Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (2022) s01e01 Episode Script
Jobs
ALL: # There's three of us
# There's three of us
# Look closely, you will see
# There's three of us
# Just three of us
# There's him and you and me
# And every day, we all hang out
# To find out what we talk about
# And I'm the one that's over here
# And I'm the one that's over here
# And I am over here
ALL: # That's three of us
# Just three of us
# Us three. #
Oh, look, it's morning.
Huh, I guess we stayed up all night
talking again.
Well, what are we supposed
to be doing now?
Um What?
I would like to know what's
meant to happen today.
Right, yeah.
Let me check the schedule.
Oh.
Oh. Says here we don't have anything
planned.
Says we're doing nothing.
What? Nothing?
Nothing at all?
That's what it says on the schedule.
No, we need to do something.
Especially me.
Honestly, I don't mind it.
How about we just give it another
20 minutes?
No, it's too dull.
Only dull people think things are
dull.
What? I'm not dull?
I'm the best one.
What do you think we should do?
Oh, my, will you look at the time!
I'd better get going.
Wha? Who is this?
Why didn't we get breakfast?
I certainly wouldn't want to be late
for my job, would I?
Um, probably not. I don't know.
Cheerio, then!
See you. Bye. Wait.
Can you tell us what we're supposed
to Whoops!
Almost forgot my briefcase!
Look, he's one of those guys
who has one of himself.
Hey, where are you going?
To my job, of course.
I've got a million things to do
today.
A million things?
Wow.
Hm. Sounds stressful.
Not at all!
If you found the right job,
it won't even feel like work.
In fact, you'll feel like an angel!
VOICE ECHOES
Wow. I've got a job.
On my shoulder.
That's not a job.
That's a welt.
Is that true?
Yeah.
I think we'll have to pass.
We've got other plans, I'm afraid.
No, we don't. We're not doing
anything. Yeah, exactly.
Sign us up for three jobs
straight away. Yeah.
Steady on there, friend.
You need to find the right one
first!
Well, no. What about Nothing Day?
It was supposed to be Nothing Day.
I was looking forward to doing that.
# You can be anything you want to do
# It's totally up to you
# Even if you don't know what to do
# I can help you, show you
# You could be the guy who types
so fast on computers
# Clackity, clackity, clackity,
clack
# Oh, you could be the one who kicks
so hard at a football
# It's a goal!
# Oh, you could be the one who bangs
the hammer when he's angry
# Order!
# Oh, you could be the one who makes
people better when they're poorly
Oh, careful! What are you doing?
# Maybe I could be the one
who plants a tree
# Cuts it down to make a shed
# And I will invent a digital
currency based around respect
# And I would really prefer to do as
little as possible
# Or nothing at all. #
Is that an option?
What, you want to sit around all
day, a great big guy like you?
He's not that big.
OK, I get it.
So, you want to be like my brother,
Unemployed Brendan.
Take it away, Brendan!
# Oh, you don't want to end up
like me
# Oh, I'm very shameful and upset
# My brother is quite successful
and perfect
# Even though I'm older than him. #
What's he saying?
I don't want to do this anymore!
What's wrong? Come on,
that was good! Go on.
Yeah. Yeah, it'sgood.
Keep going, Unemployed Brendan.
Why can't you just call me Brendan?!
My name is Brendan!
Oh, don't be like that.
This isn't fair!
Ow! My hand!
You all right?
What did you say to me?!
Is your hand all right?
Are you gonna publish my novel?
Um, no.
SHOUTING: Then leave me alone!
# I could be the one who tells all
the soldiers to stand up straight
# Attention!
# I could be the one who drives
a truck full of ice creams
# Yum, yum! Have one!
# You could be the one who cuts
people's hair for a party
So it looks smart. It looks dumb.
# Maybe I could be the one who
catches all the fishes in a big net
Uh, there's nothing in it.
# Oh, you could be the guys who fly
so high to a space moon
# Oh, you could be the guys who work
as a team in the workplace
Yes!
# Or you could be the ones who
dig a hole for a funeral. #
Huh?
SINGING CONTINUES
What?
Where'd he go?
HE CLEARS THROA
Uh, sorry to interrupt, guys.
Have any of you seen a strange, uh,
box person?
Box?
Eh?
No, no. He's more of a business bag.
He's a brown bag.
He eats breakfast.
He's one of those ones with one
of himself.
PHONE RINGS
Uh, also, I think the phone's
ringing.
You need to be more aggressive.
That's how you get ahead in the
workplace. Give it here.
Attention, freaks. It's me.
We're supposed to be starting
our new job any moment.
How do we get out of here
and away from you immediately?
How strange. They're pretending
they don't respect me.
And the phone's still ringing, guys.
Isn't?
Sorry, but isn't anyone going to
get that?
RINGING CONTINUES
Don't get too close to them.
They look feral.
RINGING CONTINUES
Uh, hello?
You're through to, uh Oh.
..Peterson's And Sons And Friends
Bits & Parts Limited.
Huh.
What are you doing?
We're making bits and parts.
Although sometimes, I feel a bit
like the parts are making me!
Oh, Andy! That makes me laugh.
Yep, I'm a bit of a cheeky guy
sometimes.
Yeah, I wish! You and whose army?
THEY LAUGH
Uh-huh.
Good job, team-mate.
That's what I call
a quality product.
So, how do we get out of here?
Sorry, I'm just at work.
What? What are you doing?
I'm making bits and parts,
although sometimes, I feel a bit
like the bits and parts
are makingme.
SHE LAUGHS
Good one!
HE LAUGHS
Here, let me have a go.
CREATURE SHRIEKS
What?! Oh, dear.
CREATURE SHRIEKS
Hey, my thing that I did!
I think Duncan's looking for you.
Duncan's in charge of the website.
Look, he's working on the website
now.
Duncan?
Duncan
Hm. That's not a website.
Eh?
The website's under construction.
Here you go.
Don't forget your helmet!
You don't want to have an accident.
They're more common than you think.
Oh, thanks, guys.
What about me?
I should get the helmet.
I've got the most valuable brain.
Hm. Here. Give me yours.
Argh! Ah!
That's lunch!
# He's a vending machine
# It's a vending machine
ALL: # We all eat lunch from a
vending machine
# He's a vending machine
# That's a vending machine
# We all eat lunch near
a vending machine
# Some people say it's not real food
# But I quite like it and I think
you will, too. #
Stop it! Oh.
Uh-huh. OK, yeah.
Well, I don't actually work here.
Bye.
Wow, nice work!
You're a real go-getter, aren't you?
Am I? Uh, I don't think I am.
Most people say
I think you are, and you've got such
a beautiful telephone voice,
if I may say so myself.
Oh. Thanks. That's very kind,
actually.
Thank YOU.
Why don't you sit down,
make yourself comfortable? Uh
Oh, I've got a fax coming
through for you!
SHE STRAINS
Oh, that's nice.
Who's this from?
Me.
Hi there. How are you?
How is your child?
Good, thanks.
I like my child, but not as much as
I likelasagne!
One restaurant-style lasagne
coming up. Mm!
When are we going to go?
I thought I was supposed to invent
a digital currency, not this.
What? We can't go.
It's only lunchtime.
What's he saying in there?
What's he walking around for?
Is he lost?
Hey, come on. Let's not talk about
work over lunch.
Don't even talk to Clare until
she's had her lasagne.
THEY LAUGH
Oh, stop forming a bond with them.
We should go.
If you're going, can I have your
lasagne?
Get away from me, Duncan. Aw.
You must be the new guy
I've been hearing so much about.
How are you? How is your child?
Good, thank you.
You don't have a child.
One restaurant-style lasagne
coming up.
And don't forget your hot black
water - on the house!
Mm-mm, it's good!
Lunch!
All right, machine.
I'd like two of everything, please.
Ooh, I'm sorry.
It looks like you forgot your
lunch token.
What? Nobody else had tokens.
Don't worry. You can still get a
meal from the free vending machine.
MACHINE CREAKS
Hi.
What can I get you?
Umdo you have the lasagne?
Yeah, I reckon.
Hold your hand out, then.
OK.
MACHINE GRUNTS
Actually, that's too much.
Put some back. Mm.
No, no, I can't help you.
I don't work here.
OK, fine.
SHOUTING: Bye!
HE SIGHS
Get a load of you.
I really liked what you did at the
end there. What was that?
Yeah, uh, I guess I kind of
yelled a bit.
It's like it's your voice,
but it's even more of it.
Is it? Uh, I should probably get
going now.
It sounds like it's lunchtime.
Oh, you don't have to get your own
lunch. We've got it here for you.
Look, it's salmon with diamonds.
Oh. I don't know if you can eat
diamonds. Can you eat diamonds?
Oh, we'll just get something else.
Well, don't throw it away.
HE SCOFFS
That's wasteful.What are you doing?
Well, I was gonna put it in the bin,
shouldn't I?
Don't do it yourself. Make the bin
do it. He's pathetic.
Yes, sir, I'm pathetic!
Sir? Why's he calling me sir?
Because you're the boss.
You're the boss! I'm not the boss.
Yes, you are. You're
upper management. Look! Yeah!
Am I? What does that mean?
It means you can do anything
you want.
Oh. Great.
You could even fire somebody
if you like.
Yeah. Fire somebody.
Fire somebody?
Hey, hey, hey, you don't have to
fire someone,
but it's the kind of thing
Mr Peterson would do.
Fire somebody! Fire me!
OK, calm down.
You could fire him, or kill him.
For the world!
THROUGH TELEVISION: So, you're a new
employee here
at Peterson's And Sons And Friends
Bits & Parts Limited.
I imagine you've probably been
thinking a bit
about what part you play.
Like a sporting team or the army,
our business runs on something
called teamwork.
From the manufacturing team
Hello!
..to the big brains in
upper management I'm busy.
..we all have a vital role to play.
Him? No!
Even Duncan on the website. Hi!
Health and Safety.
First things first -
we are well aware of our reputation,
but health and safety is important
to us in our own special way.
What? What does that even mean?
What that means is that, at some
point, we will have an accident,
and that's a promise because we feel
that only a freak accident helps us
appreciate all the times we're not
being burnt in a grease fire
or mangled in a piece of machinery.
Thanks for listening, and if you're
still having trouble fitting in
Who's in charge around here?
That's it.
HE HUMS
Er, excuse me,
do you have an appointment?
That's it.
I've had enough of this place.
What do you want? I'm busy.
Busy? What are you talking about?
We've only been here for
nine minutes.
Hang on a second.
What are you wearing?
Don't say that. He looks smart.
Smart dress clothes only.
Is that a lanyard?
What? No.
HE LAUGHS
This is a laminated tag.
The lanyard itself is the fabric
festooning it.
I thought everyone knew that.
What have they done to you?
Look, I told you, I'm busy.
If you're having trouble fitting in,
then maybe you should book in
a session with the Carehound.
Otherwise, I've got
important work to do.
Important work?
What are you talking about?
Nobody here does anything at all.
All they do is turn bits into parts.
Hey, he can't talk to you like that.
Yeah, you're just jealous cos I'm
actually good at it.
And I look like a smart boy in
my outfit.
Good at what?
All you do is pick up the phone.
Anyone can do that.
What you doing? Don't do that.
Don't do that.
PRINTER SCREAMS
Ah!
He can't do that!
Quick, show him who's boss!
CHANTING: Do it! Do it! Do it!
Do it!
RED GUY: Uh
But Please, do it!
Ow! Do it!
That's it.
Here, take your things.
What? These aren't my things.
I'm afraid I'm letting you go.
Letting me go?
From what?
TOILET FLUSHES
Oh, hello. Ha! You all right?
Working hard or hardly working, eh?
You didn't wash your hands.
Yeah, so what?
Somebody else will do it.
Anyway, back to the grindstone, hey.
# Vending machine #
But
What do you think it means
to have a job?
Some people think it's just
something you do between breakfast
and dinner, but not me.
Whatever else is going on,
my job provides me
OVER PHONE: ..high call volume.
Please stay on the line.
Your call is important to us.
A member of the
Urinal Support Service
will be with you as soon as
they can.
Ugh. If you're about to overflow,
please hang up and dial
So, I guess that's what my job
means to me.
I hope that made a difference.
If you're having trouble coping
at work,
please ring the below number.
Or the above number.
Or the diagonal number.
ELEVATOR: Hi there.
How was your day today
at Peterson's And Sons And Friends
Bits & Parts Limited?
Not good. I got let go.
Please answer by selecting a member
of the emotion family.
What?
I don't know these emotions.
You sound stressed.
Would you say you're feeling
overwhelmed with stress?
I'm not stressed. I'm unemployed.
I understand.
We all feel a bit lost sometimes.
Perhaps there's still a place
for you here, after all. What?
We just need to deal with
your attitude.
# I see that you're having problems
# And your stress is getting you
overwhelmed
# Maybe you need a break
# Or something to take
# To help you when you need help
with yourself
# We'd like to make some suggestions
# Here's some guidance for dealing
with stress
# Just a small exercise that may
help you stay calm
# When your stressful behaviour
is bad. #
Try to imagine all your thoughts
are squeezed inside a cube
and the cube is in a garden.
But the garden isn't real
and the cube is made of nothing.
Now, let's imagine we're in
a library,
and there's loads and loads of books
and they represent the cube.
And the cube is actually you.
What? That's it. I'm not a cube.
Turn it off.
So, you'd like to register
a complaint with the Carehound?
Um
Just whisper your complaints
very quietly into the mouth
of the Carehound.
Shouldn't I whisper into itsear?
No, no. Just right into the mouth
of the Carehound.
Let it all out.
Um
Argh!
INDISTINCT CLAMOUR
There you are.
So, how are you feeling?
I feel
I feel like
..I'd better get back to work.
Glad to have you back on board.
ELEVATOR: Hi there.
How was your day today at?
I'm part of the team.
You must be the new guy.
Guilty.
HE LAUGHS
You're a cheeky guy, too.
You'll fit right in.
What's all this?
It's the retirement party.
Sign the card?
Rumour has it even Mr Peterson's
going to do a speech.
Wow, Mr Peterson!
I like the sound of that.
Oh. Sh, sh.
Here he comes.
HE COUGHS
Hello, employees.
As you know, I've been in upper
management for a long, long time.
Oh. That's Peterson.
But today isn't all about me.
It's about another guy.
That's No.
Somebody who has been working hard
or hardly working here for many
years now.
So, let's all wish him a
fond farewell on his
Manyyears?
HE LAUGHS
Wait.
This This isn't
Of course, he's joined by his
beautiful wife, Clare,
and his lovely daughter, Jackie.
CLARE AND JACKIE: Yay!
But I think everyone might agree
with me when I say what a guy.
40 years.
Can you believe it?
CLARE: The big 4-0.
No.
No, I can't.
This
This
Yay! The website's going on!
VOICE ECHOES
Yah!
This isn't what we're supposed
to be doing!
Uh
My card! Me too old!
Argh!
Finally, the accident!
Yeah, it's here!
Yay, Daddy!
This does make me appreciate
not being in an accident.
I feel so alive, yeah!
Do something!
WORKERS SCREAM
You're fired!
Not that!
Argh!
Hey! Huh?
# Oh, you could be the one who gets
the post from the postbox
Huh?
# Oh, you can be the one who paints
a picture with a paintbrush
Wait, what?
# Oh, you could be the one who makes
the shoes for the horsies
Where? Where's my phone?
# Oh, you can be the one who spends
all day with the sad ones
What?
# You can be anything you want
to do! #
YELLOW GUY BREATHES HEAVILY
What? Huh?
My hand.
My child.
Oh, my lanyard.
And my weight gain.
Well, I'd better be off.
Come on, Brendan.
Time for your bath.
Meh!
Wait, what was all of that?
All of that stuff that we just did.
What was it all for?
Ha! Oh, yes! I almost forgot!
You've earned this.
Whoa.
Argh!
# There's three of us
# Look closely, you will see
# There's three of us
# Just three of us
# There's him and you and me
# And every day, we all hang out
# To find out what we talk about
# And I'm the one that's over here
# And I'm the one that's over here
# And I am over here
ALL: # That's three of us
# Just three of us
# Us three. #
Oh, look, it's morning.
Huh, I guess we stayed up all night
talking again.
Well, what are we supposed
to be doing now?
Um What?
I would like to know what's
meant to happen today.
Right, yeah.
Let me check the schedule.
Oh.
Oh. Says here we don't have anything
planned.
Says we're doing nothing.
What? Nothing?
Nothing at all?
That's what it says on the schedule.
No, we need to do something.
Especially me.
Honestly, I don't mind it.
How about we just give it another
20 minutes?
No, it's too dull.
Only dull people think things are
dull.
What? I'm not dull?
I'm the best one.
What do you think we should do?
Oh, my, will you look at the time!
I'd better get going.
Wha? Who is this?
Why didn't we get breakfast?
I certainly wouldn't want to be late
for my job, would I?
Um, probably not. I don't know.
Cheerio, then!
See you. Bye. Wait.
Can you tell us what we're supposed
to Whoops!
Almost forgot my briefcase!
Look, he's one of those guys
who has one of himself.
Hey, where are you going?
To my job, of course.
I've got a million things to do
today.
A million things?
Wow.
Hm. Sounds stressful.
Not at all!
If you found the right job,
it won't even feel like work.
In fact, you'll feel like an angel!
VOICE ECHOES
Wow. I've got a job.
On my shoulder.
That's not a job.
That's a welt.
Is that true?
Yeah.
I think we'll have to pass.
We've got other plans, I'm afraid.
No, we don't. We're not doing
anything. Yeah, exactly.
Sign us up for three jobs
straight away. Yeah.
Steady on there, friend.
You need to find the right one
first!
Well, no. What about Nothing Day?
It was supposed to be Nothing Day.
I was looking forward to doing that.
# You can be anything you want to do
# It's totally up to you
# Even if you don't know what to do
# I can help you, show you
# You could be the guy who types
so fast on computers
# Clackity, clackity, clackity,
clack
# Oh, you could be the one who kicks
so hard at a football
# It's a goal!
# Oh, you could be the one who bangs
the hammer when he's angry
# Order!
# Oh, you could be the one who makes
people better when they're poorly
Oh, careful! What are you doing?
# Maybe I could be the one
who plants a tree
# Cuts it down to make a shed
# And I will invent a digital
currency based around respect
# And I would really prefer to do as
little as possible
# Or nothing at all. #
Is that an option?
What, you want to sit around all
day, a great big guy like you?
He's not that big.
OK, I get it.
So, you want to be like my brother,
Unemployed Brendan.
Take it away, Brendan!
# Oh, you don't want to end up
like me
# Oh, I'm very shameful and upset
# My brother is quite successful
and perfect
# Even though I'm older than him. #
What's he saying?
I don't want to do this anymore!
What's wrong? Come on,
that was good! Go on.
Yeah. Yeah, it'sgood.
Keep going, Unemployed Brendan.
Why can't you just call me Brendan?!
My name is Brendan!
Oh, don't be like that.
This isn't fair!
Ow! My hand!
You all right?
What did you say to me?!
Is your hand all right?
Are you gonna publish my novel?
Um, no.
SHOUTING: Then leave me alone!
# I could be the one who tells all
the soldiers to stand up straight
# Attention!
# I could be the one who drives
a truck full of ice creams
# Yum, yum! Have one!
# You could be the one who cuts
people's hair for a party
So it looks smart. It looks dumb.
# Maybe I could be the one who
catches all the fishes in a big net
Uh, there's nothing in it.
# Oh, you could be the guys who fly
so high to a space moon
# Oh, you could be the guys who work
as a team in the workplace
Yes!
# Or you could be the ones who
dig a hole for a funeral. #
Huh?
SINGING CONTINUES
What?
Where'd he go?
HE CLEARS THROA
Uh, sorry to interrupt, guys.
Have any of you seen a strange, uh,
box person?
Box?
Eh?
No, no. He's more of a business bag.
He's a brown bag.
He eats breakfast.
He's one of those ones with one
of himself.
PHONE RINGS
Uh, also, I think the phone's
ringing.
You need to be more aggressive.
That's how you get ahead in the
workplace. Give it here.
Attention, freaks. It's me.
We're supposed to be starting
our new job any moment.
How do we get out of here
and away from you immediately?
How strange. They're pretending
they don't respect me.
And the phone's still ringing, guys.
Isn't?
Sorry, but isn't anyone going to
get that?
RINGING CONTINUES
Don't get too close to them.
They look feral.
RINGING CONTINUES
Uh, hello?
You're through to, uh Oh.
..Peterson's And Sons And Friends
Bits & Parts Limited.
Huh.
What are you doing?
We're making bits and parts.
Although sometimes, I feel a bit
like the parts are making me!
Oh, Andy! That makes me laugh.
Yep, I'm a bit of a cheeky guy
sometimes.
Yeah, I wish! You and whose army?
THEY LAUGH
Uh-huh.
Good job, team-mate.
That's what I call
a quality product.
So, how do we get out of here?
Sorry, I'm just at work.
What? What are you doing?
I'm making bits and parts,
although sometimes, I feel a bit
like the bits and parts
are makingme.
SHE LAUGHS
Good one!
HE LAUGHS
Here, let me have a go.
CREATURE SHRIEKS
What?! Oh, dear.
CREATURE SHRIEKS
Hey, my thing that I did!
I think Duncan's looking for you.
Duncan's in charge of the website.
Look, he's working on the website
now.
Duncan?
Duncan
Hm. That's not a website.
Eh?
The website's under construction.
Here you go.
Don't forget your helmet!
You don't want to have an accident.
They're more common than you think.
Oh, thanks, guys.
What about me?
I should get the helmet.
I've got the most valuable brain.
Hm. Here. Give me yours.
Argh! Ah!
That's lunch!
# He's a vending machine
# It's a vending machine
ALL: # We all eat lunch from a
vending machine
# He's a vending machine
# That's a vending machine
# We all eat lunch near
a vending machine
# Some people say it's not real food
# But I quite like it and I think
you will, too. #
Stop it! Oh.
Uh-huh. OK, yeah.
Well, I don't actually work here.
Bye.
Wow, nice work!
You're a real go-getter, aren't you?
Am I? Uh, I don't think I am.
Most people say
I think you are, and you've got such
a beautiful telephone voice,
if I may say so myself.
Oh. Thanks. That's very kind,
actually.
Thank YOU.
Why don't you sit down,
make yourself comfortable? Uh
Oh, I've got a fax coming
through for you!
SHE STRAINS
Oh, that's nice.
Who's this from?
Me.
Hi there. How are you?
How is your child?
Good, thanks.
I like my child, but not as much as
I likelasagne!
One restaurant-style lasagne
coming up. Mm!
When are we going to go?
I thought I was supposed to invent
a digital currency, not this.
What? We can't go.
It's only lunchtime.
What's he saying in there?
What's he walking around for?
Is he lost?
Hey, come on. Let's not talk about
work over lunch.
Don't even talk to Clare until
she's had her lasagne.
THEY LAUGH
Oh, stop forming a bond with them.
We should go.
If you're going, can I have your
lasagne?
Get away from me, Duncan. Aw.
You must be the new guy
I've been hearing so much about.
How are you? How is your child?
Good, thank you.
You don't have a child.
One restaurant-style lasagne
coming up.
And don't forget your hot black
water - on the house!
Mm-mm, it's good!
Lunch!
All right, machine.
I'd like two of everything, please.
Ooh, I'm sorry.
It looks like you forgot your
lunch token.
What? Nobody else had tokens.
Don't worry. You can still get a
meal from the free vending machine.
MACHINE CREAKS
Hi.
What can I get you?
Umdo you have the lasagne?
Yeah, I reckon.
Hold your hand out, then.
OK.
MACHINE GRUNTS
Actually, that's too much.
Put some back. Mm.
No, no, I can't help you.
I don't work here.
OK, fine.
SHOUTING: Bye!
HE SIGHS
Get a load of you.
I really liked what you did at the
end there. What was that?
Yeah, uh, I guess I kind of
yelled a bit.
It's like it's your voice,
but it's even more of it.
Is it? Uh, I should probably get
going now.
It sounds like it's lunchtime.
Oh, you don't have to get your own
lunch. We've got it here for you.
Look, it's salmon with diamonds.
Oh. I don't know if you can eat
diamonds. Can you eat diamonds?
Oh, we'll just get something else.
Well, don't throw it away.
HE SCOFFS
That's wasteful.What are you doing?
Well, I was gonna put it in the bin,
shouldn't I?
Don't do it yourself. Make the bin
do it. He's pathetic.
Yes, sir, I'm pathetic!
Sir? Why's he calling me sir?
Because you're the boss.
You're the boss! I'm not the boss.
Yes, you are. You're
upper management. Look! Yeah!
Am I? What does that mean?
It means you can do anything
you want.
Oh. Great.
You could even fire somebody
if you like.
Yeah. Fire somebody.
Fire somebody?
Hey, hey, hey, you don't have to
fire someone,
but it's the kind of thing
Mr Peterson would do.
Fire somebody! Fire me!
OK, calm down.
You could fire him, or kill him.
For the world!
THROUGH TELEVISION: So, you're a new
employee here
at Peterson's And Sons And Friends
Bits & Parts Limited.
I imagine you've probably been
thinking a bit
about what part you play.
Like a sporting team or the army,
our business runs on something
called teamwork.
From the manufacturing team
Hello!
..to the big brains in
upper management I'm busy.
..we all have a vital role to play.
Him? No!
Even Duncan on the website. Hi!
Health and Safety.
First things first -
we are well aware of our reputation,
but health and safety is important
to us in our own special way.
What? What does that even mean?
What that means is that, at some
point, we will have an accident,
and that's a promise because we feel
that only a freak accident helps us
appreciate all the times we're not
being burnt in a grease fire
or mangled in a piece of machinery.
Thanks for listening, and if you're
still having trouble fitting in
Who's in charge around here?
That's it.
HE HUMS
Er, excuse me,
do you have an appointment?
That's it.
I've had enough of this place.
What do you want? I'm busy.
Busy? What are you talking about?
We've only been here for
nine minutes.
Hang on a second.
What are you wearing?
Don't say that. He looks smart.
Smart dress clothes only.
Is that a lanyard?
What? No.
HE LAUGHS
This is a laminated tag.
The lanyard itself is the fabric
festooning it.
I thought everyone knew that.
What have they done to you?
Look, I told you, I'm busy.
If you're having trouble fitting in,
then maybe you should book in
a session with the Carehound.
Otherwise, I've got
important work to do.
Important work?
What are you talking about?
Nobody here does anything at all.
All they do is turn bits into parts.
Hey, he can't talk to you like that.
Yeah, you're just jealous cos I'm
actually good at it.
And I look like a smart boy in
my outfit.
Good at what?
All you do is pick up the phone.
Anyone can do that.
What you doing? Don't do that.
Don't do that.
PRINTER SCREAMS
Ah!
He can't do that!
Quick, show him who's boss!
CHANTING: Do it! Do it! Do it!
Do it!
RED GUY: Uh
But Please, do it!
Ow! Do it!
That's it.
Here, take your things.
What? These aren't my things.
I'm afraid I'm letting you go.
Letting me go?
From what?
TOILET FLUSHES
Oh, hello. Ha! You all right?
Working hard or hardly working, eh?
You didn't wash your hands.
Yeah, so what?
Somebody else will do it.
Anyway, back to the grindstone, hey.
# Vending machine #
But
What do you think it means
to have a job?
Some people think it's just
something you do between breakfast
and dinner, but not me.
Whatever else is going on,
my job provides me
OVER PHONE: ..high call volume.
Please stay on the line.
Your call is important to us.
A member of the
Urinal Support Service
will be with you as soon as
they can.
Ugh. If you're about to overflow,
please hang up and dial
So, I guess that's what my job
means to me.
I hope that made a difference.
If you're having trouble coping
at work,
please ring the below number.
Or the above number.
Or the diagonal number.
ELEVATOR: Hi there.
How was your day today
at Peterson's And Sons And Friends
Bits & Parts Limited?
Not good. I got let go.
Please answer by selecting a member
of the emotion family.
What?
I don't know these emotions.
You sound stressed.
Would you say you're feeling
overwhelmed with stress?
I'm not stressed. I'm unemployed.
I understand.
We all feel a bit lost sometimes.
Perhaps there's still a place
for you here, after all. What?
We just need to deal with
your attitude.
# I see that you're having problems
# And your stress is getting you
overwhelmed
# Maybe you need a break
# Or something to take
# To help you when you need help
with yourself
# We'd like to make some suggestions
# Here's some guidance for dealing
with stress
# Just a small exercise that may
help you stay calm
# When your stressful behaviour
is bad. #
Try to imagine all your thoughts
are squeezed inside a cube
and the cube is in a garden.
But the garden isn't real
and the cube is made of nothing.
Now, let's imagine we're in
a library,
and there's loads and loads of books
and they represent the cube.
And the cube is actually you.
What? That's it. I'm not a cube.
Turn it off.
So, you'd like to register
a complaint with the Carehound?
Um
Just whisper your complaints
very quietly into the mouth
of the Carehound.
Shouldn't I whisper into itsear?
No, no. Just right into the mouth
of the Carehound.
Let it all out.
Um
Argh!
INDISTINCT CLAMOUR
There you are.
So, how are you feeling?
I feel
I feel like
..I'd better get back to work.
Glad to have you back on board.
ELEVATOR: Hi there.
How was your day today at?
I'm part of the team.
You must be the new guy.
Guilty.
HE LAUGHS
You're a cheeky guy, too.
You'll fit right in.
What's all this?
It's the retirement party.
Sign the card?
Rumour has it even Mr Peterson's
going to do a speech.
Wow, Mr Peterson!
I like the sound of that.
Oh. Sh, sh.
Here he comes.
HE COUGHS
Hello, employees.
As you know, I've been in upper
management for a long, long time.
Oh. That's Peterson.
But today isn't all about me.
It's about another guy.
That's No.
Somebody who has been working hard
or hardly working here for many
years now.
So, let's all wish him a
fond farewell on his
Manyyears?
HE LAUGHS
Wait.
This This isn't
Of course, he's joined by his
beautiful wife, Clare,
and his lovely daughter, Jackie.
CLARE AND JACKIE: Yay!
But I think everyone might agree
with me when I say what a guy.
40 years.
Can you believe it?
CLARE: The big 4-0.
No.
No, I can't.
This
This
Yay! The website's going on!
VOICE ECHOES
Yah!
This isn't what we're supposed
to be doing!
Uh
My card! Me too old!
Argh!
Finally, the accident!
Yeah, it's here!
Yay, Daddy!
This does make me appreciate
not being in an accident.
I feel so alive, yeah!
Do something!
WORKERS SCREAM
You're fired!
Not that!
Argh!
Hey! Huh?
# Oh, you could be the one who gets
the post from the postbox
Huh?
# Oh, you can be the one who paints
a picture with a paintbrush
Wait, what?
# Oh, you could be the one who makes
the shoes for the horsies
Where? Where's my phone?
# Oh, you can be the one who spends
all day with the sad ones
What?
# You can be anything you want
to do! #
YELLOW GUY BREATHES HEAVILY
What? Huh?
My hand.
My child.
Oh, my lanyard.
And my weight gain.
Well, I'd better be off.
Come on, Brendan.
Time for your bath.
Meh!
Wait, what was all of that?
All of that stuff that we just did.
What was it all for?
Ha! Oh, yes! I almost forgot!
You've earned this.
Whoa.
Argh!