Crash Course (2022) s01e01 Episode Script

1
Buddha said, "Life is about sadness.
From birth till death
it is all sadness."
But we only understand this after we die.
Do you feel like dying?
Sure, go ahead.
I won't stop you.
I'll just tell you the truth.
When you are hanging from a noose,
your C2 and C3 vertebrae
are the first to break.
Instant paralysis!
Slowly breathing turns to suffocation,
and you become unconscious.
It takes about eight to ten minutes
for your last breath to leave your body.
This is not a problem
for the person who is hanging
because they are already unconscious.
But this happens if you are being hung
with the long noose used in jails.
Hanging inside a room
is slightly different, my friend.
Because the rope is short
and the ceiling is low,
C2 and C3 don't break
and you keep dangling mid-air
conscious!
Every second feels like an eternity.
As you slowly suffocate,
you start remembering
your mother, father, friends, siblings
and all those who love you.
You lament, "Damn,
I should have lived longer."
You want to scream, "Save me! Help me!"
But neither does a sound come out
nor does anyone come to save you.
Well, Buddha has also said,
"Wake up and look closely at your sadness,
it will start looking like happiness."
Hey, you tortured soul!
What do you plan on doing
with this rope now?
The rope that you had bought
with so much hope
What the hell will you do with it?
Use it to dry your wet undies
and be happy.
This is the best use of any rope.
Don't sleep, you fucker! Wake up!
This show is not about dying,
it's about living!
Rakesh, go get him.
Hey!
Wait, let me dance for two minutes!
Tell me something, bro.
The seniors' results will be out today.
What's it to us juniors?
Dancing, singing, partying
It's an official holiday today!
Beer and biryani should be
distributed officially today.
Sathya!
I swear I'll treat you
to beer and biryani!
Please give me your Physics notes, bro.
-Tomorrow.
-Okay.
Girls don't even look at us.
And look at him, a babe magnet!
Sathya, my bro
We must have a belly dancer
in each of our rooms.
Belly dancer?
Yeah, the ones who lie on the floor
and can wriggle a Dirham coin down
their body to their navel. That kind!
Enough for you to come, right?
Hey, it looks sexy.
As I move faster
and faster
Baby, I'm coming!
Tejal!
Tejal!
Wasn't Vidhi Gupta enough?
You're after her roommate now!
What?
-How are you?
-I am fine.
How are things?
Things are fine. My hands,
legs, cycle, EVERYTHING is fine.
Now that the results are to be declared,
we're a little nervous.
A little
Do you have a holiday tomorrow as well?
Batra sir takes classes even
on national holidays!
It's just studies and more studies
What's the point?
Not one of his students
is among the Top 10!
Why so cocky?
We study at the number one institute!
You must've heard about it
Your students scored high ranks twice
and now you punks are full of it.
Batra sir's students have always
got high ranks in the past.
-Never Top 10 out of 10 like us.
-Oh, come on!
Jindal bowling from the Talwandi End
A hat-trick!
Watch out! Batra might have
a winner this time!
Yeah, Batra's wieners are right here!
What?
-What, huh?
-What
Hello, look Rakesh is sitting there.
-Hey
-Hey, let it be, Siddhant.
Hey!
Do you guys have to put on
this macho act all the time?
Why shouldn't we?
Why not? Macho me!
Look, this is how big you are.
Why is your attitude so big?
She's making fun of my genes.
And you fuckers are laughing
-Pal
-Yes?
At the end of the day,
we're friends, man.
-Right?
-Yes, we are
Get lost!
-Okay, listen.
-Yeah?
Genuinely
Get lost!
Sir, these will be up within ten minutes
of the results being declared.
Real-time advertising.
And we have two options as well.
This and this.
That one is okay.
This.
List, ma'am.
Yeah
Sir, the Top 10 ranks according
to the internal assessment.
Sir, Batra sir's students have
secured the 1st, 2nd, and 5th ranks.
Yeah, I saw it.
So, if two lines are parallel
then the angle formed
between them will be zero.
Thus, in equation three,
Tan Theta equals to zero.
therefore, M1 = M2.
Everybody
do you agree with him?
-Yes, sir.
-Yes, sir.
I see, okay.
You're right.
-Well done.
-Thank you, sir.
Well done. Good boy.
Really? This is going to be great fun.
Silence.
Silence, please!
Silence.
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
Okay, okay, enough. Thank you.
Thank you! Thank you, guys!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
Let's go!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
We are the faculty members
of the top institute in Kota.
No, please sit, all of you.
Sit down.
Sorry to intrude on your leisure time.
Sir, we were just discussing
today's results and why we
Sir please sit.
No, Prof. Lalchand, this is your seat.
Please have a seat.
Please!
You are sitting proudly on these chairs,
all high and mighty.
Then why is your position so unstable?
How many students come to Kota
every year to become engineers? Tell me.
About 2,00,000.
And to R. J. Institute?
If I add all the courses, about 1,00,000.
-50%
-Yes.
Right?!
Right? 50%
Despite having 50% of the students,
we couldn't get the 1st rank!
Why?
Why didn't we secure the top rank?
Why didn't we get the top rank?!
Answer me!
Sir, the students did very well in their
Math and Chemistry exams,
like they do every year.
But in the Physics exam
Sir, even though
we didn't secure the top rank,
the total number of selections has gone up
from 5,000 to 5,500.
So, should I put up the photos
of all 5,500 students on the hoarding?!
This is a Topper's game!
Topper's game!
The salary that you would've gotten
ten years after passing out from IIT,
is what I give you
in the first year itself!
Don't mind my saying so
but you come and beg me!
I give you a house, a car,
and medical reimbursement
for your children and your parents.
For everyone!
What do I get in return?
Nothing!
Batra has secured
three out of the top five ranks
and Jindal only has two!
I want the number one rank!
I can't tolerate coming second.
I want number one!
One!
This time we've beaten
Jindal well and good.
Papa, let's have a victory parade.
If we don't celebrate our victory,
what's the point of
getting these ranks, Papa?
A victory parade is a show of strength.
I am a teacher
and my job is to teach.
I don't like these flashy displays.
But marketing is all about
showcasing your victories, Papa.
Marketing? Showcasing?
You're talking like Jindal now.
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
If both of you have already
decided to do this, go ahead.
Papa
thank you.
Smooth talker!
Jindal has canceled his parade.
Let's hire the same vendors.
Let's celebrate.
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
-A. K. sir!
Get clean, brother.
I am clean.
You didn't shampoo your hair?
No, I catch a cold easily.
Good call.
I'm thinking of chopping off my hair.
Washing and drying long hair
is a total waste of time.
I can revise four chapters
in the time it takes to do this.
Greedy!
Back home, it was so easy
to top the class.
You were competing only with 50 kids!
Did you top your class
in school as well?
Yeah. Always.
Here, we're competing
with the entire city.
This one wants to become an IITian,
that one wants to become an IITian.
Everyone here is trying to get into IIT.
Everybody is in the rat race.
I don't understand how R. J.
didn't get the first rank this time.
R. J. is supposed to be the best one.
That's because you don't have A. K. sir.
Who is he?
What?!
Ashutosh Kumar, Vidhi.
Who is Ashutosh Kumar, Tejal?
He is A. K. sir!
Who is this A. K. sir?
He is a Physics wizard!
All the institutes are crazy about him.
If you attend
one of his lectures, Vidhi
Listen, wash the tray. Alright, R.J.?
Get lost!
Yes, Mom
How about asking me if I'm okay?
Why do you start off by scolding me?
I know I've come here to study.
I am hanging up, Mom.
What's this nonsense, man?
Scan the index finger when
you go to the institute.
Scan the small finger,
when you're going to the market.
For the Doubt Center,
scan the middle finger.
I just don't understand
all this fingering!
Bro, be happy
there are no machines in the toilet,
to check if there's enough
shit in your stomach.
Then where would you jerk off?
Jerk off amoeba on the sheets?
Amoeba!
I am sick of this routine, man.
Wake up and study.
Shit and study.
Eat and study.
Go to the institute.
Study again.
Study when you're dreaming as well!
Sathya, after two months,
we'd finally been allowed an outing.
Even that got canceled.
Want to go for an outing?
-Nikki, Vidhi?
-I'll get them.
Me too.
Who needs a victory parade!
Tonight. 11:00 p.m.
Operation Jailbreak.
Happy now?
Come on!
Okay, sir.
I have big plans.
Look how I've worked them out
and compartmentalized them.
All my plans are based on
being the top institute.
And the top institute is the one
with the maximum top rankers.
Study it carefully, K.D.
I want all Top 10 ranks again
next year, at any cost.
Yes, sir.
Focusing on every student,
giving everyone equal treatment,
enough of this social welfare!
The students whose photos
are displayed on the hoardings,
they are our brand ambassadors.
We have to concentrate
only and ONLY on them.
Sir, what if the parents
of the other students take their children
to other institutes because of this?
Parents are a unique species.
They know that their child
will not be a topper.
But they can't accept that fact.
Yet, when they see the photos
of toppers on hoardings,
they start imagining that
their child's photo
will be on those hoardings one day.
Their imagination soars
and so do their dreams.
The institute which has more toppers
is the one where they will
get their child admitted.
Do you understand?
We have a few undisciplined boys
and girls, right?
The naughty students.
-Expel them and set an example.
-Yes, sir.
And speak to all the wardens
of the hostels affiliated with us.
Inform them and request them
to stop all outings.
So, Aviral Bharti, how is everything?
All good, sir.
Isn't Sathya Srinivasan your neighbor?
We don't speak much,
he gives me a lot of attitude.
But he is a scholar.
Yeah, in his village probably.
-Good night.
-Good night.
Hello, I haven't seen you before.
I've just joined yesterday.
-Where are you from?
-From Darbhanga.
Darbhanga?
-I'm from Saharsa.
-Great.
Go ahead, guys.
The outing has to be canceled, boys.
There are four guards instead
of the usual two. Plan canceled.
Oh, no
We'll do something about it.
There are four guards.
We need to shell out 500 rupees each.
Problem solved.
-Cool.
-You guys go ahead.
I don't have 500 rupees to waste.
We'll give you 300,
you can at least pay 200 rupees?
I can't.
Do you have one rupee?
I've saved everyone 500 bucks.
Yes, Ms. Seema.
TV?
I'll reduce it to two hours
if you insist. Done.
-Come on!
-What the hell!
Yes, ma'am.
And we have increased
the number of guards at night.
There is NO indiscipline in our hostel.
Come over for an inspection anytime.
Yes, ma'am.
Okay, ma'am.
Attention!
Come on! Come on!
Gajodhar?
Yes, sir.
-Go and check why there is no electricity.
-Yes, I'm checking, sir.
Go and check the fuse.
-Check it!
-Hurry up. Fast.
Check there.
Shambhu, why are you waiting
Go and check!
Check if there's a power cut everywhere.
Sir the transformer has exploded.
Quick, quick.
-Thank you, ma'am.
-Bye.
You're a rockstar, Binny.
One call from you
and the warden let me go.
She didn't ask me anything!
This is the last time
I'm helping you.
-I won't do it again.
-Why?
What do you mean why?
You're out gallivanting
And who will your grumpy old man
blame for this, if he finds out?
Why do you call him a "grumpy old man"?
What else should I call him?
He's your uncle!
If "Uncle" finds out that
you're out gallivanting,
who will he blame for it?
You.
Hello
Hi, Nikki!
-Whose idea was this?
-Sathya.
Why didn't you go in?
I don't own this place!
Man, you're one resourceful guy.
Sathya, you've found such
an awesome place,
right in the middle of the city.
This is Ghost Colony
Ghost of Kota's past.
Before Kota became a hub
for coaching classes,
there were a lot of factories in the city
and the workers used to stay here.
Jindal was one of them.
His father had a sari shop.
Look at him now
He's got the entire city
wrapped up in a sari!
Wow!
What a story!
Tell you what,
you should open a lingerie store.
Saris from Jindal
and lingerie from you
-What will we do here?
-We will drink beer, boss.
Nikki, let's go to the hostel
and do something there.
-Let's go.
-Please.
What is it that you do?
I run this city.
-Sir.
-Yes?
I found this coin in the bulb holder.
A coin?
I'll screw that bastard!
What a rubbish place.
Are we here to listen to ghost stories?
Whose idea was this?
-This is Ghost Colony.
-This is Ghost Colony.
-The ghost from Kota's past.
-The ghost from Kota's past.
Before Kota became
a hub for coaching classes,
there were a lot of factories in the city
and the workers used to stay here.
Ratanraj Jindal was one of them.
His father had a sari shop.
Look at him now
He's got the entire city
wrapped up in a sari!
Sathya!
I know of a beautiful spot
in this hellhole.
Want to see paradise?
I am in.
Bro, you were in a no-network
zone all this while.
Now that Vidhi is here,
suddenly you have full range!
So, you've finally found the time,
Mr. Binny Agarwal.
I've kept the entire evening free for you.
The lawyer has agreed
to turn his house into a hostel.
Did he agree
or did you make him agree?
You should take it easy.
My wife is also curious about
what I do all night.
She probably thinks
you're having an affair.
I am ready and waiting
You're the one who's refusing me.
Once again,
let me tell you, join me.
What is it you want me to do?
Batra?
That bloody institute
has risen from the dead
and is now competing with me.
They've put a brake on my smooth ride.
I hear there's a Physics teacher
Ashutosh Kumar.
I want him at R. J.
It'll be difficult.
I wouldn't have called you
if it were easy.
Wouldn't I have done it myself?
What a place, man.
I am not a topper like Sathya.
That's why I have a backup plan.
Savage!
Don't you miss home?
What's there to miss?
I have all of you here.
-Rakesh, can you take a twolfie?
-Twolfie?
Selfie is for one,
twolfie is for two!
Oh, God! This girl!
His massive biceps don't
even fit in the frame.
Let me take the pic.
I have a small arm, like ET's.
Where are you going?
You would've missed this circus
if you hadn't come.
No chance I would've missed this.
I've been studying all morning.
My grandma tells me, I shouldn't get
pressurized by all this studying.
That I should take small
breaks like these, in between.
-What happened?
-T. P.!
How many of you want to get into IIT?
Raise your hand.
1.2 million students
take the IIT entrance exam,
but only 11,000 students get selected.
Less than 1%.
99% get rejected.
And you spend the rest of your life
feeling rejected by IIT.
You are a rejected commodity!
If you want your dreams to come true
If you want to achieve your goal
and fulfill your dreams,
you have to forget about everything else
for the next two years
and devote yourself fully
to the R.J. Institute.
Study!
And study hard!
To bring you to that competitive mode
R. J. Institute is introducing
something new.
A Qualifier Test.
And now may I request Prof. K.D. sir
to kindly elaborate and explain
-the Qualifier Test.
-Yes, sir.
Hello, everyone.
As sir has mentioned,
this Qualifier Test
will be held every month.
And it is on the basis of
the results of this test
that all students will be divided
into four sections.
Section A will have the top 50
students of our institute.
Cream of R. J. Institute.
The perks of being
in Section A would be
24x7 teacher access,
unrestricted use of the library,
and a special Doubt Center.
One more thing.
Students who can sustain staying
in Section A for five months,
will be offered a 75% discount
on their fees by R. J. Institute.
And remember
Please do remember
R.J. Institute
is not an education center.
It is a rejection center.
Jindal all the way!
Thank you, sir.
Thank you very much.
For any future doubts,
I'll get in touch with you.
-Sure.
-Thank you very much.
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
-I have another doubt, sir.
-Yes?
Question number two
The answer I'm getting after
solving the equation
-Yes?
-Can you please recheck it, sir?
-Yeah.
-Question number two.
Bro!
Bro, get out of your repeat mode!
Let's go for a walk.
Give me my book, Sathya.
Return my book.
Sathya!
Go for a walk and eat shit!
I am so fucked.
Silence.
Binny Agarwal
Here?
Buy me a cup of tea?
Relativity by Einstein. First edition!
Are you kidding me?
I've been asking you for years,
finally, you give it to me?
Binny
what are you doing, man?
You know I won't leave Batra, then why
How long are you gonna
work your ass off over there?
You're the Physics HOD,
but you get paid a graduate's salary.
Yes, I do get paid a graduate's salary.
But there's a difference between
business and education, right, Binny?
It's okay.
I don't expect you to understand.
I still believe in Batra sir's ideology.
Sir used to say something
else too, remember?
One should do what
he or she is good at.
Do you know why I have so
much respect for you?
Because you do something
you're good at.
I tried to do what I do well.
The rest of the world has
no fucking idea of what they should do.
Binny, your book.
Alright.
Sir!
-R.J.!
-R.J.!
-R.J.!
-R.J.!
-R.J.!
-R.J.!
-R.J.!
-R.J.!
-R.J.!
-R.J.!