Fancy Boy (2016) s01e01 Episode Script
Episode 1
I love you.
I love you too.
I think I'm ready to try a buggery.
Stop! Are you about to try a buggery? Well, you need to remember the three Ls.
Look: Do they look over 25? Listen: Do they say they're over 25? Learn: Look at their driver's licence to determine whether or not they're over 25.
If the answer is 'yes', then you can Go to do a buggery.
Len Philips, why exactly did you start the Anti-Buggery Party? I'm going to stop you there because we're not the ANTI-Buggery Party, we are the Australian Buggery Party.
There's no anti involved.
We are in fact pro-buggery but only for people over the age of 25.
And that's what we've set out to do from the beginning, is raise the minimum legal age for buggery in this country to 25 years of age.
For the last seven years, I've worked as a registered nurse in rural areas and and I've seen firsthand the damage that unlegislated buggery can can do to communities.
And, you know, just having this haphazard approach to buggery where people can just bugger whoever they want willy-nilly.
You know, it's not what the community needs.
You've been described as "the last honest man in politics".
Do you enjoy such a glowing label? I do, but it's not about me.
This is about the issue.
I try to speak openly, honestly and stand by my principles because I feel it's what the Australian public deserve.
So, Tracey, you're not just Len's wife.
You're also his campaign manager.
And, at 24, one of the youngest campaign managers ever in the country.
Well, you know, age doesn't matter.
It's just a number, it doesn't signify anything.
But what matters to me is just that Len's message is finally starting to pay off.
Len and Tracey Philips, thanks for joining me.
It's been our pleasure.
You know what else is a pleasure? - What's that? - Buggery.
- But over the age - But over the age Of 25.
I think I'm getting it.
That's good stuff.
Hi.
Just one beer, thanks.
- You're American, are you? - Yeah.
Just here on vacation.
Going up to Uluru.
Uluru? Huh, pretty bloody far from America, Uluru is.
Yeah, I suppose it is.
Oh, leave off him, Pignut.
- There you go, love.
- Thanks.
No worries.
Hey, mate, do you know Australia can be quite dangerous, can't it? Yeah, I'm sure it can.
Yeah, a lot of dangerous wildlife out here.
Isn't that right, Damo? That's right, Pignut.
Real dangerous.
You know what the most dangerous of all is, don't you? The drop bears.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Drop bears can be real scary.
Yeah, I know they're not real.
It's just a joke.
Someone has already told me about drop bears.
No, they didn't.
They did.
Basically, within minutes of me getting off the plane, people going on about drop bears.
You're scared of drop bears, mate.
Well, I'm not.
Just say that you are.
What? Say that you're scared of drop bears.
- Well, I'm not.
- You are.
You bloody are.
Do it, Baz.
- Whay! - Ohh! Ho-ho! See! You fucking pissed yourself.
He's scared.
You hated that.
You're terrified.
You stupid fucking Yank.
Aussie ripper, dude! Fucking hell, Tammy, I'm not giving you 50 bucks for Dad's birthday present.
It's his 60th fucking birthday, I want to get him something special.
A towel is not special.
It's a good fucking towel.
It's real soft and shit.
Softness IS shit.
Why would Dad want a $120 towel? Sometimes it's nice to have the best of shit.
Here we are.
You've got to be fucking kidding me, Jase.
What? It's a kebab shop.
I'm not eating no fucking halal shit for lunch, no way.
Oh, would you stop going on about that shit.
Er, no.
I'm not going to stop going on about that shit.
Because halal funds ISIS.
And ISIS are coming here and they are bringing their laws and they are bringing their fucking beheadings.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, well, have fun getting beheaded.
They're going to chop your fucking head off.
It's what they do.
Fucking hell.
Now, as I say, we're not anti-buggery.
We're in fact pro-buggery.
But over the age of 25.
Anti-buggery under.
Does that make sense? - Yeah.
- Sure, great.
OK, Len, just remember to get the message out and move on.
- Sure.
- Senator Philips! Not yet, son, but hopefully this weekend I will be.
Oh, I wish I was old enough to vote for you.
Well, you're too young to vote and you're too young to do a buggery but how about you have one of Len's brown rings.
Awesome! Now, this ring is a solemn pledge that you will not do a buggery until you are over the age of 25.
Can you do that for me, son? I sure can.
Well, then, here's your brown ring.
Or as I like to call it, the bugger ring.
Dad's not going to believe this.
I think we just met a young Len.
Feels good to make a difference.
Ah, Len Philips.
Bugger me.
If you're over 25, absolutely! Hey, is my room ready yet? No, just got to clean it up.
Perfect.
Got to get all the drop bears out.
Not you too.
Guys, I know drop bears are not real.
Mate, when you go out bush, you'll see how real they are.
Yeah, really real.
Pignut.
They're not actually real, though, are they? You said we were just going to scare the Yank.
You said they definitely weren't real.
Baz is a bit confused, aren't you, Baz? What? - He's a bit fucking dumb.
- Stop it! I'm not dumb.
You said we were just tricking.
Baz, can I see you outside for a second? Why? Just come out.
Just come out here.
I just want to talk to you about something.
You guys know that we have actual bears back in America, right? Grizzly bears that will really kill you.
They'll rip your head off.
American, you've got to check it out, there's been a drop bear attack.
- Oh, no! - Oh, no! - Oh, here we go.
- Come on, quick.
Let's go and have a look.
I can't believe it, your first official drop bear attack is happening.
I really don't think this is necessary.
Come on, let's have an Aussie squiz.
Oh, sounds ridgie-didgie scary out there to me.
Yeah, so I guess drop bears are real after all.
What have you done? Oh, Pignut! It wasn't me.
It was the droppies that got him.
Jesus Christ! Pretty brutal.
But that's the Aussie outback way of life.
We tried to warn you, mate.
You're fucking insane.
You killed him! You dragged him out here and you fucking killed him! - No, you don't.
- I wouldn't go out there, mate.
Too many drop bears.
- Come here, you.
- Yeah, sweet dreams, mate.
Ni-night.
There we go.
Hey, buddy.
What can I get you? Erm, can I get a chicken kebab combo, large, garlic sauce, no chilli, please.
No worries.
And you? Er, lamb kebab combo.
- Size? - Large.
And garlic sauce, chilli? None of that shit.
I'll have barbecue sauce and cheese.
OK, won't be a minute.
I don't know why you're always going on about that crap.
Oh, sorry if I actually give a shit about this country and don't want to bow down to sharia law and that.
Do you even give a fuck about what goes on in the world? - No, man.
- Oh, sick.
So when they come in here and they try and kick all the white people out and they turn it into Australiastan, what are you going to do? Don't come crying to me.
I won't be crying, I'll be mugging on tabbouleh.
Delicious.
Well, you won't be doing anything without a head.
Don't touch my head.
OK, here you go, guys.
Enjoy.
Thank you.
It looks like bog.
Looks like hot bog wrapped in a big white pus with all this brown squirt coming out.
It's muck food.
It's muck.
It smells like poop fucking Islam food Fuck off, Tammy! Actually fuck off.
You're a fucking grub and your room smells like poop.
You don't hate kebabs, you just hate Muslims.
Kebabs are sick, Muslims are cool, shut up.
I'm going to the fucking dunny.
It's where you live.
- Hold on, just be gentle with the - Yeah, yeah.
Fuck.
Thanks, mate.
Sorry about Tammy.
Don't worry about it, dude.
No! No way.
I knew it! I fucking knew it! No, no.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Ritual beheading.
It's real.
It's real.
Oh, fuck! It's real! Holy shit! There's just the one more radio spot tomorrow on the brekkie program with Mikey and Leena.
- I like them.
- Yeah, Mikey's funny.
Some of the stuff he says, though, is pretty off the wall.
Hey, this time tomorrow you could be a senator.
I know.
Well, I hope so.
I just I'm kind of looking forward to things just getting back to normal, though, you know? I miss us being us.
I know, I miss that too.
But what we're doing for the country is so good.
- Hm.
- And you You are my hero, honey.
I'm bloody Superman.
You are.
Oh, hello.
- Let me just - Mmm.
That's right.
Oh, just Let me get myself sorted down there.
Oh Len.
- Oh, yeah! - You're in the wrong path.
What? You're up my back passage.
Oh! - Oh.
- No, stop.
- Mother of God! - I didn't want to cause a fuss.
Oh, Jesus Christ Almighty.
Oh, goddammit! Enough cursing, Len.
Enough cursing? I'm the head of the fucking Anti-Buggery Party, Trace.
- Not anti-buggery.
- Not anti-buggery, pro-buggery.
Fuck! Pro-buggery over the age of 25.
And you are not fucking 25.
I'll be 25 in two days, OK? It was just a slip of the tip.
A slip of the tip? That was more than a slip of the tip, Trace? Miles more.
That was a fucking country drive down the brown highway, alright? I just I'm sorry, it's not your fault.
It's not your fault, honey.
I just I knew we were in the danger zone in that position.
I just went in hot to trot.
I wasn't fucking thinking.
You're making a big deal of this, OK, Len? Nobody has to know.
I know, Trace.
I know.
How am I supposed to look all those kids in the eye? Those kids wearing Len's brown rings? OK, well, let's Why don't you do it for the kids, hey? Do it for them.
Let's not throw this all away.
OK.
I tell you what, this brekkie program with Mikey and Leena's going to be a fucking write-off.
Alright, 10pm.
What do you reckon, shall we get the train? Erm, no, man.
I just called an Uber, so it's, like, two minutes away.
- I reckon let's wait outside.
- Cool.
Oh, what? Where's he going? What's going on? Vincent! Come back! This always happens, man.
Fuck it, let's just get the train.
No, no, no.
Let's just wait.
Where's he going? That's not even a road, that's a pier.
- Wow! - Ah! I hope he's alright.
Yeah.
- Train it? - Yeah.
Wakey-wakey! You're a psycho.
You killed that man.
You fucking idiot! It was drop bears.
Why won't you fucking listen? Please just let me go! Just let me go.
You're not going anywhere, mate.
I'm going to ask you a fucking question.
Yeah, anything you want.
Anything.
Are drop bears real? Yes.
Oh! Ho-ho! They're not real! Oh, fucking got him! You stupid Yank! Oh, yes! You dumb fuck.
You absolute piece of garbage.
Eh? No, you're alright, mate.
I'm just ribbing you.
He's alright.
The Yank's alright.
- Nah, he's alright, we got him! - He's alright! Good on you, mate! Get him a beer.
Get him a beer! Go on, mate.
Have a bloody beer.
- There you go.
- Go on, get stuck in.
Sip that.
Oh, got him again! Do! Do-do-do-do-do-do! Go on.
Oh, yeah! - Here we go.
- He loves it.
Go on.
Go on, drink up, drink up! Drink up, drink up! What a card.
Kisses! His Mummy and Daddy giving this boy a kiss.
Coming to you live now from the ABP headquarters where Len Philips, head of the Australian Buggery Party has just won a seat in the Senate.
Len's supporters are eagerly awaiting to hear from the man himself.
Oh, my God.
OK, let's just keep the speech short and sweet, OK? But oh, wow, Len, this is amazing! Senator Philips.
Len, snap out of it.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm just overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed.
But I'm all good.
- We want Len! - Let's do it.
Let's get up there.
We want Len! We want Len! We want Len! Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
This is the sweetest victory of all.
This is a victory for the true believers.
Yes! This No, you know what? This should be the sweetest victory but but actually it's bloody sour.
Len, no.
Because I need to announce that I will officially be abdicating - my position in the Senate.
- No.
It it means, I won't be doing the job, is what I'm saying.
No, no, Trace, the people need to know the truth.
I was your leader, I was your golden angel but I'm just a fraud.
Because last night, I, Len Philips, buggered my wife.
Go, Len! I buggered my wife and she is under 25.
I have betrayed my party.
I have betrayed my constituents.
And I have betrayed the constitution of this great nation.
- Len, this is not OK.
- You're right, Trace, it is not OK that a liar and a damned hypocrite can take this office.
I'm not a senator, I'm just a lying bugger who did a buggery.
But I promise, Australia, to keep fighting the good fight.
And I promise to never again bugger my wife until she's 25, which is technically in, like, an hour and a half, two hours.
So happy birthday, darl.
Oh Where are you going, Trace? What's that? Is that your wedding ring? Oh, no, it's your bugger ring.
That's alright.
OK, yeah, now, that is the wedding ring.
I am in strife here.
So anyway Stay strong, Australia.
And together, one day, we can have a bugger-free Australia.
Not Sorry, not bugger-free.
Bugger-free after the age of Er, sorry, before the age of 25.
It's before.
OK, so, it's bugger-free up until the age of 25 and then over and above that, you've got You can then bugger It is a confusing message, isn't it? It's just, it's not It's a convoluted concept.
So how long have you been driving Uber for? About a month, mate.
Yeah, cool.
Are you happy to go off the GPS? Yeah, whatever.
This is great.
Now, what you have going on in Venezuela right now, it's nothing short of a financial crisis and I'm not talking about the GFC.
You know, this is much worse but for different reasons, obviously.
The government has had to raise minimum wage in some sectors by up to 30%, you know, just to deal with the hyperinflation.
But, unfortunately, at this point, the economy, it's terminal.
I think a fixed economy can have its issues - and I certainly advocate a mixed economy - but we're not talking about socialism here, it's because of a totalitarian government, if anything.
You know, people say they're a democracy but they're not, they're a totalitarian government.
Of course, having people under the age of 25 do buggeries is not helping the situation at all.
Len Philips, thank you for your time.
Not a problem.
Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi! Say, "I'm a dirty seppo.
" I'm a dirty seppo.
Whay! I I regret killing my friend.
Yeah.
I love you too.
I think I'm ready to try a buggery.
Stop! Are you about to try a buggery? Well, you need to remember the three Ls.
Look: Do they look over 25? Listen: Do they say they're over 25? Learn: Look at their driver's licence to determine whether or not they're over 25.
If the answer is 'yes', then you can Go to do a buggery.
Len Philips, why exactly did you start the Anti-Buggery Party? I'm going to stop you there because we're not the ANTI-Buggery Party, we are the Australian Buggery Party.
There's no anti involved.
We are in fact pro-buggery but only for people over the age of 25.
And that's what we've set out to do from the beginning, is raise the minimum legal age for buggery in this country to 25 years of age.
For the last seven years, I've worked as a registered nurse in rural areas and and I've seen firsthand the damage that unlegislated buggery can can do to communities.
And, you know, just having this haphazard approach to buggery where people can just bugger whoever they want willy-nilly.
You know, it's not what the community needs.
You've been described as "the last honest man in politics".
Do you enjoy such a glowing label? I do, but it's not about me.
This is about the issue.
I try to speak openly, honestly and stand by my principles because I feel it's what the Australian public deserve.
So, Tracey, you're not just Len's wife.
You're also his campaign manager.
And, at 24, one of the youngest campaign managers ever in the country.
Well, you know, age doesn't matter.
It's just a number, it doesn't signify anything.
But what matters to me is just that Len's message is finally starting to pay off.
Len and Tracey Philips, thanks for joining me.
It's been our pleasure.
You know what else is a pleasure? - What's that? - Buggery.
- But over the age - But over the age Of 25.
I think I'm getting it.
That's good stuff.
Hi.
Just one beer, thanks.
- You're American, are you? - Yeah.
Just here on vacation.
Going up to Uluru.
Uluru? Huh, pretty bloody far from America, Uluru is.
Yeah, I suppose it is.
Oh, leave off him, Pignut.
- There you go, love.
- Thanks.
No worries.
Hey, mate, do you know Australia can be quite dangerous, can't it? Yeah, I'm sure it can.
Yeah, a lot of dangerous wildlife out here.
Isn't that right, Damo? That's right, Pignut.
Real dangerous.
You know what the most dangerous of all is, don't you? The drop bears.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Drop bears can be real scary.
Yeah, I know they're not real.
It's just a joke.
Someone has already told me about drop bears.
No, they didn't.
They did.
Basically, within minutes of me getting off the plane, people going on about drop bears.
You're scared of drop bears, mate.
Well, I'm not.
Just say that you are.
What? Say that you're scared of drop bears.
- Well, I'm not.
- You are.
You bloody are.
Do it, Baz.
- Whay! - Ohh! Ho-ho! See! You fucking pissed yourself.
He's scared.
You hated that.
You're terrified.
You stupid fucking Yank.
Aussie ripper, dude! Fucking hell, Tammy, I'm not giving you 50 bucks for Dad's birthday present.
It's his 60th fucking birthday, I want to get him something special.
A towel is not special.
It's a good fucking towel.
It's real soft and shit.
Softness IS shit.
Why would Dad want a $120 towel? Sometimes it's nice to have the best of shit.
Here we are.
You've got to be fucking kidding me, Jase.
What? It's a kebab shop.
I'm not eating no fucking halal shit for lunch, no way.
Oh, would you stop going on about that shit.
Er, no.
I'm not going to stop going on about that shit.
Because halal funds ISIS.
And ISIS are coming here and they are bringing their laws and they are bringing their fucking beheadings.
Yeah, man.
Yeah, well, have fun getting beheaded.
They're going to chop your fucking head off.
It's what they do.
Fucking hell.
Now, as I say, we're not anti-buggery.
We're in fact pro-buggery.
But over the age of 25.
Anti-buggery under.
Does that make sense? - Yeah.
- Sure, great.
OK, Len, just remember to get the message out and move on.
- Sure.
- Senator Philips! Not yet, son, but hopefully this weekend I will be.
Oh, I wish I was old enough to vote for you.
Well, you're too young to vote and you're too young to do a buggery but how about you have one of Len's brown rings.
Awesome! Now, this ring is a solemn pledge that you will not do a buggery until you are over the age of 25.
Can you do that for me, son? I sure can.
Well, then, here's your brown ring.
Or as I like to call it, the bugger ring.
Dad's not going to believe this.
I think we just met a young Len.
Feels good to make a difference.
Ah, Len Philips.
Bugger me.
If you're over 25, absolutely! Hey, is my room ready yet? No, just got to clean it up.
Perfect.
Got to get all the drop bears out.
Not you too.
Guys, I know drop bears are not real.
Mate, when you go out bush, you'll see how real they are.
Yeah, really real.
Pignut.
They're not actually real, though, are they? You said we were just going to scare the Yank.
You said they definitely weren't real.
Baz is a bit confused, aren't you, Baz? What? - He's a bit fucking dumb.
- Stop it! I'm not dumb.
You said we were just tricking.
Baz, can I see you outside for a second? Why? Just come out.
Just come out here.
I just want to talk to you about something.
You guys know that we have actual bears back in America, right? Grizzly bears that will really kill you.
They'll rip your head off.
American, you've got to check it out, there's been a drop bear attack.
- Oh, no! - Oh, no! - Oh, here we go.
- Come on, quick.
Let's go and have a look.
I can't believe it, your first official drop bear attack is happening.
I really don't think this is necessary.
Come on, let's have an Aussie squiz.
Oh, sounds ridgie-didgie scary out there to me.
Yeah, so I guess drop bears are real after all.
What have you done? Oh, Pignut! It wasn't me.
It was the droppies that got him.
Jesus Christ! Pretty brutal.
But that's the Aussie outback way of life.
We tried to warn you, mate.
You're fucking insane.
You killed him! You dragged him out here and you fucking killed him! - No, you don't.
- I wouldn't go out there, mate.
Too many drop bears.
- Come here, you.
- Yeah, sweet dreams, mate.
Ni-night.
There we go.
Hey, buddy.
What can I get you? Erm, can I get a chicken kebab combo, large, garlic sauce, no chilli, please.
No worries.
And you? Er, lamb kebab combo.
- Size? - Large.
And garlic sauce, chilli? None of that shit.
I'll have barbecue sauce and cheese.
OK, won't be a minute.
I don't know why you're always going on about that crap.
Oh, sorry if I actually give a shit about this country and don't want to bow down to sharia law and that.
Do you even give a fuck about what goes on in the world? - No, man.
- Oh, sick.
So when they come in here and they try and kick all the white people out and they turn it into Australiastan, what are you going to do? Don't come crying to me.
I won't be crying, I'll be mugging on tabbouleh.
Delicious.
Well, you won't be doing anything without a head.
Don't touch my head.
OK, here you go, guys.
Enjoy.
Thank you.
It looks like bog.
Looks like hot bog wrapped in a big white pus with all this brown squirt coming out.
It's muck food.
It's muck.
It smells like poop fucking Islam food Fuck off, Tammy! Actually fuck off.
You're a fucking grub and your room smells like poop.
You don't hate kebabs, you just hate Muslims.
Kebabs are sick, Muslims are cool, shut up.
I'm going to the fucking dunny.
It's where you live.
- Hold on, just be gentle with the - Yeah, yeah.
Fuck.
Thanks, mate.
Sorry about Tammy.
Don't worry about it, dude.
No! No way.
I knew it! I fucking knew it! No, no.
Hold on.
Hold on.
Ritual beheading.
It's real.
It's real.
Oh, fuck! It's real! Holy shit! There's just the one more radio spot tomorrow on the brekkie program with Mikey and Leena.
- I like them.
- Yeah, Mikey's funny.
Some of the stuff he says, though, is pretty off the wall.
Hey, this time tomorrow you could be a senator.
I know.
Well, I hope so.
I just I'm kind of looking forward to things just getting back to normal, though, you know? I miss us being us.
I know, I miss that too.
But what we're doing for the country is so good.
- Hm.
- And you You are my hero, honey.
I'm bloody Superman.
You are.
Oh, hello.
- Let me just - Mmm.
That's right.
Oh, just Let me get myself sorted down there.
Oh Len.
- Oh, yeah! - You're in the wrong path.
What? You're up my back passage.
Oh! - Oh.
- No, stop.
- Mother of God! - I didn't want to cause a fuss.
Oh, Jesus Christ Almighty.
Oh, goddammit! Enough cursing, Len.
Enough cursing? I'm the head of the fucking Anti-Buggery Party, Trace.
- Not anti-buggery.
- Not anti-buggery, pro-buggery.
Fuck! Pro-buggery over the age of 25.
And you are not fucking 25.
I'll be 25 in two days, OK? It was just a slip of the tip.
A slip of the tip? That was more than a slip of the tip, Trace? Miles more.
That was a fucking country drive down the brown highway, alright? I just I'm sorry, it's not your fault.
It's not your fault, honey.
I just I knew we were in the danger zone in that position.
I just went in hot to trot.
I wasn't fucking thinking.
You're making a big deal of this, OK, Len? Nobody has to know.
I know, Trace.
I know.
How am I supposed to look all those kids in the eye? Those kids wearing Len's brown rings? OK, well, let's Why don't you do it for the kids, hey? Do it for them.
Let's not throw this all away.
OK.
I tell you what, this brekkie program with Mikey and Leena's going to be a fucking write-off.
Alright, 10pm.
What do you reckon, shall we get the train? Erm, no, man.
I just called an Uber, so it's, like, two minutes away.
- I reckon let's wait outside.
- Cool.
Oh, what? Where's he going? What's going on? Vincent! Come back! This always happens, man.
Fuck it, let's just get the train.
No, no, no.
Let's just wait.
Where's he going? That's not even a road, that's a pier.
- Wow! - Ah! I hope he's alright.
Yeah.
- Train it? - Yeah.
Wakey-wakey! You're a psycho.
You killed that man.
You fucking idiot! It was drop bears.
Why won't you fucking listen? Please just let me go! Just let me go.
You're not going anywhere, mate.
I'm going to ask you a fucking question.
Yeah, anything you want.
Anything.
Are drop bears real? Yes.
Oh! Ho-ho! They're not real! Oh, fucking got him! You stupid Yank! Oh, yes! You dumb fuck.
You absolute piece of garbage.
Eh? No, you're alright, mate.
I'm just ribbing you.
He's alright.
The Yank's alright.
- Nah, he's alright, we got him! - He's alright! Good on you, mate! Get him a beer.
Get him a beer! Go on, mate.
Have a bloody beer.
- There you go.
- Go on, get stuck in.
Sip that.
Oh, got him again! Do! Do-do-do-do-do-do! Go on.
Oh, yeah! - Here we go.
- He loves it.
Go on.
Go on, drink up, drink up! Drink up, drink up! What a card.
Kisses! His Mummy and Daddy giving this boy a kiss.
Coming to you live now from the ABP headquarters where Len Philips, head of the Australian Buggery Party has just won a seat in the Senate.
Len's supporters are eagerly awaiting to hear from the man himself.
Oh, my God.
OK, let's just keep the speech short and sweet, OK? But oh, wow, Len, this is amazing! Senator Philips.
Len, snap out of it.
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm just overwhelmed.
I'm overwhelmed.
But I'm all good.
- We want Len! - Let's do it.
Let's get up there.
We want Len! We want Len! We want Len! Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
This is the sweetest victory of all.
This is a victory for the true believers.
Yes! This No, you know what? This should be the sweetest victory but but actually it's bloody sour.
Len, no.
Because I need to announce that I will officially be abdicating - my position in the Senate.
- No.
It it means, I won't be doing the job, is what I'm saying.
No, no, Trace, the people need to know the truth.
I was your leader, I was your golden angel but I'm just a fraud.
Because last night, I, Len Philips, buggered my wife.
Go, Len! I buggered my wife and she is under 25.
I have betrayed my party.
I have betrayed my constituents.
And I have betrayed the constitution of this great nation.
- Len, this is not OK.
- You're right, Trace, it is not OK that a liar and a damned hypocrite can take this office.
I'm not a senator, I'm just a lying bugger who did a buggery.
But I promise, Australia, to keep fighting the good fight.
And I promise to never again bugger my wife until she's 25, which is technically in, like, an hour and a half, two hours.
So happy birthday, darl.
Oh Where are you going, Trace? What's that? Is that your wedding ring? Oh, no, it's your bugger ring.
That's alright.
OK, yeah, now, that is the wedding ring.
I am in strife here.
So anyway Stay strong, Australia.
And together, one day, we can have a bugger-free Australia.
Not Sorry, not bugger-free.
Bugger-free after the age of Er, sorry, before the age of 25.
It's before.
OK, so, it's bugger-free up until the age of 25 and then over and above that, you've got You can then bugger It is a confusing message, isn't it? It's just, it's not It's a convoluted concept.
So how long have you been driving Uber for? About a month, mate.
Yeah, cool.
Are you happy to go off the GPS? Yeah, whatever.
This is great.
Now, what you have going on in Venezuela right now, it's nothing short of a financial crisis and I'm not talking about the GFC.
You know, this is much worse but for different reasons, obviously.
The government has had to raise minimum wage in some sectors by up to 30%, you know, just to deal with the hyperinflation.
But, unfortunately, at this point, the economy, it's terminal.
I think a fixed economy can have its issues - and I certainly advocate a mixed economy - but we're not talking about socialism here, it's because of a totalitarian government, if anything.
You know, people say they're a democracy but they're not, they're a totalitarian government.
Of course, having people under the age of 25 do buggeries is not helping the situation at all.
Len Philips, thank you for your time.
Not a problem.
Aussie! Aussie! Aussie! Oi! Oi! Oi! Say, "I'm a dirty seppo.
" I'm a dirty seppo.
Whay! I I regret killing my friend.
Yeah.