Better With You s01e01 Episode Script

No, that's not faster.
I know, but it's dark, and we could fool around.
Dude, tunnel.
India's Grill on 6th Street, please.
Is that where we ran into Yes.
When she was still with Uh-huh.
You know, part of me thinks I could not agree with you more.
Ah, I hope your sister likes me.
Don't worry.
She will.
It has to work with this kid.
I'm always the only guy at your family dinners.
Oh, I know, baby.
I know, but I have a good feeling.
My sister says he's totally different from other guys she's dated.
Yeah, but she said the Sam thing about Nate a Mike And Emma.
You know, the girls are having dinner tonight.
Maddie's gonna meet Mia's new fella.
I kinda wish we were joining.
We are going to have a lovely evening go home, have a nice meal, really reconnect.
You're gonna fall asleep in your clothes.
Yeah.
Almost there.
How do I look? Like someone who's about to get kissed.
How do I look? Not fat.
How do I look? Oh, honey, please, let's not fight.
I don't know where I'd be without someone to see this thing through I'm such a mess Hi.
We have a reservation under the name Coles.
Oh, yes, your table will be ready in just a few minutes, Mrs.
Coles.
Oh.
No, he's Mr.
Coles, but I'm not Mrs.
Coles.
We're not married.
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
Oh, no, don't be.
For real, there's no need for the sad eyes.
Neither of us want to be married, but we love each other.
We're very happy.
It's a valid life choice.
Show me your eyes again.
Honey, stop.
She, uh, she just has sad eyes.
Oh, a text from Mia.
"One minute away.
Are you there?" Why does that need to be texted? We said we'd meet at 8:00.
I don't get this generation's need for constant communication.
You're only four years older.
But it's a big four years.
None of the famous people her age wear underwear.
Oh, here they are.
Oh, he looks okay.
No weird hat.
No bird.
I like what I'm not seeing.
Hey, you guys.
Hey.
Oh, sorry we're late.
Traffic.
Casey, this is my sister Maddie.
Hi.
And that's Ben.
Hi.
Oh! Strong shake.
Better watch what I say around him.
Tough guy.
Tough? I'm not tough.
I mean, I work out a little.
Love this guy.
Hey, I'm headed to the bar.
You want a shot of tequila? Uh, thanks, perfect.
Yeah.
You hate tequila.
Shh! Not in front of Casey.
Hello? Hey, I'm so busy with work, but I'm dying to know.
What did you think of Casey? Oh, my God.
Loved him.
Loved, loved, loved him.
Oh, that makes me so happy, Maddie.
You know, you never ask my opinion about this kind of stuff.
You were, like, 12 when I started dating Ben.
You just thought it was cool he could drive at night.
Found your size.
Where are you? You said you were working.
I telecommute, Maddie.
When you're an inventor, you can do things like that.
You're not an inventor.
You and your friends just copied the idea of evite.
Paper free post features stylish custom online stationery and offers a hip alternative to first generation invite web sites.
Ooh, that sounds nice.
Thank you.
It is.
Now do you think mom and dad are gonna like him? Oh, honey, you care way too much about their approval.
Well, it's easy for you to say.
You're their favorite.
I was at their house the other day, and I did a picture count on the fridge.
You're winning seven to three.
Well, that sounds like a great use of your time.
I'm gonna let you go.
You probably have some important inventing to do.
Hey.
Casey? Mia doesn't know I'm here.
I need your help.
Oh, God.
Do you need legal help? Ugh.
What was it, shoplifting? Drunk driving? Selling weed? These guesses are really hurting my feelings.
What do you want? I need to figure out the best way to propose to Mia.
Wh yeah, so she won't react like that.
Ben? Yo! Oh.
We need to talk.
Casey came to my office today.
Really? Did he did he say anything about me, or did He wanted my advice on how to propose to Mia.
Getting married after two months? What is she, a Kardashian? Well, the good news is, I bought us some time.
I was able to slow him down a little bit by stalling the proposal.
How do you stall a proposal? Some quick thinking on my part.
Told him it's always been Mia's dream to get engaged at the summer Olympics.
So he'll have to wait till the next ones in 2012.
Stuff like that.
So quick thinking.
Not good thinking.
I think I have to tell Mia this is all just way too fast.
I don't I don't know.
Whenever you butt in, it only makes her do the opposite.
You remember when she was in college, and you told her not to take that Spanish class? What did she do? Majored in Spanish.
And? Went to Spain for a year? And now what does she dip her chips in? Guacamole.
Exactly.
Can I ask you somethin'? Hmm? Is there any part of you that's upset about this because we're not married? No.
I know why we aren't married.
It's a valid life choice.
You know, in the beginning, we were too young, and then we wanted to establish our careers, and then everybody was getting married, and we were like, "maybe," and then everybody was getting divorced, and we were like, "no.
" Well, hey, I love that we wake up every day, and we make the decision to be together, not because some piece of paper tells us to.
That's what you always say, right? I don't just say it.
I believe it.
Oh, me, too.
I love saying it.
I love believing it.
You know what? Maybe I'm overreacting.
I mean, she's only known this guy for seven and a half weeks.
Even if he does propose, what are the chances she says yes? Casey just proposed! We're engaged! I said yes! Wow.
You proposed.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I so appreciated all your great ideas, but I couldn't wait for the perfect moment.
I used some of your stuff.
I could re-enact it for you if you want.
Oh, no, no.
It's really okay.
I'd kinda like to see.
Mia, baby, I know it's not your dream proposal.
It's not the summer Olympics.
Or the year social security becomes insolvent.
I hope you'll take me anyway.
I love you, and I can't wait to start our life together.
Oh.
Will you marry me? Yes! Mmm, and then I cried.
Let me try.
Everyone be quiet.
Ugh.
Nah, I can't get ere.
I need some more wine.
Are you okay? Oh, sure.
This is just such a surprise.
Not to you.
I know you helped, and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it.
Although some of your ideas were a little wacky.
Why did you say I thought the Olympics were romantic? Because swimmers Like dolphins, mate for life.
Do mom and dad know? Not yet.
I want them to at least meet him first, but I'm nervous.
I mean, you know Casey.
No, I don't.
Not really.
I love the way he looks at the world, but he can be a bit of a Oddball.
Yes.
So, Ben, I-I was hoping that you would, you know, give him a few pointers, coach him a bit.
Mom and dad love you so much.
Oh, I don't know.
Come on, Ben.
You owe me.
Who supported you when you wore that goatee for a month? That did mean a lot to me.
Some people didn't handle it So elegantly.
So you wanna come over for breakfast tomorrow? Great.
How's 3:00 sound? It sounds late.
How's 8:00? Okay, dude, but I'm gonna be late.
Thank you, Ben.
This is gonna be so great.
You work with Casey a little bit, then tomorrow night, we go to a nice dinner with mom and dad.
Maddie says how much she loves him me? How did I get involved? Hey, at least you don't have to wake up at 9:00 for your thing.
To be clear, we're meeting at 9:00.
You have to be there.
I need you there.
You know how critical mom and dad can be about the guys that I date.
They find the tiniest reason not to like them.
I didn't like him.
How much hair does one person need? Did he seem just a touch French.
Yes.
Awful.
What kind of a guy is named Emma? I'll be there.
Really? Yeah.
Yay.
Oh! Okay, this is so exciting.
Come on, honey.
We gotta go get started on the wedding planning.
Are you thinking something small? I don't know.
I have all those half brothers and sisters.
You do? Isn't this fun how fast this is going? Oh! I thought we were against this.
We are.
Then why am I having two meals with this guy tomorrow? Because I wanna protect her.
But you're right.
She's not gonna listen to me.
She will listen to my parents.
So let's let them do what they're great at tearing apart the guys their daughters date.
Just out of curiosity, when they first met me, what did they you don't wanna know.
I can take it.
You can't.
Yeah, you're right.
I have jotted down a few notes about how to deal with Mia's parents.
Oh.
That is a lot of stuff.
Well, I run a hotel, and it's successful because I'm good at picking up on people's wants and needs.
See, I treat Maddie's parents like a couple of clients, and you should do the same.
Like, uh, what do you do? Uh, I play in an avant-garde metal band with a performance art component.
"Don't mention job.
" Okay, let's see.
Their dad is a huge grammar snob, so think about your sentence structure.
No "my friend and me went out.
" No, "that's the gym exercise at.
" You have no idea why those are wrong.
Grammar's not really my thing.
Hey! Does your hotel ever have an event where you need a band? Oh.
We already have an in-house avant-garde metal band with a performance art component.
Uh, let's see.
Call them "Mr.
and Mrs.
Putney," even though they'll say, "call us whatever.
" Oh, and don't try and make a joke and actually call them "whatever.
" Why would I do that? That's stupid.
Well, it's an ice breaker.
People like gentle comedy.
Oh, don't give Mrs.
Putney your e-mail address.
That woman has never met a cutesy e-mail she hasn't forwarded.
And don't make any jokes about plastic surgery.
Five years ago, Mr.
Putney's ears stuck out like this.
Now they're fine.
I don't know what happened.
Never asked.
Don't wanna know.
So stick to the safe topics like wine, theater, and the Yankees.
Wow.
Sounds like you work pretty hard to keep 'em happy.
I really do, Casey.
You know what? I think I'll just be myself, and hopefully, they'll like me.
And if not If not, what? What is the end of that sentence? You you really don't care if they like you? Oh, I mean, it'd be nice if they did, but all those rules you just laid out I'm me.
I like myself just fine.
The one mistake I could make is to pretend to be something I'm not.
They're gonna eat you alive.
I don't see them yet.
Babe, you seem nervous.
I just want this to go well.
I love you, and I want them to love you, too.
And hopefully, they will, but we need to listen to them.
They gave us life.
Oh, my God.
Here they come.
Just be yourself.
But better.
I'm sorry.
But I mean it! Sorry we're late.
It took us forever to get here.
Your father's on a huge walking jag.
No, I'm on a huge not-paying-for-taxis jag because our net worth went on a huge losing-75%-of-itself jag.
And she's on an acting-like- it-didn't-happen jag.
Uh, okay.
Uh, mom, dad, this is Casey.
Great to meet you, Vicky.
Joel, I like your ears.
Hey, you know what you're gonna hear with those ears this year? Cheers for the Yankees! Ah! Oh! Yes, sit down.
Great to see you, Ben.
Stick to the script! Oh, before I forget, Casey.
I need to get your e-mail address.
I find that it's the best way to communicate.
It is Captainorgasmo one word.
He doesn't have an e-mail.
Champagne? Oh.
What's t, uh, occasion? Oh, um, Mia has news.
Yes.
Mom, dad oh, my God! Maddie and Ben are getting married.
It's a miracle.
What? Why would that be my news? "It's a miracle"? Like I don't have anything of my own going on? I could see "surprising," but "a miracle"? I'm sorry.
I guess I-I misunderstood.
Can we please just get to the news? We really should start walking home soon.
Well, this isn't exactly the mood that I wanted to set, but, um, I'm getting married.
To who? Whom.
To me! To I? Um Anyway that's the news.
There's going to be a wedding.
We're so happy for you, pumpkin.
Yay! What is going on? Your sister's getting married.
Keep up.
No, I get that.
I just I can't believe you're okay with this.
Well, honey, if there's one thing our financial reversals of the last year have taught us, it's that life is short, and you should grab all the joy you can find when you find it.
You really don't think this is too fast? Well, not everyone is going to wait 15 years.
Oh, darling, stop.
Was that directed at me? No, it was directed at Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn.
Okay, guys, this is my moment.
I just got engaged.
Make fun of Maddie when she gets in engaged In 2044.
Hey, our not being married is a valid life choice.
Valid life choice.
Okay, she said it.
Everybody has to drink.
So wait.
Is our not being married something you talk about behind our backs? Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
You never put any pressure on us at all.
Well, the therapist said oh, there's a therapist? Therapists have been consulted? Therapists, clergymen, waiters.
Ooh, and there was that valet Parker who raised some pretty tough questions about Ben's sexuality.
I sat down.
I didn't know he hadn't gotten out of the car yet.
I'm sorry.
Call me old-fashioned, but I think it's appropriate to apply a little though before making huge life choices.
Where is this coming from? You were so happy for us.
Well, I didn't wanna burst your bubble, but I thought somebody would have the sense to say this is crazy.
You two don't even know each other.
We know ch other.
Oh, really? What's his favorite movie? Favorite color? Flavor of ice cream.
Whoa, hold on.
We've been together nine years, and we don't even know stuff like favorite ice cream.
I absolutely know your favorite ice cream.
How? I don't even have a favorite.
Mint chip.
It is mint chip.
Oh, this is so insulting.
Does it make you feel better to use your lawyer logic and grill us like some kind of Geraldo Rivera? Huh? Yeah.
Get used to that.
Let's just calm down here, okay? This is what I want.
Why does it have to be now? Honey, stop.
No, I'm sorry.
Why in the world does she have to get married right now? 'Cause she's pregnant.
Ohh! I can't believe this.
You're pregnant? Yes.
I'm sorry I didn't mention it earlier.
I was just trying to think of the perfect way for Ben to say it.
I didn't mean to tell him.
He was giving me all this advice.
We were bonding.
It was real early in the morning.
We're going to be grandparents.
Oh.
A bond portfolio dies, a child is born circle of life.
You see that, Maddie? They're happy about this, too.
Wanna tell them why they're wrong? No, that's not fair.
Fair? How about going to your sister for support and finding out she's trying to sabotage you? I just wanted no, no, no.
You wanted to ruin my engagement, only you just ruined my night.
You'll have to be satisfied with that.
Do I follow? Yes.
Yeah.
Hey.
You guys, you love each other.
Don't leave it like this.
Oh, do you guys want this cab? Or do you wanna think about it for nine years? Come on.
Casey, wait.
Can you talk to her? I tried.
She's not interested.
Maddie, I'd like to apologize for something.
What? For this.
Whoa! Go, go, go.
Wait.
Th-that's a $50.
Get change for that! Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant? Because I wanted you to like Casey first, not because you had or because we're stuck with him.
Oh, who cares what I think? I do.
Oh, please.
You don't get it.
The person whose opinion I care most about is you.
Really? You're my big sister.
I remember being 14 years old and watching you go off to college and thinking to myself, I wish I could be that beautiful, that smart That together.
I'm sorry.
It must be the hormones.
No.
I'm not pregnant, and I'm doing it, too.
I'm I'm sorry I blew the pregnancy news.
Ah, people were gonna figure it out anyway once she starts getting fat.
Showing.
You might wanna call it "showing.
" You're gonna be Uncle Ben.
That's that's good stuff.
Like the rice.
No, I got it.
Maddie, I need you to be honest with me.
Having all this happen at once a marriage, a baby, I mean, do you think I'm making a mistake? You're gonna be great.
I've seen you jump into things feet first a million times.
And it scares the hell out of me, but you always make it work.
And you'll be there to help me? I will read every baby book.
I will make baby activity flowcharts.
I will research the crap out of crib safety.
You think I'm making a mistake? About what? Should Ben and I have gotten married a long time ago? Is my life choice not valid? You want my opinion? Oh, my God.
I've dreamed of this day.
You wanna know what I think.
So what do you think? No idea! Oh.
You know, Maddie does like you, and she loves her sister.
It's just that you guys, you know, are moving a little fast for her.
Yeah, I got that.
You guys valid life choice.
Us too fast.
You're getting married after seven weeks.
It took us that long to settle on a new coffeemaker, and I'm still not sure we didn't make a huge mistake.
But what you're doing is threatening our very existence.
I'm sorry, man.
Condom broke.
You should know The way I feel about Mia We were gonna get married anyway.
This just kinda sped things up a little bit.
You know, I believe you.
And by the way, nice job with her parents.
You didn't even need my list.
Maybe I learn from you and worry a little less about offending them.
I guess I can throw out that stupid card.
Oh, no.
"He gets chatty at the urinals"? "She's a little bit racist"? So you wanna fool around? Totally.
It's been, like, six hours.
So you wanna fool around? Yeah.
It's been, like, a week.
So you wanna fool around? Oh, your earplugs are in.
Can't hear me.
That's right.