Back to the Future (1991) s01e01 Episode Script

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING) MAN: (SINGING) Tell me, Doctor, where are we going this time? Is this the '50s Or 1999? All I wanted to do Was play my guitar and sing So take me away I don't mind But you better promise me I'll be back in time Gotta get back in time I'll be back in time Gotta get back in time DOC: Let's see Electrical current FEMALE VOICE: Electrical current flowing.
DOC: Optical input FEMALE VOICE: All optics functional.
Focus for 3.
27 meters, the distance preferred by most leading television personalities.
Greetings.
Dr.
Emmett L.
Brown here.
Creator of the auto-jog mechanical running shorts, the deep thought mind reading helmet, and perhaps my most important invention, the Flux Capacitor.
A device which allows me to travel through time the way most people drive across town, and with a lot less traffic.
VERNE: Hey, Pop.
Watch this.
DOC: Vernie! Watch out.
(CLATTERING) FEMALE VOICE: One moment, please.
We are experiencing technical difficulties.
I mean it, Vernie, no more pogo sticks in the laboratory! My son Vernie.
Now, where were we? Ah, yes, my experiment.
Jules, the older of my two offspring, has assisted me in the assembly of this, a simple, yet fully operational electro-magnet.
In the interest of accuracy, this is not the first occasion on which Jules and I have constructed such a device.
Let's see Ah, yes! The year was 1864.
WOMAN: As the Union blockade took effect, the south, which was mostly agricultural, found itself to be running dangerously low on supplies.
Hit the dirt! Great Scott.
(STUTTERING) What happened? DOC: Why didn't I realize this before? Uh, what, Doc? What? Always take the aluminum foil off your burrito before you put it in the microwave.
Which brings me to the question, what's the biggest problem with the new DeLorean? Fifteen on the highway, DOC: False! If you park it on the street, it's bound to get ripped off.
Well, sure, 'cause it's a time machine.
'Cause it's a DeLorean! These things are collector's Items.
However, watch this.
(WHIRRING) Programed only to open at the sound of my voice or Einstein's bark.
Whoa! Heavy! Heavy indeed.
to be exact.
After all, there's a car in there.
But I've thought of that.
And it'll go wherever you tell it to.
(YELLING) Look what I've done inside the car.
The time circuits are now audio activated.
For random example, February 7th, 1895.
Baltimore, Maryland! Babe Ruth's birthday.
Greatest baseball player who ever lived.
Yeah, Doc.
But look, I really got to cram.
Dean Strickland'll throw me out of college if I flunk my Civil War exam.
Ah, the Civil War.
A tragic moment from America's past, the powers of oppression and slavery versus the forces of freedom.
The south pitted against the north, brother against brother.
Thank goodness those days are far behind us.
JULES: You upstart overgrown mass of immature parasitic life-form.
Give it here, you geek with a bad haircut.
I think I spoke too soon.
Give me that.
You said it was my turn.
Unhand that input device.
My work is more important than your childish shenanigans! DOC: Jules, Verne! What in the name of Sir Isaac H.
Newton (SCREAMS) (THUDDING) Ouch-a ma-gouch-a.
What is the problem with you two? Dad, Jules said I could use the computer, and now he won't let me.
But, Father, I have almost completed my calculations and a delay would be intolerable.
I'm computing the logarithmic equivalents of the atomic weight of certain isotopes found in the lanthanide series of rare earth elements.
Again? I'm trying to beat my all-time score on The Legend of Bruno.
Gadzooks, I'm baffled! On one hand, Jules is on the eternal search for knowledge.
On the other hand, Verne is developing hand-eye coordination which will come in handy in the world of the future.
I'm telling you, Einstein, it isn't easy being a father.
(BARKS) Brilliant! Boys, I think you've been spending too much time cooped up in this play loft.
Forget about the computer! Enjoy the fresh air of the great outdoors.
Zowie! I can gather more soil samples for my collection.
(EXCLAIMS) I've got to get that door fixed.
VERNE: Way to go, Dad.
You're always siding with Jules.
Aww, Vernie! That's not true.
Is so! Is not! Is so! Is not! (MOTOR STARTING) Wait a second, son.
The fly wheel needs tightening Now try it.
(ENGINE WHIRRS) Is so! Verne Newton Brown! Don't you fly away from me while I'm talking to you! (GASPS) (SCREAMING) FEMALE VOICE: Middle Tennessee.
This Confederate regiment was wiped out just a day after this photograph was taken near Chattanooga, Tennessee, February 11th, 1864.
I'll just stay up here till I run out of gas.
That'll show him.
(ENGINE STALLS) Uh-oh.
(SCREAMS) Babe, babe.
Oh, babe.
Babe.
MARTY: Yeah.
(VERNE SCREAMING) (GRUNTS) Verne, come on! I was right in the middle of studying.
Marty, Dad's always siding with Jules.
When he was two, Jules used the Etch-a-Sketch to draw a model of the DNA molecule, whatever that is, and he's been Dad's favorite ever since.
They both treat me like a baby.
Verne, you're no baby, you're my main man, a macho dude.
You're one of the guys.
Gee, thanks, Marty.
Can I borrow your hover board? Get out of town! You're too little.
Okay, forget it! Aw, Verne I'm not too little to drive the DeLorean.
(DELOREAN STARTS) (TIRES SQUEAL) Perfect.
Verne, Verne Where in the troposphere are you? (ENGINE THROTTLING) (SCREAMING) Great Scott! Verne! (RUSTLING) (BOTH YELLING) (SCREAMING) (SCREAMING) What is that contraption? MAN: Must be some Yankee trick! (SCREAMS) (VERNE SCREAMING) (CLAMORING) (WHIRRING) Didn't your mothers tell you not to play with guns? Where is this devil wagon you woke me up to see? Well, here's the driver, General.
But the wagon's gone! Biff Tannen! General Beauregard Tannen to you, buttocks-brain.
Don't you mean "Butthead"? Hmm, I like that.
However, the question is, just who are you? A Yankee spy (GULPS) Or a new recruit? Is there a third choice? (GUNS COCKING) Sorry I asked.
MARTY: Oh, Doc, this is all my fault.
I I should have let Verne ride my hover board.
No, Martin, I should have let him use the computer as promised.
Jules, Marty, there's no sense in blaming yourselves.
The problem at hand is locating Verne's whereabouts.
And this thought inducing auto-pacer isn't helping at all.
(BARKS) What is it, Einie? (BARKS) You found Verne? (GASPS) He's in the Civil War! Oh, no! It says that these Confederate soldiers were wiped out one day after this photograph was taken.
Great Scott! To the train! DOC: Power up.
Chattanooga, Tennessee! We're coming for you, Vernie! (TOOTING) (ENGINE WHISTLING) (JULES EXCLAIMS) MARTY: My God! (CHUCKLES) Over 125 years in six seconds.
That's not too shabby.
DOC: Well, I had to ease up going around the turn of the century.
Now, if my calculations are correct, we should be exactly 2.
3 miles behind Confederate lines.
Marty, you and Einstein guard the train while Jules and I explore the territory.
MARTY: Be careful, Doc.
Don't let anybody sneak up on you.
Father, how are we ever to locate Verne? The answer is right here, Jules.
Find this farmhouse, and we find venire.
(SHUTTER CLICKS) Oh, dear.
The soldier on the end blinked.
Enough of this nonsense! Men, carry on with your drills.
March left.
No, the other left.
(SLURPING) JIMMY: Okay, Verne.
I'm supposed to learn you how to be a drummer boy.
Everything we play means something to the soldiers.
This here means Forward March.
And this here means Ready to Fire.
Hey, Jimmy.
What does this mean? (VOCALIZING) TANNEN: Hesh up! I reckon it means you're making too much noise.
The general's trying to sleep.
Now, for tomorrow's battle, we'll be standing right in the front lines.
Soldiers got to hear your drumming.
The Yankees won't shoot at us, will they? Usually aim right for you.
But we're just kids.
War makes you grow up fast.
(GULPS) Come on, come on! Open up, will you? MAN: I told you he was a Yankee spy.
Look at that blue cap.
WILCOX: Get that varmint away from the whistle.
He's gonna have every yank from miles around after us.
There, little doggie.
Maybe now we can hijack this here train in peace.
Father, the train whistle It sounded like Yes, yes.
Morse code.
H-E-L Oh, that Marty! Making all that racket just to tell us "Hello.
" SOLDIER: Howdy.
No, it was definitely "Hello.
" (BOTH SCREAMING) Looks like we caught ourselves a couple of deserters.
(SLURPING) What is this stuff? Mmm, it's chipmunk stew.
Needs a pinch more dirt.
My momma, she makes a powerful good raspberry pie.
I can just taste it right now.
My mom makes a great pizza.
Jules loves pepperoni.
I was a foolish boy to run away and get into such a mess as this.
I wish my papa would just come and drag me home.
(TRAIN WHISTLING) (ENGINE CHUGGING) Here's my dad now! Oh, no! Corporal Wilcox reporting, General Tannen.
Bring you a Union train and two Yankee prisoners.
One of 'em's a dog.
(CHUCKLES) Men, throw this varmint in the pen with the other mongrels and give him a bone to chew on.
Tough luck, Einie.
Uh, what about me? I was talking about you, butthead! (SNORING) VERNE: Psst.
Oh, Verne, am I glad to see you.
Yeah, me, too.
But now we're both trapped here.
MARTY: Yeah, don't worry.
Your dad'll rescue us.
He always comes up with the perfect idea.
Jules, I don't have the slightest idea what to do.
Here we are with the Union army, and Verne's a Confederate.
Father, we have to stop tomorrow's battle.
It'll be a massacre.
Verne could get killed.
Don't worry, friend.
Ain't a Reb general been born that can stand up to Ulysses S.
Clayton.
Ulysses S.
Clayton.
Hmm.
Father, isn't that my mother's uncle? Yes! Your mother's uncle, my uncle-in-law, your grandfather's brother-in-law, your great uncle Verne's great uncle as well.
That's it! He'll stop the battle.
No, Jules, he'll never understand! MAN: General Clayton, your troubles are over.
My amazing electro-magnetico machine will not only cure your rheumatism but can also make your lower legs stronger and more shapely.
Hmm.
Will it hurt? JULES: General Clayton! (ELECTRICITY BUZZING) (SCREAMING) JULES: General, you've got to stop the battle! Verne'll get hurt and it'll all be my fault.
What in blue blazers? Who is this soldier, soldier? Private Jules Brown, General.
Your great nephew.
Great nephew? What particular brand of tomfoolery is this? Your niece Clara is my mother.
Why, little Clara belle is only nine years old.
Jules! (WHEEL CREAKING) (ELECTRICITY BUZZING) (SCREAMING) CLAYTON: Get them out! (DOC YELLING) Did you notice, Father? He had mother's eyes.
No, but I did notice the electro-magnetico machine.
Antique electricity generator.
(CHUCKLES) Yes.
Very quaint.
And it gave me a great idea.
Come on.
Well, boy.
You're wearing the uniform of a loyal son of the stars and bars.
How's it feel? Actually, I take a 32 slim.
This baggy look is dead.
Here, boy.
Hush up that drumming.
Psst.
Hey, Verne, cut it out! VERNE: I'm not drumming.
(WHIMPERING) Men, the time has come to strike a blow for freedom.
The time has come to launch our attack! Prepare to Fellas! Fellas! Whoa, whoa! Chill out! You can't fight today.
Uh It's a It's a A national holiday! What holiday? Uh, Lincoln's birthday! Charge! (YELLING) (CLAMORING) Wrong crowd.
(EXCLAIMS) The electro-magnet works great! Keep cranking! Yes, Father.
Great Scott! Jules! Jumpin' jigawatts! (BOTH SCREAMING) (ALL SIGHING) Ain't that sweet! What in tarnation? Don't shoot! Can't you see? They're brothers.
Hey, come on, guys, I'll bet most of you have a brother or an uncle or somebody you love fighting for the other side.
Hey, cousin Roy! Hey, you, cousin Jimmy.
(INDISTINCT TALKING) Well, touching.
Fighting doesn't solve anything.
Why don't we all just shake hands and go home? I believe the boy here has a point, Beauregard.
(WHIMPERING) (BARKS) Men, General Tannen and I have reached an agreement.
We shall set our differences behind us and work together.
Son, I'm proud of you! Just long enough to run these troublemakers out of here! (ALL SCREAMING) (ENGINE WHIRRING) (YELLING) (BARKING) Well, guys, we'd love to stay and be massacred but our ride's here.
DOC: To the train, Einie.
Verne, from now on you can use the computer whenever you wish.
I'll just require Whoa, look at this! It says Verne's regiment never fought a battle! See, Vernie.
You saved some lives.
(BARKS) DOC: Einie, you're right once again.
It's time we headed back to the future! FEMALE VOICE: Proceed with transmission, Dr.
Brown.
Postscript to adventure.
Marty flunked his Civil War exam.
Turns out the test was on the Spanish Civil War.
That's what he gets for wearing headphones in class.
Now, for my electro-magnet demonstration.
FEMALE VOICE: Warning! Youthful viewers.
Do not attempt this at home! Wait a micro-second.
Why didn't I think of this before? Access video-encyclopedia, section E For electro-magnet! FEMALE VOICE: Section E.
Entry, electromagnet.
DOC: Here's a way for you scientists of the future to make your own electro-magnet with a few simple household Items.
This requires a screwdriver as well as some insulated wire.
Insulation is important, for without it, you might receive a shock.
Note, the screwdriver initially has no magnetic charge.
See? Now, wrap the wire as tightly as possible around the screwdriver, and connect the ends to two batteries.
Presto! An electro-magnet, able to attract various metal objects such as paper clips.
Now, take a look at this! My new super electro-magnet, powered by the Mr.
Fusion from the DeLorean.
This should create a virtual mega-magnet capable of incredible strength.
(BREATHING HEAVILY) Every steel object in the immediate vicinity should now be attracted to the monster magnet.
(CLINKS) Paper clips, the silverware, why, even the camera (GASPS) The camera! (GASPS) Help.
Hopefully, I'll have this thing repaired by my next broadcast.
See you in the future! Hey, hey, hey Don't be a butthead! If you want to learn more about the Civil War, go to your local library and read a book.