Zombie Repellent (2025) Movie Script
1
(film rolling)
(dramatic music)
- So the plan was to sneak
off and get married in Vegas,
but the whole thing was ruined by zombies.
Yeah, fricking zombies.
(Chad imitates karate sounds)
Thank you.
- Can you come in with me next time?
- Why?
- Because the dude in line
behind me is hitting him on me.
Why do I always get
hit on at gas stations?
- Honey, you're irresistible.
- There he is.
- What?
- Who the hell is Jasmine?
- Jasmine?
- Can't wait to see you again.
When are you going to invite
me over to your place?
- Don't, you don't need to read me that.
Don't.
- I can't wait to spend
the whole weekend with you.
- Hey, hey, it's just a girl from work.
It's-
- Nobody from work sends me nudes.
- Mm.
- Good.
- Dude needs a better
phone password, I guess.
(upbeat music)
- How much longer are we gonna do this?
Okay, I get it, back roads
are the heart of America,
but how much corn do we need to see?
- Liz, this is the road less traveled.
All right, we're gonna
make it to Vegas on time,
but if we just took the main highway,
how memorable would that be?
(gentle music)
- After eight years of therapy
this should be nothing,
but it's our wedding.
- I love you.
- Don't.
- I l-love you.
(Liz laughs)
(upbeat music)
- Oh, come on, gravel?
- This is gonna shave
an hour off the trip.
(gentle music)
Huh?
- I got it.
We're getting married tomorrow.
- Yeah, we are.
- And we're cutting it pretty close.
- You know this is gonna
make a great story one day.
(car sputtering)
Huh.
(birds chirping)
That's not good.
Where you going?
Liz, it's a minor delay.
Baby, you need to relax.
Hey.
Baby, it's my job to
make you happy, right?
So anyway, from this moment on,
for the rest of our lives,
whether it's this route or that route,
it's your call, okay?
Tell you what, just to
show you that I can change,
you get to decide where
we eat for the whole trip.
Yeah?
You good?
Alright.
- Hey Chad?
- Yeah?
- Where's the car?
- Huh.
(Liz groans)
(gentle music)
Babe.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- [Chad] You just gotta look
on the bright side, all right?
- [Liz] What is the bright side
of my wedding dress being stolen?
- [Chad] I'm sure it was
just a big misunderstanding.
These things always have a way
of working themselves out.
- [Liz] I don't wanna talk about it.
(gentle music)
- You guys need a ride?
- Um, no, we're good.
- Our car was stolen.
- Around here?
Not likely.
Where'd you leave it?
- Uh, over by the gravel
road down that way.
- And it just vanished?
Well if it was just sitting around here
Buck probably came out and hitched it up.
Hop in and I'll take you to it.
- That's okay.
If you can just point us
in the right direction
we can walk.
What are you doing?
- You can walk.
- Liz.
- You can hop in the back,
and keep Suzy company.
- Well, I mean why, why can't I
ride up front with you guys?
- To give my elbows room.
- In the back.
(engine revs)
- Hey, there's no handle.
- Hop over.
(gentle music)
(Chad thuds)
(gentle music)
- Help yourself.
- Oh, no thanks, I'm trying to quit.
- I know the struggle.
I've been trying to quit
pretty ladies. (laughs)
What are you two doing way you out here?
- My fiance wanted to
take the scenic route.
- Well, plenty of that around here.
Where are you heading?
- Vegas, uh, we're eloping.
- What?
Pretty gal like you?
You deserve a proper wedding.
Like a fancy one with 400 pound pig
roasting over an open pit
and moonshine,
and a band with banjo and mandolin.
- Gotta have the banjo.
- Don't let him get by with anything less.
You don't wanna go marrying a guy
who won't put you number one.
- Well, actually the Vegas
thing was kind of my idea.
- Well ain't you an easygoing sorta gal?
- Suzy?
(Suzy growls)
(dramatic music)
- Tommy.
Tommy will take care of you,
she's the best mechanic in the area.
- What's up, Clem?
Breaking hearts as usual?
- You know it.
Found these two up off of 51.
- That's my car.
- Don't cream your jeans
sweetheart, it's an Nissan.
- We'll see you Missy.
Good luck.
- Thank you.
- Uh, Liz.
All of our stuff is gone.
- What about my phone?
- Everything.
- Relax, Princess, the sheriff has it.
- Why?
- So nothing goes missing,
and it gives him a chance to
go through all your stuff,
make sure you're not up to no good.
- He can't do that.
- I'll let you be the
one to tell him that.
And you, you degenerate,
your battery's dead as a doornail, boss.
- Oh, that it?
- Nope.
- Do you have a phone I can use?
- Inside.
(phone ringing)
- [Operator] Devil Hill Switchboard,
how may I direct your call?
- Um, I'm at the garage,
and Tommy said I could use the phone.
- [Operator] No problem,
who would you like to be connected with?
- New York, the number is-
- [Operator] Sorry honey,
this switchboard can only
connect you with people in our town.
- Okay.
How do I call outside the town?
- [Operator] You can't.
Thank you for calling.
(dial tone)
(phone shakes)
(Liz groans)
- So now I'm not allowed
within 100 feet of an Aquarium.
- [Tommy] Oh.
- The phone only works
for people in this town.
- I could have told you that.
- Where's the sheriff's office?
- Go to the end of my
building, turn left, look up,
you'll see it.
- Good, I'll use my own phone.
- Not in this town.
- Why not?
- The council has a no tech policy.
No cell phones, computers.
- That's a bit extreme.
- It's the way we like it.
- Can you fix the car?
- Easy.
- [Liz] Good.
- Should be ready by tomorrow afternoon.
- We can't stay here.
- [Tommy] That's true, no motels.
- Huh.
- You could try Mrs. Powell's,
up on first and Devil's Hill.
She takes in strays once in a while.
- Strays.
- Liz.
She gets a little upset sometimes.
Be ready in the morning?
- Late afternoon.
- Okay.
Thanks.
Babe, where are you going?
- I'm going to get my
phone, my dress and go home.
- Don't you think you're overreacting?
Just, just like a little bit.
- I'm not overreacting.
The whole point of this trip
was so that we didn't have to deal with
the stress of a big wedding,
and this has been nothing but stressful.
- Perfect.
- What is it?
Be back tomorrow at nine a.m.
Huh.
- Chadwick Alan Weber, fix this.
- Babe.
Babe.
(dramatic music)
It seems nice.
(dramatic music)
- Right.
(dramatic music)
- We've been expecting you.
- Oh, they must have called
you, and told you about our car.
Yeah, Tommy said...
(cane bangs)
- I will allow you to stay one night,
providing you follow the house rules.
- Sure.
- Enter.
(door bangs)
It's a drafty house.
If you're not married,
you'll stay in separate rooms.
- Oh, well we're actually engaged.
(cane bangs)
- Separate rooms.
- That's fine.
- Dinner will be served
at seven p.m. sharp.
Lights out at 10 p.m.,
and I need your rooms
returned like you found them
at nine a.m.
- How much do we owe you?
- I will not accept
money for my hospitality.
- It's really no big deal.
(cane bangs)
- No.
My daughter Ellie Mae will
show you to your rooms.
(cane bangs)
(upbeat music)
- I'm in the twilight zone.
- Hi, I'm Ellie Mae,
you can call me Ellie.
- Hi Ellie.
What?
- I'm Liz,
and this is my fiance Chad.
- We don't get many visitors around here,
at least none that stay very long.
Come on up.
(upbeat music)
- What?
- In there?
- No hun, you're in there.
There's towels on the bed
if you wanna freshen up.
- Thanks.
- You'll be in there.
And in case you're wondering,
my room's right above yours.
See you at dinner.
- What?
Liz.
(dramatic music)
(gentle music)
- Would you like to give
thanks before we eat?
- Uh, no thanks, you can go ahead.
- I think Chad would
love to, wouldn't you?
- Oh, okay.
Um, hmm.
Uh, oh my God.
Please bless this meal,
and give us the strength
to say no to the devil.
And please stop
Satan from corrupting our minds.
Let us all ask what would Jesus do
if he was here at this table with us.
Just let us all make good choices,
and get home safe.
(Chad groans)
Amen.
(crickets chirping)
(person groaning)
(crickets chirping)
- Squirrels in the basement.
- Squirrels.
- Squirrels.
- Please help yourself.
- Oh, um, that looks really delicious,
um, but I'm actually a vegetarian.
- How disappointing.
- More for us.
(dramatic music)
- Liz?
Liz?
Where'd you get pajamas?
- They were just on my bed.
- I didn't get pajamas.
What?
- I think we should leave.
- I can't understand you.
- Come here.
- What?
- I think we should leave.
- And go where?
Baby, I know it's creepy,
but let's just spend the night here,
and then first thing in
the morning we'll leave.
- Something's not right here.
Nothing's right here.
- Look, I'm one door down, okay?
Nothing's gonna happen,
you trust me, right?
Come on, you trust me.
Look at my face.
- Stop it.
- Okay.
- I trust you will honor the house rules
until tomorrow.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Yeah.
I mean, oh, I,
I wasn't trying to sneak around
to have sex or anything.
We've had plenty of of
sex inside, outside.
We've done it in a plane,
but, but we got caught,
and so I, I just wouldn't
even try that here.
I mean, she's pretty tired
of all the sexing from earlier.
So I think we're just gonna
be doing some sleeping, right?
Yeah, so no sexing just sleeping.
If anything, I'll be flying solo tonight.
- Stop talking.
- I'm gonna stop talking now.
- Good night.
- Good night.
(dramatic music)
(crickets chirping)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- Oh my God, are you naked?
You know just how I like it.
- I don't know how you like it.
- What are you doing in here?
- I could ask you the same thing,
it's against house rules,
mother's not gonna be very happy.
- Well what did you do with Liz?
- Nothing, she was already gone.
- Shit.
Where'd she go?
- She went out the front door.
I don't think she wanted
to stay here tonight.
- Well, where, where is she?
Where would she have gone?
- There's only a few places
in town that are even open,
we could go look.
- Okay.
Meet me downstairs in 10 minutes,
and put some clothes on, I'm engaged.
(dramatic music)
(saw sawing)
(dramatic music)
- Ma'am.
It looks like we got a peeping Betty
caught in the act out at the Powell Place.
- No, no, I, I'm staying
here, up, up there.
I, I came down 'cause I heard something.
- You heard, you heard a noise?
What did it sound like?
- What?
- The sound that you heard,
what did it sound like?
- It, it was just a sound.
- Was it like a (imitates chewing)
help me (imitates chewing) sound?
- Um, no, it, it was a, a dragging sound.
It was Mrs. Powell.
- Cancel that peeping Betty.
- Copy that, Sheriff.
- [Sheriff] I think you
better come with me.
- What?
I didn't do anything.
- No, you're not in any trouble,
I just thought you might like your phones
and that pretty wedding dress back.
- Oh, great, I'll get my fiance.
- You know, on second thought,
I don't have a lot of time,
why don't you come to
the station tomorrow,
and I'll give 'em to you around 4:00.
- But the sign on your door
said you'd be in early.
- I was, but I got crazy
Carl in the backseat,
and I gotta get him to
the county jail tonight.
- Can I go like this?
- Well sure.
It'll only take about 15 minutes.
- Okay.
Let's go.
(dramatic music)
- Ellie?
Ellie Mae?
(dramatic music)
(Chad screams)
- You sure are jumpy.
What's the plan?
- We'll walk into town,
and ask if anybody's seen her.
- Walk?
- I don't drive.
- None of the town people seem to like me.
- They don't like any strangers,
but you're with me,
nothing's gonna happen.
- That's crazy Carl.
- Hi.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- Carl makes the best
moonshine in the whole state.
- Is it legal to make moonshine here?
- (laughs) Nope.
- Hell no.
- Oh, is that why you're going to jail?
- Well Carl made the mistake
of sleeping with the mayor's wife.
- No crime in that.
- But when the judge found out
that he was sleeping with his wife too
he threw the book at him.
- Literally.
Almost took out my eye.
- Well, that's what you get
for sleeping around, Carl.
- Maybe try getting a girlfriend?
- Old Carl's not the boyfriend type.
(dramatic music)
- You like fried pickles?
- Um, I don't know if I've
ever had fried pickles.
- (gasps) Shut up.
Vinegar pie?
- No.
- Chitlins.
Goat stew?
Slug burger?
- I think you're making these up, man.
- I think you're from Mars.
So, how'd you meet your girlfriend?
- I was visiting Los Angeles,
looking at post-grad schools,
and he was assigned to
give me the campus tour.
- Love at for sight.
- Hardly.
He was unfocused and
completely scattered brained.
He didn't say one thing
that was substantial.
And then at the end of the day
he looks at me and says
"Liz, you're very wound up,
"and, and you're too serious."
- He did not.
- The nerve.
- Oh, and then he asked me
if I wanted to go watch
the sunset with him.
- The nerve.
- How presumptuous.
- Right?
- A little bit of that Chad swagger,
she finally agreed.
- You charmer.
- Well Liz is like this little
tightly wound ball of perfection,
but all of your best qualities are sort of
her little imperfections.
- Aw, maybe you're a romantic.
- He's a romantic.
- You know what he got me
for our first anniversary?
- A spa package with
scented oils included?
- A diamond ring.
- Tennis shoes and a t-shirt.
I didn't own neither.
(dramatic music)
- Liz, I'm gonna run
in and grab your stuff.
Carl, you be nice, she's spoken for her.
- Liz, you're a lucky girl.
- Thanks, Carl.
- Any chance you can help
me get outta these cuffs?
The keys are on the key chain.
- That's not gonna happen.
(singer singing)
- Hi Sarah, can I get three grave makers?
- [Sarah] You got it Ellie.
(indistinct) honky tonk
- Huh.
(crickets chirping)
- What's taking so long?
- Maybe he had a drop a deuce.
(sheriff growls)
(dramatic music)
(sheriff growls)
- Oh shit, they got him.
Liz, don't leave me, please.
(dramatic music)
Run.
Run.
(dramatic music)
Run.
- Thanks Sarah.
- You like dancing?
- [Tommy] We love dancing.
- Every Thursday they
clear out the tables,
and it's a big dance floor.
- With a disco ball.
- Disco ball.
- Drink up city boy.
- I'm trying to find Liz.
- Mm, that's right.
Liz disappeared.
- That girl is wound so
tight, might have imploded.
- Look, you guys don't know Liz like I do.
- He's a romantic.
- Have you seen her?
- I love this song, let's dance.
- Now?
- She was asking me.
Gentle words I'll say to you
Wishing
- Hi.
- You shouldn't be here, it's not safe.
This whole place is cursed.
- What?
- Get out while you can.
They'll come for you.
They'll come for you.
- Who?
W-w-what is this?
Is it a secret?
(Larry coughing)
(Larry groaning)
Dude, what are you on?
- Come on Larry, let's
not scare the customers.
I told you that your love
- Don't listen to him,
he wears aluminum foil over his underwear.
- What?
- He said a UFO took
him when he was little,
and when they brought him
back he was clairvoyant.
But I don't know why a clairvoyant
would come here every night and get drunk.
- I need to find Liz.
- Hold up.
Hold up.
(dramatic music)
Okay.
I can't believe they got the sheriff.
- What the hell is going on?
- They got him.
They got him.
- Who?
- Zombies, the fucking zombies, Liz.
- No.
No, maybe he just got burned.
- This is bad.
If there's one, there's more,
and they'll be coming for us.
- Zombies aren't real.
- Why, because you never saw one?
Liz, help me get outta these cuffs.
- How?
- Come here, come here.
Spit on my arm and my wrists.
- Ew, no.
- We don't have time, Liz.
Spit, lubrication.
I can't protect you with these on, spit.
Okay.
- Oh God.
- Ow.
(Carl gags)
- What?
- Nothing.
I got a gag reflex to spit.
Just keep on, go, go, go, go.
(Carl gags)
(Liz gags)
Again.
(Liz spits)
A few more.
(Liz spits)
(Larry gags)
Almost there.
(Liz spits)
(Liz gags)
- So gross.
(dramatic music)
- Run.
- It'd be cute if they
had those little umbrellas
for the drinks, you think?
- Okay, look, this has been,
this has been a really good time.
I need to find my fiance.
- I haven't seen her.
If she left the house
and just started walking,
she could be anywhere.
Did you check down by the river?
- That's a great idea,
I didn't think of that.
- What's down by the river?
- The river, silly.
- Okay, well why would
someone go down to the river?
- It's the closest lit
up thing to the house,
looks like you're walking
towards something.
- But when you get there,
it's just a bunch of big
empty buildings with lots.
- Okay, so let's go.
- Bye cutie.
- My car's gonna be ready tomorrow, right?
- Might be ready sooner than I thought.
- Thank you.
- Will you please tell me what's going on?
- I've got a plan,
we'll wait for the barge,
we'll swim out,
and we'll ride it down
a few hundred miles.
- What?
No, I need to find Chad.
And what happened to the sheriff?
- I told you he's a zombie.
There must have been one
hiding in the police station.
- Everyone in this town is crazy.
- I don't think that's
a very fair statement,
you've only met a few of us.
- I'm being unfair?
- Nah, you're right,
just hard to hear sometimes.
- Look, either you tell
me what's going on,
or I'm out of here.
- Where are you gonna go?
- Down there.
- Not a great idea.
- Okay, well down towards those towers.
- Good luck with that,
they'll find you down there.
- Who?
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure, you're my new best friend.
- Okay.
Um, why no cell phones
and wifi and normal stuff?
- Just how it's always
been, it's our normal.
- Have you ever left this place?
- Sure I have.
There's a big carnival I go to every year
out on Highway 67.
They got a big old gator,
and this man, he always puts
his head in the Gator's mouth,
but then I heard that
the gator bit his head,
and squished it like a melon.
It's really sad, 'cause
that was my favorite part.
Not, not the head squishing part, but...
- Is that the farthest you've gone?
- Who wants to travel
when you live in paradise?
That's what mama always says.
- I shouldn't be telling you this,
you have to promise not to
say anything to anyone ever.
- Who am I gonna tell?
- Yeah, you're right.
They started mining back in 1850,
all up and down the river.
The town was booming
and money was flowing,
and then people got greedy.
In 1906, one mining group
hit a very toxic substance
that was oozing out of the rock,
and almost instantly the
miners started dying.
At least that's what they thought.
The boss saw something
happen to the miners,
and instantly made a split decision
to blow the only exit out.
- With the miners still inside?
- When they told the public
that the minors were killed,
the town was angry,
and they were also scared
about what was oozing out of the rock.
- Can you just tell me what
happened to the sheriff?
- You young people are so impatient,
I'm getting to it.
- Okay, sorry.
- What nobody knew was they didn't die,
and they would never die.
They became the undead,
and no one would have ever known,
but in 1972 a rich developer
from New York came here,
and he wanted to build a gambling resort
right here on the river.
- They went into the mine?
- When they broke through,
several construction workers
were attacked by the undead.
- How come no one knows about this?
- The developer had the mine sealed,
and demolished What work
had been done and left.
And the town, they acted
like it never happened.
- So if the mine was patched up,
then how did the sheriff turn?
- Every now and then a few
will find their way out.
- And you just live like
this, like it's normal?
- It is normal to us.
- Look, you can't pretend like
you weren't waiting for me naked.
- I wasn't waiting for you.
- Are you talking about Liz?
You're a lesbian.
- Whoa, easy with the labels, cowboy.
I like boys, I just prefer kissing girls.
- Okay.
- It's like hot dogs and ice cream.
- What?
- Okay, kissing a girl like ice cream,
it's soft and sweet,
and each pair of lips is
like a different flavor
of creamy awesomeness.
But sometimes you just
feel like a hot dog.
(dramatic music)
Excuse me.
And I wasn't flirting with you at dinner,
I was amusing myself, big difference.
- Wait.
- Okay, I need you to do me a favor.
You see that rope hanging down?
- Yeah.
- Yep.
All right, I need you to
stand on my shoulders,
reach it and pull it down.
- What is it?
- Emergency supplies for
a night like tonight.
You ready?
- I guess.
- Okay.
All right.
Ready?
Okay, I'm ready.
You go.
- How? Just...
- Just throw a leg over.
Yep, watch the...
Okay, yep, go.
- I don't know-
- You can do it.
- I can't.
- Oh God.
Come on, you got it.
You got.
- I don't got it.
- Liz, you got it.
- I can't. I don't know.
- Ah, Liz.
Okay.
Here, I got something.
All right, if you stand on that,
then climb on my shoulders,
then reach the rope,
and then pull it down.
You got it?
Alright, here we go.
All right, get on.
Ready?
- You know-
- Ready?
Yep.
- If you stand on it,
you can just reach it.
- Oh, okay.
All right.
Spot me.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
What do we got?
- What's in there?
- Well,
Zombie repellent, never
leave home without it.
- You did.
- I was in handcuffs.
All right, what else we got in here?
Oh, yes, moonshine.
- And how's that gonna help?
- Have you ever had moonshine?
- No, I'm not a good drinker.
- Little bit of this,
and all your troubles melt away.
All right.
What else we got in here?
I thought I had more,
but guess that's it.
- Great.
- Look, there's just no
such thing as zombies.
- If you don't believe what you
saw with your own lying eyes
I don't know what to tell you.
- Alright, so hypothetical,
let's say there are zombies,
how many are there?
- Could be hundreds.
They escape from the
mines every now and then.
She's not here.
Maybe she hitched a ride outta town.
- No, Liz wouldn't just leave me here.
- Maybe you don't know her
as well as you think you do.
- I know everything about Liz, okay?
- Any man that says they know everything
about a girlfriend probably doesn't.
- How do you know?
- Because, men are on
a need to know basis.
- That may be you, but
that's not everybody.
- Everybody.
When you find her, ask.
- I will.
- But don't go asking questions
you don't wanna know the answer to.
- All right.
You don't want me to ask,
that's what it is.
- You've been warned.
- All right, well prepared to be wronged.
What?
No reply to that, Ellie Mae?
- I know where she might be.
- Where?
- Come on.
- So what's the plan?
We're just gonna wait here?
- I am.
It's two places we go
when zombies are on the loose,
the river because
zombies don't like water,
and the old church.
- Because zombies don't like church?
- Mm, they don't like our church.
- I have to get back to the house.
- I'm not leaving until the sun rises,
we don't know how many have escaped.
- So we're just gonna wait here?
- Listen, sweet pea,
I've been running from
zombies before you were born,
and if there's one thing I know is that-
(Liz gasps)
- Oh my God.
(Liz gasps)
Oh my God.
(dramatic music)
Jesus Christ.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music)
(Liz cries)
- Die you zombie bitch.
(dramatic music)
Looks like I got here just in time.
Is that Carl?
Maybe I could have got
here a little sooner.
Come on, your boyfriend's looking for you.
- So this stuff really works?
- Not for you.
- It was empty.
Chad's gonna flip when he finds out
what I was doing tonight.
- He's searching for you right now.
- He knows I'm gone?
- He's been out with Ellie
Mae all night looking for you.
- Oh.
- I know that look.
Ellie Mae's not a threat.
- She's pretty,
and I'm sure a lot of fun.
- That's true,
but Chad's not her type.
He doesn't seem like your type either.
- Everybody says that,
but we just work together
like yin and yang.
- I bet he fills all your holes.
- What?
- Oh, not like that.
It's a saying.
You know, if someone
fills your shortcomings
and you fill theirs,
you make each other better.
- He fills my holes.
- You didn't say where we were going.
- How'd you know Liz was
the one you wanted to marry?
I had this boyfriend once
I was so in love with,
I knew he was the one I was gonna marry
and have seven babies with.
- Seven?
- I mean, my Aunt Suzy had eight,
and it ruined her body,
so seven's my limit.
Anyway, every night he would drop me off,
and I would run upstairs
and start planning our wedding.
Every detail of it.
My dress, the guest list,
were we were gonna go on our honeymoon.
It would've been perfect.
- What happened?
- He was walking home drunk
one night on the tracks,
and got hit by a train.
- That's horrible.
- I thought so too at first,
and then I found out he was walking home
from having sex with Jessica Pinner.
Well, he got what he deserved.
Zombie to you, right.
(Chad yells)
Turn it around, turn it around.
(dramatic music)
Took you long enough.
We're going to church.
- What?
- [Ellie Mae] You asked
where we were going, come on.
(footsteps thud)
- [Liz] Jesus.
- You religious?
(hand bangs)
What's in the bag?
- Oh, it's Carl's emergency supplies.
It's an empty can of zombie repellent,
and some of his moonshine.
- Really?
Carl wasn't good for much
but sleeping with other people's wives,
and making killer moonshine.
Woo, that's what I'm talking about.
Go on, it'll put some hair on your chest.
- Oh, wow.
- Woo.
One more?
- I'm gonna regret this.
- Moonshine regret's a whole
different kind of regret,
that's why we keep drinking it.
(gentle music)
- Oh.
Ugh.
(gentle music)
I may have underestimated you, Princess.
- Be a real shame if a
zombie showed up right now.
- [Chad] Stop.
I'm trying to pee in peace.
- So what do you do for money?
- I'm opening a restaurant.
- Oh, we have one of those here,
it's called The Country Kitchen.
It was called Jim's Country Kitchen,
but then Jim murdered
somebody and went to jail
so they took his name out.
- Mine's a, a tiki bar.
- What's that?
- It's like a Hawaiian
Polynesian themed bar.
Good music and fun decorations.
It's classic escapism.
- That sounds fun.
- Yeah.
Liz isn't too thrilled about it though,
but she doesn't drink much.
- I never used to be a big drinker either,
and then I started doing a lot,
now I really like it.
- No, Liz, she takes more than one sip
and she gets really emotional,
then she throws up.
(Liz throwing up)
(gentle music)
- I can't, I don't know
if I can marry Chad,
he's so wonderful.
- That's a good thing, right?
- No. (cries)
- That's not good?
- It's great.
- Then what's the problem?
- My friends, they, they, they.
(Liz throws up)
- They don't like him?
- I think they like him better.
- What makes you think that?
- They told me.
- That doesn't mean,
(Liz throws up)
that doesn't mean there's
anything wrong with you.
- It doesn't?
- You and me, we're the serious types,
but we get shit done.
- But no one ever says thank you.
(Liz throws up)
- You got that right.
(Liz coughs)
- More zombies.
- I got it.
(heroic music)
(Chad groans)
- Don't get too cocky,
that's when they'll get ya.
- You know, you're great and everything,
but the fact that you
don't have social media,
like a Facebook or Instagram,
I just don't think we're ever
gonna see each other again, you know?
But I really hope you
find your Liz, you know?
- But I didn't lose a Liz.
- Yeah, I meant more of
like a significant other
kind of thing, you know?
- I hope I do too.
Hear that?
(gentle music)
- Liz.
- You need to get over here, big guy.
Tell him.
(gentle music)
- Are you okay?
- I'm scared.
- Because the zombies?
I saw 'em too.
- No, I'm, I'm scared
about getting married.
I'm scared about having kids,
and, and buying a house,
and in the right school zone.
And, and then what if we don't work
and we have to worry about custody?
And then in retirement, do
you know how much it costs
to retire?
And college.
Oh, shit, we should
probably just have one kid,
'cause that costs so much.
And I wanna be supportive
of your tiki bar,
but do you know how many
bar restaurants go under?
It's staggering.
- Honey, I'm scared about
all those things too.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Well, why aren't you freaking out?
Why didn't you say anything?
- Because, we'll have each other.
I know that together we can do anything.
(gentle music)
Honey, were you throwing up?
(crickets chirping)
My dress.
Oh, oh thank God.
(dramatic music)
(zombie groans)
(Liz screams)
Get off of me.
Help.
- Liz.
(dramatic music)
(Liz screams)
(dramatic music)
(repellent sprays)
(Liz cries)
- No.
(gentle music)
- Oh no.
(gentle music)
- Why?
- I'm sorry, Liz.
You'll find another even
better wedding dress.
- Oh no, did you lose your ring?
(Liz gasps)
- I'll find it.
- Wait, it's at Mrs. Powell's house.
- Are you sure?
- It's on the side table.
- So, what do you wanna do?
- We're gonna go get it.
- Okay.
Bye.
(engine revs)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- It's not here.
- What do you mean it's not there?
- It's not here.
- Where else could it be?
- I always put my ring on the nightstand
when I take a shower.
- Okay, let's trace your steps,
what's the last thing you remember?
- I heard Mrs. Powell outside,
I think she was dragging a body
and cutting it up in the basement.
- A body?
Why would she be cutting up a body?
Oh fuck.
- You broke the house rules.
I said lights out at nine.
(dramatic music)
- I think you actually said 10.
(gun cocks)
- You shouldn't have
come back for your ring.
I was getting worried
that my little Jimmy wouldn't
have enough to eat this week,
but God brought you back to us.
I fed him a few hours ago,
but you already know that.
Jimmy was my youngest,
and was turned when he was only 17.
The sheriff found him
and brought him back to me.
It maybe a few hours,
but when he's hungry he'll come for you.
One more thing, in my basement
no one can hear you scream.
(dramatic music)
(Mrs. Powell laughs)
(Jimmy growls)
(dramatic music)
- You know, if I'm gonna die,
there's no one I'd
rather die with than you.
- Aw.
(gentle music)
(Jimmy growls)
Chad, please do something.
- I can't do anything with these on.
(Jimmy growls)
- I got an idea.
- What?
- It's gross.
We have to spit on them.
- Oh, kinky, all right.
(dramatic music)
(Liz and Chad spit)
(dramatic music)
- Not again.
It's empty.
What?
Zombies are crippled by hairspray?
- Liz, I think we're being played.
- Why?
- For their own personal amusement.
- Why would anyone do that?
- I don't know,
but we're gonna find out.
(dramatic music)
- Hey.
- Can I help you?
- I want to talk with Tommy.
- Who?
- Tommy, the girl who works here.
- I'm the only one who works here.
- Well, she was working here yesterday.
- You must be thinking of someplace else.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What the hell?
- For sale.
Wow.
This is a nice building.
- Gimme the keys.
- Ow.
Where are you going?
- Going to get some answers, come on.
Oh, how do you walk so fast?
(tense music)
Liz, we can't just walk into the house.
- Why, what's gonna happen?
I'm gonna be arrested by a
sheriff that doesn't exist.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What?
- Okay, all I'm saying is that
we should just be polite,
and just ask them what happened?
- Are you insane?
(tense music)
- Liz, why are you so mad?
- What day is it?
- Sunday.
- And what time?
- 10:37.
- And that doesn't mean anything to you?
- Are are you hungry?
- I don't know.
- That's the problem,
we missed our own wedding.
- But, Liz, it's just the two of us,
we can get married anytime we want.
- That's not the point.
You didn't even remember.
- I mean, to be fair, there were zombies.
- I just wanna go home.
(people laughing)
(people chattering)
- What in the fuck?
- When we were down by the river,
and you were being eaten by
the zombie and I saved her,
she was on the ground like
"Yeah, that's Carl."
- [Liz] They making fun of us?
- And I'm chewing the tobacco,
and I see her eye lowering,
I said, "Help yourself."
(people laughing)
(gentle music)
(liquid pouring)
(people chattering)
- Oh, hi.
- Huh.
- You people are horrible.
Is this your idea of fun,
scaring people for sport?
Chad, do something.
- What do you want me to do?
Liz.
- I'm sorry you didn't
enjoy your experience,
but this is what you paid for.
(birds chirping)
- Liz, I don't know why you're so upset,
I thought we did a really good job.
- You're all crazy.
- I know the site says no refunds,
but if you're this unhappy
I'll go talk to everyone
and see what we can do.
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Charles and Elsie,
extreme zombie experience.
Booked and paid three months ago.
- That's not even the same names.
- They're not that far off.
- Well if you aren't Charles and Elsie,
where are they?
- Hey, it's just a girl from work.
- Nobody from work sends me nudes.
- This has never happened before.
- Do you even work at the garage?
What happened to all your tattoos?
- No, they were fake.
My real name is Mary Elizabeth.
I own the bakery on Main Street.
Thomas is the morning radio guy
over at WGLC.
- All country all day, 100.1, WGLC.
- Richard is the city attorney.
- Liz is a lovely girl, by the way.
- Mrs. Powell is actually Mrs. Powell.
- I can never remember my fake name.
- And Barry was the sheriff,
he owns the saw mill down by the river.
- Liz speaks very highly of you.
- So you're all just actors.
- Yeah.
(birds chirping)
- Okay.
- Where are you going?
- We missed our wedding this morning,
and it's all my fault.
It doesn't even matter
because it's too late,
so thanks.
- Hold on there, son, it's never too late.
This little hiccup shouldn't
stop you from getting married.
- Look, I think things are
a bit beyond repair at this point.
You guys don't understand,
Liz is perfect, all right?
She's smart, she's funny,
she bought a bass guitar.
She doesn't play bass
but she's gonna learn.
She writes hand written birthday cards
for people on their birthdays.
Who does that?
- That's a really nice thing to do.
- No one I know.
- Liz was my one in a million,
and I blew it.
I have never seen her look at me
the way she did this morning.
I disappointed her in literally
the worst way possible.
- Chadwick Alan Weber,
there's no one on the planet
I would rather marry than you.
- This girl loves you a lot.
- You find the good in everyone,
and every situation.
I bet you're even starting
to like these people.
- Well yeah.
Do you know that Clem
has his own radio show?
Do the thing.
- 100.1, all country, all day.
- Yeah.
(birds chirp)
- You're gonna make a great husband,
and an amazing father.
I'd marry you anytime, anywhere.
There's nothing we can't
do together, right?
- You know, if you guys still
wanna get married today,
we can make that happen, right?
- My dress got ruined.
- Gus went a little overboard
out at the old church.
- [Mrs. Powell] We can find you a dress.
- Really?
- I suggest you get up there
and give her a kiss before
she changes her mind.
(gentle music)
- Looks like we got some work to do here.
(gentle music)
- You may be seated.
(gentle music)
Howdy folks.
- [All] Howdy Clem.
- We're here today to marry
Elizabeth Marie Gamble,
and Chadwick Alan Weber.
Although new to our town,
an unfortunate misunderstanding
has led to a shotgun wedding,
unlike others we've had.
No offense Sarah and Mike.
We're gonna keep this short
so we can get to the food.
Chad, do you take
Elizabeth to be your wife?
- I do.
- And Elizabeth, do you take Chad
to be your husband?
- I do.
- If anyone can show just cause
why Chad and Liz may not be lawfully wed,
speak now or forever hold your peace.
(dramatic music)
(zombie growling)
- Larry, it's over.
Don't you check your phone.
- Sorry, my phone is dead.
- Sit down, Larry.
(gentle music)
- Now we'll get to the good stuff.
I singed my name on the dotted line
And it was good, good, good
The cows got milk at supper time
And it was good, good, good
The moon twinkled high
In the southern sky
And it was good, good, good
Now the honeymoon's over
It just up and died
But it was good, good, good
All the good times and the bad
The best times I ever had
The choice between happy and sad
Oh the good times
and the bad, bad, bad
- Liz.
She gets a little cranky. (laughs)
- Late afternoon.
Ooh, it's really coming down.
Okay.
(indistinct)
(Liz laughs)
- She writes hand written
birthday cards for people
on their birthdays, who does that?
She was my one, fucking.
- This is...
(dog barking)
Is this your idea of...
(dog barking)
- I suggest you give her,
go up there and give her a kiss
before she changes and I stutter
all over the fucking place.
Sorry.
- Uh you're choking me a litltle bit.
- Oh sorry.
(people laugh)
- That's too good.
Sorry, mosquito.
- What?
- Every Thursday the tables get out.
Nope, they don't, they don't get out.
Every Thursday...
But when you get there
it's just a big bunch, oh my God. (laughs)
And when you get there-
- [Director] Take it back a line.
- Yeah.
(person sneezing)
(actors laughing)
- Get out of here with, uh... (laughs)
Stop, the devil, um...
(actors laughing)
- It's soft and sweet,
and every pair of lips
is a different color,
different color, flavor.
No, it's not.
And this man, he always puts his head
in the gator's mouth,
but then I think...
No.
(gentle music)
(actors laughing)
- Why?
(actors laughing)
- I'm sorry.
(gentle music)
- What the fuck?
Honey, what are you talking about?
- I wanna be supportive or your tiki bar.
I don't know. (laughs)
Oh the good times
and the bad, bad, bad
(gentle music)
- Hello?
Is it over?
Are we done?
(dramatic music)
(film rolling)
(film rolling)
(dramatic music)
- So the plan was to sneak
off and get married in Vegas,
but the whole thing was ruined by zombies.
Yeah, fricking zombies.
(Chad imitates karate sounds)
Thank you.
- Can you come in with me next time?
- Why?
- Because the dude in line
behind me is hitting him on me.
Why do I always get
hit on at gas stations?
- Honey, you're irresistible.
- There he is.
- What?
- Who the hell is Jasmine?
- Jasmine?
- Can't wait to see you again.
When are you going to invite
me over to your place?
- Don't, you don't need to read me that.
Don't.
- I can't wait to spend
the whole weekend with you.
- Hey, hey, it's just a girl from work.
It's-
- Nobody from work sends me nudes.
- Mm.
- Good.
- Dude needs a better
phone password, I guess.
(upbeat music)
- How much longer are we gonna do this?
Okay, I get it, back roads
are the heart of America,
but how much corn do we need to see?
- Liz, this is the road less traveled.
All right, we're gonna
make it to Vegas on time,
but if we just took the main highway,
how memorable would that be?
(gentle music)
- After eight years of therapy
this should be nothing,
but it's our wedding.
- I love you.
- Don't.
- I l-love you.
(Liz laughs)
(upbeat music)
- Oh, come on, gravel?
- This is gonna shave
an hour off the trip.
(gentle music)
Huh?
- I got it.
We're getting married tomorrow.
- Yeah, we are.
- And we're cutting it pretty close.
- You know this is gonna
make a great story one day.
(car sputtering)
Huh.
(birds chirping)
That's not good.
Where you going?
Liz, it's a minor delay.
Baby, you need to relax.
Hey.
Baby, it's my job to
make you happy, right?
So anyway, from this moment on,
for the rest of our lives,
whether it's this route or that route,
it's your call, okay?
Tell you what, just to
show you that I can change,
you get to decide where
we eat for the whole trip.
Yeah?
You good?
Alright.
- Hey Chad?
- Yeah?
- Where's the car?
- Huh.
(Liz groans)
(gentle music)
Babe.
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- [Chad] You just gotta look
on the bright side, all right?
- [Liz] What is the bright side
of my wedding dress being stolen?
- [Chad] I'm sure it was
just a big misunderstanding.
These things always have a way
of working themselves out.
- [Liz] I don't wanna talk about it.
(gentle music)
- You guys need a ride?
- Um, no, we're good.
- Our car was stolen.
- Around here?
Not likely.
Where'd you leave it?
- Uh, over by the gravel
road down that way.
- And it just vanished?
Well if it was just sitting around here
Buck probably came out and hitched it up.
Hop in and I'll take you to it.
- That's okay.
If you can just point us
in the right direction
we can walk.
What are you doing?
- You can walk.
- Liz.
- You can hop in the back,
and keep Suzy company.
- Well, I mean why, why can't I
ride up front with you guys?
- To give my elbows room.
- In the back.
(engine revs)
- Hey, there's no handle.
- Hop over.
(gentle music)
(Chad thuds)
(gentle music)
- Help yourself.
- Oh, no thanks, I'm trying to quit.
- I know the struggle.
I've been trying to quit
pretty ladies. (laughs)
What are you two doing way you out here?
- My fiance wanted to
take the scenic route.
- Well, plenty of that around here.
Where are you heading?
- Vegas, uh, we're eloping.
- What?
Pretty gal like you?
You deserve a proper wedding.
Like a fancy one with 400 pound pig
roasting over an open pit
and moonshine,
and a band with banjo and mandolin.
- Gotta have the banjo.
- Don't let him get by with anything less.
You don't wanna go marrying a guy
who won't put you number one.
- Well, actually the Vegas
thing was kind of my idea.
- Well ain't you an easygoing sorta gal?
- Suzy?
(Suzy growls)
(dramatic music)
- Tommy.
Tommy will take care of you,
she's the best mechanic in the area.
- What's up, Clem?
Breaking hearts as usual?
- You know it.
Found these two up off of 51.
- That's my car.
- Don't cream your jeans
sweetheart, it's an Nissan.
- We'll see you Missy.
Good luck.
- Thank you.
- Uh, Liz.
All of our stuff is gone.
- What about my phone?
- Everything.
- Relax, Princess, the sheriff has it.
- Why?
- So nothing goes missing,
and it gives him a chance to
go through all your stuff,
make sure you're not up to no good.
- He can't do that.
- I'll let you be the
one to tell him that.
And you, you degenerate,
your battery's dead as a doornail, boss.
- Oh, that it?
- Nope.
- Do you have a phone I can use?
- Inside.
(phone ringing)
- [Operator] Devil Hill Switchboard,
how may I direct your call?
- Um, I'm at the garage,
and Tommy said I could use the phone.
- [Operator] No problem,
who would you like to be connected with?
- New York, the number is-
- [Operator] Sorry honey,
this switchboard can only
connect you with people in our town.
- Okay.
How do I call outside the town?
- [Operator] You can't.
Thank you for calling.
(dial tone)
(phone shakes)
(Liz groans)
- So now I'm not allowed
within 100 feet of an Aquarium.
- [Tommy] Oh.
- The phone only works
for people in this town.
- I could have told you that.
- Where's the sheriff's office?
- Go to the end of my
building, turn left, look up,
you'll see it.
- Good, I'll use my own phone.
- Not in this town.
- Why not?
- The council has a no tech policy.
No cell phones, computers.
- That's a bit extreme.
- It's the way we like it.
- Can you fix the car?
- Easy.
- [Liz] Good.
- Should be ready by tomorrow afternoon.
- We can't stay here.
- [Tommy] That's true, no motels.
- Huh.
- You could try Mrs. Powell's,
up on first and Devil's Hill.
She takes in strays once in a while.
- Strays.
- Liz.
She gets a little upset sometimes.
Be ready in the morning?
- Late afternoon.
- Okay.
Thanks.
Babe, where are you going?
- I'm going to get my
phone, my dress and go home.
- Don't you think you're overreacting?
Just, just like a little bit.
- I'm not overreacting.
The whole point of this trip
was so that we didn't have to deal with
the stress of a big wedding,
and this has been nothing but stressful.
- Perfect.
- What is it?
Be back tomorrow at nine a.m.
Huh.
- Chadwick Alan Weber, fix this.
- Babe.
Babe.
(dramatic music)
It seems nice.
(dramatic music)
- Right.
(dramatic music)
- We've been expecting you.
- Oh, they must have called
you, and told you about our car.
Yeah, Tommy said...
(cane bangs)
- I will allow you to stay one night,
providing you follow the house rules.
- Sure.
- Enter.
(door bangs)
It's a drafty house.
If you're not married,
you'll stay in separate rooms.
- Oh, well we're actually engaged.
(cane bangs)
- Separate rooms.
- That's fine.
- Dinner will be served
at seven p.m. sharp.
Lights out at 10 p.m.,
and I need your rooms
returned like you found them
at nine a.m.
- How much do we owe you?
- I will not accept
money for my hospitality.
- It's really no big deal.
(cane bangs)
- No.
My daughter Ellie Mae will
show you to your rooms.
(cane bangs)
(upbeat music)
- I'm in the twilight zone.
- Hi, I'm Ellie Mae,
you can call me Ellie.
- Hi Ellie.
What?
- I'm Liz,
and this is my fiance Chad.
- We don't get many visitors around here,
at least none that stay very long.
Come on up.
(upbeat music)
- What?
- In there?
- No hun, you're in there.
There's towels on the bed
if you wanna freshen up.
- Thanks.
- You'll be in there.
And in case you're wondering,
my room's right above yours.
See you at dinner.
- What?
Liz.
(dramatic music)
(gentle music)
- Would you like to give
thanks before we eat?
- Uh, no thanks, you can go ahead.
- I think Chad would
love to, wouldn't you?
- Oh, okay.
Um, hmm.
Uh, oh my God.
Please bless this meal,
and give us the strength
to say no to the devil.
And please stop
Satan from corrupting our minds.
Let us all ask what would Jesus do
if he was here at this table with us.
Just let us all make good choices,
and get home safe.
(Chad groans)
Amen.
(crickets chirping)
(person groaning)
(crickets chirping)
- Squirrels in the basement.
- Squirrels.
- Squirrels.
- Please help yourself.
- Oh, um, that looks really delicious,
um, but I'm actually a vegetarian.
- How disappointing.
- More for us.
(dramatic music)
- Liz?
Liz?
Where'd you get pajamas?
- They were just on my bed.
- I didn't get pajamas.
What?
- I think we should leave.
- I can't understand you.
- Come here.
- What?
- I think we should leave.
- And go where?
Baby, I know it's creepy,
but let's just spend the night here,
and then first thing in
the morning we'll leave.
- Something's not right here.
Nothing's right here.
- Look, I'm one door down, okay?
Nothing's gonna happen,
you trust me, right?
Come on, you trust me.
Look at my face.
- Stop it.
- Okay.
- I trust you will honor the house rules
until tomorrow.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Yeah.
I mean, oh, I,
I wasn't trying to sneak around
to have sex or anything.
We've had plenty of of
sex inside, outside.
We've done it in a plane,
but, but we got caught,
and so I, I just wouldn't
even try that here.
I mean, she's pretty tired
of all the sexing from earlier.
So I think we're just gonna
be doing some sleeping, right?
Yeah, so no sexing just sleeping.
If anything, I'll be flying solo tonight.
- Stop talking.
- I'm gonna stop talking now.
- Good night.
- Good night.
(dramatic music)
(crickets chirping)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- Oh my God, are you naked?
You know just how I like it.
- I don't know how you like it.
- What are you doing in here?
- I could ask you the same thing,
it's against house rules,
mother's not gonna be very happy.
- Well what did you do with Liz?
- Nothing, she was already gone.
- Shit.
Where'd she go?
- She went out the front door.
I don't think she wanted
to stay here tonight.
- Well, where, where is she?
Where would she have gone?
- There's only a few places
in town that are even open,
we could go look.
- Okay.
Meet me downstairs in 10 minutes,
and put some clothes on, I'm engaged.
(dramatic music)
(saw sawing)
(dramatic music)
- Ma'am.
It looks like we got a peeping Betty
caught in the act out at the Powell Place.
- No, no, I, I'm staying
here, up, up there.
I, I came down 'cause I heard something.
- You heard, you heard a noise?
What did it sound like?
- What?
- The sound that you heard,
what did it sound like?
- It, it was just a sound.
- Was it like a (imitates chewing)
help me (imitates chewing) sound?
- Um, no, it, it was a, a dragging sound.
It was Mrs. Powell.
- Cancel that peeping Betty.
- Copy that, Sheriff.
- [Sheriff] I think you
better come with me.
- What?
I didn't do anything.
- No, you're not in any trouble,
I just thought you might like your phones
and that pretty wedding dress back.
- Oh, great, I'll get my fiance.
- You know, on second thought,
I don't have a lot of time,
why don't you come to
the station tomorrow,
and I'll give 'em to you around 4:00.
- But the sign on your door
said you'd be in early.
- I was, but I got crazy
Carl in the backseat,
and I gotta get him to
the county jail tonight.
- Can I go like this?
- Well sure.
It'll only take about 15 minutes.
- Okay.
Let's go.
(dramatic music)
- Ellie?
Ellie Mae?
(dramatic music)
(Chad screams)
- You sure are jumpy.
What's the plan?
- We'll walk into town,
and ask if anybody's seen her.
- Walk?
- I don't drive.
- None of the town people seem to like me.
- They don't like any strangers,
but you're with me,
nothing's gonna happen.
- That's crazy Carl.
- Hi.
- Pleasure to meet you.
- Carl makes the best
moonshine in the whole state.
- Is it legal to make moonshine here?
- (laughs) Nope.
- Hell no.
- Oh, is that why you're going to jail?
- Well Carl made the mistake
of sleeping with the mayor's wife.
- No crime in that.
- But when the judge found out
that he was sleeping with his wife too
he threw the book at him.
- Literally.
Almost took out my eye.
- Well, that's what you get
for sleeping around, Carl.
- Maybe try getting a girlfriend?
- Old Carl's not the boyfriend type.
(dramatic music)
- You like fried pickles?
- Um, I don't know if I've
ever had fried pickles.
- (gasps) Shut up.
Vinegar pie?
- No.
- Chitlins.
Goat stew?
Slug burger?
- I think you're making these up, man.
- I think you're from Mars.
So, how'd you meet your girlfriend?
- I was visiting Los Angeles,
looking at post-grad schools,
and he was assigned to
give me the campus tour.
- Love at for sight.
- Hardly.
He was unfocused and
completely scattered brained.
He didn't say one thing
that was substantial.
And then at the end of the day
he looks at me and says
"Liz, you're very wound up,
"and, and you're too serious."
- He did not.
- The nerve.
- Oh, and then he asked me
if I wanted to go watch
the sunset with him.
- The nerve.
- How presumptuous.
- Right?
- A little bit of that Chad swagger,
she finally agreed.
- You charmer.
- Well Liz is like this little
tightly wound ball of perfection,
but all of your best qualities are sort of
her little imperfections.
- Aw, maybe you're a romantic.
- He's a romantic.
- You know what he got me
for our first anniversary?
- A spa package with
scented oils included?
- A diamond ring.
- Tennis shoes and a t-shirt.
I didn't own neither.
(dramatic music)
- Liz, I'm gonna run
in and grab your stuff.
Carl, you be nice, she's spoken for her.
- Liz, you're a lucky girl.
- Thanks, Carl.
- Any chance you can help
me get outta these cuffs?
The keys are on the key chain.
- That's not gonna happen.
(singer singing)
- Hi Sarah, can I get three grave makers?
- [Sarah] You got it Ellie.
(indistinct) honky tonk
- Huh.
(crickets chirping)
- What's taking so long?
- Maybe he had a drop a deuce.
(sheriff growls)
(dramatic music)
(sheriff growls)
- Oh shit, they got him.
Liz, don't leave me, please.
(dramatic music)
Run.
Run.
(dramatic music)
Run.
- Thanks Sarah.
- You like dancing?
- [Tommy] We love dancing.
- Every Thursday they
clear out the tables,
and it's a big dance floor.
- With a disco ball.
- Disco ball.
- Drink up city boy.
- I'm trying to find Liz.
- Mm, that's right.
Liz disappeared.
- That girl is wound so
tight, might have imploded.
- Look, you guys don't know Liz like I do.
- He's a romantic.
- Have you seen her?
- I love this song, let's dance.
- Now?
- She was asking me.
Gentle words I'll say to you
Wishing
- Hi.
- You shouldn't be here, it's not safe.
This whole place is cursed.
- What?
- Get out while you can.
They'll come for you.
They'll come for you.
- Who?
W-w-what is this?
Is it a secret?
(Larry coughing)
(Larry groaning)
Dude, what are you on?
- Come on Larry, let's
not scare the customers.
I told you that your love
- Don't listen to him,
he wears aluminum foil over his underwear.
- What?
- He said a UFO took
him when he was little,
and when they brought him
back he was clairvoyant.
But I don't know why a clairvoyant
would come here every night and get drunk.
- I need to find Liz.
- Hold up.
Hold up.
(dramatic music)
Okay.
I can't believe they got the sheriff.
- What the hell is going on?
- They got him.
They got him.
- Who?
- Zombies, the fucking zombies, Liz.
- No.
No, maybe he just got burned.
- This is bad.
If there's one, there's more,
and they'll be coming for us.
- Zombies aren't real.
- Why, because you never saw one?
Liz, help me get outta these cuffs.
- How?
- Come here, come here.
Spit on my arm and my wrists.
- Ew, no.
- We don't have time, Liz.
Spit, lubrication.
I can't protect you with these on, spit.
Okay.
- Oh God.
- Ow.
(Carl gags)
- What?
- Nothing.
I got a gag reflex to spit.
Just keep on, go, go, go, go.
(Carl gags)
(Liz gags)
Again.
(Liz spits)
A few more.
(Liz spits)
(Larry gags)
Almost there.
(Liz spits)
(Liz gags)
- So gross.
(dramatic music)
- Run.
- It'd be cute if they
had those little umbrellas
for the drinks, you think?
- Okay, look, this has been,
this has been a really good time.
I need to find my fiance.
- I haven't seen her.
If she left the house
and just started walking,
she could be anywhere.
Did you check down by the river?
- That's a great idea,
I didn't think of that.
- What's down by the river?
- The river, silly.
- Okay, well why would
someone go down to the river?
- It's the closest lit
up thing to the house,
looks like you're walking
towards something.
- But when you get there,
it's just a bunch of big
empty buildings with lots.
- Okay, so let's go.
- Bye cutie.
- My car's gonna be ready tomorrow, right?
- Might be ready sooner than I thought.
- Thank you.
- Will you please tell me what's going on?
- I've got a plan,
we'll wait for the barge,
we'll swim out,
and we'll ride it down
a few hundred miles.
- What?
No, I need to find Chad.
And what happened to the sheriff?
- I told you he's a zombie.
There must have been one
hiding in the police station.
- Everyone in this town is crazy.
- I don't think that's
a very fair statement,
you've only met a few of us.
- I'm being unfair?
- Nah, you're right,
just hard to hear sometimes.
- Look, either you tell
me what's going on,
or I'm out of here.
- Where are you gonna go?
- Down there.
- Not a great idea.
- Okay, well down towards those towers.
- Good luck with that,
they'll find you down there.
- Who?
- Can I ask you a question?
- Sure, you're my new best friend.
- Okay.
Um, why no cell phones
and wifi and normal stuff?
- Just how it's always
been, it's our normal.
- Have you ever left this place?
- Sure I have.
There's a big carnival I go to every year
out on Highway 67.
They got a big old gator,
and this man, he always puts
his head in the Gator's mouth,
but then I heard that
the gator bit his head,
and squished it like a melon.
It's really sad, 'cause
that was my favorite part.
Not, not the head squishing part, but...
- Is that the farthest you've gone?
- Who wants to travel
when you live in paradise?
That's what mama always says.
- I shouldn't be telling you this,
you have to promise not to
say anything to anyone ever.
- Who am I gonna tell?
- Yeah, you're right.
They started mining back in 1850,
all up and down the river.
The town was booming
and money was flowing,
and then people got greedy.
In 1906, one mining group
hit a very toxic substance
that was oozing out of the rock,
and almost instantly the
miners started dying.
At least that's what they thought.
The boss saw something
happen to the miners,
and instantly made a split decision
to blow the only exit out.
- With the miners still inside?
- When they told the public
that the minors were killed,
the town was angry,
and they were also scared
about what was oozing out of the rock.
- Can you just tell me what
happened to the sheriff?
- You young people are so impatient,
I'm getting to it.
- Okay, sorry.
- What nobody knew was they didn't die,
and they would never die.
They became the undead,
and no one would have ever known,
but in 1972 a rich developer
from New York came here,
and he wanted to build a gambling resort
right here on the river.
- They went into the mine?
- When they broke through,
several construction workers
were attacked by the undead.
- How come no one knows about this?
- The developer had the mine sealed,
and demolished What work
had been done and left.
And the town, they acted
like it never happened.
- So if the mine was patched up,
then how did the sheriff turn?
- Every now and then a few
will find their way out.
- And you just live like
this, like it's normal?
- It is normal to us.
- Look, you can't pretend like
you weren't waiting for me naked.
- I wasn't waiting for you.
- Are you talking about Liz?
You're a lesbian.
- Whoa, easy with the labels, cowboy.
I like boys, I just prefer kissing girls.
- Okay.
- It's like hot dogs and ice cream.
- What?
- Okay, kissing a girl like ice cream,
it's soft and sweet,
and each pair of lips is
like a different flavor
of creamy awesomeness.
But sometimes you just
feel like a hot dog.
(dramatic music)
Excuse me.
And I wasn't flirting with you at dinner,
I was amusing myself, big difference.
- Wait.
- Okay, I need you to do me a favor.
You see that rope hanging down?
- Yeah.
- Yep.
All right, I need you to
stand on my shoulders,
reach it and pull it down.
- What is it?
- Emergency supplies for
a night like tonight.
You ready?
- I guess.
- Okay.
All right.
Ready?
Okay, I'm ready.
You go.
- How? Just...
- Just throw a leg over.
Yep, watch the...
Okay, yep, go.
- I don't know-
- You can do it.
- I can't.
- Oh God.
Come on, you got it.
You got.
- I don't got it.
- Liz, you got it.
- I can't. I don't know.
- Ah, Liz.
Okay.
Here, I got something.
All right, if you stand on that,
then climb on my shoulders,
then reach the rope,
and then pull it down.
You got it?
Alright, here we go.
All right, get on.
Ready?
- You know-
- Ready?
Yep.
- If you stand on it,
you can just reach it.
- Oh, okay.
All right.
Spot me.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
What do we got?
- What's in there?
- Well,
Zombie repellent, never
leave home without it.
- You did.
- I was in handcuffs.
All right, what else we got in here?
Oh, yes, moonshine.
- And how's that gonna help?
- Have you ever had moonshine?
- No, I'm not a good drinker.
- Little bit of this,
and all your troubles melt away.
All right.
What else we got in here?
I thought I had more,
but guess that's it.
- Great.
- Look, there's just no
such thing as zombies.
- If you don't believe what you
saw with your own lying eyes
I don't know what to tell you.
- Alright, so hypothetical,
let's say there are zombies,
how many are there?
- Could be hundreds.
They escape from the
mines every now and then.
She's not here.
Maybe she hitched a ride outta town.
- No, Liz wouldn't just leave me here.
- Maybe you don't know her
as well as you think you do.
- I know everything about Liz, okay?
- Any man that says they know everything
about a girlfriend probably doesn't.
- How do you know?
- Because, men are on
a need to know basis.
- That may be you, but
that's not everybody.
- Everybody.
When you find her, ask.
- I will.
- But don't go asking questions
you don't wanna know the answer to.
- All right.
You don't want me to ask,
that's what it is.
- You've been warned.
- All right, well prepared to be wronged.
What?
No reply to that, Ellie Mae?
- I know where she might be.
- Where?
- Come on.
- So what's the plan?
We're just gonna wait here?
- I am.
It's two places we go
when zombies are on the loose,
the river because
zombies don't like water,
and the old church.
- Because zombies don't like church?
- Mm, they don't like our church.
- I have to get back to the house.
- I'm not leaving until the sun rises,
we don't know how many have escaped.
- So we're just gonna wait here?
- Listen, sweet pea,
I've been running from
zombies before you were born,
and if there's one thing I know is that-
(Liz gasps)
- Oh my God.
(Liz gasps)
Oh my God.
(dramatic music)
Jesus Christ.
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music)
(Liz cries)
- Die you zombie bitch.
(dramatic music)
Looks like I got here just in time.
Is that Carl?
Maybe I could have got
here a little sooner.
Come on, your boyfriend's looking for you.
- So this stuff really works?
- Not for you.
- It was empty.
Chad's gonna flip when he finds out
what I was doing tonight.
- He's searching for you right now.
- He knows I'm gone?
- He's been out with Ellie
Mae all night looking for you.
- Oh.
- I know that look.
Ellie Mae's not a threat.
- She's pretty,
and I'm sure a lot of fun.
- That's true,
but Chad's not her type.
He doesn't seem like your type either.
- Everybody says that,
but we just work together
like yin and yang.
- I bet he fills all your holes.
- What?
- Oh, not like that.
It's a saying.
You know, if someone
fills your shortcomings
and you fill theirs,
you make each other better.
- He fills my holes.
- You didn't say where we were going.
- How'd you know Liz was
the one you wanted to marry?
I had this boyfriend once
I was so in love with,
I knew he was the one I was gonna marry
and have seven babies with.
- Seven?
- I mean, my Aunt Suzy had eight,
and it ruined her body,
so seven's my limit.
Anyway, every night he would drop me off,
and I would run upstairs
and start planning our wedding.
Every detail of it.
My dress, the guest list,
were we were gonna go on our honeymoon.
It would've been perfect.
- What happened?
- He was walking home drunk
one night on the tracks,
and got hit by a train.
- That's horrible.
- I thought so too at first,
and then I found out he was walking home
from having sex with Jessica Pinner.
Well, he got what he deserved.
Zombie to you, right.
(Chad yells)
Turn it around, turn it around.
(dramatic music)
Took you long enough.
We're going to church.
- What?
- [Ellie Mae] You asked
where we were going, come on.
(footsteps thud)
- [Liz] Jesus.
- You religious?
(hand bangs)
What's in the bag?
- Oh, it's Carl's emergency supplies.
It's an empty can of zombie repellent,
and some of his moonshine.
- Really?
Carl wasn't good for much
but sleeping with other people's wives,
and making killer moonshine.
Woo, that's what I'm talking about.
Go on, it'll put some hair on your chest.
- Oh, wow.
- Woo.
One more?
- I'm gonna regret this.
- Moonshine regret's a whole
different kind of regret,
that's why we keep drinking it.
(gentle music)
- Oh.
Ugh.
(gentle music)
I may have underestimated you, Princess.
- Be a real shame if a
zombie showed up right now.
- [Chad] Stop.
I'm trying to pee in peace.
- So what do you do for money?
- I'm opening a restaurant.
- Oh, we have one of those here,
it's called The Country Kitchen.
It was called Jim's Country Kitchen,
but then Jim murdered
somebody and went to jail
so they took his name out.
- Mine's a, a tiki bar.
- What's that?
- It's like a Hawaiian
Polynesian themed bar.
Good music and fun decorations.
It's classic escapism.
- That sounds fun.
- Yeah.
Liz isn't too thrilled about it though,
but she doesn't drink much.
- I never used to be a big drinker either,
and then I started doing a lot,
now I really like it.
- No, Liz, she takes more than one sip
and she gets really emotional,
then she throws up.
(Liz throwing up)
(gentle music)
- I can't, I don't know
if I can marry Chad,
he's so wonderful.
- That's a good thing, right?
- No. (cries)
- That's not good?
- It's great.
- Then what's the problem?
- My friends, they, they, they.
(Liz throws up)
- They don't like him?
- I think they like him better.
- What makes you think that?
- They told me.
- That doesn't mean,
(Liz throws up)
that doesn't mean there's
anything wrong with you.
- It doesn't?
- You and me, we're the serious types,
but we get shit done.
- But no one ever says thank you.
(Liz throws up)
- You got that right.
(Liz coughs)
- More zombies.
- I got it.
(heroic music)
(Chad groans)
- Don't get too cocky,
that's when they'll get ya.
- You know, you're great and everything,
but the fact that you
don't have social media,
like a Facebook or Instagram,
I just don't think we're ever
gonna see each other again, you know?
But I really hope you
find your Liz, you know?
- But I didn't lose a Liz.
- Yeah, I meant more of
like a significant other
kind of thing, you know?
- I hope I do too.
Hear that?
(gentle music)
- Liz.
- You need to get over here, big guy.
Tell him.
(gentle music)
- Are you okay?
- I'm scared.
- Because the zombies?
I saw 'em too.
- No, I'm, I'm scared
about getting married.
I'm scared about having kids,
and, and buying a house,
and in the right school zone.
And, and then what if we don't work
and we have to worry about custody?
And then in retirement, do
you know how much it costs
to retire?
And college.
Oh, shit, we should
probably just have one kid,
'cause that costs so much.
And I wanna be supportive
of your tiki bar,
but do you know how many
bar restaurants go under?
It's staggering.
- Honey, I'm scared about
all those things too.
- Really?
- Yeah.
- Well, why aren't you freaking out?
Why didn't you say anything?
- Because, we'll have each other.
I know that together we can do anything.
(gentle music)
Honey, were you throwing up?
(crickets chirping)
My dress.
Oh, oh thank God.
(dramatic music)
(zombie groans)
(Liz screams)
Get off of me.
Help.
- Liz.
(dramatic music)
(Liz screams)
(dramatic music)
(repellent sprays)
(Liz cries)
- No.
(gentle music)
- Oh no.
(gentle music)
- Why?
- I'm sorry, Liz.
You'll find another even
better wedding dress.
- Oh no, did you lose your ring?
(Liz gasps)
- I'll find it.
- Wait, it's at Mrs. Powell's house.
- Are you sure?
- It's on the side table.
- So, what do you wanna do?
- We're gonna go get it.
- Okay.
Bye.
(engine revs)
(dramatic music)
(dramatic music continues)
- It's not here.
- What do you mean it's not there?
- It's not here.
- Where else could it be?
- I always put my ring on the nightstand
when I take a shower.
- Okay, let's trace your steps,
what's the last thing you remember?
- I heard Mrs. Powell outside,
I think she was dragging a body
and cutting it up in the basement.
- A body?
Why would she be cutting up a body?
Oh fuck.
- You broke the house rules.
I said lights out at nine.
(dramatic music)
- I think you actually said 10.
(gun cocks)
- You shouldn't have
come back for your ring.
I was getting worried
that my little Jimmy wouldn't
have enough to eat this week,
but God brought you back to us.
I fed him a few hours ago,
but you already know that.
Jimmy was my youngest,
and was turned when he was only 17.
The sheriff found him
and brought him back to me.
It maybe a few hours,
but when he's hungry he'll come for you.
One more thing, in my basement
no one can hear you scream.
(dramatic music)
(Mrs. Powell laughs)
(Jimmy growls)
(dramatic music)
- You know, if I'm gonna die,
there's no one I'd
rather die with than you.
- Aw.
(gentle music)
(Jimmy growls)
Chad, please do something.
- I can't do anything with these on.
(Jimmy growls)
- I got an idea.
- What?
- It's gross.
We have to spit on them.
- Oh, kinky, all right.
(dramatic music)
(Liz and Chad spit)
(dramatic music)
- Not again.
It's empty.
What?
Zombies are crippled by hairspray?
- Liz, I think we're being played.
- Why?
- For their own personal amusement.
- Why would anyone do that?
- I don't know,
but we're gonna find out.
(dramatic music)
- Hey.
- Can I help you?
- I want to talk with Tommy.
- Who?
- Tommy, the girl who works here.
- I'm the only one who works here.
- Well, she was working here yesterday.
- You must be thinking of someplace else.
- Hey.
- Hey.
- What the hell?
- For sale.
Wow.
This is a nice building.
- Gimme the keys.
- Ow.
Where are you going?
- Going to get some answers, come on.
Oh, how do you walk so fast?
(tense music)
Liz, we can't just walk into the house.
- Why, what's gonna happen?
I'm gonna be arrested by a
sheriff that doesn't exist.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- What?
- Okay, all I'm saying is that
we should just be polite,
and just ask them what happened?
- Are you insane?
(tense music)
- Liz, why are you so mad?
- What day is it?
- Sunday.
- And what time?
- 10:37.
- And that doesn't mean anything to you?
- Are are you hungry?
- I don't know.
- That's the problem,
we missed our own wedding.
- But, Liz, it's just the two of us,
we can get married anytime we want.
- That's not the point.
You didn't even remember.
- I mean, to be fair, there were zombies.
- I just wanna go home.
(people laughing)
(people chattering)
- What in the fuck?
- When we were down by the river,
and you were being eaten by
the zombie and I saved her,
she was on the ground like
"Yeah, that's Carl."
- [Liz] They making fun of us?
- And I'm chewing the tobacco,
and I see her eye lowering,
I said, "Help yourself."
(people laughing)
(gentle music)
(liquid pouring)
(people chattering)
- Oh, hi.
- Huh.
- You people are horrible.
Is this your idea of fun,
scaring people for sport?
Chad, do something.
- What do you want me to do?
Liz.
- I'm sorry you didn't
enjoy your experience,
but this is what you paid for.
(birds chirping)
- Liz, I don't know why you're so upset,
I thought we did a really good job.
- You're all crazy.
- I know the site says no refunds,
but if you're this unhappy
I'll go talk to everyone
and see what we can do.
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- Charles and Elsie,
extreme zombie experience.
Booked and paid three months ago.
- That's not even the same names.
- They're not that far off.
- Well if you aren't Charles and Elsie,
where are they?
- Hey, it's just a girl from work.
- Nobody from work sends me nudes.
- This has never happened before.
- Do you even work at the garage?
What happened to all your tattoos?
- No, they were fake.
My real name is Mary Elizabeth.
I own the bakery on Main Street.
Thomas is the morning radio guy
over at WGLC.
- All country all day, 100.1, WGLC.
- Richard is the city attorney.
- Liz is a lovely girl, by the way.
- Mrs. Powell is actually Mrs. Powell.
- I can never remember my fake name.
- And Barry was the sheriff,
he owns the saw mill down by the river.
- Liz speaks very highly of you.
- So you're all just actors.
- Yeah.
(birds chirping)
- Okay.
- Where are you going?
- We missed our wedding this morning,
and it's all my fault.
It doesn't even matter
because it's too late,
so thanks.
- Hold on there, son, it's never too late.
This little hiccup shouldn't
stop you from getting married.
- Look, I think things are
a bit beyond repair at this point.
You guys don't understand,
Liz is perfect, all right?
She's smart, she's funny,
she bought a bass guitar.
She doesn't play bass
but she's gonna learn.
She writes hand written birthday cards
for people on their birthdays.
Who does that?
- That's a really nice thing to do.
- No one I know.
- Liz was my one in a million,
and I blew it.
I have never seen her look at me
the way she did this morning.
I disappointed her in literally
the worst way possible.
- Chadwick Alan Weber,
there's no one on the planet
I would rather marry than you.
- This girl loves you a lot.
- You find the good in everyone,
and every situation.
I bet you're even starting
to like these people.
- Well yeah.
Do you know that Clem
has his own radio show?
Do the thing.
- 100.1, all country, all day.
- Yeah.
(birds chirp)
- You're gonna make a great husband,
and an amazing father.
I'd marry you anytime, anywhere.
There's nothing we can't
do together, right?
- You know, if you guys still
wanna get married today,
we can make that happen, right?
- My dress got ruined.
- Gus went a little overboard
out at the old church.
- [Mrs. Powell] We can find you a dress.
- Really?
- I suggest you get up there
and give her a kiss before
she changes her mind.
(gentle music)
- Looks like we got some work to do here.
(gentle music)
- You may be seated.
(gentle music)
Howdy folks.
- [All] Howdy Clem.
- We're here today to marry
Elizabeth Marie Gamble,
and Chadwick Alan Weber.
Although new to our town,
an unfortunate misunderstanding
has led to a shotgun wedding,
unlike others we've had.
No offense Sarah and Mike.
We're gonna keep this short
so we can get to the food.
Chad, do you take
Elizabeth to be your wife?
- I do.
- And Elizabeth, do you take Chad
to be your husband?
- I do.
- If anyone can show just cause
why Chad and Liz may not be lawfully wed,
speak now or forever hold your peace.
(dramatic music)
(zombie growling)
- Larry, it's over.
Don't you check your phone.
- Sorry, my phone is dead.
- Sit down, Larry.
(gentle music)
- Now we'll get to the good stuff.
I singed my name on the dotted line
And it was good, good, good
The cows got milk at supper time
And it was good, good, good
The moon twinkled high
In the southern sky
And it was good, good, good
Now the honeymoon's over
It just up and died
But it was good, good, good
All the good times and the bad
The best times I ever had
The choice between happy and sad
Oh the good times
and the bad, bad, bad
- Liz.
She gets a little cranky. (laughs)
- Late afternoon.
Ooh, it's really coming down.
Okay.
(indistinct)
(Liz laughs)
- She writes hand written
birthday cards for people
on their birthdays, who does that?
She was my one, fucking.
- This is...
(dog barking)
Is this your idea of...
(dog barking)
- I suggest you give her,
go up there and give her a kiss
before she changes and I stutter
all over the fucking place.
Sorry.
- Uh you're choking me a litltle bit.
- Oh sorry.
(people laugh)
- That's too good.
Sorry, mosquito.
- What?
- Every Thursday the tables get out.
Nope, they don't, they don't get out.
Every Thursday...
But when you get there
it's just a big bunch, oh my God. (laughs)
And when you get there-
- [Director] Take it back a line.
- Yeah.
(person sneezing)
(actors laughing)
- Get out of here with, uh... (laughs)
Stop, the devil, um...
(actors laughing)
- It's soft and sweet,
and every pair of lips
is a different color,
different color, flavor.
No, it's not.
And this man, he always puts his head
in the gator's mouth,
but then I think...
No.
(gentle music)
(actors laughing)
- Why?
(actors laughing)
- I'm sorry.
(gentle music)
- What the fuck?
Honey, what are you talking about?
- I wanna be supportive or your tiki bar.
I don't know. (laughs)
Oh the good times
and the bad, bad, bad
(gentle music)
- Hello?
Is it over?
Are we done?
(dramatic music)
(film rolling)