Wyrm (2019) Movie Script
1
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MARGIE (VO):
Dylan, don't be rude!
DYLAN (VO):
What? I mean, how did they even
meet?
ALLEN (VO):
They met through the computer.
MYRCELLA (VO):
How can you meet a person
through the computer?
DYLAN (VO):
What kind of girls like guys who
like computers?
ALLEN (VO):
Your mother, for one.
DYLAN (VO):
Gross!
Puke.
WYRM (VO):
Are they gonna get married?
DYLAN (VO):
Who cares?
She's not even hot.
MYRCELLA (VO):
She's pretty.
DYLAN (VO):
Okay, lesbo.
MARGIE (VO):
Dylan!
DYLAN (VO):
What? Are we not allowed
to joke anymore?
ALLEN (VO):
Just, cut it out!
WYRM (VO):
Why did Mikey Walters get kicked
off the football team?
Hey, Wyrn.
DYLAN (VO):
The seniors made the whole team
watch this porno...
-Hey, Charley.
-Listen, Mads Nillson fingered
your sister
at the cinemas yesterday.
-Mads from Sweden?
-Norway.
Thought you should know.
So, when something happens to
one of you,
does the other one feel it?
Like, in their brain?
I think that's only
identical twins.
Cool.
Okay. See you.
[Chuckles]
[]
-Hey, Uncle Chet?
-Hm hmm?
Can I ask you something?
WYRM :
How did you and Flor meet?
On the internet.
In a chat room.
Which is not a real room.
Doesn't she only speak Spanish?
It's amazing all the stuff you
can say
with just your body.
You know what I mean by that,
right?
What's your favorite thing about
being in a couple
with Flor?
I think it's that
she's my girlfriend
and my best friend.
I thought Steve Marker
from the factory
was your best friend.
He was.
But Steve can be
a real dildo.
Who's your best friend?
Myrcella?
I don't think your sister can be
your best friend.
Also she's been really mean all
summer.
CHET:
Yeah, she's been mean to me,
too.
You're gonna make
a ton of friends
in high school, though.
I had so many friends
in high school.
Girlfriends, too.
Do you want a girlfriend?
Yeah, or someone to talk
to who's my age, you know?
CHET:
I just think with the right
girlfriend
you'd be really happy.
You can do your homework
together,
you can listen to those tapes
you make.
You can experiment and learn
things, you know,
about each other's bodies.
Now, hold still, buddy.
MYRCELLA:
I'm a woman now.
I need privacy and space for my
personal items.
Opposite sex siblings
our age...
should not be sharing rooms.
Even Izzy and her sister got
different rooms...
when Izzy got her period.
I propose you move
into Dylan's room.
It's empty, there's no such
thing as ghosts.
And it has
its own phone line.
Of our shared items,
you may keep the electric pencil
sharpener.
Uncle Chet's lava lamp
and the dinorama.
Please let me know
within 48 hours
if you accept these terms,
so I can redecorate
before school starts.
Uncle Chet says
the nachos are ready.
I don't want Mads Nillson
fingering anyone in our room.
What?
I don't wanna be related
to the only freak
in 9th grade who can't get his
collar popped.
What?
You are literally the last
incoming freshman
to complete their level one
sexuality requirement,
typically osculation.
Kissing.
Not including Franklin.
[Sighs]
Which we don't.
Because of his autism.
Right.
Of course.
Two weeks until we lock
schedules for the semester,
so, hop to it! Huh?
Hate to see that collar stuck on
another year.
Can't have any body
left alone.
That's the policy.
We're collecting collars
on picture day.
We've been mailing reminders all
summer, so...
You know, we're trying to go
paperless, but, ah, you know.
What about an extension?
Because of Dylan, you know?
A death in the family should
work in your favor.
Statistically.
[Kissing]
[]
Creep.
Yeah.
Creep.
[]
[]
[]
Don't know what I wish
we were
When I get too close
the window close
Don't know what you wish
I was
But at the end of the day
I'm just another broken...
[Dog barking in distant]
I don't need to wonder where
the wind blows
And now we're two,
I can be your hero
I don't want you,
round and round we go
Wyrm!
Wyrm!
Wyrm!
What?
Stop staring.
It's gross.
I wasn't staring.
IZZY:
Your name's Wyrm?
Yeah.
-Like the bug?
-No.
With a "Y" in the middle.
I'm Izzy.
The "y" is at the end.
-Did you just move here?
-IZZY: Yeah.
But my boyfriend still lives in
Florida so,
don't get any ideas.
I mean, I'm probably gonna break
up with him.
Still...
His name's Karl.
With a "C" or a "K"?
"K", obviously.
You should leave before
I practice my dance.
It's provocative.
[Music starts playing]
[Dial-up internet noise]
-What's that?
-What?
Oh, hey, it's your, ah,
it's your birthday present!
[Exhales]
It's a computer.
The Internet.
Huh?
Your dad put it in.
I'm just making sure
it works.
The birthday isn't until
Saturday.
About that, Myrcella wants
to have a pool party,
but I said you have to be okay
with that.
But, we don't have a pool.
We're gonna get one
at Big Shop.
Hey, you okay with nachos again
tonight?
Totally.
FEMALE HOST ON TELEVISION:
All eyes will be on
the pair to see
if this relationship
will flourish...
and lead to additional elephants
in the future,
through intercourse.
Do you guys wanna go see these
elephants?
I'm not eating nachos anymore.
What?
WYRM:
Is dad coming to eat with us?
Not tonight, buddy.
-What's wrong with nachos?
-They make you fat.
I don't think that's true.
I heard Mads Nillson loves fat
girls,
because his mom's fat,
and he has an epidus complex.
It's psychology!
-CHET: Hey.
-It's Oedipus.
-CHET: Hey.
And you're the one obsessed with
Mom.
Hey!
Flor made salad.
Wow.
[Clears throat]
Maybe we could all go to the zoo
next week and see them?
-See who?
-The elephants.
Should I bring him
some nachos?
-Who?
-Dad.
After dinner.
So, Flor drove all the way from
her mom's
to spend time
with you kids.
Didn't she need to give you your
car back
because she borrowed it without
asking?
She asked, I just didn't
understand
what she was saying.
Dumb.
You guys excited to be done with
Junior High?
It's called middle school.
[Speaking in Spanish]
Of course, baby.
High school is the best.
MYRCELLA:
What about college?
Well,
I went to junior college.
What's that?
It's like college
but it's two years
and there aren't any dorms.
Sounds like middle school.
Yeah.
[Clears throat]
-You guys want any advice?
-Don't need it.
-I'm going to Izzy's.
-Permission granted.
Thanks for letting me know.
Hey, picture day tomorrow!
Your dad wants 8x10's
for the fireplace!
She says she needs privacy and
space
for her personal items.
ALLEN:
Well, your mother
and I support you both
in however you choose
to resolve this.
Okay.
-Hey, dad?
-ALLEN: Yes, Wyrm?
You sure you don't want
some nachos?
ALLEN:
Well, thanks, but it's not
really a bathroom food.
Hey, dad?
ALLEN:
Yes, Wyrm?
Do you want a diet coke?
ALLEN:
I already have one in here, but,
thanks.
Hey, Dad?
[Sighs]
-ALLEN:
Yes, Wyrm?
How do you kiss a person?
And also...
...how do you finger them?
[Clears throat]
ALLEN:
Look, ah...
I think that's more,
uh, your mother's domain.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
These are really questions your
father
should be able to answer.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
-How's your hike?
-MARGIE (ON PHONE): Trek.
Right.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
It's the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.
Well, after giving birth
to you and your sister.
You had such large heads.
But you have to keep moving
forward.
It's the only direction
we have.
How many more miles
do you have to go?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
One thousand one hundred
and forty-seven.
Do you get lonely out there by
yourself?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
No, I've met lots of nice people
here
to keep me company.
And when it's just me I think
about you and your sister.
And Dylan.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Yeah.
Hey, you're gonna be here in
time for the memorial?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Of course.
How's the recording coming?
Pretty good.
I just need a few more quotes.
Everyone's been saying
really nice things.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
That's wonderful.
Is your sister there?
The sat phone battery Is low.
She's at Izzy's house.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Who's Izzy?
Her new friend from dance.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Oh!
I, I can have her
call you back.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
No, that's okay, I shouldn't
leave the phone on.
Okay.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
I'll call next Monday.
WYRM (VO):
Question one,
what is your favorite thing
and your memory about Dylan?
DYLAN'S FRIEND (VO):
Dylan man,
he'd just read this poem.
And, like, the whole class was
crying.
But it was in Spanish.
I didn't even know
he spoke Spanish.
WYRM:
Mom called.
You still have to say something
nice
for the memorial.
I need to finish
the recording.
I'm sure everyone else will give
you lots of dumb quotes.
I hope Mads gives you
Swedish herpes.
Herpes is the same everywhere.
Not if it's oral herpes.
At least I could actually
get herpes.
I could get herpes.
The only way you could get
herpes is if mom had herpes.
Don't be mean to mom.
MYRCELLA:
Don't tell me what to do.
All she wants to do
is talk to you
and you're not even here.
You're a bad daughter.
You don't know anything.
WYRM:
You're basically not even part
of our family anymore.
MYRCELLA:
You're going to wear
that collar
for the rest of your life.
Dear Jared, the fact that you
believe wearing a t-shirt
while swimming,
will make people think you are
skinny means
you are actually as stupid
as you are fat.
I hope the truth
finds you well.
Somebody just left that
in your mailbox?
That's how mail works.
I can't believe you got
hate mail.
What a pussy.
Who sent it?
No one knows.
JARED:
They always say these mean
things that aren't even true.
Scott got one, too.
And a bunch of girls
on the dance team.
Didn't you keep your shirt
on at Ana's birthday party
at the lake?
I have a skin condition.
At least I don't wear
turtlenecks like this weirdo.
You look like a dino dick, Wyrm!
SUZIE:
You shouldn't make fun
of him.
His brother died.
It's tragic.
I'm sorry, Myrcella.
Sorry.
It's fine.
He died a while ago.
LINDSEY:
Hey, Wyrm.
Hey, Lindsey.
Like my new ride?
Yeah.
Liar.
You get a hickey?
My neck just gets cold.
It's genetic.
Right.
So, when's my interview
for the memorial?
Um, soon.
I've just been really busy with
some personal things.
Great.
Well,
hope you can pencil me in.
Yeah, for sure.
LINDSEY:
And Wyrm.
Try rotating the chunky part to
the back.
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Smile.
No.
Next!
Please have your arm measurement
in hand
so that you may be efficiently
provided...
your secondary school Monitoring
Wrist Band.
If you do not know
your wrist size,
please see Frank, our parent
volunteer...
at the wrist measuring station
before getting in line.
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Next!
And remember,
please gently place
you're my ECU collars...
in the recycling bin
before you see Frank.
Thanks to science,
we know that the physical,
"physics",
is completely intertwined with
the emotional,
"emotions".
Girls are more attuned
to emotions,
boys are more attuned
to physics.
Not physics like the academic
subject, though.
Girls are actually better
at that than boys.
Statistically.
Let's all thank Frank
for his time.
Frank is Becca's father
and is recently divorced.
Next!
REGGIE:
Now, please open
your booklets to page 18.
On each page are two
relationship matrices.
One for your feelings toward the
party in question,
the other for the feelings you
imagine they...
feel for you.
Please fill these out for your
family,
friends, potential partners, and
any teachers
you feel a strong
connection with.
If the connection
is too strong,
we'll let the district
administrators know.
CYNTHIA:
Monitoring Bands must be worn on
your non-dominant hand.
Students with a disability such
as not having hands,
will be provided
an equally capable
ankle attached Monitor.
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Next!
[]
Next!
[Panting]
[Grunting
and taking deep breaths]
I'll come back.
One...
...two...
...three!
CYNTHIA:
Thank you, George.
Wyrm, you can't complete
your level one
sexuality requirement...
on your own.
It defeats the entire purpose of
the program.
If we allowed students
to "pop their own collars",
well, that's all anyone
would do!
[Chuckles]
And then they'd be lonely.
And lonely children
are dangerous.
Especially lonely boys.
All we want is for you
to keep up.
And we are willing to do
whatever it takes...
to make sure that happens.
Including holding you back.
[]
WYRM:
Hi, Mrs. Alderman,
is Jessica there?
Hi, Jessica.
It's me, Wyrm.
Wyrm from school.
I was wondering.
How would you like to make
41 dollars today?
Hello?
Did you try calling
all the girls you know
and see if they would
just do it for money
or something?
Yeah.
I made it to Mallory Fletcher
and then I had to stop...
because my mouth got really dry
and I started
getting really sad.
That's not very far.
Look.
It's so easy,
we just have to kiss for,
like one minute and then it will
be over and you'll be,
like, a year ahead
of all your friends.
What if someone catches us?
No one comes in here.
Just don't be nervous.
I think that's
the important thing.
Let me think about it.
You shouldn't think about it.
That's the other
important thing.
[Grunts]
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry!
Fuck!
Ah, goddamnit!
MYRCELLA (VO):
Dear Trevor,
you should not have gone
streaking at the JV game
in April.
Everyone tells you that
it was funny,
but what you obviously
fail to realize...
is that your wiener
is very small,
even considering the fact that
it was a cold day.
Dear Blake...
Dear Walter...
...Your mother
is an alcoholic...
...Your brother got sent to
boarding school...
...because he touched Nancy's
little sister
under the clothes...
No one wants to go to sleepovers
at your house anymore...
because their parents are
worried that being
a pedo might run
in your family.
I hope the truth finds
you well.
...the truth finds you well.
I hope the truth
finds you well.
CHET:
Women love injuries.
WYRM:
Yeah?
Yeah, it's biology.
It symbolizes that
you're a warrior.
Maybe not a good one,
in your case, but, you know.
It's science.
What are you painting?
It's Flor.
But I can't show it to you.
Oh.
It's a nude.
Hey.
I won't tell anyone.
You swear?
BLAKE (ON PHONE):
Dylan, man, he was just,
he was such a great guy.
He had beautiful skin,
it was like,
like white foam at the beach.
[Woman screaming
in television]
[Girl laughing]
BLAKE (ON PHONE):
He was my MVP.
I mean, he was, like,
the actual MVP, you know?
But, he was my MVP, too.
Like, in my life.
I have to pee.
BLAKE (ON PHONE):
If there was a fantasy draft for
dead buddies,
he'd be my number one pick, all
damn day.
Perfect.
Thank you.
[]
IZZY:
What are you doing?
Oh, hey.
Nothing.
-Were you spying on me?
-No.
Yeah.
Sorry.
It's fine.
WYRM:
What are you doing in here?
I got bored with the movie.
WYRM:
Totally.
And I've never been in a dead
persons's room before.
Thought it'd be scary.
WYRM:
He didn't die in here.
IZZY:
That's probably it.
Why were you taking pictures?
I like to take pictures of
people's rooms
when they're not there.
Can I see?
It's pretty neat.
I better get back.
A lady can only spend so much
time in the bathroom.
Do you wanna see something cool?
My mom has one of these.
So, are you coming
to the party?
Yeah.
Maybe I'll see you there.
Cool.
CHET:
Prime location.
And... stop.
Okay, Wyrm, you're with me.
We'll get the pool
for the party,
and some tropical stuff,
definitely tiki torches,
and any school supplies
you need.
Maybe some cologne
for when you talk to women.
Yeah, cool.
Myrcella, you're with Flor.
She needs a bikini
for the party,
so you can help with that.
But, make sure she buys
something...
that's appropriate for a
non-adult birthday party.
You can get a bikini, too, you
know.
Um, or not.
Up to you.
Or a one-piece would be fine,
too,
or if you already have
a swimsuit then we can do--
Oh, wait, wait, wait!
There's uh, one more thing.
[Grunts]
I'm gonna buy condoms
while we're here.
I normally buy them
when I'm alone,
late at night, but Flor needs my
car tomorrow
so I need to buy them now.
'Cause I'm out.
Oh my god!
That I don't need that
when we're checking out.
I need you to be mature
and act like an adult
and not say anything and just
look away
when the check-out lady
or man scans them, okay?
Okay.
Fine.
Great.
Great.
[]
[]
[Speaking in Spanish]
You could shoot this thing with
a gun and it won't leak.
Wow, useful...
Also we sell guns.
CHET:
How much is it?
-TANYA: Four thousand.
-Shit!
You could drown a family of six
in it.
And a big dog.
Maybe one of Myrcella's friends
will feel bad for you
and kiss you at the party.
Maybe.
Or probably not.
But there's always a chance.
[]
[Indistinct chatter
in distant]
[]
[Speaking in Spanish]
[]
Oh, no.
That's okay.
I'm gonna keep it.
Ah!
[Speaking in Spanish]
What?
[Grunts]
Yeah.
My lady.
[Indistinct chatter
in distant]
[Speaking in Spanish]
Sexy.
This party's sick.
[]
Is anyone sitting here?
No.
[]
What kind of cake
did you guys get?
-Ice cream.
-Mint?
-Chocolate.
-Good.
[Laughs]
MADS:
Hey! Everyone!
Listen.
-Show some respect.
-Thank you.
Mads and I would like to play
hide and go seek.
Oh, God!
Charley, since you're the only
7th grader,
you can be the seeker.
I'm gonna find you
guys so fast.
'cause I'm the best!
[Crow cawing]
Everyone else can hide with the
person
you're pooling with.
Let's begin.
WYRM:
This is a really good
hiding spot.
IZZY:
No one's looking for us.
Everyone's just making out.
WYRM:
Oh.
IZZY:
I'm gonna open these
doors now.
WYRM:
Totally.
It was getting uncomfortable.
Maybe we can hear them.
Your house makes weird sounds.
Sorry.
Why do you like dinosaurs
so much?
When I was little,
my dad told me that...
dinosaurs were kings
on another planet.
[Chuckles]
And they came to Earth
so they could rule here too,
but they all died off.
They couldn't keep up
and all the other animals
passed them by.
They just kept falling behind.
That sounds made up.
Yeah. Definitely.
IZZY:
It's cool, though.
I should help
my uncle clean up.
Oh... okay.
Okay.
Hey, Wyrm.
Hey, Mads.
This is a fun birthday party.
Thank you.
-Listen.
-What?
I feel that you should
move rooms.
What?
Myrcella needs her own room.
It's important
for our relationship.
Also...
maybe you are alone
because people think
you are a pervert...
for sleeping in the same room
with your sister
when there is another room with
no one in it.
Maybe they think
you want to spy on her
or kiss her or worse.
I don't think that, but...
maybe some girls think that and
talk about it
when you are not around.
Come on.
Maybe someday
we can be brothers.
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[Laughing]
Hey.
Hey!
[Laughing]
What a shit hide and seek.
No one cared
when I found them.
[Chomps]
Flor's so sexy.
What if she becomes
your aunt?
That'd be so cool.
Foreign chicks
are just so sexy.
I mean, she's not even as hot as
the girl
on the pool sticker,
but she's sexier.
My aunt's from Kansas.
[Chomps]
Do you think that's why
girls like Mads?
Even though he's not that
handsome.
Because he's from Sweden?
Norway.
I guess.
But he's pretty handsome.
Can I borrow
your sister's scooter?
Hi.
This is my friend, Wyrm.
He's from Germany,
looking for an American
girlfriend
while he studies here.
Wyrm, this is my cousin Becky
and her friend.
I'll leave you to it.
Hi.
Aren't you ashamed
to be from Germany?
Yeah, aren't you ashamed?
No.
Why?
-Because of Nazis.
-Yeah, because of Nazis.
Sam is Jewish.
CHARLEY:
Usually Becky's really nice.
On Easter she caught me looking
at her boobs
and didn't say anything.
It's okay.
It was a stupid idea.
What are you gonna do now?
I don't know.
[Clears throat]
Look on my works, ye ladies, and
despair!
Hi Sam.
Hey.
Ooh!
Oh, shit!
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
[Grunting]
BMX KID 1:
Oh, shitty balls!
[Grunting]
Are you okay?
[Grunting]
I'm fine.
I almost landed it.
-Were you watching?
-You were so close.
I'm probably gonna have scars
for the rest of my life.
Scars are sexy.
You're sexy.
[Kissing]
[]
[Beeping]
Nice.
One...
...two...
...three.
In a few weeks we will reapply a
new cast...
...that's not as snug.
Just don't scratch too much.
Hey, Chet?
Yeah?
Why don't you go get the car and
I'll send Wyrm out
in a minute?
Oh, yeah.
Sounds good, yeah.
I'll be out front, buddy.
Thanks, thanks Doc.
[Clears throat]
Wyrm?
Yeah?
[Sighs]
How are things at home?
Good.
Great.
Did-- Has your, um--
How are things
with your uncle?
Is he nice to you
and your sister?
Yeah.
Super nice.
Not too nice, though, right?
-What?
-Nothing.
How are your parents?
Great.
My dad got us Internet...
Oh.
And my mom's still
on her trek.
She got 1,000 miles to go.
We're all really
proud of her.
I'm thinking of going to see her
when she comes by.
That's great, Wyrm.
Is there anything else
I can help you with?
[Clears throat]
Dylan was a fine patient
who developed...
pubic and axillary hair
much earlier
than most in his cohort.
Does that work?
Yes.
Thank you.
Hi, Wyrm.
Hey, Lindsey.
Who beat you up?
Was it your uncle?
Uncles are weird.
No.
I... fell.
You're a terrible liar.
Just like your brother.
WYRM:
Why are you here?
Physical therapy.
For what?
My legs.
Oh.
So, really, what happened?
I broke my arm with a hammer.
Why?
I thought
if I was injured and...
had a cool cast maybe a girl
would feel bad for me...
and we could kiss and maybe do
other stuff.
I thought about
breaking my leg
but I wanted to walk still.
I'm sorry.
WOMAN 1 (OVER P.A.):
Uh, Lyndsey Smith,
exam room "C".
Do you know how stupid
you are?
Yes.
Good.
Also Ted Bundy did that
when he murdered women.
You and Ted Bundy
have the same ideas.
MYRCELLA:
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
What are you looking at?
The Internet.
It has pictures of everything.
Not just naked people.
Murdered people, too.
Everything in real life
they can't put on TV.
-Can I ask you something?
-You just did.
I need your help.
[]
I'll move into Dylan's room.
[Woman screaming in TV]
[Clears throat]
I'm going to go to the bathroom
and then go check
my electronic mail.
I'll probably be gone
for a while.
Not because of
the bathroom part.
Do you like the movie?
It's okay.
I like your black eye.
Thank you.
You'd look cool
with a black eye.
[Chuckles]
You're funny.
I broke up with Karl.
Just so you know.
Karl from Florida?
Yeah.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
Don't be.
He was a loser.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Didn't know how good he had.
What a dildo.
Yeah.
Do you think I'm sexy?
So much.
Then why don't you kiss me?
Do you have
any questions first?
What?
We just-- don't know each other
that well.
Why did your parents
call you Wyrm?
I don't know.
Okay.
[]
[Beeping]
[Roars]
On behalf of the City Secondary
School,
I would like to congratulate you
for completing
your level one sexuality
requirement,
typically osculation.
Please retain that certificate
for your records.
I can offer you
a handshake or a hug.
If you'd prefer a hug,
I'll need to have
one of my female colleagues step
in to provide it.
[Grunts]
What are you
always looking at?
The Internet.
Have you seen it?
Not really.
No.
It's like...
...everything.
CYNTHIA:
...which brings me to the easy
mnemonic to keep in mind
as you move into
the next stage
of your sexual and emotional
developments.
Not too early, not too late!
Should sexual intercourse
be completed
before your senior year,
you will be moved into the
vocational program,
a track more streamlined
for your...
advanced trajectory
into adulthood.
WYRM:
She says she and Karl are trying
to patch things up,
but, I'm gonna ask her our
before the memorial.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
I'll bet she says "yes".
Yeah.
How many more miles do you have
left?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
One thousand and four.
So you'll be passing by here in
a few days.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Yes, I almost forgot.
Yeah.
I was thinking maybe I could get
Uncle Chet to drive me...
down to the trail
so I could say hi.
Mom?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Sorry.
The battery is getting low but
that sounds wonderful.
-Yeah?
- MARGIE (ON PHONE): Yes!
Have Chet call me
when he gets a chance.
Dear, Sebastian,
none of us have forgotten how
you pooped your pants
all the way until
the 5th grade.
Girls are afraid to go
on dates with you
because they are worried you're
gonna go
in your pants, picked up.
I hope the truth
finds you well.
It has been brought
to our attention that
you are the individual sending
these cruel,
albeit factual, letters to many
of our students.
Do you have anything to say for
yourself?
The triangle is actually
the loneliest shape...
due to the fact that,
at any point in time,
each individual corner
wonders...
if the other two corners are
closer to one another.
CYNTHIA (ON PA):
Please excuse
the interruption.
Many of you students received
letters this summer...
that you have referred
to as the "Hate Mail".
Short, often harsh,
yet accurate descriptions
of yourselves, delivered via an
anonymous source.
Thanks to the brave work of
a foreign exchange student...
who shall not be named,
we have determined
who has been distributing
these notes.
If you received one of these
letters in question,
please see Myrcella Whitner for
a formal apology,
If you have not received one of
these letters,
please ignore this announcement
and all other information
presented herein.
Hey.
Is there something wrong
with your sister?
No, she's... fine.
Why?
CHET:
Well, Flor made her a salad,
and she said she never wanted to
eat again.
I think it's her period.
Maybe I should try to talk
to her.
WYRM:
No.
I mean, it's okay.
I'll ah, bring her some salad in
a few minutes.
CHET:
Thanks, buddy.
Yeah, for sure.
Izzy's gonna come with us
to see Mom on Saturday.
-That's this Saturday.
-What?
It's just.
Gonna need to reschedule.
Flor needs the car.
What do you mean? What for?
She just needs it.
I'll call your mom though
and we'll do it again
in a few days.
She won't be there
in a dew days.
She's passing by this weekend.
I mapped out the trek.
We'll just meet her the next
trail head.
It's no biggie.
Flor can't just take your car
whenever she wants!
It's your car.
Wyrm, when you're in a couple
and you love each other--
-You're not in love!
-Hey.
Come on!
You met on the Internet and
you're not even married.
She's just using you
for rides!
Girls do it
at my school all the time.
Shit!
[Knocking on the door]
MYRCELLA:
Go away.
I brought you a salad.
I'll just leave it out here.
MYRCELLA:
I know it was you.
What?
It was Mads.
MYRCELLA:
Stop lying!
It's not my fault you picked a
bad boyfriend.
MYRCELLA:
I hate you.
And not in the way we used to
say I hate you to Uncle Chet
when he tickled us too much.
I hate you so much I don't care
about you at all.
I am ambivalent.
[]
[]
[]
[Indistinct radio chatter
in distant]
Kid.
Hey.
Kid.
-What?
-Park's closing at sunset.
I'm waiting for my mom.
-Here?
-Yeah.
She's hiking the trail.
We don't get a lot of hikers
this time of year.
She's not like other moms.
You'll have to come back
tomorrow.
Fine.
[Car honks]
How did you find me?
Sorry.
I forgot.
I quiet, but I listen.
I hear.
Where are we going?
[Speaking in Spanish]
Okay.
[]
[Speaking in Spanish]
TELEVISION ANCHOR (ON TV):
We're told that zoo officials
initially believe
that the elephants'
reticence to implement
intercourse...
stems from a quote performative
shyness.
Hey.
You're in big trouble.
Yeah, I know.
I haven't figured out
your punishment,
but it's gonna be bad.
I'd spank you,
but that's weird.
What're you watching?
CHET:
The news.
They're shutting down
the elephant exhibit.
Why?
Turns out one of them's an
Indian elephant
and the other one's
an African elephant...
and they can't talk
to each other.
I guess there's different
elephant languages.
They wouldn't mate
and got pretty depressed
and stopped eating.
Almost died.
I'm sorry we didn't go
with you sooner.
Ah, no biggie.
Myrcella says there's pictures
of elephants
on the Internet, anyway.
Can I ask you something?
CHET:
Yeah. Shoot.
Why didn't you become
a painter?
I am a painter!
I paint all the time.
But, like...
...for a job?
Lots of boring reasons.
Ever tell you I was the first
kid in my whole class
to French a girl?
-Really?
-CHET: Yeah.
Becky Mathers.
She was--
she was really pretty.
Hey.
You like Flor, right?
Yeah.
She's pretty cool.
Yeah.
She is pretty cool.
Okay.
Good night, buddy.
Punishment tomorrow.
Good night.
[Phone ringing]
Hello?
-IZZY (ON PHONE): Hey.
-Oh, hey.
Hello?
IZZY (ON PHONE):
Is Wyrm there?
One sec.
Wyrm.
Wyrm.
Wyrm!
WYRM:
What?
It's for you.
WYRM:
Hello?
IZZY (ON PHONE):
Hey. It's Izzy.
Hey. What's up?
IZZY (ON PHONE):
So, my dad wants me to come meet
his girlfriend...
and have dinner with them at his
hotel room.
I don't want to go,
but my mom's making me.
-That sucks.
- IZZY (ON PHONE): Yeah.
IZZY (ON PHONE):
So, do you want to come?
Oh.
Yeah.
-Okay.
- IZZY (ON PHONE): Great.
I'd ask one of other
my friends,
but I'm too ashamed.
Awesome.
I'm getting another call.
I'd like to record my quote for
the memorial now.
Please state your full name.
Myrcella Francis Whitner.
Thank you.
Question one, what's your
favorite thing and or memory
about Dylan?
When he...
...died.
Why would you say that?
Why would you make
this dumb tape?
Just say something nice.
For mom.
He wasn't nice.
He was mean.
He never even talked to us.
He was a big brother.
That's how big brothers are.
He was just...
he was really busy.
Just because he was good at
things doesn't mean
he was a good person.
Everyone says nice things about
him now...
because they're worried people
will think
they're rude
or that he'll haunt them.
But he was an asshole.
A bunch of stupid lies
from stupid people
won't change that.
So, are you enjoying school?
It's fine.
-How's your mom?
-She works out a lot.
Ah, that's great.
Is there HBO in the room?
Yeah. There is, and get this,
karaoke at the restaurant,
if you want to come sing
something.
IZZY:
No.
Are you coming?
You know, Penelope's son,
Garrett,
he had a birthmark on,
on his neck.
Richard.
What?
So?
Well, he had it removed
with lasers and computers
It's like it was never there.
You know,
it was remarkable, really.
Neat!
I think you're beautiful
no matter what.
You're beautiful.
Richard tells me
you're on the dance team.
At your school.
Yeah, so?
I heard a sound that called to
me all through my heart
I knew it was your voice
Whoever said that I was a
victim of love
This was my own choice
As the wind goes howling
through the trees
Do you want another
Shirley Temple?
No.
And the fog's so thick,
I can barely see
And my heart is racing,
skips a beat
I'll be right back.
...your hand on me
Woah
Mom?
So, you're taking a break from
trekking?
No!
Of course not!
There was a forest fire
and I had to divert
for a few days
from the trail.
Didn't your uncle tell you?
Yeah.
Yeah, there was a huge blaze.
Plus, I needed supplies.
I need to restock.
Can't let some silly forest fire
slow things down, right?
Right.
Hey.
Want to go to Big Shop?
How's your sister?
She's okay.
And your father?
Still constipated.
He doesn't really like talking
to us.
That's not true.
He's always at work
or in the bathroom.
If you want to talk
to your father
about something
you have to talk to him
about something else.
Like sports.
Well, what am I saying?
Not sports because he doesn't
care for sports.
He doesn't enjoy them.
Do you understand?
I don't know.
Kind of.
Well, you'll be the man of the
house, soon.
Myrcella already thinks
she's a woman.
Hm.
Girls grow up
faster than boys.
Why?
I think...
I think the world makes us.
Tell Myrcella I still like to
talk to her about womanhood.
I'll call on Monday night.
When are you coming home?
Well, not for a little
while longer.
We have to keep moving forward.
It's the only direction
we have.
[]
You look so much
like your brother.
[]
[]
[]
Don't tell my mom.
I won't.
[]
Richard thought
you got kidnaped.
He almost called the police.
Sorry.
It's fine.
I told him you went home,
and you didn't want a ride
or anything.
He and Penelope
are watching HBO.
I hate her.
Don't you hate her?
Yeah.
[]
Wyrm means dragon.
What?
In old English.
When I was born
I was really small
and had a hole in my heart,
so my parents named me Wyrm so I
could be stronger.
Oh.
Wanna go out with me?
[]
No.
I don't.
But it's so cool that you would
think of me that way.
Yeah.
For sure.
It's not because
you're a bad kisser.
You need to know that.
So, like, for other reasons?
Yeah.
You should probably
keep this.
I'll just throw it out.
You know,
I should probably go.
It's getting pretty late.
Okay.
Is it still there?
What?
The hole in your heart?
No.
IZZY:
How'd they fix it?
They took a ventricle
from Myrcella's heart
and plugged it.
[Sobbing]
I literally didn't eat
for a week!
It's true.
He was so handsome!
[Sobbing]
DOROTHY (VO):
You don't even look like
brothers really.
I asked Dylan to talk me
up to her.
BRET (VO):
Dude, he was so nice that they
ended up
going to second base
at Homecoming.
I wasn't even mad.
MRS. CALLOWAY:
Pi never takes more than
it gives,
only offering a universal
usefulness
when dealing with difficult or
ambiguous problems.
Math problems.
MRS. CALLOWAY:
Mads?
You're needed
in the principal's office.
I heard he had sex
with a senior girl.
-JARED: Bullshit.
-It's true!
They were both virgins so they
didn't have
any condoms so he had
to jizz on his own leg.
But why?
She didn't want it
on her dad's car.
-He has leather seats.
-Yeah.
I heard his family's gonna move
so he doesn't have
to do the vocational program.
Back to Sweden.
Norway.
BRET (VO):
Angela wants to go
all the way,
but, she wants to do
a seance to bring
Dylan's ghost back.
SENIOR 1 (VO):
Dude, like,
that's funny that
you didn't see that coming.
BRET (VO):
Torn about it, because it's
really important to her that
"he's inside of me."
LINDSEY:
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Only pervs hang out
under the bleachers.
I'm not a perv.
That's too bad,
I could use someone with sneaky
perv skills.
For what?
LINDSEY:
It's a mission.
To get beer.
I can't be the getaway driver
and the heist-er.
I didn't know
you could drive.
I'm 17.
But, you don't have legs.
I still have legs,
you little shit!
Oh, yeah.
But, to answer your question,
I drive this car
with my hands.
You wanna see?
[Honking]
[Dog barking in distant]
[Laughing]
Holly shit!
[Laughing]
Oh, my God!
Come on, let's go!
[]
[]
[]
[Coughs]
[Laughs]
Do you know where we are?
This is where Dylan
and I crashed.
What?
I don't know.
I thought it'd be different.
Like in a cliff or a crazy turn
or something.
[Chuckles]
He was just a bad driver.
And there was ice
on the road.
[Takes a deep breath]
I guess you only need
one of those.
[Sighs]
Let me see
your tape recorder.
Testing one, two.
One, two.
State your name
for the record.
Wyrm Whitner.
What's your favorite color?
Blue.
What do you want the most?
A girlfriend.
[Chuckles]
Okay.
Who do you like?
Izzy.
The...
Yeah.
She doesn't like me back,
though.
Boo-hoo.
Who's your best friend?
I don't have one.
LINDSEY:
What about Myrcella?
Not anymore.
God, you are so sad.
Okay, easy one.
Um, what's your favorite food?
Spaghetti.
LINDSEY:
Hmm.
-Favorite shape?
-Triangle.
-Favorite teacher?
-None of them.
Why didn't you visit me
in the hospital?
What?
I don't remember.
Don't lie.
Boys are terrible liars even
though they do it
all the time.
-You were Dylan's friend.
-I was your friend too.
I was nice to you.
Not fake nice.
Real nice.
I can't explain it.
Try.
At first, everyone said
you were gonna be okay,
so I thought,
I don't have to go see you
because you're gonna be okay.
And then, I heard
from another kid...
that you couldn't walk
right now,
but it was gonna be okay,
they were teaching you learn how
to walk again,
but it was gonna be okay.
And then, I...
heard from my Uncle Chet that
you were paralyzed...
and that it wasn't
gonna be okay.
And that was like, three weeks
after the accident,
and I...
I wanted to come see you,
but I thought
you'd be so mad I didn't
come sooner and...
Like, when you don't do
the homework,
so you, you just hope
the teacher forgets about it
because it's been too long
to turn it in...
and I, I just hoped...
I hoped you'd forget
about me.
That sucks.
[Sniffles]
[Sobs]
Yeah.
[]
You probably think
I'm a terrible person.
No.
I mean, yes.
[Sniffles]
But you're just a boy.
All boys are terrible people.
Why?
Because you think the world
exists for you.
But it's the opposite.
I just don't want to be alone.
You're not.
You have a sister
and a weird uncle.
[Sniffles]
So, stop being such
a little bitch!
You're a bitch.
I know.
But-- but I have an excuse.
[]
[]
[indistinct chatter on tape]
[Speaking in Spanish]
Is my dad coming?
[Speaking in Spanish]
Yes.
Here we go.
[Exhales]
Hey, Dad.
Hey, kiddo.
Um, can we carpool?
MR. REGGIE:
I'd like to thank you all
for coming.
In his honor,
the school has dedicated
this decorative rock,
representing how Dylan
was truly a rock
of our community.
BLAKE:
You da MVP Dyl' Pickle.
DYLAN'S FRIEND:
Yes, dude!
Please note that
it is not a real rock,
so do not stand or jump on it as
it will break,
and was expensive.
Thanks to technology,
for generations to come,
students are invited to come sit
with Dylan,
and get to know him
for the inspirational
young man he was,
through the words of those
he inspired and moved most.
Recorded fastidiously...
by his small brother, Wyrm.
[Applauding]
To be clear,
Dylan is not buried here.
CARMEN (VO):
He was so handsome.
BLAKE (VO):
He was my MVP
BRET (VO):
Died like a pussy.
BRET (VO):
I was jealous of him.
BLAKE (VO):
He was so good at stuff,
you know?
BRET (VO):
If there was, like a fantasy
draft
for dead buddies,
he'd be my number one pick.
DOROTHY (VO):
You don't even look like
brothers.
DR. JOHNSON (VO):
Pubic and axillary hair
much earlier
than most of his cohort.
-MARGIE (VO): Dylan!
-DYLAN (VO): What?
MARGIE (VO):
Don't be rude!
DYLAN (VO):
How did they even meet?
ALLEN (VO):
They met through
the computer.
MYRCELLA (VO):
How can you meet a person
through the computer?
DYLAN (VO):
What kind of girls like guys
who like computers?
ALLEN (VO):
Your mother, for one.
DYLAN (VO):
Gross.
Puke!
WYRM (VO):
Are they gonna get married?
DYLAN (VO):
Who cares?
She's not even hot!
MYRCELLA (VO):
She's pretty.
DYLAN (VO):
Okay, lesbo.
-MARGIE (VO): Dylan!
-DYLAN: What?
ALLEN (VO):
Are we not allowed to joke
anymore?
Just, cut it out!
WYRM (VO):
Why did Mikey Walters get kicked
off
the football team?
MYRCELLA (VO):
Don't tell him.
DYLAN (VO):
The seniors made the whole team
watch this porno,
and Danny Masters made everyone
stand up
and he did a boner check.
MYRCELLA (VO):
Shut up.
MARGIE (VO):
This is not a dinner time
topic.
WYRM (VO):
What's a boner check?
ALLEN (VO):
Knock it off!
MARGIE (VO):
Wyrm, please pass the bread.
DYLAN (VO):
It's a check for boners.
Mikey had one.
WYRM (VO):
But, why'd he get
kicked off?
DYLAN (VO):
You can't get boners around your
teammates.
Kills the team bonding.
MARGIE (VO):
Wyrm, please,
pass the bread.
MYRCELLA (VO):
Boys are disgusting.
DYLAN (VO):
You're disgusting.
I gotta go.
I'll be home late.
MYRCELLA (VO):
It's family movie night.
ALLEN (VO):
Why don't you take
your siblings with you?
DYLAN (VO):
No fucking way!
They'd be bored anyway.
MARGIE (VO):
But don't stay out too late.
ALLEN (VO):
Who all's going with you?
DYLAN (VO):
Lindsey.
We're meeting Bret there.
MARGIE (VO):
Love you, honey.
ALLEN (VO):
Night, kiddo.
DYLAN (VO):
Night.
Peace, dorks.
[]
You are all invited to enjoy
complimentary lemonade
and cookies in the gymnasium.
[]
Made you something.
[Grunts]
Dear, Wyrm.
You are a terrible person.
And not just in the way that all
boys are terrible people.
Because you are mostly just
terrible to your family
and the people who love you,
like your sister.
Because maybe you are afraid
that since she knows you
the best,
she will tell the world
what a small and scared person
you are.
I hope the truth
finds you well.
I'm sorry I said I didn't want
Mads Nillson
to finger anyone in our room.
And for giving him
your floppy disks.
And for hoping he would
give you Norwegian herpes.
It's fine.
Izzy says she popped
your collar.
Yeah.
How was it?
It was like...
my tongue was a slug
and her tongue was a slug,
and we put them in a jar and
told them to fight,
but their hearts
weren't in it.
Yeah.
Then I fell in love with her and
now I feel so stupid.
I fall in love with every boy
that smiles at me.
I saw Mom.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I don't think
she's trekking anymore.
I don't think she ever was.
Oh.
I think, maybe she gets really
sad when she's here.
Yeah.
[]
Do you think Dylan fingered
anyone before he died?
I hope so.
Yeah.
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
MARGIE (VO):
Dylan, don't be rude!
DYLAN (VO):
What? I mean, how did they even
meet?
ALLEN (VO):
They met through the computer.
MYRCELLA (VO):
How can you meet a person
through the computer?
DYLAN (VO):
What kind of girls like guys who
like computers?
ALLEN (VO):
Your mother, for one.
DYLAN (VO):
Gross!
Puke.
WYRM (VO):
Are they gonna get married?
DYLAN (VO):
Who cares?
She's not even hot.
MYRCELLA (VO):
She's pretty.
DYLAN (VO):
Okay, lesbo.
MARGIE (VO):
Dylan!
DYLAN (VO):
What? Are we not allowed
to joke anymore?
ALLEN (VO):
Just, cut it out!
WYRM (VO):
Why did Mikey Walters get kicked
off the football team?
Hey, Wyrn.
DYLAN (VO):
The seniors made the whole team
watch this porno...
-Hey, Charley.
-Listen, Mads Nillson fingered
your sister
at the cinemas yesterday.
-Mads from Sweden?
-Norway.
Thought you should know.
So, when something happens to
one of you,
does the other one feel it?
Like, in their brain?
I think that's only
identical twins.
Cool.
Okay. See you.
[Chuckles]
[]
-Hey, Uncle Chet?
-Hm hmm?
Can I ask you something?
WYRM :
How did you and Flor meet?
On the internet.
In a chat room.
Which is not a real room.
Doesn't she only speak Spanish?
It's amazing all the stuff you
can say
with just your body.
You know what I mean by that,
right?
What's your favorite thing about
being in a couple
with Flor?
I think it's that
she's my girlfriend
and my best friend.
I thought Steve Marker
from the factory
was your best friend.
He was.
But Steve can be
a real dildo.
Who's your best friend?
Myrcella?
I don't think your sister can be
your best friend.
Also she's been really mean all
summer.
CHET:
Yeah, she's been mean to me,
too.
You're gonna make
a ton of friends
in high school, though.
I had so many friends
in high school.
Girlfriends, too.
Do you want a girlfriend?
Yeah, or someone to talk
to who's my age, you know?
CHET:
I just think with the right
girlfriend
you'd be really happy.
You can do your homework
together,
you can listen to those tapes
you make.
You can experiment and learn
things, you know,
about each other's bodies.
Now, hold still, buddy.
MYRCELLA:
I'm a woman now.
I need privacy and space for my
personal items.
Opposite sex siblings
our age...
should not be sharing rooms.
Even Izzy and her sister got
different rooms...
when Izzy got her period.
I propose you move
into Dylan's room.
It's empty, there's no such
thing as ghosts.
And it has
its own phone line.
Of our shared items,
you may keep the electric pencil
sharpener.
Uncle Chet's lava lamp
and the dinorama.
Please let me know
within 48 hours
if you accept these terms,
so I can redecorate
before school starts.
Uncle Chet says
the nachos are ready.
I don't want Mads Nillson
fingering anyone in our room.
What?
I don't wanna be related
to the only freak
in 9th grade who can't get his
collar popped.
What?
You are literally the last
incoming freshman
to complete their level one
sexuality requirement,
typically osculation.
Kissing.
Not including Franklin.
[Sighs]
Which we don't.
Because of his autism.
Right.
Of course.
Two weeks until we lock
schedules for the semester,
so, hop to it! Huh?
Hate to see that collar stuck on
another year.
Can't have any body
left alone.
That's the policy.
We're collecting collars
on picture day.
We've been mailing reminders all
summer, so...
You know, we're trying to go
paperless, but, ah, you know.
What about an extension?
Because of Dylan, you know?
A death in the family should
work in your favor.
Statistically.
[Kissing]
[]
Creep.
Yeah.
Creep.
[]
[]
[]
Don't know what I wish
we were
When I get too close
the window close
Don't know what you wish
I was
But at the end of the day
I'm just another broken...
[Dog barking in distant]
I don't need to wonder where
the wind blows
And now we're two,
I can be your hero
I don't want you,
round and round we go
Wyrm!
Wyrm!
Wyrm!
What?
Stop staring.
It's gross.
I wasn't staring.
IZZY:
Your name's Wyrm?
Yeah.
-Like the bug?
-No.
With a "Y" in the middle.
I'm Izzy.
The "y" is at the end.
-Did you just move here?
-IZZY: Yeah.
But my boyfriend still lives in
Florida so,
don't get any ideas.
I mean, I'm probably gonna break
up with him.
Still...
His name's Karl.
With a "C" or a "K"?
"K", obviously.
You should leave before
I practice my dance.
It's provocative.
[Music starts playing]
[Dial-up internet noise]
-What's that?
-What?
Oh, hey, it's your, ah,
it's your birthday present!
[Exhales]
It's a computer.
The Internet.
Huh?
Your dad put it in.
I'm just making sure
it works.
The birthday isn't until
Saturday.
About that, Myrcella wants
to have a pool party,
but I said you have to be okay
with that.
But, we don't have a pool.
We're gonna get one
at Big Shop.
Hey, you okay with nachos again
tonight?
Totally.
FEMALE HOST ON TELEVISION:
All eyes will be on
the pair to see
if this relationship
will flourish...
and lead to additional elephants
in the future,
through intercourse.
Do you guys wanna go see these
elephants?
I'm not eating nachos anymore.
What?
WYRM:
Is dad coming to eat with us?
Not tonight, buddy.
-What's wrong with nachos?
-They make you fat.
I don't think that's true.
I heard Mads Nillson loves fat
girls,
because his mom's fat,
and he has an epidus complex.
It's psychology!
-CHET: Hey.
-It's Oedipus.
-CHET: Hey.
And you're the one obsessed with
Mom.
Hey!
Flor made salad.
Wow.
[Clears throat]
Maybe we could all go to the zoo
next week and see them?
-See who?
-The elephants.
Should I bring him
some nachos?
-Who?
-Dad.
After dinner.
So, Flor drove all the way from
her mom's
to spend time
with you kids.
Didn't she need to give you your
car back
because she borrowed it without
asking?
She asked, I just didn't
understand
what she was saying.
Dumb.
You guys excited to be done with
Junior High?
It's called middle school.
[Speaking in Spanish]
Of course, baby.
High school is the best.
MYRCELLA:
What about college?
Well,
I went to junior college.
What's that?
It's like college
but it's two years
and there aren't any dorms.
Sounds like middle school.
Yeah.
[Clears throat]
-You guys want any advice?
-Don't need it.
-I'm going to Izzy's.
-Permission granted.
Thanks for letting me know.
Hey, picture day tomorrow!
Your dad wants 8x10's
for the fireplace!
She says she needs privacy and
space
for her personal items.
ALLEN:
Well, your mother
and I support you both
in however you choose
to resolve this.
Okay.
-Hey, dad?
-ALLEN: Yes, Wyrm?
You sure you don't want
some nachos?
ALLEN:
Well, thanks, but it's not
really a bathroom food.
Hey, dad?
ALLEN:
Yes, Wyrm?
Do you want a diet coke?
ALLEN:
I already have one in here, but,
thanks.
Hey, Dad?
[Sighs]
-ALLEN:
Yes, Wyrm?
How do you kiss a person?
And also...
...how do you finger them?
[Clears throat]
ALLEN:
Look, ah...
I think that's more,
uh, your mother's domain.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
These are really questions your
father
should be able to answer.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
-How's your hike?
-MARGIE (ON PHONE): Trek.
Right.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
It's the hardest thing
I've ever had to do.
Well, after giving birth
to you and your sister.
You had such large heads.
But you have to keep moving
forward.
It's the only direction
we have.
How many more miles
do you have to go?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
One thousand one hundred
and forty-seven.
Do you get lonely out there by
yourself?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
No, I've met lots of nice people
here
to keep me company.
And when it's just me I think
about you and your sister.
And Dylan.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Yeah.
Hey, you're gonna be here in
time for the memorial?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Of course.
How's the recording coming?
Pretty good.
I just need a few more quotes.
Everyone's been saying
really nice things.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
That's wonderful.
Is your sister there?
The sat phone battery Is low.
She's at Izzy's house.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Who's Izzy?
Her new friend from dance.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Oh!
I, I can have her
call you back.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
No, that's okay, I shouldn't
leave the phone on.
Okay.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
I'll call next Monday.
WYRM (VO):
Question one,
what is your favorite thing
and your memory about Dylan?
DYLAN'S FRIEND (VO):
Dylan man,
he'd just read this poem.
And, like, the whole class was
crying.
But it was in Spanish.
I didn't even know
he spoke Spanish.
WYRM:
Mom called.
You still have to say something
nice
for the memorial.
I need to finish
the recording.
I'm sure everyone else will give
you lots of dumb quotes.
I hope Mads gives you
Swedish herpes.
Herpes is the same everywhere.
Not if it's oral herpes.
At least I could actually
get herpes.
I could get herpes.
The only way you could get
herpes is if mom had herpes.
Don't be mean to mom.
MYRCELLA:
Don't tell me what to do.
All she wants to do
is talk to you
and you're not even here.
You're a bad daughter.
You don't know anything.
WYRM:
You're basically not even part
of our family anymore.
MYRCELLA:
You're going to wear
that collar
for the rest of your life.
Dear Jared, the fact that you
believe wearing a t-shirt
while swimming,
will make people think you are
skinny means
you are actually as stupid
as you are fat.
I hope the truth
finds you well.
Somebody just left that
in your mailbox?
That's how mail works.
I can't believe you got
hate mail.
What a pussy.
Who sent it?
No one knows.
JARED:
They always say these mean
things that aren't even true.
Scott got one, too.
And a bunch of girls
on the dance team.
Didn't you keep your shirt
on at Ana's birthday party
at the lake?
I have a skin condition.
At least I don't wear
turtlenecks like this weirdo.
You look like a dino dick, Wyrm!
SUZIE:
You shouldn't make fun
of him.
His brother died.
It's tragic.
I'm sorry, Myrcella.
Sorry.
It's fine.
He died a while ago.
LINDSEY:
Hey, Wyrm.
Hey, Lindsey.
Like my new ride?
Yeah.
Liar.
You get a hickey?
My neck just gets cold.
It's genetic.
Right.
So, when's my interview
for the memorial?
Um, soon.
I've just been really busy with
some personal things.
Great.
Well,
hope you can pencil me in.
Yeah, for sure.
LINDSEY:
And Wyrm.
Try rotating the chunky part to
the back.
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Smile.
No.
Next!
Please have your arm measurement
in hand
so that you may be efficiently
provided...
your secondary school Monitoring
Wrist Band.
If you do not know
your wrist size,
please see Frank, our parent
volunteer...
at the wrist measuring station
before getting in line.
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Next!
And remember,
please gently place
you're my ECU collars...
in the recycling bin
before you see Frank.
Thanks to science,
we know that the physical,
"physics",
is completely intertwined with
the emotional,
"emotions".
Girls are more attuned
to emotions,
boys are more attuned
to physics.
Not physics like the academic
subject, though.
Girls are actually better
at that than boys.
Statistically.
Let's all thank Frank
for his time.
Frank is Becca's father
and is recently divorced.
Next!
REGGIE:
Now, please open
your booklets to page 18.
On each page are two
relationship matrices.
One for your feelings toward the
party in question,
the other for the feelings you
imagine they...
feel for you.
Please fill these out for your
family,
friends, potential partners, and
any teachers
you feel a strong
connection with.
If the connection
is too strong,
we'll let the district
administrators know.
CYNTHIA:
Monitoring Bands must be worn on
your non-dominant hand.
Students with a disability such
as not having hands,
will be provided
an equally capable
ankle attached Monitor.
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Next!
[]
Next!
[Panting]
[Grunting
and taking deep breaths]
I'll come back.
One...
...two...
...three!
CYNTHIA:
Thank you, George.
Wyrm, you can't complete
your level one
sexuality requirement...
on your own.
It defeats the entire purpose of
the program.
If we allowed students
to "pop their own collars",
well, that's all anyone
would do!
[Chuckles]
And then they'd be lonely.
And lonely children
are dangerous.
Especially lonely boys.
All we want is for you
to keep up.
And we are willing to do
whatever it takes...
to make sure that happens.
Including holding you back.
[]
WYRM:
Hi, Mrs. Alderman,
is Jessica there?
Hi, Jessica.
It's me, Wyrm.
Wyrm from school.
I was wondering.
How would you like to make
41 dollars today?
Hello?
Did you try calling
all the girls you know
and see if they would
just do it for money
or something?
Yeah.
I made it to Mallory Fletcher
and then I had to stop...
because my mouth got really dry
and I started
getting really sad.
That's not very far.
Look.
It's so easy,
we just have to kiss for,
like one minute and then it will
be over and you'll be,
like, a year ahead
of all your friends.
What if someone catches us?
No one comes in here.
Just don't be nervous.
I think that's
the important thing.
Let me think about it.
You shouldn't think about it.
That's the other
important thing.
[Grunts]
I'm sorry!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry!
Fuck!
Ah, goddamnit!
MYRCELLA (VO):
Dear Trevor,
you should not have gone
streaking at the JV game
in April.
Everyone tells you that
it was funny,
but what you obviously
fail to realize...
is that your wiener
is very small,
even considering the fact that
it was a cold day.
Dear Blake...
Dear Walter...
...Your mother
is an alcoholic...
...Your brother got sent to
boarding school...
...because he touched Nancy's
little sister
under the clothes...
No one wants to go to sleepovers
at your house anymore...
because their parents are
worried that being
a pedo might run
in your family.
I hope the truth finds
you well.
...the truth finds you well.
I hope the truth
finds you well.
CHET:
Women love injuries.
WYRM:
Yeah?
Yeah, it's biology.
It symbolizes that
you're a warrior.
Maybe not a good one,
in your case, but, you know.
It's science.
What are you painting?
It's Flor.
But I can't show it to you.
Oh.
It's a nude.
Hey.
I won't tell anyone.
You swear?
BLAKE (ON PHONE):
Dylan, man, he was just,
he was such a great guy.
He had beautiful skin,
it was like,
like white foam at the beach.
[Woman screaming
in television]
[Girl laughing]
BLAKE (ON PHONE):
He was my MVP.
I mean, he was, like,
the actual MVP, you know?
But, he was my MVP, too.
Like, in my life.
I have to pee.
BLAKE (ON PHONE):
If there was a fantasy draft for
dead buddies,
he'd be my number one pick, all
damn day.
Perfect.
Thank you.
[]
IZZY:
What are you doing?
Oh, hey.
Nothing.
-Were you spying on me?
-No.
Yeah.
Sorry.
It's fine.
WYRM:
What are you doing in here?
I got bored with the movie.
WYRM:
Totally.
And I've never been in a dead
persons's room before.
Thought it'd be scary.
WYRM:
He didn't die in here.
IZZY:
That's probably it.
Why were you taking pictures?
I like to take pictures of
people's rooms
when they're not there.
Can I see?
It's pretty neat.
I better get back.
A lady can only spend so much
time in the bathroom.
Do you wanna see something cool?
My mom has one of these.
So, are you coming
to the party?
Yeah.
Maybe I'll see you there.
Cool.
CHET:
Prime location.
And... stop.
Okay, Wyrm, you're with me.
We'll get the pool
for the party,
and some tropical stuff,
definitely tiki torches,
and any school supplies
you need.
Maybe some cologne
for when you talk to women.
Yeah, cool.
Myrcella, you're with Flor.
She needs a bikini
for the party,
so you can help with that.
But, make sure she buys
something...
that's appropriate for a
non-adult birthday party.
You can get a bikini, too, you
know.
Um, or not.
Up to you.
Or a one-piece would be fine,
too,
or if you already have
a swimsuit then we can do--
Oh, wait, wait, wait!
There's uh, one more thing.
[Grunts]
I'm gonna buy condoms
while we're here.
I normally buy them
when I'm alone,
late at night, but Flor needs my
car tomorrow
so I need to buy them now.
'Cause I'm out.
Oh my god!
That I don't need that
when we're checking out.
I need you to be mature
and act like an adult
and not say anything and just
look away
when the check-out lady
or man scans them, okay?
Okay.
Fine.
Great.
Great.
[]
[]
[Speaking in Spanish]
You could shoot this thing with
a gun and it won't leak.
Wow, useful...
Also we sell guns.
CHET:
How much is it?
-TANYA: Four thousand.
-Shit!
You could drown a family of six
in it.
And a big dog.
Maybe one of Myrcella's friends
will feel bad for you
and kiss you at the party.
Maybe.
Or probably not.
But there's always a chance.
[]
[Indistinct chatter
in distant]
[]
[Speaking in Spanish]
[]
Oh, no.
That's okay.
I'm gonna keep it.
Ah!
[Speaking in Spanish]
What?
[Grunts]
Yeah.
My lady.
[Indistinct chatter
in distant]
[Speaking in Spanish]
Sexy.
This party's sick.
[]
Is anyone sitting here?
No.
[]
What kind of cake
did you guys get?
-Ice cream.
-Mint?
-Chocolate.
-Good.
[Laughs]
MADS:
Hey! Everyone!
Listen.
-Show some respect.
-Thank you.
Mads and I would like to play
hide and go seek.
Oh, God!
Charley, since you're the only
7th grader,
you can be the seeker.
I'm gonna find you
guys so fast.
'cause I'm the best!
[Crow cawing]
Everyone else can hide with the
person
you're pooling with.
Let's begin.
WYRM:
This is a really good
hiding spot.
IZZY:
No one's looking for us.
Everyone's just making out.
WYRM:
Oh.
IZZY:
I'm gonna open these
doors now.
WYRM:
Totally.
It was getting uncomfortable.
Maybe we can hear them.
Your house makes weird sounds.
Sorry.
Why do you like dinosaurs
so much?
When I was little,
my dad told me that...
dinosaurs were kings
on another planet.
[Chuckles]
And they came to Earth
so they could rule here too,
but they all died off.
They couldn't keep up
and all the other animals
passed them by.
They just kept falling behind.
That sounds made up.
Yeah. Definitely.
IZZY:
It's cool, though.
I should help
my uncle clean up.
Oh... okay.
Okay.
Hey, Wyrm.
Hey, Mads.
This is a fun birthday party.
Thank you.
-Listen.
-What?
I feel that you should
move rooms.
What?
Myrcella needs her own room.
It's important
for our relationship.
Also...
maybe you are alone
because people think
you are a pervert...
for sleeping in the same room
with your sister
when there is another room with
no one in it.
Maybe they think
you want to spy on her
or kiss her or worse.
I don't think that, but...
maybe some girls think that and
talk about it
when you are not around.
Come on.
Maybe someday
we can be brothers.
[]
[]
[]
[]
[]
[Laughing]
Hey.
Hey!
[Laughing]
What a shit hide and seek.
No one cared
when I found them.
[Chomps]
Flor's so sexy.
What if she becomes
your aunt?
That'd be so cool.
Foreign chicks
are just so sexy.
I mean, she's not even as hot as
the girl
on the pool sticker,
but she's sexier.
My aunt's from Kansas.
[Chomps]
Do you think that's why
girls like Mads?
Even though he's not that
handsome.
Because he's from Sweden?
Norway.
I guess.
But he's pretty handsome.
Can I borrow
your sister's scooter?
Hi.
This is my friend, Wyrm.
He's from Germany,
looking for an American
girlfriend
while he studies here.
Wyrm, this is my cousin Becky
and her friend.
I'll leave you to it.
Hi.
Aren't you ashamed
to be from Germany?
Yeah, aren't you ashamed?
No.
Why?
-Because of Nazis.
-Yeah, because of Nazis.
Sam is Jewish.
CHARLEY:
Usually Becky's really nice.
On Easter she caught me looking
at her boobs
and didn't say anything.
It's okay.
It was a stupid idea.
What are you gonna do now?
I don't know.
[Clears throat]
Look on my works, ye ladies, and
despair!
Hi Sam.
Hey.
Ooh!
Oh, shit!
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
[Grunting]
BMX KID 1:
Oh, shitty balls!
[Grunting]
Are you okay?
[Grunting]
I'm fine.
I almost landed it.
-Were you watching?
-You were so close.
I'm probably gonna have scars
for the rest of my life.
Scars are sexy.
You're sexy.
[Kissing]
[]
[Beeping]
Nice.
One...
...two...
...three.
In a few weeks we will reapply a
new cast...
...that's not as snug.
Just don't scratch too much.
Hey, Chet?
Yeah?
Why don't you go get the car and
I'll send Wyrm out
in a minute?
Oh, yeah.
Sounds good, yeah.
I'll be out front, buddy.
Thanks, thanks Doc.
[Clears throat]
Wyrm?
Yeah?
[Sighs]
How are things at home?
Good.
Great.
Did-- Has your, um--
How are things
with your uncle?
Is he nice to you
and your sister?
Yeah.
Super nice.
Not too nice, though, right?
-What?
-Nothing.
How are your parents?
Great.
My dad got us Internet...
Oh.
And my mom's still
on her trek.
She got 1,000 miles to go.
We're all really
proud of her.
I'm thinking of going to see her
when she comes by.
That's great, Wyrm.
Is there anything else
I can help you with?
[Clears throat]
Dylan was a fine patient
who developed...
pubic and axillary hair
much earlier
than most in his cohort.
Does that work?
Yes.
Thank you.
Hi, Wyrm.
Hey, Lindsey.
Who beat you up?
Was it your uncle?
Uncles are weird.
No.
I... fell.
You're a terrible liar.
Just like your brother.
WYRM:
Why are you here?
Physical therapy.
For what?
My legs.
Oh.
So, really, what happened?
I broke my arm with a hammer.
Why?
I thought
if I was injured and...
had a cool cast maybe a girl
would feel bad for me...
and we could kiss and maybe do
other stuff.
I thought about
breaking my leg
but I wanted to walk still.
I'm sorry.
WOMAN 1 (OVER P.A.):
Uh, Lyndsey Smith,
exam room "C".
Do you know how stupid
you are?
Yes.
Good.
Also Ted Bundy did that
when he murdered women.
You and Ted Bundy
have the same ideas.
MYRCELLA:
What are you looking at?
Nothing.
What are you looking at?
The Internet.
It has pictures of everything.
Not just naked people.
Murdered people, too.
Everything in real life
they can't put on TV.
-Can I ask you something?
-You just did.
I need your help.
[]
I'll move into Dylan's room.
[Woman screaming in TV]
[Clears throat]
I'm going to go to the bathroom
and then go check
my electronic mail.
I'll probably be gone
for a while.
Not because of
the bathroom part.
Do you like the movie?
It's okay.
I like your black eye.
Thank you.
You'd look cool
with a black eye.
[Chuckles]
You're funny.
I broke up with Karl.
Just so you know.
Karl from Florida?
Yeah.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
Don't be.
He was a loser.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Didn't know how good he had.
What a dildo.
Yeah.
Do you think I'm sexy?
So much.
Then why don't you kiss me?
Do you have
any questions first?
What?
We just-- don't know each other
that well.
Why did your parents
call you Wyrm?
I don't know.
Okay.
[]
[Beeping]
[Roars]
On behalf of the City Secondary
School,
I would like to congratulate you
for completing
your level one sexuality
requirement,
typically osculation.
Please retain that certificate
for your records.
I can offer you
a handshake or a hug.
If you'd prefer a hug,
I'll need to have
one of my female colleagues step
in to provide it.
[Grunts]
What are you
always looking at?
The Internet.
Have you seen it?
Not really.
No.
It's like...
...everything.
CYNTHIA:
...which brings me to the easy
mnemonic to keep in mind
as you move into
the next stage
of your sexual and emotional
developments.
Not too early, not too late!
Should sexual intercourse
be completed
before your senior year,
you will be moved into the
vocational program,
a track more streamlined
for your...
advanced trajectory
into adulthood.
WYRM:
She says she and Karl are trying
to patch things up,
but, I'm gonna ask her our
before the memorial.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
I'll bet she says "yes".
Yeah.
How many more miles do you have
left?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
One thousand and four.
So you'll be passing by here in
a few days.
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Yes, I almost forgot.
Yeah.
I was thinking maybe I could get
Uncle Chet to drive me...
down to the trail
so I could say hi.
Mom?
MARGIE (ON PHONE):
Sorry.
The battery is getting low but
that sounds wonderful.
-Yeah?
- MARGIE (ON PHONE): Yes!
Have Chet call me
when he gets a chance.
Dear, Sebastian,
none of us have forgotten how
you pooped your pants
all the way until
the 5th grade.
Girls are afraid to go
on dates with you
because they are worried you're
gonna go
in your pants, picked up.
I hope the truth
finds you well.
It has been brought
to our attention that
you are the individual sending
these cruel,
albeit factual, letters to many
of our students.
Do you have anything to say for
yourself?
The triangle is actually
the loneliest shape...
due to the fact that,
at any point in time,
each individual corner
wonders...
if the other two corners are
closer to one another.
CYNTHIA (ON PA):
Please excuse
the interruption.
Many of you students received
letters this summer...
that you have referred
to as the "Hate Mail".
Short, often harsh,
yet accurate descriptions
of yourselves, delivered via an
anonymous source.
Thanks to the brave work of
a foreign exchange student...
who shall not be named,
we have determined
who has been distributing
these notes.
If you received one of these
letters in question,
please see Myrcella Whitner for
a formal apology,
If you have not received one of
these letters,
please ignore this announcement
and all other information
presented herein.
Hey.
Is there something wrong
with your sister?
No, she's... fine.
Why?
CHET:
Well, Flor made her a salad,
and she said she never wanted to
eat again.
I think it's her period.
Maybe I should try to talk
to her.
WYRM:
No.
I mean, it's okay.
I'll ah, bring her some salad in
a few minutes.
CHET:
Thanks, buddy.
Yeah, for sure.
Izzy's gonna come with us
to see Mom on Saturday.
-That's this Saturday.
-What?
It's just.
Gonna need to reschedule.
Flor needs the car.
What do you mean? What for?
She just needs it.
I'll call your mom though
and we'll do it again
in a few days.
She won't be there
in a dew days.
She's passing by this weekend.
I mapped out the trek.
We'll just meet her the next
trail head.
It's no biggie.
Flor can't just take your car
whenever she wants!
It's your car.
Wyrm, when you're in a couple
and you love each other--
-You're not in love!
-Hey.
Come on!
You met on the Internet and
you're not even married.
She's just using you
for rides!
Girls do it
at my school all the time.
Shit!
[Knocking on the door]
MYRCELLA:
Go away.
I brought you a salad.
I'll just leave it out here.
MYRCELLA:
I know it was you.
What?
It was Mads.
MYRCELLA:
Stop lying!
It's not my fault you picked a
bad boyfriend.
MYRCELLA:
I hate you.
And not in the way we used to
say I hate you to Uncle Chet
when he tickled us too much.
I hate you so much I don't care
about you at all.
I am ambivalent.
[]
[]
[]
[Indistinct radio chatter
in distant]
Kid.
Hey.
Kid.
-What?
-Park's closing at sunset.
I'm waiting for my mom.
-Here?
-Yeah.
She's hiking the trail.
We don't get a lot of hikers
this time of year.
She's not like other moms.
You'll have to come back
tomorrow.
Fine.
[Car honks]
How did you find me?
Sorry.
I forgot.
I quiet, but I listen.
I hear.
Where are we going?
[Speaking in Spanish]
Okay.
[]
[Speaking in Spanish]
TELEVISION ANCHOR (ON TV):
We're told that zoo officials
initially believe
that the elephants'
reticence to implement
intercourse...
stems from a quote performative
shyness.
Hey.
You're in big trouble.
Yeah, I know.
I haven't figured out
your punishment,
but it's gonna be bad.
I'd spank you,
but that's weird.
What're you watching?
CHET:
The news.
They're shutting down
the elephant exhibit.
Why?
Turns out one of them's an
Indian elephant
and the other one's
an African elephant...
and they can't talk
to each other.
I guess there's different
elephant languages.
They wouldn't mate
and got pretty depressed
and stopped eating.
Almost died.
I'm sorry we didn't go
with you sooner.
Ah, no biggie.
Myrcella says there's pictures
of elephants
on the Internet, anyway.
Can I ask you something?
CHET:
Yeah. Shoot.
Why didn't you become
a painter?
I am a painter!
I paint all the time.
But, like...
...for a job?
Lots of boring reasons.
Ever tell you I was the first
kid in my whole class
to French a girl?
-Really?
-CHET: Yeah.
Becky Mathers.
She was--
she was really pretty.
Hey.
You like Flor, right?
Yeah.
She's pretty cool.
Yeah.
She is pretty cool.
Okay.
Good night, buddy.
Punishment tomorrow.
Good night.
[Phone ringing]
Hello?
-IZZY (ON PHONE): Hey.
-Oh, hey.
Hello?
IZZY (ON PHONE):
Is Wyrm there?
One sec.
Wyrm.
Wyrm.
Wyrm!
WYRM:
What?
It's for you.
WYRM:
Hello?
IZZY (ON PHONE):
Hey. It's Izzy.
Hey. What's up?
IZZY (ON PHONE):
So, my dad wants me to come meet
his girlfriend...
and have dinner with them at his
hotel room.
I don't want to go,
but my mom's making me.
-That sucks.
- IZZY (ON PHONE): Yeah.
IZZY (ON PHONE):
So, do you want to come?
Oh.
Yeah.
-Okay.
- IZZY (ON PHONE): Great.
I'd ask one of other
my friends,
but I'm too ashamed.
Awesome.
I'm getting another call.
I'd like to record my quote for
the memorial now.
Please state your full name.
Myrcella Francis Whitner.
Thank you.
Question one, what's your
favorite thing and or memory
about Dylan?
When he...
...died.
Why would you say that?
Why would you make
this dumb tape?
Just say something nice.
For mom.
He wasn't nice.
He was mean.
He never even talked to us.
He was a big brother.
That's how big brothers are.
He was just...
he was really busy.
Just because he was good at
things doesn't mean
he was a good person.
Everyone says nice things about
him now...
because they're worried people
will think
they're rude
or that he'll haunt them.
But he was an asshole.
A bunch of stupid lies
from stupid people
won't change that.
So, are you enjoying school?
It's fine.
-How's your mom?
-She works out a lot.
Ah, that's great.
Is there HBO in the room?
Yeah. There is, and get this,
karaoke at the restaurant,
if you want to come sing
something.
IZZY:
No.
Are you coming?
You know, Penelope's son,
Garrett,
he had a birthmark on,
on his neck.
Richard.
What?
So?
Well, he had it removed
with lasers and computers
It's like it was never there.
You know,
it was remarkable, really.
Neat!
I think you're beautiful
no matter what.
You're beautiful.
Richard tells me
you're on the dance team.
At your school.
Yeah, so?
I heard a sound that called to
me all through my heart
I knew it was your voice
Whoever said that I was a
victim of love
This was my own choice
As the wind goes howling
through the trees
Do you want another
Shirley Temple?
No.
And the fog's so thick,
I can barely see
And my heart is racing,
skips a beat
I'll be right back.
...your hand on me
Woah
Mom?
So, you're taking a break from
trekking?
No!
Of course not!
There was a forest fire
and I had to divert
for a few days
from the trail.
Didn't your uncle tell you?
Yeah.
Yeah, there was a huge blaze.
Plus, I needed supplies.
I need to restock.
Can't let some silly forest fire
slow things down, right?
Right.
Hey.
Want to go to Big Shop?
How's your sister?
She's okay.
And your father?
Still constipated.
He doesn't really like talking
to us.
That's not true.
He's always at work
or in the bathroom.
If you want to talk
to your father
about something
you have to talk to him
about something else.
Like sports.
Well, what am I saying?
Not sports because he doesn't
care for sports.
He doesn't enjoy them.
Do you understand?
I don't know.
Kind of.
Well, you'll be the man of the
house, soon.
Myrcella already thinks
she's a woman.
Hm.
Girls grow up
faster than boys.
Why?
I think...
I think the world makes us.
Tell Myrcella I still like to
talk to her about womanhood.
I'll call on Monday night.
When are you coming home?
Well, not for a little
while longer.
We have to keep moving forward.
It's the only direction
we have.
[]
You look so much
like your brother.
[]
[]
[]
Don't tell my mom.
I won't.
[]
Richard thought
you got kidnaped.
He almost called the police.
Sorry.
It's fine.
I told him you went home,
and you didn't want a ride
or anything.
He and Penelope
are watching HBO.
I hate her.
Don't you hate her?
Yeah.
[]
Wyrm means dragon.
What?
In old English.
When I was born
I was really small
and had a hole in my heart,
so my parents named me Wyrm so I
could be stronger.
Oh.
Wanna go out with me?
[]
No.
I don't.
But it's so cool that you would
think of me that way.
Yeah.
For sure.
It's not because
you're a bad kisser.
You need to know that.
So, like, for other reasons?
Yeah.
You should probably
keep this.
I'll just throw it out.
You know,
I should probably go.
It's getting pretty late.
Okay.
Is it still there?
What?
The hole in your heart?
No.
IZZY:
How'd they fix it?
They took a ventricle
from Myrcella's heart
and plugged it.
[Sobbing]
I literally didn't eat
for a week!
It's true.
He was so handsome!
[Sobbing]
DOROTHY (VO):
You don't even look like
brothers really.
I asked Dylan to talk me
up to her.
BRET (VO):
Dude, he was so nice that they
ended up
going to second base
at Homecoming.
I wasn't even mad.
MRS. CALLOWAY:
Pi never takes more than
it gives,
only offering a universal
usefulness
when dealing with difficult or
ambiguous problems.
Math problems.
MRS. CALLOWAY:
Mads?
You're needed
in the principal's office.
I heard he had sex
with a senior girl.
-JARED: Bullshit.
-It's true!
They were both virgins so they
didn't have
any condoms so he had
to jizz on his own leg.
But why?
She didn't want it
on her dad's car.
-He has leather seats.
-Yeah.
I heard his family's gonna move
so he doesn't have
to do the vocational program.
Back to Sweden.
Norway.
BRET (VO):
Angela wants to go
all the way,
but, she wants to do
a seance to bring
Dylan's ghost back.
SENIOR 1 (VO):
Dude, like,
that's funny that
you didn't see that coming.
BRET (VO):
Torn about it, because it's
really important to her that
"he's inside of me."
LINDSEY:
What are you doing?
Nothing.
Only pervs hang out
under the bleachers.
I'm not a perv.
That's too bad,
I could use someone with sneaky
perv skills.
For what?
LINDSEY:
It's a mission.
To get beer.
I can't be the getaway driver
and the heist-er.
I didn't know
you could drive.
I'm 17.
But, you don't have legs.
I still have legs,
you little shit!
Oh, yeah.
But, to answer your question,
I drive this car
with my hands.
You wanna see?
[Honking]
[Dog barking in distant]
[Laughing]
Holly shit!
[Laughing]
Oh, my God!
Come on, let's go!
[]
[]
[]
[Coughs]
[Laughs]
Do you know where we are?
This is where Dylan
and I crashed.
What?
I don't know.
I thought it'd be different.
Like in a cliff or a crazy turn
or something.
[Chuckles]
He was just a bad driver.
And there was ice
on the road.
[Takes a deep breath]
I guess you only need
one of those.
[Sighs]
Let me see
your tape recorder.
Testing one, two.
One, two.
State your name
for the record.
Wyrm Whitner.
What's your favorite color?
Blue.
What do you want the most?
A girlfriend.
[Chuckles]
Okay.
Who do you like?
Izzy.
The...
Yeah.
She doesn't like me back,
though.
Boo-hoo.
Who's your best friend?
I don't have one.
LINDSEY:
What about Myrcella?
Not anymore.
God, you are so sad.
Okay, easy one.
Um, what's your favorite food?
Spaghetti.
LINDSEY:
Hmm.
-Favorite shape?
-Triangle.
-Favorite teacher?
-None of them.
Why didn't you visit me
in the hospital?
What?
I don't remember.
Don't lie.
Boys are terrible liars even
though they do it
all the time.
-You were Dylan's friend.
-I was your friend too.
I was nice to you.
Not fake nice.
Real nice.
I can't explain it.
Try.
At first, everyone said
you were gonna be okay,
so I thought,
I don't have to go see you
because you're gonna be okay.
And then, I heard
from another kid...
that you couldn't walk
right now,
but it was gonna be okay,
they were teaching you learn how
to walk again,
but it was gonna be okay.
And then, I...
heard from my Uncle Chet that
you were paralyzed...
and that it wasn't
gonna be okay.
And that was like, three weeks
after the accident,
and I...
I wanted to come see you,
but I thought
you'd be so mad I didn't
come sooner and...
Like, when you don't do
the homework,
so you, you just hope
the teacher forgets about it
because it's been too long
to turn it in...
and I, I just hoped...
I hoped you'd forget
about me.
That sucks.
[Sniffles]
[Sobs]
Yeah.
[]
You probably think
I'm a terrible person.
No.
I mean, yes.
[Sniffles]
But you're just a boy.
All boys are terrible people.
Why?
Because you think the world
exists for you.
But it's the opposite.
I just don't want to be alone.
You're not.
You have a sister
and a weird uncle.
[Sniffles]
So, stop being such
a little bitch!
You're a bitch.
I know.
But-- but I have an excuse.
[]
[]
[indistinct chatter on tape]
[Speaking in Spanish]
Is my dad coming?
[Speaking in Spanish]
Yes.
Here we go.
[Exhales]
Hey, Dad.
Hey, kiddo.
Um, can we carpool?
MR. REGGIE:
I'd like to thank you all
for coming.
In his honor,
the school has dedicated
this decorative rock,
representing how Dylan
was truly a rock
of our community.
BLAKE:
You da MVP Dyl' Pickle.
DYLAN'S FRIEND:
Yes, dude!
Please note that
it is not a real rock,
so do not stand or jump on it as
it will break,
and was expensive.
Thanks to technology,
for generations to come,
students are invited to come sit
with Dylan,
and get to know him
for the inspirational
young man he was,
through the words of those
he inspired and moved most.
Recorded fastidiously...
by his small brother, Wyrm.
[Applauding]
To be clear,
Dylan is not buried here.
CARMEN (VO):
He was so handsome.
BLAKE (VO):
He was my MVP
BRET (VO):
Died like a pussy.
BRET (VO):
I was jealous of him.
BLAKE (VO):
He was so good at stuff,
you know?
BRET (VO):
If there was, like a fantasy
draft
for dead buddies,
he'd be my number one pick.
DOROTHY (VO):
You don't even look like
brothers.
DR. JOHNSON (VO):
Pubic and axillary hair
much earlier
than most of his cohort.
-MARGIE (VO): Dylan!
-DYLAN (VO): What?
MARGIE (VO):
Don't be rude!
DYLAN (VO):
How did they even meet?
ALLEN (VO):
They met through
the computer.
MYRCELLA (VO):
How can you meet a person
through the computer?
DYLAN (VO):
What kind of girls like guys
who like computers?
ALLEN (VO):
Your mother, for one.
DYLAN (VO):
Gross.
Puke!
WYRM (VO):
Are they gonna get married?
DYLAN (VO):
Who cares?
She's not even hot!
MYRCELLA (VO):
She's pretty.
DYLAN (VO):
Okay, lesbo.
-MARGIE (VO): Dylan!
-DYLAN: What?
ALLEN (VO):
Are we not allowed to joke
anymore?
Just, cut it out!
WYRM (VO):
Why did Mikey Walters get kicked
off
the football team?
MYRCELLA (VO):
Don't tell him.
DYLAN (VO):
The seniors made the whole team
watch this porno,
and Danny Masters made everyone
stand up
and he did a boner check.
MYRCELLA (VO):
Shut up.
MARGIE (VO):
This is not a dinner time
topic.
WYRM (VO):
What's a boner check?
ALLEN (VO):
Knock it off!
MARGIE (VO):
Wyrm, please pass the bread.
DYLAN (VO):
It's a check for boners.
Mikey had one.
WYRM (VO):
But, why'd he get
kicked off?
DYLAN (VO):
You can't get boners around your
teammates.
Kills the team bonding.
MARGIE (VO):
Wyrm, please,
pass the bread.
MYRCELLA (VO):
Boys are disgusting.
DYLAN (VO):
You're disgusting.
I gotta go.
I'll be home late.
MYRCELLA (VO):
It's family movie night.
ALLEN (VO):
Why don't you take
your siblings with you?
DYLAN (VO):
No fucking way!
They'd be bored anyway.
MARGIE (VO):
But don't stay out too late.
ALLEN (VO):
Who all's going with you?
DYLAN (VO):
Lindsey.
We're meeting Bret there.
MARGIE (VO):
Love you, honey.
ALLEN (VO):
Night, kiddo.
DYLAN (VO):
Night.
Peace, dorks.
[]
You are all invited to enjoy
complimentary lemonade
and cookies in the gymnasium.
[]
Made you something.
[Grunts]
Dear, Wyrm.
You are a terrible person.
And not just in the way that all
boys are terrible people.
Because you are mostly just
terrible to your family
and the people who love you,
like your sister.
Because maybe you are afraid
that since she knows you
the best,
she will tell the world
what a small and scared person
you are.
I hope the truth
finds you well.
I'm sorry I said I didn't want
Mads Nillson
to finger anyone in our room.
And for giving him
your floppy disks.
And for hoping he would
give you Norwegian herpes.
It's fine.
Izzy says she popped
your collar.
Yeah.
How was it?
It was like...
my tongue was a slug
and her tongue was a slug,
and we put them in a jar and
told them to fight,
but their hearts
weren't in it.
Yeah.
Then I fell in love with her and
now I feel so stupid.
I fall in love with every boy
that smiles at me.
I saw Mom.
Yeah?
Yeah.
I don't think
she's trekking anymore.
I don't think she ever was.
Oh.
I think, maybe she gets really
sad when she's here.
Yeah.
[]
Do you think Dylan fingered
anyone before he died?
I hope so.
Yeah.
[]
[]
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