Lucifer (2016) s01e00 Episode Script

1 Turn the music down, sir.
Hey cut the music.
Sorry.
You know why I pulled you over? Well, obviously you felt the need to exercise your limited powers, punish me for ignoring the speed limit.
It's okay, I understand.
It's I I like to punish people too.
Or, at least I used to.
License and registration.
Coming right up.
Are you trying to bribe me, sir? Yes, of course.
Is that not enough? Well, take more.
It's only money.
It's against the law sir.
You people are funny about your laws, aren't you? You break the laws sometimes, don't you? Sometimes.
Put my siren on and drive really fast with no reason at all.
Just 'cause I can.
Right! And why wouldn't you? It's fun! Feels good to get away with something, doesn't it? Yeah.
- Uh - It's okay, Officer.
People like to tell me things.
Those deep, dark, naughty, little desires that are on their minds.
It's a gift.
Must be something about this face.
You're tempted to keep that, aren't you? Well, what are you waiting for, permission? Go on, take it.
Buy yourself something pretty.
You deserve it.
If you don't mind, I really must be on my way.
Oh.
Yeah, of course.
- Hey, have a nice evening.
- Yeah.
You too, Officer.
You too.
Hey, Boss.
Where have you been? Oh, holed up with a chateau, copulating with a young woman named Faith.
It's ironic, isn't it? Thank you, Patrick.
You can go.
You little devil.
What? I dropped something? Well, I'm sure you did.
- Now, Lucifer.
I am a big fan of sex.
- Obviously.
But I didn't leave hell to be a bartender.
Shouldn't you be spending your valuable time doing something more "significant"? You're the lord of hell for crying out loud.
I'm retired, Maze.
I've got nothing but time.
Thank you.
I think you have a visitor.
Oh, Amenadiel, how's it hanging big guy? Huh? Your return to the underworld has been requested.
Oh, right.
Okay.
Let me just, uh check my calendar.
Yeah, here it is.
Uh the "7th of never" through to the "15th of ain't gonna happen".
How's that worth to you guys? Ah, look remind Dad that I quit hell because I'm sick and tired of playing a part in His play.
I'm gonna warn you against disrespecting our father, Lucifer.
Yeah, well, our father's been disrespecting me since the beginning of time, so pot-kettle, don't you think? You are a mockery of everything divine.
Thank you! Thank you, but lately, I've been doing a fair amount of thinking.
Now, do you think that I'm the devil because I'm inherently evil or just because dear old Dad decided I was? What exactly do you think happens when the devil leaves hell? All of those demons all of those tormented and tortured souls where do you think they go? Don't know.
Don't care.
Not my problem, brother.
So consider the position officially open.
And you, my feathered friend, can go to hell.
Yeah, try it.
You think Father's upset now.
You know he will not be merciful for much longer.
Hey, you.
Remember me? - Wait, you're famous, aren't you? - Delilah! - Delilah, isn't it? - I love you, Delilah! Can I have your autograph? If I can have a drink.
So, are you gonna tell me why you really came back? There's something I need to know.
What's that? Did I sell my soul to the devil? Well, that would imply the devil's actually interested in your soul.
Look all I did was introduce you to a few key people who owed me favors.
That's all.
I mean with all the good came a hell of a lot of bad Oh, right.
So the devil made you do it, did he? The alcohol and the drugs, the topless selfies.
The choices are on you, my dear.
I mean Jimmy Barnes? I can't believe you almost married that sweaty little imp.
He produced my album, you introduced me to him.
I suggested you work with him, not sleep with him.
- Well, I got confused.
- Then you left him at the altar.
Yeah, that was rude of me.
No, actually, I quite enjoyed that bit.
You know, he trapped me in the bathroom in the Grammys.
Said he wanted to get back together.
Then I hear he's marrying a supermodel.
This weekend.
And I'm jealous.
Oh, God, I'm a mess.
God had nothing to do with your mess.
Look, you didn't sell your soul, Delilah.
You're doing me a favor.
- I'm scared.
- You should be.
Because what I'm about to ask is gonna be quite difficult for you.
Pull yourself together.
That's it.
That's all I'm asking.
You're wasting your talent, your life.
Hmm? You're only human, darling.
I'm gonna do as you asked.
I'm gonna get it together.
- Promise, Lucifer.
- Look it's not about me.
What happens now, that's up to you.
- Okay? - Yeah.
Come here, you.
Oh, no, no, no.
Not yet.
What did you do? I'm sorry.
Sorry? Why did you end her life? Why else? Money.
Money? Oh, it's times like this I wish I was still in hell.
All the fun activities that I've planned for you.
Hey, man, I just pulled the trigger.
Would you like to hear what I got so far? Lieutenant said this is my case.
Yes, Chloe, it's your case.
Don't waste your time.
It's an easy one.
That's our bad guy.
Eddy Deacon.
He's a low-level drug dealer.
We found these in his pocket and this in Delilah's purse.
So it's obviously drug related.
She probably owed him a bunch of money or something.
She's not exactly selling out stadiums these days.
And how do you know he's low-level? Look at his car.
Did you look at his watch? That thing ain't cheap.
It's probably fake.
There's gonna be a lot of attention on this one, Chloe.
I wouldn't pick too hard at it.
Not after Palmetto Street.
I asked for this case because of Palmetto Street, Dan.
So, anyway, any witnesses? Lucifer Morningstar.
Lucifer Morningstar is that a a stage name or something? God-given, I'm afraid.
D'you know you look familiar.
Have we met before? Yeah, 5 minutes ago.
And I'm asking the questions.
Talk to me about your relationship with the victim.
Well, she used to work here.
A few years back.
I would occasionally accompany her while she sang.
Then she became a big star and someone decided to end her life.
- Did you know the shooter? - No.
But we did have an interesting little chat just before he kicked off.
I asked him why he did it.
Hmm.
Like to play cop, do ya? No, I just like to play in general, Detective.
What about you? So, you had a conversation with the dead guy.
Oh, no, he wasn't quite dead.
His soul hadn't crossed the threshold.
I see.
Did he tell you why he did it? Why money, of course.
You humans, you love your money, don't you? Yes.
Yes, we do.
And, uh, what planet are you from? London? Yes, he also said, "I just pulled the trigger", now don't you think that's interesting? Delilah was shot to death by a drug dealer.
And looks like Delilah herself kept the guy pretty busy.
You know, it's sad, it's ugly, but it's not rocket science.
Something probably went south between them, she gets riddled with bullets and a nice little act of God takes him out.
You know, it doesn't work like that, Detective.
It's quite a neatly wrapped little present for the LAPD, don't you think? Why don't you tell me something? How did she end up dying in a hailstorm of bullets and you get away without a scratch? I think that's interesting, don't you? - The benefits of immortality.
- Immortality? Mm.
Of course.
Uh you spell that with 1 or 2 "m"s? I always forget.
What will your corrupt little organization do about this? 'Scuse me? Will you find the person responsible, will they be punished, will this be a priority for you? Because it is for me.
You got some balls on you, pal.
Oh, thank you very much, but they're really quite average.
- Yeah, I bet.
- Now Are you sure that we haven't met? I could swear I've seen you naked.
Have we had sex? - We're done here.
- Ah, Detective, wait.
Someone out there needs to be punished.
We're not done.
Yeah.
Yeah, we are.
If there is anyone here that would oppose this holy union, speak now or forever hold your peace.
'Scuse me.
Yeah, I have a problem.
Has has anyone else noticed how incredibly, jaw-droppingly, loin-stirringly beautiful this young woman is and how short, sweaty and altogether fugly this homunculus is? I mean what is this, a wedding or a kidnapping? Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
Good luck with that, Padre.
Ooh while you're at it, say hey from me, it's been a while.
Jimmy Barnes, remember me? Hey, man.
This is a private event.
How did you get in here? Yeah, and quite a lavish one for a record producer on the outs? - You do remember me, don't you? - Yeah, yeah.
I remember you.
Now, what do you want? I'm a little busy.
Well I can't believe that you're getting married the day after your ex-fiancée and once a bright star - was murdered in cold blood.
- Yeah, it's very sad.
But you know what? She ruined my wedding once.
I'm not about to let that happen again.
It's hard to be rejected, isn't it, Jimmy? Twice.
Hm! - What? - Y'know, you tried to get her back recently.
I mean I'd kill someone if they denied me once not that that's possible.
So, come on.
What do you say, Jimbo, huh? Did you want her dead? Look, st stop looking at me that way, you freak.
I am not playing that mind game with you.
I No, of course not.
I was furious and I was humiliated when she dumped me, but I think I I think I've rebonded pretty well.
Yes, clearly.
Respect.
Should go play your mind games with 2Vile.
The rapper? Come on.
Delilah dumped me for that lunatic.
They were always fighting.
He slapped her around a bunch.
He surrounded himself with gun toting morons 24/7.
He is the real deal.
Right.
Sorry.
How rude.
Allow me to introduce myself.
Lucifer Morningstar.
I really don't want to have sex with him tonight.
Oh, my I'm sorry.
I - I can't believe I just said that.
- Oh, no, no, no.
Let's be honest here.
I mean you're not marrying this human stain 'cause you're actually in love with him, right? - Oh, God, no.
- No.
Right.
Well, I should get going.
Ooh best of luck with you crazy kids.
All right.
Good afternoon, sir.
Yes, I'm here to see the man sadly known as "Too Vile".
- Is he in? - Sorry, sir, he's unavailable.
- He's in mourning, I'm afraid.
- Right.
I have narcotics for him.
Right this way, sir.
Could someone please turn down this God-awful music?! Hello, disc jockey! Thank you.
Who's this clown? He has narcotics for you, sir.
My name is Lucifer Morningstar.
Lucifer Morningstar? That's a gay hip-hop name.
Well, that offends me.
- What, y-you don't like hip-hop? - No, I most certainly do not.
Well, that offends me.
You have a problem with black people? No, not in the slightest.
I just hate your music.
And when I say your music, I mean "your" music, not the music made by other black people.
Without the blues there would be no devil's music whatsoever.
There are of course many giants in the field.
Just not you.
Am I being clear? Mm-hmm.
Yeah, you're being clear.
All right.
- Good.
- If you're looking to get yourself killed.
Yes, but don't waste your munitions, I'm immortal.
Tell me about Delilah.
You ain't seen the news? Bitch is dead.
Don't shoot, you idiot! - I didn't kill her.
- Why should I believe you? Because I loved the girl.
People sometimes kill the people with whom they're in love.
The heart's mysterious.
- So I'm told.
- I liked her.
- Girl made me crazy.
- Women can do that.
Doesn't mean you should beat them up, does it? We worked that out a long time ago.
I hit her once 'cause I found out she was cheating on me.
Hmm? Right.
- With whom? - I don't know, I don't know.
She wouldn't tell me.
All right? Said it was a big secret, some some, uh uh, rich married guy.
Well, did she have a friend that she might have confided in? She didn't trust no one, man.
Uh uh Her therapist.
Her therapist is probably the only one who knows.
She sees some, uh uh, Doctor Linda in in Beverly Hills.
Saw her like five times a week on the DL.
Used a fake name, everything.
Oh, did she now? Well thank you for your time.
LAPD.
Guns down.
On the Floor.
Down.
You two, against the wall.
Detective.
Welcome to the party.
Grab the bucket, collect the guns.
Now! You sly dog, you did listen to me.
I ran the dead guy's cellphone, 2Vile was the last person he called.
Come on, man.
And what I find highly interesting is how you made the connection on your own.
Well, I've been busy, my dear.
- Talk to me about Delilah.
- I've been over that one, Detective.
And why you called the shooter 2 days before she was murdered? Fine.
Yeah, I called Eddy 'cause he hooks me up sometimes.
He met Delilah through me.
Whatever.
Don't make me a killer, do it? No.
But it does make you a suspect.
What, so everyone on Eddy's phone's a suspect? Are you joking? You're gonna drag half of Hollywood downtown, - be like the Oscars or something.
- Wait.
- Weren't you that chick from that film? - Hmm? What is this? What film? She used to be an actress or something, right? Yeah.
That teen movie, I forget what it's called.
Of course, "Hot Tub High School".
That's where I know you from.
Let's just stick to my question, shall we? It's the one with the famous nude scene, coming out of the hot tub.
It was like a complete Fast Time's rip off.
She was like the new Phoebe Cates.
- Thanks.
I appreciate that.
- That was quite a nude scene.
I have far too many bullets in this thing for you to still be talking.
You, we need to have a conversation right now.
That's a waste of time, Detective.
I've just threatened his life.
He's not our guy.
He would've said, trust me.
- You did what? - Yeah, i-isn't that illegal? Uh little bit.
Yeah.
You, stay put.
You, you're coming with me.
What? Ooh.
With pleasure.
At least perhaps now you'll listen to me, although I'm not quite sure why I'm being arrested.
'Cause you're interfering with a police investigation, you've broken I can't even count how many laws and you piss me off.
Right.
I can get out of these, you know? Funny.
How did you do that? Come on, we're wasting time.
We should be out there, solving a homicide and punishing those responsible.
"We"? You're insane.
I'm taking you in.
Get in the car.
No, that's boring, not to mention pointless.
Come on, I'll help you.
It'll be fun.
How could you possibly help me? I have a certain skill set, I can be very persuasive with people.
And tend to see things that others cannot.
So you're a psychic or something? No, I can't read people's minds.
I'm not Jedi.
People just like to tell me things.
Hmm? Just just tell you things? Just confess their sins? Just like that? No, not their sins.
I have no power over people's sins.
I actually get a bad rap for that.
I have the ability to draw out people's forbidden desires.
The more simple the human, the easier it is.
The more complex, the more challenging and exciting really.
But no, the actual sins, the the sins are on you people.
"You people"? I got it.
I got it.
The name, the whole "Lucifer" thing and desire's like your superpower.
Um it's more like a gift from God, really.
Okay.
Look tell me, Detective what do you desire more than anything else in this life? This is it? This is your big trick? I guess when I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a cop like my daddy, so that that one day I could help people, then then be taken seriously when I say to shut up and get in the damn car.
You're not like a Jedi or something, are you? Get in the car.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I know something you don't know.
Really? What's that? Won't say unless you take me with you on this.
Please.
Come on.
I got you 2Vile, didn't I? Why do you care about this so much? About Delilah? Look, I just I just do.
Look, if I hadn't have meddled with her career, maybe she wouldn't have died.
Okay.
Okay, fine.
But if this little clue thing of yours doesn't pan out, these are going back on and they're gonna stay on.
Is that a promise? Yeah, therapist in Beverly Hills with the first name, Linda - see if Delilah was a client.
- A-a-actually she had a pseudonym, which I also happen to know.
I'm actually quite good at this aren't I? Uh, "Penny Lane".
Delilah may have gone by "Penny Lane".
Thanks.
Don't look so smug.
Nothing's panned out yet.
No, no, no.
It's not that, it's just that I knew that I recognized you.
Right, right.
You've seen my boobies.
It's exciting.
What are you, 12? So, is the, uh, movie why you've got such a chip on your shoulder? Uh, it's low on the list of things I have to live down I guess.
Right.
"Attractive female cop struggling to be taken seriously in a man's man's world.
" Is that it? Yeah.
Something like that.
Well, they're threatened.
You're clearly smart and have notable instincts.
Ignore them.
Trust yourself.
Detective Dancer.
Right, text it to me.
Thanks.
What's that? What you were saying stands up, there's a Penny Lane who sees a Dr.
Linda Martin in Beverly Hills.
Excellent.
I'll clear my schedule.
- Ooh! Someone's popular.
- Please stop talking? Hello.
What? You're kidding me.
Is she OK? Oh.
Of course he's not there.
Thanks.
- We gotta make a pit stop.
- What? No! Absolutely not.
My kid got into a fight.
I've gotta go and pick her up.
- What, can't she get herself home? - She's seven.
Look, I'm not here to help you run errands.
I'm here to help you solve a homicide.
Really?! All right, wait here.
With pleasure.
I despise children.
I don't think you're allowed to smoke in here.
Oh dear.
What will become of me? My mother is a police officer.
She could arrest you.
Oh.
I think I might know your mother.
What's your name? Lucifer.
Like the devil? Exactly! My name's Beatrice but I everybody calls me Trixie.
That's a hooker's name.
- What's a hooker? - Ask your mother.
So, why are you in trouble? See that girl over there? She was bullying me.
She was creating a fake Snapchat account and used it to make fun of me.
So, I kicked her in the "no-no touch-touch swear".
Oh! Oh I see.
Well played.
Well played indeed.
Hello mean girl.
Did you know there is a special section of hell reserved for bullies so, have fun.
What did you do? Oh, I just think someone's feeling a little guilty.
- Hi, Daddy.
- Hey there, munchkin.
- Oh shocker, you're late.
- Give me a break.
- I was putting a case to bed.
- Right, like I'm not working a case too.
Oh yeah! The one you tried to steal from me.
You mean the open and shut one? You did open and shut it.
Right? I'm being diligent, Dan.
It's a high profile case.
Exactly.
Which is why you have to be smart about it.
She is smart.
You're the dimwit.
Perhaps you should refrain from arguing in front of the child? It's unbecoming.
I don't know whether to laugh or shoot you.
Surprise me.
Isn't he funny, Daddy? Hey! Can you, ah, drop Trix at my Mum's? We got to go.
Thank you.
Trix like, give Mommy a kiss.
Mwah! I love you so much! - Good job standing up to the mean girl.
- Thanks, Mommy.
What's a hooker? Daddy'll tell you.
Come on, honey.
Bye Lucifer, it was nice meeting you.
Hmph! Think she likes you.
Course she does.
What's not to like? Was your offspring planned or a mistake? - Planned.
Sort of.
- Really? See, I've never understood this human desire to procreate.
- That's probably a good thing.
- I mean children, hideous little creatures, terrible, taxing burdens.
- Hmmm.
- Mmmh.
Oh, um, yours is fine.
I mean n-nothing to crow about, but nothing to be too embarrassed about either, so that's quite good isn't it? Are you at all aware of how dickish you sound? No! Speaking of dicks Why was that ex-husband of yours pressuring you to close the case? No reason.
- Strange.
- Yes, you are.
Did my father send you? Okay, Detectives, I'll see you now.
- Thank you.
- Detectives.
Dr.
Martin, I'd like to ask you a few questions about Delilah.
You're thinking about it aren't you? - What? - You see, I wouldn't recommend it.
I'm like walking heroin, very habit forming.
It never ends well.
I'm sorry, do you two know each other? - No, no, but I know that look.
- I don't know what you're talking about.
Actually it's interesting 'cause you don't look at me that way.
- What way? - With carnal fascination.
- That's cause it doesn't exist.
- No, see that's just it, with most women it does.
I tend to appeal to the dark mischievous hearts in all of you but You, Detective, you seem oddly immune to my charms.
Referring to them as charms, I think, is a bit of a stretch.
Truth be told, I find you repulsive.
- Like, on a chemical level.
- It's fascinating.
- Now, tell me, Linda - You say, it's fascinating, and yet I can see that it disturbs you, doesn't it? Deeply.
Dr.
Martin, we know know that, um, Delilah was having a clandestine affair with a wealthy married man, so if you just tell us his name, - we will be on our way.
- I'm sorry.
I can't do that.
Oh, she's one of the complex ones.
Linda, darling.
Why don't you tell me? Hm? - Well, I can't.
- Ah, hm.
I want to, but I can't.
- Oh, you're the devil! - Hmm, correct! Now, come on, Dr.
Martin.
I know you want to! Oh, man and it's really, really juicy too.
- Ooooh, I bet it is! - I can't! What did you do to her? - Did you roofie her? - Oh no, it's not her fault, she's just - reacting to me, just watch and learn, OK? - Oh.
Right, the answer is yes.
We can take a trip to Pound town if we must, but first you're going to have to tell us, Linda.
Okay? Uhhmmm Okay! Ha ha! It's Grey Cooper.
Grey Cooper? Seriously? - That is juicy.
- Grey Cooper, the actor? The one who's - married to Amanda whats her chops? - Yeah! - Yeah! - Oh! No, he's horrible.
So squared-jawed, so handsome, so vanilla! Oh, I'm really quite disappointed in Delilah, that's truly terrible taste in the opposite sex.
Thank you very much, Dr.
Martin.
We'll be in touch.
All right, we've gotta go.
Yes, of course but I I made a deal so I have to hold up my end of the bargain.
You wouldn't mind waiting outside? Are you seriously talking about having sex with her, right now? - Well, it won't take long.
- I do yoga.
Hot yoga.
I'm freakishly flexible.
Wanna see? Wow! Really tried to keep that one in Well, you tried and that's what matters.
Ah! Look, I'm really sorry but I'm going to have to take a rain check.
I will be back.
Okay? I certainly hope so.
My word is my bond.
'Scuse me.
Excuse me.
Ah, excuse me.
Thank you.
Hey, hey, sir! Who the is this guy? What the hell are you doing? Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Sorry! Excuse me.
Sorry, he's with me.
That's not Grey Cooper? No, of course not! What the hell is this? We need to speak with Mr.
Cooper.
God, Delilah yeah.
Heard about that this morning.
I can't believe it.
We did a movie together last year.
- Got pretty close.
- Lovers? - Friends.
- Friends who were lovers? Settle down, I'll handle the questions.
Mr.
Cooper, when did you last have contact with Delilah? Well, actually I just one more question before you proceed with the boring ones.
Tell me, Mr.
Cooper, what do you want more than anything in this world? What's your deepest darkest desire? If you close your eyes, what do you see? I'm the President of the United States of America.
Ha! Well, who's the devil now, eh? Those are some pretty big aspirations there, Mr.
Cooper.
Well, after the acting and stuff.
No need to be embarrassed.
Hell, if Arnold can do it right? Now, you wouldn't want any nasty secrets screwing it up for you though would you? - Is there a point to this? - Mr.
Cooper, are you having an affair - with Delilah? - Honey? Have you been getting my texts? I thought they were breaking for lunch like a half hour ago? What's going on? - These people are detectives.
- Real ones? We have some questions about Delilah.
- Oh, oh! Yes.
So sad.
- Yeah, very sad.
Your watch.
Where did you get that? Oh, it's a prop.
No, that's the one Delilah gave you.
Isn't it? For "Time Will Tell"? Right.
That's the movie that we did.
It was a wrap gift.
Yeah.
She buy a ten thousand dollar watch for the whole crew? Ah, no just me.
As far as I know.
'Cause we were, you know, co-stars and everything.
You know you're going to have to get much better at lying, if you wanna be president.
I know, right.
So you were sleeping with her then, yeah? Oh, yeah! Crap, I just said that in front of people.
Whatever, it's not like I didn't know.
Oh God, you are a terrible liar, and actor by the way.
- You knew? - Course.
Why else do you think I've been sleeping with Bobby? - Are you serious? - Oh yeah and it is good.
Mm! I climb that man, like a tree! Right, Bobby? My bodyguard? - What a cliché! - Oh, I'm a cliché? Well, you're a dick! Hey guys Come on! Hey guys arrest them.
Seriously? Oh, don't do it.
One of them's gotta be guilty.
Thanks.
So Greg and Amanda have zero connection to the shooter but the shooter had the same watch as Greg, that can't be a coincidence.
Maybe Delilah gave him one too? Like kind of a go-to gift, I Well, that would imply she was actually sleeping with that maggot.
Really? Jimmy, 2Vile, Grey Cooper.
That's three other maggots she's sleeping with.
I don't think there's a whole lot of discretion going on with her.
Yeah, s'pose you've got a point.
God, what am I doing here? Wrong deity, but yes that is the eternal question.
No, I mean, here in a bar, with you.
Well, I don't know.
You tell me, Detective.
I mean, despite your proclaimed revulsion, you can't deny that there's a connection between us.
Tell me, what do you actually want? You mean, what do I desire more than anything else in this life? - Yes.
No tricks, - Mm-hm.
not that they work on you, you freak.
Seriously nup, I'm curious.
I don't know, what what I told you's true I I really do want to help people.
My father was cop.
He was a great cop.
My mother was an actress really cheesy one.
I tried the acting thing, I took off my top wasn't really contributing to the betterment of society Oh I disagree, I love that movie.
So I quit.
Decided to be come a cop, like my dad.
And, ah dealt with the whole "Hot Tub High School" thing, until, um, I became a detective and found a whole new way to ostracize myself.
Ah, the reason your ex-maggot was pressuring you to close this? Yeah yeah exactly.
There was a case a shooting on Palmetto Street, where a cop died.
And I saw it differently than pretty much everyone in my department, including my ex.
And I stuck my neck out and it backfired.
And, ah now, no one wants to work with me.
Well, I'm available.
Too bad your little protege isn't around to collect the check.
The soundtrack album for the movie "Time Will Tell" has reached number 15 on the Billboard Charts, and is still climbing.
- Song and record sales have - Oh, wow.
What? Delilah didn't give that watch to the drug dealer Stop, stop stop! What is it? You got a gerbil in your throat? What's going on here? Hello, Jimmy! - Really - How's the album sales doing? - What album? - Soundtrack to "Time Will Tell" which you produced.
Whitney Houston hit the top 10 for album sales after her death Michael Jackson hit the stratosphere not sure you'll achieve such heights having Delilah killed, but that sure is a boatload of royalty checks headed your way.
Guess you really needed the cash, huh? Which is why you had to pay the shooter with your watch.
The watch Delilah gave you now that's just sick, but then you are, so - Hey Jimmy - I made her, and she ruined me.
She humiliated me.
- She owes me! - You're not God, Jimmy.
You didn't make her but you did destroy her.
So, I'm going to punish you.
You back off, you freak.
I mean it.
I am not going to jail for that bitch, no chance! - Listen to him Lucifer, back off! - I told you it's fine, I'm immortal.
Well, why did you do that?! - He was going to kill you.
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
You just you just let him off too easy.
He needs to pay, he needs to suffer.
He needs feel the pain, not escape it! Don't worry.
I'm sure where he's going, the pain's coming.
No.
No, it's not actually, and you know why? Because I'm here and he's No.
I don't want to die.
I won't let you.
Father will just have wait for you.
Argh! Ooh! St give me one second No! Please! No, no, please! Please please don't kill me.
Ha, ha, Jimmy oh, you are going to wish that's all I did to you.
Argh! Well look who's back.
How long have I been out? Three years.
What?! - You're such an ass.
Oh, God.
- Thank you.
He was firing at you why aren't you more dead? You're having a very hard time with the immortal thing, aren't you? What happened with Jimmy? Jimmy Jimmy got what he deserved.
Well I'm pretty sure I'd be dead if you hadn't have helped me.
So thank you.
Sorry, what was that? That last bit, I didn't quite get that Thank you.
You're welcome.
Besides, you know you were far too interesting to let die.
You saved my life because I'm interesting? Well, wildly irritating as well, but yes.
So, what now? Well, I mean, I've obviously proven myself to be an invaluable crime fighting tool you're a pariah in the department I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship, don't you? Who the hell are you? I told you, I'm Lucifer! Yes hello, child.
Um ju why don't you save some of this unpleasantness for your mother, yeah? - Ooh! Sorry.
I think she's one hell of a homicide detective, don't you? - What? - Are you hurt? I'm okay.
How you doing? Okay You need to be more careful.
You should've had backup.
She had backup.
It's hard for you, isn't it? Not to be a douche.
Right, well, I'd stay for the family reunion, but it's giving me terrible IBS so look forward to seeing you soon Chloe.
- I don't.
- Bye now.
Glad you're not dead.
Oh! Bloody hell! What do you want from me? I've been watching you, Lucifer - You perv! - and I'm not sure I like what I see.
You're showing restraint, mercy You scared I'm turning my back on the dark side, bro? Lucifer, there is a balance here that we must maintain I strongly suggest you do what I told you to do, and go back to hell.
Don't threaten me, Amenadiel.
I mean, you don't want to start a war.
I would love a war.
Oh, Lucy! My hatred for you grows stronger with every visit.
Well, I wouldn't have it any other way, pal.
I look forward to eating your heart one day peace! Ergh! I sense your disapproval, Maze.
What is it? I just can't understand why you would save a human life.
There's something different about her that I don't quite understand, and it vexes me.
Maybe it's not her that's different.
Is this where I'm supposed to ask "whatever do you mean?" Stop caring.
You're the devil.
Yes, I am.
Okay, right here's the deal we can have as much naked cuddle time as you desire but you're going to have to listen to me too.
There's a few things that I'd like to discuss with you.
You know, just a an existential dilemma or two.
- Deal? - Yes! Lovely.