Emily's Reasons Why Not (2006) s01e01 Episode Script
Pilot
so that's me, emily sanders, editor of self-help books, whose advice I never seem to follow.
But sometimes my mind drifts back to a time when I practiced my own form of self-help-- a time when the reasons why not were much more clear to me.
Sixth grade--post-braces, pre-training bra.
Psst! emily.
Ever tried one? I stole 'em from my mom.
Want one? Reason why not to smoke give grandma a k-- no,thanks.
And for the most part, I was pretty good at listening to the reasons why not hey! That is,until my hormones kicked in.
that means you're my lady.
Mark ponzio-- rude,aggressive,head lice.
But I went to the sixth grade dance with him anyway, and frankly, it's been nothing but ponzios ever since.
There were always plenty of reasons not to get involved with reese callahan, but I wanted him to be right thanks.
So I just ignored everything that was wrong.
Bye.
hey,reese, you forgot your cell pne! two cell phones? Yeah,there could be a perfectly good reason for him to have two cell phones like,for example, Oh,that one's me.
I finally had to admit it was over.
I was done making excuses for inexcusable behavior, and now I had to do something mature, positive and healing.
Hi.
I'm reese.
I have two cell phones.
I suck! I'm a loser! Take this.
Ha ha! 2-faced man-person.
Do you feel better now? -Kinda.
-I'll bet.
Why did I go out with that guy? Whdidn't I listen to the reasons? Well,'cause he was cute and smart and successful, anyour man-person instincts really suck.
So consider this the wake-up call,mama.
Look,I had to hit rock bottom before I cleansed myself of unworthy men and found my beloved aknad.
Oh,please.
Monogamy is overrated.
No,no,I want a soul mate.
I want an aknad.
From now on,I'm gonna listen to the reasons.
Five reasons why not to date a guy, and he's history, even if the perfect male specimen comes a-knockin'.
Hi.
I'm stan from marketing.
They hired the perfect male specimen in marketing? Do you,uh,feel like going to grab some lunch? Emily,no.
You're on the rebound.
You're slightly hungover.
Only last night, you were practicing voodoo.
Plus you already had a sizeable mid-morning snack.
I'll just grab my shag.
I mean,my bag.
I meant to say "my bag.
" Duh.
So silly.
that's okay.
-Hello.
-Hi.
How you doing? Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
That's it.
I'm brewing you a special "keep your panties on" infusion.
Would yoplease talk to her? I'm gonna need a few more details before I judge her, and judge her harshly.
You guys,this guy is different.
Not only did he pull out my chair when I t down not only did he independently order and pour me mineral water but he kept his eyes locked on me -even though-- -even though what? Even though our waitress was like this hot latina porn star.
I mean,reese would have been all over her.
good afternoon.
You like I tell to you the specials? She asked him if he wanted to know the specials, and he said uh,no,thanks.
And? And then what happened? And then we both had a salad and we shared a dessert.
Oh.
Honey,you've set the bar so low.
Don't you guys understand? The universe sent me stan from marketing 'cause he's the polar opposite of reese.
And the best part is, there's not a "reason why not" in sight.
too young, too close,too fast too much time spent living in the past too tired,too scared too much to do for sure,no doubt not into you why ask why? I ask,"why not?" I ask,"why not?" Emilys Reasons Why Not Season 01Episode 01 Proudly Presents Oh,stan.
new beau? Already? Glitter cho-- My backstabbing former assistant who once stole an idea of mine to land herself a promotion.
Pure evil.
Not to be trusted.
Is this the mock-up for reese's book jacket? "Hook,lie & sinker: The lies men tell women.
The lies women tell themselves.
" What am I,an idiot? Yep.
He wrote the book on manipulating women, and you published it.
It must be hard working with him after the way he treated you.
You know,I work with people I don't like all the time,glitter.
I took the liberty of selecting the best shot.
Still needs to be retouched,though.
I don't know.
Part of me thinks it's better to let Mr.
Callahan's flaws be known.
But that's just because you're bitter and still reeling from rejection.
You know what? I don't like this shot.
Why don't you run over the contact sheet, and I'll tell you which one I wanna see enlarged.
That way,we won't waste any more of the company's resources.
Hi.
-Hi.
-Hi.
You got the,uh mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Okay.
I just wanted-- mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
Kudos,em.
Stan from marketing-- he really is a dish.
just don't drop the ball.
You never know who might be waiting in the wings.
And suddenly it was clear to me.
The glitter chos of the world would always try to take what belonged to the emily sanders of the world, including their stans from marketing.
But if stan is my soul mate-- and who knows? Maybe he could be-- my only job is to listen to my instincts, watch out for any reasons why not and see what develops.
Nice! Come on.
One per customer.
Well one is all anyone can ask for.
um,wait.
No.
Can I have,uh,that one right there? This one? It's a little to the left.
That one.
thank you.
thank you.
So cute.
I gravitate toward the rejects.
Hey.
I mean,obviously I don't mean you.
You know,all the girls in the office have the hots for you.
Yeah? Well, I'm only interested in one.
Is this the one? Yeah,that's her.
That's her.
The one with the wonky eye.
Eyelash.
Please,eyelash.
Please let stan be as good as he looks.
Let him not be a player, a stalker or a kinky pervert who lives vicariously through an internet alter ego.
And while you're at it,eyelas please let glitter cho be eaten by a shark.
Morning.
Useless sharks.
Okay,so I'm no genius, but you,stan,both absent from reese callahan's book party last night? Very naughty.
You know,glitter,I'm just his editor.
My job's done.
The press events really have nothing to do with me.
So is he a good kisser? Reese? Stan.
Oh.
I don't know yet.
You mean, he hasn't kissed you? Your new boyfriend hasn't kissed you? okay,I wasn't even thinking about the fact that he hadn't kissed me, but now I am.
Hey.
Whoa.
Hey.
Watch out there.
You'll bruise my bok choy.
okay,dinner is a nobel cause, and the stir-fry smells fantastic, but why is this man trying to avoid kissing me? ah,okay.
That was kinda like a kiss from a mime.
look how sweet he's being.
Reese never would have cooked me dinner, and I'm a confident woman.
I don't need physical intimacy to make me feel attractive usually.
em I just wanna properly thank you for dinner.
Let's not do something we're not ready for,okay? Don't you wanna spend the night? Uh,of course I do.
Can't we just,um cuddle? Cuddle? cuddle? Did I mention that stan is a black belt in brazilian jujitsu? How sexy is that? Come here.
There.
See? Isn't this nice? Yeah,it is,actually.
Aren't we snuggly? Yeah,we are.
Well,good night.
Reason why not number one-- when he says he wants to sleep with you, he means he wants to sleep with you.
it loss of bowel control? Please.
Have you two been living under a rock? It's bronzer.
Self-tanning solution.
He's doing the fake and bake.
You mean he wears makeup? Stan wears makeup? So? Most of the guys I know wear makeup.
okay,I see your point.
Reason why not number two He wears make-up.
emily,is this your bag? Oh,no,that's stan's gym bag.
Really? I wonder what's in there.
Like,I don't know,scooby,but we're about to find out.
Please,eyelash, please don't let there be anything incriminating in stan's gym bag.
Let it just be stinky,sweaty gym clothes.
Thank god! Wait a minute.
"Martha stewart living"? He has a subscription to "martha stewart living.
" Holy implied homosexuality.
Reason why not number three Martha.
Stewart.
Subscription.
he just doesn't seem gay.
I didn't seem gay before I came out.
-yeah,you did.
-yeah,you did.
Maybe stan is just shy.
Even so,I'm only up to three reasons, so he's still in the game,right? Kitten, if your boyfriend's gay, that's the only reason you need.
Hello! The best sex I ever had was with a gay guy trying to prove he wasn't.
He kept trying to prove it hour after hour after hour after hour.
Well,that's not me,okay? I am through getting involved with guys who are not available.
I still think you guys look so cute together.
You know,I decided it's just not professional to get involved with the authors that we publish.
You're right.
It's far more professional to sleep with the men in our marketing division.
I could take her.
I could kick her ass.
Don't be mad? Bite me.
I just thought you two should make peace, for the sake of the book.
The book is done, and this chapter's closed.
I'll let the rest of the office know that the two of you are not to be disturbed.
Emily reese,don't.
I'm just starting to feel human again.
I miss you,em.
I really miss you.
And that's when I felt it-- the "flutter flutter," that light,ticklish feeling that is the barometer of all chemical attraction.
I'm sorry I was such a jerk.
"Was"? Why are you using the past tense? Know how you used to always tell me I never did anything thoughtful for you? Yeah.
I brought you a present.
You did? Yeah.
If you don't have the "flutter flutter," you don't have nothin'.
a bird.
It's a lovebird.
Aren't there supposed to be two of them? Exactly.
Who's this? Stan,my boyfriend.
It's really serious.
He works in this office,actually, and he is an expert in a little martial art I like to call brazilian jujitsu.
brazilian jujitsu? that's like the gayest sport there is! whee-a! Reason why not number four Brazilian Jujitsu.
It's like the Gayest sport there is .
that is very gay behavior.
And I thought I was gay.
I'm struck by how gay this display of gayness is.
Aknad? That man is a very gay man.
Very gay indeed.
reason why not number five If your gay friend thisks he's gay He must be gay.
as I watched stan roll around with bruce, his sparring partner, the evidence was mounting in the most literal sense of the word.
Well,at least now we know why he didn't wanna sleep with you.
Why did he even bother with me? I mean,why didn't he just come right out and admit it? I think he just did.
Here he comes,here he comes.
Hey,glad you guys could make it.
So? What do you guys think,huh? Did you win? Oh,yeah.
I tapped him in,like,ten seconds.
I love it when they submit.
Yeah,so what do you guys think,huh? You know,if you're interested, I can introduce you to my instructor.
Well,it certainly seems like great exercise.
Aknad? You know,I think we'd be naturals.
Yes.
Good.
After seeing stan in action, the coffin of gayness was pretty much nailed shut.
The answer was obvious.
Stan can stay in the closet, but he can't stay my boyfriend.
The sooner I handled it,the better.
Hi.
This is stan from marketing.
I'm either on another call or away from my desk.
Please leave a message,and I will get back to you.
Hey,stan,it's emily.
I started talking, and I just didn't stop, which directly resulted in my outing stan on the company voice mail.
That's it.
Bye.
I know a secret about your boyfriend.
Is that a bird? yes,and reese is not my boyfriend,glitter.
Not reese.
Stan.
I met one of his eight sisters last night, and guess what she told me.
That he's gay.
Gay? No.
He's not gay.
He's a virgin! What? Virgin.
They're frickin' mormons.
Mormons.
Is that a crack up or what? He can't be a mormon.
He's gay.
He subscribes to "martha stewart.
" Well,he is in publishing.
And he wrestles bruce.
I think it's great.
The big,hunky,sexy virgin who wants to wait until he's married to do it? Mmm,I am all over that.
he's not gay,he's not gay! Maybe I can figure out his secret code.
Maybe I can erase the message from his voice mail.
Maybe I can blow up the whole phone system.
Of course,that would only work if he hadn't listened to his message yet.
Hey,stan.
It's emily.
I just wanted to talk to you about your sexuality.
actually,your homosexuality.
I mean,you may not want to discuss this, but it's kinda hard for me to ignore based on our total lack of a sex life.
My best friend josh-- also gay-- he says his life did not even start until he came out of the closet, so good luck with all the guys that you can start going out with now, and I'm sorry it's not me.
Bye.
so thai food for lunch? Sweetie,eat something.
You'll feel better.
Trust me,I won't.
I'm not hungry.
In fact,I'm considering having my big mouth wired shut.
And you're sure he got the message? Oh,he got the message.
He got the message loud and clear.
So what'd he do? So then I pushed him into the utility closet, and he barely even looks at me.
I need to talk to you.
So talk.
It figured.
He was wearing my favorite sweater.
Ironically,it was virgin wool.
Hey, don't touch me.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
No,you didn't, but that didn't stop you from passing judgment,did it? He was saying I was being really judgmental, which is weird,'cause aren't his people supposed to be more forgiving? -That is true.
-Oh,yeah,totaY.
They are.
Anyway,I didn't know what to say, so I basically said josh is the one who said what? Ehe said you were totally gay.
You blamed me? How fourth grade is that? Well,it's true.
You told me he was gay, and you said that you were the expert.
He blipped on the gaydar.
I'd never met a straight male virgin before.
Frankly,I didn't know there were any.
Yeah,but stan is more than just a virgin.
He's a latter-day saint.
Well,I'm not mormon material.
And even though stan's not actually gay, maybe he still wasn't the right guy for me.
Maybe that's what the reasons why not were trying to tell me.
At least it didn't take six months and a looming bladder infection to figure it out.
Well,that's progress,right? Yes,finally.
Oh,my god.
Can you steal that guy's paper? I think there's a thing on reese's book.
Oh,sure.
Ahem.
Oh,yeah.
It's not on the front page.
Oh,right,hang on.
There we go.
"Dastardly delicious"! Aah! Emily,congratulations.
-That is so awesome.
-Oh,my god.
See? Something good did come out of my relationship with reese.
Cheers.
-I'll be right back.
-This is such a great review.
All right,see you later.
So my initial instincts about men may not be as sharp as my initial instincts about books, but I guess that's what makes my life interesting.
And frankly, I'm still optimistic that the reasons why not will lead me to what I'm looking for.
As much as I want to find my other half, I need to consider the possibility that maybe I'm already whole.
But that's the thing about possibilities-- they're infinite.
Proudly Presents Emilys Reasons Why NotSeason 01Episode 01 --end--
But sometimes my mind drifts back to a time when I practiced my own form of self-help-- a time when the reasons why not were much more clear to me.
Sixth grade--post-braces, pre-training bra.
Psst! emily.
Ever tried one? I stole 'em from my mom.
Want one? Reason why not to smoke give grandma a k-- no,thanks.
And for the most part, I was pretty good at listening to the reasons why not hey! That is,until my hormones kicked in.
that means you're my lady.
Mark ponzio-- rude,aggressive,head lice.
But I went to the sixth grade dance with him anyway, and frankly, it's been nothing but ponzios ever since.
There were always plenty of reasons not to get involved with reese callahan, but I wanted him to be right thanks.
So I just ignored everything that was wrong.
Bye.
hey,reese, you forgot your cell pne! two cell phones? Yeah,there could be a perfectly good reason for him to have two cell phones like,for example, Oh,that one's me.
I finally had to admit it was over.
I was done making excuses for inexcusable behavior, and now I had to do something mature, positive and healing.
Hi.
I'm reese.
I have two cell phones.
I suck! I'm a loser! Take this.
Ha ha! 2-faced man-person.
Do you feel better now? -Kinda.
-I'll bet.
Why did I go out with that guy? Whdidn't I listen to the reasons? Well,'cause he was cute and smart and successful, anyour man-person instincts really suck.
So consider this the wake-up call,mama.
Look,I had to hit rock bottom before I cleansed myself of unworthy men and found my beloved aknad.
Oh,please.
Monogamy is overrated.
No,no,I want a soul mate.
I want an aknad.
From now on,I'm gonna listen to the reasons.
Five reasons why not to date a guy, and he's history, even if the perfect male specimen comes a-knockin'.
Hi.
I'm stan from marketing.
They hired the perfect male specimen in marketing? Do you,uh,feel like going to grab some lunch? Emily,no.
You're on the rebound.
You're slightly hungover.
Only last night, you were practicing voodoo.
Plus you already had a sizeable mid-morning snack.
I'll just grab my shag.
I mean,my bag.
I meant to say "my bag.
" Duh.
So silly.
that's okay.
-Hello.
-Hi.
How you doing? Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
That's it.
I'm brewing you a special "keep your panties on" infusion.
Would yoplease talk to her? I'm gonna need a few more details before I judge her, and judge her harshly.
You guys,this guy is different.
Not only did he pull out my chair when I t down not only did he independently order and pour me mineral water but he kept his eyes locked on me -even though-- -even though what? Even though our waitress was like this hot latina porn star.
I mean,reese would have been all over her.
good afternoon.
You like I tell to you the specials? She asked him if he wanted to know the specials, and he said uh,no,thanks.
And? And then what happened? And then we both had a salad and we shared a dessert.
Oh.
Honey,you've set the bar so low.
Don't you guys understand? The universe sent me stan from marketing 'cause he's the polar opposite of reese.
And the best part is, there's not a "reason why not" in sight.
too young, too close,too fast too much time spent living in the past too tired,too scared too much to do for sure,no doubt not into you why ask why? I ask,"why not?" I ask,"why not?" Emilys Reasons Why Not Season 01Episode 01 Proudly Presents Oh,stan.
new beau? Already? Glitter cho-- My backstabbing former assistant who once stole an idea of mine to land herself a promotion.
Pure evil.
Not to be trusted.
Is this the mock-up for reese's book jacket? "Hook,lie & sinker: The lies men tell women.
The lies women tell themselves.
" What am I,an idiot? Yep.
He wrote the book on manipulating women, and you published it.
It must be hard working with him after the way he treated you.
You know,I work with people I don't like all the time,glitter.
I took the liberty of selecting the best shot.
Still needs to be retouched,though.
I don't know.
Part of me thinks it's better to let Mr.
Callahan's flaws be known.
But that's just because you're bitter and still reeling from rejection.
You know what? I don't like this shot.
Why don't you run over the contact sheet, and I'll tell you which one I wanna see enlarged.
That way,we won't waste any more of the company's resources.
Hi.
-Hi.
-Hi.
You got the,uh mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Okay.
I just wanted-- mm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
Okay.
Bye.
Bye.
Kudos,em.
Stan from marketing-- he really is a dish.
just don't drop the ball.
You never know who might be waiting in the wings.
And suddenly it was clear to me.
The glitter chos of the world would always try to take what belonged to the emily sanders of the world, including their stans from marketing.
But if stan is my soul mate-- and who knows? Maybe he could be-- my only job is to listen to my instincts, watch out for any reasons why not and see what develops.
Nice! Come on.
One per customer.
Well one is all anyone can ask for.
um,wait.
No.
Can I have,uh,that one right there? This one? It's a little to the left.
That one.
thank you.
thank you.
So cute.
I gravitate toward the rejects.
Hey.
I mean,obviously I don't mean you.
You know,all the girls in the office have the hots for you.
Yeah? Well, I'm only interested in one.
Is this the one? Yeah,that's her.
That's her.
The one with the wonky eye.
Eyelash.
Please,eyelash.
Please let stan be as good as he looks.
Let him not be a player, a stalker or a kinky pervert who lives vicariously through an internet alter ego.
And while you're at it,eyelas please let glitter cho be eaten by a shark.
Morning.
Useless sharks.
Okay,so I'm no genius, but you,stan,both absent from reese callahan's book party last night? Very naughty.
You know,glitter,I'm just his editor.
My job's done.
The press events really have nothing to do with me.
So is he a good kisser? Reese? Stan.
Oh.
I don't know yet.
You mean, he hasn't kissed you? Your new boyfriend hasn't kissed you? okay,I wasn't even thinking about the fact that he hadn't kissed me, but now I am.
Hey.
Whoa.
Hey.
Watch out there.
You'll bruise my bok choy.
okay,dinner is a nobel cause, and the stir-fry smells fantastic, but why is this man trying to avoid kissing me? ah,okay.
That was kinda like a kiss from a mime.
look how sweet he's being.
Reese never would have cooked me dinner, and I'm a confident woman.
I don't need physical intimacy to make me feel attractive usually.
em I just wanna properly thank you for dinner.
Let's not do something we're not ready for,okay? Don't you wanna spend the night? Uh,of course I do.
Can't we just,um cuddle? Cuddle? cuddle? Did I mention that stan is a black belt in brazilian jujitsu? How sexy is that? Come here.
There.
See? Isn't this nice? Yeah,it is,actually.
Aren't we snuggly? Yeah,we are.
Well,good night.
Reason why not number one-- when he says he wants to sleep with you, he means he wants to sleep with you.
it loss of bowel control? Please.
Have you two been living under a rock? It's bronzer.
Self-tanning solution.
He's doing the fake and bake.
You mean he wears makeup? Stan wears makeup? So? Most of the guys I know wear makeup.
okay,I see your point.
Reason why not number two He wears make-up.
emily,is this your bag? Oh,no,that's stan's gym bag.
Really? I wonder what's in there.
Like,I don't know,scooby,but we're about to find out.
Please,eyelash, please don't let there be anything incriminating in stan's gym bag.
Let it just be stinky,sweaty gym clothes.
Thank god! Wait a minute.
"Martha stewart living"? He has a subscription to "martha stewart living.
" Holy implied homosexuality.
Reason why not number three Martha.
Stewart.
Subscription.
he just doesn't seem gay.
I didn't seem gay before I came out.
-yeah,you did.
-yeah,you did.
Maybe stan is just shy.
Even so,I'm only up to three reasons, so he's still in the game,right? Kitten, if your boyfriend's gay, that's the only reason you need.
Hello! The best sex I ever had was with a gay guy trying to prove he wasn't.
He kept trying to prove it hour after hour after hour after hour.
Well,that's not me,okay? I am through getting involved with guys who are not available.
I still think you guys look so cute together.
You know,I decided it's just not professional to get involved with the authors that we publish.
You're right.
It's far more professional to sleep with the men in our marketing division.
I could take her.
I could kick her ass.
Don't be mad? Bite me.
I just thought you two should make peace, for the sake of the book.
The book is done, and this chapter's closed.
I'll let the rest of the office know that the two of you are not to be disturbed.
Emily reese,don't.
I'm just starting to feel human again.
I miss you,em.
I really miss you.
And that's when I felt it-- the "flutter flutter," that light,ticklish feeling that is the barometer of all chemical attraction.
I'm sorry I was such a jerk.
"Was"? Why are you using the past tense? Know how you used to always tell me I never did anything thoughtful for you? Yeah.
I brought you a present.
You did? Yeah.
If you don't have the "flutter flutter," you don't have nothin'.
a bird.
It's a lovebird.
Aren't there supposed to be two of them? Exactly.
Who's this? Stan,my boyfriend.
It's really serious.
He works in this office,actually, and he is an expert in a little martial art I like to call brazilian jujitsu.
brazilian jujitsu? that's like the gayest sport there is! whee-a! Reason why not number four Brazilian Jujitsu.
It's like the Gayest sport there is .
that is very gay behavior.
And I thought I was gay.
I'm struck by how gay this display of gayness is.
Aknad? That man is a very gay man.
Very gay indeed.
reason why not number five If your gay friend thisks he's gay He must be gay.
as I watched stan roll around with bruce, his sparring partner, the evidence was mounting in the most literal sense of the word.
Well,at least now we know why he didn't wanna sleep with you.
Why did he even bother with me? I mean,why didn't he just come right out and admit it? I think he just did.
Here he comes,here he comes.
Hey,glad you guys could make it.
So? What do you guys think,huh? Did you win? Oh,yeah.
I tapped him in,like,ten seconds.
I love it when they submit.
Yeah,so what do you guys think,huh? You know,if you're interested, I can introduce you to my instructor.
Well,it certainly seems like great exercise.
Aknad? You know,I think we'd be naturals.
Yes.
Good.
After seeing stan in action, the coffin of gayness was pretty much nailed shut.
The answer was obvious.
Stan can stay in the closet, but he can't stay my boyfriend.
The sooner I handled it,the better.
Hi.
This is stan from marketing.
I'm either on another call or away from my desk.
Please leave a message,and I will get back to you.
Hey,stan,it's emily.
I started talking, and I just didn't stop, which directly resulted in my outing stan on the company voice mail.
That's it.
Bye.
I know a secret about your boyfriend.
Is that a bird? yes,and reese is not my boyfriend,glitter.
Not reese.
Stan.
I met one of his eight sisters last night, and guess what she told me.
That he's gay.
Gay? No.
He's not gay.
He's a virgin! What? Virgin.
They're frickin' mormons.
Mormons.
Is that a crack up or what? He can't be a mormon.
He's gay.
He subscribes to "martha stewart.
" Well,he is in publishing.
And he wrestles bruce.
I think it's great.
The big,hunky,sexy virgin who wants to wait until he's married to do it? Mmm,I am all over that.
he's not gay,he's not gay! Maybe I can figure out his secret code.
Maybe I can erase the message from his voice mail.
Maybe I can blow up the whole phone system.
Of course,that would only work if he hadn't listened to his message yet.
Hey,stan.
It's emily.
I just wanted to talk to you about your sexuality.
actually,your homosexuality.
I mean,you may not want to discuss this, but it's kinda hard for me to ignore based on our total lack of a sex life.
My best friend josh-- also gay-- he says his life did not even start until he came out of the closet, so good luck with all the guys that you can start going out with now, and I'm sorry it's not me.
Bye.
so thai food for lunch? Sweetie,eat something.
You'll feel better.
Trust me,I won't.
I'm not hungry.
In fact,I'm considering having my big mouth wired shut.
And you're sure he got the message? Oh,he got the message.
He got the message loud and clear.
So what'd he do? So then I pushed him into the utility closet, and he barely even looks at me.
I need to talk to you.
So talk.
It figured.
He was wearing my favorite sweater.
Ironically,it was virgin wool.
Hey, don't touch me.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know.
No,you didn't, but that didn't stop you from passing judgment,did it? He was saying I was being really judgmental, which is weird,'cause aren't his people supposed to be more forgiving? -That is true.
-Oh,yeah,totaY.
They are.
Anyway,I didn't know what to say, so I basically said josh is the one who said what? Ehe said you were totally gay.
You blamed me? How fourth grade is that? Well,it's true.
You told me he was gay, and you said that you were the expert.
He blipped on the gaydar.
I'd never met a straight male virgin before.
Frankly,I didn't know there were any.
Yeah,but stan is more than just a virgin.
He's a latter-day saint.
Well,I'm not mormon material.
And even though stan's not actually gay, maybe he still wasn't the right guy for me.
Maybe that's what the reasons why not were trying to tell me.
At least it didn't take six months and a looming bladder infection to figure it out.
Well,that's progress,right? Yes,finally.
Oh,my god.
Can you steal that guy's paper? I think there's a thing on reese's book.
Oh,sure.
Ahem.
Oh,yeah.
It's not on the front page.
Oh,right,hang on.
There we go.
"Dastardly delicious"! Aah! Emily,congratulations.
-That is so awesome.
-Oh,my god.
See? Something good did come out of my relationship with reese.
Cheers.
-I'll be right back.
-This is such a great review.
All right,see you later.
So my initial instincts about men may not be as sharp as my initial instincts about books, but I guess that's what makes my life interesting.
And frankly, I'm still optimistic that the reasons why not will lead me to what I'm looking for.
As much as I want to find my other half, I need to consider the possibility that maybe I'm already whole.
But that's the thing about possibilities-- they're infinite.
Proudly Presents Emilys Reasons Why NotSeason 01Episode 01 --end--