Awkward s01e01 Episode Script

For fifteen years, I fantasized about everyone noticing me as I walked down the hall.
What would I be wearing, would every guy worship me? Would I be five inches taller and have porn tits? No, that was not my reality.
My moment in the spotlights sucked some serious ass.
But, like any good horror movie, my nightmare began at summer camp.
It was a lame afternoon dance, but magic was in the air.
The dorks were getting crunk, and the rest of us were getting drunk.
And for the first time since I got my braces off, I didn't feel invisible.
There it was, a signal.
I was hoping he'd do something more inspired like sniff his armpits.
Matty had a habit of doing that a lot.
Attention to personal hygiene was one of Matty's many stellar attributes.
He was perfection.
Unlike me.
I was a hot mass of nerves cause Matty McKibben wanted me.
A nobody, to meet him in the utility closet.
This wasn't the inciting incident of some sappy teen special about how I got knocked up on the last day of summer camp.
I knew better than the bare rack.
Our passionate bumping of uglies was a sign.
This year would be my year.
For once, I wouldn't be overlooked.
Not with Matty at my Backdoor! Sorry, I slipped.
Change was in the air.
I could smell it.
There was change - and pine-scented cleanser.
- Am I hurting you? Somehow, admitting my virgin status seemed like a buzzkill.
No it's a probably just an allergy attack, I get them all the time, don't let it stop you.
Right.
Are you bummed, summer's like over.
Any plans for your, last two weeks? I don't know, probably just hang out, watch movies, swim or something.
Cool.
- Are you going to sophomore orientation? - Don't we have to.
Right, of course.
What I meant was I couldn't help myself.
Matty had cracked my hard candy shell and I was oozing with sticky sweet love.
Do you wanna go together? You are the shit, J-Town.
So he wasn't a poet.
He was still Matty McKibben.
But, nobody can know that I like you.
And I was still Jenna Hamilton.
That's ridiculous.
Allison is not a size two I saw her at the club, she was falling out of her tennis skirt, and not in a good way.
This came in the mail for you.
Jim is a plastic surgeon.
He would never sleep with her.
My mother always knew when something was wrong.
Sweetie come here.
And promptly avoided the conversation.
I'm not paying Dominic to do your hair anymore if you're not gonna style it.
Seriously.
What do I call the worst day of my life? Rubbed raw and reeling.
He blew you off? That's crap ass.
But I sort of saw it coming.
And you didn't warn me? It wasn't like I saw it psychicly or anything.
Guys like Matty don't go for girls like us.
So, look at the bright side.
At least Matty didn't digitize you, broadcast to the entire band and then ditch you at winter formal to hook up with scary Carrie.
That was hardcore humiliation.
In your scenario, at least, nothing happened.
Nice nothing happened.
Can you imagine how suicidal you'd be if God forbids you actually took your shirt off? I can only imagine.
I've spent some sad times at Jenna High and you have got to snap out of it.
Marching band's having a kegger at Ricky Schwartz' house tonight.
I need my favorite wing women there since Ming's bagged out.
Is she grounded again? She can't get her PSAT score above 120.
Her parents are starting to think she might not be Chinese.
That's so not cool.
I didn't say it, Ming did.
So will you come? Not sure, I'll call you.
I'll keep my phone up close and personal in anticipation.
It's on vibrate.
Now, go sob on your blog and feel free to quote me.
"Jenna, as you are now, "you could disappear and no one would notice.
" "A Friend?" "Below is a list of suggestions you should take "into serious consideration.
" "Number 1: Stop being such a pussy.
" Whoever wrote the letter didn't pull any punches.
It was the truth.
And the truth hurt.
Dinner in ten! Sometimes, being a teenager makes you want to die.
I do look awful.
Aspirin, take me away.
Physically, she's on the road to recovery, but emotionally, it's gonna be a long call.
Did she exhibit any warning signs? Why can't she be like every other teenager and starve herself? I can wrap my head around that but this Lacey, this isn't about you, our daughter is suicidal.
I can't imagine what she was feeling when she wrote that note.
It was just a dramatic teenage rant.
Not a cry for help.
- Hey, sweetheart.
- It's okay, everything's gonna be okay.
It was a misunderstanding of epic proportions.
God, I wanted to die.
I mean You know what I mean.
When I was initially charting my course to visibility I really should have defined the kind of visibility I wanted.
That girl was in my western civ class last year.
I had no idea she was huffing spray paint.
My mom's manicurist's friend's therapist was at the hospital when that girl came in.
I swear, it was pop rocks and coke.
I hear when they pumped that girl stomach, they found like seven hundred pills.
What kind of pills? It was auto-erotic asphyxiation.
I love that girl.
For two weeks, I tried to explain that my accident was just that: an accident.
The more I denied it, the more everyone assumed I was in denial.
It was a vicious circle.
I mean, she has a FUPA.
- So creepy! - I can't believe that girl showed up.
- Handicapped is a hard look to style.
- She should be in a mental ward.
- Why are you shushing me? - Sorry, Sadie.
The loser wants us to talk about her? That's why she did it.
It was a pathetic ploy for attention.
- She should go to church.
- Or Thailand.
Only a pedophile would screw her.
Maybe.
Everyone is treating me like I'm in a bad Lifetime movie.
You can be the one with Kristen Stewart.
Kristen was date-raped.
You guys know I would never try to hurt myself, right? Right? I'm hitting shuffle on the subject.
Hamlet is one of the most powerful and influential pieces of literature in the English language.
The famous expression: "To be "or not to be.
" What do you think Hamlet is saying there? Anybody? Yes, you in the back! I'm not raising my hand! Can you take the sign off my forehead that says fragile? It's not on your forehead.
It's around your neck.
It's a little big but maybe you'll grow into it.
Scratch that.
We said the same thing about your nipples.
Just go ahead, I'm gonna wait out the herd.
The short bus is leaving.
It was the first time we had seen each other since my deflowering.
And I had almost forgot how jacked I looked.
Are you okay? It was a complicated question.
All right, see you tomorrow.
Jenna Hamilton, please report to the office.
So nice to meet you.
So, I know Mr.
Michaels was your guidance counselor last year.
But considering your recent Accident.
Yes, considering your recent accident, he thought we might be a better fit.
You know "girl on girl".
I mean, girl to girl.
Your mom gave me a copy of the letter that you got.
It wasn't very nice.
Confrontations never are.
That's a nifty turn of phrase.
Nifty to say, not so nifty to get.
So Jenna, how did it make you feel when wrote that letter.
Crappy.
You should know, I didn't I didn't try to kill myself.
I was seriously, "low threshold for pain"? I'm not suggesting that you did anything.
No, not at all.
Just for fun, would you mind if I looked through your bag? I wanna make sure we won't have anymore accidents.
Give me that.
Basically I'm here to ensure that you have an happy and successful year.
You were planning to ingest these,? Actually I was They're breath mints.
So they are.
You know what? I'm gonna tell you something.
When I was your age, I had troubles too.
Talk about disasters.
Who am I kidding, I'm still a mess.
So hot.
And, you know what? That what gives me a unique perspective to make strong connections with students like yourself.
Urban Decay.
Fancy.
Do you have any questions? I had about a thousand.
But not one of them was appropriate.
I think you've covered just about everything.
My bag.
- Yeah.
- That is yours.
Thank you.
U R GONNA KILL THIS YEAR! JUST NOT YOURSELF- VALERIE Recycle, douche bag.
What is the fascination with me? You had to dance with that.
Like a bad car crash on the side of the road.
Everyone wants a peek.
Next person who stares is gonna get the Evil Eye.
And "Evil Eye" in your condition isn't gonna translate.
Flash your cooch ! Let me get my panties off and we're all set.
All right, attention Palos Hills High.
Who's ready to rally? Perfect timing, my school's spirit is at an all time high.
I got a really big football game today and there's no better way to get pumped up! Than with the Wheel of Pep.
We need 2 guys and 2 girls.
Do I see Sadie Saxton raising her hand? That's classy.
Looks like "Sadie six ton" might be hitting seven ton.
- Maybe she eats to fill a void.
- Her only void is in personality.
She's a prima bitcherina who buys her popularity.
How does a girl, who can't even jump two feet in the air, get on the pep squad.
Sorry.
I never appreciated Sadie's bitchiness but, I understood it.
She was hungry.
McKibben, you're not gettin' out of this.
Come on, man.
We don't have to watch this.
I'm fine.
I wasn't.
Despite all my external wounds, my heart was probably gonna take the longest to heal.
And I was tired of the pain.
You're playing? Get up.
All right, so let's just We need one more girl, then.
Come on guys, one more girl.
One more girl.
Your meds are malfunctioning.
Everyone's gonna stare, I might as well go on stage.
Okay, we have a taker.
Come on down.
I know what I'm doing.
Confession: I had no idea what I was doing.
But I couldn't look back.
At all.
Personal space, ever heard of it? Okay.
It's Jenna, right? Okay, Jenna.
Spin that wheel! We gotta get pumped, we got a big game tonight against the Warriors.
Let's go, show that football team your support, let's get pumped.
"Sex exchange" is the name of the game.
Now, here is how it's played.
Our contestants will now pair up into teams of two.
They'll go behind individual partitions and change into each other's clothes.
The team that get dressed first will win! Should we even bother? Hell, yeah! We're in it to win it.
All right, guys.
All ready? Set, go! Hurry! Hurry! All right guys, come on, keep it going! We're gonna win it! Come on, let them hear, let them hear you! Come on, come on! All right, it's time for the girls.
Go Sadie, go Sadie! Okay, we have our winners! Hamilton, you're an animal! And you brought a all new meaning to getting in a guy's pants! I wonder if I can make a short out of pants like that.
You totally can, we can make some serious money.
We'll call the line: "Jenna by Jenna".
What happened to Sadie? She couldn't fit into Matty's clothes.
It was karmic intervention.
I've never been so humiliated.
I hate that freak.
- It was a stupid pep rally.
- Already forgotten.
Are you okay? No.
I'm not okay.
- You picked that game on purpose.
- Cruel much.
I just spun the wheel of pep it could have landed on anything.
Lame cop out.
Okay, well for whatever, I'm sorry.
Please.
I don't need someone like you to feel sorry for me.
It's not like I'm gonna kill myself over it.
It's true when they say that no good deed goes unpunished.
Hi.
Gotta go.
Don't let her get to you, Sadie loves to play the victim, you on the other hand.
You have some serious backbone.
Which is about the only thing not broken on me.
No you were you were brave.
We're gonna grab fro-yo? Yeah, just gimme a minute, Liss.
The bell's gonna ring soon.
Then, just go without me.
So impatient.
Girls.
Listen just stay out of trouble Jenna.
See you around.
I will.
You will.
Sort of hard to miss.
- Hey T.
- Okay.
So, Ricky Schwartz just called me and he wanted to know if he could give you a sponge bath.
Creepy.
With his tongue.
Awesome.
This year is gonna rule! That's all! Things were looking up.
Besides my arm.
Being that girl was my new identity.
But I won't let it define me.
I will define it.
Audrey, chiiz, etig Gernevie, Mlmlte, Padmé Poca, Tof, STid