Zuijia Paidang (Aces Go Places 1) (1982) Movie Script
Thank you.
Watch out.
Bye-bye.
I'm sorry, the lift is out of order.
Bye-bye.
Don't move!
Hurry, over there!
Isn't it ready yet?
I'm just fixing the whatnot...
It's all set now.
If I hadn't promised your late father,
you wouldn't be here at all.
I'm sorry.
What's next?
- The plane.
- What?
- The yacht.
- What?
Oh no, the glider.
Get on with it then.
The glider...
Hurry up!
Bye-bye...
- Roberto! Nice to see you again!
- Oh, Monty!
- Welcome home!
- Hey, Monty!
- Have a nice time in Hong Kong?
- No.
- Godfather is not happy.
- Me too...
He's waiting for you.
Good luck, my boy.
Thank you, thank you.
Don Antonio...
Go to your mother...
Monty, my boy!
I'm sorry, godfather.
You are sorry?
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you?
Eh, this guy...
Every time you make mistake you come back to me,
and give me a lot of bullshit.
Now, tell me, who did it?
White Gloves.
It's him? Where is he now?
He's in Venice!
I believe you, my boy.
I'm never lying to you, godfather.
No matter how, you go to Hong Kong
and get me the diamonds.
Why me?
You do so,
or you'll be a dead fish!
Use my connections in Hong Kong.
I can lose the diamonds,
but I cannot lose the Italian's face.
Got it?
But I'm a British!
Stupid!
You still don't know, British and Italians are cousins?
I've never heard of it.
Diamonds, or your life!
Sir, according to our investigation...
Wait...
You forget, my Chinese is better than
your English.
Hua, you carry on.
A robbery took place in
Tsimshatsui Centre recently.
An invaluable consignment of diamonds
was lost but not reported.
Here's the information we have.
This is Szeto, who deals in stolen goods.
This is the leader of an international
smuggling syndicate,
an Italian by the name of Manterosso.
Szeto didn't lose anything in the robbery
and the Italian didn't report any loss
to the police either.
There was only a white glove left
at the scene of the crime.
That's all the information we have.
Supplied by the informer Squealie.
For obvious reasons, his true identity
is kept top secret.
We all know him, it's Ming.
Hush, the walls have ears.
This is the internationally renowned
burglar White Glove
who specializes in diamonds and gold.
He has 7 passports, 8 different names
nine identities and two sexes.
It is indeed our honour
that he has graced us with his presence.
But unfortunately, also our dishonour.
So we must get the help of his arch enemies.
Arch enemies?
Yes, he has two.
One is Peter Sellers, the Pink Panther.
But he is no longer with us.
The other is...
Hey, you're in the way.
The U.S. super sleuth, Kodojak,
who was demoted from inspector
to sergeant
and lost all his hair because of
White Glove.
If he doesn't catch White Glove
within 3 months,
he'll be dismissed from the force.
We'll bring Kodojak here
since he is most keen on
getting White Glove.
We'll also be assigning
Superintendent Ho...
That tough lady!
... to assist Kodojak on this case.
Marvellous idea!
Hey you, got a light?
Wow, it's a bird!
Come on baby, light my fire.
She's a little overdressed for that.
Wait till you find out what's under it all.
You wanna take a look?
Sure thing!
Don't blink!
You want a light? Here, I got a light.
Don't make me angry!
It's all his fault! Sorry, lady.
- Let's go.
- It's all your fault!
Let's get out of here.
Never seen legs before?
No, I was just admiring your holster.
Are you going to meet Kodojak?
I'm too busy for that, I'm here
to look for Squealie, the informer.
You'll never find him in this crowd.
He'll hear me when I shout.
Squealie!
He's not here.
Hold it right there.
Gotta go.
Hold it!
Don't move!
Come on, get down.
There's nobody here! Don't take it so serious.
I'm covering for you. Got anything for me?
Sure, three clues... two are good
and one's bad.
Give me the two good ones.
Kodojak is arriving from the States today.
You've been assigned to work with him.
How come you know our stuff too?!
I'm a professional informer.
What else?
There's a robbery at the
Kowloon City Jewellery shop.
How did you know it's today?
I picked the day for them, most propitious.
For the robbery?
No, for catching the robbers.
Let's have the bad one too.
Your senior said you wouldn't be
at the airport today.
He told me to do my rounds here.
I'd never thought I'd run into you.
The plane has landed.
I have to go check out a case.
What case?
A big case. Mind your own business.
- Roses are red.
- Violets are blue.
- Cupcakes for tea.
- And I love you.
- Cat Ballou...
- ... lost his shoe.
What a boohoohoo.
I'm Danny Chan, the singer.
I'm Albert Au, the folk song superstar!
That's just my cover name.
Mine too.
You're going to be robbed today.
But fear not, I'm here..
Don't anybody move. Easy now.
Get down on the floor!
Stand in the corner. Hurry!
Fill it up. Get a move on.
Attention all units, alarm at the
Kowloon City Jewellery shop.
Can you check it out?
Where's the jewellery shop?
Just around the corner.
Let's go...
We're ready, chief.
Go get a car.
Don't move!
Don't move! Get back in.
Don't move!
Ready to go, chief.
Follow us and you're dead!
Move it!
Get out, I'm a police officer.
Where's the key?
Right here...
Hurry up... step on it, old man.
No problem. What's your rush?
Are you trying to get us killed? Watch it!
We want to enjoy this loof.
Sorry, entirely accidental.
Let's get going!
How did you get your driver's licence?
Out! Police!
So am I, pal.
Don't try to kid me.
Are you an illegal immigrant?
Oh, no.
You can get this in any flea market.
Hey, I caught the whole gang for you! See?
Get in!
Move. Sit down.
Who's the boss?
Him.
Take their statement.
Get up!
Come with me.
Move.
Sit down.
OK, thanks.
Over there!
Anything you say...
Didn't make it this time!
Are you familiar with Hong Kong Law?
No, but I know all about U.S. Law.
New in town, eh? When did you arrive?
Just today.
How did you get through the border?
Did you swim?
I flew.
Any relatives here?
None. No friends either.
There's only one person in Hong Kong
who knows me.
Who might that be?
The Governor.
He invited me here.
Very smart!
You have the right to remain silent,
anything you say...
... may be used against you in court. Right?
Your name?
Call me Albert Au.
You even have an English name! Huh! From?
Taishan.
Marital status?
Single. And you?
None of your business!
Sex?
Madam, please note, I have a moustache.
So what does that prove?
Only men have moustaches.
Not like you.
I still can't figure out your real sex.
Don't you dare!
Your hit me before I even touched you?
Don't move!
Good, very good.
Great to see you in action, Kodojak.
Nothing to it. She's even better.
Naturally. Superintendent Ho has a
reputation for efficiency,
but she's a little slow with her gun.
I've arranged for her to assist you
on this case.
Her! No, thanks!
As cover, you two will pose as a
married couple.
What? Him as my husband?
With his looks, I'd rather have a gorilla.
Looking for trouble, bitch! Are the
hotel rooms booked yet?
Sure thing!
Get her a room next to mine
with an adjoining door.
Wishful thinking!
You're not scared of him, are you?
I just don't like hotels.
We'll stay at my place.
Your place?
Are you chicken?
Why should I be?
Don't think of me as a woman.
They all treat me like a man downtown.
Don't you ever forget, we are only
pretending to be married.
Oh, come on, I've seen it all before.
According to Squealie...
... the diamond job was done by him, King Kong,
also known as Superman.
He has a partner Gigolo Joe...
... who's always surrounded by women.
He's tattooed with all of their phone numbers.
After the job, they both disappeared.
King Kong lives on the 5th floor.
King Kong. Joe here.
Use the code!
Oh, sorry! Minnie Mouse
calling Mickey, over.
Mickey here. Go ahead.
I've hidden the diamonds...
The code! The code!
Oh sorry. I've hidden the peanuts...
Don't tell me. I talk in my sleep.
I know that, but I have to tell you.
Why?
Because I just did it with
Mad Max's sister.
You must be crazy!
Max will come after you.
I know. That's why I have to tell you.
OK... where?
Oh, no! I can't tell you where.
Bugs, remember?
How will I know where to go then?
That's true. I'll whisper.
I can't hear you.
Seventh Heaven. Got that?
Better get to Seventh Heaven quickly.
Give the peanuts to him, quick!
No, it's diamonds.
It's him!
It's White Glove! Get him.
King Kong.
Oh, no! It's her!
Stay right there!
Not that one, the other one!
You want me dead?
Better take some driving lessons first.
You bastard.
Bye-bye, Baldy!
Don't you dare drive off...
I'll catch you!
Hold it right there. White Glove!
Stop, Police!
Hi! Hey!
Bye-bye!
Stop!
A table for how many?
I'll help myself, thank you.
I'm over here!
The diamonds, no, I mean, the peanuts...
are very well hidden.
I've tattooed the clue
on 2 different women.
Go on, don't be so nervous.
You know how it is in the movies.
The informer usually gets killed
before he can finish talking.
I'm not worried, the one listening
always lives.
Spit it out.
The diamonds...
Yes?
Can't you see I've been shot?
It's only the champagne! Get on with it.
Let's go to the washroom.
Alright, you can talk now.
Hurry.
I hid the diamonds...
... I mean, the peanuts, in Kowloon.
Wait, hush.
Why?
I'm deaf, I can't hear anything.
He's a mute, he didn't say anything.
What?
Mad Max!
I'm a dead man now.
Let's get out through the back.
In here.
Go on, nobody is in here.
The peanuts... wait... isn't this lift
kind of small?
Watch it to your right.
Excuse us.
It's OK they don't speak Chinese.
How can you be so sure!
Right!
I know, we'll speak in code.
Use Planguage and mumbo jumbo.
What's that?!
Repeat each syllable and add a 'P' first.
Get on with it then!
The (per) pea (pee) nuts (puts) are (par)
in (pin) Kow (pow) loon (poon)
What did you say?
The peanuts are in Kowloon.
Ex (pix) cuse (puse) me (pe)
Excuse me.
Even a kid can do it.
There's nobody in the lift now.
Hang on.
In there.
I'm up here, I'm scared like hell.
But remember 'Rose'!
What rose?! Forget it, are you OK?
Can't you see for yourself?!
I'm sorry for all the things I did!
You didn't do anything!
You won't find the peanuts now.
That's alright.
Remember, no matter what,
we're an ace partnership.
Forever and ever!
I've caught White Glove.
That's not him.
White Glove is blonde and blue-eyed.
I'll bet you anything he did
the diamond job.
- He doesn't look like he's capable of that.
- No?
I know. Let me check him out.
How?
With the latest in I.Q. testing.
But you have to work with me.
Please sit down.
Leave that. Take a seat.
I won't say a word before my lawyer arrives.
Let's try an I.Q. test.
After my lawyer has arrived.
Do you know who I am?
Nope.
I'm Kodojak, the famous
No. 1 Chinese inspector in the U.S.!
You must have heard of me before!
Oh sure!
Let's cooperate.
Once my lawyer arrives.
Bastard!
Give me your hand.
You asked for it.
I haven't even started yet.
Easy does it.
Give it to me!
You hear!
Let's try the I.Q. test instead.
This is to test reflexes.
Whoever hits the other's hand
is the winner.
Who goes first?
Me, of course!
Where?
My turn.
Can we stop now?
Put your hand out.
Make up your mind. Which one?
This one.
You're sure it's this one?
Yeah!
There's my lawyer!
My turn now.
Bastard!
Where's my gun?
Here.
This isn't mine?!
Yours is over there.
What's wrong with you?
I know another game.
What if you lose again?
I'll set you free.
Come on.
Grab your ear with your right hand
and turn around your finger five times.
Then go forward to pick up the card.
If you lose, you'll have to work with me.
No problem.
Show me how it's done.
It's really simple.
Make one turn, slow and lazy.
Make two turns, simply daisy.
Make three turns, slightly pacy.
Make four turns, getting hazy.
Make five turns, going crazy. See?
I got it, let's go.
OK..
To which side do we start?
You're so dumb! Just turn with me.
Bit slow, isn't it?
I can go faster. Watch this!
That's fast. I'll never be able to make it.
Oh, sure you can. It's my third,
fourth and fifth.
I see. Let's start.
Come on.
Make one turn, slow and lazy.
Make two turns, simply daisy.
Make three turns, slightly pacy.
Make four turns, getting hazy.
Make five turns, going crazy...
Tough luck.
Bye-bye.
I used to do this all the time!
He's gone.
What are you up to?
Just taking a breather.
I'm White Glove. I've come to kill you.
You'll have to wait.
Why?
Because somebody is at the door.
Spare me.
Come on!
Wait right here, I'll send my guys after you.
Your guys?
That's him.
He has locked himself in.
Proceed to step two.
Yes, Sir!
Police?
Someone is trying to break into my flat.
Wrong number. This is White Glove.
I have sent you a gift.
Go take a look at the door.
What is it? Kerosene.
The same way the diamonds were stolen.
Your turn, Laurel.
Don't be afraid, I'm right here.
I can't get it out.
The other way around!
Right!
Oh, no! Look behind you.
You'd be dead if it weren't for me!
Thanks for your help.
How are you gonna pay me back?
Wait till my lawyer arrives.
Get me up first.
I'm investigating the diamonds case.
I didn't do it.
I must have got the wrong person.
I did it. I did it...
Where are the diamonds?
I have no idea.
Don't scare me, I have a weak heart.
I'm telling you the truth.
Where are the diamonds?
My partner had them.
Where is he now? He's dead.
Don't push me too far...
Alright... I'll help you recover
the diamonds.
You also have to find White Glove for me.
But you have to promise me one thing.
What?
Drop the charges against me.
It's a deal.
How can I be sure?
I promise.
Is the bomb ready?
It's ready.
Take it up.
The bugging device?
It's being installed.
Who did you send?
Blabbermouth.
Him! You can hear even his breathing
from a mile away.
Don't you worry, not this time!
I can't stay here a minute longer...
It's so dead.
Have your dinner first.
The steak is awful.
It tastes like cottonwood.
You punk!
And Baldy is so lacking in manners!
And you ask me to live with him.
I'm suffocating in here...
See, not a sound to the end!
What about the bomb?
On it's way up.
Even the door bell sounds bad.
What is it?
Delivery.
Must be my sister's. Just leave it.
- Put it down.
- Fine.
I can't stand this, I'm going home.
I'll be at my place if you want me.
Hello!
Hello!
I live here.
Me too.
You're home, sis.
Don't look at him. Come on in.
Who is he?
Him... you don't have to know him.
This one...no, don't bother.
Sit down.
Didn't you say you were leaving?
Yes, go on, scram.
Why don't you stay a while?
Japan was a lot of fun.
Have you been there before?
Sure.
On business?
Yes, on a job.
Hush, I think he's really stuck on
your sister.
I bet he doesn't even know his
own name now.
What's your name?
I have no idea.
Did you steal the diamonds?
I did.
Where did you put them?
My partner hid them.
How can we recover them?
He put the clue on two different women.
How can I find them?
I needn't bother now that I've found you.
You heard it, Baldy.
I think he stole the diamonds.
Are you lying?
I'd lie to Baldy and that bitch,
but I'd never lie to you!
Why are you holding my hand?
So what? We're both men!
You heard, he knows where
the diamonds are.
You are responsible for his safety
until we've found the diamonds.
Oh, no! The bomb!
Who delivered it?
I did.
Go bring it back, quick!
There isn't enough time.
Why?
There's only time for the trip up.
He has to be kept alive. Go get the bomb.
Aren't you gonna leave?
Me, leave?!
It's much nicer here!
See, the air is fresh.
The steak is good, but...
... your sis is a little too much...
What did you say?
Just a teeny weeny little bit.
Even the door bell sounds good!
I'm really enjoying the stay.
Wrong address.
Dumb jerk.
Heavy shoes?!
On your way now, please.
Here it comes!
Run for cover.
All the tattoos on Joe
were done by this guy.
Let's hope he remembers.
Please think carefully.
What did he have tattooed?
It's always a woman's name
or telephone number.
He's got them all over his body.
Did he bring any woman for a tattoo?
Yes, two of them.
And he wanted them done... here.
What did he want tattooed?
How can I remember? They come, they go...
This clue's dead...
Fat chance we have of finding
the diamonds now.
Fat chance you have of going to jail.
We still have another clue.
And that is...?
He shouted 'Rose' before he died.
I think that's the name of his girlfriend.
Hello there.
Did you just come out of the tattoo place?
Yes.
Then you must have your picture taken!
Why?
Everybody does it.
Do you think...
It's right here. Step this way.
Rose?!
Actually, we didn't come for
the photo session...
Then what do you want?
Get out!
I came to pick up some photos for my friend.
And who may that be?
Did anybody have a nude picture taken?
Burt did!
So you're friends of Burt Reynolds?
No, we're friends of Joe.
I don't know what you're talking about?
The guy with all the girl's numbers
tattooed all over
and always talking nonsense.
I know, you mean Gigolo Joe.
That's right!
He only left a deposit and never came back!
The photos are vital to us.
I forgot where I put them.
I'm quite busy, you know...
Please look for them...
Keep watch for me, whistle if someone
comes by.
You're in for it now...
What do you want? Money?
No.
I'm married.
No problem.
I am quite old.
I am not choosy.
I am not so pretty.
Better than nothing.
What? A stocking!
She can't recognize me now!
You better put one on, too!
Oh, no!
I'll give you the photos!
Terrific.
It's all here.
One of the girls works at this taxicab place.
Leave the talking to me.
Why?
You can only handle the older dames.
With younger ones, it's me or nothing.
I'm not so sure.
I was in a Body Building Contest once.
And?
I won, of course!
How many entrants were there?
Just me, of course!
Anyway, just keep your mouth shut.
Listen, it's my case.
I get to talk to the girls.
Hello!
What's your problem now?
Did you run into somebody just now?
Hit me on the head, he did.
Remember. I do the talking.
No, I want to do it!
I'll talk.
No, I'll talk!
- Shush!
- What shush!?
Traffic jam near Transport Department.
Taxi service here.
Got it.
you'll be home for dinner.
Tell her no.
How about WE get together tonight?
Sure, but I'm busy tonight.
Miss Mary?
Who are you?
I'm Joe's lawyer. This is his father.
Pleased to meet you.
I don't know where the hell Joe's gone.
Even you think he's gone to hell!
He really is dead.
Really?
Yes, it was terrible!
He kept calling your name before he died.
My name?
A lady lost her beloved Pekingese dog.
Please call in if you find it.
Such a sympathetic person.
God bless the dog.
He has left you some money.
How much?
Five hundred thousand!
U.S.!
Really?
Thank God, they found the dog,
and thank Joe!
Father, what does Joe have to do with God?
Make yourselves at home.
Don't mention it.
But we must have proof of your identity.
I have my identity card.
We understand you have...
... another rather unique proof.
Did he tell you about that, too!?
I was drunk that night.
You like drinking?
Yes, OK. A car has caught fire outside
the Fire Department.
A man has been knocked down by a car
outside the Funeral Home.
What a lot of bother!
You want to look at my behind?
For $500,000!
For $500,000 you can look at mine!
This is really juicy!
What if I won't let you?
It will be given to his father automatically.
- Can you proof he is Joe's father?
- Yes.
I love papa.
Where are we going?
Here, you can take your own picture.
It's a bit embarrassing.
$500.000 U.S.!
I have no change.
Here you are.
Don't peep!
Don't forget, just the mark.
Dead!
It's his daughter.
For entering the beauty contest!
Oh, no! My brother!
Here's your picture and your case.
Bye-bye.
Stop right there.
Who are you?
Mad Max.
Mad Max?!
Who is he?
Mad Max, who killed my partner Joe.
I don't know him. You two carry on.
Who are you?
That was an accident.
I wasn't even ready.
Doesn't feel right.
It's alright. There are two of us.
Everybody knows this is my territory.
How dare you take my sister
for obscene pictures!
Whose idea was it?
We may stand a chance if we both admit it.
Is it a deal?
Fine, no problem.
Whose idea was it?
Our idea.
Who thought of the plan?
We both did.
Who asked my sister to do it?
We both did.
You have guts.
We both do.
Quite something, eh?
We both are!
Now what?
It'll be alright! You confess first.
Now, whose idea was it?
Eh, mine... for the moment.
I can't breathe, help.
Did you have a part in it, too?
Say yes. Quick!
He said to say yes.
Hang on, just a few more seconds.
My turn now.
You have a bigger nose.
It takes me longer.
Hurry.
Here I come.
It feels so good.
Hey, it's my turn now.
Say pretty please.
Pretty please!
Here I come.
Let me come down now.
What's your hurry?
This is really killing me.
I'll die on you. I'm dead!
You weren't dying?!
After you!
If I didn't say that, you wouldn't have
let me down.
My turn now.
No way, I want my full share of air.
You cheat!
Air is free. How can I cheat?!
You, Baldy, it was all your idea!
So, it was your idea.
Yeah. Get him and jab one for me too.
Hey, we had a deal!
Fatso, it was actually his idea.
Did you hear him? Calling you Fatso, oh!
It's better than you calling him Pimpy.
What?
Now look what you got us into.
Don't worry. There are no trains
running here.
No trains?!
Yeah, but we have other things that
will do fine.
We needn't be in hospital at all really.
And you even asked for this fancy room.
Can't you keep quiet for even one minute?
Just call me if you need anything.
You bet... I won't.
There are 3 of us here, you know.
I've got other work to do.
Wow. I think she fancies me too.
What about yours?
I just haven't bothered!
You sure you can tame her?
Where the hell are those 2 bastards?!
Speak of the devil.
Play along with me.
Those two, going off on their own...
I'm going to get them!
She really is my dreamboat!
She looks tough but she's a real woman
from top to toe.
Can't you see the gentle side of her?
To tell you the truth,
I'm crazy about her.
She is everything a man can hope for.
She's always so poised.
Never says a harsh word to me.
A real lady.
She always sits so demurely.
She's so sweet and gentle.
Albert!
When did you come in?
Only just now. I wanted to tell you...
Go on!
Tomorrow is my birthday.
I've got you now. I win.
What are you doing in here again?
I forgot my jacket.
Sis?
What did you do to my sister?
I think you'd better get her an analyst.
Hello. It's for Superintendent Ho.
It's for your sis!
Even I heard, from outside.
Squealie speaking.
Squealie, where the hell have you been?
I told you to check out Mad Max, you Jerk.
She'll never change.
Oh, yes. She will, after I'm
through with her.
What?
Mad Max wants to get Baldy?!
You tell him if he so much as touches
a hair on Baldy's head, I'll get him.
Mad Max says he's going to kill you.
So?! We're busy right now.
The toilet isn't flushing.
It's fixed.
It's again not working.
OK.. Boss.
The remote control.
Bye-bye, Baldy!
May the Lord be with you.
Hey, no hanky panky with my sister.
Watch your own hanky panky here.
It's her birthday tonight.
I'll leave you two to it.
And you?
I thought you wanted to be with her.
The truth, please.
I've got a date.
Forgot to pay the electricity bill?
Don't you notice anything different
about me?
Looks like you're dressed to check out
Time Square.
Put your leg down, gets the sofa dirty.
It's my birthday today.
So what else is new?
Why don't you open the champagne first?
Did you make this?
With my own fair hands.
Your first attempt?
Tastes like it!
- Your birthday, huh?
- Right.
How old are you?
Just 30.
Nice age to be...
... for a man. A bit old for a girl though,
to be still single.
What happened?
Mr. Right just hasn't came along yet.
I can see why.
Can you hear that ticking?
There it is tick, tick.
Hush. Tick, tick, tick. It's a bomb!
Get down.
How come I can still hear it?
Oh, it's my old watch.
You're doing this on purpose!
Temper, temper.
You didn't have to come here.
I only came because you asked me to.
You think I wanted to come back.
Where're you off to now?
To grab some McDonald's.
A simple yes or no...
No!!!
Could have asked nicely...
Come on then.
Where are you?
Don't be shy. Make coffee.
I've found the other girl.
She's a ballet dancer.
She's got a performance this evening,
and is leaving for Japan tomorrow.
We have to move tonight.
If we two are together,
I'm the boss, got it?
We move tonight!
Get a move on, you guys!
What are you doing here?
We're...
... fans.
Can't you read? No admittance!
You there, you're on next.
What's this swan doing here?
She's an understudy.
So she should be standing by.
Hurry.
You're in the wrong costume.
You two again!
Come on, after them!
Here, this way.
Watch it!
Are they here?
Around here.
It's our turn! Quick!
You could have let us known about this,
even though you're the best director!
They just barged in!
Hey, right here!
Carry him backstage, quick!
Let me go.
That's the one!
Here I come.
OK!
Mama.
Not that one. It's the another one!
Sorry!
This one?
- That her?
- Papa!
Oh, no! What's going on?!
Fantastic! Great!
They like it! They like it!
Off the stage now.
Go back on, they like you!
Go on!
- Shall we?
- Go, go, go.
OK.. OK.
Come back, Nancy!
Down there!
Curtain call, quick!
Bring the curtain down.
Great!
That's the light bridge, idiot!
Sorry!
Fantastic!
Thank you!
What do you want?
Don't dilly dally! Get on with it!
Over there!
Don't stare!
Cheers!
According to my analysis,
Joe made these tattoos.
Take away the hearts and
if you read across...
... you'll see that it says.
M A P
A map.
Right.
Joe also kept saying 'Kowloon'.
So now, let's look at a Kowloon map.
The clue is in P6.
This is P and 6.
It's in the middle of the sea.
Right!
What does the rest stand for?
What?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's B3!
Right!
Old Joe wasn't so dumb after all.
Bit like it...
The diamonds must be under the buoy.
Naturally.
But I can't swim.
Neither can I.
It's never too late to start learning!
See, you're doing just fine!
You're really something.
I've got it.
After them!
Don't bother. The real ones are here.
Hey, you're really good.
Damn Baldy.
Just in time.
Here are the diamonds. Can I go free now?
Sure thing.
What are you doing here?
I brought you your car.
Don't get in the way!
White Glove won't show up
if he smells the cops.
Just call me, I've got the whole force ready.
Yeah, yeah. Now get a move on.
Run a hot bath for me!
OK..
Albert, you'll catch a cold
if you don't change soon.
Don't kid me. You just want to keep
a check on me.
That should get rid of her.
- Ready.
- Anytime you are.
Hurry.
All set.
Didn't you say you have a trump card?
At the right time. It's either you
or him now.
What about you?
I'll just watch.
There's White Glove, hurry!
I think he's had it now.
Not fair for him. It's us two against him!
OK, Baldy, all yours!
What about you?
You can handle this. It's nothing.
I think you'd better get ready too.
You can call Ho on the walkie talkie now.
Call who? What?
Call Superintendent Ho!
I threw the damn thing away!
Oh!
But you have a trump card.
It's not here!
Oh, no! Let me do the driving!
Don't mess around.
Come on, I'm better.
Watch it. Careful!
Let me.
Don't move!
Stop the car!
Put it in reverse.
We surrender.
You're as bad as your car looks.
You want to do the honours?
Through here.
Wow!
You're doing just fine, kiddo!
I see a lot of stars.
Are you OK?
Just fine.
Over there, quick.
What's this?
Digging for cover.
Good idea.
What's this?
My trump card.
This is fun!
Careful now.
Let me have a go.
Get off.
That's one trying to get away!
Let me do it.
Get off.
Hey, what a lot of fun.
Watch that one.
Are you alright?
I'm fine.
But I'm not.
Are you OK?
Help, I can't swim.
Let's break this up, move!
Let's break this up, move!
How is he?
Break it up!
Come down.
Let him ride with his pal.
Doctor, his pal's come on board, too.
It's OK, one's crazy and one's a local.
A fine pair!
Thank you.
Big man like you, sob, sob!
Getting mad?
Any troubles you have,
you can share them with me.
Let's sit down and talk it over.
If you need help, I'll be right here
at your beck and call.
With you by my side, I'll never be afraid.
United we're strong,
I'll look after you.
Have no fears, rest assured.
What a pair we make.
Any troubles you have,
you can share them with me.
Let's sit down and talk it over.
If you need help, I'll be right here
at your beck and call.
With you by my side, I'll never be afraid.
United we're strong,
I'll look after you.
Have no fears, rest assured.
What a pair we make.
That's what we are.
Always a pair of aces.
Watch out.
Bye-bye.
I'm sorry, the lift is out of order.
Bye-bye.
Don't move!
Hurry, over there!
Isn't it ready yet?
I'm just fixing the whatnot...
It's all set now.
If I hadn't promised your late father,
you wouldn't be here at all.
I'm sorry.
What's next?
- The plane.
- What?
- The yacht.
- What?
Oh no, the glider.
Get on with it then.
The glider...
Hurry up!
Bye-bye...
- Roberto! Nice to see you again!
- Oh, Monty!
- Welcome home!
- Hey, Monty!
- Have a nice time in Hong Kong?
- No.
- Godfather is not happy.
- Me too...
He's waiting for you.
Good luck, my boy.
Thank you, thank you.
Don Antonio...
Go to your mother...
Monty, my boy!
I'm sorry, godfather.
You are sorry?
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you?
Eh, this guy...
Every time you make mistake you come back to me,
and give me a lot of bullshit.
Now, tell me, who did it?
White Gloves.
It's him? Where is he now?
He's in Venice!
I believe you, my boy.
I'm never lying to you, godfather.
No matter how, you go to Hong Kong
and get me the diamonds.
Why me?
You do so,
or you'll be a dead fish!
Use my connections in Hong Kong.
I can lose the diamonds,
but I cannot lose the Italian's face.
Got it?
But I'm a British!
Stupid!
You still don't know, British and Italians are cousins?
I've never heard of it.
Diamonds, or your life!
Sir, according to our investigation...
Wait...
You forget, my Chinese is better than
your English.
Hua, you carry on.
A robbery took place in
Tsimshatsui Centre recently.
An invaluable consignment of diamonds
was lost but not reported.
Here's the information we have.
This is Szeto, who deals in stolen goods.
This is the leader of an international
smuggling syndicate,
an Italian by the name of Manterosso.
Szeto didn't lose anything in the robbery
and the Italian didn't report any loss
to the police either.
There was only a white glove left
at the scene of the crime.
That's all the information we have.
Supplied by the informer Squealie.
For obvious reasons, his true identity
is kept top secret.
We all know him, it's Ming.
Hush, the walls have ears.
This is the internationally renowned
burglar White Glove
who specializes in diamonds and gold.
He has 7 passports, 8 different names
nine identities and two sexes.
It is indeed our honour
that he has graced us with his presence.
But unfortunately, also our dishonour.
So we must get the help of his arch enemies.
Arch enemies?
Yes, he has two.
One is Peter Sellers, the Pink Panther.
But he is no longer with us.
The other is...
Hey, you're in the way.
The U.S. super sleuth, Kodojak,
who was demoted from inspector
to sergeant
and lost all his hair because of
White Glove.
If he doesn't catch White Glove
within 3 months,
he'll be dismissed from the force.
We'll bring Kodojak here
since he is most keen on
getting White Glove.
We'll also be assigning
Superintendent Ho...
That tough lady!
... to assist Kodojak on this case.
Marvellous idea!
Hey you, got a light?
Wow, it's a bird!
Come on baby, light my fire.
She's a little overdressed for that.
Wait till you find out what's under it all.
You wanna take a look?
Sure thing!
Don't blink!
You want a light? Here, I got a light.
Don't make me angry!
It's all his fault! Sorry, lady.
- Let's go.
- It's all your fault!
Let's get out of here.
Never seen legs before?
No, I was just admiring your holster.
Are you going to meet Kodojak?
I'm too busy for that, I'm here
to look for Squealie, the informer.
You'll never find him in this crowd.
He'll hear me when I shout.
Squealie!
He's not here.
Hold it right there.
Gotta go.
Hold it!
Don't move!
Come on, get down.
There's nobody here! Don't take it so serious.
I'm covering for you. Got anything for me?
Sure, three clues... two are good
and one's bad.
Give me the two good ones.
Kodojak is arriving from the States today.
You've been assigned to work with him.
How come you know our stuff too?!
I'm a professional informer.
What else?
There's a robbery at the
Kowloon City Jewellery shop.
How did you know it's today?
I picked the day for them, most propitious.
For the robbery?
No, for catching the robbers.
Let's have the bad one too.
Your senior said you wouldn't be
at the airport today.
He told me to do my rounds here.
I'd never thought I'd run into you.
The plane has landed.
I have to go check out a case.
What case?
A big case. Mind your own business.
- Roses are red.
- Violets are blue.
- Cupcakes for tea.
- And I love you.
- Cat Ballou...
- ... lost his shoe.
What a boohoohoo.
I'm Danny Chan, the singer.
I'm Albert Au, the folk song superstar!
That's just my cover name.
Mine too.
You're going to be robbed today.
But fear not, I'm here..
Don't anybody move. Easy now.
Get down on the floor!
Stand in the corner. Hurry!
Fill it up. Get a move on.
Attention all units, alarm at the
Kowloon City Jewellery shop.
Can you check it out?
Where's the jewellery shop?
Just around the corner.
Let's go...
We're ready, chief.
Go get a car.
Don't move!
Don't move! Get back in.
Don't move!
Ready to go, chief.
Follow us and you're dead!
Move it!
Get out, I'm a police officer.
Where's the key?
Right here...
Hurry up... step on it, old man.
No problem. What's your rush?
Are you trying to get us killed? Watch it!
We want to enjoy this loof.
Sorry, entirely accidental.
Let's get going!
How did you get your driver's licence?
Out! Police!
So am I, pal.
Don't try to kid me.
Are you an illegal immigrant?
Oh, no.
You can get this in any flea market.
Hey, I caught the whole gang for you! See?
Get in!
Move. Sit down.
Who's the boss?
Him.
Take their statement.
Get up!
Come with me.
Move.
Sit down.
OK, thanks.
Over there!
Anything you say...
Didn't make it this time!
Are you familiar with Hong Kong Law?
No, but I know all about U.S. Law.
New in town, eh? When did you arrive?
Just today.
How did you get through the border?
Did you swim?
I flew.
Any relatives here?
None. No friends either.
There's only one person in Hong Kong
who knows me.
Who might that be?
The Governor.
He invited me here.
Very smart!
You have the right to remain silent,
anything you say...
... may be used against you in court. Right?
Your name?
Call me Albert Au.
You even have an English name! Huh! From?
Taishan.
Marital status?
Single. And you?
None of your business!
Sex?
Madam, please note, I have a moustache.
So what does that prove?
Only men have moustaches.
Not like you.
I still can't figure out your real sex.
Don't you dare!
Your hit me before I even touched you?
Don't move!
Good, very good.
Great to see you in action, Kodojak.
Nothing to it. She's even better.
Naturally. Superintendent Ho has a
reputation for efficiency,
but she's a little slow with her gun.
I've arranged for her to assist you
on this case.
Her! No, thanks!
As cover, you two will pose as a
married couple.
What? Him as my husband?
With his looks, I'd rather have a gorilla.
Looking for trouble, bitch! Are the
hotel rooms booked yet?
Sure thing!
Get her a room next to mine
with an adjoining door.
Wishful thinking!
You're not scared of him, are you?
I just don't like hotels.
We'll stay at my place.
Your place?
Are you chicken?
Why should I be?
Don't think of me as a woman.
They all treat me like a man downtown.
Don't you ever forget, we are only
pretending to be married.
Oh, come on, I've seen it all before.
According to Squealie...
... the diamond job was done by him, King Kong,
also known as Superman.
He has a partner Gigolo Joe...
... who's always surrounded by women.
He's tattooed with all of their phone numbers.
After the job, they both disappeared.
King Kong lives on the 5th floor.
King Kong. Joe here.
Use the code!
Oh, sorry! Minnie Mouse
calling Mickey, over.
Mickey here. Go ahead.
I've hidden the diamonds...
The code! The code!
Oh sorry. I've hidden the peanuts...
Don't tell me. I talk in my sleep.
I know that, but I have to tell you.
Why?
Because I just did it with
Mad Max's sister.
You must be crazy!
Max will come after you.
I know. That's why I have to tell you.
OK... where?
Oh, no! I can't tell you where.
Bugs, remember?
How will I know where to go then?
That's true. I'll whisper.
I can't hear you.
Seventh Heaven. Got that?
Better get to Seventh Heaven quickly.
Give the peanuts to him, quick!
No, it's diamonds.
It's him!
It's White Glove! Get him.
King Kong.
Oh, no! It's her!
Stay right there!
Not that one, the other one!
You want me dead?
Better take some driving lessons first.
You bastard.
Bye-bye, Baldy!
Don't you dare drive off...
I'll catch you!
Hold it right there. White Glove!
Stop, Police!
Hi! Hey!
Bye-bye!
Stop!
A table for how many?
I'll help myself, thank you.
I'm over here!
The diamonds, no, I mean, the peanuts...
are very well hidden.
I've tattooed the clue
on 2 different women.
Go on, don't be so nervous.
You know how it is in the movies.
The informer usually gets killed
before he can finish talking.
I'm not worried, the one listening
always lives.
Spit it out.
The diamonds...
Yes?
Can't you see I've been shot?
It's only the champagne! Get on with it.
Let's go to the washroom.
Alright, you can talk now.
Hurry.
I hid the diamonds...
... I mean, the peanuts, in Kowloon.
Wait, hush.
Why?
I'm deaf, I can't hear anything.
He's a mute, he didn't say anything.
What?
Mad Max!
I'm a dead man now.
Let's get out through the back.
In here.
Go on, nobody is in here.
The peanuts... wait... isn't this lift
kind of small?
Watch it to your right.
Excuse us.
It's OK they don't speak Chinese.
How can you be so sure!
Right!
I know, we'll speak in code.
Use Planguage and mumbo jumbo.
What's that?!
Repeat each syllable and add a 'P' first.
Get on with it then!
The (per) pea (pee) nuts (puts) are (par)
in (pin) Kow (pow) loon (poon)
What did you say?
The peanuts are in Kowloon.
Ex (pix) cuse (puse) me (pe)
Excuse me.
Even a kid can do it.
There's nobody in the lift now.
Hang on.
In there.
I'm up here, I'm scared like hell.
But remember 'Rose'!
What rose?! Forget it, are you OK?
Can't you see for yourself?!
I'm sorry for all the things I did!
You didn't do anything!
You won't find the peanuts now.
That's alright.
Remember, no matter what,
we're an ace partnership.
Forever and ever!
I've caught White Glove.
That's not him.
White Glove is blonde and blue-eyed.
I'll bet you anything he did
the diamond job.
- He doesn't look like he's capable of that.
- No?
I know. Let me check him out.
How?
With the latest in I.Q. testing.
But you have to work with me.
Please sit down.
Leave that. Take a seat.
I won't say a word before my lawyer arrives.
Let's try an I.Q. test.
After my lawyer has arrived.
Do you know who I am?
Nope.
I'm Kodojak, the famous
No. 1 Chinese inspector in the U.S.!
You must have heard of me before!
Oh sure!
Let's cooperate.
Once my lawyer arrives.
Bastard!
Give me your hand.
You asked for it.
I haven't even started yet.
Easy does it.
Give it to me!
You hear!
Let's try the I.Q. test instead.
This is to test reflexes.
Whoever hits the other's hand
is the winner.
Who goes first?
Me, of course!
Where?
My turn.
Can we stop now?
Put your hand out.
Make up your mind. Which one?
This one.
You're sure it's this one?
Yeah!
There's my lawyer!
My turn now.
Bastard!
Where's my gun?
Here.
This isn't mine?!
Yours is over there.
What's wrong with you?
I know another game.
What if you lose again?
I'll set you free.
Come on.
Grab your ear with your right hand
and turn around your finger five times.
Then go forward to pick up the card.
If you lose, you'll have to work with me.
No problem.
Show me how it's done.
It's really simple.
Make one turn, slow and lazy.
Make two turns, simply daisy.
Make three turns, slightly pacy.
Make four turns, getting hazy.
Make five turns, going crazy. See?
I got it, let's go.
OK..
To which side do we start?
You're so dumb! Just turn with me.
Bit slow, isn't it?
I can go faster. Watch this!
That's fast. I'll never be able to make it.
Oh, sure you can. It's my third,
fourth and fifth.
I see. Let's start.
Come on.
Make one turn, slow and lazy.
Make two turns, simply daisy.
Make three turns, slightly pacy.
Make four turns, getting hazy.
Make five turns, going crazy...
Tough luck.
Bye-bye.
I used to do this all the time!
He's gone.
What are you up to?
Just taking a breather.
I'm White Glove. I've come to kill you.
You'll have to wait.
Why?
Because somebody is at the door.
Spare me.
Come on!
Wait right here, I'll send my guys after you.
Your guys?
That's him.
He has locked himself in.
Proceed to step two.
Yes, Sir!
Police?
Someone is trying to break into my flat.
Wrong number. This is White Glove.
I have sent you a gift.
Go take a look at the door.
What is it? Kerosene.
The same way the diamonds were stolen.
Your turn, Laurel.
Don't be afraid, I'm right here.
I can't get it out.
The other way around!
Right!
Oh, no! Look behind you.
You'd be dead if it weren't for me!
Thanks for your help.
How are you gonna pay me back?
Wait till my lawyer arrives.
Get me up first.
I'm investigating the diamonds case.
I didn't do it.
I must have got the wrong person.
I did it. I did it...
Where are the diamonds?
I have no idea.
Don't scare me, I have a weak heart.
I'm telling you the truth.
Where are the diamonds?
My partner had them.
Where is he now? He's dead.
Don't push me too far...
Alright... I'll help you recover
the diamonds.
You also have to find White Glove for me.
But you have to promise me one thing.
What?
Drop the charges against me.
It's a deal.
How can I be sure?
I promise.
Is the bomb ready?
It's ready.
Take it up.
The bugging device?
It's being installed.
Who did you send?
Blabbermouth.
Him! You can hear even his breathing
from a mile away.
Don't you worry, not this time!
I can't stay here a minute longer...
It's so dead.
Have your dinner first.
The steak is awful.
It tastes like cottonwood.
You punk!
And Baldy is so lacking in manners!
And you ask me to live with him.
I'm suffocating in here...
See, not a sound to the end!
What about the bomb?
On it's way up.
Even the door bell sounds bad.
What is it?
Delivery.
Must be my sister's. Just leave it.
- Put it down.
- Fine.
I can't stand this, I'm going home.
I'll be at my place if you want me.
Hello!
Hello!
I live here.
Me too.
You're home, sis.
Don't look at him. Come on in.
Who is he?
Him... you don't have to know him.
This one...no, don't bother.
Sit down.
Didn't you say you were leaving?
Yes, go on, scram.
Why don't you stay a while?
Japan was a lot of fun.
Have you been there before?
Sure.
On business?
Yes, on a job.
Hush, I think he's really stuck on
your sister.
I bet he doesn't even know his
own name now.
What's your name?
I have no idea.
Did you steal the diamonds?
I did.
Where did you put them?
My partner hid them.
How can we recover them?
He put the clue on two different women.
How can I find them?
I needn't bother now that I've found you.
You heard it, Baldy.
I think he stole the diamonds.
Are you lying?
I'd lie to Baldy and that bitch,
but I'd never lie to you!
Why are you holding my hand?
So what? We're both men!
You heard, he knows where
the diamonds are.
You are responsible for his safety
until we've found the diamonds.
Oh, no! The bomb!
Who delivered it?
I did.
Go bring it back, quick!
There isn't enough time.
Why?
There's only time for the trip up.
He has to be kept alive. Go get the bomb.
Aren't you gonna leave?
Me, leave?!
It's much nicer here!
See, the air is fresh.
The steak is good, but...
... your sis is a little too much...
What did you say?
Just a teeny weeny little bit.
Even the door bell sounds good!
I'm really enjoying the stay.
Wrong address.
Dumb jerk.
Heavy shoes?!
On your way now, please.
Here it comes!
Run for cover.
All the tattoos on Joe
were done by this guy.
Let's hope he remembers.
Please think carefully.
What did he have tattooed?
It's always a woman's name
or telephone number.
He's got them all over his body.
Did he bring any woman for a tattoo?
Yes, two of them.
And he wanted them done... here.
What did he want tattooed?
How can I remember? They come, they go...
This clue's dead...
Fat chance we have of finding
the diamonds now.
Fat chance you have of going to jail.
We still have another clue.
And that is...?
He shouted 'Rose' before he died.
I think that's the name of his girlfriend.
Hello there.
Did you just come out of the tattoo place?
Yes.
Then you must have your picture taken!
Why?
Everybody does it.
Do you think...
It's right here. Step this way.
Rose?!
Actually, we didn't come for
the photo session...
Then what do you want?
Get out!
I came to pick up some photos for my friend.
And who may that be?
Did anybody have a nude picture taken?
Burt did!
So you're friends of Burt Reynolds?
No, we're friends of Joe.
I don't know what you're talking about?
The guy with all the girl's numbers
tattooed all over
and always talking nonsense.
I know, you mean Gigolo Joe.
That's right!
He only left a deposit and never came back!
The photos are vital to us.
I forgot where I put them.
I'm quite busy, you know...
Please look for them...
Keep watch for me, whistle if someone
comes by.
You're in for it now...
What do you want? Money?
No.
I'm married.
No problem.
I am quite old.
I am not choosy.
I am not so pretty.
Better than nothing.
What? A stocking!
She can't recognize me now!
You better put one on, too!
Oh, no!
I'll give you the photos!
Terrific.
It's all here.
One of the girls works at this taxicab place.
Leave the talking to me.
Why?
You can only handle the older dames.
With younger ones, it's me or nothing.
I'm not so sure.
I was in a Body Building Contest once.
And?
I won, of course!
How many entrants were there?
Just me, of course!
Anyway, just keep your mouth shut.
Listen, it's my case.
I get to talk to the girls.
Hello!
What's your problem now?
Did you run into somebody just now?
Hit me on the head, he did.
Remember. I do the talking.
No, I want to do it!
I'll talk.
No, I'll talk!
- Shush!
- What shush!?
Traffic jam near Transport Department.
Taxi service here.
Got it.
you'll be home for dinner.
Tell her no.
How about WE get together tonight?
Sure, but I'm busy tonight.
Miss Mary?
Who are you?
I'm Joe's lawyer. This is his father.
Pleased to meet you.
I don't know where the hell Joe's gone.
Even you think he's gone to hell!
He really is dead.
Really?
Yes, it was terrible!
He kept calling your name before he died.
My name?
A lady lost her beloved Pekingese dog.
Please call in if you find it.
Such a sympathetic person.
God bless the dog.
He has left you some money.
How much?
Five hundred thousand!
U.S.!
Really?
Thank God, they found the dog,
and thank Joe!
Father, what does Joe have to do with God?
Make yourselves at home.
Don't mention it.
But we must have proof of your identity.
I have my identity card.
We understand you have...
... another rather unique proof.
Did he tell you about that, too!?
I was drunk that night.
You like drinking?
Yes, OK. A car has caught fire outside
the Fire Department.
A man has been knocked down by a car
outside the Funeral Home.
What a lot of bother!
You want to look at my behind?
For $500,000!
For $500,000 you can look at mine!
This is really juicy!
What if I won't let you?
It will be given to his father automatically.
- Can you proof he is Joe's father?
- Yes.
I love papa.
Where are we going?
Here, you can take your own picture.
It's a bit embarrassing.
$500.000 U.S.!
I have no change.
Here you are.
Don't peep!
Don't forget, just the mark.
Dead!
It's his daughter.
For entering the beauty contest!
Oh, no! My brother!
Here's your picture and your case.
Bye-bye.
Stop right there.
Who are you?
Mad Max.
Mad Max?!
Who is he?
Mad Max, who killed my partner Joe.
I don't know him. You two carry on.
Who are you?
That was an accident.
I wasn't even ready.
Doesn't feel right.
It's alright. There are two of us.
Everybody knows this is my territory.
How dare you take my sister
for obscene pictures!
Whose idea was it?
We may stand a chance if we both admit it.
Is it a deal?
Fine, no problem.
Whose idea was it?
Our idea.
Who thought of the plan?
We both did.
Who asked my sister to do it?
We both did.
You have guts.
We both do.
Quite something, eh?
We both are!
Now what?
It'll be alright! You confess first.
Now, whose idea was it?
Eh, mine... for the moment.
I can't breathe, help.
Did you have a part in it, too?
Say yes. Quick!
He said to say yes.
Hang on, just a few more seconds.
My turn now.
You have a bigger nose.
It takes me longer.
Hurry.
Here I come.
It feels so good.
Hey, it's my turn now.
Say pretty please.
Pretty please!
Here I come.
Let me come down now.
What's your hurry?
This is really killing me.
I'll die on you. I'm dead!
You weren't dying?!
After you!
If I didn't say that, you wouldn't have
let me down.
My turn now.
No way, I want my full share of air.
You cheat!
Air is free. How can I cheat?!
You, Baldy, it was all your idea!
So, it was your idea.
Yeah. Get him and jab one for me too.
Hey, we had a deal!
Fatso, it was actually his idea.
Did you hear him? Calling you Fatso, oh!
It's better than you calling him Pimpy.
What?
Now look what you got us into.
Don't worry. There are no trains
running here.
No trains?!
Yeah, but we have other things that
will do fine.
We needn't be in hospital at all really.
And you even asked for this fancy room.
Can't you keep quiet for even one minute?
Just call me if you need anything.
You bet... I won't.
There are 3 of us here, you know.
I've got other work to do.
Wow. I think she fancies me too.
What about yours?
I just haven't bothered!
You sure you can tame her?
Where the hell are those 2 bastards?!
Speak of the devil.
Play along with me.
Those two, going off on their own...
I'm going to get them!
She really is my dreamboat!
She looks tough but she's a real woman
from top to toe.
Can't you see the gentle side of her?
To tell you the truth,
I'm crazy about her.
She is everything a man can hope for.
She's always so poised.
Never says a harsh word to me.
A real lady.
She always sits so demurely.
She's so sweet and gentle.
Albert!
When did you come in?
Only just now. I wanted to tell you...
Go on!
Tomorrow is my birthday.
I've got you now. I win.
What are you doing in here again?
I forgot my jacket.
Sis?
What did you do to my sister?
I think you'd better get her an analyst.
Hello. It's for Superintendent Ho.
It's for your sis!
Even I heard, from outside.
Squealie speaking.
Squealie, where the hell have you been?
I told you to check out Mad Max, you Jerk.
She'll never change.
Oh, yes. She will, after I'm
through with her.
What?
Mad Max wants to get Baldy?!
You tell him if he so much as touches
a hair on Baldy's head, I'll get him.
Mad Max says he's going to kill you.
So?! We're busy right now.
The toilet isn't flushing.
It's fixed.
It's again not working.
OK.. Boss.
The remote control.
Bye-bye, Baldy!
May the Lord be with you.
Hey, no hanky panky with my sister.
Watch your own hanky panky here.
It's her birthday tonight.
I'll leave you two to it.
And you?
I thought you wanted to be with her.
The truth, please.
I've got a date.
Forgot to pay the electricity bill?
Don't you notice anything different
about me?
Looks like you're dressed to check out
Time Square.
Put your leg down, gets the sofa dirty.
It's my birthday today.
So what else is new?
Why don't you open the champagne first?
Did you make this?
With my own fair hands.
Your first attempt?
Tastes like it!
- Your birthday, huh?
- Right.
How old are you?
Just 30.
Nice age to be...
... for a man. A bit old for a girl though,
to be still single.
What happened?
Mr. Right just hasn't came along yet.
I can see why.
Can you hear that ticking?
There it is tick, tick.
Hush. Tick, tick, tick. It's a bomb!
Get down.
How come I can still hear it?
Oh, it's my old watch.
You're doing this on purpose!
Temper, temper.
You didn't have to come here.
I only came because you asked me to.
You think I wanted to come back.
Where're you off to now?
To grab some McDonald's.
A simple yes or no...
No!!!
Could have asked nicely...
Come on then.
Where are you?
Don't be shy. Make coffee.
I've found the other girl.
She's a ballet dancer.
She's got a performance this evening,
and is leaving for Japan tomorrow.
We have to move tonight.
If we two are together,
I'm the boss, got it?
We move tonight!
Get a move on, you guys!
What are you doing here?
We're...
... fans.
Can't you read? No admittance!
You there, you're on next.
What's this swan doing here?
She's an understudy.
So she should be standing by.
Hurry.
You're in the wrong costume.
You two again!
Come on, after them!
Here, this way.
Watch it!
Are they here?
Around here.
It's our turn! Quick!
You could have let us known about this,
even though you're the best director!
They just barged in!
Hey, right here!
Carry him backstage, quick!
Let me go.
That's the one!
Here I come.
OK!
Mama.
Not that one. It's the another one!
Sorry!
This one?
- That her?
- Papa!
Oh, no! What's going on?!
Fantastic! Great!
They like it! They like it!
Off the stage now.
Go back on, they like you!
Go on!
- Shall we?
- Go, go, go.
OK.. OK.
Come back, Nancy!
Down there!
Curtain call, quick!
Bring the curtain down.
Great!
That's the light bridge, idiot!
Sorry!
Fantastic!
Thank you!
What do you want?
Don't dilly dally! Get on with it!
Over there!
Don't stare!
Cheers!
According to my analysis,
Joe made these tattoos.
Take away the hearts and
if you read across...
... you'll see that it says.
M A P
A map.
Right.
Joe also kept saying 'Kowloon'.
So now, let's look at a Kowloon map.
The clue is in P6.
This is P and 6.
It's in the middle of the sea.
Right!
What does the rest stand for?
What?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There's B3!
Right!
Old Joe wasn't so dumb after all.
Bit like it...
The diamonds must be under the buoy.
Naturally.
But I can't swim.
Neither can I.
It's never too late to start learning!
See, you're doing just fine!
You're really something.
I've got it.
After them!
Don't bother. The real ones are here.
Hey, you're really good.
Damn Baldy.
Just in time.
Here are the diamonds. Can I go free now?
Sure thing.
What are you doing here?
I brought you your car.
Don't get in the way!
White Glove won't show up
if he smells the cops.
Just call me, I've got the whole force ready.
Yeah, yeah. Now get a move on.
Run a hot bath for me!
OK..
Albert, you'll catch a cold
if you don't change soon.
Don't kid me. You just want to keep
a check on me.
That should get rid of her.
- Ready.
- Anytime you are.
Hurry.
All set.
Didn't you say you have a trump card?
At the right time. It's either you
or him now.
What about you?
I'll just watch.
There's White Glove, hurry!
I think he's had it now.
Not fair for him. It's us two against him!
OK, Baldy, all yours!
What about you?
You can handle this. It's nothing.
I think you'd better get ready too.
You can call Ho on the walkie talkie now.
Call who? What?
Call Superintendent Ho!
I threw the damn thing away!
Oh!
But you have a trump card.
It's not here!
Oh, no! Let me do the driving!
Don't mess around.
Come on, I'm better.
Watch it. Careful!
Let me.
Don't move!
Stop the car!
Put it in reverse.
We surrender.
You're as bad as your car looks.
You want to do the honours?
Through here.
Wow!
You're doing just fine, kiddo!
I see a lot of stars.
Are you OK?
Just fine.
Over there, quick.
What's this?
Digging for cover.
Good idea.
What's this?
My trump card.
This is fun!
Careful now.
Let me have a go.
Get off.
That's one trying to get away!
Let me do it.
Get off.
Hey, what a lot of fun.
Watch that one.
Are you alright?
I'm fine.
But I'm not.
Are you OK?
Help, I can't swim.
Let's break this up, move!
Let's break this up, move!
How is he?
Break it up!
Come down.
Let him ride with his pal.
Doctor, his pal's come on board, too.
It's OK, one's crazy and one's a local.
A fine pair!
Thank you.
Big man like you, sob, sob!
Getting mad?
Any troubles you have,
you can share them with me.
Let's sit down and talk it over.
If you need help, I'll be right here
at your beck and call.
With you by my side, I'll never be afraid.
United we're strong,
I'll look after you.
Have no fears, rest assured.
What a pair we make.
Any troubles you have,
you can share them with me.
Let's sit down and talk it over.
If you need help, I'll be right here
at your beck and call.
With you by my side, I'll never be afraid.
United we're strong,
I'll look after you.
Have no fears, rest assured.
What a pair we make.
That's what we are.
Always a pair of aces.