Louis Theroux s00e01 Episode Script

1 - Hi.
- What's going on? How are you doing? We're from the BBC.
- You're early.
It's tomorrow, isn't it? - It's supposed to be today.
Oh, you startled me! - How do you do? I'm Louis Theroux.
- Yes, I've seen you on television.
- Louis - Louis Theroux.
What's your title? Journalist? - Presenter.
- Presenter, yeah.
Now, I'm in the pool.
- I've taken my clothes off - Yes.
and I'm swimming, I'm talking to you.
Am I doing the right thing? Am I swinging now? - Underpants? - Got 'em on.
Wash 'em every night, dry through the night, clean next day, never take gear you don't really need.
For more than ten years, I've been making TV programmes about people who live outside the mainstream and are branded - for want of a better word - weird.
Do you like the BBC? You know I'm from the BBC? Oh, yes, I want to know what the enemy has to say.
Are you a Nazi? I think I'm more serious than most of the Nazis I've met.
Beginning way back in 1994, as a TV correspondent specialising in offbeat stories, and then in my own series about sub-cultures and celebrities, I've sought out weirdness all over the world.
- can we just lower the tone slightly? - No! You-You-You are having the interview with me.
- How was it for you? - It was good.
It was fun.
I thought I was gonna get you naked, but I knew Wherever I've been, I've tried to understand the people I cover by getting involved in their lives.
I smell something that smells like fish Wanna bitch.
Along the way I've made some friends, a few enemies, but my intention has always been to reveal the human side of weirdness.
This room is our indoor group room.
Wow! For group activities and multiple couples and that kind of stuff.
Whatever story I'm covering, my first job is to learn the rules of the new world I'm in.
Among the swingers of southern California, I was helped by Gary.
- Do you keep this pretty clean? - Oh, yeah.
We leave outwe put out a lot of towels for people.
If there's any kind of fluid it's polite not to get the mattress, you know, wet.
So if I'm interested in what's going on, can I just dive in? No.
Not specifically, no.
First you'd say, "Would anybody mind if I join in a little bit?" You'd announce it to the group? You don't have to, but it's polite if you do.
Let's say I'm stroking your hand, I'm stroking your thigh, and then I want to go to the next level and involve one of the primary erogenous zones Right.
- can I just take it there? - Yeah.
Does that basically mean you have a carte blanche to investigate everyone else who's in the group room? No.
Just that particular person.
If they take your hand away or give you a signal that they don't want any other person involved right now, then you go with that.
In Idaho, while doing a story on right-wing survivalists, a gun enthusiast called Mike Cain took me under his wing.
Shouldn't we be wearing earmuffs? Aw, you don't wear earmuffs in a war.
When's it all gonna happen, do you think? Well, maybe before the year 2000.
- And what will it be? - All-out war.
- It's all-out war? - It's all-out war, Louis.
- Really? - I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
One day - We've all fought wars before.
- Yeah.
But one day it'll happen.
- You against who? - Everyone.
In a theatre in Crewe, the ventriloquist Keith Harris gave me a walk-on part in his Christmas panto.
You'll have a basket with some strawberries, like that, and you walk forward and you go Ripe strawberries, ripe Who will buy? Who will buy? And then you walk off.
Now that's it.
Marvellous.
You're one of the first people they seesinging.
- Look out there.
- Quite exciting.
Is there anything we could do together right here, right now in order for you to give me a flavour of what you go through to prepare for wrestling? Um Oh! I've tried to tell these stories by getting as involved as possible myself and pitching in, in the hope that by showing willing I can win friends and better understand the worlds I'm visiting.
- Bang! - Yeah! You see? And that does leave a red mark, by the way.
- I meanthat's - Be careful, man! That's the kinda thing.
- Be careful.
- I'm fine.
- I'm not gonna hurt myself.
- You all right? - I know my limits.
- Yeah.
It makes a red mark and, yeah, it hurts.
- Yeah.
- Try it.
- Yeah.
That hurts.
- Yeah.
- I could take lots of little ones.
- Yeah.
With Debbie McGee, the wife of TV magician Paul Daniels, I was taken behind the scenes of her new ballet company.
- Hi, I'm Louis.
- Hello.
- Theroux - he's the presenter.
- Yes.
- You're Chris, you own the theatre.
- 'fraid so.
- You donated two weeks of theatre - Yeah, three weeks.
- Three weeks of the theatre space - Just for me.
I haven't told her what she's got to do for it yet.
- We're negotiating.
- We are.
How are the? Oh, my God, there's a A swan.
We're trying this out.
It's not finished off or anything.
- How are ticket sales? - We're sold out.
- Every night? - Three nights.
We're sold out.
- Yee-hee! - can't do better than that, can you? - Excellent, congratulations.
- I could kiss everybody.
It's great that they've sold out with a new company.
Yeah, it's fabulous.
Oh, here it comes again.
It hasn't got its feathers on, but we're still not sure about it.
If ever that falls over, you're in major schtuck.
David, could you do that again? Who is doing that? How is that actually moving? - We have a - We don't look at things like that.
We don't film things like that, thank you.
- Because that takes away the magic.
- Don't be ridiculous.
- People don't want to know how it works.
- They do.
- They don't.
- I doesn't take away the magic.
- No-one thinks that's a real swan.
- No It's just a cardboard cutout.
But different people have different ways of doing it and if someone wants to know how we do it, they have to pay us for our method.
- Is that like a privileged technique? - Yeah, absolutely.
- So, therefore you don't - We can see this though.
You don't give things like that away.
We wouldn't show that, but we can show this.
Yeah, but don't show little things like that.
You came from London just to hear my story I'm in the hood with a nice piece of glory Now I'm a pimp and I gots to break a homie Ain't got no education, but it's the way I make my dough, man.
Now, Louis Among the gangster rappers of Mississippi, getting involved meant dusting off my mic skills and spitting some lyrics.
People in London, when they see this tape They see stories of toughness and rape and ugliness and damage and plain miscarriagesof justice.
I must guess the Oh, God, I lost it.
I lost it.
OK As well as being a rapper, Mellow was also a full-time gangster and pimp.
Be careful.
I don't think you should put it there.
It's where I keep it.
- Yeah, it could go off.
- No, it ain't gonna go off.
I've been doing this since 11 years old.
Yeah.
You could shoot your testicles off.
Uh-uh, baby, no, man.
That's where I keep it.
That's where I keep it.
I believe in coercive power - that's fear.
And sometimes that's the best understanding in the world.
When a woman has a pistol at her head she seems to listen better.
- That's quite shocking.
- Not really, not to me.
Everybody fascinated with the bad guy.
Everybody wanna know how it is to be a pimp.
How it is to be a gangster.
Know what I'm saying? But couldn't you just rap about being a pimp and not actually be a pimp? No, no, it wouldn't work for me.
- Understand what I'm saying? - Why? I mean, it's just like me rapping about building computers.
You hear what I'm saying? It ain't what I do.
But I break a ho I thought it was like wrestling where you're basically pretending to fight.
- You're portraying a character.
- Not me.
- Know what I mean? - Not me.
And this character who I am might get me killed, for real.
Straight up and that's what's so real about my life.
- That's gotta be a bad thing.
- No, it ain't no bad thing.
Ain't nothin' bad about dyin', man, especially for the cause.
You feel me? Straight up.
I'm gonna be a hero, man.
I'm gonna be like Jesse James and Billy the Kid and all of them, you understand me? Huh! Whoa! This is weird! Your hands are stuck like glue.
They're stuck like glue.
Try to pull your hands apart.
Try to pull them apart.
crikey! Through it all I've found stories that are baffling.
Where people's choices seem to me self-defeating or out of kilter.
And lives in which the priorities don't quite make sense.
Many of these have been lives lived on the margins in American sub-cultures.
But some have also been British celebrities.
Of these, the first I did and in some ways the oddest, was with the former DJ and charity fundraiser Sir Jimmy Savile.
- Who is it? - Jimmy, how's it going? - can we come in? - I don't believe you exist.
- How's it going? Nice to meet you.
- Very well.
How are you? Not too bad.
How are you doing? You're better looking than me, you'll have to go.
Anybody better looking than me, that's it.
Step this way.
- How are you feeling? - Regularly.
How are you? - Not too bad.
- Marvellous.
I'm like a butcher's dog, as it happens and there's nothing more fitter and stronger than a butcher's dog.
All the scraps, all the bones, all the hair.
- That's it.
- Yeah.
Is this your main residence? This place? Well, it is the place I was born in, the city I was born in, and I wake up under the same patch of sky today as I woke up when I worked down the pit.
You weren't born in this flat, though? - No, I was born in this city.
- Yeah.
- You're not listening.
- No, no.
- I did say I was born in this city.
- But this flat's in the city.
- I know and I was born in the city.
- Yeah.
Excellent.
- come and have a look at the view.
- Do you live here on your own? - Yes! - So you don't have a wife and family? - No.
None whatsoever.
- Really.
- I leave that to other people.
- Why? - I haven't the faintest idea.
- Yeah.
I don't know.
But I do like the idea of getting up in the morning with just me to look after and going to bed at night not having brain damage.
- Why would you have brain damage? - Eh? Why would you have brain damage? Because! The girls I know specialise in brain damage.
- Wonderful.
- I don't understand what that means.
- They drive you potty.
- Really? Oh, aye.
Now, here we are.
We turn on the lights.
And here you have a very odd-shaped kitchen.
Here it is.
- You've got one chocolate biscuit.
- Yes! - Right.
Why? - Special.
What for? That's for a party, when I have a party.
Why don't you have more food? - cos there's plenty of cafes.
- Why is there no cooker in here? cookermeans people, means making food, means washing up, means ladies clattering and banging.
No cooker, babe, no brain damage.
What if you're entertaining? If you have friends round for dinner? What do you cook them? I don't have them sort of friends and I don't have them sort of nights.
Really? You're looking quite hip-hop, quite rap.
Is that right? - Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? - Haven't the faintest idea.
That sort of hat I'm glad about that.
I'm delighted! - Shouldn't you do your shoelaces up? - No.
Nobody can give me a good reason why I do shoelaces up.
Because otherwise you trip over them.
The laces aren't long enough.
Next.
Next.
- He's on the ropes again.
- Shall we go? That's his name - Mr On-The-Ropes.
Back out, Mr Pictures.
- There we go.
- After you.
I insist.
come along, Mr On-The-Ropes.
Mr On-The-Ropes next.
With Jimmy, getting to know him was an ongoing challenge.
He seemed to relish not giving anything away.
Are you having fun? We doing all right? - Exciting.
It's fun.
- Is it? Knockout, yeah.
Fabulous.
With that woman? Work out, son, instead ofnegative things, which keep cropping up, try and work out two or three things that I can give you a piece of wisdom, might just be a bit of help for somebody.
Mmm.
You know, a lot of people on the way up, for instance, that want to be What's it like for somebody today to get in the business? Or something like that.
Let's throw them something.
By the end of the first day, a disagreement had emerged.
It's a lot easier to make negative TV shows than it is to make positive ones.
And if we're doing nice things and good things and happy things, imagine how many millions of people you'd cheer up, and they'll say, "That Louis Theroux, he's a fabulous geezer, "he doesn't just interview unusual people "that leaves us with nothing more than, 'Oh, how unusual they are!' "Look at the wisdom he extracted" - Yeah, yeah.
- ".
.
for himself.
" It can't all be positive though, can it? That's just not reality.
That's all right, make it as negative as you like.
It's all right, see you in court.
Take a few quid off you, son.
Take a few quid off anybody.
Money has no conscience.
- Do you want tea, Louis? - Yes, please.
- Sugar? - Yes, please.
As a way of understanding people, I've always tried to get to know them in as relaxed and cosy a setting as possible.
Visiting them at home, chatting over a cup of tea or a microwaved meal.
Cats is good, isn't it? Have you ever seen it? Yeah, my ex-missus played the lead role in it.
Did she? Which one? The one, they sing Which wife or which role? - Which one? - The one that sang Midnight Not a sound from the pavement Which wife? You were married to Elaine Paige?! - No! - Which wife? Jacqui Scott who we had Skye with, child.
- Number two? - Yeah.
How long were you married to each of your wives for? - 18 months.
- For the first one.
- Nine years.
- Number two.
And three months.
- Three months.
- Three months! I do jokes longer than that.
Who wants to talk about the past anyway? Talk about me and the future and my lovely family.
can't stand all these comics that keep going on the television all distraught, their life's terrible and they have to go out boozingyou know, abusing their privileges and playing for the sympathy of the audience to get back.
Who wants to do all that? I want to talk about happiness at last.
Would you like a tea or a coffee, Debbie? I'd love a cup of tea, Louis.
That would be marvellous, thank you.
With Paul and Debbie, a tea break backstage was a chance to find out more about their relationship.
- What are you doing up there, lurking? - Waiting for MY cup of tea! Debbie, do you know Paul? can I say this, Paul? The thing about what Debbie reminded you of when you first met her? - She knows already.
- Does she? Yeah.
The little mannequin that separated the paragraphs in I can't remember Penthouse or Playboy.
- What did you think? - I thought it was funny.
I'd never seen it so I couldn't really form an opinion.
- Very attractive.
- I know that, so And the oddity - it is an oddity in this day and age of "who cares?"- is that Debbie's still the same shape.
She's fabulous.
Really good.
- You do have a great figure, Debbie.
- Thank you.
That's presumably from not having had children.
Do you think? - No.
- No.
People say that, but look at Jane Seymour and how many children she's had and she's older than me and she's got an amazing figure.
Was there? Did you ever want to have kids, Debbie or? - No, never.
- Do you know why? No.
I don't.
I just never ever have.
I didn't play with dolls when I was little, I read books.
My sister played with all the dolls.
There hasn't ever been a moment where I've thought, "I should have one or maybe should I?" I've never even questioned it.
I've just worked out what this thing is I keep sticking up my nose.
I think it's a mic cover.
Thank you for calling the Wild Horse, where wild women will.
This is Louis.
How may I help you? Hello, I'm Summer.
At a brothel in Nevada, getting to know the resident prostitutes meant living on-site for a month.
With no cups of tea to smooth the filming, I had to think of something else.
And so I agreed to a massage from a working girl called Hayley.
Louis! Now we have to go get 'em! - Sssh! - Sssh! - So would you be able to size me up? - Do you want me to try and size you up? - Yeah, why not.
- I think you're very sexual, probably.
You might have a little kinky side to you.
We'd have to get the glasses off to find out.
What even counts as kinky these days? What I think is kinky is guys who like, wanna have their nipples pinched and fucked in the ass and talk about drinking cum.
That's pretty kinky.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Would you consider that kinky? - Yeah.
Yeah, that'd be kinky.
So flip over now and we can talk backwards.
Go.
- How am I doing? Am I doing well? - You're doing great.
Am I pleasing you? - Yes, very much so.
- c-can we keep the towel on? You said that a lot of prostitutes won't kiss their, er, customers, - but that sometimes you do.
- I have.
Rarely, only if they're really good looking.
Like cowboys, I'm a sucker for a good-looking cowboy with a nice smile.
And if he's got a sense of humour - fuck! It's a date.
can we keep these up? I have to do your legs now.
come here.
Thought you could run away.
Don't run from me, Louis.
If you go on a date with a guy? - Do I just tell him I'm a prostitute? - Yeah.
No.
No, and I don't date too much, especially when I'm working.
I think I've had one relationship in the past four years.
OK OK, keep down - Have you found something down there? - No! No, I lost the lotion though.
This is expensive stuff, it's high-quality, it's shimmery, you're gonna be all shimmery.
- You need a tan.
- Are you having a good party? I'm having a blast.
- Does it feel nice? - Yeah, it does, yeah.
- How was it for you? - It was good.
It was fun.
I thought I was gonna get you naked but I knew that wasn't gonna happen.
Might even turn in.
What do you think about that? What a good idea.
I will shout you all in the morning.
It's all about putting people at their ease and trying to bond a little bit.
come on.
come on! come on.
Sleep well, sir.
It's been a pleasure.
See you in the morning.
Good night, Keith.
Got some huckleberry hotcakes and some barbecued bear for you down below.
But even the friendliest approaches can go awry.
Things don't work out the way you imagine, unexpected events take over and that's when it gets really interesting.
You don't think we're not athletes?! Hell, we're the best athletes in the world! We do this 365 days a fucking year! At a professional wrestling academy in Florida, I discovered that the head trainer, Sarge, had taken against my questions about whether or not it was a real sport.
- What? - In the middle! Get your ass in the middle! Man in the middle! Get down! All up! Down! And up! Back! On your back! - Did I say get up? I said back.
- Oh, sorry.
You're only about 400 squats behind.
Get up! - 49 - 50 - Get up there.
- Let's go! I've been doing this since ten o'clock! Where was you? Returning my I was here yesterday doing this, I was here today doing it and I will be here tomorrow! Get up there! - It's killing my back.
- I don't care.
Get up! Get it all out.
Push him, guys! come on, push it! come on! - come on! - You can do it! - Push it! - You can do it! Get your butt down! Say, "Sir, I'm a dying cockroach, sir.
" Sir, I'm a dying cockroach! Get your ass over there.
Give me push-ups.
These guys go through it every damn day.
And you got the nerve to ask me that bullshit! - Finish them off! - I'm a dying cockroach! I don't care if you're a dying cockroach! You see that foot? It's gonna squash you! 17, 18, 19, 20.
- All right! - Get down.
At the time, I wasn't sure whether to be afraid for myself or pleased that the encounter had taken such an interesting turn.
Because I haven't got the will to win! Get your ass up! In the ring! COME ON! COME ON! - Where the hell you going? - Sarge, seriously.
You're comin' out here and watching everybody.
I don't give a shit! You're not sitting watching that.
No way! - Get your ass in the ring.
- No, seriously Get your ass back in the ring.
Everybody stand up! Get up! Do you see how ridiculous them questions you asked me are? - I do.
Yes.
- Did you see who I am? - I am the Sarge, aren't I? - Yes - Speak up, say, "Sir, yes, sir!" - Sir, yes, sir! Do you have any questions about our business now, that you wanna know, looking at these guys? - I give up.
- No, you're not gonna give up.
You're not gonna give up! - can't do any more.
- Giving up is not an option round here.
Show some heart! - come on! - I'm gonna throw up.
- I don't care.
- I care.
I've got a bucket right here.
come here! Push yourselves! Push yourselves! Be somebody! If you're gonna puke, puke! come on and we'll watch you.
He can't do it! Get it out! That ain't nothin'.
You ain't done nothin'.
Blow chunks! Puke! Let's go.
At the time, it was uncomfortable and I couldn't walk for two days, but in an odd way, it was also an experience I wouldn't have wanted to miss.
Perhaps the best example of a story taking a turn for the really weird came midway through filming with Neil and Christine Hamilton when out of nowhere, Neil made an amazing announcement.
OK.
You know they say life is what happens when you're making other plans? - Right.
- This is something we hadn't anticipated - when we agreed to do this programme.
- OK.
But this afternoon we're going off to the Barkingside Police Station Right.
where Christine and I are going to be arrested.
No! - What for? - We're going to be arrested, apparently on accusations of indecent assault.
Any comment, Mr Hamilton? This afternoon, Mr and Mrs Hamilton, by arrangement with the police, were arrested.
An accusation has been made against them that they took part in a rape and indecent assault of a woman in Ilford on Saturday the 5th of May.
It's said that Mr and Mrs Hamilton were in a flat in Ilford when a young woman was raped.
Whilst she was raped it's also said that Mr Hamilton was masturbating onto her whilst another man, as yet unidentified by the police, was also masturbating onto her, and Mrs Hamilton was squatting on her face.
Nothing had prepared me for such a strange development.
I was sitting on a major scoop.
I was also sitting next to a pair of suspected rapists.
Although I continued filming, I no longer had any idea where we were headed.
Swept up in the events, I stopped asking questions and simply watched and waited.
Tonight, the Hamiltons were released without charge.
Their lawyers say they'll cooperate with any further police inquiries for this, their most bizarre brush with the law.
John Ray, ITN.
John joins us now from outside the Hamiltons' home.
Unbelievable! John, I gather the Hamiltons have arrived home.
Yes, within the last ten minutes they arrived back looking very tired.
As you can see from the pictures here.
No sign though that they are trying to lie low with this.
The couple have courted the media for so much of their lives "courted!?" they're in the company of a documentary TV crew tonight.
Christine Hamilton, when I asked her how she felt, said, "I feel innocent.
I always feel innocent.
" Christine Hamilton again standing by her man as she has throughout all of their trials and tribulations, through the past few years.
They will protest their innocence long and hard throughout the inquiry.
John Ray, thank you.
And Neil's standing by his woman.
I don't believe this.
Well, there you are.
Fame at last.
- Do you believe this? - It's too bizarre.
- can't be real, can it? - Well, this is the television.
Turn the sound down now! - It's hard to believe.
- I cannot believe that I've just come up from the garage and I turn on the television and there I am.
I mean Of course, the killer point in all this is, I'm gonna produce medical evidence to show that I'm impotent.
For goodness Darling, will you stopquipping! It's so hard to tell when Neil's joking, isn't it? Is that a joke, Neil? - And he accuses me.
- Hello? In a strange waybecause the accusations are so bizarre, they may end up helping this weird brand that you've evolved.
- I hope so.
- Oh, Louis! - "Brand"! - You talk to us about a weird brand - you're the weird brand.
Do you know what I mean, though? Because the bankruptcy and the Fayed thing, that's a bit It's old hat! - It was old hat! Even I, when we were doing this, was like, "Well, they are interesting, "they've got an interesting relationship, but all the scandal's a bit passé.
" This does I mean, I don't think most people will believe it, but they will think, "Ooh! They are an intriguing couple.
" Do you think, Louis, that you have invested in, um What's the word? Invented all this for the purposes of your documentary? That's a point, isn't it? I never thought of that.
You're saying, basically You're behind this! the Hamiltons were getting a bit boring cos all the allegations are old hat, and suddenly we've got this, and here you are.
Do you think I've invented it? I'm not sure.
A case of mistake of case and identity.
A mistake of case and identity! Turn that willy thing off! - What's your name? - It's Dotty.
- Dotty, I'm Louis.
- Louis.
- How do you do? - I do well.
- Good.
- Quite well.
Glad to hear it.
- This is Laura.
- We should toast? - OK.
To? - To swinging.
- OK.
- To swinging.
- Your first party.
- Yeah, my first party.
Trying to get involved in such unusual stories has been occasionally stressful, but mainly very enjoyable, and even when the worlds I've inhabited have been less than savoury I've felt oddly privileged to be accepted into the family.
I'm hoping to maybe learn a bit about rap, get involved a bit, I like some rap, you know, and Oh.
Is that something I could you could teach me about, you know? - You've got to come right here! - That might be TOO much.
- Right now? - Right! Sometimes, it's in the unlikeliest places that I've received red-carpet treatment.
Like at the Extreme porn company run by director Rob Black.
- What's my stage name? - Your stage name is Sir Lance-a-lot.
What do you think? You ready? This guy's ready to work! - come on, let's do it tomorrow - Do you really want me to do it? - Yeah! - Why? This'll fuckin' put you over the top.
Papers will be printing about you.
Be like, "You'll never guess what this BBC journalist did.
"He went to America and was in a porno.
" That'll be big time, man.
Big time! Ah, it just wouldn't fly.
Not on BBC Two.
If our people here in America, if Mike Wallace, or Morley Safer and them, if they go on an investigative report, and they pretend they're a construction worker and shit, THEY would do it.
Geraldo Rivera! The motherfucker's in everything! You see him gambling Show the cameras that.
Wait, let me see that.
Let me see that.
Where's your penis? Let me see that.
Look at that penis! Greg, take a look at this.
- I'll give you a rate - 250 bucks.
- There's no way I can do it.
- Why not? - Because, um It's just not It's just not something people in Britain want to see.
Really.
Yeah, but it can make you a star.
I really do appreciate the offer, I seriously do, and I'm very flattered and honoured.
If you ever get fired from the BBC, come over here.
You got a job right here.
- Yeah.
- Elegant angel.
- I appreciate that.
- You'd be one of my guys, man.
- You'd be in all my movies.
- Yeah.
That's very, very kind.
This is one of the Klan figurines we sell.
- Hand painted? - Hand painted, and they will take orders.
- Premium Klan Kraftsmanship.
- Yes, sir.
- That's Kraftsmanship with a capital K? - With a K.
Nigger, nigger, nigger! Out, out, out! Befriending people whose lifestyles are questionable, I've had to grapple with how close I can allow myself to get.
Nowhere more so than with the racists I've interviewed.
When my kids and I go to the beach, sometimes we draw swastikas in the sand and you guys are nowhere around.
Gee, I wonder why we do that Maybe we just want to, because we think it's a neat-looking symbol.
You think you're better looking than Denzel Washington? - Yeah.
- Do you really? Oh, yeah.
I get ten times more women than him.
You're giving me such a hard time.
How would I give white folks an easy time? I dunno.
This is a right-hand salute.
Like the Roman Empire - they gave the right-hand salute to legions.
But that's his left hand.
They made it wrong! - How you doing? - Good.
One of my last encounters with extreme racism was amongst a group of skinheads in Southern California.
Though I'm not actually Jewish, I decided not to reveal my racial origins as a point of principle.
So, if I told you I was Jewish, would that create a problem between us? Well, because you've got the camera, I'd allow you to stay.
If not, I'd probably kick your ass and put you in the street somewhere.
For real? Pretty much, because a Jew wouldn't be here on my property.
Are you Jewish? Do you mind if I DON'T answer that? You with the camera - are ya? classic That was so funny.
I'm not saying yes or no.
So you're on the fence? Right? You're on the fence.
I tell you why.
I'm not a racist, and I actually think it's wrong to be a racist, and so I feel as though, by saying whether I'm Jewish or not, I'm kind of, in a way, acknowledging the premise that it really matters when I think it shouldn't, and it doesn't.
No, we're leaving these ones alone.
These are for the girls.
I don't think we need this much water.
Too much.
I wasn't sure how long I'd be welcome at the house, but I thought I'd enjoy it while it lasted.
As the afternoon wore on, the issue of my background seemed to be forgotten about.
But not, as it turned out, by Skip the skinhead.
How about that? - Louis's a Jew.
- I already know it! You're a Jew.
That's why you've got so much animosity.
We can't say you don't look like a Jew.
You're a Jew.
You're part Jewish.
Don't not say, "I'm not," cos you think someone'll beat you up cos it's not like that with us.
Why will it make any difference to you whether I am or not? Because I like to know who's been in my house.
We don't care if you're a Jew, a christian You've got a big nose and you are kinda greasy.
You do look kinda Jewish, you've got an accent like these lads.
He's not Jewish.
Look at his face, you know he's not Jewish.
But you, frankly, we look at your face We want to know if you're a fucking Jew.
We've let you into our house to film our fucking everyday ritual - are you a fucking Jew? Maybe you disagree, but I don't feel I've compelled you to say anything.
- No.
- I feel as though I've been respectful.
You have.
I'm not debating the fact you've been respectful to my house and my people.
I honestly don't think I'd interrogate you to the point where, if you said, "I don't wanna talk about that", I'd say, "OK, we'll talk about something else.
" I'd like you to respect me in the same way.
can we turn the camera off for a second? - can we? - Pull the plug for a second? - What for? - Well, nothing crazy! - Don't be fucking alarmed.
- No, it's fine.
Just to not feel we're being filmed.
- I would really rather not say.
- I would really rather you tell me.
I've exposed myself, I've exposed my family, I've exposed my brothers, my sisters and my children.
Expose YOURSELF now.
I'll answer any I'll Let's leave it at that.
can we, please, Skip? We will in just a second.
Let's go inside.
At other times, what's been striking about racists is that they can't help being friendly, even when the message is pure hate, like the self-styled Hebrew Israelites of New York, who claim to hate white people.
- How are you doing? - I'm OK.
My name is chief High Priest Aishel.
I just wanna show you something very interesting in this book.
The original rulers of England and Britain were black, which sounds nuts to you.
- May I come up? - Sure.
You can look with your own two eyes.
- This is more friendly.
- Yeah, we're not gonna attack you.
can I give you a list of historical figures, and you'll tell me if they were white or black? - Shoot, give it your best shot.
- Where do we start? - OK, um, Beethoven.
- Black.
- Mozart.
- Black.
- Cleopatra.
- She looked black, but she was white.
"She looked black, but she was white"?! It's not the colour of your skin that you're being judged by, but the seed of your father.
William Shakespeare.
Undoubtedly black, without question! - Abraham Lincoln.
- That's still in debate.
You don't know if he's black or white? We're not saying that he WAS black.
It's a possibility.
Christopher Columbus.
He was white.
- Henry VIII.
- Black.
There's people that you swear are white today that are black.
For example, a famous singer, looks like a white man, dances like a black man, sings like a black man, but he looks like a white man, but he's a black man.
- Who? - Tom Jones.
I want to be black.
Trace your family lineage on your father's side.
If you happen to be one of us you're welcome here.
If you're not, we'll see you in captivity.
Shalom.
Shalom.
Invite us to England some time.
- Hello.
- This is Louis.
I'm Louis.
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
I think one of the problems in our society is men are not men and women are not the women God would have them to be.
In the course of spending time with weird people, I've sometimes struggled to get to know them.
When all else fails, I've tried to see them with their nearest and dearest.
Often it's our most intimate relationships that explain who we are.
We're at our most real with our loved ones.
How is that? Where's your spoon? come on, then.
Why should women be submissive to their husbands? Because God said so.
Karron, do you wish Chris was helping a bit more? Yes! Go and ask her again.
Chris says I should ask you again.
Do you wish Chris was helping a bit more? Yeah, he's lost the plot on that.
You've lost the plot, Chris.
Totally, and I don't mind telling the world about that.
Useless, as most male men are, I'm afraid.
No, but I help in the way I know how.
I'm the daddy.
I go out and I work and I earn money.
And thatthat's my 50%.
50% along with steering, wisdom, protection, but I'm not a mummy.
Bathing children once in a while, yes, but it's not an everyday thing for me.
I'm surprised you're not even doing it just to make yourself look good for us.
You know, she's making me look No-one ever replaces the toilet roll except the woman in the house.
Have you ever noticed that? - You know what a man would say to that? - What? "Where are they kept?" That is a pitiful excuse.
It's a pitiful excuse we can use.
Women work AND look after kids.
The reason why we get on so well is because she understands her job as a mother, I understand her motherher job.
- I understand her job as a mother.
- You hearing this, Karron? I've heard it all before! And I don't intrude on her job and she doesn't intrude on mine.
I don't think she likes it.
It's a really tough job.
But you're not getting any points for pointing that out.
That's not right.
Karron? Yes? He says he doesn't think that you like your job.
I like my job She adores her job.
That's a mother.
Every woman loves their job as such, but it's very unrewarding doing the mundane tasks all day and every day.
It's very gutty and very stressful.
OK? He can come home and forget about his work and women never, ever can.
That's right.
Do I? - I don't have time for this discussion.
- Do I sometimes help? Oh, under duress.
But do I help? But sometimes, do I help? - Sometimes.
- Thank you.
For some, the search for love and relationships can take them halfway round the world.
Whilst covering the mail-order bride industry in Thailand, I came across a war veteran called Lake Palmer who was there looking for a wife.
Tell me, dear Are you lonesome tonight? Ohhhhhh.
I followed Lake when he went to meet his first date at a marriage agency run by an Englishman called Lawrence Lynch.
What is it, do you think, that Thai women possess, in your view, that makes them so attractive to Western men? Well, they're extremely beautiful Femininity.
They're extremely beautiful and very petite.
- They're so regal.
- You've got it.
They're so Is it unemancipated or emancipated? English women want to be men.
A woman is a woman, and must be treated as such.
Yeah.
I have a hunch that Western women will be shocked by some of the things you're saying.
That's good.
Let them be shocked.
change their ways a bit.
- You think so? - Yeah.
I think that maybe they should be shocked.
I think the pendulum has maybe swung a little bit too far from the 1950s to the situation now where, perhaps, the lady is wearing the trousers, but still wants to be treated as a lady.
Have you had bad luck with Western women? I've had very, very bad experiences.
I find it very hard to trust now.
- I just want to be happy.
- Nothing wrong with that.
I want to love and be loved back, but I find nobody wants me.
If I could find happiness in England, would I be sitting here now? Would I pay the money to come out here? It's your first date.
Well, you've calmed me down a lot.
- Have I? - Yeah.
- I've been trying to wind you up.
- Have you? Bastard.
- You haven't, have you? - No.
No, you're all right.
Lawrence wound me up.
Did he? How? Just his attitude sometimes.
Why? The way he carries on! It's just that time, I'm afraid.
Time for you to meet your chosen lady.
Always ask the questions in Thai, the interpreter tells me, right? And then the interpreter tells the lady the things that I Listen! The interpreter tells the lady the things that I'm offering.
- OK.
- All right? - Try and stay calm.
- I am calm! Just the way you said, "LISTEN!" Well, he don't listen, does he? Keep it calm, keep it calm.
Keep it calm.
- Are you all right there, Lawrence? - Yes, I can take it.
- Lake, this is Sara to meet you.
- Hello! Very pleased to meet you.
How are you? - Fine, thank you.
And how are you? - Oh, very well, thank you.
- Would you like to sit down? - Thank you.
The interpreter will be here in two minutes.
Why is she looking for a husband? She has a five-year-old son and she wants a happy family, because in the past, she hasn't been too happy.
- The family doesn't get on too well.
- OK.
I've been married twice, right? Broken heart.
Ladies go off with other men.
When cat's away, the mice have played.
I don't want it to happen again.
She's been hurt with words before, and she has been, because of the sweet words, she has been having to work to support him and his three wives and kids.
Therefore, she is still sort of hurt from that and she knows how it feels.
We are both hurt, both hurt.
- I will - Oh, sorry, Lake.
- I was going to ask - Later.
- OK.
- Later.
Right, um, I would hope That's put me off now.
Now, I have a pleasant terraced house in Yarmouth, which is rented, but it's permanent.
I live there till I die.
- OK, right near the sea? - Sea! Near the sea, OK? All I want is a nice home, a family, somebody to take out, a nice wife, and somebody to care for me and me to return I feel like a flower without any water.
It withers and dies.
I don't want to die without love, you know? I need love and affection.
I crave for love and affection.
If she gives it to me, I will give it backtenfold! I know it's very quickly to make a decision, but after all that she has heard, do you think she'd like me? I know it's very quick to make a decision.
She says that she finds you a really nice person to be with, but then she still says it's really hard for her to say at this moment.
I understand that.
Would you ask her if she'd mind if I held her hand in the street? Say yes or no, it doesn't really matter.
- She minds a bit.
- She minds? I won't do it.
Tell her - Whoa! Look, Jimmy! - What? - This is a treasure trove.
- Is it? Yeah? - Here's you with a sweetheart.
- Good.
When I came to probe Jimmy Savile about HIS love life, it all came back to his mother, who he called The Duchess.
So, we're in Scarborough and this was The Duchess's residence, was it? - Yeah.
- Your mother, when she was alive.
I bought it cos I liked it.
She came to live here cos she liked it.
Did you argue much when you were living together? - Never.
- Never? - Never.
- Bicker? There's no point in arguing.
- What about if you had a girl with you? - She would have killed the girl.
- Did that not cramp your style a bit? - No, not at all.
You couldn't bring girls home because your mum wouldn't let you sleep with women.
I didn't want to sleep with them.
Good heavens! Anything more than two hours - brain damage.
You couldn't canoodle because your mum wouldn't like it.
No.
Over there, on the horizon - Did that not cramp your style? - I'll answer the question.
You see over there on the horizon a caravan camp Yeah.
I had a caravan there, so that was the love nest.
- So you couldn't bring girls back here? - I wouldn't cos it was a lack of respect.
- For your mum? - Yes.
- Really? - A lack of respect.
Pale-golden hair she had, perfectly natural, and was the envy of many ladies right the way until she pegged it.
Put it back.
Now, this is The Duchess's room.
Here, look, there we are.
My cleaner takes them out and gets them cleaned and freshened up once aabout once a year.
All this gear was gear she wore, so instead of slinging it away, I thought I'd hang on to it because these make better souvenirs than photographs.
They're much nicer than photographs.
So, all the gear there.
- can we take some of them out? - Why, do you wanna wear them? I sense slightly I sense that maybe this is an emotional thing for you and you don't want to share it.
- No.
- I respect that.
It's not emotional, it's a friendly thing.
Nothing emotional.
- No? - No, it's friendship.
Friendship's not emotional.
Friendship is happy, lovely, wonderful.
So it's a friendly thing.
It's not morbid and it's not anything like that.
It's totally friendly.
So there.
- Yeah.
- Now, out here Jimmyare you quite keen to get away from this? No, I'm quite happy to sit here for ever.
Why are you becoming a little bit passive-aggressive? I'm thinking of the time factor.
I think they're much nicer than photographs.
Different class, wonderful.
They give me great pleasure.
They don't give me morbidity or anything like that.
Yeah, I just I didn't even bring up morbidity.
Oh, that's all right, then.
- So, why are you bringing it up? - It's the way your face looks.
I don't want to be disrespectful.
It's obviously the room which is closest to your mother, the most important person in your life.
No, no, it's not a room that's important, it's the whole ethos.
The fact that we were together for all our lives.
That's the important bit.
One, two, three - This is perfect.
- I'll just make a square like this.
And then the other way.
What? Hey, that's easy too! It's easy to forget that those who are a little weird are often also a little vulnerable especially when they're mixed up in worlds that aren't really of their own choosing.
Perhaps the most troubling story I've done was about a pair of 11-year-old girls I met during my journey among the neo-Nazis of California.
Under the influence of their mother, they'd formed a musical group of a very peculiar type.
I want to tell you about South Africa And the so-called fight for freedom The much-praised black resistance And the communists who lead them Not too far away in Angola And nearer home in Zimbabwe The Marxist-backed dictators Are looking south in fear to see Strikeforce! White survival! Strikeforce! Yeah! Strikeforce! Gonna kill our rivals Strikeforce! Into the devil's lair! They don't seem old enough to really know what that's about.
Well, I've explained it.
What's the ANC? It's, um AfricanNational African National - congress.
- congress.
They seem a little young to get into politics and racial issues, maybe? Yeah, but they've gotta start some time.
- How old are they? - They're 11.
They're 11.
What is the idea behind creating this group out of them that sings? I think that Lamb and Lynx's music and their appeal, especially as they get a little bit older, they're going to be an example and they are going to show how being proud of your race is something that would be very appealing to young teenage girls.
What young man, red-blooded American boy, isn't going to find two blonde twins, 16 years old, singing about white pride and pride in your race Very few are not gonna find that very appealing.
There you go.
OK.
Would you like tomato with it too? Too young to know what they were into, the twins accepted their roles in their mother's strange propaganda exercise without question.
They call me Nazi and I'm proud of that They call me racist and I shout it out loud I'm proud of my race I'm proud of my land White brothers and sisters come raise your hand We are an '88 rock 'n' roll band We're an '88 rock 'n' roll band Playing and fighting for race and land We are marching on the streets at night Boots and braces We are ready to fight Ow, ooh, ow! Run, nigger, run We're Aryans and we're saying you're done We're an '88 rock 'n' roll band Playing and fighting for race and land Would you have a problem if Lynx or Lamb brought home a friend of another race? Yeah, I probably wouldn't be real happy about it.
What would you do? I would probably tell them not to.
I would probably tell them, "If that's what you're gonna do, don't bring 'em home.
" This is the way I would see it.
I would see it, first, it's the friend, it's OK to have the nice black friend and then the next thing, it's gonna be the nice black boyfriend.
And you'd have a problem with that? I would never speak to them again.
That would be it.
If they were race traitors, then they wouldn't That Absolutely I wouldn't want to have anything to do with them ever again and I've told them that.
come on.
come on, Becky.
For me, April represented the most extreme kind of weirdness.
I worried for the twins, how they would grow up and what the future would hold for them.
But oddly, after all my time among extremists, it was much closer to home that I was made to feel most uncomfortable - when I got embroiled in the world of the celebrity publicist Max Clifford.
I don't intend to make it easy for you.
To what?! To come out with the kind of things that I don't want you to come out with.
Like? Like most of the things I'm doing most of the time.
Midway through filming, Max had decided he didn't like the direction the questions were taking.
This was the last of the celebrity profiles I did, and, by now, I was well known enough for Max to use his media contacts against ME.
He invited me along to observe an interview between Max's main client, Simon Cowell, Simon's new girlfriend and the gossip columnists, the 3am Girls.
They're naughty, the 3am Girls, aren't they? Are they? I've never met them.
Aren't they a little bit dangerous to be messing with? No, they're not a little bit dangerous to be messing with, not at all.
I don't want to be a story in the 3am Girls.
- I'm sure you will be.
- You're sure I will be? - I've got no doubts that you will be.
- You're sure? If you're interesting enough, I'm sure you will be.
So the trick is to be boring.
Strangely, the location for the interview was a lap dancing club.
Have a good evening! - Hello, are you Jessica? - I am.
- How do you do? - Very well.
You're a 3am Girl.
You're starting early.
What's the story? No story.
We're just gonna do an interview with Simon Cowell.
Is it sort of a night on the tiles with Simon Cowell? Yeah, it's 3am meets Simon Cowell.
- Here's Simon.
- Here he is! - How're you doing? - Feel at home? Yeah.
- Are you Georgina? - Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
- How's it going? - Brilliant.
What's the situation between you and Simon, then? He's a very good friend of mine.
We get on and we have fun.
Perhaps I should have been suspicious when I noticed the Mirror photographer seemed to be taking more pictures of me than of Simon and his girlfriend.
As I left, I had a funny feeling Max was up to something.
- Hello! - Hi! I've been hearing about you frolicking with the lap dancers last night.
- I can't wait to see the papers tomorrow.
- I know, I know! Thank you.
That's all right.
- Hello, Louis, how are you? How are you doing? Max Clifford Associates, good afternoon.
What was interesting in Spearmint Rhino last night was you, if you like, getting a little bit of a taste of the spotlight you put on other people and seeing how you react.
You looked very uncomfortable.
And from what the other people have told me since, be it Anne-Marie, be it the girls from 3am, that you were very uncomfortable and looking extremely embarrassed.
- I did, I found it embarrassing.
- So that's what was interesting.
You know.
The biter gets bit, which a lot of people could say, the same thing applies to Max Clifford.
I'm not a biter, am I, Simon? - A nibbler.
- I'm a tickler.
So the tickler gets tickled.
- So that was interesting.
- Why? - Didn't do you too much harm, did it? - We don't know.
The paper's out tomorrow.
It might be something that you're, "Oh!" but it won't be too harmful, I promise you.
The next day, a full-page story in the Daily Mirror was dedicated to my night out with the lap dancers and more stories followed.
After being in the shadow of the people I'd met for so long, it was strange and quite uncomfortable to be the story myself.
Our Father, we bow our heads at this time to give our thanks for this beautiful day.
- Menage a trois! - cheers! Pardon? Getting to know people happens in different ways.
With Max, I'd been manipulated or, if you like, nibbled.
- Did you just pull a face then? - No, I was looking at theLladro.
And then there were the times I've been embraced and befriended, also revealing, but so much more pleasant.
- Thank you.
- Break a leg.
Perhaps the most memorable and strangest of my many intimate moments came on my last night with the Hamiltons.
I found myself a little the worse for wear, lounging on a sofa with Christine.
I DO like you.
- I don't put my arm around everybody.
- No.
You like to flirt, don't you? course I like to flirt.
What's wrong with that? I've told you once before, if not twice, but I'll tell you again - one of the most wonderful things about being happily married - apart from all the obvious things - is that you can flirt outrageously and nobody takes you seriously.
What was it that first attracted you to Neil? Um Oh, he was a romantic and he was an individual, and he's just the most sort of tender, loving, caring God, he's coming back.
He'll go bananas if he hears me talking about it.
Darling, we're having a little Oh, dear, we've been caught out.
- He knows my penchant for attractive men.
- Would you like some coffee? Louis's got to present present an objective documentary.
But the problem is now that you've actually realised we're ordinary human beings and I don't think you thought that we were.
I seriously don't think that you thought - can I ask you one thing, Christine? - You can ask me anything you like.
Whether I answer or not is a matter for me.
Does that look like an ordinary human being over there? That's my husband, of course he's not ordinary.
He's extraordinary! He has to be to be married to me, cos I'm pretty grim to live with on a 24-hour basis.
You may say that.
I couldn't possibly comment.
You see, Neil's quite relaxed.
Here I am, sitting here This is how your problems start, in a way, though.
That's why it was a big story when you kissed that student because Why shouldn't I sit here holding your knee? It doesn't mean a damn thing.
It means nothing to you or me.
- So what? It's just - It's a bit of fun, isn't it? - It's not fun! - We're not at a swingers' party! It's not even fun.
It's just It's just friendship.
It's just one human being reacting to another in a perfectly There's no sex involved.
It's just Too late for that.
I just kind oflike you.
It's awful, isn't it? What's wrong with that? I'm old enough to be your mother.
But the whole thing gets misinterpreted.
can I just shake hands and say thank you? You have a firm handshake.
Oh, that hurts! Why are you squeezing it so hard? - Am I not a man? - Meaning? "Am I not a man?"- is that Shakespeare? Wherever I am, there comes a time to say goodbye and a chance for me to express a few last thoughts before I go.
For the survivalist Mike cain, it was a word of concern about his readiness for all-out war.
I've really enjoyed being around you and it just sort of makes me worried because the more convinced you are that this is gonna happen, it seems, in a way, that the more likely it WILL happen and I'd hate to read one day that Mike cain's been in in some incident with the federal authorities.
It'd really upset me, seriously.
Louis, I appreciate what you say, I really do, and I can promise you this - if it happens, it won't be because we started it.
You won't read about me going to someone else's home to cause trouble.
You won't read about me going to another county to start trouble.
The only trouble you're ever going to read about involving myself or any of the patriots up here is when they come up HERE.
Have a nice time at the carnival.
With April the neo-Nazi, goodbye was a last chance to change her mind.
I'm not being facetious, but have you ever thought about getting therapy or something like that? What you have is almost like a pathological Have you ever thought about getting therapy and maybe realising how brainwashed you are by multiculturalism? I feel like I'm pretty well-connected to reality.
See, I feel that I am, too.
My farewell to Gary the swinger came with a final explanation.
So in the context of swinging, you were totally faithful to Margaret last night.
Oh, yeah, sure.
People don't understand.
They say, "You can't love your wife or husband "if you allow them to do this kind of thing.
" That's because they have certain rules that they're living by and it wouldn't be appropriate for them.
But you can't put that on somebody else.
You should just let them do what they want to do and not worry about it.
Over the years, I've been welcomed into hundreds of weird worlds.
Even when the people have been involved in lifestyles that are utterly alien and, to my mind, wrong, I've always found the most familiar human qualities.
The weirdest thing about weird people may be how normal we are.
Take care.
I'm gonna miss that guy.
Hi, I'm Louis.
Do That's it, got it.
Do you need anybody? I need somebody You're a wonderful human being.
I feel safe, don't I? Well, thanks very much for your time.
Nobody ever got a Fix It badge unless I did a Fix It.
- You HAVE fixed it for me.
- I haven't.
If you're gonna be silly about it, then you can all fuck off! No, you're not gonna give up.
You're NOT gonna give up! .
.
With a little help from my fri-i-iends Friends.
- Great, thanks, Louis.
- Thank you.
Onetwo three! OK.
I didn't want to come back.
I wanted to stay there.
It's a wonderful feeling to be there.
Thank youfor the trip.