Blackadder s00e07 Episode Script
Children in Need (with Wogan)
mine, and I have to say it's very nice to see both of you are here tonight.
His great success is a tribute to the art of his television interviewing, and to the art of those men, who manufacture suits that actually make fat people look thin.
He's brought hours of simple-minded joy into the lives of many with his light banter, easy wit, and slightly irritating little chuckling sound.
He has however in the next segment of this televisual extravaganza made a fatal mistake.
He has chosen to hold interlocutary interlude with a person so low, that in comparison an exceptionally filthy pig is a model of personal hygiene.
His head, being without a brain, is as empty as a h-hermits address book.
However, for those of you who enjoy laughing at the afflicted, here is your hosts, mr.
Wogan, to introduce his next guest.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You're very welcome sir.
If I might just make a suggestion, I will ring this bell if I feel the interview ought to terminate, or if I feel that the public are, uh, are tired of your discutatory peregrinations.
Your chat.
Ladies and gentlemen now my great pleasure to introduce to you a young man whose popularity seems to increase with every passing century.
The man they simply call Baldrick.
Evening, mr.
T.
Right, I think that's enough, don't you? Well perhaps a minute longer.
Very well, on your head be it, and of course on yours, Baldrick.
So, Baldrick, what's that you're eating? It's a rat.
I got it in hospitality.
Do you want a bite? No, no.
Thank you.
Tell me Baldrick, what have you got in that bag? Well, I heard that you was auctioning stuff for children what's in need.
So I thought I'd auction some of the things what I used to play with when I was a little guttersnipe.
Oh yes, lovely.
So what have you got? Well this is one of my favorite toys, a bit of mud.
E Excellent.
- And uh - Piece of mud.
- Here's another one, this doll.
That's that's just a stick.
Well, it's not a stick, it's just a not very expensive doll.
You, you'll like this one, this is, this is a real favourite.
- Oh yeah? I got it in a cowfield.
I think you call it a frisbee.
Anything else? - Yeah Tucked up in here I'm going to show you my pride and joy, Yes, thank you Baldrick, thank you.
which is of course a turnip.
How much do you expect to auction that for? Well I'm hoping it will get at least a farthing.
Oh I've got a message too.
A message what mr.
Blackadder asked me to read out to all the ladies and gentlemen.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am an abject little weevil.
I apologize for wasting your precious time with my complete turd-for-a-brain drivel.
Thank you.
Thank you both.
And thank you sir, thank you very much indeed.
Come on Baldrick.
Shall we go now? - Yes, come on.
Thank you.
Thanks very much.
I shall move amongst the audience with some of these prizes a little bit later on.
His great success is a tribute to the art of his television interviewing, and to the art of those men, who manufacture suits that actually make fat people look thin.
He's brought hours of simple-minded joy into the lives of many with his light banter, easy wit, and slightly irritating little chuckling sound.
He has however in the next segment of this televisual extravaganza made a fatal mistake.
He has chosen to hold interlocutary interlude with a person so low, that in comparison an exceptionally filthy pig is a model of personal hygiene.
His head, being without a brain, is as empty as a h-hermits address book.
However, for those of you who enjoy laughing at the afflicted, here is your hosts, mr.
Wogan, to introduce his next guest.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
You're very welcome sir.
If I might just make a suggestion, I will ring this bell if I feel the interview ought to terminate, or if I feel that the public are, uh, are tired of your discutatory peregrinations.
Your chat.
Ladies and gentlemen now my great pleasure to introduce to you a young man whose popularity seems to increase with every passing century.
The man they simply call Baldrick.
Evening, mr.
T.
Right, I think that's enough, don't you? Well perhaps a minute longer.
Very well, on your head be it, and of course on yours, Baldrick.
So, Baldrick, what's that you're eating? It's a rat.
I got it in hospitality.
Do you want a bite? No, no.
Thank you.
Tell me Baldrick, what have you got in that bag? Well, I heard that you was auctioning stuff for children what's in need.
So I thought I'd auction some of the things what I used to play with when I was a little guttersnipe.
Oh yes, lovely.
So what have you got? Well this is one of my favorite toys, a bit of mud.
E Excellent.
- And uh - Piece of mud.
- Here's another one, this doll.
That's that's just a stick.
Well, it's not a stick, it's just a not very expensive doll.
You, you'll like this one, this is, this is a real favourite.
- Oh yeah? I got it in a cowfield.
I think you call it a frisbee.
Anything else? - Yeah Tucked up in here I'm going to show you my pride and joy, Yes, thank you Baldrick, thank you.
which is of course a turnip.
How much do you expect to auction that for? Well I'm hoping it will get at least a farthing.
Oh I've got a message too.
A message what mr.
Blackadder asked me to read out to all the ladies and gentlemen.
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am an abject little weevil.
I apologize for wasting your precious time with my complete turd-for-a-brain drivel.
Thank you.
Thank you both.
And thank you sir, thank you very much indeed.
Come on Baldrick.
Shall we go now? - Yes, come on.
Thank you.
Thanks very much.
I shall move amongst the audience with some of these prizes a little bit later on.