Doctor Odyssey (2024) s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
1
♪♪
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
You're kidding, right?
I'm a nurse. I've worked here
for three years.
You really don't recognize me?
That's not the issue, baby doll.
You're not getting on without a crew ID.
- I had it. I just I lost it.
- Come on.
I gave you that corticosteroid
cream last summer
when you got sunburn in Ensenada.
Remember that spot on your back
that you couldn't reach?
- [ CHUCKLES ]
- Yeah, I remember.
But you're not flirting
your way onto my ship, Romeo.
I'm not losing my job
'cause you're not responsible.
- Avery. She's a nurse.
- She can vouch for me.
Hi, Rhonda.
- Hey.
- [ SCANNER BEEPS ]
Unless she got a crew badge
in her back pocket
with your picture on it
[ CHUCKLES ]
- [ SCANNER BEEPS ]
- You left it at the Grab-N-Go.
It was on the counter
by those weird boner pills.
- She's joking.
- Thank you, Rhonda.
- I loathe you.
- You're obsessed with me.
By the way,
it was not by the boner pills.
So you ready?
The Three Amigos back
in action for another season?
More like the Two Amigos and Mr. Magoo.
- [ CHUCKLES ]
- Speaking of Magoo,
have you heard from Dr. Campbell at all?
No.
I was waiting for his
usual preseason protocol
manifesto e-mail,
but I never got anything.
You don't think that he [ GASPS ]
- Kicked the bucket?
- Yeah.
Magoo? No. He's a cockroach.
He could walk out of
a plane crash without a scratch.
You, my friend, are bad.
- Hello, gang.
- Welcome back.
Take a walk with me.
Six hours to showtime
for this season's maiden voyage
and still about a day and
a half worth of work to do.
- Katherine.
- Captain.
But it all comes together.
Somehow it does every year.
Captain, sorry, where's Dr. Campbell?
Oh, he's no longer with us,
I'm sorry to say.
Thank you.
Relax, guys. He's not dead.
Had to let him go.
Thanks, Alan.
After that debacle
that happened last year,
our special guest came aboard
Bacterium yersinia enterocolitica.
Yeah, well, you don't have to
remind me of the gory details.
I saw a lady using a sunhat
as a vomit bag.
- Charming.
- Sorry, Captain.
Refunds all around.
Two more voyages canceled
while we cleaned and sanitized.
[ CHUCKLES ]
And the contact tracers said
if we'd just caught it one day earlier.
[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]
I told Dr. Campbell that guy
did not have appendicitis.
Which is why he is no longer in
charge of the health on my ship.
The cruising world of today
has to exceed passengers' expectations.
We live in very uncertain times,
wars and worldwide pandemics,
and nobody is going to
venture out for anything less
than total perfection,
or we get replaced by virtual reality
go-bot sex-dolls on a virtual cruise
on a virtual Pacific
where there are no diseases
and no employees.
- Mary?
- Captain?
Dear, you got a little
something right there.
Bottom line is we in this business
have to be at the apex of our game.
No more mistaking bacterial
outbreaks for appendicitis.
Sebastian. Right?
- You're new up here.
- Yes, sir.
Let me show you
how to fold these towels.
I can't work under some new old quack.
We should be running
this department, us.
- We're the only ones who care.
- I know. Tell him.
Captain, you made the right
call letting Dr. Campbell go.
- Uh-huh.
- If I may, I'm a nurse practitioner.
I've had the same amount
of training as a doctor.
I'm legally qualified to be head medic.
I want to nominate myself
for the position.
I very highly second
that nomination, Captain.
Thank you, Avery. Tristan.
I'm very well aware and very grateful
for your years of service
on The Odyssey.
But in this case, the decision's
already been made.
Out of 110 applicants, we found him.
Dr. Max Bankman.
[ SMOKEY ROBINSON'S "CRUISIN'" PLAYS ]
Graduated Yale top of his class.
Served four years in
the Peace Corps in West Africa.
He developed some sort of new technique
for cleft palate surgery.
Won a prize from the U.N.
for humanitarianism
or something crazy.
And he served on the pediatric
board for Johns Hopkins.
Captain [CLEARS THROAT]
with all due respect,
he sounds overqualified.
Yeah, well, after last year,
I'll take overqualified
as to under any day.
Now, he's arriving shortly.
So I trust that the two of you
will make it a smooth transition.
This is not a one-night stand ♪
This guy must be 100 years old.
This is a nightmare.
You're gonna fly away ♪
Glad you're goin' my way ♪
I love it
when we're cruising together ♪
The music is played for love ♪
Cruisin' is made for love ♪
Hi.
I don't have my badge yet.
I'm Max Bankman, the new doctor.
I'm Rhonda Cole.
Go ahead, baby. I got you.
Thank you.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, oh ♪
You're gonna fly ♪
Yeah, I'm glad you're goin' my way ♪
I love it
when we're cruisin' together ♪
The music is, oh ♪
And there he is now.
Cruisin' is made for love ♪
I love it
when we're cruisin' together ♪
Doctor, welcome aboard The Odyssey.
And since they're seemingly catatonic,
allow me to introduce you
to Avery and Tristan.
You must be my brilliant
and capable nurses.
We are the ship's brilliant
and capable nurses, yes.
I'm, in fact, an N.P.
- Nurse practitioner.
- Of course.
I'm sorry. Max Bankman.
Um [CLEARS THROAT]
do you have any bags?
I do, but they come with their own guys.
Perfect. Shall we?
That's going right in there.
When I was working in Tanzania,
the villages there
Kijiji, they call them
I learned two things
one, what you can do with
a rudimentary setup,
and, two, what you can't do,
which is why I've asked to make a
couple of modifications around here.
Uh, yeah. Everything here
is state-of-the-art.
[ TABLET BEEPS ]
- Nice.
- What the hell?
- Big man, is this a
- Dialysis machine, yeah.
In a major hospital,
they'd only ever use it
for patients with kidney failure,
but let me tell you,
it is a Swiss army knife.
You could use it for anything.
Hemoperfusion for toxic congestions.
Managing fluid overload
in patients with heart failure.
CRRT for the critically ill.
It's amazing.
"When I was working in
the va-na-na of Africa."
What is he, Bruce Banner?
- Bruce Wayne?
- He's not wrong.
I've been saying we should have
a dialysis machine for years.
This guy could be practicing
medicine anywhere on Earth,
but he wants to practice it here?
On a floating theme park? Mnh-mnh.
It says here my cabin's
on the Pelican Deck.
- It's Tristan, right?
- Yes.
You think you could show me the way?
- It would be my utter delight.
- Please.
♪♪
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
This is not a corner of the world
I'm used to practicing medicine in.
So what does bring you
to this corner of the world?
I mean, a guy like you
could practice anywhere, right?
- Seems like it has its perks.
- I don't know.
What do you like about it?
You know the secret they don't
want us to tell all the guests?
She belongs to us.
This ship, this life, it's ours.
We just let them try it on for a week.
When the sun goes down,
when we get back to port,
it's our turn.
Work like a captain. Play like a pirate.
The Odyssey philosophy.
She's ours.
I like that. Oh.
- Wow.
- I could get used to this.
Captain's dinner's at 8:00.
It's formal, which
does not mean Hawaiian shirt.
[ CHUCKLES ]
I found that out the hard way.
Black tie.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
And thanks for showing me around.
Mhm.
I'm excited.
- Yeah.
- It's a big ol' bucket of fun.
Why am I here?
Truthfully? It's the same as you.
It's work-life balance.
I've always been really good
at the work part,
- but now it's time for
- Life.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you'll get it alright.
It'll throw itself at you
when you least expect it.
Watch your back.
Maybe we can watch each other's back.
Yeah. I'm not gonna be
like your wingman, dude.
Sorry. It's nothing personal.
It's just maths.
It's just the guy-to-girl ratio
is, what, like three to one?
It's every man for himself.
Come on. I mean, you've already
got this suite,
you're a doctor.
You have a head start.
[ HORN BELLOWS ]
Into the wild blue yonder.
Good luck with everything.
♪♪
♪♪
[ PAGER BEEPING ]
♪♪
[ VOMITING, GROANS ] Ohh
- [ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
- This is a cutting edge ring
that wirelessly monitors your vitals.
Get a 500 mil saline back
he needs to be rehydrated
- and 4 mg of Zofran.
- On it.
- Sorry I'm late.
- Where were you?
- I got turned around.
- Ma'am, is that your husband?
- Yes.
- I need you to tell me
everything that's happened right
from the very beginning.
She's already given
a statement. It's in his chart.
We were at the margarita mixer,
the send-off,
and Burt said he was feeling funny,
- and then he just started
- [ VOMITS ]
- doing that.
- Okay, team.
How are we gonna tackle this?
First things first,
differential diagnosis:
list the symptoms,
name the associated conditions,
narrow it down from there.
Excuse me, sir.
We have conjunctivitis, a rash.
That would be symptomatic
of a allergic reaction.
The vomiting would seem
to suggest something ingested.
- Food allergy, maybe?
- He doesn't have food allergies.
The margaritas at
the send-off mixer tasted weird.
- Like pennies, sort of.
- Interesting.
Margaritas don't have
any common allergens,
but metallic taste can be
associated with certain medications.
Antibiotics like azithromycin?
So what do we have:
an allergen, something ingested,
metallic taste?
♪♪
Adverse reaction to an oral antibiotic
- is where I put my money.
- Nice.
A reasonable deduction
if the patient were in fact
- taking any antibiotics.
- Which he is
- not.
- Mr. and Mrs. Rubens,
before going to the mixer,
did you by any chance
stop by the seafood buffet?
Oh, honey, you know I love
a cocktail a shrimp cocktail.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
This is the life.
Have I died? Have I died
and gone to hog heaven?
- Cheers! [ LAUGHS ]
- Cheers!
We had some shrimp.
But he's not allergic to shrimp.
[ CHUCKLES ] We love seafood.
He's not having an allergic reaction.
Not to the shrimp,
nor to any antibiotics.
This happens at least once a trip.
Shrimp contain iodine.
You eat too much shrimp too quickly
and it can lead to iodine poisoning.
Iodine poisoning? You'd have to
eat a hell of a lot of
It happens to baby seals, too,
which is why we call this
little ailment Seal Disease.
- Huh.
- Give him 2 mg of Ativan.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my poor little seal pup!
So what are you gonna do?
Well, Mr. Rubens, we are
gonna have to pump your stomach.
But don't worry, we're gonna have
you feeling great by tomorrow morning.
Oh.
[ SIGHS ]
Quick deduction work
back there. Well done.
We see a lot of
different things on cruises.
We also see a lot of the same things.
Your office has a library with a
good section on maritime medicine.
You may want to study up.
Will there be a quiz?
You're living it.
[ JAZZ BAND PLAYING
"HOW DEEP IS THE OCEAN" ]
[ LIVELY CONVERSATIONS ]
♪♪
♪♪
Sorry I'm late, Captain.
I've been catching up on
the various cruise ship maladies
that afflict cruise ship people.
"Cruise ship people"?
You mean as in
people having too much fun?
Never in my life did I
consider that it was possible
for a human to eat enough shrimp
to give themselves iodine poisoning.
Mm. Now, doctor
you cannot judge our passengers.
We're tending to their dreams.
We have folks on here
who have saved for years,
sometimes their whole lives,
just to pay for this experience at sea.
And other than the birth of their child,
or in some cases, their weddings
this will be the most exciting
week of their entire lives,
and it's our job to guarantee that.
♪♪
- Understood.
- [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
See, our mission is
to preserve the dream.
And you're here
to keep these dreamers safe.
You might think of yourself as a
- guardian angel.
- A guardian what now?
Guardian angel!
We make it look perfect
so that resistance
isn't even a possibility.
And why should it be?
There should be zero guilt
on a pleasure cruise.
Now, you may think that, uh,
the staff we have up here in
the white shorts running around
are glorified extras
from a country club
but make no mistake about it,
they are certified the best.
You don't get to be on my ship
without hours and hours
of intensive training
in hospitality and scuba and CPR.
The best of the best.
Sometimes we even apply sunscreen
because, out here,
there are no sunburns.
[ CHUCKLES ]
This is about as far from hell
as you can get.
This ship?
This ship is heaven.
Usually we're
about three hours from land,
so Medivac in the deep ocean
is not even a possibility.
So it'll be your job
to keep everyone alive.
That's a terrifying burden.
It comes with enormous responsibility
so we have to be prepared
for terrible things to happen.
[ PAGER BEEPING ]
And you can't begrudge
these mishaps, these accidents.
Uh, speaking of mishaps
and accidents, I have to go.
- Ah.
- But, Captain?
I hear you.
And thank you.
♪♪
[ WOMAN SOBBING ]
♪♪
He's
- What happened?
- [ STRAINED ] It It broke.
He's in shock.
What broke, Mr. Airington?
Is it a bone?
♪♪
- Penile fracture.
- You can't fracture your
- It's not actually a bone.
- Broken fascia,
the membrane beneath the skin
that connects the erectile chambers.
- Little pressure.
- [ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
The only treatment is surgery.
It's a quick procedure. 15 minutes.
I'm in and out. Local anesthetic.
Uh, we can't do surgery
on board. It's against code.
Policy is we coordinate
with the nearest port
Except in cases of emergency.
Every second that you lose blood
is a second you lose the
opportunity for a full recovery.
- We need to act now.
- Do what you need to do, doctor.
Get him prepped. We got this.
So, the blood from his erection
is pooled at the base of his penis.
We can't do anything [GRUNTS]
until we evacuate the hematoma.
[ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
Scalpel.
Generally speaking,
a penile fracture happens
during intercourse when
the receiving party is on top,
vigorously moving up and down,
and then they pull out too far
and when they sit back down, they miss.
[ SCREAMING ]
And you learned this in the Peace Corps?
Absolutely not.
- Premed. Leandra. Suture.
- Oh?
- Who's Leandra Suture?
- Sutures. Stitches.
Oh.
Leandra is the woman who
taught me about penile fracture.
Sophomore year, toga party.
I'm sorry, wait. You broke your?
[ LAUGHS ]
Before you get too excited,
I should probably tell you
it really only happens
to the larger, firmer members.
[ SNORTS ]
That's wholly inappropriate.
Knock, knock. Room service.
Leftovers from the Captain's dinner.
How you feeling?
Like I snapped my peepee in half
and had it stitched
back together. [ CHUCKLES ]
Unfortunately, we are gonna
have to keep you in here overnight
and then monitor that
throughout the rest of the week.
Well, how long until he can you know?
Yeah. Sorry.
No more knocking boots or booties
for at least four to six weeks.
- Man, I'm sorry, babe.
- I ruined the honeymoon cruise.
You know
intimacy is infinitely nuanced.
We're in Manzanita
the day after tomorrow.
I know a woman there,
a tantric therapist.
She works with couples,
helps them explore
deeper levels of connection
through touch, breathwork
pleasure centers.
pleasure centers?
Mhm. I mean, I'm not not interested.
Okay. Wonderful.
- Enjoy your dinner.
- Oh, thank you.
♪♪
- Help! He's not breathing!
- He's not breathing!
Back! Back. Get everybody back.
- Help! He can't breathe!
- Give them some space.
He can't breathe!
- What happened?
- I told her to wait,
one at a time, but she jumped in
right after him.
[ CRYING ] I I wanted
to do it together!
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION IN DISTANCE ]
[ SCREAMS ]
Is he gonna be okay?
Burt? Burt, can you hear me?
Burt, breathe!
Breathe, Burt! Burt! Burt!
Hang in there, buddy!
Hang in, Burty-Burt!
No, you didn't kill him, madam.
When you knocked into your husband,
his clavicle separated from his sternum,
punctured a hole in his windpipe.
That's why he's
having trouble breathing.
- A hole in his wind
- They're inserting
a tracheal tube to make sure
he gets all the oxygen he needs.
He'll be breathing in no time.
[ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
[ EXHALES ]
I know we were supposed to lay low
after he caught the Seal Disease,
but we were just so excited to
be here and just have more fun.
- Don't worry, ma'am.
- We've had it from here.
But h-how will you making
him better for for good?
He needs advanced thoracic surgery
to put his clavicle back in place.
We're not equipped to do that.
This isn't stitching up a penis.
Well, we're in Puerto Vallarta
in six hours.
I can contact EMS there.
We can't just keep him
here all night like this.
Any delay in treatment could
cause serious vascular damage.
- We have to do something.
- In certain cases,
the sternoclavicular joint
could be manually manipulated.
- That sounds extremely risky.
- If it doesn't work,
it could severely exacerbate
his condition.
It would mean significantly
longer recovery time.
[ SIGHS ] But
it's your call, doctor.
No. It's not.
This procedure would take all of us.
The decision has to be unanimous.
If anybody has any reservations
speak now.
♪♪
Avery, will you make a ramp, please?
Tristan I need you
to grab him under the shoulders
and brace his back with your knee.
♪♪
Now, on the count of three,
I want you to rotate
his shoulders counterclockwise.
One, two
But then I'm pushing against you.
- That's the point, Tristan.
- Rotate him.
- One
- It's gonna snap
- his shoulder blade.
- Do it.
♪♪
Are you ready?
♪♪
One two three.
[ CRACKING, BURT GROANS ]
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
♪♪
You good?
Crapped my pants, but I'm alive.
[ SNIFFLES ]
You know, I just don't do well
being bossed around.
- Well, I am your boss, bud.
- [ SCOFFS ] Yeah.
And who is more experienced
on this ship doing this?
Guys, not in front
of the patient. Please.
♪♪
Any signs of life in the great beyond?
Oh, just a big swirling ball
of hot air directly overhead.
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ SIGHS ]
Sorry. [ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
So, is it ever the same
or is always, like
a little bent?
Your penis. After you broke it.
[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
The body is
a miraculous healing machine.
That was good work today
the tantric therapist in Manzanita?
Lani. She's amazing.
She saved my life after
a breakup a couple of years ago.
Besides, it's not enough
just to fix 'em up here.
- I have to also
- Preserve the fantasy.
Always. All the time.
Tristan. He's a good nurse.
Don't get hung up on first impressions.
He's been my right hand for three years.
He knows a lot. He's a valuable tool.
Oh, he's some kind of tool alright.
You respect him, he'll respect you.
We're all here for the same reason.
"Work like a captain,
play like a pirate"?
Yeah.
Also that.
So what about you?
What are your first impressions
of the new doctor?
Well, admittedly,
it was a little low after his misstep
with the iodine poisoning, but
good recognizes good.
The penile fracture,
the clavicular relocation?
That was
- decent.
- [ LAUGHS ]
- Well, I try.
- [ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
♪♪
Bedtime.
You too. First port tomorrow.
The passengers are out of sight
and mind for five hours.
[ SIGHS ]
Thank God.
All of which I will spend napping.
[ LAUGHS ] No, you won't.
If you thought today was a big day
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Is this a "don't tell
the Captain" kind of thing?
'Cause I'd really rather not
get fired on my second day.
You're not going to get
in trouble, dude. Be cool.
Bonfire basically is Captain's orders.
As long as we're back by dinner
when the cruisers
are done at port, we're good.
[ HORN BELLOWS IN DISTANCE ]
[ HOUSE MUSIC PLAYING,
INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
♪♪
Money rains from the sky above ♪
Hey, Wallflower!
You good?
Just digesting the scenery.
You need to loosen up, doc.
And that means one thing
Shots. Come on.
No other things
that's as precious to ♪
No other, there's no other ♪
Alright.
Than a heart that feels
and a heart that's true ♪
Okay, okay. I see you.
I see you, Dr. Odyssey.
Huh? Big Kahuna. Whoo-hoo!
Playing nice, boys?
♪♪
Yes, Mother. Yes, we are.
♪♪
Oh, man, I have a secret.
But I can't tell you. Ever. Sorry.
♪♪
Is it that you're in love with Avery?
[ COUGHS ]
No.
No, oh, my God. Dude, no. No!
Don't ever say that to anyone.
You know, I'm pretty good
at keeping secrets.
Hippocratic Oath and all?
Step into my office.
♪♪
Oh, boy.
- [ GRUNTS ]
- Talk to me.
[ SIGHS ]
It is not good.
Just, I I like her so much, man.
You know?
I think I've had it bad
for, like, two years.
It is rough.
She always says to me like,
"Oh, you're like
my little brother," you know?
You know what, man?
I'm never gonna give up hope.
I refuse to move on. Ever.
Well, that seems healthy.
You got me wrong and that's a fact ♪
Well till then
I must tend to my admirers.
- Hi.
- I think she's looking at me.
[ SCOFFS ] Yeah.
Hey!
Hi.
Are you looking at him or me?
- [ CHUCKLES ] Uh, sorry.
- I was looking at him.
But you're cute too.
- No, no, no! Uhn-uhn.
- Get up. Get up.
Had to happen sooner or later. Let's go.
- What're you doing?
- Dance off, doc.
Dance off, pants off. Deejay!
[ "DESPACITO (REMIX)" PLAYS ]
♪♪
Come on over in my direction ♪
So thankful for that,
it's such a blessing, yeah ♪
Turn every situation
into heaven, yeah ♪
Oh, you are ♪
My sunrise on the darkest day ♪
Got me feelin' some kind of way ♪
Make me want to savor
every moment slowly, slowly ♪
You fit me, tailor-made love,
how you put it on ♪
Got the only key,
know how to turn it on ♪
The way you nibble on my ear,
the only words I want to hear ♪
Baby, take it slow
so we can last long ♪
Oh, tú, tú eres el imán
y yo soy el metal ♪
Who's cute now, doc?!
Me voy acercando
y voy armando el plan ♪
Solo con pensarlo,
se acelera el pulso ♪
Oh, yeah ♪
[ ALL CHANTING "DOC" ]
Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más ♪
Esto hay que tomarlo
sin ningún apuro ♪
Despacito ♪
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito ♪
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto ♪
Y hacer de tu cuerpo
todo un manuscrito ♪
Sube, sube, sube, ah, sube, sube ♪
Quiero ver bailar tu pelo,
quiero ser tu ritmo ♪
Que le enseñes a mi boca ♪
Tus lugares favoritos ♪
Favorito, favorito, baby ♪
Déjame sobrepasar
tus zonas de peligro ♪
Hasta provocar tus gritos ♪
Y que olvides tu apellido ♪
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito ♪
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito ♪
Que le enseñes a mi boca ♪
Tus lugares favoritos ♪
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito ♪
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito ♪
Hasta provocar tus gritos ♪
Y que olvides tu apellido ♪
Despacito ♪
[ HORN BELLOWS ]
- This is wrong.
- Mm, but it feels so good.
But it's wrong. We just met each other.
And yet we feel as if
We've known each other all our lives.
Mm.
But it's wrong.
I know.
I know! I know.
- [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
- [ SIGHS ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ LAUGHS ]
[ SIGHS ] Oh.
- We need to be professional.
- Mm.
This is the day drinking
talking, not us.
- Yeah, definitely not us.
- Please don't tell the Captain.
Yeah, I was just about to text him.
Guests are back soon. Here.
Sit up.
What are you doing?
Nutrient drip
electrolytes, B vitamins.
This will do you a whole lot
better than that nap you wanted.
Doctor who's afraid of needles?
[ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
So where'd you learn to dance like that?
♪♪
You know, I always wanted
to take dance classes as a kid,
but it's not really something
that boys do where I grew up.
And then one day,
I got tapped on the shoulder
and gently reminded that life is
fleeting, and unbelievably fragile.
♪♪
March 2, 2020.
I was working at a hospital
in New Haven, Connecticut.
Yeah, we know, you went to Yale.
♪♪
Actually, I was the
attending physician general in
Internal Medicine, but who's counting?
[ COUGHING ]
One day I get a cough. No big deal.
But in an abundance of caution,
I asked one of my residents
to give me a strep and a flu test.
Then that night,
cough gets a little worse,
but both the strep and flu
tests come back negative.
Then everybody gets worried that
I've had a pulmonary embolism.
So they gave me a CT scan,
check for a blood clot.
But they also give me a new test
a coronavirus test.
Now, at that point, there were
barely any cases in the U.S.,
so I didn't even think about it
as a realistic possibility.
But as I'm sitting there waiting
for the results of the CT scan,
I found out on the news actually
A hospital in New Haven reporting
Connecticut's first-ever
case of the novel coronavirus.
A physician who was admitted last night
at J.D. Memorial ultimately
testing positive for the virus.
After that, everything moved very fast.
They put me in a negative
pressure isolation room,
cut me off from all human contact.
My blood oxygen dropped to 85%
and then kept on dropping.
I refused to sleep
'cause I was afraid
I wasn't gonna wake up.
And at that point in China,
they were giving patients with
advanced cases second CT scans,
right, so they could chart
the progression of the virus,
the only way to ensure proper treatment.
But there was a problem.
I was in isolation on the ninth floor
and the CT scanner was
on the fourth floor
and they were afraid to move me.
Didn't want to risk exposing
the rest of the hospital.
We are following CDC
and evidence-backed protocols.
You are staying in this room.
And after that,
I was just in total darkness.
Just black.
I thought I was dead,
but dead people don't pray
because somewhere in the
recesses of my consciousness,
there was a voice, my voice, very faint,
and I knew that I needed
that second scan.
So I just focused on that all
day, every day, and I prayed.
I prayed for them to give me the
second scan, and they did,
and the results from that
scan got me approved
for Remdesivir for compassionate use,
and that turned the tides.
So against all odds, and despite
being patient zero I lived.
And because I lived and because
I went through hell
I decided that I was gonna pursue joy
at all costs.
♪♪
Which I guess is a very,
very long-winded way of saying
that I finally enrolled
in a dance class.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
And then you came here.
[ LAUGHS SOFTLY ]
Thank you for sharing that.
I will caution you, joy at any
cost is its own kind of hell.
Show me if there's anyone ♪
[ TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ TECHNO MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE ]
♪♪
- Okay, um, do you want to
- [ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
You want to go to my cabin?
No. I'm good here.
Why? Are you scared?
- No. No! No, I'm not scared.
- I'm just, like like, shy.
Like, a little shy.
I'm not really into shy guys.
♪♪
No [ CHUCKLES ] I'm not.
Um um
There's no shyness. No shyness at all.
- Whoo!
- [ LAUGHS ]
- What are you doing?
- I am Leo Brandt!
Oh, my God.
The Western Surfing Association champ
- of Huntington Beach!
- Get down from there!
I'm not shy!
I'm king of the world!
- [ SCREAMS ]
- [ SHRIEKS ] Leo!
Help! Help! Somebody help!
♪♪
- [ GASPS ]
- Leo!!
Hey! I'm right here! Wait!
♪♪
[ ALARM BLARING ]
- Full stop.
- Execute a Williamson turn.
Man overboard.
Get medical and security
up here right away.
Go ahead and drop the buoys
and the flares.
♪♪
[ PAGERS BEEPING ]
♪♪
Hey, is this real? Man overboard?
Yeah. It's real.
Thought your cabin was
on the Pelican deck.
What brings you to this side
of the crew quarters, doc?
House call? Bad call, man.
You're a superior.
You understand?
That's like a fireable offense.
We didn't do anything.
And even if we did, what are
you gonna do? Tattle on me?
I don't know what I'm gonna do, Judas.
In case you hadn't noticed,
there's more important things
going on right now than your job.
♪♪
Please tell me what
you guys took tonight.
I'm a nurse. You're not in trouble.
Molly.
- Just a little.
- So he may still be alert,
as long as he survived the fall.
- She needs hydration.
- He's not even into drugs.
It was me.
I mean, i-it was all my fault.
I told him to. I just
He teaches special ed kids.
[ CRYING ] That's his job.
He's a good person.
Is he gonna freeze to death
like in "Titanic"?
- That's a very good question.
- What is the water temp tonight?
You're supposed to know that, doctor.
It's in the daily weather briefings.
Surface temp is 83, maybe 80.
So anywhere between 2 and 12 hours
before hypothermia sets in.
It is unlikely that this is
anything but recovery.
Only 15% of the people
that go over survive.
The fall alone usually kills them.
Well, let's hope he's part of that 15%.
Captain, if he is out there,
category four waves at night,
it's gonna be like finding
a needle in a 100 square miles of hay.
♪♪
Sure is.
Alert all the other ships
in the vicinity.
The current was headed east
off the port side,
so that's the direction
he will have drifted.
Let's get this guy.
♪♪
♪♪
We're over an eddy.
- What?
- Those buoys,
they were port side, but
they come back around starboard.
The current's moving in a circle.
We're searching the wrong area.
♪♪
♪♪
There!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
He's not responsive.
♪♪
We've got him.
♪♪
[ GRUNTS ]
Come on.
[ COUGHS ]
There we go.
- He's good. We are en route.
- Thank God.
♪♪
Oxygen. Get him oxygen!
Unconscious,
breath is rapid and irregular.
He aspirated a lot of water.
- Could be ARDS.
- Definitely ARDS.
We need to get him intubated.
His left arm is in bad shape.
Possible proximal fracture.
I'm gonna get him prepped for an x ray.
Avery, you and Tristan
get him on low-tidal volume.
Let's prepare to assist on
ventilator using ARDSNET protocol.
Utilize the High Peep, low fiO2 table
and closely monitor
his peak inspiratory pressures.
- Okay, Leo.
- It's gonna be alright.
Hey.
That was good work out there.
And that dive was pretty epic.
Well, if you hadn't seen the buoys, I
Look, uh
Tristan, I'm sorry about you know.
I shouldn't have done that.
Even though nothing happened, but
She's beautiful.
Yes. And smart.
- And maybe I'm just a little
- Screwed up?
Mm.
Yeah.
Who would want
to work in a floating circus
but someone who's screwed up?
♪♪
Besides
♪♪
comebacks are cooler anyways.
♪♪
What's the first thing you said
when you realized you'd been rescued?
I think I said "I'm sorry I'm naked"?
[ CHUCKLES ]
We wanted to let you know
that we met with your
practitioner in Manzanita.
Was it okay?
It was not okay.
- It was amazing.
- Yeah. Uh, thank you.
This trip was awesome.
- You are so welcome.
- Do you totally hate us?
- Of course not.
- Guests like you keep us sharp.
Well, despite everything,
we had a blast.
- Can't wait till next year.
- Yeah!
Who knows? Maybe you'll get
your leg chewed off by a shark.
[ LAUGHS ] Exciting!
Bye.
♪♪
I thought I picked up
on a little something
the other night some tension
in the medical suite, Dr. Odyssey?
Absolutely not. It's a love fest, sir.
Good.
I love hearing that.
Love is in the air.
Just not too thickly or quickly.
♪♪
- I love fest, sir? Interesting.
- [ SIGHS ] About the other day,
I should have done that.
And I enjoyed it,
but I shouldn't have done it.
- And I am your superior, so
- We're good.
Won't happen again.
You were great this week.
A real emergency doctor. On it.
And, uh, yeah. We're good.
Won't happen again.
Besides, we'll have plenty
other distractions next week.
It's singles week.
Singles week?
Is every week a theme?
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
You're kidding, right?
I'm a nurse. I've worked here
for three years.
You really don't recognize me?
That's not the issue, baby doll.
You're not getting on without a crew ID.
- I had it. I just I lost it.
- Come on.
I gave you that corticosteroid
cream last summer
when you got sunburn in Ensenada.
Remember that spot on your back
that you couldn't reach?
- [ CHUCKLES ]
- Yeah, I remember.
But you're not flirting
your way onto my ship, Romeo.
I'm not losing my job
'cause you're not responsible.
- Avery. She's a nurse.
- She can vouch for me.
Hi, Rhonda.
- Hey.
- [ SCANNER BEEPS ]
Unless she got a crew badge
in her back pocket
with your picture on it
[ CHUCKLES ]
- [ SCANNER BEEPS ]
- You left it at the Grab-N-Go.
It was on the counter
by those weird boner pills.
- She's joking.
- Thank you, Rhonda.
- I loathe you.
- You're obsessed with me.
By the way,
it was not by the boner pills.
So you ready?
The Three Amigos back
in action for another season?
More like the Two Amigos and Mr. Magoo.
- [ CHUCKLES ]
- Speaking of Magoo,
have you heard from Dr. Campbell at all?
No.
I was waiting for his
usual preseason protocol
manifesto e-mail,
but I never got anything.
You don't think that he [ GASPS ]
- Kicked the bucket?
- Yeah.
Magoo? No. He's a cockroach.
He could walk out of
a plane crash without a scratch.
You, my friend, are bad.
- Hello, gang.
- Welcome back.
Take a walk with me.
Six hours to showtime
for this season's maiden voyage
and still about a day and
a half worth of work to do.
- Katherine.
- Captain.
But it all comes together.
Somehow it does every year.
Captain, sorry, where's Dr. Campbell?
Oh, he's no longer with us,
I'm sorry to say.
Thank you.
Relax, guys. He's not dead.
Had to let him go.
Thanks, Alan.
After that debacle
that happened last year,
our special guest came aboard
Bacterium yersinia enterocolitica.
Yeah, well, you don't have to
remind me of the gory details.
I saw a lady using a sunhat
as a vomit bag.
- Charming.
- Sorry, Captain.
Refunds all around.
Two more voyages canceled
while we cleaned and sanitized.
[ CHUCKLES ]
And the contact tracers said
if we'd just caught it one day earlier.
[ ELEVATOR BELL DINGS ]
I told Dr. Campbell that guy
did not have appendicitis.
Which is why he is no longer in
charge of the health on my ship.
The cruising world of today
has to exceed passengers' expectations.
We live in very uncertain times,
wars and worldwide pandemics,
and nobody is going to
venture out for anything less
than total perfection,
or we get replaced by virtual reality
go-bot sex-dolls on a virtual cruise
on a virtual Pacific
where there are no diseases
and no employees.
- Mary?
- Captain?
Dear, you got a little
something right there.
Bottom line is we in this business
have to be at the apex of our game.
No more mistaking bacterial
outbreaks for appendicitis.
Sebastian. Right?
- You're new up here.
- Yes, sir.
Let me show you
how to fold these towels.
I can't work under some new old quack.
We should be running
this department, us.
- We're the only ones who care.
- I know. Tell him.
Captain, you made the right
call letting Dr. Campbell go.
- Uh-huh.
- If I may, I'm a nurse practitioner.
I've had the same amount
of training as a doctor.
I'm legally qualified to be head medic.
I want to nominate myself
for the position.
I very highly second
that nomination, Captain.
Thank you, Avery. Tristan.
I'm very well aware and very grateful
for your years of service
on The Odyssey.
But in this case, the decision's
already been made.
Out of 110 applicants, we found him.
Dr. Max Bankman.
[ SMOKEY ROBINSON'S "CRUISIN'" PLAYS ]
Graduated Yale top of his class.
Served four years in
the Peace Corps in West Africa.
He developed some sort of new technique
for cleft palate surgery.
Won a prize from the U.N.
for humanitarianism
or something crazy.
And he served on the pediatric
board for Johns Hopkins.
Captain [CLEARS THROAT]
with all due respect,
he sounds overqualified.
Yeah, well, after last year,
I'll take overqualified
as to under any day.
Now, he's arriving shortly.
So I trust that the two of you
will make it a smooth transition.
This is not a one-night stand ♪
This guy must be 100 years old.
This is a nightmare.
You're gonna fly away ♪
Glad you're goin' my way ♪
I love it
when we're cruising together ♪
The music is played for love ♪
Cruisin' is made for love ♪
Hi.
I don't have my badge yet.
I'm Max Bankman, the new doctor.
I'm Rhonda Cole.
Go ahead, baby. I got you.
Thank you.
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, oh ♪
You're gonna fly ♪
Yeah, I'm glad you're goin' my way ♪
I love it
when we're cruisin' together ♪
The music is, oh ♪
And there he is now.
Cruisin' is made for love ♪
I love it
when we're cruisin' together ♪
Doctor, welcome aboard The Odyssey.
And since they're seemingly catatonic,
allow me to introduce you
to Avery and Tristan.
You must be my brilliant
and capable nurses.
We are the ship's brilliant
and capable nurses, yes.
I'm, in fact, an N.P.
- Nurse practitioner.
- Of course.
I'm sorry. Max Bankman.
Um [CLEARS THROAT]
do you have any bags?
I do, but they come with their own guys.
Perfect. Shall we?
That's going right in there.
When I was working in Tanzania,
the villages there
Kijiji, they call them
I learned two things
one, what you can do with
a rudimentary setup,
and, two, what you can't do,
which is why I've asked to make a
couple of modifications around here.
Uh, yeah. Everything here
is state-of-the-art.
[ TABLET BEEPS ]
- Nice.
- What the hell?
- Big man, is this a
- Dialysis machine, yeah.
In a major hospital,
they'd only ever use it
for patients with kidney failure,
but let me tell you,
it is a Swiss army knife.
You could use it for anything.
Hemoperfusion for toxic congestions.
Managing fluid overload
in patients with heart failure.
CRRT for the critically ill.
It's amazing.
"When I was working in
the va-na-na of Africa."
What is he, Bruce Banner?
- Bruce Wayne?
- He's not wrong.
I've been saying we should have
a dialysis machine for years.
This guy could be practicing
medicine anywhere on Earth,
but he wants to practice it here?
On a floating theme park? Mnh-mnh.
It says here my cabin's
on the Pelican Deck.
- It's Tristan, right?
- Yes.
You think you could show me the way?
- It would be my utter delight.
- Please.
♪♪
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
This is not a corner of the world
I'm used to practicing medicine in.
So what does bring you
to this corner of the world?
I mean, a guy like you
could practice anywhere, right?
- Seems like it has its perks.
- I don't know.
What do you like about it?
You know the secret they don't
want us to tell all the guests?
She belongs to us.
This ship, this life, it's ours.
We just let them try it on for a week.
When the sun goes down,
when we get back to port,
it's our turn.
Work like a captain. Play like a pirate.
The Odyssey philosophy.
She's ours.
I like that. Oh.
- Wow.
- I could get used to this.
Captain's dinner's at 8:00.
It's formal, which
does not mean Hawaiian shirt.
[ CHUCKLES ]
I found that out the hard way.
Black tie.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
And thanks for showing me around.
Mhm.
I'm excited.
- Yeah.
- It's a big ol' bucket of fun.
Why am I here?
Truthfully? It's the same as you.
It's work-life balance.
I've always been really good
at the work part,
- but now it's time for
- Life.
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you'll get it alright.
It'll throw itself at you
when you least expect it.
Watch your back.
Maybe we can watch each other's back.
Yeah. I'm not gonna be
like your wingman, dude.
Sorry. It's nothing personal.
It's just maths.
It's just the guy-to-girl ratio
is, what, like three to one?
It's every man for himself.
Come on. I mean, you've already
got this suite,
you're a doctor.
You have a head start.
[ HORN BELLOWS ]
Into the wild blue yonder.
Good luck with everything.
♪♪
♪♪
[ PAGER BEEPING ]
♪♪
[ VOMITING, GROANS ] Ohh
- [ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
- This is a cutting edge ring
that wirelessly monitors your vitals.
Get a 500 mil saline back
he needs to be rehydrated
- and 4 mg of Zofran.
- On it.
- Sorry I'm late.
- Where were you?
- I got turned around.
- Ma'am, is that your husband?
- Yes.
- I need you to tell me
everything that's happened right
from the very beginning.
She's already given
a statement. It's in his chart.
We were at the margarita mixer,
the send-off,
and Burt said he was feeling funny,
- and then he just started
- [ VOMITS ]
- doing that.
- Okay, team.
How are we gonna tackle this?
First things first,
differential diagnosis:
list the symptoms,
name the associated conditions,
narrow it down from there.
Excuse me, sir.
We have conjunctivitis, a rash.
That would be symptomatic
of a allergic reaction.
The vomiting would seem
to suggest something ingested.
- Food allergy, maybe?
- He doesn't have food allergies.
The margaritas at
the send-off mixer tasted weird.
- Like pennies, sort of.
- Interesting.
Margaritas don't have
any common allergens,
but metallic taste can be
associated with certain medications.
Antibiotics like azithromycin?
So what do we have:
an allergen, something ingested,
metallic taste?
♪♪
Adverse reaction to an oral antibiotic
- is where I put my money.
- Nice.
A reasonable deduction
if the patient were in fact
- taking any antibiotics.
- Which he is
- not.
- Mr. and Mrs. Rubens,
before going to the mixer,
did you by any chance
stop by the seafood buffet?
Oh, honey, you know I love
a cocktail a shrimp cocktail.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
This is the life.
Have I died? Have I died
and gone to hog heaven?
- Cheers! [ LAUGHS ]
- Cheers!
We had some shrimp.
But he's not allergic to shrimp.
[ CHUCKLES ] We love seafood.
He's not having an allergic reaction.
Not to the shrimp,
nor to any antibiotics.
This happens at least once a trip.
Shrimp contain iodine.
You eat too much shrimp too quickly
and it can lead to iodine poisoning.
Iodine poisoning? You'd have to
eat a hell of a lot of
It happens to baby seals, too,
which is why we call this
little ailment Seal Disease.
- Huh.
- Give him 2 mg of Ativan.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, my poor little seal pup!
So what are you gonna do?
Well, Mr. Rubens, we are
gonna have to pump your stomach.
But don't worry, we're gonna have
you feeling great by tomorrow morning.
Oh.
[ SIGHS ]
Quick deduction work
back there. Well done.
We see a lot of
different things on cruises.
We also see a lot of the same things.
Your office has a library with a
good section on maritime medicine.
You may want to study up.
Will there be a quiz?
You're living it.
[ JAZZ BAND PLAYING
"HOW DEEP IS THE OCEAN" ]
[ LIVELY CONVERSATIONS ]
♪♪
♪♪
Sorry I'm late, Captain.
I've been catching up on
the various cruise ship maladies
that afflict cruise ship people.
"Cruise ship people"?
You mean as in
people having too much fun?
Never in my life did I
consider that it was possible
for a human to eat enough shrimp
to give themselves iodine poisoning.
Mm. Now, doctor
you cannot judge our passengers.
We're tending to their dreams.
We have folks on here
who have saved for years,
sometimes their whole lives,
just to pay for this experience at sea.
And other than the birth of their child,
or in some cases, their weddings
this will be the most exciting
week of their entire lives,
and it's our job to guarantee that.
♪♪
- Understood.
- [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
See, our mission is
to preserve the dream.
And you're here
to keep these dreamers safe.
You might think of yourself as a
- guardian angel.
- A guardian what now?
Guardian angel!
We make it look perfect
so that resistance
isn't even a possibility.
And why should it be?
There should be zero guilt
on a pleasure cruise.
Now, you may think that, uh,
the staff we have up here in
the white shorts running around
are glorified extras
from a country club
but make no mistake about it,
they are certified the best.
You don't get to be on my ship
without hours and hours
of intensive training
in hospitality and scuba and CPR.
The best of the best.
Sometimes we even apply sunscreen
because, out here,
there are no sunburns.
[ CHUCKLES ]
This is about as far from hell
as you can get.
This ship?
This ship is heaven.
Usually we're
about three hours from land,
so Medivac in the deep ocean
is not even a possibility.
So it'll be your job
to keep everyone alive.
That's a terrifying burden.
It comes with enormous responsibility
so we have to be prepared
for terrible things to happen.
[ PAGER BEEPING ]
And you can't begrudge
these mishaps, these accidents.
Uh, speaking of mishaps
and accidents, I have to go.
- Ah.
- But, Captain?
I hear you.
And thank you.
♪♪
[ WOMAN SOBBING ]
♪♪
He's
- What happened?
- [ STRAINED ] It It broke.
He's in shock.
What broke, Mr. Airington?
Is it a bone?
♪♪
- Penile fracture.
- You can't fracture your
- It's not actually a bone.
- Broken fascia,
the membrane beneath the skin
that connects the erectile chambers.
- Little pressure.
- [ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
The only treatment is surgery.
It's a quick procedure. 15 minutes.
I'm in and out. Local anesthetic.
Uh, we can't do surgery
on board. It's against code.
Policy is we coordinate
with the nearest port
Except in cases of emergency.
Every second that you lose blood
is a second you lose the
opportunity for a full recovery.
- We need to act now.
- Do what you need to do, doctor.
Get him prepped. We got this.
So, the blood from his erection
is pooled at the base of his penis.
We can't do anything [GRUNTS]
until we evacuate the hematoma.
[ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
Scalpel.
Generally speaking,
a penile fracture happens
during intercourse when
the receiving party is on top,
vigorously moving up and down,
and then they pull out too far
and when they sit back down, they miss.
[ SCREAMING ]
And you learned this in the Peace Corps?
Absolutely not.
- Premed. Leandra. Suture.
- Oh?
- Who's Leandra Suture?
- Sutures. Stitches.
Oh.
Leandra is the woman who
taught me about penile fracture.
Sophomore year, toga party.
I'm sorry, wait. You broke your?
[ LAUGHS ]
Before you get too excited,
I should probably tell you
it really only happens
to the larger, firmer members.
[ SNORTS ]
That's wholly inappropriate.
Knock, knock. Room service.
Leftovers from the Captain's dinner.
How you feeling?
Like I snapped my peepee in half
and had it stitched
back together. [ CHUCKLES ]
Unfortunately, we are gonna
have to keep you in here overnight
and then monitor that
throughout the rest of the week.
Well, how long until he can you know?
Yeah. Sorry.
No more knocking boots or booties
for at least four to six weeks.
- Man, I'm sorry, babe.
- I ruined the honeymoon cruise.
You know
intimacy is infinitely nuanced.
We're in Manzanita
the day after tomorrow.
I know a woman there,
a tantric therapist.
She works with couples,
helps them explore
deeper levels of connection
through touch, breathwork
pleasure centers.
pleasure centers?
Mhm. I mean, I'm not not interested.
Okay. Wonderful.
- Enjoy your dinner.
- Oh, thank you.
♪♪
- Help! He's not breathing!
- He's not breathing!
Back! Back. Get everybody back.
- Help! He can't breathe!
- Give them some space.
He can't breathe!
- What happened?
- I told her to wait,
one at a time, but she jumped in
right after him.
[ CRYING ] I I wanted
to do it together!
[ INDISTINCT CONVERSATION IN DISTANCE ]
[ SCREAMS ]
Is he gonna be okay?
Burt? Burt, can you hear me?
Burt, breathe!
Breathe, Burt! Burt! Burt!
Hang in there, buddy!
Hang in, Burty-Burt!
No, you didn't kill him, madam.
When you knocked into your husband,
his clavicle separated from his sternum,
punctured a hole in his windpipe.
That's why he's
having trouble breathing.
- A hole in his wind
- They're inserting
a tracheal tube to make sure
he gets all the oxygen he needs.
He'll be breathing in no time.
[ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
[ EXHALES ]
I know we were supposed to lay low
after he caught the Seal Disease,
but we were just so excited to
be here and just have more fun.
- Don't worry, ma'am.
- We've had it from here.
But h-how will you making
him better for for good?
He needs advanced thoracic surgery
to put his clavicle back in place.
We're not equipped to do that.
This isn't stitching up a penis.
Well, we're in Puerto Vallarta
in six hours.
I can contact EMS there.
We can't just keep him
here all night like this.
Any delay in treatment could
cause serious vascular damage.
- We have to do something.
- In certain cases,
the sternoclavicular joint
could be manually manipulated.
- That sounds extremely risky.
- If it doesn't work,
it could severely exacerbate
his condition.
It would mean significantly
longer recovery time.
[ SIGHS ] But
it's your call, doctor.
No. It's not.
This procedure would take all of us.
The decision has to be unanimous.
If anybody has any reservations
speak now.
♪♪
Avery, will you make a ramp, please?
Tristan I need you
to grab him under the shoulders
and brace his back with your knee.
♪♪
Now, on the count of three,
I want you to rotate
his shoulders counterclockwise.
One, two
But then I'm pushing against you.
- That's the point, Tristan.
- Rotate him.
- One
- It's gonna snap
- his shoulder blade.
- Do it.
♪♪
Are you ready?
♪♪
One two three.
[ CRACKING, BURT GROANS ]
[ BREATHING HEAVILY ]
[ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
♪♪
You good?
Crapped my pants, but I'm alive.
[ SNIFFLES ]
You know, I just don't do well
being bossed around.
- Well, I am your boss, bud.
- [ SCOFFS ] Yeah.
And who is more experienced
on this ship doing this?
Guys, not in front
of the patient. Please.
♪♪
Any signs of life in the great beyond?
Oh, just a big swirling ball
of hot air directly overhead.
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ SIGHS ]
Sorry. [ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
So, is it ever the same
or is always, like
a little bent?
Your penis. After you broke it.
[ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
The body is
a miraculous healing machine.
That was good work today
the tantric therapist in Manzanita?
Lani. She's amazing.
She saved my life after
a breakup a couple of years ago.
Besides, it's not enough
just to fix 'em up here.
- I have to also
- Preserve the fantasy.
Always. All the time.
Tristan. He's a good nurse.
Don't get hung up on first impressions.
He's been my right hand for three years.
He knows a lot. He's a valuable tool.
Oh, he's some kind of tool alright.
You respect him, he'll respect you.
We're all here for the same reason.
"Work like a captain,
play like a pirate"?
Yeah.
Also that.
So what about you?
What are your first impressions
of the new doctor?
Well, admittedly,
it was a little low after his misstep
with the iodine poisoning, but
good recognizes good.
The penile fracture,
the clavicular relocation?
That was
- decent.
- [ LAUGHS ]
- Well, I try.
- [ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
♪♪
Bedtime.
You too. First port tomorrow.
The passengers are out of sight
and mind for five hours.
[ SIGHS ]
Thank God.
All of which I will spend napping.
[ LAUGHS ] No, you won't.
If you thought today was a big day
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Is this a "don't tell
the Captain" kind of thing?
'Cause I'd really rather not
get fired on my second day.
You're not going to get
in trouble, dude. Be cool.
Bonfire basically is Captain's orders.
As long as we're back by dinner
when the cruisers
are done at port, we're good.
[ HORN BELLOWS IN DISTANCE ]
[ HOUSE MUSIC PLAYING,
INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS ]
♪♪
Money rains from the sky above ♪
Hey, Wallflower!
You good?
Just digesting the scenery.
You need to loosen up, doc.
And that means one thing
Shots. Come on.
No other things
that's as precious to ♪
No other, there's no other ♪
Alright.
Than a heart that feels
and a heart that's true ♪
Okay, okay. I see you.
I see you, Dr. Odyssey.
Huh? Big Kahuna. Whoo-hoo!
Playing nice, boys?
♪♪
Yes, Mother. Yes, we are.
♪♪
Oh, man, I have a secret.
But I can't tell you. Ever. Sorry.
♪♪
Is it that you're in love with Avery?
[ COUGHS ]
No.
No, oh, my God. Dude, no. No!
Don't ever say that to anyone.
You know, I'm pretty good
at keeping secrets.
Hippocratic Oath and all?
Step into my office.
♪♪
Oh, boy.
- [ GRUNTS ]
- Talk to me.
[ SIGHS ]
It is not good.
Just, I I like her so much, man.
You know?
I think I've had it bad
for, like, two years.
It is rough.
She always says to me like,
"Oh, you're like
my little brother," you know?
You know what, man?
I'm never gonna give up hope.
I refuse to move on. Ever.
Well, that seems healthy.
You got me wrong and that's a fact ♪
Well till then
I must tend to my admirers.
- Hi.
- I think she's looking at me.
[ SCOFFS ] Yeah.
Hey!
Hi.
Are you looking at him or me?
- [ CHUCKLES ] Uh, sorry.
- I was looking at him.
But you're cute too.
- No, no, no! Uhn-uhn.
- Get up. Get up.
Had to happen sooner or later. Let's go.
- What're you doing?
- Dance off, doc.
Dance off, pants off. Deejay!
[ "DESPACITO (REMIX)" PLAYS ]
♪♪
Come on over in my direction ♪
So thankful for that,
it's such a blessing, yeah ♪
Turn every situation
into heaven, yeah ♪
Oh, you are ♪
My sunrise on the darkest day ♪
Got me feelin' some kind of way ♪
Make me want to savor
every moment slowly, slowly ♪
You fit me, tailor-made love,
how you put it on ♪
Got the only key,
know how to turn it on ♪
The way you nibble on my ear,
the only words I want to hear ♪
Baby, take it slow
so we can last long ♪
Oh, tú, tú eres el imán
y yo soy el metal ♪
Who's cute now, doc?!
Me voy acercando
y voy armando el plan ♪
Solo con pensarlo,
se acelera el pulso ♪
Oh, yeah ♪
[ ALL CHANTING "DOC" ]
Todos mis sentidos van pidiendo más ♪
Esto hay que tomarlo
sin ningún apuro ♪
Despacito ♪
Quiero desnudarte a besos despacito ♪
Firmo en las paredes de tu laberinto ♪
Y hacer de tu cuerpo
todo un manuscrito ♪
Sube, sube, sube, ah, sube, sube ♪
Quiero ver bailar tu pelo,
quiero ser tu ritmo ♪
Que le enseñes a mi boca ♪
Tus lugares favoritos ♪
Favorito, favorito, baby ♪
Déjame sobrepasar
tus zonas de peligro ♪
Hasta provocar tus gritos ♪
Y que olvides tu apellido ♪
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito ♪
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito ♪
Que le enseñes a mi boca ♪
Tus lugares favoritos ♪
Pasito a pasito, suave suavecito ♪
Nos vamos pegando, poquito a poquito ♪
Hasta provocar tus gritos ♪
Y que olvides tu apellido ♪
Despacito ♪
[ HORN BELLOWS ]
- This is wrong.
- Mm, but it feels so good.
But it's wrong. We just met each other.
And yet we feel as if
We've known each other all our lives.
Mm.
But it's wrong.
I know.
I know! I know.
- [ EXHALES SHARPLY ]
- [ SIGHS ]
[ CHUCKLES ]
[ LAUGHS ]
[ SIGHS ] Oh.
- We need to be professional.
- Mm.
This is the day drinking
talking, not us.
- Yeah, definitely not us.
- Please don't tell the Captain.
Yeah, I was just about to text him.
Guests are back soon. Here.
Sit up.
What are you doing?
Nutrient drip
electrolytes, B vitamins.
This will do you a whole lot
better than that nap you wanted.
Doctor who's afraid of needles?
[ MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY ]
So where'd you learn to dance like that?
♪♪
You know, I always wanted
to take dance classes as a kid,
but it's not really something
that boys do where I grew up.
And then one day,
I got tapped on the shoulder
and gently reminded that life is
fleeting, and unbelievably fragile.
♪♪
March 2, 2020.
I was working at a hospital
in New Haven, Connecticut.
Yeah, we know, you went to Yale.
♪♪
Actually, I was the
attending physician general in
Internal Medicine, but who's counting?
[ COUGHING ]
One day I get a cough. No big deal.
But in an abundance of caution,
I asked one of my residents
to give me a strep and a flu test.
Then that night,
cough gets a little worse,
but both the strep and flu
tests come back negative.
Then everybody gets worried that
I've had a pulmonary embolism.
So they gave me a CT scan,
check for a blood clot.
But they also give me a new test
a coronavirus test.
Now, at that point, there were
barely any cases in the U.S.,
so I didn't even think about it
as a realistic possibility.
But as I'm sitting there waiting
for the results of the CT scan,
I found out on the news actually
A hospital in New Haven reporting
Connecticut's first-ever
case of the novel coronavirus.
A physician who was admitted last night
at J.D. Memorial ultimately
testing positive for the virus.
After that, everything moved very fast.
They put me in a negative
pressure isolation room,
cut me off from all human contact.
My blood oxygen dropped to 85%
and then kept on dropping.
I refused to sleep
'cause I was afraid
I wasn't gonna wake up.
And at that point in China,
they were giving patients with
advanced cases second CT scans,
right, so they could chart
the progression of the virus,
the only way to ensure proper treatment.
But there was a problem.
I was in isolation on the ninth floor
and the CT scanner was
on the fourth floor
and they were afraid to move me.
Didn't want to risk exposing
the rest of the hospital.
We are following CDC
and evidence-backed protocols.
You are staying in this room.
And after that,
I was just in total darkness.
Just black.
I thought I was dead,
but dead people don't pray
because somewhere in the
recesses of my consciousness,
there was a voice, my voice, very faint,
and I knew that I needed
that second scan.
So I just focused on that all
day, every day, and I prayed.
I prayed for them to give me the
second scan, and they did,
and the results from that
scan got me approved
for Remdesivir for compassionate use,
and that turned the tides.
So against all odds, and despite
being patient zero I lived.
And because I lived and because
I went through hell
I decided that I was gonna pursue joy
at all costs.
♪♪
Which I guess is a very,
very long-winded way of saying
that I finally enrolled
in a dance class.
[ BOTH CHUCKLE ]
And then you came here.
[ LAUGHS SOFTLY ]
Thank you for sharing that.
I will caution you, joy at any
cost is its own kind of hell.
Show me if there's anyone ♪
[ TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING ]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[ TECHNO MUSIC CONTINUES IN DISTANCE ]
♪♪
- Okay, um, do you want to
- [ CHUCKLES SOFTLY ]
You want to go to my cabin?
No. I'm good here.
Why? Are you scared?
- No. No! No, I'm not scared.
- I'm just, like like, shy.
Like, a little shy.
I'm not really into shy guys.
♪♪
No [ CHUCKLES ] I'm not.
Um um
There's no shyness. No shyness at all.
- Whoo!
- [ LAUGHS ]
- What are you doing?
- I am Leo Brandt!
Oh, my God.
The Western Surfing Association champ
- of Huntington Beach!
- Get down from there!
I'm not shy!
I'm king of the world!
- [ SCREAMS ]
- [ SHRIEKS ] Leo!
Help! Help! Somebody help!
♪♪
- [ GASPS ]
- Leo!!
Hey! I'm right here! Wait!
♪♪
[ ALARM BLARING ]
- Full stop.
- Execute a Williamson turn.
Man overboard.
Get medical and security
up here right away.
Go ahead and drop the buoys
and the flares.
♪♪
[ PAGERS BEEPING ]
♪♪
Hey, is this real? Man overboard?
Yeah. It's real.
Thought your cabin was
on the Pelican deck.
What brings you to this side
of the crew quarters, doc?
House call? Bad call, man.
You're a superior.
You understand?
That's like a fireable offense.
We didn't do anything.
And even if we did, what are
you gonna do? Tattle on me?
I don't know what I'm gonna do, Judas.
In case you hadn't noticed,
there's more important things
going on right now than your job.
♪♪
Please tell me what
you guys took tonight.
I'm a nurse. You're not in trouble.
Molly.
- Just a little.
- So he may still be alert,
as long as he survived the fall.
- She needs hydration.
- He's not even into drugs.
It was me.
I mean, i-it was all my fault.
I told him to. I just
He teaches special ed kids.
[ CRYING ] That's his job.
He's a good person.
Is he gonna freeze to death
like in "Titanic"?
- That's a very good question.
- What is the water temp tonight?
You're supposed to know that, doctor.
It's in the daily weather briefings.
Surface temp is 83, maybe 80.
So anywhere between 2 and 12 hours
before hypothermia sets in.
It is unlikely that this is
anything but recovery.
Only 15% of the people
that go over survive.
The fall alone usually kills them.
Well, let's hope he's part of that 15%.
Captain, if he is out there,
category four waves at night,
it's gonna be like finding
a needle in a 100 square miles of hay.
♪♪
Sure is.
Alert all the other ships
in the vicinity.
The current was headed east
off the port side,
so that's the direction
he will have drifted.
Let's get this guy.
♪♪
♪♪
We're over an eddy.
- What?
- Those buoys,
they were port side, but
they come back around starboard.
The current's moving in a circle.
We're searching the wrong area.
♪♪
♪♪
There!
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
He's not responsive.
♪♪
We've got him.
♪♪
[ GRUNTS ]
Come on.
[ COUGHS ]
There we go.
- He's good. We are en route.
- Thank God.
♪♪
Oxygen. Get him oxygen!
Unconscious,
breath is rapid and irregular.
He aspirated a lot of water.
- Could be ARDS.
- Definitely ARDS.
We need to get him intubated.
His left arm is in bad shape.
Possible proximal fracture.
I'm gonna get him prepped for an x ray.
Avery, you and Tristan
get him on low-tidal volume.
Let's prepare to assist on
ventilator using ARDSNET protocol.
Utilize the High Peep, low fiO2 table
and closely monitor
his peak inspiratory pressures.
- Okay, Leo.
- It's gonna be alright.
Hey.
That was good work out there.
And that dive was pretty epic.
Well, if you hadn't seen the buoys, I
Look, uh
Tristan, I'm sorry about you know.
I shouldn't have done that.
Even though nothing happened, but
She's beautiful.
Yes. And smart.
- And maybe I'm just a little
- Screwed up?
Mm.
Yeah.
Who would want
to work in a floating circus
but someone who's screwed up?
♪♪
Besides
♪♪
comebacks are cooler anyways.
♪♪
What's the first thing you said
when you realized you'd been rescued?
I think I said "I'm sorry I'm naked"?
[ CHUCKLES ]
We wanted to let you know
that we met with your
practitioner in Manzanita.
Was it okay?
It was not okay.
- It was amazing.
- Yeah. Uh, thank you.
This trip was awesome.
- You are so welcome.
- Do you totally hate us?
- Of course not.
- Guests like you keep us sharp.
Well, despite everything,
we had a blast.
- Can't wait till next year.
- Yeah!
Who knows? Maybe you'll get
your leg chewed off by a shark.
[ LAUGHS ] Exciting!
Bye.
♪♪
I thought I picked up
on a little something
the other night some tension
in the medical suite, Dr. Odyssey?
Absolutely not. It's a love fest, sir.
Good.
I love hearing that.
Love is in the air.
Just not too thickly or quickly.
♪♪
- I love fest, sir? Interesting.
- [ SIGHS ] About the other day,
I should have done that.
And I enjoyed it,
but I shouldn't have done it.
- And I am your superior, so
- We're good.
Won't happen again.
You were great this week.
A real emergency doctor. On it.
And, uh, yeah. We're good.
Won't happen again.
Besides, we'll have plenty
other distractions next week.
It's singles week.
Singles week?
Is every week a theme?
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪