Barely Famous (2015) s01e01 Episode Script
Barely Famous
1 [horn honking.]
Sara? What are you doing here? What's going on? Hi! What are you up to? You know, just um jogging.
What a what's happening here? What are you doing? With what? [laughs.]
The three cameras sticking in my face, I mean are you doing a reality show? A what? Is this a reality show? A reality show? No, this is not a reality show and that's super insulting that you would think I'm doing a reality show, no! Not that weird, I mean there's three cameras, you got equipment, a boom that's like gonna scratch my car watch the hood.
I would never do a reality show.
I wouldn't think so, I mean No um I'm doing a documentary.
A documentary? Yeah.
On? My life about you know all my accomplishments, my sister's in it right.
but like, but comedy.
Yeah, well let's have dinner soon, everything good? Great.
Single yet? No, huh? All right, I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Good luck with the documentary.
Okay.
[producer's voice.]
All right, let's start with who you are.
I'm Erin.
I'm Sara.
[producer's voice.]
Who's your dad? Our dad is David Foster.
But don't like, show pictures of him on the screen.
He's a successful music producer.
He's more than successful.
But we don't really want to talk about him that much.
No, I know we don't want to talk about him, but I'm just saying we have to, he's famous.
Because of that We've been asked to do probably I would say, I don't know ten reality shows.
But we're like, 'We would never do a reality show.
' Yeah, we're private people.
Yeah.
[producer's voice.]
So what is this show? Erin and I have always wanted to work together.
I'm a writer and Sara's an actress and I wanted to sell a show about fame and celebrities and wealth and vanity and Hollywood and all this like Complete, L.
A.
, craziness, um We wanted to sell that as a comedy.
And we did! And we sold it.
To the reality department at VH1.
Yeah.
[producer's voice.]
So, this is a reality show? What? Eh documentary.
I mean, it is real.
Yeah.
I guess.
At the end of the day, this is a story about two sisters who grew up in a really crazy environment, a crazy world in Los Angeles who managed to stay normal around that and I'm just excited for people to get to see how funny I am.
yeah.
All right, so what should we be talking about? I don't know, what do you want us to talk about? [producer's voice.]
What would you be talking about otherwise? You came home reeeally early last night.
Oh, my God Sara, I've never been on a worst date in my entire life.
He walks in, he goes, 'Oh yeah, you are very pretty.
' [laughs.]
He was the creepiest person I've ever met in my life.
He asked me if my teeth were real.
What.
Are you talking about? He didn't explain that, there was no follow up question.
What if they were fake and I had to like admit that to him? Like, no I have pegs and uh I had to cover them with veneers and then I'm like sitting there and I'm like, 'Let this date go through,' you know, let's just get to the hour mark when I can say I wanna leave and and out of nowhere he just goes, 'These are pictures of my condo.
' [laughs.]
It's impossible to meet the normal good guy in L.
A.
Where do normal guys hang out in Los Angeles? I don't know.
I'll find him, you mark my words.
I will find somewhere where Normal Normalson works.
I have to be honest, no one has ever asked me out at the Apple store.
Really? That's never happened.
That's really weird.
Dating is really hard.
Yeah, uh tell me about it in L.
A.
of all places.
Uggh! First of all, you Google each other before you meet Well, I don't do that.
I Googled you actually, nothing came up? I'm sure.
Which is really rare, you're very mysterious.
Really? Yeah.
Where are you from, originally? I'm from L.
A.
Okay, I grew up in Salem, Oregon.
I don't even know if you know where that is.
No, where is it? Well, it's in Oregon.
Oh, right.
[laughs.]
Yeah, but everyone I've met here is so like affected and like Pretentious Yeah, yeah, yeah and pompous.
It's just kind of gross.
Everyone is always like name dropping and they're always looking over their shoulder at who's more famous or younger or hotter and like everyone in this town is obsessed with celebrities.
Seems like it, right? Obsessed.
Yeah.
It's like you see these women with their faces and they look like Jack Nicholson in Batman.
Crazy! Yeah, pulled back and Can't move.
Their foreheads are like, Klingon I'm happy, I'm sad, it's all the same.
It's so not my scene Me either.
like I can't imagine anyone I'm with going in for like Botox.
So it looks like torture.
hmm.
Mm-hmm.
So tell me more, like what do you do daily, like what's your job? I mean you know mine, You came into it.
Yeah, no that's true.
I fixed your track pad! Umm Oh my God, by the way, that total I mean is it annoying if I ask you a phone question.
Oh no, please.
Even though I've updated everything, it won't sign on to the Wi-Fi anywhere I go.
Uh-huh.
Let the doctor go to work.
Okay.
It's just it's like an operating system issue.
[phone dings.]
Okay.
Oh.
You have a text.
Mm.
It's from James Franco.
'You up' with a question mark.
That's weird.
Okay.
Uh Like James Franco, like Wizard of Oz James Franco? I didn't see that.
Spring Breakers The Oscars.
Yes, that's the one.
That's crazy, James Franco's texting you.
I know.
That's weird.
And, 'you up?' I don't know what that means.
Well, it means he's asking if you're awake.
It's usually what you ask if you want to bang somebody.
Oh.
Well then yes, I'm up.
[laughs.]
But, no I don't want to do that because I'm on a date with you.
I'm worried about Erin.
She's 31.
She's not getting any younger.
I don't know if it's gonna happen for her.
It's gonna happen.
Okay stay on your side.
'Kay.
[sighs.]
'Toodleoodleoodleoodle!' I know that looked weird, but that's not my scene.
I'm a normal person and I read books, you know.
Like what was the last book you read? Okay, that's like 'Put you on the spot!' No, no, take your time.
Take your time.
E Fos! Hi, hello.
Hello? Hiiii.
Hi! Hi, what are you doing here? What are you doing in this random place.
Hi.
Hi, that's Nicole Richie.
Blue.
I love it.
Why is she getting the bag? She's kinda nominated for an Oscar and you Eh, like like 15 years ago.
E Fos! Hi, hello.
Hiii.
Hi.
What are you doing here? Oh, I just came in to pee.
What are you doing here? I'm on date.
Here?? Yes.
That's so cute! It is cute.
James wanted to know what you were doing tonight so I said I didn't James Franco.
Why would you say that when I'm on a date.
No, my cousin James James Jackson? To be honest with you Nicole Richie, I don't know you very well but James Jackson sounds like the fakest name I've ever heard.
Do you have to pee? Yes, I'll be right back.
Perfect.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Bye, Nicole Richie.
Do you want to get out of here and get a drink tomorrow? - We're not friends.
- Right.
I wouldn't be friends with h I wouldn't be friends with her.
Okay.
You know.
That's just not Well, she seems very sweet.
Yeah, but it's not my scene.
[chair dragging on floor.]
Oop! So, what's going on? Nothing, we're just talking.
How long have you guys known each other? We all grew up together because her dad works with my dad.
Well, she's adopted so it's not like her dad.
And then, weirdly because her family is like big and everyone is re-married and everything and so like she has other families like the Jenners who I'm like who we know so like The Jenners? techically, you're kind of a Kardashian.
Just a not famous one.
I wouldn't say technically, I would say technically I'm not.
Well, I mean but you kind of are, right? I mean all of your brothers and sisters basically are famous except for you.
Right? Well, listen.
I think you're both great, I-I you know Thank you.
I might have to get back to work for we have an iPad coming out tomorrow.
No, no, I know this move.
Oh, that's so cute.
Which iPad? No, what you're doing right now, I do that all the time and I know what you're doing and it's because - you think you don't like me.
- Just let him go.
- But you do like me.
- I just don't think it's a good fit.
Nice meeting you, Nicole Richie.
Oh, I'll take your seat! - Yeah, please.
- Okay.
I'm down with this place! What should we order? You're literally the worst person I know.
It's a little frustrating in relationships for me at this point, I think we grew up in a normal way and then I meet someone who's actually normal and I'm like whoa.
Our childhood was [beep.]
up.
Hollywood is a crazy thing.
And what I'm really so excited about is Erin getting her first taste of celebrity, 'Come to my restaurant, come to my store.
' That would be nice.
'Come to Saudi Arabia.
Be my professional girlfriend.
' Wait, what was that last one? It's the greatest feeling.
Hi.
Hi, how are you? Good, how can I help you? Oh, I'm here to get the Birkin bag.
A black one.
Okay.
Umm just a credit card I guess? No, my publicist called and Oh, okay.
She told me to come in and you're doing free bags for celebrities and Oh, okay.
Who is the celebrity that we're giving the bag to? Um Oh, you? I'm a celebrity.
I'm so sorry, what's your name again? Um, Sara.
Sara.
Okay.
Yeah.
Foster.
Foster! Sara Foster.
Exactly.
So, are you like on a show? Or in a movie or? I've been in tons of movies actually.
Okay.
But currently Currently, yeah I'm on a television show.
Oh, okay! What show? That was like 20 years ago? Okay, 90210 was on Okay.
A long time ago but now there's a new one, I'm on the new one.
It's a new one.
It's a new 90210? Yeah.
Okay.
Black Birkin bag, Sara Foster, let me just go check with my manager, okay? Okay.
90210 was canceled in 2013.
Sara's part was canceled in 2012.
Okay, I'm right here.
This is my sole interview.
I am a huge star, I can hardly walk down the street in Germany.
Neither can David Hasselhoff.
Are we good? Good in what sense? Here's where we're at.
We totally know who you are.
Great.
We love 90210.
Oh, good.
I know, everybody does.
Here at the store, we love your work on the show.
Thank you.
The thing is, we don't have any more of the bags that you wanted.
Hey, Jared.
Hey! K Huds! Oh, my God! How are you? Good! How are you? Oh, my God.
You look amazing.
Thank you.
What's up? Well, Birkin bag.
Birkin bag.
Yes.
They don't have any.
Birkin bag.
[dropping items.]
Oh, you have a gray one? Yeah.
Oh, no gray? No.
You don't want gray? I got a lot of gray.
What do you want? What do you? I don't know, something colorful? Colorful.
Happy.
Hold on, hold on blue? I looove that! Pop.
I love it! Does that pop? I love it.
Right? That is excellent.
That's gonna look great.
I'm so excited.
Yeah, it's gonna look great.
I'm so, so, sorry to um [clears throat.]
interrupt What's up? Why is she getting a bag? Are you seriously asking this question? It's Kate Hudson.
I don't know.
Yeah, I know who she is.
Yeah, she's kinda nominated for an Oscar and you Eh, like 15 years ago.
You know what I can do.
I can give you [knocking things over.]
The box I could give you, it has this bag do you want this bag? That the bag comes in? Do you want this bag? All right.
There we go.
Now everybody's happy.
And, I have lots of those and I use them all the time.
All the time, you can use these.
Oh, really? - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
All the time.
All the time, when you're shopping with the kids.
There we go.
Okay.
Oh, that looks really great.
K Huds? Awesome.
Um I will never come back to this store.
Oh, my God, why? I love your leggings.
I love those leggings.
You sent me to the store to get the free Birkin.
Right.
I didn't get the bag.
Kate Hudson sort of just like strolled in and she got the bag.
Oh Obviously her publicist has a lot more power than my publicist and that's unfortunate.
Well, it's not that her publicist has more power.
Publicists are instrumental in furthering someone's career.
Or giving someone a career.
[exhales.]
That is true, there are some people that are only famous for being famous.
You can like get your own show for nothing, for no reason.
It's crazy.
You can just like be on TV for like, no one knows who you are or like what you're doing.
It's crazy.
It's embarrassing.
Totally.
I need a more powerful publicist so unless you can come up with something right now, that's gonna help me, that's gonna do anything for me, I fear we're gonna have to sever this relationship.
So, do you have anything for me right now? Let me see, I'm gonna call in a favor to a paparazzi Mm-hmm.
And stage like a run-in with them, like a walk and talk.
Okay.
The truth is it's a cut throat business and sometimes you gotta just lace up your boots and you gotta play the game.
That's Hollywood, you gotta be in the trenches, you've gotta be prepared for anything, you've gotta sell your soul.
You've gotta get desperate.
I've never wanted to sell my soul.
I'm open now to selling a piece of my soul.
That was beautiful.
Yeah, do a fresh page.
Okay.
Are they gonna provide hair and make-up? No.
Okay, I will do that myself.
All right, where am I going? Um, probably Chevron.
Chev ron.
Is that on the Fox Lot? Where is the studio that I need to go to? No, it's Chevron in Hollywood.
It's a gas station.
Oh okay.
Parts of my life are a little bit strange, but I don't need some like hot guy that's like making all this money.
And like, I'm so into like this.
You came to my work again.
Yeah look, I like you.
I feel like you totally got the wrong impression of me.
I'm just a normal girl and I just want to be with a regular guy like have a couple kids together.
[laughs.]
That's not a joke.
[laughing.]
No, I know but when you say you're normal.
It's just not that normal.
Okay, anyway, I just want a normal guy.
Who can fix stuff around the house and not know who Kendall Jenner is.
I didn't expect to run into Nicole, you know? Neither did I.
And I didn't expect to get a text from James Franco.
Yeah.
Parts of my life are a little bit strange, but I don't need some like hot guy that's like making all this money and like, I'm so into like this, you know? That's a real roundabout compliment.
Yeah, totally it's a compliment! I'm saying I want you! Those are parts of my life that I want to pull away from and coming here is to tell you that you're a big part of that.
I mean I dig that you came in here vulnerable and like my youth pastor was a kid who always used to talk about second chances and Yeah.
I'm not one to not give 'em.
Okay.
So, if you wanted to Yes? We could sort of have a normal date.
I've been wanting to go to P.
F.
Chang's, I like the potstickers so if you're down, I'm down.
The P.
F.
, the P.
F Chang's? That's where you want to go? P.
F.
Chang's, yeah, yeah.
I love it there.
Okay.
Cool.
I'm-I'm you know.
You've been there? Yeah [scoffs.]
All right.
They do the sauce mixing.
Yeah, cool.
Great! So, I'll pick you up later.
I'll make out with you later.
All right.
I'm down.
- Sara? - Yes.
Oh, my God.
Hi, hi, hi! Hi.
It's so nice to meet you, thank you so much for doing this.
Okay, your publicist just said to meet you here 'cause you're having like a crisis or something? Sorry, what? A cris no, no, no, no! So, you just want to do this? Yeah, yeah but do you think I should be pumping gas or what what's younger? You can just do the windows.
It doesn't matter.
Okay so, just tell me say, 'action,' and we'll start, right? I'm already started rolling.
You're already rolling? Yeah.
Okay but I wasn't ready.
All right, do you want me to pretend to turn the camera off for you? Like, we're rolling, action, go.
I have to get into character.
You're just being yourself, right? Isn't that aren't you just pimping something here? Just just give me one second.
Are you Oh, what's up, it's Sara Foster.
Hey, Sara Foster.
Oh, my God.
What've you been up to? Sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm just trying to No, it's cool.
wash my windows.
This feels very invasive.
You're scum, get out of here.
Can I just live? Do you feed your children this way? You should be ashamed of yourself.
You.
Should be ashamed of yourself.
Okay.
- All right - You know what, back up.
All right, fine.
I can go.
No, no.
Don't go.
I'm acting.
I'm doing what celebrities do, they can't act like they want their-camera in their face.
Look, can you just pimp your show? Like I actually have places to be.
Okay.
Hi, this is Sara Foster.
Tilt the camera over here.
Um, I have a show.
My sister's in it.
Umm I'm so excited for everybody to get to see it.
That's great.
Nobody washes windshields like that.
Nobody pumps gas in an outfit like this, I mean work with me here.
C'mon.
Okay.
I mean whoa.
Sara? Sorry, what are you? Is that your sister? What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm on a date.
Sorry, who who's this? This is Jensen.
Whose car is that? This is my mom's car.
[photographer laughs.]
Sorry, this has never happened with I swear to God, she filled it up earlier today.
I don't know Sara! Are you being filmed right now? I see how it would look like that, but that's not what's happening.
So what is happening? Um I, I my windows are dirty.
That seemed like a lie.
Jensen, get back in the car! Definitely is a lie.
No, it's not a lie.
Shut up! Do you have an Uber? It's a block away from P.
F.
Chang's.
Stop saying P.
F.
Chang's! This is amazing.
Don't get me on camera with this car God.
Don't film me next to this car! What is she doing? She's she's meditating.
Last night was so embarrassing.
I can't believe you were doing that, that was like so gnarly.
It wasn't embarrassing, I was doing what everybody else does.
Set up paparazzi shots? Yes! [whispering.]
I have the worst cramps.
I'm actually jealous you have cramps, I like haven't had cramps in like, six months.
Oh, cause of your H.
P.
V.
? No, that doesn't affect it.
Does Jensen know you have H.
P.
V.
? It's like barely an S.
T.
D.
, like 13-year-olds have it.
It's not as though you have to like admit it anymore 'cause like everyone has it.
[producer's voice.]
All right guys, let's get ready to shoot! What do you want us to talk about? [producer's voice.]
What happened last night.
Uhhh no!! [producer's voice.]
We really need something to finish this episode.
We'll talk about.
Well, then just think of something else.
No, no, we'll talk about it, but when we do talk about it, I need you to be like nice to me.
Don't call me desperate, or like call me out for the set up thing.
Be like, 'yeah, yeah, that's what everybody does.
' Okay.
[snickers.]
I'm serious.
[yells to production.]
Yeah, okay, we're ready! [whispers.]
[mocking.]
Yeah, you're so you're so pretty.
- Okay, that's good.
- Okay.
[whispers.]
I got it, I got it.
[producer's voice.]
All right, here we go! [slate marker closing.]
[producer's voice.]
Aaand, action! Wasn't last night amazing? So cool! That blue outfit was so pretty on you! Right.
And I mean, that's what everybody does.
Yeah! Of course, everyone does that! Yeah! No.
You looked really cute.
It was really cool what you did.
Right, and I'm on the front page of TMZ.
Which is so cool.
[whispers.]
Here's a video! [video playing on tablet in background.]
Whoa.
I'm on the front page.
Oh my God.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! [laughing.]
You look so psycho there.
[producer's voice.]
Oh, we got it! We're good! No.
Oh, we did not.
[producer's voice.]
Oh, we got it.
They want to see ass Yeaahh! That's fun.
tits.
Ooh! Nip slip! celebs.
How are you? Look like a total hooker.
This slip? It's almost like a window to your vag.
You've got like straw in your hair oh, no, no, no.
Oh my, God.
That's Okay.
That's not straw.
Why are you naked in front of the crew? They thought it would be an interesting scene.
Can you believe this amateur script? I have to introduce you to the brilliant artist behind this.
That's me! I literally [beep.]
James Franco last night.
Ugh! The thought of you naked bums me out.
Oh my God, Courteney Cox is here.
Let go of the socks and let go of my shoe! I don't have time to kind of nurture this project.
Jennifer Lawrence and I are always doing this thing Um, except that she's here and you're here.
Great party.
What the [beep.]
are you doing? I have a thing about fake anything fake is gross.
Brrrr sorry, I just had this thought of like doing one of those like metal detector things like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beee p! You walked into that one.
When you are doing a documentary, before it's successful, it's embarassing.
But then, once you hit success - everyone wants to be a part of you.
- Yeah.
Well, no one wants to be on your show but they want to hang out with you.
I think the network said that they're willing to call it - a 'docu-series.
' - A 'docu-series.
' Yes.
So I mean you can say a reality show and we'll allow you to say it - but we'll never agree with you.
- We won't respond to you.
We won't know you.
You're dead to us.
- But you can call it that.
- Right.
- And you can keep it that way.
- Yeah.
Sara? What are you doing here? What's going on? Hi! What are you up to? You know, just um jogging.
What a what's happening here? What are you doing? With what? [laughs.]
The three cameras sticking in my face, I mean are you doing a reality show? A what? Is this a reality show? A reality show? No, this is not a reality show and that's super insulting that you would think I'm doing a reality show, no! Not that weird, I mean there's three cameras, you got equipment, a boom that's like gonna scratch my car watch the hood.
I would never do a reality show.
I wouldn't think so, I mean No um I'm doing a documentary.
A documentary? Yeah.
On? My life about you know all my accomplishments, my sister's in it right.
but like, but comedy.
Yeah, well let's have dinner soon, everything good? Great.
Single yet? No, huh? All right, I'll talk to you later.
Bye.
Good luck with the documentary.
Okay.
[producer's voice.]
All right, let's start with who you are.
I'm Erin.
I'm Sara.
[producer's voice.]
Who's your dad? Our dad is David Foster.
But don't like, show pictures of him on the screen.
He's a successful music producer.
He's more than successful.
But we don't really want to talk about him that much.
No, I know we don't want to talk about him, but I'm just saying we have to, he's famous.
Because of that We've been asked to do probably I would say, I don't know ten reality shows.
But we're like, 'We would never do a reality show.
' Yeah, we're private people.
Yeah.
[producer's voice.]
So what is this show? Erin and I have always wanted to work together.
I'm a writer and Sara's an actress and I wanted to sell a show about fame and celebrities and wealth and vanity and Hollywood and all this like Complete, L.
A.
, craziness, um We wanted to sell that as a comedy.
And we did! And we sold it.
To the reality department at VH1.
Yeah.
[producer's voice.]
So, this is a reality show? What? Eh documentary.
I mean, it is real.
Yeah.
I guess.
At the end of the day, this is a story about two sisters who grew up in a really crazy environment, a crazy world in Los Angeles who managed to stay normal around that and I'm just excited for people to get to see how funny I am.
yeah.
All right, so what should we be talking about? I don't know, what do you want us to talk about? [producer's voice.]
What would you be talking about otherwise? You came home reeeally early last night.
Oh, my God Sara, I've never been on a worst date in my entire life.
He walks in, he goes, 'Oh yeah, you are very pretty.
' [laughs.]
He was the creepiest person I've ever met in my life.
He asked me if my teeth were real.
What.
Are you talking about? He didn't explain that, there was no follow up question.
What if they were fake and I had to like admit that to him? Like, no I have pegs and uh I had to cover them with veneers and then I'm like sitting there and I'm like, 'Let this date go through,' you know, let's just get to the hour mark when I can say I wanna leave and and out of nowhere he just goes, 'These are pictures of my condo.
' [laughs.]
It's impossible to meet the normal good guy in L.
A.
Where do normal guys hang out in Los Angeles? I don't know.
I'll find him, you mark my words.
I will find somewhere where Normal Normalson works.
I have to be honest, no one has ever asked me out at the Apple store.
Really? That's never happened.
That's really weird.
Dating is really hard.
Yeah, uh tell me about it in L.
A.
of all places.
Uggh! First of all, you Google each other before you meet Well, I don't do that.
I Googled you actually, nothing came up? I'm sure.
Which is really rare, you're very mysterious.
Really? Yeah.
Where are you from, originally? I'm from L.
A.
Okay, I grew up in Salem, Oregon.
I don't even know if you know where that is.
No, where is it? Well, it's in Oregon.
Oh, right.
[laughs.]
Yeah, but everyone I've met here is so like affected and like Pretentious Yeah, yeah, yeah and pompous.
It's just kind of gross.
Everyone is always like name dropping and they're always looking over their shoulder at who's more famous or younger or hotter and like everyone in this town is obsessed with celebrities.
Seems like it, right? Obsessed.
Yeah.
It's like you see these women with their faces and they look like Jack Nicholson in Batman.
Crazy! Yeah, pulled back and Can't move.
Their foreheads are like, Klingon I'm happy, I'm sad, it's all the same.
It's so not my scene Me either.
like I can't imagine anyone I'm with going in for like Botox.
So it looks like torture.
hmm.
Mm-hmm.
So tell me more, like what do you do daily, like what's your job? I mean you know mine, You came into it.
Yeah, no that's true.
I fixed your track pad! Umm Oh my God, by the way, that total I mean is it annoying if I ask you a phone question.
Oh no, please.
Even though I've updated everything, it won't sign on to the Wi-Fi anywhere I go.
Uh-huh.
Let the doctor go to work.
Okay.
It's just it's like an operating system issue.
[phone dings.]
Okay.
Oh.
You have a text.
Mm.
It's from James Franco.
'You up' with a question mark.
That's weird.
Okay.
Uh Like James Franco, like Wizard of Oz James Franco? I didn't see that.
Spring Breakers The Oscars.
Yes, that's the one.
That's crazy, James Franco's texting you.
I know.
That's weird.
And, 'you up?' I don't know what that means.
Well, it means he's asking if you're awake.
It's usually what you ask if you want to bang somebody.
Oh.
Well then yes, I'm up.
[laughs.]
But, no I don't want to do that because I'm on a date with you.
I'm worried about Erin.
She's 31.
She's not getting any younger.
I don't know if it's gonna happen for her.
It's gonna happen.
Okay stay on your side.
'Kay.
[sighs.]
'Toodleoodleoodleoodle!' I know that looked weird, but that's not my scene.
I'm a normal person and I read books, you know.
Like what was the last book you read? Okay, that's like 'Put you on the spot!' No, no, take your time.
Take your time.
E Fos! Hi, hello.
Hello? Hiiii.
Hi! Hi, what are you doing here? What are you doing in this random place.
Hi.
Hi, that's Nicole Richie.
Blue.
I love it.
Why is she getting the bag? She's kinda nominated for an Oscar and you Eh, like like 15 years ago.
E Fos! Hi, hello.
Hiii.
Hi.
What are you doing here? Oh, I just came in to pee.
What are you doing here? I'm on date.
Here?? Yes.
That's so cute! It is cute.
James wanted to know what you were doing tonight so I said I didn't James Franco.
Why would you say that when I'm on a date.
No, my cousin James James Jackson? To be honest with you Nicole Richie, I don't know you very well but James Jackson sounds like the fakest name I've ever heard.
Do you have to pee? Yes, I'll be right back.
Perfect.
- Okay.
- Okay.
Bye, Nicole Richie.
Do you want to get out of here and get a drink tomorrow? - We're not friends.
- Right.
I wouldn't be friends with h I wouldn't be friends with her.
Okay.
You know.
That's just not Well, she seems very sweet.
Yeah, but it's not my scene.
[chair dragging on floor.]
Oop! So, what's going on? Nothing, we're just talking.
How long have you guys known each other? We all grew up together because her dad works with my dad.
Well, she's adopted so it's not like her dad.
And then, weirdly because her family is like big and everyone is re-married and everything and so like she has other families like the Jenners who I'm like who we know so like The Jenners? techically, you're kind of a Kardashian.
Just a not famous one.
I wouldn't say technically, I would say technically I'm not.
Well, I mean but you kind of are, right? I mean all of your brothers and sisters basically are famous except for you.
Right? Well, listen.
I think you're both great, I-I you know Thank you.
I might have to get back to work for we have an iPad coming out tomorrow.
No, no, I know this move.
Oh, that's so cute.
Which iPad? No, what you're doing right now, I do that all the time and I know what you're doing and it's because - you think you don't like me.
- Just let him go.
- But you do like me.
- I just don't think it's a good fit.
Nice meeting you, Nicole Richie.
Oh, I'll take your seat! - Yeah, please.
- Okay.
I'm down with this place! What should we order? You're literally the worst person I know.
It's a little frustrating in relationships for me at this point, I think we grew up in a normal way and then I meet someone who's actually normal and I'm like whoa.
Our childhood was [beep.]
up.
Hollywood is a crazy thing.
And what I'm really so excited about is Erin getting her first taste of celebrity, 'Come to my restaurant, come to my store.
' That would be nice.
'Come to Saudi Arabia.
Be my professional girlfriend.
' Wait, what was that last one? It's the greatest feeling.
Hi.
Hi, how are you? Good, how can I help you? Oh, I'm here to get the Birkin bag.
A black one.
Okay.
Umm just a credit card I guess? No, my publicist called and Oh, okay.
She told me to come in and you're doing free bags for celebrities and Oh, okay.
Who is the celebrity that we're giving the bag to? Um Oh, you? I'm a celebrity.
I'm so sorry, what's your name again? Um, Sara.
Sara.
Okay.
Yeah.
Foster.
Foster! Sara Foster.
Exactly.
So, are you like on a show? Or in a movie or? I've been in tons of movies actually.
Okay.
But currently Currently, yeah I'm on a television show.
Oh, okay! What show? That was like 20 years ago? Okay, 90210 was on Okay.
A long time ago but now there's a new one, I'm on the new one.
It's a new one.
It's a new 90210? Yeah.
Okay.
Black Birkin bag, Sara Foster, let me just go check with my manager, okay? Okay.
90210 was canceled in 2013.
Sara's part was canceled in 2012.
Okay, I'm right here.
This is my sole interview.
I am a huge star, I can hardly walk down the street in Germany.
Neither can David Hasselhoff.
Are we good? Good in what sense? Here's where we're at.
We totally know who you are.
Great.
We love 90210.
Oh, good.
I know, everybody does.
Here at the store, we love your work on the show.
Thank you.
The thing is, we don't have any more of the bags that you wanted.
Hey, Jared.
Hey! K Huds! Oh, my God! How are you? Good! How are you? Oh, my God.
You look amazing.
Thank you.
What's up? Well, Birkin bag.
Birkin bag.
Yes.
They don't have any.
Birkin bag.
[dropping items.]
Oh, you have a gray one? Yeah.
Oh, no gray? No.
You don't want gray? I got a lot of gray.
What do you want? What do you? I don't know, something colorful? Colorful.
Happy.
Hold on, hold on blue? I looove that! Pop.
I love it! Does that pop? I love it.
Right? That is excellent.
That's gonna look great.
I'm so excited.
Yeah, it's gonna look great.
I'm so, so, sorry to um [clears throat.]
interrupt What's up? Why is she getting a bag? Are you seriously asking this question? It's Kate Hudson.
I don't know.
Yeah, I know who she is.
Yeah, she's kinda nominated for an Oscar and you Eh, like 15 years ago.
You know what I can do.
I can give you [knocking things over.]
The box I could give you, it has this bag do you want this bag? That the bag comes in? Do you want this bag? All right.
There we go.
Now everybody's happy.
And, I have lots of those and I use them all the time.
All the time, you can use these.
Oh, really? - Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
All the time.
All the time, when you're shopping with the kids.
There we go.
Okay.
Oh, that looks really great.
K Huds? Awesome.
Um I will never come back to this store.
Oh, my God, why? I love your leggings.
I love those leggings.
You sent me to the store to get the free Birkin.
Right.
I didn't get the bag.
Kate Hudson sort of just like strolled in and she got the bag.
Oh Obviously her publicist has a lot more power than my publicist and that's unfortunate.
Well, it's not that her publicist has more power.
Publicists are instrumental in furthering someone's career.
Or giving someone a career.
[exhales.]
That is true, there are some people that are only famous for being famous.
You can like get your own show for nothing, for no reason.
It's crazy.
You can just like be on TV for like, no one knows who you are or like what you're doing.
It's crazy.
It's embarrassing.
Totally.
I need a more powerful publicist so unless you can come up with something right now, that's gonna help me, that's gonna do anything for me, I fear we're gonna have to sever this relationship.
So, do you have anything for me right now? Let me see, I'm gonna call in a favor to a paparazzi Mm-hmm.
And stage like a run-in with them, like a walk and talk.
Okay.
The truth is it's a cut throat business and sometimes you gotta just lace up your boots and you gotta play the game.
That's Hollywood, you gotta be in the trenches, you've gotta be prepared for anything, you've gotta sell your soul.
You've gotta get desperate.
I've never wanted to sell my soul.
I'm open now to selling a piece of my soul.
That was beautiful.
Yeah, do a fresh page.
Okay.
Are they gonna provide hair and make-up? No.
Okay, I will do that myself.
All right, where am I going? Um, probably Chevron.
Chev ron.
Is that on the Fox Lot? Where is the studio that I need to go to? No, it's Chevron in Hollywood.
It's a gas station.
Oh okay.
Parts of my life are a little bit strange, but I don't need some like hot guy that's like making all this money.
And like, I'm so into like this.
You came to my work again.
Yeah look, I like you.
I feel like you totally got the wrong impression of me.
I'm just a normal girl and I just want to be with a regular guy like have a couple kids together.
[laughs.]
That's not a joke.
[laughing.]
No, I know but when you say you're normal.
It's just not that normal.
Okay, anyway, I just want a normal guy.
Who can fix stuff around the house and not know who Kendall Jenner is.
I didn't expect to run into Nicole, you know? Neither did I.
And I didn't expect to get a text from James Franco.
Yeah.
Parts of my life are a little bit strange, but I don't need some like hot guy that's like making all this money and like, I'm so into like this, you know? That's a real roundabout compliment.
Yeah, totally it's a compliment! I'm saying I want you! Those are parts of my life that I want to pull away from and coming here is to tell you that you're a big part of that.
I mean I dig that you came in here vulnerable and like my youth pastor was a kid who always used to talk about second chances and Yeah.
I'm not one to not give 'em.
Okay.
So, if you wanted to Yes? We could sort of have a normal date.
I've been wanting to go to P.
F.
Chang's, I like the potstickers so if you're down, I'm down.
The P.
F.
, the P.
F Chang's? That's where you want to go? P.
F.
Chang's, yeah, yeah.
I love it there.
Okay.
Cool.
I'm-I'm you know.
You've been there? Yeah [scoffs.]
All right.
They do the sauce mixing.
Yeah, cool.
Great! So, I'll pick you up later.
I'll make out with you later.
All right.
I'm down.
- Sara? - Yes.
Oh, my God.
Hi, hi, hi! Hi.
It's so nice to meet you, thank you so much for doing this.
Okay, your publicist just said to meet you here 'cause you're having like a crisis or something? Sorry, what? A cris no, no, no, no! So, you just want to do this? Yeah, yeah but do you think I should be pumping gas or what what's younger? You can just do the windows.
It doesn't matter.
Okay so, just tell me say, 'action,' and we'll start, right? I'm already started rolling.
You're already rolling? Yeah.
Okay but I wasn't ready.
All right, do you want me to pretend to turn the camera off for you? Like, we're rolling, action, go.
I have to get into character.
You're just being yourself, right? Isn't that aren't you just pimping something here? Just just give me one second.
Are you Oh, what's up, it's Sara Foster.
Hey, Sara Foster.
Oh, my God.
What've you been up to? Sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm just trying to No, it's cool.
wash my windows.
This feels very invasive.
You're scum, get out of here.
Can I just live? Do you feed your children this way? You should be ashamed of yourself.
You.
Should be ashamed of yourself.
Okay.
- All right - You know what, back up.
All right, fine.
I can go.
No, no.
Don't go.
I'm acting.
I'm doing what celebrities do, they can't act like they want their-camera in their face.
Look, can you just pimp your show? Like I actually have places to be.
Okay.
Hi, this is Sara Foster.
Tilt the camera over here.
Um, I have a show.
My sister's in it.
Umm I'm so excited for everybody to get to see it.
That's great.
Nobody washes windshields like that.
Nobody pumps gas in an outfit like this, I mean work with me here.
C'mon.
Okay.
I mean whoa.
Sara? Sorry, what are you? Is that your sister? What are you doing? What are you doing? I'm on a date.
Sorry, who who's this? This is Jensen.
Whose car is that? This is my mom's car.
[photographer laughs.]
Sorry, this has never happened with I swear to God, she filled it up earlier today.
I don't know Sara! Are you being filmed right now? I see how it would look like that, but that's not what's happening.
So what is happening? Um I, I my windows are dirty.
That seemed like a lie.
Jensen, get back in the car! Definitely is a lie.
No, it's not a lie.
Shut up! Do you have an Uber? It's a block away from P.
F.
Chang's.
Stop saying P.
F.
Chang's! This is amazing.
Don't get me on camera with this car God.
Don't film me next to this car! What is she doing? She's she's meditating.
Last night was so embarrassing.
I can't believe you were doing that, that was like so gnarly.
It wasn't embarrassing, I was doing what everybody else does.
Set up paparazzi shots? Yes! [whispering.]
I have the worst cramps.
I'm actually jealous you have cramps, I like haven't had cramps in like, six months.
Oh, cause of your H.
P.
V.
? No, that doesn't affect it.
Does Jensen know you have H.
P.
V.
? It's like barely an S.
T.
D.
, like 13-year-olds have it.
It's not as though you have to like admit it anymore 'cause like everyone has it.
[producer's voice.]
All right guys, let's get ready to shoot! What do you want us to talk about? [producer's voice.]
What happened last night.
Uhhh no!! [producer's voice.]
We really need something to finish this episode.
We'll talk about.
Well, then just think of something else.
No, no, we'll talk about it, but when we do talk about it, I need you to be like nice to me.
Don't call me desperate, or like call me out for the set up thing.
Be like, 'yeah, yeah, that's what everybody does.
' Okay.
[snickers.]
I'm serious.
[yells to production.]
Yeah, okay, we're ready! [whispers.]
[mocking.]
Yeah, you're so you're so pretty.
- Okay, that's good.
- Okay.
[whispers.]
I got it, I got it.
[producer's voice.]
All right, here we go! [slate marker closing.]
[producer's voice.]
Aaand, action! Wasn't last night amazing? So cool! That blue outfit was so pretty on you! Right.
And I mean, that's what everybody does.
Yeah! Of course, everyone does that! Yeah! No.
You looked really cute.
It was really cool what you did.
Right, and I'm on the front page of TMZ.
Which is so cool.
[whispers.]
Here's a video! [video playing on tablet in background.]
Whoa.
I'm on the front page.
Oh my God.
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! [laughing.]
You look so psycho there.
[producer's voice.]
Oh, we got it! We're good! No.
Oh, we did not.
[producer's voice.]
Oh, we got it.
They want to see ass Yeaahh! That's fun.
tits.
Ooh! Nip slip! celebs.
How are you? Look like a total hooker.
This slip? It's almost like a window to your vag.
You've got like straw in your hair oh, no, no, no.
Oh my, God.
That's Okay.
That's not straw.
Why are you naked in front of the crew? They thought it would be an interesting scene.
Can you believe this amateur script? I have to introduce you to the brilliant artist behind this.
That's me! I literally [beep.]
James Franco last night.
Ugh! The thought of you naked bums me out.
Oh my God, Courteney Cox is here.
Let go of the socks and let go of my shoe! I don't have time to kind of nurture this project.
Jennifer Lawrence and I are always doing this thing Um, except that she's here and you're here.
Great party.
What the [beep.]
are you doing? I have a thing about fake anything fake is gross.
Brrrr sorry, I just had this thought of like doing one of those like metal detector things like beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beee p! You walked into that one.
When you are doing a documentary, before it's successful, it's embarassing.
But then, once you hit success - everyone wants to be a part of you.
- Yeah.
Well, no one wants to be on your show but they want to hang out with you.
I think the network said that they're willing to call it - a 'docu-series.
' - A 'docu-series.
' Yes.
So I mean you can say a reality show and we'll allow you to say it - but we'll never agree with you.
- We won't respond to you.
We won't know you.
You're dead to us.
- But you can call it that.
- Right.
- And you can keep it that way.
- Yeah.