Combatants Will Be Dispatched! (2021) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Combat Agent Six.
Yes, ma'am!
You will be the vanguard of
the Kisaragi Corporation's forces,
and our spy.
Yes, ma'am!
There are several planets in this universe
known to be extremely similar to Earth.
And we're sending you to one of them.
Yes, ma'am!
Now go, Agent Six!
Make the whole universe feel our power!
Sorry, I'm not following any of this.
What, specifically,
are you "not following"?
Any of this!
First, if the technology to go
to other planets really existed,
I'd already be on a planet with nothing
but girls with watermelon-sized tits!
Hey.
Listen, I've been turning a blind eye
to the weird cosplay and the silly titles,
but all this "universe" stuff
is too much--even for me.
D-Don't call my uniform cosplay!
S-Silly titles?
How dare you speak that way
to two of the three leaders of Kisaragi,
"Astaroth the Ice Queen" and
"Belial the Great Flame"?
Who do you think you're fooling, Yukari?
Could you do that little performance
in front of your parents?
No talking about parents!
Or using people's real names!
Listen well, Agent Six.
We are on the verge
of conquering the planet.
You understand that, right?
Yes, I guess.
So, when we've conquered the world,
what do you think happens
to you combat agents?
We become rulers and
spend the rest of our lives surrounded
by all the tits we can grab, right?
Fool! There'll be
a company-wide rightsizing.
You mean I'll be fired?
Yes.
Hey!
You did that operation on my body and
changed me forever! Take responsibility!
--Stop it!
--I promise I'll be a good husband,
so come live with me!
--I'll explain everything!
--I promise I'll be a good husband,
so come live with me!
It's true that humanity's
current technology
can't get it any farther than the moon.
But Lilith the Dark, one of
the company's three leaders,
is the world's greatest genius scientist!
Behold! This is one of my masterpieces!
It may solve every problem
humanity has, maybe!
Lilith, what is this?
It looks like one of those teleportation
machines you see in movies.
Correct, Six!
You're a moron, but a sharp moron.
And my other masterpiece is
Alice, come here.
Who's the little kid?
Who are you calling a little kid?
Respect your betters, flunky.
You want a fight?
I'm a combat agent for an evil
secret organization, you know!
I won't show any mercy even to a kid!
If you hurt me, the core inside me will
explode and level the whole area.
If that's not a problem, go ahead.
And my official name isn't "little kid."
It's "Kisaragi Company
Pretty Girl Android."
Seriously?
Seriously, indeed.
This is Alice, a high-spec android
created to provide you support.
I've been told you're a moron.
Let me do the thinking once we get there.
Sorry. I don't need this foul-mouthed
and dangerous pile of junk.
If you need any weapons or other items,
send a written request via
this miniature teleporter.
We're giving you two orders.
"Kisaragi"
First, the construction of a base.
Place a teleporter that makes it
possible to go to and from Earth.
And secondly, investigate
the area once you get there.
Your subjects for investigation
are wide-ranging:
local military threats,
resources, soil, anything.
We're hoping that if it goes well,
we can solve both our environmental
and food problems instantly!
Wait, is this actually a big mission
that involves the fate of the Earth?
And so failure isn't allowed.
You're giving me
an important mission like that?
Well, um
I've known you since Kisaragi was founded.
I think of you as one of
the company's Supreme Leaders.
A lot's happened, but I had fun.
We all built this company together.
I don't know what'll happen
when I get there,
but I'll do my best to come back.
You dummy You're supposed to
promise that you'll come back.
And send us a report once a week.
Let me know that you're doing well.
Astaroth Can I hug you before I go?
Why not give her a kiss?
I can? I can, right?
Kiss!
Of course not!
Yes, it's obvious that you two
aren't getting anywhere,
so let's just send you off.
I'm going. I'm going, okay?
It's like, well, I'm basically
Kisaragi's representative.
Something like that?
Astaroth rolled the dice to deci--
Begin, Lilith!
Roger!
Beginning teleportation preparations!
I'm kind of nervous.
Why so scared, flunky?
Even if it fails, what's the problem
if there's a backup?
Hey, humans can't save
and load like you can.
Stop it.
I'm not worried, though.
Lilith the genius scientist
would never fail.
Lilith, what's the success rate
for teleportation?
How many times have you tested it?
As of now, the experiment
success rate is 100%.
I won't tell you how many
times we've tested it.
Don't tell me it's in the single digits
Listen to me carefully, Agent Six.
If I experimented a lot and one failed
Yes! The success rate
would cease to be 100%!
Sorry, I'm quitting
this mission after all.
I believe that you'll come home!
Now, go!
Wait!
You're not a genius scientist
at all, are you?
--This is just a pile of junk, isn't it?
--I'll be waiting for good news.
--This is just a pile of junk, isn't it?
Now go, Agent Six!
Damn it all! You'll regret this
when I get back, girl!
"Episode 1
'Spies Will Be Dispatched!'"
She's an idiot!
I knew that girl was an idiot!
A great big idiot!
There's about 30,000 meters
to the surface.
You're high-spec, right Alice?
You can transform into
a jet or something, right?
Right?
The only function I have is
a self-destruction function.
Piece of junk!
Every bad guy needs
a self-destruct somewhere.
Here, have a parachute.
Don't mess up the landing,
or I'll blow up and level the whole area.
It's risky just to go on
a walk with you, isn't it?
Look!
That looks like a town.
Forget about building a safe base!
We'll put the teleporter together
and head back!
And I'll get that scientist girl
to let me play with her tits until I
forgive her for almost killing me!
You can't build it somewhere like here.
It's an incredibly delicate device.
And it's going to take about a month
for the phase space to stabilize.
You won't be able to do it right now.
A month? What the hell?
Again! They set me up again!
What was that for?
I injected you with nanomachines that
strengthen your immune system and
protect you from unknown diseases.
I don't know what your problem is,
but we found what looks like a town.
That's extremely promising.
Let's start by going there.
Wait--
We chose a planet that's
as close to Earth as possible,
so the odds are good that you
homo sapiens are running the place.
I don't feel like walking.
Let's have them send us
a transport buggy or something.
They said to use this if we
needed something, right?
Six, how many Evil Points do you have?
About 300, I think.
300?
That's not enough for the two of us
to conquer that fortress city.
I won't allow it.
Wait, we need to use Evil Points
to get things sent to us?
I spent a lot of time doing
low-level evil stuff to earn those!
How stupid are you?
Evil Points aren't a bonus
that you're happy to get.
All of Kisaragi's employees
were implanted with chips in their brain
during the operations they got.
The chips detect any
evil acts they perform,
and give an appropriate number
of points depending on the action.
You got Evil Points!
Don't insult me, rust-heap! I know that!
So what do you use your points for, then?
You're supposed to trade them for
higher-quality equipment
to make yourself stronger.
You probably trade them for porn mags
that you call "necessary materials."
But you'll never get promoted like that.
Why are you talking like you've
known me my whole life?
And instead of being stingy, they
should just send us the latest stuff!
Then I, the great Agent Six,
would be able to take down anyone
Liar!
You said this was an Earth-like planet!
These things don't exist on Earth!
There's a lot of them. Don't miss.
Hey, you're a robot, why are you
using a human as a shield?
I'm a high-spec android,
and in order to be more realistic,
I've been given the combat powers
of a normal girl my age.
You useless rust-heap!
It's going to eat me!
I can't believe it! It's as strong as me!
Oh? It's as strong as an agent who's been
given surgery and a combat suit, huh?
The life forms on this planet
are not to be underestimated.
Hey, stop sitting there analyzing
things and help me with a plan!
I'm a rust-heap so I can't think of
anything. Sorry, I'm useless, Agent Six!
Help me! Please!
I take back what I said
about you being a rust-heap.
Then use your Evil Points
to give me a shotgun.
Then I'll help you.
Fine! Hurry up!
"Shotgun"
"Shotgun"
Hell yes!
"What are you doing there!"
"Answer me!
What are you doing in my country."
"Answer me!"
What do we do?
"Why won't you speak!"
What do we do?
"Why won't you speak!"
Wait. Let's hear her talk a little more.
"What language is that?
I've never seen that armor."
But I don't understand
a word she's saying
"What language is that?
I've never seen that armor."
And you don't have anything
that looks like a weapon.
--Who are you people?
--Hey, Alice.
I may have manifested
a mysterious power
For some reason,
I'm able to understand her.
I'm already a total badass!
What happens if I get even more powers?
I don't know what you're talking about,
but I'm sending my interpretation
of her language to your brain
via the chip implant.
The chip can do things like that?
Nobody told me! That's really scary!
Anyway, leave it to me.
I can explain, miss knight!
Please, quell your anger.
He was a man of high position
in a far-away country.
He led a unit of soldiers and
fought to protect the people.
But
When he saved me from
a terrible, nasty brute,
he was badly wounded and
his mind and heart were broken.
What?
Hey, where'd that crazy
backstory come from?
Listen, Six. You're an idiot.
You'd screw up any story I came up with.
But with this backstory
nobody will wonder
about even the dumbest
questions you ask.
"What Japanese Sounds Like to Snow"
about even the dumbest
questions you ask.
"What Japanese Sounds Like to Snow"
What are you people saying?
I'm sorry.
He gets much calmer when I
speak to him in his home language.
So how'd you get this far
without any luggage?
He's on a journey to find himself,
to heal his mind and soul!
But we were attacked by beasts
in the forest and lost all our things.
I thought you were bandits or something
with a bounty. But you're just travelers.
I'm sorry for being harsh on you,
but it's my job.
Anyway, it's hard to believe you
made it through the Darkwood.
But I guess this explains it.
You're quite strong.
I'm Snow.
The commander of this
country's royal guard.
If you don't have any money,
I can introduce you to a job.
Thank you, Snow!
Of course. My country welcomes you.
It must be fate that brought us together.
"Bring Back Presents!"
I am Snow, Princess Tillis's
personal knight,
and the commander of the royal guard!
Open the gate!
Thank you.
Hey, Snow, what's that?
It looks like a tank to me.
A tank?
You know what this artifact is?
This is an ancient weapon
that once protected our country
from a huge demon beast.
This requires investigation.
We tried putting preservation magic on it,
but a lot of it's rotted away.
Magic?
Yes. But I can't use it.
Only a few have the talent for magic.
The talent for magic
Explosion!
This is what you meant by "crazy"?
Just leave him. It's better that way.
Welcome back, Snow.
Good work on your mission.
Who are these two?
Combat Agent Six.
High-Spec Pretty Girl Android,
Alice Kisaragi.
You sure you want to call yourself
"high-spec" and "pretty girl"?
And what the hell is "Combat Agent Six"
supposed to be?
What's your real name?
Both of you, bow!
You're in the presence
of this nation's princess!
Cristoseles Tillis Grace!
Long name.
How rude!
Call me Tillis.
--Lower your head!
--Listen, Alice.
This is a real pretty girl.
--Listen, Alice.
This is a real pretty girl.
--Shut up!
--Listen, Alice.
This is a real pretty girl.
I feel bad, so I'll tell you.
--I'll kill you!
--The princess laughed
because you're a moron.
--The princess laughed
because you're a moron.
I see.
You're definitely not from this country.
--Nobody who knew me
would react like that.
--I'll kill you!
--Nobody who knew me
would react like that.
Right, Snow?
I'm sorry!
They came through the Darkwood.
Oh, my!
They slew a great number of Deadly Heggs.
So they're strong fighters, at least.
Yes.
I've led tons of combat agents on
deadly missions all over the world.
Agent Six, this country is currently
engaged in war with the demons,
and we sorely lack for
knights and commanders.
Demons?
The Demon Lord in the next kingdom
over declared war on us without warning.
That's a very sudden plot twist.
What does he want?
Land, probably.
A huge demon beast called the
Sand King turns more of their
country to desert each year.
Many demons are powerful fighters.
We're losing the war.
Agent Six, please help our country!
I know you're foreigners,
but can't you watch your mouth?
What if she starts thinking
poorly of me, too!
Please forgive us, Snow!
He may be like this,
but he's a professional fighter!
He'll fight hard for you!
And since you brought us here,
it'll make you look good!
Oh? Was that the plan?
All that stuff about "giving us a job"
and how you'd help us out,
but you were actually desperate
for my strength and my sexy body!
I don't need your body!
I'll just come out and say it.
I like recognition, money,
and glory more than anything!
Hey, Agent Six
You seem like you're the same way.
I'm pretty high up on the org chart here.
If somebody tries to pick on you new guys,
I can use my position as royal guard
commander to crush them.
See? We've got common interests, right?
I'm not like you,
you two-faced woman!
Do you really think you can talk that way
to a royal guard commander?
Snow, what is this?
Oh, this is a legend-class artifact
that can make rain fall.
Every year when we need rain,
a member of the royal family
offers words of prayer to it,
and makes the rain fall.
But it's broken and doesn't work anymore.
Right now we buy water
from other countries.
It's not that bad. I think I can fix it.
Really?
Can I open it up?
Go ahead!
--Why are you carrying
something like that?
--Even if it doesn't work,
I'll take full responsibility.
Well? Can you fix it?
Yeah, I think so.
Okay! I'll go tell everybody!
Hey, Alice! Six!
We all share the glory, right?
Please!
Share? She didn't do a thing.
Nor did you, actually.
Okay, that should do it.
Now we just need to reboot it.
Initiating reboot.
A password reset is required.
The password
Reboot complete.
Reset the password.
Dick Festival!
Password set to "Dick Festival."
What did you just do?
Listen, Alice.
The royal family has to say this in
front of the whole country, right?
Di
Dick
Every time it happens,
I get to see her be embarrassed,
and win lots of Evil Points!
Listen, Tillis isn't the only
member of the royal family.
Dick Festival!
You're going to see a king, a grown man,
shout a password that sounds
like a 7-year-old came up with it.
What should I do? I feel like
I just made a big mistake.
Agent Six, what mistake would that be?
You earned Evil Points!
Whisper, whisper, whisper.
How terribly indecent
Alice, that guy's got a beard
that would make Santa jealous.
If I asked to touch it would he get mad?
Quiet! You're in the presence of the king!
Agent Six. I fail to understand why you
would do something so stupid.
But I will forgive you
because you repaired the artifact.
--Now, begone from my sight--
--Wait, Father.
--Now, begone from my sight--
I'd like to hire him personally.
But
Princess Tillis, it's dangerous to trust
someone we know nothing about!
We can't afford to lose
their strength or wisdom.
Father, is it all right?
Is that a good idea?
If you say it is, Tillis, I'm sure it is.
Agent Six, it looks like that princess
is the one actually running the country.
The king feels like a loser
with daughter issues.
I see. So we suck up to Tillis.
Leave it to me.
Shut up!
Now that I have my father's permission,
you'll be working for me, Agent Six.
Well, I can't turn down
a request from a princess!
I-I'm not helping you because
you're a pretty girl, right?
You're a bad actor and
that was creepy as hell.
Tillis, please reconsider!
After what they did to that artifact,
I think they might be spies!
Which means you're the traitor
that let a spy into the country?
Me? A traitor?
Everybody knows that there's nobody
as loyal to Princess Tillis as me!
I'll strike you down right here with my
sword, the burning blade Flame Zapper!
I got a job working for the princess.
Is it okay for you to kill me?
You have something else
you have to do, right?
Something else?
"I'll take full responsibility."
That's what you said, right?
Which means
As of today, Combat Agent Six is now an
honorable knight of the kingdom of Grace.
You'll lead one of our interceptor groups.
What, I'm not guarding the princess?
That was my superior's decision.
And I'm going to serve as
your unit's executive officer,
and your personal assistant.
But I don't think of you as my leader
and don't trust you at all.
If you're planning something,
you'd better give it up now!
Aren't you embarrassed, yelling at me
just because you were made to take
responsibility and then demoted?
Eww!
--Eww!
--I wasn't demoted!
That's right! You're suspicious
and my job is to watch you!
I'm sure you're the only one
who thinks that.
Of course. That "artifact" thing
was a national treasure, right?
Normally, the penalty would be death.
It's pathetic how you have
to keep lying to yourself.
Alice?
Why are you talking to me like that?
Because you've been mouthing off
to your superior, Agent Six.
You failure! Miser!
Y-You two!
"Conference In Progress"
I'm so jealous of Agent Six.
I should've loaded the dice
so my number would come up.
A one or two was Astaroth.
Three or four was me.
Five was Lilith.
And six was Agent Six!
We had to give the job
to somebody we could trust
But we still picked who went
with a dice roll.
Somebody didn't like it at all
when Six's number came up.
"Next time:
'Annihilate Your Business
Rivals! Look forward to it!'"
It's an important mission!
"Next time:
'Annihilate Your Business
Rivals! Look forward to it!'"
Agent Six is the least powerful of us.
"Next time:
'Annihilate Your Business
Rivals! Look forward to it!'"
It's natural to be worried, right?
But if he succeeds he gets promoted
to Supreme Leader, right?
Maybe the four of us
can form an Elite Four!
Yeah.
I hope Agent Six works hard.
And
I hope he reports in soon.