Curses! (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[animals calling, chirping]
[screeching]
[croaks]
[explosion]
[laughs]
Hyah! Hyah!
-Whoa.
-[horse whinnies]
[grunting]
[grunting]
[exhales]
[laughing]
[gasps] No, wait.
No. [gasps]
Curses!
[grunts]
[grunting]
[grunts]
[sighs]
Please, please,
please let it work this time. [groans]
[whirring]
I did it.
Finally!
[laughs]
[grunts, chuckles]
[chuckles]
[yelps, grunting]
[grunts]
No! [groans] Look what you did.
Me? Dude, you know this is my skate path.
[groans] You broke this.
[sibling]
Why are you even doing science stuff?
School just ended.
You're supposed to turn your brain off.
[sibling 2]
I was building this for our trip.
Hey! This vase is over 2,300 years old.
It survived wars, earthquakes,
the Mongol invasion.
And it was almost taken down
by you two bickering.
It was his drone that hit it.
But-- [stammers] She rammed into me.
Even though I'm proud of you
for actually getting your drone to work,
you shouldn't be flying it inside.
And how many times have I told you
not to skateboard in the house?
-[gasps] Sixteen.
-Mmm.
Is this how the entire summer's gonna be?
[phone rings: cuckoo clock]
-[ringing stops]
-Ah! My favorite part of the day.
[cuckoo clock chiming]
-[gasps] Oh, it's hide-and-seek time.
-[gasps]
-Please, can we?
-Mm-hmm.
-Thanks, Mom.
-Thanks, Mom.
[sibling 1 panting]
[sibling 2 panting]
[strains, grunts]
Ready or not, here I come!
Hmm.
-Ah. [chuckles]
-[bell tolls]
Mm-hmm.
Ah.
[chuckles]
-Ha!
-[gasps]
Man, thought I had you this time.
-Ah! You just had to follow the clues.
-[grunts]
[sighs]
Hmm.
[cymbal clangs]
[notes playing on strings]
-Let's go. She's not in here.
-Shh.
Hmm.
-[gong shimmers]
-[yelps, groans]
[chuckles] Come on, kiddos.
Dinner's ready.
-Hmm. Sorry. I tried to get him to leave.
-[groans]
[grunts]
I still don't understand how you found me.
I even double-backed my footsteps.
Honey, I grew up in this house.
I know all the secret hiding spots.
Don't worry, Pandora.
You'll have all summer
to focus on finding new hiding places.
[sibling 2] Not all summer.
You're still gonna take us
on one of your expeditions, right?
Yeah. Where are we going this year?
Somewhere in Southeast Asia?
I loved when we went to the Mayan ruins.
There are all kinds of
fascinating artifacts at Angkor Wat.
Great chapter of the book for you,
even better summer vacation for us.
Mm-hmm.
Guys, we might have to postpone
our normal summer travel.
-Excuse me?
-[Pandora] But you always take us.
[sibling 2] I-I've structured
my entire summer around it.
[sighs] I'm on a hard deadline
and I really need to stay focused on
finishing the book,
-but I promise I'll make it up to you.
-[groans]
Hey, tell you what.
Tomorrow we'll do a super special
first-day-of-summer game of hide-and-seek.
It better be big.
Is this why you've been
in your office so much lately?
I just figured you were napping.
-I know old people have to nap a lot.
-[chair slides]
You're right. We are old and so tired.
You two better clear the table
and do the dishes.
-What? Hmm.
-What? This is totally unfair.
Canceling our summer trip
without talking to me first is not cool.
[sighs] I know. I'm sorry.
You haven't said a single word about
any deadlines. When did this happen?
Recently. It's, uh, complicated.
You know I'm fine with complicated.
That's not what I mean.
Then what do you mean?
All the late nights in your office,
the constant pacing. I know you.
Something's weighing on you,
and you're trying to hide it,
but you don't need to.
Mmm. Maybe you're right.
You know how I said my family
had a bit of an unusual history?
Alex, we live in a creepy old mansion
full of rare artifacts.
I know it's unusual.
[sighs] I'm ashamed to admit there's more.
There's a reason we've been traveling
to all the places we have,
and, uh,
it's not for the reason that you think.
In the Inuit culture,
eavesdropping on your parents
is punishable by three days
in the igloo of pain.
Okay, first off, that's not a thing.
Second, I wasn't eavesdropping.
I was just, uh, coming to grab the plates.
Oh, the ones you already took.
[cuckoo clock chiming]
[sighs] On that note,
I've really gotta get back to work.
What were you about to tell me?
I'll tell you later tonight.
Everything's gonna be okay.
[sighs]
I promise.
[chuckles]
This is what I love about you, Pandora.
You never give up.
[grunts, groans]
I just wanna know what you do in here.
Are all archaeologists so secretive?
[chuckles] When we have to be.
For now, I need to work alone.
[kisses]
[clattering]
Hmm?
-Good night, Pandora.
-[gasps, groans]
[relaxed music playing]
[Pandora] Doing nerdy, sciency stuff?
[yells]
Oh. Dad found your hiding spot, huh?
Yeah. He really does know
all the good places.
I don't know why you try his office.
He doesn't let anyone in there,
not even Mom.
[chuckles] We'll see about that.
-[door creaks]
-[voice] You have to tell them.
-I don't want them to worry.
-[voice] They should be worried.
I'm close to solving this. I know it.
If I can just figure this out, then--
[gasps, grunts]
[grunting, groans]
-Oh, no.
-[voice 2] Oh, dear. Is it happening?
[grunting, groaning]
Sky, I thought I had more time,
but I was wrong.
You have to-- [groaning]
[hooting]
[snoring]
[upbeat music playing]
-Brother!
-[groans]
Are you ready…
for the first day of summer?
[imitating air horn] Whoo-hoo!
Can I get a heck yeah?
[grunts]
[muffled] Works for me.
[upbeat music playing]
Good morning, Mama. What you up to?
[sighs] Hmm.
The Paxton Museum
is putting together a new exhibit,
and I heard they might need
an additional conservator.
Isn't that what you did?
Fifteen years ago.
Wait, you're going back to work?
Just putting feelers out.
With you guys getting older,
you don't need me as much anymore.
But who will break up our fights?
I mean, maybe Mom's right.
In Aboriginal culture,
we'd already be on walkabout.
This isn't surviving alone in the outback.
[chuckles]
It's more like you letting yourselves
into the house if I'm at work.
I can do that.
What about Dad?
Would he get back out there too?
It would be nice to work together again,
just like old times.
Speaking of the old guy, where is Dad?
Fall asleep on his desk again?
Wouldn't be the first time.
-I'll wake him up.
-Uh, no, I will.
I don't want you
scaring him half to death.
Alex?
-He's not in here. Did he leave the house?
-Hmm.
He didn't say goodbye.
He wouldn't do that.
Oh, this must be that super special
game of hide-and-seek he promised.
[sibling 2 gasps] I'll bet you're right.
Okay, look for clues.
Huh? Hmm.
Hmm.
[gasps]
I knew it! This was the sound I heard
last night, right after I got kicked out.
[Pandora] You think it's a clue?
Look! These balls have numbers,
and they fell down in two sets of three.
Hmm.
Just like coordinates.
[item clicks, whirs]
Huh?
-[item clicks]
-Russ, you're a genius!
Thank you for finally realizing this.
-Just had to follow the clues.
-Hmm? Mm-hmm.
Holy cow. It's a door.
[straining] It won't open.
I take back my genius comment.
Sorry, no take backs.
Where do those coordinates land?
Um, Beijing, China. Why?
Every door has a latch.
Hmm.
[grunts]
[clicks]
Huh?
-Whoa.
-Now Mom's the genius.
How did you know to do that?
This vase is Ming Dynasty.
It's the only Chinese thing in here.
Impressive deduction.
Pandora, wait.
Wow! Dad has really stepped up his game.
He said it would be big,
but I didn't know it would be this big.
-[panting, gasps]
-[grunts, pants]
[sighs]
-[yells]
-Don't pee your pants.
It's just a gargoyle-- [yells]
Unbelievable.
Did you know this was here, Mom?
[gasps]
[Pandora] Now this is a hiding spot.
This does not feel like a game.
[line ringing]
-[phone buzzing]
-[Sky] Huh?
Dad! [panting]
[Pandora panting]
Huh?
[yells]
Dad?
[exhales]
It's just a statue.
[Russ]
Why is there a statue of Dad down here?
[Pandora] What is going on?
Is this a part of the game?
Huh? Dad, is that you?
Where?
That's not Dad.
Run!
-[panting]
-[voice] Come back!
[panting]
Nightmare fuel! Nightmare fuel!
[pants, yelps]
[gasps] Oh, come on.
[panting, grunts]
Whoa.
[pants, grunting]
[breathing heavily]
[yells]
[gasps, grunts]
[gasps, yells]
[groans]
Get that light out of my eyes.
Some of us are trying to sleep.
-[yells, grunting]
-[grunting]
[groans]
Mom?
I'm coming! [panting, grunts]
[yelling]
Whoa! [groans] Oh! [yells]
Stop trying to kill me! [panting]
[panting]
[panting, gasps]
[yells, grunts]
[grunts] Watch it. Where'd you get a mace?
In the other room,
but I think it was booby-trapped.
Why do you say that?
[whirring, clicking]
-You're about to find out.
-Huh?
[yells]
Why is our house attacking us?
[yells]
-[grunting, panting]
-Look out!
-[breathing heavily]
-[grunts]
-Turn around. You can't go that way.
-[sighs]
-We can't go this way either.
-Why not?
[grunting]
Hey, you! Stop!
-Where the heck do we go?
-Quick, in here.
-[panting]
-[breathing heavily]
[grunts] I think we're safe.
Phew. Whoa.
Uh, are we royalty?
Not that I know of. But at this point,
nothing would surprise me.
[grunts, panting]
Whoa.
Okay, that surprised me.
-[grunting]
-Pan, stop touching things.
It was an accident.
[strains] It's locked.
What do we do?
Okay, think. Remember Dad's office?
Every door has a latch.
I did this. I'll get us out.
[yells, grunting]
-[grunting, straining]
-[breathing heavily]
[sighs]
[whimpering, panting]
[grunts]
[mechanisms creaking]
[whimpers, gasps]
Yes, we're alive.
[door unlocks, creaks]
[voice 2] Please, be more careful.
The security system in here will kill you,
and I might not always be around here
to stop it.
Yeah, don't wanna lose your head.
-Not the time for head puns, Larry.
-Huh?
[Larry groans]
Please, if you'd follow me,
all will be explained.
You've already seen
several of the rooms on this floor,
but the wing is far more extensive.
We have artifacts in here from Timbuktu
to Kathmandu.
I don't mean to be rude, but what are you?
Ooh, apologies, my manners.
We are the caretakers
of the restricted wing.
-Mm-hmm.
-I'm Stanley.
And I'm Larry. Scourge of the seven seas.
Terror of the Spanish Main.
-Uh, hmm?
-Hmm?
[sighs] Ignore him, or he'll never
stop talking about his former life.
[groans] You're just jealous.
[sighs]
Oh, I feel like I'm losing my mind.
So, what happened to Alex? Is he okay?
Yeah, what's going on with my dad?
I'm sure you have many questions.
And they will be answered in due time,
but for now, come this way.
There's something Alex needed you to see.
Hi, Sky. Russ. Pandora.
Uh, if you're watching this,
I'm now a piece of granite.
Or maybe marble?
Anyway,
the reason I'm this way is because…
-[sighs] …well, our family is cursed.
-[gasps]
Not because of anything we did
but our ancestors.
Specifically, your great-great-great-
grandfather, Cornelius Vanderhouven.
Through nefarious means,
Cornelius amassed the greatest
private collection of historical artifacts
the world has ever known.
But Cornelius didn't just buy
these antiquities.
He took them using any means necessary.
He was ruthless in his quest.
The more he acquired, the more he wanted.
He knew many of these ill-gotten items
carried a curse,
but that only made him want them more,
so he built this restricted wing
to contain all these dangerous treasures.
In the end, his hubris caught up with him
and with us, for our family line
has been cursed.
I hate getting in trouble
for things I didn't do.
Shh! Listen to your father.
I kept it secret so as not to worry you.
For years,
I've told you I've been working on a book,
but really I've been trying to figure out
a solution.
That's the reason for all the late nights.
I believe the solution is, we've got to
make right by these items
before time runs out
and the next family member turns to stone.
Because after me, you kids are next.
-[gasps]
-Wait, we're going to turn to stone too?
Unless you figure out a way
to reverse the curse.
I'm sorry I haven't told you
the truth until now.
I may not have been able to do it,
but I know how strong
and how clever you are.
If anyone can do this, you can.
You can do anything.
I love you guys so much.
-[sighs]
-[gasps]
[groans, grunts]
-[sighs]
-Don't worry, Dad. We'll fix this.
-[screeching]
-[gasps]
Is that another security measure?
No, it sounds to me like
another artifact has woken up.
-They can do that?
-[groans]
Sometimes. Look at us. Ooh.
What is that?
If I were you, I would run. Now!
[yelling]