Batman s01e01 Episode Script

Now, Isis, my sweet.
Perfect, my love.
Let's go home.
So our new cat burglar's a woman.
- Probably my imagination.
- Probably not.
Magnificent.
I suggest you save the flattery for the judge.
- So long, Dark Knight.
- Drop in anytime.
You're too kind.
Hey.
I'll have to try and trim those claws.
No! Left you behind, did she? Thanks for the memento.
Next, we'll be auctioning off a date with Gotham's most eligible bachelor Mr.
Bruce Wayne! If Mr.
Wayne would be good enough to step up.
Now, now.
Don't be shy.
There he is.
Oh, Bruce! - I'm so happy to see you.
- Where have you been? - You look wonderful.
- Oh, have I missed you.
I've been pinching my pennies for you.
Excuse me, ladies.
Remember, we've got lots of animals to save so we're going to start the bidding at $500.
- Five hundred.
- Six hundred.
- We have 6.
Do I hear 7? - Seven.
- Eight! - One thousand! Well, well.
That's 1000.
- Going once, going twice - Ten thousand dollars.
Do I hear any more bids? Then sold, for $ 10,000 to Ms.
Selina Kyle.
- Oh, wow! - I've never seen her before.
Rumor has it she's a wildlife nut.
She's supposed to be sponsoring a mountain lion preserve outside Gotham.
It's a pleasure.
Thank you.
Mr.
Wayne, my secretary, Maven.
How do you do? Please, Bruce.
I'm very flattered.
Please understand, it's purely for the animals, Mr.
Wayne.
- You're off the hook.
- But you're not.
I beg your pardon? You bought a date and I'm honor bound and delighted to deliver.
I'm not a man who gives up easily.
All right.
Lunch, then.
I wonder what's going on.
Oh, where'd he go? Watch yourselves, men.
These guys are crazy.
- Thanks, friend.
- What's going down? This morning, I get a warning from the feds: Red Claw's in Gotham.
Now this.
- Any leads? - Nothing.
Red Claw is the most ruthless terrorist leader in the world.
- We don't even have a picture of the guy.
- I'll see what I can do from my end.
Good.
There's no telling what they're up to.
Nothing's safe with these savages in town.
Aren't you a little excited about your date? I mean, Bruce Wayne is tall, dark and disgustingly rich.
I'd rather it were Batman.
You should've seen him, Maven.
He had the eyes of a lion.
- Yes? - A Mr.
Bruce Wayne is on his way up.
Here we go.
Come on, Selina.
At least he's a good connection.
You might be able to use him.
Hello.
Yes, I know.
I suppose you're right.
Still, I wish it were Batman standing behind this door.
Bruce, how wonderful to see you.
Please, come in.
You're even more stunning than I remember.
I'll put these in some water.
Selina, it's your lawyer.
- He says the deal is off.
- What? - Give me that.
- Martin, what happened? That's ridiculous.
Tell him I want to meet with him.
No, today! He can't sell to Multigon! We had an agreement! - Nice flowers.
- What's going on? Selina was negotiating for land for a wildlife preserve.
Some cartel just muscled her out of the deal.
He won't take your calls? You go and kick down the door if you have to.
I want that land for the mountain lions.
I'm afraid I'm not gonna be very good company.
- Is there anything I can do? - Not unless you can get me a meeting with the chairman of Multigon International.
What time's good for you? Hey, I'm starting to like this guy.
I wish there were something I could do for you and your lovely friend but the deal is quite set.
We're committed to building a major resort.
Golf course, tennis courts, bocce ball.
- The whole shot.
- That's insane.
The land's in the middle of nowhere.
It's worthless except to wildcats.
My dear, you just don't understand development potential.
As for the cats, Multigon will take care of them.
One way or another.
Now, if you'll excuse me.
I've given you all the time I can spare.
Oh, you'll find more time for me, Mr.
Stern.
Before I'm through, I'll have every environmental group and activist breathing down your neck.
They'll be looking at you and your project so closely you'll feel like a bug in a bell jar.
Have a nice day.
I'm afraid that Selina Kyle may be trouble.
We've come too far to have our plans jeopardized by some environmental fanatic.
Have someone keep an eye on Ms.
Kyle.
I'm afraid I wasn't much help after all.
Well, at least now I know what their cover story is.
It's awfully late for lunch.
Would you mind if I took a rain check on our date? Please.
Okay.
- Tomorrow? - Thanks.
That'll give me time to take care of some business.
Actually, I plan to work late myself.
And so, boys we gotta increase our cut in the gambling operations.
Anybody got a problem with that? Back off, boys.
I want a word with your boss.
But you can listen.
- What do you want? - What do you know about Red Claw? Why you asking us? We're no terrorists.
You're still scum.
And you hear things I don't.
I want Red Claw.
And until I get him l'm going to lean extra hard on you and all the other mob bosses.
If you think I've been bad news before I get the picture.
I'll see what I can do.
If Stern won't admit what's going on, we'll have to find out for ourselves.
Despite our loss of arms thanks to Batman's interference we're going to proceed according to plan.
Tomorrow at 2300 hours a train under military escort will pass through Gotham.
It will be transporting a strain of viral plague that Interpol confiscated from our eastern laboratories.
I cannot overemphasize the importance of that plague to our cause.
All clear? I believe Beethoven's "ode to Joy" will do the trick.
Remind me to thank Mama for the piano lessons.
Outstanding.
We'll hit the train outside the city at this point.
- What is that? - A cat at the end of its nine lives.
Let's go.
All right.
I'm done.
She's in the ventilation system.
I think we're in over our heads.
Detour.
She's down here! Hurry! Going up.
Hang on, Isis.
Isis, jump! My hero.
That was for saving my cat.
Is that all it was for? - Maybe not.
- I heard gunfire.
Occupational hazard.
No.
Let's keep the mystery.
If I don't unmask you, the police will.
Police? Don't be silly.
You can't deny there's something between us.
You're right.
And I'm afraid it's the law.
I'm sorry.
Never trifle with the affections of a woman.
Until next time.
And there will be a next time.
Oh, tough night? It had its ups and downs.
But I did get pictures of the fun family resort site.
It looks like there's some kind of abandoned military facility underground.
Very interesting.
We may save those mountain lions yet.
But who is going to save you?