Zapped (2014) Movie Script
[WOMAN]:
ARE YOU READY?
PROBABLY.
COME ON!
[CLINKING GLASSES]
[CHIMING]
[GIGGLES]
HI, EVERYONE.
I'M ZOEY STEVENS,
AND TODAY I AM MULTITASKING
AS THE MAID OF HONOR
AND THE DAUGHTER OF THE BRIDE,
SO YOU WILL BE RECEIVING
TWO TOASTS
FOR THE PRICE OF ONE.
[LAUGHTER]
FIRST OFF, I JUST WANT TO SAY
HOW HAPPY I AM
THAT MY MOM
HAS FINALLY FOUND LOVE AGAIN.
[CROWD GUSHES]
SHE IS THE MOS GIVING PERSON I KNOW,
AND WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER,
JUST US, FOR SOME TIME NOW,
SO SHE'S NOT ONLY MY MOM,
BUT SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
I LOVE YOU, MOM.
[MOUTHS "THANK YOU"]
[CROWD SIGHS FONDLY]
AND ONE OF THE...
BLESSINGS OF THIS UNION
IS THAT WE NOW HAVE
A NEW COLLECTION OF PEOPLE
WE'RE LIVING WITH.
THERE'S TED...
BOO-YAH!
[LAUGHTER]
AND HIS SONS,
ADAM...
HMM? OH.
HI.
ZACH...
HELLO!
AND BEN...
[FOOD SQUELCHING]
[CHUCKLES]
MY MOM ALWAYS SAYS
THAT "CHANGE" IS ANOTHER WORD
FOR "OPPORTUNITY."
AND, WELL, THIS IS
AN OPPORTUNITY.
TO LIVE WITH FOUR GUYS.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
FOUR GUYS
AND THEIR MYSTERIOUS ODORS
THAT THEY ALWAYS BLAME
ON THE DOG.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I ALMOST FORGOT,
THERE'S HUMPHREY.
HUMPHREY IS ALSO MALE.
SO THAT'S FIVE.
FIVE MALES
THAT I AM LIVING WITH.
WOW.
BUT I DIGRESS.
WILL YOU ALL JOIN ME
IN RAISING A GLASS
AS WE TOAST--
[SNEEZES, WATER SPLASHES]
[DOG WHIMPERING]
HUMPHREY!
[DISHES CLATTERING]
COME HERE, BOY!
OH, NO, NO, NO...
OKAY, I GOT IT.
[SIGHING IN RELIEF]
-HUMPHREY! NO!
-COME HERE, BOY! COME HERE!
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]
[GASPING IN SHOCK]
IT'S OKAY, WE GOT HIM!
WE'RE COOL!
TO MY NEW FAMILY.
[AIR HORN BLARES]
IT'S GO-TIME!
6:45 AM, BOYS!
UP! UP! UP! UP! UP!
LET'S GET IT MOVING!
LET'S GET IT MOVING!
THAT'S IT!
EVERYBODY, MOVE!
KEEP IT MOVING, PEOPLE!
KEEP IT MOVING!
WE GOTTA GET THAT BUS!
WE'RE GONNA GET IT! YES, WE ARE!
LET'S KEEP IT MOVING!
HEY, MORNING, SPORT.
I MEAN...
HI, GIRL.
[BOYS]: GIVE ME THAT,
GIVE ME THAT.
GAL?
HI, GIRL GAL!
MR. THOMPSON,
WHAT IS GOING ON?
ARE WE BEING INVADED?
NO, NO, JUST A LITTLE
WAKE-UP RITUAL WE DO HERE
ON SCHOOL DAYS.
AND PLEASE, WE'RE A FAMILY NOW.
CALL ME "DAD!"
[MESSAGE CHIMES]
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
UH, EXCUSE ME.
I'M IN HERE ALREADY,
USING THE BATHROOM?
YOU KNOW THERE'S ONLY
TWO BATHROOMS IN THE HOUSE.
WE GOTTA SHARE.
WHAT'S THIS? A NOSE BRUSH?
THAT IS MY MASCARA, THANK YOU.
"ACNE SPOT CONCEALER?"
PUT THAT DOWN.
AND...
COOL!
THIS MAKES SMOKE!
SERIOUSLY?
UNBELIEVABLE.
UGH, DOESN'T ANYBODY
IN THIS HOUSE AIM?
EW, EW, EW, EW, EW.
HUMPHREY,
YOU CAN'T EAT THAT.
THAT'S A PENCIL.
HERE. EAT THIS ERASER INSTEAD.
[HUMPHREY MUNCHES]
WHERE'S MY BASKETBALL?
OH, THERE IT IS.
AND MY PLAYBOOK?
OOH, AND MY BELT?
AND MY WALLET?
I'M FORGETTING SOMETHING.
YOUR PANTS.
YES! MY PANTS!
WHERE ARE MY PANTS?
WHERE ARE MY PANTS?
WHERE ARE MY...
OKAY, EXCUSE ME,
CAN WE JUST ESTABLISH
A FEW GROUND RULES, HERE?
ONE,
IF YOU ARE NOT WEARING PANTS,
PLEASE STAY OUT OF
MY PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE, OKAY?
AND TWO, IF A GIRL
IS IN THE BATHROOM,
THE GIRL SHOULD BE ALLOWED
TO REMAIN ALONE IN THE BATHROOM.
LOOK, ZOEY, I HAVE
MORNING BASKETBALL PRACTICE,
AND THEN A PLAYERS' MEETING,
AND THEN
A CAPTAINS' MEETING,
AND THEN
EVEN MORE PRACTICING,
AND THAT'S ALL BEFORE CLASS
EVEN STARTS, OKAY?
MY POINT IS,
WE HAVE SYSTEMS IN THIS HOUSE--
[PANTING AND PUFFING]
WE WORK TOGETHER,
LIKE A WELL-OILED MACHINE.
YOU'RE PROBABLY NO GOING TO HAVE THE LUXURY
OF MUCH ALONE TIME
IN THE BATHROOM, SO...
[INHALING]
HEY, IT'S PANCAKE DAY!
SIC HIM, BOY!
[WHINING]
YOU CLEARLY LACK A FUNDAMENTAL
UNDERSTANDING OF DOGS.
IT'S A KNOWN SCIENTIFIC FAC THAT THEY NEVER
BETRAY THEIR OWN INSTINCTS
OR TURN AGAINST THEIR OWN PACK.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS.
I CAN RECOMMEND SOME READING
IF YOU'D LIKE.
I THINK I'M GOOD.
THANKS.
ADD THE EGG.
ADD THE PICKLE.
HEY! ARE YOU READY
FOR SOME BREAKFAST?
[LAUGHING]
UM, WHAT ARE THOSE?
PROTEIN PANCAKES!
MY OWN SPECIAL,
SECRET RECIPE.
HUMPHREY.
HEY, BOY.
-LOOK AT THAT CATCH!
-YUMMY FOR MY TUMMY!
DON'T FORGET THE HOT SAUCE!
[ZOEY]: OKAY.
HA HA!
THANK YOU,
BUT I'M JUST GOING TO
STICK WITH MY--
STICK WITH MY COTTAGE CHEESE.
WHERE'S MY COTTAGE CHEESE?
-UH-OH.
-YOU STOLE MY COTTAGE CHEESE?
I THOUGHT YOU'D WAN MY PANCAKES!
AWKWARD.
[BURPS]
PASS ME
ANOTHER PICKLE.
MOM, IS IT GOING TO
BE LIKE THIS
EVERY DAY BEFORE SCHOOL?
AH!
OW.
NO.
NO...
MAYBE.
WE ARE USED TO DOING THINGS
A CERTAIN WAY,
AND THE BOYS
ARE USED TO DOING THINGS...
A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WAY.
HEY...
I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
IT'S MY MUSIC BOX.
DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN DAD GOT THIS FOR ME?
ON ONE OF HIS BUSINESS TRIPS?
I REMEMBER.
I ALWAYS DREAMED OF
LIVING IN THIS CASTLE.
I BET THAT CASTLE
HAD TERRIBLE CELL RECEPTION.
[CHUCKLING]
AND WE BOTH KNOW
I COULDN'T LIVE WITH THAT.
SO...
FIRST DAY
AT YOUR NEW
HIGH SCHOOL.
IT'S EXCITING!
YOU READY FOR
YOUR DANCE TRYOUTS?
I'M ACTUALLY REALLY NERVOUS.
OH, YOU ARE GONNA
DO GREAT, SWEETHEART.
THANKS, MOM.
I WILL PUT THIS IN YOUR ROOM.
[THUDS] OW!
[BOYS AND DAD SHOUTING]
[]
WHERE'S MY BAG?
HEAD'S UP!
SECOND BATCH!
READY TO MIX!
OH, YEAH.
WAIT, YOU FORGOT THE--
AWESOME!
--LID.
MY BAD.
DELICIOUS!
-SORRY ABOUT THAT, ZOEY.
-YEAH, SORRY, ZOEY.
[DAD]: BOYS WILL BE BOYS, RIGHT?
AW, HUMPHREY!
[]
OKAY, YOU ARE HEADING
THAT WAY, ACROSS THE LOT,
THEN YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A RIGHT,
THEN ANOTHER RIGHT.
THEN A LEFT.
SECOND DOOR, LEFT AGAIN,
THEN RIGHT, THEN LEFT.
GOT IT? GOOD!
I GOTTA RUN.
I DIDN'T...
REALLY?
REALLY? MANNERS MUCH?
EXCUSE ME, CAN YOU...
OH, UH, EXCUSE ME,
CAN ONE OF YOU--
UM, WOW,
THAT IS AN...
AMAZING SMELL
THAT YOU GUYS
HAVE CREATED...
WITH YOUR BODIES.
WOW, WOW, WOW.
HI, UH, EXCUSE ME?
COULD ONE OF YOU...
HELLO?
ANYONE?
UH, HI, EXCUSE ME,
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE
DIRECT ME TO ROOM 242?
ARE YOU, UH, NEW 'N' STUFF?
UH, YEAH.
I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHA "STUFF" YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,
BUT, UH...
I GUESS WE ALL COME
WITH BAGGAGE, RIGHT?
I'M AFRAID
THE TRIPP DOESN'T FOLLOW...
THE TRIP? WHAT TRIP?
THE TRIPP-STER.
THE TRIPP-A-THON.
IT'S ME. I'M TRIPP.
OH!
OH, YOU REFER TO YOURSELF
IN THIRD PERSON.
FART BOMB!
[FARTING LOUDLY]
[LAUGHTER]
OH, MY GOODNESS.
THAT JUST HAPPENED.
YOU NEANDERTHAL!
THAT'S RIGHT,
THE TRIPP GOT YOU.
YOU'VE BEEN TRIPPED UP!
OH, AND FOR THE RECORD,
THE TRIPP-VAN-WINKLE
IS NOT NEANDERTHEAN,
HE'S SWISS-GERMAN,
WITH A LITTLE ITALIAN
ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE.
WHAT?
ARE-ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
DID ANYONE SEE THAT?
YOU CAN JUST FART ON SOMEONE
WITH IMPUNITY AT THIS SCHOOL?
SADLY,
I THINK YOU CAN.
THE SCHOOL CHARTER
MAKES NO MENTION OF FARTS.
THEY'RE TECHNICALLY LEGAL.
YOU LOOK LOST.
UH, YEAH, I AM.
I NEED TO FIND ROOM 242?
THAT'S SO REFRESHING.
I'M USUALLY THE CLUELESS ONE.
FOLLOW ME.
IT'S ON MY WAY.
I'M RACHEL, BY THE WAY.
I'M ZOEY.
GOOD TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.
THANKS FOR HELPING ME
FIND MY LOCKER.
YOU'RE WATCHING
THAT THING
LIKE YOU'RE WORRIED
IT'S GONNA RUN AWAY.
OH. SORRY.
I JUST KIND OF KEEP
MY WHOLE LIFE IN HERE.
ARE ALL THE BOYS AT THIS SCHOOL
SUCH KNUCKLEHEADS?
I LIKE TO THINK OF THEM
AS "CHALLENGING,"
WHICH IS TO SAY, YEAH,
PRETTY MUCH
KNUCKLEHEADS.
[CHUCKLING]
WHAT A GREAT WORD,
"KNUCKLEHEADS."
WE GOTTA BRING
THAT ONE BACK.
BUT THE BOYS HERE
ARE CUTE, AREN'T THEY?
ALL OF THEM.
I THINK WE HAVE THE HIGHES PERCENTAGE OF CUTE BOYS
IN THE ENTIRE
GREATER WESTLAKE AREA.
IN FACT,
I THINK SOME COLLEGE
ACTUALLY DID
A CUTENESS STUDY,
AND WE CAME OUT ON TOP.
[COUGHING]
I MEAN, SURE,
THEY HAVE THEIR FLAWS,
AND SURE, IF I COULD
STOP MYSELF
FROM SPENDING
EVERY WAKING MINUTE
THINKING ABOUT THEM,
I PROBABLY WOULD,
BUT I CAN'T,
AND I'VE LEARNED
TO LIVE WITH THAT.
WOW, YOU SEEM
A LITTLE...
OH, BOY CRAZY?
YEAH, THAT'S
THE OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS.
HEY, CHARLIE.
IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU!
SO, WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?
WHAT KIND OF STUFF
ARE YOU INTO?
UH, DANCE,
THAT'S MY PASSION.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
I'M A DANCER, TOO!
WELL, "DANCER," IS
PUTTING IT GENEROUSLY.
ARE YOU TRYING OUT FOR
A VARSITY SQUAD TODAY?
OH, YEAH, DEFINITELY.
I ACTUALLY DANCED
AT MY OLD SCHOOL,
AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO
TO STATE FINALS THIS YEAR,
BUT, UM, WELL,
I MOVED HERE, SO...
WOW. FANCY.
HEY, WHEN YOU MAKE I TO THE BIG LEAGUES,
DON'T FORGET US LITTLE PEOPLE.
AND I DO MEAN "LITTLE."
LITERALLY, YOU'RE LIKE
A FOOT TALLER THAN ME.
WOW.
[CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY]
WELL, THIS IS
YOUR ROOM.
IT WAS GREAT MEETING YOU, ZOEY.
YOU TOO.
THANK YOU.
NO PROBLEM.
[ZOEY GASPING IN SHOCK]
[BUG SQUEALING]
UH...
OKAY.
I'M GUESSING THA UNLESS THAT BUG CAN SOLVE
QUADRATIC EQUATIONS,
THIS IS NOT ADVANCED ALGEBRA.
YOU WANT WEST 242
ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF CAMPUS.
MR. KALE!
PAY ATTENTION!
THERE WILL BE A QUIZ.
ON THE PRAYING
MANTIS?
SPHODROMANTIS VIRIDIS?
CARNIVOROUS MEMBER
OF PHYLUM ARTHROPODA,
CLASS INSECTA?
DISTINGUISHED BY
ITS RAPTORIAL FORELEGS
AND A TENDENCY
FOR THE FEMALES
TO EAT THE MALES?
I THINK I'M READY FOR IT.
[TEACHER]: JUST PUT AWAY
THE SUNGLASSES
AND ESCORT THIS YOUNG LADY
TO WEST 242.
SO, YOU'RE
A STUDENT HERE?
OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE
A STUDENT HERE.
IF YOU WEN SOMEWHERE ELSE,
YOU'D PROBABLY
BE THERE.
YES, I PROBABLY WOULD...
...BE THERE.
[ZOEY CHUCKLES]
NOT THAT THAT WOULD BE
A BAD THING.
I MEAN, THIS PLACE
IS NUTS.
IT'S LIKE
A HORROR MOVIE.
NO, IT'S LIKE...
IT'S LIKE THA CRAZY NATURE VIDEO,
AND I'M CONSTANTLY
BEING ATTACKED
BY HORRIBLE
PRAYING MANTIS-BOYS
WHO FAR ON EACH OTHER ALL DAY.
NO WONDER YOU DO
THE SILENT-LONE-WOLF
SUNGLASS-REBEL THING.
OH, THIS?
IT'S PANCAKE MISHAP
THIS MORNING.
NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT...
I'M NOT LOOKING AT THAT.
OKAY, WELL THEN,
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
I'M LOOKING AT YOU.
OKAY...
SO, UH...
HERE WE ARE... [CHUCKLES]
IN THE HALLWAY,
LOOKING AT EACH OTHER.
THAT'S NOT WEIRD.
I THINK I'VE GOT YOU
FIGURED OUT.
-OH, REALLY?
-MM-HMM.
YOU LIKE THINGS JUST SO.
YOUR ROOM IS CLEAN,
YOUR POSTERS ARE FRAMED,
AND I BET ALL OF YOUR BOOKS
HAVE NICE LITTLE
HOMEMADE COVERS ON THEM.
AND I'M GETTING
AN ARTISTIC VIBE.
MAYBE...
MAYBE DANCE?
OKAY, DID I SAY
LONE WOLF?
I THINK I MEANT,
WEIRDLY PSYCHIC LONE WOLF.
[CHUCKLING]
OH, AND A SERIOUS
PHONE ADDICTION.
I BET YOU STARE
AT THAT SCREEN
ALL DAY LONG.
OKAY, FOR THE RECORD,
I LIMIT MYSELF
TO TWO HOURS A DAY.
THREE, TOPS.
I HAVE AN APP THAT TIMES ME.
OH...
THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
SO, THIS IS
YOUR ROOM.
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, SMARTPHONE.
[]
SORRY. EXCUSE ME.
YOU'RE HERE!
HEY, I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS.
I TALKED IT OVER WITH MY POSSE
AND WE'RE ALL COOL WITH YOU
JOINING OUR CREW.
AND BY "MY POSSE," I MEAN, "ME."
AND BY "CREW,"
I MEAN, WELL, "ME" AGAIN.
TRUTH IS, I'M KIND OF
A "SOCIAL FLOATER"
AND RIGHT NOW I'M FLOATING
BETWEEN FRIEND GROUPS,
BECAUSE, SOMETIMES,
PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE
WITH MY TENDENCY
TO TALK EXCESSIVELY
WHILE NO ONE'S REALLY LISTENING.
SO MAYBE...
DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?
HMM, LET ME TALK IT OVER
WITH MY POSSE.
YUP, THEY'RE COOL. I'M IN.
[CHUCKLING]
STAND!
THIS IS VERY SIMPLE.
VARSITY SQUAD IS FULL!
NO NEW DANCERS
ARE NEEDED.
THAT'S ZERO FOR ALL YOU FOOLS
THAT SPEAK MATH.
BUT IF YOU EXHIBI THE TRAITS WE CARE ABOUT--
LIFE, LIBERTY, AND
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS--
PERFECTION!
DISCIPLINE. OBEDIENCE.
RIGHT, THOSE.
IF YOU EXHIBIT THESE TRAITS
AND ARE ALL KINDS OF AWESOME...
MANY, MANY KINDS.
THEN MAYBE WE HAVE
A PLACE FOR YOU,
BUT YOU HAVE TO BE
NEXT LEVEL.
YOU HAVE TO WOW US.
YOU HAVE TO BE...
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
BOOM.
TOTALLY. BOOM!
[QUIETLY] NO.
YOU DON'T SAY "BOOM."
ONLY I SAY "BOOM."
GET YOUR OWN THING.
WILL DO, SORRY.
LINE UP!
EXCUSE ME, UH,
COULD I HAVE
A QUICK WORD?
HI. MY NAME'S ZOEY.
I WAS A DANCE SOLOIS AT MY SCHOOL LAST YEAR.
SO?
WELL, I WAS JUST WONDERING...
I ACTUALLY HAVE A ROUTINE
THAT I PREPARED FOR TODAY.
IT'S A PIECE THAT I WAS
GOING TO TAKE TO STATE.
SO, DO YOU THINK
THAT I COULD ACTUALLY, LIKE,
AUDITION WITH IT,
ON MY OWN?
OH, MY GOODNESS.
WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?
OF COURSE!
LET ME JUST CLEAR ALL THESE
OTHER HOPEFULS OUT OF HERE,
GIVE YOU SOME SPACE.
-REALLY?
-NO.
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO...
WHAT?
MY SHOES ARE COVERED
IN PANCAKE MIX.
THIS IS A TOTAL DISASTER.
EYES ON ME!
I'M SORRY.
I'VE GOT TO--
IT'S OKAY.
OKAY, I'M ONLY GOING
TO SAY THIS ONCE.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
[]
CROSS STEP, BALL CHANGE, SNAP,
TWIST, TWIST, CIRCLE STOP.
FORWARD BACK,
PUSH PRESS, JERK, JERK.
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
GOT IT?
GOOD.
NO PROBLEM.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
[STARTS MUSIC]
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!
[]
[LAUGHING]
[]
THAT'S THE GIRL I SAW
FLIRTING WITH JACKSON.
YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND?
MY BOYFRIEND.
WE'RE JUST IN
A TRANSITIONAL PERIOD, OKAY?
[]
WHAT'S SHE DOING?
HER OWN ROUTINE.
WOW, YOU KNOW,
SHE'S ACTUALLY KIND OF--
ZIP IT!
[]
WHOA!
SORRY.
[LAUGHING]
OF COURSE.
OOPS.
ALL RIGHT!
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE ALL
OFFICIALLY REJECTED.
GET OUT AND DON'T EVER
TALK TO ME AGAIN.
BOOM.
NO, NO, NO,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
MY BROTHERS WERE--
THEY'RE MY STEP-BROTHERS--
THEY RUINED
MY SHOES, AND...
I'M JUST HAVING
THE WORST DAY POSSIBLE.
OKAY, I'M BEGGING YOU.
DANCE IS EVERYTHING TO ME.
ISN'T THERE SOME WAY
THAT I CAN BE ON THE TEAM?
SURE.
REALLY? THANK YOU.
THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.
YOU CAN BE ON THE JV TEAM.
AND, YEAH, YOU CAN, TOO.
THERE THEY ARE,
OVER THERE.
THAT'S THE SQUAD
YOU BELONG ON.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
[WATER SPLASHING]
OUT, BOY.
OH... GROSS.
MY TURN.
[SPLASHING]
OH, BY THE WAY,
HUMPHREY WAS
IN YOUR ROOM EARLIER.
I THINK HE WAS
HELPING YOU UNPACK.
GREAT.
[HUMPHREY WHINING]
OH, GROSS!
UGH, HUMPHREY, GET OFF.
SIT DOWN.
YOU KNOW,
I BET AT THE VERY LEAST,
I CAN DEAL WITH YOU.
THERE'S GOTTA BE
AN APP FOR THIS.
OH...
HERE WE GO.
"LISTEN AND OBEY"
"PLAYS A SOUND
"THAT MAKES YOUR COMMANDS
IRRESISTIBLE TO DOGS."
WAIT, $9.99?
IT'D BETTER BE GOOD.
[WHINING]
ALL RIGHT.
SIT.
[BEEPS HIGH-PITCHED TONE]
SHAKE?
[BEEPS HIGH-PITCHED TONE]
[WHINING]
WOW, IT ACTUALLY WORKS.
THIS IS AMAZING.
GOOD BOY, HUMPHREY.
STOP! COME BACK!
THAT PHONE IS MY LIFE!
IT'S GOT MY CONTACTS,
MY PICTURES,
MY MUSIC COLLECTION!
ALL 5,200 SONGS!
NO, STOP!
NO!
DON'T WORRY!
I CAN FIX THIS!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CENTRIFUGAL FORCE.
I JUST LEARNED ABOUT IT.
IT'LL FORCE
THE WATER--
[ZOEY GASPS]
MY PHONE!
SORRY.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[GLASS SMASHING]
[SPLAT]
WHERE IS IT?
EW.
[GROANING]
OKAY, UM...
I WENT ONLINE
AND THEY SAY
TO PUT THE PHONE IN RICE
TO SUCK OUT THE WATER.
MOM, I CAN' DO IT ANYMORE.
I JUST NEED THE BOYS IN MY LIFE
TO STOP...
RUINING MY LIFE.
WELL, WE'RE A LITTLE
OUT OF PRACTICE WITH THEM,
BUT WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT,
JUST LIKE WE ALWAYS DO.
HEY...
THE FAMILY'S
TAKING HUMPHREY FOR A RUN.
HOW ABOUT YOU COME WITH US?
WHY WOULD I POSSIBLY
WANT TO GO ON A RUN
WITH THAT PACK OF MANIACS?
IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
WE'LL BE IN THE PARK.
[SIGHING]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
[AIR HORN BLARING]
GO-GO-GO!
IT'S A BRAND-NEW DAY!
UP AND AT 'EM!
UP AND AT 'EM!
YEAH!
[LAUGHING]
IT'S A BRAND-NEW
DAY, BOYS,
UP AND AT 'EM!
UP AND AT 'EM!
APPS ALL THERE,
EVERYTHING
SEEMS TO BE WORKING...
[CHUCKLES] OKAY.
ONE THING IN MY LIFE
THAT ISN'T COMPLETELY DESTROYED.
MAYBE TODAY
WILL BE A BETTER DAY.
CAN YOU GET ATHLETE'S FOO IN YOUR ARMPIT?
"ATHLETE'S PIT?"
OR NOT.
GANGWAY, GANGWAY.
COMING THROUGH!
YOU FORGE ONE LITTLE THING,
HUMPHREY.
I NOW OWN
YOUR LITTLE CANINE BEHIND.
SIT!
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHAT?
COME ON.
SIT!
LIE DOWN!
[PHONE CHIMES]
SHAKE!
[WHINES]
REALLY? THIS?
THIS IS THE ONE THING
THAT STOPS WORKING?
DO A TRICK.
[PHONE CHIMES]
GREAT.
$9.99 DOWN THE DRAIN.
[WHINING]
YEAH!
MR. STANKOVICH'S SPRINKLERS
BROKE AGAIN!
THE MUD IS LIKE
THREE FEET DEEP OUT THERE!
THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY
OF MY LIFE!
OKAY. BACK UP.
[PHONE CHIMES]
MM, MM, YUMMY!
WHO WANTS TO SAMPLE
MY LATEST CREATION?
I CALL I THE "SLOPPY NACHO-BORSCHT-WICH."
UGH, JUST PUT THAT DOWN!
[PHONE CHIMES]
PICK IT UP?
[PHONE CHIMES]
RACHEL, I'M HAVING
KIND OF A STRANGE MORNING--
BOYS ARE ACTING WEIRD.
THIS IS UNUSUAL WHY?
OKAY, NOT WEIRD
IN THEIR USUAL WAY.
FART BOMB!
[FARTING LOUDLY]
[GASPING IN DISGUST]
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
THAT IS ATROCIOUS.
TRIPP HAS NO IDEA
WHAT THAT WORD MEANS,
BUT IF IT MEANS, "DO IT AGAIN,"
YOU'RE IN LUCK!
NO, JUST STOP.
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHOA.
WOW, HE JUST...
OBEYED YOU.
OBEYED...
UH... SPEAK.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[SCOFFS]
YOU'VE BEEN WHIPPED
BY THE TRIPP!
[SHUT YOUR MOUTH]
[PHONE CHIMES]
[MUMBLING]
[MUMBLING,
TRYING TO FORCE WORDS OUT]
UH...
OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
WAIT, THIS IS REALLY WEIRD.
THE TRIPP IS...
TRIPPIN'.
THE TRIPP IS FREAKING OU RIGHT NOW.
GO TO THE BATHROOM.
OH, WAIT, NO!
NOT HERE!
[SHUDDERING]
OH, NO, NO...
[WHIMPERING] NO, NO!
[LAUGHING]
WHAT IS WITH YOUR PHONE?
I KNOW, THIS IS WHAT WAS
HAPPENING THIS MORNING!
EVERYTHING I SAID,
THE BOYS DID.
AND THEN TRIPP...
THIS IS-- THIS IS REALLY ODD.
"ODD?"
YOU HAVE AN APP
THAT CONTROLS BOYS!
THIS IS NOT "ODD!"
THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING
THAT HAS EVER OCCURRED
IN HUMAN HISTORY!
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]
OH...
THIS BATHROOM
HAS BEEN TAINTED WITH DORK.
AND THAT 'TAINT GOOD.
[LAUGHS]
GET IT? "TAINT?"
DOWN, GIRL.
[PHONE CHIMES]
JUMP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
SHAKE!
[PHONE CHIMES]
ROLL OVER!
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME
DOG COMMANDS?
UH...
SHE WAS JUST TRYING
TO DO...
THIS...
NEW...
DANCE!
DANCE!
IT'S A NEW DANCE.
IT'S CALLED THE, UM...
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
THE... THE...
-"ROVER."
-ROVER!
IT'S WHERE YOU...
YOU GET DOWN...
YOU JUMP...
YOU SHAKE,
THEN YOU ROLL.
JUMP, SHAKE, ROLL...
JUMP, SHAKE, ROLL...
JUMP, SHAKE,
ROLL...
JUMP, SHAKE...
YOU GET THE IDEA.
I DON'T LIKE TO LAUGH OUT LOUD,
BECAUSE I BELIEVE
IT'S A SIGN OF WEAKNESS,
BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW,
IN MY HEAD,
I AM LAUGHING RIGHT NOW.
I AM LAUGHING SO HARD,
I AM LITERALLY THROWING UP
IN MY OWN BRAIN.
TOTAL BRAIN HURL.
BOOM.
OKAY, LET'S JET.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
BUT I KIND OF HAVE TO--
HOLD IT.
I GUESS YOUR DOG APP
DOESN'T WORK ON GIRLS.
MAYBE CAUSE GIRLS
AREN'T DOG-LIKE ENOUGH.
THEY'RE TOO...
CATTY.
[CHUCKLING]
BUT THE APP
DEFINITELY WORKS ON BOYS...
[SQUEALING]
[]
SKATERS, STOP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
[YELPS]
[GIGGLING]
OKAY, UM, UM...
DO SOMETHING ELSE,
DO SOMETHING ELSE.
ACT LIKE GENTLEMEN.
[PHONE CHIMES]
MADAM, MIND THE PUDDLE.
[]
THANK YOU.
YOU VIDEO GAME DUDES...
START DOING SOMETHING GOOD
FOR YOUR SPIRITUAL
AND PHYSICAL WELL-BEING.
[PHONE CHIMES]
DUDES...
LET'S GO DO SOME YOGA.
[]
NAMASTE.
GROOM YOURSELVES.
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHAT'S WITH OUR HAIR?
WHY DO WE SMELL...
LIKE WE SMELL?
I NEED A HAIR STYLIST.
AND DEODORANT.
AND A NAIL CLIPPER
WITH ONE OF THOSE...
[]
PUT SHIRTS ON!
[PHONE CHIMES]
I'M SUDDENLY
A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE
BEING UNDRESSED WITH YOU GUYS.
NO, WHY WOULD YOU
DO THAT?
THEY WERE PERFEC THE WAY THEY WERE.
OKAY, UH...
TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS AGAIN.
[PHONE CHIMES]
PHEW!
DUDE...
LOOK AT MY CANNONS!
HEY, ISN'T THAT THE GUY
FROM THE HALL YESTERDAY?
YEAH, UH,
CHARLIE WANG.
I LIKE HIM.
BUT HE'S A LITTLE
EMOTIONALLY CLOSED OFF,
SO...
HEY, CHARLIE,
BE MORE OPEN AND EXPRESSIVE
ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS TO RACHEL.
[PHONE CHIMES]
RACHEL,
I REALLY WANT TO TELL YOU
HOW I'M FEELING.
[SUPPRESSED SQUEAL]
PLEASE, TELL ME MORE.
HEY, WHOA, STAY AWAY FROM ME,
YOU FREAKY NEW GIRL.
BE NICE FROM NOW ON.
[PHONE CHIMES]
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL PERSON.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING
THE TRIPPMEISTER CAN DO
TO HELP MAKE YOUR TRANSITION
TO OUR SCHOOL EASIER,
DON'T HESITATE
TO CONTACT THE TRIPP
VIA PHONE,
TEXT, OR EMAIL.
TOODLES.
WHAT THE HECK WAS UP WITH THAT?
"TOODLES?"
[]
[BREATHING HARD]
ZOEY, HEY!
YOU'RE IN U.S. HISTORY, RIGHT?
DID YOU GET THE READING ON--
HEY, MY PLAYBOOK!
I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER
FOR THIS!
THIS SEASON, WOW,
WE HAVE SO MANY NEW PLAYS.
WHERE WAS I?
RIGHT, BURPEES!
WAIT, DID I REMEMBER TO FIX
THAT HOLE IN MY UNIFORM?
I THINK SO...
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD.
BE FOCUSED!
[PHONE CHIMES]
THIS LAMPSHADE.
IT'S SO INTERESTING.
LOOK AT THAT CLOTH,
IS THAT SILK OR LINEN?
I COULD STUDY THIS FOR HOURS.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME DELICIOUS
JELLY-PICKLE-
TACO-CARAMEL SUNDAE?
START MAKING LESS-GROSS FOOD.
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHAT IS THIS VILE SUBSTANCE?
TO THE KITCHEN!
I MUST FIND
SOME ORGANIC VEGETABLES!
ALL RIGHT, SPORTS FANS!
WHO WANTS TO WATCH SOME--
BE QUIETER.
FOOTBALL.
FOOT.
BALL.
[QUIETLY] FOOTBALL.
[TOILET FLUSHING]
YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGH A 46-OUNCE SLUSHIE
COULD HAVE BEEN FLUSHED
DOWN THE TOILET.
BE CLEAN.
[PHONE CHIMES]
HOLY MOLY, IT'S FILTHY IN HERE.
QUICK!
I NEED A SPONGE.
AND SOAP.
AND PAPER TOWELS.
AND A POWER WASHER.
AND...
A CHISEL!
[SIGHS WITH SATISFACTION]
OUT OF THE WAY, HUMPHREY.
I'VE GOT MAJOR CLEANING TO DO.
WHAT A DAY, HEY, HUMPHREY?
I'M NOT SAYING CONTROLLING BOYS
WITH A MAGIC APP
IS COMPLETELY ETHICAL,
BUT, I MEAN, THE HOUSE IS CLEAN,
BOYS ARE BEHAVING BETTER,
THINGS AREN'T NEARLY
AS TERRIBLE AS THEY WERE.
THEN AGAIN,
I'M TALKING TO A DOG,
SO I MIGHT JUST BE
LOSING MY MIND.
HEY, SMARTPHONE.
FANCY SEEING YOU HERE.
UH, HI.
[HUMPHREY WHINING]
OH, HELLO.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
HUMPHREY.
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T PEG YOU
FOR A DOG GIRL.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I WOULDN'T HAVE
PEGGED MYSELF AS A DOG GIRL,
BUT, UM, HE NEEDED A WALK,
AND HE'S ACTUALLY
SURPRISINGLY
GOOD COMPANY.
SO...
HERE YOU ARE.
THE REBEL,
READING ALONE IN THE PARK.
COME ON.
TELL ME THIS ISN' THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE
TO SIT AND COLLEC YOUR THOUGHTS.
YES, IT IS...
SO, WHAT ARE YOU
READING?
OH, NO,
LET ME GUESS.
UM, "THE COOL GUY'S GUIDE
TO WEARING SUNGLASSES INSIDE."
[CHUCKLES]
CLOSE.
"TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD."
THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S ACTUALLY
MY FAVORITE BOOK.
OH, OF COURSE.
A YOUNG GIRL THINKS
SHE HAS HER WHOLE WORLD
FIGURED OUT,
ONLY TO REALIZE
SHE HAD IT ALL WRONG.
IT'S A TIMELESS TALE.
WELL, IN MY INTERPRETATION,
THE YOUNG GIRL KEEPS
HER HUMANITY AND PERSPECTIVE
WHILE THE WORLD AROUND HER
GOES CRAZY.
HMM.
AND THERE'S THAT, TOO.
WELL, UM...
I SHOULD PROBABLY
GET HIM HOME NOW.
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
I'M ZOEY, BY THE WAY.
I'M JACKSON.
HAVE A NICE EVENING, SMARTPHONE.
COME ON, BOY.
GOOD BOY. GOOD BOY.
HELLO, I'M MOPPING HERE.
HORS D'OEUVRES?
ALL NATURAL,
ALL LOCALLY SOURCED.
THANK YOU...
PROSCIUTTO.
HELLO, DARLING.
KALAMATA.
WELCOME HOME.
TRY THE CAPICOLLO.
WHAT THE...?
[QUIETLY] WAKE UP.
COME ON.
NOTHING.
I GOT NOTHING.
[SIGHS]
THIS MORNING'S
BREAKFAST MENU.
WILD SALMON FLORENTINE
ON A BED OF SUSTAINABLY
HARVESTED HEN EGGS,
SERVED WITH A VINE-RIPENED
APPLE-KIWI SALAD.
AH, DELIGHTFUL.
THANK YOU.
[SCRUBBING]
WOULD YOU CARE
FOR A MINT?
OH.
THANK YOU.
FOR YOUR GROOMING PLEASURE.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
ALLOW ME.
OH, I'M ACTUALLY NO GOING IN THERE.
NAMASTE.
UH, NAMASTE... BACK 'ATCHA.
ENTREZ-VOUS.
I'M NOT GOING IN THERE EITHER.
AFTER YOU.
NOPE, I'M JUS GOING TO STAY OUT HERE.
BUT THANK YOU.
HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
AMAZING.
CHARLIE'S REALLY
OPENING UP
ABOUT HIS FEELINGS.
ALL OF THEM.
OOH, THAT'S NICE.
HE'S STARTED
EXPRESSING HIS FEELINGS
BY HUGGING ME.
A LOT.
I MEAN, A LOT.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
OKAY...
THANK YOU.
BOOP!
OKAY. BYE.
BUT OVERALL,
IT'S BASICALLY AWESOME.
I MEAN, IT'S RELATIVELY
OVERALL AWESOME.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
OVER THERE?
THAT'S AWESOME.
[ZOEY]: ARE THOSE
THE SMELLY BOYS?
OKAY, I KNOW
THIS HURTS, BRO.
BUT YOU CAN'T GO OU IN PUBLIC LIKE THIS.
YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE
GLUED A BEAVER TO YOUR FOREHEAD.
[TAPE RIPS]
-DO I?
-NO.
-I'M NOT...
-YOU'RE FINE.
-COOL. YOU'RE SURE?
-YES.
THIS APP...
IS A WHOLE NEW WORLD.
[TAP RIPS, BOY YELPS]
NO MORE GLOBAL CONFLICT.
NO MORE TOILET SEA UP, DOWN DEBATES.
BASICALLY, ANY PROBLEMS
CAUSED BY BOYS,
WHICH IS MOST PROBLEMS,
CAN BE SOLVED.
SEE YOU AT DANCE PRACTICE.
OKAY, SEE YOU.
OH...
THERE YOU ARE.
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!
[]
UH, AS CAPTAIN
OF THE WESTLAKE HIGH
JUNIOR VARSITY DANCE SQUAD,
I'D LIKE TO
OFFICIALLY CALL TO ORDER
THE FIRST PRACTICE
OF THE SEASON.
AND AS MY FIRS ORDER OF BUSINESS,
I'D LIKE TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE
WANTS TO BE CAPTAIN.
ANY VOLUNTEERS?
COME ON.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T HANDLE
THE PRESSURE.
I'M ALREADY STARTING TO GE THE WEIRD
EYE TWITCH THING AGAIN.
I NOMINATE ZOEY STEVENS!
WAIT, WHAT?
YOU'RE THE BEST DANCER
IN THE SQUAD.
MAYBE THE BES DANCER IN SCHOOL.
ALL IN FAVOR?
REALLY?
PLEASE.
OKAY, FINE.
UH...
TEAM...
OKAY, LOOK, JUST BECAUSE
WE ARE JUNIOR VARSITY
DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE ARE
ANY WORSE THAN VARSITY.
TECHNICALLY, I THINK
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT JUNIOR VARSITY MEANS.
OKAY, UM...
WE ALL AUDITIONED,
AT LEAST WE MADE IT THIS FAR.
YOU ACTUALLY DON' HAVE TO AUDITION FOR J.V.
WELL, AT LEAS WE ALL LOVE TO DANCE.
THAT'S SOMETHING, RIGHT?
I'M JUST HERE TO MEET GIRLS.
YES?
I'VE BEEN STUDYING THE HAKA,
THE TRADITIONAL DANCE
OF THE MAORI PEOPLES.
I WAS THINKING,
PERHAPS WE CAN
INCORPORATE SOME OF I INTO OUR ROUTINE?
KA MATE! KA MATE!
TENEI TE TANGATA
PUHURU-HURU!
UH...
YEAN, NO, LET'S DEFINITELY
PUT THAT ONE IN THE IDEA BOX.
WE'RE JUST GOING TO
KEEP IT THERE.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
DIG IT UP, DRIVE, SHIFT,
LEAN WITH IT,
FLIP THE PAGE,
AND SCOOP,
OUT, CLOSE,
AND CHECK YOUR SHOES...
YOU GUYS GOT IT?
YUP.
NO.
FIVE, SIX,
SEVEN, EIGHT.
[]
WOW.
LOOKING GOOD, GUYS.
FANTASTIC.
[QUIETLY] NOT GOOD.
NOT GOOD AT ALL.
[SMACK]
OW...
[LAUGHING]
[CLAPPING SARCASTICALLY]
[]
[SNAPS FINGERS]
FROM THE TOP, GUYS.
[]
LISTEN, I JUST THINK
IF YOU GAVE THIS A CHANCE,
YOU'D REALLY LIKE IT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
IDEA BOX, REMEMBER?
OKAY, WE'RE NO GONNA DO THAT.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
LET'S GET BACK TO WORK.
[PHONE CHIMES]
FOLLOW MY LEAD.
[]
HOW DID THEY SUDDENLY BECOME...
NOT TERRIBLE?
RODEO, SWIPE, SWITCH...
AND WHAT IS SHE DOING
WITH HER PHONE?
YEAH, SHE'S JUST,
LIKE, TALKING INTO I LIKE IT'S A...
PHONE.
[]
HOLD IT.
[]
[MUSIC FADING OUT]
[WHIP CRACK ECHOES]
[FINGER SNAP ECHOES]
[SNAP ECHOES]
[]
WOW.
WE'RE GOOD.
WE'RE, LIKE...
AS GOOD AS THEY ARE.
SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU THINK THE J.V. SQUAD
IS ACTUALLY BETTER
THAN THE VARSITY SQUAD?
AND THA WE SHOULD GET A SHO AT BEING THE SCHOOL'S
MAIN DANCE TEAM,
THE ONE THAT REPRESENTS
OUR SCHOOL AT STATE.
I'M CONFUSED.
WHY IS THE J.V. SQUAD BETTER?
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DUMP
ALL THE, YOU KNOW,
DANCE-CHALLENGED KIDS ON J.V.,
LIKE OTHER SPORTS DO?
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE DID.
LOOK, I BELIEVE
THERE MAY HAVE
BEEN SOME...
INSTITUTIONAL BIAS
IN THE TEAM
SELECTION PROCESS.
LOOK, I'M JUS PROPOSING
A DANCE-OFF,
OKAY?
A FAIR CONTES TO SEE WHO'S REALLY THE BEST.
HEY, I TOLD YOU BOYS,
NO CANDLES
IN THE HALL!
IT'S A FIRE HAZARD!
AND NO INCENSE EITHER!
YOU GET THOSE OUT OF HERE,
OR YOU'LL BE DOWNWARD DOGGING
IN SATURDAY DETENTION!
A DANCE-OFF
SOUNDS FAIR ENOUGH.
WHAT!
NO, OKAY.
THIS IS LUDICROUS.
THE SPIRIT COMMITTEE
IS LOOKING FOR A HALFTIME AC FOR THE FIRST BASKETBALL GAME
OF THE SEASON.
WE COULD DO IT THEN.
WE CAN GET ONE OF
THOSE APPLAUSE METERS
THAT MEASURES CROWD NOISE.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO USE
ONE OF THOSE.
YAY! SOUNDS PERFECT.
[SQUEALS] WHAT?
NO, IT DOESN'T!
IT'S SETTLED.
DANCE-OFF.
OOH.
[SUPPRESSED SQUEAL]
MAY THE BEST SQUAD WIN.
OH, WE WILL.
YOU AND YOUR
LITTLE PACK
OF SUDDENLY
HIGHLY-SKILLED
J.V. MUTAN DANCE DORKS...
ARE GOING DOWN.
HEY...
JUST THE PERSON
I WAS LOOKING FOR.
[SIGHS] HI. YOU WERE...
YOU WERE LOOKING
FOR ME?
OH, SORRY, NO.
NOT YOU, HER.
HEY.
HEY.
[SIGHS TIGHTLY] HEY.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
TO THE UNIVERSE?
THE J.V. SQUAD
DOESN'T STINK.
THE NEW GIRL
IS STEALING MY BOYFRIEND.
EVERYTHING IS UPSIDE DOWN.
IT'S LIKE... AUSTRALIA!
[SHUDDERS IN DISTRESS]
[MUMBLING IN FRUSTRATION]
"BOYFRIEND?"
UH... ARE YOU TWO DATING?
OH, NO, NO, NO.
I MEAN, WE WERE.
WE USED TO BE, BUT IT'S, UH...
VERY OVER.
ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE
TAYLOR'S QUITE
COME TO TERMS
WITH THAT FACT.
UH, THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANTED TO SAY--
UM...
I WAS WONDERING
IF MAYBE YOU, UH...
YOU WANTED TO
HANG OUT SOMETIME.
UM... HANG OUT?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, LIKE,
IF YOU WANTED TO.
I MEAN, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
WE COULD JUST, UH...
DO SOMETHING CHILL.
I'M GONNA BE
AT THE PITSTOP DINER TONIGH IF YOU'RE FREE.
I COULD PICK YOU UP.
OH, NO.
I MEAN, SURE.
BUT, NO, 'CAUSE...
UM, I'LL JUST MEET YOU THERE.
[LAUGHING]
SO WE CAN HANG OUT...
AND DO SOMETHING CHILL.
OKAY.
[GASPING]
JACKSON KALE!
HE ASKED YOU OUT?!
[WHISPERING] SORRY.
HE ASKED YOU OUT?
WELL, I'M NOT REALLY SURE.
UM, HIS EXACT WORDS WERE
"HANG OUT."
IS THAT A DATE?
COULD GO EITHER WAY.
BRING IT IN, GUYS,
BRING IT IN.
[QUIETLY]
STAY SHARP, BOYS.
MIX IT UP.
GUYS, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS NET?
THERE'S SO MANY KNOTS.
IT'S SO
INTRICATE.
[GENTLY]
STAY SHARP, GUYS.
MIX IT UP.
PICK AND ROLL.
TIME OUT, TIME OUT.
SORRY, COACH? WHAT?
[SIGHING SADLY]
DO THAT.
[WINCING]
HERE YOU GO, LITTLE COMPETITOR.
THE TRIPP WANTS YOU
TO HAVE THAT.
BUT...
HE'S ON THE...
I'M PLAYING AGAINST YOU.
THE TRIPP REALIZES THAT,
BUT STILL WANTS YOU TO HAVE IT.
TRIPP...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
MAYBE IT'S
SOME KIND OF BREAKDOWN.
MAYBE FROM STRESS.
THE TRIPP IS WORRIED
ABOUT HIMSELF.
YOU ENJOY THAT.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
TO MY TEAM?
[QUIETLY] COME ON, GUYS,
GET IT TOGETHER.
[SIGHING IN FRUSTRATION]
SO...
YOU KNOW HOW IN THE MOVIES,
WHEN PEOPLE GET MAGIC POWERS,
AND IT ALL ENDS UP GOING WRONG?
LIKE YOU END UP
TURNING INTO A WEREWOLF,
OR TRAVELING BACK IN TIME,
AND STOPPING YOUR DAD
FROM MEETING YOUR MOM,
AND ACCIDENTALLY ERASING
YOURSELF FROM EXISTENCE?
DO YOU THINK
THAT MAYBE COULD HAPPEN TO US?
NO. NO...
I MEAN, WE JUST MADE
A FEW LITTLE...
IMPROVEMENTS...
TO OUR WORLD.
YEAH.
IT'S COMPLETELY
UNDER CONTROL.
GOOD JOB!
NICE PASS. GOOD JOB.
BESIDES,
IN THOSE MOVIES,
WHO WERE THE MAIN CHARACTERS
WHO MESSED EVERYTHING UP?
BOYS.
EXACTLY.
WELL, I WILL SAY ONE THING.
MY LIFE HAS DEFINITELY PIVOTED
TO THE MORE EXCELLEN SINCE YOU CAME TO THE SCHOOL.
[CHUCKLING FONDLY]
AH, SORRY, MAN,
CHECKMATE.
[GROANING]
WHAT? NO!
HEY.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
OH, THANKS.
SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN
TO INTERRUPT.
NO, NO, IT'S ALL GOOD.
I WAS JUST KILLING TIME
TILL YOU SHOWED UP.
DO YOU WANT TO SIT?
THE CLUB MEETS HERE,
INSTEAD OF ON CAMPUS.
LESS LIKELIHOOD
OF MEATHEAD JOCKS
STICKING PAWNS
UP THEIR NOSES.
WHAT?
YOU LOOK SURPRISED.
NO, IT'S JUS THAT I PROBABLY
WOULD HAVE PUT YOU IN THE...
IN THE READING ALONE
IN THE PARK CLUB,
WITH A MEMBERSHIP
OF EXACTLY ONE.
YEAH, WELL,
I LIKE THE CHESS CLUB.
THEY'RE GOOD DUDES.
I FEEL AT HOME
WITH THEM, YOU KNOW?
IT'S ALSO FUN,
BECAUSE I CAN PRETTY MUCH
DELIVER A CHESS BEATDOWN
ON ANY ONE OF THEM.
[SCOFFS]
WHY DO ALL BOYS DO THAT?
EVERYTHING IS A SPORT.
IT'S LIKE
YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE
COMPETITIVE WITH EACH OTHER
AS AN EXCUSE TO ENJOY
EACH OTHER'S COMPANY.
OH, UNLIKE GIRLS,
WHO PRETEND TO ENJOY
EACH OTHER'S COMPANY
AS AN EXCUSE TO BE
COMPETITIVE WITH EACH OTHER?
WHAT? NO, THAT IS...
WHAT?
THAT'S COMPLETELY...
OH, COME ON,
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
DID I JUS RENDER YOU SPEECHLESS?
OKAY, I HAVE BEEN
SPEECHLESS BEFORE.
ONCE.
IN NINTH GRADE.
WHEN I HAD
MY WISDOM TEETH PULLED
AND IT PHYSICALLY HUR TO OPEN MY MOUTH.
[CHUCKLING]
SO...
WHAT TO ORDER?
DON'T WANT SOMETHING
TOO MESSY,
SO THE FIESTA SALAD
IS PROBABLY OUT...
YOU KNOW,
THE FIRST DATE CONUNDRUM.
NOT THAT THIS IS A DATE,
OFFICIALLY.
IT'S JUST US HANGING OUT.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
APRES-CHESS.
KIND OF A DATE-OPTIONAL...
SORT OF DEAL...
WOW, THE OMELETTE LOOKS GOOD.
MAYBE WITH FRIES.
IT'S NOT TOO MESSY.
I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
OKAY.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
HEY, ZOEY,
HOW'S YOUR DATE GOING?
I'M A MESS OUT THERE.
I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN
ON VERY MANY DATES,
AND I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT I'M DOING.
AND I'M REALLY OVER-DRESSED.
WOW.
I HAVE NO IDEA EITHER.
I'VE NEVER BEEN
ON A DATE BEFORE.
BOYS JUST STARTED TALKING TO ME
FOR THE FIRST TIME YESTERDAY.
I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO GET A BOY TO LIKE YOU.
WHAT DO BOYS EVEN LIKE?
COMPETITION.
YEAH, THEY DO LIKE THAT.
I GOTTA GO.
HEY.
UH...
FLIRT WITH ME.
[PHONE CHIMES]
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
EXCUSE ME.
I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.
REALLY? THANK YOU.
THAT IS VERY SWEET OF YOU.
THOSE EYES...
WAS YOUR DAD A THIEF?
BECAUSE HE MUST HAVE
STOLEN THE STARS
TO MAKE THOSE LITTLE GEMS.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
MY NAME IS ZOEY.
THAT IS THE MOS BEAUTIFUL NAME EVER.
ZOEY...
IT ROLLS OFF THE LIPS
LIKE... LIKE HONEY.
ARE YOU HERE
WITH THIS FINE LADY?
SHE'S MAGNIFICENT,
ISN'T SHE?
YEAH, SURE,
I'M HERE WITH THIS...
MAGNIFICENT, HONEY-LIKE GEM...
YOU KNOW, IF
HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT A CATCH YOU ARE,
PERHAPS YOU AND I...
NO, THANK YOU.
I THINK MY DATE GETS THE IDEA.
WOW.
GUYS, IT'S ONE EYEBROW.
IT'S THE...
NOT BOTH.
JUST THE ONE.
[CLEARING THROAT AWKWARDLY]
THAT WAS WEIRD,
WHAT HAPPENED
AT THE DINER.
I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT HAPPENED THERE.
NO IDEA.
HEY, WELL,
IT'S NOT YOUR FAUL BOYS FIND YOU
IRRESISTIBLE.
[CHUCKLES SHYLY]
UM, THIS IS ME.
OH, RIGHT.
THANKS...
FOR THAT.
I HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.
I DID TOO, SMARTPHONE.
[CLEARS THROAT AWKWARDLY]
I SHOULD GET GOING.
I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL?
UH, YEAH.
SURE.
THANK YOU.
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
YOU HAVE MY UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.
I MEAN, REALLY.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO DIVIDE
MY ATTENTION.
LET'S SAY
YOU WENT OUT WITH SOMEONE...
OH, YOU HAD A DATE TONIGHT?
UH, I'M NOT REALLY SURE
YOU COULD CALL IT THAT.
THE GUY'S A LITTLE...
CONFUSING.
HMM.
WELL, IN MY LIMITED EXPERIENCES,
BOYS ARE CONFUSING
USUALLY WHEN
WE'RE CONFUSED OURSELVES.
USUALLY BY A GIRL.
OKAY, BUT I HAVE A RIGH TO BE CONFUSING.
A NEW HOUSE, A NEW SCHOOL,
ALL OF YOU GUYS.
IT'S ALL JUST,
IT'S VERY STRESSFUL.
HEY, WE'VE HAD TO ADJUS TO A NEW SISTER.
LOOK, BOYS ARE NO DIFFEREN FROM GIRLS.
AT THE END OF THE DAY,
WE'RE ALL STRESS-CASES
SOMETIMES.
YOU?
YOU REALLY THINK
THAT I DON'T WORRY?
I WORRY ALL THE TIME.
IT'S ALL I DO.
I WORRY ABOUT NO DISAPPOINTING THE TEAM,
NOT LETTING DOWN MY DAD,
NOT GETTING INTO COLLEGE.
I MEAN, SCOUTS ARE STARTING
TO WATCH ME NOW.
WHY DO YOU THINK
I'M ALWAYS
RUSHING AROUND
EVERYWHERE?
WELL, NOT THAT I'M REALLY
RUSHING AROUND MUCH ANYMORE.
LOOK, MY POINT IS,
THIS GUY?
MAYBE TRY AND RELAX
AND CUT HIM SOME SLACK, HUH?
BOYS CAN BE A PAIN,
BUT WE COME AROUND.
EVENTUALLY.
THANKS, ADAM.
GOOD NIGHT.
HEY, ZOEY.
HAVING A NEW SISTER
IS A BIG DEAL, BUT...
IT HASN'T BEEN ALL BAD.
I KNOW YOU'RE BACK THERE, DIRT.
BEING DIRTY.
HAVING A LITTLE DIRT PARTY.
BUT I'M COMING FOR YOU.
SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND,
MR. VACUUM.
[VACUUM WHIRRING]
HEY, RATATOUILLE TIME.
DUDE, HOW CAN I COOK
WHEN YOU ARE
ALWAYS CLEANING?
HOW CAN I CLEAN
IF YOU'RE ALWAYS COOKING?
[SIGHS]
[QUIETLY] HEY, ZOEY.
I...
HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
YOU FIXED IT?
YEAH, IT LOOKED LIKE
IT NEEDED
A LITTLE T.L.C.,
SO A LITTLE EPOXY,
SOME SCREWS,
AND VOILA.
THE BOYS
ALL HELPED OUT.
ADAM HELD
THAT GLUE JOINT TOGETHER
FOR, LIKE, FIVE HOURS.
I MEAN, HE WAS FOCUSED.
IS IT OKAY?
IT'S AMAZING.
THANK YOU, TED.
[SIGHS HAPPILY]
A PLEASURE.
OH, HEY.
LISTEN, YOU'D BETTER
GET SOME SLEEP,
'CAUSE YOU'VE GO THAT BIG DANCE-OFF
AT THE GAME TOMORROW, SO...
[WINDS MUSIC BOX]
[]
MAYBE I MISJUDGED THESE GUYS.
MAYBE THEY'RE OKAY...
OR MAYBE THEY'RE JUST OKAY
BECAUSE I COMMANDED THEM
TO BE OKAY.
[SIGHING]
I DON'T KNOW, HUMPHREY.
MAYBE TOMORROW,
I COULD USE THE PHONE
TO DIAL IT BACK, AND...
GIVE THE GUYS
A SLIGHTLY LONGER LEASH.
[WHINING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[GASPS] I'M LATE.
THERE ARE SO MANY INGREDIENTS
IN TOOTHPASTE.
"HYDRATED SILICA."
NOW, WHAT IS THAT?
HOW IS THAT DIFFEREN FROM REGULAR SILICA?
JUST HURRY UP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
I GOTTA MOVE!
WATCH OUT, ZOEY!
I GOTTA MOVE, GOTTA MOVE!
CAREFUL!
I JUST WAXED
THE STAIRS!
[CLATTERING AND CRASHING]
[THUDDING AND SMASHING]
[SIGHS]
I'M OKAY!
I'M GOOD!
I GOTTA RUN!
HEY, GOOD MORNING!
I'M BAKING SOME HIGH-OMEGA
FLAXSEED OAT BREAD
AND IT EXPANDED
MORE THAN I THOUGHT.
NO! I JUST CLEANED
THIS KITCHEN!
I GOT YOU!
OUT OF MY WAY!
I GOTTA RUN!
THINGS ARE GETTING
SERIOUSLY CRAZY.
THE VIDEOGAMERS
AND THE OGRES
ARE IN A YOGA-GROOMING
TURF WAR.
GET YOUR YOGA MATS
OUT OF HERE,
THIS IS
OUR BLEACHING STATION!
OH, YEAH, RACHEL,
I FEEL SO CLOSE TO YOU
RIGHT NOW.
[WHISPERING]
YOU'VE GOTTA FIX THIS.
UM, OKAY, UH...
STOP HUGGING RACHEL.
[PHONE CHIMES]
OKAY...
[GASPS]
COMING THROUGH!
THANK YOU! SORRY!
IF I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN
MINDFUL BENEVOLENCE,
MY CHAKRAS WOULD BE
IN A SERIOUS
KARMIC TIZZY RIGHT NOW.
AND IF I WASN'T WORRIED
ABOUT MESSING UP MY HAIR,
I'D OPEN UP
A SERIOUS CAN
OF HYDRATING
FACIAL MOISTURIZER
ON YOUR FACE!
[BOYS ARGUING]
I NEED ALL OF
YOU GUYS TO STOP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
[EERIE SILENCE]
OH, UH...
[GIRLS WHISPERING IN CONFUSION]
YEAH, THIS MIGH NOT BE BETTER.
YEAH...
UM...
GO AGAIN.
[PHONE CHIMES]
DID YOU FEEL THAT?
TOTALLY.
OUTTA MY WAY,
I GOTTA RUN!
OH, ADAM, SLOW DOWN!
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?
THIS IS SO NOT GOOD.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
THIS IS COMPLETELY
UNACCEPTABLE.
GUYS, COME ON.
GROUP HUG.
[SIGHING]
OH, BY THE WAY,
HAVE YOU TALKED TO
THE GUYS ON THE SQUAD?
"WE HEREBY OFFICIALLY...
RESIN?"
I TOLD YOU THERE WAS
A "G" IN "RESIGN."
WAIT, YOU GUYS ARE QUITTING?
I JUST DON'T THINK
DANCE IS MY JAM.
IT'S TOO MECHANICAL.
MY ARTISTIC VISION
HAS BEEN TOTALLY SQUASHED.
THIS IS WAY MORE INTENSE
THAN I EXPECTED.
FRANKLY, I'D RATHER
TAKE MY CHANCES
IN REGULAR P.E.
NO!
THE DANCE-OFF IS TODAY.
YOU GUYS CAN'T QUIT.
I DO NOT ACCEP YOUR RESIGNATIONS.
YOU MADE A COMMITMENT.
NOW, LET'S LINE UP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
FIVE, SIX,
SEVEN, EIGHT.
[]
SOMETHING'S OFF.
IT'S LIKE
THEIR FEET ARE INTO IT,
BUT THEIR HEARTS AREN'T.
YEAH, SOMETHING'S
A LITTLE FUNKY.
AND I DON'T MEAN
GOOD-FUNKY,
LIKE DISCO MUSIC.
I MEAN BAD-FUNKY,
LIKE...
OLD CREAM CHEESE.
THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
IF I WERE IN ANY WAY
YOUR FRIEND,
I'D SUGGEST YOU QUIT NOW,
BEFORE THESE WEIRDO
ROBOT-ZOMBIES
COMPLETELY HUMILIATE YOU,
BUT SINCE I'M NOT...
GOOD LUCK TONIGHT!
[GIGGLES]
SHE'S RIGHT.
YEAH, SHE IS.
POSITIONS!
[SIGHS] MAYBE WE SHOULD--
SHE'S GOT US BEAT.
[]
AND I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT.
COMPLETELY CONFUSE
YOUR LEFT FROM YOUR RIGHT.
[PHONE CHIMES]
REALLY?
DID YOU JUST--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO, IT'S LEFT, THEN RIGHT!
NO, NO,
YOUR OTHER RIGHT!
RIGHT, THEN LEFT--
NO!
OW.
WHO LOOKS
RIDICULOUS NOW?
AT LEAST MY SQUAD CAN TELL
THEIR LEFT FROM THEIR RIGHT.
THEY'RE NOT A BUNCH OF FREAKS
BOUNCING AROUND LIKE...
WELL, A PACK OF DOGS,
BUT...
MAYBE THAT'S THE SQUAD
YOU BELONG ON.
OKAY, JACKSON, WAIT.
SORRY, SMARTPHONE,
I GOTTA GO.
WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE,
THAT WAS JUST--
THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS, OKAY?
I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY.
BUT SHE DESERVED IT.
SHE'S A TERRIBLE PERSON,
WE BOTH KNOW THAT.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT KIND OF PERSON SHE IS.
WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS
THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE.
I MEAN, USUALLY,
YOU'RE PRETTY CHILL,
BUT YOU JUST TREATED THEM
EXACTLY HOW SHE DOES.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I MEAN, ONE SECOND,
YOU ARE NICE,
AND THEN YOU'RE ICE COLD.
REALLY?
YOU REALLY THINK
I'M THE CONFUSING ONE?
YEAH, I DO.
I FIND THAT SURPRISING.
YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS
CONSIDERED MYSELF
TO BE A PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD
AND HONEST KIND OF GUY.
THEN HOW COME
YOU CAN'T JUST BE HONEST?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL!
HONESTLY,
I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL.
WELL THEN,
JUST KISS ME.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[SMOOCHES]
UM...
THAT WAS...
I DON'T... KNOW WHY I DID THAT.
THAT...
THAT WASN'T THE WAY
I WANTED THAT TO GO.
I'M...
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL JUST...
OFF.
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUS GIVE EACH OTHER SOME SPACE.
FOR A WHILE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
END PRACTICE FOR TODAY.
YEAH.
I'M OFFICIALLY OVER YOU.
I'M TURNING YOU OFF
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
[GASPS]
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
APART FROM WISHING
YOU'D NEVER SHOWN YOUR FACE
AT THIS SCHOOL
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
[GIGGLES]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
RACHEL'S HERE!
SEE YOU
AT THE GAME!
[ZOEY]: LOOK, I'M AN IDIOT.
OKAY, I TOOK IT ALL
WAY TOO FAR,
AND I MADE A MESS
OUT OF EVERYTHING.
AND I'M SO SORRY.
BUT NOW
I AM OVER MY STATE
OF APP-CRAZED MEGALOMANIA.
THERE'S GOTTA BE A WAY
TO FIX THESE COMMANDS.
YOU KNOW, PUT THE WORLD
BACK THE WAY IT WAS.
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE.
EXCEPT FOR THAT LITTLE PAR WHERE WE TRIED TO REVERSE
THE COMMANDS
AND IT JUS MADE THEM WORSE, SO...
[SIGHING]
WE'VE GOTTA THINK.
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME WAY
WE CAN SOLVE THIS.
OH, NO.
WHAT?
A COLLEGE SCOUT IS COMING
TO WATCH ADAM PLAY.
EXCEPT HE CAN'T PLAY.
THEY'RE GOING TO GET CREAMED
TONIGHT, THANKS TO ME.
THIS IS SERIOUS.
THIS IS
HIS WHOLE FUTURE!
WE GOTTA GO, COME ON.
WELCOME!
TO A NEW SEASON
OF HUSKIES BASKETBALL.
THE HUSKIES HAVE BEEN
STRUGGLING WITH PRACTICE
AND THERE'S
A COLLEGE SCOUT IN THE STANDS,
SO TONIGHT'S GAME
COULD BE A NAIL-BITER.
[QUIETLY] OKAY.
THE ONLY THING I CAN SAY IS,
HAVE FUN TONIGHT.
OKAY, HE SAID "HAVE FUN."
[TEAM]: OH!
HAVING FUN
ISN'T EXACTLY
GOING TO GET ME
INTO COLLEGE.
SORRY, LADIES, EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
[QUIETLY MUTTERING PLAYS]
GUYS, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
UH... NOW?
I MEAN, WE'VE GOT A GAME
IN SIX MINUTES, SO...
YOU TOO.
THIS IS A FAMILY ISSUE.
FAMILY?
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS,
GO WARM UP.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
HE SAID
"GO WARM UP!"
AMATEURS.
WHAT?
I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY,
BUT I REALLY...
BABY, IT IS JUST LIKE YOU
TO TRY AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR EVERYTHING,
BUT THIS IS JUS PREPOSTEROUS.
NO, MOM,
IT'S TRUE.
OKAY, THIS IS WHY
YOU'VE BEEN SO OVERLY-FOCUSED,
AND YOU'VE
BEEN QUIET,
AND YOU'VE BEEN SO CLEAN,
AND YOU'VE BEEN COOKING
EXOTIC HEALTHY CUISINE.
[EVERYONE ARGUING AT ONCE]
[ALL ARGUING IN PROTEST]
OKAY, GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, GUYS...
[SIGHS]
I AM SO, SO SORRY.
I GUESS, I JUST, I WASN' READY FOR MY NEW LIFE,
AND...
I BLAMED YOU GUYS
FOR EVERYTHING.
THE POINT IS,
I WANT TO TRY TO FIX THINGS,
I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW.
I NEED HELP.
OKAY.
WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT.
OH! WHAT IF WE DOWNLOADED
ANOTHER APP?
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING THAT MAKES
EVERYTHING ORDERED AND RIGHT.
YEAH, LIKE ONE OF THOSE
ORGANIZER APPS.
EXACTLY.
AND THEN WE'LL GRAB THE PHONE,
DUNK IT IN WATER,
AND THEN ZAP IT.
AND THEN WE'LL
THROW IT IN THE MICROWAVE.
THERE'S ONE
IN THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE.
THEN WE'LL STICK I IN DOG FOOD!
SHOULDN'T IT BE HUMAN FOOD?
GUYS, COME ON,
THIS IS OBVIOUS.
WE OWN A DOG.
WHAT DO WE ALWAYS DO
TO MAKE HIM STOP
DOING SOMETHING?
"RELEASE!"
USE THE RELEASE COMMAND!
OF COURSE!
RELEASE! YES!
ZOEY. ZOEY!
YOU ARE NO CONTROLLING THE BOYS
WITH A MAGICAL SMARTPHONE APP!
YOU'RE JUST UPSET.
NO, MOM,
THIS IS REAL, OKAY?
I WILL SHOW YOU.
[UNZIPPING BAG] WATCH.
LET ME JUST GET MY PHONE.
IT'S, UM...
IT'S GONE.
UH, COACH? SIR?
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU,
BUT THE GAME IS STARTING SOON.
RIGHT.
UM...
I'VE GOTTA TRY
AND COACH MY TEAM.
LET'S GO.
YOU HAVE TO FIND
THAT PHONE.
[SIGHING]
WHERE IS IT?
THIS IS THE LAST PLACE
I KNEW I HAD IT.
AFTER THINGS GOT WEIRD
WITH JACKSON,
I CAME IN HERE,
AND I WASHED MY FACE, AND...
WAS ANYONE ELSE IN HERE?
OH, NO.
IT JUST LOOKS LIKE
A REGULAR PHONE.
[TESTILY] IT'S NOT.
THIS IS WHY
THAT LITTLE NOBODY
IS SO SUCCESSFUL.
ONE OF THESE APPS
CAN CONTROL BOYS, OKAY?
WOW.
YOU KNOW, THESE APPS
CAN DO ANYTHING.
I EVEN HAVE ONE
THAT DOES MATH.
THE CALCULATOR APP?
IT'S MAGICAL.
OKAY, I'M OFFICIALLY
INVOKING THE RULE
WHERE YOU CAN' TALK ANYMORE.
OKAY? OKAY.
[SIGHING]
[WHINING] SHE'S GOT,
LIKE, SIX MILLION APPS
ON THIS THING.
WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?
"LISTEN AND OBEY."
"PLAYS A SOUND
THAT MAKES YOUR COMMANDS
IRRESISTIBLE TO DOGS?"
HMM.
SHAKE.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[GASPS IN DELIGHT]
[]
I'M A SUPER BAD GIRL
SUPER, SUPER BAD GIRL
OKAY.
THEY ALWAYS TALKIN' SLICK
'CAUSE THEY KNOW
THAT I'M A SUPER BAD GIRL...
YOU GUYS...
ROBOT DANCE.
[PHONE CHIMES]
SUPER BAD GIRL
SUPER, SUPER BAD GIRL...
[LAUGHING]
AND YOU GUYS? KICK LINE.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[LAUGHTER]
I'M A SUPER BAD GIRL
SUPER, SUPER BAD GIRL...
TRIPP DOES NO LIKE THIS.
[LAUGHING]
WELL...
THINGS JUST GOT A LITTLE
STRANGE HERE, PRE-GAME.
THE TWO TEAMS APPEAR TO BE
STARTING SOME SORT OF
MUSICAL THEATER,
'80s FUNK-ROBOT DANCE-OFF.
ALL OF YOU!
BOW DOWN TO ME!
[PHONE CHIMES]
OH, THIS ISN'T GOOD.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
UH, SIMPLE.
FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GE THE PHONE FROM TAYLOR
BEFORE SHE TURNS
THE ENTIRE MALE POPULATION
OF PLANET EARTH
INTO HER PERSONAL
SLAVE ARMY,
PLUNGING THE PLANE INTO DARKNESS
FOR ALL ETERNITY.
I THINK I KNOW A WAY
WE CAN GET HER TO STOP.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
IS ONE OF THOSE
CRAZY FLASH MOBS?
I LOVE THIS APP!
ZOEY.
HI.
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR
THE LOST AND FOUND?
TAYLOR, YOU NEED TO STOP.
[TAYLOR, DRYLY]:
I DO?
[ZOEY]: YOU NEED
TO BELIEVE ME, OKAY?
THIS APP,
IT ISN'T GOING TO
SOLVE ANYTHING.
THE TRUTH IS,
FORCING BOYS
TO DO WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO,
IT DOESN'T MAKE LIFE ANY BETTER.
YOU'VE JUST GOT TO
LET THEM BE THEMSELVES
AND LEARN TO ACCEPT THEM ANYWAY.
WELL, THAT'S
A BEAUTIFUL SENTIMENT.
REALLY, YOU KNOW,
YOU SHOULD GO WORK FOR
A GREETING CARD COMPANY.
OKAY, LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT.
NOPE!
OKAY, LOOK,
I'M NO GOING TO STOP.
I MEAN,
YOU DIDN'T STOP, DID YOU?
DO YOU REALLY THINK
IT'S A COINCIDENCE
THE COOLEST GUY
IN SCHOOL,
WHO COULD HAVE ANYONE,
EVEN ME--
JUST SAYING--
WOULD CHOSE HER?
NO!
JACKSON, I NEVER USED
THE APP ON YOU.
EXCEPT TO MAKE YOU KISS ME,
AND I'M SORRY.
AND NOW YOU JUST WANT ME
TO GIVE IT UP?
AFTER YOU SO TOTALLY
MESSED WITH MY WORLD?
MAYBE...
I SHOULD MESS WITH YOUR WORLD
A LITTLE.
WHY DON'T YOU
SCOOCH AROUND ON THE GROUND
LIKE A DOG, COACH?
[PHONE CHIMES]
AND YOU...
HMM...
HOWL.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[HOWLING]
AND, UH, AND YOU...
OKAY, TAYLOR, STOP.
DON'T HURT MY FAMILY.
THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
JUST PLEASE DON' USE THE PHONE ON THEM.
USE IT ON ME.
YEAH, BUT IT DOESN'T WORK
ON GIRLS.
I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT,
JUST... SAY THE COMMAND.
BEG.
HMM...
PANT!
[PANTING, DOG-LIKE]
[LAUGHTER]
SIT!
SHAKE.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHS]
ROLL OVER!
[MAGICAL RIPPING WHOOSH]
HOW DID YOU...?
I'M YOUR BROTHER.
WE STICK TOGETHER.
[WHOOSH]
[WHOOSHING]
[]
NO!
OKAY, STOP!
[PANTING]
YOU'RE RUINING
EVERYTHING!
GET BACK!
[PHONE CHIMES,
ALL PANTING PLAYFULLY]
GET AWAY FROM HER!
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING?
BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS,
YOU CAN NEVER MAKE A DOG
TURN AGAINST ITS OWN PACK.
[CHUCKLING]
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
THAT MASCOT RIGHT THERE,
THAT'S NOT A BOY.
BOOM.
[GASPS]
[]
NO!
RELEASE!
[PHONE CHIMES]
[ENERGY DEFLATING]
[SHOCKED SILENCE]
[FEEDBACK WHINES]
SORRY.
I'M NOT REALLY SURE
WHAT JUST HAPPENED...
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE
IT'S GONNA MAKE
EVEN LESS SENSE TOMORROW.
UH... AND THE FINAL
PRE-GAME SECONDS
HAVE TICKED DOWN!
IT'S GAME TIME!
LET'S CHEER OUR PLAYERS
ONTO THE COUR AND START ANOTHER SEASON
OF HUSKIES BASKETBALL!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DID IT.
SO, I THINK THIS IS HOW
I'M GONNA REMEMBER HIGH SCHOOL,
HAVING MY LIFE RUINED
BY THE NEW GIRL
AND HER MAGICAL
BRAINWASHING SMARTPHONE.
WHATEVER.
USE IT.
WIN THE DANCE OFF.
BE QUEEN OF THE SCHOOL.
HAVE EVERY BOY IN THE WORLD
DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.
WE BOTH KNOW
YOU'RE NOTHING
WITHOUT THAT PHONE.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
LET'S FIND OUT.
[CRUNCHING]
YOU REALLY JUST DESTROYED IT?
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE
THAN WHAT'S ON A PHONE.
THE HUSKIES
ARE DOMINATING TONIGHT!
[SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENTS]
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT!
YEAH!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
AND ANOTHER SCORE
FOR ADAM THOMPSON!
THAT'S MY BOY!
THAT'S MY BOY!
LET ME MAKE SURE
I'VE GOT THIS STRAIGHT.
I WAS COMPLETELY HYPNOTIZED
BY A CRAZY APP.
I'M-I'M SORRY.
LOOK...
I DID A LOT OF STUPID THINGS
FOR A LOT OF
REALLY STUPID REASONS,
BUT THE TRUTH IS,
THAT KISS?
I MADE YOU DO IT 'CAUSE, WELL...
I LIKE YOU.
WELL...
WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, TOO,
SMARTPHONE.
SO...
YOU WANT TO
HANG OUT SOMETIME?
[CHUCKLING]
NO.
I WANT TO DO IT RIGH THIS TIME.
I WANT TO GO
ON A REAL DATE WITH YOU.
I HATE TO BREAK UP
THE HAPPY ENDING,
BUT IT'S SHOWTIME, SO...
GO GET 'EM.
[WHISPERS]: AWESOME SAUCE.
SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND,
SO YOU BETTER BE GOOD TO HER,
BECAUSE IF YOU MESS WITH HER,
YOU MESS WITH ME,
AND YOU DON'T WANNA--
OKAY, HAVE FUN.
HAVE A GOOD
DATING LIFE.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT'S DANCE-OFF TIME!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
LET'S GIVE IT UP
FOR THE WESTLAKE HIGH
VARSITY DANCE SQUAD!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[]
OKAY, GUYS,
JUST GO OUT THERE
AND DO YOUR THING.
DANCE WITH YOUR HEARTS
AND NOT YOUR FEET.
HAVE FUN.
DO YOUR MAORI...
HAKA.
JUST...
GO OUT THERE AND BE BOYS, OKAY?
COME ON, BRING IT IN.
[]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[CROWD SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
[CROWD CHEERING AND SCREAMING]
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
THAT WAS OUTSTANDING.
IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH TO BEAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT UP
FOR THE WESTLAKE HIGH
JUNIOR VARSITY DANCE SQUAD!
[CHEERING AND WHISTLING]
ALL RIGHT!
YOU GOT THIS.
[STOMPING]
[CROWD WHISTLING]
[STOMPING AND CLAPPING]
[CROWD WHOOPING AND CHEERING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[MUSIC STARTS]
[]
[SONG ENDS]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
[CROWD SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
WE HAVE A CLEAR WINNER!
WESTLAKE HIGH
HAS A NEW DANCE SQUAD,
REPRESENTING THIS SCHOOL
AT THIS YEAR'S
STATE DANCE COMPETITION!
[SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[]
SHE'S TAKING FOREVER!
ZOEY, COME ON!
HEY, NO NEED TO SHOU THERE, BIG GUY.
YEAH, WE'RE IN
NO HURRY.
GIRLS SOMETIMES NEED
A LITTLE MORE TIME TO GET READY.
EXCUSE ME, DID I
JUST HEAR SOMETHING
ABOUT GIRLS
MOVING TOO SLOWLY?
EAT MY DUST!
[LAUGHING]
[]
[]
ARE YOU READY?
PROBABLY.
COME ON!
[CLINKING GLASSES]
[CHIMING]
[GIGGLES]
HI, EVERYONE.
I'M ZOEY STEVENS,
AND TODAY I AM MULTITASKING
AS THE MAID OF HONOR
AND THE DAUGHTER OF THE BRIDE,
SO YOU WILL BE RECEIVING
TWO TOASTS
FOR THE PRICE OF ONE.
[LAUGHTER]
FIRST OFF, I JUST WANT TO SAY
HOW HAPPY I AM
THAT MY MOM
HAS FINALLY FOUND LOVE AGAIN.
[CROWD GUSHES]
SHE IS THE MOS GIVING PERSON I KNOW,
AND WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER,
JUST US, FOR SOME TIME NOW,
SO SHE'S NOT ONLY MY MOM,
BUT SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND.
I LOVE YOU, MOM.
[MOUTHS "THANK YOU"]
[CROWD SIGHS FONDLY]
AND ONE OF THE...
BLESSINGS OF THIS UNION
IS THAT WE NOW HAVE
A NEW COLLECTION OF PEOPLE
WE'RE LIVING WITH.
THERE'S TED...
BOO-YAH!
[LAUGHTER]
AND HIS SONS,
ADAM...
HMM? OH.
HI.
ZACH...
HELLO!
AND BEN...
[FOOD SQUELCHING]
[CHUCKLES]
MY MOM ALWAYS SAYS
THAT "CHANGE" IS ANOTHER WORD
FOR "OPPORTUNITY."
AND, WELL, THIS IS
AN OPPORTUNITY.
TO LIVE WITH FOUR GUYS.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
FOUR GUYS
AND THEIR MYSTERIOUS ODORS
THAT THEY ALWAYS BLAME
ON THE DOG.
[LAUGHTER]
OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
I ALMOST FORGOT,
THERE'S HUMPHREY.
HUMPHREY IS ALSO MALE.
SO THAT'S FIVE.
FIVE MALES
THAT I AM LIVING WITH.
WOW.
BUT I DIGRESS.
WILL YOU ALL JOIN ME
IN RAISING A GLASS
AS WE TOAST--
[SNEEZES, WATER SPLASHES]
[DOG WHIMPERING]
HUMPHREY!
[DISHES CLATTERING]
COME HERE, BOY!
OH, NO, NO, NO...
OKAY, I GOT IT.
[SIGHING IN RELIEF]
-HUMPHREY! NO!
-COME HERE, BOY! COME HERE!
[ALL SHOUTING AT ONCE]
[GASPING IN SHOCK]
IT'S OKAY, WE GOT HIM!
WE'RE COOL!
TO MY NEW FAMILY.
[AIR HORN BLARES]
IT'S GO-TIME!
6:45 AM, BOYS!
UP! UP! UP! UP! UP!
LET'S GET IT MOVING!
LET'S GET IT MOVING!
THAT'S IT!
EVERYBODY, MOVE!
KEEP IT MOVING, PEOPLE!
KEEP IT MOVING!
WE GOTTA GET THAT BUS!
WE'RE GONNA GET IT! YES, WE ARE!
LET'S KEEP IT MOVING!
HEY, MORNING, SPORT.
I MEAN...
HI, GIRL.
[BOYS]: GIVE ME THAT,
GIVE ME THAT.
GAL?
HI, GIRL GAL!
MR. THOMPSON,
WHAT IS GOING ON?
ARE WE BEING INVADED?
NO, NO, JUST A LITTLE
WAKE-UP RITUAL WE DO HERE
ON SCHOOL DAYS.
AND PLEASE, WE'RE A FAMILY NOW.
CALL ME "DAD!"
[MESSAGE CHIMES]
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
UH, EXCUSE ME.
I'M IN HERE ALREADY,
USING THE BATHROOM?
YOU KNOW THERE'S ONLY
TWO BATHROOMS IN THE HOUSE.
WE GOTTA SHARE.
WHAT'S THIS? A NOSE BRUSH?
THAT IS MY MASCARA, THANK YOU.
"ACNE SPOT CONCEALER?"
PUT THAT DOWN.
AND...
COOL!
THIS MAKES SMOKE!
SERIOUSLY?
UNBELIEVABLE.
UGH, DOESN'T ANYBODY
IN THIS HOUSE AIM?
EW, EW, EW, EW, EW.
HUMPHREY,
YOU CAN'T EAT THAT.
THAT'S A PENCIL.
HERE. EAT THIS ERASER INSTEAD.
[HUMPHREY MUNCHES]
WHERE'S MY BASKETBALL?
OH, THERE IT IS.
AND MY PLAYBOOK?
OOH, AND MY BELT?
AND MY WALLET?
I'M FORGETTING SOMETHING.
YOUR PANTS.
YES! MY PANTS!
WHERE ARE MY PANTS?
WHERE ARE MY PANTS?
WHERE ARE MY...
OKAY, EXCUSE ME,
CAN WE JUST ESTABLISH
A FEW GROUND RULES, HERE?
ONE,
IF YOU ARE NOT WEARING PANTS,
PLEASE STAY OUT OF
MY PERSONAL SPACE BUBBLE, OKAY?
AND TWO, IF A GIRL
IS IN THE BATHROOM,
THE GIRL SHOULD BE ALLOWED
TO REMAIN ALONE IN THE BATHROOM.
LOOK, ZOEY, I HAVE
MORNING BASKETBALL PRACTICE,
AND THEN A PLAYERS' MEETING,
AND THEN
A CAPTAINS' MEETING,
AND THEN
EVEN MORE PRACTICING,
AND THAT'S ALL BEFORE CLASS
EVEN STARTS, OKAY?
MY POINT IS,
WE HAVE SYSTEMS IN THIS HOUSE--
[PANTING AND PUFFING]
WE WORK TOGETHER,
LIKE A WELL-OILED MACHINE.
YOU'RE PROBABLY NO GOING TO HAVE THE LUXURY
OF MUCH ALONE TIME
IN THE BATHROOM, SO...
[INHALING]
HEY, IT'S PANCAKE DAY!
SIC HIM, BOY!
[WHINING]
YOU CLEARLY LACK A FUNDAMENTAL
UNDERSTANDING OF DOGS.
IT'S A KNOWN SCIENTIFIC FAC THAT THEY NEVER
BETRAY THEIR OWN INSTINCTS
OR TURN AGAINST THEIR OWN PACK.
EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS.
I CAN RECOMMEND SOME READING
IF YOU'D LIKE.
I THINK I'M GOOD.
THANKS.
ADD THE EGG.
ADD THE PICKLE.
HEY! ARE YOU READY
FOR SOME BREAKFAST?
[LAUGHING]
UM, WHAT ARE THOSE?
PROTEIN PANCAKES!
MY OWN SPECIAL,
SECRET RECIPE.
HUMPHREY.
HEY, BOY.
-LOOK AT THAT CATCH!
-YUMMY FOR MY TUMMY!
DON'T FORGET THE HOT SAUCE!
[ZOEY]: OKAY.
HA HA!
THANK YOU,
BUT I'M JUST GOING TO
STICK WITH MY--
STICK WITH MY COTTAGE CHEESE.
WHERE'S MY COTTAGE CHEESE?
-UH-OH.
-YOU STOLE MY COTTAGE CHEESE?
I THOUGHT YOU'D WAN MY PANCAKES!
AWKWARD.
[BURPS]
PASS ME
ANOTHER PICKLE.
MOM, IS IT GOING TO
BE LIKE THIS
EVERY DAY BEFORE SCHOOL?
AH!
OW.
NO.
NO...
MAYBE.
WE ARE USED TO DOING THINGS
A CERTAIN WAY,
AND THE BOYS
ARE USED TO DOING THINGS...
A TOTALLY DIFFERENT WAY.
HEY...
I HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
IT'S MY MUSIC BOX.
DO YOU REMEMBER
WHEN DAD GOT THIS FOR ME?
ON ONE OF HIS BUSINESS TRIPS?
I REMEMBER.
I ALWAYS DREAMED OF
LIVING IN THIS CASTLE.
I BET THAT CASTLE
HAD TERRIBLE CELL RECEPTION.
[CHUCKLING]
AND WE BOTH KNOW
I COULDN'T LIVE WITH THAT.
SO...
FIRST DAY
AT YOUR NEW
HIGH SCHOOL.
IT'S EXCITING!
YOU READY FOR
YOUR DANCE TRYOUTS?
I'M ACTUALLY REALLY NERVOUS.
OH, YOU ARE GONNA
DO GREAT, SWEETHEART.
THANKS, MOM.
I WILL PUT THIS IN YOUR ROOM.
[THUDS] OW!
[BOYS AND DAD SHOUTING]
[]
WHERE'S MY BAG?
HEAD'S UP!
SECOND BATCH!
READY TO MIX!
OH, YEAH.
WAIT, YOU FORGOT THE--
AWESOME!
--LID.
MY BAD.
DELICIOUS!
-SORRY ABOUT THAT, ZOEY.
-YEAH, SORRY, ZOEY.
[DAD]: BOYS WILL BE BOYS, RIGHT?
AW, HUMPHREY!
[]
OKAY, YOU ARE HEADING
THAT WAY, ACROSS THE LOT,
THEN YOU'RE GONNA MAKE A RIGHT,
THEN ANOTHER RIGHT.
THEN A LEFT.
SECOND DOOR, LEFT AGAIN,
THEN RIGHT, THEN LEFT.
GOT IT? GOOD!
I GOTTA RUN.
I DIDN'T...
REALLY?
REALLY? MANNERS MUCH?
EXCUSE ME, CAN YOU...
OH, UH, EXCUSE ME,
CAN ONE OF YOU--
UM, WOW,
THAT IS AN...
AMAZING SMELL
THAT YOU GUYS
HAVE CREATED...
WITH YOUR BODIES.
WOW, WOW, WOW.
HI, UH, EXCUSE ME?
COULD ONE OF YOU...
HELLO?
ANYONE?
UH, HI, EXCUSE ME,
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE
DIRECT ME TO ROOM 242?
ARE YOU, UH, NEW 'N' STUFF?
UH, YEAH.
I'M NOT REALLY SURE WHA "STUFF" YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT,
BUT, UH...
I GUESS WE ALL COME
WITH BAGGAGE, RIGHT?
I'M AFRAID
THE TRIPP DOESN'T FOLLOW...
THE TRIP? WHAT TRIP?
THE TRIPP-STER.
THE TRIPP-A-THON.
IT'S ME. I'M TRIPP.
OH!
OH, YOU REFER TO YOURSELF
IN THIRD PERSON.
FART BOMB!
[FARTING LOUDLY]
[LAUGHTER]
OH, MY GOODNESS.
THAT JUST HAPPENED.
YOU NEANDERTHAL!
THAT'S RIGHT,
THE TRIPP GOT YOU.
YOU'VE BEEN TRIPPED UP!
OH, AND FOR THE RECORD,
THE TRIPP-VAN-WINKLE
IS NOT NEANDERTHEAN,
HE'S SWISS-GERMAN,
WITH A LITTLE ITALIAN
ON HIS MOTHER'S SIDE.
WHAT?
ARE-ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
DID ANYONE SEE THAT?
YOU CAN JUST FART ON SOMEONE
WITH IMPUNITY AT THIS SCHOOL?
SADLY,
I THINK YOU CAN.
THE SCHOOL CHARTER
MAKES NO MENTION OF FARTS.
THEY'RE TECHNICALLY LEGAL.
YOU LOOK LOST.
UH, YEAH, I AM.
I NEED TO FIND ROOM 242?
THAT'S SO REFRESHING.
I'M USUALLY THE CLUELESS ONE.
FOLLOW ME.
IT'S ON MY WAY.
I'M RACHEL, BY THE WAY.
I'M ZOEY.
GOOD TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.
THANKS FOR HELPING ME
FIND MY LOCKER.
YOU'RE WATCHING
THAT THING
LIKE YOU'RE WORRIED
IT'S GONNA RUN AWAY.
OH. SORRY.
I JUST KIND OF KEEP
MY WHOLE LIFE IN HERE.
ARE ALL THE BOYS AT THIS SCHOOL
SUCH KNUCKLEHEADS?
I LIKE TO THINK OF THEM
AS "CHALLENGING,"
WHICH IS TO SAY, YEAH,
PRETTY MUCH
KNUCKLEHEADS.
[CHUCKLING]
WHAT A GREAT WORD,
"KNUCKLEHEADS."
WE GOTTA BRING
THAT ONE BACK.
BUT THE BOYS HERE
ARE CUTE, AREN'T THEY?
ALL OF THEM.
I THINK WE HAVE THE HIGHES PERCENTAGE OF CUTE BOYS
IN THE ENTIRE
GREATER WESTLAKE AREA.
IN FACT,
I THINK SOME COLLEGE
ACTUALLY DID
A CUTENESS STUDY,
AND WE CAME OUT ON TOP.
[COUGHING]
I MEAN, SURE,
THEY HAVE THEIR FLAWS,
AND SURE, IF I COULD
STOP MYSELF
FROM SPENDING
EVERY WAKING MINUTE
THINKING ABOUT THEM,
I PROBABLY WOULD,
BUT I CAN'T,
AND I'VE LEARNED
TO LIVE WITH THAT.
WOW, YOU SEEM
A LITTLE...
OH, BOY CRAZY?
YEAH, THAT'S
THE OFFICIAL DIAGNOSIS.
HEY, CHARLIE.
IT WAS NICE TALKING TO YOU!
SO, WHAT'S YOUR DEAL?
WHAT KIND OF STUFF
ARE YOU INTO?
UH, DANCE,
THAT'S MY PASSION.
YOU'RE KIDDING.
I'M A DANCER, TOO!
WELL, "DANCER," IS
PUTTING IT GENEROUSLY.
ARE YOU TRYING OUT FOR
A VARSITY SQUAD TODAY?
OH, YEAH, DEFINITELY.
I ACTUALLY DANCED
AT MY OLD SCHOOL,
AND I WAS SUPPOSED TO GO
TO STATE FINALS THIS YEAR,
BUT, UM, WELL,
I MOVED HERE, SO...
WOW. FANCY.
HEY, WHEN YOU MAKE I TO THE BIG LEAGUES,
DON'T FORGET US LITTLE PEOPLE.
AND I DO MEAN "LITTLE."
LITERALLY, YOU'RE LIKE
A FOOT TALLER THAN ME.
WOW.
[CHUCKLING AWKWARDLY]
WELL, THIS IS
YOUR ROOM.
IT WAS GREAT MEETING YOU, ZOEY.
YOU TOO.
THANK YOU.
NO PROBLEM.
[ZOEY GASPING IN SHOCK]
[BUG SQUEALING]
UH...
OKAY.
I'M GUESSING THA UNLESS THAT BUG CAN SOLVE
QUADRATIC EQUATIONS,
THIS IS NOT ADVANCED ALGEBRA.
YOU WANT WEST 242
ON THE OTHER
SIDE OF CAMPUS.
MR. KALE!
PAY ATTENTION!
THERE WILL BE A QUIZ.
ON THE PRAYING
MANTIS?
SPHODROMANTIS VIRIDIS?
CARNIVOROUS MEMBER
OF PHYLUM ARTHROPODA,
CLASS INSECTA?
DISTINGUISHED BY
ITS RAPTORIAL FORELEGS
AND A TENDENCY
FOR THE FEMALES
TO EAT THE MALES?
I THINK I'M READY FOR IT.
[TEACHER]: JUST PUT AWAY
THE SUNGLASSES
AND ESCORT THIS YOUNG LADY
TO WEST 242.
SO, YOU'RE
A STUDENT HERE?
OBVIOUSLY, YOU'RE
A STUDENT HERE.
IF YOU WEN SOMEWHERE ELSE,
YOU'D PROBABLY
BE THERE.
YES, I PROBABLY WOULD...
...BE THERE.
[ZOEY CHUCKLES]
NOT THAT THAT WOULD BE
A BAD THING.
I MEAN, THIS PLACE
IS NUTS.
IT'S LIKE
A HORROR MOVIE.
NO, IT'S LIKE...
IT'S LIKE THA CRAZY NATURE VIDEO,
AND I'M CONSTANTLY
BEING ATTACKED
BY HORRIBLE
PRAYING MANTIS-BOYS
WHO FAR ON EACH OTHER ALL DAY.
NO WONDER YOU DO
THE SILENT-LONE-WOLF
SUNGLASS-REBEL THING.
OH, THIS?
IT'S PANCAKE MISHAP
THIS MORNING.
NO, NO, NO, I'M NOT...
I'M NOT LOOKING AT THAT.
OKAY, WELL THEN,
WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
I'M LOOKING AT YOU.
OKAY...
SO, UH...
HERE WE ARE... [CHUCKLES]
IN THE HALLWAY,
LOOKING AT EACH OTHER.
THAT'S NOT WEIRD.
I THINK I'VE GOT YOU
FIGURED OUT.
-OH, REALLY?
-MM-HMM.
YOU LIKE THINGS JUST SO.
YOUR ROOM IS CLEAN,
YOUR POSTERS ARE FRAMED,
AND I BET ALL OF YOUR BOOKS
HAVE NICE LITTLE
HOMEMADE COVERS ON THEM.
AND I'M GETTING
AN ARTISTIC VIBE.
MAYBE...
MAYBE DANCE?
OKAY, DID I SAY
LONE WOLF?
I THINK I MEANT,
WEIRDLY PSYCHIC LONE WOLF.
[CHUCKLING]
OH, AND A SERIOUS
PHONE ADDICTION.
I BET YOU STARE
AT THAT SCREEN
ALL DAY LONG.
OKAY, FOR THE RECORD,
I LIMIT MYSELF
TO TWO HOURS A DAY.
THREE, TOPS.
I HAVE AN APP THAT TIMES ME.
OH...
THAT'S IMPRESSIVE.
SO, THIS IS
YOUR ROOM.
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND, SMARTPHONE.
[]
SORRY. EXCUSE ME.
YOU'RE HERE!
HEY, I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS.
I TALKED IT OVER WITH MY POSSE
AND WE'RE ALL COOL WITH YOU
JOINING OUR CREW.
AND BY "MY POSSE," I MEAN, "ME."
AND BY "CREW,"
I MEAN, WELL, "ME" AGAIN.
TRUTH IS, I'M KIND OF
A "SOCIAL FLOATER"
AND RIGHT NOW I'M FLOATING
BETWEEN FRIEND GROUPS,
BECAUSE, SOMETIMES,
PEOPLE HAVE TROUBLE
WITH MY TENDENCY
TO TALK EXCESSIVELY
WHILE NO ONE'S REALLY LISTENING.
SO MAYBE...
DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?
HMM, LET ME TALK IT OVER
WITH MY POSSE.
YUP, THEY'RE COOL. I'M IN.
[CHUCKLING]
STAND!
THIS IS VERY SIMPLE.
VARSITY SQUAD IS FULL!
NO NEW DANCERS
ARE NEEDED.
THAT'S ZERO FOR ALL YOU FOOLS
THAT SPEAK MATH.
BUT IF YOU EXHIBI THE TRAITS WE CARE ABOUT--
LIFE, LIBERTY, AND
THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS--
PERFECTION!
DISCIPLINE. OBEDIENCE.
RIGHT, THOSE.
IF YOU EXHIBIT THESE TRAITS
AND ARE ALL KINDS OF AWESOME...
MANY, MANY KINDS.
THEN MAYBE WE HAVE
A PLACE FOR YOU,
BUT YOU HAVE TO BE
NEXT LEVEL.
YOU HAVE TO WOW US.
YOU HAVE TO BE...
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
BOOM.
TOTALLY. BOOM!
[QUIETLY] NO.
YOU DON'T SAY "BOOM."
ONLY I SAY "BOOM."
GET YOUR OWN THING.
WILL DO, SORRY.
LINE UP!
EXCUSE ME, UH,
COULD I HAVE
A QUICK WORD?
HI. MY NAME'S ZOEY.
I WAS A DANCE SOLOIS AT MY SCHOOL LAST YEAR.
SO?
WELL, I WAS JUST WONDERING...
I ACTUALLY HAVE A ROUTINE
THAT I PREPARED FOR TODAY.
IT'S A PIECE THAT I WAS
GOING TO TAKE TO STATE.
SO, DO YOU THINK
THAT I COULD ACTUALLY, LIKE,
AUDITION WITH IT,
ON MY OWN?
OH, MY GOODNESS.
WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?
OF COURSE!
LET ME JUST CLEAR ALL THESE
OTHER HOPEFULS OUT OF HERE,
GIVE YOU SOME SPACE.
-REALLY?
-NO.
OH, NO, NO, NO, NO...
WHAT?
MY SHOES ARE COVERED
IN PANCAKE MIX.
THIS IS A TOTAL DISASTER.
EYES ON ME!
I'M SORRY.
I'VE GOT TO--
IT'S OKAY.
OKAY, I'M ONLY GOING
TO SAY THIS ONCE.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
[]
CROSS STEP, BALL CHANGE, SNAP,
TWIST, TWIST, CIRCLE STOP.
FORWARD BACK,
PUSH PRESS, JERK, JERK.
[MUSIC FADES OUT]
GOT IT?
GOOD.
NO PROBLEM.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
[STARTS MUSIC]
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!
[]
[LAUGHING]
[]
THAT'S THE GIRL I SAW
FLIRTING WITH JACKSON.
YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND?
MY BOYFRIEND.
WE'RE JUST IN
A TRANSITIONAL PERIOD, OKAY?
[]
WHAT'S SHE DOING?
HER OWN ROUTINE.
WOW, YOU KNOW,
SHE'S ACTUALLY KIND OF--
ZIP IT!
[]
WHOA!
SORRY.
[LAUGHING]
OF COURSE.
OOPS.
ALL RIGHT!
THAT'S IT.
YOU'RE ALL
OFFICIALLY REJECTED.
GET OUT AND DON'T EVER
TALK TO ME AGAIN.
BOOM.
NO, NO, NO,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!
MY BROTHERS WERE--
THEY'RE MY STEP-BROTHERS--
THEY RUINED
MY SHOES, AND...
I'M JUST HAVING
THE WORST DAY POSSIBLE.
OKAY, I'M BEGGING YOU.
DANCE IS EVERYTHING TO ME.
ISN'T THERE SOME WAY
THAT I CAN BE ON THE TEAM?
SURE.
REALLY? THANK YOU.
THAT WOULD BE AMAZING.
YOU CAN BE ON THE JV TEAM.
AND, YEAH, YOU CAN, TOO.
THERE THEY ARE,
OVER THERE.
THAT'S THE SQUAD
YOU BELONG ON.
[SIGHS HEAVILY]
[WATER SPLASHING]
OUT, BOY.
OH... GROSS.
MY TURN.
[SPLASHING]
OH, BY THE WAY,
HUMPHREY WAS
IN YOUR ROOM EARLIER.
I THINK HE WAS
HELPING YOU UNPACK.
GREAT.
[HUMPHREY WHINING]
OH, GROSS!
UGH, HUMPHREY, GET OFF.
SIT DOWN.
YOU KNOW,
I BET AT THE VERY LEAST,
I CAN DEAL WITH YOU.
THERE'S GOTTA BE
AN APP FOR THIS.
OH...
HERE WE GO.
"LISTEN AND OBEY"
"PLAYS A SOUND
"THAT MAKES YOUR COMMANDS
IRRESISTIBLE TO DOGS."
WAIT, $9.99?
IT'D BETTER BE GOOD.
[WHINING]
ALL RIGHT.
SIT.
[BEEPS HIGH-PITCHED TONE]
SHAKE?
[BEEPS HIGH-PITCHED TONE]
[WHINING]
WOW, IT ACTUALLY WORKS.
THIS IS AMAZING.
GOOD BOY, HUMPHREY.
STOP! COME BACK!
THAT PHONE IS MY LIFE!
IT'S GOT MY CONTACTS,
MY PICTURES,
MY MUSIC COLLECTION!
ALL 5,200 SONGS!
NO, STOP!
NO!
DON'T WORRY!
I CAN FIX THIS!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
CENTRIFUGAL FORCE.
I JUST LEARNED ABOUT IT.
IT'LL FORCE
THE WATER--
[ZOEY GASPS]
MY PHONE!
SORRY.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
[GLASS SMASHING]
[SPLAT]
WHERE IS IT?
EW.
[GROANING]
OKAY, UM...
I WENT ONLINE
AND THEY SAY
TO PUT THE PHONE IN RICE
TO SUCK OUT THE WATER.
MOM, I CAN' DO IT ANYMORE.
I JUST NEED THE BOYS IN MY LIFE
TO STOP...
RUINING MY LIFE.
WELL, WE'RE A LITTLE
OUT OF PRACTICE WITH THEM,
BUT WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT,
JUST LIKE WE ALWAYS DO.
HEY...
THE FAMILY'S
TAKING HUMPHREY FOR A RUN.
HOW ABOUT YOU COME WITH US?
WHY WOULD I POSSIBLY
WANT TO GO ON A RUN
WITH THAT PACK OF MANIACS?
IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
WE'LL BE IN THE PARK.
[SIGHING]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
[AIR HORN BLARING]
GO-GO-GO!
IT'S A BRAND-NEW DAY!
UP AND AT 'EM!
UP AND AT 'EM!
YEAH!
[LAUGHING]
IT'S A BRAND-NEW
DAY, BOYS,
UP AND AT 'EM!
UP AND AT 'EM!
APPS ALL THERE,
EVERYTHING
SEEMS TO BE WORKING...
[CHUCKLES] OKAY.
ONE THING IN MY LIFE
THAT ISN'T COMPLETELY DESTROYED.
MAYBE TODAY
WILL BE A BETTER DAY.
CAN YOU GET ATHLETE'S FOO IN YOUR ARMPIT?
"ATHLETE'S PIT?"
OR NOT.
GANGWAY, GANGWAY.
COMING THROUGH!
YOU FORGE ONE LITTLE THING,
HUMPHREY.
I NOW OWN
YOUR LITTLE CANINE BEHIND.
SIT!
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHAT?
COME ON.
SIT!
LIE DOWN!
[PHONE CHIMES]
SHAKE!
[WHINES]
REALLY? THIS?
THIS IS THE ONE THING
THAT STOPS WORKING?
DO A TRICK.
[PHONE CHIMES]
GREAT.
$9.99 DOWN THE DRAIN.
[WHINING]
YEAH!
MR. STANKOVICH'S SPRINKLERS
BROKE AGAIN!
THE MUD IS LIKE
THREE FEET DEEP OUT THERE!
THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY
OF MY LIFE!
OKAY. BACK UP.
[PHONE CHIMES]
MM, MM, YUMMY!
WHO WANTS TO SAMPLE
MY LATEST CREATION?
I CALL I THE "SLOPPY NACHO-BORSCHT-WICH."
UGH, JUST PUT THAT DOWN!
[PHONE CHIMES]
PICK IT UP?
[PHONE CHIMES]
RACHEL, I'M HAVING
KIND OF A STRANGE MORNING--
BOYS ARE ACTING WEIRD.
THIS IS UNUSUAL WHY?
OKAY, NOT WEIRD
IN THEIR USUAL WAY.
FART BOMB!
[FARTING LOUDLY]
[GASPING IN DISGUST]
ARE YOU SERIOUS?
THAT IS ATROCIOUS.
TRIPP HAS NO IDEA
WHAT THAT WORD MEANS,
BUT IF IT MEANS, "DO IT AGAIN,"
YOU'RE IN LUCK!
NO, JUST STOP.
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHOA.
WOW, HE JUST...
OBEYED YOU.
OBEYED...
UH... SPEAK.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[SCOFFS]
YOU'VE BEEN WHIPPED
BY THE TRIPP!
[SHUT YOUR MOUTH]
[PHONE CHIMES]
[MUMBLING]
[MUMBLING,
TRYING TO FORCE WORDS OUT]
UH...
OPEN YOUR MOUTH.
WAIT, THIS IS REALLY WEIRD.
THE TRIPP IS...
TRIPPIN'.
THE TRIPP IS FREAKING OU RIGHT NOW.
GO TO THE BATHROOM.
OH, WAIT, NO!
NOT HERE!
[SHUDDERING]
OH, NO, NO...
[WHIMPERING] NO, NO!
[LAUGHING]
WHAT IS WITH YOUR PHONE?
I KNOW, THIS IS WHAT WAS
HAPPENING THIS MORNING!
EVERYTHING I SAID,
THE BOYS DID.
AND THEN TRIPP...
THIS IS-- THIS IS REALLY ODD.
"ODD?"
YOU HAVE AN APP
THAT CONTROLS BOYS!
THIS IS NOT "ODD!"
THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING
THAT HAS EVER OCCURRED
IN HUMAN HISTORY!
[FOOTSTEPS APPROACH]
OH...
THIS BATHROOM
HAS BEEN TAINTED WITH DORK.
AND THAT 'TAINT GOOD.
[LAUGHS]
GET IT? "TAINT?"
DOWN, GIRL.
[PHONE CHIMES]
JUMP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
SHAKE!
[PHONE CHIMES]
ROLL OVER!
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME
DOG COMMANDS?
UH...
SHE WAS JUST TRYING
TO DO...
THIS...
NEW...
DANCE!
DANCE!
IT'S A NEW DANCE.
IT'S CALLED THE, UM...
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
THE... THE...
-"ROVER."
-ROVER!
IT'S WHERE YOU...
YOU GET DOWN...
YOU JUMP...
YOU SHAKE,
THEN YOU ROLL.
JUMP, SHAKE, ROLL...
JUMP, SHAKE, ROLL...
JUMP, SHAKE,
ROLL...
JUMP, SHAKE...
YOU GET THE IDEA.
I DON'T LIKE TO LAUGH OUT LOUD,
BECAUSE I BELIEVE
IT'S A SIGN OF WEAKNESS,
BUT JUST SO YOU KNOW,
IN MY HEAD,
I AM LAUGHING RIGHT NOW.
I AM LAUGHING SO HARD,
I AM LITERALLY THROWING UP
IN MY OWN BRAIN.
TOTAL BRAIN HURL.
BOOM.
OKAY, LET'S JET.
[SNAPS FINGERS]
BUT I KIND OF HAVE TO--
HOLD IT.
I GUESS YOUR DOG APP
DOESN'T WORK ON GIRLS.
MAYBE CAUSE GIRLS
AREN'T DOG-LIKE ENOUGH.
THEY'RE TOO...
CATTY.
[CHUCKLING]
BUT THE APP
DEFINITELY WORKS ON BOYS...
[SQUEALING]
[]
SKATERS, STOP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
[YELPS]
[GIGGLING]
OKAY, UM, UM...
DO SOMETHING ELSE,
DO SOMETHING ELSE.
ACT LIKE GENTLEMEN.
[PHONE CHIMES]
MADAM, MIND THE PUDDLE.
[]
THANK YOU.
YOU VIDEO GAME DUDES...
START DOING SOMETHING GOOD
FOR YOUR SPIRITUAL
AND PHYSICAL WELL-BEING.
[PHONE CHIMES]
DUDES...
LET'S GO DO SOME YOGA.
[]
NAMASTE.
GROOM YOURSELVES.
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHAT'S WITH OUR HAIR?
WHY DO WE SMELL...
LIKE WE SMELL?
I NEED A HAIR STYLIST.
AND DEODORANT.
AND A NAIL CLIPPER
WITH ONE OF THOSE...
[]
PUT SHIRTS ON!
[PHONE CHIMES]
I'M SUDDENLY
A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE
BEING UNDRESSED WITH YOU GUYS.
NO, WHY WOULD YOU
DO THAT?
THEY WERE PERFEC THE WAY THEY WERE.
OKAY, UH...
TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRTS AGAIN.
[PHONE CHIMES]
PHEW!
DUDE...
LOOK AT MY CANNONS!
HEY, ISN'T THAT THE GUY
FROM THE HALL YESTERDAY?
YEAH, UH,
CHARLIE WANG.
I LIKE HIM.
BUT HE'S A LITTLE
EMOTIONALLY CLOSED OFF,
SO...
HEY, CHARLIE,
BE MORE OPEN AND EXPRESSIVE
ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS TO RACHEL.
[PHONE CHIMES]
RACHEL,
I REALLY WANT TO TELL YOU
HOW I'M FEELING.
[SUPPRESSED SQUEAL]
PLEASE, TELL ME MORE.
HEY, WHOA, STAY AWAY FROM ME,
YOU FREAKY NEW GIRL.
BE NICE FROM NOW ON.
[PHONE CHIMES]
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL PERSON.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING
THE TRIPPMEISTER CAN DO
TO HELP MAKE YOUR TRANSITION
TO OUR SCHOOL EASIER,
DON'T HESITATE
TO CONTACT THE TRIPP
VIA PHONE,
TEXT, OR EMAIL.
TOODLES.
WHAT THE HECK WAS UP WITH THAT?
"TOODLES?"
[]
[BREATHING HARD]
ZOEY, HEY!
YOU'RE IN U.S. HISTORY, RIGHT?
DID YOU GET THE READING ON--
HEY, MY PLAYBOOK!
I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER
FOR THIS!
THIS SEASON, WOW,
WE HAVE SO MANY NEW PLAYS.
WHERE WAS I?
RIGHT, BURPEES!
WAIT, DID I REMEMBER TO FIX
THAT HOLE IN MY UNIFORM?
I THINK SO...
BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE AWKWARD.
BE FOCUSED!
[PHONE CHIMES]
THIS LAMPSHADE.
IT'S SO INTERESTING.
LOOK AT THAT CLOTH,
IS THAT SILK OR LINEN?
I COULD STUDY THIS FOR HOURS.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME DELICIOUS
JELLY-PICKLE-
TACO-CARAMEL SUNDAE?
START MAKING LESS-GROSS FOOD.
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHAT IS THIS VILE SUBSTANCE?
TO THE KITCHEN!
I MUST FIND
SOME ORGANIC VEGETABLES!
ALL RIGHT, SPORTS FANS!
WHO WANTS TO WATCH SOME--
BE QUIETER.
FOOTBALL.
FOOT.
BALL.
[QUIETLY] FOOTBALL.
[TOILET FLUSHING]
YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGH A 46-OUNCE SLUSHIE
COULD HAVE BEEN FLUSHED
DOWN THE TOILET.
BE CLEAN.
[PHONE CHIMES]
HOLY MOLY, IT'S FILTHY IN HERE.
QUICK!
I NEED A SPONGE.
AND SOAP.
AND PAPER TOWELS.
AND A POWER WASHER.
AND...
A CHISEL!
[SIGHS WITH SATISFACTION]
OUT OF THE WAY, HUMPHREY.
I'VE GOT MAJOR CLEANING TO DO.
WHAT A DAY, HEY, HUMPHREY?
I'M NOT SAYING CONTROLLING BOYS
WITH A MAGIC APP
IS COMPLETELY ETHICAL,
BUT, I MEAN, THE HOUSE IS CLEAN,
BOYS ARE BEHAVING BETTER,
THINGS AREN'T NEARLY
AS TERRIBLE AS THEY WERE.
THEN AGAIN,
I'M TALKING TO A DOG,
SO I MIGHT JUST BE
LOSING MY MIND.
HEY, SMARTPHONE.
FANCY SEEING YOU HERE.
UH, HI.
[HUMPHREY WHINING]
OH, HELLO.
WHAT'S HIS NAME?
HUMPHREY.
I'M SORRY, I DIDN'T PEG YOU
FOR A DOG GIRL.
WELL, ACTUALLY, I WOULDN'T HAVE
PEGGED MYSELF AS A DOG GIRL,
BUT, UM, HE NEEDED A WALK,
AND HE'S ACTUALLY
SURPRISINGLY
GOOD COMPANY.
SO...
HERE YOU ARE.
THE REBEL,
READING ALONE IN THE PARK.
COME ON.
TELL ME THIS ISN' THE MOST BEAUTIFUL PLACE
TO SIT AND COLLEC YOUR THOUGHTS.
YES, IT IS...
SO, WHAT ARE YOU
READING?
OH, NO,
LET ME GUESS.
UM, "THE COOL GUY'S GUIDE
TO WEARING SUNGLASSES INSIDE."
[CHUCKLES]
CLOSE.
"TO KILL A MOCKINGBIRD."
THAT'S, UH...
THAT'S ACTUALLY
MY FAVORITE BOOK.
OH, OF COURSE.
A YOUNG GIRL THINKS
SHE HAS HER WHOLE WORLD
FIGURED OUT,
ONLY TO REALIZE
SHE HAD IT ALL WRONG.
IT'S A TIMELESS TALE.
WELL, IN MY INTERPRETATION,
THE YOUNG GIRL KEEPS
HER HUMANITY AND PERSPECTIVE
WHILE THE WORLD AROUND HER
GOES CRAZY.
HMM.
AND THERE'S THAT, TOO.
WELL, UM...
I SHOULD PROBABLY
GET HIM HOME NOW.
I'LL SEE YOU AROUND.
I'M ZOEY, BY THE WAY.
I'M JACKSON.
HAVE A NICE EVENING, SMARTPHONE.
COME ON, BOY.
GOOD BOY. GOOD BOY.
HELLO, I'M MOPPING HERE.
HORS D'OEUVRES?
ALL NATURAL,
ALL LOCALLY SOURCED.
THANK YOU...
PROSCIUTTO.
HELLO, DARLING.
KALAMATA.
WELCOME HOME.
TRY THE CAPICOLLO.
WHAT THE...?
[QUIETLY] WAKE UP.
COME ON.
NOTHING.
I GOT NOTHING.
[SIGHS]
THIS MORNING'S
BREAKFAST MENU.
WILD SALMON FLORENTINE
ON A BED OF SUSTAINABLY
HARVESTED HEN EGGS,
SERVED WITH A VINE-RIPENED
APPLE-KIWI SALAD.
AH, DELIGHTFUL.
THANK YOU.
[SCRUBBING]
WOULD YOU CARE
FOR A MINT?
OH.
THANK YOU.
FOR YOUR GROOMING PLEASURE.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
ALLOW ME.
OH, I'M ACTUALLY NO GOING IN THERE.
NAMASTE.
UH, NAMASTE... BACK 'ATCHA.
ENTREZ-VOUS.
I'M NOT GOING IN THERE EITHER.
AFTER YOU.
NOPE, I'M JUS GOING TO STAY OUT HERE.
BUT THANK YOU.
HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?
AMAZING.
CHARLIE'S REALLY
OPENING UP
ABOUT HIS FEELINGS.
ALL OF THEM.
OOH, THAT'S NICE.
HE'S STARTED
EXPRESSING HIS FEELINGS
BY HUGGING ME.
A LOT.
I MEAN, A LOT.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
OKAY...
THANK YOU.
BOOP!
OKAY. BYE.
BUT OVERALL,
IT'S BASICALLY AWESOME.
I MEAN, IT'S RELATIVELY
OVERALL AWESOME.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
OVER THERE?
THAT'S AWESOME.
[ZOEY]: ARE THOSE
THE SMELLY BOYS?
OKAY, I KNOW
THIS HURTS, BRO.
BUT YOU CAN'T GO OU IN PUBLIC LIKE THIS.
YOU LOOK LIKE SOMEONE
GLUED A BEAVER TO YOUR FOREHEAD.
[TAPE RIPS]
-DO I?
-NO.
-I'M NOT...
-YOU'RE FINE.
-COOL. YOU'RE SURE?
-YES.
THIS APP...
IS A WHOLE NEW WORLD.
[TAP RIPS, BOY YELPS]
NO MORE GLOBAL CONFLICT.
NO MORE TOILET SEA UP, DOWN DEBATES.
BASICALLY, ANY PROBLEMS
CAUSED BY BOYS,
WHICH IS MOST PROBLEMS,
CAN BE SOLVED.
SEE YOU AT DANCE PRACTICE.
OKAY, SEE YOU.
OH...
THERE YOU ARE.
FIVE, SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT!
[]
UH, AS CAPTAIN
OF THE WESTLAKE HIGH
JUNIOR VARSITY DANCE SQUAD,
I'D LIKE TO
OFFICIALLY CALL TO ORDER
THE FIRST PRACTICE
OF THE SEASON.
AND AS MY FIRS ORDER OF BUSINESS,
I'D LIKE TO SEE IF ANYONE ELSE
WANTS TO BE CAPTAIN.
ANY VOLUNTEERS?
COME ON.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T HANDLE
THE PRESSURE.
I'M ALREADY STARTING TO GE THE WEIRD
EYE TWITCH THING AGAIN.
I NOMINATE ZOEY STEVENS!
WAIT, WHAT?
YOU'RE THE BEST DANCER
IN THE SQUAD.
MAYBE THE BES DANCER IN SCHOOL.
ALL IN FAVOR?
REALLY?
PLEASE.
OKAY, FINE.
UH...
TEAM...
OKAY, LOOK, JUST BECAUSE
WE ARE JUNIOR VARSITY
DOES NOT MEAN THAT WE ARE
ANY WORSE THAN VARSITY.
TECHNICALLY, I THINK
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT JUNIOR VARSITY MEANS.
OKAY, UM...
WE ALL AUDITIONED,
AT LEAST WE MADE IT THIS FAR.
YOU ACTUALLY DON' HAVE TO AUDITION FOR J.V.
WELL, AT LEAS WE ALL LOVE TO DANCE.
THAT'S SOMETHING, RIGHT?
I'M JUST HERE TO MEET GIRLS.
YES?
I'VE BEEN STUDYING THE HAKA,
THE TRADITIONAL DANCE
OF THE MAORI PEOPLES.
I WAS THINKING,
PERHAPS WE CAN
INCORPORATE SOME OF I INTO OUR ROUTINE?
KA MATE! KA MATE!
TENEI TE TANGATA
PUHURU-HURU!
UH...
YEAN, NO, LET'S DEFINITELY
PUT THAT ONE IN THE IDEA BOX.
WE'RE JUST GOING TO
KEEP IT THERE.
[MUSIC PLAYS]
DIG IT UP, DRIVE, SHIFT,
LEAN WITH IT,
FLIP THE PAGE,
AND SCOOP,
OUT, CLOSE,
AND CHECK YOUR SHOES...
YOU GUYS GOT IT?
YUP.
NO.
FIVE, SIX,
SEVEN, EIGHT.
[]
WOW.
LOOKING GOOD, GUYS.
FANTASTIC.
[QUIETLY] NOT GOOD.
NOT GOOD AT ALL.
[SMACK]
OW...
[LAUGHING]
[CLAPPING SARCASTICALLY]
[]
[SNAPS FINGERS]
FROM THE TOP, GUYS.
[]
LISTEN, I JUST THINK
IF YOU GAVE THIS A CHANCE,
YOU'D REALLY LIKE IT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
IDEA BOX, REMEMBER?
OKAY, WE'RE NO GONNA DO THAT.
ALL RIGHT, GUYS,
LET'S GET BACK TO WORK.
[PHONE CHIMES]
FOLLOW MY LEAD.
[]
HOW DID THEY SUDDENLY BECOME...
NOT TERRIBLE?
RODEO, SWIPE, SWITCH...
AND WHAT IS SHE DOING
WITH HER PHONE?
YEAH, SHE'S JUST,
LIKE, TALKING INTO I LIKE IT'S A...
PHONE.
[]
HOLD IT.
[]
[MUSIC FADING OUT]
[WHIP CRACK ECHOES]
[FINGER SNAP ECHOES]
[SNAP ECHOES]
[]
WOW.
WE'RE GOOD.
WE'RE, LIKE...
AS GOOD AS THEY ARE.
SO, LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.
YOU THINK THE J.V. SQUAD
IS ACTUALLY BETTER
THAN THE VARSITY SQUAD?
AND THA WE SHOULD GET A SHO AT BEING THE SCHOOL'S
MAIN DANCE TEAM,
THE ONE THAT REPRESENTS
OUR SCHOOL AT STATE.
I'M CONFUSED.
WHY IS THE J.V. SQUAD BETTER?
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST DUMP
ALL THE, YOU KNOW,
DANCE-CHALLENGED KIDS ON J.V.,
LIKE OTHER SPORTS DO?
THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE DID.
LOOK, I BELIEVE
THERE MAY HAVE
BEEN SOME...
INSTITUTIONAL BIAS
IN THE TEAM
SELECTION PROCESS.
LOOK, I'M JUS PROPOSING
A DANCE-OFF,
OKAY?
A FAIR CONTES TO SEE WHO'S REALLY THE BEST.
HEY, I TOLD YOU BOYS,
NO CANDLES
IN THE HALL!
IT'S A FIRE HAZARD!
AND NO INCENSE EITHER!
YOU GET THOSE OUT OF HERE,
OR YOU'LL BE DOWNWARD DOGGING
IN SATURDAY DETENTION!
A DANCE-OFF
SOUNDS FAIR ENOUGH.
WHAT!
NO, OKAY.
THIS IS LUDICROUS.
THE SPIRIT COMMITTEE
IS LOOKING FOR A HALFTIME AC FOR THE FIRST BASKETBALL GAME
OF THE SEASON.
WE COULD DO IT THEN.
WE CAN GET ONE OF
THOSE APPLAUSE METERS
THAT MEASURES CROWD NOISE.
I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO USE
ONE OF THOSE.
YAY! SOUNDS PERFECT.
[SQUEALS] WHAT?
NO, IT DOESN'T!
IT'S SETTLED.
DANCE-OFF.
OOH.
[SUPPRESSED SQUEAL]
MAY THE BEST SQUAD WIN.
OH, WE WILL.
YOU AND YOUR
LITTLE PACK
OF SUDDENLY
HIGHLY-SKILLED
J.V. MUTAN DANCE DORKS...
ARE GOING DOWN.
HEY...
JUST THE PERSON
I WAS LOOKING FOR.
[SIGHS] HI. YOU WERE...
YOU WERE LOOKING
FOR ME?
OH, SORRY, NO.
NOT YOU, HER.
HEY.
HEY.
[SIGHS TIGHTLY] HEY.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
TO THE UNIVERSE?
THE J.V. SQUAD
DOESN'T STINK.
THE NEW GIRL
IS STEALING MY BOYFRIEND.
EVERYTHING IS UPSIDE DOWN.
IT'S LIKE... AUSTRALIA!
[SHUDDERS IN DISTRESS]
[MUMBLING IN FRUSTRATION]
"BOYFRIEND?"
UH... ARE YOU TWO DATING?
OH, NO, NO, NO.
I MEAN, WE WERE.
WE USED TO BE, BUT IT'S, UH...
VERY OVER.
ALTHOUGH I'M NOT SURE
TAYLOR'S QUITE
COME TO TERMS
WITH THAT FACT.
UH, THERE'S SOMETHING
I WANTED TO SAY--
UM...
I WAS WONDERING
IF MAYBE YOU, UH...
YOU WANTED TO
HANG OUT SOMETIME.
UM... HANG OUT?
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, LIKE,
IF YOU WANTED TO.
I MEAN, IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
WE COULD JUST, UH...
DO SOMETHING CHILL.
I'M GONNA BE
AT THE PITSTOP DINER TONIGH IF YOU'RE FREE.
I COULD PICK YOU UP.
OH, NO.
I MEAN, SURE.
BUT, NO, 'CAUSE...
UM, I'LL JUST MEET YOU THERE.
[LAUGHING]
SO WE CAN HANG OUT...
AND DO SOMETHING CHILL.
OKAY.
[GASPING]
JACKSON KALE!
HE ASKED YOU OUT?!
[WHISPERING] SORRY.
HE ASKED YOU OUT?
WELL, I'M NOT REALLY SURE.
UM, HIS EXACT WORDS WERE
"HANG OUT."
IS THAT A DATE?
COULD GO EITHER WAY.
BRING IT IN, GUYS,
BRING IT IN.
[QUIETLY]
STAY SHARP, BOYS.
MIX IT UP.
GUYS, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS NET?
THERE'S SO MANY KNOTS.
IT'S SO
INTRICATE.
[GENTLY]
STAY SHARP, GUYS.
MIX IT UP.
PICK AND ROLL.
TIME OUT, TIME OUT.
SORRY, COACH? WHAT?
[SIGHING SADLY]
DO THAT.
[WINCING]
HERE YOU GO, LITTLE COMPETITOR.
THE TRIPP WANTS YOU
TO HAVE THAT.
BUT...
HE'S ON THE...
I'M PLAYING AGAINST YOU.
THE TRIPP REALIZES THAT,
BUT STILL WANTS YOU TO HAVE IT.
TRIPP...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
MAYBE IT'S
SOME KIND OF BREAKDOWN.
MAYBE FROM STRESS.
THE TRIPP IS WORRIED
ABOUT HIMSELF.
YOU ENJOY THAT.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
TO MY TEAM?
[QUIETLY] COME ON, GUYS,
GET IT TOGETHER.
[SIGHING IN FRUSTRATION]
SO...
YOU KNOW HOW IN THE MOVIES,
WHEN PEOPLE GET MAGIC POWERS,
AND IT ALL ENDS UP GOING WRONG?
LIKE YOU END UP
TURNING INTO A WEREWOLF,
OR TRAVELING BACK IN TIME,
AND STOPPING YOUR DAD
FROM MEETING YOUR MOM,
AND ACCIDENTALLY ERASING
YOURSELF FROM EXISTENCE?
DO YOU THINK
THAT MAYBE COULD HAPPEN TO US?
NO. NO...
I MEAN, WE JUST MADE
A FEW LITTLE...
IMPROVEMENTS...
TO OUR WORLD.
YEAH.
IT'S COMPLETELY
UNDER CONTROL.
GOOD JOB!
NICE PASS. GOOD JOB.
BESIDES,
IN THOSE MOVIES,
WHO WERE THE MAIN CHARACTERS
WHO MESSED EVERYTHING UP?
BOYS.
EXACTLY.
WELL, I WILL SAY ONE THING.
MY LIFE HAS DEFINITELY PIVOTED
TO THE MORE EXCELLEN SINCE YOU CAME TO THE SCHOOL.
[CHUCKLING FONDLY]
AH, SORRY, MAN,
CHECKMATE.
[GROANING]
WHAT? NO!
HEY.
YOU LOOK GREAT.
OH, THANKS.
SORRY, I DIDN'T MEAN
TO INTERRUPT.
NO, NO, IT'S ALL GOOD.
I WAS JUST KILLING TIME
TILL YOU SHOWED UP.
DO YOU WANT TO SIT?
THE CLUB MEETS HERE,
INSTEAD OF ON CAMPUS.
LESS LIKELIHOOD
OF MEATHEAD JOCKS
STICKING PAWNS
UP THEIR NOSES.
WHAT?
YOU LOOK SURPRISED.
NO, IT'S JUS THAT I PROBABLY
WOULD HAVE PUT YOU IN THE...
IN THE READING ALONE
IN THE PARK CLUB,
WITH A MEMBERSHIP
OF EXACTLY ONE.
YEAH, WELL,
I LIKE THE CHESS CLUB.
THEY'RE GOOD DUDES.
I FEEL AT HOME
WITH THEM, YOU KNOW?
IT'S ALSO FUN,
BECAUSE I CAN PRETTY MUCH
DELIVER A CHESS BEATDOWN
ON ANY ONE OF THEM.
[SCOFFS]
WHY DO ALL BOYS DO THAT?
EVERYTHING IS A SPORT.
IT'S LIKE
YOU HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE
COMPETITIVE WITH EACH OTHER
AS AN EXCUSE TO ENJOY
EACH OTHER'S COMPANY.
OH, UNLIKE GIRLS,
WHO PRETEND TO ENJOY
EACH OTHER'S COMPANY
AS AN EXCUSE TO BE
COMPETITIVE WITH EACH OTHER?
WHAT? NO, THAT IS...
WHAT?
THAT'S COMPLETELY...
OH, COME ON,
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?
DID I JUS RENDER YOU SPEECHLESS?
OKAY, I HAVE BEEN
SPEECHLESS BEFORE.
ONCE.
IN NINTH GRADE.
WHEN I HAD
MY WISDOM TEETH PULLED
AND IT PHYSICALLY HUR TO OPEN MY MOUTH.
[CHUCKLING]
SO...
WHAT TO ORDER?
DON'T WANT SOMETHING
TOO MESSY,
SO THE FIESTA SALAD
IS PROBABLY OUT...
YOU KNOW,
THE FIRST DATE CONUNDRUM.
NOT THAT THIS IS A DATE,
OFFICIALLY.
IT'S JUST US HANGING OUT.
[CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY]
APRES-CHESS.
KIND OF A DATE-OPTIONAL...
SORT OF DEAL...
WOW, THE OMELETTE LOOKS GOOD.
MAYBE WITH FRIES.
IT'S NOT TOO MESSY.
I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.
OKAY.
[CELL PHONE CHIMES]
HEY, ZOEY,
HOW'S YOUR DATE GOING?
I'M A MESS OUT THERE.
I HAVEN'T REALLY BEEN
ON VERY MANY DATES,
AND I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT I'M DOING.
AND I'M REALLY OVER-DRESSED.
WOW.
I HAVE NO IDEA EITHER.
I'VE NEVER BEEN
ON A DATE BEFORE.
BOYS JUST STARTED TALKING TO ME
FOR THE FIRST TIME YESTERDAY.
I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO GET A BOY TO LIKE YOU.
WHAT DO BOYS EVEN LIKE?
COMPETITION.
YEAH, THEY DO LIKE THAT.
I GOTTA GO.
HEY.
UH...
FLIRT WITH ME.
[PHONE CHIMES]
SORRY ABOUT THAT.
EXCUSE ME.
I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
HOW BEAUTIFUL YOU ARE.
REALLY? THANK YOU.
THAT IS VERY SWEET OF YOU.
THOSE EYES...
WAS YOUR DAD A THIEF?
BECAUSE HE MUST HAVE
STOLEN THE STARS
TO MAKE THOSE LITTLE GEMS.
WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
MY NAME IS ZOEY.
THAT IS THE MOS BEAUTIFUL NAME EVER.
ZOEY...
IT ROLLS OFF THE LIPS
LIKE... LIKE HONEY.
ARE YOU HERE
WITH THIS FINE LADY?
SHE'S MAGNIFICENT,
ISN'T SHE?
YEAH, SURE,
I'M HERE WITH THIS...
MAGNIFICENT, HONEY-LIKE GEM...
YOU KNOW, IF
HE DOESN'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT A CATCH YOU ARE,
PERHAPS YOU AND I...
NO, THANK YOU.
I THINK MY DATE GETS THE IDEA.
WOW.
GUYS, IT'S ONE EYEBROW.
IT'S THE...
NOT BOTH.
JUST THE ONE.
[CLEARING THROAT AWKWARDLY]
THAT WAS WEIRD,
WHAT HAPPENED
AT THE DINER.
I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT HAPPENED THERE.
NO IDEA.
HEY, WELL,
IT'S NOT YOUR FAUL BOYS FIND YOU
IRRESISTIBLE.
[CHUCKLES SHYLY]
UM, THIS IS ME.
OH, RIGHT.
THANKS...
FOR THAT.
I HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.
I DID TOO, SMARTPHONE.
[CLEARS THROAT AWKWARDLY]
I SHOULD GET GOING.
I'LL SEE YOU AT SCHOOL?
UH, YEAH.
SURE.
THANK YOU.
CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?
YOU HAVE MY UNDIVIDED ATTENTION.
I MEAN, REALLY.
IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO DIVIDE
MY ATTENTION.
LET'S SAY
YOU WENT OUT WITH SOMEONE...
OH, YOU HAD A DATE TONIGHT?
UH, I'M NOT REALLY SURE
YOU COULD CALL IT THAT.
THE GUY'S A LITTLE...
CONFUSING.
HMM.
WELL, IN MY LIMITED EXPERIENCES,
BOYS ARE CONFUSING
USUALLY WHEN
WE'RE CONFUSED OURSELVES.
USUALLY BY A GIRL.
OKAY, BUT I HAVE A RIGH TO BE CONFUSING.
A NEW HOUSE, A NEW SCHOOL,
ALL OF YOU GUYS.
IT'S ALL JUST,
IT'S VERY STRESSFUL.
HEY, WE'VE HAD TO ADJUS TO A NEW SISTER.
LOOK, BOYS ARE NO DIFFEREN FROM GIRLS.
AT THE END OF THE DAY,
WE'RE ALL STRESS-CASES
SOMETIMES.
YOU?
YOU REALLY THINK
THAT I DON'T WORRY?
I WORRY ALL THE TIME.
IT'S ALL I DO.
I WORRY ABOUT NO DISAPPOINTING THE TEAM,
NOT LETTING DOWN MY DAD,
NOT GETTING INTO COLLEGE.
I MEAN, SCOUTS ARE STARTING
TO WATCH ME NOW.
WHY DO YOU THINK
I'M ALWAYS
RUSHING AROUND
EVERYWHERE?
WELL, NOT THAT I'M REALLY
RUSHING AROUND MUCH ANYMORE.
LOOK, MY POINT IS,
THIS GUY?
MAYBE TRY AND RELAX
AND CUT HIM SOME SLACK, HUH?
BOYS CAN BE A PAIN,
BUT WE COME AROUND.
EVENTUALLY.
THANKS, ADAM.
GOOD NIGHT.
HEY, ZOEY.
HAVING A NEW SISTER
IS A BIG DEAL, BUT...
IT HASN'T BEEN ALL BAD.
I KNOW YOU'RE BACK THERE, DIRT.
BEING DIRTY.
HAVING A LITTLE DIRT PARTY.
BUT I'M COMING FOR YOU.
SAY HELLO TO MY LITTLE FRIEND,
MR. VACUUM.
[VACUUM WHIRRING]
HEY, RATATOUILLE TIME.
DUDE, HOW CAN I COOK
WHEN YOU ARE
ALWAYS CLEANING?
HOW CAN I CLEAN
IF YOU'RE ALWAYS COOKING?
[SIGHS]
[QUIETLY] HEY, ZOEY.
I...
HAVE SOMETHING FOR YOU.
YOU FIXED IT?
YEAH, IT LOOKED LIKE
IT NEEDED
A LITTLE T.L.C.,
SO A LITTLE EPOXY,
SOME SCREWS,
AND VOILA.
THE BOYS
ALL HELPED OUT.
ADAM HELD
THAT GLUE JOINT TOGETHER
FOR, LIKE, FIVE HOURS.
I MEAN, HE WAS FOCUSED.
IS IT OKAY?
IT'S AMAZING.
THANK YOU, TED.
[SIGHS HAPPILY]
A PLEASURE.
OH, HEY.
LISTEN, YOU'D BETTER
GET SOME SLEEP,
'CAUSE YOU'VE GO THAT BIG DANCE-OFF
AT THE GAME TOMORROW, SO...
[WINDS MUSIC BOX]
[]
MAYBE I MISJUDGED THESE GUYS.
MAYBE THEY'RE OKAY...
OR MAYBE THEY'RE JUST OKAY
BECAUSE I COMMANDED THEM
TO BE OKAY.
[SIGHING]
I DON'T KNOW, HUMPHREY.
MAYBE TOMORROW,
I COULD USE THE PHONE
TO DIAL IT BACK, AND...
GIVE THE GUYS
A SLIGHTLY LONGER LEASH.
[WHINING]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[GASPS] I'M LATE.
THERE ARE SO MANY INGREDIENTS
IN TOOTHPASTE.
"HYDRATED SILICA."
NOW, WHAT IS THAT?
HOW IS THAT DIFFEREN FROM REGULAR SILICA?
JUST HURRY UP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
I GOTTA MOVE!
WATCH OUT, ZOEY!
I GOTTA MOVE, GOTTA MOVE!
CAREFUL!
I JUST WAXED
THE STAIRS!
[CLATTERING AND CRASHING]
[THUDDING AND SMASHING]
[SIGHS]
I'M OKAY!
I'M GOOD!
I GOTTA RUN!
HEY, GOOD MORNING!
I'M BAKING SOME HIGH-OMEGA
FLAXSEED OAT BREAD
AND IT EXPANDED
MORE THAN I THOUGHT.
NO! I JUST CLEANED
THIS KITCHEN!
I GOT YOU!
OUT OF MY WAY!
I GOTTA RUN!
THINGS ARE GETTING
SERIOUSLY CRAZY.
THE VIDEOGAMERS
AND THE OGRES
ARE IN A YOGA-GROOMING
TURF WAR.
GET YOUR YOGA MATS
OUT OF HERE,
THIS IS
OUR BLEACHING STATION!
OH, YEAH, RACHEL,
I FEEL SO CLOSE TO YOU
RIGHT NOW.
[WHISPERING]
YOU'VE GOTTA FIX THIS.
UM, OKAY, UH...
STOP HUGGING RACHEL.
[PHONE CHIMES]
OKAY...
[GASPS]
COMING THROUGH!
THANK YOU! SORRY!
IF I DIDN'T BELIEVE IN
MINDFUL BENEVOLENCE,
MY CHAKRAS WOULD BE
IN A SERIOUS
KARMIC TIZZY RIGHT NOW.
AND IF I WASN'T WORRIED
ABOUT MESSING UP MY HAIR,
I'D OPEN UP
A SERIOUS CAN
OF HYDRATING
FACIAL MOISTURIZER
ON YOUR FACE!
[BOYS ARGUING]
I NEED ALL OF
YOU GUYS TO STOP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
[EERIE SILENCE]
OH, UH...
[GIRLS WHISPERING IN CONFUSION]
YEAH, THIS MIGH NOT BE BETTER.
YEAH...
UM...
GO AGAIN.
[PHONE CHIMES]
DID YOU FEEL THAT?
TOTALLY.
OUTTA MY WAY,
I GOTTA RUN!
OH, ADAM, SLOW DOWN!
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?
THIS IS SO NOT GOOD.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
THIS IS COMPLETELY
UNACCEPTABLE.
GUYS, COME ON.
GROUP HUG.
[SIGHING]
OH, BY THE WAY,
HAVE YOU TALKED TO
THE GUYS ON THE SQUAD?
"WE HEREBY OFFICIALLY...
RESIN?"
I TOLD YOU THERE WAS
A "G" IN "RESIGN."
WAIT, YOU GUYS ARE QUITTING?
I JUST DON'T THINK
DANCE IS MY JAM.
IT'S TOO MECHANICAL.
MY ARTISTIC VISION
HAS BEEN TOTALLY SQUASHED.
THIS IS WAY MORE INTENSE
THAN I EXPECTED.
FRANKLY, I'D RATHER
TAKE MY CHANCES
IN REGULAR P.E.
NO!
THE DANCE-OFF IS TODAY.
YOU GUYS CAN'T QUIT.
I DO NOT ACCEP YOUR RESIGNATIONS.
YOU MADE A COMMITMENT.
NOW, LET'S LINE UP!
[PHONE CHIMES]
FIVE, SIX,
SEVEN, EIGHT.
[]
SOMETHING'S OFF.
IT'S LIKE
THEIR FEET ARE INTO IT,
BUT THEIR HEARTS AREN'T.
YEAH, SOMETHING'S
A LITTLE FUNKY.
AND I DON'T MEAN
GOOD-FUNKY,
LIKE DISCO MUSIC.
I MEAN BAD-FUNKY,
LIKE...
OLD CREAM CHEESE.
THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT.
IF I WERE IN ANY WAY
YOUR FRIEND,
I'D SUGGEST YOU QUIT NOW,
BEFORE THESE WEIRDO
ROBOT-ZOMBIES
COMPLETELY HUMILIATE YOU,
BUT SINCE I'M NOT...
GOOD LUCK TONIGHT!
[GIGGLES]
SHE'S RIGHT.
YEAH, SHE IS.
POSITIONS!
[SIGHS] MAYBE WE SHOULD--
SHE'S GOT US BEAT.
[]
AND I REFUSE TO ACCEPT THAT.
COMPLETELY CONFUSE
YOUR LEFT FROM YOUR RIGHT.
[PHONE CHIMES]
REALLY?
DID YOU JUST--
WHAT ARE YOU DOING!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
NO, IT'S LEFT, THEN RIGHT!
NO, NO,
YOUR OTHER RIGHT!
RIGHT, THEN LEFT--
NO!
OW.
WHO LOOKS
RIDICULOUS NOW?
AT LEAST MY SQUAD CAN TELL
THEIR LEFT FROM THEIR RIGHT.
THEY'RE NOT A BUNCH OF FREAKS
BOUNCING AROUND LIKE...
WELL, A PACK OF DOGS,
BUT...
MAYBE THAT'S THE SQUAD
YOU BELONG ON.
OKAY, JACKSON, WAIT.
SORRY, SMARTPHONE,
I GOTTA GO.
WHAT HAPPENED IN THERE,
THAT WAS JUST--
THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS, OKAY?
I'VE GOT NOTHING TO SAY.
BUT SHE DESERVED IT.
SHE'S A TERRIBLE PERSON,
WE BOTH KNOW THAT.
I KNOW EXACTLY
WHAT KIND OF PERSON SHE IS.
WHAT I DON'T KNOW IS
THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE.
I MEAN, USUALLY,
YOU'RE PRETTY CHILL,
BUT YOU JUST TREATED THEM
EXACTLY HOW SHE DOES.
AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?
I MEAN, ONE SECOND,
YOU ARE NICE,
AND THEN YOU'RE ICE COLD.
REALLY?
YOU REALLY THINK
I'M THE CONFUSING ONE?
YEAH, I DO.
I FIND THAT SURPRISING.
YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS
CONSIDERED MYSELF
TO BE A PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD
AND HONEST KIND OF GUY.
THEN HOW COME
YOU CAN'T JUST BE HONEST?
ABOUT WHAT?
ABOUT HOW YOU FEEL!
HONESTLY,
I DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL.
WELL THEN,
JUST KISS ME.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[SMOOCHES]
UM...
THAT WAS...
I DON'T... KNOW WHY I DID THAT.
THAT...
THAT WASN'T THE WAY
I WANTED THAT TO GO.
I'M...
LOOK, I'M SORRY.
ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING.
YOU KNOW, IT'S ALL JUST...
OFF.
MAYBE WE SHOULD JUS GIVE EACH OTHER SOME SPACE.
FOR A WHILE.
MAYBE WE SHOULD
END PRACTICE FOR TODAY.
YEAH.
I'M OFFICIALLY OVER YOU.
I'M TURNING YOU OFF
UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE.
[GASPS]
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
APART FROM WISHING
YOU'D NEVER SHOWN YOUR FACE
AT THIS SCHOOL
IN THE FIRST PLACE?
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
[GIGGLES]
[DOORBELL RINGS]
RACHEL'S HERE!
SEE YOU
AT THE GAME!
[ZOEY]: LOOK, I'M AN IDIOT.
OKAY, I TOOK IT ALL
WAY TOO FAR,
AND I MADE A MESS
OUT OF EVERYTHING.
AND I'M SO SORRY.
BUT NOW
I AM OVER MY STATE
OF APP-CRAZED MEGALOMANIA.
THERE'S GOTTA BE A WAY
TO FIX THESE COMMANDS.
YOU KNOW, PUT THE WORLD
BACK THE WAY IT WAS.
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE.
EXCEPT FOR THAT LITTLE PAR WHERE WE TRIED TO REVERSE
THE COMMANDS
AND IT JUS MADE THEM WORSE, SO...
[SIGHING]
WE'VE GOTTA THINK.
THERE'S GOTTA BE SOME WAY
WE CAN SOLVE THIS.
OH, NO.
WHAT?
A COLLEGE SCOUT IS COMING
TO WATCH ADAM PLAY.
EXCEPT HE CAN'T PLAY.
THEY'RE GOING TO GET CREAMED
TONIGHT, THANKS TO ME.
THIS IS SERIOUS.
THIS IS
HIS WHOLE FUTURE!
WE GOTTA GO, COME ON.
WELCOME!
TO A NEW SEASON
OF HUSKIES BASKETBALL.
THE HUSKIES HAVE BEEN
STRUGGLING WITH PRACTICE
AND THERE'S
A COLLEGE SCOUT IN THE STANDS,
SO TONIGHT'S GAME
COULD BE A NAIL-BITER.
[QUIETLY] OKAY.
THE ONLY THING I CAN SAY IS,
HAVE FUN TONIGHT.
OKAY, HE SAID "HAVE FUN."
[TEAM]: OH!
HAVING FUN
ISN'T EXACTLY
GOING TO GET ME
INTO COLLEGE.
SORRY, LADIES, EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
[QUIETLY MUTTERING PLAYS]
GUYS, I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.
UH... NOW?
I MEAN, WE'VE GOT A GAME
IN SIX MINUTES, SO...
YOU TOO.
THIS IS A FAMILY ISSUE.
FAMILY?
YEAH.
ALL RIGHT, YOU GUYS,
GO WARM UP.
WHAT DID HE SAY?
HE SAID
"GO WARM UP!"
AMATEURS.
WHAT?
I KNOW IT SOUNDS CRAZY,
BUT I REALLY...
BABY, IT IS JUST LIKE YOU
TO TRY AND TAKE RESPONSIBILITY
FOR EVERYTHING,
BUT THIS IS JUS PREPOSTEROUS.
NO, MOM,
IT'S TRUE.
OKAY, THIS IS WHY
YOU'VE BEEN SO OVERLY-FOCUSED,
AND YOU'VE
BEEN QUIET,
AND YOU'VE BEEN SO CLEAN,
AND YOU'VE BEEN COOKING
EXOTIC HEALTHY CUISINE.
[EVERYONE ARGUING AT ONCE]
[ALL ARGUING IN PROTEST]
OKAY, GUYS, GUYS, GUYS, GUYS...
[SIGHS]
I AM SO, SO SORRY.
I GUESS, I JUST, I WASN' READY FOR MY NEW LIFE,
AND...
I BLAMED YOU GUYS
FOR EVERYTHING.
THE POINT IS,
I WANT TO TRY TO FIX THINGS,
I JUST DON'T KNOW HOW.
I NEED HELP.
OKAY.
WE CAN FIGURE THIS OUT.
OH! WHAT IF WE DOWNLOADED
ANOTHER APP?
YOU KNOW, SOMETHING THAT MAKES
EVERYTHING ORDERED AND RIGHT.
YEAH, LIKE ONE OF THOSE
ORGANIZER APPS.
EXACTLY.
AND THEN WE'LL GRAB THE PHONE,
DUNK IT IN WATER,
AND THEN ZAP IT.
AND THEN WE'LL
THROW IT IN THE MICROWAVE.
THERE'S ONE
IN THE TEACHERS' LOUNGE.
THEN WE'LL STICK I IN DOG FOOD!
SHOULDN'T IT BE HUMAN FOOD?
GUYS, COME ON,
THIS IS OBVIOUS.
WE OWN A DOG.
WHAT DO WE ALWAYS DO
TO MAKE HIM STOP
DOING SOMETHING?
"RELEASE!"
USE THE RELEASE COMMAND!
OF COURSE!
RELEASE! YES!
ZOEY. ZOEY!
YOU ARE NO CONTROLLING THE BOYS
WITH A MAGICAL SMARTPHONE APP!
YOU'RE JUST UPSET.
NO, MOM,
THIS IS REAL, OKAY?
I WILL SHOW YOU.
[UNZIPPING BAG] WATCH.
LET ME JUST GET MY PHONE.
IT'S, UM...
IT'S GONE.
UH, COACH? SIR?
SORRY TO BOTHER YOU,
BUT THE GAME IS STARTING SOON.
RIGHT.
UM...
I'VE GOTTA TRY
AND COACH MY TEAM.
LET'S GO.
YOU HAVE TO FIND
THAT PHONE.
[SIGHING]
WHERE IS IT?
THIS IS THE LAST PLACE
I KNEW I HAD IT.
AFTER THINGS GOT WEIRD
WITH JACKSON,
I CAME IN HERE,
AND I WASHED MY FACE, AND...
WAS ANYONE ELSE IN HERE?
OH, NO.
IT JUST LOOKS LIKE
A REGULAR PHONE.
[TESTILY] IT'S NOT.
THIS IS WHY
THAT LITTLE NOBODY
IS SO SUCCESSFUL.
ONE OF THESE APPS
CAN CONTROL BOYS, OKAY?
WOW.
YOU KNOW, THESE APPS
CAN DO ANYTHING.
I EVEN HAVE ONE
THAT DOES MATH.
THE CALCULATOR APP?
IT'S MAGICAL.
OKAY, I'M OFFICIALLY
INVOKING THE RULE
WHERE YOU CAN' TALK ANYMORE.
OKAY? OKAY.
[SIGHING]
[WHINING] SHE'S GOT,
LIKE, SIX MILLION APPS
ON THIS THING.
WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?
"LISTEN AND OBEY."
"PLAYS A SOUND
THAT MAKES YOUR COMMANDS
IRRESISTIBLE TO DOGS?"
HMM.
SHAKE.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[GASPS IN DELIGHT]
[]
I'M A SUPER BAD GIRL
SUPER, SUPER BAD GIRL
OKAY.
THEY ALWAYS TALKIN' SLICK
'CAUSE THEY KNOW
THAT I'M A SUPER BAD GIRL...
YOU GUYS...
ROBOT DANCE.
[PHONE CHIMES]
SUPER BAD GIRL
SUPER, SUPER BAD GIRL...
[LAUGHING]
AND YOU GUYS? KICK LINE.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[LAUGHTER]
I'M A SUPER BAD GIRL
SUPER, SUPER BAD GIRL...
TRIPP DOES NO LIKE THIS.
[LAUGHING]
WELL...
THINGS JUST GOT A LITTLE
STRANGE HERE, PRE-GAME.
THE TWO TEAMS APPEAR TO BE
STARTING SOME SORT OF
MUSICAL THEATER,
'80s FUNK-ROBOT DANCE-OFF.
ALL OF YOU!
BOW DOWN TO ME!
[PHONE CHIMES]
OH, THIS ISN'T GOOD.
WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?
UH, SIMPLE.
FIGURE OUT A WAY TO GE THE PHONE FROM TAYLOR
BEFORE SHE TURNS
THE ENTIRE MALE POPULATION
OF PLANET EARTH
INTO HER PERSONAL
SLAVE ARMY,
PLUNGING THE PLANE INTO DARKNESS
FOR ALL ETERNITY.
I THINK I KNOW A WAY
WE CAN GET HER TO STOP.
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
IS ONE OF THOSE
CRAZY FLASH MOBS?
I LOVE THIS APP!
ZOEY.
HI.
ARE YOU LOOKING FOR
THE LOST AND FOUND?
TAYLOR, YOU NEED TO STOP.
[TAYLOR, DRYLY]:
I DO?
[ZOEY]: YOU NEED
TO BELIEVE ME, OKAY?
THIS APP,
IT ISN'T GOING TO
SOLVE ANYTHING.
THE TRUTH IS,
FORCING BOYS
TO DO WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO,
IT DOESN'T MAKE LIFE ANY BETTER.
YOU'VE JUST GOT TO
LET THEM BE THEMSELVES
AND LEARN TO ACCEPT THEM ANYWAY.
WELL, THAT'S
A BEAUTIFUL SENTIMENT.
REALLY, YOU KNOW,
YOU SHOULD GO WORK FOR
A GREETING CARD COMPANY.
OKAY, LET ME THINK ABOUT THAT.
NOPE!
OKAY, LOOK,
I'M NO GOING TO STOP.
I MEAN,
YOU DIDN'T STOP, DID YOU?
DO YOU REALLY THINK
IT'S A COINCIDENCE
THE COOLEST GUY
IN SCHOOL,
WHO COULD HAVE ANYONE,
EVEN ME--
JUST SAYING--
WOULD CHOSE HER?
NO!
JACKSON, I NEVER USED
THE APP ON YOU.
EXCEPT TO MAKE YOU KISS ME,
AND I'M SORRY.
AND NOW YOU JUST WANT ME
TO GIVE IT UP?
AFTER YOU SO TOTALLY
MESSED WITH MY WORLD?
MAYBE...
I SHOULD MESS WITH YOUR WORLD
A LITTLE.
WHY DON'T YOU
SCOOCH AROUND ON THE GROUND
LIKE A DOG, COACH?
[PHONE CHIMES]
AND YOU...
HMM...
HOWL.
[PHONE CHIMES]
[HOWLING]
AND, UH, AND YOU...
OKAY, TAYLOR, STOP.
DON'T HURT MY FAMILY.
THEY DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
JUST PLEASE DON' USE THE PHONE ON THEM.
USE IT ON ME.
YEAH, BUT IT DOESN'T WORK
ON GIRLS.
I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU WANT,
JUST... SAY THE COMMAND.
BEG.
HMM...
PANT!
[PANTING, DOG-LIKE]
[LAUGHTER]
SIT!
SHAKE.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHS]
ROLL OVER!
[MAGICAL RIPPING WHOOSH]
HOW DID YOU...?
I'M YOUR BROTHER.
WE STICK TOGETHER.
[WHOOSH]
[WHOOSHING]
[]
NO!
OKAY, STOP!
[PANTING]
YOU'RE RUINING
EVERYTHING!
GET BACK!
[PHONE CHIMES,
ALL PANTING PLAYFULLY]
GET AWAY FROM HER!
[PHONE CHIMES]
WHY ISN'T THIS WORKING?
BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS,
YOU CAN NEVER MAKE A DOG
TURN AGAINST ITS OWN PACK.
[CHUCKLING]
OH, AND BY THE WAY,
THAT MASCOT RIGHT THERE,
THAT'S NOT A BOY.
BOOM.
[GASPS]
[]
NO!
RELEASE!
[PHONE CHIMES]
[ENERGY DEFLATING]
[SHOCKED SILENCE]
[FEEDBACK WHINES]
SORRY.
I'M NOT REALLY SURE
WHAT JUST HAPPENED...
BUT I'M PRETTY SURE
IT'S GONNA MAKE
EVEN LESS SENSE TOMORROW.
UH... AND THE FINAL
PRE-GAME SECONDS
HAVE TICKED DOWN!
IT'S GAME TIME!
LET'S CHEER OUR PLAYERS
ONTO THE COUR AND START ANOTHER SEASON
OF HUSKIES BASKETBALL!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
I CAN'T BELIEVE WE DID IT.
SO, I THINK THIS IS HOW
I'M GONNA REMEMBER HIGH SCHOOL,
HAVING MY LIFE RUINED
BY THE NEW GIRL
AND HER MAGICAL
BRAINWASHING SMARTPHONE.
WHATEVER.
USE IT.
WIN THE DANCE OFF.
BE QUEEN OF THE SCHOOL.
HAVE EVERY BOY IN THE WORLD
DO EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT.
WE BOTH KNOW
YOU'RE NOTHING
WITHOUT THAT PHONE.
YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
LET'S FIND OUT.
[CRUNCHING]
YOU REALLY JUST DESTROYED IT?
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE
THAN WHAT'S ON A PHONE.
THE HUSKIES
ARE DOMINATING TONIGHT!
[SHOUTING ENCOURAGEMENTS]
THAT'S IT, THAT'S IT!
YEAH!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
AND ANOTHER SCORE
FOR ADAM THOMPSON!
THAT'S MY BOY!
THAT'S MY BOY!
LET ME MAKE SURE
I'VE GOT THIS STRAIGHT.
I WAS COMPLETELY HYPNOTIZED
BY A CRAZY APP.
I'M-I'M SORRY.
LOOK...
I DID A LOT OF STUPID THINGS
FOR A LOT OF
REALLY STUPID REASONS,
BUT THE TRUTH IS,
THAT KISS?
I MADE YOU DO IT 'CAUSE, WELL...
I LIKE YOU.
WELL...
WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
BECAUSE I LIKE YOU, TOO,
SMARTPHONE.
SO...
YOU WANT TO
HANG OUT SOMETIME?
[CHUCKLING]
NO.
I WANT TO DO IT RIGH THIS TIME.
I WANT TO GO
ON A REAL DATE WITH YOU.
I HATE TO BREAK UP
THE HAPPY ENDING,
BUT IT'S SHOWTIME, SO...
GO GET 'EM.
[WHISPERS]: AWESOME SAUCE.
SHE'S MY BEST FRIEND,
SO YOU BETTER BE GOOD TO HER,
BECAUSE IF YOU MESS WITH HER,
YOU MESS WITH ME,
AND YOU DON'T WANNA--
OKAY, HAVE FUN.
HAVE A GOOD
DATING LIFE.
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
IT'S DANCE-OFF TIME!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
LET'S GIVE IT UP
FOR THE WESTLAKE HIGH
VARSITY DANCE SQUAD!
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[]
OKAY, GUYS,
JUST GO OUT THERE
AND DO YOUR THING.
DANCE WITH YOUR HEARTS
AND NOT YOUR FEET.
HAVE FUN.
DO YOUR MAORI...
HAKA.
JUST...
GO OUT THERE AND BE BOYS, OKAY?
COME ON, BRING IT IN.
[]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[CROWD SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
[CROWD CHEERING AND SCREAMING]
[SNAPPING FINGERS]
THAT WAS OUTSTANDING.
IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH TO BEAT.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GIVE IT UP
FOR THE WESTLAKE HIGH
JUNIOR VARSITY DANCE SQUAD!
[CHEERING AND WHISTLING]
ALL RIGHT!
YOU GOT THIS.
[STOMPING]
[CROWD WHISTLING]
[STOMPING AND CLAPPING]
[CROWD WHOOPING AND CHEERING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[MUSIC STARTS]
[]
[SONG ENDS]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[CROWD SCREAMING]
[CROWD SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
WE HAVE A CLEAR WINNER!
WESTLAKE HIGH
HAS A NEW DANCE SQUAD,
REPRESENTING THIS SCHOOL
AT THIS YEAR'S
STATE DANCE COMPETITION!
[SCREAMING AND CHEERING]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
[]
SHE'S TAKING FOREVER!
ZOEY, COME ON!
HEY, NO NEED TO SHOU THERE, BIG GUY.
YEAH, WE'RE IN
NO HURRY.
GIRLS SOMETIMES NEED
A LITTLE MORE TIME TO GET READY.
EXCUSE ME, DID I
JUST HEAR SOMETHING
ABOUT GIRLS
MOVING TOO SLOWLY?
EAT MY DUST!
[LAUGHING]
[]
[]