Family Ties (1982) s01e01 Episode Script

I can't believe you guys can watch this.
You look ridiculous.
Half a million people trying to stop a senseless war.
You find that ridiculous? I'm talking about the outfits.
I'm dying.
I'm dying.
Promise me you'll never show these when my friends are here.
Promise, or I'm leaving home right now.
Mallory, that was history in the making.
There were people at every state in the union at that protest.
What were you protesting, good grooming? Ugh.
Mommy, you look so pretty, like an Indian Princess.
That's your father, dear.
- There I am.
- There you go.
You look almost as pretty as daddy.
Daddy, how long ago was that? That was very long ago in a galaxy far, far away.
All right! Who wants to see the peace corps slides? I bet we've been together for a million years and I'll bet we'll be together for a million more oh, it's like I started breathing on the night we kissed when I can't remember what I ever did before what would we do, baby without us? what would we do, baby without us? and there ain't no nothin' we can't love each other through ooh-hoo what would we do, baby without us? sha-la-la-la ah, you're up early.
Uh, yeah.
I thought I'd get a jump on this.
I promised the emersons I'd have it in by Thursday.
This is their dream-house project, huh? Yeah.
What do you think? Well, uh There's there's no door connecting this side of the house with the other side.
Well, the emersons don't like each other all that much.
It's a little extreme, though, isn't it? Are you kidding? I had to talk them out of putting in a moat.
I don't think the kids were too impressed with our slide show last night, do you? No.
No, I recognized that glazed look in Alex's eyes Same look I used to get when my father talked to me about the depression.
Well, I enjoyed them anyway.
I can't believe how young I looked.
We all looked young.
Yeah, but you still look the same.
Oh, go on.
Actually, if anything's changed, it's that you look even better now.
- Oh, go on! - No, I mean it.
There's just something wonderful about the way you look.
I said, "go on.
" Oh, god.
Are you two pawing at each other again? I don't consider a legitimate display of affection pawing.
Do you know what pawing is? Of course I know what pawing is.
I'm dating Richard defazio, aren't I? Not anymore.
You guys have been married a long time.
Haven't you had enough? I haven't, have you? No.
Sorry.
Ugh! Gross.
- Is this my lunch? - Yeah.
- What's in it? - You'll like it.
Are there sprouts in here? There are no sprouts.
Nothing alive? Nothing alive, nothing healthy.
Don't worry.
Well, how do I look? Middle-aged.
No! Dad, recent studies show you can predict success by the way a person dresses.
Alex, you're a young man.
You shouldn't be worried about success.
You should be thinking about hopping on a tramp steamer and going around the world, or putting a pack on your back and heading down to Mexico or south America, anywhere.
The '60s are over, dad.
Thanks for the tip.
Anybody know the capital of Iowa? - Des moines.
-Cedar rapids.
- Council bluffs.
That narrows that down a little.
Actually, Jennifer, Iowa is the one state that has no capital.
And so you see, it's the responsibility of every American to look after Iowa.
I'll get it.
It's for me.
Hello.
Yeah, just a second.
Jennifer, it's for you.
Don't talk too long, okay? I'm expecting an important call.
Who are you expecting a call from? Oh, no one.
Kimberly blanton.
Who's Kimberly blanton? Nobody.
She's a super-rich chick at school who drives a yellow convertible and looks like a Barbie doll.
Alex thinks she might be interested in him.
What are you, the town crier? I have no secrets from my father.
Yeah.
Okay.
Bye.
I'll get it.
It's for me.
Hello.
Jennifer, it's for you.
It's probably Chrissy again.
She's going through a personal crisis.
Come on, Alex.
She's not gonna call.
Girls like Kimberly blanton just don't call guys like you.
Thank you.
You see, he's been chasing her for three months now, and he hasn't even gotten to first base.
- That's not true.
- Uh-huh.
I've been chasing her for two months, but we're making progress.
You know, we've begun a dialogue.
The lines of communication are open, which is more than I can say for the phones in this house.
Jennifer, you're only 9 years old.
How much can you possibly have to say? Can you hold on a second, Chrissy? Look, Alex, I may be only 9 years old, but I'm a person, too.
I have a right to speak on the telephone without being harassed by you.
Get off the phone now.
I'll call you back, okay, Chris? Mom, did you see that? No, what happened? - Alex hit me.
- Alex.
Jennifer.
Okay, he really didn't hit me.
But he wanted to.
I could see it in his eyes.
Just go on.
Alex, get a grip on yourself.
If Barbie's gonna call, she'll call.
Her name is not Barbie, mom.
She just looks like Hello.
May I tell him who's calling? - Kimberly blanton.
- Kimberly.
Oh, I'm sorry, Kimberly, I don't think he's Alex p.
Keaton here.
Smooth, Alex.
Uh, Kimberly.
What a pleasant surprise.
Tonight? Just a minute, let me check.
Kimberly's coming over to study with me tonight.
Is it all right if she has dinner with us first? Sure, if you want her to.
Tonight seems to be clear, Kimberly.
All right, very good.
Okay, I'll see you at school.
Goodbye.
Yahoo! I haven't seen him this excited since Reagan was elected.
Hey, what are you doing? I was listening to that.
That's depressing, dad.
This is an up night.
This guy sounds like he's in pain.
He's supposed to be in pain.
He's a folk singer.
Now, that's depressing.
You know, the house doesn't look that great.
Well, what time is Kimberly coming? Maybe we can have it painted before she gets here.
Tonight's the night, isn't it? Kimberly blanton here in our very own home.
Like a dream.
Very funny.
She probably just wants to check out your table manners, see if you know what the small fork is for, that kind of stuff.
Come here, I'll show you what the small fork is for.
Alex, maybe you're getting a little carried away here.
I mean, if Kimberly doesn't like you or your family for who they are, then maybe she isn't worth caring about at all, don't you think? Are you gonna wear your hair like that or are you gonna put it up? Alex, I changed my mind.
I don't want to wear this.
Too late.
Too late, Jennifer.
A deal's a deal.
I'll give you your dollar back.
That's her.
Okay, that's her.
All right, everybody, just stay calm.
Oh, small fork's for salad, right? Right, and the spoon's for soup.
Soup.
Right.
Okay.
Okay, just, uh, act natural.
Hi.
Sorry I had to answer the door myself.
Our Butler's off tonight.
Well, tell me, Kimberly, uh, what are you studying in school? Oh You know.
Sounds exciting.
Well, what Kimberly means is that it's the same stuff I'm studying, so, you know, you're probably familiar with it.
So, dad.
Do you think we may sail around the world this summer? I'll be honest with you, Alex.
It doesn't look good.
Kimberly sailed to the south of France last summer.
- Ah.
- That sounds interesting.
I've always wanted to go there.
What was that like? Well, it was okay.
It's real different, though.
But I'll tell you one thing, if you're ever going to the riviera, you're gonna have a really hard time trying to find a decent cheeseburger.
Yeah.
Well, thanks for the warning.
We'll we'll just take our own.
We went away last summer, too, to Cleveland.
It was far away and everything.
We got to take the bus.
The bus? What do you mean? What my sister means is that, um, we went to visit our grandmother Grand-mère.
Um We we were gonna fly There was a bum on the bus, remember? Jennifer, eat your potatoes.
So, what exactly do you do, Mr.
Keaton? Uh, I, uh, m-manage the public television station here in town.
Oh.
What a cute job.
That's the station with all the English shows, right? Well, I-i wouldn't say they're all English.
T-there are some.
Yeah, I know.
I've watched it once or twice.
But I really miss the commercials.
I forgot, Kimberly.
What is it did you say you're studying? "You know.
" Just the basic college prep courses.
Have you decided what you're gonna major in in college? Well, yeah.
See, I really want to dedicate my life into helping others, and, well, I really want to be a cheerleader.
I'll get the tea.
Oh, let me give you a hand with that.
Oh, thanks.
Well, what do you think? Is she something else, or what? Gee, Mr.
Emerson, I'm sorry you're not happy with the placement of your wife's bedroom, but that's as far away as I could get it.
I mean, I did have to stay on the property.
Well, we could try that, but it it would mean going underground.
Okay.
Give my best to Mrs.
Emerson.
Hello? Trouble in paradise? You know what I can't figure out? - What? - The emersons have eight kids.
Either of you guys know anything about Polo? Polo? Kimberly's picking me up any minute now.
Today's the big tournament for the gray cup Or the blue cup Some kind of cup.
I was hoping one of you'd at least know the rules.
Polo?! Never mind.
I'll just ride the way everybody else does.
Think maybe he was switched at birth and the rockefellers have our kid? It could be.
I wasn't gonna tell you, but this morning, I found a copy of the wall street journal under his bed.
- I just had a thought.
- What? Alex is gonna be gone for the whole day, and Mallory's on her way out, too.
Why don't you and I go upstairs, put on some old Johnny Mathis albums What about Jennifer? She's still home.
Give her your mastercharge and let her check into the holiday inn for the weekend.
Shealmost 10.
You two never stop, do you? Don't you knock before you enter someone's living room? Don't you two have any self-control? I mean, it's not even lunchtime.
I won't be home for dinner.
There's gonna be a little party after the Polo game.
It's a Polo match, you clod.
I can't believe what I have to put up with! Where is the party gonna be? Oh, it's over at the Carlton country club.
Alex, the Carlton is a restricted club.
Oh, that's all right.
I'll be with the blantons.
You know, it's really neat over there.
They got an indoor pool, you can eat on the terrace, and if you get a phone call, they bring the phone right to your table.
That'll come in handy for you in case eliot janeway calls.
What your father means is that t-the The Carlton country club doesn't have any members that are black or Jewish or hispanic or any other group that didn't come over on the mayflower.
I just want to go to a party, mom.
I don't want to change the world.
Bye.
Hello, is this the Carlton country club? Uh, listen, my name is Steven Keaton, a Uh, no, I'm not a member.
Yes, I can hold.
Hi, I-I'm trying to locate my son, Alex Keaton.
He's with the blanton party.
N-no, Alex is not a member, either.
Yes, I can hold.
Okay, well, listen.
Uh, that's what I thought it was, too.
I'll try it out on the highway and let you know.
Okay, thanks a lot.
Who was that? Uh, one of the mechanics over at the Volvo place.
Ah, which one? Sven.
You have sven's home number? H-he was at the shop.
I'm thinking of maybe taking the car in for him to have a look at it.
Steven, it's quarter of 10.
Well, you get a discount if you bring it in at night.
You know how those swedes are.
They're used to working late.
Land of the midnight sun and all that.
Norway is land of the midnight sun.
Well, they sure fooled sven.
I'd better get down there and tell him.
Okay.
That wasn't really sven.
You're kidding.
I was trying to reach Alex.
There was something I wanted to tell him.
Well, can't this wait until he comes home? That's what I wanted to tell him, to come home now.
It's driving me crazy that he's over there, Elyse.
Steven, I don't like it any more than you do, but Alex is Alex.
He sees things differently than we do.
I know he does.
And I admit, up to now, some of it's been cute.
I didn't mind the pop quiz on wines the other night.
And if he wants to have a poster of William Buckley over his bed, that's his own business.
But we have to draw the line somewhere, and I think a restricted club is a good place to draw it.
Kimberly tells me you're quite a sailor, Alex.
Uh, well, I'm okay.
You know, I'm no popeye.
What's your favorite kind of craft? Woodworking.
Dad.
Excuse me, I I'm sorry to disturb you.
Everything's all right.
I'd just like can I speak to you for a second, Alex? Uh, hello, Kimberly.
Hello, Mr.
Keaton.
May I introduce my parents? Dad.
Steve Keaton.
Preston blanton.
My wife, Emily.
- How do you do? - I'm fine, thank you.
There, uh, isn't any trouble, is there? No.
No.
It's just that I forgot to tell Alex something.
Won't you sit down for a moment, Mr.
Keaton? No, really, I can't stay.
Thank you.
Roger, bring a chair for Mr.
Keaton, please.
That's okay, Roger.
Don't bother.
Just for a moment, uh, go ahead, bring it, Roger.
R-Roger, don't.
O-o-okay.
You can bring me a chair.
Excuse us for a minute.
Excuse me.
What's going on, dad? Alex, I want you to come home with me now.
Not so loud.
I'm sorry.
This place makes me mad.
And when I'm mad, I'm loud.
Now, come on.
Let's go.
I don't want to make a scene.
I think it's a little too late for that.
I was hoping that you'd come to it yourself, but obviously you don't understand the moral ramifications of your being here.
Oh, dad, will you just stop it? Don't you understand what this place stands for? It's it's elitist.
It's it it's exclusionary.
It boy, these things are great.
What are they? Rumaki, sir.
Are there any without liver? The bunny hop! Oh, Alex! Come on! Don't hop away when I'm talking to you.
I guess the parent of the year award is pretty much out the window.
Well, I wouldn't say you're the top contender, but who knows? I made a big mistake tonight, didn't I? What are you guys doing down here? It's too hard to eavesdrop from the top of the stairs.
Why is Alex mad at you, dad? Well, dad went a little crazy tonight, and I really hurt your brother's feelings.
You mean you had a little attack where you can't control yourself and you say things you didn't want to say? Yeah.
I get those a lot.
Stay away from the Carlton country club.
I will.
I'd like to talk to you, dad, okay? Okay, girls.
Let's go up.
Go ahead, mom.
We'll meet you up there.
Nice try, kid.
It was worth a shot anyway.
Before you say anything, Alex, I just want you to know I'm sorry.
Dad, before you say anything more, I just want you to know that that's not enough.
I'll write notes of apology to the blantons and to Kimberly.
What'd you tell them, anyway? I told them the truth, that you were my dad's twin brother and you escaped from a home.
Thanks for covering for me.
You really humiliated me, dad.
I mean, how could you do that? Alex, it's hard to know when to interfere and when to let you go on your own.
When you were little, it was easy.
Take the poison and put it on a high shelf, give you a safe place to play, and make sure you don't tumble down the stairs.
A-as you get older, it gets harder.
The line between protecting and interfering can get blurry.
I tripped over it tonight, as you may have noticed.
Well, you were really something out there.
You know, it's funny.
My father, your grandpa Jake, was a very unemotional man, very distant, very proper.
He was so proper I didn't know he cared.
He didn't show it.
I guess I overreact because he didn't react at all.
You understand? Yeah, I I guess.
Look, Alex, I was wrong to go over there like that, but I hope you understand why I felt so strongly about your being at a restricted club.
I do, dad.
But I'm 17 years old.
And when I see Kimberly blanton in a strapless evening gown, I don't look past her for the bill of rights.
Alex I was 17 myself once.
But I had principles.
I had beliefs.
I Well, now that you mention it I do recall working for Nixon for a couple of weeks in 1960.
Richard Nixon? You see T-there was this young republican, Sandra futterman A real fascist, but she wore it well, you know? I I-I-i-i mean, s-Sandra was W-w-well, s-she had a There there was a way she could I get the point, dad.
I love you, Alex, very much.
Sometimes it overwhelms me and I make mistakes, like tonight.
I know there are other fathers who are more in control, more reserved, more adult, but there are none who love their sons more than I love you.
I know you do, dad.
I mean, that's the crazy part.
Even when we were out there bunny-hopping tonight, mad as I was And I was hopping mad I knew.
Good.
But I'm not you, dad.
I mean, we're two different and separate people.
I know that.
Think this kind of thing is gonna happen again? I don't know.
We're both getting older.
One of us is bound to grow up sooner or later.