Bonanza s01e01 Episode Script
A Rose for Lotta (Pilot)
(theme song playing) Look at it, Adam.
Feast thine eyes on a sight that approacheth Heaven itself.
ADAM: You been to a lot of places and you've seen a lot of things, Pa.
But you've never seen or been to Heaven.
Well, maybe I've never been to Heaven, maybe I'm never going to get the chance, but Heaven is going to have to go some to beat the thousand square miles of the Ponderosa.
As long as it's ours.
As long as we keep it in Cartwright hands.
Know anyone who could take it away from us, son? I know those who would try.
That Virginia City bunch, if we gave them half a chance.
Now, where's Little Joe? He's supposed to have met us here.
I want a report of those cattle he was supposed to bring down from the north end.
Oh, you'll get it, son.
You, uh, might have to wait until he's ready to give it to you.
I want that report now.
Well, maybe, the best thing for you to do is go find him.
I intend to do just that, Pa.
Hoss'll know where he is.
Adam (horse whinnies) Remember, he's your brother.
Well, brother or not, I expect him to do his share, same as the rest of us.
He's a boy, son.
Not a man, like you.
Only thing wrong with him: he's young.
Well, young or not, he's still a Cartwright.
(horse whinnies) (horse whinnies) (grunting) Whoa.
Abner, you stand real still now, you hear? You listen to Hoss.
Fidgeting and fussing around here like that.
Gonna throw you plumb into the next county.
You think I can't do it, mister, you just keep on that juggling.
Be flying through the air like you was more a prairie hen than you are a horse.
He giving you any trouble, Hoss? Aw, Pa You know there ain't no four-legged animal could give me any trouble.
Oh, I know that, son.
No, any two-legged one, either, for that matter.
I don't know.
I remember one little two-legged animal-- didn't weigh an ounce over a hundred pounds, red hair and all-- she didn't give me nothing but trouble.
Well, I wasn't thinking of any girl, son.
I was thinking of your younger brother.
Little Joe? Mm-hmm.
Adam's up at the house talking to him now.
You got nothin' better to do than play with that? Never know when I might want to use it.
What chance you going to have to use an epee out here in the West? What I always say is, older brother, if a man ever gets that chance, he'd best be ready for it.
Stand still when I'm talking to you.
You're a Cartwright.
Do you know what that means? No, older brother, I'm waiting for you to tell me.
All right, I'll tell you.
It means you're supposed to be a man now, fit to do a man's work.
It means you got part of the responsibility of running this ranch, same as Pa and Hoss and me.
If I didn't think I could handle it same as you, I'd quit.
And how do you expect to do it with that, uh, New Orleans monkey pick you got handed down to you by your French Quarter mother? If you weren't my brother, Adam, I'd kill you for that.
Well, any time you're ready, Little Joe, you can just forget all about us being kin.
Well, you know, that'll be easy.
'Cause I've never been able to see myself being kin to anything whelped out of a thin-nosed, blue-blooded Boston Yankee! (chuckles): Oh You want to fight me, Adam, you make a fist! Fire and brimstone! Stop that fighting! Hoss, make them stop.
Put an end to this shame, this disgrace! Pa, they don't hear you.
They don't mean no disrespect.
It's just they're working off a little extra steam, that's all.
But don't you worry none, I'll stop 'em.
All right, you boys had enough fun for one day.
Let's call it quits.
In case you didn't hear me, I said this play acting business is over, and I mean right now.
Now, you stay out of this, Hoss.
This is between me and older brother here! Now, Little Joe, you better quit before I get mad.
Yeah, he'll quit, all right, Hoss.
He hasn't the guts to take any man-sized punishment.
(thud) (groans) (clock chimes) Sons, don't we have enough to fight? Must we fight amongst ourselves? Why don't you tell that to him, Pa? If you can get anything through that rockbound, New England head of his.
Son, are you all right? You're not hurt, lad? I guess the only way to hurt me, Pa, is to kill me.
I'm sorry, Adam.
I'm sorry I raised my hand to you.
Oh, go on, son.
It's your brother asking your forgiveness.
All I ask is for him to do his share.
We're running the Ponderosa, not playing with an epee.
And that means bringing a thousand head of cattle down from the pastures to the bottomland.
Those cattle, every last head of them, have been grazing in bottomland since this morning.
Don't you josh with me, Little Joe.
Oh, well, that'd be the day anybody tried to josh with you, you Yankee granite-head.
Joe You're telling the truth about those thousand head of cattle? Pa, you know he's telling the truth.
He ain't no liar, Pa.
That the truth, Little Joe? That's the truth.
How many heads you lose on the way down? Nary one.
BEN: Nary? Do you hear that, Adam? A thousand head of prime stock down from the high pasture and he loses nary a one! (laughs) Well, Joe, that's that's wonderful.
I only did what any poor boy out of New Orleans would've done without even thinking about it.
ADAM: Well, I, uh I didn't know, I'm I'm sorry.
Hop Sing! Where the devil you hiding, you celestial sky gazer?! You got four hungry men here want to know what's for dinner! Yell! Yell! Why you all the time have to yell? Why do I have to yell?! (laughs) I go.
I go away, now.
Hop Sing! Wait a minute! Hop Sing! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Hop Sing.
You You can't do that.
Why, if you left here, I'd waste away to a shadow.
You know that.
You tell the old man he speak soft.
Not yell, then maybe Hop Sing stay.
Pa I'm powerful hungry.
I ain't had but a couple or three breakfasts since morning.
Besides, Pa, you know as well as I do ol' Hop Sing's the best dang cook this side of San Francisco.
Why don't you go ahead and apologize to him? Go on, Pa.
Hoss is right.
He's right, Pa.
We never knew what cooking was like till Hop Sing come here.
HOSS: Pa, I sure am hungry, Pa.
And I can smell dinner.
Hop Sing, very sorry.
Very, very sorry.
Get a very good dinner.
Roast pig.
Roast pig? Did you say "roast pig," Hop Sing? Roast pig, very good.
Pa, in all your born days did you ever taste anything that could match ol' Hop Sing's roast pig? Hoss, you gonna be able to last till dinner? Well, it ain't gonna be easy, Pa.
If I don't get something to eat pretty soon, I'm liable to just lay down right here and die.
Uh-huh, well, before anyone lays down and dies, let's remember there's still some work to do down at the corral.
Just so happens, this ranch don't run by itself.
Ha! (chuckling) (man speaking Chinese) You don't think very highly of our plan, do you, Hooper? Look, Troy, this isn't my idea-- scheming with an actress.
You know what I'd like to do.
Everything all right, Miss Brown? Take the Ponderosa by storm.
You know what that would cost us? Oh, hang the expense.
All I want is to get rid of that Cartwright bunch once and for all.
Well, I wasn't speaking of the cost in money, Hooper.
I was speaking of the cost in human lives.
Yes.
What are you planning on using, Hooper? The United States Cavalry? The last time we planned an expedition to take the Ponderosa, it cost us over a dozen lives.
Cartwright can assemble within an hour if they have to.
Up there in that empire they control, their position's impregnable.
As Garvey says, we couldn't get at them with anything less than the U.
S.
Cavalry.
All I know is that the Yellow Jacket needs a million board feet of timber a year to keep going.
Well, the Gould & Curry, my dear Hooper, requires three million feet a year.
I've a 12-foot-wide vein of pure silver I can't even explore for lack of shoring timber.
I don't think I have to remind you of the seriousness of our problem.
Well, I can tell you this.
Unless I get timber, I'm out of the mining business.
If old Ben would only agree to sell us what we need, I I'd be willing to pay any price he'd ask.
Well, to old Ben Cartwright, a tree is something sacred.
Yeah.
Something money can't buy.
That's ridiculous.
Money can buy anything.
Can it, Aaron? You, nor any of us, couldn't make the Cartwrights sell us one more sapling than they wanted to.
Troy, do you think this girl can really do it? (chuckles) This girl, as you put it-- Miss Lotta Crabtree-- is one of the most renowned actresses and beauties of our time.
Conceivably, she might succeed where the United States Cavalry might fail.
Yes, but just by bringing one of his boys to town? By putting into our hands the one thing that would make Ben Cartwright sell us his trees: a son.
(neighing) Stay with him, Adam! Oh, stay with him, Adam! That's a boy! Stay with him, now! Not so much spur, Adam! (indistinct chatter, horse neighing) Easy on his mouth, Adam! He's about as spooky as a fella about to get himself married! All right, Thunder! You're all right, boy! You're all right, Adam? I'm all right.
Let me go.
I guess I had that one coming.
That's too good a piece of horseflesh to ruin by bringing along too fast.
What's that carriage doing on the Ponderosa? Hiyah! Those fools, they should've known better! (cattle lowing) Hiyah! Come on! Hey! Come on! Get in there! Hiyah! Do you know where you are? Yes, sir.
Yes, Mr.
Cartwright.
Put those hands up.
If you put 'em down before you're told, you're dead, mister.
If you know who I am, then you know you're on the Ponderosa.
I'm sorry about that, but then I guess I must've got lost tracking over them hills.
WOMAN: Don't you kowtow to him, driver.
Unless you want to answer to me.
The idea, the very idea, of shooting at innocent, unarmed people, and in broad daylight Why, if I had realized that this is the way they treat people in Virginia City, I never would have come here.
Well, this is not Virginia City, ma'am.
You're on the Ponderosa.
The Ponderosa? What's that? The Ponderosa, ma'am.
That's the home place of the Cartwrights.
They got just about the biggest spread in the country.
This here is Ben Cartwright and these is his sons.
And we don't cotton to strangers, male or female.
What's your business here? My business? Am I still in United States territory? Well, that you are, ma'am, but I wouldn't go trading on it too much if I was you.
Well, you're not me.
And I wish you'd put that awful thing down.
Yes'm.
And what's the matter with you? Haven't you ever seen a lady before? No, ma'am.
I mean, not such a pretty one.
Not in a long time.
You're still pointing that gun at me, you know.
I might still intend to use it.
Put it away, son.
Maybe they really did lose their way.
Well, as long as they get off the Ponderosa.
It appears we're going to need some help if you expect us to honor that request.
I'll be happy to oblige, ma'am.
Well, it's a it's a relief to know that even here a lady can expect help from a gentleman.
Little Joe, I think maybe the lady would like a nice, cool drink after traveling around in the dust and heat.
The lady happens to have a name, gentlemen.
Miss Lotta Crabtree.
Ah, you mean the famous actress? I mean the very same.
I'll be knee-high to a prairie dog.
Lotta Crabtree! Miss Lotta Crabtree.
Yes'm.
Yes, ma'am.
BEN: Little Joe, take Miss Crabtree up to the house.
Let her rest herself, while we put this fool carriage of hers together again.
You expect me to ride this horse? Well, it's either that, ma'am, or walk a mile to the house.
My pleasure, ma'am.
Well, you know, I didn't need any help, older brother.
I wasn't helping you, younger brother.
I swear Adam, you reckon you going to get this thing fixed today? You'd like to try? If I did, who'd hold this wagon up? (groans) All right, try that wheel again.
See if it'll turn.
Bring her in.
Yes, sir.
Yeah! All right, now.
Get her out of here.
Before we lose our patience and string you to the nearest tree.
Yes, sir.
But what about the lady, Miss Crabtree? How long's it take to get a gal a cool drink of water? Yeah, talking about something to drink, if I don't get something to eat pretty soon, I'm liable to get plumb dangerous.
(approaching hoofbeats) (horses neighing) (Hop Sing speaking Chinese) BEN: What in thunder are you trying to say? Roast pig, all dried up.
Why you no come eat? Because we had something better to do.
You don't mean it's ruined, Hop Sing? All dry up.
Throw away.
Throw away? Hop Sing invite lady eat roast pig.
She say, "Thank you very much.
" But she have to go Virginia City.
Virginia City? Crazy Little Joe.
He didn't agree to take her? Take best buggy, too.
She very pretty lady, very pretty.
Not alone.
Mister, you got just one minute to tell us all you know about it.
I swear, I don't know nothing, Mr.
Cartwright.
That minute's running out fast.
Who sent you up to the Ponderosa? Nobody.
I mean I was just hired to drive the lady up around these hills.
Was it Alpheus Troy? Was it Alpheus Troy hired you? Talk, man, while there's still a tongue in your head.
I couldn't help myself, Mr.
Cartwright.
I couldn't say no to Troy.
I just couldn't help myself! How much did he pay you? Alone.
He went into that town alone.
Anyone care to ride into Virginia City with me? Hoss! Not into Virginia City, not yet.
That's exactly what they want.
Just the four Cartwrights.
Well we'll ride in.
But we'll have a hundred men riding in after us in the morning if we haven't returned.
Alert the men from the North Valley.
Adam! You ride out to the settlers on the Tahoe rim.
I'll take care of the men at the sawmill.
Soon as we're through, we'll ride into Virginia City.
I'll be waiting for you in the Sazerac.
Hop Sing, if we don't get back by morning, kill him.
Ho! I think we better let him rest, ma'am.
We don't want to get him all tuckered out.
I see.
It's very considerate of you to drive me, Mr.
Cartwright.
Oh, most people hereabouts just call me Little Joe.
Little Joe? Well, you're not that small.
Oh, it's not that, ma'am.
It's my brother, Hoss, is that big.
(laughs): Yes, he is.
But what kind of a name is that for a man-- Hoss? Oh, he had some other name when he was born.
Then when he weighed in at 50 pounds when he was just a couple of months old, well, people just forgot the other name and started calling him Hoss.
of months? Now, that's impossible.
Impossible, ma'am? I don't think you'd say that if you could've seen Hoss' mother.
Isn't she your mother, too? Who, that big gal? Oh, no.
Why, Pa says she stood six feet tall in her stockinged feet, and could punch like a mule.
That's how Pa met her.
She threw him two out of three times in a wrestling match.
Oh, she didn't! No.
No, she was a real beautiful woman.
Came from Sweden.
Pa said she was like a clean, fresh sunrise.
I'm sure she was.
Your father was married twice? Oh, more than that, ma'am.
More than that? Yeah, older brother, Adam.
He's from Pa's first wife.
She was the daughter of a New England sea captain.
Imagine my pa being married to a Yankee.
What's so wrong about a Yankee? Ma'am, if you don't already know, guess ain't no use in my telling you.
Mr.
Cartwright? When will we ever get to Virginia City? Almost before you know it, ma'am.
Hiyah, come on! (man speaking Chinese) Gentlemen.
The spider has just snagged the fly.
Troy, do you, uh, you think Miss Crabtree would appreciate being called a spider? As long as she collects her fee of $10,000 for this special performance, I don't think she cares what she's called.
Buggy's yours, ma'am, for as long as you stay in Virginia City.
Oh, that's most gallant of you, Little Joe.
Hope you didn't mind the ride too much, ma'am.
I loved it.
Fastest 20 miles I've ever experienced.
You will stay for my performance, won't you? I don't know what could keep me away.
I'll look for you from the stage.
After the show, could we have dinner together? After the show, you ask me then.
Now, you know what you're going to do.
Right.
(knocking at door) Oh, Miss Crabtree.
This is indeed a pleasure.
You sent for me, Mr.
Troy? I'd have come to you, but I was afraid I couldn't crowd my colleagues in that cramped, little dressing room.
Uh, Miss Crabtree, I want you to meet Aaron Hooper of the Yellow Jacket.
How do you do? Mr.
George Garvey of the Diablo.
My pleasure, gentlemen.
Your fame is worldwide.
Won't you sit down, please? Oh, well, thank you.
Might I add, so is yours.
Oh, by the way, congratulations.
Congratulations? For what? My performance isn't until later.
Well, let's say for bringing that young man into Virginia City.
Oh, was that so difficult? Did you have any doubts? It isn't easy to get a Cartwright to do anything.
It was just one young man.
Didn't you think I was woman enough to persuade one young man to do my bidding? Oh, enough to do all that, I'm sure.
And more.
But you see, Miss Crabtree, our task isn't quite finished.
What is there left to do, Mr.
Troy? We want you to persuade that young man to accompany you to your hotel rooms, after this evening's performance, of course.
Of course.
How interesting and how unusual.
Uh, what do I do then, make love to him? (laughs) No, uh, just keep him there.
Talk to him.
Do anything, but keep him there.
He's such a boy.
What shall we talk about? Talk about his blasted trees.
They've got more than a million of them up there on the Ponderosa and we want them.
Trees? You want trees? I thought you were all silver kings.
Trees spell timber.
And we need timber, Miss Crabtree, desperately, to keep our mines going.
You see, the deeper the veins go into the Earth, the richer, the purer the silver.
But without timber, millions of feet of it, to support our tunnels and our shafts, there's a limit to how deep we can go.
Then it appears I have earned my rather exorbitant fee.
Get that boy up into your room tonight, and you've earned another $10,000.
What do you intend to do with him? Hold him as a hostage, until Ben Cartwright gives us the right to cut down his trees.
And what if Ben Cartwright refuses? The way Ben loves those sons of his, I don't think he'll refuse.
I'll expect another $10,000, Mr.
Troy.
If you promise not to harm that boy.
(indistinct chatter) (whistling) It's a friend, Hop Ling.
Put down the war club.
All same much happy see friend.
Always happy to see you, too, Hop Ling.
How is honorable son, Hop Sing? He cook very good? Oh, very good.
Hoss loves him like a brother.
Ah, so, very good son.
You come Virginia City all alone? You take terrible risk.
Well, if honorable father just take my horse to the stable, I want to take care of a few little things uptown.
Do you mind, Hop Ling? For a very beautiful lady.
(applause) (piano plays) * You said, "Madam, I have come forth to court you" * * "Your affections for to gain" * * "And if you'll give me good attention" * * "Perhaps I'll come twice more again" * (uptempo rhythm plays) (crowd hooting) * "Uh-uh, no" * * "No, sir, no" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No" * (crowd laughing) * "Madam, I have gold and silver" * * "Madam, I have a house and land" * * "Madam, I have a world of pleasure" * * "You can have it all at your command" * * "Uh-uh, no" * * "No, sir, no" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No" * * "What care I for your gold and silver?" * * "What care I for your house and land?" * * "What care I for your world of pleasure?" * * "All I want is a handsome man" * * "Uh-uh, no" * * "No, sir, no" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No" * (cheering) (tempo slows) * "Madam, you seem to boast on beauty" * * "Beauty surely will vanish away" * * "Pick a pretty red rose in the morning" * (hooting and cheers) * "And by noon it will fade away" * * "Uh-uh, no" * * "No, sir, no" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No.
" * (cheers and applause) MAN: Encore! (cheers and applause) Young Cartwright sure didn't waste any time snapping up her invitation.
In his place, hmm I would have done the same thing.
(laughter) Well, if you had, it'd have been your last supper, too.
Aaron, have you assigned proper men to the task? McCutcheon and Farrell, Yellow Jacket boys.
Excellent.
Good.
Gentlemen and ladies, I invite you to partake of the pleasures of my Club Sazerac special.
(knocking at door) It's open.
Come in.
Your rose is most beautiful, Mr.
Cartwright.
Hardly anything, ma'am, compared to all these.
I don't think any of them could have been given with more admiration, or affection.
That's rather bold, sir.
I might almost say wicked.
Speaking of wicked, that was a fairly wicked dance you did out there on the stage.
You didn't like it? Who, me? Ma'am, I loved every bit of it.
As a matter of fact, I Tell me, Mr.
Cartwright.
Your mother was the third wife? And the last.
What was her name? Felicia.
Why do you ask? I don't know.
But you must be very much like her.
Where did she meet your father? Pa took a business trip down to New Orleans.
Guess he made out better than he ever figured he would.
New Orleans.
I might have known.
My grandpappy served there with the pirate Lafitte.
Till he got phew! You mean to say your grandfather was hanged? How awful.
Oh, it ain't a bad way to go, ma'am, when you're 82.
(chuckles) You ever been to New Orleans? New Orleans, I've been there dozens of times.
Oh, I'd give anything if I could go to New Orleans.
My mother used to tell me about it before she died.
I can hardly remember now.
I was just a little kid, not even five years old.
I know she used to tell me what a beautiful city it was.
Yes, a very beautiful city.
Very old and very gracious.
But we'll talk about that at supper.
I got a little place all picked out.
Run by a fellow from Paris, France.
Come to Virginia City a couple of years ago to pan for gold.
Then he got so discouraged with the kind of food they dish out around here, he just opened up a little cafe.
What's the matter, ma'am? Don't you care for French cooking? I love French cooking.
And I love French wine.
Here, let me pour you some.
To your very good health, monsieur.
What is it? They call it champagne.
It's the only thing I drink.
Tastes pretty feeble to me.
Hmm, it'll catch up with you.
But then at $50 a bottle, it should.
$50? Wow, this stuff's expensive.
Everything I have is expensive.
My hats, my shoes, my furs, my gowns everything.
Then money must be very important to you.
The most important thing in the world.
That's what enchants me so about Virginia City.
I can watch them dig it here, right out of the ground.
(laughs) You don't know how hard I've worked-- how many years it's taken-- to be able to buy the kind of champagne we're drinking now.
Listen, Little Joe why won't your father let them cut down those trees? They'd be willing to pay anything he asked.
The trees? Who wants to know about the trees? They need those trees.
Without those trees, they can't keep their mines going.
And without those trees, we can't keep the land going.
You expecting any visitors, ma'am? I suppose you know what I've done, don't you? (patrons gasping) BEN: Where is he? Where's my son? May I ask you, Mr.
Cartwright, to address whatever questions you may have to my friend, Langford Pool.
Mr.
Pool, as you well know, boasts 12 notches on his gun.
Would you care to try for 13? Go home, Cartwright.
Go home before I kill you.
You tell me to go home? You, with the smell on you of the charnel house? Of flesh rotting and stinking in the sun? You're gonna die for saying that to me, old man.
You're gonna die.
(doors open) ADAM: You have any argument, Pool, you don't have it with my father.
You have it with me.
One Cartwright is just about the same to me as another.
(gun hammer cocks) I'm asking you again.
Where's my boy? I, I don't know.
I don't know where he is.
We looked all over town, Pa.
There's no trace of him.
Troy, the Lord sayeth, "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
" I want my son, Troy.
My son, or your life.
You think that brat of yours is in Virginia City, Ben Cartwright? All right, find him.
I'll find him.
With that actress, once I know where she is.
You know that, Troy.
You know where she is.
Now, tell me or I'll rattle your teeth.
At the hotel.
The International House.
I'll find him, Pa.
Hoss, you stay here and help Pa keep them seated right where they are.
If I don't come back with Little Joe, we'll ask some more questions.
They'll be here when you get back, Adam.
One shape or another, but they'll be here.
Yes, ma'am.
You sure got expensive tastes.
Like this champagne stuff.
(banging at door) The hats gowns the furs.
I guess you didn't have much choice.
But you have.
They'll kill you, Little Joe.
You can get out through the window.
Please.
Before it's too late.
Ma'am, I thought we had a supper date together.
Gentlemen.
May I say that your visit isn't entirely unexpected.
You get out of here.
(grunting) Miss Crabtree, ma'am, you're a sweetheart.
(window rattling) Good evening, Miss Crabtree.
Adam.
Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
Are you? Where's my brother? He was here.
I'm sorry, Adam.
I I didn't think this was going to happen.
Now, what you thought or think doesn't interest me, Miss Crabtree.
You're hurting my arm.
I'll break it.
Where's the kid? You don't understand.
Understand what? You and Alpheus Troy? You don't think much of me, do you? On the contrary.
I think you did your job beautifully.
It's not everyone that could lure a young fool kid to his death.
That isn't true.
I didn't know they wanted to hurt him.
That they said it would just be a little trick, a sort of a game.
Could I go up into the mountains and make one of you follow me back to town? For how much money? Money didn't have anything to do with it.
Didn't you just hear me say it was a little game, a sort of a lark? Oh, I heard you.
That doesn't mean I have to believe you, though.
Let go of me.
Get your hands off me! Next time, Miss Crabtree, pick on a man, not a boy.
(man shouts in Chinese) (shouting in Chinese) I'll explain later, Hop Ling, if I live that long.
All the same trouble? All the same trouble.
He's around here somewhere.
We'll go through every shack and tent till we can find him.
(men speaking Chinese) Where is he? Where you hiding him? (speaking in Chinese) That's a big help.
If he's here, we'll find him.
Wait! (speaking Chinese) Get over there! Old man Thank you for keeping me alive.
Of course, one day, you may regret it, you know.
BEN: Where is he? Did you find him? No, I didn't find him, Pa.
I got his horse outside.
I found it at the stable.
He's still in town.
We'll go on looking for him, Alpheus Troy.
And if we don't find him (panting) We'll try that one next.
Inside basket.
I'll cover with clothes.
Hey, you got anybody hiding in here? Hide somebody? No, nobody.
Me hide nobody.
(speaking in Chinese) Oh, what's the use? Let's turn this place inside out.
(yelling in Chinese) (yelling) Wait a minute.
What about this? Laundry.
Nothing but laundry.
(yelling in Chinese) (laughing) No tickee, no washee.
(yelling in Chinese) (laughing) All the same, why make so much noise? No can sleep.
If he's in there, this'll smoke him out.
(glass shatters) (man yelling in Chinese) (clamoring voices) (indistinct shouting and arguing) Yahoo! Yahoo! (harmonica playing slow tune in distance) (Little Joe and Lotta laughing) LOTTA: Little Joe.
LITTLE JOE: I'm not so little.
(horse neighing) * * BEN: You! You scamp! Is this what you've been doing all night? All night, Pa? I, uh, I thought I was just getting started.
It's a great pleasure, Mr.
Cartwright.
Out! Out, you little rapscallion, before I before I skin you alive! (slap) * * (whooping)
Feast thine eyes on a sight that approacheth Heaven itself.
ADAM: You been to a lot of places and you've seen a lot of things, Pa.
But you've never seen or been to Heaven.
Well, maybe I've never been to Heaven, maybe I'm never going to get the chance, but Heaven is going to have to go some to beat the thousand square miles of the Ponderosa.
As long as it's ours.
As long as we keep it in Cartwright hands.
Know anyone who could take it away from us, son? I know those who would try.
That Virginia City bunch, if we gave them half a chance.
Now, where's Little Joe? He's supposed to have met us here.
I want a report of those cattle he was supposed to bring down from the north end.
Oh, you'll get it, son.
You, uh, might have to wait until he's ready to give it to you.
I want that report now.
Well, maybe, the best thing for you to do is go find him.
I intend to do just that, Pa.
Hoss'll know where he is.
Adam (horse whinnies) Remember, he's your brother.
Well, brother or not, I expect him to do his share, same as the rest of us.
He's a boy, son.
Not a man, like you.
Only thing wrong with him: he's young.
Well, young or not, he's still a Cartwright.
(horse whinnies) (horse whinnies) (grunting) Whoa.
Abner, you stand real still now, you hear? You listen to Hoss.
Fidgeting and fussing around here like that.
Gonna throw you plumb into the next county.
You think I can't do it, mister, you just keep on that juggling.
Be flying through the air like you was more a prairie hen than you are a horse.
He giving you any trouble, Hoss? Aw, Pa You know there ain't no four-legged animal could give me any trouble.
Oh, I know that, son.
No, any two-legged one, either, for that matter.
I don't know.
I remember one little two-legged animal-- didn't weigh an ounce over a hundred pounds, red hair and all-- she didn't give me nothing but trouble.
Well, I wasn't thinking of any girl, son.
I was thinking of your younger brother.
Little Joe? Mm-hmm.
Adam's up at the house talking to him now.
You got nothin' better to do than play with that? Never know when I might want to use it.
What chance you going to have to use an epee out here in the West? What I always say is, older brother, if a man ever gets that chance, he'd best be ready for it.
Stand still when I'm talking to you.
You're a Cartwright.
Do you know what that means? No, older brother, I'm waiting for you to tell me.
All right, I'll tell you.
It means you're supposed to be a man now, fit to do a man's work.
It means you got part of the responsibility of running this ranch, same as Pa and Hoss and me.
If I didn't think I could handle it same as you, I'd quit.
And how do you expect to do it with that, uh, New Orleans monkey pick you got handed down to you by your French Quarter mother? If you weren't my brother, Adam, I'd kill you for that.
Well, any time you're ready, Little Joe, you can just forget all about us being kin.
Well, you know, that'll be easy.
'Cause I've never been able to see myself being kin to anything whelped out of a thin-nosed, blue-blooded Boston Yankee! (chuckles): Oh You want to fight me, Adam, you make a fist! Fire and brimstone! Stop that fighting! Hoss, make them stop.
Put an end to this shame, this disgrace! Pa, they don't hear you.
They don't mean no disrespect.
It's just they're working off a little extra steam, that's all.
But don't you worry none, I'll stop 'em.
All right, you boys had enough fun for one day.
Let's call it quits.
In case you didn't hear me, I said this play acting business is over, and I mean right now.
Now, you stay out of this, Hoss.
This is between me and older brother here! Now, Little Joe, you better quit before I get mad.
Yeah, he'll quit, all right, Hoss.
He hasn't the guts to take any man-sized punishment.
(thud) (groans) (clock chimes) Sons, don't we have enough to fight? Must we fight amongst ourselves? Why don't you tell that to him, Pa? If you can get anything through that rockbound, New England head of his.
Son, are you all right? You're not hurt, lad? I guess the only way to hurt me, Pa, is to kill me.
I'm sorry, Adam.
I'm sorry I raised my hand to you.
Oh, go on, son.
It's your brother asking your forgiveness.
All I ask is for him to do his share.
We're running the Ponderosa, not playing with an epee.
And that means bringing a thousand head of cattle down from the pastures to the bottomland.
Those cattle, every last head of them, have been grazing in bottomland since this morning.
Don't you josh with me, Little Joe.
Oh, well, that'd be the day anybody tried to josh with you, you Yankee granite-head.
Joe You're telling the truth about those thousand head of cattle? Pa, you know he's telling the truth.
He ain't no liar, Pa.
That the truth, Little Joe? That's the truth.
How many heads you lose on the way down? Nary one.
BEN: Nary? Do you hear that, Adam? A thousand head of prime stock down from the high pasture and he loses nary a one! (laughs) Well, Joe, that's that's wonderful.
I only did what any poor boy out of New Orleans would've done without even thinking about it.
ADAM: Well, I, uh I didn't know, I'm I'm sorry.
Hop Sing! Where the devil you hiding, you celestial sky gazer?! You got four hungry men here want to know what's for dinner! Yell! Yell! Why you all the time have to yell? Why do I have to yell?! (laughs) I go.
I go away, now.
Hop Sing! Wait a minute! Hop Sing! Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, Hop Sing.
You You can't do that.
Why, if you left here, I'd waste away to a shadow.
You know that.
You tell the old man he speak soft.
Not yell, then maybe Hop Sing stay.
Pa I'm powerful hungry.
I ain't had but a couple or three breakfasts since morning.
Besides, Pa, you know as well as I do ol' Hop Sing's the best dang cook this side of San Francisco.
Why don't you go ahead and apologize to him? Go on, Pa.
Hoss is right.
He's right, Pa.
We never knew what cooking was like till Hop Sing come here.
HOSS: Pa, I sure am hungry, Pa.
And I can smell dinner.
Hop Sing, very sorry.
Very, very sorry.
Get a very good dinner.
Roast pig.
Roast pig? Did you say "roast pig," Hop Sing? Roast pig, very good.
Pa, in all your born days did you ever taste anything that could match ol' Hop Sing's roast pig? Hoss, you gonna be able to last till dinner? Well, it ain't gonna be easy, Pa.
If I don't get something to eat pretty soon, I'm liable to just lay down right here and die.
Uh-huh, well, before anyone lays down and dies, let's remember there's still some work to do down at the corral.
Just so happens, this ranch don't run by itself.
Ha! (chuckling) (man speaking Chinese) You don't think very highly of our plan, do you, Hooper? Look, Troy, this isn't my idea-- scheming with an actress.
You know what I'd like to do.
Everything all right, Miss Brown? Take the Ponderosa by storm.
You know what that would cost us? Oh, hang the expense.
All I want is to get rid of that Cartwright bunch once and for all.
Well, I wasn't speaking of the cost in money, Hooper.
I was speaking of the cost in human lives.
Yes.
What are you planning on using, Hooper? The United States Cavalry? The last time we planned an expedition to take the Ponderosa, it cost us over a dozen lives.
Cartwright can assemble within an hour if they have to.
Up there in that empire they control, their position's impregnable.
As Garvey says, we couldn't get at them with anything less than the U.
S.
Cavalry.
All I know is that the Yellow Jacket needs a million board feet of timber a year to keep going.
Well, the Gould & Curry, my dear Hooper, requires three million feet a year.
I've a 12-foot-wide vein of pure silver I can't even explore for lack of shoring timber.
I don't think I have to remind you of the seriousness of our problem.
Well, I can tell you this.
Unless I get timber, I'm out of the mining business.
If old Ben would only agree to sell us what we need, I I'd be willing to pay any price he'd ask.
Well, to old Ben Cartwright, a tree is something sacred.
Yeah.
Something money can't buy.
That's ridiculous.
Money can buy anything.
Can it, Aaron? You, nor any of us, couldn't make the Cartwrights sell us one more sapling than they wanted to.
Troy, do you think this girl can really do it? (chuckles) This girl, as you put it-- Miss Lotta Crabtree-- is one of the most renowned actresses and beauties of our time.
Conceivably, she might succeed where the United States Cavalry might fail.
Yes, but just by bringing one of his boys to town? By putting into our hands the one thing that would make Ben Cartwright sell us his trees: a son.
(neighing) Stay with him, Adam! Oh, stay with him, Adam! That's a boy! Stay with him, now! Not so much spur, Adam! (indistinct chatter, horse neighing) Easy on his mouth, Adam! He's about as spooky as a fella about to get himself married! All right, Thunder! You're all right, boy! You're all right, Adam? I'm all right.
Let me go.
I guess I had that one coming.
That's too good a piece of horseflesh to ruin by bringing along too fast.
What's that carriage doing on the Ponderosa? Hiyah! Those fools, they should've known better! (cattle lowing) Hiyah! Come on! Hey! Come on! Get in there! Hiyah! Do you know where you are? Yes, sir.
Yes, Mr.
Cartwright.
Put those hands up.
If you put 'em down before you're told, you're dead, mister.
If you know who I am, then you know you're on the Ponderosa.
I'm sorry about that, but then I guess I must've got lost tracking over them hills.
WOMAN: Don't you kowtow to him, driver.
Unless you want to answer to me.
The idea, the very idea, of shooting at innocent, unarmed people, and in broad daylight Why, if I had realized that this is the way they treat people in Virginia City, I never would have come here.
Well, this is not Virginia City, ma'am.
You're on the Ponderosa.
The Ponderosa? What's that? The Ponderosa, ma'am.
That's the home place of the Cartwrights.
They got just about the biggest spread in the country.
This here is Ben Cartwright and these is his sons.
And we don't cotton to strangers, male or female.
What's your business here? My business? Am I still in United States territory? Well, that you are, ma'am, but I wouldn't go trading on it too much if I was you.
Well, you're not me.
And I wish you'd put that awful thing down.
Yes'm.
And what's the matter with you? Haven't you ever seen a lady before? No, ma'am.
I mean, not such a pretty one.
Not in a long time.
You're still pointing that gun at me, you know.
I might still intend to use it.
Put it away, son.
Maybe they really did lose their way.
Well, as long as they get off the Ponderosa.
It appears we're going to need some help if you expect us to honor that request.
I'll be happy to oblige, ma'am.
Well, it's a it's a relief to know that even here a lady can expect help from a gentleman.
Little Joe, I think maybe the lady would like a nice, cool drink after traveling around in the dust and heat.
The lady happens to have a name, gentlemen.
Miss Lotta Crabtree.
Ah, you mean the famous actress? I mean the very same.
I'll be knee-high to a prairie dog.
Lotta Crabtree! Miss Lotta Crabtree.
Yes'm.
Yes, ma'am.
BEN: Little Joe, take Miss Crabtree up to the house.
Let her rest herself, while we put this fool carriage of hers together again.
You expect me to ride this horse? Well, it's either that, ma'am, or walk a mile to the house.
My pleasure, ma'am.
Well, you know, I didn't need any help, older brother.
I wasn't helping you, younger brother.
I swear Adam, you reckon you going to get this thing fixed today? You'd like to try? If I did, who'd hold this wagon up? (groans) All right, try that wheel again.
See if it'll turn.
Bring her in.
Yes, sir.
Yeah! All right, now.
Get her out of here.
Before we lose our patience and string you to the nearest tree.
Yes, sir.
But what about the lady, Miss Crabtree? How long's it take to get a gal a cool drink of water? Yeah, talking about something to drink, if I don't get something to eat pretty soon, I'm liable to get plumb dangerous.
(approaching hoofbeats) (horses neighing) (Hop Sing speaking Chinese) BEN: What in thunder are you trying to say? Roast pig, all dried up.
Why you no come eat? Because we had something better to do.
You don't mean it's ruined, Hop Sing? All dry up.
Throw away.
Throw away? Hop Sing invite lady eat roast pig.
She say, "Thank you very much.
" But she have to go Virginia City.
Virginia City? Crazy Little Joe.
He didn't agree to take her? Take best buggy, too.
She very pretty lady, very pretty.
Not alone.
Mister, you got just one minute to tell us all you know about it.
I swear, I don't know nothing, Mr.
Cartwright.
That minute's running out fast.
Who sent you up to the Ponderosa? Nobody.
I mean I was just hired to drive the lady up around these hills.
Was it Alpheus Troy? Was it Alpheus Troy hired you? Talk, man, while there's still a tongue in your head.
I couldn't help myself, Mr.
Cartwright.
I couldn't say no to Troy.
I just couldn't help myself! How much did he pay you? Alone.
He went into that town alone.
Anyone care to ride into Virginia City with me? Hoss! Not into Virginia City, not yet.
That's exactly what they want.
Just the four Cartwrights.
Well we'll ride in.
But we'll have a hundred men riding in after us in the morning if we haven't returned.
Alert the men from the North Valley.
Adam! You ride out to the settlers on the Tahoe rim.
I'll take care of the men at the sawmill.
Soon as we're through, we'll ride into Virginia City.
I'll be waiting for you in the Sazerac.
Hop Sing, if we don't get back by morning, kill him.
Ho! I think we better let him rest, ma'am.
We don't want to get him all tuckered out.
I see.
It's very considerate of you to drive me, Mr.
Cartwright.
Oh, most people hereabouts just call me Little Joe.
Little Joe? Well, you're not that small.
Oh, it's not that, ma'am.
It's my brother, Hoss, is that big.
(laughs): Yes, he is.
But what kind of a name is that for a man-- Hoss? Oh, he had some other name when he was born.
Then when he weighed in at 50 pounds when he was just a couple of months old, well, people just forgot the other name and started calling him Hoss.
of months? Now, that's impossible.
Impossible, ma'am? I don't think you'd say that if you could've seen Hoss' mother.
Isn't she your mother, too? Who, that big gal? Oh, no.
Why, Pa says she stood six feet tall in her stockinged feet, and could punch like a mule.
That's how Pa met her.
She threw him two out of three times in a wrestling match.
Oh, she didn't! No.
No, she was a real beautiful woman.
Came from Sweden.
Pa said she was like a clean, fresh sunrise.
I'm sure she was.
Your father was married twice? Oh, more than that, ma'am.
More than that? Yeah, older brother, Adam.
He's from Pa's first wife.
She was the daughter of a New England sea captain.
Imagine my pa being married to a Yankee.
What's so wrong about a Yankee? Ma'am, if you don't already know, guess ain't no use in my telling you.
Mr.
Cartwright? When will we ever get to Virginia City? Almost before you know it, ma'am.
Hiyah, come on! (man speaking Chinese) Gentlemen.
The spider has just snagged the fly.
Troy, do you, uh, you think Miss Crabtree would appreciate being called a spider? As long as she collects her fee of $10,000 for this special performance, I don't think she cares what she's called.
Buggy's yours, ma'am, for as long as you stay in Virginia City.
Oh, that's most gallant of you, Little Joe.
Hope you didn't mind the ride too much, ma'am.
I loved it.
Fastest 20 miles I've ever experienced.
You will stay for my performance, won't you? I don't know what could keep me away.
I'll look for you from the stage.
After the show, could we have dinner together? After the show, you ask me then.
Now, you know what you're going to do.
Right.
(knocking at door) Oh, Miss Crabtree.
This is indeed a pleasure.
You sent for me, Mr.
Troy? I'd have come to you, but I was afraid I couldn't crowd my colleagues in that cramped, little dressing room.
Uh, Miss Crabtree, I want you to meet Aaron Hooper of the Yellow Jacket.
How do you do? Mr.
George Garvey of the Diablo.
My pleasure, gentlemen.
Your fame is worldwide.
Won't you sit down, please? Oh, well, thank you.
Might I add, so is yours.
Oh, by the way, congratulations.
Congratulations? For what? My performance isn't until later.
Well, let's say for bringing that young man into Virginia City.
Oh, was that so difficult? Did you have any doubts? It isn't easy to get a Cartwright to do anything.
It was just one young man.
Didn't you think I was woman enough to persuade one young man to do my bidding? Oh, enough to do all that, I'm sure.
And more.
But you see, Miss Crabtree, our task isn't quite finished.
What is there left to do, Mr.
Troy? We want you to persuade that young man to accompany you to your hotel rooms, after this evening's performance, of course.
Of course.
How interesting and how unusual.
Uh, what do I do then, make love to him? (laughs) No, uh, just keep him there.
Talk to him.
Do anything, but keep him there.
He's such a boy.
What shall we talk about? Talk about his blasted trees.
They've got more than a million of them up there on the Ponderosa and we want them.
Trees? You want trees? I thought you were all silver kings.
Trees spell timber.
And we need timber, Miss Crabtree, desperately, to keep our mines going.
You see, the deeper the veins go into the Earth, the richer, the purer the silver.
But without timber, millions of feet of it, to support our tunnels and our shafts, there's a limit to how deep we can go.
Then it appears I have earned my rather exorbitant fee.
Get that boy up into your room tonight, and you've earned another $10,000.
What do you intend to do with him? Hold him as a hostage, until Ben Cartwright gives us the right to cut down his trees.
And what if Ben Cartwright refuses? The way Ben loves those sons of his, I don't think he'll refuse.
I'll expect another $10,000, Mr.
Troy.
If you promise not to harm that boy.
(indistinct chatter) (whistling) It's a friend, Hop Ling.
Put down the war club.
All same much happy see friend.
Always happy to see you, too, Hop Ling.
How is honorable son, Hop Sing? He cook very good? Oh, very good.
Hoss loves him like a brother.
Ah, so, very good son.
You come Virginia City all alone? You take terrible risk.
Well, if honorable father just take my horse to the stable, I want to take care of a few little things uptown.
Do you mind, Hop Ling? For a very beautiful lady.
(applause) (piano plays) * You said, "Madam, I have come forth to court you" * * "Your affections for to gain" * * "And if you'll give me good attention" * * "Perhaps I'll come twice more again" * (uptempo rhythm plays) (crowd hooting) * "Uh-uh, no" * * "No, sir, no" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No" * (crowd laughing) * "Madam, I have gold and silver" * * "Madam, I have a house and land" * * "Madam, I have a world of pleasure" * * "You can have it all at your command" * * "Uh-uh, no" * * "No, sir, no" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No" * * "What care I for your gold and silver?" * * "What care I for your house and land?" * * "What care I for your world of pleasure?" * * "All I want is a handsome man" * * "Uh-uh, no" * * "No, sir, no" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No" * (cheering) (tempo slows) * "Madam, you seem to boast on beauty" * * "Beauty surely will vanish away" * * "Pick a pretty red rose in the morning" * (hooting and cheers) * "And by noon it will fade away" * * "Uh-uh, no" * * "No, sir, no" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No" * * All of her answers to him * * Were "No.
" * (cheers and applause) MAN: Encore! (cheers and applause) Young Cartwright sure didn't waste any time snapping up her invitation.
In his place, hmm I would have done the same thing.
(laughter) Well, if you had, it'd have been your last supper, too.
Aaron, have you assigned proper men to the task? McCutcheon and Farrell, Yellow Jacket boys.
Excellent.
Good.
Gentlemen and ladies, I invite you to partake of the pleasures of my Club Sazerac special.
(knocking at door) It's open.
Come in.
Your rose is most beautiful, Mr.
Cartwright.
Hardly anything, ma'am, compared to all these.
I don't think any of them could have been given with more admiration, or affection.
That's rather bold, sir.
I might almost say wicked.
Speaking of wicked, that was a fairly wicked dance you did out there on the stage.
You didn't like it? Who, me? Ma'am, I loved every bit of it.
As a matter of fact, I Tell me, Mr.
Cartwright.
Your mother was the third wife? And the last.
What was her name? Felicia.
Why do you ask? I don't know.
But you must be very much like her.
Where did she meet your father? Pa took a business trip down to New Orleans.
Guess he made out better than he ever figured he would.
New Orleans.
I might have known.
My grandpappy served there with the pirate Lafitte.
Till he got phew! You mean to say your grandfather was hanged? How awful.
Oh, it ain't a bad way to go, ma'am, when you're 82.
(chuckles) You ever been to New Orleans? New Orleans, I've been there dozens of times.
Oh, I'd give anything if I could go to New Orleans.
My mother used to tell me about it before she died.
I can hardly remember now.
I was just a little kid, not even five years old.
I know she used to tell me what a beautiful city it was.
Yes, a very beautiful city.
Very old and very gracious.
But we'll talk about that at supper.
I got a little place all picked out.
Run by a fellow from Paris, France.
Come to Virginia City a couple of years ago to pan for gold.
Then he got so discouraged with the kind of food they dish out around here, he just opened up a little cafe.
What's the matter, ma'am? Don't you care for French cooking? I love French cooking.
And I love French wine.
Here, let me pour you some.
To your very good health, monsieur.
What is it? They call it champagne.
It's the only thing I drink.
Tastes pretty feeble to me.
Hmm, it'll catch up with you.
But then at $50 a bottle, it should.
$50? Wow, this stuff's expensive.
Everything I have is expensive.
My hats, my shoes, my furs, my gowns everything.
Then money must be very important to you.
The most important thing in the world.
That's what enchants me so about Virginia City.
I can watch them dig it here, right out of the ground.
(laughs) You don't know how hard I've worked-- how many years it's taken-- to be able to buy the kind of champagne we're drinking now.
Listen, Little Joe why won't your father let them cut down those trees? They'd be willing to pay anything he asked.
The trees? Who wants to know about the trees? They need those trees.
Without those trees, they can't keep their mines going.
And without those trees, we can't keep the land going.
You expecting any visitors, ma'am? I suppose you know what I've done, don't you? (patrons gasping) BEN: Where is he? Where's my son? May I ask you, Mr.
Cartwright, to address whatever questions you may have to my friend, Langford Pool.
Mr.
Pool, as you well know, boasts 12 notches on his gun.
Would you care to try for 13? Go home, Cartwright.
Go home before I kill you.
You tell me to go home? You, with the smell on you of the charnel house? Of flesh rotting and stinking in the sun? You're gonna die for saying that to me, old man.
You're gonna die.
(doors open) ADAM: You have any argument, Pool, you don't have it with my father.
You have it with me.
One Cartwright is just about the same to me as another.
(gun hammer cocks) I'm asking you again.
Where's my boy? I, I don't know.
I don't know where he is.
We looked all over town, Pa.
There's no trace of him.
Troy, the Lord sayeth, "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
" I want my son, Troy.
My son, or your life.
You think that brat of yours is in Virginia City, Ben Cartwright? All right, find him.
I'll find him.
With that actress, once I know where she is.
You know that, Troy.
You know where she is.
Now, tell me or I'll rattle your teeth.
At the hotel.
The International House.
I'll find him, Pa.
Hoss, you stay here and help Pa keep them seated right where they are.
If I don't come back with Little Joe, we'll ask some more questions.
They'll be here when you get back, Adam.
One shape or another, but they'll be here.
Yes, ma'am.
You sure got expensive tastes.
Like this champagne stuff.
(banging at door) The hats gowns the furs.
I guess you didn't have much choice.
But you have.
They'll kill you, Little Joe.
You can get out through the window.
Please.
Before it's too late.
Ma'am, I thought we had a supper date together.
Gentlemen.
May I say that your visit isn't entirely unexpected.
You get out of here.
(grunting) Miss Crabtree, ma'am, you're a sweetheart.
(window rattling) Good evening, Miss Crabtree.
Adam.
Oh, I'm so happy to see you.
Are you? Where's my brother? He was here.
I'm sorry, Adam.
I I didn't think this was going to happen.
Now, what you thought or think doesn't interest me, Miss Crabtree.
You're hurting my arm.
I'll break it.
Where's the kid? You don't understand.
Understand what? You and Alpheus Troy? You don't think much of me, do you? On the contrary.
I think you did your job beautifully.
It's not everyone that could lure a young fool kid to his death.
That isn't true.
I didn't know they wanted to hurt him.
That they said it would just be a little trick, a sort of a game.
Could I go up into the mountains and make one of you follow me back to town? For how much money? Money didn't have anything to do with it.
Didn't you just hear me say it was a little game, a sort of a lark? Oh, I heard you.
That doesn't mean I have to believe you, though.
Let go of me.
Get your hands off me! Next time, Miss Crabtree, pick on a man, not a boy.
(man shouts in Chinese) (shouting in Chinese) I'll explain later, Hop Ling, if I live that long.
All the same trouble? All the same trouble.
He's around here somewhere.
We'll go through every shack and tent till we can find him.
(men speaking Chinese) Where is he? Where you hiding him? (speaking in Chinese) That's a big help.
If he's here, we'll find him.
Wait! (speaking Chinese) Get over there! Old man Thank you for keeping me alive.
Of course, one day, you may regret it, you know.
BEN: Where is he? Did you find him? No, I didn't find him, Pa.
I got his horse outside.
I found it at the stable.
He's still in town.
We'll go on looking for him, Alpheus Troy.
And if we don't find him (panting) We'll try that one next.
Inside basket.
I'll cover with clothes.
Hey, you got anybody hiding in here? Hide somebody? No, nobody.
Me hide nobody.
(speaking in Chinese) Oh, what's the use? Let's turn this place inside out.
(yelling in Chinese) (yelling) Wait a minute.
What about this? Laundry.
Nothing but laundry.
(yelling in Chinese) (laughing) No tickee, no washee.
(yelling in Chinese) (laughing) All the same, why make so much noise? No can sleep.
If he's in there, this'll smoke him out.
(glass shatters) (man yelling in Chinese) (clamoring voices) (indistinct shouting and arguing) Yahoo! Yahoo! (harmonica playing slow tune in distance) (Little Joe and Lotta laughing) LOTTA: Little Joe.
LITTLE JOE: I'm not so little.
(horse neighing) * * BEN: You! You scamp! Is this what you've been doing all night? All night, Pa? I, uh, I thought I was just getting started.
It's a great pleasure, Mr.
Cartwright.
Out! Out, you little rapscallion, before I before I skin you alive! (slap) * * (whooping)