Dinosaur (2024) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
1
- This isn't about us.
This is about justice.
This is about fairness.
This is about the struggle
of the common man
in an easy-come, easy-go world
where people are fickle
and faithless.
My unwavering loyalty to you
should be recognized.
Nay, it should be celebrated.
- Fine.
But technically,
your free 11th coffee
is meant to be a hot product.
- Show me the fine print.
- It's tacitly understood.
- Not by me.
[Gasps]
Oh, my God.
This is my sister.
- I don't care.
[Upbeat music]
- Thank you, Brian.
I'll see you
Tomorrow.
♪
Evie, what are you doing here?
- Well, I'm not back
at work until tomorrow,
and I need a day
to come back down to Earth
after my city break,
and I thought,
why not try and catch
my big sis
on her coffee break
for a little chitchat?
- Can't we chitchat after work
in the empty hours?
- What's on today's
agenda, then?
- I have a meeting
in 45 minutes
about a fossilized shark poo,
and then I have to catch up
with my colleagues
about leaving perishables
in the fridge.
- Wow.
Unreal.
- Mm.
- The slay never stops.
So do you have time for a quick
wander before your meeting?
We could take in the relics
of a lost time.
- Evie, you said
that the museum
smells like old man feet.
- And knowledge, baby.
- What has London done to you?
- Actually,
London was incredible.
- I mean, if you don't mind
being less than six foot away
from a rat or a banker
at any given time.
- Ugh, I don't know
what's worse.
BOTH:
Banker.
- [Gasps]
BOTH: Jinx!
[Laughter]
[Bowling pins clatter]
- Oh, this place is amazing.
- You've been here multiple
times since we were children.
- Never gets old.
So something happened
in London
that I need
to talk to you about.
- Something happened
in Glasgow.
I had to watch
the "Real Housewives" reunion
without you,
so there was nobody there
to hear my amazing quips.
EVIE: Can't believe
you watched it without me.
- You were gone all weekend.
- Boo-hoo.
- We can watch it again tonight
with my commentary.
- Deal.
- Deal.
Evie, why are you
actually here?
You're being weird.
- What's wrong
with a spontaneous visit
from your loving wee sister?
- Hmm.
Last time you showed up here
out of the blue,
it's 'cause you burnt
your mustache off with Veet
and it got all red and crusty.
- At least I tried
to deal with my mustache.
- I deal with my mustache.
Three months ago,
I tried back-combing it,
and I looked
very distinguished.
- Oh.
[Exhales sharply]
Right. Nina?
NINA: Hmm?
EVIE: There's something
I have to tell you.
- Why aren't you
saying anything?
- I'm doing a dramatic pause.
- How long do
dramatic pauses last?
- I'm engaged.
- To who?
- Ranesh.
- Who?
- My partner.
We've just been
on a romantic weekend together.
- The TikTok advertising man
with the concave arse?
- He's a creative strategist.
And it's only concave
in pictures.
He took me up The Shard, Nina.
It was all
disgustingly romantic.
OK, this is where you say,
"That's amazing news.
I'm so happy for you!"
- It's not amazing news,
and I'm not happy for you.
Evie, I'm deeply concerned.
You've only known this man
for six weeks.
That's not enough time.
- Says who?
- [Forcefully]
Evie, you've had thrush
that lasted longer
than six weeks!
- [Whispering] It wasn't
thrush; I was just itchy.
- We went through so much
natural yogurt, Evie.
♪
- What about Ranesh
making a casual appearance
at Tuesday night dinner
tomorrow?
All just really casual.
- Takeaway Tuesday
is sacred, Evie.
You said you would never
get married.
- Did I? Hmm.
It's really just an excuse
for a big fat party.
- Yeah, except it's not
just a big party.
It's the morning
after the party
and it's the morning
after that
and then the morning
after that.
How can you spend
the rest of your life
with somebody you've only known
for six weeks?
- I know this all seems
crazy to you, right.
But when you are wildly
in love with someone,
you just start
to realize that nothing
anyone else thinks matters.
We're just, like,
walking on this knife edge,
and we just have to keep going
'cause if we don't, we'll fall.
- Evie, that sounds
horrendous and painful.
- I've never felt
this way, Nina.
He's my person.
- Ugh.
Bet Mum and Dad are not
gonna be happy about this.
[Cork pops]
ADE: [laughs]
We're so happy about this.
EVIE:
Now, we know that it's soon,
but we're thinking
summer wedding.
- Lovely.
- That's it?
ADE: What?
- She's marrying some man
that none of us have ever met,
and that's all
you're gonna say?
Dad, what if he chokes women
at the weekend?
- Does he choke women
on the weekend?
- No!
He's in a feminist book group.
- Well, there you are.
- [Sighs]
- We'd only known each other
six months
when we got married.
- Yes, but that was in 1986,
when everybody was stupid
and you thought
that the feathered mullet was
an all right hairstyle for men.
- [Sighs]
I loved my feathered mullet.
- Oh, and he's never
looked so good.
- He looked
like Princess Diana.
- How long did Romeo and Juliet
know each other
before they got married?
24 hours?
- They were pretend,
and then
they killed themselves.
- Our son-in-law,
a creative strategist.
- What does that mean?
- Well, it means
that finally,
this family has got
something to celebrate.
- Mother.
I have three degrees.
I am a research assistant
in the paleontology department.
Do you know
how many positions there are
for paleontologists
in Glasgow?
- Eh
- There's seven.
There's seven,
and I am one of them.
- Darling, I didn't mean that
- You're a force
of nature, Nina.
- You're an inspiration.
ADE: The dinosaurs
are lucky to have you.
Anyway, let's talk venue.
DIANE:
And what will you wear?
- We just want to keep things
super simple,
so I'm thinking
I'll wear something like
a secondhand pantsuit.
Because the wedding
industrial complex
is predatory capitalism,
you know.
DIANE:
Oh.
If this is about money,
sweet pea,
your dad and me,
we've got a wee bit of money
set aside
for the conservatory, so
- Oh, guys,
that is amazing news,
because I have had my eye
on the most beautiful
designersimple pantsuit.
- And what about
my wedding fund?
- Y-you don't do
relationships, Nina.
ADE:
You're independent, like Cher.
- Fine, then.
I would like
a party of equal value
to celebrate all of my many
great accomplishments.
- [Laughs]
DIANE: Oh.
Oh, you're the sensible one.
You don't just plunge
into any crazy old scheme.
[Laughs]
- You think
this wedding's crazy?
- Yes!
DIANE AND ADE: No!
- What'd I miss?
[Music playing over earbuds]
- Evie's gonna bankrupt
Mum and Dad.
- What else is new?
- We know you'll miss
your sister, Nina.
DIANE: But things won't be
all that different.
- It's just,
everyone's acting like
getting engaged is some sort
of big achievement.
You know that Rose West
was married?
And she was a murderer.
Why am I the only person
who thinks
this is a terrible,
terrible idea?
- Because you've eaten
Wheat Puffs for breakfast
every single day of your life.
- And?
- You're the most risk-averse
person on the planet.
- If I know
I like Wheat Puffs,
why would I try
other breakfast foods?
- Why are you so surprised
about this?
This is classic Evie.
Everything she's ever done
has suggested
that this will one day happen.
What, did you think
you were just gonna become
two old ladies
in that flat together?
- I just don't see
what the big rush is.
- Love makes people stupid.
- Mm.
- Oh, fuck!
I forgot to charge
Hilda's crystals.
[Groans]
- Bo, if your girlfriend
is so bad,
why don't you just
get a better one?
- Mm, much to think about,
Nina.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Look, the point is, Lurch,
things are going to change.
So how are you
gonna ever accept
Evie's crazy stupid love
if you won't even
try Cheerios?
- I don't eat foods with holes,
so the point is moot.
[Lizzie Reid's "Warpaint"]
LIZZIE REID:
Some kind of chest pain ♪
♪
Slipped into my drink
last night ♪
SHANE: Don't let me see you
put feathers
on that dinosaur, mate.
I know, I know.
The evidence is undeniable.
Dinosaurs had feathers.
But the people,
they like scales.
They don't like feathers.
Dinos are scary,
OK, and feathers, they're
Uh, you know, they're cute.
They're "Paw Patrol."
They're Elton John. Yeah?
Basically,
feathers aren't scary.
Did you catch my drift?
That's my guy.
Grr.
[Fingers snap]
Nina.
Nina.
Nina.
NINA: [clears throat]
SHANE: While I've got you,
can I grab a tight five?
- Yeah.
- Once again, Nina,
we've hada few comments.
- Nice comments?
- So this is just a
A gentle reminder
that we avoid telling children
that it should be
Cretaceous Park, not Jurassic.
OK, the people have
this image of scientists
as these shy nerds
in glasses and white coats.
Butwe're so much more
than that, right?
- Yeah.
SHANE: So when you insist
that a T. rex
could crunch Granny's spine
like a midmorning cracker,
it fits with this
totally wrong narrative
of scientists as antisocial,
rigid, and a bit autistic.
- But I am.
- Yeah, but I'm saying
we're not that.
- Oh, no, I'm saying I am that.
- No, I mean
[Chuckles nervously]
Y-you're autistic.
Yes, of course.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm pretty sure Declan is too.
- Mm.
[Fingers snapping]
Um[sighs]
Um, you gonna come
team bowling tonight, Nina?
- No.
DECLAN: No.
Nina's got her routine.
She has dinner
with her sister on Tuesday.
NINA: It's takeaway Tuesday
at our flat.
And I don't go bowling
because it's full
of sweaty people making noise.
And I don't share shoes
with strangers,
and I don't put my fingers
in bowling ball holes.
It's full of fungus, Shane.
It's disgusting.
- Right, well, uh, you know,
not everyone lives
in the fast lane like us,
eh, Declan?
[Light music]
Pull it together, Shane.
♪
CUSTOMER:
Thanks very much. Cheers.
♪
- You're not the coffee man.
- UhII think I am.
[Chuckles]
Am I not?
Oh, you'reyou're, um
You're talking about Brian.
Yeah, he left.
There's a new
coffee sheriff in town.
[Chuckles]
Me.
- Could I have
a filter coffee, please?
- Oh, do you know what would go
really well with this?
Our new breakfast biscotti.
Start your day with a crunch.
[Chuckles]
- I can't eat
double-baked biscuits.
I've got delicate gums.
- Very wise.
I mean, I like to live
on the edge, you know,
butbut not everyone is, uh,
into that kind of lifestyle.
- No, it's not a lifestyle
for people with vertigo.
- That's a good point.
How's your day going?
- My sister's marrying
some concave-arsed Tinder guy
she's only known for six weeks,
and my parents think
it's a brilliant idea
'cause they lack
critical thinking skills,
and I've lost my favorite pen.
- Six weeks?
That'sthat's mental.
What if he, um
Chokes women at the weekend?
- That's what I said.
- What's this
Concave-arsed lad like, then?
- I don't know.
- You've never met him?
- No.
- But you know
you don't like him.
- Yes.
LEE: Right.
Thismight be
out of line, but, um
And I'm sure he's the
Worst man in the world.
Don't get me wrong, but
Ah!
I like to give people a chance.
[Chuckles]
Hey, um, I'm
- I'm just the guy
that makes the coffee, so
- Could you make mine, please?
- Yes.
Yeah.
[Coffee pours]
[soft dramatic music]
[register beeping]
Thanks.
- Thank you, Sheriff.
- Oh, that'sthat's
Good.
♪
[Mozart's "Dies Irae"]
[choir singing in Latin]
- Here it comes.
[Laughs]
Huh?
EVIE: Mmm!
- How's that?
- Oh, my gosh.
- Yeah?
- Ranesh, that's delicious!
- [Laughs]
- Sure, it is, Nina.
[Operatic music playing]
- Oh, please.
It's just a rustic
peasant dish
that I picked up
during my summer in Firenze.
♪
- I love pasta
with tomato sauce.
It's a great combination.
- Samesies.
[Chuckles]
- Oh, I'm just gonna,
um, check on something
in the other room.
[Ranesh and Evie chuckle]
- [Clears throat]
So
- Here we are.
[Both chuckle nervously]
Oh, Evie mentioned
that you've got autism,
which is obviously super cool.
- Don't say it.
- Autism is a superpower.
Hmm, a guy from uni
had a bit of it,
and he was on "Countdown."
- Did he win?
- He died shortly after.
But he did win a conundrum.
Neens
- Nina.
- I'd hate for there to be a
Chasm between us.
The bond between two sisters,
well, it's a holy thing,
isn't it?
- Hmm.
RANESH: And as a man,
I couldn't even begin
to understand it.
And then here's me
just coming in here,
ripping your best friend
away from you.
But nothing is gonna change.
- Yeah, I know that.
EVIE: Not talking about me,
are we?
[Ranesh and Evie chuckle]
- So
How did this transpire?
- Mm, I'm glad you asked.
[Chuckles]
- Cool.
- Finding love
in a Tinder age
is a miracle, Neens.
- Nina.
RANESH: All these girls
describe themselves
as artsy and cultured
on their profiles.
Then all they want
to talk about is reality TV.
- Hmm, Evie's often remarked
on the mindlessness
of reality television,
haven't you, Evie?
- Evie has taught me so much
about the importance
of female stories.
- Yeah, it's good
when women talk in films.
- Our connection
on that first date was instant.
We went to see aa feminist
poetry slam at the bandstand.
- Fun.
- Then we stayed so late
and danced all night.
[Ranesh and Evie laugh]
Everybody looked at us,
didn't they, babe?
- But we didn't even care.
- We didn't even care.
- No, I bet you didn't.
- And then when she turned up
to London
in just a torn pair of jeans
with no makeup bag,
I thought to myself, yeah,
there she is, my person.
Together we can move
and shake the world.
[Chuckles]
It is crazy quick, Neens.
You're not wrong about that.
But
- If you don't take
any risks
- How do you know
you're even alive?
- [Whispering]
'Cause you're breathing.
[Evie chuckles]
Nope.
EVIE:
What are you doing?
- I'm gonna take a risk.
- You're leaving?
- Yes, sis!
We love to see it.
- No.
- Don't.
You can't just go, Nina.
[Chuckles]
We're literally
eating the food of Firenze.
- We're supposed to be eating
the food of takeaway Tuesday.
RANESH:
No, no, Evie.
No, no, she is embracing
her new self,
Entering her new era.
She's self-actualizing.
We should let her go.
EVIE: Where are you even going?
NINA: I'm gonna go bowling
with my work colleagues
like a normal person,
and nobody can stop me.
- No, you're not!
You hate putting
your fingers in the holes.
- Yes, well, Evie,
sometimes we have
to stick our fingers
in holes we don't like.
- Uh, Nina,
you'll have to wear
the bowling shoes.
They'll make you.
- I don't care.
It's time I did my own thing.
- OK. Well, obviously,
I'll support you.
- Thank you.
EVIE: Because women should
always support other women.
- Mm-hmm.
- No matter what.
- Yes.
Peace out.
♪
- Well, she has
completely lost it.
- Hmm.
I just want to say
how honored I am
to be included in such
a vulnerable conversation
between two sisters.
[Chuckles]
Come on, I'll show you.
NINA:
[chuckles]
- It's three spins,
just like the Italians do it.
- Ooh!
- There you go. Perfection.
- I want to wear my own shoes.
But
[Twangy electric guitar music]
[Arcade games dinging,
coins clattering]
- Oh, Nina, over here!
Nina, we're here.
You've finally come along.
[Chuckles]
Get stuck in.
ROXANNE:
Excuse me, Shane.
As per our booking form,
all players
have to wear bowling shoes.
- I don't wear bowling shoes.
- Yeah, i-if Nina doesn't want
to wear bowling shoes, Roxanne,
that's, like, you know,
totally OK with all of us.
- I looked it up,
and in every other
bowling alley in the world,
a flat-soled shoe
will suffice.
- It might be a different story
in other bowling alleys.
But here at Bowling four U,
when we bowl, so help me God,
we wear bowling shoes.
- I'm sorry, Nina.
Roxanne's right.
I mean, I'd let you.
But it's these pesky rules.
Grr.
- I'm gonna fight zombies.
[Weapons blasting,
zombies growling]
- Did you know
they actually use these games
to scout
for government assassins?
- Jesus, Declan,
announce yourself.
Gun up.
- I thought you had takeaways
with your sister on Tuesdays.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
And then I had to meet Ranesh.
And I didn't want
to meet Ranesh
because I thought
he was gonna be annoying.
And then I met Ranesh,
and it turns out,
he is annoying.
And he's ruined
Tuesday night takeaway
with his pasta from Firenze.
Andand everything's changed
because Evie wants
to walk on a knife edge.
And since I've been forced
against my will
to find a new activity
for a Tuesday night,
I decided to come bowling,
where I'm being told I have
to wear shoes full of disease.
- Bowling shoes
are full of disease.
You're right about that.
- If you agree that bowling
shoes are disgusting,
why do you come here?
- Gemma wants me to put myself
forward more at work.
- Who's Gemma?
- Gemma, my wife of 23 years.
- Oh.
- Anyway, I like bowling.
And I'm good at it.
It's my flexible elbows.
[Chuckles]
- Evie said I wouldn't
be able to bowl.
And she's right.
- People like
to put things in boxes.
Look at Shane.
Can't even accept
that dinosaurs had feathers
'cause he doesn't remember it
from "Jurassic Park."
But look at you.
Nobody thought you'd never come
to team-building bowling.
But here you are.
You're a dinosaur
with feathers.
PERSON:
Good shot.
[Zombies growling]
- The people we love
won't ever understand
how hard it can be
to do these things.
But we do them anyway.
For them.
And after years
of experimentation,
I've come up with a neat trick.
The old double sock.
- Declan, it is a travesty
that your genius
has yet to be recognized.
- Don't let them
put you in a box.
[Zombies growling]
PERSON:
Go.
- I'll try.
And I'll bowl.
But I am gonna wear
my own shoes.
PERSON:
Final round.
[Zombies roaring]
[weapons blasting]
New high score.
SHANE: Colored balls.
Why are they all that color?
'Cause a green one
might be nice
and then a stripe
down the middle.
NINA:
[breathing heavily]
ROXANNE:
Shane, what is she doing?
Where are her shoes?
- I am self-actualizing.
[Groans]
[people cheering]
[bowling pins clatter]
DECLAN:
Hooray!
SHANE: Yay!
DECLAN: [laughs]
SHANE:
Yay!
You got a strike.
Amazing.
SINGER: Friends like these,
who needs enemies ♪
- Marvelous.
Bloody marvelous.
[Laughter]
[Former Champ's
"Beginner's Luck"]
Picked a fight
with a quarterback ♪
Maybe I had something
to do with it ♪
Germany,
they got a word for it ♪
EVIE: Hi.
NINA: Hiya.
- I left you some pasta.
NINA:
Thank you.
[Clears throat]
- How was your night?
- Yeah, um, it was good.
Ikilled a bunch of zombies.
And then I got a strike.
And I talked to my colleagues
about how tired they are
all the time.
- Sounds like a mad one.
NINA: Mm.
[Muffled] Oh, my God.
Evie, this is so good!
- I know, right?
- He makes good pasta.
EVIE:
Yeah.
[Laughter]
I'm really sorry about earlier.
Dinner and everything.
I think it was probably
a bit too much too soon.
- As much as I think
it's unhinged
and that Mum and Dad
have lost their absolute minds,
if you want me to get on board
with your wedding, then
I'll do it.
I'll do it for you, Evie.
- I'd really like that.
- OK.
And
I'll make an effort
with Ranesh.
Even though he is arguably
the most irritating man alive.
- Oh, Nina.
You remembered his name.
RANESH: Neens.
- [Inhales sharply]
RANESH: You're back
from conquering your Everest.
NINA: Hello!
- Hi!
NINA:
Your pasta slaps.
- Great.
[Chuckles]
Did you ask her yet?
- Oh, yeah. Um
[Exhales sharply]
OK, Nina,
there's something that I wanted
to talk to you about.
OK, as you know,
I love Mad Amber
and Lulu and Luella and Lara.
They're, like,
the best girls ever,
and I'd literally die for them.
But they've only known me
for a wee bit of time.
And there's someone else,
someone who's
Pretty spectacular
who's known me
for my whole life.
- Who?
- You, you numpty.
- Oh.
EVIE: [chuckles]
So, Nina
Will you be my maid of honor?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? You'll do it?
- Yeah.
RANESH: Yes.
She said yes.
I heard yes.
She said yes.
That was a yes.
- She said it. [squeals]
- Nina.
- Oh, my God!
- [Laughs]
- Oh, my God.
- Yes. I predicted it.
EVIE:
You can choose the hen do.
RANESH: You could do bowling
if you like that now, yes?
EVIE: There's gonna be
dress fittings, cake, flowers.
We can do makeup trials,
hair trials
RANESH: Loads of flowers.
EVIE: All trials.
You should get your bangs back.
Twins.
RANESH: You could pick
fidget spinners for the table.
We want it to be
a fully inclusive wedding.
EVIE:
It's gonna be so much fun.
RANESH: So much fun.
The bestest fun.
The bestest much fun ever.
EVIE: This is the best day
of my life.
Best sister ever!
[Camera Obscura's "Teenager"]
SINGER: I went for a stroll
after dark ♪
♪
I thought of you and her
while staring at the black ♪
♪
I didn't have you down
for being easily led ♪
The girl well-read ♪
♪
- This isn't about us.
This is about justice.
This is about fairness.
This is about the struggle
of the common man
in an easy-come, easy-go world
where people are fickle
and faithless.
My unwavering loyalty to you
should be recognized.
Nay, it should be celebrated.
- Fine.
But technically,
your free 11th coffee
is meant to be a hot product.
- Show me the fine print.
- It's tacitly understood.
- Not by me.
[Gasps]
Oh, my God.
This is my sister.
- I don't care.
[Upbeat music]
- Thank you, Brian.
I'll see you
Tomorrow.
♪
Evie, what are you doing here?
- Well, I'm not back
at work until tomorrow,
and I need a day
to come back down to Earth
after my city break,
and I thought,
why not try and catch
my big sis
on her coffee break
for a little chitchat?
- Can't we chitchat after work
in the empty hours?
- What's on today's
agenda, then?
- I have a meeting
in 45 minutes
about a fossilized shark poo,
and then I have to catch up
with my colleagues
about leaving perishables
in the fridge.
- Wow.
Unreal.
- Mm.
- The slay never stops.
So do you have time for a quick
wander before your meeting?
We could take in the relics
of a lost time.
- Evie, you said
that the museum
smells like old man feet.
- And knowledge, baby.
- What has London done to you?
- Actually,
London was incredible.
- I mean, if you don't mind
being less than six foot away
from a rat or a banker
at any given time.
- Ugh, I don't know
what's worse.
BOTH:
Banker.
- [Gasps]
BOTH: Jinx!
[Laughter]
[Bowling pins clatter]
- Oh, this place is amazing.
- You've been here multiple
times since we were children.
- Never gets old.
So something happened
in London
that I need
to talk to you about.
- Something happened
in Glasgow.
I had to watch
the "Real Housewives" reunion
without you,
so there was nobody there
to hear my amazing quips.
EVIE: Can't believe
you watched it without me.
- You were gone all weekend.
- Boo-hoo.
- We can watch it again tonight
with my commentary.
- Deal.
- Deal.
Evie, why are you
actually here?
You're being weird.
- What's wrong
with a spontaneous visit
from your loving wee sister?
- Hmm.
Last time you showed up here
out of the blue,
it's 'cause you burnt
your mustache off with Veet
and it got all red and crusty.
- At least I tried
to deal with my mustache.
- I deal with my mustache.
Three months ago,
I tried back-combing it,
and I looked
very distinguished.
- Oh.
[Exhales sharply]
Right. Nina?
NINA: Hmm?
EVIE: There's something
I have to tell you.
- Why aren't you
saying anything?
- I'm doing a dramatic pause.
- How long do
dramatic pauses last?
- I'm engaged.
- To who?
- Ranesh.
- Who?
- My partner.
We've just been
on a romantic weekend together.
- The TikTok advertising man
with the concave arse?
- He's a creative strategist.
And it's only concave
in pictures.
He took me up The Shard, Nina.
It was all
disgustingly romantic.
OK, this is where you say,
"That's amazing news.
I'm so happy for you!"
- It's not amazing news,
and I'm not happy for you.
Evie, I'm deeply concerned.
You've only known this man
for six weeks.
That's not enough time.
- Says who?
- [Forcefully]
Evie, you've had thrush
that lasted longer
than six weeks!
- [Whispering] It wasn't
thrush; I was just itchy.
- We went through so much
natural yogurt, Evie.
♪
- What about Ranesh
making a casual appearance
at Tuesday night dinner
tomorrow?
All just really casual.
- Takeaway Tuesday
is sacred, Evie.
You said you would never
get married.
- Did I? Hmm.
It's really just an excuse
for a big fat party.
- Yeah, except it's not
just a big party.
It's the morning
after the party
and it's the morning
after that
and then the morning
after that.
How can you spend
the rest of your life
with somebody you've only known
for six weeks?
- I know this all seems
crazy to you, right.
But when you are wildly
in love with someone,
you just start
to realize that nothing
anyone else thinks matters.
We're just, like,
walking on this knife edge,
and we just have to keep going
'cause if we don't, we'll fall.
- Evie, that sounds
horrendous and painful.
- I've never felt
this way, Nina.
He's my person.
- Ugh.
Bet Mum and Dad are not
gonna be happy about this.
[Cork pops]
ADE: [laughs]
We're so happy about this.
EVIE:
Now, we know that it's soon,
but we're thinking
summer wedding.
- Lovely.
- That's it?
ADE: What?
- She's marrying some man
that none of us have ever met,
and that's all
you're gonna say?
Dad, what if he chokes women
at the weekend?
- Does he choke women
on the weekend?
- No!
He's in a feminist book group.
- Well, there you are.
- [Sighs]
- We'd only known each other
six months
when we got married.
- Yes, but that was in 1986,
when everybody was stupid
and you thought
that the feathered mullet was
an all right hairstyle for men.
- [Sighs]
I loved my feathered mullet.
- Oh, and he's never
looked so good.
- He looked
like Princess Diana.
- How long did Romeo and Juliet
know each other
before they got married?
24 hours?
- They were pretend,
and then
they killed themselves.
- Our son-in-law,
a creative strategist.
- What does that mean?
- Well, it means
that finally,
this family has got
something to celebrate.
- Mother.
I have three degrees.
I am a research assistant
in the paleontology department.
Do you know
how many positions there are
for paleontologists
in Glasgow?
- Eh
- There's seven.
There's seven,
and I am one of them.
- Darling, I didn't mean that
- You're a force
of nature, Nina.
- You're an inspiration.
ADE: The dinosaurs
are lucky to have you.
Anyway, let's talk venue.
DIANE:
And what will you wear?
- We just want to keep things
super simple,
so I'm thinking
I'll wear something like
a secondhand pantsuit.
Because the wedding
industrial complex
is predatory capitalism,
you know.
DIANE:
Oh.
If this is about money,
sweet pea,
your dad and me,
we've got a wee bit of money
set aside
for the conservatory, so
- Oh, guys,
that is amazing news,
because I have had my eye
on the most beautiful
designersimple pantsuit.
- And what about
my wedding fund?
- Y-you don't do
relationships, Nina.
ADE:
You're independent, like Cher.
- Fine, then.
I would like
a party of equal value
to celebrate all of my many
great accomplishments.
- [Laughs]
DIANE: Oh.
Oh, you're the sensible one.
You don't just plunge
into any crazy old scheme.
[Laughs]
- You think
this wedding's crazy?
- Yes!
DIANE AND ADE: No!
- What'd I miss?
[Music playing over earbuds]
- Evie's gonna bankrupt
Mum and Dad.
- What else is new?
- We know you'll miss
your sister, Nina.
DIANE: But things won't be
all that different.
- It's just,
everyone's acting like
getting engaged is some sort
of big achievement.
You know that Rose West
was married?
And she was a murderer.
Why am I the only person
who thinks
this is a terrible,
terrible idea?
- Because you've eaten
Wheat Puffs for breakfast
every single day of your life.
- And?
- You're the most risk-averse
person on the planet.
- If I know
I like Wheat Puffs,
why would I try
other breakfast foods?
- Why are you so surprised
about this?
This is classic Evie.
Everything she's ever done
has suggested
that this will one day happen.
What, did you think
you were just gonna become
two old ladies
in that flat together?
- I just don't see
what the big rush is.
- Love makes people stupid.
- Mm.
- Oh, fuck!
I forgot to charge
Hilda's crystals.
[Groans]
- Bo, if your girlfriend
is so bad,
why don't you just
get a better one?
- Mm, much to think about,
Nina.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Look, the point is, Lurch,
things are going to change.
So how are you
gonna ever accept
Evie's crazy stupid love
if you won't even
try Cheerios?
- I don't eat foods with holes,
so the point is moot.
[Lizzie Reid's "Warpaint"]
LIZZIE REID:
Some kind of chest pain ♪
♪
Slipped into my drink
last night ♪
SHANE: Don't let me see you
put feathers
on that dinosaur, mate.
I know, I know.
The evidence is undeniable.
Dinosaurs had feathers.
But the people,
they like scales.
They don't like feathers.
Dinos are scary,
OK, and feathers, they're
Uh, you know, they're cute.
They're "Paw Patrol."
They're Elton John. Yeah?
Basically,
feathers aren't scary.
Did you catch my drift?
That's my guy.
Grr.
[Fingers snap]
Nina.
Nina.
Nina.
NINA: [clears throat]
SHANE: While I've got you,
can I grab a tight five?
- Yeah.
- Once again, Nina,
we've hada few comments.
- Nice comments?
- So this is just a
A gentle reminder
that we avoid telling children
that it should be
Cretaceous Park, not Jurassic.
OK, the people have
this image of scientists
as these shy nerds
in glasses and white coats.
Butwe're so much more
than that, right?
- Yeah.
SHANE: So when you insist
that a T. rex
could crunch Granny's spine
like a midmorning cracker,
it fits with this
totally wrong narrative
of scientists as antisocial,
rigid, and a bit autistic.
- But I am.
- Yeah, but I'm saying
we're not that.
- Oh, no, I'm saying I am that.
- No, I mean
[Chuckles nervously]
Y-you're autistic.
Yes, of course.
- Mm-hmm.
I'm pretty sure Declan is too.
- Mm.
[Fingers snapping]
Um[sighs]
Um, you gonna come
team bowling tonight, Nina?
- No.
DECLAN: No.
Nina's got her routine.
She has dinner
with her sister on Tuesday.
NINA: It's takeaway Tuesday
at our flat.
And I don't go bowling
because it's full
of sweaty people making noise.
And I don't share shoes
with strangers,
and I don't put my fingers
in bowling ball holes.
It's full of fungus, Shane.
It's disgusting.
- Right, well, uh, you know,
not everyone lives
in the fast lane like us,
eh, Declan?
[Light music]
Pull it together, Shane.
♪
CUSTOMER:
Thanks very much. Cheers.
♪
- You're not the coffee man.
- UhII think I am.
[Chuckles]
Am I not?
Oh, you'reyou're, um
You're talking about Brian.
Yeah, he left.
There's a new
coffee sheriff in town.
[Chuckles]
Me.
- Could I have
a filter coffee, please?
- Oh, do you know what would go
really well with this?
Our new breakfast biscotti.
Start your day with a crunch.
[Chuckles]
- I can't eat
double-baked biscuits.
I've got delicate gums.
- Very wise.
I mean, I like to live
on the edge, you know,
butbut not everyone is, uh,
into that kind of lifestyle.
- No, it's not a lifestyle
for people with vertigo.
- That's a good point.
How's your day going?
- My sister's marrying
some concave-arsed Tinder guy
she's only known for six weeks,
and my parents think
it's a brilliant idea
'cause they lack
critical thinking skills,
and I've lost my favorite pen.
- Six weeks?
That'sthat's mental.
What if he, um
Chokes women at the weekend?
- That's what I said.
- What's this
Concave-arsed lad like, then?
- I don't know.
- You've never met him?
- No.
- But you know
you don't like him.
- Yes.
LEE: Right.
Thismight be
out of line, but, um
And I'm sure he's the
Worst man in the world.
Don't get me wrong, but
Ah!
I like to give people a chance.
[Chuckles]
Hey, um, I'm
- I'm just the guy
that makes the coffee, so
- Could you make mine, please?
- Yes.
Yeah.
[Coffee pours]
[soft dramatic music]
[register beeping]
Thanks.
- Thank you, Sheriff.
- Oh, that'sthat's
Good.
♪
[Mozart's "Dies Irae"]
[choir singing in Latin]
- Here it comes.
[Laughs]
Huh?
EVIE: Mmm!
- How's that?
- Oh, my gosh.
- Yeah?
- Ranesh, that's delicious!
- [Laughs]
- Sure, it is, Nina.
[Operatic music playing]
- Oh, please.
It's just a rustic
peasant dish
that I picked up
during my summer in Firenze.
♪
- I love pasta
with tomato sauce.
It's a great combination.
- Samesies.
[Chuckles]
- Oh, I'm just gonna,
um, check on something
in the other room.
[Ranesh and Evie chuckle]
- [Clears throat]
So
- Here we are.
[Both chuckle nervously]
Oh, Evie mentioned
that you've got autism,
which is obviously super cool.
- Don't say it.
- Autism is a superpower.
Hmm, a guy from uni
had a bit of it,
and he was on "Countdown."
- Did he win?
- He died shortly after.
But he did win a conundrum.
Neens
- Nina.
- I'd hate for there to be a
Chasm between us.
The bond between two sisters,
well, it's a holy thing,
isn't it?
- Hmm.
RANESH: And as a man,
I couldn't even begin
to understand it.
And then here's me
just coming in here,
ripping your best friend
away from you.
But nothing is gonna change.
- Yeah, I know that.
EVIE: Not talking about me,
are we?
[Ranesh and Evie chuckle]
- So
How did this transpire?
- Mm, I'm glad you asked.
[Chuckles]
- Cool.
- Finding love
in a Tinder age
is a miracle, Neens.
- Nina.
RANESH: All these girls
describe themselves
as artsy and cultured
on their profiles.
Then all they want
to talk about is reality TV.
- Hmm, Evie's often remarked
on the mindlessness
of reality television,
haven't you, Evie?
- Evie has taught me so much
about the importance
of female stories.
- Yeah, it's good
when women talk in films.
- Our connection
on that first date was instant.
We went to see aa feminist
poetry slam at the bandstand.
- Fun.
- Then we stayed so late
and danced all night.
[Ranesh and Evie laugh]
Everybody looked at us,
didn't they, babe?
- But we didn't even care.
- We didn't even care.
- No, I bet you didn't.
- And then when she turned up
to London
in just a torn pair of jeans
with no makeup bag,
I thought to myself, yeah,
there she is, my person.
Together we can move
and shake the world.
[Chuckles]
It is crazy quick, Neens.
You're not wrong about that.
But
- If you don't take
any risks
- How do you know
you're even alive?
- [Whispering]
'Cause you're breathing.
[Evie chuckles]
Nope.
EVIE:
What are you doing?
- I'm gonna take a risk.
- You're leaving?
- Yes, sis!
We love to see it.
- No.
- Don't.
You can't just go, Nina.
[Chuckles]
We're literally
eating the food of Firenze.
- We're supposed to be eating
the food of takeaway Tuesday.
RANESH:
No, no, Evie.
No, no, she is embracing
her new self,
Entering her new era.
She's self-actualizing.
We should let her go.
EVIE: Where are you even going?
NINA: I'm gonna go bowling
with my work colleagues
like a normal person,
and nobody can stop me.
- No, you're not!
You hate putting
your fingers in the holes.
- Yes, well, Evie,
sometimes we have
to stick our fingers
in holes we don't like.
- Uh, Nina,
you'll have to wear
the bowling shoes.
They'll make you.
- I don't care.
It's time I did my own thing.
- OK. Well, obviously,
I'll support you.
- Thank you.
EVIE: Because women should
always support other women.
- Mm-hmm.
- No matter what.
- Yes.
Peace out.
♪
- Well, she has
completely lost it.
- Hmm.
I just want to say
how honored I am
to be included in such
a vulnerable conversation
between two sisters.
[Chuckles]
Come on, I'll show you.
NINA:
[chuckles]
- It's three spins,
just like the Italians do it.
- Ooh!
- There you go. Perfection.
- I want to wear my own shoes.
But
[Twangy electric guitar music]
[Arcade games dinging,
coins clattering]
- Oh, Nina, over here!
Nina, we're here.
You've finally come along.
[Chuckles]
Get stuck in.
ROXANNE:
Excuse me, Shane.
As per our booking form,
all players
have to wear bowling shoes.
- I don't wear bowling shoes.
- Yeah, i-if Nina doesn't want
to wear bowling shoes, Roxanne,
that's, like, you know,
totally OK with all of us.
- I looked it up,
and in every other
bowling alley in the world,
a flat-soled shoe
will suffice.
- It might be a different story
in other bowling alleys.
But here at Bowling four U,
when we bowl, so help me God,
we wear bowling shoes.
- I'm sorry, Nina.
Roxanne's right.
I mean, I'd let you.
But it's these pesky rules.
Grr.
- I'm gonna fight zombies.
[Weapons blasting,
zombies growling]
- Did you know
they actually use these games
to scout
for government assassins?
- Jesus, Declan,
announce yourself.
Gun up.
- I thought you had takeaways
with your sister on Tuesdays.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
And then I had to meet Ranesh.
And I didn't want
to meet Ranesh
because I thought
he was gonna be annoying.
And then I met Ranesh,
and it turns out,
he is annoying.
And he's ruined
Tuesday night takeaway
with his pasta from Firenze.
Andand everything's changed
because Evie wants
to walk on a knife edge.
And since I've been forced
against my will
to find a new activity
for a Tuesday night,
I decided to come bowling,
where I'm being told I have
to wear shoes full of disease.
- Bowling shoes
are full of disease.
You're right about that.
- If you agree that bowling
shoes are disgusting,
why do you come here?
- Gemma wants me to put myself
forward more at work.
- Who's Gemma?
- Gemma, my wife of 23 years.
- Oh.
- Anyway, I like bowling.
And I'm good at it.
It's my flexible elbows.
[Chuckles]
- Evie said I wouldn't
be able to bowl.
And she's right.
- People like
to put things in boxes.
Look at Shane.
Can't even accept
that dinosaurs had feathers
'cause he doesn't remember it
from "Jurassic Park."
But look at you.
Nobody thought you'd never come
to team-building bowling.
But here you are.
You're a dinosaur
with feathers.
PERSON:
Good shot.
[Zombies growling]
- The people we love
won't ever understand
how hard it can be
to do these things.
But we do them anyway.
For them.
And after years
of experimentation,
I've come up with a neat trick.
The old double sock.
- Declan, it is a travesty
that your genius
has yet to be recognized.
- Don't let them
put you in a box.
[Zombies growling]
PERSON:
Go.
- I'll try.
And I'll bowl.
But I am gonna wear
my own shoes.
PERSON:
Final round.
[Zombies roaring]
[weapons blasting]
New high score.
SHANE: Colored balls.
Why are they all that color?
'Cause a green one
might be nice
and then a stripe
down the middle.
NINA:
[breathing heavily]
ROXANNE:
Shane, what is she doing?
Where are her shoes?
- I am self-actualizing.
[Groans]
[people cheering]
[bowling pins clatter]
DECLAN:
Hooray!
SHANE: Yay!
DECLAN: [laughs]
SHANE:
Yay!
You got a strike.
Amazing.
SINGER: Friends like these,
who needs enemies ♪
- Marvelous.
Bloody marvelous.
[Laughter]
[Former Champ's
"Beginner's Luck"]
Picked a fight
with a quarterback ♪
Maybe I had something
to do with it ♪
Germany,
they got a word for it ♪
EVIE: Hi.
NINA: Hiya.
- I left you some pasta.
NINA:
Thank you.
[Clears throat]
- How was your night?
- Yeah, um, it was good.
Ikilled a bunch of zombies.
And then I got a strike.
And I talked to my colleagues
about how tired they are
all the time.
- Sounds like a mad one.
NINA: Mm.
[Muffled] Oh, my God.
Evie, this is so good!
- I know, right?
- He makes good pasta.
EVIE:
Yeah.
[Laughter]
I'm really sorry about earlier.
Dinner and everything.
I think it was probably
a bit too much too soon.
- As much as I think
it's unhinged
and that Mum and Dad
have lost their absolute minds,
if you want me to get on board
with your wedding, then
I'll do it.
I'll do it for you, Evie.
- I'd really like that.
- OK.
And
I'll make an effort
with Ranesh.
Even though he is arguably
the most irritating man alive.
- Oh, Nina.
You remembered his name.
RANESH: Neens.
- [Inhales sharply]
RANESH: You're back
from conquering your Everest.
NINA: Hello!
- Hi!
NINA:
Your pasta slaps.
- Great.
[Chuckles]
Did you ask her yet?
- Oh, yeah. Um
[Exhales sharply]
OK, Nina,
there's something that I wanted
to talk to you about.
OK, as you know,
I love Mad Amber
and Lulu and Luella and Lara.
They're, like,
the best girls ever,
and I'd literally die for them.
But they've only known me
for a wee bit of time.
And there's someone else,
someone who's
Pretty spectacular
who's known me
for my whole life.
- Who?
- You, you numpty.
- Oh.
EVIE: [chuckles]
So, Nina
Will you be my maid of honor?
- Yeah.
- Yeah? You'll do it?
- Yeah.
RANESH: Yes.
She said yes.
I heard yes.
She said yes.
That was a yes.
- She said it. [squeals]
- Nina.
- Oh, my God!
- [Laughs]
- Oh, my God.
- Yes. I predicted it.
EVIE:
You can choose the hen do.
RANESH: You could do bowling
if you like that now, yes?
EVIE: There's gonna be
dress fittings, cake, flowers.
We can do makeup trials,
hair trials
RANESH: Loads of flowers.
EVIE: All trials.
You should get your bangs back.
Twins.
RANESH: You could pick
fidget spinners for the table.
We want it to be
a fully inclusive wedding.
EVIE:
It's gonna be so much fun.
RANESH: So much fun.
The bestest fun.
The bestest much fun ever.
EVIE: This is the best day
of my life.
Best sister ever!
[Camera Obscura's "Teenager"]
SINGER: I went for a stroll
after dark ♪
♪
I thought of you and her
while staring at the black ♪
♪
I didn't have you down
for being easily led ♪
The girl well-read ♪
♪