You Are So Not Invited to My Bat Mitzvah (2023) Movie Script

1
[Stacy] All across the world,
and maybe ever since
the beginning of time,
different cultures had different ways
of celebrating a kid coming of age.
There's the quinceaera.
- There's Sweet 16.
- [indistinct laughter]
[Stacy] There's also something
called land diving.
My dad told me that
in the Brazilian Amazon,
there's this thing called
a bullet ant initiation
where fire ants crawl all over your hands
and bite you.
And if you can handle the pain,
you're ready to be a man.
I told him if he thinks that sounds bad,
try being a girl in middle school.
["10 Things I Hate About You"
by Leah Kate playing]
[Stacy] Everyone has their own thing.
And we have ours.
[song ends abruptly]
- [dramatic music playing]
- [in Hebrew] Va-y'chal Moshe
[Stacy, narrating] At a Bar or Bat Mitzvah,
when you're 13,
you step before friends,
family, and elders of the temple
and read from the Torah.
Then, there's usually a party.
All right, mishpachah,
please say hello
to our newest and most fabulous adult,
Stacy Friedman!
- [crowd cheering]
- [house music playing]
[Stacy, narrating] Your Bat Mitzvah
is the first day of your adult life,
and everyone knows an iconic adult life
hinges on how it starts.
["I Love It" by Charli XCX playing]
I don't care, I love it
[Stacy, continuing] The theme.
- The food.
- [girl] Can I get one?
[Stacy] The entrance video.
It all tells a story.
Who do I want to be?
Will I have amazing lifelong friends
like Lydia Rodriguez Katz?
Nothing before that day matters
because that was the old you, the kid you.
Now you're an adult.
So who cares if two years ago
you accidentally peed yourself
during a field trip and had to get
a secret dry pants delivery
from your awesome older sister Ronnie?
This is a hypothetical situation
of course.
I love it
Go Stacy! That's my sister!
[Stacy] And what better way
to kick off adulthood
than with the hottest guy
in seventh grade?
I love it
["Under Your Spell" by Desire playing]
You keep me under your spell
You keep me under your spell
You keep me under your spell
Andy, what are you doing?
Stacy, I've loved you since the first time
I saw you in the temple's Purim Pageant.
You were the finest Queen Esther
I ever laid eyes on.
Is it okay if I officially signify me
being your boyfriend by giving you a kiss?
[camera shutter clicking]
Consent given, Andy Goldfarb.
- [knocking on door]
- [Bree] Stacy!
[Stacy sighing]
[Bree] Stacy,
we're gonna be late. Let's go.
[upbeat music playing]
- [knocking on door]
- [Bree] I know you can hear me.
[sighing] One second,
I'm flossing like you tell me to!
- Now I'm gurgling.
- Well, hurry up!
- You too, Ronnie!
- [Ronnie] I'm ready!
You always say that. Never ready.
- Ugh. Fine you got me. I'm not ready.
- [Danny] Yankees are winning.
[Bree] That's what you're wearing?
Yeah, I don't even know who this kid is.
I'm not gonna wear a suit.
It's a junior high friend.
We have to get to know those parents too.
I don't want to get to know 'em.
I liked when they were little.
All we had to know was them
and the trampoline park guy.
Ronnie, we're gonna be late!
I'll be ready when Stacy's ready, Mom.
It's all good.
Hey, Andy, of course I'll share
a matzo ball soup with you.
[Stacy groaning]
Hi, Andy. I like your yarmulke.
I didn't know you were going
to the Bat Mitzvah tonight, that's cool.
Honey, what are you looking for?
I can't find my earring.
Oh, good luck.
Keep looking, baby.
Keep looking. Take your time.
Stacy!
Sorry, I'm coming!
[exhaling sharply]
[music fading]
[Ronnie] Those are cool.
- Mom will never let you wear them, though.
- [Stacy] She won't even notice.
And if she does,
I'll put on a sad show for Dad.
Oh, she'll notice. She'll hate them.
And Dad will feel bad, but ultimately
be too afraid to stand up to Mom.
I've known them longer than you.
Um, excuse me,
what are those things on your feet?
Lydia's mom bought us each a pair,
so we could twin.
What's twin?
Wearing the same thing.
It's very seventh grade.
Take them off. You look like a stripper.
- Mom, you can't say that.
- Yeah, Mom. You're gonna get cancelled.
Oh boy.
Take them off or lose your phone.
[objects clattering]
[anticipatory music playing]
Oh.
No, you can't. Just take them off.
[Bree] Everyone in the car.
Thirty seconds or there's going
to be no food left at this thing.
You're the one who's not ready.
We're ready.
- I don't know where my earring is.
- Babe, did you look everywhere? Honestly?
'Cause if you look hard enough,
you can find it.
Why would you do that to me?
Because I knew the girls needed more time.
I also I don't want to go
to this thing at all.
- [Bree] You guys are the worst.
- Yeah. I love you. Okay.
Come on, Mom, just let her wear the shoes.
It's not fair to Lydia
to make her wear them by herself.
Okay. You're going to hate them
in two minutes.
You're welcome.
Thank you. Love you.
[Stacy squealing]
[Stacy muttering, groaning]
[upbeat music playing]
- Whoa. Ow!
- [woman] Stacy!
I'm coming!
Ugh, fine.
[man] Move, child!
[Stacy] Coming, sorry!
- [Bree] Oh yeah!
- [Danny] Oh, nice job.
[Bree] Taking after Dad
with the dress clothes and sneakers.
[Danny] Comfort always
comes first, sweetie.
- There she is!
- [Bree] She's limping. Hi, sweetheart!
- [Stacy] Hi, Lyd!
- Lydia, Lydia encyclopedia.
[Lydia] Hi, guys!
Nice shoes. You look super cute, Lydia.
Oh, thanks, Ron Ron.
Stacy and I are twinning.
We heard.
Hmm. Not anymore. [chuckling]
- You took yours off.
- I got you.
- Oh, thank you. I couldn't feel my feet.
- Mom and Dad know we're taking you?
Well, I told my mom, and then she told
Dad's lawyer, so we're good to go.
["Rock and Roll, Hoochie Koo"
by Rick Derringer playing]
Nice!
Ugh! Dad, can you turn this song off?
It's embarrassing.
Why is it embarrassing?
No one's around to hear it.
Oh my God! You're humiliating me!
All right! I'll turn it off. Jesus.
[Stacy crying]
I turned it off, guys!
What are we still upset about?
Their watching sad videos
to see who can cry first.
You're trying to cry. That is so bizarre.
[affectionate chatter on screen]
Ugh! You're so freaking good at this game.
I hate it.
Everybody in this house needs a shrink.
Yeah, you need two.
Ten.
[chuckling] That's nice.
Everyone be normal. We're going to temple.
Here's your music.
["Stupid Love" by Lady Gaga playing]
[DJ] Make some noise, mishpachah!
Woohoo!
It's Devin's B'nai Mitzvah!
They're becoming an adult.
Let's hear it for Devin!
We've been pushing all the teachers
to assign more homework.
If we want to prepare our kids
for this world, we gotta start 'em early.
India's been kicking our ass.
- I'm always telling my son, Marvin...
- [Danny] I'm sorry.
Can I interrupt you for one second?
I think this is on behalf of the table.
We came here
to enjoy chicken and fish tonight
and maybe have a few drinks,
so could you stop talking?
I want your stupid love
[Danny] Thank you.
Wow!
[creepy music playing]
This is such a classic.
Have you watched Leprechaun in the Hood?
Dude, that's a masterpiece.
We know. We've seen it. It was awful.
Can you just let us watch our movie?
Bye!
That hurt.
- We've seen that?
- No.
[both chuckling]
Okay, I love this Carnivale theme,
but your Candyland theme
is gonna be the best of the year.
Oh, until your New York theme
puts the entire school to shame!
If my parents let me have it.
Did your dad talk to DJ Schmuley yet?
Let me hear you scream,
"DJ Schmuley is my king!"
[crowd] DJ Schmuley is my king!
- He's already been booked. We got it!
- Sweet!
["Preach" by Saint Motel playing
over speakers]
Looking nice, ladies!
- [Lydia] Hi, guys.
- Hi.
Can you believe
we're becoming adults this year?
- No.
- [Nikki] Yeah.
My mom actually let me shave
my legs this afternoon.
First time. So magical.
Oh, I'm so proud of you, Nikki!
It burns so bad right now, like somebody
wiped wasabi all over my shins.
Oh.
Oh my God.
[Tara] Why do Kym, Anya,
and Megan always look so cool?
Are those birds rescued?
- Say what?
- They better be.
- They scare me.
- Yeah, you know what else is scary?
Nikki's mom is allowing Ronnie and Zaara
to drink alcohol!
One, two, three. Woo!
[exclaiming]
- Okay, let me hide those.
- [Ronnie coughing]
Yeah, she's trying to be like a cool mom.
It's really weird.
[Andy] Let's go!
Oh my God,
Andy Goldfarb looks so cute tonight.
Let's go
Do you realize
that one day he will be mine,
and you will have a cool boyfriend too,
and then we'll have a joint wedding
and move to adjoining lofts in Tribeca?
In Taylor Swift's building?
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
[giggling]
I'm gonna talk to him.
- [Lydia] What?
- [Stacy] I'm ready.
You should, Stace. Yeah, you got this.
Come with me, please.
- Yeah.
- Let's go.
Go, go, go. You got this.
Gang way!
Hey, wait for me!
- No! You're embarrassing me.
- Yes!
["Under Your Spell" by Desire playing]
I don't eat, I don't sleep
I do nothing but think of you
You keep me under your spell
You keep me under your
[Mateo] Hey, Stacy.
[song stops]
I like your kicks.
Andy, smile!
[girl] Finish him!
Why would Mateo do that?
That was so uncalled for.
Oh, sorry.
Completely. Sorry.
Why does Andy hang out
with that Italian exchange student anyway?
I think he's Ecuadorian.
Whatever. I heard he has a girlfriend
back home. She's in college.
Um, no. I think that's, like, illegal.
- [It roaring]
- [Zaara screaming]
- Oh my God!
- [crowd gasping]
- [Zaara] Sorry.
- What's wrong with you?
- Why would you do that? So embarrassing.
- I'm sorry.
All right, everybody, make some noise!
If you don't wanna see me
Dancing with somebody
["Don't Start Now" by Dua Lipa playing]
If you wanna believe
Come on, let's dance, everybody! Come on!
Don't show up, don't come out
Don't start caring about me now
- [Schmuley] Let me hear you scream, Schmu
- [crowd] Ley!
- Schmu...
- [crowd] Ley!
- Schmu, Schmu...
- [crowd] Ley!
Why does everybody like this idiot?
- He's the best!
- The best.
- You've been officially Schmulitized!
- [crowd cheering]
[music fades]
[Stacy] Thank you family
for joining us today.
Let me take you all on a journey.
Picture this. My entrance video starts
Which, as we know,
sets the tone for the entire Bat Mitzvah.
- [Stacy] Mm-hmm.
- [man shouting]
- [Stacy] Ugh, Ronnie!
- Girls, come on.
Anyway, I descend the stairs
of a private yacht on the Hudson River
to cheers and fireworks.
Whoa.
Then! Oh, who's that zipping by
on a jet ski?
Why that's international recording artist
Olivia Rodrigo.
Wait, how we gonna pay for this?
Oh, we have ideas.
They they got ideas, honey.
[Lydia] Okay.
No. Wait. No. The old guy
was supposed to be for your dad.
Oh no. Just keep going.
[girls muttering]
- There.
- Okay.
Oh, this is amazing.
- Shut up, Ronnie.
- No, you shut up.
I'll kill you, Ronnie.
Not if I stab you first!
Oh, that's that's nice.
Oh my God, this is important!
I'm becoming a freaking woman, everyone!
Okay, woman. All you should worry about
right now is your mitzvah project
and practicing your Haftarah.
- [Bree] Mm-hmm.
- That's not important!
I mean, it is important to you
and other old people and God and stuff.
But to me, the party is important.
If this doesn't go well,
I could end up like Kate Kossman.
You are not gonna end up
like Kate Kossman.
Who's Kate Kossman?
Oh, she had this terrible medieval themed
Bat Mitzvah called Kate Kossman Knights,
not realizing
the initials spelled out KKK.
Yeah, no, I could see
that being a problem. Okay.
So now, she just sits alone in
the cafeteria sewing friendship bracelets
for literally no one
because she has no friends.
That sounds a little dramatic.
Oh, so you think you shouldn't be
punished for promoting the KKK.
Wow, Mom,
didn't realize you supported racism.
Oh boy.
[Stacy] Hear me out.
You're always saying how my Bat Mitzvah
determines the rest of my life.
And I think Dua Lipa
would make my life perfect.
No. No famous pop stars,
no yachts, no sailboats even.
That's so unfair!
Ronnie got a baked potato bar at hers!
Listen, when I got Bar Mitzvahed,
we had a party in Grandma's basement.
We all split, like, this giant matzo ball.
That was the fun.
You know what the theme was? Being Jewish.
Just practice your prayers
and write your speech already.
Oh, I've been doing that Mr. Friedman.
It's all covered.
You're writing Stacy's speech?
- You know I'm not good at writing.
- English is her worst subject.
It's really bad.
- Stacy, that is so not okay.
- [Lydia] It's fine.
She's gonna do my entrance video.
I know she'll crush it. Don't worry.
Can I at least have a virgin mojito bar?
You can have a ball pit.
Oh my God, Dad. That's for kids!
I've had my period for seven months now!
[chuckling] Wait, Stacy.
That's a long period, sweetheart!
You know what? I'm gonna head out.
I'll drive you.
[Lydia] Love you. See you in the morning.
Don't worry, Dad. It'll be okay.
She's growing up so fast. It's crazy.
[Ronnie] I'm drinking now.
I tried it the other day.
I didn't like it. We're good.
[door closing]
[Stacy, in Hebrew]
Va-y'chal Mosh...
- [Stacy sighs frustratedly]
- [recording, in Hebrew] Va-y'chal
[Stacy, narrating]
Dear God, what's up?
Stacy Friedman here,
but I guess you already know that.
And I guess you already know
what I'm going to say.
But just to be super safe,
I'm going to say it anyway.
I would really, really appreciate it
if I could have an amazing Bat Mitzvah.
[contemplative music playing]
And I know I need
to do my mitzvah project.
But isn't a mitzvah project supposed to be
giving back in a way that represents me?
Which is why I don't know what to do.
I mean, I'm not popular.
I'm not a loser.
I don't know who I am.
But I do know,
if I have a kick-ass Bat Mitzvah,
doors would open,
and I can have a fab life on my own terms.
[woman] No. No famous pop stars.
[man] You can have a ball pit.
[Stacy] A ball pit? Lydia's
gonna get everything she asked for.
Even a Twizzlers station for me.
I'm starting
to worry Mom and Dad don't get it,
and the whole thing's gonna suck.
[music fades]
[Stacy whimpering]
- [Stacy] You had her phone the whole time?
- [Lydia] No, she was lying.
- The audacity.
- The monster.
Yeah.
- Can we sit outside? It's a nice day.
- No.
I mean, I definitely could use some color.
- Yeah, it's true.
- Is that Tory Burch?
Oh no, it's Walmart. I got this
and a water bottle for only $12.
I was talking to her.
[shushing]
M-me?
Your skirt.
Uh, yeah, it is Tory Burch.
My mom is trying to spend all
my dad's money before the next court date.
I'm pretty sure I saw Hailey Bieber
wearing the exact same one.
[softly] Oh cool. Okay. Bye.
[indistinct chatter]
That was weird.
- I love and hate them at the same time.
- [sighing] Yeah.
What just happened?
["Wait A Minute!" by WILLOW playing]
Wait a minute
I think I left my conscience
On your front-door step
Whoa
- [song stops]
- [pop music playing on phone]
So get this. I heard Megan's
doing her mitzvah project next weekend.
She's passing out sunscreen at Coachella.
- What? Wow.
- [Stacy] So cool.
Guys, I have to come up
with something amazing.
This is so much pressure.
How long do you think it takes to become
a social activist influencer on TikTok?
Uh, six months?
Too long. [sighing]
You know what?
We just need to chill our brains.
What are you doing Saturday?
My mom's out of town this weekend.
Why? You gonna throw a party?
A dork party?
[all chuckling]
What if I did?
Well, I mean, my dad's out of town.
Now, you could actually throw a party.
You could invite the whole seventh grade
and not exclude anybody.
Oh, come on. Wouldn't it be fun to exclude
people instead of being excluded for once?
["Wait A Minute!" by WILLOW playing]
[Andy] Heads up!
- [Stacy grunting]
- [all gasping]
[Lydia] Ay dios mo.
Stace, Stace, Stace, Stace? Are you okay?
- [kids gasping]
- Oh shit.
That doesn't look good.
You have grass in your hair.
[Mateo] Stacy.
Are you okay?
[Andy] That's my bad!
[dreamy music playing]
You good?
Yeah. Sorry about that.
- Have some water.
- [music stops]
Oh my God. That was perfect.
He went And then you went.
- You guys are meant to be.
- [Stacy chuckling]
Hey, are your legs okay, Nikki?
They're fine, Mateo. Just relax.
["Tongue Tied" by Grouplove playing]
[kids clamoring]
[indistinct chatter]
[Lydia] Really?
Oh, by the way, Dad invited
the dry cleaner to the Bat Mitzvah, Stacy.
What? No, that's so unfair.
The ratio to old people to normal people
is already so unbalanced.
Why is that kid Mateo going
to Hebrew school?
Maybe he wanted to convert
and take some Jewish holidays off?
[all chuckling]
[Lydia] You gonna invite him, Stace?
Mateo? No, I barely know him.
You know, if you invite Mateo,
Andy might come.
[electronic music playing over radio]
[vocalizing]
Have fun learning!
Love you!
["Tongue Tied" by Grouplove playing]
Oh shit!
[Schmuley yelling]
Are you on dru...
[both] Take me to your best friend's house
Goin' round this roundabout, oh yeah
- [boy] Thank you.
- [Lydia] Good job, guys.
- Manishmah.
- Hi.
- Shalom, you two.
- Shalom.
[Lydia] Oh, this looks really good.
I am not that creative
I was not good at arts and crafts,
like, at all.
- I like your outfit, Ashley.
- Thank you.
Oh yeah, it's really cute.
[girl] Look who's coming out
of the make out closet.
[Stacy] Oh my God,
were they hooking up in there?
How do they not get caught?
There's literally so many people around.
Would you believe when I was your age,
I was in a Jewish rock and roll band?
We called ourselves Exodus
because Genesis was already taken.
I'm sorry, Aaron, am I boring you?
[Aaron] What? No...
I was listening, Cantor Jerry.
[Nikki] Stace, Lyd!
[upbeat music playing]
- You look so cute. You guys good?
- [Nikki] Yes.
- The pole!
- Pole!
Oh, wait, how's your Torah portion going?
It's like 6,000 pages long.
Why did my parents pick
the third week of August?
But mine's literally, like, a minute
and a half long. Thank you, June 10th!
Chop-chop, ladies! Curtain's up in five!
I like to think of Hebrew school
as a little performance I give.
Your prayer book is the playbill,
and I'm the star, cutie-pops.
[girls giggling]
Giving you a bit of the ole razzle-dazzle.
You know what I'm saying?
Kidding. Come one, class is starting.
Let's go!
[girl 2] Rabbi Rebecca!
- Can we please have snacks?
- You want some latkes and gefilte fish?
She's insane.
I know. I love her. [giggling]
"And I'm the star,
cutie-pops, razzle-dazzle."
- Very nice.
- Very good.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
[indistinct chatter]
- Is she serious? Oh my God.
- I know, right?
I really want a cloud.
Like, I want to taste a cloud.
- You want what?
- I want to taste a cloud.
I want to taste a cloud. That's all.
- [Lydia] It seems...
- [Andy] Yo. You good, bro?
Yeah. Why?
Uh, your head from earlier.
Head injuries are no joke.
One time I barfed at soccer
from a concussion.
Did you barf?
No. I didn't.
Tight.
- All right, shabbat shalom!
- [class] Shabbat shalom.
[Rebecca] How's everyone feeling?
We having the time of our lives right now?
You guys start your mitzvah projects yet?
- [class] No.
- Yeah.
No? It's the most important part
of this whole thing.
It's when you do something menschie
for your community, for society at-large.
What? You guys don't care
about society at-large?
- [class] No.
- Yeah.
All right, how about we pick up where
we left off with our old buddy, David.
Remember him?
Homeboy was about to get his groove on
with the foxy Bathsheba
even though she was married
to someone else.
[scoffing] What a snake David is!
You a snake, Aaron?
N-no.
You ever pull something like that?
Cheat on your wife?
- M-me?
- Dude, I'm messing around with you. Relax!
You're sweating, my goodness.
You're not a snake, Aaron. You're awesome.
Look at that arm hair
and mustache coming in strong.
Baruch HaShem, Aaron. Let's go.
[class giggling]
["Monte Carlo" by Remi Wolf playing]
[Gabi] So I told the sales lady,
"I'll take one in each color."
And she said, "Are you getting a divorce?"
And I said, "How'd you guess?"
That's really funny, Mom.
Hey, can you let me bring over some people
on Saturday?
Oh sure. Like a playdate?
A playdate? Mom, I'm 13.
Please don't call it a playdate.
[cell phone ringing]
My dad's calling me. Hi!
Hey! Stacels.
Hey, I'm at the store right now.
Mommy told me you need some, uh, tampons
- But I'm not sure what size you use...
- Stop. Get whatever.
[Danny] There's a lot of whatever
to choose from.
Do pads. I don't care.
What kind of flow do you got going?
- Uh, heavy flow situation?
- Heavy.
- Oh my God.
- A light flow? Or extra chunky?
I I I got confused.
I'm getting peanut butter also.
- [Stacy] I mean...
- Mommy said it was a high-alert situation?
That you might have to sleep
in the bathtub?
I'll drop 'em off
in your room immediately.
Oh my God. Love you. Bye.
"Hey, Lyd, it's Kym.
Having people over now."
"Pull up if you're free."
Wow.
Um, what do I say?
Do you want to go?
No.
But, I mean, I should respond.
Yeah. For sure.
Uh, if you want to go, I don't care.
I just think they're awful,
but it's your choice.
- Let me ask if you can come.
- No. Please don't do that.
Yeah, I'm gonna ask. Doing it right now.
Look, I just did it. Whoops. Sorry.
[both screaming]
Oh my God! Okay, Mom, can you drop us off
at Kym Chang-Cohen's house, please?
- Wait. Can you stop by my place first?
- [Gabi] Sure.
- [mouthing] Period.
- You gonna ask if Tara and Nikki can come?
[Lydia] Oh.
Oh. Um, I mean, I don't think so.
Bringing three people
would be, like, a lot.
- Yeah, I agree.
- Yeah.
[Lydia squealing]
[both vocalizing]
- [both laughing]
- You can't go now.
[upbeat music playing]
Okay. Hurry.
- Hi, Ron.
- [Ronnie] Hi.
- Should I wear a jacket with this?
- No. Where are you going?
Kym Chang-Cohen's.
Oh wow. First rule of going
to a cool kid's house, don't disagree.
Don't get too excited.
- Got it. Thanks.
- Cool.
[Ronnie] Oh, Dad left pads on your bed.
They're enormous.
I almost thought they were pillows.
Are you joking?
[Lydia laughing] That's funny.
["Valley of the Dolls"
by Santigold playing]
[Lydia squealing] Oh my God.
[Stacy] Remember.
Don't disagree. Don't get too excited.
[cell phones beeping, chiming]
[inaudible]
So, Lydia, any crushes?
Oh, uh
No, not really. There's not a lot
of options for boys in our grade.
- You know?
- [both chuckling awkwardly]
Oh, so you only like boys?
Uh, I think so.
Don't worry. Some of us are straight too.
Cool.
I don't disagree.
Yeah, Stacy, what about you?
Who do you like?
Uh, no one, really.
Uh, people are coming to my house tomorrow
if you want to come. Nothing big.
Sounds chill.
You guys have to come.
It'll be freaking amazing!
Her house is so cool.
I mean, it'll be a'ight.
[clearing throat] Uh, anyways, we should
probably wash this off before we go.
- Uh, we have to change before we leave.
- Where are we going?
To the ledge.
[girls chattering indistinctly]
- No way.
- We'll be careful.
I don't want to die.
- We have to. We can't disagree.
- What?
Don't act excited!
[Kym] Andy will be there.
Come on, Lydia, can't you do this for me?
I already got you invited here.
Isn't that enough?
I didn't mean it like that.
You guys coming or what?
Yeah, I'm down.
["Obxessed" by Fire Choir playing]
[girls chattering indistinctly]
It's irresistible
I'm so stuck on you
Ugh, my mom said I have to wait a year
before I can get lip filler.
She said you can have Botox.
Just use that on your lips.
[girl] Yeah.
I might be a little obsessed
[both squealing quietly]
Look who's here!
I might be a little obsessed
["Nikes On" by Healy playing]
What's a feeling
Without someone to feel it?
What's appealing?
Sleep in on the weekend
Home solo, spinning on the ceiling
And every day is the same
When the name of the game's
Break sweat to break even
[song stops]
[Andy] What up, what up?
What's good?
Hi, Stacy.
Hey, Mateo.
Yo, we just had soccer,
and we kicked St. Catherine's ass, 3-0.
Even though their field sucks.
Yeah, that field is so lopsided.
Exactly.
Uh,
how's your head?
It's, um it's still on her body, so
Yeah, we love that.
And I'm not barfing, so, yeah.
[Mateo chuckling]
Uh, anyways
What's up? I'm Andy.
Uh, I know. We, uh
we go to Hebrew school together. Lydia.
We do?
Yeah.
[Aaron] I dare one of you guys to jump in!
Come on! Let's go.
[Mateo] Jump off the ledge, Aaron?
You'd break both legs on impact
and your spine.
Yeah, I heard
Melissa Quinto's cousin jumped,
and she now has to text
with her nose, so, no.
Looks like it might be fun.
[tense music playing]
Hey, I'd jump
if I didn't have my contacts in.
Oh, I'd be happy
to hold them for you, Aaron.
[all laughing]
Oh shit. You can't see.
[tense music swelling]
I'll do it.
What?
[Andy] You'd jump in?
That that's sick.
Let's see it.
[upbeat electronic music playing]
Okay.
- No way, no way.
- Oh shit.
[Aaron] If she jumps, it's my idea, guys.
[boy] We don't know if that's shallow.
[kids murmuring]
- She's not gonna do it.
- She's not gonna do it.
- If she dies, we weren't here.
- Hell no.
- [girl] She's a scaredy-cat.
- [boy] She's stalling.
Stacy, you said we'd be careful. Please.
Is Andy watching?
[indistinct chatter]
Everyone is watching!
Friedman! Yo, you got this! Let's go!
[kids cheering]
- [Andy] Let's get it!
- Stacy, do not do this to me.
If you die, your parents will kill me.
I swear to God. Stacy! No!
- [music stops]
- [inaudible]
- Oh my God!
- Holy shit!
- My God!
- Oh my God!
[kids clamoring]
[Lydia] Stacy!
- Stacy!
- Oh shit!
[girl] That was unreal!
- [boy] Stacy!
- Woohoo!
[Stacy gasping]
- That was my idea!
- Yo, shut up!
Yo, Stacy Friedman!
You're a fricken' legend!
That's how I do it!
[kids chattering indistinctly]
What is that?
[kids quieting]
[dramatic music playing]
[Andy] Oh, disgusting.
Yo, Stacy just turned the ledge
into the Red Sea.
[kids laughing]
[Anya] Chill out.
It's just a period, guys.
It happens every month.
That looks like two months.
You couldn't deal
with having a period, Aaron.
Yeah, you punk.
Wait, what'd I even do?
[kids chuckling]
[Stacy exhaling]
[scattered chuckling]
Thanks for laughing with everyone.
I wasn't laughing.
Yes, you were.
Stacy, it's not that big of a deal.
Just take my sweatshirt.
Not a big deal? That was humiliating!
Andy looked at me like...
You're a badass!
That's all anyone was thinking.
No, whatever. I'm over him.
Call it.
- Stacy, think this through.
- I did. Call it.
[Lydia scoffing]
5:23.
Stacy Friedman's crush
on Andy Goldfarb has ended.
Time of death, 5:23 p.m.
Okay, let's just go.
No, you just stay with your new friends.
What? What are you talking about?
Oh my God, stop! You didn't have my back.
Just admit it!
You stop. I told you not to jump.
I didn't even want to be here.
Only because you already got them
to come to your party!
- You're being so dramatic right now!
- You're such a wannabe right now!
I'm freezing. I'm gonna go.
Wow, Stacy. I can't even.
I can't even, even more.
[somber music playing]
[music fades]
[Danny] What you gonna do, sweets?
[Bree] Sending out the invitations today.
I have to get my hair dyed...
Oh, will you call DJ Schmuley?
He's asking for a green room and per diem.
And he may or may not have hit on me.
Well, I may or may not punch him
in the face.
- Yeah, okay. [chuckling]
- Let me handle Schmuley.
So, you, I'm going to the movies.
You want to come?
Too weird being
at a movie theater alone with my dad.
Okay, you never want to be with me again?
What are you gonna do all day?
Zaara's coming over, and we're going to
online shop and then take a nap outside.
And that's not weird to you?
We're tired from frickin' school all week!
Honey, go have quality time with
your younger daughter who still loves you.
- [Danny] Yeah.
- Okay? Have a good day.
This one scares me.
- Miss you already, Daddy!
- [Danny] Do ya? Great.
[music playing on phone]
[indistinct cheering, chatter on phone]
Oh my God!
[inaudible]
[hip-hop music playing]
[cell phone chiming]
[knocking on door]
- We ready in there, buddy?
- [Stacy] One second, Dad!
[Stacy exhaling]
[cell phone beeping]
[knocking on door]
Don't do this to me. Let's go!
[Stacy] Coming!
[Danny] Bubie, I'm psyched.
I'm psyched about the popcorn.
Lots of butter.
Lots of anger after I finish it.
- Lots of oil on my face.
- Dad, can I skip the movies?
You wanna skip the movie? How come?
You don't want to be seen with me either?
No, no, no. I just need to talk to Lydia.
Can you drop me at her house?
Sure, buddy.
What's the matter? Something bugging you?
It'll be fine. Whatever it is.
Here. Don't tell your mother.
Have some coffee.
One sip [yelling] I gotcha.
- [laughing]
- Gotcha.
[light music playing]
- [Danny] All right. Have fun. I love you.
- [Stacy] Thank you. Love you.
I'll just be all alone
at the movies,
crying and eating a bucket
of Sour Patch Kids!
- A'ight!
- [Danny] Okay. Text me if you need me.
I will!
[hip-hop music playing over stereo]
["Past Life" by Arkellis playing]
Feeling like I'm falling
I've been getting uptight
Staring at the ceiling
Trying to get it just right
You know what's on mind
I can't look you in the eye
I'm getting on the freeway
Underneath the night sky
I'm a little wallflower
Singing "One Headlight"
Looking for a sign
Superstition made me blind
I'm sick of running from a past life
I don't care about the next one
Right now I'm feeling like a stranger
Don't recognize the voice inside my
- [girl] Oh. Uh, Stacy, you would know.
- Uh, how do you turn on the jacuzzi jets?
Uh, the switch is in the pantry.
- The pantry?
- Pantry?
[indistinct chatter]
Don't recognize the voice
Inside my head
'Cause I've been running
From a past life
I wanna live
I wanna live this life instead
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
- [Lydia] Stacy! Stacy!
- [Aaron] Oh, snap.
Yo, shit just got real. [chuckling]
[Lydia] Stacy.
Stacy, he kissed me!
You don't even like him!
You're like David and Bathsheba,
and you're the snake.
- I'm sorry, okay. I...
- Stop talking!
Let me explain? Please?
I haven't done anything.
No! Let me explain some things to you.
First of all, we are no longer friends.
Second of all, I am definitely not doing
your entrance video.
- Stacy.
- Oh! And one more thing
Lydia Rodriguez Katz,
you are so not invited to my Bat Mitzvah.
Good! Have fun without me!
[sniffling]
[Andy laughing]
[crying]
[Stacy, narrating]
Dear God, Stacy Friedman here.
And what the hell?
How could you do this to me?
["traitor" by Olivia Rodrigo playing]
Brown guilty eyes
And little white lies
Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew
That you talked to her
Maybe did even worse
I kept quiet so I could keep you
[Stacy sniffling]
You betrayed me
And I know that you'll never feel sorry
For the way I hurt, yeah
Okay, bye, Stacy.
[Zaara gasping]
Oh, oh, Z. It's okay. Go back to bed.
- [Zaara moaning]
- You're fine. I promise. You're fine.
- But that didn't matter
- [inaudible]
It took you two weeks
To go off and date her
Guess you didn't cheat
But you're still a traitor
[Nikki] Stacy, wait up. Stace, wait up.
Are you okay? What happened?
Yeah. Everybody keeps asking us
if you need a double-X tampon.
- I'm fine.
- [Tara] Are you sure, Stace?
'Cause your best friend's
dating your crush.
They're not dating. It was just one kiss.
Oh, I heard he touched her underboob
in PE this morning.
- Tara
- [scoffing] It's fine, guys.
Junior high gossip. Never ends.
["Riot Rhythm" by Sleigh Bells playing]
[inaudible]
- Okay, well, when did that start?
- [song stops]
Her party this weekend.
She had the party?
Guess so. She didn't invite us.
No surprise, because they were
awfully chummy laughing
at my near-death experience at the ledge.
You guys went to the ledge with Andy?
Oh, it's just the ledge.
It was last minute.
[Tara] Hmm.
- Come on, Tara. Let's go.
- Yeah.
Okay, today we're going
to be talking about tikkun olam.
Does anyone know what that means?
Kym!
If God exists,
then how do you explain climate change?
It's actually an amazing question. Um...
Yeah, and why can't straight people
get on gay TikTok? It's way funnier.
And if God loves me, then why
is he always giving me so many zits.
And why does Apple
keep changing their chargers?
And why did my dad's doctor operate
on the wrong shoulder?
And why do I have to share a room
with my grandma?
[Rebecca] Okay, okay, okay.
I think I can explain zits
and climate change and gay TikTok.
- [Lydia] She scares me sometimes.
- [Andy] You too?
- [drawer closing]
- [maracas shaking]
Musically!
If God is real, then why is there war?
Why is there injustice?
Why are people poor?
And why have I had a yeast infection
for a solid 11 years?
The answer is clear
- God is random
- [scattered laughter]
God is random
God is random sauce
Everybody!
[all] God is random
God is random
Your prayer book
is the playbill, cutie-pops
[clicking tongue] razzle-dazzle.
[both chuckling]
- [dramatic music playing]
- [inaudible]
[Rebecca] Seema!
What did Rabbi Rebecca say
about being on your phone?
Right? Aaron knows what I'm talking about.
Come on, dude.
- Yup, Baruch HaShem, Aaron.
- [Aaron] Yes, sir.
- [machinery whirring]
- [rhythmic thumping]
All right, what's going on, young lady?
You used to be such a good,
respectful kid.
Now, you're on your phone.
You're not practicing your portion.
Talk to me, sis. [clapping]
What's crappenin'?
Do you know what your portion is about?
Do you understand Ki Tisa?
Yeah. Lots of golden calf talk
and stuff like that.
Yeah, but it's also about becoming
your own individual person.
It's about taking responsibilities
for your mistakes.
You know, grown-up stuff?
Let me take a wild guess.
You haven't started
your mitzvah project yet either, huh?
I'm narrowing it down.
Seema, I'm telling you,
the sooner you do your mitzvah,
which is a good deed,
a commandment by the way,
the sooner you'll find
things falling into place.
Wait, so, if I do a mitzvah,
God will reward me?
- [panting] No, not reward...
- And he'll give me what I want?
Well, I definitely did not say that.
No, thank you, Rabbi. You helped me
so much. I gotta get to work.
Wait. No, no, no!
Gotta start my journey, Rabbi Rebecca!
Can you get me a Gatorade?
[upbeat music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
[Lydia] Hey, uh, can I sit here?
[girl] Sure.
Hey.
You wouldn't happen
to know why people keep asking me
if they can floss their teeth
with my nipple hair today,
do you, Stacy?
Uh, no.
You know, seventh grade is hard enough
without people pointing and laughing at me
whenever I walk down the hall,
screaming out, "Here, comes spider-nips."
Better than, "Here comes Aunt Flow
and the Blood-Pads!"
But that really happened, Stacy.
- How do I know your nipples are hairless?
- Because you do!
Why are you dating him?
I thought it was just one kiss?
And stop doing Rabbi Rebecca impressions
to Andy.
That's my impression,
you freaking ripoff artist!
[in funny voice] And I'm the star,
cutie-pops, razzle-dazzle!
[woman laughing]
That sounds so much like her!
Do Cantor Jerry.
I don't know how.
Boo!
- [Ronnie] Um, uh, chicken?
- Ronnie? Ronnie.
Can you help with my mitzvah project?
I need to get on that ASAP.
I'm kind of in the middle of something.
Oh, chicken parmesan!
Correct.
Honey, why don't you and Lydia
do something with the homeless
or volunteer at the animal shelter?
Cause its my Bat Mitzvah
and Im not doing my project with Lydia.
It's a statement about me.
Stace, that's what you said
about the egg roll piata.
- And the dress.
- And your hair.
Shut up, Zaara. Why are you always here?
- Hey.
- [camera clicking]
Ugh! You guys don't get what this means.
Nobody does.
[Zaara chuckling, exclaiming]
Biggest drama queen in the room?
- [Zaara] Correct.
- Oh my God! You're not funny.
Girls, leave her alone.
[Stacy and recording, in Hebrew]
Vayar Aharon
vayiven mizbayach l'fanav
vayikra Aharon
- Ugh. Oh my God.
- [recording continues]
[recording stops]
[both resuming in Hebrew]
Vayar Aharon
- [recording] vayiven mizbayach l'fanav
- [Stacy slips up]
- What the heck?
- [recording stops]
[sighing]
["ABCDEFU" by GAYLE playing]
[mouse clicking]
[Stacy, in recording] If that was you
and a boy, what would you do?
- [Lydia kissing]
- [Stacy laughing]
[Stacy, in recording]
Let's get a closeup of that one.
[Lydia] Hmm. Look at that.
- Mmm, mmm, mmm.
- [both laughing]
[Lydia sniffing deeply, exhaling]
- [Stacy] Why do you always do that?
- [Lydia] I like the way my feet smell!
- She sounds like a lawnmower. So loud!
- [girls giggling]
Did you get the full flip?
- [Stacy] I got a full booger.
- Stop. Erase that right now, please.
This is how I'm gonna kiss.
We're waiting for her to pop a pimple.
Oh my God, I think I peed myself.
Kym and Megan and Anya, they suck.
They're very dumb.
Her real toes are hairy.
[voices overlapping]
[Stacy] What is the biggest lie
you've ever told?
Have you ever farted from the front?
- [Tara] Yeah, like your vajayjay?
- Juicy!
- Want me to show you? I have to prepare.
- [Stacy] Yes. Let's see it.
[Stacy] Stop. You have an exercise?
[Stacy] No, poor Nikki.
[girls giggling]
[Lydia flatulating]
[Lydia] I was showing them how to queef.
Wha...
You better not show this to anyone.
I swear to God,
if you show this to anyone,
I literally will murder you.
You understand this? You understand that?
- [Stacy] I wouldn't do that.
- [Lydia] Okay, good.
[Stacy] Love you.
Stop, I'm being serious.
This could be dangerous.
[emotional music playing]
[Danny] They're both nuts together.
[Bree] Stacy, stop smothering Lydia.
- [woman 2] Aw, that's nice!
- [Stacy laughing]
Thanks for watching. Bye!
[Stacy and recording, in Hebrew]
Vayar Aharon
vayiven mizbayach l'fanav
vayikra Aharon
[in frustration] My lo...
["Hold Me Down" by the Happy Fits playing]
I'm here, my love
But I'm floating, baby
Hold me down tight
When I'm losing my mind
[crowd cheering]
Oh yeah! Mazel tov to Benjamin!
[all cheering]
[Aaron] Schmule...
Hey, Schmuley!
What, what, what?
Can you play
"Don't Stop Believing" by Journey?
Whoa. What a deep cut.
Get out of here with that shit!
Let Schmuley handle the vibe around here!
["Wolves" by Selena Gomez playing]
Make some noise, party people!
To get to you
- [woman] Oh. Yeah.
- It's too loud in here.
You know, we didn't have to suffer with
these Bat Mitzvahs when we were your age.
We just celebrated with our families,
and poof, you're a woman.
- Yeah.
- Girls didn't have Bat Mitzvahs?
My mother told me girls were born
into God's kingdom, so we didn't have to.
She was full of it.
She was just trying to save money.
[all laughing]
[girl screaming]
Go. Just go.
Man, that's all-time.
You ever seen Evil Dead 2?
- Yeah, we saw it. It was weak.
- Yeah, just like you two.
Ugh. Could you
just let us watch our movie?
Okay.
I've been running with the wolves
To get to you
[both snickering]
["Hava Nagila" playing]
[crowd clapping rhythmically]
[Stacy chuckling]
[Danny] What's going on?
Why are you hanging out
with us old people right now?
- Why are you not with your friends?
- I have a stomach ache.
You have a stomach ache?
All right. I'll get you a ginger ale.
You're not hot. You feel fine.
You don't have a stomach ache.
How come you're not hanging out
with Lydia tonight?
She betrayed me.
She kissed my crush,
and then he touched her underboob in PE.
- Oh.
- Oy, underboob.
Oh, I got plenty of that.
Underboob, overboob,
sideboob, behindboob, I got all of it.
Oh.
You know, bubelah, when I was young,
my best friend Susie Rebenstock
and I fought over a boy,
and I stopped talking to her.
Fifty years later,
I ran into her brother at Zabar's.
Turns out,
she threw herself off a roof at 32.
I let a stupid boy come between us,
and now she's lying dead
at the bottom of the Chrysler Building.
Oh my God.
- It was McDonald's.
- Whatever! You get my point.
All I'm saying is we girls
have to stick together!
- Yeah.
- Hear, hear.
["Hot Girl Bummer" by Blackbear playing]
[all whimpering]
Megan!
Okay. Here, Tatala, huh?
- Thank you.
- Okay.
- Hiya, ladies.
- Hello.
- [Danny] Hey, hey.
- And gentleman.
[Danny chuckling]
Mind if I take your extra rolls?
I'm making up a plate
for Andy Goldfarb's grandmother.
Oh, that's nice.
- What a respectful boy you are.
- That's sweet.
- Here's some basketball rolls.
- Gracias.
Wait, why are you making a plate
for Andy's grandma?
She only gets Jell-O
at her retirement home.
I thought that I'd get real food for Andy
to bring to her when he visits tomorrow.
Wait, Andy's grandma's
in a retirement home?
That's awesome.
Wait, why is that awesome?
[upbeat music playing]
Ooh! The bookies are here!
[Stacy shushing]
Andy? Oh, hey!
Yo.
What are you doing here?
I'm just visiting my grandma.
She's taking a nap right now,
so I got to sit here till I get picked up.
It's so sweet that you visit her.
Yeah, my moms say
they'll take away my Xbox if I don't. So
So
Are you excited about your Bar Mitzvah?
Yeah, it should be all right.
That's dope.
Yeah, but Lydia, she's being all salty
'cause she has to miss
some dumb dance competition to go.
Ugh. I hate how competitive she is.
It's just like,
why can't it be about the dancing?
Well, I mean, I play soccer,
and soccer is pretty competitive.
Uh, well, soccer's a sport.
Dance is an art.
Facts.
Real talk.
[cell phone vibrating] Andy Goldfarb.
Um, yeah. Uber's here. Gotta bounce.
Okay. So nice running into you.
Yeah, cool.
- Hey.
- Yo!
- [Andy] Too slow, boy!
- Jesus.
[Andy] Can't guard me.
Ha ha, old man! Goldfarb rules!
Still waitin' on me bookies!
It's right here.
I don't want that one.
[popcorn popping]
Hello, Joe. Can you refill
my popcorn please? Extra butter.
On it.
[Stacy, echoing in a memory]
I love this Carnivale theme,
but your Candyland theme
is going to be the best of the year.
[Lydia, echoing] Well, until your New York
theme puts the entire school to shame!
[Stacy, echoing] Yeah.
[Stacy, echoing] Why'd we eat
so many Twizzlers last night?
[Lydia, echoing] I don't know!
[Mateo] Hey, Stacy.
Oh, hey, Mateo.
Hey, can you believe no Bar
or Bat Mitzvah tonight?
Get to go to the movies.
[chuckling] What are you seeing?
I'm not sure. Andy bought the tickets.
- Andy's here?
- [Mateo] Yeah.
[indistinct chatter]
- Sorry, the butter nozzle's jammed.
- No, it's fine. I don't need butter.
- All good. I know you love butter.
- No, I really don't need butter.
I'll grab a coat hanger.
This is all fixed.
- Dude, give me the popcorn!
- [Kym] Stacy Friedman.
Hey, Kym! What's up?
Hey, yo, what's poppin'?
How's the bookie business?
Booming. Still got your Xbox?
You know it.
[Stacy] That's what's up.
[Danny] Bubie, what's taking you so long?
Is the guy mad at us
for getting three refills?
Where is that dude?
Oh, your friends are here.
What's up, everybody?
Nice to see you guys.
- I like your robe, man!
- Oh yeah, the kid likes the drip.
I like your taste.
So I'm gonna go outside and get a blanket
from the trunk of the car
'cause it's freezing in there.
We can kind of snuggle
like we used to. All right?
Always fun, right? Blanket time?
You know what I'm talking about, bro?
- Wha...
- I see you back there, Lydia.
- How you doing, kiddo?
- Oh, hey.
- Love ya. Say hi to your folks.
- Yeah, of course.
- [Danny] Miss you, buddy.
- [Lydia] See you.
You... Oh
[dramatic music playing]
[music fades]
[Tara] Stacy! We're here.
Did you fall off a motorcycle?
- Did you eat nuts? Do you need an EpiPen?
- Why do you look like a bad IG filter?
Can periods happen to your face?
Shut up. Come in.
- [Tara] What are you wearing? Oh my God.
- [Nikki] Scandy!
[Stacy] Guys
["Say So" by Doja Cat playing]
[camera shutter clicking]
[Nikki] Tara, you're putting the lighting
in the camera. Okay, yeah.
- Lift it higher. Make sure I'm glowing.
- [Tara] I'm not built for this.
You know, I really thought we were
just gonna hang out and make slime.
Oh my God, we're women now.
Maybe later.
How does this look?
Like your goldfish died.
Hey, just switch it up.
- [Tara] Okay.
- There you go.
Seduce me. Okay? Just seduce me.
Oh, way better. Slay, queen.
Guys, this is so lame.
I thought we could be, like,
this iconic best friend trio, you know?
Now that Lydia broke up with you and all.
Uh-oh. Now you look like all the goldfish
in the world just died.
[sighing] No, it's fine. Let's just take
more pictures and then change outfits.
- [Tara] There's more outfits?
- That's... Okay. Yeah.
[girls coughing]
- [Tara] Are you serious?
- [Nikki] Geez, Stace.
[Ronnie] Whoa, what is happening?
Uh, taking pictures.
You look insane.
Uh, we're gonna go get some boba
and then watch a movie,
Evil Dead 2, if you wanna come.
- Yeah, just...
- Oh, thank God.
Yes!
What happened to your armpits?
Oh, I shaved this morning.
It did not go well.
It's fine! I didn't need you anyway.
[contemplative music playing]
[Stacy] Don't you love puzzles?
Puzzles are corny.
Facts.
[music fades]
I have a question. Is Lydia a good kisser?
She's a'ight.
A'ight? Huh.
Probably because you were her first kiss.
No, she's told me she's kissed a bunch
of guys before.
At camp?
Yes.
Does her tight-lipped technique
suggest a high level of experience?
Nah, it's like she thinks she's kissing
a stuffed animal or something.
Plus, every time I try to move my hand,
she starts laughing,
says she's mad ticklish.
[scoffing] You have the patience
of a saint.
A Jewish saint.
True.
[dramatic music playing]
Twenty points for me.
Get it, Grandma.
Want a picture of you and your grandma
to prove to your moms you're here?
Uh, yeah. That's low-key a good idea.
Okay.
[camera shutter clicking]
- [Andy] Yeah, Grandma.
- Hilarious.
I have to prove
to Rabbi Rebecca I'm here too.
I'm volunteering for my mitzvah project.
- That's what's up.
- Here, I'll send it to you.
- For sure.
- Oh, shoot. I just sent you more pics.
- Just ignore.
- [cell phone] Andy Goldfarb.
Nice.
[music fades]
- [Stacy] That one's way too big on me.
- Okey-dokey.
[pop music playing over radio]
Well, why don't you try the strapless one?
[Stacy groaning]
[Bree] So, how's Lydia's entrance video
coming along?
I finished it this weekend.
[Bree] Great!
No.
Why is it a no?
[Stacy] Just... it's just a no.
Well, okay, then try the last one on.
No, that's the worst one!
[Bree] Well, just try it!
[whining] Oh my God.
- [sighing heavily]
- [Stacy] It's so ugly, Mom.
Maybe it'll look good when it's on you.
[gasping] Oh.
You know what?
I like this.
I look like the lady
at school that pulls kids out of class
when their parents get into car accidents.
How often does that happen?
Can we please get this dress?
Come on. It's the dream dress.
It costs more than our house.
Okay, so wear the cheap dress
in front of God. Got it.
[woman] It's not cheap.
It's reasonable.
That's what every kid wants to hear
on the most important day of their life.
"Wow, Stacy, you look so reasonable."
You know what? This is a nice,
temple-friendly, well-priced dress. And...
No. Don't say it. Please, Mom.
Please, I beg you.
- We're gettin' it.
- Oh my God! You're ruining me!
So ugly, Mom.
- So, is this, like, a swipe or a chip?
- [cashier] Yeah, it's a chip.
[Bree] Good? Okay.
Wait, did I take it out too soon?
[Gabi] Why? We could color coordinate.
[Lydia] We're not color coordinating, Mom.
We're not doing that.
- You want to ruin me?
- [Gabi Okay. No.
It looks like something
the counselor at school wears, Mom.
- [Gabi] Okay, okay.
- [Lydia] Please, I'm not wearing that.
- [Eli] Yeah, I got that app too.
- Eli!
- [Eli] What?
- [Gabi] What do you think?
[Eli] What? Uh, Rudy, hold on a second.
I'm at a family function or something, uh
Yeah, that dress is gorgeous, kiddo.
Only the best.
[Lydia] Papi, you don't even know
which one we're talking about.
It's the prettiest one.
Just like you, pumpkin.
Twenty-three skidoo! Wee!
Okay, yeah,
I think you gave me a good price.
Mom? Mom, can we go?
Yeah, okay. Take the dress.
- Thank you.
- Okay.
So great. We got a great deal.
Where's Daddy? I don't remember...
- No.
- [gasping] Gabi!
Bree?!
Lydia! Lydia's here...
Oh my God! I haven't seen you in forever!
[Bree] Hi!
[Gabi] Just like the two of us
to be getting dresses at the last minute.
[Bree] Why plan ahead, right?
[tense music playing]
[Gabi] How are you? How's Stace?
[Bree] She's good. I miss Lydia.
She hasn't been over in a while.
Eli! It's so great to see you.
How you doing?
Terrific. We're getting divorced.
Oh yeah. I'm... I heard. I'm so sorry.
I'm not. I'm on six dating apps.
Six? Wow, that's a lot.
Andy broke up with me.
Hmm. Sorry to hear that.
You were the perfect couple.
He said he couldn't deal with the
ticklishness or the closed mouth kissing.
Sucks for you, I guess.
Said he heard
I lied about kissing boys in camp.
Well, you did lie. So
[indistinct chatter]
[Bree] See you at temple?
- See you at temple.
- Okay.
Anyhoo. Gonna go.
- [Bree] Happy shopping!
- [Gabi] Yeah!
- Bye, Eli! Enjoy those dating apps.
- Yeah.
- Bye, Stacy.
- See ya! Come on, honey.
What's that mom's name again?
Bree.
Are you kidding me?
You need to get your fat head
in the game, Eli.
Stacy's father, Danny,
if you could remember names,
who we've known since kindergarten,
is so involved in every single detail!
Oh, he is?
So, which detail is that?
- [Danny groaning]
- He's exhausted from being a good dad.
Honey. You wish. [scoffing]
Can we get ice cream?
[upbeat guitar playing]
- Did you guys already get ice cream?
- No, we didn't.
Bim bam bim bim bam
Bim bim bim bim bim bam
Chiri chiri chiri
Bim bam bim bim bam
Bim bim bim bim bim bam
- [both] Shabbat shalom
- [Jerry] Hey!
- [both] Shabbat shalom
- [Jerry] Hey!
Shabbat, shabbat
Shabbat, shabbat shalom
Bim bam bim bim bim bam
Bim bim bim bim bim bam
[in sing-song voice]
Yes, Seema?
- Can I go to the bathroom?
- [Rebecca] Yes you can.
Go pee-pee, but quickly.
So quickly.
Bim bim bim bim bim bam
- [Rebecca] Thank you, thank you!
- Bravo! Slay, queen!
Does anyone know the significance
of that particular piece of music, huh?
Yes, Andy, please enlighten us.
I gotta go to the bathroom too.
No one thinks to take a whiz
before they come to class?
Fine, Andy, but quickly!
- So quickly.
- So quickly.
[class] So quickly.
[Jerry] Go, Andy.
[class] Go, Andy.
[Jerry] Good luck, Andy.
[class] Good luck, Andy.
Hopefully, it's not number two!
[class chuckling]
[toilet flushing]
[boy] It's Mr. Mateo!
[kids clamoring]
- Mr. Potatoes.
- [girl] Mr. Potato.
Hey, Stacy!
Can't believe you're not even Jewish,
and you come to temple more than I do.
Yeah, I go to church every Sunday.
Might as well fill in the other six days
for some, you know, holiness too.
I'm actually going
to help these guys make challah.
- [kids] Challah!
- Okay, okay! Challah, challah.
- That's what I said!
- [Stacy laughing]
I'm waiting here for Mrs. Lippman
to unlock the kitchen.
She's taking forever.
I remember when I had Mrs. Lippman,
six years old, not a care in the world.
[girl] I got cares.
My mom says
if I don't learn the candle blessings,
I can't play Call of Duty anymore!
Oh, that's heavy.
Or maybe Mr. Mateo will teach you.
He probably knows it by now.
[Mateo, singing in Hebrew]
Baruch Atah Adonai,
- Eloheinu Melech ha'o...
- [kids clamoring]
[kids cheer]
- Mrs. Lippman!
- [mouthing] Bye.
See you later, Stacy.
[contemplative music playing]
- Hi, Mike.
- [Mike] Shalom, Stacy.
What's up?
Hi.
[Andy] Hey, uh
Have you ever kissed anyone?
[Stacy chuckling nervously]
Uh, no.
Would you want to?
Yeah.
All right, come on, let's go.
Come on.
- [girl] Um, someone's in here!
- [boy] Go away!
[kids giggling]
[whispering] Where could we go?
Come on. Let's go.
[dramatic music playing]
[music stops]
[Andy sighing]
No one's gonna find us in here.
I don't know,
I just feel like God's gonna be mad.
Nah, God's gonna be stoked
that we like each other so much.
You're right.
This is not the bathroom!
[whispering] Oh no.
[Rebecca] Do you see a toilet?!
I didn't think so!
I didn't need to go.
Well, mazel tov, you guys are married now.
Kidding, but you're in a lot of trouble.
In front of the Torah?
What were you thinking?
I said I was sorry.
Why is Andy not getting in trouble?
Oh, he's in trouble!
He's a repeat offender. We're handling it.
I hope my father doesn't handle it.
He'll put him in a wood chipper.
They'll never find his body.
[somber music playing]
Seema, we're only a few weeks away
from your Bat Mitz. Okay, cutie-pops?
This is supposed to be
the most important day of your life,
and you're not taking it seriously at all.
You haven't even done
your mitzvah project yet.
I did my mitzvah project.
I volunteered at the retirement home.
So you could do a mitzvah,
or so you could flirt with a boy?
How did you know that?
Let's just say there's
a wonderful woman there, Mrs. O'Leary,
who wishes to convert to Judaism,
and you never brought her bookies!
Yeah, you're not the only one
who's amazing at impressions.
I'll do better.
Let me take off
my "rabbi hat" for a second
and put on my "tough love hat."
If you don't shape up, your Bat Mitzvah
is gonna be cancelled, sis.
And that's the way
the hamantaschen crumbles. Capisce?
Yes, we understand, Rabbi Rebecca.
She doesn't really even deserve
a second chance.
We thank you for that.
[Rebecca] Mm-hmm.
Oh, and just please
calm your husband down.
Okay? Tell him don't put Andy Goldfarb
in a wood chipper.
- [Bree] She just walked in.
- [Rebecca] Oh. Okay, good luck.
Dad, take a breath.
Just talk to her. Don't yell.
[music stops]
He didn't take a breath.
No.
[door opening]
Hey. We don't slam doors in this house.
- Dad, I need a break.
- [Danny] Well, welcome to being an adult.
And welcome to being Jewish.
We don't get breaks.
Oh my God! Stop!
[Danny] Kissing a boy in a temple?
You know how disrespectful that is?
Every time you walk into that synagogue,
you are declaring to everyone and God,
"I'm Jewish, and I am part of this!"
Well, maybe I don't want to be!
Yes, you do!
I was born into God's kingdom!
Yeah? Well, God wants you out right now!
How's that?
- I hate you!
- [Danny] You don't mean that.
Wow, I never said that to him,
and I was nuts.
- [Danny] You hate me?!
- [knocking on door]
[Stacy] I do. You're a jerk,
and you won't let me have a mojito bar.
Gabi!
Hi!
[Danny] That's why we fought the Nazis?
So you could have a mojito bar?
Is this a bad time?
- Um, no. What's what's going on?
- [Danny] Are you nuts?
Well, Stacy was supposed
to do that video for Lydia's Bat Mitzvah.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Of course, right.
[Stacy] Get out of my room!
Stop ruining my life!
- Anyways...
- [Danny] I paid for this room!
She never sent it.
I was in the neighborhood, and thought
I'd pop by and see if it was ready.
- [screaming]
- [Danny] Really?
Oh, hi, Ronnie. Hi, Zaara. How's it going?
[Danny] Andy Goldfarb?
That's who you pick?
[both] Great! Nice to see you.
You girls got so big. How's high school?
[Stacy] You'll be the reason
I start doing drugs!
[Danny] Same here!
Hard.
Very, very stressful.
[Danny] Good God!
Um, I think that Stacy said
she finished the video this weekend,
so I can just email it to you ASAP.
Thanks. Lydia keeps talking about how
she doesn't wanna have a video anymore.
- I know she'd regret it.
- [Danny] You're on your own! Good luck!
[Stacy, shouting]
I hope you die before Mom!
- [Danny] I'm taking you with me!
- We'll see you. Mazel tov! Bye!
[tense music playing]
[Bree sighing]
[tense music swelling]
[Danny] Andy Goldfarb
is going in the goddamn wood chipper!
- [keyboard clicking]
- Okay.
["Now I'm In It" by HAIM playing]
[Stacy, narrating]
Dear God, Stacy here.
So, as you probably already know,
Lydia's Bat Mitzvah is coming up,
and I really don't know what to do.
I'm not even sure if she wants me there.
- [girls laughing]
- [kids clamoring]
[Stacy, continuing] If I was in
this situation a month ago,
I would've asked my friends what to do.
Hey, look, we're twinning.
[Megan] Twinning?
What are we in fourth grade?
[Stacy, continuing] But the people
I'm hanging out with now,
I don't know
if they'd have such good advice.
[Stacy practicing in Hebrew]
et b'ney Moshe...
[Stacy, narrating]
I've actually been working hard
because I want to have a good Bat Mitzvah
and a good life.
[continuing in Hebrew]
kedushah ha-nasi
I don't know how to fix things with Lydia,
or if I should,
or if it's even possible.
[Stacy practicing in Hebrew]
al panav ad bo-oh l'dabeyr ito.
Booyah!
So I've been focusing
on my new mitzvah project.
'Cause now I'm in it
But I've been trying
[Stacy, narrating] And maybe,
if I start doing good things
I got you.
good things will start happening to me.
[coin clanking]
Thanks.
[Stacy, continuing] That's more of
a Buddhist concept than a Jewish one,
but, hey, at this point, I'm...
[Schmuley] Friedman?
What the hell are you doing?
Your meter was expired.
Yes, I wanted it to be expired.
The meter maid is a sexual icon,
and I wanted a chance to hit on her.
Now I have to wait 45 minutes!
You're not supposed
to call them meter maids.
And why are you in a handicapped spot?
Everybody loves a bad boy.
Gross. That's a $500 fine.
Huh?
[dance music playing on stereo]
- [tires screeching]
- [Schmuley groaning]
[Stacy gasping]
What the heck, man?
It was her fault!
- [man] Her?
- [Schmuley] She did it!
- [man] We know that kid.
- What?
- She goes out with the basketball guy.
- Exactly.
[car window rolling down]
[somber music playing]
[Bree] Stace?
[footsteps approaching]
[Bree] Honey?
Why aren't you ready yet?
I don't want to go.
[Bree] Yes, you do.
This is Lydia's Bat Mitzvah.
- She doesn't even want me there.
- [Bree] Honey.
I don't know what's happening
between you two,
but I know things must feel
really messed up right now.
I know she hurt you,
but I'm sure she misses her best friend.
You need to make things right.
- Okay?
- [Stacy] Yeah.
[Bree] Okay,
I think you should wear this towel.
- It's a good accessory.
- It's very stylish.
- Don't you think?
- Yeah.
[contemplative music playing]
[indistinct chatter]
Oy! Hey! Hey, slow down!
- Feel the breeze, Grandma!
- Oh my, ah!
I can see why you fell for him so hard.
[Bree] Youre wearin' the suit
for me, huh?
- [Danny] Yeah. Lydia gets the suit.
- [Bree] Oh, it's for Lydia.
[Schmuley yelling in Hebrew]
- [funky song playing]
- [Schmuley groaning]
[indistinct chatter]
- We love you guys!
- Thank you for coming.
[Bree] Lydia! Look at you!
Oh my God!
- This is exquisite!
- [inaudible]
Gabi, you've outdone yourself, girl.
Really, it's gorgeous.
[Gabi] Stacy, I'm so glad you came!
Lydia said you've been so busy
with show choir.
Yeah, the show's going really great.
[Gabi] That's exciting.
Can you girls believe it?
You've been planning this
your whole lives, and it's finally here!
Uh, well, it's time to get hammered.
[chuckling] Okay.
Ooh, maybe he'll pass out.
You! I saw you today at temple.
The Haftarah.
[smacking lips] Spot on.
- Thank you, Mr. Friedman.
- Lydia, you look so pretty!
[Lydia] Well, thank you.
- You got the Twizzlers station?
- Yeah, it's back there. I got it for you.
[girls] Yay! [giggling]
[sing-songy] Your New York theme
is gonna be amazing!
[in accent] Thank you for coming, madam.
[in accent] Well,
thank you for inviting me.
[Nikki] Lyd! There you are!
- [Tara] Hey!
- You're up! Come on!
Ready for your grand entrance?
[in accent] Come on! Places, cutie-pops.
[girls giggling]
- See you after.
- That's a good impression.
[Gabi] See you. Bye, Ronnie!
- That felt good, huh?
- Yeah.
- Wow!
- Wow!
- [Bree] Hey!
- [Danny] Oh, hey!
We're sitting with the Lamonsoffs.
I love it!
Good to see ya.
[knocking on door]
What up?
[man] You ready, DJ? The party's starting.
All right, I'll be right there!
I'm just getting my mind right!
[Schmuley sighing]
It's Schmuley time.
So let's go.
All right! Put your hands up in the air
like you just don't care, because
It is officially
Lydia Katz Rodriguez's Bat Mitzvah!
[all cheering]
[Schmuley] Woo!
Oh yeah, you got it, Grandma!
[inaudible]
Yeah, nobody does it
like DJ Schmuley, huh?
I guess.
["A Little Bit of Love" by Weezer playing]
[crowd exclaiming]
My little sweet baby.
Bubelah!
Tatelah!
Meydelah!
Shayna punim!
- Remember that? Kindergarten, first day?
- Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you took my parking spot.
Mm-hmm.
Not sure that was me, but either way.
Okay.
[crowd exclaiming]
If that was you and a boy,
what would you do?
[all chuckling]
[tense music playing]
[Stacy, on video] We're waiting for her
to pop a pimple.
Stace, what's going on?
What are you doing?
[crowd laughing]
Look at that.
[Stacy, on video]
Why do you always do that?
Because I like the way my feet smell!
[Stacy, on video] This isn't normal!
Schmuley, turn off the video.
Please, please, please!
Schmuley! Turn off the video!
It's getting big reactions.
What's wrong with it?
It's getting a horrible reaction!
Please, just turn it off!
- [all laughing]
- [Tara] She sounds like a lawnmower.
That was not a snore!
[girls giggling]
- [Lydia] What's that smell?
- Oh God.
[Lydia] Kym and Megan and Anya, they suck.
They're horrible.
Oh, I want cute, designer stuff,
but make sure it's, like, eco-friendly.
- I'm sorry.
- [Lydia] They're very dumb.
It's kinda true though.
Shut up! It's not.
- I got a full booger.
- Stop! Erase that right now. Please!
[Stacy, on video] Her real toes are hairy.
[Lydia] Remember when that string
on my tampon broke?
I think I peed myself!
Oh my God.
Have you ever farted from the front?
[Stacy, on video]
Yeah, like your vajayjay?
- [Lydia] Want me to show you?
- [Stacy] Yes.
[Lydia] I have to prepare.
[flatulating]
[Lydia] I was showing them how to queef.
[woman] Is that
what kids talk about today?
Tampons and frontal farts?
You better not show this to anyone.
Oh my God.
I swear to God,
if you show this to anyone
- Schmuley did this?
- I I...
Schmuley?
Thanks for watching, bye!
- Why would Stacy do that?
- I don't know.
[crowd exclaiming, murmuring]
Okay, even I'm not that mean.
- You're pretty mean.
- Yeah, you suck.
Turn it off, turn it off!
Lydia! Lydia, I didn't mean to...
[Lydia] Stop! You didn't mean to?
Like you didn't mean to tell everyone
I had a black hair on my nipple,
or that Andy was my first kiss?
- No, but this is different!
- Just stop lying, Stacy!
I have tried to apologize,
but you keep punishing me!
- When is it enough, Stacy?
- Now, it's enough!
It's too late!
[Gabi] Lydia!
[Hang the Moon by Matthew Bair,
Katelyn Tarver, Sadie Sandler playing]
I saw us only in the highlights
[Stacy crying]
[Stacy sniffling]
A picture of me
I should go up and see her.
I gotta talk to her.
No, I'm the one who sent the damn video.
I should go.
Neither of you guys should go up there.
She needs to process this herself.
No, honey, she needs...
I know what she needs
'cause I know how she's feeling.
How would you know what she's feeling?
Even your crazy ass
never did anything that stupid.
True, but I've seen some similar TikToks.
And the "even your crazy ass"
was gaslighting.
Yeah, you're right. Sorry about that.
This is gonna be difficult
for you to hear, Danny and Bree,
but from this point forward,
there's going to be a whole huge part
of Stacy that you don't understand,
that you won't ever understand,
no matter how much you want to,
and that's just the way it is.
Don't ever call us Danny
and Bree again, Zaara.
Yeah, that was weird.
Sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Friedman.
To me, that was gaslighting.
[Stacy, narrating]
God, everything is such a mess.
I've never felt this way before.
And I don't know how to fix it.
When you said it was love
Did you mean it?
Or did I make it up? Did I dream it?
For a while I was fooled
I believed it
But you can hang the moon
But you can hang the moon
[Stacy, narrating] Well, I'm sure you got
this day marked in your holy calendar too,
but today is my Bat Mitzvah.
The most important day of my Jewish life.
Maybe even my entire life.
But what's the point?
[Bree] Let's do this!
You're kidding me. Again?
This time, I'm serious. I am not going.
Oh, you're going.
Get dressed. Get in the car.
- I can't, and I won't.
- [tense music playing]
Okay, fine. Say goodbye to your phone.
Fine. Who am I texting anyway?
[music stops]
There is nothing you can say or do
that will make me go.
I'm an adult today,
and I can make my own decisions,
and I have decided that I am staying here.
- [screaming] Put me down, put me down!
- [Danny] Hey. Come on. Hey.
Ronnie! [screaming]
That is some amazing parenting
right there.
- [Stacy] No! Don't! [screaming]
- [Danny] Hey.
[indistinct chatter]
Hey, how are those armpits doing?
You know how they say
that it grows back double?
It's growing back triple.
Oh.
Yeah.
- [Stacy screaming]
- [Bree] Pull it together!
[crowd murmuring]
[Bree chuckling nervously]
- [Danny] Calm down.
- I don't want to go.
Can you stop?
H-hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Shabbat shalom.
[all] Shabbat shalom.
Today is a very special day.
Our brilliant, young Stacy Friedman
is called to the bimah
for her Bat Mitzvah.
[Stacy, narrating] Oh, God.
Do you hear her calling me up
to receive an honor I do not deserve?
I've been dreaming about this day
my whole life, and now it's here.
And I wish I could go back in bed,
or under my bed, or literally anywhere...
[Rebecca] Seema?
[contemplative music playing]
[Stacy clearing throat]
[in Hebrew] Barechu et Adonai hamevorach.
[crowd in unison] Baruch Adonai
hamevorach leolam vaed.
Baruch Adonai hamevorach leolam vaed.
Baruch Atah Adonai Eloheinu
melech haolam,
asher bachar banu mikol
[Stacy slowing] ha-amim
[Stacy sniffling]
I made a huge mistake. [sniffling]
I'm sorry.
I don't even know what I'm doing up here.
[guitar ending abruptly]
[Stacy sniffling]
[exhaling]
Uh
[emotional music playing]
In the Jewish religion,
I am supposed to be a grown-up today.
But I have been so selfish and bratty
and annoying to my parents who just want
[Stacy, narrating] And then, it happened.
The very day I was supposed
to become a woman
is the day that everything started
to make sense.
Nikki, Tara
When you're a kid, you think it's okay
to put yourself in front of your friends
in pursuit of something better.
A woman knows there is nothing better
than your friends.
Kym, Megan, Anya
[Stacy, narrating] When you're a kid,
sometimes you think you have to be
someone you're not in order to fit in.
if I'm being honest, it's probably 'cause
we were, like, jealous or something
But a woman knows
it's not about hiding who you are.
It's about being yourself
and speaking your truth.
but also, you guys can be,
like, such a-holes sometimes.
[crowd gasping]
Keep it PG in the temple.
Sorry.
Where'd she learn to curse like that?
No idea.
[Stacy] And the biggest difference
between being a kid and an adult
Andy
is knowing what really matters.
I'm gonna keep it brief 'cause I know you
can't focus on one thing for that long,
but you're basic and not nice to people,
and if I'm being honest,
not that good at soccer.
[kids laughing]
[Aaron] You suck!
And worst of all, because of you,
I ruined my friendship
with the one person that matters the most.
I need to tell her how bad I messed up.
Hey, hey, hey
You gotta go up there and finish
your Torah portion before you go.
Come here. Give it your best shot,
and then we'll all fix this together.
Hopefully, after I take off
this itchy suit.
[Stacy chuckling]
You have coffee breath.
Okay. All right. Use that up there. Go.
Quickly, so quickly, so quickly.
So quickly.
[uplifting music playing]
[Stacy breathing shakily]
[in Hebrew] Va-y'chal Moshe mi-dabeyr itam
Va-yiteyn al panav masveh.
Uv'vo Moshe lifney Adonai l'dabeyr ito
Ya-sir et ha-masveh ad tzeyto
V'yatza v'di-ber el b'ney Yisrael
et asher y'tzuveh.
V'ra-u v'ney Yisrael et p'ney Moshe
Ki karan or p'ney Moshe v'heysheev Moshe
Et ha-masveh al panav
ad bo-oh l'dabeyr ito.
I did it.
[all cheering]
Ya'sher koach! Now go!
["Reputation" by Radiant Baby playing]
[Stacy] Lydia!
[doorbell ringing]
[panting] Lydia.
Lydia.
Lydia, please open...
The Andy stuff.
I know you never hurt me on purpose.
I should have let you apologize.
I miss you, and I love you, and I'm sorry.
I've been a horrible, selfish friend.
Please, please forgive me.
Stacy, you ruined my Bat Mitzvah.
What part of that do you not understand?
I don't under... Like...
- I know.
- Let me finish.
That day at the ledge,
I told you not to go.
I told you don't jump. You jumped.
Then the whole thing
ended up being my fault.
- Then I was the shitty friend?
- I'm sorry.
And I've known you liked Andy for, like,
a million years, but guess what, Stacy?
So has every other girl at our school,
including me,
but I never told you anything
because I knew it'd just make you upset.
And then, when you uninvited me to the day
I've been helping you plan forever,
I dated him to make you mad.
Until you ruined it.
Then you ruined your best friend's
most important day of her life.
So, yeah, I'm I'm done here, Stacy.
Wait, you're right.
Yeah, I know.
Just come to my Bat Mitzvah party tonight.
I promise it'll be worth it. Please.
[dramatic music playing]
I'm gonna take that as a maybe.
Hello, again.
["Post Humorous" by Gus Dapperton playing]
Honey?
Hi, Mom.
[Bree] Your father called in
a lot of favors.
I think it's gonna work out
if she shows up.
Come on. Let me do it.
I know tonight's not exactly
what you dreamed it would be,
but I'm really proud of you.
Okay, go.
[both smacking lips]
[Bree] There.
[objects clattering]
- [Stacy] Hmm.
- Gorgeous.
[in accent] Thanks, doll.
[Stacy chuckling]
- I have something for you.
- Okay.
[Bree] Okay, now,
I know you may not like this, but
[gasping] Really?
Thank you!
[Stacy groaning]
I think I'm gonna wear sneakers.
Oh my God, you're a woman.
You're a smart woman
Let's party!
[crowd cheering]
[dance music playing]
[door opening]
[Bree] Is she here?
[exhaling] I don't think she's coming.
Honey, she's gonna come.
[Schmuley] May I have your attention?
It's starting. What if she doesn't come?
Then everything's pointless.
[door opening]
[Danny] It's not pointless.
- I could've been working on my golf game!
- Oh, you're fine.
You made it.
I made it.
Perfect timing.
Just in time for your grand entrance.
[Schmuley] Listen guys and girls,
ladies and gentlemen
No, Lydia
Please give a very sweet welcome
to your Bat Mitzvah
Lydia Rodriguez Katz!
[Stacy] It's time for yours.
Stacy, what is this?
You deserve a perfect Bat Mitzvah.
One that no one ruins.
So you gave up your Bat Mitzvah for me?
Stacy, this was your dream.
It's our dream.
Stacy!
Yeah, Lydia! We love you!
We love you!
Go!
Okay.
[Stacy] Entrance. Beautiful.
[Schmuley] Lydia! Lydia! Lydia!
[crowd] Lydia!
[Schmuley] Come on, Lydia!
Go, Lydia!
[dramatic, uplifting music playing]
[Schmuley] All right! Make some noise
for Lydia and Stacy!
[crowd cheering]
- I'm not paying for this, right?
- Yeah. You are.
I'm kidding you. You're good. We got this.
- [Schmuley] Let's get this party started!
- Oh man.
["Party of a Lifetime" by Pitbull playing]
It's your birthday every day
Every day your birthday
We gon' have a good time, all right
[indistinct chatter on phone]
Guys, you're watching
Shawshank Redemp! [chuckling]
- I love that movie. Have you seen...
- [both] Yeah, we've seen it.
- Yeah, can you leave us alone?
- [both] Bye!
[dialogue from film playing]
You're the guy
from the movie theater, right?
I am.
Let me get some Twizzlers.
- Yeah, give me a lot.
- [man] On it.
- I just want one.
- Okay, my bad.
Hell's wrong with you?
All right, mishpachalah!
Who's ready
for some "Don't Stop Believing!"?
Yeah, let's go!
Of course you are, nerd,
and that's why I'm not going to play it.
I think it's time to slow things down
for a little love jam.
["Easy" by The Commodores playing]
Know it sounds funny
But I just can't stand the pain
Girl, I'm leaving you tomorrow
Seems to me, girl
You know I've done all I can
You see, I begged, stole
And I borrowed
That's why I'm easy
I'm easy like Sunday morning
[Mateo] Hey.
Do you want to dance?
Well, what about Isabella?
Who?
Your 25-year-old girlfriend back
in Ecuador?
I just assumed her name
was something glamorous like Isabella.
I don't have a girlfriend.
You know, it's a weird rumor
I don't understand.
Oh.
[gasping] Ooh, how do you feel about that?
Your daughter's dancing
with a handsome young gentleman?
Um, surprisingly, I feel okay with it.
Really?
- You know what I don't feel good with?
- What?
- Rabbi Rebecca and Cantor Jerry.
- [Bree gasping]
[Danny] What is that?
[Bree] Ooh, work it, Rabbi.
Yeah. That should be against
every religion right there.
- Yeah. [laughing]
- What are they doing?
Okay, that's enough of the slow stuff.
- Let's make some noise everybody!
- [crowd cheering]
Are you ready?
["Cha Cha Slide" by DJ Casper playing]
[all clapping rhythmically]
Funky
Everybody clap your hands
Everybody clap your hands
[Stacy, narrating]
Dear God, Stacy Friedman here.
So today, I'm an adult,
and honestly, it's wonderful.
I know this is just the first chapter
of my grown-up life,
and it might not always be this great,
but if it was, that would also be great.
I mean, no pressure.
Not like I could pressure you.
Just saying.
[uplifting music playing]
And I know what you're thinking,
that giving up my party
for Lydia was my mitzvah project.
But that's not a mitzvah.
That's just being a best friend.
[music fades]
Yeah, turn it up
["Over You" by HOLYCHILD playing]
Welcome to Mitzvah Bakery.
All proceeds go to charity.
[Stacy] Helping others, being selfless,
taking the bad and making it good
- Breadsticks for four dollars.
- Four dollars.
[Stacy] That's a mitzvah.
[girl] Stacy, you did this?
- This is so dope.
- What are you gonna get?
[Stacy] Okay, obviously you know that.
You're God, which you also know.
Make sure you say Hamotzi.
And for one piece, 24 dollars.
[girl chuckling]
[Stacy] Anyway,
thanks for being patient with me.
I'm really glad I'm a part of this.
- Ooh, thank you.
- You're welcome.
You're very, very welcome!
[Stacy] Okay, I'll get back to you.
Selling bread.
Now we're talking mitzvah!
I'm so hopeless and over you
Think that you know it too
I say that it's over
But here I'm still singing
Play me something juicy
["Breakfast for Dinner"
by Winnetka Bowling League playing]
[song fades]
[upbeat, contemplative music playing]
[music fades]