Crazyhead (2016) s01e01 Episode Script

1 # I'm gonna catch ya I'm gonna get ya, get ya # Oh, ah, oh # I wanna taste the way that you bleed # Oh, whoa, oh You're my kill of the night.
WHIMPERING SHE SCREAMS SHE PANTS AND WHIMPERS FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING BOOT UNLOCKS SHE SCREAMS SCREAMING Amy? I know that's you.
That's my jacket! MUFFLED: You always do this.
It's like with that T-shirt.
The black one with the star on it.
You gave it to me, remember? I don't know what you're saying.
I said, you gave it to me.
You're such a hypocrite.
Why are you doing this? You tried to kill me.
What? You wanted me to wear a belt with my pyjamas, then you tried to strangle me with it.
It wasn't you.
You're possessed.
That's insane.
Oh, God.
You've lost it.
We're going to perform an exorcism.
What? We're going to get this thing out of you.
Amy, please, there's nothing inside me.
SHE CRIES AND WHIMPERS You're my best friend.
You've always been there for me.
I'm not going to let some psycho demon possess you.
I love you.
MUFFLED PROTESTS MUFFLED: Oh! Are you gay? What? Are you Are you gay? BOTH: No.
OK.
It's cool.
Well, if you and your girlfriend are done, we should get started.
CONTINUES PROTESTING What we do? OK, first step, you need to piss on her.
What? Huh? Are you serious? You need to mark her with your scent like a lion.
It doesn't actually say like a lion, I just thought it would be a useful analogy.
I'm not pissing on her.
Well, then we might as well forget the whole thing, because that is step one right there.
You piss on her! I I had a really long wee before we came out.
The tank is dry.
There's not even a dribble in there.
WHIMPERING This had better work.
MUFFLED: Please, no.
What are you doing? WHINING I want my friend back, you sick freak! MUSIC: Rhythm Of The Rain by The Cascades How are we doing? Are you? Will you please shut up! # Listen to the rhythm of the falling rain URINATES FALTERINGLY # Telling me just what a fool I've been STEADY STREAM I wish that it would go and let me cry in vain You say I'm ready.
How do you know? We've been gradually reducing your dose and you've been doing fine.
What if it starts again? You mean the hallucinations? What if they come back? Well, there's no reason they should.
There's no evidence of any ongoing condition.
You might experience some side effects as the body adjusts to the withdrawal.
Dizziness, headaches, diarrhoea So I'm not crazy, but I might shit myself.
Hopefully not, but it happens.
HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING Hi.
They're, erm 2CVs.
It's basically ecstasy, acid and horse tranquilliser.
You know, it's like two lovers.
One moment, it'll whisper in your ear all gentle and tender and then Boom! Pounding you hard, just the way you like it.
What? Two lovers pounding you hard! The pill.
Do you want to feel like you're being nailed by a very trippy horse? No.
Really? I think you're making a huge mistake.
Thought he was in Thailand.
The bloke's such a pussy hound.
It kills me to say it, but that is sensational hair.
MUSIC INSIDE SHE PANTS Please don't have sex with Matt Bishop.
It's such a cliche.
He's an emotional paraplegic.
It's just something I've got to do.
It's like a bungee jump.
A bungee jump doesn't give you herpes.
Maybe you should start thinking about who you're sleeping with.
I'm not sleeping with anyone! Hi, Matt.
I like your hair.
Thanks.
I've just had it cut.
I'm really happy with it.
Wow.
Was this in Thailand? No, they don't really have haircuts in Thailand.
Have you noticed how all Asian guys basically have the same hair style? That's hilarious.
No, it's not.
It's racist.
And it's not true.
Gok Wan.
Is that like a pad Thai? Yeah.
No.
Gok Wan, the stylist.
The Asian guy on TV with the big quiff.
I'm going to go for a cigarette.
Enjoy your bungee jump.
Mm.
SHE GASPS (It's not real.
It's not real.
) Stand up, you silly bitch.
MONSTROUS VOICE: Do you see me? No.
Hey! Dickhead.
GRUNTING Bitch.
Yeah, that's right.
You'd better run! Arsehole! CAR ALARM MAN: Hey! What's going on? DOOR CREAKS SIRENS WAIL CURTAIN RUFFLES Amy? I'm sorry to keep you waiting.
I'm Dr Waverly, Judy's psychiatrist.
The consultant asked me to come and talk to you.
Bed or chair? Which one would you like to sit on? Bed? Excellent choice.
May I? Hmm.
Ouch, that looks painful.
Do you want to tell me what happened? It sounds ridiculous.
Amy, I want to help you.
And I can only do that if you tell me what happened.
I see things.
What do you see? People.
Their faces.
And what do they look like? Horrible.
Like they're burning inside.
This has happened before, hasn't it? They came back.
Well, this must be very confusing for you.
And you've just come off your medication.
These hallucinations, they can be the result of chemical changes in your brain.
They feel so real.
Oh, I'm sure they do.
I'm going to make an appointment for you to come and see me and we can try and figure this out together.
How does that sound? OK.
# With your feet in the air, your head on the ground # Try this trick and spin it, yeah # Your head will collapse but there's nothing in it # And you ask yourself # Where is my mind? # Where is my mind? Where is my mind? Where is my mind Bam! I just knew you'd come back.
You know what they say about curiosity and cats and getting killed? Who are you? I'm like you.
Well, not physically.
No, what I mean is the things you see, I see them too.
You're not crazy.
You see them too? What are they? OK, er, you ready for this? They're demons.
You're hilarious, really.
Yeah, I know, it sounds like so much bullshit, right? The trouble is there's a little part of you that knows it's true, jabbing away at you like awoodpecker or amphetamine.
CAR HORN BEEPS What?! What? We're in the middle of something here.
Go round.
Drive round, bitch! Oh, my days.
God.
Believe that? It's so rude.
So, there you go.
They're demons.
That's insane.
It is definitely out there.
Somewhere that I need to be.
Do you want to walk with me? We can talk? The guy from last night You're saying he's possessed.
Where did he come from? Hell, the underworld, whatever you want to call it.
This is totally insane.
Stuff like this just doesn't happen.
You know how sometimes people just suddenly flip out? Go batshit crazy and slaughter their entire families and all their pets? Well, it's because they're possessed.
What's up? What's up?! This might come as a shock but I'm having some trouble getting my head around this.
Well, you better get your pretty little head around it, and quick.
You're on their radar now.
What radar? What do you mean? We can expose them.
Me and you, we make 'em crap in their panties.
They're scared of us? As long as they've been around, people like us have been hunting them down and shoving wooden poles up their arses.
Big pole! Right up their arse.
How come we can see them? It's just how our brains are wired.
There's only a few of us who can.
Were you on medication? Niaxarol.
How did you know? That shit stops you seeing them.
And it makes it harder for you to orgasm.
You know the seesaws in the kids playground? Ever since I came off my meds, they make me come really hard.
The look on the kids' faces! It's wrong.
You ever slept with a guy with cold semen? What? No, I don't think so.
It's not like I always check.
If a guy's possessed, their semen's cold.
Major warning sign.
If I'm taking the temperature of his semen, it's probably too late.
SHE LAUGHS Right, right.
I mean, who carries a semen thermometer? Anyway, this is me, so This is you? I hate to unload and run but if I don't see my therapist, they'll section me.
The prick from last night, you want to help me hunt him down? A pole up the arse, can of lighter fluid.
Bshh! I have work.
I have to work.
OK, another time.
Definitely.
I'll bring my arse pole.
Oh, yeah.
You should.
You should get up to speed, girl.
This is happening.
Wake up! Ow! What the fu? I should have pinched your arm.
Next time.
You don't believe me.
I was kind of going with it.
The nipple-pinching and psychiatric unit is giving me some doubts.
You think I'm crazy? They think you're crazy, apparently.
If I'm crazy, you're crazy too.
You think I don't know that? You just need some time to get your head round it.
Yeah.
Ah! SHE HUMS We should go for cocktails.
You like cocktails, right? Call me, any time, day or night.
Not Tuesday evenings before nine because I have Pilates.
I could have just put it in my phone.
In my experience, people lose their phones.
Or they tell you they lose them.
They don't want to call you because you totally weird them out.
I have to go.
Hey, you're in? Didn't think you'd come into work today.
I'm broke, I need the money.
Well, I was worried about you.
Come on.
Bring it in, let's hug it out.
I'm fine, really.
Jake? Jake? OK, yeah.
OK, just checking.
Some turd-burger's wedged them all in here.
You going to have a scar? What? Trust me, girls with scars are hot.
Who's that girl who went through the windscreen of her dad's car? Emma Lawrence, the girl in the wheelchair.
Sure it isn't a skateboard? Pretty sure.
They're quite different.
Girl I'm thinking of rides a skateboard.
You know what? She doesn't have any scars either.
So, it's just totally irrelevant? No, it's something.
I made you feel better.
Get out there, you furry tit! Come out! CLEARS THROA "Do you want togo for a drink later?" You are such a dick.
I can't.
Rejections hurt his feelings.
Hey? What's that, buddy? Oh, he says he likes tequila.
And pussy.
Dirty bastard.
Raquel? Hey, I was calling you.
I know.
I was ignoring you.
Can you tell me what's up? What's going on? I met a girl today.
That's great.
Making friends, look at you.
Pinched her nipple.
Right.
This girl Amy.
.
.
Amy, she didn't like her nipple being pinched, then? I'm going with no.
Don't know why I even try.
She thinks I'm a freak.
Don't say that.
You just need to give her a chance to get to know you.
And listen, if girls stopped liking having their nipples pinched, then we are both in trouble because that is my go-to move.
Pizza's ready.
# So long, so long Until you prove me wrong PHONE RINGS Hey.
Hey.
I'm just leaving.
Be outside, where you normally pick me up.
Yeah, I'll be about ten minutes? You're a star.
Bye.
Bye, Amy! LOUD THUD RUMBLING Hello? PA: Strike! You know we're closed, right? For fuck's sake! SHE GASPS Hi.
What do you want? It's not about what I want.
Just that I'd help.
Why are you doing this? You're a seer.
I don't even know what that is.
Oh, that sucks.
But I'm going to kill you anyway.
Strike! He wants you gone.
FOOTSTEPS RECEDE Agh! SHE SCREAMS SHE GASPS Oh, God.
Oh.
Oh, my Oh, God.
Oh, God! RADIO: # And say all right # Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little boy like you # You always keep me guessing # I never seem to know what you are thinking # And if a girl looks at you # It's for sure your little eye will be a-winkin' SOUND DISTORTS # .
.
and then you smile and hold my hand Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little boy like you Suzanne? Oh, my God, are you OK? Suzanne, are you hurt? Say something.
He just ran out in front of me.
I think he's dead.
MUFFLED SPEECH IN BACKGROUND PHONE RINGS Hi, this is Raquel's phone, leave a message after the tone.
PHONE BLEEPS The possessed guy, he came after me.
My friend ran him over and he's dead.
Where are you? Tuesdays, you're at parties.
Um, call me.
Are you OK? Maybe we should have gone to the hospital.
I'm fine.
Honestly.
What are you doing? Do you need a belt with those? A belt? With my pyjamas? Why would I want a belt with my pyjamas? Don't be weird.
What? See, you can wear a belt with pyjamas.
SUZANNE GASPS AND COUGHS What's happening to me, Amy? I'm scared.
Why did I try and hurt you? Why would I do that? This isn't you! What's happening to me? I don't know what to do, I need your help.
Amy, please Open the door.
Open the door.
Open the door! Open the door, you little bitch! LOUD KNOCKING AT DOOR All right, I'm coming! SHE PANTS HEAVILY Hey.
Sorry, I just ran all the way over here.
Are those your pyjamas? Didn't even put any shoes on.
Well It's OK, I get it.
I know how it feels to be totally consumed by lust and desire.
Who needs shoes? Who needs feet? I Shh, we have both waited a long, long time for this.
I just want to say that you will not be disappointed.
You might be the first few times.
I locked myself out.
Ijust need somewhere to crash.
No shoes No shoes, that's a green light.
Are you saying that this isn't a booty call? No.
No.
Come on in.
(Fucking unbelievable.
) Hi.
Hi.
Do you want to get a coffee? Oh, I don't drink coffee, makes me shit, big-time.
Can you drink tea? Tea's good.
The guy in the bowling alley, he called me a seer.
It's what the pricks call us, it's so lame.
I prefer demon hunter or kick-ass hell bitch.
I did say you were on their radar.
There's a new hell bitch in town and they're shitting in their little demon panties.
I'm not a hell bitch.
I work in a bowling alley.
That's a good cover.
It's not a cover.
It's how I pay my rent, it's how I buy food.
This demon, he's in Suzanne, how's that even possible? If the body they're in dies, they jump ship.
How do I get him out of her? You have to perform an exorcism.
What about Suzanne? Well, yeah, well, she should be OK.
Will she be OK or not? Get it right, she should be fine, touch wood.
Oh, no, I think that is laminate.
What does an exorcism involve? Stuff on the internet.
It's out there.
If you know where to look.
I'm sorry what I said about people not calling you, just, you know.
You thought I was all crazy.
But now you're freaking out, you suddenly need my help.
I deserve better.
I shouldn't have treated you like that.
No, you shouldn't, because I am a strong, a powerful black woman.
Please? I can't leave Suzanne like that.
Pretty please with a cherry on top? You can have all the pleases and the cherries you want, just I can't do this without you.
OK then.
Let's exorcise the prick.
Hi.
Hi.
Amy, this is my brother, Tyler.
Hi.
Can you two stop undressing each other with your eyes? What? I wasn't.
Hey, can I borrow your car? Where you going? I was going to make lasagne.
We're going to a nail bar, because that's what girls do.
He knows nothing about women.
He used to call Mum's vagina a foofoo.
He's so embarrassing.
Can we have a word? In private? Foofoo, really? Mum said you were obsessed with it.
No, I wasn't.
Besides, Amy doesn't need to know.
So, that's Amy.
Is she seeing anyone? Amy, do you have a boyfriend? For fuck's sake.
Not really, no.
Brilliant, nicely done.
Hm.
Thank you.
Hm.
The fan belt's slipping.
Bye, Amy.
Bye.
It was nice to meet you.
Just so you know, I'm totally cool with it.
Totally cool with what? With you having sex with my brother.
I'm not going to have sex with your brother.
Oh.
You are filthy.
I'm not, I'm not filthy.
I'm clean, I'm very, very clean.
CAR SPLUTTERS AND GROANS What's that? Do I look like a mechanic to you? Uhh-uh.
MUSIC: Drag Me Down by Weaves DOORBELL BUZZES My mask makes my face smell like balls.
Rubbery balls.
It's gross.
Raquel.
Oh! Raquel! Hello, Raquel.
It's good to see you.
Go, go! TYRES SCREECH What the hell just happened? There's a whole gang of them after us now.
Did you think we would just frighten one of them? Yeah.
That's incredibly naive.
Really, that is a little embarrassing.
Who was that guy? Who is he? Just a guy I know.
He's possessed.
He saved us.
Why would he do that? Why would he do that? Like I said, some of them are not all totally bad.
You know you never actually said that.
Didn't I? Well, I have now.
There it is.
They're not all bad.
What was that? He can make stuff fly.
Some of them have powers, abilities.
Did I not tell you that? No.
Is there anything else you want to tell me? That's probably it for now.
I'm sure other stuff will come up as we go along.
This good guy demon, you and him, you friends? No.
We're not friends.
Not even close.
BANGING Shit.
Amy.
Just ignore him.
Amy.
Hey, I thought that was you.
What's going on? Nothing.
Just driving around.
BANGING What's that? What? That sound.
I don't hear anything.
It's coming from the boot of your friend's car.
It's my dog.
Poochy.
Go.
Jesus.
Hey, isn't it a bit cruel keeping your dog in the boot like that? He's a pit bull.
Maybe I should let Poochy out so he can rip your stupid face off and shit it out! Go! What the hell was that? Guys like that only understand one thing - raw, naked aggression and bald spots.
That's two things, so Just drive.
Poochy.
I gave you a simple task.
Were my instructions unclear or confusing? It was Sawyer.
He came out of nowhere.
Sawyer? You know, that really pisses me off.
I'm doing this for the benefit of all of us and all he's thinking about is himself.
He's not seeing the bigger picture.
I had to leave an awards ceremony early.
You see this? Outstanding Contribution To Psychiatry.
That's me.
You should really get that looked at.
You're going to need full facial reconstructive surgery.
It's a few bruises.
Like I said, full facial reconstructive surgery.
What do you want me to do about Sawyer? Sawyer.
Looks like we might have to bring in a big gun to take him out.
Self-centred little prick.
HE WINCES IN PAIN She means a lot to you, doesn't she? My mum wasn't around much.
Suzanne was always there for me when everyone thought I was crazy.
Other people wouldn't hang out with us.
Even when it cost her, she was always there.
Let's go get your friend back.
Urgh.
Balls.
Rubbery balls.
SCREAMING SHE SPEAKS LATIN Erm That's it, we're done.
Why isn't anything happening? Sometimes it takes a little while to kick in, like one of those microwave popcorns.
All that Latin stuff - maybe you weren't saying it right.
My Latin isn't perfect, I'm sorry.
I don't know what half this shit means.
So for all we know, it could be a recipe for chocolate brownies.
It's not a recipe for brownies, the Romans never even had brownies.
I guess they had some kind of chocolate cake.
Why are we talking about chocolate cake? Jesus.
DEMONICALLY: Your time's coming, pig.
FEARSOME SCREAM What's coming? What's she talking about? I don't know.
I don't know.
Suzanne? Suzanne? Suzy? S Oh, Jesus.
Oh, Jesus.
Suzanne.
No, no, no.
Suzanne! She's dead.
If we don't bury her, we're going to be eating prison pussy for the rest of our lives.
Gotcha.
What in the name of his holy fuckness is going on? # I'm gonna catch ya I'm gonna get ya, get ya # Oh, ah, oh, I wanna taste the way that you bleed # Oh-h You're my kill of the night.