Life's Too Short (2011) s00e00 Episode Script
Making of
Erm, hi.
Welcome.
I'm Warwick Davis.
With me, Ricky Gervais.
Am I not leading this? 'Cause I'm just doing like you do, and this is my No, you are, and it's brilliant.
Well, you're supposed to say, 'Hi, yeah,' sort of acknowledge that I was going to.
I was waiting You were ready for that.
OK.
Start again.
Hi, erm, welcome Er, mmm.
What's that? Don't say, 'Hi, um.
' I mean, 'um' after the first word? OK.
Think what you're gonna say and say it.
Articulate.
And be warm! You do plenty of 'erms'.
Right.
Did he just answer back Ricky Gervais? Sounds like it.
Hang on a minute.
Oooh, OK.
Listen, I've been in the business 30 years.
How long have you been acting? That's a fair point.
Thank you.
Hello, I'm Warwick Davis, and welcome Ooooh.
Would I say 'viewers'? What are you asking me for? I haven't been acting as long as you.
Hang on a minute.
What does my opinion matter? You've been in the business 30 years.
Hello, readers? Do we have Yeah, readers.
Well, you seem to know it all.
Fans.
That's good.
Oooh! Don't (Laughs) Don't look at me! A mistake before the first word! I mean, that's got to be some sort of record.
Don't even look! A mistake before he opened his mouth to speak.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
(Phone rings) Hello.
Dwarfs For Hire.
I don't know where to turn, to be honest with you.
There's no work coming in either at the minute.
I just Are you doing any more Extras, perhaps? What else are you working on at the minute? Just other TV and film and you know.
Any actors required, perhaps.
Actors? Do you need actors? We will need actors for the at some point But not necessarily Not Life's Too Short is a fake documentary starring this little fella, Warwick Davis.
Thank you very much.
You may recognise him from Return Of The Jedi.
Well, they wouldn't recognise him, 'cause his face Completely covered up.
Well, no, people know.
Oh, you played that android, didn't you? Again, completely in a Marvin.
It wasn't even your voice in the end, was it? Alan Rickman overdubbed it.
We don't need to mention that.
Moving on.
So, that could be anything, that could be anyone there.
Willow, although That was about 30 years ago, wasn't it? Nobody really saw it.
How old were you then? I was 17.
You were 17.
It's still a valid credit, whenever it was done, so Extras, of course.
That's probably where people know him.
It wasn't clear if he was playing himself, or it was just It was just a dwarf I kicked in the face.
You shit! What are you doing? What are you doing? What do you think I got this ring for? I don't know - you're a hobbit? You fat shit! I don't know what the rules are, fighting a Try that.
That usually works in cartoons.
What is he doing? Oh! Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Accidental knee.
Well, the character in Life's Too Short, Warwick Davis, is very different to the real Warwick Davis.
The Warwick Davis in the show, his life's out of control, basically.
He's had a taste of a success, but it's all going horribly wrong.
His marriage has failed.
That's his fault.
He was arrogant, selfish.
She doesn't want to know him any more.
He wants her back, but only 'cause it looks bad and he wants to win, not 'cause he loves her.
I tell you what happened.
MAN: Oh, what? What happened was he thought Oh, here we go! What did I think? Mystic Meg here! What he thought was Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He thought he could do better than me.
He thought he could trade me in for maybe a taller, more beautiful model, but he couldn't.
No, no, no, didn't want to.
No, you couldn't.
No, I could! Of course I could! You couldn't.
He did try I just didn't want to because I'm, you know, faithful.
Now he's back, but it's too late.
It's over, you know? The lawyer who's overseeing the divorce between Warwick and his wife, this guy called Ian Wold, has got his feet well under the table.
Are you wearing slippers? MAN: Yes.
Is it normal practice to be round the client's house doing paperwork, wearing slippers? Everyone's different.
What lawyer wears slippers? I've never seen that before.
On LA Law, they didn't wear slippers.
Perry Mason never had slippers on.
Even when he played Ironside, he never had slippers on, and he was in a wheelchair! He didn't even need shoes and he still wore shoes.
He's got the worst accountant in the world, played by Steve Brody.
Have you spoken to the Inland Revenue? What's the latest? Yes.
They are not pressing charges.
They don't think it's fraudulent.
I've convinced them that you didn't know what you were doing.
It's you who didn't know what he was doing.
You're my accountant.
You're the one that's supposed to tell me if I owe tax.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, but Well, the original figure they said I owed was ã250,000.
Where are we at on that now? Well, I was cheeky.
I said, 'He won't do it again.
' There was a bit of back and forth, and the figure I arrived at was ã50,000.
ã50,000? That's great.
Wait, no.
They said no to that.
Very definite no.
So, what was the figure you agreed on? ã250,000.
That's what they wanted to start with! Yeah, well, you know That's not negotiating, Eric! You've just agreed with them.
Yes, yes, alright, but you know, they are the tax people.
They do know what they're talking about.
They understand your accounts better than me, to be honest, and I'm not going to argue with them! He's got the worst PA assistant.
The only reason she's working there is her parents want her out of the house, and they said she can live rent-free if she doesn't come home till six.
Brainstorming.
I'll make some notes.
I'll start with number one.
OK, in your own time.
The company's called Dwarves For Hire.
Is that right? Yes, it is.
Yeah.
But why do you have to only do acting? Can you do other stuff? Yeah, such as? Chimney sweep.
Chimney sweep? Why am I suddenly doing that? Well, it used to be children, didn't it? A hundred years ago, yeah.
But it's cruel to send children up there nowadays, so So, it's not cruel to send a dwarf up there? No, because you're an adult, aren't you? Oh, are you not? Oh, I thought you were an adult.
Yeah, well, of course I'm an adult, but I'm also a businessman and I've been in loads of big films.
Why am I suddenly running up chimneys? It's the worst situation in the world, isn't it? Absolutely.
You're getting a divorce from the wife, the lawyer doing it, He's going out with her and divorcing you.
The worst PA in the world, the worst accountant in the world, and his only hope is us.
Can you write me a film? What film? Well, I don't know.
You have the idea.
Can we have the idea a bit later? 'Cause we're snowed under at the moment, mate.
We've got about a thousand things to do this afternoon.
Yeah, alright, sorry, mate.
You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I understand.
And that's an excuse, a conduit, to get him to meet all these A-listers who, in our world, just come and hang out in our office.
Liam Neeson decides that he's going to try and do some comedy.
Excruciating.
I mean, one of the favourite sketches we've ever written, I think.
Today we're shooting a scene with Ricky and Stephan and Warwick Davis, erm, where I play myself, who's coming into the office to see the guys.
who've very kindly agreed to see me because I want to break into comedy.
Here's some of the stuff I'd like to work on.
Improv, stand-up comedy, funny monologues, crazy characters, sketches, slapstick, anecdotes, parody, yeah? Yep.
You notice this list, huh? I'm always making lists.
Oh, right.
In fact, that's probably why Steven Spielberg cast me as Oskar Schindler in Schindler's List.
I said, 'Steven, I make lists all the time,' and he said, 'That's exactly what I'm looking for.
' (Laughter) What? What's funny? Sorry, I thought you were joking about getting the part of Oskar Schindler 'cause you made lists.
No.
But it's a beautifully written sequence, very, very funny, and the first time I read it, I was just splitting my sides with laughter, and then I thought, 'I have to go through with this, and I'm just not going to be able to keep it straight-faced,' because I'm a laugher, a right laugher, at the drop of a hat, and, um But it was nice, because Ricky, Stephen and Warwick made me feel very, very at home, and Ricky corpses as much as I do, which was lovely! It was very reassuring.
WOMAN: 225 take one.
'A' and 'B' cameras.
Knock, knock.
RICKY: Come in? Hello.
Hi.
What seems to be the problem? (Laughter) Oh, I was doing so well.
(Puffs) Knock, knock.
(Laughter) It's his face, his face! His face is, like, his most important piece of acting.
Oh.
Oh! OK.
Knock, knock.
Come in.
Hello.
Hi.
What seems to be the problem? Like I said before, I've got full-blown AIDS.
(Laughter) It's never We're never going to get that! He's doing his Oh! Johnny Depp confronts me about some of my Golden Globe comments.
Here they are - the lads.
Ricky.
Hi.
Hello, lads.
They're popping here, what - every other day to see you guys? Seems like it.
Have you met before? Johnny, this is Stephen.
Hello.
Alright? Nice to meet you.
And Ricky there.
I actually remember him from the Golden Globes.
Hi.
Yeah.
Ricky invited me to do something on his show, which would, you know, give me the opportunity to, uh Yeah, smack him around a little.
What is nastier than Ricky Gervais's jokes? His teeth.
Why do people take an instant dislike to Ricky Gervais? Because it saves time.
(Laughs mirthlessly) And I think he enjoyed it.
I think he liked being smacked around.
RICKY: Warwick thinks he's got this great part on a film with Helena Bonham-Carter, and it doesn't turn out quite how he thinks.
I love Warwick, and I know Warwick - I've worked with him many times, on Harry Potter and everything.
I remember him talking about it, when we were, like, dressed up as Bellatrix and him as Griphook, him saying, 'I think I'm gonna do this comedy series with Ricky,' and I just thought it was brilliant, and it was just so nice that it's happening, so I said, 'Course I gotta do it.
' When I walked on set, I thought, 'Jesus, there's so many people!' Even more people than on a Harry Potter set.
But then you realise half of them are fake, but you couldn't work out which ones were fake, which ones were real ones, so it was a bit surreal.
But you know, it was good fun.
Miss Fairfax, I'm scared.
Yes, but fear is what makes you a man.
You cannot have courage without fear.
I want you to remember that.
Then I must be a brave man, for all I feel is I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't.
Cut, cut.
What's the problem? Yeah, um No, it's just, like It's just really hard to act opposite this, given the way it looks.
I mean Yeah, OK, yeah.
Yeah, I can't have its face staring at me like that.
'It'? He worms his way into this charity event run by Sting.
Our host Sting! Sting, over here, please! I got an email from Ricky Gervais, I think about a week after his Golden Globes er, success? Would you call it a success? And I immediately responded, 'Fuck off.
' How long would you sponsor a child like this for, would you say? Usually till they're 18.
19? How old is she now? Er, she's seven.
Seven? Wow! A lot of them don't even live till they're 18, though, do they? That is the tragedy.
So, she might not last till she's, I don't know, 12? Well, with your help, she will.
Will she? Mm-hm.
Good.
That's good, isn't it? Mmm.
It was fun today.
I mean, I had the piss taken out of me mercilessly, but you know that's good for me.
Er, where do I sign, Stingbo.
Just there? We've done a cameo with Steve Carell.
Because of my big mouth, we get into a lot of trouble.
Does that sound possible? We're in LA Thursday if you want to do dinner and have a chat? Oh, yeah, that sounds great.
Love to.
Brilliant.
See you then.
OK.
Good.
See you later.
Bye! Bye.
I must say, it makes me laugh a bit that he's a household name 'cause of the show, and now I've got to beg him to do the odd guest spot.
He should be begging me.
Luckiest fucking actor in the world.
(Laughter) Are you still there, Steve? Yep.
Sorry, man, I thought I'd, er I thought I'd hung up.
No.
No, you didn't.
That's it.
Welcome.
Come on in.
Shut the door, man.
Here we go! Everyone, over here! Look at this.
Look who it is.
It's only the beautiful Cat Deeley, yeah? When I first got the call about the show, I was slightly nervous about it because I've seen some of the other shows and I know that they're absolutely brilliant, but sometimes they're a little close to the mark, so I was a little nervous.
And then I read the few pages that I did today, and I absolutely loved them.
Laughed out loud, hilariously funny.
Cat Deeley, everyone! (Applauds) (Scattered applause) MAN: If everyone's slightly more polite, that's like you hate her.
(Laughter) CAT: I felt the loathing! I've hated Cat Deeley for many fucking years, and now she's turned up to my party.
(Laughter) RICKY: He runs an agency, which Warwick does in real life, but in this one, he's just taking all the best jobs for himself.
He's ripping off other dwarf actors.
We're worried there's a conflict of interest here, Warwick.
When the phone rings, we don't know if you're representing us, or just taking the best roles for yourself.
He's not.
The phone never rings.
Yes, it does! RICKY: In the script, Warwick has been confronted by his clients, and they're fed-up getting awful roles, being fired from cannons.
His nemesis, Anthony, has done this sort of rousting speech on a local news slot, saying, you know, it shouldn't be being ridiculed if you're a dwarf.
You should be doing roles like Hamlet and Chaucer and all these, and they go along with this, and they make Warwick make a show reel for them, and the things they choose to show reel are inappropriate.
WOMAN: 352, take one.
'A' camera mark.
MAN: And action! OK, uh, Brokeback Mountain, take one.
I love you.
Don't tell my wife.
Don't disturb the horses.
Where did you get this tent from? Millets.
And cut.
RICKY: I don't think it was clear.
Now, I'd never get an actor to do anything I wouldn't do myself, so let me just show you what I mean.
Nudge, come here.
(Laughter) Ready? (Laughter) Ready? Yep.
OK.
Oh.
I love you.
Don't tell my wife.
No, and don't fright the horses either.
Where'd you get the tent? Millets.
It's Millets.
Great.
Really good.
(Laughter) Thank you.
This is like the Generation Game, isn't it? (Laughter) Now they have a go.
STEPHEN: Warwick is also vice-chairman of a society for small people, but of course, he's vice-chairman but he'd rather be chairman, which means he's never really happy when he's at those meetings.
He's always trying to sort of steal the limelight.
And I see our struggle as being exactly like the civil rights movement in America.
Of the two of us, I suppose I'm more like Martin Luther King, just 'cause I've got the profile and the charisma and a way with words, but you know, that's not to say Anthony's not got an important role to play, but he's more of your run-of-the-mill colour chap in the '50s, you know? Yes, I'm taking all the glory and going down in history, but then, he's not getting shot in the head.
So, swings and roundabouts.
He's everything - he's money-grubbing, egotistical.
But somehow Warwick's natural warmth and humanity seems to excuse all of his terrible behaviour.
Well, I think that's important though, isn't it? Comedy is about empathy, and I do like the flawed character.
We love life's losers.
They're trying.
Well, that's nice.
You know, if he didn't care, that wouldn't be interesting.
If he succeeded, it wouldn't be funny.
So, you have to have a bit of everything.
He has to have flaws, but it has to be grounded in humanity.
You have to at least understand him and care for him a bit, or at least like to watch him fall over, sometimes literally.
(Laughter) I really enjoy that element of it, that kind of slapstick element, to be kind of allowed to do that, it's been really great, 'cause I don't think you see if often enough now on TV anyway.
Well, it's just funny, isn't it? And it works with the character so well, because it's always at the point when everything's going fairly well for him and he thinks, 'Yes, this is his moment,' and then Well, he gets his comeuppance.
I mean, that's it.
He's usually showing off or doing something he shouldn't.
If she does come over, don't say you're my date, right.
Just say you're my sister.
Oh! (Cutlery clangs, glass smashes) Wow! Did you see that? Just, oh! Didn't quite manage it there.
Phew, let me see.
We'll get this cleared up, yeah? She's going.
Bye.
Hmm.
The Office, I suppose, reflected those quaint, old-fashioned docu-soaps that found ordinary people just going about their lives who became sort of famous.
Mm-hm.
Maureen from Driving School.
Exactly, Jeremy Spake, those sort of things, but this one is much more modern.
It reflects these harsher ones, where people live their life like an open wound to get a bit more fame.
They'll do anything.
It's a little bit awkward, t his.
I don't want to put you on the spot, but I'm getting a bit desperate.
I wonder if you could give me, say, five grand just to live on? Treat it like a charity donation.
But you're not a charity, Warwick, are you? As good as.
Got no work, no money.
I'm homeless.
I'm, you know, a charity case.
The cameras are often a catalyst for that as well.
Just the fact he's in a corner and there's a camera there Yeah.
He's signed with the devil.
He's said, 'Yeah, make me famous and I'll do anything you want.
' OK.
Look, I'm plumbed it.
Simple.
It's just a couple of tubes.
You make a good plumber, 'cause you could get in all the little crevices like that, couldn't you? Yeah, I could, couldn't I? Something to think about when the acting work dries up for you.
Why would you say that in front of STEPHEN: One reason we went back to the documentary style is that it I think when we finished The Office, we were exhausted by it.
Its limitations, we'd just sort of run out of steam.
But after a while, we just got itchy to go back to it, because, well, obviously it offers an automatic sense of realism and naturalism.
That just feeds into the believability of the world.
A faux pas is embarrassing when it happens to you, but it usually happens in front of one or two people.
This is going out around the world, and he knows that.
It's a constant witness to every humiliation.
It's also good for the audience, because as soon as someone looks down the lens, it suddenly brings them into their embarrassment.
They feel the pain, you feel the pain of someone getting caught doing something when they What is this, then? Documentary.
What, about About me, yeah.
Well, that's good exposure.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Yeah, it's all good.
See you later, then.
Yeah, see you later, yeah.
I think people have already made their mind up before they've seen it that this is a cruel comedy, because there's a, you know, a little person involved, so it has to be cruel and making jokes about little people, which couldn't be further from the truth.
Well, that's interesting, 'cause a lot of people say to me, 'Oh, you're being controversial.
It's a controversial subject.
It never occurred to me that this was controversial.
It's not a controversial subject.
Do you feel it's controversial? Not at all.
I mean, if you take it on the face of it, this character really It's incidental that he's short, really.
Absolutely.
It's Yeah.
You know what I mean? It just happens that I'm playing him But Warwick Davis exists.
This is what he looks like.
This is him.
This is, you know It's not We haven't got an actor and put shoes on their knees, and made them walk around doing jokes about being small.
You know, it's, erm He tried it, but it just Yeah, I wanted to play this part.
Warwick? Yeah.
Hi.
I'm Amy.
Hello.
Will you excuse me for a minute? Come in.
She's a dwarf! She kept that quiet, didn't she? Look at that! See that? There's no clue in that picture, is there? It's just a head! Like, that should be a full-body shot.
You know, with her stood next to a matchbox or something, you know, like, to show how big a moth is, but no! No clue there.
Where's the arms? That's sneaky.
You know, there's a lot of rich material that's very, very funny, but it's not funny in the way of, 'Ha, ha, they're freakish and different.
Let's point and laugh at them.
' Which, you know, I've seen a lot of in comedy.
It's actually coming from a place of, 'OK, what's, you know, the point of view, having consulted and talked with and learned a little bit about the world of? Where is the humour in that, and where is the humour in, you know, in kind of the social situations, not just pointing and laughing at someone who's grossly deformed, and thinking that that's hilarious.
You know, it's coming from a smarter place than that.
Shall we try it again, right? And this time, don't presume you know who I'm meeting.
OK.
Hello, sir.
Hello.
I'm here to meet a woman.
OK.
What is the choice of women I could be meeting tonight? We have two waiting.
Just point them out and I'll tell you which one I'm meeting, 'cause there's no way you could know.
There's the tall lady there.
Don't mention size! Or there's that lady over there at the table.
Oh, yeah.
There she is.
OK.
So, you are meeting her.
What I think was brilliant about your writing, you picked up on, you know, prejudices that the world has Well, in your other comedies as well, people who are different, but in this, certainly people who are small, you know.
You really got into the head of somebody who is small, my character, and just showed the world from my perspective, and also showed how other people can often be in the way they react towards me.
Sorry to bother you.
Can I get a picture? Yeah, sure.
Anything for a fan.
Fan? Yeah.
Fan of what? Fan of me.
Why? Who are you? Warwick Davis, obviously.
Famous actor.
Well, if you don't know who I am, why do you want a picture? 'Cause it's funny, isn't it, a dwarf carrying a box? You don't see that round here.
Do you mind if I film you? Why? 'Cause that's even funnier.
And it's not a show that has relentless jokes about being small.
It's not about that.
He's got a small man complex.
Would you like me to get it down for you? No! I can get it No! It's fine.
I can manage.
MAN: Warwick, what's the experience of playing yourself, but not yourself, been like? Erm, yeah, I mean, it's The character is far-removed from me, you know.
I haven't got a huge ego.
I don't crave fame and attention.
But it's been really fun, and quite liberating in a way as well, to be able to sort of play out all those things that you kind of often suppress as a person, because of politeness or what-have-you, and it's fun to just play those out.
Do you think I'm good-looking? Yeah! Not just for a dwarf.
Generally.
Yes! Doesn't count, 'cause you're a dwarf.
What? Well, your standards are probably pretty low.
It's got a lot more flavours than our previous work.
There's a lot of different elements to this, 'cause there's the sort of domestic side Yeah, we never had that in The Office.
We never saw outside that office.
Do you know? That was a very defined sit, in sitcom, The Office.
Extras was very much about sort of friendship with that backdrop of media, whereas here, he's got his showbiz side, he's got, as you say, his domestic side, he's got his love life, his friends, his attitude, his ambitions.
It's everything.
He's just trying to get something.
He's going to try and take anything from the world.
It was the wrong time for comedy.
I know that now.
Oh! Do you want to go into the toilet with me? Are you getting all this? Just fuck off! What are you doing? Just putting my arm around you.
Warwick hasn't bid yet.
Sting.
Grassing me up.
What are your hopes for the future? Sales and marketing.
He can't afford a solicitor.
I'm his accountant.
(Laughs) I'm a funny guy, aren't I? Yeah.
Definitely.
Will these johnnies fit a dwarf? Why? I've got one here.
You're a dwarf.
How can you not know 'heigh-ho, heigh-ho'? And something about whistling.
You're a disgusting little creature and I want to squash you.
Have you got everything? Yeah.
Got your special shampoo? Yes! His real name's Gordon! Give me a kiss.
Mmm.
We've had a ball, haven't we? Eight weeks of sheer fun.
And joking aside, this little guy is amazing.
Brilliant.
Isn't he? He's the comedy sensation of this year, I think.
Well, that's very nice.
Thank you very much, coming from you, sir.
Be good.
Look after yourself.
Thanks.
Right, Tom and Jerry, get in.
See you.
I've had it with this pair.
They're a couple of clowns.
In! (Sighs) WARWICK: When are you gonna say 'cut'? It's a long way, this.
I've only got little legs.
That's it.
A little more.
(Laughter) Look, he's still going! He's still fucking going! It's not fair.
(Laughs) OK, I'm gonna call No! Look, now you're winding me up.
I'm sure you are.
What's he gonna do when he gets to the end? What's he gonna do? (Laughter) Oh, this is ridiculous! (Laughter) I don't think I ever let her down in the bedroom department.
You know? No.
You know, I'd like to think that I was always satisfying (Laughter) Sorry, I'm out of character here! (Laughs) I couldn't do that! As far as I was concerned, you know I gave it 110%.
Yeah, every time.
Quality job.
(Laughter) I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! That was good! Quality job! He ticked the air.
Quality job! (Laughter) Do that again.
MAN: Keep driving, alright.
OK? (Laughter) Alright, cut that.
(Screaming) (Exclaims) (Laughter) Oh, my God! Oh, God! Oh! So childish.
(Laughter) God! (Laughter)
Welcome.
I'm Warwick Davis.
With me, Ricky Gervais.
Am I not leading this? 'Cause I'm just doing like you do, and this is my No, you are, and it's brilliant.
Well, you're supposed to say, 'Hi, yeah,' sort of acknowledge that I was going to.
I was waiting You were ready for that.
OK.
Start again.
Hi, erm, welcome Er, mmm.
What's that? Don't say, 'Hi, um.
' I mean, 'um' after the first word? OK.
Think what you're gonna say and say it.
Articulate.
And be warm! You do plenty of 'erms'.
Right.
Did he just answer back Ricky Gervais? Sounds like it.
Hang on a minute.
Oooh, OK.
Listen, I've been in the business 30 years.
How long have you been acting? That's a fair point.
Thank you.
Hello, I'm Warwick Davis, and welcome Ooooh.
Would I say 'viewers'? What are you asking me for? I haven't been acting as long as you.
Hang on a minute.
What does my opinion matter? You've been in the business 30 years.
Hello, readers? Do we have Yeah, readers.
Well, you seem to know it all.
Fans.
That's good.
Oooh! Don't (Laughs) Don't look at me! A mistake before the first word! I mean, that's got to be some sort of record.
Don't even look! A mistake before he opened his mouth to speak.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
(Phone rings) Hello.
Dwarfs For Hire.
I don't know where to turn, to be honest with you.
There's no work coming in either at the minute.
I just Are you doing any more Extras, perhaps? What else are you working on at the minute? Just other TV and film and you know.
Any actors required, perhaps.
Actors? Do you need actors? We will need actors for the at some point But not necessarily Not Life's Too Short is a fake documentary starring this little fella, Warwick Davis.
Thank you very much.
You may recognise him from Return Of The Jedi.
Well, they wouldn't recognise him, 'cause his face Completely covered up.
Well, no, people know.
Oh, you played that android, didn't you? Again, completely in a Marvin.
It wasn't even your voice in the end, was it? Alan Rickman overdubbed it.
We don't need to mention that.
Moving on.
So, that could be anything, that could be anyone there.
Willow, although That was about 30 years ago, wasn't it? Nobody really saw it.
How old were you then? I was 17.
You were 17.
It's still a valid credit, whenever it was done, so Extras, of course.
That's probably where people know him.
It wasn't clear if he was playing himself, or it was just It was just a dwarf I kicked in the face.
You shit! What are you doing? What are you doing? What do you think I got this ring for? I don't know - you're a hobbit? You fat shit! I don't know what the rules are, fighting a Try that.
That usually works in cartoons.
What is he doing? Oh! Ah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Accidental knee.
Well, the character in Life's Too Short, Warwick Davis, is very different to the real Warwick Davis.
The Warwick Davis in the show, his life's out of control, basically.
He's had a taste of a success, but it's all going horribly wrong.
His marriage has failed.
That's his fault.
He was arrogant, selfish.
She doesn't want to know him any more.
He wants her back, but only 'cause it looks bad and he wants to win, not 'cause he loves her.
I tell you what happened.
MAN: Oh, what? What happened was he thought Oh, here we go! What did I think? Mystic Meg here! What he thought was Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He thought he could do better than me.
He thought he could trade me in for maybe a taller, more beautiful model, but he couldn't.
No, no, no, didn't want to.
No, you couldn't.
No, I could! Of course I could! You couldn't.
He did try I just didn't want to because I'm, you know, faithful.
Now he's back, but it's too late.
It's over, you know? The lawyer who's overseeing the divorce between Warwick and his wife, this guy called Ian Wold, has got his feet well under the table.
Are you wearing slippers? MAN: Yes.
Is it normal practice to be round the client's house doing paperwork, wearing slippers? Everyone's different.
What lawyer wears slippers? I've never seen that before.
On LA Law, they didn't wear slippers.
Perry Mason never had slippers on.
Even when he played Ironside, he never had slippers on, and he was in a wheelchair! He didn't even need shoes and he still wore shoes.
He's got the worst accountant in the world, played by Steve Brody.
Have you spoken to the Inland Revenue? What's the latest? Yes.
They are not pressing charges.
They don't think it's fraudulent.
I've convinced them that you didn't know what you were doing.
It's you who didn't know what he was doing.
You're my accountant.
You're the one that's supposed to tell me if I owe tax.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, but Well, the original figure they said I owed was ã250,000.
Where are we at on that now? Well, I was cheeky.
I said, 'He won't do it again.
' There was a bit of back and forth, and the figure I arrived at was ã50,000.
ã50,000? That's great.
Wait, no.
They said no to that.
Very definite no.
So, what was the figure you agreed on? ã250,000.
That's what they wanted to start with! Yeah, well, you know That's not negotiating, Eric! You've just agreed with them.
Yes, yes, alright, but you know, they are the tax people.
They do know what they're talking about.
They understand your accounts better than me, to be honest, and I'm not going to argue with them! He's got the worst PA assistant.
The only reason she's working there is her parents want her out of the house, and they said she can live rent-free if she doesn't come home till six.
Brainstorming.
I'll make some notes.
I'll start with number one.
OK, in your own time.
The company's called Dwarves For Hire.
Is that right? Yes, it is.
Yeah.
But why do you have to only do acting? Can you do other stuff? Yeah, such as? Chimney sweep.
Chimney sweep? Why am I suddenly doing that? Well, it used to be children, didn't it? A hundred years ago, yeah.
But it's cruel to send children up there nowadays, so So, it's not cruel to send a dwarf up there? No, because you're an adult, aren't you? Oh, are you not? Oh, I thought you were an adult.
Yeah, well, of course I'm an adult, but I'm also a businessman and I've been in loads of big films.
Why am I suddenly running up chimneys? It's the worst situation in the world, isn't it? Absolutely.
You're getting a divorce from the wife, the lawyer doing it, He's going out with her and divorcing you.
The worst PA in the world, the worst accountant in the world, and his only hope is us.
Can you write me a film? What film? Well, I don't know.
You have the idea.
Can we have the idea a bit later? 'Cause we're snowed under at the moment, mate.
We've got about a thousand things to do this afternoon.
Yeah, alright, sorry, mate.
You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, I understand.
And that's an excuse, a conduit, to get him to meet all these A-listers who, in our world, just come and hang out in our office.
Liam Neeson decides that he's going to try and do some comedy.
Excruciating.
I mean, one of the favourite sketches we've ever written, I think.
Today we're shooting a scene with Ricky and Stephan and Warwick Davis, erm, where I play myself, who's coming into the office to see the guys.
who've very kindly agreed to see me because I want to break into comedy.
Here's some of the stuff I'd like to work on.
Improv, stand-up comedy, funny monologues, crazy characters, sketches, slapstick, anecdotes, parody, yeah? Yep.
You notice this list, huh? I'm always making lists.
Oh, right.
In fact, that's probably why Steven Spielberg cast me as Oskar Schindler in Schindler's List.
I said, 'Steven, I make lists all the time,' and he said, 'That's exactly what I'm looking for.
' (Laughter) What? What's funny? Sorry, I thought you were joking about getting the part of Oskar Schindler 'cause you made lists.
No.
But it's a beautifully written sequence, very, very funny, and the first time I read it, I was just splitting my sides with laughter, and then I thought, 'I have to go through with this, and I'm just not going to be able to keep it straight-faced,' because I'm a laugher, a right laugher, at the drop of a hat, and, um But it was nice, because Ricky, Stephen and Warwick made me feel very, very at home, and Ricky corpses as much as I do, which was lovely! It was very reassuring.
WOMAN: 225 take one.
'A' and 'B' cameras.
Knock, knock.
RICKY: Come in? Hello.
Hi.
What seems to be the problem? (Laughter) Oh, I was doing so well.
(Puffs) Knock, knock.
(Laughter) It's his face, his face! His face is, like, his most important piece of acting.
Oh.
Oh! OK.
Knock, knock.
Come in.
Hello.
Hi.
What seems to be the problem? Like I said before, I've got full-blown AIDS.
(Laughter) It's never We're never going to get that! He's doing his Oh! Johnny Depp confronts me about some of my Golden Globe comments.
Here they are - the lads.
Ricky.
Hi.
Hello, lads.
They're popping here, what - every other day to see you guys? Seems like it.
Have you met before? Johnny, this is Stephen.
Hello.
Alright? Nice to meet you.
And Ricky there.
I actually remember him from the Golden Globes.
Hi.
Yeah.
Ricky invited me to do something on his show, which would, you know, give me the opportunity to, uh Yeah, smack him around a little.
What is nastier than Ricky Gervais's jokes? His teeth.
Why do people take an instant dislike to Ricky Gervais? Because it saves time.
(Laughs mirthlessly) And I think he enjoyed it.
I think he liked being smacked around.
RICKY: Warwick thinks he's got this great part on a film with Helena Bonham-Carter, and it doesn't turn out quite how he thinks.
I love Warwick, and I know Warwick - I've worked with him many times, on Harry Potter and everything.
I remember him talking about it, when we were, like, dressed up as Bellatrix and him as Griphook, him saying, 'I think I'm gonna do this comedy series with Ricky,' and I just thought it was brilliant, and it was just so nice that it's happening, so I said, 'Course I gotta do it.
' When I walked on set, I thought, 'Jesus, there's so many people!' Even more people than on a Harry Potter set.
But then you realise half of them are fake, but you couldn't work out which ones were fake, which ones were real ones, so it was a bit surreal.
But you know, it was good fun.
Miss Fairfax, I'm scared.
Yes, but fear is what makes you a man.
You cannot have courage without fear.
I want you to remember that.
Then I must be a brave man, for all I feel is I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't.
Cut, cut.
What's the problem? Yeah, um No, it's just, like It's just really hard to act opposite this, given the way it looks.
I mean Yeah, OK, yeah.
Yeah, I can't have its face staring at me like that.
'It'? He worms his way into this charity event run by Sting.
Our host Sting! Sting, over here, please! I got an email from Ricky Gervais, I think about a week after his Golden Globes er, success? Would you call it a success? And I immediately responded, 'Fuck off.
' How long would you sponsor a child like this for, would you say? Usually till they're 18.
19? How old is she now? Er, she's seven.
Seven? Wow! A lot of them don't even live till they're 18, though, do they? That is the tragedy.
So, she might not last till she's, I don't know, 12? Well, with your help, she will.
Will she? Mm-hm.
Good.
That's good, isn't it? Mmm.
It was fun today.
I mean, I had the piss taken out of me mercilessly, but you know that's good for me.
Er, where do I sign, Stingbo.
Just there? We've done a cameo with Steve Carell.
Because of my big mouth, we get into a lot of trouble.
Does that sound possible? We're in LA Thursday if you want to do dinner and have a chat? Oh, yeah, that sounds great.
Love to.
Brilliant.
See you then.
OK.
Good.
See you later.
Bye! Bye.
I must say, it makes me laugh a bit that he's a household name 'cause of the show, and now I've got to beg him to do the odd guest spot.
He should be begging me.
Luckiest fucking actor in the world.
(Laughter) Are you still there, Steve? Yep.
Sorry, man, I thought I'd, er I thought I'd hung up.
No.
No, you didn't.
That's it.
Welcome.
Come on in.
Shut the door, man.
Here we go! Everyone, over here! Look at this.
Look who it is.
It's only the beautiful Cat Deeley, yeah? When I first got the call about the show, I was slightly nervous about it because I've seen some of the other shows and I know that they're absolutely brilliant, but sometimes they're a little close to the mark, so I was a little nervous.
And then I read the few pages that I did today, and I absolutely loved them.
Laughed out loud, hilariously funny.
Cat Deeley, everyone! (Applauds) (Scattered applause) MAN: If everyone's slightly more polite, that's like you hate her.
(Laughter) CAT: I felt the loathing! I've hated Cat Deeley for many fucking years, and now she's turned up to my party.
(Laughter) RICKY: He runs an agency, which Warwick does in real life, but in this one, he's just taking all the best jobs for himself.
He's ripping off other dwarf actors.
We're worried there's a conflict of interest here, Warwick.
When the phone rings, we don't know if you're representing us, or just taking the best roles for yourself.
He's not.
The phone never rings.
Yes, it does! RICKY: In the script, Warwick has been confronted by his clients, and they're fed-up getting awful roles, being fired from cannons.
His nemesis, Anthony, has done this sort of rousting speech on a local news slot, saying, you know, it shouldn't be being ridiculed if you're a dwarf.
You should be doing roles like Hamlet and Chaucer and all these, and they go along with this, and they make Warwick make a show reel for them, and the things they choose to show reel are inappropriate.
WOMAN: 352, take one.
'A' camera mark.
MAN: And action! OK, uh, Brokeback Mountain, take one.
I love you.
Don't tell my wife.
Don't disturb the horses.
Where did you get this tent from? Millets.
And cut.
RICKY: I don't think it was clear.
Now, I'd never get an actor to do anything I wouldn't do myself, so let me just show you what I mean.
Nudge, come here.
(Laughter) Ready? (Laughter) Ready? Yep.
OK.
Oh.
I love you.
Don't tell my wife.
No, and don't fright the horses either.
Where'd you get the tent? Millets.
It's Millets.
Great.
Really good.
(Laughter) Thank you.
This is like the Generation Game, isn't it? (Laughter) Now they have a go.
STEPHEN: Warwick is also vice-chairman of a society for small people, but of course, he's vice-chairman but he'd rather be chairman, which means he's never really happy when he's at those meetings.
He's always trying to sort of steal the limelight.
And I see our struggle as being exactly like the civil rights movement in America.
Of the two of us, I suppose I'm more like Martin Luther King, just 'cause I've got the profile and the charisma and a way with words, but you know, that's not to say Anthony's not got an important role to play, but he's more of your run-of-the-mill colour chap in the '50s, you know? Yes, I'm taking all the glory and going down in history, but then, he's not getting shot in the head.
So, swings and roundabouts.
He's everything - he's money-grubbing, egotistical.
But somehow Warwick's natural warmth and humanity seems to excuse all of his terrible behaviour.
Well, I think that's important though, isn't it? Comedy is about empathy, and I do like the flawed character.
We love life's losers.
They're trying.
Well, that's nice.
You know, if he didn't care, that wouldn't be interesting.
If he succeeded, it wouldn't be funny.
So, you have to have a bit of everything.
He has to have flaws, but it has to be grounded in humanity.
You have to at least understand him and care for him a bit, or at least like to watch him fall over, sometimes literally.
(Laughter) I really enjoy that element of it, that kind of slapstick element, to be kind of allowed to do that, it's been really great, 'cause I don't think you see if often enough now on TV anyway.
Well, it's just funny, isn't it? And it works with the character so well, because it's always at the point when everything's going fairly well for him and he thinks, 'Yes, this is his moment,' and then Well, he gets his comeuppance.
I mean, that's it.
He's usually showing off or doing something he shouldn't.
If she does come over, don't say you're my date, right.
Just say you're my sister.
Oh! (Cutlery clangs, glass smashes) Wow! Did you see that? Just, oh! Didn't quite manage it there.
Phew, let me see.
We'll get this cleared up, yeah? She's going.
Bye.
Hmm.
The Office, I suppose, reflected those quaint, old-fashioned docu-soaps that found ordinary people just going about their lives who became sort of famous.
Mm-hm.
Maureen from Driving School.
Exactly, Jeremy Spake, those sort of things, but this one is much more modern.
It reflects these harsher ones, where people live their life like an open wound to get a bit more fame.
They'll do anything.
It's a little bit awkward, t his.
I don't want to put you on the spot, but I'm getting a bit desperate.
I wonder if you could give me, say, five grand just to live on? Treat it like a charity donation.
But you're not a charity, Warwick, are you? As good as.
Got no work, no money.
I'm homeless.
I'm, you know, a charity case.
The cameras are often a catalyst for that as well.
Just the fact he's in a corner and there's a camera there Yeah.
He's signed with the devil.
He's said, 'Yeah, make me famous and I'll do anything you want.
' OK.
Look, I'm plumbed it.
Simple.
It's just a couple of tubes.
You make a good plumber, 'cause you could get in all the little crevices like that, couldn't you? Yeah, I could, couldn't I? Something to think about when the acting work dries up for you.
Why would you say that in front of STEPHEN: One reason we went back to the documentary style is that it I think when we finished The Office, we were exhausted by it.
Its limitations, we'd just sort of run out of steam.
But after a while, we just got itchy to go back to it, because, well, obviously it offers an automatic sense of realism and naturalism.
That just feeds into the believability of the world.
A faux pas is embarrassing when it happens to you, but it usually happens in front of one or two people.
This is going out around the world, and he knows that.
It's a constant witness to every humiliation.
It's also good for the audience, because as soon as someone looks down the lens, it suddenly brings them into their embarrassment.
They feel the pain, you feel the pain of someone getting caught doing something when they What is this, then? Documentary.
What, about About me, yeah.
Well, that's good exposure.
Yeah, that's what I thought.
Yeah, it's all good.
See you later, then.
Yeah, see you later, yeah.
I think people have already made their mind up before they've seen it that this is a cruel comedy, because there's a, you know, a little person involved, so it has to be cruel and making jokes about little people, which couldn't be further from the truth.
Well, that's interesting, 'cause a lot of people say to me, 'Oh, you're being controversial.
It's a controversial subject.
It never occurred to me that this was controversial.
It's not a controversial subject.
Do you feel it's controversial? Not at all.
I mean, if you take it on the face of it, this character really It's incidental that he's short, really.
Absolutely.
It's Yeah.
You know what I mean? It just happens that I'm playing him But Warwick Davis exists.
This is what he looks like.
This is him.
This is, you know It's not We haven't got an actor and put shoes on their knees, and made them walk around doing jokes about being small.
You know, it's, erm He tried it, but it just Yeah, I wanted to play this part.
Warwick? Yeah.
Hi.
I'm Amy.
Hello.
Will you excuse me for a minute? Come in.
She's a dwarf! She kept that quiet, didn't she? Look at that! See that? There's no clue in that picture, is there? It's just a head! Like, that should be a full-body shot.
You know, with her stood next to a matchbox or something, you know, like, to show how big a moth is, but no! No clue there.
Where's the arms? That's sneaky.
You know, there's a lot of rich material that's very, very funny, but it's not funny in the way of, 'Ha, ha, they're freakish and different.
Let's point and laugh at them.
' Which, you know, I've seen a lot of in comedy.
It's actually coming from a place of, 'OK, what's, you know, the point of view, having consulted and talked with and learned a little bit about the world of? Where is the humour in that, and where is the humour in, you know, in kind of the social situations, not just pointing and laughing at someone who's grossly deformed, and thinking that that's hilarious.
You know, it's coming from a smarter place than that.
Shall we try it again, right? And this time, don't presume you know who I'm meeting.
OK.
Hello, sir.
Hello.
I'm here to meet a woman.
OK.
What is the choice of women I could be meeting tonight? We have two waiting.
Just point them out and I'll tell you which one I'm meeting, 'cause there's no way you could know.
There's the tall lady there.
Don't mention size! Or there's that lady over there at the table.
Oh, yeah.
There she is.
OK.
So, you are meeting her.
What I think was brilliant about your writing, you picked up on, you know, prejudices that the world has Well, in your other comedies as well, people who are different, but in this, certainly people who are small, you know.
You really got into the head of somebody who is small, my character, and just showed the world from my perspective, and also showed how other people can often be in the way they react towards me.
Sorry to bother you.
Can I get a picture? Yeah, sure.
Anything for a fan.
Fan? Yeah.
Fan of what? Fan of me.
Why? Who are you? Warwick Davis, obviously.
Famous actor.
Well, if you don't know who I am, why do you want a picture? 'Cause it's funny, isn't it, a dwarf carrying a box? You don't see that round here.
Do you mind if I film you? Why? 'Cause that's even funnier.
And it's not a show that has relentless jokes about being small.
It's not about that.
He's got a small man complex.
Would you like me to get it down for you? No! I can get it No! It's fine.
I can manage.
MAN: Warwick, what's the experience of playing yourself, but not yourself, been like? Erm, yeah, I mean, it's The character is far-removed from me, you know.
I haven't got a huge ego.
I don't crave fame and attention.
But it's been really fun, and quite liberating in a way as well, to be able to sort of play out all those things that you kind of often suppress as a person, because of politeness or what-have-you, and it's fun to just play those out.
Do you think I'm good-looking? Yeah! Not just for a dwarf.
Generally.
Yes! Doesn't count, 'cause you're a dwarf.
What? Well, your standards are probably pretty low.
It's got a lot more flavours than our previous work.
There's a lot of different elements to this, 'cause there's the sort of domestic side Yeah, we never had that in The Office.
We never saw outside that office.
Do you know? That was a very defined sit, in sitcom, The Office.
Extras was very much about sort of friendship with that backdrop of media, whereas here, he's got his showbiz side, he's got, as you say, his domestic side, he's got his love life, his friends, his attitude, his ambitions.
It's everything.
He's just trying to get something.
He's going to try and take anything from the world.
It was the wrong time for comedy.
I know that now.
Oh! Do you want to go into the toilet with me? Are you getting all this? Just fuck off! What are you doing? Just putting my arm around you.
Warwick hasn't bid yet.
Sting.
Grassing me up.
What are your hopes for the future? Sales and marketing.
He can't afford a solicitor.
I'm his accountant.
(Laughs) I'm a funny guy, aren't I? Yeah.
Definitely.
Will these johnnies fit a dwarf? Why? I've got one here.
You're a dwarf.
How can you not know 'heigh-ho, heigh-ho'? And something about whistling.
You're a disgusting little creature and I want to squash you.
Have you got everything? Yeah.
Got your special shampoo? Yes! His real name's Gordon! Give me a kiss.
Mmm.
We've had a ball, haven't we? Eight weeks of sheer fun.
And joking aside, this little guy is amazing.
Brilliant.
Isn't he? He's the comedy sensation of this year, I think.
Well, that's very nice.
Thank you very much, coming from you, sir.
Be good.
Look after yourself.
Thanks.
Right, Tom and Jerry, get in.
See you.
I've had it with this pair.
They're a couple of clowns.
In! (Sighs) WARWICK: When are you gonna say 'cut'? It's a long way, this.
I've only got little legs.
That's it.
A little more.
(Laughter) Look, he's still going! He's still fucking going! It's not fair.
(Laughs) OK, I'm gonna call No! Look, now you're winding me up.
I'm sure you are.
What's he gonna do when he gets to the end? What's he gonna do? (Laughter) Oh, this is ridiculous! (Laughter) I don't think I ever let her down in the bedroom department.
You know? No.
You know, I'd like to think that I was always satisfying (Laughter) Sorry, I'm out of character here! (Laughs) I couldn't do that! As far as I was concerned, you know I gave it 110%.
Yeah, every time.
Quality job.
(Laughter) I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! That was good! Quality job! He ticked the air.
Quality job! (Laughter) Do that again.
MAN: Keep driving, alright.
OK? (Laughter) Alright, cut that.
(Screaming) (Exclaims) (Laughter) Oh, my God! Oh, God! Oh! So childish.
(Laughter) God! (Laughter)