Family Matters s01e01 Episode Script

Hey, Carl.
Hurry up.
Your mama is gonna be here any minute.
You know, baby? I've been thinking.
Mama doesn't have to come live with us.
She can live with my brother, Frank, in New York.
I mean, he does have that big apartment and it's just him living there.
I'm gonna call Frank.
Your mother hasn't liked Frank since he took est.
Well, what about my other brothers? Walter or Calvin? Now, Calvin owes me.
I helped put that boy through college.
I'm gonna call Calvin.
What is it with you? Your mother is a sweet lady.
I'm gonna love having her here.
Oh, see, I get it.
See, you think that the woman who's coming to live with us is the same woman you see when we go visit for Thanksgiving.
Well, you see, baby, that's where you're wrong.
See, that's the holiday mother.
That's the one who says: "Oh, Harriette, you're looking more beautiful every time I see you.
" But the real Mother Winslow is different.
She takes over everything.
Harriette, if we let her in here, she will be running our lives.
She'll tell us when to eat, what time to sleep Oh, my Harriette, she'll me put me on a diet.
And I will waste away to nothing.
Carl, we're talking about your mother.
Not a magician.
Okay, forget that.
What about this? We can move to Miami.
She hates bugs.
Let it go.
Let me hold him.
No.
Aunt Rachel said I can take care of little Richie.
- I wanna hold him.
- You can hold him when you get older.
When I get older, he won't be a baby anymore.
Hey, stuff happens.
What are you doing? You put out all these fresh flowers.
Now, Mama is gonna expect fresh flowers in here every day.
I am not paying for fresh flowers in this house every day.
These are from our backyard.
All you're paying for is manure.
Okay, how about this? We buy an RV, stick Mama in it and don't give her a key to the house.
Carl, it's over.
She's moving in.
Mom, today I'm gonna do your laundry.
And after that, I'm gonna wash your car and mow the lawn.
Who are you and what have you done with our son? Forget about our son.
Let's keep this one.
- Okay, Edward.
What do you want? - Well, there's one small thing Eddie's back.
Um, Tony's having a few people over tonight to watch some TV.
Can I go, please? Now you see, there's a catch here and it's up to us to find it.
You're the cop.
- Ahem.
Tony's parents gonna be there? - Of course.
- Beer? Girls? - No.
No.
- How late? - Two.
Bingo.
Book him, Danno.
Eddie, you know your curfew is 10.
Hey, I don't need an answer now.
Take some time.
Think about it.
I'll just be outside rotating your tires.
We should tell him he's wasting his time.
Let's string him along.
Maybe we can get the house painted.
That's your mama.
Harriette, wait a minute.
- What do I do now? - You could open the door.
What are my other options? You don't have any.
Open the door.
Hi, Mama.
- There's my baby boy.
- Ha-ha-ha.
Oh.
Harriette, you get more beautiful every time I see you.
Ha-ha-ha.
Carl, you're putting on weight.
- Thank you for letting me live with you.
- We're glad to have you.
Aren't we, Carl? Uh Oh, we're just tickled to death.
Ha-ha-ha.
Mama, come on in and tell me about your trip.
Oh, that's okay.
Nobody help me.
Here, Rachel, let me help with those.
What's she got in there? A home gym? - Grandma! - Oh, how are my girls? Now, you just come right over here and give me some sugar.
Now, give me some more sugar.
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Girls, who's watching my baby? - She is.
- She is.
Excuse me.
Sit down and make yourself comfortable while Carl and I get refreshments.
- Girls, sit and talk to your grandma.
- Now, before you go I just want you to know that I don't expect any special treatment.
I just wanna help out where I can and not get in the way.
Mama, that's sweet.
I'm sure we'll all get along just fine.
- Won't we, Carl? - Oh, it'll be heaven.
Ha, ha.
Harriette, why did you make me lie to my mother like that? We will not all get along fine.
She's been fine so far.
Well, she hasn't put her purse down yet.
Carl, I like your mama.
You put a smile on your face or you'll be in trouble with me.
- Wow, you knew the queen of England? - That was a long time ago.
Ha-ha-ha.
When I worked for the Fairchilds.
Oh, I've traveled this world, met a lot of interesting people.
Have you ever met Prince? I've met a lot of princes.
Prince of Wales, Prince of Denmark, Prince of Nepal Uh - What prince are you talking about? - She's talking about the Prince that sings and wears purple underwear.
- That would be the Prince of Nepal.
- Have you cleaned up your room? - I cleaned up my half.
You didn't.
You just threw all your junk on my half.
- Girls, upstairs.
- But, Ma, she Now.
- Mama, would you care for some iced tea? - I don't drink caffeine, honey.
Caffeine's bad for my system.
In fact, it's no good for any of you all.
Especially you, Carl.
Your heart's already working overtime.
I'm gonna get you on a diet.
- Grandma! - There's my boy.
- How is my favorite grandson? - I'm doing great, Grandma.
Is there anything else you want me to do before I go to the party? You're not going to the party.
You mean to tell me I was nice for nothing? That's the last time I do anything around this house.
- Here, take this with you.
- Yes, Mama.
Why won't your parents let you go to the party? I don't know.
I mean, all we were gonna do is watch a Rambo marathon.
The problem is my curfew is at 10:00 and the first movie doesn't start until 9:30.
Well, that stinks.
Rambo won't even blow up anybody until after 10.
Yeah, that's what I told Dad.
You know, he's forgotten what it's like to be 15.
I'll handle your father at dinner.
Your grandma is gonna fight for your right to party.
Okay.
Let's get some applesauce.
Applesauce.
Okay, come on.
Mm.
Yum, yum, yum.
Mm.
When am I gonna see the next chapter of your novel? - I'm dying to know what happens.
- So am I.
I just can't figure out who Chastity should fall in love with.
- I thought she was gonna marry Thomas.
- She was, but I killed him off in Chapter 6.
You're the writer.
Bring him back to life.
I can't.
He was eaten by a shark.
It's hard to bounce back from that.
Look, I know you're the creative one in the family but I've got to tell you, the shark part is stinking up your book.
That was some of my best writing.
You liked the shark part, didn't you, sweetheart? Are we ever gonna eat? My digestion is about to shut down.
It won't be long.
I hope you like meat loaf.
Never have liked meat loaf.
Maybe yours is different.
Has it got meat in it? Yeah.
Otherwise we'd just call it loaf.
I think I will go upstairs and put my little man to bed and change my clothes.
- You sweetheart.
- Say goodnight to Mother Winslow.
- Yes, yes.
Mama's little chipmunk cheeks.
- You little angel.
Oh, you're fixing green beans.
I love green beans.
I'm glad.
You're gonna love the mushroom sauce I made.
It's from your recipe.
Can't be my recipe.
Mushrooms give me gas.
Mother Winslow, you've had a hard day.
We've all had a hard day.
Why don't you go into the living room and relax? Because I've got one nerve left and you're leaning on it.
Come in.
Aunt Rachel, can I talk to you for a minute? Oh, you're just the person I wanted to see.
Come over here and sit down.
I've got a great new idea for the next chapter of my book.
Tell me what you think.
Chastity falls back in love with Thomas.
She can't fall in love with Thomas.
He was eaten by a shark.
Well, Chastity thought he was.
But it was someone else.
It had to be him.
When the shark swam away Chastity was still holding his hand with the diamond pinky ring.
What? She never heard of poetic license? Aunt Rachel.
I know you're the creative one in the family but I've got to tell you, the shark part is stinking up your book.
All right, all right.
I'll lose the shark part.
Now, what did you wanna talk to me about? Is Daddy gonna throw Grandma out of the house? Oh, honey.
Come here.
There is no way your daddy is gonna throw her out.
He's got too big a heart.
Remember when your Uncle Robert died, I had to take care of the baby by myself? Well, your daddy asked me to move in here, right? It wasn't all peaches and cream at first.
I mean, we all had to make some adjustments.
And that's what's happening with your grandma now.
Everyone is making adjustments.
Well, I hope they finish all this adjusting soon.
Because it's giving me a rash.
Harriette, Mama's sitting in my chair.
Don't know what you're complaining about.
She insulted my meat loaf before I even took it out of the oven.
This was a bad idea.
A real bad idea, Harriette.
If you say, "I told you so," you're gonna be wearing this meat loaf.
I'm sorry, honey, but we gotta eat now or I'm not gonna be regular for a week.
She's doing it again.
She's sitting in my chair.
I'm supposed to be at the head of the table.
Carl, let it go.
We'll buy a round table.
Come on, let's get something to eat.
It smells good in there.
How come I never get to change the baby? - Laura has a little more experience than you.
- Why don't we give it to her straight? You're too young, too short and the baby doesn't like you.
- Girls, don't argue at the dinner table.
- Okay, let's take it outside.
Sit down.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Whoo, looking good.
What? What are you dressed up for? Well, I thought since it was Grandma's first day dinner should be special.
He's such a good boy.
- Carl, you wanna say grace? - Let us pray.
Oh, Lord.
We thank you for this food and your many blessings.
And we ask simply that you deliver us from evil.
Even if it were to walk right through our front door.
Amen.
Amen.
So, Eddie, big plans for tonight, huh? Well, I had planned to go to a party, but Dad won't let me go.
Well, your father's got your best interests at heart.
Thank you, Mama.
You shouldn't be going to wild parties where there may be drinking, carousing and who knows what all.
Mama, there's not gonna be any of that.
It's just a bunch of kids sitting around watching TV until real late.
- Watching TV? That's it? - Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
The only reason Dad won't let me go is because my curfew's at 10.
Ten? Ha-ha-ha.
You gotta be kidding.
Oh, Carl.
It's almost the '90s.
Lighten up.
Lighten up? Eddie, you go to that party and have a good time.
Why, in France, 15-year-old boys can stay out as late as they like.
Well, Mother, when he's in France, he can stay out all night long.
But in this country, the boy's curfew is still 10:00.
And that's final.
It's not fair! I'm 15 years old and you're treating me like I'm a kid! Edward.
I'll talk with him.
Give a man a badge Well, I talked to Eddie.
He said he's not coming out of his room until he's 18 and then he's moving to France.
Well, now, that's it.
This is all my mother's fault, Harriette.
This time she's gone too far.
She has got to know she can't run this house.
She can't interfere with the way we raise our kids.
And she has got to know that she cannot sit in my chair.
- You're right.
- Well, I'm glad you agree.
So now go tell her.
Me? She's your mother.
You're the one that told her she could move in here.
- She's your mother.
- But she likes you.
She's your mother.
- Is that all you got? - That's all I need.
Oh, all right.
I'll go talk to her.
Where are you going? She's out on the back porch.
I know.
I'm gonna go take a little walk and think about what I'm gonna say to her.
You need anything from Canada? - Oh, Ma.
- Hmm? I see you're busy.
I'll come back when you're through.
You'll have a long wait.
This is a rug.
What do you wanna talk about? Well, Ma, I don't quite know how to say this.
It's It's a very delicate thing and I don't wanna hurt your feelings.
Just go ahead and say what you gotta say.
I'm not sensitive.
I can take it.
Okay.
You're driving me and Harriette crazy.
- That's it.
I'm out of here.
- Wait a minute.
Mama, wait a minute.
You're gonna sit right here.
We're gonna work this thing out.
Mother, I know that it's been hard for you ever since Dad died.
I mean, you had to raise five sons and work at the same time.
You got used to being in charge and when you came here, you naturally took over.
I was just trying to help.
Well, Mother, I know that you meant well.
But look at me.
I am not your little boy anymore.
I'm all grown up with a family of my own.
Mother, I know moving in here wasn't gonna be easy for you.
And I must admit I had my doubts.
But, Mother, I really want this to work.
I want it to work too.
I'm running out of sons.
But if it's gonna work, Ma, we've all got to make some adjustments.
Like what? First, Harriette and I have got to be able to run our own house.
You gotta retire from being in charge.
You can be an adviser.
Well, I'm a little old to make a career change, but I can try.
Thank you, Mama.
It would help if you told Edward you were out of line about his curfew.
Oh, I wasn't out of line about that.
Now, speaking as your adviser if Eddie is to learn responsibility, you've got to trust him.
You know, maybe you're right, Ma.
I'll go talk to Edward.
I love you, Ma.
I love you too, darling.
Ha-ha-ha.
My baby.
Well, while you're talking to Edward, I'll go apologize to Harriette.
And to show I'm sincere I'll try to choke down a piece of that meat loaf.
Come on.
Don't go in the other room.
Oh, man.
Aw, yeah.
- Hey, son.
- Hi, Dad.
- Can I talk to you? - Sure.
First of all, I wanna say I appreciate you giving up your room for your grandmother.
I mean, living up here in the attic isn't the greatest thing in the world.
It has its advantages.
Well, son, about this curfew thing, l Well, I've been thinking.
The truth is how are you gonna learn responsibility if I don't start learning to trust you? Oh, my.
Ahem.
Anyway I've decided to change your curfew to 11.
Oh, but that still means I can't go to the party.
I'm gonna make an exception just this once.
You can go to the party.
- Dad, thanks.
- Ha-ha-ha.
And, Dad, since we're getting along so well, how about doubling my allowance? Don't push it, Edward.
RACHEL, ESTELLE & HARRIETTE: He's got the whole world in his hands Sounds like everyone is getting along for a change.
I better get downstairs before they all get over it.
Ha, ha.
Oh.
I'll just take these for my next stakeout.
In his hands He's got the little-bitty baby in his hands He's got the whole world in his hands He's got the whole world in his hands How's Eddie doing? Is he moving out? No one's moving out.
And no one else is moving in.
In his hands He's got the whole world in his hands He's got everybody here in his hands He's got everybody here in his hands He's got everybody here in his hands He's got the whole world in his hands Whole world - He's got the whole wide world in his hands - Whole world He's got the whole world in his hands He's got the whole world in his hands Whole world