All and Eva (2024) s01e01 Episode Script
Eva
1
Eva
This is Eva
Ovulation
Always completely perfect
She's ovulation tested
Eva
Everything will work out
Everything will work out
Everything will work out
Everything will work out
Everything will work out terribly
- It's so nice here.
- Thank you.
Makes me feel at home.
I'd love to come here more often.
Mum, please.
What?
No, II just meant that I have
time since I'm retired and
- No, you didn't, you're accusing me.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
No, listen, I read something clever,
"The worst part of retirement is
you can't take a vacation from it."
- That's pretty good.
- Mum, can't you just ask how I am?
Yes, of course.
Sweetheart, how are you?
I'm good, thanks.
I'm having a baby.
No, Mum,
don't be dramatic now, please.
It's just what it is.
Did you finally find someone?
That's so great.
Who is he, the father?
I don't know.
Right.
It's a sperm donor.
Right, is that the politically
correct term for dads these days?
No, like
it's a man who donated sperm.
I'm going to Copenhagen
to be inseminated.
Mum
Don't overreact now, please,
or I'll stop telling you things.
Can you just be reasonably happy,
okay?
Right, okay,
so it'll be a Danish dad then?
- Donor.
- Right, donor.
- A Danish donor
- Yes, probably.
I've always dreamt
of being a grandma.
Not like this exactly, but
- Mum.
- I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm sorry, Eva.
It's amazing.
And you know I support you
in everything.
Thank you, Mum.
Mum, I am actually a little nervous,
it feels really good
that you're here for me.
Are you really going to wear these
underpants when you get pregnant?
I'm not having intercourse,
you get that right?
Yes, but still,
you could make a little effort
What the hell? Do you think they'll
light candles and play Barry White?
Well, Barry White would add
to the mood, right?
Reception said you took some
spontaneous time off this weekend.
Did someone die?
You haven't voluntarily taken
time off for like five years.
I'm going to Copenhagen.
You're going to Copenhagen?
I love Copenhagen.
And who are you going with?
Do you know why the statues of
antiquity have such small penises?
No
It was the beauty ideal of the time.
Small penises symbolised dignity
and self control.
It does seem easier
to control a little one.
Right?
Did you know the first
cosmetic surgery,
appearing around the time
of the birth of Christ,
was to restore the foreskin
of circumcised men
who were competing in the Olympics.
What?
Cause Greeks had a strong aversion
to the exposed penis tip.
Yeah, well, I kind of do too.
No, so gross when it peeks out.
He's like a ninja.
Yeah, it's nice.
What do you mean, Gunnar?
That you get paid for just
- flouncing about.
- Gunnar, we don't flounc
You think you can laugh your way
through life.
But the fact is you will die one day
and after a few generations
you will be forgotten.
- Maybe I was a little
- Unlike this.
Why you work with art
is a mystery to me.
No respect.
Whether it's because you're young
or naive, I don't know.
Still, young.
It's like the nicest thing
Gunnar has said to me.
I really feel that I wish him
all harm.
- Yes but I have a soft spot for him.
- No.
He's got nothing in life
apart from work.
I don't either.
He's just an old cock.
But I would love to have his job.
And you've got other things in life.
You're going to Copenhagen.
- What are you doing there?
- Nothing special.
What, you don't want to tell me?
Oh, I've got a meeting
with Annelie now.
No!
Hello?
I'm sorry, Gunnar,
I didn't know you were still there.
I could have died.
Maybe not died
You probably did it on purpose!
What the hell
The craziest thing just happened.
I'm leaving work,
turn the lights out, locking up,
and I hear a loud bang.
Gunnar fell down the stairs.
So there is justice in this world?
How badly was he hurt?
I don't know,
he might be disabled.
But then you'll get his job,
that's exactly what you want.
No. Or, well, not like this anyway.
Not now.
But it's so
So sexy to be a boss.
- And maybe he wanted to be injured.
- No.
I mean, some people are like that,
they want a break.
No. Should we have some charcuterie?
As long as there's wine, I'm happy.
There is. Hi.
Hey there.
I'd like some mixed charcuterie
for four people.
Of course.
Crazy, that you're going to be the
boss of Sweden's biggest museum.
Why do you get to eat the cake
and have it too?
While the rest of us walk around
as sad versions of you?
I hope something really
shitty happens soon.
Yeah, or we'll both go to hell
for being happy someone got hurt.
Hell seems a bit violent.
Okay, God's blacklist then.
I know someone else
who's going on that list.
Nils! Are you kidding me?
You were supposed to play with them
before the baby sitter gets here.
So that we don't have to feel bad.
I put puzzles out and everything.
Easy to be a dad when you can
just put them in front of a screen.
I have to be the bad guy who
wants them to play with wood.
And use their brains!
One thousand and fifty, please.
A thousand and fifty
for some fucking charcuterie?
I'm sorry, a thousand?
Did Johan Rabaeus swing by the deli?
I could've just got some salami,
put some cress on it.
And it'd be great
if you sat down with your drink.
- Thank you.
- Did you already start on the wine?
- Hello!
- Hey.
Oh my goodness, it's happening!
Imagine, it's tomorrow,
then nothing will be the same.
I'm a little anxious about this.
- Oh, stop it.
- Everything is great the way it is.
You're my best friend,
this will affect my life too.
It's not a big deal.
Yes, things will change a lot.
You won't be able to be the boss.
Calm down.
Gunnar is a tough bastard.
Nothing will take him down.
Well, he went down the stairs,
that's a good start.
- Oh God, is this truffle?
- Yeah, but
It doesn't fit
into my five year plan.
Oh, come on
Just let life you take by storm.
Yeah,
that's working so well for you.
Now I have to think of how to turn
what you said into a compliment.
Because not even you can be
that cold.
I know you can't plan
for everything, I just
think you can nudge things
in the right direction.
You can't just hope for things
to happen, it doesn't work that way.
I can't listen to this anymore.
I want to go sit in another room.
I don't have many.
One more?
- Oh, shit!
- Oops.
- How's that Spanish class going?
- Mucho bueno.
- Why are you even doing it?
- Not great.
- Yes!
- Why are you doing it?
One, because Spanish is so sexy.
- Mhm.
- Bésame con violencia.
Two, and this is real,
because I need to keep my brain
active, I have to keep it young.
It was a choice between Spanish
and sudoku.
And I always cheat on sudokus.
Yeah, sudoku is so boring.
- Oh, God.
- What is it now?
I have pains.
No, this is for real, stop it.
Listen, I might have
20 years left to live.
- Oh, stop it.
- Or five.
- Stop it.
- You might.
I might.
Maybe I need to start counting down.
I don't understand how
I'm supposed to find love.
At gun point?
Oh for
My dear James,
it's so old fashioned,
the idea you need a partner.
- Here she goes again.
- No, I
- I'm just sayingWhat?
- No, nothing.
- I live in harmony.
- I'm fine.
How many couples do you know
with a harmonious relationships?
- You're fighting a war every day.
- Them!
Listen, not everything about having
a life partner is negative.
I mean, I've chosen to live alone.
- Like me and Josefine.
- Listen to them.
To be each others rock in the storm.
Oh, how poetic.
- But, yes.
- That's how I feel.
I believe in love.
- You are so sweet tonight.
- Wait, what's going on?
- What?
- Aren't you going to tell them?
- What?
- Okay, we don't need to do this now.
- You can tell your best friends.
- It's between you and me.
- Yes, it's a really good thing.
- What?
So, Josefine's listening
to a podcast where they say
the relationship is healthier
if you use
a low arousal approach.
Right, I don't really know
what that is, but
I've explained, it's that you speak
in soft voices to each other.
- Exactly.
- No, listen, it's really good.
Touch.
Isn't that what you do
with wild horses and rabid dogs?
- I told you.
- They're your friends.
Okay, listen,
we're forgetting why we're here.
Which is because you, Eva,
are going to be a mum.
- Maybe.
- Well, on Sunday,
your body will be filled
with unidentified Danish sperm.
- We all know what that's like.
- Right.
And we want to celebrate you.
This is
To your new life without freedom.
With a lot of musts
and nappy changes and vomit and
shit.
And lovely cuddles, baby cuddles.
And to never following the norm.
Josefine, cheers?
- Cheers?
- Cheers.
"Josefine, cheers?"
- Chin chin.
- Cheers.
I've actually also been filled
with unidentified Danish sperm.
And Norwegian and Finnish.
Honey
- It's time.
- Total blackout.
- No, I'm telling you.
- Absolutely nothing.
Oh God, now I
What?
No, I just can't believe you're
gonna be a mum tomorrow.
Yeah but
it might not even happen.
- Okay.
- What will be will be.
Quiet, this isn't about you now.
We have to process
that you will be a parent.
It's such a mindfuck.
Oops, Jesus.
It is, I'm trying to like
I'm trying to put my shoe on
but also just
I can't imagine you as a mum.
I can't.
No, thanks for the compliment.
What if its got colic?
- Oh stop it.
- Yes!
It's just a baby.
Just a baby?
Likea little piece of hell.
How do you even know
what donor to pick?
I just chose an anonymous one.
I don't know how you dare.
Anyone can look normal on paper.
I saw a picture of a serial killer.
He looked totally normal,
he was almost attractive.
- Who could've known?
- Exactly.
I'd want to know more
about the person.
I've read that trauma
can be inherited. For real.
It's like when I'm on Grindr
or Tinder,
why can't people just be
like what they seem?
Eva's going on sperm Tinder.
Okay, thanks for the pep talk
and thanks for tonight. Thanks.
- It'll be great.
- Yes, thanks.
Come on.
Bye.
It's crazy, she'll be filled with
sperm without fucking,
- it's the worst part.
- Cheers.
COPENHAGEN
KASTRUP INTERNATIONAL AIRPOR
1% OF THE DANISH POPULATION
HAVE A PSYCHOTIC STREAK
"MOST ARE MEN"
Oh for
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Hi, I'd like to check in.
- Hi.
- Yes, what's the name?
- Eva Arulf.
Yes.
And it's just for one person?
- Yes, just me.
- Yes.
But that's a choice I've made.
I want to be by myself.
It's a bit of a strange question.
Is the room smaller if you're alone?
It costs the same.
Maybe you get a worse rate
if you're alone?
I'm just so sick of defending myself
constantly.
We're living in 2023.
I'm sorry, could you say that
in English?
Yes, do you have WiFi code?
Yes I do.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
And this is the key
for your single room.
Enjoy.
Good.
Your eggs look really good,
we'll proceed with insemination.
- Great.
- Yeah.
And we have a fantastic sperm straw
here, ready to insert.
- Great.
- So, shall we get started?
Um, like
Can you guarantee
that the donor's psyche is stable?
I mean, their personality.
You chose to have
an anonymous donor, right?
So you've left it to the clinic
to choose.
I've changed my mind.
Yeah.
I thought it'd be good if you just
chose, but no, it's better to know.
Eva
it's a very big responsibility
to have a child by yourself, right?
You know that. It's not a decision
you make overnight.
Right?
Pia.
That's the responsibility
I'm taking now.
Yeah.
We'll look on the sperm bank's
site and look for express delivery.
- Yes, great.
- But it'll cost extra.
- I've got money.
- Okay.
It'll be earliest tomorrow.
I have time.
Okay. Good.
When choosing an open sperm donor,
there a certain criteria.
You know, ethnicity, history,
hair colour, eye colour, height.
Psychopath genes?
We can do a face match,
to find someone who looks like you.
You gotta be very happy
with your own looks for that.
Anyway, you may as well have a look.
I'll go on sperm Tinder.
Okay. Let's see.
- And you'll need to be quick.
- Right
Then
Well
Maybe you want to go have a coffee
or something, give me some privacy?
No, I can't.
you need to choose now if we're
gonna get the sperm tomorrow.
- Right.
- Yes.
That's a bit stressful
Then it'll be one of these two.
But you're choosing one, not two.
Or maybe?
No, I don't think you can.
Not in Denmark at least.
Okay, it'll beIt'll be Knud.
Yep, it'll be Knud.
Okay, great.
Nice name too.
It's important that you get
a good night's sleep.
- Get rest.
- Mm.
I'll order it for express delivery.
- Okay?
- Yes.
And Eva, just for the record
his name isn't really Knud.
No, right.
No, no, no, no
IMAGE SEARCH
MADS BERGSØE: THE DREAM FINALLY CAME
TRUE, MY OWN BAR
- Hey.
- Hi.
Can I get you a drink?
Yes, what would you recommend?
I can recommend our Agnes beer.
It's home-brewed and really great.
That sounds good.
- This one?
- Yes.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Do you have a boss?
Do I have a boss? Yes.
Is he here?
No, or like,
did I say something wrong?
No, not at all, I just wanted to
say it's a really nice place.
- Right.
- Fresh, you know.
But, your boss, what's he like?
Is he a good boss or one of those
psycho bosses you hear about?
- Personality issues or
- Excuse me!
I have to help over here.
I'll be back.
Oh, god
Hi.
No.
- Do you come here often?
- No, no, no.
No, you can go.
II'll go.
Sorry.
I'm going in here.
Changed your mind?
- What?
- Yeah, you left.
I'm not following your Danish.
- I'm saying
- Excuse me!
Hey.
Hey there,
I thought you were leaving.
What? No, I was sitting here.
- What was that?
- I was just sitting here.
You're Swedish?
- Yes.
- Cool.
- Try something for me.
- Oh.
Here you go, best beer in Denmark.
It's free but you need to tell me
what you think.
Mm.
- You like it?
- Perfect.
The Swedes like it.
I've got plans to sell it in Sweden.
Thanks for confirming
there's a market there.
Hey, I'm wondering
Excuse me, can I order another?
Um, yes.
- Good?
- Great.
Lovely.
So you own this bar?
Yes, did I say that?
What's that like?
Owning a bar in Denmark?
Yeah, it's cool, it's great. And
you, why are you in Denmark?
I hate talking about myself.
Okay.
Let's talk about you.
Okay, there's not much more to tell.
There's always more.
Okay, like what?
Taste in music? Political views?
Hidden family diseases? Trauma?
Are you always this happy or are you
a little depressed at times?
- Um, what did you say? Trauma?
- Yes.
- No, I'm not depressed.
- No?
Excuse me!
- Yeah, coming.
- No, wait.
I'll have another. One more.
You drink fast.
It is so good and I was so thirsty.
- That's great.
- And it's so nice talking to you.
But now there's no stress.
No.
Start from the beginning,
tell me everything.
- Tell you everything?
- Yes.
About myself? Okay
My name is Mads.
I was born in Birkerød.
I was born via c-section,
I liked it too much in the womb
It's so nice in Copenhagen.
I love Copenhagen.
Why don't everyone live here?
You can drink on the street.
In Sweden you can't even drink
at home without shame.
Hey, why are you following me home?
If you're a little bit psycho,
you tell me.
I'm great at keeping secrets,
even if you're a little bit psycho.
No, it's because you asked me
if I would.
Can't you say something
really sexy about Denmark?
In Denmark there are three times
as many pigs as people.
No, that gross, that's
Everything is so cute here.
It's pretty and everyone is nice.
You're so nice.
Thank you.
Wait, does that mean
there's like 12 million pigs
in Denmark?
Yeah, if not 15.
Oh, we're here.
I had heaps more things to ask you,
why did you have to talk about pigs?
Well, you can,
what do you want to ask?
- Your dad.
- Right, my dad.
Does he have thick hair?
Ummedium, I think.
Medium thick.
- Your mum.
- Yes?
Does she have hair?
She has hair.
What the hell,
let's have another round, come on.
A little one.
I have to go back and lock my bar.
We can see each other again
if you like.
No thanks.
Okay.
Are all Swedes like you, Eva?
I don't know
if I should sell you my beer.
No, it was really gross, spare us.
- Did you say it was gross?
- Yes.
- Well, I'm glad you're honest.
- I'm always honest.
Eva, what's your last name?
Lill-Babs.
- Your name is Eva Lill-Babs?
- Mm.
- Okay.
- Damn, I just had it
Eva Lilla-Babs
How can I help you?
Hi, I lost my card.
- What's the name?
- Eva Arulf.
Arulf?
Lill-Babs.
Yes, Eva Arulf, come in.
Lill-Babs you mean.
No, Arulf.
It's okay, maybe you didn't
understand Swedish.
Eva Lill-Babs.
Excuse me? What did you say?
Eva Arulf.
Can you just open?
Just open the door, please.
Can you just open the door?
Thanks.
- See you, Eva.
- No.
- We definitely won't.
- You never know, maybe.
No, because this never happened.
I don't exist.
Okay. Cool.
- Sleep well, Eva Arulf.
- No, no.
Oh no
Eva, are you hungover?
I didn't catch that.
Good.
If you take off your clothes,
we'll prepare for the insemination.
And now you're sure you've chosen
the right donor? No more surprises?
Pia, I am totally sure.
I don't need to see your naked body
more than necessary.
There's a curtain, please use it.
Yes
Are you ready for life
to never be the same?
Here comes Knud.
Here's an old classic.
Here's Barry White with
"It's Only Love Doing it's Thing".
TEN WEEKS LATER
Eva, are you here?
Hi, Annelie.
You and Fanny have handled Gunnar's
tasks at the museum so well.
Team work.
Of course.
Where do you see your future
here at the museum?
Well, of course I hope to be trusted
to make a difference at the museum.
Along with Fanny, of course.
Is this an employment interview?
I'm sorry, a boss can't bump into
their employees in the bathroom
and make small talk?
YesHow are you?
Yes, I'm okay.
Because if this had been an
interview, not just small talk,
I wouldn't be able to ask
how things are going with you.
Do you have a partner?
Still single
ready to mingle.
Good, now I know.
How would you,
purely hypothetically,
feel about me proposing you as
the new superintendent to the board?
Oh, that's great.
- Do I have to answer you now?
- No, no.
This is just small talk.
But I need an answer
within two weeks.
Purely hypothetically.
- What?
- If I had asked.
You didn't ask.
Hypothetically.
Well, and finally I'd like to,
on behalf of the entire museum,
thank you, Gunnar,
for the past 25 years.
I think we give Gunnar
a big round of applause.
Gunnar!
Right, you can start on the cake,
go on.
This is like
the best day of my life.
Hey, I've got good and bad news.
I'm pregnant.
Sixteen weeks.
So what's the good news?
I'm joking.
That's amazing. Why is that bad?
That's great.
But I won't get Gunnar's job.
Why not?
It's obvious.
They'll choose you.
Single, no prospects of children.
No offence.
But four months pregnant
But
it doesn't have to be that way.
It's a good thing.
This way we don't have to be rivals.
I already told Annelie.
It feels like I'm going
to a dress up party, I hate those.
But can't you just use something
nice you've got at home?
Do you have to like
- look like a cake?
- It's gotten out of hand.
The other night had to stop Nils
from buying freaking gold chairs.
He would be perfect with like,
Carola.
Yeah, well,
you would save on the live music.
Hey, let it go.
How close are you really?
We're close colleagues, I could have
told her I'm pregnant too.
You're so scared of conflict.
Forget others, think about you.
- That's thoughtful
- Yeah, well
Can't you pretend you didn't know
you were pregnant?
Oops, I fell on an insemination
syringe in Copenhagen.
It happens.
- What about this one?
- Cute.
- It's not bad.
- No.
Twenty thousand.
I'm almost personally offended,
who the hell pays freaking
twenty thousand for a fucking
Good choice.
- Thanks.
- Is it within your budget?
Yes.
- I'll take it to the changing room.
- Yeah, thanks.
Nice of you.
Help me.
Ah, the wedding grinch.
No shoes in here.
Oh, sorry.
Has it been difficult?
Pretending you like weddings.
I hate weddings.
Do you know why
women got married in the past?
- Um, no, I don't.
- The only way to make a living.
There's always been prostitution,
right?
Can we talk about independence?
Praise it?
Women without men and so on.
Love is like
Shh, quiet.
Please, I have to believe in love.
I believe love
is the meaning of life.
Shut up.
Shut up. Without love, we die.
It's capitalising on women.
It's what happens.
Yeah, on men too,
we're the ones who pay. Come on.
There's someone for everyone.
For you, for me.
Oh, champagne.
It's real stuff.
You're can have a glass of wine
when you're pregnant, in Denmark.
Good thing you got a Dane then.
What do you think he's like?
The Danish wanker.
How are you?
Why don't you want to talk about it?
We can sit here and fantasise.
Create a dream sperm person.
Maybe you got that kind of
French-Danish viking sperm.
Stop it.
Do you regret
getting it anonymously?
No. I don't want to know
anything about anything ever.
- Let's talk about something else.
- So Russian sperm roulette?
How are things with David?
- That was a long time ago.
- No.
- Yes.
- It was two weeks ago.
You mean Sven. Sven is
Woo-hoo.
Okay.
This is humiliating.
No, you look lovely.
Yes, you do, you're marrying
the man of your dreams.
You know what I felt this morning,
looking at the man of my dreams,
standing in underwear
that's lost all it's elastic
so they hung like a fucking skirt,
wearing a sleep apnea mask
and cotton gloves
because he's got
eczema, which isn't his fault
that he's got, but he does.
I felt
- Nothing.
- Look what you did.
- I didn't do anything.
- Totally
empty.
Stop it, you're getting married,
just
see it as a win that you know
nothing about the dad.
You can only be disappointed.
- I just miss having sex
- You can still have sex.
I'll have no unknown penises
poking my baby. No thanks.
Oh, unknown penis
- Oh
- Take someone home tonight.
Tell me so I can fantasise
when I'm sleeping with Nils.
- You're so gross.
- Jesus.
- What's happening?
- I think was touched.
I'm the opposite of touched,
what am I doing?
- Why am I getting married?
- Come here.
It shouldn't feel like this,
should it?
You're supposed to feel excited and
happy when you're getting married.
Not like some sad Barbie.
Come on, stop it,
this is going to be amazing.
It'll be so good, stop it.
- You're more beautiful than ever.
- I totally agree.
I'm starting to get pubes
on my thighs.
- Goodbye sweetie.
- You're so pretty.
- Bye.
- Take care.
Bye.
And hey! Go fuck someone.
Get cum all over your face!
- Do you want to know my name?
- No, that's okay.
Jesper.
You're so beautiful.
Look at me.
Let's do this instead.
Not there.
No, sorry.
IThis isn't working.
I can't, I'm sorry.
Why not?
I'm pregnant.
II didn't even put it in.
Just the tip, at most.
This
It's like the first thing
you ever played with.
When you wanted to play with Mum,
"Here it comes, Mum."
I was only joking,
it's for the baby to play with.
Mum, I think I'll buy
some more organic toys.
All of this is toxic.
You're not meant to eat it,
it's not food.
I can barely believe
we're going to have a little child.
Yeah, butit can stay
at your place for a while longer.
I have heaps of boxes at home,
you can have at least one here.
No, I feel crowded.
Now that you mention it, I'm not
sure how you'll fit anything.
We should look at some wardrobes.
- Did the doorbell ring?
- Mm.
Are you expecting a visitor?
No.
Surprise.
Mads.
What are you doing here?
I'm in Stockholm with my beer,
you know.
AndI thought of you.
I thought it might be fun to
Maybe it was stupid, or
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
Yes, it was really stupid.
You'll have to leave.
Shit.
Who was that?
Mum
If I tell you this you have to
promise to never tell anyone.
Okay.
That was the sperm donor.
Was that him?
And you could choose anyone?
- Mum!
- I'm sorry.
But what is he doing here?
I tracked him down in Copenhagen,
you're really not supposed to.
It was so stupid,
I regret it so much,
I don't know what came over me,
I thought I'd never see him again.
Does he know he's the father?
No, of course he doesn't.
I just wanted to know
if he was a psycho.
- And was he?
- I don't know, I got too drunk.
Run after him, this is your chance
to find out everything.
No, you can't do that,
it's wrong, it's deeply immoral
Eva, Eva
This isn't about you anymore,
this is about my grandchild.
You run after him right now
and find out if he's a psychopath.
You never have to see him again.
It cannot possibly be wrong.
So run!
Mads.
plint.com
Eva
This is Eva
Ovulation
Always completely perfect
She's ovulation tested
Eva
Everything will work out
Everything will work out
Everything will work out
Everything will work out
Everything will work out terribly
- It's so nice here.
- Thank you.
Makes me feel at home.
I'd love to come here more often.
Mum, please.
What?
No, II just meant that I have
time since I'm retired and
- No, you didn't, you're accusing me.
- No.
- Yes.
- No.
No, listen, I read something clever,
"The worst part of retirement is
you can't take a vacation from it."
- That's pretty good.
- Mum, can't you just ask how I am?
Yes, of course.
Sweetheart, how are you?
I'm good, thanks.
I'm having a baby.
No, Mum,
don't be dramatic now, please.
It's just what it is.
Did you finally find someone?
That's so great.
Who is he, the father?
I don't know.
Right.
It's a sperm donor.
Right, is that the politically
correct term for dads these days?
No, like
it's a man who donated sperm.
I'm going to Copenhagen
to be inseminated.
Mum
Don't overreact now, please,
or I'll stop telling you things.
Can you just be reasonably happy,
okay?
Right, okay,
so it'll be a Danish dad then?
- Donor.
- Right, donor.
- A Danish donor
- Yes, probably.
I've always dreamt
of being a grandma.
Not like this exactly, but
- Mum.
- I'm sorry.
Hey, I'm sorry, Eva.
It's amazing.
And you know I support you
in everything.
Thank you, Mum.
Mum, I am actually a little nervous,
it feels really good
that you're here for me.
Are you really going to wear these
underpants when you get pregnant?
I'm not having intercourse,
you get that right?
Yes, but still,
you could make a little effort
What the hell? Do you think they'll
light candles and play Barry White?
Well, Barry White would add
to the mood, right?
Reception said you took some
spontaneous time off this weekend.
Did someone die?
You haven't voluntarily taken
time off for like five years.
I'm going to Copenhagen.
You're going to Copenhagen?
I love Copenhagen.
And who are you going with?
Do you know why the statues of
antiquity have such small penises?
No
It was the beauty ideal of the time.
Small penises symbolised dignity
and self control.
It does seem easier
to control a little one.
Right?
Did you know the first
cosmetic surgery,
appearing around the time
of the birth of Christ,
was to restore the foreskin
of circumcised men
who were competing in the Olympics.
What?
Cause Greeks had a strong aversion
to the exposed penis tip.
Yeah, well, I kind of do too.
No, so gross when it peeks out.
He's like a ninja.
Yeah, it's nice.
What do you mean, Gunnar?
That you get paid for just
- flouncing about.
- Gunnar, we don't flounc
You think you can laugh your way
through life.
But the fact is you will die one day
and after a few generations
you will be forgotten.
- Maybe I was a little
- Unlike this.
Why you work with art
is a mystery to me.
No respect.
Whether it's because you're young
or naive, I don't know.
Still, young.
It's like the nicest thing
Gunnar has said to me.
I really feel that I wish him
all harm.
- Yes but I have a soft spot for him.
- No.
He's got nothing in life
apart from work.
I don't either.
He's just an old cock.
But I would love to have his job.
And you've got other things in life.
You're going to Copenhagen.
- What are you doing there?
- Nothing special.
What, you don't want to tell me?
Oh, I've got a meeting
with Annelie now.
No!
Hello?
I'm sorry, Gunnar,
I didn't know you were still there.
I could have died.
Maybe not died
You probably did it on purpose!
What the hell
The craziest thing just happened.
I'm leaving work,
turn the lights out, locking up,
and I hear a loud bang.
Gunnar fell down the stairs.
So there is justice in this world?
How badly was he hurt?
I don't know,
he might be disabled.
But then you'll get his job,
that's exactly what you want.
No. Or, well, not like this anyway.
Not now.
But it's so
So sexy to be a boss.
- And maybe he wanted to be injured.
- No.
I mean, some people are like that,
they want a break.
No. Should we have some charcuterie?
As long as there's wine, I'm happy.
There is. Hi.
Hey there.
I'd like some mixed charcuterie
for four people.
Of course.
Crazy, that you're going to be the
boss of Sweden's biggest museum.
Why do you get to eat the cake
and have it too?
While the rest of us walk around
as sad versions of you?
I hope something really
shitty happens soon.
Yeah, or we'll both go to hell
for being happy someone got hurt.
Hell seems a bit violent.
Okay, God's blacklist then.
I know someone else
who's going on that list.
Nils! Are you kidding me?
You were supposed to play with them
before the baby sitter gets here.
So that we don't have to feel bad.
I put puzzles out and everything.
Easy to be a dad when you can
just put them in front of a screen.
I have to be the bad guy who
wants them to play with wood.
And use their brains!
One thousand and fifty, please.
A thousand and fifty
for some fucking charcuterie?
I'm sorry, a thousand?
Did Johan Rabaeus swing by the deli?
I could've just got some salami,
put some cress on it.
And it'd be great
if you sat down with your drink.
- Thank you.
- Did you already start on the wine?
- Hello!
- Hey.
Oh my goodness, it's happening!
Imagine, it's tomorrow,
then nothing will be the same.
I'm a little anxious about this.
- Oh, stop it.
- Everything is great the way it is.
You're my best friend,
this will affect my life too.
It's not a big deal.
Yes, things will change a lot.
You won't be able to be the boss.
Calm down.
Gunnar is a tough bastard.
Nothing will take him down.
Well, he went down the stairs,
that's a good start.
- Oh God, is this truffle?
- Yeah, but
It doesn't fit
into my five year plan.
Oh, come on
Just let life you take by storm.
Yeah,
that's working so well for you.
Now I have to think of how to turn
what you said into a compliment.
Because not even you can be
that cold.
I know you can't plan
for everything, I just
think you can nudge things
in the right direction.
You can't just hope for things
to happen, it doesn't work that way.
I can't listen to this anymore.
I want to go sit in another room.
I don't have many.
One more?
- Oh, shit!
- Oops.
- How's that Spanish class going?
- Mucho bueno.
- Why are you even doing it?
- Not great.
- Yes!
- Why are you doing it?
One, because Spanish is so sexy.
- Mhm.
- Bésame con violencia.
Two, and this is real,
because I need to keep my brain
active, I have to keep it young.
It was a choice between Spanish
and sudoku.
And I always cheat on sudokus.
Yeah, sudoku is so boring.
- Oh, God.
- What is it now?
I have pains.
No, this is for real, stop it.
Listen, I might have
20 years left to live.
- Oh, stop it.
- Or five.
- Stop it.
- You might.
I might.
Maybe I need to start counting down.
I don't understand how
I'm supposed to find love.
At gun point?
Oh for
My dear James,
it's so old fashioned,
the idea you need a partner.
- Here she goes again.
- No, I
- I'm just sayingWhat?
- No, nothing.
- I live in harmony.
- I'm fine.
How many couples do you know
with a harmonious relationships?
- You're fighting a war every day.
- Them!
Listen, not everything about having
a life partner is negative.
I mean, I've chosen to live alone.
- Like me and Josefine.
- Listen to them.
To be each others rock in the storm.
Oh, how poetic.
- But, yes.
- That's how I feel.
I believe in love.
- You are so sweet tonight.
- Wait, what's going on?
- What?
- Aren't you going to tell them?
- What?
- Okay, we don't need to do this now.
- You can tell your best friends.
- It's between you and me.
- Yes, it's a really good thing.
- What?
So, Josefine's listening
to a podcast where they say
the relationship is healthier
if you use
a low arousal approach.
Right, I don't really know
what that is, but
I've explained, it's that you speak
in soft voices to each other.
- Exactly.
- No, listen, it's really good.
Touch.
Isn't that what you do
with wild horses and rabid dogs?
- I told you.
- They're your friends.
Okay, listen,
we're forgetting why we're here.
Which is because you, Eva,
are going to be a mum.
- Maybe.
- Well, on Sunday,
your body will be filled
with unidentified Danish sperm.
- We all know what that's like.
- Right.
And we want to celebrate you.
This is
To your new life without freedom.
With a lot of musts
and nappy changes and vomit and
shit.
And lovely cuddles, baby cuddles.
And to never following the norm.
Josefine, cheers?
- Cheers?
- Cheers.
"Josefine, cheers?"
- Chin chin.
- Cheers.
I've actually also been filled
with unidentified Danish sperm.
And Norwegian and Finnish.
Honey
- It's time.
- Total blackout.
- No, I'm telling you.
- Absolutely nothing.
Oh God, now I
What?
No, I just can't believe you're
gonna be a mum tomorrow.
Yeah but
it might not even happen.
- Okay.
- What will be will be.
Quiet, this isn't about you now.
We have to process
that you will be a parent.
It's such a mindfuck.
Oops, Jesus.
It is, I'm trying to like
I'm trying to put my shoe on
but also just
I can't imagine you as a mum.
I can't.
No, thanks for the compliment.
What if its got colic?
- Oh stop it.
- Yes!
It's just a baby.
Just a baby?
Likea little piece of hell.
How do you even know
what donor to pick?
I just chose an anonymous one.
I don't know how you dare.
Anyone can look normal on paper.
I saw a picture of a serial killer.
He looked totally normal,
he was almost attractive.
- Who could've known?
- Exactly.
I'd want to know more
about the person.
I've read that trauma
can be inherited. For real.
It's like when I'm on Grindr
or Tinder,
why can't people just be
like what they seem?
Eva's going on sperm Tinder.
Okay, thanks for the pep talk
and thanks for tonight. Thanks.
- It'll be great.
- Yes, thanks.
Come on.
Bye.
It's crazy, she'll be filled with
sperm without fucking,
- it's the worst part.
- Cheers.
COPENHAGEN
KASTRUP INTERNATIONAL AIRPOR
1% OF THE DANISH POPULATION
HAVE A PSYCHOTIC STREAK
"MOST ARE MEN"
Oh for
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
- Hi, I'd like to check in.
- Hi.
- Yes, what's the name?
- Eva Arulf.
Yes.
And it's just for one person?
- Yes, just me.
- Yes.
But that's a choice I've made.
I want to be by myself.
It's a bit of a strange question.
Is the room smaller if you're alone?
It costs the same.
Maybe you get a worse rate
if you're alone?
I'm just so sick of defending myself
constantly.
We're living in 2023.
I'm sorry, could you say that
in English?
Yes, do you have WiFi code?
Yes I do.
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
And this is the key
for your single room.
Enjoy.
Good.
Your eggs look really good,
we'll proceed with insemination.
- Great.
- Yeah.
And we have a fantastic sperm straw
here, ready to insert.
- Great.
- So, shall we get started?
Um, like
Can you guarantee
that the donor's psyche is stable?
I mean, their personality.
You chose to have
an anonymous donor, right?
So you've left it to the clinic
to choose.
I've changed my mind.
Yeah.
I thought it'd be good if you just
chose, but no, it's better to know.
Eva
it's a very big responsibility
to have a child by yourself, right?
You know that. It's not a decision
you make overnight.
Right?
Pia.
That's the responsibility
I'm taking now.
Yeah.
We'll look on the sperm bank's
site and look for express delivery.
- Yes, great.
- But it'll cost extra.
- I've got money.
- Okay.
It'll be earliest tomorrow.
I have time.
Okay. Good.
When choosing an open sperm donor,
there a certain criteria.
You know, ethnicity, history,
hair colour, eye colour, height.
Psychopath genes?
We can do a face match,
to find someone who looks like you.
You gotta be very happy
with your own looks for that.
Anyway, you may as well have a look.
I'll go on sperm Tinder.
Okay. Let's see.
- And you'll need to be quick.
- Right
Then
Well
Maybe you want to go have a coffee
or something, give me some privacy?
No, I can't.
you need to choose now if we're
gonna get the sperm tomorrow.
- Right.
- Yes.
That's a bit stressful
Then it'll be one of these two.
But you're choosing one, not two.
Or maybe?
No, I don't think you can.
Not in Denmark at least.
Okay, it'll beIt'll be Knud.
Yep, it'll be Knud.
Okay, great.
Nice name too.
It's important that you get
a good night's sleep.
- Get rest.
- Mm.
I'll order it for express delivery.
- Okay?
- Yes.
And Eva, just for the record
his name isn't really Knud.
No, right.
No, no, no, no
IMAGE SEARCH
MADS BERGSØE: THE DREAM FINALLY CAME
TRUE, MY OWN BAR
- Hey.
- Hi.
Can I get you a drink?
Yes, what would you recommend?
I can recommend our Agnes beer.
It's home-brewed and really great.
That sounds good.
- This one?
- Yes.
- Here you go.
- Thanks.
Do you have a boss?
Do I have a boss? Yes.
Is he here?
No, or like,
did I say something wrong?
No, not at all, I just wanted to
say it's a really nice place.
- Right.
- Fresh, you know.
But, your boss, what's he like?
Is he a good boss or one of those
psycho bosses you hear about?
- Personality issues or
- Excuse me!
I have to help over here.
I'll be back.
Oh, god
Hi.
No.
- Do you come here often?
- No, no, no.
No, you can go.
II'll go.
Sorry.
I'm going in here.
Changed your mind?
- What?
- Yeah, you left.
I'm not following your Danish.
- I'm saying
- Excuse me!
Hey.
Hey there,
I thought you were leaving.
What? No, I was sitting here.
- What was that?
- I was just sitting here.
You're Swedish?
- Yes.
- Cool.
- Try something for me.
- Oh.
Here you go, best beer in Denmark.
It's free but you need to tell me
what you think.
Mm.
- You like it?
- Perfect.
The Swedes like it.
I've got plans to sell it in Sweden.
Thanks for confirming
there's a market there.
Hey, I'm wondering
Excuse me, can I order another?
Um, yes.
- Good?
- Great.
Lovely.
So you own this bar?
Yes, did I say that?
What's that like?
Owning a bar in Denmark?
Yeah, it's cool, it's great. And
you, why are you in Denmark?
I hate talking about myself.
Okay.
Let's talk about you.
Okay, there's not much more to tell.
There's always more.
Okay, like what?
Taste in music? Political views?
Hidden family diseases? Trauma?
Are you always this happy or are you
a little depressed at times?
- Um, what did you say? Trauma?
- Yes.
- No, I'm not depressed.
- No?
Excuse me!
- Yeah, coming.
- No, wait.
I'll have another. One more.
You drink fast.
It is so good and I was so thirsty.
- That's great.
- And it's so nice talking to you.
But now there's no stress.
No.
Start from the beginning,
tell me everything.
- Tell you everything?
- Yes.
About myself? Okay
My name is Mads.
I was born in Birkerød.
I was born via c-section,
I liked it too much in the womb
It's so nice in Copenhagen.
I love Copenhagen.
Why don't everyone live here?
You can drink on the street.
In Sweden you can't even drink
at home without shame.
Hey, why are you following me home?
If you're a little bit psycho,
you tell me.
I'm great at keeping secrets,
even if you're a little bit psycho.
No, it's because you asked me
if I would.
Can't you say something
really sexy about Denmark?
In Denmark there are three times
as many pigs as people.
No, that gross, that's
Everything is so cute here.
It's pretty and everyone is nice.
You're so nice.
Thank you.
Wait, does that mean
there's like 12 million pigs
in Denmark?
Yeah, if not 15.
Oh, we're here.
I had heaps more things to ask you,
why did you have to talk about pigs?
Well, you can,
what do you want to ask?
- Your dad.
- Right, my dad.
Does he have thick hair?
Ummedium, I think.
Medium thick.
- Your mum.
- Yes?
Does she have hair?
She has hair.
What the hell,
let's have another round, come on.
A little one.
I have to go back and lock my bar.
We can see each other again
if you like.
No thanks.
Okay.
Are all Swedes like you, Eva?
I don't know
if I should sell you my beer.
No, it was really gross, spare us.
- Did you say it was gross?
- Yes.
- Well, I'm glad you're honest.
- I'm always honest.
Eva, what's your last name?
Lill-Babs.
- Your name is Eva Lill-Babs?
- Mm.
- Okay.
- Damn, I just had it
Eva Lilla-Babs
How can I help you?
Hi, I lost my card.
- What's the name?
- Eva Arulf.
Arulf?
Lill-Babs.
Yes, Eva Arulf, come in.
Lill-Babs you mean.
No, Arulf.
It's okay, maybe you didn't
understand Swedish.
Eva Lill-Babs.
Excuse me? What did you say?
Eva Arulf.
Can you just open?
Just open the door, please.
Can you just open the door?
Thanks.
- See you, Eva.
- No.
- We definitely won't.
- You never know, maybe.
No, because this never happened.
I don't exist.
Okay. Cool.
- Sleep well, Eva Arulf.
- No, no.
Oh no
Eva, are you hungover?
I didn't catch that.
Good.
If you take off your clothes,
we'll prepare for the insemination.
And now you're sure you've chosen
the right donor? No more surprises?
Pia, I am totally sure.
I don't need to see your naked body
more than necessary.
There's a curtain, please use it.
Yes
Are you ready for life
to never be the same?
Here comes Knud.
Here's an old classic.
Here's Barry White with
"It's Only Love Doing it's Thing".
TEN WEEKS LATER
Eva, are you here?
Hi, Annelie.
You and Fanny have handled Gunnar's
tasks at the museum so well.
Team work.
Of course.
Where do you see your future
here at the museum?
Well, of course I hope to be trusted
to make a difference at the museum.
Along with Fanny, of course.
Is this an employment interview?
I'm sorry, a boss can't bump into
their employees in the bathroom
and make small talk?
YesHow are you?
Yes, I'm okay.
Because if this had been an
interview, not just small talk,
I wouldn't be able to ask
how things are going with you.
Do you have a partner?
Still single
ready to mingle.
Good, now I know.
How would you,
purely hypothetically,
feel about me proposing you as
the new superintendent to the board?
Oh, that's great.
- Do I have to answer you now?
- No, no.
This is just small talk.
But I need an answer
within two weeks.
Purely hypothetically.
- What?
- If I had asked.
You didn't ask.
Hypothetically.
Well, and finally I'd like to,
on behalf of the entire museum,
thank you, Gunnar,
for the past 25 years.
I think we give Gunnar
a big round of applause.
Gunnar!
Right, you can start on the cake,
go on.
This is like
the best day of my life.
Hey, I've got good and bad news.
I'm pregnant.
Sixteen weeks.
So what's the good news?
I'm joking.
That's amazing. Why is that bad?
That's great.
But I won't get Gunnar's job.
Why not?
It's obvious.
They'll choose you.
Single, no prospects of children.
No offence.
But four months pregnant
But
it doesn't have to be that way.
It's a good thing.
This way we don't have to be rivals.
I already told Annelie.
It feels like I'm going
to a dress up party, I hate those.
But can't you just use something
nice you've got at home?
Do you have to like
- look like a cake?
- It's gotten out of hand.
The other night had to stop Nils
from buying freaking gold chairs.
He would be perfect with like,
Carola.
Yeah, well,
you would save on the live music.
Hey, let it go.
How close are you really?
We're close colleagues, I could have
told her I'm pregnant too.
You're so scared of conflict.
Forget others, think about you.
- That's thoughtful
- Yeah, well
Can't you pretend you didn't know
you were pregnant?
Oops, I fell on an insemination
syringe in Copenhagen.
It happens.
- What about this one?
- Cute.
- It's not bad.
- No.
Twenty thousand.
I'm almost personally offended,
who the hell pays freaking
twenty thousand for a fucking
Good choice.
- Thanks.
- Is it within your budget?
Yes.
- I'll take it to the changing room.
- Yeah, thanks.
Nice of you.
Help me.
Ah, the wedding grinch.
No shoes in here.
Oh, sorry.
Has it been difficult?
Pretending you like weddings.
I hate weddings.
Do you know why
women got married in the past?
- Um, no, I don't.
- The only way to make a living.
There's always been prostitution,
right?
Can we talk about independence?
Praise it?
Women without men and so on.
Love is like
Shh, quiet.
Please, I have to believe in love.
I believe love
is the meaning of life.
Shut up.
Shut up. Without love, we die.
It's capitalising on women.
It's what happens.
Yeah, on men too,
we're the ones who pay. Come on.
There's someone for everyone.
For you, for me.
Oh, champagne.
It's real stuff.
You're can have a glass of wine
when you're pregnant, in Denmark.
Good thing you got a Dane then.
What do you think he's like?
The Danish wanker.
How are you?
Why don't you want to talk about it?
We can sit here and fantasise.
Create a dream sperm person.
Maybe you got that kind of
French-Danish viking sperm.
Stop it.
Do you regret
getting it anonymously?
No. I don't want to know
anything about anything ever.
- Let's talk about something else.
- So Russian sperm roulette?
How are things with David?
- That was a long time ago.
- No.
- Yes.
- It was two weeks ago.
You mean Sven. Sven is
Woo-hoo.
Okay.
This is humiliating.
No, you look lovely.
Yes, you do, you're marrying
the man of your dreams.
You know what I felt this morning,
looking at the man of my dreams,
standing in underwear
that's lost all it's elastic
so they hung like a fucking skirt,
wearing a sleep apnea mask
and cotton gloves
because he's got
eczema, which isn't his fault
that he's got, but he does.
I felt
- Nothing.
- Look what you did.
- I didn't do anything.
- Totally
empty.
Stop it, you're getting married,
just
see it as a win that you know
nothing about the dad.
You can only be disappointed.
- I just miss having sex
- You can still have sex.
I'll have no unknown penises
poking my baby. No thanks.
Oh, unknown penis
- Oh
- Take someone home tonight.
Tell me so I can fantasise
when I'm sleeping with Nils.
- You're so gross.
- Jesus.
- What's happening?
- I think was touched.
I'm the opposite of touched,
what am I doing?
- Why am I getting married?
- Come here.
It shouldn't feel like this,
should it?
You're supposed to feel excited and
happy when you're getting married.
Not like some sad Barbie.
Come on, stop it,
this is going to be amazing.
It'll be so good, stop it.
- You're more beautiful than ever.
- I totally agree.
I'm starting to get pubes
on my thighs.
- Goodbye sweetie.
- You're so pretty.
- Bye.
- Take care.
Bye.
And hey! Go fuck someone.
Get cum all over your face!
- Do you want to know my name?
- No, that's okay.
Jesper.
You're so beautiful.
Look at me.
Let's do this instead.
Not there.
No, sorry.
IThis isn't working.
I can't, I'm sorry.
Why not?
I'm pregnant.
II didn't even put it in.
Just the tip, at most.
This
It's like the first thing
you ever played with.
When you wanted to play with Mum,
"Here it comes, Mum."
I was only joking,
it's for the baby to play with.
Mum, I think I'll buy
some more organic toys.
All of this is toxic.
You're not meant to eat it,
it's not food.
I can barely believe
we're going to have a little child.
Yeah, butit can stay
at your place for a while longer.
I have heaps of boxes at home,
you can have at least one here.
No, I feel crowded.
Now that you mention it, I'm not
sure how you'll fit anything.
We should look at some wardrobes.
- Did the doorbell ring?
- Mm.
Are you expecting a visitor?
No.
Surprise.
Mads.
What are you doing here?
I'm in Stockholm with my beer,
you know.
AndI thought of you.
I thought it might be fun to
Maybe it was stupid, or
- Hi.
- Oh, hi.
Yes, it was really stupid.
You'll have to leave.
Shit.
Who was that?
Mum
If I tell you this you have to
promise to never tell anyone.
Okay.
That was the sperm donor.
Was that him?
And you could choose anyone?
- Mum!
- I'm sorry.
But what is he doing here?
I tracked him down in Copenhagen,
you're really not supposed to.
It was so stupid,
I regret it so much,
I don't know what came over me,
I thought I'd never see him again.
Does he know he's the father?
No, of course he doesn't.
I just wanted to know
if he was a psycho.
- And was he?
- I don't know, I got too drunk.
Run after him, this is your chance
to find out everything.
No, you can't do that,
it's wrong, it's deeply immoral
Eva, Eva
This isn't about you anymore,
this is about my grandchild.
You run after him right now
and find out if he's a psychopath.
You never have to see him again.
It cannot possibly be wrong.
So run!
Mads.
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