Anna and Katy (2013) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
1 Hello and welcome to another Rice Britannia, our competitive celebration of Great Britain's great love affair with rice.
Over the past ten weeks, our contestants have proven to us that they can cook just about anything, from rice And it's all to be in with a chance of winning our great winner's prize, the chance to cook rice atop the home of rice, The Great Wall Of China.
The Great Wall Of China.
So, fire up your hobs, prepare your pots and pans, this is Rice Britannia.
Guys, with the final just four weeks away, if you want to be on that wall, you've got to be on that rice.
Let's go.
Rice maker, rice maker, make me a rice! 'Liz Durkwell is cooking what she's calling a bowl of plain rice.
' Kettle, kettle, kettle Ah! Liz, what would you do if you won? Just keep making rice, probably.
Atta girl! 'Sam is making a bowl of plain rice.
' Oh, dear Lord.
Um What's all this then, rice man? Well, I'm just laying out my ingredients so I don't lose anything, and, um I've got my water there.
I'm sure I've forgotten something.
Right.
And what will you do then? Well, then I'll cook the Oh, the rice.
Four hours to go, guys.
Start plating up.
Kettle, kettle, kettle Rice, rice Rice, rice.
Gentleman, that's rice.
Let's get a tastin'.
Mmm.
You see, now I actually like that rice.
What happened, Warren? Warren, this is bad rice.
But, I think you know that.
As you know, for one of you, the dream ends today.
Warren, she's talking about your dream.
I'm sorry, you're not on the programme any more.
Rice is piss.
I dropped the ball, yeah.
You know, it wasn't good enough Rice, you know, anyone could, anyone could see that.
Gutted.
Gutted! Um But, you know Back to the old nine-to-five, eh? Back to per performing heart surgery.
Welcome back to The World's Worst Words, our countdown of the linguistic utterances that really get your goat.
In at number 18, there's no getting away from it, it's "it".
OK, this word is so pointless I'm going to do a whole sentence without using the word, so everyone can see.
OK, let's go.
Um, the word "it" Oh, shit, no.
Yeah, no, it's harder than it looks.
Oh, well I don't like "it" in the morning.
But I love it at night.
I'm a bit cheeky like that.
Anyone remember crisps? Oh, I am so over "it".
I mean, come on! Be gender specific.
I know I am.
If you know what I mean? I enjoy bums.
Well, that certainly put "it" in its place, but coming up after the break, is there anything more annoying than the word "annoying"? People compliment me all the time on the way that I look and the things that I say and what I do.
And it's really annoying.
So that's probably the word I would associate with the word.
Annoying? Talk about annoying! An na na na na na na na noying.
An na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na .
.
noying.
Yeah, OK.
Hi, Jack.
I can think of one thing more annoying than "annoying".
Um this guy.
Shut up.
Hello, mate, und willkommen, howdy zu Kuntworts.
Dagmar's on 25 und Creisteig is also 25, so neck and neck, von captain.
Dagmar, its dein turn for now, also choose a letter un bitch.
Konst mate.
Tia.
Vowel mate.
Ap.
Konst mate.
Toren haus zug friebadens.
Konst mate.
- B.
- A vowel mate.
Eeg.
Konst mate.
Estoppelpiss.
A vowel mate.
- House.
- And a vowel mate.
Eyes.
Eyes.
OK, good luck.
Willgehen zu Kuntworts.
Halt! OK, super times.
Crazy life.
Dagmar? Drie.
Drie.
OK, OK, fast cars, hot life, und Creisteig, bitte? Ein riskersh sechs.
OK.
So, Dagmar? Dein drei? Beg.
Beg.
Beg, for sure total, und Creisteig, dei risky six? Um Pigtea.
Pigtea.
Pigtea.
Is OK word, or get to shit, Suzie? Yah, Pigtea, der gutist, ist ein Englisch trinken von farm.
No fuck.
Yah, auf in sentence, "Hallo, Sir Mate, "I'll have a pigtea please" - in England, Big Ben.
Pigtea, so nicht such a risky sechs.
Nein, ist safe sechs.
Erection, apologies.
Moving on, Creisteig, bitch you lead mit 30 ein hands or play time.
The number und Creisteig, zu choice.
I'll have shitload, bitte.
Shitload the number.
30 seconden.
Safe sex.
Mmm.
Ah! Vision Ultra Lenses, sponsors of The Lane.
Here, Vic, I like your new frames.
Eh? Your frames, they're new, aren't they? Yeah, no, very snazzy, aren't they? And them ultra-thin lenses really complete the picture, don't they? Have the police found your missing son yet? No, no, not yet.
A toast, to new beginnings In leafy Watford.
Mark, what are you doing? That's the vinegar.
- Are your eyes all right? - Course they are.
Mark, we need to talk about this.
There's nothing to talk about.
Mark, you need glasses.
I don't need glasses.
My eyesight's fine.
All right, read what it says on that blackboard.
No, I don't need to prove anything.
You're worse than your dad.
Stubborn as a mule, the pair of you.
Yeah, well, he never needed glasses and neither do I and that's the end of it.
Mark, but when I was going through your dad's stuff I found this.
His prescription? But it says here he needed glasses.
Why would it say that? Because he did need glasses, Mark.
And so do you! I don't need to sit here and listen to this rubbish! Mark, come back! I don't want to hear it, Lise.
Mark! Wait! Lisa! Sorry, mate.
My glasses were smeared.
I really need to get some smear-resistant lenses.
Lisa.
Lisa? Lisaaaa! Hello! And welcome to Congratulation, the show that likes to say a big congratulation to the nation.
So, first up, a big congratulation to Beverley Hall, who has just watched Casino Royale.
One lump or two, Mr Bond? Now, I've got a big congratulation here for a "Big" Mickey Davis, and he wrote in to say, oh, he's just put his clocks back, but he had to go round the long way on the one on the cooker.
Mine's exactly the same.
Oh, is it? We got a letter from a wonderful lady calling herself Annabelle, who wrote in to say that she sold over 140 cupcakes to raise money for diabetes.
Isn't that marvellous? Isn't that great? And she's sent in a picture as well.
I don't know if you can see that.
That's great.
Isn't that? That's great.
Now, we've had a text here from a lady called Jill, who's just received her first passport in the post and she says she can't wait to use it by going abroad, or by needing to prove her identity or somethin'.
Congratulation to Terry, who just got a phone upgrade.
It doesn't say to what.
Just a quick one while I remember, I promised Gita from my local Marks & Spencer's that I would give her a congratulation, so a big congratulation to you, Gita, and I'll see you at the pudding aisle soon.
But the biggest congratulation today goes to mother and daughter Kelly and Kim, for overcoming an internet bully by throwing scrap metal at his niece.
So, the biggest congratulation to Kelly and Kim for identifying a bully and chucking scrap metal at a blood relative! Halt! So, die targetten ist 605.
Dagmar, mate? Nein, mate.
Ich bin two million.
Und Creisteig, mate? Fuck all.
Hmm, so in threesheesh number game.
Hans, du managen, mate? Yah, but as tricky bitch.
To taken twenty-drei plus un fortie-drei multiplication draughen, die drei und der hundred und acht.
Then use magic.
Und thank you night.
Haven sechs hundred five is easy as ice-cream apple pie, for sure.
Guten Hans, mate.
Massive cock and brainbox, watch out the ladies.
Alles to play for as we're spinnin' to the konundrum.
Ready friends? Taken away for konundrum.
Stop de bus! Creisteig, du answerden? Ist housecock? Dus findenout.
Guten lettery, Creisteig.
That's results you go to semi-final und, Dagmar, commiserateran.
Du haste fun day anyways? Nein, ich manic depressive.
Wunderbar.
So, das alles for today, show cowboys, Join in ze morrow for the celebrity Kuntworts mit special guests, Radiohead.
Abetalen, rememberen, when is lateren mix up, fuck me, fuck you, so please good life.
Serial entrepreneur Michael Ignition has entrusted his car wash company in the hands of some of Britain's brightest business prospects.
Over the weeks, we'll be documenting their progress.
It's day one and Ashley has secured Ignition's first customer.
Right, can I just say that I've caused some negotiation and I've actually got us a client.
Who wants to high-finger me? That is great work, Ashley! Erm, can ask you what price did you get him to? I've actually managed to get him down to £4.
Erm, feel as project manager, you should've just cleared that with myself.
- Can I just say the - Christopher, how are the projections? Right, yeah, I literally hear what you're saying, that's great.
Right, I think we need to pick up a hose and cleanitiate the client's car now.
Can I just ask where the hell is Paul? He should be here Right.
Paul? Where the hell are you? We need you back at Ignition HQ.
The deal fell through.
We're lumbered with the apples.
Paul, we need you back here! I CAN'T MOVE THE TRAFFIC! Right, can I just say, that if I was project manager Right, I'm gonna stop you there, Ashley, and I'm not telling you why.
Right, here's what we're gonna do.
Can you now give me some ideas words and I'll put them up on the ideas words.
How are we going to satify this customer's cleansing desires - and there are no bad ideas here, guys.
Erm passion! It's what I've got a lot of.
I hear what you're saying.
That's great.
Any more? Green.
As in the colour? Erm Yes.
Yeah.
That's great.
Ooh! We can ward off the competition if we work as a unit.
Great.
Thank you.
Right.
Looking at the board now, Christopher, I don't think I've room.
Can you pick one of those words? Ward.
Ward.
Please.
We could clean the customer's car.
Right, I physically hear what you're saying through my ears, but at the same time I don't see what you're saying.
Oh, that'll be Paul! Right.
Right, Paul, where the hell are you, please? We now have two crates of apples! Thank you! Right, Paul, as project manager, I'm actually telling you to get back here cos you're letting Ignition down now, Paul.
My business experience is actually telling me that the customer is now driving away! Shit! Right, no, d'you know what? That's actually really good, because, erm, he clearly wasn't a serious customer.
And at Ignition we take car washing seriously, so actually, really good work! Result! Result! Yeah, result.
Oh, look at that! Oh, wow! Oh! What's everyone else having? No, this food's for everyone, Paula.
Yeah, no, I know.
I was just Well, you can't have all the foods, Paula.
We need food, Paula.
Well, no, because you placed it slightly, erm, nearer to me, I was just making the joke that by, you know asking, erm, if there was any additional food that hadn't been brought out yet.
What's everyone else having? Oh, they're coming to get me! Pardon? I said, "Ooh, they're coming to get me!" Who are, Paula? The the police.
The band? No, because I heard the sirens Yes, we all heard the sirens, Paula.
Yes, well exactly.
Yeah, they went right past, and Oh, were you just letting us know that you heard the sirens, Paula? No, it's just because erm, the sirens were clearly incidental and I was just, erm, making a joke that perhaps I thought that they were coming from a police car that was pursuing me in relation to an earlier misdemeanour.
How would they know that you were here, though, Paula? Well, I think, you know, perhaps they went to my address and forced entry and saw your name written against today's date in the calendar in the kitchen and cross-referenced it with the address book on the table in the hallway.
That's a very good one! Oh, he won't sell many ice creams going at that speed! All right, Paula? It's quite hard to explain if you've never seen it, but there's a man with a beard, and he used to be the one that had the friend with all the spots.
And then the man with the beard starts asking the contestants to start opening the boxes.
And the man looks like a shrunken version of the Bee Gee that isn't dead.
It's hard to explain if you've never seen it.
And then the man with the beard starts asking the people to shout out numbers, and the people open the boxes.
And all the boxes have got numbers in them, but they're, like, different from the numbers that are on the boxes.
- It's very confusing.
- Quite confused.
And then the man gives them some money.
And the phone keeps going off, but there's nobody there.
And then we usually go out beaver baiting.
You know, teasing beavers.
Hello, and welcome back to Congratulation! The show that likes to congratulate all our lovely viewers for all the things they have achieved.
Or not achieved.
Throughout the day.
Congratulation to Cynthia for being mis-sold a PPI.
Congratulation to Toby who accepted the offer at the counter to have all that chocolate for £1.
Well, I'm glad somebody did! Well, a big congratulation now goes to Actually, Susan, can I just stop you there? Well, very quickly, just let me finish, because Well, no Well, just very quickly.
- Well, no, just for a second here - I'll just No, because we're going to have a little bit of fun! Because I've got a little surprise up my sleeve for you, Susan.
Ah, oh now, what's going I didn't know anything about I didn't know anything about this! Congratulation, Susan Wainwright, on it being your birthday! Congratulation! It your birthday Congratulation to you I can't believe it! Congratulation, it your birthday Congratulation OK, OK, we'll just OK.
OK.
Well, we'll just get that mess cleared up.
Are you OK there, Derek? I think he's OK.
Took a nasty tumble there.
He's OK.
Well, happy birthday anyway, Susan! Yes, quite! Well, thank you very much.
Just don't ask me me age! No, no Just don't ask me me age! - OK.
- Don't ask me me age! Let's finish on a couple of quickies.
Congratulation Don't ask me me age! Nobody asking your age, woman! No-one asking your age.
But finally now, the biggest congratulation today goes to Alice Brown.
Now, she says she's had a bit of a nasty time of it recently, but she's just got a little bit of her self-esteem back.
She's sent in a photo.
I don't know if you can just see that there.
Nice.
And which one is Alice? Oh, she the big, fat, messy lump on the left there.
So The biggest congratulation to you, Alice, for getting back your self-esteem! Real shame about that cake.
Over the past ten weeks, our contestants have proven to us that they can cook just about anything, from rice And it's all to be in with a chance of winning our great winner's prize, the chance to cook rice atop the home of rice, The Great Wall Of China.
The Great Wall Of China.
So, fire up your hobs, prepare your pots and pans, this is Rice Britannia.
Guys, with the final just four weeks away, if you want to be on that wall, you've got to be on that rice.
Let's go.
Rice maker, rice maker, make me a rice! 'Liz Durkwell is cooking what she's calling a bowl of plain rice.
' Kettle, kettle, kettle Ah! Liz, what would you do if you won? Just keep making rice, probably.
Atta girl! 'Sam is making a bowl of plain rice.
' Oh, dear Lord.
Um What's all this then, rice man? Well, I'm just laying out my ingredients so I don't lose anything, and, um I've got my water there.
I'm sure I've forgotten something.
Right.
And what will you do then? Well, then I'll cook the Oh, the rice.
Four hours to go, guys.
Start plating up.
Kettle, kettle, kettle Rice, rice Rice, rice.
Gentleman, that's rice.
Let's get a tastin'.
Mmm.
You see, now I actually like that rice.
What happened, Warren? Warren, this is bad rice.
But, I think you know that.
As you know, for one of you, the dream ends today.
Warren, she's talking about your dream.
I'm sorry, you're not on the programme any more.
Rice is piss.
I dropped the ball, yeah.
You know, it wasn't good enough Rice, you know, anyone could, anyone could see that.
Gutted.
Gutted! Um But, you know Back to the old nine-to-five, eh? Back to per performing heart surgery.
Welcome back to The World's Worst Words, our countdown of the linguistic utterances that really get your goat.
In at number 18, there's no getting away from it, it's "it".
OK, this word is so pointless I'm going to do a whole sentence without using the word, so everyone can see.
OK, let's go.
Um, the word "it" Oh, shit, no.
Yeah, no, it's harder than it looks.
Oh, well I don't like "it" in the morning.
But I love it at night.
I'm a bit cheeky like that.
Anyone remember crisps? Oh, I am so over "it".
I mean, come on! Be gender specific.
I know I am.
If you know what I mean? I enjoy bums.
Well, that certainly put "it" in its place, but coming up after the break, is there anything more annoying than the word "annoying"? People compliment me all the time on the way that I look and the things that I say and what I do.
And it's really annoying.
So that's probably the word I would associate with the word.
Annoying? Talk about annoying! An na na na na na na na noying.
An na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na .
.
noying.
Yeah, OK.
Hi, Jack.
I can think of one thing more annoying than "annoying".
Um this guy.
Shut up.
Hello, mate, und willkommen, howdy zu Kuntworts.
Dagmar's on 25 und Creisteig is also 25, so neck and neck, von captain.
Dagmar, its dein turn for now, also choose a letter un bitch.
Konst mate.
Tia.
Vowel mate.
Ap.
Konst mate.
Toren haus zug friebadens.
Konst mate.
- B.
- A vowel mate.
Eeg.
Konst mate.
Estoppelpiss.
A vowel mate.
- House.
- And a vowel mate.
Eyes.
Eyes.
OK, good luck.
Willgehen zu Kuntworts.
Halt! OK, super times.
Crazy life.
Dagmar? Drie.
Drie.
OK, OK, fast cars, hot life, und Creisteig, bitte? Ein riskersh sechs.
OK.
So, Dagmar? Dein drei? Beg.
Beg.
Beg, for sure total, und Creisteig, dei risky six? Um Pigtea.
Pigtea.
Pigtea.
Is OK word, or get to shit, Suzie? Yah, Pigtea, der gutist, ist ein Englisch trinken von farm.
No fuck.
Yah, auf in sentence, "Hallo, Sir Mate, "I'll have a pigtea please" - in England, Big Ben.
Pigtea, so nicht such a risky sechs.
Nein, ist safe sechs.
Erection, apologies.
Moving on, Creisteig, bitch you lead mit 30 ein hands or play time.
The number und Creisteig, zu choice.
I'll have shitload, bitte.
Shitload the number.
30 seconden.
Safe sex.
Mmm.
Ah! Vision Ultra Lenses, sponsors of The Lane.
Here, Vic, I like your new frames.
Eh? Your frames, they're new, aren't they? Yeah, no, very snazzy, aren't they? And them ultra-thin lenses really complete the picture, don't they? Have the police found your missing son yet? No, no, not yet.
A toast, to new beginnings In leafy Watford.
Mark, what are you doing? That's the vinegar.
- Are your eyes all right? - Course they are.
Mark, we need to talk about this.
There's nothing to talk about.
Mark, you need glasses.
I don't need glasses.
My eyesight's fine.
All right, read what it says on that blackboard.
No, I don't need to prove anything.
You're worse than your dad.
Stubborn as a mule, the pair of you.
Yeah, well, he never needed glasses and neither do I and that's the end of it.
Mark, but when I was going through your dad's stuff I found this.
His prescription? But it says here he needed glasses.
Why would it say that? Because he did need glasses, Mark.
And so do you! I don't need to sit here and listen to this rubbish! Mark, come back! I don't want to hear it, Lise.
Mark! Wait! Lisa! Sorry, mate.
My glasses were smeared.
I really need to get some smear-resistant lenses.
Lisa.
Lisa? Lisaaaa! Hello! And welcome to Congratulation, the show that likes to say a big congratulation to the nation.
So, first up, a big congratulation to Beverley Hall, who has just watched Casino Royale.
One lump or two, Mr Bond? Now, I've got a big congratulation here for a "Big" Mickey Davis, and he wrote in to say, oh, he's just put his clocks back, but he had to go round the long way on the one on the cooker.
Mine's exactly the same.
Oh, is it? We got a letter from a wonderful lady calling herself Annabelle, who wrote in to say that she sold over 140 cupcakes to raise money for diabetes.
Isn't that marvellous? Isn't that great? And she's sent in a picture as well.
I don't know if you can see that.
That's great.
Isn't that? That's great.
Now, we've had a text here from a lady called Jill, who's just received her first passport in the post and she says she can't wait to use it by going abroad, or by needing to prove her identity or somethin'.
Congratulation to Terry, who just got a phone upgrade.
It doesn't say to what.
Just a quick one while I remember, I promised Gita from my local Marks & Spencer's that I would give her a congratulation, so a big congratulation to you, Gita, and I'll see you at the pudding aisle soon.
But the biggest congratulation today goes to mother and daughter Kelly and Kim, for overcoming an internet bully by throwing scrap metal at his niece.
So, the biggest congratulation to Kelly and Kim for identifying a bully and chucking scrap metal at a blood relative! Halt! So, die targetten ist 605.
Dagmar, mate? Nein, mate.
Ich bin two million.
Und Creisteig, mate? Fuck all.
Hmm, so in threesheesh number game.
Hans, du managen, mate? Yah, but as tricky bitch.
To taken twenty-drei plus un fortie-drei multiplication draughen, die drei und der hundred und acht.
Then use magic.
Und thank you night.
Haven sechs hundred five is easy as ice-cream apple pie, for sure.
Guten Hans, mate.
Massive cock and brainbox, watch out the ladies.
Alles to play for as we're spinnin' to the konundrum.
Ready friends? Taken away for konundrum.
Stop de bus! Creisteig, du answerden? Ist housecock? Dus findenout.
Guten lettery, Creisteig.
That's results you go to semi-final und, Dagmar, commiserateran.
Du haste fun day anyways? Nein, ich manic depressive.
Wunderbar.
So, das alles for today, show cowboys, Join in ze morrow for the celebrity Kuntworts mit special guests, Radiohead.
Abetalen, rememberen, when is lateren mix up, fuck me, fuck you, so please good life.
Serial entrepreneur Michael Ignition has entrusted his car wash company in the hands of some of Britain's brightest business prospects.
Over the weeks, we'll be documenting their progress.
It's day one and Ashley has secured Ignition's first customer.
Right, can I just say that I've caused some negotiation and I've actually got us a client.
Who wants to high-finger me? That is great work, Ashley! Erm, can ask you what price did you get him to? I've actually managed to get him down to £4.
Erm, feel as project manager, you should've just cleared that with myself.
- Can I just say the - Christopher, how are the projections? Right, yeah, I literally hear what you're saying, that's great.
Right, I think we need to pick up a hose and cleanitiate the client's car now.
Can I just ask where the hell is Paul? He should be here Right.
Paul? Where the hell are you? We need you back at Ignition HQ.
The deal fell through.
We're lumbered with the apples.
Paul, we need you back here! I CAN'T MOVE THE TRAFFIC! Right, can I just say, that if I was project manager Right, I'm gonna stop you there, Ashley, and I'm not telling you why.
Right, here's what we're gonna do.
Can you now give me some ideas words and I'll put them up on the ideas words.
How are we going to satify this customer's cleansing desires - and there are no bad ideas here, guys.
Erm passion! It's what I've got a lot of.
I hear what you're saying.
That's great.
Any more? Green.
As in the colour? Erm Yes.
Yeah.
That's great.
Ooh! We can ward off the competition if we work as a unit.
Great.
Thank you.
Right.
Looking at the board now, Christopher, I don't think I've room.
Can you pick one of those words? Ward.
Ward.
Please.
We could clean the customer's car.
Right, I physically hear what you're saying through my ears, but at the same time I don't see what you're saying.
Oh, that'll be Paul! Right.
Right, Paul, where the hell are you, please? We now have two crates of apples! Thank you! Right, Paul, as project manager, I'm actually telling you to get back here cos you're letting Ignition down now, Paul.
My business experience is actually telling me that the customer is now driving away! Shit! Right, no, d'you know what? That's actually really good, because, erm, he clearly wasn't a serious customer.
And at Ignition we take car washing seriously, so actually, really good work! Result! Result! Yeah, result.
Oh, look at that! Oh, wow! Oh! What's everyone else having? No, this food's for everyone, Paula.
Yeah, no, I know.
I was just Well, you can't have all the foods, Paula.
We need food, Paula.
Well, no, because you placed it slightly, erm, nearer to me, I was just making the joke that by, you know asking, erm, if there was any additional food that hadn't been brought out yet.
What's everyone else having? Oh, they're coming to get me! Pardon? I said, "Ooh, they're coming to get me!" Who are, Paula? The the police.
The band? No, because I heard the sirens Yes, we all heard the sirens, Paula.
Yes, well exactly.
Yeah, they went right past, and Oh, were you just letting us know that you heard the sirens, Paula? No, it's just because erm, the sirens were clearly incidental and I was just, erm, making a joke that perhaps I thought that they were coming from a police car that was pursuing me in relation to an earlier misdemeanour.
How would they know that you were here, though, Paula? Well, I think, you know, perhaps they went to my address and forced entry and saw your name written against today's date in the calendar in the kitchen and cross-referenced it with the address book on the table in the hallway.
That's a very good one! Oh, he won't sell many ice creams going at that speed! All right, Paula? It's quite hard to explain if you've never seen it, but there's a man with a beard, and he used to be the one that had the friend with all the spots.
And then the man with the beard starts asking the contestants to start opening the boxes.
And the man looks like a shrunken version of the Bee Gee that isn't dead.
It's hard to explain if you've never seen it.
And then the man with the beard starts asking the people to shout out numbers, and the people open the boxes.
And all the boxes have got numbers in them, but they're, like, different from the numbers that are on the boxes.
- It's very confusing.
- Quite confused.
And then the man gives them some money.
And the phone keeps going off, but there's nobody there.
And then we usually go out beaver baiting.
You know, teasing beavers.
Hello, and welcome back to Congratulation! The show that likes to congratulate all our lovely viewers for all the things they have achieved.
Or not achieved.
Throughout the day.
Congratulation to Cynthia for being mis-sold a PPI.
Congratulation to Toby who accepted the offer at the counter to have all that chocolate for £1.
Well, I'm glad somebody did! Well, a big congratulation now goes to Actually, Susan, can I just stop you there? Well, very quickly, just let me finish, because Well, no Well, just very quickly.
- Well, no, just for a second here - I'll just No, because we're going to have a little bit of fun! Because I've got a little surprise up my sleeve for you, Susan.
Ah, oh now, what's going I didn't know anything about I didn't know anything about this! Congratulation, Susan Wainwright, on it being your birthday! Congratulation! It your birthday Congratulation to you I can't believe it! Congratulation, it your birthday Congratulation OK, OK, we'll just OK.
OK.
Well, we'll just get that mess cleared up.
Are you OK there, Derek? I think he's OK.
Took a nasty tumble there.
He's OK.
Well, happy birthday anyway, Susan! Yes, quite! Well, thank you very much.
Just don't ask me me age! No, no Just don't ask me me age! - OK.
- Don't ask me me age! Let's finish on a couple of quickies.
Congratulation Don't ask me me age! Nobody asking your age, woman! No-one asking your age.
But finally now, the biggest congratulation today goes to Alice Brown.
Now, she says she's had a bit of a nasty time of it recently, but she's just got a little bit of her self-esteem back.
She's sent in a photo.
I don't know if you can just see that there.
Nice.
And which one is Alice? Oh, she the big, fat, messy lump on the left there.
So The biggest congratulation to you, Alice, for getting back your self-esteem! Real shame about that cake.