Zuijia paidang daxian shentong (Aces Go Places II) (1983) Movie Script
Wrong number!
Come on...
Come on...
The U.N.O. had it's 17,000th meeting.
On global security, the meeting
was a deadlock.
Latest news: Macau launched her
first rocket today.
Where is he?
I can't find him.
Bye-bye.
You don't have to believe in God,
but you must believe in my intelligence.
With this, I've made my friend Nixon
such a world famous super star.
What about the Watergate Scandal?
That makes him even more famous!
And don't you ever mention
Watergate in front of me again.
And don't you ever tell anybody
I'm the killer's agent now.
Well, you got someone
who thinks dirty, and fights dirty.
Oh boy, he's more than dirty.
He's filthy.
Who?
The bad guys call him Harry and
the good guys call him Filthy Harry.
Filthy Harry!
Have we met somewhere before?
Yeah, in hell.
Harry, the godfather in Italy
offers you a contract.
He wants you go to Hong Kong
and make a deal with this punk.
By the way, get rid of these two creeps.
Why?
Because the godfather doesn't like them.
I didn't ask you. Get lost!
Listen to him. Get lost.
Get rid of him. I don't like him.
Neither do I.
Well, ok?
What's ok?
Did you get him?
No. The men run too fast!
Help!
Help!
Help, help!
Over there!
That's it.
Look behind you, some goodies!
You're so sneaky!
It's you again!
Is that all? Only four of you?
Come on... hurry up...
Excuse me!
You have guts.
We'll never do it again!
What are you doing?
Nothing. I'm short-sighted.
Wanna see you clearly.
Where are the bad guys?
I'm lucky to have met you.
Where are they?
I've sent them running!
Come closer and see for yourself.
My name's King Kong, and yours?
I'm Juju.
Come closer and see for yourself.
Oh no, I've got to go now.
So soon!
My brother says, when a guy meets a gal,
and they're alone,
strange things happen.
I wouldn't dare!
But I would!
Gosh. I've got to get some money
from the bank.
What if I run into the baddies again?
Don't worry, I'll go with you.
Hang on while I get changed.
Let's go!
You're just terrific!
Please!
This way! Yes, this way!
I have something for you.
This is ordered by you.
Come here!
Do you like it?
Sure!
Please wrap it up.
How do you want it?
Large bills please.
What's the matter?
I'm a bit scared.
Don't be. I'll take care of
the bad guys.
You're really handsome!
Oh really?
Miss!
Why don't you give her money?
Hurry up, we're going to a movie.
I'll take care of them for you.
Hurry up or else my partner might get mad.
There's no more.
Bye-bye.
Have you got the money?
All of it.
Let's go.
What? There's a robbery.
Yes, and you did it.
The one in the white suit,
he's got a gun with him.
Don't move or I'll beat you up!
Spare me. I've got a wife and mother.
Where?
In lndia.
Give me the gun
and I'll give you this.
Whatever you say.
Bye-bye.
Bye, sonny, thanks!
Over there!
The man in front is the robber.
Get him!
Who...?
He's right in front of us...
Get him!
The one in the white suit!
Can I use your bike?
Get him. Don't let him run away!
Excuse me!
Stop!
Bye-bye.
Don't run!
What's going on?
Don't move or I'll fire!
Stop!
Over there, run...!
Don't do that, sir!
I didn't see anything.
It's him. Go get him!
Stop. Don't let him get away!
Don't run, stop...!
Why don't you keep singing happy birthday?
Blow the candles!
Open the door. Don't run!
Who's he?
Don't know!
You know him!
No!
Break the door down!
Don't move!
Bye-bye.
Hey, how did you get here?
Goddamn it! It's all your fault.
I wanna kill myself
but your truck blocked the way.
See what you did to my suit.
Jumped from such height yet didn't die.
Go drive!
I'm going to do it again!
Where's Baldy?
Hello!
You son of a bitch. Why are you so late?
Quiet please, you're in the church.
I'm sorry! Sorry...!
You're wearing Mighty Mouse's costume!
Why so late?
I'm in trouble. I was set up.
Mr. Albert Au, Miss Nancy Ho.
The love between husband and wife is sacred.
Marriage is a great responsibility.
It should be mutual and lasting.
What a load of bullshit!
You bet!
Albert! Pay attention!
Okay, you can carry on.
Mr. Albert Au, will you take
Miss Nancy Ho as your wife?
Will you or won't you?
Hold on. What did you say?
I asked you whether you're going to help me.
Well, will you or won't you?
Of course not!
What did you say?
It's got nothing to do with me.
Sir, that guy up there robbed the bank.
What now?
I'm in trouble, I've got to go now.
Really? Yes!
Sorry!
I just got the information.
We're all here now!
Bye. I'm off!
Get him, don't let him get away!
Darling, please!
Let's talk about how to help King Kong out...
Baldy, come over here!
To our room? Coming...
No way. If you wanna marry me,
make sure that's between you and me.
King Kong will have to get lost!
Darling...
He's not just a pal. He's like
a brother to me!
Who is more important:
your wife or brother?
It's different, a brother is part of you.
What about a wife?
Like chicken congee!
What?
You never heard that before?
It goes like this:
Wife is like chicken congee,
much nicety before eating.
Too much eating becomes plain congee.
What plain congee?!
Tasteless and boring!
Who taught you this?
King Kong of course!
That's a bit much.
And disrupting our wedding too!
I'll shoot him on sight.
Yes, I'll do that when I see him!
Where are you going?
To take a shower!
Ebony & lvory, live together
in perfect harmony...
What's the matter?
You're done!
Nancy said she'll shoot you on sight!
Why?
I told her the chicken congee story!
You really got me into trouble this time!
Why are you yelling?
I'm singing. 'Jingle Bells...'
Sing 'Ebony and lvory!'
Ebony & lvory, live together
in perfect harmony...
What are you doing?
I'm taking a shower!
With your clothes on?
Yeah, I wanna clean them too.
What's that in your hands?
One of the holes is stuck!
Go out. You make me feel embarrassed.
She's gone out. Get dressed and go.
OK.
What song did I sing?
Jingle Bells!
Ebony & lvory...
Ebony & lvory...
Ebony & lvory...
Why did you take such a long time?
Combing my hair, of course!
I've lost so much hair recently.
Let's go!
Who went in?
Me of course.
What are you doing in there?
Taking a shower.
You can't do that!
Why not? You can do it, so why can't I?
Don't take off your clothes!
You kidding? How can I take a shower
with my clothes on?
Oh my God! King Kong, close your eyes!
What are you doing now?
Taking off my clothes!
Oh no, King Kong will see everything!
Were you peeped by King Kong?
How do you know?
I told him to hide inside.
Let him take a look, darling!
How can you do that? I'm your wife!
Truly you're for my eyes only.
Were you undressed?
Of course, I took off two buttons!
One. Two.
King Kong, you son of a bitch!
Come out!
What have you got to say for yourself?
Don't get mad, I didn't see anything!
I closed my eyes!
She took off three buttons,
so you saw everything!
Not so many, only two!
How do you know?
I saw it with my own eyes.
I think that's the end of our friendship.
I mean two sleeve buttons only!
Even worse. The most attractive part
of my wife's body
is her pair of hands and you saw
it all! A duel!
What are you going to use?
Me? A gun of course!
Come on!
I hate men in skirts anyway!
So you're bound to win?
Of course!
Baldy, it's not fair.
I can't help it.
It's not fair for me to marry you.
It's not fair to leave King Kong helpless!
What's he to you that you're helping him?
What did I say wrong?
How dare you say such a thing?
He told me to.
It's my fault.
It's my fault that Baldy has become so cheeky.
I stopped your wonderful wedding.
I should bear all the responsibility.
It's my fault that you're fighting.
I'm leaving!
If you have time,
do drop by the prison to say hello.
Wait a minute.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
If I don't help you, who will?
Let's go!
Stop. Come back!
How can you make it without my help?
To find out who set King Kong up
we have to find Squealie.
That informer?
How do you know he's here?
He comes here every night.
So many cars here, how do we start?
Don't worry, when I shout he'll come out.
Squealie!
What's going on?
Don't run away!
Stay where you are!
Okay!
What are you looking at?
Okay. I'll give you the information
you need.
What information?
Three clues: one genuine,
one false, one complimentary.
Go ahead!
Some jerk was set up by a girl,
that's genuine.
What a great way to be set up!
What else have you got?
The second one is false.
You're supposed to marry Baldy,
but everything's messed up.
Now everybody is saying that
nobody is marrying you.
Shut up, you didn't even turn up
at my wedding.
And no wedding present either!
That's why the third one is complimentary.
What's complimentary?
Gossip! After all, that's my business.
Go on, I love gossip.
Who is it about?
You of course!
Actually, Baldy is a real playboy.
He fooled around a lot in the States.
Once he even went with a black girl!
You son of a bitch, that's a lie!
I have evidence, look at this photo.
Baldy!
You wanna sneak off!
Come here, explain yourself.
I'm busy!
Are you coming?
Yes, right away. I'll explain.
Who masterminded the robbery?
Who are you?
I'm the dumb jerk!
Since you're so frank,
I'll tell you.
The gang which set you up for
the bank job is
headed by a brother and a sister.
Known as Bull and Juju.
Where do they live?
That doesn't work!
Of course, yours never do.
So what shall we do?
We have to beat about the bush,
then surround them.
I'll be ready at the door,
while you break in through the window.
When everybody's attention is on you,
I'll break in through the door.
This way we'll get them all.
Smart guy!
In three minutes' time, we'll start.
This is for real!
Over there!
It's here!
Coming!
Don't move!
Are you Bonnie and Clyde?
Sixty years ago we were.
Then what are you doing
on the 5th floor?
This is the 6th floor!
How come?
Ten seconds too late. I'll take
a chance, bye!
Don't move!
Drop your guns!
Where's your boss?
Tell him to come out right away!
Where have you been?
The rope wasn't long enough,
ended on the 6th floor!
Gosh, can't you be more...
Who's she?
The one who set me up for the bank job.
King Kong, I'm sorry,
my brother forced me to.
I knew it.
Don't take this, it's poisonous!
Keep your hands off!
Have you two had enough fun?
If so, please sit down and let's talk.
He asked us to sit down,
that's a good start.
I have nothing against you,
why did you set me up?
Don't get me wrong,
I just wanna be friends with you.
And work with you on a deal.
What deal?
It's simple!
I'm going to buy some diamonds
from an American group
and I'd like you two to
negotiate with them.
That's legal enough, why do you need us?
Because there's a small problem.
What sort of problem?
The money we're going to use
is counterfeit!
That means we'll be doomed?
That's the problem.
No problem, whom do we deal with?
Black Gloves!
That's a problem.
Why?
The problem is they don't know me.
Who are you?
I'm the internationally acclaimed
sleuth Baldy!
I'll give you three minutes
to disarm yourselves.
And be arrested, or else...
Or else what?
Or else nothing.
Sit down.
Don't push him too far!
Go away!
Don't touch her, or else...
Or else what?
Or else nothing.
Sit down!
Will you take up this job?
No!
Yes!
Yes!
How can that be...? Listen to me!
No way!
We're back again!
Have you made up your mind?
Yes! Yes!
Hands up!
Let me do it.
Get in, they're approaching!
You drive.
Why should I get into your car?
Look!
They're over there, hurry!
Hurry up... let's get going!
I have an interesting question for you.
Why is your brother Chinese and
you Eurasian?
Same father, different mothers?
Or same mother, different fathers?
Answer me!
Don't spoil the atmosphere!
From your eyes
I can tell you're a baddie.
Let me take a look!
Don't touch her!
One eye is good and the other isn't!
Go away!
What perfume do you use?
Smells good.
She didn't use any,
that's me you're smelling!
I like your lipstick, taste good?
Let me taste it.
She won't let me.
Go away, get the car going!
You're the driver, not me!
Hoe that..?
Serves you right!
The goods are kept in my uncle's place.
He owns this jewellery shop,
Welcome, can I help you?
Police! I'd like to see your boss.
He's upstairs. What's the matter?
It's like this.
You know why she likes me?
Maybe that's for show,
she probably fancies me.
Mr. Wong, this is the well known
sleuth Baldy.
Show him your ID.
Come on, show it to him!
That's international, and this is local.
Just to reassure you, this is my gun!
Would you please come up with me?
Wait here, I'Il go get the Boss.
Okay!
You wait for me here.
My uncle has a weak heart,
he's afraid of the cops.
Me too, it's all because of him!
Come on in!
You better be quick!
I will!
Let's go!
Go away!
Take care!
Did you see her making eyes at me?
You better be careful, she can
set you up again.
I don't mind being set up
if she likes me!
My uncle said he'd like to
give it to you in person.
Me first. I Iook more trustworthy!
Go on in!
Look!
Help!
Bullshit!
What's the matter?
Keep calm!
What are you Iooking at?
We're the cops, you think we did this?!
Of course!
Will you stop that? I'm really going to get you!
I'm not joking! Let's go!
You know you have no right to even
look at me? Do you know?
You know what you're doing?
Get going!
Look!
Baldy, you're trapped!
She did the robbery!
Don't run!
Help!
Let's go!
Stand still!
Stop, don't let him get away!
Are you alright?
I'm out of breath already!
I'll give you a lift!
Okay!
Get in!
Keep it up! Careful you don't fail!
Hurry up!
Hurry, no time for pissing now.
I was catching my breath!
We're no where to go! There...
Go get them, don't let them get away!
Come over.
Over there!
Doesn't work. You'll be seen,
climb the wall.
Climb the wall!
How now?
What are you doing?
Stand on the wooden plank and
I'll jump down
from the ladder and spring you
over the wall.
That's right!
Hold on, you son of a bitch,
you kidding me.
You stand on the plank and I'll jump.
Okay, let's do that!
Don't you try to fool me,
I'm not dumb.
I'll fall and hurt myself!
You think I'm a circus clown!
Are you okay?
Okay, go ahead!
It's my turn now!
What shall I do?
Use your brains!
I haven't got any!
Use your feet then!
I'd rather use my feet now!
Yes sir!
Yes sir!
Yes sir!
Excuse me, please!
Help! Get him!
Don't run, stand still!
Hurry up, stop!
What's the matter, sleuth?
I'm done, someone wants to kill me.
How dare he do this in the station?
He's even got a gun!
We should call the police then!
Yes, call the police!
What shall we do now?
What's the matter?
The robber went inside!
Go get him! Who're you waiting for?
The door's locked!
Excuse me!
Don't move!
Kneel down, sir!
Stand up, sir!
Godamnit, she told me to get down.
Why did you pull me up?
You did the robbery with King Kong,
you're doomed.
We're innocent.
You've committed a crime, you're done!
Don't be so hard on me!
But we can bend the law sometimes.
After all, you're my pal.
King Kong is a pal too,
don't be so hard on him either!
Bullshit, we can't make everybody a pal.
If they're all pals,
what would the
Royal Police have to do?
Disarm yourself!
What?
Surrender all that belongs to
the Royal Police,
Actually, I was tipped off that a deal
is going on between Bull and
the American group.
Go get King Kong.
Convince him to be the
undercover for the police
so that we can get them all
and we'Il forget about his crimes!
Did you call?
What's the matter?
Baldy's damn stupid.
I let him go to get a person..
Who?
BB?
King Kong!
What happened?
I was stuck in a traffic jam!
You're really late!
Sit down and have a drink!
Here's the jerk, waste him now.
Look!
Are you in trouble, pal?
Thanks.
Hard luck.
It happens to the best of us.
Sure am!
Fear not for I'm here.
Who are you?
I'm F.B.I.!
F.B.I.?
You know, 'The Man From UNCLE',
'The Avengers'...
I've been waiting for them, they're done!
In three minutes, you'Il hear
bi boo, bi boo...
What's that?
A police siren!
I'm going to get them all today!
That means I don't have to
worry about anything!
They should be worried, not you!
You told me to rob the bank,
then the jewellers.
Now you're done, we've been
waiting for you!
My plan has been set in motion.
In three minutes' time,
you'Il hear bi boo, bi boo...
What's that?
A police siren!
You scared? Hands up and
stand against the wall!
Hard luck for you.
Kiddo, it's a lesson for you.
Don't ever underestimate your enemy.
Where's the F.B.I.?
My friend?
He's over there!
I'm F.B.I., I kill the baddies.
Why are you arresting me?
But not to fear, I'll get away
in three minutes.
Don't forget, we are old friends!
Sir, you wanna arrest him?
Just take him in. Let's go!
Listen!
You've nowhere to go,
why don't you work with us?
Love to. But I've already
quit the business!
Actually I didn't want to get you,
but they've sent a real tough guy.
Who?
Black Gloves!
What do you think?
I don't mind, but I've to check
with my partner.
Go ahead!
He's not here!
That's him coming in, isn't it?
Go and rescue him!
Okay!
Your boss wants to see you.
You drive my car? Stop!
Baldy, get in!
Wonderful!
You son of a bitch, how did you
get your driver's licence?
I bought it.
I'll put it into reverse,
you step on the gas.
What is that?
Shift stick.
Come on, let me do it.
What are they doing?
Watch out!
No, let go.
There.
We're going the wrong way!
Sit tight, don't move.
King Kong, what shall we do?
I've got two ways.
Then tell it!
We can jump off or just close
our eyes and pray.
Bullshit.
Police, stop!
Stop!
I've got to call the police, it's urgent!
Thanks!
You're in trouble, my friend?
But don't worry!
Who are you?
F.B.I.!
Interpol, Gestapo, The Avengers!
Great! My partner was taken away
to the warehouse!
I want to get rid of those creeps too.
They will be surrounded.
They're doomed!
Then I don't have to be afraid.
They should be afraid, not you.
Go!
Must be my lucky day!
Yes!
To run into the F.B.I.
That's right.
We've got help.
Just at the right time!
Are you really an F.B.I. agent?
Tora! Tora! Tora!
My brother White Gloves
was killed by you.
He was the terror of Europe.
And you little jerk killed him.
What are you going to do then?
Last Chinese New Year,
you took some diamonds from us.
Worth twenty seven million Hong Kong dollars.
Give me back the diamonds!
They're not with me,
I gave them to Baldy!
Where's Baldy now?
He's right here!
You son of a bitch, you've got hope!
The police'll be here in a minute,
You're surrounded.
By Civil Aids Unit, Boy Scouts,
Marines, Army and Navy.
You're done!
You've got hope!
Baldy, you're terrific,
you got the police just in time!
He's even better than the police,
he's an F.B.I. agent!
F.B.I.!?
F.B.I.?
You bet, he's an F.B.I agent.
Interpol!
The Avengers.
These bastards, I've been
waiting for them.
In three minutes...
The police will arrive.
Not really, you'll hear bi boo...
Don't run!
I'm F.B.I., I kill the baddies.
I got rid of all the baddies in the world.
Why do you arrest me?
Don't run!
He's armed!
I know!
But you're still running after him?
I'm a cop, I've to do this,
least for show!
Mad nutcase!
You scolding me? You're really
a nutcase!
Doctor, how are they?
They're my old friends, we're
the Three Stooges.
Then take them back too.
Bl BOO BI BOO...
That's strange.
It was pouring when I was on the phone
and it's sunny now.
Just do what I told you.
Go.
Baldy's chief? Help is here.
Chief!
Chief!
Chief!
You fixed them?
Sir, you know them?
No, who are you?
Old fox, you're so heartless.
We're your pals.
He's right.
Only if you act as the police's undercover agents,
or else you two will be sent
to the asylum.
You threatening us?
No way.
Don't worry. They can't prove
we're crazy.
Sure.
That's easy. Superintendent,
you take care of them.
I just have to ask a simple question.
Mister, are you insane?
You must be kidding.
Only an insane person asks
such silly questions.
Right.
Very good.
Let me ask our model patient Mr. F.B.I.
It's my turn now.
Mister, are you insane?
You must be kidding.
Only an insane person asks
such silly questions.
Right.
See, they're a perfect pair.
Okay, I'll arrange for them
to be roommates.
My room is air-conditioned,
with a TV too.
I'll be willing to stay here forever.
An insane person never admits he's insane.
Mister, do you admit you're crazy?
Me? Yes, I do.
I'm very much insane, very very much so.
I'm cross-wired and cross-eyed.
You're a very serious case.
Hopeless case, get rid of him!
Yes, get rid of him.
Okay, chief, we'll do it.
It's really ridiculous to be
set up by that gal twice.
Okay, I'll go and get rid of her.
Don't do that. I'll use my charm to go
after her. Make her go crazy about me,
and then break up with her.
It's the worst thing possible
to happen to anybody!
How do you know?
I've been through it many times!
In that case, get on with it!
Ok, now she's crazy about me.
What about yours?
She's crazy about me too!
Where is she now?
Come back to the station.
Tonight I'Il get my revenge.
If you wanna see somebody
suffering from love,
the pain, the tears:
tonight is the night!
If you wanna see somebody
being deserted,
the disappointment, the sorrow:
tonight's the night.
If you wanna see somebody heartbroken,
tonight is the night!
I hope you won't be set up again.
Don't worry, just find me a girl tonight
to be my fiancee.
I just want to make her mad.
She'll feel sorry then.
Where shall I find the girl?
At the Heartbreak Cafe?!
If you play this well,
I'll take you to Hollywood.
Great!
You know, I Iove you very very much!
Coming...
Hurry up!
I'll pay you half first, the rest
when it's over.
Wonderful!
Miss Ho, I'm going to do you a favour.
Baldy is with some girl now,
she's even prettier!
You smut!
Where is he?
He's having a good time at the
Heartbreak Cafe!
Hello...
Let's go!
Wait a minute.
Your make-up is not heavy enough.
I have to tell you something
though I don't want to.
But I've made up my mind
to tell it to you tonight,
Hold on, I've to tell you something too.
What a coincidence! You first.
I'm engaged to someone else.
You don't mean me?
Of course not!
He's sitting right behind you.
Him? What a sight!
Short and fat,
he's no comparison to me!
But he's got...
What?
Weight!
Come over here!
Hi Juju!
Be a gentleman, shake hands with him.
Come on!
You bet I will. Here's might for you!
Oh my hand!
Why did you do that?
Waiter, check please!
Yes sir, are you also paying for
that table?
What has it got to do with me?
Split the bill for this table too.
But she hasn't eaten anything!
Doesn't make any difference,
you still have to charge her.
Yes...
Don't get mad.
Mad? Big deal, I'm used to that!
Losing a girl?
Get it right, you're losing me!
I asked for the check,
that means I don't want you.
So you get it straight!
You're getting too worked up!
Not a bit, I'm perfectly alright.
Then what are you doing to the money?
I didn't do anything.
$89.6 please, thank you!
Take all of that.
Is that enough?
Mad nutcase!
He's not my fiancee, he's only my driver.
Driver!
Driver?
Fattie, it's all over. You can go now.
Mr. Fattie, for you!
I don't deserve this!
Take it and keep your mouth shut.
No problem!
Thank you so much!
Actually, I just wanted to test
your love for me.
Do you really love me?
Sure! You think I like Fattie?
Why don't you fire him?
OK, I'Il do that tomorrow.
I'm sorry for being so narrow minded.
Are you angry?
You're a real gentleman! If I were you,
I wouldn't be able to tolerate it.
What would you do then?
I would have broken up with you,
I just couldn't tolerate it.
Don't worry, I would never
do this to you.
Here comes the action!
What a coincidence! Take a seat please.
The plan has changed.
She's in for it. Poor thing!
Let me do the introductions,
this is King King's...
What are you doing?
This is...
I'm not hungry. I'll eat when
this is all over.
This is...
What are you doing?
Stop that!
I know, you want some action?
This is...
Sir!
It's not fun!
That's enough for me!
I'll be right back!
Why did you hit me?
Sorry, the plan has changed!
You have to say she's your fiancee.
Or else we won't be buddies any more.
Please sit on this side!
She didn't say anything, did she?
Carry on...
Just to help you out, OK,
she's my fiancee.
Say yes!
I'm his fiancee!
I can't believe she's your fiancee.
I swear she's my one and only fiancee.
Never been anyone else!
What about Nancy Ho?
Her? Forget it!
Nancy Ho!
Where's Baldy?
He's inside!
That's why she's not really my fiancee.
She's only one of them.
I've never been serious with her.
Besides, I have her permission
to fool around.
She says a real man has to fool around.
Right, he should fool around!
Fool around...
Getting some action!
Action? That's what I like, a lot of it.
Love is many splendid thing!
You really love her so much?
Very much! I love her with
all my heart...
I love her with all my heart...
Doctor, how's he?
I can't imagine why he used
his nose to have Borscht!
It's all over his lungs now.
Is it serious?
Of course, his heart beat is very weak.
If he doesn't show any
improvement within 24 hours,
Mr. Albert Au will be the first man in history
to have drowned in soup.
Does his wife know he's in
critical condition?
No, Nancy Ho thinks he's been
fooling around.
Say that again!
Nancy Ho is furious about this.
That's strange!
What?
When you say Nancy Ho,
his heart beat quickens!
Let me try again. Nancy Ho, Nancy Ho!
Nancy Ho!
She's coming!
I never want to have Borscht again!
Are you alright?
I'm perfectly alright. I can swim!
How can Albert Au be drowned in soup!
We're late!
How many of you?
We've got a place!
Please!
That guy's also bald,
looks great thought!
Forgive him! OK, that's enough!
Why is he here?
You told me she won't be here.
Stop quarrelling, it's Valentine's Day!
Valentine's Day?
Would you like to order?
Valentine's Dinner for two please.
Hold on, I don't want that!
Since my lover's mean to me,
I want a Don Juan dinner!
That means you want a separate dinner?
Yes, separate... very separate!
You care for soup?
Borscht's out for me!
I'll have that, double with pepper!
Why?
Easier for you to drown in!
If I die, no one will marry you!
You kidding! Lots of guys are
crazy about me?
I was the prettiest girl in school,
and now I'm the prettiest policewoman.
If I don't marry you,
you'll be the prettiest spinster.
What?
Stop quarrelling in public!
It's not my fault.
He thinks he's smart though.
Who would marry him if I didn't?
You don't realize how charming I am!
The girls are crazy about me.
You must be kidding!
You don't believe me?
I'll prove it to you.
Okay!
Try that girl!
No problem, don't underestimate me!
Hi, Miss!
I'm ClD, you're in danger,
but I'll help you out.
Come and dance with me. Hold my hand!
Yes, madam!
What's the matter, madam?
What did the Baldy say to you?
He said he's a ClD and wanna
dance with me.
I'm thinking of ways to get him.
Nonsense.
Is that what your charm's like?
You think it's easy just picking
somebody up!
You try picking someone up,
No problem, let me show you!
I'll get one far better than you.
It's gonna be difficult!
Anyone wanna dance with me?
Oh my God, look at her! Let's go!
Who are you?
Tell him.
I don't know him.
I'm her husband.
Mind you, I'm not in a good mood!
We didn't get married, I'm not his wife.
Got it, Baldy?
She denies it. You better shut up!
I don't want to talk to you. Go!
You wanna fight? How many are you?
None of your business, sit down!
There are all with me.
That whole table is with me!
King Kong!
Don't count on me, gentlemen don't fight!
But it's not fair for me
to fight against you guys.
Come together.
Forget it... Let's go!
Aren't you going to dance with me?
Don't touch her, or else I'll
beat you up.
Darling!
ALBERT!
Boss, she hit you!
Darling, let me.
No, let me have some fun too!
Take care!
Go ahead!
It's a bit too much!
Gentlemen don't fight!
Are you alright?
He kicked me but I didn't fight back.
What kind of a man are you
if you don't fight now?
Go and beat them up!
Go ahead, great!
Go away, I don't hit women.
I just changed my mind!
How dare you do this to my husband?
Get up!
Thanks!
Darling, it's her again!
How dare you beat my Albert up?
Albert!
I didn't mean to...
I'll handle it!
OK!
Let's go and have a bite, okay?
Sure!
Let's go!
The transaction is today.
Don't be afraid,
The Hong Kong Royal Police
will support you.
Where's Juju?
You'll see her when the deal is done.
What's that?
I'll tell you when it's over.
What are your chances like?
That's right. There'll be
two possibilities:
One, we won't be able to come back
if we fail.
Or we don't wanna come back
if we make it.
Wrong, you're bound to come back
even if you make it.
Put them on!
These are two specially made time bombs,
I'll defuse them when you
bring the diamonds back.
Don't worry, I know how to do it!
I'm the only person on Earth who
knows how to.
There are twenty five wires,
and the bomb will explode
if any of them is broken.
I'll give you four hours, is that enough?
Three hours is more than enough.
Okay,
three hours then.
Get in!
Sir, they just got in.
Follow them!
Your pal is very concerned about you!
Look at the motorcycle, it's keeping close.
We don't know him.
Don't you? He's ClD, Ah Wing.
Turn left!
They've gone into Sesame Street!
Get lost, the Ambulance will take over.
Another one, you've got some more help!
Of course.
All the lads are supporting us spiritually.
With me here, you don't have to be afraid!
Quit messing around!
Turn right!
We'll change cars now!
Sir, he got into the container.
Keep calm and keep a close eye in him!
The container is stopping by the river!
Then why don't you go get them!?
Yes, sir!
Let's go!
He changed cars. He flew across the river!
You fly after him!
I've got to rescue him, my Baldy!
I seem to have fainted. Did you?
Of course I did not.
Where am I?
Let's get out first.
Go away!
Don't bother,
your friends have all gone.
How did you get away from them?
Shut up.
The deal will be carried out here.
You have two and half hours to go,
I'll have the champagne ready.
Don't go!
Over here.
How did you get here?
By the staircase.
Follow me.
You've walked right into it.
Don't try to run away!
We have just been looking for you.
We've got a time bomb on us
which will explode in an hour's time.
By that time, all the money will be gone.
Is the money genuine or counterfeit?
You want us to tell the truth or not?
The truth of course!
Then it's counterfeit money!
BG II!
Hurry, go and rescue your buddy.
Looks great, what's that?
It's a magic box!
Don't block my sight.
He failed.
You mean that plane.
I mean your magic box.
Shit, watch this.
What's that?
A mini, long-distance, cross-country,
super speed rocket.
What's that?
I don't even know myself.
Press the button, here we go...
You wanna kill yourself?
I nearly lost my life.
You should face danger fearlessly.
You told me to face danger fearlessly.
Sometimes it depends on circumstances.
Keep calm.
Only a heap of junk left.
Don't underestimate this.
Great heroes have risen from junk heaps.
Just like you and me.
I didn't.
That's why you're not a hero.
The stars of the show are
in a bomb shelter of the box.
Is that a windmill?
A radar control.
The Hong Kong Hunters, here comes Samurai.
Samurai, don't be afraid.
King Kong.
Peter Pan.
Horsey.
Froggie.
It's fun.
Man With The Golden Gun.
Give him a hand, Fattie.
Wake up, Yoho!
Hold it for me.
Where are you going?
Beat him while he's down.
Get on with the attack.
Bomber Ant, give him a hand.
Dear friends, I salute you!
Time's up, if you don't go now,
they'll be saying goodbye forever to us!
Hurry up. Let's go!
We're running out of time, let's go.
It's my turn now!
Go get that guy to defuse the bomb first.
No.
Help! I'm here.
Where?
There!
Who tied you up there? Come...
Please defuse the bomb for us.
No, Black Gloves tied me up there!
I can't move!
Go!
To where?
She'll get an explosives expert
to do it.
A rocket!
Jump off.
Let me do it, get in.
Hurry up.
Coming...
Get on it.
Don't worry, I'm great on bicycles.
Over there...
I thought you knew how to ride a bike.
Gosh, he's coming again.
Have we arrived?
Yes, we have.
Pull up.
Your driver's licence.
Sorry sir.
No? Not even fines? Gosh.
Great, how many more rockets are there?
One.
That will kill him.
Look.
They're still alive, what now?
You go ahead first.
Hurry up... back up.
It's a fake.
Where's Baldy?
How does it look?
I can't take it apart.
Have a seat!
Go away!
The bomb will explode any minute.
Go away!
The explosives expert is coming.
It's too late.
You sit down for a while.
Go away!
They're bound to know how to dismantle it.
So don't worry!
Me worried?
I'm a hero, I do not fear death!
I'll make my comeback in time.
What about me?
You'll be an old lady then.
We're just not made for each other.
Go away...
We'll meet again in another life.
Wait for me!
I won't go away!
After all, I'm yours now.
Forever and ever!
I don't care whether it's
an atomic bomb that's on you.
Whatever happens, we won't be separated!
I wanna say something which I never thought.
Was impossible for me say.
I'll say it now.
Come on then.
Honey, I love you!
ALBERT!
Don't cry!
It's a sign of a weak person.
It won't help anyway!
I don't want to die so soon!
Honey, I've been very loyal to you.
I didn't fool around, I've only
thought about it!
It's alright, In future, don't even
think about it!
Madam, the explosives expert is here.
Bring him in.
Yes, Madam!
Where's Baldy?
He's inside the sand bags.
Is the bomb defused?
The explosives expert just arrived.
Don't be afraid, I'm the F.B.I.
explosives expert.
I don't care whether
it's a time bomb, a sex bomb,
an atomic bomb, hydrogen bomb
or a stink bomb.
I know how to take them apart.
You can't go in!
Don't do that! He's a mad nutcase!
He's a nutcase!
Where's the bomb?
I did it. I've dismantled the bomb!
Watch out!
Are you O.K.?
Sure!
I'm F.B.I., lnterpol, Gestapo
and the Avengers!
Comrade, we kill the baddies.
We've got so many things to do.
Are you ready?
All set!
Let's go! Bi boo, bi boo...
Friends...
Let's be friends.
No need to worry.
I must put my best clothes on
with my best shirt.
That will be good.
Let's be friends.
With sweet words
and praises her
rare beauty.
Just let me hold her hands.
That will be cool.
Oh I want to see her more.
I'll buy her a diamond ring
and surprise her.
That will be cool.
Oh!
Oh, she said the diamond is too small!
Just let me be her friend.
A friend.
She sings so sweetly,
with my guitar playing.
We could compose the best music.
Let's be friends.
And give her a kiss.
I'll share everything with her.
Just with her.
We could be the best lovers on earth.
That will be cool.
Just let me see her more.
I'll teach her to drive.
That will be cool.
That will be cool.
Just drive.
Oh!
Let's be friends.
And give her a kiss,
share everything.
Live together
and be the best friends.
Live together
and be the best friends.
Live together.
Come on...
Come on...
The U.N.O. had it's 17,000th meeting.
On global security, the meeting
was a deadlock.
Latest news: Macau launched her
first rocket today.
Where is he?
I can't find him.
Bye-bye.
You don't have to believe in God,
but you must believe in my intelligence.
With this, I've made my friend Nixon
such a world famous super star.
What about the Watergate Scandal?
That makes him even more famous!
And don't you ever mention
Watergate in front of me again.
And don't you ever tell anybody
I'm the killer's agent now.
Well, you got someone
who thinks dirty, and fights dirty.
Oh boy, he's more than dirty.
He's filthy.
Who?
The bad guys call him Harry and
the good guys call him Filthy Harry.
Filthy Harry!
Have we met somewhere before?
Yeah, in hell.
Harry, the godfather in Italy
offers you a contract.
He wants you go to Hong Kong
and make a deal with this punk.
By the way, get rid of these two creeps.
Why?
Because the godfather doesn't like them.
I didn't ask you. Get lost!
Listen to him. Get lost.
Get rid of him. I don't like him.
Neither do I.
Well, ok?
What's ok?
Did you get him?
No. The men run too fast!
Help!
Help!
Help, help!
Over there!
That's it.
Look behind you, some goodies!
You're so sneaky!
It's you again!
Is that all? Only four of you?
Come on... hurry up...
Excuse me!
You have guts.
We'll never do it again!
What are you doing?
Nothing. I'm short-sighted.
Wanna see you clearly.
Where are the bad guys?
I'm lucky to have met you.
Where are they?
I've sent them running!
Come closer and see for yourself.
My name's King Kong, and yours?
I'm Juju.
Come closer and see for yourself.
Oh no, I've got to go now.
So soon!
My brother says, when a guy meets a gal,
and they're alone,
strange things happen.
I wouldn't dare!
But I would!
Gosh. I've got to get some money
from the bank.
What if I run into the baddies again?
Don't worry, I'll go with you.
Hang on while I get changed.
Let's go!
You're just terrific!
Please!
This way! Yes, this way!
I have something for you.
This is ordered by you.
Come here!
Do you like it?
Sure!
Please wrap it up.
How do you want it?
Large bills please.
What's the matter?
I'm a bit scared.
Don't be. I'll take care of
the bad guys.
You're really handsome!
Oh really?
Miss!
Why don't you give her money?
Hurry up, we're going to a movie.
I'll take care of them for you.
Hurry up or else my partner might get mad.
There's no more.
Bye-bye.
Have you got the money?
All of it.
Let's go.
What? There's a robbery.
Yes, and you did it.
The one in the white suit,
he's got a gun with him.
Don't move or I'll beat you up!
Spare me. I've got a wife and mother.
Where?
In lndia.
Give me the gun
and I'll give you this.
Whatever you say.
Bye-bye.
Bye, sonny, thanks!
Over there!
The man in front is the robber.
Get him!
Who...?
He's right in front of us...
Get him!
The one in the white suit!
Can I use your bike?
Get him. Don't let him run away!
Excuse me!
Stop!
Bye-bye.
Don't run!
What's going on?
Don't move or I'll fire!
Stop!
Over there, run...!
Don't do that, sir!
I didn't see anything.
It's him. Go get him!
Stop. Don't let him get away!
Don't run, stop...!
Why don't you keep singing happy birthday?
Blow the candles!
Open the door. Don't run!
Who's he?
Don't know!
You know him!
No!
Break the door down!
Don't move!
Bye-bye.
Hey, how did you get here?
Goddamn it! It's all your fault.
I wanna kill myself
but your truck blocked the way.
See what you did to my suit.
Jumped from such height yet didn't die.
Go drive!
I'm going to do it again!
Where's Baldy?
Hello!
You son of a bitch. Why are you so late?
Quiet please, you're in the church.
I'm sorry! Sorry...!
You're wearing Mighty Mouse's costume!
Why so late?
I'm in trouble. I was set up.
Mr. Albert Au, Miss Nancy Ho.
The love between husband and wife is sacred.
Marriage is a great responsibility.
It should be mutual and lasting.
What a load of bullshit!
You bet!
Albert! Pay attention!
Okay, you can carry on.
Mr. Albert Au, will you take
Miss Nancy Ho as your wife?
Will you or won't you?
Hold on. What did you say?
I asked you whether you're going to help me.
Well, will you or won't you?
Of course not!
What did you say?
It's got nothing to do with me.
Sir, that guy up there robbed the bank.
What now?
I'm in trouble, I've got to go now.
Really? Yes!
Sorry!
I just got the information.
We're all here now!
Bye. I'm off!
Get him, don't let him get away!
Darling, please!
Let's talk about how to help King Kong out...
Baldy, come over here!
To our room? Coming...
No way. If you wanna marry me,
make sure that's between you and me.
King Kong will have to get lost!
Darling...
He's not just a pal. He's like
a brother to me!
Who is more important:
your wife or brother?
It's different, a brother is part of you.
What about a wife?
Like chicken congee!
What?
You never heard that before?
It goes like this:
Wife is like chicken congee,
much nicety before eating.
Too much eating becomes plain congee.
What plain congee?!
Tasteless and boring!
Who taught you this?
King Kong of course!
That's a bit much.
And disrupting our wedding too!
I'll shoot him on sight.
Yes, I'll do that when I see him!
Where are you going?
To take a shower!
Ebony & lvory, live together
in perfect harmony...
What's the matter?
You're done!
Nancy said she'll shoot you on sight!
Why?
I told her the chicken congee story!
You really got me into trouble this time!
Why are you yelling?
I'm singing. 'Jingle Bells...'
Sing 'Ebony and lvory!'
Ebony & lvory, live together
in perfect harmony...
What are you doing?
I'm taking a shower!
With your clothes on?
Yeah, I wanna clean them too.
What's that in your hands?
One of the holes is stuck!
Go out. You make me feel embarrassed.
She's gone out. Get dressed and go.
OK.
What song did I sing?
Jingle Bells!
Ebony & lvory...
Ebony & lvory...
Ebony & lvory...
Why did you take such a long time?
Combing my hair, of course!
I've lost so much hair recently.
Let's go!
Who went in?
Me of course.
What are you doing in there?
Taking a shower.
You can't do that!
Why not? You can do it, so why can't I?
Don't take off your clothes!
You kidding? How can I take a shower
with my clothes on?
Oh my God! King Kong, close your eyes!
What are you doing now?
Taking off my clothes!
Oh no, King Kong will see everything!
Were you peeped by King Kong?
How do you know?
I told him to hide inside.
Let him take a look, darling!
How can you do that? I'm your wife!
Truly you're for my eyes only.
Were you undressed?
Of course, I took off two buttons!
One. Two.
King Kong, you son of a bitch!
Come out!
What have you got to say for yourself?
Don't get mad, I didn't see anything!
I closed my eyes!
She took off three buttons,
so you saw everything!
Not so many, only two!
How do you know?
I saw it with my own eyes.
I think that's the end of our friendship.
I mean two sleeve buttons only!
Even worse. The most attractive part
of my wife's body
is her pair of hands and you saw
it all! A duel!
What are you going to use?
Me? A gun of course!
Come on!
I hate men in skirts anyway!
So you're bound to win?
Of course!
Baldy, it's not fair.
I can't help it.
It's not fair for me to marry you.
It's not fair to leave King Kong helpless!
What's he to you that you're helping him?
What did I say wrong?
How dare you say such a thing?
He told me to.
It's my fault.
It's my fault that Baldy has become so cheeky.
I stopped your wonderful wedding.
I should bear all the responsibility.
It's my fault that you're fighting.
I'm leaving!
If you have time,
do drop by the prison to say hello.
Wait a minute.
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
If I don't help you, who will?
Let's go!
Stop. Come back!
How can you make it without my help?
To find out who set King Kong up
we have to find Squealie.
That informer?
How do you know he's here?
He comes here every night.
So many cars here, how do we start?
Don't worry, when I shout he'll come out.
Squealie!
What's going on?
Don't run away!
Stay where you are!
Okay!
What are you looking at?
Okay. I'll give you the information
you need.
What information?
Three clues: one genuine,
one false, one complimentary.
Go ahead!
Some jerk was set up by a girl,
that's genuine.
What a great way to be set up!
What else have you got?
The second one is false.
You're supposed to marry Baldy,
but everything's messed up.
Now everybody is saying that
nobody is marrying you.
Shut up, you didn't even turn up
at my wedding.
And no wedding present either!
That's why the third one is complimentary.
What's complimentary?
Gossip! After all, that's my business.
Go on, I love gossip.
Who is it about?
You of course!
Actually, Baldy is a real playboy.
He fooled around a lot in the States.
Once he even went with a black girl!
You son of a bitch, that's a lie!
I have evidence, look at this photo.
Baldy!
You wanna sneak off!
Come here, explain yourself.
I'm busy!
Are you coming?
Yes, right away. I'll explain.
Who masterminded the robbery?
Who are you?
I'm the dumb jerk!
Since you're so frank,
I'll tell you.
The gang which set you up for
the bank job is
headed by a brother and a sister.
Known as Bull and Juju.
Where do they live?
That doesn't work!
Of course, yours never do.
So what shall we do?
We have to beat about the bush,
then surround them.
I'll be ready at the door,
while you break in through the window.
When everybody's attention is on you,
I'll break in through the door.
This way we'll get them all.
Smart guy!
In three minutes' time, we'll start.
This is for real!
Over there!
It's here!
Coming!
Don't move!
Are you Bonnie and Clyde?
Sixty years ago we were.
Then what are you doing
on the 5th floor?
This is the 6th floor!
How come?
Ten seconds too late. I'll take
a chance, bye!
Don't move!
Drop your guns!
Where's your boss?
Tell him to come out right away!
Where have you been?
The rope wasn't long enough,
ended on the 6th floor!
Gosh, can't you be more...
Who's she?
The one who set me up for the bank job.
King Kong, I'm sorry,
my brother forced me to.
I knew it.
Don't take this, it's poisonous!
Keep your hands off!
Have you two had enough fun?
If so, please sit down and let's talk.
He asked us to sit down,
that's a good start.
I have nothing against you,
why did you set me up?
Don't get me wrong,
I just wanna be friends with you.
And work with you on a deal.
What deal?
It's simple!
I'm going to buy some diamonds
from an American group
and I'd like you two to
negotiate with them.
That's legal enough, why do you need us?
Because there's a small problem.
What sort of problem?
The money we're going to use
is counterfeit!
That means we'll be doomed?
That's the problem.
No problem, whom do we deal with?
Black Gloves!
That's a problem.
Why?
The problem is they don't know me.
Who are you?
I'm the internationally acclaimed
sleuth Baldy!
I'll give you three minutes
to disarm yourselves.
And be arrested, or else...
Or else what?
Or else nothing.
Sit down.
Don't push him too far!
Go away!
Don't touch her, or else...
Or else what?
Or else nothing.
Sit down!
Will you take up this job?
No!
Yes!
Yes!
How can that be...? Listen to me!
No way!
We're back again!
Have you made up your mind?
Yes! Yes!
Hands up!
Let me do it.
Get in, they're approaching!
You drive.
Why should I get into your car?
Look!
They're over there, hurry!
Hurry up... let's get going!
I have an interesting question for you.
Why is your brother Chinese and
you Eurasian?
Same father, different mothers?
Or same mother, different fathers?
Answer me!
Don't spoil the atmosphere!
From your eyes
I can tell you're a baddie.
Let me take a look!
Don't touch her!
One eye is good and the other isn't!
Go away!
What perfume do you use?
Smells good.
She didn't use any,
that's me you're smelling!
I like your lipstick, taste good?
Let me taste it.
She won't let me.
Go away, get the car going!
You're the driver, not me!
Hoe that..?
Serves you right!
The goods are kept in my uncle's place.
He owns this jewellery shop,
Welcome, can I help you?
Police! I'd like to see your boss.
He's upstairs. What's the matter?
It's like this.
You know why she likes me?
Maybe that's for show,
she probably fancies me.
Mr. Wong, this is the well known
sleuth Baldy.
Show him your ID.
Come on, show it to him!
That's international, and this is local.
Just to reassure you, this is my gun!
Would you please come up with me?
Wait here, I'Il go get the Boss.
Okay!
You wait for me here.
My uncle has a weak heart,
he's afraid of the cops.
Me too, it's all because of him!
Come on in!
You better be quick!
I will!
Let's go!
Go away!
Take care!
Did you see her making eyes at me?
You better be careful, she can
set you up again.
I don't mind being set up
if she likes me!
My uncle said he'd like to
give it to you in person.
Me first. I Iook more trustworthy!
Go on in!
Look!
Help!
Bullshit!
What's the matter?
Keep calm!
What are you Iooking at?
We're the cops, you think we did this?!
Of course!
Will you stop that? I'm really going to get you!
I'm not joking! Let's go!
You know you have no right to even
look at me? Do you know?
You know what you're doing?
Get going!
Look!
Baldy, you're trapped!
She did the robbery!
Don't run!
Help!
Let's go!
Stand still!
Stop, don't let him get away!
Are you alright?
I'm out of breath already!
I'll give you a lift!
Okay!
Get in!
Keep it up! Careful you don't fail!
Hurry up!
Hurry, no time for pissing now.
I was catching my breath!
We're no where to go! There...
Go get them, don't let them get away!
Come over.
Over there!
Doesn't work. You'll be seen,
climb the wall.
Climb the wall!
How now?
What are you doing?
Stand on the wooden plank and
I'll jump down
from the ladder and spring you
over the wall.
That's right!
Hold on, you son of a bitch,
you kidding me.
You stand on the plank and I'll jump.
Okay, let's do that!
Don't you try to fool me,
I'm not dumb.
I'll fall and hurt myself!
You think I'm a circus clown!
Are you okay?
Okay, go ahead!
It's my turn now!
What shall I do?
Use your brains!
I haven't got any!
Use your feet then!
I'd rather use my feet now!
Yes sir!
Yes sir!
Yes sir!
Excuse me, please!
Help! Get him!
Don't run, stand still!
Hurry up, stop!
What's the matter, sleuth?
I'm done, someone wants to kill me.
How dare he do this in the station?
He's even got a gun!
We should call the police then!
Yes, call the police!
What shall we do now?
What's the matter?
The robber went inside!
Go get him! Who're you waiting for?
The door's locked!
Excuse me!
Don't move!
Kneel down, sir!
Stand up, sir!
Godamnit, she told me to get down.
Why did you pull me up?
You did the robbery with King Kong,
you're doomed.
We're innocent.
You've committed a crime, you're done!
Don't be so hard on me!
But we can bend the law sometimes.
After all, you're my pal.
King Kong is a pal too,
don't be so hard on him either!
Bullshit, we can't make everybody a pal.
If they're all pals,
what would the
Royal Police have to do?
Disarm yourself!
What?
Surrender all that belongs to
the Royal Police,
Actually, I was tipped off that a deal
is going on between Bull and
the American group.
Go get King Kong.
Convince him to be the
undercover for the police
so that we can get them all
and we'Il forget about his crimes!
Did you call?
What's the matter?
Baldy's damn stupid.
I let him go to get a person..
Who?
BB?
King Kong!
What happened?
I was stuck in a traffic jam!
You're really late!
Sit down and have a drink!
Here's the jerk, waste him now.
Look!
Are you in trouble, pal?
Thanks.
Hard luck.
It happens to the best of us.
Sure am!
Fear not for I'm here.
Who are you?
I'm F.B.I.!
F.B.I.?
You know, 'The Man From UNCLE',
'The Avengers'...
I've been waiting for them, they're done!
In three minutes, you'Il hear
bi boo, bi boo...
What's that?
A police siren!
I'm going to get them all today!
That means I don't have to
worry about anything!
They should be worried, not you!
You told me to rob the bank,
then the jewellers.
Now you're done, we've been
waiting for you!
My plan has been set in motion.
In three minutes' time,
you'Il hear bi boo, bi boo...
What's that?
A police siren!
You scared? Hands up and
stand against the wall!
Hard luck for you.
Kiddo, it's a lesson for you.
Don't ever underestimate your enemy.
Where's the F.B.I.?
My friend?
He's over there!
I'm F.B.I., I kill the baddies.
Why are you arresting me?
But not to fear, I'll get away
in three minutes.
Don't forget, we are old friends!
Sir, you wanna arrest him?
Just take him in. Let's go!
Listen!
You've nowhere to go,
why don't you work with us?
Love to. But I've already
quit the business!
Actually I didn't want to get you,
but they've sent a real tough guy.
Who?
Black Gloves!
What do you think?
I don't mind, but I've to check
with my partner.
Go ahead!
He's not here!
That's him coming in, isn't it?
Go and rescue him!
Okay!
Your boss wants to see you.
You drive my car? Stop!
Baldy, get in!
Wonderful!
You son of a bitch, how did you
get your driver's licence?
I bought it.
I'll put it into reverse,
you step on the gas.
What is that?
Shift stick.
Come on, let me do it.
What are they doing?
Watch out!
No, let go.
There.
We're going the wrong way!
Sit tight, don't move.
King Kong, what shall we do?
I've got two ways.
Then tell it!
We can jump off or just close
our eyes and pray.
Bullshit.
Police, stop!
Stop!
I've got to call the police, it's urgent!
Thanks!
You're in trouble, my friend?
But don't worry!
Who are you?
F.B.I.!
Interpol, Gestapo, The Avengers!
Great! My partner was taken away
to the warehouse!
I want to get rid of those creeps too.
They will be surrounded.
They're doomed!
Then I don't have to be afraid.
They should be afraid, not you.
Go!
Must be my lucky day!
Yes!
To run into the F.B.I.
That's right.
We've got help.
Just at the right time!
Are you really an F.B.I. agent?
Tora! Tora! Tora!
My brother White Gloves
was killed by you.
He was the terror of Europe.
And you little jerk killed him.
What are you going to do then?
Last Chinese New Year,
you took some diamonds from us.
Worth twenty seven million Hong Kong dollars.
Give me back the diamonds!
They're not with me,
I gave them to Baldy!
Where's Baldy now?
He's right here!
You son of a bitch, you've got hope!
The police'll be here in a minute,
You're surrounded.
By Civil Aids Unit, Boy Scouts,
Marines, Army and Navy.
You're done!
You've got hope!
Baldy, you're terrific,
you got the police just in time!
He's even better than the police,
he's an F.B.I. agent!
F.B.I.!?
F.B.I.?
You bet, he's an F.B.I agent.
Interpol!
The Avengers.
These bastards, I've been
waiting for them.
In three minutes...
The police will arrive.
Not really, you'll hear bi boo...
Don't run!
I'm F.B.I., I kill the baddies.
I got rid of all the baddies in the world.
Why do you arrest me?
Don't run!
He's armed!
I know!
But you're still running after him?
I'm a cop, I've to do this,
least for show!
Mad nutcase!
You scolding me? You're really
a nutcase!
Doctor, how are they?
They're my old friends, we're
the Three Stooges.
Then take them back too.
Bl BOO BI BOO...
That's strange.
It was pouring when I was on the phone
and it's sunny now.
Just do what I told you.
Go.
Baldy's chief? Help is here.
Chief!
Chief!
Chief!
You fixed them?
Sir, you know them?
No, who are you?
Old fox, you're so heartless.
We're your pals.
He's right.
Only if you act as the police's undercover agents,
or else you two will be sent
to the asylum.
You threatening us?
No way.
Don't worry. They can't prove
we're crazy.
Sure.
That's easy. Superintendent,
you take care of them.
I just have to ask a simple question.
Mister, are you insane?
You must be kidding.
Only an insane person asks
such silly questions.
Right.
Very good.
Let me ask our model patient Mr. F.B.I.
It's my turn now.
Mister, are you insane?
You must be kidding.
Only an insane person asks
such silly questions.
Right.
See, they're a perfect pair.
Okay, I'll arrange for them
to be roommates.
My room is air-conditioned,
with a TV too.
I'll be willing to stay here forever.
An insane person never admits he's insane.
Mister, do you admit you're crazy?
Me? Yes, I do.
I'm very much insane, very very much so.
I'm cross-wired and cross-eyed.
You're a very serious case.
Hopeless case, get rid of him!
Yes, get rid of him.
Okay, chief, we'll do it.
It's really ridiculous to be
set up by that gal twice.
Okay, I'll go and get rid of her.
Don't do that. I'll use my charm to go
after her. Make her go crazy about me,
and then break up with her.
It's the worst thing possible
to happen to anybody!
How do you know?
I've been through it many times!
In that case, get on with it!
Ok, now she's crazy about me.
What about yours?
She's crazy about me too!
Where is she now?
Come back to the station.
Tonight I'Il get my revenge.
If you wanna see somebody
suffering from love,
the pain, the tears:
tonight is the night!
If you wanna see somebody
being deserted,
the disappointment, the sorrow:
tonight's the night.
If you wanna see somebody heartbroken,
tonight is the night!
I hope you won't be set up again.
Don't worry, just find me a girl tonight
to be my fiancee.
I just want to make her mad.
She'll feel sorry then.
Where shall I find the girl?
At the Heartbreak Cafe?!
If you play this well,
I'll take you to Hollywood.
Great!
You know, I Iove you very very much!
Coming...
Hurry up!
I'll pay you half first, the rest
when it's over.
Wonderful!
Miss Ho, I'm going to do you a favour.
Baldy is with some girl now,
she's even prettier!
You smut!
Where is he?
He's having a good time at the
Heartbreak Cafe!
Hello...
Let's go!
Wait a minute.
Your make-up is not heavy enough.
I have to tell you something
though I don't want to.
But I've made up my mind
to tell it to you tonight,
Hold on, I've to tell you something too.
What a coincidence! You first.
I'm engaged to someone else.
You don't mean me?
Of course not!
He's sitting right behind you.
Him? What a sight!
Short and fat,
he's no comparison to me!
But he's got...
What?
Weight!
Come over here!
Hi Juju!
Be a gentleman, shake hands with him.
Come on!
You bet I will. Here's might for you!
Oh my hand!
Why did you do that?
Waiter, check please!
Yes sir, are you also paying for
that table?
What has it got to do with me?
Split the bill for this table too.
But she hasn't eaten anything!
Doesn't make any difference,
you still have to charge her.
Yes...
Don't get mad.
Mad? Big deal, I'm used to that!
Losing a girl?
Get it right, you're losing me!
I asked for the check,
that means I don't want you.
So you get it straight!
You're getting too worked up!
Not a bit, I'm perfectly alright.
Then what are you doing to the money?
I didn't do anything.
$89.6 please, thank you!
Take all of that.
Is that enough?
Mad nutcase!
He's not my fiancee, he's only my driver.
Driver!
Driver?
Fattie, it's all over. You can go now.
Mr. Fattie, for you!
I don't deserve this!
Take it and keep your mouth shut.
No problem!
Thank you so much!
Actually, I just wanted to test
your love for me.
Do you really love me?
Sure! You think I like Fattie?
Why don't you fire him?
OK, I'Il do that tomorrow.
I'm sorry for being so narrow minded.
Are you angry?
You're a real gentleman! If I were you,
I wouldn't be able to tolerate it.
What would you do then?
I would have broken up with you,
I just couldn't tolerate it.
Don't worry, I would never
do this to you.
Here comes the action!
What a coincidence! Take a seat please.
The plan has changed.
She's in for it. Poor thing!
Let me do the introductions,
this is King King's...
What are you doing?
This is...
I'm not hungry. I'll eat when
this is all over.
This is...
What are you doing?
Stop that!
I know, you want some action?
This is...
Sir!
It's not fun!
That's enough for me!
I'll be right back!
Why did you hit me?
Sorry, the plan has changed!
You have to say she's your fiancee.
Or else we won't be buddies any more.
Please sit on this side!
She didn't say anything, did she?
Carry on...
Just to help you out, OK,
she's my fiancee.
Say yes!
I'm his fiancee!
I can't believe she's your fiancee.
I swear she's my one and only fiancee.
Never been anyone else!
What about Nancy Ho?
Her? Forget it!
Nancy Ho!
Where's Baldy?
He's inside!
That's why she's not really my fiancee.
She's only one of them.
I've never been serious with her.
Besides, I have her permission
to fool around.
She says a real man has to fool around.
Right, he should fool around!
Fool around...
Getting some action!
Action? That's what I like, a lot of it.
Love is many splendid thing!
You really love her so much?
Very much! I love her with
all my heart...
I love her with all my heart...
Doctor, how's he?
I can't imagine why he used
his nose to have Borscht!
It's all over his lungs now.
Is it serious?
Of course, his heart beat is very weak.
If he doesn't show any
improvement within 24 hours,
Mr. Albert Au will be the first man in history
to have drowned in soup.
Does his wife know he's in
critical condition?
No, Nancy Ho thinks he's been
fooling around.
Say that again!
Nancy Ho is furious about this.
That's strange!
What?
When you say Nancy Ho,
his heart beat quickens!
Let me try again. Nancy Ho, Nancy Ho!
Nancy Ho!
She's coming!
I never want to have Borscht again!
Are you alright?
I'm perfectly alright. I can swim!
How can Albert Au be drowned in soup!
We're late!
How many of you?
We've got a place!
Please!
That guy's also bald,
looks great thought!
Forgive him! OK, that's enough!
Why is he here?
You told me she won't be here.
Stop quarrelling, it's Valentine's Day!
Valentine's Day?
Would you like to order?
Valentine's Dinner for two please.
Hold on, I don't want that!
Since my lover's mean to me,
I want a Don Juan dinner!
That means you want a separate dinner?
Yes, separate... very separate!
You care for soup?
Borscht's out for me!
I'll have that, double with pepper!
Why?
Easier for you to drown in!
If I die, no one will marry you!
You kidding! Lots of guys are
crazy about me?
I was the prettiest girl in school,
and now I'm the prettiest policewoman.
If I don't marry you,
you'll be the prettiest spinster.
What?
Stop quarrelling in public!
It's not my fault.
He thinks he's smart though.
Who would marry him if I didn't?
You don't realize how charming I am!
The girls are crazy about me.
You must be kidding!
You don't believe me?
I'll prove it to you.
Okay!
Try that girl!
No problem, don't underestimate me!
Hi, Miss!
I'm ClD, you're in danger,
but I'll help you out.
Come and dance with me. Hold my hand!
Yes, madam!
What's the matter, madam?
What did the Baldy say to you?
He said he's a ClD and wanna
dance with me.
I'm thinking of ways to get him.
Nonsense.
Is that what your charm's like?
You think it's easy just picking
somebody up!
You try picking someone up,
No problem, let me show you!
I'll get one far better than you.
It's gonna be difficult!
Anyone wanna dance with me?
Oh my God, look at her! Let's go!
Who are you?
Tell him.
I don't know him.
I'm her husband.
Mind you, I'm not in a good mood!
We didn't get married, I'm not his wife.
Got it, Baldy?
She denies it. You better shut up!
I don't want to talk to you. Go!
You wanna fight? How many are you?
None of your business, sit down!
There are all with me.
That whole table is with me!
King Kong!
Don't count on me, gentlemen don't fight!
But it's not fair for me
to fight against you guys.
Come together.
Forget it... Let's go!
Aren't you going to dance with me?
Don't touch her, or else I'll
beat you up.
Darling!
ALBERT!
Boss, she hit you!
Darling, let me.
No, let me have some fun too!
Take care!
Go ahead!
It's a bit too much!
Gentlemen don't fight!
Are you alright?
He kicked me but I didn't fight back.
What kind of a man are you
if you don't fight now?
Go and beat them up!
Go ahead, great!
Go away, I don't hit women.
I just changed my mind!
How dare you do this to my husband?
Get up!
Thanks!
Darling, it's her again!
How dare you beat my Albert up?
Albert!
I didn't mean to...
I'll handle it!
OK!
Let's go and have a bite, okay?
Sure!
Let's go!
The transaction is today.
Don't be afraid,
The Hong Kong Royal Police
will support you.
Where's Juju?
You'll see her when the deal is done.
What's that?
I'll tell you when it's over.
What are your chances like?
That's right. There'll be
two possibilities:
One, we won't be able to come back
if we fail.
Or we don't wanna come back
if we make it.
Wrong, you're bound to come back
even if you make it.
Put them on!
These are two specially made time bombs,
I'll defuse them when you
bring the diamonds back.
Don't worry, I know how to do it!
I'm the only person on Earth who
knows how to.
There are twenty five wires,
and the bomb will explode
if any of them is broken.
I'll give you four hours, is that enough?
Three hours is more than enough.
Okay,
three hours then.
Get in!
Sir, they just got in.
Follow them!
Your pal is very concerned about you!
Look at the motorcycle, it's keeping close.
We don't know him.
Don't you? He's ClD, Ah Wing.
Turn left!
They've gone into Sesame Street!
Get lost, the Ambulance will take over.
Another one, you've got some more help!
Of course.
All the lads are supporting us spiritually.
With me here, you don't have to be afraid!
Quit messing around!
Turn right!
We'll change cars now!
Sir, he got into the container.
Keep calm and keep a close eye in him!
The container is stopping by the river!
Then why don't you go get them!?
Yes, sir!
Let's go!
He changed cars. He flew across the river!
You fly after him!
I've got to rescue him, my Baldy!
I seem to have fainted. Did you?
Of course I did not.
Where am I?
Let's get out first.
Go away!
Don't bother,
your friends have all gone.
How did you get away from them?
Shut up.
The deal will be carried out here.
You have two and half hours to go,
I'll have the champagne ready.
Don't go!
Over here.
How did you get here?
By the staircase.
Follow me.
You've walked right into it.
Don't try to run away!
We have just been looking for you.
We've got a time bomb on us
which will explode in an hour's time.
By that time, all the money will be gone.
Is the money genuine or counterfeit?
You want us to tell the truth or not?
The truth of course!
Then it's counterfeit money!
BG II!
Hurry, go and rescue your buddy.
Looks great, what's that?
It's a magic box!
Don't block my sight.
He failed.
You mean that plane.
I mean your magic box.
Shit, watch this.
What's that?
A mini, long-distance, cross-country,
super speed rocket.
What's that?
I don't even know myself.
Press the button, here we go...
You wanna kill yourself?
I nearly lost my life.
You should face danger fearlessly.
You told me to face danger fearlessly.
Sometimes it depends on circumstances.
Keep calm.
Only a heap of junk left.
Don't underestimate this.
Great heroes have risen from junk heaps.
Just like you and me.
I didn't.
That's why you're not a hero.
The stars of the show are
in a bomb shelter of the box.
Is that a windmill?
A radar control.
The Hong Kong Hunters, here comes Samurai.
Samurai, don't be afraid.
King Kong.
Peter Pan.
Horsey.
Froggie.
It's fun.
Man With The Golden Gun.
Give him a hand, Fattie.
Wake up, Yoho!
Hold it for me.
Where are you going?
Beat him while he's down.
Get on with the attack.
Bomber Ant, give him a hand.
Dear friends, I salute you!
Time's up, if you don't go now,
they'll be saying goodbye forever to us!
Hurry up. Let's go!
We're running out of time, let's go.
It's my turn now!
Go get that guy to defuse the bomb first.
No.
Help! I'm here.
Where?
There!
Who tied you up there? Come...
Please defuse the bomb for us.
No, Black Gloves tied me up there!
I can't move!
Go!
To where?
She'll get an explosives expert
to do it.
A rocket!
Jump off.
Let me do it, get in.
Hurry up.
Coming...
Get on it.
Don't worry, I'm great on bicycles.
Over there...
I thought you knew how to ride a bike.
Gosh, he's coming again.
Have we arrived?
Yes, we have.
Pull up.
Your driver's licence.
Sorry sir.
No? Not even fines? Gosh.
Great, how many more rockets are there?
One.
That will kill him.
Look.
They're still alive, what now?
You go ahead first.
Hurry up... back up.
It's a fake.
Where's Baldy?
How does it look?
I can't take it apart.
Have a seat!
Go away!
The bomb will explode any minute.
Go away!
The explosives expert is coming.
It's too late.
You sit down for a while.
Go away!
They're bound to know how to dismantle it.
So don't worry!
Me worried?
I'm a hero, I do not fear death!
I'll make my comeback in time.
What about me?
You'll be an old lady then.
We're just not made for each other.
Go away...
We'll meet again in another life.
Wait for me!
I won't go away!
After all, I'm yours now.
Forever and ever!
I don't care whether it's
an atomic bomb that's on you.
Whatever happens, we won't be separated!
I wanna say something which I never thought.
Was impossible for me say.
I'll say it now.
Come on then.
Honey, I love you!
ALBERT!
Don't cry!
It's a sign of a weak person.
It won't help anyway!
I don't want to die so soon!
Honey, I've been very loyal to you.
I didn't fool around, I've only
thought about it!
It's alright, In future, don't even
think about it!
Madam, the explosives expert is here.
Bring him in.
Yes, Madam!
Where's Baldy?
He's inside the sand bags.
Is the bomb defused?
The explosives expert just arrived.
Don't be afraid, I'm the F.B.I.
explosives expert.
I don't care whether
it's a time bomb, a sex bomb,
an atomic bomb, hydrogen bomb
or a stink bomb.
I know how to take them apart.
You can't go in!
Don't do that! He's a mad nutcase!
He's a nutcase!
Where's the bomb?
I did it. I've dismantled the bomb!
Watch out!
Are you O.K.?
Sure!
I'm F.B.I., lnterpol, Gestapo
and the Avengers!
Comrade, we kill the baddies.
We've got so many things to do.
Are you ready?
All set!
Let's go! Bi boo, bi boo...
Friends...
Let's be friends.
No need to worry.
I must put my best clothes on
with my best shirt.
That will be good.
Let's be friends.
With sweet words
and praises her
rare beauty.
Just let me hold her hands.
That will be cool.
Oh I want to see her more.
I'll buy her a diamond ring
and surprise her.
That will be cool.
Oh!
Oh, she said the diamond is too small!
Just let me be her friend.
A friend.
She sings so sweetly,
with my guitar playing.
We could compose the best music.
Let's be friends.
And give her a kiss.
I'll share everything with her.
Just with her.
We could be the best lovers on earth.
That will be cool.
Just let me see her more.
I'll teach her to drive.
That will be cool.
That will be cool.
Just drive.
Oh!
Let's be friends.
And give her a kiss,
share everything.
Live together
and be the best friends.
Live together
and be the best friends.
Live together.