All Hail King Julien: Exiled (2017) s01e01 Episode Script

1 - [MORT CHUCKLES.]
- [GROWLS.]
- [MORT.]
I'm okay! - [LAUGHS.]
Party Hold on to your booties, kids.
I got something new for you.
There was a king named Julien! Whose Kingdom all did hail Until he lost his crown And his peeps were put in jail By an evil dude named Koto Causing Julien and Maurice to flee Clover's hiding out with Sage And Mort sacrificed his freedom On the way Now Julien's lost at sea [MORT.]
Hey, King Julien, they took your "king" away! [JULIEN.]
Quiet, Mort.
Chapter one.
[BEEPING.]
[JULIEN CRYING.]
King Julien? [CONTINUES CRYING.]
King Julien? King Ju King Julien, I say this as a friend and a guy who has admired you for many years.
Get it together, you big baby! For real! "Together," Maurice? "Together"? Look at me.
I'm a crown-less, no kingdom-having, un-royal loser! - I am naked without that crown! - Oh, wow.
Yeah, you are.
Didn't even notice till just now.
- Not helping, Pancho! - It's all my fault.
[SOBBING.]
I let Koto in! It's my fault he took over the kingdom.
Oh, yeah, actually you did.
[CHUCKLES.]
I'm having all sorts of epiphanies right now.
Pancho! Shut it! It's not all your fault, your Majesty.
Koto tricked you.
I know.
Into doing something unselfish and helping a lemur in need.
Well, believe me, that's the last time that's gonna happen! [GROANS.]
That's the spirit, Julio! I say we wipe Madagascar off the planet.
Mushroom cloud the whole place.
Hoo-ah! We aren't bombing the kingdom! All our friends are still there.
Hey, don't shoot the messenger.
- Just blue-skyin' here.
- Eh, we'll come up with a plan.
We'll find a way to get the kingdom back.
You have to stay strong.
[CRYING.]
What's the point? We're lost in the ocean, we don't have any food.
And I don't deserve to be a king.
If you're dropping out, can I be your replacement? - [GASPS, GROWLS.]
- I can take or leave the responsibility, but I've always wanted to wield the scepter.
Sorry, Pancho.
My kingdom already has a new king.
[WHIMPERING.]
[DRUMS BEATING.]
- [BOTH GRUNTING.]
- [CLANGING.]
Today, we usher in a new era.
No longer will you have to fear the Foosa.
We will teach the Foosa to fear us.
We will make Madagascar great again! This glorious statue will serve as a warning to any who would attack us.
Now, allow me to make one thing clear.
Not one of you is a slave or a prisoner of war.
[ALL SIGHING IN RELIEF, LAUGHING.]
- You are all unpaid interns.
- Is that for college credit? And of course, any who try to escape, will be killed.
- [ALL SCREAMING IN PANIC.]
- [FARTS.]
Now back to work! And ask yourselves, "Do you have a sense of urgency?" You heard the king.
Keep it moving, interns! Aw, man, I really wish I had gotten placed in the mailroom.
Do not worry, everyone.
My King Julien will save us.
- [GRUNTS.]
- Are you really that much of an idiot? Probably.
The party-boy king abandoned us - to save his own butt.
- [GRUNTING.]
There's no getting out of here.
We're stuck.
Surely someone will save us, right? [SQUAWKING.]
On it! - [GRUNTING.]
- [GROANS.]
- [CONTINUES GRUNTING.]
- [MOUNTAIN LEMURS GROANING.]
And so then, and then I'm, then I'm there and I'm, like, I'm, like [FIGHTING GRUNTS.]
And then they're, like [FIGHTING GRUNTS.]
And they're like, "Oh, no! Her skills, they're just too powerful!" "We better give the kingdom back to King Julien.
" How does that sound? [CHANTING.]
Sage? Sage? Sage? [SHOUTS.]
Sage! Whee! - [CLOVER.]
Sage! Sage! - Marry me, so I may give birth to our pupae.
Sage? You need to snap out of it, Sage! Don't you wanna race giant butterflies first? - Mine is named Brendan.
- No! - No, I do not want to race giant - Yah, Brendan! Yah! - Sage! - [SAGE CHUCKLING.]
- Huh? - [GRUNTING, SCREAMING.]
- 'Sup? - Koto nearly killed me when I fought him alone.
I need your help to defeat him.
Defeat Koto? You may as well try to defeat the ocean or the passage of time or chronic bad breath.
You're wrong.
We can take back our kingdom.
We can't.
And it's all my fault.
Koto conquered the kingdom because of me.
Huh? I helped him.
[GASPS.]
I know you're a little down in the dumps, but I think you're gonna like what we have to show you.
Oh, yeah? Is it a time machine, so I can go back and kill Koto - when he was a baby? - Even better! Well, not even better.
I mean, come on, a time machine? [CHUCKLES.]
We could do some serious damage with one of those.
- Here comes the pain! - We found food, Your Majesty! And all sorts of supplies! Enough to buy us some time while we figure out our next move.
FYI, bombing the kingdom back to the Stone Age is still on the table.
What kind of food are we talking? Deli tray? Sizzling fajitas? Crab cake sliders? It's actually just white cans with the word "food" on them.
Bring on those mini-quiches, baby! [CHUCKLES.]
- [GASPS.]
- [CLANGING.]
What happened? This place was fully stocked an hour ago! Don't look at me.
You and I were the only ones - who knew about it.
- Oh, so you think I did it? Oh, sure, there's a crime, so you automatically blame the criminal! You're profiling me here! - Maurice! - Hmm? I expected better from you, buddy.
Stealing food? Profiling? [HISSES.]
Hoo.
- I didn't steal the food, Your Majesty.
- That's exactly what you say - every time you steal the food.
- But, this time, it's true! [PANCHO.]
Okay, listen up, people! We are gonna starve in this moldy old sardine tin if we don't get it together.
You're right.
We need to stop pointing fingers and come up with a plan.
Even though Pancho, [COUGHING.]
Pancho did it! I say we go through what's left and figure out how much time we have - to find land before we starve.
- Okay, that's a start.
Nice to see someone's keeping a level head.
Yeah, and if it doesn't work out, there's always cannibalism.
Bet those haunches are nice and marbled.
Hoo-ah! Go ahead, take a bite, I dare you.
[SIGHS WEARILY.]
How did you help Koto? Tell me, Sage! It's best if I start at the beginning.
There was an explosion, about 13 and a half billion years ago.
Soon after, galaxies began forming Skip ahead to the part about you and Koto! From a young age, I was trained by our father to replace him as warrior king someday.
We were bitter rivals from the beginning.
As the first-born son, I was meant to be the king.
My father's advisers tried to warn him about my younger brother about his darkness, his hate and his anger.
But as long as I held the crown, Koto's cruel ambitions would be kept in check.
But I didn't want to be king.
I wanted to be a color or a sound.
Once I was gone, there was no one to stop him.
Koto vowed to rule this entire island with an iron first or burn it to the ground.
Blah, blah, blah, the end.
Our kingdom fell so you could be a color? Yeah, but I could never make up my mind, though, about which one.
I like blue, but my soul kept crying, "Pistachio.
Pistachio!" My only logical choice now is to return to nature where I belong.
You're just saying that as an excuse to run away again.
The conflicts of the world are none of my concern.
We are all just kicking the cosmic footy sack with a guy named Skeeter who lives in his van.
Don't you run away this time, Sage.
This is your chance to fix your mistake.
Hmm.
[GRUNTS.]
[PANTING.]
Wait, what Where are you [SCREAMS IN FRUSTRATION, GRUNTS.]
Ah I yearn to caress your toe-thumb once more.
- [EXCLAIMS.]
- Hey, what you got there, Mort? [SCREAMS.]
Nothing! I have nothing.
Oh, come on.
Let me take a look.
[GROWLS.]
- Give it.
Stop fighting.
- What is this disturbance? Mort did it! Search him! - He's been hiding contraband.
- Interns are permitted Koto-approved contraband only! [SHOUTS.]
Give me back my foot! Let me make something clear, Koto is your king now.
As long as Koto is alive, you will follow my rules.
- This is your first and final warning! - Ooh! [BLOWS.]
What do we do? He's so scary.
- And I miss King Julien the most! - Get it together, you two! You heard what he said, "As long as Koto is alive.
" I think I'm following.
But maybe explain a little more.
All we got to do is kill Koto.
- Ooh, baby.
Daddy likey.
- Yes! Yes! I will kill Koto.
Then King Julien will be free to come back to me.
Maybe kill Willie too, while you're at it? [LAUGHING MANIACALLY.]
This is it, huh? All the food left on the entire boat? We gotta be smart.
Make the food last.
[WHIMPERING.]
So hungry.
I just need to [GROWLS.]
- [MUNCHING.]
- Hey! Save some of that brown goop for the rest of us! - No! [MUNCHING.]
It's mine! - We gotta conserve food! No, we don't! I'm starvin'! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
Stop this right now! Please! [LOUD ROARING.]
I don't think we're alone on this sub.
Oh, no, here come the heebie jeebies! [WHIMPERING.]
Was that a ghost? I mean this boat's really old, right? It could've been built on an ancient native burial ground or something.
Nah, that ghostly wail really could've been, you know, anything.
- [RUMBLING.]
- [LOUD ROAR.]
Like maybe a demon or a sea monster.
Or something that plants its eggs in your chest cavity - real deep-like.
- [SCREAMS.]
There's lots of choices really! It's coming for us, y'all.
It's gonna do all kind of nasties to us! You think it's got food? [GRUNTS.]
We are its food! [BOTH GRUNTING.]
- Sage, get back here! - Can't make me! [GRUNTING.]
- This is not how heroes act! - I never said I was a hero.
I'm just an anonymous regular dude with perfect hair, abs like [CLEARS THROAT.]
challah bread, and the ability to communicate with centipedes.
You opened the door for Koto to enslave the entire island.
How are you not angry at yourself? [SCREAMS IN EXASPERATION.]
Why can't you just get mad and harness that anger to help me save the kingdom? Sorry, I don't do anger.
I'll give you something to be angry about! Like this! Hmm.
- Still not angry.
- How about now? - [GRUNTING.]
- Hmm.
[CONTINUES GRUNTING.]
[PANTING.]
Hmm.
You cool? You seem upset about something.
All right, peoples, listen up.
We got a situation that is, let's just say, less-than-awesome.
But if we are gonna start a new life out on the high seas [SCREAMS.]
- [WHIZZING.]
- [GRUNTS.]
Huh? - Found a harpoon gun! - You don't say.
We can use this here tracking device to find the monster.
Then we corner it, force it into a torpedo tube.
Or, if the monster is something delicious like a ham or a breakfast burrito, we could eat it.
- Win-Win! - Hey! That's not half bad, Poncho.
Nice piece of luck finding that tracking device in here.
Oh, no, I brought this one from home.
[STAMMERS.]
But why would you have a tracking What are you, writin' my friggin' biography? I have it, we can use it.
- That's all you need to know - [WHIMPERS.]
- [LOUD ROAR.]
- [ALL SCREAM.]
I should lead the way.
If I don't make it, please tell everyone of my bravery, grace and most of all, my wow-factor.
Your Majesty, please don't go out there.
You see any crown on this head? - I ain't nobody's majesty anymore.
- [BOTH.]
Huh? I'm just a drop-dead handsome lemur with nothing to lose.
Make sure to tell everyone how cool that sounded if I don't survive.
- [DOOR CLANGS.]
- [GRUNTS.]
[BEEPING.]
[WHIMPERS.]
[LOUD ROAR.]
- [EXCLAIMS.]
- [SCREAMS.]
[DART CLANGING.]
[LOUD ROAR.]
- Jackpot! Boys, we've got contact.
- [BEEPING.]
Let's go bag us a monster, Mo-Mo.
[LAUGHING.]
[ALL LAUGHING.]
Oh! [GROWLS.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[GRUNTING.]
[HUMMING.]
- [GASPS.]
- [GROWLS.]
A beverage, Your Graceliness? - [GULPING.]
- [LAUGHS INSIDIOUSLY.]
It's rude to drink alone.
Hmm.
Oh! Salud! [GULPS.]
Really goes down smooth! [RETCHES.]
[MOUNTAIN LEMUR 1.]
That's disgusting.
[RETCHES.]
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING.]
[MORT SCREAMS IN PAIN.]
- [GRUNTS.]
- [WHIZZES.]
[GROANS.]
I'm okay [SHOUTS.]
Oh, come on! [BOTH GRUNT.]
[WHIMPERING.]
How's it looking, Pancho? Take your next right, and you might be able to catch it by surprise.
[LOUD BEEPING.]
- [LOUD ROAR.]
- [JULIEN GASPS.]
The thing is in there.
[BEEPING.]
We gotta play this smart.
[SHOUTING.]
Die, monster scum! - [BEEPING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
Pancho, your machine might be broken.
This hallway's empty.
No sign of anything.
No, I'm sure that thing is in the room with you.
Stay frosty.
- Where is it? - [BEEPING RAPIDLY.]
- I'm getting a little freaked out now! - [PANCHO.]
Don't panic! But I think that thing is in the ceiling above you.
[BEEPING RAPIDLY.]
- [LOUD ROAR.]
- [JULIEN SCREAMS.]
- [ROARING.]
- [BOTH SCREAMING.]
It's got me! Get off me! [SCREAMS.]
[MAURICE SCREAMING.]
[GRUNTING, SCREAMING.]
[LAUGHING NERVOUSLY.]
[SCREAMING.]
I don't wanna be I don't wanna be an action star! I don't wanna be [GROANS.]
Pancho? Pancho? [SCREAMS IN PANIC.]
[SHOUTS.]
Pancho! [CLOVER GROANING.]
You had enough? Huh? You angry yet? Hmm.
Are you? Now, I ask you, which one of us has been conquered? What are you going on about? You said that a hero is angry and aggressive.
But a real hero changes the world through their heart, soul and pleasant odor.
- Not their fists.
- [PANTS.]
If I wasn't so winded, I would keep punching you.
You see, the truest acts of heroism are the simplest saying, "thank you," balancing your neighbor's checkbook, using the bathroom like no one's watching.
No one has ever said that.
My spiritual guru did.
He took me in after I left my old life of royalty, nursed me on the pendulous teat of truth.
Where is he now? Come on, Sage.
Come on, I'm desperate! Maybe he can teach us how to defeat Koto! Does this mean you are ready to finally listen with your ears - and not your fists? - We don't have a lot of options.
Hmm.
Mm-hmm.
[SIGHS.]
If I let your guru teach me to be a real hero will you help me defeat Koto? The journey will be long, difficult, dangerous.
And a lot of the snack options will not be great.
If this guru will help me save the island, I say, bring it on.
[GROANS.]
[SCREAMS.]
Okay, I know this must look pretty bad, but Silence! Your recent actions have not gone unnoticed by my guards.
- Or by me.
- About I know, silence.
I got it.
And now, you will face the fate that you deserve.
- [CLANGING.]
- Hmm? Ow! [GRUNTS, WHIMPERS.]
- Hmm.
- [WHIMPERING.]
Huh? [EXCLAIMS.]
[LAUGHING.]
Your recent actions have tickled me! Um - What? - I would like to cordially demand that you be my court jester.
- Really? - What fun is it being a brutal dictator without laughter? Welcome to my inner circle.
- So, do I - Make me laugh.
Now! [CHUCKLING.]
A-la-li-da-di-da-da [PANTING.]
Why did you abandon us, King Julien? [SCREAMING, PANTING.]
- [GASPS.]
- It's so cold.
- [PANTING.]
- [SCREAMING.]
[SCREAMS.]
Oh, no, no [MUMBLING UNINTELLIGIBLY.]
[SCREAMS.]
Did our brarriage mean nothing to you? [GRUNTING, FARTS.]
Oh! Buddy, come on, man, I'm not the king anymore, I'm - [LOUD ROAR.]
- [EXCLAIMS.]
All right, KJ, lock it up, man.
You got nothing to lose.
This monster can't kill a king who's already dead.
[DOOR OPENS.]
Uh [CLEARS THROAT.]
Uh, evil spirit, it is, I, the artist formerly known as King Julien the thirteenth.
- I'm assuming you've heard of me.
- [ROARING.]
I am here to ask you to stop tormenting me and also to tell you, "Not cool, man," about killing my buddy.
- [ROARING.]
- [WHIMPERING.]
Oh, hey, King Julien! [SCREAMS.]
- It's just Ted, Your Majesty! - It's Ted! Whoa! [GROANS.]
- Ted? Ted! - [GROANS.]
Why are you wearing a wedding dress? - I don't understand the question.
- And, what the heck, man? You've been the one making the noise this whole time? Sorry.
I might have shame-eaten a few too many cans of government-issued food product.
[CRYING.]
I'm all alone.
[MUNCHING.]
All this food is disgusting, and I can't stop eating it.
Oh, my God, I'm a monster! I've had a little tummy ache ever since, hence all the groaning and the screaming.
You didn't hear us searching for you? I assumed you were monsters or those mean old mountain lemurs.
And after I caught that harpoon in the caboose, I was like, "Nuh-uh, Ted's laying low.
" - So, where's the rest of the grub? - It's gone, Your Majesty.
So you're saying the only thing I have to be happy about right now is that Pancho's dead? - I'm not dead.
- Could this day get any worse? - [CHUCKLES.]
I mean, "Yay!" - I was in a small food coma from eating too much brown goop.
You didn't even check my pulse, did you? Yes, I did Well, it slipped my mind.
Anyway, you're here.
Great.
I found something on the radio.
Check this out.
Welcome, weary travelers - We must be near land! - Salty cornichons! That means food! We're saved! Ha-ha! Pancho, chart the course for those singing ladies, buddy.
Just found a new home.
[MORT CHUCKLES.]
I think we took the cast off a little early.
I'm not sure all my bones have grown back yet.
[CHUCKLES.]
- Dance! Now.
- Ow! [HUMMING.]
Ow! Ow! Ow! [KOTO LAUGHING HEARTILY.]
[BOTH GRUNTING.]
Your guru's at the top of that mountain? Yeah, no.
My guru's mountain is, like, so much farther away than that mountain.
We have a long journey ahead of us.
Come on.
[GROWLS.]
[JULIEN GASPING.]
Guys, I don't want to jinx it, but I'm about 100 percent sure nothing bad will ever happen to us again.
[GROWLING.]