Boy Meets Girl (2009) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
No! Hi! My car is out of petrol.
I've What? What are you doing? It's none of your business.
boy meets girl s1 e01 Bombs built on lies.
The CIA inventing Al-Qaeda to justify the bombing of Iraq.
How can they invent them? Who blew up the Twin Towers? - The Americans did.
- They bombed themselves? Because they wanted a war.
You've got no idea what the CIA have done.
??? Faked the moon landings, killed Kennedy.
The CIA did not kill Kennedy.
Yeah, right.
Excuse me, is this adhesive strong enough to fix skirting board to a wall? yeah.
You can glue your kids to the wall with that.
Sounds ideal.
You know how they do that, don't you? It's actually a chemical process, now banned in this country - Danny.
- No.
You're all right.
?? They outsourced to Bangladesh where they can use really young kids in a totally unregulated environment.
Respiratory illnesses are the main killer in that factory.
- Thanks for that.
- Happy to help.
- Shouldn't do that to customers.
- She had it coming.
Hey.
Fiona.
Hiya.
Did she send you a birthday card? What? No.
What are you doing tonight? I'm busy, mate.
I said Wednesday.
250 quid.
Where is it? I ain't got it.
Should have thought of that before you played the rookie card shark, lad.
Moonrakers Arms, 7:30.
And start paying that debt.
Be there.
Or I'll come looking for you.
ââ¢ÂªÃ¢â¢Âª I'm on my way over.
I don't know.
I'll see you in a bit.
It's in an electricity generator thing.
A load of copper wiring.
A vanful.
Just inside the gate.
Piece of cake.
No guards, no nothing.
You'll be in and out in five minutes.
Take the van outside.
And then we're even? It's the first instalment, that's all.
What? What are you doing? It's none of your business.
Must have been a massive electrical current.
Was this the only victim? As far as we know.
OK, let's go again.
Stand clear.
'I'm thinking.
I must be alive if I'm thinking.
Or maybe not.
Maybe my body is dead, but my brain is still alive.
Or' You're awake.
- 'Who's he?' - It's so good to see you with your eyes open.
My throat is like sandpaper.
'That came out weird.
What's going on?' There you go, baby.
What did he just call me?' You've had quite an ordeal.
You were unconscious for two days.
'Wait, I'm in hospital.
Who are they?' I was so scared.
When Jay phoned me, I thought You've got the wrong guy.
Honey, it's OK.
- I thought I'd lost you.
- I need a slash.
No.
Wait, V.
You can't V! The doctor said that you 'Right, this is a dream.
' 'This is a dream.
' 'I'm hallucinating.
What have they done to me?' Help! Help! Let's get you back into your bed.
Tell your friend when you see him that he's fired.
He was crap at the job anyway.
This isn't a joke.
He's not answering his phone.
Danny skiving work isn't news.
OK, just concentrate.
Danny Reed.
Daniel Reed.
Daniel Stanley Reed.
Danny.
Hi, my name is Daniel Reed.
Hi Hi.
My name is Danny.
Come on, come on! Favourite band, The Ramones.
All-time hero, Che Guevara.
Come on! Concentrate! Danny Reed! Hey.
Brought you some clothes.
I'm all right as I am.
What happened to the bloke that was there with me? There wasn't anyone else there.
It was just you.
Come here.
I'm taking you home.
Good to be back? ?? These bouquets are from everyone at work.
Gorgeous.
Bill says not to worry about rushing back.
Siobhan has organised a web page in your name, to raise funds for the A&E department.
Who were absolutely amazing, by the way.
Really looked after you well, so they deserve that.
It's a dream.
It's a really weird, vivid dream.
Have you got any fizzy pop? Can I have a bath? 'Something reallystrange has happened.
' 'Iam a real live woman.
' Now, they said plenty of rest, so Why don't we just go to bed? Be right back.
'This is not happening.
This is nothappening.
' Sorry, but I've got to close these toilets for essential maintenance.
- I don't know who I am.
- It's only temporary, sir.
We re-open in ten minutes.
Are all men's loos as smelly as this one? If you have a complaint to make, put it in writing to the council.
Are you sure you're gonna be OK on your own? 'If I'm her, where has she gone.
Where have I gone?' 'Maybe she's me now.
If she is still alive.
' 'Hi, renegades, live the dream and leave me a message.
' Hi.
Hi, Danny.
It's Danny.
Look, ring this number and ask for Veronica.
No, sorry, I haven't seen him.
Right.
If you do, can you tell him .
.
Veronica is after him.
- Yeah, sure.
- Thanks.
Can I help you? What happened to the bloke in the accident? Is he alive? What have you done with him? What's your name, love? Excuse me, sir, could you help me, please? I thinkthat I was a woman.
In fact, I'm sure I was.
Are you all right? I shouldn't have left you.
?? You're not yourself.
Jay, there's a reason.
I'm not myself.
It's because I'm really not .
.
me.
It'sdifficult to What if I really wasn't me? - What if - There's no need to explain.
I've invited Siobhan and Ali round for dinner.
I thought you could use some friendly company.
- No, you're kidding me.
- I mean, screwing the Polish au pair! Mind you, she's one hell of a woman.
- Have you ever met her? - No.
Put it like this.
I'm not into women, but if I was Do you know, the CIA are funding a military coup in Venezuela? ??? They plan to overthrow an elected government while you're sat there talking about shagging a nanny.
I think Veronica is getting a bit tired.
Let's call it a night.
- I'll help you clean up.
- Thanks.
You seem a bit er I've been meaning to call you, but obviously it's been a bit tricky.
So, you said you wanted to tell me something that night.
What was it? If you're worried about Siobhan or Jay, I-I understand.
Neither of them need to know.
'Don't tell me she was screwing this moron.
' We're off.
OK.
Look at you, V.
You're the girl who won't leave the house if you've chipped a nail.
The girl who spends more on lingerie than I do on clothes and here you are having dinner in some sweaty t-shirt now You're not even wearing a bra.
You're not well, love.
And you need us.
So let us in.
Tell us what we can do and we'll do it.
You can piss off.
V, we're trying to help.
Don't you understand me? We're off.
Thanks for coming.
I've decided I'm gonna go back to work.
As a journalist.
Get back into the swing of things.
No, way, V.
You're not ready for that.
No, I've decided.
It's best I get on with what I'm good at.
You know, investigating things.
I wouldn't call your job "investigating".
But if I flash my ID card, people will speak to me, right? Love, you're not going back to work.
I'm not letting you.
Trust me.
I know what I'm doing.
OK.
If that's what you want Hey, it's me.
What are you scared of? Just relax.
Take a deep breath.
And let's try and rememberme and you.
And how we were before the accident.
OK, OK, it's all right.
Let's just go to bed and remind ourselves of how we feel about each other.
You've got to be joking.
Darling, I'm not trying to scare you.
- But we need to connect.
- You're not connecting with me, you pervert! 'Maybe that was a bit too strong.
' Come on.
Please, please.
What do you think I should wear? There you go.
Veronica, how are you doing? Very well, thank you.
Your card? Whoa! Pete! Pete! Spares.
Thanks.
He's not been home.
He's not answering his phone.
I know what you're saying, but it's not like him.
Do you want me to help you? Please.
Oh, hi, Veronica, welcome back.
How are you doing? I'm all right.
It's this way, silly.
Are you feeling OK? They say it's a miracle you survived.
Do they? It's great to have you back, Veronica.
Thanks.
I took the liberty of writing up a few things to fill the next few days.
And a new range of lipsticks needs reviewing.
All made from biochemical waste products.
Totally recycled.
'Fashion? You have got to be joking.
' There you go, horoscopes.
- Where are you going? - Out.
Doing research.
'I can't believe I live like this.
' Friend of his, are you? You tell him he owes three months' rent and I've had enough.
I haven't seen him.
Who are you, then? His fancy lady? Get lost lard arse.
You tell him.
Fiona.
You've got to help me.
Sorry? Do I know you? I'm Have you seen Danny? This woman is asking after Danny.
Pete.
How do you know my name? cos it's on your badge.
I'm not wearing my badge.
He might be wandering around somewhere, looking a bit lost.
Listen, my best mate is missing.
If you've got something to tell me, say it.
Where do you think he might be? We don't know where he is.
He's a bit erflakey.
Bit unreliable.
Oh, so you don't care about him, then? - What? - You didn't send me a birthday card.
- What? - You've seen him.
No.
No, I haven't, but I need to find him.
??? I'm gonna call security.
Shit.
Elton John? Bloody hell.
You do know you have the worst record collection in the entire world? What are you doing? What's happened to you? Oh, give it a rest.
I want Veronica back.
Just a sign.
Just to see you do something you do.
Say something you say.
Look at me like you don't hate me.
I'm not giving up on you, V.
But you're here and I'm here and that's how it is.
Now, you might not feel you want me right now, but I'm all you've got.
That's the bloke who came looking for him.
After me.
Excuse me.
This is my friend and he's a good mate of Danny Reed.
We just wondered if you'd seen him by any chance.
No.
And if you do, you can tell him I want my bloody van back.
Right.
What was he doing with your van? Nicking it, by the looks of things.
Now, do you mind, I'm busy.
Last time I saw Danny.
Barry sent him off on a job.
What kind of job? I dunno.
Sorry.
I'd better go.
Shouldn't you be getting ready, too, honey? Excuse me, could you spare me a pound, please? I'm very sorry to have to ask, but You couldn't spare me a penny? Thank you.
Excuse me.
I'm mortified to ask this, but could you spare me a pound? I'm starving.
Thank you so much.
You're the only person who's stopped.
- What's your name, love? - I don't know.
Will you please help me? - I'm sorry.
sorry.
- Please, can you, please? Fine.
I disagree.
Just because our readers like a bit of pop culture doesn't mean that they are ignorant.
- What's this? - The horoscopes you asked for.
Scorpio.
"Your planet may be aligned with another one.
You may or may not come into money today.
" - What's the problem? - Pisces.
"Avoid people who are looking to hurt you as it may lead to you being hurt.
" It's just a hunch, but do you think you're being a bit vague? Come onBill.
It's only the horoscopes.
I'm sorry you've had an accident, Veronica, but if you are not well enough, go home and rest.
I'll be fine.
Hello, Burton's Buzz.
Hi, I need to speak to Veronica.
Is she there? She's busy right now.
Can I take a message? - I need to speak to her.
- Sorry, who is this? It's Veronica.
You know, wine is not so bad after a couple of glasses.
It's horrible to start with and then it gets kind of OK.
It's so weird to hear you say that.
No, I mean, I like wine, don't I? So, it's got even worse.
Any excuse to rub up against me or lean over me, and he'll do it.
But what can I do? He's my boss.
And I'm not the only woman he's done this to.
Why don't you all get together and kick his arse? - It's not that easy.
- You're a lawyer.
You've got the kind of job most ordinary folk would give their right hand to do and all you do is sit there moaning.
I'm talking about serious sexual harassment.
Is that the only advice you can give me? What's got into you, V? Eh, I'm sorry.
Who needs men when you've got a rabbit? It's loads better than when you're a bloke.
With a bloke.
You're terrible.
You really are.
I admit they are amazing.
Thank you.
Not quite a substitute for the real thing though.
How are things with Ali? Yeah.
Well, who knows? Why? Is he Do you think Do I think he's a tosser who doesn't care about me? Yeah.
But what's new? Yeah.
Men, eh? Idiots.
Oh, God, it's good to see you being yourself again, V.
I didn't realise that it's been very tough for you.
You've been going through some crazy stuff.
It'sbeen It's been really difficult.
If there is anything that you want to say to me OK.
Have you ever imagined being a man? Look, justjust .
.
imagine if I wasn't Veronica.
But you are.
No, but What if I was this man and now I'm this woman? And even though it sounds completely stupid, what if it was true? I don't know how anyone can wear these.
They are like instruments of torture.
Perhaps we ought to export them as part of our not-so-ethical foreign policy.
How was your day? It was an empty, fatuous, vulgar load of nothing.
Then I went for a few pints with the security guards and that was a right laugh.
You're drunk.
Lay off.
What were you doing driving out there that night? - Can't remember.
- Really? Are you sure? - Do you think I'm lying? - I'm not sure.
You're acting so weird, it wouldn't surprise me.
- I'm not weird.
- You Really? Before the accident - After the accident.
- Give me that.
- And is that supposed to be me? - Gimme it! I-I don't mind being ignored.
And abused.
I don't even mind the fact that we have no physical relationship.
But it would be nice if you didn't leave your vibrator on the floor.
But Ican't do this forever.
You mean, what if she's changed for good? What if the accident was just a wake-up call to the fact that her life, her boyfriend and her friends and her job are a bunch of pointless, tedious crap? And then what do you do? But you love Veronica so much, don't you? You forgive her anything.
Guys.
I had the weirdest dream.
Birthday card? Birthday card I want to do more of your sort of stuff.
Are you talking to me? I wanna do serious stories.
About cover-ups, conspiracies.
I know a lot about them.
There's such a thing as playing to your strengths.
Me, I can sniff out a good story at 20 paces.
And you, your peachy arse looks nice in a tight skirt.
Looks like you've got a wee visitor.
Hiya.
I've come to ask you about Danny.
How did you find me? Oh, yeah.
I met him in this pub.
A few times.
- The Moonrakers Arms? - Yeah.
He was hanging round with the wrong sort.
I know.
I want you to help me find him.
Yes.
Yes, I would love to.
OK.
I know where he lives, so we could try there first.
Great.
Great.
Come on.
- I'm going out.
- Where? Oh, big piece on street style, you know.
Eye shadow and shoes.
I tried knocking a million times.
There is never anyone here.
- How did you know that? - Most people leave keys somewhere near the door.
God.
What a dump.
He hasn't been back since.
How do you know? Justget that sense.
Doesn't feel recently lived in.
Is that like a journalist's know-how? Yeah.
Yeah, after a while you get to know these things.
Do you Do you know him well? Not really, no.
I mean, he's sweet, bit weird.
He's got a thing about me.
You know what boys are like.
Subtle as a brick.
Maybe he was just trying to be your friend.
Yeah, maybe he was.
He didn't have many, that's for sure.
Right, so what do we do now? Well, he might have had a bump on the head.
He could be wandering round confused.
- Why do you think that? - Just a hunch.
Then maybe we should advertise in The Big Issue, then.
Yeah, good idea, and Vogue.
Vogue? Yeah.
A range of magazines.
- And what about the police? - No.
Not just yet.
- If you say so.
- Just trust me.
OK.
Right, I'd better get back to work.
OK.
Look Just call me if you hear anything.
That's my card.
ok.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
After you.
'And we show you what we know' Listen.
I've I've been doing a lot of thinking.
About near-death experiences.
And I've realised that .
.
I'm making a terrible mistake.
We were the happiest couple alive before the accident.
And I'm an idiot if I think that's just gone overnight.
I understand now why you are pushing me.
The psychology of it all.
You're pushing me away because you're scared.
You're scared in case you die and you leave me alone.
You've convinced yourself that it's easier, less selfish, just to be single.
But the thing is, darling, you're not going to die, and I'll never let you out of my sight again.
'Please, you've got to help me!' Jay, you have no idea how good it is to see you.
- What was his name ?? - That was Danny Reed! You arrested him, then let him go.
It's me, babe, it's me.
The craziest thing has happened to me.
Even if you knew the truth, you would not be able to handle it.
If ever I see you two around here again, you're dead.
All right? 'I guess you've got to try everything once.
' Veronica!
I've What? What are you doing? It's none of your business.
boy meets girl s1 e01 Bombs built on lies.
The CIA inventing Al-Qaeda to justify the bombing of Iraq.
How can they invent them? Who blew up the Twin Towers? - The Americans did.
- They bombed themselves? Because they wanted a war.
You've got no idea what the CIA have done.
??? Faked the moon landings, killed Kennedy.
The CIA did not kill Kennedy.
Yeah, right.
Excuse me, is this adhesive strong enough to fix skirting board to a wall? yeah.
You can glue your kids to the wall with that.
Sounds ideal.
You know how they do that, don't you? It's actually a chemical process, now banned in this country - Danny.
- No.
You're all right.
?? They outsourced to Bangladesh where they can use really young kids in a totally unregulated environment.
Respiratory illnesses are the main killer in that factory.
- Thanks for that.
- Happy to help.
- Shouldn't do that to customers.
- She had it coming.
Hey.
Fiona.
Hiya.
Did she send you a birthday card? What? No.
What are you doing tonight? I'm busy, mate.
I said Wednesday.
250 quid.
Where is it? I ain't got it.
Should have thought of that before you played the rookie card shark, lad.
Moonrakers Arms, 7:30.
And start paying that debt.
Be there.
Or I'll come looking for you.
ââ¢ÂªÃ¢â¢Âª I'm on my way over.
I don't know.
I'll see you in a bit.
It's in an electricity generator thing.
A load of copper wiring.
A vanful.
Just inside the gate.
Piece of cake.
No guards, no nothing.
You'll be in and out in five minutes.
Take the van outside.
And then we're even? It's the first instalment, that's all.
What? What are you doing? It's none of your business.
Must have been a massive electrical current.
Was this the only victim? As far as we know.
OK, let's go again.
Stand clear.
'I'm thinking.
I must be alive if I'm thinking.
Or maybe not.
Maybe my body is dead, but my brain is still alive.
Or' You're awake.
- 'Who's he?' - It's so good to see you with your eyes open.
My throat is like sandpaper.
'That came out weird.
What's going on?' There you go, baby.
What did he just call me?' You've had quite an ordeal.
You were unconscious for two days.
'Wait, I'm in hospital.
Who are they?' I was so scared.
When Jay phoned me, I thought You've got the wrong guy.
Honey, it's OK.
- I thought I'd lost you.
- I need a slash.
No.
Wait, V.
You can't V! The doctor said that you 'Right, this is a dream.
' 'This is a dream.
' 'I'm hallucinating.
What have they done to me?' Help! Help! Let's get you back into your bed.
Tell your friend when you see him that he's fired.
He was crap at the job anyway.
This isn't a joke.
He's not answering his phone.
Danny skiving work isn't news.
OK, just concentrate.
Danny Reed.
Daniel Reed.
Daniel Stanley Reed.
Danny.
Hi, my name is Daniel Reed.
Hi Hi.
My name is Danny.
Come on, come on! Favourite band, The Ramones.
All-time hero, Che Guevara.
Come on! Concentrate! Danny Reed! Hey.
Brought you some clothes.
I'm all right as I am.
What happened to the bloke that was there with me? There wasn't anyone else there.
It was just you.
Come here.
I'm taking you home.
Good to be back? ?? These bouquets are from everyone at work.
Gorgeous.
Bill says not to worry about rushing back.
Siobhan has organised a web page in your name, to raise funds for the A&E department.
Who were absolutely amazing, by the way.
Really looked after you well, so they deserve that.
It's a dream.
It's a really weird, vivid dream.
Have you got any fizzy pop? Can I have a bath? 'Something reallystrange has happened.
' 'Iam a real live woman.
' Now, they said plenty of rest, so Why don't we just go to bed? Be right back.
'This is not happening.
This is nothappening.
' Sorry, but I've got to close these toilets for essential maintenance.
- I don't know who I am.
- It's only temporary, sir.
We re-open in ten minutes.
Are all men's loos as smelly as this one? If you have a complaint to make, put it in writing to the council.
Are you sure you're gonna be OK on your own? 'If I'm her, where has she gone.
Where have I gone?' 'Maybe she's me now.
If she is still alive.
' 'Hi, renegades, live the dream and leave me a message.
' Hi.
Hi, Danny.
It's Danny.
Look, ring this number and ask for Veronica.
No, sorry, I haven't seen him.
Right.
If you do, can you tell him .
.
Veronica is after him.
- Yeah, sure.
- Thanks.
Can I help you? What happened to the bloke in the accident? Is he alive? What have you done with him? What's your name, love? Excuse me, sir, could you help me, please? I thinkthat I was a woman.
In fact, I'm sure I was.
Are you all right? I shouldn't have left you.
?? You're not yourself.
Jay, there's a reason.
I'm not myself.
It's because I'm really not .
.
me.
It'sdifficult to What if I really wasn't me? - What if - There's no need to explain.
I've invited Siobhan and Ali round for dinner.
I thought you could use some friendly company.
- No, you're kidding me.
- I mean, screwing the Polish au pair! Mind you, she's one hell of a woman.
- Have you ever met her? - No.
Put it like this.
I'm not into women, but if I was Do you know, the CIA are funding a military coup in Venezuela? ??? They plan to overthrow an elected government while you're sat there talking about shagging a nanny.
I think Veronica is getting a bit tired.
Let's call it a night.
- I'll help you clean up.
- Thanks.
You seem a bit er I've been meaning to call you, but obviously it's been a bit tricky.
So, you said you wanted to tell me something that night.
What was it? If you're worried about Siobhan or Jay, I-I understand.
Neither of them need to know.
'Don't tell me she was screwing this moron.
' We're off.
OK.
Look at you, V.
You're the girl who won't leave the house if you've chipped a nail.
The girl who spends more on lingerie than I do on clothes and here you are having dinner in some sweaty t-shirt now You're not even wearing a bra.
You're not well, love.
And you need us.
So let us in.
Tell us what we can do and we'll do it.
You can piss off.
V, we're trying to help.
Don't you understand me? We're off.
Thanks for coming.
I've decided I'm gonna go back to work.
As a journalist.
Get back into the swing of things.
No, way, V.
You're not ready for that.
No, I've decided.
It's best I get on with what I'm good at.
You know, investigating things.
I wouldn't call your job "investigating".
But if I flash my ID card, people will speak to me, right? Love, you're not going back to work.
I'm not letting you.
Trust me.
I know what I'm doing.
OK.
If that's what you want Hey, it's me.
What are you scared of? Just relax.
Take a deep breath.
And let's try and rememberme and you.
And how we were before the accident.
OK, OK, it's all right.
Let's just go to bed and remind ourselves of how we feel about each other.
You've got to be joking.
Darling, I'm not trying to scare you.
- But we need to connect.
- You're not connecting with me, you pervert! 'Maybe that was a bit too strong.
' Come on.
Please, please.
What do you think I should wear? There you go.
Veronica, how are you doing? Very well, thank you.
Your card? Whoa! Pete! Pete! Spares.
Thanks.
He's not been home.
He's not answering his phone.
I know what you're saying, but it's not like him.
Do you want me to help you? Please.
Oh, hi, Veronica, welcome back.
How are you doing? I'm all right.
It's this way, silly.
Are you feeling OK? They say it's a miracle you survived.
Do they? It's great to have you back, Veronica.
Thanks.
I took the liberty of writing up a few things to fill the next few days.
And a new range of lipsticks needs reviewing.
All made from biochemical waste products.
Totally recycled.
'Fashion? You have got to be joking.
' There you go, horoscopes.
- Where are you going? - Out.
Doing research.
'I can't believe I live like this.
' Friend of his, are you? You tell him he owes three months' rent and I've had enough.
I haven't seen him.
Who are you, then? His fancy lady? Get lost lard arse.
You tell him.
Fiona.
You've got to help me.
Sorry? Do I know you? I'm Have you seen Danny? This woman is asking after Danny.
Pete.
How do you know my name? cos it's on your badge.
I'm not wearing my badge.
He might be wandering around somewhere, looking a bit lost.
Listen, my best mate is missing.
If you've got something to tell me, say it.
Where do you think he might be? We don't know where he is.
He's a bit erflakey.
Bit unreliable.
Oh, so you don't care about him, then? - What? - You didn't send me a birthday card.
- What? - You've seen him.
No.
No, I haven't, but I need to find him.
??? I'm gonna call security.
Shit.
Elton John? Bloody hell.
You do know you have the worst record collection in the entire world? What are you doing? What's happened to you? Oh, give it a rest.
I want Veronica back.
Just a sign.
Just to see you do something you do.
Say something you say.
Look at me like you don't hate me.
I'm not giving up on you, V.
But you're here and I'm here and that's how it is.
Now, you might not feel you want me right now, but I'm all you've got.
That's the bloke who came looking for him.
After me.
Excuse me.
This is my friend and he's a good mate of Danny Reed.
We just wondered if you'd seen him by any chance.
No.
And if you do, you can tell him I want my bloody van back.
Right.
What was he doing with your van? Nicking it, by the looks of things.
Now, do you mind, I'm busy.
Last time I saw Danny.
Barry sent him off on a job.
What kind of job? I dunno.
Sorry.
I'd better go.
Shouldn't you be getting ready, too, honey? Excuse me, could you spare me a pound, please? I'm very sorry to have to ask, but You couldn't spare me a penny? Thank you.
Excuse me.
I'm mortified to ask this, but could you spare me a pound? I'm starving.
Thank you so much.
You're the only person who's stopped.
- What's your name, love? - I don't know.
Will you please help me? - I'm sorry.
sorry.
- Please, can you, please? Fine.
I disagree.
Just because our readers like a bit of pop culture doesn't mean that they are ignorant.
- What's this? - The horoscopes you asked for.
Scorpio.
"Your planet may be aligned with another one.
You may or may not come into money today.
" - What's the problem? - Pisces.
"Avoid people who are looking to hurt you as it may lead to you being hurt.
" It's just a hunch, but do you think you're being a bit vague? Come onBill.
It's only the horoscopes.
I'm sorry you've had an accident, Veronica, but if you are not well enough, go home and rest.
I'll be fine.
Hello, Burton's Buzz.
Hi, I need to speak to Veronica.
Is she there? She's busy right now.
Can I take a message? - I need to speak to her.
- Sorry, who is this? It's Veronica.
You know, wine is not so bad after a couple of glasses.
It's horrible to start with and then it gets kind of OK.
It's so weird to hear you say that.
No, I mean, I like wine, don't I? So, it's got even worse.
Any excuse to rub up against me or lean over me, and he'll do it.
But what can I do? He's my boss.
And I'm not the only woman he's done this to.
Why don't you all get together and kick his arse? - It's not that easy.
- You're a lawyer.
You've got the kind of job most ordinary folk would give their right hand to do and all you do is sit there moaning.
I'm talking about serious sexual harassment.
Is that the only advice you can give me? What's got into you, V? Eh, I'm sorry.
Who needs men when you've got a rabbit? It's loads better than when you're a bloke.
With a bloke.
You're terrible.
You really are.
I admit they are amazing.
Thank you.
Not quite a substitute for the real thing though.
How are things with Ali? Yeah.
Well, who knows? Why? Is he Do you think Do I think he's a tosser who doesn't care about me? Yeah.
But what's new? Yeah.
Men, eh? Idiots.
Oh, God, it's good to see you being yourself again, V.
I didn't realise that it's been very tough for you.
You've been going through some crazy stuff.
It'sbeen It's been really difficult.
If there is anything that you want to say to me OK.
Have you ever imagined being a man? Look, justjust .
.
imagine if I wasn't Veronica.
But you are.
No, but What if I was this man and now I'm this woman? And even though it sounds completely stupid, what if it was true? I don't know how anyone can wear these.
They are like instruments of torture.
Perhaps we ought to export them as part of our not-so-ethical foreign policy.
How was your day? It was an empty, fatuous, vulgar load of nothing.
Then I went for a few pints with the security guards and that was a right laugh.
You're drunk.
Lay off.
What were you doing driving out there that night? - Can't remember.
- Really? Are you sure? - Do you think I'm lying? - I'm not sure.
You're acting so weird, it wouldn't surprise me.
- I'm not weird.
- You Really? Before the accident - After the accident.
- Give me that.
- And is that supposed to be me? - Gimme it! I-I don't mind being ignored.
And abused.
I don't even mind the fact that we have no physical relationship.
But it would be nice if you didn't leave your vibrator on the floor.
But Ican't do this forever.
You mean, what if she's changed for good? What if the accident was just a wake-up call to the fact that her life, her boyfriend and her friends and her job are a bunch of pointless, tedious crap? And then what do you do? But you love Veronica so much, don't you? You forgive her anything.
Guys.
I had the weirdest dream.
Birthday card? Birthday card I want to do more of your sort of stuff.
Are you talking to me? I wanna do serious stories.
About cover-ups, conspiracies.
I know a lot about them.
There's such a thing as playing to your strengths.
Me, I can sniff out a good story at 20 paces.
And you, your peachy arse looks nice in a tight skirt.
Looks like you've got a wee visitor.
Hiya.
I've come to ask you about Danny.
How did you find me? Oh, yeah.
I met him in this pub.
A few times.
- The Moonrakers Arms? - Yeah.
He was hanging round with the wrong sort.
I know.
I want you to help me find him.
Yes.
Yes, I would love to.
OK.
I know where he lives, so we could try there first.
Great.
Great.
Come on.
- I'm going out.
- Where? Oh, big piece on street style, you know.
Eye shadow and shoes.
I tried knocking a million times.
There is never anyone here.
- How did you know that? - Most people leave keys somewhere near the door.
God.
What a dump.
He hasn't been back since.
How do you know? Justget that sense.
Doesn't feel recently lived in.
Is that like a journalist's know-how? Yeah.
Yeah, after a while you get to know these things.
Do you Do you know him well? Not really, no.
I mean, he's sweet, bit weird.
He's got a thing about me.
You know what boys are like.
Subtle as a brick.
Maybe he was just trying to be your friend.
Yeah, maybe he was.
He didn't have many, that's for sure.
Right, so what do we do now? Well, he might have had a bump on the head.
He could be wandering round confused.
- Why do you think that? - Just a hunch.
Then maybe we should advertise in The Big Issue, then.
Yeah, good idea, and Vogue.
Vogue? Yeah.
A range of magazines.
- And what about the police? - No.
Not just yet.
- If you say so.
- Just trust me.
OK.
Right, I'd better get back to work.
OK.
Look Just call me if you hear anything.
That's my card.
ok.
- Sorry.
- Sorry.
After you.
'And we show you what we know' Listen.
I've I've been doing a lot of thinking.
About near-death experiences.
And I've realised that .
.
I'm making a terrible mistake.
We were the happiest couple alive before the accident.
And I'm an idiot if I think that's just gone overnight.
I understand now why you are pushing me.
The psychology of it all.
You're pushing me away because you're scared.
You're scared in case you die and you leave me alone.
You've convinced yourself that it's easier, less selfish, just to be single.
But the thing is, darling, you're not going to die, and I'll never let you out of my sight again.
'Please, you've got to help me!' Jay, you have no idea how good it is to see you.
- What was his name ?? - That was Danny Reed! You arrested him, then let him go.
It's me, babe, it's me.
The craziest thing has happened to me.
Even if you knew the truth, you would not be able to handle it.
If ever I see you two around here again, you're dead.
All right? 'I guess you've got to try everything once.
' Veronica!