Dudes (2023) s01e01 Episode Script

1
[woman] Samuel is ghosting me.
Can you believe it?
[woman 2]
How long has he been missing in action?
The last connection
was yesterday at 8:00 p.m.
- Call him. Let him face you.
- Yeah.
- [cellphone] Voice email system.
- [woman 1] The "I hide from you" system.
I don't know what else to do, seriously.
I went out with all my friends' friends,
and it's the same thing with all of them.
- Thank you.
- Pilot screwed us
because now they all think
they're a big deal.
None of them want a serious relationship
'cause they swear
we're all at their disposal.
And on top of that, they can't speak
face to face, it's all by chat.
To top it off, it's like a copy paste
they send to seven women at the same time.
- Give me a break!
- No, no.
- Antonia
- [sighs] Me.
- [Antonia] Thank you.
- [barista] Have a nice day.
YOUR SMILE BRIGHTENS UP MY DAY
Thank you.
[chuckle]
["Tacones Rojos" playing]
[sighs]
Wait, wait, wait, just a minute.
- After you.
- Thank you.
["Tacones Rojos" continues playing]
[Antonia] Hello.
Antonia Miranda for Invest Colombia.
- Follow me.
- Thank you.
["Tacones Rojos" continues playing]
- After you.
- [Antonia] Thank you.
- [Antonia] Hello.
- [all] Hello.
- What floor?
- Fourth.
[elevator door close and music stops]
[elevator bell]
[doors open]
- Thank you. Have a good day.
- Have a good day.
- Bye, my love.
- See you later.
[laughing]
- "Oh, after you, after you."
- You look like little kids, bro, stop.
THIS IS HOW WE GUYS ARE
- [man] Hey, come on.
- It's worth reminding you
that if we fail to attract new investors
in the coming weeks,
the outlook doesn't look too good.
We already exhausted the circle
of friends and fools,
but if we don't inject new capital,
we could become stagnate.
Without money, there are no commissions,
and without commissions,
there's no Billuka, my friends.
No, no, no, let's not jump to conclusions,
it's not going to get to that.
But what Mafe's saying is true,
we need to update
our bios and get the team ready.
Marcel: Yeah. Are you in the interview?
Is it a cool place?
Antonia: I'm still waiting.
Marcel: There must be some hot guys
in that office.
They're all executives. Delicious.
Alright, I'm kidding.
One cute one got on the elevator,
but within three seconds
he'd already disappointed me.
Three seconds!
Antonia? Follow me, please.
Of course. Immediately.
Ricardo, alias "The young-old-dude".
- [complains]
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because of his advanced age,
he's a connoisseur
of the good things in life.
Come on, Daniel, don't be a jerk,
sit down and let's get to work.
We're at work. The more we focus,
the faster we'll finish.
- Sit down!
- [Daniel] And this is also true.
Ricardo, a traveler, an adventurer,
a walking encyclopedia,
our director of communications.
Feel free to contact him
with any questions or concerns,
even on how to raise a teenager
and to be a die-hard bachelor at 45.
Very good!
- [Ricardo] That's a good one.
- [Daniel] The next patient.
Simón, the baby of the company.
Marketing director.
Since he became a father at a young age,
he's an expert at explaining our products
to the masses as if they were children.
Very good. Let's continue.
Here we have Santiago, "The wallet."
He knows that with money
he can control the world,
and that's also including his wife.
- Obviously.
- [Daniel] He's totally stingy,
but anyway, he's the guru of numbers,
in charge of setting our rates,
that's good.
And here we have
our dearest Tomás, "The nerd."
The technological director.
He's the one behind, the one behind,
the one behind the face of the company.
The face of the team,
who makes it possible
for our platform to function.
His attitude reflects his mental age,
an old 50 year old man.
A workaholic, in part
because he has nothing else to do,
and because he'd need magnets
to attract anything.
What do you mean 50, brother?
And It's not like I'm not attractive,
it's just that women nowadays don't know
how to appreciate a gentleman.
That's right, Tommy.
- Nice story, nice story.
- [Daniel] Okay, alright.
Daniel, sexy, young, entrepreneur,
sculpted by the Greek Gods,
- and a sex machine.
- We know, enough.
Come on, brother.
[Julián] Listen to him, entrepreneur!
Co-founder by pure luck
'cause I got him in.
- Well
- [Julián] What would you add, huh?
- [Ricardo] Daddy's boy.
- Daddy's boy.
- Wannabe playboy.
- A pain, insufferable.
- [Julián] Doesn't work at all.
- [Daniel] We're just kidding.
Well, you should've told me that you
wanted to start with the dating profile.
Easy. Daniel.
Mm, "the dog".
Mm. "I got what you need, mama."
- Call me.
- [Mafe] Oh, sure. [laughs]
Santiago. Mm. "The chauvinist."
"Keep quiet and look pretty."
- [imitates a monkey]
- You hurt me.
Tomás. "The dream friend."
- I respect you. [laughs]
- Aw, I do too.
Simón, "the married guy with kids."
"I have to go because my wife
and kids are calling me."
Ricardo. "The young old dude."
The solution for your daddy issues.
It's your turn, Mafe!
Me? The naughty nanny.
That's right!
[all cheering]
Should I come back with snacks
after naptime, cuties?
[interviewer] No, listen.
You're better qualified
than any of the investment officers
we currently have here.
You're a smart woman.
[chuckles]
Could you please explain to me
what the exact duties of the position are?
To connect local companies
with high potential,
with foreign investors
interested in entering our market.
You'd be something of a middleman.
- A middlewoman?
- [interviewer] Listen.
I'll tell you off the bat,
if you want the position, it's yours.
Julián Quintana, co-founder and CEO,
before he started working at Billuka,
he was part of the initial team
for "Enterprise,"
and the founder of CICLAS,
a venture that he sold
to the North American company JUMP,
and with which he was profiled by Venture
as one of the 30 most important
entrepreneurs under the age of 30.
- Julián.
- [Santiago] Oh, no! Mafe, so boring.
All of us here know
hunky meathead's profile by heart.
[Julián] Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Simón] Julián, the unconquerable.
I don't want anything serious.
I don't have the time nor the energy
for a relationship
Oh, you too?
Okay, all of you, yeah, all of you!
[upbeat music]
- Dammit, I'm pregnant.
- What's up?
- Hey. Hello!
- Mm?
Juli, didn't you hear me?
I think I'm pregnant.
No. No, come on, Mafe, three times
a month with the same story?
Who's the father?
- I don't know.
- [chuckles]
- [Mafe] No, I don't find it funny.
- No, but it's funny.
You're something else.
Let's see,
you're a woman who's openminded,
who supports promiscuity,
who has like 30 guys after you,
why don't you plan this out better?
I've explained it to you a thousand times.
The yagé spoke to me, and said,
"You have to detoxify your body."
And I listened.
I've eliminated all hormones
from my life. No more.
Did the yagé tell you
about using a condom?
My "Ceici" failed me.
That day it turned green
and I wasn't in my fertile days.
No, no, no, no, you failed
that thermometer
when you named it "Ceici".
Alright, tell me.
I was offered the job
- [Marcel] Okay.
- but I don't know.
My dad keeps insisting
that I work with him.
Wait.
So you're staying in Bogotá?
- For the time being.
- [Marcel] Oh!
We'll see what happens later.
Come over here.
Besides, that's for organized women, Mafe.
Just use a condom, I'm serious.
Oh, yeah. Guys feel inhibited
and they don't perform as well.
Yeah.
- You can't be irresponsible.
- [Mafe] Irresponsible?
I mean, excuse me, guys can get up
to two women pregnant in a day.
Women get pregnant once in a year.
Why don't you guys plan things out?
- No.
- [Antonia] It's over.
Okay, fine, fine.
It's over because Andrew wanted
an open relationship.
[Marcel] Really?
That's wonderful. Welcome to 2022.
Look at the woman back there wearing pink.
No, don't be so obvious!
Sit down, sit down, you see her?
She's going to start working
at Invest Colombia, huh?
I mean, the guy asked me, "Sweetie,
what would happen if one day
I feel like having an affair?"
So I was like, "Then why they hell
should we get married
if we're already thinking that way?"
Okay, okay, honey, wait a second.
Listen, I understand.
I understand, but you gotta give him
credit for being honest.
[Antonia]
No, no, no, but a bout of honesty
a month before the wedding
is not romantic at all!
Marcel, he should've be asking me
if for our wedding menu
we wanted chicken, fish, or tofu.
But, no, the questions he was asking were,
"Listen, what if, uh, I don't know,
if I like someone in the office,
do you think I can hit on them?
Mm-hm.
Listen, I think you lost out
because that boyfriend
has something about him.
Who, that guy? Oh, no, you're full of it.
There's no way, you need glasses, Mafe.
- That guy isn't right for her.
- What? Well, I mean
Listen to this one,
"Could I go alone to a swingers' bar?"
- Alone? A swingers' bar? Seriously?
- No, that's wrong.
Oh, how 'bout this one,
"Could I go to Ibiza? With Jen?"
Excuse me? With effin' Jen?
Breathe in, breathe in, that's it.
What you have to do is to learn.
Look at Jonathan, Esteban
and me, we're happy.
- We're joyful and content.
- [Antonia] No, Marci.
I'm sorry, but that's how you were
from the beginning.
In other words,
your genesis was being a trio,
- and nothing else.
- What? What?
No, uh, hold on!
By the way, it's not a trio,
it's polyamorous, baby.
If you want, I'll help you on Monday
to find out about her.
You know that I have my contacts there.
Ha! "My contacts."
Friends with benefits, you mean,
you've been with half of Invest Colombia.
Oh, but there's a bunch
of handsome men there.
- [Julián] Sure, sure.
- Just like you, baby, just like you.
[chuckles]
Yeah, play the innocent.
So, what did you tell him?
[Antonia]
That I didn't want an open relationship.
And the bastard told me
that he needed some time.
Some time?
What a son of a bitch.
- Okay, where do you have it.
- Oh, what? The phone?
Where do you have your phone?
Yeah. Give it to me.
- Gimme. He's got some gall.
- Don't text him!
No, I'm not going to text him,
don't be an idiot.
A new love drives out another.
Yes, ma'am, look.
- [Marcel] Uf, I feel hot now.
- Oh, no.
Damn son of a bitch.
- Look, I downloaded the premium package.
- [Antonia] No!
Yes, ma'am! Yes, yes, yes.
We're going to open it. Yes.
Yes. And you won't have
to do absolutely anything.
I'm going to leave it like that,
so you can just see the likes,
and that's it.
Let's see. A picture right here.
Yes. Likes. And that's it.
Look, here it is.
Let's see, "create account."
- Look at the picture.
- No!
Yes, ma'am. Look at it. Mmm.
- So useless, what could you find there?
- [Marcel] Hottie.
No. But who the hell is Monica?
[Marcel] What do you mean
"who the hell is Monica"? You are.
Or do you want me to put your name there?
No, ma'am.
Actually, you know what?
I took away the notifications,
so all you have to do is sign in,
browse around
[chuckles]
and start choosing candidates,
mm, mm, a la carte.
- [Antonia chuckles]
- Sound good, right? Yes, of course!
Okay, buddy, ready?
Take it easy, concen
Do you have a bugger there?
No, concentrate.
And don't start moving your hands.
- You get nervous and start to
- Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, stop pressuring him.
Alright, let's sit
because this is about to start.
Let's go, let's go. Juli, Juli.
- Give it your all, okay?
- Of course.
- Well, don't move your hands too much.
- No, I'm fine, I'm fine.
Okay.
[Santiago] Is that Miranda?
Hey, is that Miranda?
[Mafe] Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Miranda.
[presenter] Good afternoon, ladies
and gentlemen, and everyone else.
Welcome to this conference.
FINTEC: the future of banking
in the framework of Colombia StartUps 4.0.
Today we have the opportunity to share
with three important entrepreneurs,
which I will be presenting to you.
The first one is Juan Fernando Gómez.
Juan Fernando is the founder
of CW Country Wallet.
Let's give him a round
of applause, please.
Our second panelist
is Mr. Gonzalo Aguirre.
Gonzalo is the co-founder of Billion Bank.
A round of applause for him, please.
Let's not applaud so much.
Don't applaud
Don't applaud so much. He's not ours.
He's not ours. He's not one of ours.
[presenter]
to introduce Mr. Julián Quintana.
Julian is the co-founder of Billuka.
[cheering]
[applause]
Let's start with a question for all three.
Tell us in your own words, briefly,
what your venture is about,
and what have been the biggest obstacles
you have had at the time of starting them.
Let's start with you, Julián.
Billuka. Billuka is the digital banking
solution focused on SMEs
which is about 96 percent
of the country's industries,
that don't have access
to financing mechanisms.
On the other hand,
I think that the problem here
is the people's distrust
with traditional banking,
general banking, which for me,
are a gang of thieves.
I think they're lending money
to those who already have money.
It's as if we're giving a food subsidy
to those who live in Rosales.
No, no, no, no, no
[presenter] I had already told you,
they're the disruptors of the industry.
Now let's listen
to Juan Fernando's answer.
- Off to a good start, right?
- It's okay, it's fine.
No. Please, come on.
It's fine.
[all] Shot, shot, shot. Shot, shot, shot.
[cheering]
[Daniel] Chug it, chug it!
Ah! Last one, last one, last one,
I'm already drunk, brother,
I'm at the point of no return,
of no return.
[Simón] Last one for me too.
No, no, no, and I'm switching to beer,
I can't get home too late.
Me too. I get up early tomorrow. No more.
[Daniel] Oh, no, you guys are boring.
Ask for a strawberry daiquiri then.
I'll drink the shots.
[Tomás] No, no, no, drink that,
I think this is going to get good.
Listen, Richie, I have a question.
Why the face? What happened?
Oh, no, I'm kidding, It's because
when you reach a certain age,
your body doesn't function the same.
Oh, no, buddy, at my age
I only do things that I enjoy.
I don't drink to get drunk,
nor speak for the sake of talking.
[laughter]
Of course! That's why he's the man.
He's quiet, and lasts longer than all
of you put together.
[Daniel] No! Not more than me. No!
Dudes, dudes, dudes, dudes!
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Do you remember the hot chick
we saw today in the elevator?
Well, the truth is,
I don't need to see her
- because I remember her butt very well.
- Yeah. Me too.
She's on the dating app,
she's on the dating app!
[Daniel] Show me.
Oh, she's so hot.
Give me just five minutes,
and I promise you that tomorrow morning
I'll have her lying on your bed.
Oh, listen to this one.
What should I call you?
- The Latin Christian Grey.
- Show us to see how Nacho Vidal does.
[Daniel] Easy.
You just upload pictures of trips,
of restaurants, put your hand like this
on your Benz with your watch,
and that's it, the ladies eat that up.
- They'll fall for it. It's like that.
- Shameful. Shameful.
[Simón] No, no, no.
I didn't have to deal with that.
Thank goodness.
Besides, I only love Luisa.
[Julián] Oh, give me a break!
Write a book about it already!
- [Tomás] Oh, yeah, it's a dream.
- Come, Simon.
I'm going to tell you something.
You can be very loveable, right?
But you can also
be very annoying, brother.
Really. Look, one needs to be able to eat
outside the home.
- What's wrong?
- [Mafe] Totally.
When they say that we
only have eyes for one person,
for only one, that's just bull.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Eyes for only one at a time, yeah.
But forever, that's where it all
goes to hell, doesn't it?
Anyway, the thing is that I don't
only hook up through one app,
I hook up through all of them,
I don't limit myself.
But it's the same thing, in social media,
or even in real life,
what you need is money.
You can be very handsome,
you can say the right words,
but you need money to back that up.
- I have that.
- [Mafe] No, well, that's not a lie,
but it's not completely true either.
What I will tell you is that there's
nothing like a man
who hits on you face to face.
I mean,
that's why I don't have teen lovers.
I don't reply to guys
that I don't know on T-Gram.
If someone has the guts,
let them come and hit on me personally.
[Daniel] Want to see a man
with guts hitting on someone face to face?
Watch and learn.
[Ricardo]
Let's see what he does, let's see.
Coming with me?
- Obviously.
- Obviously.
Anyway, I'd love to stay to see him
make a fool of himself, but I can't.
I have to take care of my little angels.
- I'm leaving.
- Alright.
- Take care.
- See you later.
See you, Juli. See you tomorrow.
I'm leaving too.
I'm going running tomorrow.
I'm not going to trade that
just to see Ricky Martin picking up.
- Running?
- No. I'm going to run, seriously.
- Oh, okay.
- Bye, Juli. Don't stay up late.
Alright, see you.
- What, what?
- Want another round?
- Another one. Alright.
- Well, okay. Alright.
Another round over here!
[upbeat Latin music]
- Oh! I have good news for you!
- What happened?
- You're not going to be a stepfather.
- [Julián] I knew it!
Listen, take care of yourself.
Not because of a pregnancy, but a disease.
[Mafe] Oh, no. Don't even say that.
Anyway, you know that the only thing
that scares me is having kids.
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Eh!
- Lend me your cell phone.
- What for?
Oh! It's here in my pocket,
but I ran out of battery.
Eh, eh!
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
What did you do?
What you've wanted to do
for a long time but you've been too lazy.
You're welcome.
[laughs]
God!
[upbeat Latin music]
[message tone]
New email
- Mafe, Mafe.
- [Mafe] What happened?
"Mr. Quintana, I'll introduce myself.
My name is Jorge Villalobos.
Dr. Miranda's personal assistant."
Oh, dammit.
"I'm contacting you to request a meeting
as soon as possible
as he is interested"
- Shh.
- Hey, hey, hey
"in sitting down with you
to talk about your company.
There's an event tonight
at Dr. Miranda's house."
Dammit.
"He extends an invitation
to speak tonight."
Oh, my God.
["Should I Stay or Should I Go" playing]
[soccer commentary on TV]
Guy's Group
Guys. It's urgent. Miranda took the bait.
I have a meeting with him tonight.
Let me know when we can talk.
I'll be waiting.
I'll be waiting.
It was me.
I told him that we should just break up
- Bye!
- [sighs]
Antonia, I know you and something
just doesn't make sense,
tell me the truth.
Did Andrew get cold feet?
[chuckles] Oh, Mom, please.
Do you think I'm that bride
that was stood up at the altar
with her hair curled, really?
- No.
- Oh. Well, but, I don't know.
I just find it so strange that you're here
in Colombia all of a sudden.
- It's weird.
- Because I want to work here.
- With your father?
- No, not with my dad.
- For the country.
- Oh, politics?
Mom, not politics, no! Listen.
I want to keep shooting for innovative
and technological projects,
that are Colombian.
So, what are
you going to tell your father?
Because he swears that
you're going to be working with him.
[blows]
I never imagined this guy
investing in this kind of thing.
It's the first time he's done it.
I already sent a message to the guys to
[Mafe] No, no, no, no, no, no.
They're all going to want to do it,
especially Dany.
This is yours, Juli, you're the CEO.
So, I shouldn't tell anyone?
He's the one who gives
you the worst advice.
Forget him.
What are you going to wear?
Oh, no, no, it's too early for that, Mafe.
[Mafe] Let's see, let's see, let's see.
How about this one?
Oh, no, I know. The brown one.
You look delish.
[laughs]
[upbeat rock music]
Message deleted.
[soft lounge ambient music]
- [Miranda] What?
- Nothing.
I already know where you're going.
I know.
Cheers.
- [Antonia] Good evening.
- Hello, good evening.
[Miranda] But look who's here!
My princess, my daughter,
my best creation.
As if you were a surgeon, Dad.
[chuckles]
What's wrong with a father
saying that his daughter
is his most perfect work of art?
Pretty women never like
to acknowledge their beauty
so that one can continue flattering them.
No, sir, that is not the truth.
The truth is that pretty or ugly women
don't need to be told
if we're pretty or ugly,
we already know it.
What we would really want
is that a man like you
would be able to recognize
what we also have in our brain
or here.
Besides,
the concept of beauty is relative,
otherwise my mother
would have never fallen in love with you.
[laughs]
Honey, I'm an acquired taste.
I'm not for all women.
[laughs]
A glass of wine for my daughter!
Dear friends, as you see,
Antonia has been out
of the country for several years,
she's already forgotten
the definition of "compliment".
But, anyway, I want you all to know
that we're very happy she's here with us.
She was doing quite well in San Francisco
and we don't exactly know
why she's returned.
But, anyway, we as parents
always have to respect
the mistakes, uh, the decisions
that our children make.
I'll take this time to share with you
that Antonia
is going to join Miranda Holdings,
materializing one
of my biggest dreams ever.
- Cheers to everyone!
- [all] Cheers!
You look so beautiful!
[upbeat rock music]
Okay, thank you.
Good night. Take care!
- Good evening.
- [doorman] Good evening.
I'm Julián Quintana.
I'm looking for Mr. Miranda.
Welcome, Mr. Quintana.
Thank you for coming.
Follow me, if you would.
[soft ambient music]
Mr. Quintana, this way.
What are you doing here?
Víctor Ruiz.
What do you think it means?
[Julián]
No, I don't know. And I really don't care.
I love art, I adore art.
But when the value of the work is based
on the worth of the artist's fame, mm-mm,
it's pretentious.
Well, but we still agree on the fact
that art is something subjective.
- Don't we?
- [Julián] Of course, obviously.
But I'm sure no one who lives
in this house chose to have
that thing standing there.
That was a curator who said
it looked pretty
and then they
put those little lights there.
That's because gallerists more worried
about their commission.
- Hm.
- Then again, who knows, right?
These tycoons might use
that for like hanging their coat
or their purse.
[laughs]
Yeah, of course.
Julián Quintana.
Nice to meet you.
Monica?
So, what are you doing here?
Same thing you are.
Oh, so what am I doing here?
Networking?
I saw you with the octopus.
[laughs] With who?
With the octopus. Who wouldn't
want to work with Mr. Miranda?
Oh. No, of course.
No, of course, everybody, obviously.
[Julián] Oh, I know, you didn't know
they call him the octopus?
I didn't know.
[Julián]
Look, I'm going to give you some advice.
If you want to do good with this company,
keep a diplomatic distance with this man.
The guy is dangerous.
He likes women just like you.
Young, pretty, intelligent.
Thank you.
I'll take note.
The guy's an idiot, an egocentric, no.
His whole company's based on his ego.
Better to be associated with him
than work for him.
Very nice shoes. I like them.
- Thank you.
- Besides, he's ordinary.
You should see how he dresses, no.
Unbelievable.
- Fashionable?
- Fashionable? What fashion?
He's a peacock.
Well, a peacock, an octopus, what is he?
- Which of the two?
- Both.
- Mr. Quintana!
- Mr. Miranda.
- How are you doing?
- It's so nice
It's so nice to see you, my God.
I see you've already met my daughter.
Come on, let me introduce you
to some people of the holding.
Good luck with the octopus.
Oh! I'll give you some advice
to do well in this company.
Don't share your appreciation
of this sculpture with the octopus.
Oh, and the suit he's wearing,
that extravagant peacock,
I gave it to him.
Go, hurry up.
Excuse me.
[whimsical music]
CONTACTS
CALLING MAFE
Hello, what's up, Mafe?
Are you in my apartment?
No, you'll never believe
what just happened to me.
[Antonia] Are you still working?
Just here reviewing some things, my love.
Mmm.
Dad, I want to talk to you
about something.
I'm not going to work at your company.
I think it's important to forge
my own path.
Don't you think it would've been better
if you told me before the toast?
No. I didn't want to ruin your evening.
And I hadn't given you an answer either.
[sighs]
So then are you going back
to San Francisco?
[Antonia]
I think I will accept a job offer
from Invest Colombia.
[exhales]
Are you thinking about investing?
I think so.
This world of FINTEC
has always caught my attention.
The company belongs
to a young man who was here.
Mm.
A very intelligent young man,
very outspoken.
- His venture has a lot of potential.
- [Antonia] Well, like all of them.
So then why Billuka
and not one of the thousand
FINTEC companies out there?
[Miranda] Look, sweetie,
one of the best things I've learned
from doing good and bad business
is that you don't invest in the company.
You invest in the person.
This kid has heart. He's self-made.
He's not just another pretty boy
with an idea.
Huh? He's come from the ground up.
He's hungry. And that makes it
a good investment.
[soft romantic music]
[soft romantic music ends]