying
for a math test.
- It's tomorrow.
- Guess what I'm doing tomorrow.
- I give up.
- I'm starting!
Coach said my game is stronger.
It's gonna be amazing!
I'm gonna lead my team to victory.
You're gonna be crowned queen.
We'll dance all night.
How does that sound?
Like someone else.
I mean, there's no guarantee that
it's all gonna work out, but...
it's cool to think about.
Well, listen...
I was gonna wait until the dance to tell
you, but I want you to know something.
I'm... I'm sure it can wait.
- I love you, Aly.
- What?
I said I love you.
You shouldn't have
said that to me.
There's no pressure or anything.
You don't have to say anything back.
But I... It was just something
that happened this week.
I gotta go home.
I gotta study.
Wait a minute.
That's it?
Listen, the next time that you say it,
you know, the " L" word...
if you decide
you still feel that way...
pretend like
it's the first time, okay?
That was the first time.
That wasn't so great.
I was just wondering if maybe I could...
if I could have a ride.
Sure. Get in.
Here.
Oh, so sweet!
- To thank you for driving me.
- Oh, Simon, that's so thoughtful.
Really, it's a pleasure
driving you home.
- I couldn't stop myself, Alexia.
- Look, Simon, I think you're great.
- I think you're great too.
- You're just attracted to my looks.
It's not your looks.
I mean...
Well, no offense.
It's just that, physically,
you're not really my type.
At first, I thought
I had a crush on Hayley...
but now that
I'm getting to know you...
I realize our personalities
are much more compatible.
Hayley's too wild for me.
Wait. Back up.
You're talking about Hayley?
You think Hayley's attractive?
Well, it's what's inside
that really matters.
Look, Simon, I think you need to
get to know Hayley better.
We're sisters, you know.
We're a lot more alike than you think.
I checked the forecast.
Clear skies.
Perfect for stargazing.
Great.
Could you come over here a second?
I need your help.
I still don't understand
this paint-mixing problem.
Really? Why?
I keep thinking about
those skanky painters next door.
Okay, well,
pretend it's not paint.
Say, instead, it's perfume.
- Chanel?
- Okay.
So a perfume bottle is filled
with three different fragrances...
"A," " B" and "C."
So...
So "X" equals...
Three hundred?
- I got it right?
- You got it right!
I'm so excited! I got it!
We should do this more often.
Honey.
What should we do?
Should we take 'em to bed ourselves?
It's not as if we're telling them to go
to bed. We're just putting them there.
It's perfectly harmless, right?
Okay. Good idea.
There we are, baby.
Good night, sweetheart.
Come on.
Where's the star?
I wish I were Hayley Wheaton.
Morning.
Man, we picked a really bad night
to fall asleep early.
I'm making a protein shake
'cause we're gonna need...
a lot of extra energy
to pull this one off.
I laid out an outfit
for you on my bed.
Please don't forget to bring down the
gown. You'll be presented at halftime.
My moment of glory
and you will get to experience it.
By the way, there is a lovely picture
of you and the court in the paper.
I've been working
on your presentation...
and still, I don't understand
that whole distillation process thing.
Don't you have
anything to say?
Man, oh, man.
This is your life.
Okay, Hayley.
Let's get to school.
Morning, Mom. Don't forget to drop
my dress off at school, okay?
Girls, we know this is
a big day for you both.
We just want you to know
that whatever happens happens.
We know that.
Ready to write that book?
The college guidelines say that
they like to hear original responses.
So, Alexia...
we've noticed that your
grade point average is a 2.07.
Why do you want to go to Felder and
what makes you think we would admit you?
I'm not who you think I am?
Attention, all students.
Remember, today is the day
to get your votes in for queen.
The ballot box
will be closed by 5:00 p.m.
The winners will be announced
tonight at the dance.
During the distillation
the alcohol vapors...
run through the coils
and condense...
Within the container...
and come out the other end
of the coils...
and into the bowl.
I get it!
I actually get it.
Okay, so here are the note cards
just in case you get stuck.
Oh, please!
I'm gonna totally kick butt.
Aren't you Miss Know-it-all.
What's your problem?
Nothing.
It was my project.
I wanted to present it.
I'm just doing my best.
Okay, if you win, you get to present it
at the nationals in DC.
I'm not counting on it.
Hey, it's the place to be
before the dance.
- This is Caitlin's house.
- Way to go, Caitlin!
No. Her parents would never,
never ever let her have an open party.
I never said an open party.
My parents will slaughter me.
I never said an open party.
My parents will slaughter me.
Small price to pay when you consider
what it'll do for your social life.
Hayley, didn't you say you need
to talk to Caitlin for a minute?
Yeah. Caitlin, can I
talk to you for a minute?
Let me get this straight.
She invited you for dinner...
and you proceeded to include
the rest of the student body?
Pretty crafty, huh?
What makes you think
you can treat people like this?
We learned it from you.
Remember our motto, "Act superior,"
our number one rule?
Don't you guys ever get tired
of acting like snobs?
We're seniors.
We're supposed to live it up.
We have parties.
We use little weaklings like Caitlin.
If you think it's acceptable
to treat...
a kind and generous person
like Caitlin like that...
then we have no business
being friends.
And who else are you gonna hang
out with for the rest of the year?
Who cares?
It's cancelled.
We'll party at The Point instead.
Good. Now apologize to Caitlin.
She's a sophomore!
What do you expect from us?
Nothing.
A decent gesture would be far
too dignified for the three of you.
You know, you looked hideous
in the newspaper.
See if we vote for you
for queen.
Guys, we already did.
- What?
- We need to talk.
- Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait.
- Wait.
I saw you groveling with some
other guy at your car yesterday.
- Were you spying on me?
- What difference does it make?
Look, I just wanna end this
once and for all.
You were right the first time.
Three months is more than enough.
You know what else?
I didn't mean
what I said yesterday.
Love is a reciprocal thing.
It's not just one-sided.
No, go back in!
Go back in!
Oh, gosh!
Note cards.
Any time, Hayley.
Do you have a role model, Alexia?
My younger sister.
She believes in me.
I don't know
what goes on at your homes...
but I have a sister
who is incredibly wasteful.
If she bites into an apple that's
a little mealy, she throws it away.
By combining things
like rejected apples along...
with sugar and yeast
and converting...
the substance into alcohol
with a homemade pressure cooker...
it produces a grade
of ethyl alcohol...
that meets many of
my household energy needs.
That is, if I could convince my parents
into reading by lantern light.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
if I could have your attention, please.
Hunter High School
is proud to present...
the finalists for
this year's Winter Festival.
And here they are,
the beautiful, the talented...
Jennifer Hatfield,
Laura Simms...
Nikki Snow,
Danielle Swanson...
and Alexia Wheaton.
Come on.
We've got things to do.
What are you doing in here?
I've been looking all over for you.
Wow. Look at you.
It's a thank-you present.
I knew you loved the dress.
But check these out.
Red shoes to match.
Caitlin talked me into them.
Megabucks.
So, what do you think?
Do you like it?
Of course I do.
It's a reflection
of my fashion sense.
Could you live
your life like that?
Sure, but that's irrelevant.
We're gonna switch back.
It's irreversible.
We can't switch back.
Of course we can.
No, we can't.
Why?
Last night when you were asleep,
I made the wish.
Look at me.
I'm still you...
and you're still me.
Hayley, come here.
Come sit down.
I saw the...
the same shooting star
when I was with Kyle.
I made a wish too.
A wish?
I made a wish that I was you.
Why would you wish that?
There I was...
this C-minus student...
about to break up
with my boyfriend over...
over some self-imposed rule.
I felt totally bored with myself...
and my friends and everything.
I realized that I didn't have much
of a shot at getting into college...
and...
I look up on the balcony
and I see...
I see my brainy,
adventurous little sister...
with all these interests,
like conserving energy...
and listening
to that awful music.
And I knew you would never
make the same mistakes I made.
And I just, I wondered what it would
be like to be Hayley Wheaton...
and then I saw the star.
Why were you so mad
when we switched places?
First of all, I wasn't about to admit
that I wanted to be you.
And I mean, I panicked. I never actually
thought that it would happen.
I guess we made the same wish
at the very same time.
That's why it didn't work.
What are we waiting for?
- I must have messed up my mascara.
- No, you're okay.
I'm just the person to fix it.
There you go.
You watch that half,
I'll watch this one.
Oh, you must be dying
to know about the science fair.
The results won't be
posted till tomorrow...
but I gave
a spectacular presentation.
Maybe I'll be a science major
if I get into Felder.
You will, Alex.
That is, if you can pull off
the 3.0 I promised them this semester.
Hayley, look.
Right there!
Ready?
- I wish I were Hayley Wheaton.
- I wish I were Alexia Wheaton.
It worked!
Oh, my gosh! I'm home!
How do you feel?
Tall.
How am I ever gonna
keep this neat?
You'll get used to it.
I'll help you.
Come on!
On a train
headin'east of here
Where I'll end up
I'm not quite clear
But I can't help myself
I must be settling down
Until they stop this thing
I'll get around
When I hear
it's been done before
And I hear
it's a simple thing
Then I hear
it's quite difficult
And I hear
Almost everything
Pass through deserts
and mountain streams
Outside my window
the scene's serene
The day I find myself
I'll be so very proud
But I will not get
passed up in the crowd
When I hear
it's been done before
And I hear
it's a simple thing
I'm gonna go find Simon, okay?
Hey, Hayley!
Hey, you wanna dance?
Hayley, yeah! That's me!
- Maybe later.
- All right.
Killer dress!
Hey, look,
here's the deal, Alex.
We forget about all the rules,
except for number nine.
Number nine?
The one that says that
we'll be friends forever.
Thanks, you guys.
I'll see you later, okay?
Now I'm not trying
to cut anyone down
But I know it's been
going on too long
Simply doin' what you feel
Is the best way
not to go wrong
Just give me
one more chance, please?
What about that other guy
I saw you with?
Other guy?
Kyle, you got it all wrong.
There's only one guy for me.
I love you.
I love you too, Aly.
And I hear
Almost everything
Almost every, every, every
every, every, every, every
Every, every, everything
Hey, everybody, I'd like to congratulate
the Vikings on their victory.
All right!
Also, I would like
to take this time...
to announce this year's
Winter Festival Queen of Hunter High.
And the winner is...
Alexia Wheaton!
Not now.
But you've just won!
You've just won!
Go!
I believe in heaven and know
Look, Simon, I know
you haven't gotten...
the best impression
of me so far.
So, let's start over.
Surely I should see it all
Alex did say I should
get to know you better.
So take care
and don't go too far
I will miss your soul
And when the distance grows
and the nights are long
And you're scared at times
and you wonder why
Take care and don't go too far
I will miss your soul
So take care
and don't go too far
I will miss your soul
And when the distance grows
and the nights are long
And you're scared at times
and you wonder why
Take care and don't go too far
The road back home
is shorter than you know
..::McLane::..
Alexia Wheaton!
Let's get a move on!
Man, oh, man.
Chill, you vagrant. I'm coming!
Ben, Nan, later.
We can't let her go out
in public like that, Ben. Alex!
Stop!
Whoa!
What's wrong with you,
besides the obvious?
- We're gonna be late again.
- Oh, pop a Midol.
Who said anything about being late?
I've had it.
I am going to clean out her closet.
And from now on, it's cardigan sweaters
and monogrammed blouses.
And I don't think that it's healthy
that she call me Nan.
It shows a total disregard
for our family hierarchy.
Nan, listen.
Have you noticed that when you insist
that Alex calls you Mom...
the greater pleasure she gets
from calling you Nan?
And when we object
to her provocative clothing...
she just finds something
more provocative to wear the next day.
And when we encourage the girls
to get along...
the more out of hand
their sibling rivalry gets.
What have our patients
been telling us all these years?
That their parents
have ruined their lives.
Exactly. Now...
I think the only way
these girls are gonna get along...
show us some respect
and bring harmony to this household...
is for you and I
to stop interfering.
There'll be no reason for them to rebel
against our rules and demands...
because...
there won't be any.
- Morning, Hayley.
- Hi.
Oh, excellent shirt, Aly. Wow.
That's three days in a row, Hayley.
If it happens again, I'm going
to start deducting from your grade.
It won't.
All right.
Now tomorrow's quiz will require...
slide identification
of the following constellations...
Canis Majorus, Leo...
Taurus...
That rhymes.
Cool shorts, guys.
Doctor's orders.
He said I had to sit out again.
What do you think
they're talking about right now?
Etruscan art.
- How should I know?
- It's your sister.
Sabrina, is that stubble?
I swear, I shaved this morning.
I must have just missed a spot.
So, Alex,
what's the limit on the festival again?
No limit.
Hello, beautiful.
How you doing?
All right. Test scores are in.
Time to face the music.
Mr. Gerard.
You need to make that up with me.
Very nice.
Barely adequate.
But Hayley here. Very nice.
It's nice to see someone coming out
smelling like a rose.
Lose the gum, if you would.
So, any questions
about grades, homework?
Life, in general?
- Mr. Watson?
- Yes, Alexia.
Can I go to the ladies' room, please?
What difference does it make?
Oh, I think it's so admirable
that you attended the police academy.
You see, it's always been a dream
of mine to go into law enforcement.
But my parents, whom, by the way, think
you're a wonderful administrator...
want me to get a degree first,
like you.
I never knew anyone looked to me
as a role model.
Oh, since the ninth grade!
But in order for me
to follow in your path...
I have to start
by getting into Felder first...
and, well,
I was thinking that you...
being a distinguished principal
and all...
might like to write
a recommendation for me.
And what might the recommendation say?
Dear Admissions Committee...
though Alexia Wheaton is in...
the bottom half of her class...
she dresses well.
Oh! So you'll consider it.
Where's the dirt?
She hasn't written in two weeks.
Think she's onto us?
Do you think they do it?
Well, I don't have
any documented evidence, but...
Man, they are so in love.
We better evacuate.
- There you are, Kyle.
- Thanks, Mrs. Wheaton.
And do you have
enough salad there, Caitlin?
Yes, thanks.
You've got to be kidding.
- We have guests.
- I don't mind.
- I don't mind.
- Part of her experiment.
You know, I made the fuel
from an apple you threw away.
It was mealy.
What?
Kyle, would you mind serving me?
My nails are still wet.
Sure.
- Small portions, please.
- Sorry.
Well, everyone. I found it.
- Found what?
- The most outrageous dress...
for Winter Festival.
- And how low is it cut?
- And how much?
It's 200 and something.
As in over $300
with tax for a dress?
Your limit was 200.
I know, but...
what's an extra hundred
over the course of a lifetime?
My children will see me in these photos,
and I want them to think I look nice.
But there must be another nice dress
for a more reasonable price.
But this one sounds so very special.
So, here. Here's the credit card.
Wear it in good health.
Why don't you take Hayley with you...
so that she can pick out a dress
for the Winter Festival too?
- That's a great idea. Can I come?
- Wait.
We're sisters. We're not friends.
And we don't shop together.
- Alex, that's terrible.
- Honey.
I'm not going anyway.
But, Muffin!
This is your first Winter Festival,
and it would be such fun.
And don't you want to be there
to see if your sister gets crowned...
queen?
You probably know
what you want to do.
Stay at home.
Watch the Discovery Channel, huh?
Amen.
- Go ahead.
- Oh, no. It's yours.
Well, here. We'll share it.
There you go.
Canis Majorus.
Canis Majorus.
And Leo.
Arcturus, where are you?
There you are. Okay.
I wish I were Alexia Wheaton.
Man, oh, man! It worked!
What? What worked?
- I...
- You did this?
I made a wish
when I saw a shooting star.
You made a wish to be me?
I didn't think it would work.
I don't like it in here!
Wish us back!
I don't think that's possible, Hayley.
I think it is, Hayley! Do it now!
I can't. It's daytime.
Well, I hate to spoil your fun...
but I have a lot of personal stuff
to deal with today.
And we are not leaving this house
till things are back in order.
I'll handle this.
Me? I'm Alexia.
Alexia Wheaton.
Personally, I like it best...
when my boyfriend Kyle
calls me Aly.
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
Yadda, yadda, yadda
Now reverse the wish.
All right. I wish I were Hayley.
Don't you know
the birthday candle rule?
You have to say the wish to yourself,
otherwise, it can't come true.
On to plan B.
- It's a wishing well.
- Got it.
Would you try it
with a little more "umph"?
I can't do this.
I can't be you.
And you obviously lack
the social grace to be me.
I don't believe this.
I have split ends.
- I have an astronomy test today.
- Don't stress.
I had Frauenfleder
when I was a sophomore. I'll just cheat.
But you can't. Ow!
I mean, I... You...
You can't do that.
When he passes out the test,
just faint or something.
Get sent home sick.
I can make up the test tomorrow.
You can spend the day watching TV
and eating.
Deal. Close your eyes.
No one finds out about this.
Especially Caitlin.
Undoubtedly, she'd leak it
to the National Enquirer.
I don't want any rumors going on
about me the week of the festival.
Ouch! What about Mom and Dad?
They'd have us committed.
So wait. We have a secret?
You and me?
So, is there anything
I need to know about you...
other than being a grungy
social outcast?
I'm not grungy.
I just have my own style.
Dirt under the fingernails is in?
You won't mind if I remove it,
will you?
So, how do I look?
Today is definitely day one.
- Day one of what?
- My diet.
Excuse me.
I mean, your diet.
A fruit and veggie fast.
You're bloated.
What are you talking about?
I'm a knockout.
The makeup may be a bit heavy.
Not me.
Whatever. Lose the gum.
Today, you're mine.
Good morning, Daddy.
Mom.
You're looking particularly
adorable today.
And, as usual, Alex...
you are looking quite stylish yourself.
Sis, allow me.
How about a little cereal?
That's okay.
I'm on a fruits and veggies fast only.
Actually, we should get going.
I wouldn't want Hayley to be late
for her big test.
Nan, Ben.
- Hi.
- Grow up!
Excuse me.
- What are you doing?
- Driving.
You don't know how to drive.
Give me my keys.
Give me my keys now.
Thank you.
You should know better.
If I still had my badge,
I'd have to write you up.
What are you, drunk?
She was up late, studying,
so she could raise her GPA.
Isn't that right, Alex?
And I was just giving her, Hayley,
my little sis, a driving lesson.
It won't happen again.
Hayley, I wouldn't want anything
to harm your chances...
of representing Hunter
in the science fair in D.C.
- I certainly wouldn't.
- Thank you for being so understanding.
You are a wonderful administrator
and an asset to this school.
At least,
that's what Alex keeps telling me.
You're my hero, Mrs. Mitter Mon...
I won't tolerate
being called that name.
Now get to class.
You'll have approximately two and a half
minutes to answer each question...
after the corresponding slide
has been shown.
And I do suggest that you keep your eyes
on your own paper...
because if you don't, I will pluck them
out and keep them in a jar on my desk.
In the Ptolemaic Universe,
is it the Earth in the middle...
with the stars and stuff
rotating around...
or is it the sun in the middle...
Mr. Frauenfleder?
I'm... I'm not feeling very...
Eleven serving six.
Ow!
- Are you okay, Alex?
- I'm fine.
Muffin.
I'm her mother.
Let's get you home.
I'd feel much better
if we could get some ice cream...
and maybe stop
at Blockbuster on the way.
- Hi.
- What did I do?
Can't I just say hi?
Of course you can. Hi.
Oh, I guess you heard
that Hayley went home sick.
I'm so worried.
I'm going over after school.
- I mean, what if there's brain damage?
- Oh, trust me, she'll be fine.
Why don't you come and eat lunch
with me and my gang?
I mean, Hayley would hate for you
to seem like a loner.
Really? Okay.
Talley... Thanks. Talley, Sabrina,
Kazumi, this is Caitlin Scheinbaum.
- She's eating lunch with us today.
- Why?
Because she's Hayley's very best friend
in the entire world.
- So?
- So...
So be nice to her.
Hayley went home sick.
Hayley and I always wondered what
it would be like to eat with you guys.
She'll be bummed she missed it.
Oh, well, you can both eat with us
tomorrow. We'd be happy to have you.
Right, guys?
Oh, but don't bring
another tuna fish sandwich.
It's one of our rules.
- Sorry.
- Rules?
Duh. They're supposed to be secrets.
Your secrets are safe with me.
You can tell me anything.
Well, we alternate
bringing diet sodas for everyone.
Tomorrow can be your turn.
- Okay.
- Tic Tac, anyone?
Oh, Alex. What happened?
Oh. Volleyball. You know.
- Looks gruesome.
- That no makeup thing.
That's actually very in.
Self, March issue.
Anyway, Alex, tell us what happened
last night. How did you do it?
- Do what?
- Dump Kyle.
Why would I do
a stupid thing like that?
Kyle's perfect.
- Alex, hello.
- You hit the limit.
- What limit?
- The three-month max.
Rule three, designed to maximize
our experience with different men.
As of midnight last night,
the clock was up on Kyle.
We reminded you yesterday.
I thought the plan...
was to ask him over for dinner,
do a little hot tub...
call him a sick puppy
and then send him on his way.
How could I have?
I'm sorry.
- Can I talk to you a minute?
- What could there be left to say?
Just give me a second, please?
All right. Fine.
Geez.
Okay. Kyle, whatever I said last night,
I didn't mean.
I wasn't being myself.
Let's go for a walk this afternoon
like old times.
Listen, Alexia,
I have practice after school.
I'm not interested in going with someone
who calls me a sick puppy.
I can understand why you'd be angry...
but...
how can you resist me?
I'm sorry.
I haven't been myself lately.
Can't we just get together
after practice and talk?
I could give you a ride home.
Well, I guess I could use a ride.
I'll be through at 4:00.
Yes!
Mr. Frauenfleder?
Do you remember me,
Alexia Wheaton, Hayley's sister?
Yes, you're the one
who ignited the counter...
after neglecting to follow my directions
during chemistry section.
I still can't get the funding
to replace it.
Hayley just wanted me to stop by...
and find out
when she can make up for the test.
She can take it orally
when she's better.
Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine tomorrow.
Mr. Frauenfleder...
out of all your students,
is Hayley, perhaps, your favorite?
You, of all people, should be thankful
I don't rank my students, Alexia.
Well, between you and me...
do you think she has a shot at winning
the science fair and going to nationals?
Well, she's not very comfortable
at public speaking...
but I expect she'll get it right.
Hayley's very tenacious.
Thank you.
I'm coming!
Oh, we don't want any.
Oh, no. They're for you, Hayley.
A get-well thing.
I heard about your episode,
and I was worried.
Thanks, bud.
These are delish.
I'd ask you in, but I'm ill.
Maybe I'll see you tomorrow
at school or something.
You don't wanna know who I am?
I don't know you?
It's weird. Sometimes it's hard
for me to keep things straight.
People, places, nouns, in general.
That is weird.
I'm Simon Smalley.
I just moved in next door.
- I've been wanting to meet you.
- Thanks for the cookies.
So are we gonna get in the car?
We could do that.
Whoa!
Geez!
Hey, the curb!
Wait!
Don't you remember where I live?
Whoa!
Maybe I should drive.
Oh, this is great.
- Thanks.
- Sure.
Since when do you listen to this?
Oh, that reminds me. We better
do our thing before Alex gets home.
- What thing?
- You know...
see if she made a new entry
in her diary.
I'm dying to figure out
what happened between her and Kyle.
Oh, and I have to try on
that killer top she wore on Monday.
Kyle, I just want you to know,
that, no matter what happens...
I think you're the nicest, smartest...
most gorgeous guy I've ever met
in my entire life.
I hope this doesn't sound lame...
but I've never seen you look
as beautiful as you do right now, Aly.
And I mean that.
Without all that makeup
and hairspray and stuff...
I can see you.
Kyle, tell me you love me.
Well, I...
Don't you?
Yes. I mean, no.
I mean, I really like you a lot.
I just...
Let's just be together, okay?
All right. Come here.
Hello, dear family.
You look like
you're craving a salad.
Your nails!
So where have you been
all afternoon?
So, how is everyone?
Alex, why don't you
come with me to the kitchen...
and I'll show you
how to liven up that salad?
It's not that bad.
- What?
- What is that?
- What?
- This.
- That!
- Ow. I don't know.
That's a hickey, you tramp.
This? This is a hickey?
Yes!
It sounds like Alex got a hickey
and Hayley finds it distasteful.
Who did this to you?
I mean, me.
I mean...
Who the hell did this?
Well, Kyle.
We were kissing...
and I guess things got
a little out of control.
You don't know how to kiss.
I'm a natural.
Wait a second.
I broke up with Kyle last night.
Well, you got back together with him
this afternoon.
This is unethical, Hayley!
- How could you?
- I couldn't resist, Alex.
He told me I never looked prettier.
He was talking to me.
No, he was talking to me.
You weren't there. Besides...
he doesn't like
all that makeup you wear.
That's it.
Outside! Thanks a lot for ruining
the most relaxing day of my life.
Well, I have never seen Hayley
express her emotions so openly.
Do it! Do it now!
It's overcast. I can't.
You mean to tell me that I'm stuck...
in this measly little body
for another day...
while you just parade around...
ruining my reputation
and destroying my beautiful nails?
Looks that way, doesn't it?
That it is. This is war!
I'm gonna get you back.
Fine. Be that way.
It was worth it.
I'm on to you, Hayley.
I know all about you and Caitlin
invading my privacy.
Reading my diary,
trying on my clothes. Excuse me!
- Where do you think you're going?
- Ow! My room.
Let's get something straight, Hayley.
You might have my body, breasts
and boyfriend, but you are not me.
Go to your own room.
Fine. But what would
Mom and Dad think?
Fine, but if you touch anything...
you'll wish you had never been born.
- Fine.
- Fine.
Good morning, Alex.
This would be day two
of your diet, right?
What diet?
How about some juice with that?
What are you doing?
You want to fit into
your festival gown, don't you?
Screw the festival.
You're not... You're not gonna let her
go out like that, are you?
- I don't see why not?
- You don't think it's flattering?
You'll make a fool of me.
I mean, her.
Well, I really don't care
what you think.
Now, I recall you going out in public
in the same outfit not so long ago.
That was Halloween!
Mom, you've gotta lock her in her room
so she can't get in any trouble.
- Ben, she's got a point.
- Uh, uh, uh.
Hayley can wear whatever she wants.
It's an expression of her individuality.
And, Alex...
the same goes for you.
- Isn't that what you wore yesterday?
- Mm-hmm.
But the dance photos are today.
Did you at least shower?
- What about my ride?
- Heard of walking?
I'm your new neighbor Simon.
Could I have a ride?
Oh, sure, but hurry and get in...
'cause I'm trying to make a quick exit.
My sister and I are in a fight,
and, well, she's a little crazy.
All right. Hold it there. Good.
Good.
Hold it and say "queen."
Queen!
Okay. Let's try that again.
And say "queen"!
Queen!
- And say "queen."
- Queen.
That'll have to do.
No way!
What do you want?
Are you up for that oral exam?
Whatever.
Slide one.
Omega Nebula in Sagittarius.
Slide two. Omega Nebula.
Define the Ptolemaic Universe.
You're the teacher.
You should know.
Hayley, that's enough.
Please define it.
I am drawing a blank.
How about another question?
All right.
Tell me what a comet is.
Now you're speaking my language.
It's an abrasive product used
to scrub away sink residue.
Attention, all students.
All club dues must be paid by Friday...
except chess club,
which has been canceled this year...
due to lack of interest.
Aly, hey.
Hi.
You are so pretty, Aly.
Thanks.
I brought you something.
- You wrapped it yourself.
- I know it's not the best...
It's great.
Oh, I love it.
Why don't you blow off your friends
and come sit with me?
I just have to make an appearance.
I'll be there in a sec.
Smell much?
Ew!
Same ensemble, two days in a row?
Alex, that's violation
of rule number four.
- Don't tell me it's from Kyle.
- It's from Kyle.
Alex, that is totally unacceptable.
We signed these rules in blood.
Some of these rules are a little hard
for me to abide by. Sorry.
But they were your idea.
Well, my newest idea
is that we abolish them.
Very funny.
- Where is she going?
- What is she doing?
- It's so good to see you.
- Likewise.
But what's with your sister,
or should I say Madonna?
She's just trying to prove a point,
you know...
that she doesn't care
what people think of her.
Although I know she really does.
- Hi.
- I can't relate to her anymore.
I thought about it, and realized I fit
in better with you and your friends.
You got it all wrong, Caitlin.
Stay away from them.
You walk the walk
You talk the talk
It makes me feel
So real
The way you move
The way you smile
It touches me
Deep inside
You got me
Oh, Kyle, you're such a good kisser.
Give me another hickey, baby!
The things that you do
- Check it out.
- Oh, my God!
The things you do
What do you think
your parents will do...
when they find out what a disgrace
the two of you are?
You can rest assured they'll be
in tomorrow to hear all about it.
I should have blown the whistle on you
when I caught you driving.
But this... such disrespect.
This is grounds for disqualification
from the science fair.
Who wants to be in a geek fest anyway?
Wait. It means everything
in the world to you.
Just give her another chance,
Ms. Mittermiller, please?
As for you, Alexia,
one more scene of misconduct...
and I'm going to suspend you.
How would that look
to the Felder panel?
Or for that matter,
to the festival voters?
Do it, and we'll find out.
But I've... I mean...
She's worked her entire life
on becoming queen.
And I've admired it so.
Don't do it, Ms. Mittermiller.
So who's gonna vote for you anyway?
The student body's opinion
of you both...
is on display
in the ladies' bathroom.
Follow me.
Clean it off if you want
to be admitted back to class.
I can't believe you would do that.
I've been working a year
on that project.
If I could have,
I would have had you expelled too.
I mean, at first you come home
with a hickey on your neck.
Next, you're practically mauling
my boyfriend at the cafeteria.
What next, Hayley?
What, are you gonna lose
my virginity too?
You... You're a virgin?
Yes, I'm a virgin!
I have morals, Hayley!
You obviously don't know
very much about me.
Wow. I mean, Caitlin and I were sure
that you and Kyle were...
Well, I didn't do anything like that,
except kiss.
- A lot.
- You didn't?
I can't believe you actually thought
I would do that.
What am I supposed to think?
I'm sorry, Alex.
I'm really sorry.
Look, we'd better cut this out...
before we just destroy
each other's lives.
Okay? There's nothing more important
to me than going to Felder.
I just want a chance.
Please don't take that away from me.
I won't.
But you gotta get me out of this
and into the science fair.
Deal.
You deserve a lot of credit
for my brilliant accomplishments.
You're the finest teacher I ever had.
Please give me my spot back.
Let me start over.
I've worked a year conceiving and
putting this project into practice...
Mr. Frauenfleder.
And I had high hopes for you...
but you've brought back
the memory of your sister.
That was an accident. Besides,
Alex wasn't that bad, was she?
What do you expect
from a girl like that?
That's a little harsh.
- Who did you come here to defend?
- Hay... Me.
Winning the science fair
and going to nationals would be...
the highlight of a lifetime.
I know I've made some mistakes,
but...
please don't
take that away from me.
Truce?
I've got a couple more conditions.
Stop chewing that gum.
You're giving me cavities.
Wait. Hold on. One more thing.
I can't bear
to look at this any longer.
You're coming to the mall with me
to pick up my dress.
I don't wanna let you
out of my sight.
- Can Kyle come?
- Fine.
Look, you can put your arms around him,
or you can hold his hand.
But no kissing, okay?
It's just not right.
- Truce?
- Truce.
- See you.
- Bye.
Bye.
Let's go home and make that wish.
Yeah.
So what did my friends say
when they saw you...
in the same outfit
two days in a row?
"Violation of rule four."
So I guess you heard
about the rules.
Yeah, that one,
the three-month max...
and no tuna at lunch?
What other bizarre restrictions
do they put on your life?
Well, let's see.
You have to shave
your legs every day.
You have to read Self
cover to cover.
And you have to weigh in
every Friday.
Do you know that Talley has a scale
in her locker?
- You kidding?
- No.
I kind of suggested
you abolish the three-month max.
Yeah, that rule
needs to be amended.
I really want to be with him.
I noticed.
At least I got to see how it feels
for someone to really like you.
A lot of guys really like you.
I mean, you as you.
You can get a boyfriend.
I mean...
you're cute.
It's just a matter
of having confidence.
You know, Talley told me
there are 910 boys in the student body.
- Simon?
- Yes, Simon.
I think you should go for it.
I'd be all tongue-tied.
So forget about talking.
Go in for the kill.
You're an experienced kisser now.
What if...
What if we spent one more day
as each other?
Why would you want to do that?
Well, you could help convince
a few of my teachers...
that I'm not really an airhead.
And I'll show you how easy it is
for Hayley Wheaton to get a guy.
They will be lining up.
So, you would sacrifice your life
for one more day?
Yeah, it'll be fun.
Ben, you were right.
Alex was mauling a boy...
Alex was mauling a boy...
while the little one danced seductively
on the cafeteria table...
miming sexual lyrics.
And she was
dressed like a hooker.
It was quite the getup,
wasn't it?
You saw it and you let her
out of the house?
Well, honey, you better explain
to Ms. Mittermiller...
what we're trying to accomplish.
We're trying to change
our parental strategy...
to a more hands-off method.
You see, we... we believe that
a child will fare better...
in a home that shuns
traditional discipline...
and learns from
his own experiences.
It seems to be...
It's been shaky
the first few days, but...
we're looking for
long-term results.
It's pretty innovative,
don't you think?
Eventually,
we plan to write a book.
Now, we do realize there are rules
and regulations...
here at the school,
but that's separate.
So just feel free to discipline
them however you feel is appropriate.
Just so long as the discipline doesn't
come from the parents...
we should be just fine.
It sounds extreme, but...
it seems to be working.
Well...
Thank you for taking time out
from your work to see me.
- It's been enlightening.
- You're welcome.
Those poor girls.
No wonder.
Up a little bit.
A little to the right.
A little bit more.
Test tomorrow.
Let's review.
Any volunteers?
Yoo-hoo.
Alexia, you think you can
learn to use the ladies' room...
before you come to class?
No. I wanna try it.
Please?
Try the problem?
You heard her.
Okay, let's see.
A cleaning solution is made up
of three chemicals...
"A," " B" and "C."
So far, so good.
There are equal amounts
of"A" and " B"...
and four times as much "C"
as there is "A."
What percentage of the bottle
is full of"C"?
You think you can walk us
through this, Alexia?
Okay. " B" equals "A"
and "C" equals 4A.
Therefore, "A" plus "A"
plus 4A equals 6A.
For your percentage,
it's 4A over 6A. The A's cross off.
Four-sixths is
converted to two-thirds.
Therefore,
your percentage is 66.6%.
Okay. Okay.
Yeah. Anyone...
Anyone agree?
I definitely agree.
Pick it up. Come on, guys.
Speed. Let's go!
Okay, let's bring everybody in!
And team!
Kyle, hold up a second.
I'm gonna start you.
Thanks a lot, Coach.
I was just studying
for a math test.
- It's tomorrow.
- Guess what I'm doing tomorrow.
- I give up.
- I'm starting!
Coach said my game is stronger.
It's gonna be amazing!
I'm gonna lead my team to victory.
You're gonna be crowned queen.
We'll dance all night.
How does that sound?
Like someone else.
I mean, there's no guarantee that
it's all gonna work out, but...
it's cool to think about.
Well, listen...
I was gonna wait until the dance to tell
you, but I want you to know something.
I'm... I'm sure it can wait.
- I love you, Aly.
- What?
I said I love you.
You shouldn't have
said that to me.
There's no pressure or anything.
You don't have to say anything back.
But I... It was just something
that happened this week.
I gotta go home.
I gotta study.
Wait a minute.
That's it?
Listen, the next time that you say it,
you know, the " L" word...
if you decide
you still feel that way...
pretend like
it's the first time, okay?
That was the first time.
That wasn't so great.
I was just wondering if maybe I could...
if I could have a ride.
Sure. Get in.
Here.
Oh, so sweet!
- To thank you for driving me.
- Oh, Simon, that's so thoughtful.
Really, it's a pleasure
driving you home.
- I couldn't stop myself, Alexia.
- Look, Simon, I think you're great.
- I think you're great too.
- You're just attracted to my looks.
It's not your looks.
I mean...
Well, no offense.
It's just that, physically,
you're not really my type.
At first, I thought
I had a crush on Hayley...
but now that
I'm getting to know you...
I realize our personalities
are much more compatible.
Hayley's too wild for me.
Wait. Back up.
You're talking about Hayley?
You think Hayley's attractive?
Well, it's what's inside
that really matters.
Look, Simon, I think you need to
get to know Hayley better.
We're sisters, you know.
We're a lot more alike than you think.
I checked the forecast.
Clear skies.
Perfect for stargazing.
Great.
Could you come over here a second?
I need your help.
I still don't understand
this paint-mixing problem.
Really? Why?
I keep thinking about
those skanky painters next door.
Okay, well,
pretend it's not paint.
Say, instead, it's perfume.
- Chanel?
- Okay.
So a perfume bottle is filled
with three different fragrances...
"A," " B" and "C."
So...
So "X" equals...
Three hundred?
- I got it right?
- You got it right!
I'm so excited! I got it!
We should do this more often.
Honey.
What should we do?
Should we take 'em to bed ourselves?
It's not as if we're telling them to go
to bed. We're just putting them there.
It's perfectly harmless, right?
Okay. Good idea.
There we are, baby.
Good night, sweetheart.
Come on.
Where's the star?
I wish I were Hayley Wheaton.
Morning.
Man, we picked a really bad night
to fall asleep early.
I'm making a protein shake
'cause we're gonna need...
a lot of extra energy
to pull this one off.
I laid out an outfit
for you on my bed.
Please don't forget to bring down the
gown. You'll be presented at halftime.
My moment of glory
and you will get to experience it.
By the way, there is a lovely picture
of you and the court in the paper.
I've been working
on your presentation...
and still, I don't understand
that whole distillation process thing.
Don't you have
anything to say?
Man, oh, man.
This is your life.
Okay, Hayley.
Let's get to school.
Morning, Mom. Don't forget to drop
my dress off at school, okay?
Girls, we know this is
a big day for you both.
We just want you to know
that whatever happens happens.
We know that.
Ready to write that book?
The college guidelines say that
they like to hear original responses.
So, Alexia...
we've noticed that your
grade point average is a 2.07.
Why do you want to go to Felder and
what makes you think we would admit you?
I'm not who you think I am?
Attention, all students.
Remember, today is the day
to get your votes in for queen.
The ballot box
will be closed by 5:00 p.m.
The winners will be announced
tonight at the dance.
During the distillation
the alcohol vapors...
run through the coils
and condense...
Within the container...
and come out the other end
of the coils...
and into the bowl.
I get it!
I actually get it.
Okay, so here are the note cards
just in case you get stuck.
Oh, please!
I'm gonna totally kick butt.
Aren't you Miss Know-it-all.
What's your problem?
Nothing.
It was my project.
I wanted to present it.
I'm just doing my best.
Okay, if you win, you get to present it
at the nationals in DC.
I'm not counting on it.
Hey, it's the place to be
before the dance.
- This is Caitlin's house.
- Way to go, Caitlin!
No. Her parents would never,
never ever let her have an open party.
I never said an open party.
My parents will slaughter me.
I never said an open party.
My parents will slaughter me.
Small price to pay when you consider
what it'll do for your social life.
Hayley, didn't you say you need
to talk to Caitlin for a minute?
Yeah. Caitlin, can I
talk to you for a minute?
Let me get this straight.
She invited you for dinner...
and you proceeded to include
the rest of the student body?
Pretty crafty, huh?
What makes you think
you can treat people like this?
We learned it from you.
Remember our motto, "Act superior,"
our number one rule?
Don't you guys ever get tired
of acting like snobs?
We're seniors.
We're supposed to live it up.
We have parties.
We use little weaklings like Caitlin.
If you think it's acceptable
to treat...
a kind and generous person
like Caitlin like that...
then we have no business
being friends.
And who else are you gonna hang
out with for the rest of the year?
Who cares?
It's cancelled.
We'll party at The Point instead.
Good. Now apologize to Caitlin.
She's a sophomore!
What do you expect from us?
Nothing.
A decent gesture would be far
too dignified for the three of you.
You know, you looked hideous
in the newspaper.
See if we vote for you
for queen.
Guys, we already did.
- What?
- We need to talk.
- Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait.
- Wait.
I saw you groveling with some
other guy at your car yesterday.
- Were you spying on me?
- What difference does it make?
Look, I just wanna end this
once and for all.
You were right the first time.
Three months is more than enough.
You know what else?
I didn't mean
what I said yesterday.
Love is a reciprocal thing.
It's not just one-sided.
No, go back in!
Go back in!
Oh, gosh!
Note cards.
Any time, Hayley.
Do you have a role model, Alexia?
My younger sister.
She believes in me.
I don't know
what goes on at your homes...
but I have a sister
who is incredibly wasteful.
If she bites into an apple that's
a little mealy, she throws it away.
By combining things
like rejected apples along...
with sugar and yeast
and converting...
the substance into alcohol
with a homemade pressure cooker...
it produces a grade
of ethyl alcohol...
that meets many of
my household energy needs.
That is, if I could convince my parents
into reading by lantern light.
Now, ladies and gentlemen,
if I could have your attention, please.
Hunter High School
is proud to present...
the finalists for
this year's Winter Festival.
And here they are,
the beautiful, the talented...
Jennifer Hatfield,
Laura Simms...
Nikki Snow,
Danielle Swanson...
and Alexia Wheaton.
Come on.
We've got things to do.
What are you doing in here?
I've been looking all over for you.
Wow. Look at you.
It's a thank-you present.
I knew you loved the dress.
But check these out.
Red shoes to match.
Caitlin talked me into them.
Megabucks.
So, what do you think?
Do you like it?
Of course I do.
It's a reflection
of my fashion sense.
Could you live
your life like that?
Sure, but that's irrelevant.
We're gonna switch back.
It's irreversible.
We can't switch back.
Of course we can.
No, we can't.
Why?
Last night when you were asleep,
I made the wish.
Look at me.
I'm still you...
and you're still me.
Hayley, come here.
Come sit down.
I saw the...
the same shooting star
when I was with Kyle.
I made a wish too.
A wish?
I made a wish that I was you.
Why would you wish that?
There I was...
this C-minus student...
about to break up
with my boyfriend over...
over some self-imposed rule.
I felt totally bored with myself...
and my friends and everything.
I realized that I didn't have much
of a shot at getting into college...
and...
I look up on the balcony
and I see...
I see my brainy,
adventurous little sister...
with all these interests,
like conserving energy...
and listening
to that awful music.
And I knew you would never
make the same mistakes I made.
And I just, I wondered what it would
be like to be Hayley Wheaton...
and then I saw the star.
Why were you so mad
when we switched places?
First of all, I wasn't about to admit
that I wanted to be you.
And I mean, I panicked. I never actually
thought that it would happen.
I guess we made the same wish
at the very same time.
That's why it didn't work.
What are we waiting for?
- I must have messed up my mascara.
- No, you're okay.
I'm just the person to fix it.
There you go.
You watch that half,
I'll watch this one.
Oh, you must be dying
to know about the science fair.
The results won't be
posted till tomorrow...
but I gave
a spectacular presentation.
Maybe I'll be a science major
if I get into Felder.
You will, Alex.
That is, if you can pull off
the 3.0 I promised them this semester.
Hayley, look.
Right there!
Ready?
- I wish I were Hayley Wheaton.
- I wish I were Alexia Wheaton.
It worked!
Oh, my gosh! I'm home!
How do you feel?
Tall.
How am I ever gonna
keep this neat?
You'll get used to it.
I'll help you.
Come on!
On a train
headin'east of here
Where I'll end up
I'm not quite clear
But I can't help myself
I must be settling down
Until they stop this thing
I'll get around
When I hear
it's been done before
And I hear
it's a simple thing
Then I hear
it's quite difficult
And I hear
Almost everything
Pass through deserts
and mountain streams
Outside my window
the scene's serene
The day I find myself
I'll be so very proud
But I will not get
passed up in the crowd
When I hear
it's been done before
And I hear
it's a simple thing
I'm gonna go find Simon, okay?
Hey, Hayley!
Hey, you wanna dance?
Hayley, yeah! That's me!
- Maybe later.
- All right.
Killer dress!
Hey, look,
here's the deal, Alex.
We forget about all the rules,
except for number nine.
Number nine?
The one that says that
we'll be friends forever.
Thanks, you guys.
I'll see you later, okay?
Now I'm not trying
to cut anyone down
But I know it's been
going on too long
Simply doin' what you feel
Is the best way
not to go wrong
Just give me
one more chance, please?
What about that other guy
I saw you with?
Other guy?
Kyle, you got it all wrong.
There's only one guy for me.
I love you.
I love you too, Aly.
And I hear
Almost everything
Almost every, every, every
every, every, every, every
Every, every, everything
Hey, everybody, I'd like to congratulate
the Vikings on their victory.
All right!
Also, I would like
to take this time...
to announce this year's
Winter Festival Queen of Hunter High.
And the winner is...
Alexia Wheaton!
Not now.
But you've just won!
You've just won!
Go!
I believe in heaven and know
Look, Simon, I know
you haven't gotten...
the best impression
of me so far.
So, let's start over.
Surely I should see it all
Alex did say I should
get to know you better.
So take care
and don't go too far
I will miss your soul
And when the distance grows
and the nights are long
And you're scared at times
and you wonder why
Take care and don't go too far
I will miss your soul
So take care
and don't go too far
I will miss your soul
And when the distance grows
and the nights are long
And you're scared at times
and you wonder why
Take care and don't go too far
The road back home
is shorter than you know
..::McLane::..