From Here on OUT (2014) s01e01 Episode Script
Nudity Required! (Pilot)
1 From Here on Out  Nudity Required (101) (heavy breathing, orgasmic sounds) Ohh! Man, I don't even know your name.
It's a little late for that.
Yes, I guess.
(Frightening music) Ahh! Ahh! Ah! Ahhhhh! You see.
That's what I want.
Just like we did in Dante's Cove.
and the Lair.
Naked guys doin' that stuff.
- Okay.
- Well.
Naked guys stuff is riveting! But when I was writing Guy Dubai International Gay Spy I was thinking maybe a little less skin, and a little more PLO ish.
97% of all homosexual men who tune in to gay programming come because they want to see wait for it click Mister Pinky.
Mister Pinky? Okay.
Who's Mister Pinky? You know it's, uh, it's it's it's Mister Him.
Uhmmm Mister Pinky is a - Penis.
Oh, right! Of course! Mister Penis-Pinky and I have met.
But it's been a while.
So, let's give the audience what they want.
Mister Pinky.
And then what do we do? We give 'em more! The crowd roars! Roar.
Roar.
Uh, but, yanno, I'm just wondering if having Pinky requirements might be a teeny bit restrictive in the creative department ish Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy I have been in this business for a couple months.
I know what I'm doing.
Where's the thingie? kiss, clap So, you have submitted 21 scripts to Here TV for new television pilots in the past seven years? Oh, hen, right, yeah.
Three a year, aheh.
I like to spread my rejection out in even intervals.
So I have time to heal in between.
Well.
This time Guy Dubai: International Gay Spy (suspenseful music) is a go.
Okay! Well, You know, at least I'm getting closer.
Our first meeting! Heh! Yay! - No.
No, no, no, no.
No! I said it's a go.
We want to do Guy Dubai.
You do? You wanna make it? Oh, my God! (inspirational music) Oh, my God!!! Â Okay.
You're a hugger, woah.
Ohhh! Ahaha.
I dunno who you are, but I'm, I'm hugging you too.
Oh! Oh, that's just my assistant, Brad.
Hugs are wasted on him.
 Oh! Take a seat! Let's discuss figures.
 Right! So.
Right now, we are ready to commit to two seasons.
What! Seriously? Â Absolutely.
Each season will consist of a full one episode.
 Oh.
After that, it's out of my hands and up to New York.
Oh.
Okay.
As you may have heard, we don't have a lot of money, so we need to get the biggest bang for our buck.
We want you to not only write, but also produce.
Oh! This is so amazing! Anyway, uh, here is our budget.
Okay.
Seventeen Dollars Thirty-eight cents.
That's a receipt for your sinus drops.
Oh! Right! Uh no, no, no, no.
Oh, it's this one.
Right.
That's funny.
Ahahha, okay! Oh! Uh, well, that is a wee bit better.
This is for what? This is uh per day of production? Â No.
That's our total per episode.
Oh, well.
Okay, well, that's uh that's um Challenging ish.
But I'm still super excited! Ahahaha.
 Well.
Wonderful.
There's just one iron clad rule.
We have got to have an openly gay actor in the lead role.
The editors at The Advocate and Out are gonna be plastering this guy's face all over the place.
They are sick of metrosexual men playing gay, they want the real deal.
Gay actor.
Or no Gay Spy show, got it? Got it! (music) (Lyrics: From here on out There is no more second best, oh-woah-oh Erase all doubt! I'm better than the rest! I used to stand aside, While others plowed ahead But now I'm taking charge, My wings are gonna spread.
Don't underestimate me So listen, here's the deal.
To those who think I'm broken Look out! I'm at the wheel From here on out Everybody cheer! scream and shout! Get used to it.
I'm here!) (excited music) Somebody just greenlighted his first television series! Well, that's just about the best news Nan Dotty's ever heard in her whole life! My little baby's making a TV show! Ohh! I know who deserves a cookie! Â Oh! mmm.
MMM! Yummy! By the way, Jimmy, did you meet our receptionist Dotty Cooper? Just for a minute on the way in, it's nice to officially meet you.
 You can have a cookie too.
Oh, I'll just Okay.
Thank you! Does Brad want a cookie? Â mm-hmm! Maybe you should earn one.
Well.
I have to go tell New York it's a go.
 Don't forget to take your anti-acid, Taylor, you're very over-excited and you need something in your tummy before lunch.
 Okaaaay.
Oh, hold up a minute, Bradley.
I think there's a leak in the air conditioning in that corner.
So, um, are you Taylor's Grandmother? Oh! That bitch? Not bloody likely.
A bit more to your left, Brad! (squirt gun sounds) (mischievous music) Oh, dear, look at that, it's dripped all over your shirt.
Oh, I hope it isn't ruined.
It's just water.
It'll blow-dry.
Like shooting fish in a barrel.
mm-hmm! Â Now where we are? Oh yes.
I was hired as Taylor's nanny the day that he was born.
And he's a big boy now.
So, he doesn't need a nanny anymore.
So I made receptionist.
How sweet is that? It's Randell, isn't it? Oh, well, that's my last name.
Call me Jimmy.
 Randell, you do whatever it takes to make this little show of yours work or I'll F you up big time.
Got it? Uh-huh! My name's Sean.
Uh, Sean Phillips.
Uh no! Uh, no! You don't need to take your pants off.
Oh! I've never auditioned with clothes on before.
Heh, cool! What do you want me to do? Heh Just, you know, just do the scene.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Um.
I'm Guy Dubai, International Gay Spy.
Put your hands where I can see them.
But I can't get my hands past this big buldge.
Wait is that a Yes! A pistol in my underpants and it's about to go off.
Bang! Bang, bang.
Bang! I'm just gonna stop you right there, aheh.
I added the bang part.
Yeah, I noticed.
You can (unintelligible, uncomfortable noise) oh, hehe ew Zip! Heh, okay.
Uh, would you turn around for me? Yeah, well, no you can uh keep on goin'.
Okay.
Ahaha, I, I noticed that you check the nudity box.
Are you willing to nudity even without a speaking line? Oh yeah, yeah Wait.
Wait.
Uh.
My agent says I have a three word minimum.
Moans Don't count.
Oh! Well, I'll just make a note of that, and we'll keep in touch.
Oh, oh! Oh! Okay.
Yeah, hehe.
Cool.
Hehe.
Shirt.
Heheh.
- Bye!  Bye Throw 'em away? I know I should but he's sort of adorable uh, can't act but so cute nobody cares pile.
Want me to get the next guy? I'll just ask Dotty to send him in.
IÂ I wouldn't do that.
Why? She's sitting right there! dialing numbers ring Yes? Miss Cooper, could you please send the next actor in? You don't sign my paychecks, Baldy, so let's not get in the habit of asking me for crap.
Capish? Rico Ramirez, you're up! (knocking) Come in! Hello, my name is Rico Ramirez clears throat Meryl Streep! Ung! I am Divina Dubai.
Put your fingers so I can see!!! Uh, excuse me, are you ? You bet that's a pistol under my apron! And it's about to go crazy.
Oh okay I'm sorry, there's been some kind of a mistake.
Who is the guy in the picture? Oh, the pool boy.
Oh.
Well.
We'll start a new pile for him.
And so, who are you? I am Divina Sunghe.
Debina Sushi? No! You dyslexic retard or something? DEVINA with a V! Devina Sunghe.
It means divine, divine, beautiful.
Its Korean.
Except for Devina.
Because one time this Philippino lady give my mother a rooster! I dunno why she have her a WHOLE rooster Maybe she's a lesbian! Fascinating.
But this audition.
I am a maid slash actress and I can playing lead in your TV show.
We'll just change name to Divina Dubai.
Well, we may need a few more tweaks than that.
But thank you for coming in.
Then, I accept small role.
I admire your self esteem, but we gotta get back to auditions.
I'm not going anywhere until you read the note on back of photo! I'm sorry, but we're very - READ!!!! Um, Brad? Uh, will you step out for a moment, please? You're bribing me with a free place to film in exchange for a roll in the show? How do you know we even need a place to shoot? Who works for your mother on Tuesdays? Maria.
I don't understand Maria just comes and cleans!  Exactly.
You tell your mother you need place to film a gay TV show, she tells Maria, Maria wants to help, so she put it up on Maidslist.
What's not to understand? Â Maidslist? Oh! It's like a craigslist, but for things only maids know.
I check entertainment category every day, because I'm very serious actress.
You interested? Or what? Â I'm interested.
You got any pictures? Oh, yeah.
This place is gorgeous! - Oh! - First episode takes place in Russia, but I could tweak.
Maybe Hawaii.
And the owners won't mind if we're there? Never home, always travelling! Who needs to know? And we can shoot here for free? For as long as you give me part in every show.
I want to guest star.
- Featured extra.
- Co-star.
- Under five.
- Deal! Hahahahahaha!!!! Next.
(sexy music) Hi.
I'm Sam Decker.
Hi, Sam, um.
I'm uh I'm Jimmy Randell, uh, creator of the show, and uh you'll be reading with Brad, um, any questions? Yes.
I get the feeling that Guy Dubai is excellent at his job but underneath is a sad soul wanting to find true love.
Am I on the right track? YES! Yes! DO THAT! That would be great! Okay, yeah, whenever you're ready clears throat I'm Guy Dubai International Gay Spy Put your hands where I can see them! (suspenseful music) Brad.
clears throat Sorry.
But I can't get my hands past this big buldge.
Wait! is that a Yeah.
A pistol in my underpants and it's about to go off.
Maybe I can help you with that.
Maybe later.
First I need to tell the C.
I.
Gay that you murdered Russians' Czar Nickolas's homosexual great-great nephew Prince Agatoff.
Um, this roll requires nudity.
Please, tell me you're okay with nudity? Yeah, as long as it's going with the plot, and it's done tastefully.
I guess I would.
 Great! Take off your shirt.
(dreamy music) - Wow.
 Brad! This is a professional work environments.
Drop your pants.
But I'm supposed to leave the underwear on, right? Maybe.
But let's try not.
(dreamy music) Well.
That seems inspirational.
Uh-huh.
Don't go anywhere.
(dramatic, rushed music) I found our Guy Dubai.
Kinda busy.
Taylor! This is the lead actor on your first TV show, come take a look! I gave you the recipe for the perfect stew, I do VOT need to see every carrot and potato you throw in the pot! Just save me a nice guest star roll.
I will throw around some clout and get us a celeb.
You're not curious to see him? It's called delegating.
I don't care who you cast as long as he is handsome, cheap, willing to do three sex scenes an episode and openly gay.
If so, hire him.
 Awesome! Die, die, die.
No! No, no, no! Ahh! Gah! camera sound Brad! That is so unprofessional, out! Email them to me.
Handsome.
Check! um, do you have any problem working for ultra low budget scale with no chance of ever getting a raise ever? Ultra low budget's my middle name.
Check! And, uh, simulated sex scenes? Like I said, as long as it's done tastefully and not gratuitous Course.
Check! Okay, and now, as you know, this is Here TV.
So, this is a gay show, with gay situations.
 Got it.
And we want an openly gay actor as our lead.
Are you openly gay? Are you legally allowed to ask that? Uh, let's pretend like I am, because without a gay actor there's no gay spy show.
 Then no problem being openly gay.
 CHECK! You're hired! Seriously? You're my Guy Dubai! AWESOME! Haha! Can I put my pants on now? There might be a part for you in my TV show.
I'm very, very shy.
Rico! The impact of the fall must have knocked off his swimsuit.
I'm straight! - What! We have got to make a pact.
You are GAY! Everyone's buying that you and I are a couple.
Congratulations on dating Sam.
It's unbelievable.
I am cutting your budget by 10%.
That table costs 12 thousand dollars! What! Wow-wow! From here on out There is no more second best Erase all doubt I'm better than the rest! I used to stand aside, While others plowed ahead, But now I'm taking charge My wings are gonna spread.
Don't underestimate me So listen, here's the deal.
To those who think I'm broken Look out! I'm at the wheel From here on out Everybody cheer! scream and shout! Get used to it.
I'm here!
It's a little late for that.
Yes, I guess.
(Frightening music) Ahh! Ahh! Ah! Ahhhhh! You see.
That's what I want.
Just like we did in Dante's Cove.
and the Lair.
Naked guys doin' that stuff.
- Okay.
- Well.
Naked guys stuff is riveting! But when I was writing Guy Dubai International Gay Spy I was thinking maybe a little less skin, and a little more PLO ish.
97% of all homosexual men who tune in to gay programming come because they want to see wait for it click Mister Pinky.
Mister Pinky? Okay.
Who's Mister Pinky? You know it's, uh, it's it's it's Mister Him.
Uhmmm Mister Pinky is a - Penis.
Oh, right! Of course! Mister Penis-Pinky and I have met.
But it's been a while.
So, let's give the audience what they want.
Mister Pinky.
And then what do we do? We give 'em more! The crowd roars! Roar.
Roar.
Uh, but, yanno, I'm just wondering if having Pinky requirements might be a teeny bit restrictive in the creative department ish Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy I have been in this business for a couple months.
I know what I'm doing.
Where's the thingie? kiss, clap So, you have submitted 21 scripts to Here TV for new television pilots in the past seven years? Oh, hen, right, yeah.
Three a year, aheh.
I like to spread my rejection out in even intervals.
So I have time to heal in between.
Well.
This time Guy Dubai: International Gay Spy (suspenseful music) is a go.
Okay! Well, You know, at least I'm getting closer.
Our first meeting! Heh! Yay! - No.
No, no, no, no.
No! I said it's a go.
We want to do Guy Dubai.
You do? You wanna make it? Oh, my God! (inspirational music) Oh, my God!!! Â Okay.
You're a hugger, woah.
Ohhh! Ahaha.
I dunno who you are, but I'm, I'm hugging you too.
Oh! Oh, that's just my assistant, Brad.
Hugs are wasted on him.
 Oh! Take a seat! Let's discuss figures.
 Right! So.
Right now, we are ready to commit to two seasons.
What! Seriously? Â Absolutely.
Each season will consist of a full one episode.
 Oh.
After that, it's out of my hands and up to New York.
Oh.
Okay.
As you may have heard, we don't have a lot of money, so we need to get the biggest bang for our buck.
We want you to not only write, but also produce.
Oh! This is so amazing! Anyway, uh, here is our budget.
Okay.
Seventeen Dollars Thirty-eight cents.
That's a receipt for your sinus drops.
Oh! Right! Uh no, no, no, no.
Oh, it's this one.
Right.
That's funny.
Ahahha, okay! Oh! Uh, well, that is a wee bit better.
This is for what? This is uh per day of production? Â No.
That's our total per episode.
Oh, well.
Okay, well, that's uh that's um Challenging ish.
But I'm still super excited! Ahahaha.
 Well.
Wonderful.
There's just one iron clad rule.
We have got to have an openly gay actor in the lead role.
The editors at The Advocate and Out are gonna be plastering this guy's face all over the place.
They are sick of metrosexual men playing gay, they want the real deal.
Gay actor.
Or no Gay Spy show, got it? Got it! (music) (Lyrics: From here on out There is no more second best, oh-woah-oh Erase all doubt! I'm better than the rest! I used to stand aside, While others plowed ahead But now I'm taking charge, My wings are gonna spread.
Don't underestimate me So listen, here's the deal.
To those who think I'm broken Look out! I'm at the wheel From here on out Everybody cheer! scream and shout! Get used to it.
I'm here!) (excited music) Somebody just greenlighted his first television series! Well, that's just about the best news Nan Dotty's ever heard in her whole life! My little baby's making a TV show! Ohh! I know who deserves a cookie! Â Oh! mmm.
MMM! Yummy! By the way, Jimmy, did you meet our receptionist Dotty Cooper? Just for a minute on the way in, it's nice to officially meet you.
 You can have a cookie too.
Oh, I'll just Okay.
Thank you! Does Brad want a cookie? Â mm-hmm! Maybe you should earn one.
Well.
I have to go tell New York it's a go.
 Don't forget to take your anti-acid, Taylor, you're very over-excited and you need something in your tummy before lunch.
 Okaaaay.
Oh, hold up a minute, Bradley.
I think there's a leak in the air conditioning in that corner.
So, um, are you Taylor's Grandmother? Oh! That bitch? Not bloody likely.
A bit more to your left, Brad! (squirt gun sounds) (mischievous music) Oh, dear, look at that, it's dripped all over your shirt.
Oh, I hope it isn't ruined.
It's just water.
It'll blow-dry.
Like shooting fish in a barrel.
mm-hmm! Â Now where we are? Oh yes.
I was hired as Taylor's nanny the day that he was born.
And he's a big boy now.
So, he doesn't need a nanny anymore.
So I made receptionist.
How sweet is that? It's Randell, isn't it? Oh, well, that's my last name.
Call me Jimmy.
 Randell, you do whatever it takes to make this little show of yours work or I'll F you up big time.
Got it? Uh-huh! My name's Sean.
Uh, Sean Phillips.
Uh no! Uh, no! You don't need to take your pants off.
Oh! I've never auditioned with clothes on before.
Heh, cool! What do you want me to do? Heh Just, you know, just do the scene.
Oh, yeah, okay.
Um.
I'm Guy Dubai, International Gay Spy.
Put your hands where I can see them.
But I can't get my hands past this big buldge.
Wait is that a Yes! A pistol in my underpants and it's about to go off.
Bang! Bang, bang.
Bang! I'm just gonna stop you right there, aheh.
I added the bang part.
Yeah, I noticed.
You can (unintelligible, uncomfortable noise) oh, hehe ew Zip! Heh, okay.
Uh, would you turn around for me? Yeah, well, no you can uh keep on goin'.
Okay.
Ahaha, I, I noticed that you check the nudity box.
Are you willing to nudity even without a speaking line? Oh yeah, yeah Wait.
Wait.
Uh.
My agent says I have a three word minimum.
Moans Don't count.
Oh! Well, I'll just make a note of that, and we'll keep in touch.
Oh, oh! Oh! Okay.
Yeah, hehe.
Cool.
Hehe.
Shirt.
Heheh.
- Bye!  Bye Throw 'em away? I know I should but he's sort of adorable uh, can't act but so cute nobody cares pile.
Want me to get the next guy? I'll just ask Dotty to send him in.
IÂ I wouldn't do that.
Why? She's sitting right there! dialing numbers ring Yes? Miss Cooper, could you please send the next actor in? You don't sign my paychecks, Baldy, so let's not get in the habit of asking me for crap.
Capish? Rico Ramirez, you're up! (knocking) Come in! Hello, my name is Rico Ramirez clears throat Meryl Streep! Ung! I am Divina Dubai.
Put your fingers so I can see!!! Uh, excuse me, are you ? You bet that's a pistol under my apron! And it's about to go crazy.
Oh okay I'm sorry, there's been some kind of a mistake.
Who is the guy in the picture? Oh, the pool boy.
Oh.
Well.
We'll start a new pile for him.
And so, who are you? I am Divina Sunghe.
Debina Sushi? No! You dyslexic retard or something? DEVINA with a V! Devina Sunghe.
It means divine, divine, beautiful.
Its Korean.
Except for Devina.
Because one time this Philippino lady give my mother a rooster! I dunno why she have her a WHOLE rooster Maybe she's a lesbian! Fascinating.
But this audition.
I am a maid slash actress and I can playing lead in your TV show.
We'll just change name to Divina Dubai.
Well, we may need a few more tweaks than that.
But thank you for coming in.
Then, I accept small role.
I admire your self esteem, but we gotta get back to auditions.
I'm not going anywhere until you read the note on back of photo! I'm sorry, but we're very - READ!!!! Um, Brad? Uh, will you step out for a moment, please? You're bribing me with a free place to film in exchange for a roll in the show? How do you know we even need a place to shoot? Who works for your mother on Tuesdays? Maria.
I don't understand Maria just comes and cleans!  Exactly.
You tell your mother you need place to film a gay TV show, she tells Maria, Maria wants to help, so she put it up on Maidslist.
What's not to understand? Â Maidslist? Oh! It's like a craigslist, but for things only maids know.
I check entertainment category every day, because I'm very serious actress.
You interested? Or what? Â I'm interested.
You got any pictures? Oh, yeah.
This place is gorgeous! - Oh! - First episode takes place in Russia, but I could tweak.
Maybe Hawaii.
And the owners won't mind if we're there? Never home, always travelling! Who needs to know? And we can shoot here for free? For as long as you give me part in every show.
I want to guest star.
- Featured extra.
- Co-star.
- Under five.
- Deal! Hahahahahaha!!!! Next.
(sexy music) Hi.
I'm Sam Decker.
Hi, Sam, um.
I'm uh I'm Jimmy Randell, uh, creator of the show, and uh you'll be reading with Brad, um, any questions? Yes.
I get the feeling that Guy Dubai is excellent at his job but underneath is a sad soul wanting to find true love.
Am I on the right track? YES! Yes! DO THAT! That would be great! Okay, yeah, whenever you're ready clears throat I'm Guy Dubai International Gay Spy Put your hands where I can see them! (suspenseful music) Brad.
clears throat Sorry.
But I can't get my hands past this big buldge.
Wait! is that a Yeah.
A pistol in my underpants and it's about to go off.
Maybe I can help you with that.
Maybe later.
First I need to tell the C.
I.
Gay that you murdered Russians' Czar Nickolas's homosexual great-great nephew Prince Agatoff.
Um, this roll requires nudity.
Please, tell me you're okay with nudity? Yeah, as long as it's going with the plot, and it's done tastefully.
I guess I would.
 Great! Take off your shirt.
(dreamy music) - Wow.
 Brad! This is a professional work environments.
Drop your pants.
But I'm supposed to leave the underwear on, right? Maybe.
But let's try not.
(dreamy music) Well.
That seems inspirational.
Uh-huh.
Don't go anywhere.
(dramatic, rushed music) I found our Guy Dubai.
Kinda busy.
Taylor! This is the lead actor on your first TV show, come take a look! I gave you the recipe for the perfect stew, I do VOT need to see every carrot and potato you throw in the pot! Just save me a nice guest star roll.
I will throw around some clout and get us a celeb.
You're not curious to see him? It's called delegating.
I don't care who you cast as long as he is handsome, cheap, willing to do three sex scenes an episode and openly gay.
If so, hire him.
 Awesome! Die, die, die.
No! No, no, no! Ahh! Gah! camera sound Brad! That is so unprofessional, out! Email them to me.
Handsome.
Check! um, do you have any problem working for ultra low budget scale with no chance of ever getting a raise ever? Ultra low budget's my middle name.
Check! And, uh, simulated sex scenes? Like I said, as long as it's done tastefully and not gratuitous Course.
Check! Okay, and now, as you know, this is Here TV.
So, this is a gay show, with gay situations.
 Got it.
And we want an openly gay actor as our lead.
Are you openly gay? Are you legally allowed to ask that? Uh, let's pretend like I am, because without a gay actor there's no gay spy show.
 Then no problem being openly gay.
 CHECK! You're hired! Seriously? You're my Guy Dubai! AWESOME! Haha! Can I put my pants on now? There might be a part for you in my TV show.
I'm very, very shy.
Rico! The impact of the fall must have knocked off his swimsuit.
I'm straight! - What! We have got to make a pact.
You are GAY! Everyone's buying that you and I are a couple.
Congratulations on dating Sam.
It's unbelievable.
I am cutting your budget by 10%.
That table costs 12 thousand dollars! What! Wow-wow! From here on out There is no more second best Erase all doubt I'm better than the rest! I used to stand aside, While others plowed ahead, But now I'm taking charge My wings are gonna spread.
Don't underestimate me So listen, here's the deal.
To those who think I'm broken Look out! I'm at the wheel From here on out Everybody cheer! scream and shout! Get used to it.
I'm here!