Family Reunion (2019) s01e01 Episode Script

1 [SCATS.]
A Netflix original DEVINE: Family Reunion was filmed in front of a live studio audience.
Hey, Dad, what kind of tree is that? That's a weeping willow, Shaka.
Oh, poor tree.
Even you're sad to be stuck in the boonies of Columbus, Georgia.
[MOZ INHALES AND EXHALES.]
I could smell M'Dear's cooking from the airport.
Smells delicious.
Smells like ten extra pounds.
- You don't have to eat it.
- Oh, try and stop me.
Oh, it's hot here.
Africa hot.
You're a drama queen.
I know I've been doing a really good job at covering, but I do not want to be here.
ALL: We know! My baby is home! Oh, I missed you, M'Dear.
You see why I call him a mama's boy? [SCOFFS.]
It has been such a long time since we've seen you.
And, Cocoa you and the kids.
Oh, you're getting so big.
Ami, come here, come here.
Yeow.
[LAUGHS.]
Dad? Now, I don't know if I can hug a man who beat my Falcons with a last-second touchdown catch.
Oh, okay, okay.
Uh, could you hug the man that bought you a brand-new Cadillac? [LAUGHING.]
Boy, come here and hug your daddy.
- Uh-huh.
- [LAUGHS.]
Ah, Mazzi, you're getting to be such a big boy.
Uh, M'Dear, I'm ten.
I'm a man now.
- Oh.
Ooh.
- Smell.
Don't do it.
You can never unsmell that.
[LAUGHS.]
[HEAVY SIGH.]
What's wrong with Princess Pouty? [COCOA GROANS.]
She's just upset because her friends are at a party, but we insisted she come to the family reunion.
It's not just a party.
It's the biggest social event of the year.
You're not happy to see your grandpa? I'm always happy to see you.
Just why couldn't the family reunion be in Seattle? Because we're the only family that lives there.
[COCOA LAUGHS.]
Yeah.
You want all of your family members to pack up and come to Seattle so you can go to a party? Oh, my gosh, that would be so dope! Let me check flights.
Um yeah, your reception's kinda bad out here.
What's your Wi-Fi password? We don't have Wi-Fi.
Okay, is that all one word? It's not a password.
We don't have Wi-Fi.
Yep, ah, this is where I die.
Mmm-mmm-mmm.
M'Dear, you put your foot in this chicken.
Yuck.
Sweetheart, it's just an expression that means the food is really good.
M'Dear is the best cook in the family.
Thank you, Cocoa, but my sister Maybelle would not agree.
Millie, now whose pies have won the most reunion bake-offs? Yours or Maybelle? Oh, Jeb, nobody keeps up with that kind of stuff.
But if they did, it would be me.
[LAUGHS.]
Hey, everybody! KIDS: Uncle Daniel! [LAUGHING.]
What's up, rugrats? - All right, get off me now.
Get off me.
- Hold up, hold up.
Uh, Moz, Cocoa, so good to see y'all.
No time to chat, but we'll talk later.
Uh, listen.
Get this.
I got a lady friend coming over this evening, and out of all things, I said Hey, Daddy, how you doing? I told her, right, that I was gonna be the one cooking for both of us this evening.
Out of all things.
I said, "Me? I ain't the person supposed to be cooking.
" I said, "You know what? I might go ahead and do that.
" You know? Oh, my God.
It is so good seeing all y'all.
I swear, M'Dear, you ain't never lied when you said, "Ain't nothing like Sunday dinner with family," right? Y'all, God bless.
[DOOR CLOSES.]
What just happened? Uncle Daniel took all the cornbread.
He was so fast.
Not fast enough.
- [SIGHS.]
- [CHEERING.]
- Hey.
Boom.
- Yeah.
Who wants some banana puddin'? - Ooh! - Yes, yes, yes.
Banana pudding? I love you way more than my other grandma.
[SCREAMS.]
Shaka, stop! Stop.
Wow, Jade.
You're the same color as this pudding.
Leave your sister alone.
Black people come in all shades, and we're all beautiful.
Mm-hmm.
Jade just takes more after my mother.
But Grandma Daffee is white.
Yeah, and she's still darker than you.
Y'all better stop teasing Jade.
You gonna need her to help you get a cab someday.
- Girl - [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
[JADE SCOFFS.]
M'Dear said no children in the parlor.
Then why are you in here? I am not a child.
Well, I am.
Someone's gonna die.
[SCREAMING.]
Come on.
Get back.
Come here.
[SCREAMING.]
- [GLASS SHATTERS.]
- Get back here right now! - I just heard it.
What are you - Guys, that's Calm down.
Hey, guys, that's enough.
Hey! Enough! - [GLASS CRACKLES.]
- [GASPS.]
Somebody better start praying before I forget I know Jesus.
M'Dear, we are so sorry.
Don't worry.
We'll clean everything up.
Kids, clean everything up.
- Aren't you gonna punish them? - Oh, absolutely.
What do you think is an appropriate punishment? Proverbs 13:24.
"Spare the rod and spoil the child.
" No, I was talking to the kids.
As conscious parents, we believe it's more meaningful if they pick their own punishments.
What? Who's in charge here? Mama, we encourage the kids to be in charge of their own destinies.
We're new-school parents.
And the jails are full of new-school kids who need they butts whipped.
Millie, it is none of our business.
Remember, church starts at 8:00 a.
m.
We don't go to church.
Dad says we belong to Bedside Baptist.
Uh what? Heh.
I think that's an-that's an old joke.
Dave Chappelle? [LAUGHS.]
He's He's hilarious.
Moz McKellan, come here.
Now, you are the son of a pastor.
Folk have been praying for you since before God put you in this world.
How dare you turn your back on him? I haven't turned my back on him.
I'm trying to do something different.
Amelia, we can't tell Moz how to live his life, nor can we tell him how to raise his kids.
I can if he ain't doing it right.
Church at eight? We'll be there at seven.
Morning, sir.
Thank you so much.
Whoa.
Look at all the black people.
What is this foolishness? We live in Seattle.
Don't blame Mazzi.
He's just never seen this many of us in one place.
Oh, I don't blame him.
Hey, family.
Oh, Aunt Maybelle.
I love that hat.
Thank you, baby.
It's from the Shirley Caesar spring collection.
The winter collection has polar bear fur.
Polar bear? Oh, that's sharp.
Church ladies love their hats.
Ooh, look at that one.
Ah-ah-ah-ah.
We're so blessed We're so blessed We're so blessed When Jesus comes We're so blessed We're so blessed We're so blessed When Jesus comes Hallelujah! Oh, yes! Thank you! That lady's possessed.
I'm out.
Sit.
That's your cousin Rosalind.
She got the Holy Ghost.
It's a good thing.
Yes, Lord! Yes, sir! Amen.
Hallelujah.
This story of the prodigal son illustrates that when a loved one goes astray God can get him home again.
- Amen.
- Hey, okay.
Calm down.
How was I supposed to know she was your sister? Even after you changed the locks, you wonder how they found the new key.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
God bless you.
COCOA: Sit down.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Did the collection plate already go around? Yeah.
- Ooh.
Thank god.
- Shh.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING.]
Whoo! Jesus, help me! Hallelujah! The Holy Ghost got Ami.
Carry me out fast.
Otherwise, we'll never make it out of here.
- MOZ: We'll handle this.
We got this.
- Come on, let's go.
Come on.
I don't need anyone to show me around town.
I'm not staying that long.
Honey, don't be antisocial.
- [SIGHS.]
- You're gonna like Ava.
- She's the life of Bible study.
- [CHUCKLES.]
Hi.
You must be Jade.
- Heh heh.
- I'm Ava.
Nice to meet you.
Well, you girls go have fun.
Okay.
Have you heard the one about the last appetizer? Ava is going to be such a good influence on Jade.
Well, how do you know Jade won't be a good influence on Ava? You're right.
It didn't even sound right coming out.
- Give me a second.
- Okay, yeah.
Go ahead.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
That's better.
Oh.
Nice.
Um, I thought you were Mary Poppins, but you're more Mary Poppin's Off.
All day.
So please tell me this country town isn't as boring as it seems.
Uh-uh.
We might be boring, but we're not country.
Oh, come on, with all your "I'm fixins" and "over yonders" and "Hi, y'all.
" - Hey, y'all.
- See? Heh.
Hey, y'all.
Hey, Drew.
Uh, this is Jade.
She's visiting from Seattle.
She thinks we're all bamas.
I meant it as a compliment.
[LAUGHS.]
All right.
Well, some of us "bamas" are hanging out tonight at Mill's Grove.
You should come through.
- Okay, I'm in.
- Yeah, sounds fun.
All right.
Cool.
- I'll see you around ten.
- Okay.
- Bye.
- Bye.
Bye, Drew.
Okay, I can talk my folks into letting me stay out late, - but my grandmother's a hater.
- Girl, my parents are, too.
Which is exactly why we won't tell them.
Hah.
You're a bad girl.
And I like it.
[LAUGHS.]
[VIDEO-GAME PLAYING.]
Shaka.
Shaka.
Turn it down.
You'll wake up the other kids.
But Ami and Mazzi could sleep through anything, and according to Jade's secret Insta account, she's at a party.
What? I'm all over her secret account.
Oh.
That's her fake secret account so you don't find out about her real secret account.
MOZ: Ooh.
Look at your child.
Ooh.
Look at your sister.
- Hmm.
- I blame the parents.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
That is delicious.
I can't believe it's your first s'more.
Hey, hang on.
You got a little chocolate on your face.
Thanks.
Hey.
- Hey, McKayla.
- Hey.
Oh.
Heh.
[AFRICAN ACCENT.]
Wakanda forever.
I like your shirt, but I don't remember that guy from the movie.
That's Huey Newton.
Leader of the Black Panther Party? - Oh.
Hah.
- Wait, wait.
Stop the music.
- I said stop the music.
- [MUSIC STOPS.]
How do you not know about the Black Panther Party? - That's crazy.
- So sad.
Hashtag #GetAClue.
Calm down, guys.
Jade's not from here.
They were a political group in the '60s.
They fought against police brutality, and they promoted black pride.
Oh.
Heh.
Wow, I didn't know that.
[SCOFFS.]
Where are you from? Brazil? The Caribbean? Seattle.
Isn't that in the U.
S.
? Yes, the left coast.
No wonder she's so clueless.
Sleepless in Seattle and still not woke.
I'm woke.
I'm wide awoke.
Then learn your history, little one, because clearly no one's teaching it to you.
[SIGHS.]
I feel like I just got dragged by Black Twitter.
McKayla's always extra.
She swears she was the first person to say "Black Lives Matter.
" Hey.
Wanna dance? [MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING.]
I'm sorry, but I've got to go before my night goes from extremely embarrassing to completely mortifying.
Bye.
- Hey.
- I-I am so sorry for sneaking out.
You raised me better than this.
Let's go.
- Come on.
- No, no, no.
No, no, no.
This seems like a great party.
Why didn't you invite us? - Yeah.
You wanted to dance.
- Mm-hmm.
- Go.
Go.
- No.
- Go.
Go dance.
- As a matter of fact, we'll join you.
- No, no, no.
- Yes.
- No.
Please, not that.
- That's the move! - Anything but that.
- That's the move! What up, party people? Hey! I'm Jade's dad, and this little honey dip-dip is not her sister, - but her mama.
- Hi.
- Mm-hmm.
- That's right.
Oh.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
What? Hey, hey, hey! One more time.
Hey, hey, hey! - Hey - What? Y'all don't know about this.
I know I don't pray a lot, but please, God, don't let them break it down.
Break it down.
Here we go.
Hmm - [LAUGHING.]
Oh.
- Wow.
- I'm about to shake what I gave her.
- Yeah.
Get ready.
- Oh, oh, oh - I can't see.
I can't see.
Oh, oh, oh, whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
Whoa.
- [DECK FLOOR CREAKS.]
- Shh.
[WHISPERS.]
Go.
Oh, no.
M'Dear's still up.
Damn.
Oh.
She's making mac and cheese.
Yes.
Really? We are trying to sneak our sneaky daughter back into the house, and you're thinking about feeding your face? Cocoa, my mama's mac and cheese feeds my soul.
Hey, maybe we could climb up that tree and get in through my bedroom window.
Or you could just come through the door.
Hoo.
Wow.
Is all of this for tomorrow? No.
The staff at our soup kitchen got sick, so I had to make the meals.
I haven't even had a chance to start making my reunion pies.
- Mm.
- Well, do you need any help? No, baby, I work faster alone.
And anyway, you need to get into bed, don't you? Okay.
Good night.
Night, baby.
- Night, Mom, Dad.
- Night.
Good night, honey.
[SIGHS.]
Okay, M'Dear, our kid snuck out to a party.
Let us have it.
We're awful parents.
- Our daughter is a girl gone wild.
- Mm-hmm.
I wouldn't say awful.
Really? Not to your face, anyway.
[LAUGHS.]
Oh.
I'm sorry for laughing, but when Moz was young and would act a fool, I'd say, "I hope when you grow up, you have a child that acts just like you.
" You cursed me.
Now I have four just like me.
Jade is just growing up way too fast.
- We can't seem to get her to slow down.
- Mm-mmm.
Well, back in my day, we raised our kids the way we were raised With a lot of help from family.
Oh, yeah.
When you got tired of whooping my behind, you sent me over to Aunt Maybelle's house.
Then when she got tired, she sent me over to Uncle Johnny.
I should be bringing y'all up on charges.
Now, I know you two think I might be judging your parenting.
You do.
You're right.
I do.
I'd do a lot of things differently but if what you're doing you think is the best that you can do for your children, then no one can say you're not good parents.
Thanks, M'Dear.
We're trying.
- Just gonna get a little - Ah.
Oh.
Boy! Unfortunately for you, your mama spanks you.
- Don't get in - No, no [LAUGHS.]
["WE ARE FAMILY" BY SISTER SLEDGE PLAYING.]
We are family I got all my sisters with me We are family Get up, everybody, and sing We are family I got all my sisters with me We are family Get up, everybody, and sing Study long, study wrong, bruh.
Ten.
And domino.
I win.
Pay up.
Uh.
Uh-huh.
What? Emergency? Well, I'm coming right now, then.
- Wait, that's my phone.
- Better go get it.
So I've been working on my recipe, Amelia.
I think I got you beat this time, sissy.
I wouldn't doubt it.
I've been so busy cooking for the soup kitchen, my pies aren't as good as they were last year.
Mm-hmm.
So our sister rivalry continues.
Oh, Maybelle, you have to win one before you can call it a rivalry.
Oh.
Hi, cutie.
Hey, don't you two get any ideas.
Don't you get any ideas.
[LAUGHS.]
Don't worry.
- Hi.
- Wow.
Is that a smile? Is Hurricane Jade finally over? Yeah.
This has turned out to be a fun trip.
I really love all of my family.
Hi.
But I'll love her even more once you change her.
[LAUGHS.]
Ooh.
Seems like Georgia agrees with her.
Yeah.
She's finally happy.
All the kids are.
I was thinking maybe one day we could move back? - [BABY COOS.]
- I'd be open to that.
- Right? - You would? Yeah.
I mean, life here is slower, community-oriented.
I've met more of your parents' neighbors than our own.
- Mm-hmm.
- And I've also been thinking a lot about what M'Dear said about raising children with family support.
It might be the best thing for the kids.
They'd also have a chance to really connect to our culture.
Maybe they could have a black Martin Luther King Jr.
in the school play - instead of Bodie Liebowitz.
- [LAUGHS.]
Bodie nailed it, but it just felt so wrong.
- It Yeah.
Just - Yeah.
Pull! Pull! [GRUNTING.]
[CHEERING.]
Yeah.
Hoo.
Thanks.
I'm Jade.
Who are you? I'm a friend of your family Elvis Maybury.
Also known as Frosty the Froman.
Better known as Chocolate Drop, but you can call me your future husband.
[LAUGHS.]
You're moving a little fast, don't you think? I don't need to window shop.
I know what I want.
I'll be seeing you around.
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]
I know you're looking.
All right.
Come on, y'all.
It's time for the McKellan Slide! Come on.
Come on, Jeb.
Get in here, baby.
But I don't know this dance.
Hey, follow me, all right? Uh-oh-oh-oh Everybody dance now It's that time Everybody move now Join the line - We're spinning.
- Everybody groove now You're lookin' fly Feelin' brand new now Just unwind Uh-uh-uh-oh Uh-uh-uh-uh-oh Uh-uh-uh-oh - Uh-uh-uh-uh-oh - Go back, go back.
Where you at? Uh.
Uh.
- Ready to go? - I'm ahead of you, brother.
Come on.
- Hey.
- Ooh.
Ah.
Bam.
Pop.
Ah.
I'm spinning.
Here I go one time.
I'm spinning.
Where'd I go? Here I Yeah.
I'm sorry.
I have no idea what I'm doing.
Drew, what are you doing here? Um Oh, my God.
Please don't tell me we're cousins.
No.
I'm just visiting your cousin Damon.
Oh.
So you're crashing our family reunion? Yeah.
I guess I was hoping to run into someone.
Everybody dance now Everybody, it's time to announce the winner of the baking contest.
But we need an impartial judge to break the tie between Maybelle's glorious coconut cake and Amelia's divine sweet potato pie.
Me.
Me.
Y'all know I love good food.
I even have my own fork.
[LAUGHING.]
No.
Y'all need to let a expert handle this.
- Wow.
- She took my fork.
Should never take a man's fork.
Mmm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.
- Worthy to be praised.
- All right now.
All right.
Now for Amelia's sweet potato pie.
[VOCALIZING.]
- Hey.
- Oh! Behold.
Our queen.
[SHRIEKS.]
[LAUGHS.]
Oh, I really don't deserve this.
Yes, you do, Amelia.
This is the best pie you ever made.
- Thank you.
- I ain't even mad I lost.
Family, I have an announcement.
[CLEARS THROAT.]
First, I can't tell you how much Cocoa and I are enjoying all this.
Even though it's humid and the mosquitoes are the size of bats, it's nice to be around family.
I miss you guys, and that's why we've come to a decision.
After 15 years of playing pro ball, I've decided to hang up my cleats.
Oh, my God.
[STAMMERING.]
Can we Can you afford that? Like I said, I miss most of my family.
Well, bring your rusty butt on back here, then.
I am.
We're moving back to Columbus.
Oh, my God! - Yes! Thank you, Jesus! - Yes! Do you understand what's going on? I think Dad's talking about moving here.
[SIGHS.]
I'm really gonna miss him.
[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKING.]
Hey, hey Hey, hey, hey - Hey, hey - You said you had a lot of fun here.
Visiting.
I don't want to stay in Whoville.
I want to stay in Seattle with all of my friends.
Honey, it's gonna be an adjustment for all of us, but we think it'll be good for the whole family.
No, not for me.
It's not fair.
Jade, instead of focusing on the negative, try looking at the positive aspects of the move.
Okay, why don't you mind your own business? - [ALL GASP.]
- Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
Um I'm I'm sorry.
What I meant was, could you please give us a moment? - Hold my Bible.
- Yep.
Hold my purse.
Millie, why don't you count to ten first? - One, ten.
- Mm.
Get upstairs.
Mom? Sweetie, I told you your smart mouth would get you into trouble one day.
[WHIMPERS.]
Daddy? Only God can help you now.
Is that belt Chanel? Vintage Dior.
Ooh.
Nice.
Your taste is impeccable.
Jade, you are not gonna charm me out of spanking you.
Okay, look, look.
I know I never shoud've spoken to you like that, and I am very, very sorry.
B-But you should know that I know your secret.
Secret? I don't have no secrets.
I know that your award-winning home-made pie was actually a store-bought Patti Labelle sweet potato pie.
[GASPS.]
What? How do you When I threw away the pie tin, I saw part of the label.
You've been passing Patti's pies off as your own.
- No! - Yes.
This is the first time it ever happened.
Listen, I would never I never would've done it except I had all that cooking to do for the soup kitchen.
I never even thought I would win, especially with a store-bought pie.
I mean, I-I believe you.
I do.
I just I don't know about the rest of the family.
Aunt Maybelle will be so upset.
Yes.
They might even Lance Armstrong you and take away your previous wins.
[WHIMPERS.]
- Oh, no.
- Oh, no.
I knew you were smart, but I never knew you were this smart.
Everyone says I take after you.
- [BELT SNAPS.]
- [JADE SCREAMS.]
Moz, I think we should stop this.
You know we don't believe in corporal punishment.
- [SMACK.]
- Oh, Lord! Yeah.
Wait.
Before you go up there take a look.
Who are they? - [SMACK.]
- [JADE SCREAMS.]
Oh, Lord! [BOTH LAUGHING.]
Okay.
Ooh.
Poor thing.
Would you like me to refresh your beverage? Oh thank you, sister.
You really love me.
[GROANS.]
Hey, Boo Boo.
Hi, Mom.
- You do realize I have four children.
- Mm-hmm.
And I know all of your cries.
I know when you're scared, I know when you're angry, and I know when you're faking like you got a spanking.
Oh.
I, uh Am I in trouble? No.
Whatever you have on M'Dear, use it wisely.
Ooh Dad! What are you doing? What are you doing? Ooh Oh, no! Cannonball! [LAUGHING.]
- Okay.
- All right, guys, make some room.
Time for a family meeting.
Okay, listen.
We're sorry for blindsiding you guys with the decision to move.
Yes.
We were so excited, we didn't think to tell you first and give you some time to process the idea.
- I'm good with it.
- Me too.
I love being with M'Dear and Grandpa.
And the food is way better here.
No offense, Mom.
Vivi's mom said I could stay in Seattle and live with them.
- Oh, no.
- No.
That is not happening.
We're a family.
We stick together, sista.
BOTH: Yeah.
[SIGHS.]
I know.
I hate my life.
ALL: We know! You're stuck with us.
That's it.
We stick together.
We stick together.