Don't Even (2024) s01e01 Episode Script
Jerk Sandwich
HARLEY: Aroooooooo!
VIOLET: Harley!
Settle down.
[Harley whooping]
Okay!
I'm ready now.
Lay your brilliance on me.
Ladies and gentlemen,
my name is Violet Zhigaag,
and it is my honour
to be here
uh, addressing
the graduating class.
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
You are good!
I love it, okay?
That was
Classy
Gassy
It was timeless, really.
Is "ladies and gentlemen"
too formal, though?
Uh well
I have seen kids in our class
take a dump in a pizza box.
So yeah?
Violet, if you're too nervous,
we can always skip it.
We can't skip grad, Harley.
Girl!
You're going out east
to be a friggin' doctor, okay?
And I'm gonna be your roomie
bartending at some sick club.
What are they gonna do?
Huh?
Did you hear that, Winnipeg?
We're outta here!
Aroooo!
[whooping]
All right, Teen Wolf.
Let's do this thing.
- Don't puke this time, eh?
- That was one time!
Why do you always
have to bring that up?
That's what you said
the last time!
We were in grade eight !
Kick me when I'm down ♪
HARLEY: Ooh, I was thinking,
we take a couple garbage bins,
right, we fill 'em with water,
and we make a waterbed
for the Toronto apartment.
We can't do that.
What if it flops and then
we have water everywhere?
Augh!
- Oh my God!
- Friggin' Mickey Carp!
Whatever, Schumack.
Gimme yer purses.
What even are those even?
VIOLET: Whatever.
Just give them to her.
It's not worth a scrap.
Whatchu got in here?
Heavy flow, hey?
VIOLET: Those are
regular tampons.
No, dude, not my retainer!
HARLEY: Ugh
Gimme that.
No!
My uncle beaded it.
MICKEY: I don't care
if Fred Durst beat it.
- Gross!
- Fred Durst?
I'm not afraid of you,
Mickey Carp.
I saw you fart off your
bathing suit at Fun Mountain.
Fuck yeah, I did.
VIOLET: Whatever, man.
We gotta go!
[distant train horn]
Shit.
She took my speech.
We can skip it.
No, we can't skip grad, Harley!
MICKEY: Hey!
You should be careful.
See a lotta guys
getting jacked around here.
Say you've left me,
say that you've left me ♪
Hey!
You don't need a speech.
You'll be fine!
Hello.
Um, I'm really
honoured to be here,
speaking to you all.
AUDIENCE: Can't hear you.
- My peers and friends--
- AUDIENCE: Can't hear you!
AUDIENCE: Turn the mic on,
genius!
[loud feedback]
[audience exclaiming]
Hey, Vi!
HARLEY: Yeah, fuck 'em!
The next generation--
- [loud feedback]
- [audience exclaiming]
Somebody fix the mic, frig!
WESLEY: [coughs]
Bruuuuutal!
[laughter]
SHELLEY: Don't heckle
your sister.
You got this, my girl!
[clapping and cheering]
VIOLET: Um, let's
try this again.
[exhales]
We are the next generation.
The future.
And, uh, what is the future
without leaders?
We need to
take hands with the future.
Future hands.
"Future hands"?
- VIOLET: Um
- Aho.
VIOLET: Um
Ummm
We are
the the future? ♪
The future! ♪
AUDIENCE: You're killing us!
Gather everybody,
come around ♪
HARLEY: [in a whisper]
No singing!
You're making it worse!
Um
Being great means
making mistakes.
And mistakes we learn from.
It's it's from the mistakes
that we learn
how to be even greater.
I mean, I mean,
how can you--
- [thud]
- [audience gasps]
[scattered laughter]
♪
How's your mug?
You really cheese'd it, eh?
I barely scraped it.
- [Shelley chuckles]
- VIOLET: Simmer down.
THE FOX: Hush, Wanda.
Damn moose with a perm.
- Oh, sure.
- [The Fox laughs]
Oh, almost forgot!
Your gift, doctor-niece.
Chi-Miigs, Uncle.
SHELLEY: I'm so proud
of you, my baby.
And Harley.
Looking just like your mom did
when we were your age.
I know she's with us today,
just smiling down on you.
Thanks, Shelley.
THE FOX: Harley,
where's your diploma at?
I got a frame for yours too.
Ah, who cares?
Just a piece of paper, right?
Truth.
THE FOX: Grover,
put the guitar down!
You know you're banned!
You're gonna do so good
for the community.
That's the plan.
SHELLEY: You know
we need Native doctors.
WANDA: You know when Uncle
rolled his ankle line-dancing,
the doctor told him he couldn't
walk 'cause he was drunk?
And never forget how they
treated Harley's mom.
[clears throat]
SHELLEY: The work you do
is important.
That's what matters, okay?
That's all.
Oh, shit.
Who wants this busted piece?
I will!
Mm-hm, me, me.
I'll have that.
Oh, speaking
of busted pieces
WANDA: Back from
hockey camp already?
Hurt my shoulder.
Hurtin' on the inside too,
but not showing it.
I'm fine.
SHELLEY: Mm-hm.
Yeah, big-headed as ever.
Do you guys remember
when he was modelling?
He tried to re-create
that Marky Mark underwear ad?
- Just baggy and everything!
- [laughter]
Eugh!
Could have at least
changed his underwear!
Violet, time to rock!
WANDA: Oh, shit,
he's gonna sing again!
[guitar playing]
And I'm fallin' apart ♪
Yeah!
When all is said and done,
you're still the one ♪
Someone's gotta tell
The Fox he can't sing.
Holy heck, man.
VIOLET: Oh,
Cousin Cheryl's cousin
said that he went
to a club in TO,
and he met one of
the Swollen Members!
What?
See, that is exactly
what I'm talking about!
No more of this
high school trash, okay?
Tell you what
we're gonna do.
We'll kick up as much shit
as we can this summer,
then we'll get
the hell outta town,
middle fingers in the air!
I dunno about middle fingers
Violet!
Are you ready to change
my friggin' life?
Alright, but you can't be mad
if it looks like shit!
Do it!
["Voice in Your Head" by
Shit Present playing on speaker]
- Augh!
- [Harley squeals]
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Dude?
[Violet laughs]
Lemme see, lemme see, lemme see!
Okay, okay
Is it Drew Barrymore?
Or Drew Carey?
It looks
so sick!
Holy shit!
This is it, Violet!
Oh my God!
New look, new city
New life!
Right?
I could tell you
I'm right here for you ♪
[excited laughter]
Holy shit,
you should be a hairdresser!
I gotta clean it up
a little bit.
Really?
I thought it was perfect!
Okay, so that's two
Uncle Buckets with extra skin
and a side of ribs
Yup!
- Staff meal!
- EMPLOYEES: Yeah!
CHERYL: Why is one of
them rank-ass delivery boys
bringing it in?
WANDA: Restaurant's
short-staffed tonight.
I think that
I'm trippin' ♪
I hear Tyler's in a band.
Violet loves Ty-ler!
Not even!
Shut up!
Weenuk, Tyler.
Yow!
VIOLET: Cousin Cheryl, frig!
HARLEY: Stop buggin'.
Just talk to him!
[laughs]
Not you, sorry!
It's my friend Violet.
She's, like, totally
"Fatal Attraction" for this kid.
VIOLET: Harley, quit it.
I swear
[laughs]
No, that's what I said!
[laughs] Okay, yeah.
You take care.
[hangs up phone]
See?
Even Skin Buckets gets it.
VIOLET: Whatever.
I'm sick of this!
Wait, what are you doing?
Harley!
No, please!
HARLEY: Hi! My friend
would like your number.
WANDA: Hey, what's going on?
HARLEY: Violet wants his number.
He's in a band!
TYLER: Yeah,
we were just on Jonovision.
Who's Violet?
[Violet gasps]
TYLER: Word.
WANDA: Yeah, go on.
Get back to work.
TYLER: Enjoy the meal.
- Go on, I said.
- Okay.
Tyler's digits.
You're welcome.
Why would you do that?
Because, if I hadn't,
you were never
going to make a move.
CHERYL: Violet, get
some of that love medicine
for your boy already.
- Whatever!
- [phone ringing]
Uncle Sizzle's,
where hasty meets tasty.
Uh, this is Violet.
MALE VOICE: Whaddup,
sweet beak?
Are you a meat-lover?
Can you handle a big pepperoni?
Eugh, ew!
I got Meat Lover!
- Transfer to me.
- Okay.
[phone ringing]
[in raspy voice]
Hello Meat Lover?
MEAT LOVER: Ah
I just wanted you to know
that I'm holding
the world's most
juiciest sausage right now.
MEAT LOVER: Yeah.
Yeah, work that meat, baby!
Mmm
Yeah!
VIOLET: Harley, hang up!
HARLEY: Oopsie!
I just dropped it.
And it just slid
down my slick, wet
MEAT LOVER: Aw
Steaming
Dirty diaper!
[slams down phone]
[both laugh]
WANDA: Let's eat, guys.
Hey!
You know shotgun's gotta feed me
so I can drive, right?
You hit your noggin that hard
at grad, or what?
Man, I barely friggin' slipped.
Come on.
Yo, Wesley's back from
hockey training, huh?
Boy got jacked, though.
Even lost his
little poonch there.
[electronic beep]
Oh, dude, you're getting a page.
Nice!
My dad just got
a bunch of pickerel.
I gotta jet back before
it gets all snatched up.
Then I'm gonna meet my girl.
When are you gonna
bring her around?
I'll do what I do
when I do it.
You don't gotta know
all my business.
HARLEY: Just drop us off
near Garbage Hill, then.
This guy Jay who called
into work wants to meet up.
VIOLET: No!
No, that's how Wanda met Dale.
And he tried to melt
her copper pots for money!
Yeah, meeting
randos is real rank.
Come on, Vi
- It'll be chill!
- No.
HARLEY: If you're
not having fun,
we'll leave, I promise.
[sighs]
Fine, but I don't want
to spend another night
watching you do burp tricks
in a parking lot.
[belching]
A B
C D
[laughter]
VIOLET: My mom would shit
if she knew we were out here
meeting frig knows who!
HARLEY: We're 18!
We can do what we want!
I got a bad feeling!
Let's bail.
Everything is
going to be--
- [man groans loudly]
- just fine
[loud splatter]
HARLEY: Holy shit,
it's raining puke!
JAY: Told you you'd get sick!
VIOLET: Aw, man!
Bro!
On my fuckin' car?
Damn, boy.
Easy, pants tent.
Sorry about that, uh
He gets nervous, you know?
WOODY: Hi!
I just get a little bit nervous!
JAY: Yo, get your ass
down here, man!
That's, uh, my boy, Woody.
Or, uh
"Meat Lover" to you,
I guess.
VIOLET: Ew, Meat Lover?
You brought us here
to hang with that pervert?
JAY: Pssht, aw, come on!
He's not that bad.
WOODY: Shouldn't have
had those raw dogs
JAY: You girls
want a drink?
Won't all that ice
rust up your car?
HARLEY: So what's up,
Days of Thunder?
Don't see many classic whips
cruising the 'Peg.
You're into cars?
VIOLET: Her dad's a mechanic.
JAY: Wicked.
HARLEY: So where'd you
get the slick ride?
I'm a
private investigator.
- A P.I.?
- That's right.
Like, how?
HARLEY: No, that's mega.
VIOLET: Is that a flare?
Yeah.
Oh, buddy, you better
not hit my fuckin' gas tank!
[laughter]
Harley, come on,
let's go!
What?
No!
What are we gonna do?
Watch "North of 60" with your
mom for the millionth time?
- We can still catch it.
- No way!
It's just one bus.
So, ladies
You ready to party?
Two, three, four! ♪
WOODY: Yo, boyeee!
HARLEY: Finally, a real party!
Tyler's playing!
HARLEY: Try to keep your bra on.
VIOLET: Don't ditch me
again, okay?
I won't!
But if we get separated,
meet up at the front
where we came in.
VIOLET: Oh
is he gonna staple him?
- No!
- [people yelling]
JAY: Diaper Piper just
got out of the hospital.
[Harley laughs]
I'll be right back, okay?
Okay.
Dude, look,
there's Showboat Shaw!
Two, three, four, yow! ♪
VIOLET: Her mom's Chicaboo
from the friendship centre
pow wow club!
SHOWBOAT: Is that
a Kid Rock thing?
Yeah, it's a Kid Rock thing,
obviously !
You don't get the vision!
- Oh my God.
- Yeah!
SHOWBOAT: I fucking quit!
- Fuck you!
- Yeah, whatever.
SHOWBOAT: Fuck!
What's Woody doing?
- No!
- Oh!
VIOLET: No, he's not!
HARLEY: See, now
the outfit makes sense.
Are you monsters ready
for the next match?
Lemme hear you
make some noise!
[Woody cheering]
SHOWBOAT: In this corner,
we have the Woodtick!
- He's full of blood!
- Yeah! Woo!
SHOWBOAT: And who better
to flick him off
than the motherfucking
Garburator?!
Let's see if he can
garble up this trash!
- Why are we here?
- [bell clangs]
HARLEY: I don't know!
- [Garburator growls]
- [crowd cheering]
Oh, shit!
VIOLET: Oh my God!
HARLEY: He's gonna
snap him in half!
People shouldn't bend that way.
Oh, God
I'm gonna go get some snacks
and find Jay!
Dude!
♪
GARBURATOR: Where you
gonna run to, little man?
SHOWBOAT: Alls I said was
Kid Rock isn't that hard
and Tyler said I "didn't
get his vision for the band."
Focken' right!
So I quit.
CHERYL: Yeah, brutal!
Violet, you sick pig.
What're you doing here?
VIOLET: Harley's idea.
Meat Lover dragged us along.
You?
Selling pickerel.
Making a killing.
So, Meat Lover, huh?
He a freak?
That's him on the mat!
Harley's all moony for his bro.
SHOWBOAT: Jeez.
Hey, you know,
you did great tonight.
Yeah
Uh, I'm gonna wrap my gear
before it gets stolen.
So Showboat's your girl?
She's way outta your league.
Easy there, stage diver.
[crowd yelling
and exclaiming]
[bell clangs]
[laughter and hollering]
"Babby boy"?
Do you mean " baby boy"?
I'm not a spelling bee, biotch.
Hey! You trashed
my bestie's hat!
Yeah, well,
you should be careful
who you're messin'
around with, girlie.
Give it!
I'm not scared of you,
Mickey Carp.
You went to prom with a horse.
Oh, yeah?
HARLEY: Chugging pop.
So scared.
Fock me.
[fighters grunting]
♪
Hey, yo.
It'll be okay.
You know, just
find another band.
I can't just find
another band, Cheryl.
It took me years to get
some momentum with these guys.
I mean, you'll figure it out.
You don't get it!
You're out here chillin'.
And that's cool,
but I've got ambition.
I can't sit around
in this shit town
What?
Just
Just say it.
We should go back
to being friends.
I need
space.
Maybe you should figure
your shit out, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, you betcha.
Couldn't have said it
better myself.
Solid.
- [fighters grunting]
- [bell clangs]
Oh, it is so on.
Hey, Mickey,
I was just kiddin' around!
Then let's fuckin'
kid around, eh?
- Augh!
- [loud thud]
HARLEY: Fuck
[men yelling angrily]
Oh, shit!
Mickey!
Get up! Dammit, get up!
CROWD: [chanting]
Fight, fight, fight, fight
MAN: Oh, shit!
♪
MAN: Are you serious?
JAY: What's up, huh?
- I'm a green belt, bro!
- Yeah, okay
- [siren whoops]
- MICKEY: It's the cops!
HARLEY: Shit!
Let's get outta here!
♪
[man grunting]
[siren wailing]
♪
VIOLET: Harley!
[siren wailing]
PARTYGOER: Cops, cops, cops!
Come on!
VIOLET: Fuck!
Oh, shit!
[man grunting with effort]
[siren wailing]
HARLEY: Thanks for
your help back there.
But I can defend myself.
Oh, I know, Sluggo.
So where'd you learn
to kick like that?
Is that, like, a P.I. thing,
or something?
For real?
Roadhouse.
- [Harley laughs]
- I watched that shit on repeat.
[Harley laughs]
Ooh
You still got
those flares, or?
Oh, you are trouble.
HARLEY: Okay
Just pull it?
JAY: Jut let 'er rip.
- Okay, are you ready?
- Alright.
[Harley squeals]
♪
HARLEY: Oh my God!
[laughter]
["Twenty-One"
by Jake Etheridge playing]
Twenty-one ♪
Ain't too far from
where I've begun ♪
To love you
and hate you at once ♪
I think I can
take this with a smile ♪
Bat your eyes ♪
And lick your teeth
and choke your laugh ♪
And when you lie ♪
It's like you're
breathing air or paying cash ♪
Seeing you,
ashamed from what ♪
SHOWBOAT: With the bust,
we probably won't get paid,
those fuckers.
And I even did double duty
when the MC bailed.
Oh man, that's so bunk.
I'm done with The Roids
anyways.
No more screamo
with the scream-bros.
I'm gonna do my own thing.
Hm.
I sometimes jam with my uncle.
We used to play Dolly Parton
at the Elders lodge.
Oh, my kookum lives there.
What happened to your face?
Stuff got real.
But I handled it.
And if you ever wanna jam,
I have a guitar.
Yeah, that'd be a'ight.
[slurping drinks]
[front door opens]
Oh-ho, nice bangs,
Lloyd Christmas!
Nice shirt, fat neck!
Holy, you're just fuckin'
snarfin' my last loaf?
Why don't you go lurk around
your own home for once?
Yeah, like I'm gonna
move to Selkirk
with my dad.
Whatever, "Dick."
Ah
Yeah, some
Some kids tagged me.
Yeah, here.
I, uh
I hid your "diploma."
You know, my uncle
wanted to frame it.
It's probably not a good idea
to leave your rejection letter
just lying around.
Does Violet know
you didn't graduate?
Gimme that!
It's one credit.
And I'll tell her.
Hm.
Right after I tell her
that I porked her chode brother.
Wait
Do you even know
what a chode is?
Oh, fuck off, Wesley!
I haven't even heard from you
in over a year!
What was I supposed to do,
call my house and ask for you?
You coulda written!
Oh yeah, I'm gonna write,
I'm gonna pull out
a fucking quill and scroll
like I'm Shakespeare now.
Holy shit.
Grow the fuck up!
What's wrong with you?!
Man, you grow up.
You kissed me first!
Whatever,
like I give a shit.
I'm gonna be out of here
at the end of the summer anyway.
Oh
Oh, you're gonna follow
my sister to university, huh?
Yeah, wow,
that's a great plan.
No one's gonna hire
a high school drop out.
Dick sandwich.
Hm!
That's what you are!
Wha
Ow, fuck!
VIOLET: Where'd you go?
You ditched me.
I know.
I know, big loser move, okay?
But
I got your hat back!
[giggles]
I fought friggin' Mickey Carp
for your honour.
[both laugh]
You idiot.
How's the girl?
What girl?
Sounded like a girl
was yelling at Wes.
Oh yeah.
That girl.
I just saw her leave.
[sleepily] Oh
Do we know her?
No.
Mm
Always with
the messy girl drama.
Totally.
Goodnight.
♪
♪
VIOLET: Harley!
Settle down.
[Harley whooping]
Okay!
I'm ready now.
Lay your brilliance on me.
Ladies and gentlemen,
my name is Violet Zhigaag,
and it is my honour
to be here
uh, addressing
the graduating class.
Oh-ho-ho-ho!
You are good!
I love it, okay?
That was
Classy
Gassy
It was timeless, really.
Is "ladies and gentlemen"
too formal, though?
Uh well
I have seen kids in our class
take a dump in a pizza box.
So yeah?
Violet, if you're too nervous,
we can always skip it.
We can't skip grad, Harley.
Girl!
You're going out east
to be a friggin' doctor, okay?
And I'm gonna be your roomie
bartending at some sick club.
What are they gonna do?
Huh?
Did you hear that, Winnipeg?
We're outta here!
Aroooo!
[whooping]
All right, Teen Wolf.
Let's do this thing.
- Don't puke this time, eh?
- That was one time!
Why do you always
have to bring that up?
That's what you said
the last time!
We were in grade eight !
Kick me when I'm down ♪
HARLEY: Ooh, I was thinking,
we take a couple garbage bins,
right, we fill 'em with water,
and we make a waterbed
for the Toronto apartment.
We can't do that.
What if it flops and then
we have water everywhere?
Augh!
- Oh my God!
- Friggin' Mickey Carp!
Whatever, Schumack.
Gimme yer purses.
What even are those even?
VIOLET: Whatever.
Just give them to her.
It's not worth a scrap.
Whatchu got in here?
Heavy flow, hey?
VIOLET: Those are
regular tampons.
No, dude, not my retainer!
HARLEY: Ugh
Gimme that.
No!
My uncle beaded it.
MICKEY: I don't care
if Fred Durst beat it.
- Gross!
- Fred Durst?
I'm not afraid of you,
Mickey Carp.
I saw you fart off your
bathing suit at Fun Mountain.
Fuck yeah, I did.
VIOLET: Whatever, man.
We gotta go!
[distant train horn]
Shit.
She took my speech.
We can skip it.
No, we can't skip grad, Harley!
MICKEY: Hey!
You should be careful.
See a lotta guys
getting jacked around here.
Say you've left me,
say that you've left me ♪
Hey!
You don't need a speech.
You'll be fine!
Hello.
Um, I'm really
honoured to be here,
speaking to you all.
AUDIENCE: Can't hear you.
- My peers and friends--
- AUDIENCE: Can't hear you!
AUDIENCE: Turn the mic on,
genius!
[loud feedback]
[audience exclaiming]
Hey, Vi!
HARLEY: Yeah, fuck 'em!
The next generation--
- [loud feedback]
- [audience exclaiming]
Somebody fix the mic, frig!
WESLEY: [coughs]
Bruuuuutal!
[laughter]
SHELLEY: Don't heckle
your sister.
You got this, my girl!
[clapping and cheering]
VIOLET: Um, let's
try this again.
[exhales]
We are the next generation.
The future.
And, uh, what is the future
without leaders?
We need to
take hands with the future.
Future hands.
"Future hands"?
- VIOLET: Um
- Aho.
VIOLET: Um
Ummm
We are
the the future? ♪
The future! ♪
AUDIENCE: You're killing us!
Gather everybody,
come around ♪
HARLEY: [in a whisper]
No singing!
You're making it worse!
Um
Being great means
making mistakes.
And mistakes we learn from.
It's it's from the mistakes
that we learn
how to be even greater.
I mean, I mean,
how can you--
- [thud]
- [audience gasps]
[scattered laughter]
♪
How's your mug?
You really cheese'd it, eh?
I barely scraped it.
- [Shelley chuckles]
- VIOLET: Simmer down.
THE FOX: Hush, Wanda.
Damn moose with a perm.
- Oh, sure.
- [The Fox laughs]
Oh, almost forgot!
Your gift, doctor-niece.
Chi-Miigs, Uncle.
SHELLEY: I'm so proud
of you, my baby.
And Harley.
Looking just like your mom did
when we were your age.
I know she's with us today,
just smiling down on you.
Thanks, Shelley.
THE FOX: Harley,
where's your diploma at?
I got a frame for yours too.
Ah, who cares?
Just a piece of paper, right?
Truth.
THE FOX: Grover,
put the guitar down!
You know you're banned!
You're gonna do so good
for the community.
That's the plan.
SHELLEY: You know
we need Native doctors.
WANDA: You know when Uncle
rolled his ankle line-dancing,
the doctor told him he couldn't
walk 'cause he was drunk?
And never forget how they
treated Harley's mom.
[clears throat]
SHELLEY: The work you do
is important.
That's what matters, okay?
That's all.
Oh, shit.
Who wants this busted piece?
I will!
Mm-hm, me, me.
I'll have that.
Oh, speaking
of busted pieces
WANDA: Back from
hockey camp already?
Hurt my shoulder.
Hurtin' on the inside too,
but not showing it.
I'm fine.
SHELLEY: Mm-hm.
Yeah, big-headed as ever.
Do you guys remember
when he was modelling?
He tried to re-create
that Marky Mark underwear ad?
- Just baggy and everything!
- [laughter]
Eugh!
Could have at least
changed his underwear!
Violet, time to rock!
WANDA: Oh, shit,
he's gonna sing again!
[guitar playing]
And I'm fallin' apart ♪
Yeah!
When all is said and done,
you're still the one ♪
Someone's gotta tell
The Fox he can't sing.
Holy heck, man.
VIOLET: Oh,
Cousin Cheryl's cousin
said that he went
to a club in TO,
and he met one of
the Swollen Members!
What?
See, that is exactly
what I'm talking about!
No more of this
high school trash, okay?
Tell you what
we're gonna do.
We'll kick up as much shit
as we can this summer,
then we'll get
the hell outta town,
middle fingers in the air!
I dunno about middle fingers
Violet!
Are you ready to change
my friggin' life?
Alright, but you can't be mad
if it looks like shit!
Do it!
["Voice in Your Head" by
Shit Present playing on speaker]
- Augh!
- [Harley squeals]
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Dude?
[Violet laughs]
Lemme see, lemme see, lemme see!
Okay, okay
Is it Drew Barrymore?
Or Drew Carey?
It looks
so sick!
Holy shit!
This is it, Violet!
Oh my God!
New look, new city
New life!
Right?
I could tell you
I'm right here for you ♪
[excited laughter]
Holy shit,
you should be a hairdresser!
I gotta clean it up
a little bit.
Really?
I thought it was perfect!
Okay, so that's two
Uncle Buckets with extra skin
and a side of ribs
Yup!
- Staff meal!
- EMPLOYEES: Yeah!
CHERYL: Why is one of
them rank-ass delivery boys
bringing it in?
WANDA: Restaurant's
short-staffed tonight.
I think that
I'm trippin' ♪
I hear Tyler's in a band.
Violet loves Ty-ler!
Not even!
Shut up!
Weenuk, Tyler.
Yow!
VIOLET: Cousin Cheryl, frig!
HARLEY: Stop buggin'.
Just talk to him!
[laughs]
Not you, sorry!
It's my friend Violet.
She's, like, totally
"Fatal Attraction" for this kid.
VIOLET: Harley, quit it.
I swear
[laughs]
No, that's what I said!
[laughs] Okay, yeah.
You take care.
[hangs up phone]
See?
Even Skin Buckets gets it.
VIOLET: Whatever.
I'm sick of this!
Wait, what are you doing?
Harley!
No, please!
HARLEY: Hi! My friend
would like your number.
WANDA: Hey, what's going on?
HARLEY: Violet wants his number.
He's in a band!
TYLER: Yeah,
we were just on Jonovision.
Who's Violet?
[Violet gasps]
TYLER: Word.
WANDA: Yeah, go on.
Get back to work.
TYLER: Enjoy the meal.
- Go on, I said.
- Okay.
Tyler's digits.
You're welcome.
Why would you do that?
Because, if I hadn't,
you were never
going to make a move.
CHERYL: Violet, get
some of that love medicine
for your boy already.
- Whatever!
- [phone ringing]
Uncle Sizzle's,
where hasty meets tasty.
Uh, this is Violet.
MALE VOICE: Whaddup,
sweet beak?
Are you a meat-lover?
Can you handle a big pepperoni?
Eugh, ew!
I got Meat Lover!
- Transfer to me.
- Okay.
[phone ringing]
[in raspy voice]
Hello Meat Lover?
MEAT LOVER: Ah
I just wanted you to know
that I'm holding
the world's most
juiciest sausage right now.
MEAT LOVER: Yeah.
Yeah, work that meat, baby!
Mmm
Yeah!
VIOLET: Harley, hang up!
HARLEY: Oopsie!
I just dropped it.
And it just slid
down my slick, wet
MEAT LOVER: Aw
Steaming
Dirty diaper!
[slams down phone]
[both laugh]
WANDA: Let's eat, guys.
Hey!
You know shotgun's gotta feed me
so I can drive, right?
You hit your noggin that hard
at grad, or what?
Man, I barely friggin' slipped.
Come on.
Yo, Wesley's back from
hockey training, huh?
Boy got jacked, though.
Even lost his
little poonch there.
[electronic beep]
Oh, dude, you're getting a page.
Nice!
My dad just got
a bunch of pickerel.
I gotta jet back before
it gets all snatched up.
Then I'm gonna meet my girl.
When are you gonna
bring her around?
I'll do what I do
when I do it.
You don't gotta know
all my business.
HARLEY: Just drop us off
near Garbage Hill, then.
This guy Jay who called
into work wants to meet up.
VIOLET: No!
No, that's how Wanda met Dale.
And he tried to melt
her copper pots for money!
Yeah, meeting
randos is real rank.
Come on, Vi
- It'll be chill!
- No.
HARLEY: If you're
not having fun,
we'll leave, I promise.
[sighs]
Fine, but I don't want
to spend another night
watching you do burp tricks
in a parking lot.
[belching]
A B
C D
[laughter]
VIOLET: My mom would shit
if she knew we were out here
meeting frig knows who!
HARLEY: We're 18!
We can do what we want!
I got a bad feeling!
Let's bail.
Everything is
going to be--
- [man groans loudly]
- just fine
[loud splatter]
HARLEY: Holy shit,
it's raining puke!
JAY: Told you you'd get sick!
VIOLET: Aw, man!
Bro!
On my fuckin' car?
Damn, boy.
Easy, pants tent.
Sorry about that, uh
He gets nervous, you know?
WOODY: Hi!
I just get a little bit nervous!
JAY: Yo, get your ass
down here, man!
That's, uh, my boy, Woody.
Or, uh
"Meat Lover" to you,
I guess.
VIOLET: Ew, Meat Lover?
You brought us here
to hang with that pervert?
JAY: Pssht, aw, come on!
He's not that bad.
WOODY: Shouldn't have
had those raw dogs
JAY: You girls
want a drink?
Won't all that ice
rust up your car?
HARLEY: So what's up,
Days of Thunder?
Don't see many classic whips
cruising the 'Peg.
You're into cars?
VIOLET: Her dad's a mechanic.
JAY: Wicked.
HARLEY: So where'd you
get the slick ride?
I'm a
private investigator.
- A P.I.?
- That's right.
Like, how?
HARLEY: No, that's mega.
VIOLET: Is that a flare?
Yeah.
Oh, buddy, you better
not hit my fuckin' gas tank!
[laughter]
Harley, come on,
let's go!
What?
No!
What are we gonna do?
Watch "North of 60" with your
mom for the millionth time?
- We can still catch it.
- No way!
It's just one bus.
So, ladies
You ready to party?
Two, three, four! ♪
WOODY: Yo, boyeee!
HARLEY: Finally, a real party!
Tyler's playing!
HARLEY: Try to keep your bra on.
VIOLET: Don't ditch me
again, okay?
I won't!
But if we get separated,
meet up at the front
where we came in.
VIOLET: Oh
is he gonna staple him?
- No!
- [people yelling]
JAY: Diaper Piper just
got out of the hospital.
[Harley laughs]
I'll be right back, okay?
Okay.
Dude, look,
there's Showboat Shaw!
Two, three, four, yow! ♪
VIOLET: Her mom's Chicaboo
from the friendship centre
pow wow club!
SHOWBOAT: Is that
a Kid Rock thing?
Yeah, it's a Kid Rock thing,
obviously !
You don't get the vision!
- Oh my God.
- Yeah!
SHOWBOAT: I fucking quit!
- Fuck you!
- Yeah, whatever.
SHOWBOAT: Fuck!
What's Woody doing?
- No!
- Oh!
VIOLET: No, he's not!
HARLEY: See, now
the outfit makes sense.
Are you monsters ready
for the next match?
Lemme hear you
make some noise!
[Woody cheering]
SHOWBOAT: In this corner,
we have the Woodtick!
- He's full of blood!
- Yeah! Woo!
SHOWBOAT: And who better
to flick him off
than the motherfucking
Garburator?!
Let's see if he can
garble up this trash!
- Why are we here?
- [bell clangs]
HARLEY: I don't know!
- [Garburator growls]
- [crowd cheering]
Oh, shit!
VIOLET: Oh my God!
HARLEY: He's gonna
snap him in half!
People shouldn't bend that way.
Oh, God
I'm gonna go get some snacks
and find Jay!
Dude!
♪
GARBURATOR: Where you
gonna run to, little man?
SHOWBOAT: Alls I said was
Kid Rock isn't that hard
and Tyler said I "didn't
get his vision for the band."
Focken' right!
So I quit.
CHERYL: Yeah, brutal!
Violet, you sick pig.
What're you doing here?
VIOLET: Harley's idea.
Meat Lover dragged us along.
You?
Selling pickerel.
Making a killing.
So, Meat Lover, huh?
He a freak?
That's him on the mat!
Harley's all moony for his bro.
SHOWBOAT: Jeez.
Hey, you know,
you did great tonight.
Yeah
Uh, I'm gonna wrap my gear
before it gets stolen.
So Showboat's your girl?
She's way outta your league.
Easy there, stage diver.
[crowd yelling
and exclaiming]
[bell clangs]
[laughter and hollering]
"Babby boy"?
Do you mean " baby boy"?
I'm not a spelling bee, biotch.
Hey! You trashed
my bestie's hat!
Yeah, well,
you should be careful
who you're messin'
around with, girlie.
Give it!
I'm not scared of you,
Mickey Carp.
You went to prom with a horse.
Oh, yeah?
HARLEY: Chugging pop.
So scared.
Fock me.
[fighters grunting]
♪
Hey, yo.
It'll be okay.
You know, just
find another band.
I can't just find
another band, Cheryl.
It took me years to get
some momentum with these guys.
I mean, you'll figure it out.
You don't get it!
You're out here chillin'.
And that's cool,
but I've got ambition.
I can't sit around
in this shit town
What?
Just
Just say it.
We should go back
to being friends.
I need
space.
Maybe you should figure
your shit out, too.
Yeah.
Yeah, you betcha.
Couldn't have said it
better myself.
Solid.
- [fighters grunting]
- [bell clangs]
Oh, it is so on.
Hey, Mickey,
I was just kiddin' around!
Then let's fuckin'
kid around, eh?
- Augh!
- [loud thud]
HARLEY: Fuck
[men yelling angrily]
Oh, shit!
Mickey!
Get up! Dammit, get up!
CROWD: [chanting]
Fight, fight, fight, fight
MAN: Oh, shit!
♪
MAN: Are you serious?
JAY: What's up, huh?
- I'm a green belt, bro!
- Yeah, okay
- [siren whoops]
- MICKEY: It's the cops!
HARLEY: Shit!
Let's get outta here!
♪
[man grunting]
[siren wailing]
♪
VIOLET: Harley!
[siren wailing]
PARTYGOER: Cops, cops, cops!
Come on!
VIOLET: Fuck!
Oh, shit!
[man grunting with effort]
[siren wailing]
HARLEY: Thanks for
your help back there.
But I can defend myself.
Oh, I know, Sluggo.
So where'd you learn
to kick like that?
Is that, like, a P.I. thing,
or something?
For real?
Roadhouse.
- [Harley laughs]
- I watched that shit on repeat.
[Harley laughs]
Ooh
You still got
those flares, or?
Oh, you are trouble.
HARLEY: Okay
Just pull it?
JAY: Jut let 'er rip.
- Okay, are you ready?
- Alright.
[Harley squeals]
♪
HARLEY: Oh my God!
[laughter]
["Twenty-One"
by Jake Etheridge playing]
Twenty-one ♪
Ain't too far from
where I've begun ♪
To love you
and hate you at once ♪
I think I can
take this with a smile ♪
Bat your eyes ♪
And lick your teeth
and choke your laugh ♪
And when you lie ♪
It's like you're
breathing air or paying cash ♪
Seeing you,
ashamed from what ♪
SHOWBOAT: With the bust,
we probably won't get paid,
those fuckers.
And I even did double duty
when the MC bailed.
Oh man, that's so bunk.
I'm done with The Roids
anyways.
No more screamo
with the scream-bros.
I'm gonna do my own thing.
Hm.
I sometimes jam with my uncle.
We used to play Dolly Parton
at the Elders lodge.
Oh, my kookum lives there.
What happened to your face?
Stuff got real.
But I handled it.
And if you ever wanna jam,
I have a guitar.
Yeah, that'd be a'ight.
[slurping drinks]
[front door opens]
Oh-ho, nice bangs,
Lloyd Christmas!
Nice shirt, fat neck!
Holy, you're just fuckin'
snarfin' my last loaf?
Why don't you go lurk around
your own home for once?
Yeah, like I'm gonna
move to Selkirk
with my dad.
Whatever, "Dick."
Ah
Yeah, some
Some kids tagged me.
Yeah, here.
I, uh
I hid your "diploma."
You know, my uncle
wanted to frame it.
It's probably not a good idea
to leave your rejection letter
just lying around.
Does Violet know
you didn't graduate?
Gimme that!
It's one credit.
And I'll tell her.
Hm.
Right after I tell her
that I porked her chode brother.
Wait
Do you even know
what a chode is?
Oh, fuck off, Wesley!
I haven't even heard from you
in over a year!
What was I supposed to do,
call my house and ask for you?
You coulda written!
Oh yeah, I'm gonna write,
I'm gonna pull out
a fucking quill and scroll
like I'm Shakespeare now.
Holy shit.
Grow the fuck up!
What's wrong with you?!
Man, you grow up.
You kissed me first!
Whatever,
like I give a shit.
I'm gonna be out of here
at the end of the summer anyway.
Oh
Oh, you're gonna follow
my sister to university, huh?
Yeah, wow,
that's a great plan.
No one's gonna hire
a high school drop out.
Dick sandwich.
Hm!
That's what you are!
Wha
Ow, fuck!
VIOLET: Where'd you go?
You ditched me.
I know.
I know, big loser move, okay?
But
I got your hat back!
[giggles]
I fought friggin' Mickey Carp
for your honour.
[both laugh]
You idiot.
How's the girl?
What girl?
Sounded like a girl
was yelling at Wes.
Oh yeah.
That girl.
I just saw her leave.
[sleepily] Oh
Do we know her?
No.
Mm
Always with
the messy girl drama.
Totally.
Goodnight.
♪
♪