A.N.T. Farm (2011) s01e01 Episode Script

Oh my gosh.
Dad! Look at this place! Lockers instead of cubbies.
Drivers Ed instead of Kiddie Vice.
Him instead of What was I talking about? Dad! Did she has to go to my high school? I mean seriously she's only eleven.
It's not Chyna's fault that she's gifted.
Any more than it's your fault that you're not.
Ah great.
Another ant.
Hey what's with the name calling? No.
It's OK, dad.
I'm an ant because I'm in the advanced natural talents or A.
N.
T programs.
Yeah.
I wasn't talking about you.
Someone knocked over the little ant farm again this morning.
These little creepers are everywhere! Ugh! Ahhh! Get it off! I mean, get it off.
Get it off.
Anyway, you must be Chyna.
Welcome to the Ant Farm! I love doing that.
Um, are you my teacher? No, teachers need a degree.
I'm Gibson.
Your tutor, guidance counselor and therapist, all rolled up in one.
I also give out licorice.
Uh, no, thanks.
I had hair-covered licorice for breakfast.
Not so fast, bumblebee.
A-ha! Sorry I'm late.
Security hassled me about my battle ax.
Mom! Whoa! Your mom's a warrior princess? Awesome! No, no, she's a children's birthday party entertainer.
More awesome! Hey, keep January 27th open.
Oh, you have kids? Nope! Just like you with music, each student in the ANT Program has a unique gift.
Benny is a robotics expert.
Greetings.
Angus here is a computer genius.
Ooh, that looks cool! Can I play? Missile launch initiated.
Am I winning the game? Sure, 'cause it's a game.
Five, four, three, two Just a game.
Missile launch aborted.
And then there's Svetlana, our gymnast.
Hey, where is Svetlana? Hello! You need to stop doing that! Nyet! Nyet! Don't say "no" to me.
Oh! You know, she might have been saying, "Net, net.
" Oh.
Uh, sir? I don't mean to alarm you or anything, but this kid has a dead body.
It's wax.
Some people make friends.
Fletcher here has to literally make friends.
I'm an artist.
As a project, I'm sculpting the entire class in beeswax.
Well, they're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
I mean, your music is beautiful.
But you've never heard me play.
Yeah, I know, but, you see, I Hmm, wherever could he be? Hi.
I'm Chyna.
Chyna.
Named for one of Earth's oldest continuous civilizations, whose dynasties include the Shang, Tang, Xin, Ming and San Huang Di Wu.
So, your gift is talking? I'm Olive.
I have an eidetic memory, so everything I've ever heard, seen or read is permanently etched into my brain.
Wow! That's cool.
It's a blessing and a curse.
So, Chyna, did they give you your new AntPad yet? Oh! Yup.
This thing is so cool! Check out all these apps.
Calendar app, GPS app.
Nap app? Oh, no, no, don't Oh, no! Homeroom's almost over! Wait.
Hey, guys, what's going on? Run! Run! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait! What's the rush? Second period doesn't start till 10:00.
It's not about when next period starts.
It's about when this one ends! Run! Run! Help! Help! Angus! We've got to save Angus! Forget it, man! Angus is gone! But He's gone! Tell my mother I loved her! Looks like somebody's sitting in my chair.
Ooh, I love this story! Get to the part where they eat the porridge.
Hi, I'm Chyna.
Well, let's see if this china's breakable.
Good morning, class! I Ooh.
Lexi's chair? Yeah.
Rookie mistake.
So, you must be my new prodigy.
Play something! Okay.
I meant on the violin.
Oh.
Right.
See, I knew that.
That was incredible! Thanks.
Now, class, this semester, I will be putting on Hairspray.
Um, don't you need hair for that, sir? Not the styling product.
The Broadway musical! You can sign up for cast, crew or orchestra.
I'm going out for cast because, obviously, I'm the leading-man type.
I was in that play, Les Miserables.
I played Les.
And I'm sure everyone else was miserable.
Now, of course, my audition is merely a formality, since I've starred in every musical we've ever done.
Grease.
Annie.
Fiddler on the Roof.
Wow.
You grew whiskers.
They're fake.
Oh! I'm not talking about the ones in the picture.
What are you doing? Do not anger the big kids! They'll kill us, make jewelry out of our bones and then sell them at craft fairs! I do not want to end up around the neck of a middle-aged woman in a jean skirt! Just relax.
We're in class.
Nobody can hurt us in here.
Hey! Get me out of here! Okay, Fletcher, just relax your cheek muscles.
Oh, not those cheek muscles! Oh, wait a minute.
I got an idea! See? We made it to lunch.
Now, where's the cafeteria? What? No, no, no, no.
We eat in the safety of the Ant Farm.
Wait.
I left my lunch in my locker.
Emma left her lunch in her locker.
Who's Emma? Exactly.
Look, there is a cupcake in that lunch.
I'm going for it! Okay, but hurry, before the bell We're doomed! No, we're not! Get in, get in! Hurry! Okay.
Okay.
See? There are advantages to being the smallest kids in school.
And you were right.
This cupcake was so worth it.
This is not my locker and that's not a cupcake.
That would explain the tail.
Ooh! Can you believe that showoff Chyna? I thought she was really good on that tiny chin guitar.
So, are your rents still on vaycay? Yep.
Party tonight.
My place.
It's gonna be ridic.
Ooh! Text me the deets.
Kay.
Aws.
Late.
Are you crazy? The big kids do not want us at their party.
They hate us.
She's not wrong.
Look, guys, this is Lexi's party.
This is our chance to show her that we belong in this school.
All we need to do is make ourselves look a little older.
What? You said to look older.
That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.
Hey, party people! And suddenly you're in second place.
So, do we look like high schoolers or what? Why do I smell fruit? It's blueberry yogurt.
I wanted them to look natural and the label said "all natural.
" Hey, Chyna.
Dad! Hey! You didn't tell me your dad was a mall cop.
I'm a highly decorated member of the San Francisco Police Department.
You see this medal? Cleanest cop car.
Dad, I thought you said you had a meeting tonight.
Oh, yeah, the chief had to cancel.
His car was stolen.
So, who are your friends? Oh, uh, Dad, this is Olive and Fletcher.
Friends are here to do homework.
Then why do they look like the Monopoly Man and the community chest? Yeah, because we're studying Pygmalion in English class, and it's easier if we act it out.
See, he's Professor Higgins and she's Eliza Doolittle.
Eliza, do a little.
'Ow do ya do, guvnah? I'm just a simple flower girl, I am.
We need to find a way to get to that party.
Well, why can't we just climb out the window? Because if my dad checks on us and I'm not here, he'll freak.
Man, I wish he'd just mind his own beeswax.
Beeswax! That's it! Fletcher, these are so realistic.
But the eyes creep me out.
Well, I hate your nose.
Will these really fool your parents? Oh, well, my mom's out to dinner.
And my dad, he's out to lunch.
He'll never know, especially if we dim the lights.
Now let's go get our party on! Hey, beautiful.
Let's go! Nothing! Okay, we did it.
We made it to a high school party.
Good times.
Great memories.
Let's go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
We'll be fine as long as we don't draw attention to ourselves.
Come on, let's go.
My yogurt's on the move.
Wow.
Add a church hat and some dentures and you could be my great-aunt Delores.
Okay, Olive.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Goodness gracious.
Okay, that's not right.
Chyna? What are you doing at this party? Look, please don't tell Dad you saw me here.
Wait a minute.
What are you doing here? I thought you were grounded.
I gave Angus five bucks to hack the tracking device Dad put in my cell phone.
Right now I'm at church.
Oh, look, you just got a text from Satan.
"See you soon.
" Isn't it a little late for you Ants? Shouldn't you be in your widdle footy pajamas by now? I'll have you know that our bedtime is not until 8:30! Would you guys please stop saying stuff that makes us look like little kids? Ooh, cookies! You must be the entertainment.
Are you a magician? No, actually 'Cause I think magicians are so hot.
Pick a card.
Oh, Chyna.
Why don't you tell us about your first kiss? Oh, first kiss? Mmm-hmm.
You know, that takes me back.
It was at summer camp.
And his name was.
Dorian.
Banister.
What? You have never kissed anyone.
I would have remembered that when I read your diary.
Pages and pages of nothing! Okay, concentrate on your card.
I want you to empty your head of all Done! What does a lady have to do to get a juicy box around here? I'm sorry, we ran out.
Like nine years ago.
Oh! Why don't you try this? Red Viper Soda.
Okay.
Wow, good stuff! Chyna? Gibson's here to see how your first day went.
Melted kid! Melted kid! It's wax.
Yeah, it's totally wacks that someone would do that to a kid.
Totally wacks, yo.
Oh! I'm getting nothing.
I think we need to establish a physical connection.
Okay.
Is it working? Oh, it's definitely working.
Party! Whoa! What happened to you? I tried this really awesome drink called Red Viper, and I feel great! Except for my feet, which I can't feel at all.
I mean, they're still there, right? 'Cause I really can't see them with this dress.
You drank Red Viper? Mmm-hmm.
Do you know what's in that junk? Sure.
Carbonated water, sucrose, glucose, sodium citrate, taurine, glucuronolactone, caffeine, calcium pantothenate, pyridoxine, yellow dye number 7, red dye number 36 Oh, and vitamin C, so it's good for you! Oh, no! The magician! I hope the rabbit's okay! Stay strong, little guy! Hey, magician, any chance you can make us disappear? I can't believe they snuck out.
Do you have any idea where they went? I heard Lexi Reed was throwing a party tonight.
Where does she live? I don't know.
No one would text me the deets.
This is highly decorated Officer Parks.
I need a 10-20 on a Lexi Reed.
We'll also need SWAT and that monkey that can defuse a bomb.
Actually, Officer Chimperson is dead.
Turns out he really couldn't defuse a bomb.
Oh.
You stupid Ants ruined my party! You thought your lives were miserable at school before? Just wait until tomorrow.
"Let's go to a high school party, it'll be fun.
" Another one? Don't you think this one was bad enough? We trusted you, Chyna.
And you let us down.
Thanks a lot.
Well, the stereo's dead, and so is this party.
Wait! If you guys want music, I can play something.
Yeah, 'cause nothing rocks the house like a violin concerto.
Actually, I was thinking I would sing something more like this.
I throw my hands up in the air sometimes Saying ayo Gotta let go And I wanna celebrate and live my life Saying ayo Baby, let's go And I came to dance, dance, dance, dance And I hit the floor 'cause that's my plans, plans, plans, plans I'm wearing all my favorite brands, brands, brands, brands Give me space for both my hands, hands, hands, hands That girl stinks.
That girl is my sister.
And I'm trying to listen to her sing.
Your older sister? No! 'Cause it goes on and on and on I throw my hands up in the air sometimes Saying ayo Gotta let go And I wanna celebrate and live my life Saying ayo Baby, let's go We gonna rock this club We gonna go all night We gonna light it up Like it's dynamite 'Cause I told you once Now I told you twice We gonna light it up Like it's dynamite! I thought you played violin.
Oh, I do.
And guitar.
And piano, trumpet, saxophone, flute, cello, harp, the bagpipes, French horn, drums, harmonica and the spoons.
Oh, and I also sing a little.
Yeah, a little.
You know, maybe I will try out for the school play.
You should! You're really talented! Shut up, Paisley! Sorry we, kind of, turned on you, Chyna.
Although, looking back, it was mostly Olive.
That was the Red Viper talking.
That stuff is bad news.
I still love you guys.
Oh, no.
It's the mall cops! I'm a highly decorated police officer.
If I were a mall cop, would I have a Where's my badge? Freeze, dirtbags! Give me that! Officer, I can explain.
Don't bother.
I'm not here for you.
I'm here for her.
There you are, Chyna! You had me worried sick.
I left church to find you! Home.
Now.
And anybody else whose parents don't know you're here, out! Not you, Gibson! This is exactly what I was afraid of.
I knew you weren't ready for high school.
But, Dad, I am ready.
I finally found a place where I belong.
Right now, the only place where you belong is in the back of my squad car.
Let's go.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you're putting me in the perp cage? Do I at least get a phone call? Sure.
I think your mom is gonna want to talk to you.
Yeah, I think I'll skip the phone call.
Sir, madam, you have a lovely home.
Why are you freaks still here? Get out of my house! Hey! Don't you talk to us that way! Yeah! My mom is going to kill me! Don't worry, I know how to get that out.
I'll text you the deets.
We looked everywhere.
I guess Chyna's dad decided to pull her out of the ANT Program.
Hey, what's all that music stuff? I set it up.
Chyna! We thought your dad pulled you out of school! Oh, well, he wanted to, but I plea-bargained him down to a three-month grounding.
So, if we plan on having any more fun, Fletcher, I'm going to need a lot more of those sculptures.
They're done! I mean, they will be done.
It's not like I stayed up all last night making wax sculptures of you.
No, that would be weird.
You see, I He knows we can see him, right? I really don't know what he knows at this point.
Come on, let's go eat in the cafeteria.
You're not scared of the big kids? Ooh! Or that lunch lady with the hairnet on her beard? No.
That whole thing with the cops gave us Ants some serious street cred.
Hey, guys, I just got back from the hospital! They gave me a pig spleen! Run! Oh, come on! Not again! Not the spleen! Not the spleen!